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Welcome to the Observatory Podcast.
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With your hosts, Scott and LaRae Wright.
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Join us each week as we explore living life from
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the inside out. Welcome back to the Observatory Podcast. Today,
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Rae and I are going to sit down for a
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little bit of a somber conversation because it involves me
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losing my brother, Jeff. He passed away a couple weeks ago,
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coming up on a couple weeks ago, and going through
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the funeral and the connection with the family and all
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of those things are things we're going to discuss, as
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well as not getting stuck in the grief and how
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I can feel Jeff's presence still around and still here
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and influence and in the music. We're just going to
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talk about that a little bit. So especially if you've
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lost a loved one or anything like that, hopefully this
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will be something that can give you some hope help
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you to not hold so tightly to maybe the grief
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that you're in and just allow yourself to feel it.
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So sit back, relax, and enjoy this podcast. Welcome back
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to the Observatory Podcast. Sitting down here with Ray again,
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we're going to have a conversation about some things that
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have been happening in our lives, especially lately around our families,
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and take a few minutes to do that. So welcome. Welcome, honey.
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It's always good to Find the time to come together
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and sit down. I always love, you know, sitting down
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and recording a podcast, especially when we kind of talk
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about what it is we want to share, what's on
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our heart, why that's meaningful, why that may be meaningful
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to others. And it's, you know, just that validation of
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sharing that we feel very connected to together, but also
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to the community that joins us here on the observatory.
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Yeah. you know, we all have, uh, universal experiences, uh,
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living through a life. And I got to have one
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of those experiences, uh, last week that was super hard. And, uh,
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we got to go through this together. Um, my brother, Jeff, uh,
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passed away suddenly. He was in a, an ATV accident
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and was seriously injured and passed away. And it was
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totally unexpected, of course. Very shocking. Um, I have five brothers,
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so there's six of us, and he was the first
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one to go. He's third in age, but he was
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the first one to go. And there's kind of been
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this debate with my brothers and I. I'm the youngest,
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and my brother Steve is the oldest, and he's 11
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years older than me. And I'm 65, be 65 this month.
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So there's this wide range of ages between us, and
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Jeff was 71 when he passed, and we spent the
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whole of last week preparing for the funeral. My brother
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Paul and I went to Idaho where he was, where
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he passed away, in Ovid, Idaho, in the Bear Lake Valley,
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and he and I spent time with Jeff, Jeff's family,
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All of his children were there. His wife was there,
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and we got to sit with them, cry with them,
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hug them. They hugged us. They comforted us. I mean, Sandra,
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she comforted me probably as much as anyone there. She's
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been through a lot with this experience, and it was
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hard to lose my first brother.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. It's such a tender parting when it's unexpected.
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Well, you experienced this with your sister in 2020. So
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you had it and then I've had it now. And
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it's just....
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And we wanted to kind of share because I think it.
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One, it helps us come together in our humanity.
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And it also.
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helps us just take a pause in all that we're
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doing and remind ourselves some of the things that are
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really important. And Jeff had turned 71 in June of
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this year, so he was just barely 71. And his
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health had been a little bit up and down, but
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he was feeling great right now. We had just had
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a beautiful family reunion in July.
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He lost a bunch of weight. He'd had some real
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heart issues for like over a year. And that had
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cleared up. He was doing much, much better. He looked
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a lot, lot better. Right.
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And so two older brothers and then also an older
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cousin brother.
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Right.
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And so then Jeff, then the cousin brother.
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I have two cousins and my uncle passed away. And
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so they came to live with us when they were teenagers.
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So I.
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affectionately call them cousin brothers.
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Yeah i and i just call them brothers i was
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i was six years old when they came so i
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call them brothers they feel like brothers to me.
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And so it's um you know he was also one
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that was very good at at kind of coordinating and
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organizing and you all were planning on gathering at the
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end of september.
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Yep and he had At his place.
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And he had started to kind of give you prompts
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as to some meaningful things he wanted to talk about.
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So he, you know, everyone in our families carry roles.
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And his was very pivotal in keeping you organized together
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and bringing you back together and having these brother reunions
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that you had. And so that's a tenderness that now
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is in question. Like, how will we come? When will
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it feel right to come back again? And those are
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really big realities of when someone is taken so quickly
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from your life without any warning. Not that it's easier
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in any way, but it just gives you that pause
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to say, I have to go through this grieving process.
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I have to figure how I feel out for a minute.
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Yeah.
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And, you know, we were all just together. They all came, obviously,
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for the funeral. So we were all there. And we
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got to hug and cry and process together with all
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of our families as well. And I don't know. I'm
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going to try not to get emotional.
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And it's okay that you do.
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But.
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Losing Jeff was really... I think each one of us
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as brothers would say it was super impactful. And I
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think it's going to impact each one of us in
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a different way. But I told you this morning, it's
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given me a sense of urgency. For? That time could
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be short for any of us. And so... it's important
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to take advantage of that time. And what I've been
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doing over the last several years and what you've been doing,
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and we've both kind of been on this pathway, it's
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like there needs to be a little bit of a
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sense of urgency about helping people find ways to heal.
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And we have found ways, we're finding ways, and we'll
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continue to find ways To heal. Because life, it's just
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a process of that. Our last podcast, we talked about preferences.
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And those preferences can sometimes create energies around our lives
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where we do need some healing from those things. Because
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we get stuck in the myriad of ways. But I
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feel a lot less stuck. And I... I feel closer
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to Jeff. I've felt closer to Jeff since he passed.
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And had an experience with my boys playing music right
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after he had passed. We were playing harmonicas together, and
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I just had this sense and this feeling that Jeff
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was there. I mean, he was a musician. He loved music. Yes,
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he did. And, you know, my experience with music has
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been one of, very very spiritual journey with music not
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just playing music but being music and when I can
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get out of the way and go to that place
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I feel it feels different all I can say is
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it just feels different it was already good but it's
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better I feel like this confirmation or acceptance of what
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some of the things I had been telling Jeff about
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music that he now understands. And I don't really know
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how to explain that other than to say that getting
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present and going into music and allowing music to just
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play through you is different than playing music that already
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exists it's way less head and a lot more heart
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and in that space of playing from that in the
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heart space I've felt a connection to Jeff Um, not
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in a woo woo, he's in the room kind of way,
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but in a, the energy of Jeff was there.
