WEBVTT
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This is Kathryn Goetzke, host of The Hope Matrix Podcast.
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We are here to share science, stories and strategies for how to hope.
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I'm the Chief Hope officer of the Shine Hope Company.
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And SHINE is the mnemonic for how we teach hope.
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So when we talk about hope, we talk about how we use Stress Skills, Happiness habits, Inspired Actions, Nourishing Networks and Eliminating Challenges which are thinking patterns that get in the way of our ability to hope.
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Hope is a skill.
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You can measure hope, you can teach hope and you can start practicing skills to activate higher hope in your life today.
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And on this Hope Matrix podcast, we aim to bring in guests, experts in science, people with stories, and those that have strategies for activating hope in your life.
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Well hello everyone.
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All the listener's so grateful to have you here today for the Hope matrix podcast.
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really, I appreciate you taking time to learn more about hope and strategies for how to shine hope in your life.
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today we have Doctor Christy Oaks with us on the podcast.
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That's Christy with the Y.
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so I, for all those listening, and I'm really grateful to have Christy here to share her expertise and some of her own journey and shine hope skills.
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So first of all, I want to welcome you to the podcast.
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So I thank you so much for joining today.
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Yeah, thank you so much, Kathryn.
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I'm so happy and excited and nervous to be here.
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Oh, amazing.
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I know I was terrified when I did my first podcast, and now I just get used to it.
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And then I listen to myself and I think I shouldn’t listen to myself.
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Now I'm really grateful.
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You know, it takes such courage to share stories, live, especially when it's personal to us.
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Yeah, yeah. No doubt.
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And yeah, I think it's the only way we all grow.
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And I think when we share stories, it can make it so much easier for the next person.
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If, you know, we share it with intention and with some of the strategies.
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But yes, I, you know, talk a lot about how I struggled so much as a youth and, and in my 20s and so much of the shine framework I use was the negative kind of turning to addictions and self-harm and all of these things that were actually making everything worse for me and, and for my life.
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And, so by sharing skills and your story of things that you've gone through and how you navigated and the healthy tools we use, the ones that we know are kind of backed by science, it's really I'm really grateful, as you are a doctor, too.
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Yeah. So that's amazing.
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Why don’t we start, can you just share a little bit more about yourself?
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Yeah.
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So, my doctorate is in counselor education and supervision.
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I just graduated this year.
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Awesome! Congrats! Thanks.
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I did my dissertation study on, the experiences of counselor educators and supervisors that identify within the queer community their experiences of power, privilege, and oppression in higher education, which was a really, really cool study.
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I'm a huge nature lover, and I'm currently doing a nature based therapy certificate at, East Tennessee State University.
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Since, you know, I graduated my PhD, and I had to find something else to do.
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Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
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and I guess a little on the more personal side, I am someone who lives with a severe bleeding disorder that has had a huge impact on the way I navigate my life.
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And, I also, I share a little bit about your childhood and early life experiences.
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I have an ACES score of six.
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And, my family also experienced homelessness for the first 11 years of my life.
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Thankfully, we had a family member that let us live with them.
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but it was a pretty severe hoarding situation, so just not the healthiest environment.
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And yeah, now I work as a clinic director and a clinical instructor in higher education.
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and as a counselor to.
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Wow, what's amazing?
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Good for you guys. yeah.
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And to all the listeners that don't know, ACES are adverse childhood experiences.
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So what we go through and you can get up to a score of ten.
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So I think it's I think four and a higher than solving and challenging.
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So I'm definitely higher on the aces or as well.
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And you know it can come from all kinds of things.
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what we know is that those higher in ACES are going to be higher in hopelessness, you know, or moments of hopelessness.
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thank you so much.
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What I learned in life was, even though I came from a great family, but losing my dad to suicide at 18, and a lot of the things I learned were kind of around hopelessness, around getting stuck in that persistent state of hopelessness.
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you know, we know it's also very hard on the LGBTQ community.
