#32 - Developing A Winning Mindset To Succeed On And Off The Field

Paul Spacey: Welcome to the Paul Spacey Podcast. Today I'm talking about developing a winning mindset, how that impacts your kid, and why players need to constantly put themselves in difficult situations if they really want to accelerate their development. Alright, we'll start with wanting to win at everything. This is something I've got personal experience of. I've been through it as a young player and now as an adult. Having that desire and competitiveness to want to win at absolutely everything that I take part or took part in. And some of you will relate to this with your kids. You might have kids that are desperate to win at everything. Some of you might be listening to this and thinking. My kids really don't have that winning or competitive edge. They're not desperate to win in everything they play. They just play for a bit of fun. I mean that's okay, but if you can help them to develop this this desire to want to win at everything they do. It helps in so many areas of life. It will carry on into their into adulthood and carry through into business. There's no question about that. In my mind, there's no question about that. I know they've done studies on this in in competitive athletes and how it I think carries through to maybe Fortune 500 CEOs and stuff like that. But it comes from in my opinion, it comes from at a young age having your kids compete in lots of different things. Might be individual things like like tennis or golf, those individual sports and also competing in team sports, football, soccer, rugby, American football, baseball, wh whatever it is, whatever it is. Having them compete in lots of things and get used to well look, one, get used to losing, 'cause they're gonna lose a lot, but get used to Wanting, really wanting to win, and not just going in these things, whether it's local competitions, competition among friends, whatever it is, not just going into these things just to kind of take part and enjoy it and have a bit of fun. And I know some people might look at that and say, Well you're taking their you're taking their childhood away from them by by making everything about winning. It isn't about making everything about winning. It's about helping them develop a winning mindset and a I guess a not not a desperation, almost a desperation actually, to win everything they're involved in. That doesn't mean they need to have a mental breakdown when they don't win. But it's about having that mindset of going into everything, really wanting to win, and ultimately giving everything to try and win. A lot of kids I see, whether it's in youth soccer or other sports, when I watch them either recreationally or competitively, they'll kind of take part and enjoy some of that taking part. But a lot of them are going through the motions. And I'm sure plenty of you listening can relate to this or watching. Your kids go through the motions, have a bit of fun and take part, but aren't really that desperate to win. And again, because I've experienced this, I can talk about it with a calm authority. Because I've gone through the process. I played so many different things as a young kid, competed in so many different things, that I think over time, I just naturally developed that. keenness to win in everything. And once once I started to do well, I think this is the important part to remember. Once I became better at those things, all of the different things that I played, especially soccer, football, and started to win more. That strengthened my wanting to win even more and even more. And look, at times you can overstep the boundaries and be so desperate to win that you end up emotionally breaking down a little bit. And that's necessary. I think young players have to go through that process to understand. Their spectrum of emotions and how to move along that spectrum and remain in control of themselves until they've experienced that full spectrum many times, it's really difficult to have that emotional control. And that's a big part of developing this winning mindset. And talking of the taking part, the second headline here, which says don't just take part, it's a choice. It is a choice. A lot of parents send their kids into sports, competitive sport, just for the taking part. it's great, they're taking part in sport, they're in a competitive team sport, fantastic. Or it's an individual sport, great. That's we've done our job, they just need to improve in it. You've got to push them and help them develop this wanting to win, this mindset by Explaining to your son or daughter regularly, it isn't just about taking part. I don't buy into this, it's the taking part that counts. that old saying, it's the taking part that counts. I don't buy into it because I think that keeps you on the path of mediocrity and being average like everyone else from a psychological perspective. Forget the skills part for now, but just the psychological perspective, that keeps you on the same level as everyone else. And it's a choice you make as a parent and also as a player. If you're a bit older and you're an older youth player listening to this, you'll understand it. If you're a much younger player, you probably need the help of your parent to understand this. You can choose to go into something with the mindset of really wanting to win and giving everything to win, and not just seeing it as something to take part in and have a little bit of fun and enjoy it. Because there are so many people around you doing that, if you can develop this strength. resilience, this mindset of wanting to win and pushing yourself. If you can develop that, it lifts you above most of your peers. And if you're a parent listening to this, it can lift your kid above most of their peers because mediocrity and average effort and average