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Right.
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I could sense his love for me. I could sense
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my love for him. Um, the, the adoration that we
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each have and have had for music while we, we
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each saw it differently. It's still the same thing. And, uh,
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it was hard. Um, He passed away a week ago
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last Thursday. And the Monday after that, I'd taken the
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whole weekend and been processing that. And when Monday came,
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there was a video that I believe Jenny, his daughter,
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shared with us. And it was him singing at the
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Bear Lake County Fair. He'd just barely done that with
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his guitar playing and singing. And he was singing a
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John Prine song. about Monday. It's going to be a
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hard Monday, I think is the name of it. And, man.
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It was.
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It was a hard Monday.
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Yeah.
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And all the preparations were being made for the funeral
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and for what was going to happen. And there was
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so much support in my family. We don't all see
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things the same. But there's no judgment going on and
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there's no shame. We're not all following the same path.
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We're not all religious or non-religious. It's a mishmash of
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all of it.
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Well, and it starts to give you kind of clarity
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around what family means. And certainly family means something different
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for every family. But it helps you within the boundaries
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or within the circle of your own family ask yourself,
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what does family mean to me? And do these relationships
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mean something to me? And what is it that they mean?
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Because these relationships have been witnesses to our life from
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the start. And while we may have ups and downs
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and we see the world differently and people take different
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paths and we have what I would call now learning
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experiences with each other, right? that if it weren't with
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a family member, you may not engage with them or
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you may not let it impact you. But because it's family,
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because it's inside that circle, those ups and downs are
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with you and you're weathering it. And that is what
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we all go through within the circle of our family.
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And you're weathering it together.
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And you weather it together. And when you can keep
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your arms around family, that unit, it's just beautifully designed
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that the unit of family brings to us so much
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experience that we learn through and that we can navigate
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because by its structure itself, it is supportive. Even when
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people are in the most challenging situations and I can
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only speak to the family's the family circles that I know,
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which is mine and now yours, those are the two
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family circles we have the opportunity and gift of being
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a part of. And those family circles, you know, they're
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very different, but yet they're so full of love and
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so full of support. And yes, they're also full of
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challenge at times and they're full of heartache, but it
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gives us the foundation that we then can show up
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in the world. and know that we're not alone.
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You're not going to avoid that in life. No. That's
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the pattern of living.
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I think it's an agreement that we might have all
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had when we chose a life journey.
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Yeah.
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And we made that commitment of family. It's kind of
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like a commitment of soul saying, we will have this
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journey together. We will be one another's witness.
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Yeah.
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And we will understand what we each choose and what
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we struggle with and what we celebrate. And we're going
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to be, we're going to be there.
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For the ride.
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Yeah.
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You know, it's interesting, the timing of everything. My good friend,
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Carl Rabke does an event twice a year on Memorial
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Day and Labor Day weekends. And it's, it's an event
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to help process grief. And it's usually from the loss
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of a loved one. I think almost always it's involved
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in that. And so they bring in, I think there's
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probably about 30 people or so. And he's had me
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come in with him and Alex, the other guy that
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runs it with him. And we play drums. Vinny has
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joined us and played drums. Vinny Campillo has also joined
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us and done that before. But while we're doing that,
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it's really heavy drumming that's going on. And people are
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going up to, to this altar that they've created to just,
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it's like, you know, memories, pictures of family members, uh,
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all of these different things. And they take time to
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go up there and process. And, um, it just so
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happened that that was this last Sunday at right after
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Jeff's funeral was on Friday. So I got to go
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to this event and witness all of these people that
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were there processing their grief. And, um, It's a really
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super powerful event, but this time, I mean, it was
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even more so because my heart was so tender having
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just had this experience of burying Jeff on Friday. And
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I'm witnessing people processing their grief, and Carl invited me
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to also go and participate and do that, and I
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was able to do that. And, you know, shed lots
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of tears, and I am... sad i would say uh
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i'm missing jeff i miss the fact that i can't
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pick up the phone calling right um there's a lot
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of things about that that i am really gonna miss
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and it seems surreal but i'm also grateful that he
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wasn't severely injured right um that he passed suddenly and
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uh He didn't, the way he left this life would
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have been the way he wanted to leave. It was
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like my dad left. My dad, he wasn't in an accident.
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He went and fed his horses and passed away from
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a heart attack.
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Right.
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And Jeff, same kind of thing. I mean, his wife
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was right around the corner. She didn't even know that
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it happened. The ambulances and everything had come and she
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didn't hear it or witness it. She was busy on
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a phone call. I didn't even know that it happened.
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It was an hour and a half later and it
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was 200 yards from their home that this accident happened. And,
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you know, the circumstances around it and all that really
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don't matter. As I went down to the crash site
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and looked at it, it was like, how could this
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have killed him? It didn't look that bad. But it
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was enough. And it just seemed like everything that was
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going on in Jeff's life and the things that he
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had been preparing and kind of had without saying it,
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had this intuition because he was, like you said, he
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was organizing the next brother's retreat. He was organizing a
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retreat with his sons. Which he had just completed. Just
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completed right before his death a week before. They all
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went to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho on an event together, he
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and his three sons, just the four of them. And...
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He went down and visited his son and his family
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in Arizona. He went down to Saratoga Springs here in
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Utah and visited his other daughter and their family. He
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had just been doing all of the stuff. The day
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he passed away, he was headed to Idaho Falls where
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his daughter's son was going to be going to the temple.
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The Mormon temple. To go on a mission. They would
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have left that day and gone and seen that, but
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it wasn't to be. So it's difficult to see that,
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but all of these things that he was doing in
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his life, playing so much music and sharing so much music,
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the thing that he was passionate about, it was music.