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You know, hopelessness is often a consequence of oppression, discrimination and so, again, you know, when you look at hopelessness being both despair or super like emotional despair and then motivational helplessness, so powerlessness to do anything about it, of course, you're going to be higher in hopelessness.
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so it's really about being proactive about our hope.
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Not saying it's easy at all, but, you know, learning and working together to cultivate hope in our lives and to learn how to hope and really where our locus of control is in that hope.
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and so, yeah, so I'm really grateful to you for sharing today and being willing to be open again.
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It's you know, we don't we learn through other people and, and when we don't, we can go through, you know, so many unnecessary challenges.
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And I think that, you know, my addictions were just a way to soothe my stress response.
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had I learned at a young age some of these or had I learned from people that have gone through it before me as well, that would have been really helpful.
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So thank you for being here.
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And for being honest about how you're feeling.
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yeah, of course. It's always an adventure.
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I used to be terrified of public speaking, literally terrified.
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And I realized that what I was doing was I was activated my stress response because I get in my head and I think, oh, I've got to say this, I've got.
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And then I'd stop breathing.
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And as soon as you stop breathing, you know, it just triggers that even more and more and more.
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And I'd get into this packed stage.
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So I'm grateful that I've worked hard to get to a place where I can do a podcast. So, yes. You know, maybe you'll have your own someday too.
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Yeah. I don't know about that, but I can.
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I can relate with that, with getting up in front of a classroom and teaching, like the first time I did that, that was very scary.
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But now it's just like, oh, hey, this is me.
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And awkward.
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And I say words wrong and this is just who I am.
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Yes. That's awesome.
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We must embrace that.
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This is the earlier the better.
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Yeah. yeah.
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So why don't you talk more about your experiences?
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So you mentioned a bleeding disorder.
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What?
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What is what does that even mean, though?
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I have it's actually pretty common in the United States.
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Just most people have a very mild form and don't know that they have a bleeding have the bleeding disorder.
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But what I have is called von Willebrand's disorder.
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and had type two a severe.
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And so what that means for me is that in my in my blood, everyone has well, not everyone.
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If you have sibling disorder issues with your blood, then you don't have this.
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But there's the von Willebrand factor in your blood, and that's part of the clotting agent for whenever you get a cut or a bruise, that goes in and it helps your, your cells stick together so that you can form a clot minor, misshapen.
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And so they don't stick together like they should.
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So the average person, if they were to get like, say, a cat scratch, on average someone without a bleeding disorder would stop bleeding within like seven minutes.
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The last time they did a, timed test on me to see how long it would take for me to stop bleeding.
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They stopped after 45 minutes because my blood just was not clotting.
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Yeah.
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yeah. Yeah.
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So it's, it has a huge impact on, like, everything in my life.
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And, you know, I was born assigned female at birth, so, like, heavily impacted my menstrual cycle.
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so from the time I started, my cycle, I was in and out of the hospital getting blood transfusions and medications to try and help stop the bleeding.
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But that was just like one time when I was 13.
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That entire year, I bled every single day.
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Yeah. Wow.
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And I mean, what are the physical like?
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You like, how did all that?
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I mean, could you do anything? Could you?
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Well, so von Willebrand, willebrand's affects the, soft tissues.
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So, like, when I was really young, I would have, like, really severe nosebleeds, and it would take several hours for them to stop.
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And that was not fun for a kid who had undiagnosed ADHD having to sit still while my mom holds my nose for a nose bleed.
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Oh my. Gosh.
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and I bruise really easy.
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So at the time when I was younger, there was, actually an investigation into my family for child abuse because I had bruises just from my parents picking me up out of the crib.
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but during that time, with, heavy bleeding from my menstrual cycle, I was just anemic all the time.
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So very, very low energy had to move really slow.
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There was a couple of times where I actually passed out from the blood loss.
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yeah.
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So just.
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Exhaustion. Yeah, yeah.
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And here you sit today for the PhD.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's it's kind of a miracle that I'm still alive.
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Wow. Yeah.
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That's amazing.
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so share more. About what?
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So what were the stressors?
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So I'll kind of walk through the shine framework, if that's okay with you.
