Externalizing IFS for Neurodivergence and Complex Trauma with Irina Diyankova

Today I welcome Irina Diyankova back to the podcast. Her last episode, Is It Trauma or Neurodivergence? was one of our most popular.

This time we explore what happens when "going inside" during an IFS session becomes hard for clients. She finds this is especially true with neurodivergent and C-PTSD clients.

Irina shares why externalization can be so helpful in these cases. Instead of relying only on what's happening internally, bringing things outside, like mapping, speaking out loud, connecting visually or relationally, really help.

We also talk about how IFS isn't a cookie-cutter model. We all respond differently, and part of the work is noticing what helps you stay engaged and attuned to a particular client's system.

One of my favorite segments was hearing her talk about building community inside with part-to-part relationships. This is where we help parts notice each other, listen, and begin to relate differently. These part-to-part connections are just as important in the healing process as Self-to-part.

We also talk about slowing things down in session, and how that's a small-but-critical opportunity for healing. Saying, "what you just said is important," or "tell me more about that." For many people, that kind of attention wasn't there growing up. It can feel unfamiliar, and also really supportive.

Later in the conversation, Irina shares about her experience with cancer, being in remission, and what it's been like to be with her system in the process. She talks about holding different parts at the same time, and relating to cancer not as something to fight, but something to understand.

Don't miss my short extended interview with Irina over on Substack, where she shares what's giving her hope lately.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Externalizing can make parts work more accessible when staying inside feels hard

• IFS isn't one-size-fits-all; adjust based on what you need

• Slowing down and naming something as important can help people feel seen

• "Community inside" means parts noticing and relating to each other

• When Self isn't available, part-to-part connection still helps

• Orienting parts to the present can reduce overwhelm

• What helps you stay engaged when going inside feels hard?

Links:

Medium article: Dancing With Cancer

Using IFS with Complex Trauma Clients workshop

About Irina Diyankova Irina Diyankova, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, certified IFS therapist, Approved IFS Clinical Consultant, and a Co-Lead Trainer. She has private practice in Knoxville, TN, USA where she specializes in working with complex trauma in adults and adolescents and intersection of trauma and neurodifferences. Irina also maintains consultation practice where she offers individual and group consultation to the IFS therapists and those who are in the process of learning IFS. Being born and raised in Russia, Irina has a special interest in applying IFS across cultures, as well as working with cultural dynamics and burdens. Irina has completed all three levels of IFS training. SHe has also conducted multiple IFS workshops and consultation groups in the US and Russia. She is very passionate and excited about IFS Model and loves sharing it with other therapists and human services professionals. In her leisure time she loves practicing yoga, hiking, traveling, reading and writing.

You can learn more about her work at dr-irina.com

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by Therapy Training Boston.

Therapy Training Boston offers live, in-person, and online workshops, plus consultation for therapists and other helping professionals, designed to support you as a whole person while satisfying your CE requirements. All of their offerings are taught with an eye toward context, power, and relational justice, and draw on the family systems theories and best practices that shaped the IFS model. They also offer an Intensive Certificate Program in Couples and Family Therapy to help you build confidence and capacity in community.

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