Sandwich Gen

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Hello and welcome to the productive caregiving
podcast. As a CPA with over twenty

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years as an industry accountant, just
like a stepped away from the corporate world

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to become a full time caregiver for
her mother, having learned invaluable lessons along

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the way. She is not here
to share those with you and to invite

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you to join her on this caregiver's
journey. Here's your host, Jessica Cannon.

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Hey, everybody, I'm here today
with Janette Yates, and I was

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excited about having her on because she's
going to touch on one of the many

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complexities of our caregiving journey, this
caregiving life. That refers to the Sandwich

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Gen and I know that may have
brought up something really quick, but no,

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we're not talking about PEB and Jay's
or him and cheese. It's the

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reality of what caregiving presents to people
in our age group and many others.

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So before we go into it,
I want to welcome on Janet Yates.

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Good afternoon, Janet. Hello,
hey there, thanks for having me.

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I'm so fun in here. Absolutely
I am so glad you're able to so

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what I know of and and others
may not, is that you were a

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very young individual. When you started, I guess I can actually say started

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as a caregiver, because your mother
was diagnosed very early in life. What

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was that like as a child for
you? Yeah, so I had very

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little memories of my mom before she
was diagnosed, which was in one thousand

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nine hundred and eighty four. I
was around eight years old when she was

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diagnosed with her illness, which is
my spending a ravine. I have one

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memory of her being able to write
a bike and doing like some physical activity

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type things during the summer year in
Florida, and that's about the last memory

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I have of her before she got
sick, and then the next memory I

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have of her is chunting her medications
out for her after she came home from

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a long, several months day in
the hospital. So now, looking back,

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and it spend over thirty years at
this point, looking back, I

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it was traumatic for me and being
a child, I remember being very worried

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about her and I was being taken
care of by relative and they were trying,

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you know, of my mom.
You know, as my mom saister

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and her family think hear me,
he's also worried about my mom and trying

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to take care of me and I'll
lay my bears and and it was just

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very traumatic. And then to you
know, she comes home from the hospital

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and then I'm back in you know, at home with her and my new

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step dad that you know, he
had recently married mom, you know,

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right before she got sick, and
so it would like, you know,

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a new mom buttially, because she
was completely different before, right, you

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know, a person who I love, my Stepdad that also did know very

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well, you know, in the
grand scheme of thing, and just trying

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to navigate all of that. And
they'll be a kid, which was really

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hard. Of course, of course
you and that's that's one of the important

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things is when a kid steps into
this role, there's a look. You

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think about the emotions and the issues
that an adult goes through as a caregiver,

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and it's hard to think about it
from the kids perspective because they mean,

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they see things so differently and I'm
sure the things that you saw as

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a child and how you felt may
have carried over into your adult life or

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may have been I don't know.
You may even be able to speak to

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that. Was it something that is
just you kind of grew up with it.

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You didn't know any different. So
as an adult it was just it

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is what it is. It was
the normal way you knew how to live.

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Well, to some extent, yes, I mean our family adapted to

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the new normal of what life was
like with my mom's illness. And and

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of course, as a child,
I wanted to do the right thing to

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help my mom and I didn't necessarily
understand the complexities of her illness or what

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would be harmful to her what would
be helpful to her, but I seemed

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to have an again, I don't
know if this was something that would said

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to me like I can't you know, I don't know that anybody that you

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need to do this, but I
had this impression of it's very important to

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be the best daughter I can be, make the best grades I can be

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so that I don't stress out my
mom, because I knew somehow that stress

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made my mom's illness word. So
I needed to not be the contributor to

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her stress because that can make her
worse. And so that had tremendous implications

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for me as I grew up.
And, you know, like I said,

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looking back now, I you know, I don't want to make it

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sound like this was something that was
told to me like you need to be

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perfect, but that I got that
feeling. I felt like I had to

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be the best right so that she
could get better or that so that she

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wouldn't get worse, and that is
something that kind of trickled into my my

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growing up, in my development.
M I think I kind of did a

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little bit of that as well.
You just want things to smooth over and

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things to be easy as possible and
not feel like you're the one adding to

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the situation. But right it's hard
to tell till your hindsight. So as

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the years go by and you eventually
become your adult life starts to evolve.

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And me, did that keep you
from wanting to go off to school,

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wanting to go off and, you
know, have a life of your own,

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or did you, you know,
did that? Does the guilt step

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into say I can't have a life
of my own, I need to stay

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here with my mother, near my
mother, or how did how did that

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come about for you? So one
of the interesting things that happened about that

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time and my life when I was
starting to think about fool and and,

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you know, getting out in the
world and then eventually, you know,

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dating and marriage and all of those
things, as my mom actually went through

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a period of remission, so she
was able to work and do mode thing

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and, you know, do most
of the things. She was driving,

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she was working, she was taking
you know, basically, you know,

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she and my stuff out. They
were, you know, able to function

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without me being there all the time
and it kind of went back to a

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more you know, she's my mom
and I'm the kid or I'm a young

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adult, where as growing up it
was like she's my mom, but I'm

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also taken care of her because she's
taking care of me and I'm taking care

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of her to take here. You
know, it was kind of a circle.

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And then there was that period of
time where I really was able to

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kind of step back into that more
traditional, you know, I'm a I'm

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a high school or I'm a college
student, I'm an adult role, and

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she was still going to the doctor
and doing those kind of things and and

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she maybe would have like good days
and bad days. Are good times and

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bad times, but it wasn't this
constant need for me, and so I

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was able to kind of dream and
think big and and think, you know,

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think about you know that the possibilities
their endless, kind of thing,

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because I didn't have to think about
that in the same way. And so

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I kind of got complacent with my
role as a caregiver and didn't necessarily think

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about myself as a caregiver for a
period of time. And then things started

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to get worse again, and by
then I'm married, I have kids and

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by then he lives far away,
things like that. Right right, life

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shifts and changes and more obstacles are
put in the way. And I can

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see now this is where you get
into that sandwich generation. So tell me

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about that. What does that look
like? Well, it's really interesting because

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the term has been around for a
while and a lot of times it work

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for to people who they have children, but then something happens to their parents.

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You know, maybe there's a diagnosis
that happens quickly. You know,

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it's it's a s sudden onset type
of things and then they're all of a

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sudden in the sandwich and for me
the sandwich generation was kind of you know,

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I was in a type of sandwich
generation as a child. I think

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like in a type of sandwich because
I was trying to be a child and

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exactly, and then I'm also trying
to learn to care for someone else at

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while at the same time learning to
care for myself, because I'm a child

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and still having to learn all those
things, learning how to serve with someone

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else, and then, of course, as a parent. You know,

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my mom started meeting more of my
health when I wouldn't. My kids were

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still babies. So and then it's
only increase since then and I have teenagers

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with wailer alert. They still need
to as much as teagress as they do

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in their and fensive is different the
demands of fire. Yeah, it's just

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a different kind of needs. But
what had happened over the last still yours

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of high thinks. This is whether
you're a famished generation caregiver or you don't

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have kids in your caregiving. A
lot of times, especially when you're dealing

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with a chronic illness or an illness
that may worsen over time, we kind

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of just were managing for so long. Like you know, we would have

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a certain routine, like she lived
about an hour and a half away for

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me and she would just come into
town when it was time for attactis appointment.