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I was passionate about music, and he was passionate about music.
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I still am. And I really feel that his influence
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is there And it isn't that I'll play music like
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him or the way he played music, but it's like
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this energy behind me saying, keep doing this. This is
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what you're supposed to do. That's what I feel.
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It's a gift that has been given you to use
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as an expression while you are in this world.
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Yes.
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And that's one of the things. that we all, you know,
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I think strive to.
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Search for.
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Right, we search for it, we strive to find it.
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We sometimes pursue different paths that take us down different avenues,
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but it is what brings the greatest joy to us
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when we align to it and can share it with others.
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and find that that is where my expression blooms. And
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that's definitely where his expression was at its best, and
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it's where yours is.
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It is. During his services, all of his children spoke,
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and his two sons also sang. Yeah, it was beautiful.
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Devin and Dustin sang together, and then Dustin sang one solo.
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It was beautiful.
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His voice is angelic.
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The music was amazing. Music is a magical thing. So
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that was a deep thing that Jeff and I had
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a connection with. And we played, we jammed. He'd play
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his guitar and I'd play my flute and we would
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jam and just have fun.
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And I think as it's still very tender on your
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heart and hard, it has given you sort of a,
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not a wake-up call, but like just kind of Pay
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attention to this, Scott, to the way you spend your
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days and the time with the ones you love and
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that each day we've been given this wild, beautiful life
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and how we choose to use it each day. It matters.
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It does. And I want to be more productive in
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the things that I'm passionate about, music, mostly music, but
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other things too. And I just think it's important. I
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think I have a message that I want to get
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out there. And it doesn't have any words attached to it.
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It's about you can play music.
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It's an expression that you can express with music.
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Everybody can play music. And I think I have the
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capacity and gift to be able to teach that to
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people who don't think they can play music. Yeah, because
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you already have. Because that happened to me.
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Yeah.
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That's what I want to do. That's what I feel
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passionate about is opening that up for other people. So
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I don't know how that's going to unfold, but I
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know that it's important that it be shared.
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And it's an important aspect of the way you also
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honor Jeff.
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Absolutely.
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And his love for music as well. So it's a
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way you'll keep him close to you.
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It is. And he's a driving force behind it, I
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can feel.
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Right.
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So it is a tenderness that we all experience. We
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don't get out of this life without experiencing it.
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I was going to say, you know, if you're listening
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00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:51.630
to this and you're someone who's lost a loved one,
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I remember someone, when you lost your sister, Jean, we
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had one of our good friends come over and sit
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down on the couch and talk to you about it.
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And he said, don't get stuck in the grief.
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Right, because I didn't want to get out of bed.
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Yeah. I didn't really want to get up for a
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few days. And it really was, uh, difficult with your
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sister because it was, didn't have to happen. It wasn't,
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it was an accident, you know, a surgery that went
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south and, um, but so unexpected. And she was like Jeff,
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kind of this bridge.
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She was the oldest one.
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She was the oldest and the wise one and the
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peacemaker and, of that. Jeff had a lot of that too.
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He bridges, there's a lot of wide range of differences
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between all of us brothers. And he was kind of
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the bridge between the two. He was the bridge between
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the rebels and the compliers.
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Right.
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Right.
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And it, you know, that day, because it can be,
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it can be easy or easier to get lost in
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the grief because the grief is so heavy when you
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00:24:03.029 --> 00:24:05.609
when that moment first happens, when you first lose them,
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and that separation is so hard. And as you sit
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00:24:09.940 --> 00:24:14.460
with it, and as you understand that life moves forward,
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that the best way to honor them is to continue
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00:24:18.740 --> 00:24:24.710
to live life, not get stuck in life. Because they
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00:24:24.730 --> 00:24:27.109
would want that. They would want you to continue living
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and to be expressing and living your full self while
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still here and once you can get to that there
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you know it's a roller coaster there are days when
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00:24:40.869 --> 00:24:43.599
the longing and the sorrow is so great you know
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00:24:44.019 --> 00:24:47.180
or you'll hear their voice you'll hear you'll hear the
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00:24:47.220 --> 00:24:49.940
song that he's saying and it'll take you back to
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00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:50.759
a moment and.
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00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:53.700
Roller coaster is the perfect word i've been using that
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a lot lately.
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And it's just it is the It is something that
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the heart goes through to teach us, but it's an
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00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:05.460
experience that makes us stronger and makes us more committed
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to living while we're here and living with fullness for
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00:25:10.460 --> 00:25:12.900
all those that are still here with us and that
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00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:13.279
we love.
401
00:25:14.220 --> 00:25:17.140
Yeah, it's take advantage of the time you have, right?
402
00:25:17.980 --> 00:25:20.099
Tomorrow is promised to no one, as they say.
403
00:25:20.339 --> 00:25:20.619
Yes.
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00:25:21.579 --> 00:25:27.650
And I'm not afraid to leave this world. And I'm
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00:25:27.670 --> 00:25:30.029
not afraid to not accomplish what I want to accomplish.
406
00:25:30.089 --> 00:25:31.930
But what I do want to do is just every
407
00:25:31.950 --> 00:25:36.390
day strive to do more and strive to help more
408
00:25:36.490 --> 00:25:40.349
and learn more and be curious as we continually talk about.
409
00:25:40.369 --> 00:25:40.910
Yeah.
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00:25:41.190 --> 00:25:42.289
And do it together. Yeah.
411
00:25:42.950 --> 00:25:44.529
I want to still do this ride with you.
412
00:25:44.809 --> 00:25:48.390
I do too. A little more traveling to do probably.
413
00:25:48.509 --> 00:25:51.130
More traveling. We're not in the no-go stage yet.
414
00:25:51.269 --> 00:25:52.490
Nope. Not in the no-go.
415
00:25:54.470 --> 00:25:54.910
And so.