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And you could just share how you're navigated.
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Is there anything else specifically you want to talk about throughout this?
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no. I feel like, the bleeding disorder has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in my life, so.
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Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
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And then if you're in a high renaissance for you, you're not equipped with a lot of the skills.
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And I mean, for me being really reactive, very emotionally, you know, reactive to things.
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So we're very fast.
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Trigger I get triggered by something.
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it's so it's been a real process for me to learn.
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But thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain through these practices, through all of them, which is amazing.
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So, Yeah.
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And and I actually, as you go by she/her correct.
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She/they. She/they sorry. Got it.
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so you were assigned female.
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And can you can you explain more to our listeners what that means?
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She/they.
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so it is gender identity is unique to every individual.
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For me, I do not identify as cisgender.
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And so for listeners, cisgender means that your gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth.
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So if you are assigned female at birth and you resonate with being female and femininity, and you identify as a female, then you would be cisgender.
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for me, it kind of depends on the day as how I identify.
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So usually I'll just say identify as gender fluid or gender queer.
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And for me, that just means, I don't resonate with identifying as female or resonate with femininity all the time.
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Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
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It really just ebbs and flows and depends on the day.
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So there are some days she/her pronouns still fine, and there are other days that feels like I need to come out of my skin, because that's not me about it.
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Thank you so much.
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Yeah, and the we’re going to do a whole episode on that.
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I think it's so important.
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And what people fear they often are against.
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And so being open about it and just helping understand this really.
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Yeah, I'm really grateful for that. So, and I'm sure that adds a whole other complexity to everything you navigate.
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Definitely it, I feel like it.
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And, the bleeding disorder and hot impact on my menstrual cycle.
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They kind of they go together, they're like married.
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But, yeah, that makes sense.
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So let's talk more about stressors.
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Triggers, stress skills.
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again, our stress response when we're triggered by things, we have this warning of chemicals in our body nurture and often adrenaline and cortisol.
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And they keep us in our downstairs brain.
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And we can think and collaborate and problem solve and, you know, be in a necessarily hopeful place.
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I say we have to use our sadness or anger fear as indicators.
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We don't want to run from them.
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We want to address them, listen to them, learn from them, and then work to get back.
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Navigating our way back into our upstairs brain.
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That's what we talk a lot of talk to a lot of kids about that.
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So I can imagine there's a million things that are stressors for you in life and that have that.
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And every time, I mean, if you have a bleeding disorder, every time you it's options are cut up or anything happens.
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That's a trigger. I would imagine.
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So can you talk more about the triggers and kind of what you do to navigate it, navigate them?
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You know, you would think every time I would get cut or bump into something that that would be a trigger, but it's just so much part of my norm that it's honestly not like it's it's almost and maybe this is very, very privileged for me to say within the bleeding disorder community, but I've had a hysterectomy.
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And so since the hysterectomy, it's almost like I sometimes forget that I have a bleeding disorder because that was where all my symptoms came from.
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So for me, the triggers are more of like when a student on campus sees me and, assumes that I'm a person who has a menstrual cycle and asks me if I have a tampon or a pad, that for me as a trigger because it makes you feel really weirdly uncomfortable or if people ask if I have children or when I'm going to have children, or why don't I have children?
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Those are big triggers for me, but not so much the day to day stuff.
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More as like the specific to the menstrual cycle stuff.
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Got it, got it.
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And how do you navigate I mean, navigate the triggers.
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Depends on the day.
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depends on the day.
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And that depends on the trigger.
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Right? Right.
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Yeah.
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And you even realize, I mean, do you realize in your body when you're getting triggered by things?
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it takes me a minute to get there.
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Yeah, to realize what's happening, because I'm.
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I tend to be so in my head. Yeah.
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And getting in touch with my body takes a lot of intentional effort for me.
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Yeah. So. Yeah.
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Yeah, that makes sense. I know.
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And when you grow up in trauma or any kind of you become.
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Yeah, almost protect it against those triggers somewhat.
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You know, you develop this kind of a barrier.
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You cannot.