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Well, then it was getting to
where I would have to go get

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her and bring her and he appointment
and then it was like okay, well,

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that's not going to work, we
need to move you at the town.

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But even into town, that wasn't
working because it was too far away,

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you know, because the traffic and
all that. But we moved her

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closer and it's just and it's one
of those things where just kept kind of

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hodge dodging that her care right,
like who can do this? You can

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do that, he's going to do
this. And only recently, at my

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you know, I realized like wait, this isn't healthy for me or her.

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You know, we need to look
at getting more help. Only in

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the last you know, I would
say year, maybe, have we been

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more proactive, to use your term
pro active, and saying, okay,

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where can we get help from,
you know, outside sources, or more

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more support on the team, right, because it was so gradual increase the

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for need over time. And I'll
you know, you think I could do

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that, that's no big deal.
I can do I can swing by the

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store, I can pick up your
medicine, I can, I can,

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I can, and then you're wait, you're like weight. I'm doing all

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of these things and, by the
way, my kids are growing up.

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I'm trying to be on the PTA. I'm trying to keep some how to

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do things. It's try to spend
time with them and that, you know,

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that constant tug between the two things, I think, is the hardest

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thing for me. Absolutely. I
think we tell ourselves I can be that

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Super Mom, I can be that
super caregiver and I can do it all.

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I can just prioritize the heck out
of my day and just get it

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all done. And if you survive
the day, by the time you down

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and put your head on the pillow
at night, it's multiple tasks in your

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mind. I tomorrow, I need
to this. Make sure don't forget that.

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And, by the way, and
when I go from here, then

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I can and I'm already organizing the
pattern of running errands in my mind.

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And so of course it takes me
right forty five minutes to fall asleep before

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I finally say, okay, stop, turn it off, pit. Tomorrow

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is going to be a wash repeat
anyways. Right, and that's, you

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know, one thing I've discovered as
I've started this journey of really you know,

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I've requently started thinking about my own
selfcare as a lifestyle and instead of

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things that I do when I'm stressed
out right like I don't you know.

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Yeah, please get I'd love a
ninety men of massage. Right. That's

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great and that counts as something,
but that's not the way my body needs

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to be cared for. Like I
need daily habit of selfcare. I need

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to remember that I person with needs
every day and address those needs. And

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so that's one of the things that
I'm working on, is being where I

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where I created those habit already,
be where I could improve and and and

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sometimes it's like one going through the
motion of this habit. But am I

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really embracing the moment of self care, or am I just going through this

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habit because it's might habit? Like
Yoga in the morning? How many halfway

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through the routine and be like wait, I've been thinking about all the stuff

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I have to do today instead of
paying it, since your mind gets on

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the trying right. So embracing those
times that I had created my schedule to

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take care of myself, but to
really embrace it as knows it as you're

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fine to take care of yourself.
You don't need to worry about seeing of

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those other things right now. Your
kids will still be there when you're done,

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your mom will still be there.
You know, you've got time to

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do what you need to do today. Right, and I like the way

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you put it that way with the
Self Care, because I've heard heard other

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people say, well, self care
isn't just about getting your nails, hair

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and nails done. No, it's
far more than that. It really is

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choosing a lifestyle that supports your needs. You know, and when you get

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used in the day and especially in
your sandwich between you, like me,

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also when you care for your parent. And before this pandemic it was one

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I had a little bit of a
break in between because my son would go

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to school for the day. So
during the day I just said focus on

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my mom and then when he comes
home, it's like you want to balance

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routine and conversation and the dinner.
Luckily, like so, once they go

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from their little kid age to the
teenagers, you're not completely engrossed with that

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evening dinner, bath bedtime routine.
You know they they're somewhat sorr sufficient,

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but even in itself it's like trying
to balance all of that stuff and I

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finally had to get to the point
where I need to make more than just

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the mental list of what I have
to do tomorrow. I want to make

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the list of what do I need, what are my needs overall period,

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and then just kind of find those
throughout the day and find those moments that

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mom is on the couch. She's
either watching some rerun of golden girls or

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into cross word yeses or into something
else, like I can sit next to

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her and try to read a book, or I can sit next to her

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and try to have somewhat of conversation, or I can sit next to her

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and just be quiet and be still, and it's just all the things in

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my mind. Wak Out. What
do I need? What do I need?

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What do I want? What would
I rather be doing at this moment?

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It's like, okay, I really
need to make a mental switch.

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Yeah, well, I'm P you
mentioned like as the kids get older,

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there is this, you know,
like you're not having to bathe them right,

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all those kind of stuff which had
had its own issues, and this

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is what I discovered, like you
were mentioning, especially during the pandemic.

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Is Yeah, like I would get
up. I'm you know, I have

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a job that's remote anyway, that
it would be nowt anyway, but you

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know, I'm logged. Then by
seven forty five in the morning, my

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kids get up. They do whatever. They play video games, they did

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their online school or whatever. I'm
I'm doing my thing. I'm done.

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I come out, do a little
dinner. Maybe they eat it, maybe

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they doll because maybe they just say
or maybe they're eating later. Like we

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may or may not talk to each
other that night. Then I hopped in

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the cargo over to mom, do
the things I need to do for her,

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come back home and then it's like, okay, now going to clean

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the kitchen or pick up or do
whatever they are, you know, Whatever

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this chore is for that Night,
if I feel like which boiler alert.

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I don't always do that either.
Sometimes I just got on the OUSE and

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watch TV with my family. They're
not talking to me, I'm not really

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talking and that we're just watching TV. It's not like it's fine, like

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we're on the couch together, wet, but it's not that conversation and that

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could be date. Yeah, you
know. So, yes, it's great

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that they can fix their meals and
base themselves and all these things, but

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it's like that means that, like
I have to work at interaction with my

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family exactly, but it's not just
given. Well, now you're not only

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working at it, but, and
I'm sure you can relate to this,

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but you get to that moment you're
on the couch, you're watching stuff together

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and you're I'm thinking, what at
least we're spending time together, but it's

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not really spending time to go.
Yes, we're sitting in the same room

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watching the same thing on TV,
but we're not interacting, we're not communicating,

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we're not chatting about stuff, because, for you, I do struggle

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with those conversations to have with mom
and it gets to be as the time

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goes on, and we were going
through so much of the same stuff you

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mentioned, trying to get her from
her house closer to our house, and

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then eventually it was in our house
because it just the obstacles are just there

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and you think about convenience for yourself, but also meeting their needs. And

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it's part of my needs was that
conversation, that communication. At the end

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of the day, you know I've
made it through the day with mom meeting

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her needs, and one of my
needs was that Chatty Catty, you know,

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communication that wasn't there. Yeah,
and I think that you know probably

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something that, like I said,
the pandemic has made it even more obvious.

248
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But you know, it's also interesting
too because, you know, my

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mom lived in her own home with
and we have care people that come in

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during the day and then I go
over in the evening. We had that.