416
00:25:56.460 --> 00:25:59.789
But we're glad to be back with you. We're glad
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00:25:59.809 --> 00:26:03.509
to be in a season of new podcasts. And we
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00:26:03.529 --> 00:26:06.289
welcome you here. We welcome your thoughts. Send us any
419
00:26:06.329 --> 00:26:09.930
messages that you may have or questions. We're more than
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00:26:09.970 --> 00:26:12.470
happy to help. And we want to be here for
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00:26:12.490 --> 00:26:15.750
the community. And you're a very rich part of our lives.
422
00:26:15.849 --> 00:26:16.910
So welcome.
423
00:26:17.609 --> 00:26:17.950
You are.
424
00:26:18.809 --> 00:26:24.849
We so appreciate and are grateful for these last four years.
425
00:26:25.539 --> 00:26:30.789
And having this opportunity to be part of this podcast
426
00:26:30.869 --> 00:26:32.390
and share this time that you and I get to
427
00:26:32.430 --> 00:26:35.869
have together. Yeah. And having some amazing conversations. So much,
428
00:26:35.970 --> 00:26:36.769
much more to come.
429
00:26:36.890 --> 00:26:38.069
We can't wait for the next four.
430
00:26:38.710 --> 00:26:44.819
We cannot. So. Five years next year. That'll be a milestone.
431
00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:47.839
We'll have to do some kind of giveaway. Yes, of course.
432
00:26:49.339 --> 00:26:52.059
All right. Well, thank you for joining us and listening
433
00:26:52.099 --> 00:26:54.420
to us today. So until next time.
434
00:26:55.490 --> 00:27:21.039
You and me, sitting in the back of my memory.
435
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:23.740
Like a honeybee, buzzing around a glass of sweet chablis
436
00:27:25.930 --> 00:27:29.190
Radio's on and the windows rolled up and my mind's
437
00:27:29.230 --> 00:27:35.089
rolled down Headlights like silver moons rolling on.
438
00:27:34.910 --> 00:27:35.670
The ground.
439
00:27:37.609 --> 00:27:42.279
We made love in every way love can be made
440
00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:47.839
We made time seem like time could never fade.
441
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:52.819
Friday night we both made the guitars hum.
442
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:57.420
Saturday made Sunday feel like it.
443
00:27:57.380 --> 00:27:58.539
Would never come.
444
00:27:59.039 --> 00:28:04.759
Gonna be a long Monday. Sitting all alone on a
445
00:28:04.819 --> 00:28:08.759
mountain by a river that has no end. It's gonna
446
00:28:08.779 --> 00:28:11.779
be a long Monday.
447
00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:13.500
Stuck like a tick of a clock.
448
00:28:13.940 --> 00:28:15.769
It's coming round again.
449
00:28:43.029 --> 00:28:49.049
Soul to soul, heart to heart, cheek to cheek. Come
450
00:28:49.289 --> 00:28:53.660
on baby, give me a kiss to last all week.
451
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:56.960
Thought of you.
452
00:28:56.539 --> 00:28:58.220
Leaving again brings me down.
453
00:29:00.259 --> 00:29:05.720
Promise of your sweet love turns me around Gonna be
454
00:29:05.819 --> 00:29:10.869
a long Monday Sitting all alone on a mound by
455
00:29:10.940 --> 00:29:14.650
a river that has no end It's gonna be a
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00:29:15.470 --> 00:29:19.609
long Monday Stuck like a tick of a clock that's
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00:29:19.630 --> 00:29:20.950
come unwound again And.
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00:29:20.990 --> 00:29:39.950
Again Thank you.
459
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:51.759
Seven deadly sins sitting at the bottom of the deep
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00:29:51.779 --> 00:29:54.069
blue sea.
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00:29:54.450 --> 00:29:57.509
Objects in the mirror may appear nearer than they seem
462
00:29:57.529 --> 00:30:18.599
to be. If you're enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing,
463
00:30:19.079 --> 00:30:22.299
sharing us, and if you have time to write a
464
00:30:22.339 --> 00:30:24.740
review about something that may have affected your life or
465
00:30:24.789 --> 00:30:28.069
helped you in some way, please do so. That helps
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00:30:28.109 --> 00:30:30.329
us to get the word out and get this information
467
00:30:30.490 --> 00:30:32.789
out to more and more people so that it can
468
00:30:32.809 --> 00:30:36.670
be shared and we can help ripple out this energy
469
00:30:36.710 --> 00:30:39.690
that's emanating in the world today. There's been so much
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00:30:39.750 --> 00:30:42.599
separation and we want to find a way to create
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00:30:42.630 --> 00:30:46.819
conversations where we can come together. not divide so much
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00:30:46.980 --> 00:30:50.369
as we have been to learn to come together in unity.
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00:30:51.009 --> 00:30:51.369
Thank you.
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00:30:55.369 --> 00:30:57.849
You've been listening to the Observatory Podcast.
475
00:30:58.230 --> 00:31:01.430
Please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any
476
00:31:01.670 --> 00:31:03.130
of our future episodes.
1
00:00:03.399 --> 00:00:06.099
Welcome to the Observatory Podcast.
2
00:00:05.700 --> 00:00:07.719
With your hosts, Scott and LaRae Wright.
3
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:11.460
Join us each week as we explore living life from
4
00:00:11.480 --> 00:00:20.559
the inside out. Welcome back to the Observatory Podcast. Today,
5
00:00:20.579 --> 00:00:22.379
Rae and I are going to sit down for a
6
00:00:22.399 --> 00:00:27.620
little bit of a somber conversation because it involves me
7
00:00:27.660 --> 00:00:32.320
losing my brother, Jeff. He passed away a couple weeks ago,
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coming up on a couple weeks ago, and going through
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the funeral and the connection with the family and all
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of those things are things we're going to discuss, as
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well as not getting stuck in the grief and how
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I can feel Jeff's presence still around and still here
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00:00:48.770 --> 00:00:51.939
and influence and in the music. We're just going to
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00:00:51.979 --> 00:00:54.600
talk about that a little bit. So especially if you've
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00:00:54.619 --> 00:00:56.979
lost a loved one or anything like that, hopefully this
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00:00:57.020 --> 00:00:59.490
will be something that can give you some hope help
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you to not hold so tightly to maybe the grief
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that you're in and just allow yourself to feel it.