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And so the you draw everything doesn't it.
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Back to you.
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So it took me as a long time to really get in touch with how am I feeling, what is triggering me?
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I wore a leap which measures HRV in the real time, and it would start vibrating when it noticed I was trigger and I was like, am I?
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I'm triggered?
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And then I would realize, oh, I'm reading an email and this is triggering me.
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So even getting in touch with the triggers, yeah, is so important.
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And to me it's such an important stop approach because until you start really understanding when you're triggered, what triggers you, how it's triggering you, what it makes you feel and how you navigate it.
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You're going to have challenges because when you react, when you're in those triggered places, we do really do things that are very harmful for us.
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So yeah, so it's a process for you, I'm hearing.
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Yes, very much so.
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I feel like I feel like my mental health has a big impact on that too, which we're kind of talking about already.
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but so I'm, I have several diagnoses, but I feel like my depression and my anxiety are like they have a huge impact on how I navigate my life.
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And so there will be days where like, everything's fine.
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But as the days start getting shorter and there's less time that I can spend outside comfortably.
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Not that there's any kind of bad weather, just not preparedness.
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it has a big impact on, like, I guess the depression or even seasonal affective disorder.
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Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
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Makes sense. Absolutely.
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So how do you how do you navigate.
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Like what do you do for your stressors. And so I do a lot of gardening.
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You know. Awesome.
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Yeah. Yes.
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I'm very much like a chaos slash cottage garden gardener.
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I like going on nature walks, just being outside.
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I love doing sit spots.
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Are you familiar with what?
00:17:27.165 --> 00:17:27.633
That's that spot.
00:17:27.633 --> 00:17:29.032
That's. No.
00:17:29.032 --> 00:17:30.400
Do you go there?
00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:33.400
Like, my favorite way to start the day?
00:17:33.732 --> 00:17:54.400
but it's just going out in nature and finding a place that you can sit and be comfortable and just sit in silence and just notice, the nature beings around you, see if they have any, like, messages to offer you or if you can find any reflections of what's going on in your world that can give you like information or hope.
00:17:55.833 --> 00:18:10.599
and I'll usually do that practice for at least 15 minutes, but it always ends up turning into like 30 or 45 minutes because I just I love it, but I'll go outside in the mornings, I'll have my tea and I'll just sit in my garden and just watch the birds look at the and see the new blooms.
00:18:11.365 --> 00:18:13.799
Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah.
00:18:13.799 --> 00:18:14.200
Yeah.
00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:20.532
And as you mentioned, I mean, you brought up the weather, but it's challenging to do that then when you get out and crazy weather.
00:18:20.532 --> 00:18:27.099
And so I feel like we have to be really creative about what skills we use and how we kind of replicate that or in what way.
00:18:28.266 --> 00:18:29.833
I saw a lot of that in Covid.
00:18:29.833 --> 00:18:39.133
If we stopped doing our stress skills or happiness habits, we can, you know, develop a clinical anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder.
00:18:39.133 --> 00:18:49.232
And so for me, I had to get really creative about the stress skills I'm using, especially when I all of a sudden lose access to them or can't do them anymore.
00:18:49.232 --> 00:18:50.099
For whatever reason.
00:18:50.099 --> 00:18:52.865
I have to figure out another way to manage my stress hormones.
00:18:52.865 --> 00:18:55.066
That's healthy for me.
00:18:55.066 --> 00:19:02.700
You know, you used to manage that with smoking or drinking or just things that would take those moments away, but that weren't healthy for me.
00:19:02.700 --> 00:19:04.732
And so, yeah, learning.
00:19:04.732 --> 00:19:07.432
So how are you doing that?
00:19:04.732 --> 00:19:07.432
How are you replacing that?
00:19:07.432 --> 00:19:10.432
Are you in a closed area climate or.
00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:11.732
Yeah, it actually snowed today.
00:19:11.732 --> 00:19:14.400
We had a two hour snow delay. So that was nice.
00:19:15.566 --> 00:19:16.566
Fine.
00:19:16.566 --> 00:19:18.333
Yeah.