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But one of the things that's really
interesting is, you know, she

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basically didn't have that much interaction before, because that she would basically like for

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just her main job is like can
I get from my bed to my chair?

254
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Can I get to my doctor's appointment
with the help of my daughter,

255
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my carry her, and but she
was at least getting out scared of the

256
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doctor, her friends would at least
stop by from time to time. And

257
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of course now it's not faith right
to do that and so unless I go

258
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over on the weekends especially, there's
no one right. Yeah, you know,

259
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and so having making sure that part
of my care that I'm giving her

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is just that interaction as well,
because I because I've been doing that for

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so long, sometimes, you know, I can get to be where I'm

262
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like showing up and going, okay, what are tell me what you need,

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what still needs to be done,
you know to dos, and I

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just do it. And then I'm
like, okay, I'll be her.

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And sometimes I need to do that
and I'd large to tell her at a

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time like hey, like today,
for example, we had a doctor's appointment

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and I was like what then,
today we'll be doing this. I'm going

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to be getting you home and I've
got to get home, and so when

269
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I drop you off, I need
to make sure that you have everything for

270
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the evening because I probably won't be
able to come back to seat me m

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and if I tell her ahead of
time, that's fine, but I would

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I would need to just flying in
and you like, what do you want

273
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to do? And then and then
I realized that was that, what you

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know, help over her and it
wasn't helpful for our relationship either. Right.

275
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So, learning how to do to
give her the care that she needs,

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but also not a physically, but, you know, emotionally as well

277
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as and something that that I've had
to grow into as I've grown up as

278
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well. So, and it's interesting
now, you said, as you've grown

279
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into that, now that you look
back at it, and especially having your

280
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own children, the question that I've
had other caregivers ask is do we allow

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our kids to help with caregiving.
At what point you know things are well,

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and I think. I think yes
now. I also say that I'm

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not I'm not a role model for
this, like I don't do a great

284
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job at it just and part of
that is because I know what I'm doing.

285
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I don't want to teach anybody what
to do. I can I just

286
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go do it right. But I
know that my mom has always loved when

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my children have been involved, from
the time they were little and, like

288
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I said, now my mom's got
through different phases of her illness and different

289
00:23:41.049 --> 00:23:44.680
degrees of illness. So you know, when they were baby she was able

290
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:48.279
to hold them, HMM, you
know, and now she not that she

291
00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.680
could now because they're so enormous.
But you know like now that if I

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had a baby that way really as
possible. It's very difficult for that.

293
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But you know, she's always she
calls them her when she sees them,

294
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her granny vitamins, because she feels
like that gives her some energy, and

295
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so the more I can incorporate them
into her care, the better it is

296
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for her. And then, of
course I think it's important. You know,

297
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I want my kids to see the
good, the bad and the ugly

298
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of at all because I want them
to know that, yes, even when

299
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it's not convenient, even when I
don't want to do it, even when

300
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it's potentially grows sometimes, as we
knows, is like, I still do

301
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it because, you know, I
love her. The right thing to do.

302
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It's what we do for family and
I now when to do that and

303
00:24:56.390 --> 00:24:59.390
if to do that, I think
that has to be up to the individual

304
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caregiver and family dynamic and and the
person being cared for. You know,

305
00:25:08.940 --> 00:25:14.740
they may they you know, as
long as they're able to make their own

306
00:25:14.740 --> 00:25:18.299
decisions about who cares for them and
how, I think it's a or end

307
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to let them do that. And
so while I think, you know,

308
00:25:22.049 --> 00:25:26.569
for my situation, it is something
that I've no hope to even be able

309
00:25:26.569 --> 00:25:30.289
to do more, but I have
always my children have always been with me

310
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when I was taking her in and
out of the hospital and, you know,

311
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:40.000
she was in her physical Rehab Facility
and you know, we would go

312
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:41.319
out of the farm to get her
for her doctor's appointments. Like they were

313
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:47.799
always a part of that. And
so I you know, now that they're

314
00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:51.069
older, not too much, because
they get to say no, they didn't

315
00:25:51.069 --> 00:25:52.789
have to go with me because they
could, they have on themselves, right,

316
00:25:53.309 --> 00:25:56.990
whereas when they were little, like
I can't leave them all. I

317
00:25:56.109 --> 00:26:03.549
gotta know that for the ride,
whether they like it or not. Right.

318
00:26:04.420 --> 00:26:08.539
So, and one of the things
I think that's that's the conversation that

319
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every caregiver in their and their person
should have. And then the family,

320
00:26:14.299 --> 00:26:18.210
so that I don't think there's a
Rio Brom there no in the there's moments

321
00:26:18.289 --> 00:26:22.450
that, you know, I see
my mom's face light up when the kids

322
00:26:22.490 --> 00:26:25.690
are around, when our kids are
brand kids are there with her. You

323
00:26:25.769 --> 00:26:30.529
see room light up and and sometimes
it's a relief because hey, mom,

324
00:26:30.690 --> 00:26:33.279
the kids are here, they want
to spend time with you, and it

325
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:36.599
gives me that moment to step away
like, well, you get to visit

326
00:26:36.680 --> 00:26:40.799
with Granma. I kind of fade
into the background. I need to go

327
00:26:40.920 --> 00:26:42.359
to the bathroom, I want to
switch laundry loads, I need to go

328
00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:45.880
pull something out of the refrigerator,
get ready for dinner or whatever it is.

329
00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:49.430
And you you're always multitasking. But
it kind of gave me that little

330
00:26:49.430 --> 00:26:55.069
bit of reprieve, however short it
was. But then kind of keeping that

331
00:26:55.190 --> 00:27:00.829
ear out to listen and see how
long the conversation is going and it doesn't

332
00:27:00.829 --> 00:27:03.220
take long until it kind of goes
quiet or silent and then I can tell

333
00:27:03.259 --> 00:27:07.819
okay, the kids are have to
peek back in to see are they still

334
00:27:07.980 --> 00:27:12.700
interacting or they still happy about being
their interacting or they trying to also find

335
00:27:12.740 --> 00:27:17.210
a way to exit the room so
they can go find something else to do.

336
00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:22.369
It's just it's hard because I know
the age differences. We try to

337
00:27:22.450 --> 00:27:26.970
get our son to interact. Sometimes
we would ask, could you go play

338
00:27:26.930 --> 00:27:33.000
checkers or dominoes or scrabble with grandma, and a lot of times it was

339
00:27:33.079 --> 00:27:34.960
yeah, sure, and then as
you got older and more into his own

340
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:41.400
interest it was like do I have
to write? Those indicators are definitely there.