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So sit back, relax, and enjoy this podcast. Welcome back
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to the Observatory Podcast. Sitting down here with Ray again,
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we're going to have a conversation about some things that
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have been happening in our lives, especially lately around our families,
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and take a few minutes to do that. So welcome. Welcome, honey.
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It's always good to Find the time to come together
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and sit down. I always love, you know, sitting down
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and recording a podcast, especially when we kind of talk
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about what it is we want to share, what's on
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our heart, why that's meaningful, why that may be meaningful
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to others. And it's, you know, just that validation of
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sharing that we feel very connected to together, but also
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to the community that joins us here on the observatory.
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Yeah. you know, we all have, uh, universal experiences, uh,
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living through a life. And I got to have one
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of those experiences, uh, last week that was super hard. And, uh,
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we got to go through this together. Um, my brother, Jeff, uh,
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passed away suddenly. He was in a, an ATV accident
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and was seriously injured and passed away. And it was
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totally unexpected, of course. Very shocking. Um, I have five brothers,
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so there's six of us, and he was the first
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one to go. He's third in age, but he was
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the first one to go. And there's kind of been
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this debate with my brothers and I. I'm the youngest,
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and my brother Steve is the oldest, and he's 11
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years older than me. And I'm 65, be 65 this month.
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So there's this wide range of ages between us, and
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Jeff was 71 when he passed, and we spent the
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whole of last week preparing for the funeral. My brother
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Paul and I went to Idaho where he was, where
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he passed away, in Ovid, Idaho, in the Bear Lake Valley,
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and he and I spent time with Jeff, Jeff's family,
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All of his children were there. His wife was there,
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and we got to sit with them, cry with them,
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hug them. They hugged us. They comforted us. I mean, Sandra,
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she comforted me probably as much as anyone there. She's
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been through a lot with this experience, and it was
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hard to lose my first brother.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. It's such a tender parting when it's unexpected.
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Well, you experienced this with your sister in 2020. So
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you had it and then I've had it now. And
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it's just....
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And we wanted to kind of share because I think it.
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One, it helps us come together in our humanity.
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And it also.
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helps us just take a pause in all that we're
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doing and remind ourselves some of the things that are
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really important. And Jeff had turned 71 in June of
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this year, so he was just barely 71. And his
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health had been a little bit up and down, but
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he was feeling great right now. We had just had
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a beautiful family reunion in July.
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He lost a bunch of weight. He'd had some real
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heart issues for like over a year. And that had
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cleared up. He was doing much, much better. He looked
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a lot, lot better. Right.
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And so two older brothers and then also an older
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cousin brother.
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Right.
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And so then Jeff, then the cousin brother.
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I have two cousins and my uncle passed away. And
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so they came to live with us when they were teenagers.
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So I.
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affectionately call them cousin brothers.
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Yeah i and i just call them brothers i was
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i was six years old when they came so i
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call them brothers they feel like brothers to me.
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And so it's um you know he was also one
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that was very good at at kind of coordinating and
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organizing and you all were planning on gathering at the
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end of september.
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Yep and he had At his place.
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And he had started to kind of give you prompts
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as to some meaningful things he wanted to talk about.
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So he, you know, everyone in our families carry roles.
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And his was very pivotal in keeping you organized together
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and bringing you back together and having these brother reunions
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that you had. And so that's a tenderness that now
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is in question. Like, how will we come? When will
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it feel right to come back again? And those are
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really big realities of when someone is taken so quickly
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from your life without any warning. Not that it's easier
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in any way, but it just gives you that pause
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to say, I have to go through this grieving process.
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I have to figure how I feel out for a minute.
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Yeah.
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And, you know, we were all just together. They all came, obviously,
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for the funeral. So we were all there. And we
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got to hug and cry and process together with all
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of our families as well. And I don't know. I'm
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going to try not to get emotional.
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And it's okay that you do.
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But.
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Losing Jeff was really... I think each one of us
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as brothers would say it was super impactful. And I
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think it's going to impact each one of us in
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a different way. But I told you this morning, it's
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given me a sense of urgency. For? That time could
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be short for any of us. And so... it's important
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to take advantage of that time. And what I've been
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doing over the last several years and what you've been doing,
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and we've both kind of been on this pathway, it's
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like there needs to be a little bit of a
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sense of urgency about helping people find ways to heal.
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And we have found ways, we're finding ways, and we'll
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continue to find ways To heal. Because life, it's just
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a process of that. Our last podcast, we talked about preferences.
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And those preferences can sometimes create energies around our lives
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where we do need some healing from those things. Because
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we get stuck in the myriad of ways. But I
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feel a lot less stuck. And I... I feel closer
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to Jeff. I've felt closer to Jeff since he passed.
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And had an experience with my boys playing music right
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after he had passed. We were playing harmonicas together, and
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I just had this sense and this feeling that Jeff
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was there. I mean, he was a musician. He loved music. Yes,
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he did. And, you know, my experience with music has
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been one of, very very spiritual journey with music not
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just playing music but being music and when I can
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get out of the way and go to that place
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I feel it feels different all I can say is
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it just feels different it was already good but it's
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better I feel like this confirmation or acceptance of what
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some of the things I had been telling Jeff about
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music that he now understands. And I don't really know
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how to explain that other than to say that getting
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present and going into music and allowing music to just
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play through you is different than playing music that already
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exists it's way less head and a lot more heart
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and in that space of playing from that in the
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heart space I've felt a connection to Jeff Um, not
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in a woo woo, he's in the room kind of way,
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but in a, the energy of Jeff was there.
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Right.