00:19:18.333 --> 00:19:21.333
So weirdly, I like being outside when it's cold.
00:19:22.432 --> 00:19:25.400
like, I, I like being able to put the layers on.
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:25.732
Yeah.
00:19:25.732 --> 00:19:26.900
So I will still go outside.
00:19:26.900 --> 00:19:29.099
I don't spend nearly as much time, though.
00:19:29.099 --> 00:19:34.665
I also have, a lot of houseplants to, like, take care of inside.
00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:41.566
so I will I will, honestly, I'll just walk around my house looking at all my different houseplants to check on them and see how they're doing.
00:19:42.165 --> 00:19:44.165
Yeah, that's one thing that I do.
00:19:44.165 --> 00:19:50.500
I also, I'll do some tapping or yoga or some meditation.
00:19:50.500 --> 00:19:53.566
I also, I like to crochet Little Bear too.
00:19:53.566 --> 00:19:55.232
So yeah, that's kind of neat.
00:19:55.232 --> 00:19:58.232
That title I did nine.
00:19:58.965 --> 00:20:00.665
That's impressive.
00:20:00.665 --> 00:20:01.432
Thank you.
00:20:01.432 --> 00:20:04.432
Yeah, it's very meditative.
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:07.066
that's gathering.
00:20:07.066 --> 00:20:07.400
Yeah.
00:20:07.400 --> 00:20:13.365
And I you know, when I think about anxiety, I think about for me it was just my fear response.
00:20:13.365 --> 00:20:15.732
Yeah. And I got into that fear response.
00:20:15.732 --> 00:20:18.865
And so this my stress skills helped me navigate my fear response.
00:20:18.865 --> 00:20:28.766
And now I'm very aware of it and very intentional about it so that I can instantly manage, just constantly navigate in my fear response with stress skills.
00:20:29.299 --> 00:20:32.299
And really the same thing with happiness habits.
00:20:32.700 --> 00:20:34.000
Getting serotonin.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:39.266
Our bodies can produce serotonin, dopamine, you know, these positive happy hormones.
00:20:39.266 --> 00:20:45.500
And so it's learning how to how to manufacture them within our bodies, how to the best of our ability endorphins.
00:20:46.365 --> 00:20:48.000
And so how do you do that?
00:20:49.165 --> 00:20:55.865
I will say I think practicing gratitude makes a world of difference for me, because it's really easy for me to.
00:20:56.465 --> 00:21:03.432
Yeah, see, the people I graduated high school with, like they have children that are like getting ready to graduate high school or starting to drive.
00:21:03.432 --> 00:21:06.432
And I'm like, I have two cats and a dog.
00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:10.900
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:21.932
and so I like I try to reframe that in my mind to be grateful for the fact that, you know, I am still alive, I'm still here, I'm giving back to the community through the clinic that I direct.
00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:29.133
I'm able to help, the future generations of counselors, and by that I'm able to help more clients in that way.
00:21:29.133 --> 00:21:35.932
And so, yeah, just focusing on the things that I'm really grateful for in my life, especially the fur babies.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:38.432
Yeah. They're awesome.
00:21:38.432 --> 00:21:40.133
I have a dog myself. It's amazing.
00:21:41.133 --> 00:21:41.566
Yeah.
00:21:41.566 --> 00:21:57.599
And we've been smiling and releasing this bird bones and so and I now was I, I used to get so annoyed by some of the research in literature art like just smile, but it really like we have to produce these happiness ones.
00:21:57.599 --> 00:21:59.532
It really does impact how we feel.
00:21:59.532 --> 00:22:07.032
And I can tell when I'm really low and and I have to do even more things on that, you know, happy moment.
00:22:07.032 --> 00:22:16.232
We're just like researching what can we do to kind of create these happiness moments within ourselves that maybe it doesn't cost money, that the anyone can do anywhere.
00:22:16.232 --> 00:22:18.900
And there are so many creative ways to do it.
00:22:18.900 --> 00:22:23.665
and so what are other are there, do you have any other suggestions or tips?