341
00:27:44.390 --> 00:27:47.069
Well, on I tint to.
You know, it's easy for me

342
00:27:47.230 --> 00:27:51.230
some time to get frustrated with that
with my kids. I'm like, you

343
00:27:51.269 --> 00:27:55.829
know, don't you want to go
get her grainy vitamin? You know it

344
00:27:55.910 --> 00:27:57.900
is of those things, but you
know that's the developmental thing as well,

345
00:27:59.059 --> 00:28:02.539
and I'm pretty sure that when I
was a teenager and I was buried,

346
00:28:02.819 --> 00:28:07.220
I wasn't crazy about mmm doing pretty
much anything that my parents want me to

347
00:28:07.299 --> 00:28:15.369
do. And so you know,
just trying to continue to encourage that and

348
00:28:15.809 --> 00:28:19.730
explain the important of it, but
at the same time not shaming liked right

349
00:28:19.849 --> 00:28:25.250
for acting, you know, and
I you know, I want them to

350
00:28:25.289 --> 00:28:29.759
be honest with me and be able
to say, you know, how they're

351
00:28:29.799 --> 00:28:33.839
feeling about it or if they're feeling
awkward or or whatever, because that's an

352
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:38.039
opportunity to discuss that for our definitely, so I don't want to just shut

353
00:28:38.079 --> 00:28:41.630
it down. Those teaching moments when
you see them changing, you know,

354
00:28:41.869 --> 00:28:47.430
because as an adult, for me
it was it still is when I see

355
00:28:47.589 --> 00:28:52.109
the changes in the differences from one
week to a month to a year,

356
00:28:52.230 --> 00:28:53.230
you know, and I think to
my mind, wow, this time you

357
00:28:53.269 --> 00:28:56.059
last year, she was able to
do, you know, x, Y

358
00:28:56.099 --> 00:29:00.740
and Z, and now she's barely
able to and forget doing these other things.

359
00:29:00.859 --> 00:29:07.180
And it's hard because it's a reality. We're we're heading in a direction

360
00:29:07.339 --> 00:29:11.650
that we know it's coming, but
all of those good days, it just

361
00:29:11.930 --> 00:29:17.250
seems like the inevitable as postpone that
much further off because she's doing great,

362
00:29:17.329 --> 00:29:19.369
she's having these good days, and
then there's the not so good days and

363
00:29:19.490 --> 00:29:23.640
it's like Oh, realities back again. We're heading in that direction. It's

364
00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:30.200
like it's kind of hard to,
don't know, not think about that.

365
00:29:30.359 --> 00:29:37.079
So I I worry about my son
and how he sees it and how he's

366
00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:41.029
processing all of that. And so
I had a moment with my older son

367
00:29:41.950 --> 00:29:45.869
couple years back and kind of where
this whole proactive thing slowly but surely started

368
00:29:45.950 --> 00:29:52.190
to evolve for me, was being
in Costco when day, staying there waiting

369
00:29:52.230 --> 00:29:57.019
to check out with our list of
items and I had looked to some one

370
00:29:57.059 --> 00:30:00.420
point and we started a conversation about
grandma and I finally told I said,

371
00:30:00.420 --> 00:30:04.420
I promise you I will take better
care of myself so I am not a

372
00:30:04.539 --> 00:30:11.170
burden on you too early in life. And I felt guilty saying that because

373
00:30:12.490 --> 00:30:17.289
my mom, I love her and
I want to take his best care for

374
00:30:17.490 --> 00:30:19.809
her, but I knew time was
going to come that reality was going to

375
00:30:19.890 --> 00:30:25.759
just be too much for me and
or the kids to help out. Yeah,

376
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:30.400
and so that's where then, I
think that's one of the things that

377
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:37.190
interesting about my mom's particular condition because
it is not talking to it does not

378
00:30:37.309 --> 00:30:47.430
affect her cognitively and which is wonderful. But at the same time, you

379
00:30:47.549 --> 00:30:56.579
know we're on your hurry something right. And, you know, things have

380
00:30:56.779 --> 00:31:00.220
changed so rapidly and so much over
the years. Like I said, she's

381
00:31:00.660 --> 00:31:03.289
not able to walk or even pull
her head up, and then she's working

382
00:31:03.450 --> 00:31:07.730
and driving and then she's not,
you know, and then she ends up

383
00:31:07.730 --> 00:31:11.569
getting, you know, break cancer
and we deal with that and then she

384
00:31:11.849 --> 00:31:18.839
has other you know, she has
been in the hospital and I see you

385
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:22.799
several times. You know, kind
of everything's up and down and back and

386
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:30.759
forth and it's a long, long
haul and you know, every time I

387
00:31:33.670 --> 00:31:37.910
you know, and with her,
I'm still continuing to try to especially the

388
00:31:38.029 --> 00:31:48.220
more character vers I need who are
caring for their relatives that, you know,

389
00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:52.220
are you to have dementia. I
tell my mom the time like wow,

390
00:31:52.420 --> 00:31:57.460
you can still make decisions and do
these things. You need to do

391
00:31:57.579 --> 00:32:02.210
them, you know, because it's
she gets so tired that she often wants

392
00:32:02.250 --> 00:32:05.890
to just say whatever, you know, whatever you think, is that,

393
00:32:06.369 --> 00:32:10.849
and I say they'll be time for
that at some point, probably where I

394
00:32:10.970 --> 00:32:15.490
will have to make these decisions.
But I want you and even, and

395
00:32:15.650 --> 00:32:19.839
I'm fucking even, like the smallest
decisions, like I want you to feel

396
00:32:19.839 --> 00:32:23.960
like you have as much control as
possible, because I see the weight of

397
00:32:24.119 --> 00:32:29.200
having to make this decisions on my
character. You know that my character reprint.

398
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:35.069
It's so hard as well. But
the length of time I've been caring

399
00:32:35.109 --> 00:32:43.190
for my mom is is is different
than a lot of people are working through

400
00:32:43.269 --> 00:32:49.900
right now. So that's something I
think is pretty unique about my carrying the

401
00:32:49.980 --> 00:32:53.339
journey is that it started quite a
long time again, yeah, sort of

402
00:32:53.420 --> 00:32:58.849
don't or you're still in it.
It started well before you were able to

403
00:32:59.609 --> 00:33:05.450
really just be a normal kid with
you know, pay me nuts. I

404
00:33:05.490 --> 00:33:08.849
don't want to say normal. It's
hard to use those words normal, abnormal,

405
00:33:09.009 --> 00:33:15.119
you know, but just having that
happy, playful, interactive childhood and

406
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:21.839
not have to worry about caring.
You know that that's something that and I

407
00:33:21.920 --> 00:33:27.309
think that's where, like you mentioned
that the use, the using the age

408
00:33:27.390 --> 00:33:31.069
and the level of maturity. But
that's when you are able to give the

409
00:33:31.230 --> 00:33:37.190
choice. But there's that those moments
and you've lived it where the choice wasn't

410
00:33:37.190 --> 00:33:42.900
given. It's just life happens and
everyone has to react and respond and how

411
00:33:43.259 --> 00:33:46.980
everyone reacts and Responds Is Different Just
as much as the illness or disease that

412
00:33:47.059 --> 00:33:52.980
they're your loved ones is living with. So it's an interesting dynamic to get

413
00:33:54.339 --> 00:34:00.450
fine balance and all of that,
which is definitely where that selfcare is incredibly

414
00:34:00.569 --> 00:34:07.650
important. Well, and I think
one at that the hard thing for me

415
00:34:07.210 --> 00:34:15.000
to get you a plate. You
know, basically I started a journey of

416
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:21.760
learning how to take care of myself. I had I was I didn't always

417
00:34:21.760 --> 00:34:25.150
take your great care of myself or
cope with things well, and so on

418
00:34:25.309 --> 00:34:31.110
my journey of learning how to better
take care of myself and to cope with

419
00:34:32.710 --> 00:34:37.659
regular life stress and the stress of
being a caregiver. You know, I

420
00:34:38.500 --> 00:34:45.820
developed certain, you know, Self
Care Habit. It's like my yoga and

421
00:34:45.099 --> 00:34:49.820
you know, I'm you know,
my Bible study, things like that.