commitment is more of the norm than somebody that's developed a winning mindset as a young player and is going into every game and every practice desperate to win. And and it literally is every practice. It's not just about going into games and wanting to win a game or a competition. It's about going into every practice that you take part in, wanting to be the winner. If that's a soccer practice, and we'll talk mostly about soccer football in this episode, obviously, because this is a soccer podcast. If that's your soccer or football practice, that means winning every tackle and duel. It means winning every header. It means chasing back to close somebody down. It means being desperate to score every time you get a chance. It means all of those things. It's not just about half-heartedly having a token effort and just enjoying being part of practice. That that's not what it's about. And I think I I might have touched on this already. The third part here is it's much bigger than soccer or football or sport in general. And they've they've done studies on it. And I think it might be the Fortune 500 CEOs, or just generally speaking, CEOs in America, maybe other parts of the world as well. Lots of them played competitive sport when they were younger. And that's no coincidence. The resilience, the competitiveness, being able to go through difficult moments, losing a lot, while also developing that really strong. winning mindset and winning character and being willing to go through things that others are perhaps not willing to go through to get what you want or to get what your team collectively wants and needs. That carries through to business. Again, I can talk about this with a calm authority because I've gone through it, I've experienced it. All of the sports and things that I played, particularly soccer, football, growing up Put me in such good stead for going into business. As a young man, 17, 18, started working with my my twin brother, my older brother, and we built businesses. And from 18 onwards, I've worked for myself or been an entrepreneur for most of the 30 years of my working life. I've had little stints doing bits and bobs where I've worked for other people, but for the most part. I've been a somebody that's built things and I've been a leader. And that comes from a large part of that comes from the resilience and character and winning mindset and the willingness to push through difficult things that I built as a young player in sport, in football. Absolutely no question about that. So it's such a massive thing for your son or daughter, if you're a parent listening to this, or if you're a player, maybe you're a youth player thinking about going into college. It's such a massive thing playing competitive. Sport, competitive soccer as a young person, and developing this winning mindset and desperation to compete and give everything to try and win. It will set you up so well for when you go into the world of work. Whether that's during your time in college, or maybe you go from high school straight into the world of work. Maybe you want to build something and work for yourself. Maybe you go and work for somebody else. Either way, you will be better prepared as an employee. Or as an entrepreneur and a leader, if you've played competitive sport and crucially, if you've developed this winning mindset. And parents for young players, this is something that you've got to help them with. All right, the next part is being embarrassed and struggling. Another really big issue. You're going to need to, if you want to develop this winning mindset, You're going to need to be in a lot of situations where you're struggling and up against it and feeling down and often feeling embarrassed because you'll need to put yourself in really difficult and uncomfortable situations that you kind of want to get out of. Everything inside you will be saying, just get me out of this. I want to be out of this. That's not it. That's not it. You've got to be in these difficult scenarios and difficult situations and stay in them and feel the embarrassment and feel the difficulty and be able to push through all of them to be able to develop this winning mindset. The paradox of developing a winning mindset is you're going to have to lose a lot and go through that losing and go through the process and difficulty of losing in order to get to a point where you have this winning mindset and this confidence and belief that you can go into anything and win. There's no guarantee, obviously. You can do everything. you can be good at something, you can be good at soccer and go and give everything on the pitch and you come off and you don't win. There's never a guarantee that you win. But if you can go in with this winning mindset, genuine confidence and belief that you're gonna go out and win every time you play. And obviously be surrounded by others that have a similar mindset, but you can only do what you can do yourself as an individual. You can't really do too much Aside from encouraging others and trying to bring them along with you. But you your biggest impact obviously is on yourself. And if you can develop that winning mindset to go onto the pitch and give everything and have that desperation to win every single time you play, you can help drag others along with you. And it rubs off on other people, it rubs off on players and teammates around you. And over time, it can help them develop that same winning mindset. But again, you're gonna need To be in lots of difficult situations, feel embarrassed, put yourself in uncomfortable scenarios. It might be going to different teams to try out, it might be going to select and regional and national teams, maybe if you're at a high level, and those things feel uncomfortable because you don't know people, they're necessary. They're necessary as part of