00:22:25.133 --> 00:22:32.266
so for me, trying to make myself smile without there being like, something to prompt the smile is really difficult.
00:22:32.266 --> 00:22:38.299
And so I will try to intentionally listen to to music that I know will make me smile or laugh.
00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:42.232
And so anything the Alvin and the Chipmunks thing always makes me laugh.
00:22:43.766 --> 00:22:59.599
So, but I this is going to sound so silly, but one of my favorite songs to listen to when I'm feeling down is, Do you remember Weird Al and how he would make parody music?
00:22:59.932 --> 00:23:03.766
he made, a parody song for, Star Wars?
00:23:05.766 --> 00:23:10.465
and that song, like, every time I hear it, like, I can't not be happy when I hear that song because I just love it.
00:23:10.732 --> 00:23:13.732
Right? Right. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah.
00:23:13.732 --> 00:23:17.799
And it's so hard because it's when we're unhappy, we don't want.
00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:20.133
And in fact, you know, we're we're done when we're in.
00:23:20.133 --> 00:23:20.900
It's hard.
00:23:20.900 --> 00:23:31.833
And that does help us to feel better and to get back to a healthier place where we can make better decisions and work to fix challenges we have or, you know, problems.
00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:33.833
now it's super important.
00:23:33.833 --> 00:23:36.833
What about the AI is inspired actions?
00:23:36.865 --> 00:23:38.566
Do cycles steer?
00:23:40.066 --> 00:23:44.365
I tend to do more like visualization slash manifestation.
00:23:44.365 --> 00:23:47.365
So I like digitalize things going well.
00:23:47.365 --> 00:23:51.700
And I know there's some research that shows like visualizing can be really, really powerful.
00:23:52.066 --> 00:23:52.599
Yeah.
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:57.732
And so I try to tap into that and like yeah that's usually what I do.
00:23:58.232 --> 00:24:01.032
Awesome. Yeah. Visualization.
00:24:01.032 --> 00:24:05.066
And one of the studies I've just interviewed are actually Doctor Diane Dre.
00:24:05.066 --> 00:24:28.932
Her did and hope is that if you visualize something and then you see a challenge or an obstacle, visualize the obstacle and visualize yourself overcoming the obstacle or coming up with a solution and then visualizing another obstacle and then another solution you're actually more likely to achieve, like it boosts your hopes for, and it makes you more likely to achieve whatever you're visualizing.
00:24:29.532 --> 00:24:31.799
So think that's kind of a fun little practice.
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:35.500
You know, you usually visualize, but you don't really see challenges along the way.
00:24:35.500 --> 00:24:40.900
And then it's with people once they run into this challenges, they kind of give up and they lose hope.
00:24:41.133 --> 00:24:46.000
But if you build kind of self-efficacy, a belief Y can overcome these challenges.
00:24:46.665 --> 00:24:58.700
And that's two one of the reasons we do the shine Hope stories we share, how people overcome challenges that nobody, you know, that people think you can overcome and share how other people have overcome them.
00:24:58.700 --> 00:25:05.400
And, you know, even by writing your own shine Hope story so that you can say, I've done her things in the past.
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:08.232
I've overcome challenges in the past.
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:08.232
So this is a new challenge.
00:25:08.232 --> 00:25:09.766
But I'm equipped with some skills.
00:25:09.766 --> 00:25:12.099
I know that I can do things that are hard.
00:25:13.099 --> 00:25:16.099
is another kind of cool booster. So.
00:25:16.665 --> 00:25:20.299
So what about specific to your bleeding disorder?
00:25:20.299 --> 00:25:24.700
What did you have to do to, like, get to doctors?
00:25:24.700 --> 00:25:33.700
I mean, what specific things did you have to do to get a handle on it, to get to a place where, you know, you can be out in society?
00:25:33.700 --> 00:25:36.566
I just think if I had it, I'd be scared, too, you know?
00:25:36.566 --> 00:25:46.766
I mean, if you trip and fall in your, like, playing a game or something and you don't have anyone around or traveling remotely or just any of those things, I don't know.