422
00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:58.210
But I've also learned, especially over
the last while, I'm really trying to

423
00:34:58.369 --> 00:35:01.489
develop a lifestyle where it's not just
like a Hodge Hodge when I can get

424
00:35:01.489 --> 00:35:10.519
to it kind of thing, but
more like daily practice. When ever you

425
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:15.679
as a caregiver, especially as someone
in the sandwich generation, whenever you're saying

426
00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:22.550
Yes to one thing, you're saying
no to something else. So whether it's

427
00:35:23.349 --> 00:35:28.429
you know, if you can give
time to your loved one and your kids,

428
00:35:29.230 --> 00:35:34.030
you're you know, you've got you
said not to yourself or your job

429
00:35:34.030 --> 00:35:37.340
or your husband, you know,
or yourselves or whatever. And then,

430
00:35:37.460 --> 00:35:39.980
if you like, I find if
I have like a really great caregiving day

431
00:35:40.059 --> 00:35:43.219
with my mom and I'm like,
Oh, I was a chip in,

432
00:35:43.940 --> 00:35:46.780
you know, I was. I
get a browny point and I feel so

433
00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:52.369
great that, like I look at
like my kids or work or whatever,

434
00:35:52.409 --> 00:35:57.690
I'm like man, those two things
really such. Or if I have like

435
00:35:57.809 --> 00:36:00.849
a really great day at work,
if that's expense of you know, do

436
00:36:00.969 --> 00:36:06.239
I have to rush over a mom
or that, give her an up fine

437
00:36:06.440 --> 00:36:08.960
dot and cook dinner for the kids? I don't want to know. And

438
00:36:09.239 --> 00:36:15.360
so and then, like I said, with my own you know, help

439
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:17.119
habit. You know that to take
care of myself. You know, it's

440
00:36:17.159 --> 00:36:22.110
like I'm doing yoga but I'm thinking
about all the other things, or I'm

441
00:36:22.789 --> 00:36:28.630
running on the treadmill or running outside
while I'm listening to the marketing podcast and

442
00:36:28.789 --> 00:36:34.659
people isn't you know, it's like
okay, well, you know, learning

443
00:36:34.820 --> 00:36:37.940
to be able to say no without
that guilt and learning that they're, you

444
00:36:38.019 --> 00:36:44.539
know, the there's a myth of
balance, like there is. Not Everybody's

445
00:36:44.579 --> 00:36:52.409
going to get the perfect dose of
Janette, including the Janette every single day,

446
00:36:52.969 --> 00:37:01.239
but learning to be able to say
no to something or not now or

447
00:37:02.119 --> 00:37:07.639
not yet, and not have the
guilt about that. It's something I'm working

448
00:37:07.679 --> 00:37:13.760
on now and just trying to be
present and whatever remember I am saying up

449
00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:19.190
to is, you know, part
of that stuff as well. Definitely,

450
00:37:19.389 --> 00:37:22.670
and it's hard. It is.
It's very hard because, like I said,

451
00:37:22.710 --> 00:37:25.750
you want to be the super caregiver, the supermom, and that can

452
00:37:25.829 --> 00:37:30.699
do everything. I can do all
things, and it's one of the plaques

453
00:37:30.780 --> 00:37:32.619
that I keep in my office area. I can do all things through him

454
00:37:32.619 --> 00:37:36.619
who gives me strength, and I
look at that and think I can do

455
00:37:36.739 --> 00:37:42.619
everything, until I get into that
one moment and it's that internal child Tantrumnus

456
00:37:42.659 --> 00:37:45.929
has stop. I don't want to
do it anymore. I don't like this,

457
00:37:45.090 --> 00:37:47.369
I know right. I need my
own I need to put myself in

458
00:37:47.449 --> 00:37:51.849
a time out. You know,
I can't tell you how many times I've

459
00:37:51.849 --> 00:37:55.329
actually gone and bought some bath bombs
and they've sat in my bathroom closit four

460
00:37:55.489 --> 00:38:01.159
months after, and so it's,
yeah, finding that that balance, what

461
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:07.239
guilt free balance? And at the
same time it's important to me to not

462
00:38:07.400 --> 00:38:12.840
only find that balance for myself,
but be able to model it and show

463
00:38:12.869 --> 00:38:15.869
it to my kids so that they
they learn now, while they're young,

464
00:38:16.550 --> 00:38:21.389
and not in that moment of down
the road, Oh crap, now what?

465
00:38:21.710 --> 00:38:24.429
You know, I've been in that
situation how many times that, oh,

466
00:38:27.300 --> 00:38:30.460
what can I do? Well,
and you said, you said about

467
00:38:30.460 --> 00:38:35.059
that the verse or the quote,
that I can do all things. It

468
00:38:35.219 --> 00:38:37.260
does all things, but not everything, and I have to found mysel whole.

469
00:38:37.539 --> 00:38:39.940
Right, there is a difference.
It hurts today. So, like

470
00:38:40.260 --> 00:38:47.690
everything, there are only so many
hours of the day. All right,

471
00:38:50.250 --> 00:38:54.250
want it, and you meant is
kind of that frustration, like grumpy feeling,

472
00:38:54.610 --> 00:39:00.320
and that was something that I was
feeling before. We got some extra

473
00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:07.039
help and then we lost some of
it because pandemic. But people are still

474
00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:09.829
people are still doing as much as
they can to help and we still do

475
00:39:09.949 --> 00:39:14.150
have our character. So that healthul
helpful. But before we had that,

476
00:39:15.150 --> 00:39:21.510
the home health aid coming in and
I would you know, doing more,

477
00:39:22.710 --> 00:39:25.300
I was really in a kind of
a bat like I was always kind of

478
00:39:25.340 --> 00:39:28.739
in a bad mood, and that's
when I was running in and out,

479
00:39:28.980 --> 00:39:34.340
flying in and not really spending that
dedicated time and and I remember feeling so

480
00:39:34.460 --> 00:39:37.809
much shame about that and feeling like, you know, what's wrong with me?