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I could sense his love for me. I could sense
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my love for him. Um, the, the adoration that we
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each have and have had for music while we, we
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each saw it differently. It's still the same thing. And, uh,
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it was hard. Um, He passed away a week ago
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last Thursday. And the Monday after that, I'd taken the
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whole weekend and been processing that. And when Monday came,
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there was a video that I believe Jenny, his daughter,
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shared with us. And it was him singing at the
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Bear Lake County Fair. He'd just barely done that with
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his guitar playing and singing. And he was singing a
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John Prine song. about Monday. It's going to be a
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hard Monday, I think is the name of it. And, man.
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It was.
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It was a hard Monday.
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Yeah.
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And all the preparations were being made for the funeral
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and for what was going to happen. And there was
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so much support in my family. We don't all see
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things the same. But there's no judgment going on and
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there's no shame. We're not all following the same path.
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We're not all religious or non-religious. It's a mishmash of
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all of it.
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Well, and it starts to give you kind of clarity
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around what family means. And certainly family means something different
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for every family. But it helps you within the boundaries
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or within the circle of your own family ask yourself,
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what does family mean to me? And do these relationships
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mean something to me? And what is it that they mean?
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Because these relationships have been witnesses to our life from
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the start. And while we may have ups and downs
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and we see the world differently and people take different
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paths and we have what I would call now learning
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experiences with each other, right? that if it weren't with
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a family member, you may not engage with them or
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you may not let it impact you. But because it's family,
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because it's inside that circle, those ups and downs are
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with you and you're weathering it. And that is what
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we all go through within the circle of our family.
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And you're weathering it together.
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And you weather it together. And when you can keep
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your arms around family, that unit, it's just beautifully designed
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that the unit of family brings to us so much
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experience that we learn through and that we can navigate
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because by its structure itself, it is supportive. Even when
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people are in the most challenging situations and I can
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only speak to the family's the family circles that I know,
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which is mine and now yours, those are the two
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family circles we have the opportunity and gift of being
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a part of. And those family circles, you know, they're
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very different, but yet they're so full of love and
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so full of support. And yes, they're also full of
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challenge at times and they're full of heartache, but it
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gives us the foundation that we then can show up
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in the world. and know that we're not alone.
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You're not going to avoid that in life. No. That's
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the pattern of living.
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I think it's an agreement that we might have all
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had when we chose a life journey.
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Yeah.
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And we made that commitment of family. It's kind of
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like a commitment of soul saying, we will have this
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journey together. We will be one another's witness.
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Yeah.
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And we will understand what we each choose and what
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we struggle with and what we celebrate. And we're going
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to be, we're going to be there.
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For the ride.
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Yeah.
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You know, it's interesting, the timing of everything. My good friend,
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Carl Rabke does an event twice a year on Memorial
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Day and Labor Day weekends. And it's, it's an event
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to help process grief. And it's usually from the loss
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of a loved one. I think almost always it's involved
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in that. And so they bring in, I think there's
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probably about 30 people or so. And he's had me
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come in with him and Alex, the other guy that
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runs it with him. And we play drums. Vinny has
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joined us and played drums. Vinny Campillo has also joined
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us and done that before. But while we're doing that,
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it's really heavy drumming that's going on. And people are
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going up to, to this altar that they've created to just,
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it's like, you know, memories, pictures of family members, uh,
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all of these different things. And they take time to
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go up there and process. And, um, it just so
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happened that that was this last Sunday at right after
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Jeff's funeral was on Friday. So I got to go
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to this event and witness all of these people that
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were there processing their grief. And, um, It's a really
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super powerful event, but this time, I mean, it was
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even more so because my heart was so tender having
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just had this experience of burying Jeff on Friday. And
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I'm witnessing people processing their grief, and Carl invited me
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to also go and participate and do that, and I
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was able to do that. And, you know, shed lots
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of tears, and I am... sad i would say uh
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i'm missing jeff i miss the fact that i can't
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pick up the phone calling right um there's a lot
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of things about that that i am really gonna miss
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and it seems surreal but i'm also grateful that he
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wasn't severely injured right um that he passed suddenly and
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uh He didn't, the way he left this life would
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have been the way he wanted to leave. It was
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like my dad left. My dad, he wasn't in an accident.
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He went and fed his horses and passed away from
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a heart attack.
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Right.
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And Jeff, same kind of thing. I mean, his wife
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was right around the corner. She didn't even know that
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it happened. The ambulances and everything had come and she
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didn't hear it or witness it. She was busy on
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a phone call. I didn't even know that it happened.
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It was an hour and a half later and it
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was 200 yards from their home that this accident happened. And,
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you know, the circumstances around it and all that really
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don't matter. As I went down to the crash site
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and looked at it, it was like, how could this
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have killed him? It didn't look that bad. But it
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was enough. And it just seemed like everything that was
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going on in Jeff's life and the things that he
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had been preparing and kind of had without saying it,
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had this intuition because he was, like you said, he
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was organizing the next brother's retreat. He was organizing a
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retreat with his sons. Which he had just completed. Just
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completed right before his death a week before. They all
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went to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho on an event together, he
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and his three sons, just the four of them. And...
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He went down and visited his son and his family
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in Arizona. He went down to Saratoga Springs here in
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Utah and visited his other daughter and their family. He
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had just been doing all of the stuff. The day
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he passed away, he was headed to Idaho Falls where
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00:18:43.880 --> 00:18:47.200
his daughter's son was going to be going to the temple.
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The Mormon temple. To go on a mission. They would
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00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:55.240
have left that day and gone and seen that, but
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it wasn't to be. So it's difficult to see that,
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but all of these things that he was doing in
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his life, playing so much music and sharing so much music,
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the thing that he was passionate about, it was music.
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I was passionate about music, and he was passionate about music.
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I still am. And I really feel that his influence
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00:19:26.099 --> 00:19:29.619
is there And it isn't that I'll play music like
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him or the way he played music, but it's like
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this energy behind me saying, keep doing this. This is
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what you're supposed to do. That's what I feel.
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It's a gift that has been given you to use
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as an expression while you are in this world.
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Yes.
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And that's one of the things. that we all, you know,
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I think strive to.
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Search for.
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Right, we search for it, we strive to find it.