developing this winning mindset. Alright, the last one, and this is going to be a fairly short podcast episode. The last one here is becoming someone different, having a game face. Now I've stolen this from Dan Abrahams Dan's a sports psychologist in England, very well known, works with professional teams and players. And I think this is something that he coined many years ago, and he called it game face. And it's fairly straightforward. And I hope I do this justice, Dan, by describing it this way. It's basically about again, I've gone through this as an individual, so I can talk about it calmly and with authority because I've experienced it and I know what it feels like. When you cross, I'll talk about it specifically in relation to soccer football. When you cross that white line, when you go on to the pitch, you need to become a different person. You don't need to be An absolute warrior, leader off the pitch. Some people naturally don't have that as part of their character. I have personally been a leader off the pitch for many years, as I mentioned through business and other things. But you don't have to be that type of person to be a a leader and have this winning mindset on the football pitch. And the way that you develop that, if it's not a natural part of your personality, is teaching yourself to have this shift, this change as you go over the white line. So you cross the line. It might be before you cross the line to get on the pitch. It might be a process in the changing room or locker room beforehand or something that you do before you get to a field or the stadium to get yourself into this mindset. And again, Dan abrahams calls this a game face, essentially a different face that you put on on the pitch to transform yourself into something else. And the reality is this: if you want to be successful in football, in soccer, you can't be a nice person on the pitch. You can't be this placid person that gets along with everybody. Are there some very rare exceptions to that general rule in competitive soccer, especially the higher level you go? Yes. You probably look at somebody like Ronaldinho for that. Everybody liked him. He was always smiling, literally played with a smile on his face. Very rarely got booked, didn't seem to get angry. But that's not the general rule in soccer in competitive football. You need to have that. That competitive spirit, that that edge to get you through difficult situations and difficult games. And Roy Keane spoke about this in an interview. I think he might have done an interview with Kevin kilbane when he retired. Maybe this was a few years ago. And he said, he essentially said that what he did as a player was almost an act, kind of like having two different personalities. The Roy Keane off the field. And then the Roy Keane on the field, the player that we all saw on TV in the tunnel before he walked out, stern face like this, stern face, never smiled, didn't really look at anyone else around him, would just stare forward and be ready to walk out of the tunnel and go onto the pitch. That for Roy Keane was his game face, almost a character that he created. And he said, whenever he was having a bad game and things weren't going well. He'd just hit somebody or run into somebody and smash them. And that would kind of get him going or propel him into that mindset, into that character, if you like. And so if you're a parent and you've got a a young son or daughter, or they're maybe older youth age, you could look up Dan abrahams online and look at this game face concept and how it works and what you can do to help your son or daughter. Develop this ability to have this game face, which is different to what their face or personality or character is like off the field. If you're a a really competitive person and a leader off the field already, transferring that onto the field becomes much easier. If you're not having this game face concept and using it effectively, Can be such a massive thing for you if you're listening to this as a player, or for your son or daughter if you're listening to this as a parent. And also your players if you're listening to this as a coach. I often talk to players about it, particularly the younger ones, about crossing the white line and becoming somebody different. Almost becoming this animal. Not this animal that you need to go and bite people like Luis Suarez. Not not that type of animal, that's not it. Becoming a competitive animal. Somebody that's desperate to win. Every single time they go on the pitch, you become this person, I'm desperate to win. I'm gonna win every single tackle. I'm gonna win every single header. I'm gonna win every single duel. And if you not if when you get to that point of developing this game face and becoming this different character when you get on the pitch, your development and your performance will skyrocket. It will skyrocket. Again, I've gone through it. I know what it feels like. Alright, this was a fairly short episode. Thanks for your time as always. Post your comments below whatever platform you're watching or listening to this on, and start working on developing that winning mindset. Becoming that warrior, that animal on the field. Having that desperation to win at everything you do. Everything you do. Soccer, on and off the field, everything that you take part in. Start developing this mindset of wanting, desperately wanting to win at all of it. And it will transform your character. I promise you that. One last thing for parents, coaches, and players. I've got programs and guides to help you navigate the entire youth development landscape, including a full college recruitment guide and a detailed coaching program. It's all been developed over two decades and most of it's free. Check it out at pauljspacey.com. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.