481
00:39:38.010 --> 00:39:44.570
This? You know, she needs
to help like this is she has

482
00:39:44.650 --> 00:39:46.489
been dealing with this for so long. Can you imagine what a Fussy like

483
00:39:46.570 --> 00:39:51.250
for her? How dare you?
We have a bad attitude. And then

484
00:39:51.530 --> 00:39:57.840
I'm met a woman. Her name
is Laura how and she does social work,

485
00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:05.880
but she I met her of convention
and our conference. I guess they're

486
00:40:05.880 --> 00:40:09.710
called conferences, thess, but I
met her out a conferences. He in

487
00:40:10.030 --> 00:40:15.750
reduced me to the idea of compassion
fatigue. HMM HMM. Yes, but

488
00:40:15.949 --> 00:40:21.699
was had not. Yeah, I
had not heard of that. You know,

489
00:40:21.739 --> 00:40:23.900
I you know, I know it
burnout is and I used to teach

490
00:40:23.940 --> 00:40:28.219
them public fool system. I mean, oh, yeah, all about you

491
00:40:28.380 --> 00:40:30.940
know that like burning out, that
it's end of the year and all that

492
00:40:30.980 --> 00:40:34.019
kind of stuff. You know,
I can so that I would app at

493
00:40:34.059 --> 00:40:40.130
this idea compassion citigue was something that
I did not truly understand and and she

494
00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:44.849
was really helpful for me and kind
of breaking that down and saying, you

495
00:40:44.929 --> 00:40:50.440
know, if you didn't, you
know, you're feeling as frustration and annoyance

496
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:55.000
and just kind of like not even, you know, feeling like you care

497
00:40:55.119 --> 00:41:00.719
sometimes, like you're just going through
the vision. That is compassion citygue and

498
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:07.590
you can't have compassion fatigue without compassion. So it was because of the you

499
00:41:07.710 --> 00:41:20.260
know, this lifelong walk and need
several years of caregiving compassionately, you know,

500
00:41:20.380 --> 00:41:24.420
in really caring for my mom.
But I was developing me, you

501
00:41:24.539 --> 00:41:28.380
know, this kind of bad habit
of, you know, what to take

502
00:41:28.420 --> 00:41:31.739
care of myself and I wasn't,
you know, giving myself permission to relax.

503
00:41:31.860 --> 00:41:36.530
And I was that and that was
really helpful for me to learn,

504
00:41:36.650 --> 00:41:40.929
like, okay, this is I
am really feeling this and I need to

505
00:41:42.969 --> 00:41:46.440
acknowledge that I'm feeling it so that
I can move past that feeling. Right,

506
00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:51.079
because of another good ferent of mine
said, it's not our feelings that

507
00:41:51.239 --> 00:41:55.320
heard us, is how we cope
with them that sometimes ward bud. And

508
00:41:55.599 --> 00:42:05.630
so learning to admit that I had
those feeling and even, you know,

509
00:42:05.750 --> 00:42:08.269
I would even have conversations with my
mom like I'm really sorry that your head

510
00:42:08.309 --> 00:42:12.989
off. You know, right,
I don't know what has happened, and

511
00:42:13.469 --> 00:42:16.420
then being able to explain to her
what I was worrying and you know how

512
00:42:16.500 --> 00:42:22.340
we could ask for more help,
and that's kind of things was extremely helpful

513
00:42:22.380 --> 00:42:28.420
for me. So because asking for
how many sciences? Since we want to

514
00:42:28.460 --> 00:42:30.130
do it all, we don't want
to ask for help, we don't want

515
00:42:30.170 --> 00:42:36.610
to put down that torch of saying
I can do it all. But the

516
00:42:36.730 --> 00:42:43.289
compassion fatigue, it's like being I
recently also heard that you can be situationally

517
00:42:43.610 --> 00:42:50.440
depressed. You can. Yeah,
my mom, majority of what I remember

518
00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:54.800
was her being bipolar long before we
ever dealt with any of the mixed dementia,

519
00:42:55.360 --> 00:43:00.869
and so she was always in these
highs, lows and oftentimes more lows

520
00:43:00.989 --> 00:43:08.750
than usual, and that depression,
it made me worry about when I was

521
00:43:08.829 --> 00:43:15.619
feeling the blues or filling down some
of these scenarios caring for I thought,

522
00:43:15.699 --> 00:43:17.380
well, I it was almost one
of the things that I didn't want to

523
00:43:17.380 --> 00:43:21.059
admit to myself. I am not
depressed, I can handle this, this

524
00:43:21.539 --> 00:43:23.780
is not hard, this is not
an issue, this is my mother.

525
00:43:23.820 --> 00:43:29.170
I should be able to eat all
the things that I would try and convince

526
00:43:29.329 --> 00:43:34.610
myself until I finally have those moments
of saying, okay, I this is

527
00:43:34.690 --> 00:43:37.849
depressing me because I feel like no
matter what I do, it's never enough

528
00:43:37.889 --> 00:43:42.519
for her or not that she's exist
telling me. I'm not. I'm not

529
00:43:42.760 --> 00:43:45.360
just that the journey that she's on. I know where she's headed. I

530
00:43:45.400 --> 00:43:51.199
can't stop her progression of the disease. So no matter what I do,

531
00:43:51.320 --> 00:43:57.349
it's not enough. It's just maintaining
her daily and that that gets to be

532
00:43:57.429 --> 00:44:04.309
a very heavy weight to you know, care in that kind of environment and

533
00:44:05.989 --> 00:44:09.820
wanting her to have the best as
whole thing. Well, and you know,

534
00:44:10.340 --> 00:44:14.179
as you were talking, I was
thinking about, you know, my

535
00:44:14.420 --> 00:44:19.860
mom experience, her journey to you
know, it's definitely it's a physical element,

536
00:44:21.340 --> 00:44:23.099
but the fact that she's been dealing
with it that one thousand nine hundred

537
00:44:23.099 --> 00:44:27.929
and eighty four and she's a very
unique case and all the thing, like

538
00:44:29.130 --> 00:44:31.210
you know, as as her caregiver
and her daughter, like you know,

539
00:44:31.929 --> 00:44:36.489
even if we had the full time, like even if we live in a

540
00:44:36.530 --> 00:44:43.000
palate and had a full time held, I would still be part of her

541
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:49.920
caregiving, you know, group and
you know, not having to not only

542
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.710
be able to care for her physically, but also there are times where she

543
00:44:58.110 --> 00:45:06.070
need moral support or emotional support,
and having to educate myself not only take

544
00:45:06.110 --> 00:45:13.059
care of myself emotionally, but also
understand her emotional ups and downs and not

545
00:45:13.300 --> 00:45:22.289
have that you know by will meet
into a panic. You know what,

546
00:45:22.010 --> 00:45:27.690
you know what's going to happen or
that's been something else I tried to learn.