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We sometimes pursue different paths that take us down different avenues,
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but it is what brings the greatest joy to us
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when we align to it and can share it with others.
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and find that that is where my expression blooms. And
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that's definitely where his expression was at its best, and
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it's where yours is.
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It is. During his services, all of his children spoke,
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and his two sons also sang. Yeah, it was beautiful.
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Devin and Dustin sang together, and then Dustin sang one solo.
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It was beautiful.
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His voice is angelic.
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The music was amazing. Music is a magical thing. So
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that was a deep thing that Jeff and I had
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a connection with. And we played, we jammed. He'd play
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his guitar and I'd play my flute and we would
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jam and just have fun.
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And I think as it's still very tender on your
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heart and hard, it has given you sort of a,
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not a wake-up call, but like just kind of Pay
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attention to this, Scott, to the way you spend your
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days and the time with the ones you love and
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that each day we've been given this wild, beautiful life
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and how we choose to use it each day. It matters.
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It does. And I want to be more productive in
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the things that I'm passionate about, music, mostly music, but
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other things too. And I just think it's important. I
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00:21:39.029 --> 00:21:41.529
think I have a message that I want to get
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00:21:41.589 --> 00:21:44.829
out there. And it doesn't have any words attached to it.
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00:21:45.009 --> 00:21:48.529
It's about you can play music.
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It's an expression that you can express with music.
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Everybody can play music. And I think I have the
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00:21:57.440 --> 00:22:00.940
capacity and gift to be able to teach that to
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00:22:01.019 --> 00:22:04.019
people who don't think they can play music. Yeah, because
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00:22:04.039 --> 00:22:05.789
you already have. Because that happened to me.
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Yeah.
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That's what I want to do. That's what I feel
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00:22:10.250 --> 00:22:13.910
passionate about is opening that up for other people. So
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00:22:14.950 --> 00:22:17.430
I don't know how that's going to unfold, but I
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00:22:17.490 --> 00:22:20.630
know that it's important that it be shared.
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And it's an important aspect of the way you also
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honor Jeff.
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Absolutely.
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And his love for music as well. So it's a
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way you'll keep him close to you.
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It is. And he's a driving force behind it, I
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can feel.
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Right.
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So it is a tenderness that we all experience. We
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00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:45.940
don't get out of this life without experiencing it.
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00:22:46.700 --> 00:22:49.400
I was going to say, you know, if you're listening
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00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:51.630
to this and you're someone who's lost a loved one,
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I remember someone, when you lost your sister, Jean, we
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00:22:56.710 --> 00:22:58.710
had one of our good friends come over and sit
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00:22:58.750 --> 00:23:00.289
down on the couch and talk to you about it.
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00:23:01.089 --> 00:23:03.230
And he said, don't get stuck in the grief.
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00:23:03.980 --> 00:23:05.480
Right, because I didn't want to get out of bed.
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00:23:05.500 --> 00:23:07.549
Yeah. I didn't really want to get up for a
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few days. And it really was, uh, difficult with your
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00:23:12.150 --> 00:23:16.859
sister because it was, didn't have to happen. It wasn't,
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00:23:17.099 --> 00:23:20.279
it was an accident, you know, a surgery that went
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00:23:20.359 --> 00:23:25.700
south and, um, but so unexpected. And she was like Jeff,
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kind of this bridge.
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She was the oldest one.
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She was the oldest and the wise one and the
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00:23:32.529 --> 00:23:35.730
peacemaker and, of that. Jeff had a lot of that too.
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00:23:36.029 --> 00:23:39.730
He bridges, there's a lot of wide range of differences
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00:23:39.849 --> 00:23:42.690
between all of us brothers. And he was kind of
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the bridge between the two. He was the bridge between
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the rebels and the compliers.
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00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:49.000
Right.
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00:23:50.059 --> 00:23:50.339
Right.
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00:23:50.460 --> 00:23:53.700
And it, you know, that day, because it can be,
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it can be easy or easier to get lost in
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00:23:58.990 --> 00:24:02.210
the grief because the grief is so heavy when you
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00:24:03.029 --> 00:24:05.609
when that moment first happens, when you first lose them,
381
00:24:05.650 --> 00:24:09.900
and that separation is so hard. And as you sit
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00:24:09.940 --> 00:24:14.460
with it, and as you understand that life moves forward,
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00:24:15.500 --> 00:24:18.680
that the best way to honor them is to continue
384
00:24:18.740 --> 00:24:24.710
to live life, not get stuck in life. Because they
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00:24:24.730 --> 00:24:27.109
would want that. They would want you to continue living
386
00:24:27.130 --> 00:24:32.470
and to be expressing and living your full self while
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00:24:32.509 --> 00:24:37.490
still here and once you can get to that there
388
00:24:37.630 --> 00:24:39.809
you know it's a roller coaster there are days when
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00:24:40.869 --> 00:24:43.599
the longing and the sorrow is so great you know
390
00:24:44.019 --> 00:24:47.180
or you'll hear their voice you'll hear you'll hear the
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00:24:47.220 --> 00:24:49.940
song that he's saying and it'll take you back to
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00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:50.759
a moment and.
393
00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:53.700
Roller coaster is the perfect word i've been using that
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00:24:53.740 --> 00:24:55.400
a lot lately.
395
00:24:55.240 --> 00:24:58.700
And it's just it is the It is something that
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00:24:58.720 --> 00:25:01.099
the heart goes through to teach us, but it's an
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00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:05.460
experience that makes us stronger and makes us more committed
398
00:25:05.500 --> 00:25:10.259
to living while we're here and living with fullness for
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00:25:10.460 --> 00:25:12.900
all those that are still here with us and that
400
00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:13.279
we love.
401
00:25:14.220 --> 00:25:17.140
Yeah, it's take advantage of the time you have, right?
402
00:25:17.980 --> 00:25:20.099
Tomorrow is promised to no one, as they say.
403
00:25:20.339 --> 00:25:20.619
Yes.