547
00:45:28.210 --> 00:45:31.369
Is Okay. So it's not.
It's not just like being a,

548
00:45:32.610 --> 00:45:37.679
you know, a CNA and a
nerd. You know, you're also a

549
00:45:38.000 --> 00:45:45.760
counselor and sometimes a physical therapist and
a house cleaner or hard dressing. Yeah,

550
00:45:46.079 --> 00:45:51.750
yeah, yeah, fortunately, my
mom has never been like a huge

551
00:45:51.829 --> 00:45:57.949
makeup or hair person, so,
you know, she's easy peasy when it

552
00:45:58.030 --> 00:46:00.789
comes to that. And but we
do every now and that we get to

553
00:46:00.829 --> 00:46:05.139
make up out play it, for
sure. That's one of the things that

554
00:46:05.260 --> 00:46:07.940
always helped me put a smell in
her face. I would after she shower

555
00:46:07.940 --> 00:46:12.619
days. That was also the the
little carrot to dangle that I would style

556
00:46:12.659 --> 00:46:15.739
her hair. If she would get
in the shower for me, then I

557
00:46:15.820 --> 00:46:19.090
would definitely style her hair and make
her look like a model want by the

558
00:46:19.170 --> 00:46:21.289
time she came out, and so
that was one of the things I did,

559
00:46:21.409 --> 00:46:22.929
take the time to blow dryer hair
and roll it and style it and

560
00:46:24.530 --> 00:46:28.289
flip it up for her and,
you know, and take pictures of her

561
00:46:28.409 --> 00:46:31.880
and make her smile and she would
say she hated it, but then eventually

562
00:46:31.960 --> 00:46:36.559
she smiled for those photos and I
I think she was fibbing. I think

563
00:46:36.679 --> 00:46:39.360
she loved it. Yeah, just
those those little moments that picked her up.

564
00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:44.920
But it was the time I was
done with her and helping her get

565
00:46:44.960 --> 00:46:49.030
packed up and she would returned back
to the couch, back to her normal

566
00:46:49.070 --> 00:46:52.030
state of being, and it was
just, Oh my goodness, that was

567
00:46:52.230 --> 00:46:55.989
so much. Now I want to
go and have my hair done right,

568
00:46:57.309 --> 00:47:02.460
right, well, and I think
to like trying to create a moment does

569
00:47:02.619 --> 00:47:07.139
something for our left one, but
it also like create the memories for us

570
00:47:07.940 --> 00:47:13.340
in the midst of all of the
bathing and the right all that stuff.

571
00:47:13.940 --> 00:47:20.250
That is going to be something we
can hold onto for a long time R

572
00:47:20.409 --> 00:47:23.489
now. I think that, like
there was a period of time where we

573
00:47:23.650 --> 00:47:27.690
didn't have to have health a coming
in and though I was going over and

574
00:47:27.769 --> 00:47:32.960
doing the bath the bathing, and
it takes a while for her and now,

575
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:39.679
and so I remember, you know, also about that time having that

576
00:47:39.840 --> 00:47:44.949
transition wire fucking about where like I
was going to not just fly in there

577
00:47:45.750 --> 00:47:50.750
and like prayer down likely that I
was going to embrace this. And so,

578
00:47:51.869 --> 00:47:55.349
you know, we started referring to
it as the baw treatment and you

579
00:47:55.429 --> 00:48:01.059
know, there was lotion and you
know, things like that, and it

580
00:48:01.340 --> 00:48:07.340
really it didn't make it any you
know, I still had to do all

581
00:48:07.340 --> 00:48:09.500
the safe stuff I was doing when
I was just running in. I be

582
00:48:09.659 --> 00:48:14.409
like, okay, you know,
let's do this, but it was a

583
00:48:14.489 --> 00:48:20.050
much sweeter time and you know,
I don't know if it was a I

584
00:48:20.050 --> 00:48:22.929
don't want to say it wasn't joyable
for her. Right he's like having to

585
00:48:23.010 --> 00:48:28.280
have someone else give you that.
But you know, I think it was

586
00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:37.840
a time where we were able to
just have the sweet moment that you know,

587
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:43.349
that'll be something that that will always
have now. So, although it

588
00:48:43.429 --> 00:48:47.710
was very thankful when we got to
have healthy definitely I know that fine.

589
00:48:50.230 --> 00:48:55.260
Yeah, so, after all this
time and being in this sandwich generation,

590
00:48:55.900 --> 00:49:01.340
it really does take the unity of
the family to be able to balance all

591
00:49:01.380 --> 00:49:05.500
of this. Having you mentioned,
she had some of her friends that could

592
00:49:05.539 --> 00:49:07.739
come over and you have your little
helpers. As far as your teenagers go,

593
00:49:07.940 --> 00:49:12.090
they're not so little, but you
know what I mean. It's and

594
00:49:12.210 --> 00:49:19.849
then even with your spouse, it's
just this whole big circle of everyone understanding

595
00:49:20.170 --> 00:49:24.239
and contributing and knowing this is for
the good of this person and it's that

596
00:49:24.400 --> 00:49:30.239
whole like positive Karma. You give, you get what you give, but

597
00:49:30.840 --> 00:49:36.599
you can give too much of yourself
in the same process and that being sandwiched

598
00:49:36.639 --> 00:49:40.670
in the middle is is not easy. It's not easy. While and I

599
00:49:40.869 --> 00:49:44.510
do, you know, I tell
people all the time because, you know,

600
00:49:44.710 --> 00:49:49.909
a lot of people know my mom
and she's online and a voice for

601
00:49:49.909 --> 00:49:54.539
chronically a little people, and so, you know, a lot of people

602
00:49:54.619 --> 00:49:59.500
follow me because of that, you
know, because they follow her, and

603
00:50:00.059 --> 00:50:04.219
I'll get messages are my friends and
her friends and people that, you know,

604
00:50:04.500 --> 00:50:08.570
know her and they'll just, you
know, say very, very complimentary

605
00:50:08.650 --> 00:50:14.289
thing to me and I always think
then, you know, this is you

606
00:50:14.369 --> 00:50:20.090
know, I'm know I'm not a
perfect caregiver and there are, you know,

607
00:50:21.480 --> 00:50:27.239
times that I would not want,
you know, anybody to see the

608
00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:32.360
tears or the or the yeah,
smart remarks or whatever. But I also

609
00:50:32.480 --> 00:50:37.429
want people to know that I don't
do you know, and I would,

610
00:50:37.469 --> 00:50:40.869
I would think every carecteriver says this, but like that that is able to

611
00:50:42.230 --> 00:50:49.230
that, like we were, we
don't do this without support of someone else.

612
00:50:49.989 --> 00:50:54.139
You know if it's our family or
a friend or and even if they're

613
00:50:54.139 --> 00:50:59.260
not able to support our family,
you know, our loved one. Like

614
00:50:59.579 --> 00:51:02.380
you know, my mom is fortunate
enough to have friends, less enough to

615
00:51:02.420 --> 00:51:07.449
have friends that can do her grocery
shopping and help her with her little yard

616
00:51:07.570 --> 00:51:14.809
outside of over Condo, you know, things like that. Will come fix

617
00:51:14.929 --> 00:51:21.679
her poufit or things like that.
We have a pretty big family that they've

618
00:51:21.719 --> 00:51:24.840
connected with her on sky and things
like that. And but then my family

619
00:51:24.920 --> 00:51:32.949
and my husband's family, they've done
a great job of supporting me and encouraging

620
00:51:34.070 --> 00:51:37.070
me, like if we're having a
family function ever here. But you need

621
00:51:37.110 --> 00:51:44.269
to give you with your mom find
you know, do that. So I'm

622
00:51:44.309 --> 00:51:47.099
really I feel really blessed to have
that support. And there have been times,

623
00:51:47.179 --> 00:51:52.059
you know, my moms and stick
and I see you and I've just

624
00:51:52.179 --> 00:51:54.500
been up at the hospital for days, like I didn't have to worry about

625
00:51:54.579 --> 00:52:00.099
my kids and my husband, like
everybody just, you know, friends,

626
00:52:00.179 --> 00:52:06.969
family, everybody kind of is a
support events that I feel. I know

627
00:52:07.170 --> 00:52:14.090
not every caregiver has that, and
so I always like to say, you

628
00:52:14.170 --> 00:52:16.440
know, I don't know what all
my spiritual gifts are in the world,

629
00:52:17.559 --> 00:52:22.840
but I do know that I'm born
to be an encourager and a cheerleader,

630
00:52:23.159 --> 00:52:28.880
and so I try to encourage and
here people on in there, whatever they're

631
00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:31.829
trying to do, but especially caregivers, and so I always want to when

632
00:52:31.829 --> 00:52:37.789
people reach out to me, because
I've been there, I am there and

633
00:52:38.110 --> 00:52:43.030
I'm gonna be able to show up
at your health and help you, but

634
00:52:43.110 --> 00:52:46.619
I can herry you on virtually,
or did Itally, I guess absolutely.

635
00:52:46.699 --> 00:52:51.019
That's why I have to reach out
to you, because you know it's like

636
00:52:51.219 --> 00:52:53.340
this. I have to connect with
her, and that's why I love that

637
00:52:53.380 --> 00:52:58.380
you have the social media's community that
you're building out there, because it's we

638
00:52:58.539 --> 00:53:01.210
need each other. This caregiving is
there's those moments that, no matter how

639
00:53:01.250 --> 00:53:06.329
many people you have around, you
can still have those moments of owning loneliness,

640
00:53:07.409 --> 00:53:15.079
and so it's important to support each
other and and become support network within

641
00:53:15.239 --> 00:53:19.559
that sandwich. Sandwich within yeah,
for sure, and it's it's nice to

642
00:53:19.639 --> 00:53:22.079
have some money. Can do and
every now and then was like an eye

643
00:53:22.079 --> 00:53:23.679
roll emerge and you'll have to say
anything else. Yeah, and they you

644
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:30.230
know exactly where that's coming from,
in the most loving way, but I

645
00:53:30.389 --> 00:53:36.989
get it. Yes, exactly,
exactly. Well, I am so glad

646
00:53:37.030 --> 00:53:42.539
you reached out for me too.
I I have just been digging around instagram

647
00:53:42.659 --> 00:53:50.139
lately trying to find more caregiving,
caregiver connections, especially ones that are like

648
00:53:50.500 --> 00:53:55.769
me, that are parenting and caregiving
and maybe working to and you know all

649
00:53:55.849 --> 00:53:59.530
of these things and be a person, you know, just on your own,

650
00:54:00.929 --> 00:54:07.650
and I really was so grateful to
stumble across you, and so I

651
00:54:07.809 --> 00:54:13.559
appreciate you inviting me on to share
a little bit of my story. I

652
00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:16.679
hope it helped somebody. So it's
going to, you know it's going to.

653
00:54:16.840 --> 00:54:20.639
And so for the other people who
are going to be listening, how

654
00:54:20.760 --> 00:54:24.550
do they find you ton where do
they go to find you online? So

655
00:54:24.750 --> 00:54:32.789
the best place to find me regarding
caregiving is on instagram. Now, I'm

656
00:54:32.829 --> 00:54:37.110
not one of those people that's like
always quote on brands, because my life

657
00:54:37.190 --> 00:54:42.460
is what it is, and so
sometimes you'll see me wearing the parenting hat

658
00:54:42.619 --> 00:54:45.539
and sometimes it's the marketing hat because
that's my job, and then sometimes it's

659
00:54:45.619 --> 00:54:51.139
the caregiver hat, but it's real
and it's life and that's the way life

660
00:54:51.219 --> 00:54:55.570
it like today, that I wore
all the hat and but my handle,

661
00:54:55.730 --> 00:55:00.530
and you'll probably have to put it
in the note, but definitely I need

662
00:55:00.610 --> 00:55:05.130
to volunteer with a new for an
organization with an other girl named Janette,

663
00:55:05.130 --> 00:55:07.239
and we both held our name the
same way. So because we did,

664
00:55:07.639 --> 00:55:13.760
she was the first one. I
had just changed my selling for the purposes

665
00:55:13.800 --> 00:55:19.119
of the platform and said that's why
my instagram handle is at day net and

666
00:55:19.360 --> 00:55:23.829
Ette date and I don't sell out
Jett all the way. Okay, I

667
00:55:24.030 --> 00:55:30.590
was wondering. I figured that had
something. That makes sense. Well,

668
00:55:30.670 --> 00:55:32.309
it just kind of stuck, like
I think I created my twitter handle or

669
00:55:32.429 --> 00:55:36.019
something for that, you know,
like when I was doing that, and

670
00:55:36.099 --> 00:55:39.219
so I use it and then basically
that just became like that's how I sign

671
00:55:39.300 --> 00:55:43.619
my name. Sometimes I have to
remember, like Oh, they want my

672
00:55:43.780 --> 00:55:49.739
real name. Well, thank you
so much that. Yeah, I'm instagram

673
00:55:49.860 --> 00:55:53.769
today. It instagram. I will
yeah, instagram. Place to get me.

674
00:55:53.929 --> 00:55:59.329
I'm on the other two, but
that's the best place. And thank

675
00:55:59.369 --> 00:56:02.530
you again so much for having me
and I look forward to meeting more caregivers,

676
00:56:04.010 --> 00:56:09.800
meeting more sandwich can generation caregivers on
instagram. Absolutely. Yeah, we'll

677
00:56:09.840 --> 00:56:16.920
take care in for those who are
wondering what the sandwich generation there you go.

678
00:56:17.119 --> 00:56:22.510
It is not about PBNJA's or Hammond
cheese. It's about the real life

679
00:56:22.630 --> 00:56:27.630
of a parent and a caregiver and
even the working parent that's sandwiched in between

680
00:56:27.710 --> 00:56:34.820
these tasks, these responsibilities of our
lives. So I hope you get something

681
00:56:34.860 --> 00:56:36.860
out of it. I know I
did, and one of the main things

682
00:56:36.900 --> 00:56:38.019
I want you to take away from
all of this, if you're in that

683
00:56:38.139 --> 00:56:45.980
sandwich generation, is self care.
Until next time, take care of everybody.

684
00:56:54.650 --> 00:56:58.690
Thank you for joining us today.
I really hope you've enjoyed this episode.

685
00:56:59.010 --> 00:57:01.719
To learn more about productive caregiving and
to hear other episodes of this podcast,

686
00:57:01.880 --> 00:57:13.199
please visit www dot Jessicallos okaycom.
This podcast is produced by Kennon Light

687
00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:22.349
Media LLC, the www dot can
and light mediascom. Music provided by Chris

688
00:57:22.550 -->
Paradise