404
00:25:21.579 --> 00:25:27.650
And I'm not afraid to leave this world. And I'm
405
00:25:27.670 --> 00:25:30.029
not afraid to not accomplish what I want to accomplish.
406
00:25:30.089 --> 00:25:31.930
But what I do want to do is just every
407
00:25:31.950 --> 00:25:36.390
day strive to do more and strive to help more
408
00:25:36.490 --> 00:25:40.349
and learn more and be curious as we continually talk about.
409
00:25:40.369 --> 00:25:40.910
Yeah.
410
00:25:41.190 --> 00:25:42.289
And do it together. Yeah.
411
00:25:42.950 --> 00:25:44.529
I want to still do this ride with you.
412
00:25:44.809 --> 00:25:48.390
I do too. A little more traveling to do probably.
413
00:25:48.509 --> 00:25:51.130
More traveling. We're not in the no-go stage yet.
414
00:25:51.269 --> 00:25:52.490
Nope. Not in the no-go.
415
00:25:54.470 --> 00:25:54.910
And so.
416
00:25:56.460 --> 00:25:59.789
But we're glad to be back with you. We're glad
417
00:25:59.809 --> 00:26:03.509
to be in a season of new podcasts. And we
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00:26:03.529 --> 00:26:06.289
welcome you here. We welcome your thoughts. Send us any
419
00:26:06.329 --> 00:26:09.930
messages that you may have or questions. We're more than
420
00:26:09.970 --> 00:26:12.470
happy to help. And we want to be here for
421
00:26:12.490 --> 00:26:15.750
the community. And you're a very rich part of our lives.
422
00:26:15.849 --> 00:26:16.910
So welcome.
423
00:26:17.609 --> 00:26:17.950
You are.
424
00:26:18.809 --> 00:26:24.849
We so appreciate and are grateful for these last four years.
425
00:26:25.539 --> 00:26:30.789
And having this opportunity to be part of this podcast
426
00:26:30.869 --> 00:26:32.390
and share this time that you and I get to
427
00:26:32.430 --> 00:26:35.869
have together. Yeah. And having some amazing conversations. So much,
428
00:26:35.970 --> 00:26:36.769
much more to come.
429
00:26:36.890 --> 00:26:38.069
We can't wait for the next four.
430
00:26:38.710 --> 00:26:44.819
We cannot. So. Five years next year. That'll be a milestone.
431
00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:47.839
We'll have to do some kind of giveaway. Yes, of course.
432
00:26:49.339 --> 00:26:52.059
All right. Well, thank you for joining us and listening
433
00:26:52.099 --> 00:26:54.420
to us today. So until next time.
434
00:26:55.490 --> 00:27:21.039
You and me, sitting in the back of my memory.
435
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:23.740
Like a honeybee, buzzing around a glass of sweet chablis
436
00:27:25.930 --> 00:27:29.190
Radio's on and the windows rolled up and my mind's
437
00:27:29.230 --> 00:27:35.089
rolled down Headlights like silver moons rolling on.
438
00:27:34.910 --> 00:27:35.670
The ground.
439
00:27:37.609 --> 00:27:42.279
We made love in every way love can be made
440
00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:47.839
We made time seem like time could never fade.
441
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:52.819
Friday night we both made the guitars hum.
442
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:57.420
Saturday made Sunday feel like it.
443
00:27:57.380 --> 00:27:58.539
Would never come.
444
00:27:59.039 --> 00:28:04.759
Gonna be a long Monday. Sitting all alone on a
445
00:28:04.819 --> 00:28:08.759
mountain by a river that has no end. It's gonna
446
00:28:08.779 --> 00:28:11.779
be a long Monday.
447
00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:13.500
Stuck like a tick of a clock.
448
00:28:13.940 --> 00:28:15.769
It's coming round again.
449
00:28:43.029 --> 00:28:49.049
Soul to soul, heart to heart, cheek to cheek. Come
450
00:28:49.289 --> 00:28:53.660
on baby, give me a kiss to last all week.
451
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:56.960
Thought of you.
452
00:28:56.539 --> 00:28:58.220
Leaving again brings me down.
453
00:29:00.259 --> 00:29:05.720
Promise of your sweet love turns me around Gonna be
454
00:29:05.819 --> 00:29:10.869
a long Monday Sitting all alone on a mound by
455
00:29:10.940 --> 00:29:14.650
a river that has no end It's gonna be a
456
00:29:15.470 --> 00:29:19.609
long Monday Stuck like a tick of a clock that's
457
00:29:19.630 --> 00:29:20.950
come unwound again And.
458
00:29:20.990 --> 00:29:39.950
Again Thank you.
459
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:51.759
Seven deadly sins sitting at the bottom of the deep
460
00:29:51.779 --> 00:29:54.069
blue sea.
461
00:29:54.450 --> 00:29:57.509
Objects in the mirror may appear nearer than they seem
462
00:29:57.529 --> 00:30:18.599
to be. If you're enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing,
463
00:30:19.079 --> 00:30:22.299
sharing us, and if you have time to write a
464
00:30:22.339 --> 00:30:24.740
review about something that may have affected your life or
465
00:30:24.789 --> 00:30:28.069
helped you in some way, please do so. That helps
466
00:30:28.109 --> 00:30:30.329
us to get the word out and get this information
467
00:30:30.490 --> 00:30:32.789
out to more and more people so that it can
468
00:30:32.809 --> 00:30:36.670
be shared and we can help ripple out this energy
469
00:30:36.710 --> 00:30:39.690
that's emanating in the world today. There's been so much
470
00:30:39.750 --> 00:30:42.599
separation and we want to find a way to create
471
00:30:42.630 --> 00:30:46.819
conversations where we can come together. not divide so much
472
00:30:46.980 --> 00:30:50.369
as we have been to learn to come together in unity.
473
00:30:51.009 --> 00:30:51.369
Thank you.
474
00:30:55.369 --> 00:30:57.849
You've been listening to the Observatory Podcast.
475
00:30:58.230 --> 00:31:01.430
Please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss any
476
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