00:25:46.965 --> 00:25:49.965
Oh, yeah.
00:25:52.766 --> 00:25:53.865
God, my mind just went like.
00:25:53.865 --> 00:25:56.232
Well, you asked not to go.
00:25:53.865 --> 00:25:56.232
Yeah. No. What are the.
00:25:56.232 --> 00:25:58.732
So what are the like?
00:25:56.232 --> 00:25:58.732
What are the specific stuff?
00:25:58.732 --> 00:26:04.365
So you found out at work, what age were you when you found out you're the bleeding disorder?
00:26:04.365 --> 00:26:05.365
Okay. Gotcha.
00:26:05.365 --> 00:26:06.432
I remember your question now.
00:26:06.432 --> 00:26:09.066
So I found out I was 12 or 13.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:15.333
and my very, very first period was seven days long.
00:26:15.365 --> 00:26:18.133
The second one was like 25 days long.
00:26:18.133 --> 00:26:21.965
And I ended up being hospitalized because I lost so much blood.
00:26:23.365 --> 00:26:27.232
I'd lost, like, over half of my body's worth of blood in those 25 days.
00:26:28.465 --> 00:26:40.365
so it took a lot of work with my hematologist as well as an ObGyn, and they started me out taking one birth control that didn't work.
00:26:40.365 --> 00:26:42.700
Then they up to two birth control that didn't work.
00:26:42.700 --> 00:26:45.766
And then they added, progesterone and that.
00:26:46.566 --> 00:26:54.032
I mean, it worked ish because for the next like few years, I would be in and out of the hospital.
00:26:54.365 --> 00:26:59.266
I would have, like I said earlier, like a period that lasted for an entire year.
00:26:59.665 --> 00:27:03.099
And so with that medication that I was taking,
00:27:03.099 --> 00:27:08.633
00 Am every single day, never taking a placebo.
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:14.732
And if I was even 15 minutes late, then I would have a hemorrhage where I would more than likely end up back in the hospital.
00:27:15.965 --> 00:27:30.833
And the medication to treat when I have a severe bleed is intravenous, and it has to be given every six hours and it costs around 20 ish thousand dollars per time your receipt, you receive the medication.
00:27:30.833 --> 00:27:33.833
So it's it's staggeringly expensive.
00:27:38.165 --> 00:27:40.566
So yeah.
00:27:40.566 --> 00:27:43.333
And yeah, that was crazy.
00:27:43.333 --> 00:27:47.599
That was a big part of all of that was just like I lived by the clock.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:48.099
And if if,
00:27:48.099 --> 00:27:51.932
00, I had to have my medicine and take it right then and there.
00:27:51.932 --> 00:27:53.633
And if I didn't then.
00:27:53.633 --> 00:27:54.266
Yeah. So it's going.
00:27:54.266 --> 00:27:56.066
To be a problem in a few days.
00:27:56.066 --> 00:27:59.066
But haven't you remember it?
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:04.165
so back then it was I knew it was life or death.
00:28:04.165 --> 00:28:08.200
I knew if I didn't take this, then there was going to be some really horrible consequences.
00:28:06.099 --> 00:28:08.200
And they weren't.
00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:11.266
It was not worth like, it was not worth it.
00:28:11.266 --> 00:28:15.465
And plus my parents, my parents, my mom helped me remember a lot of when to take it.
00:28:15.766 --> 00:28:19.799
And it just became this like natural habit of like intuitively,
00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:24.200
00 and that I needed to look at the clock and then go get my medicine.
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:27.400
Now. Now that's not the case.
00:28:28.066 --> 00:28:31.165
I can enjoy like, oh, it's I need to take my medicine and I'm okay.
00:28:31.165 --> 00:28:33.766
I'm not going to die. Yeah.
00:28:33.766 --> 00:28:36.432
but back then it really was just survival.
00:28:36.432 --> 00:28:39.400
Wow. Yeah.
00:28:36.432 --> 00:28:39.400
Did you have to do the of staff?
00:28:41.833 --> 00:28:44.133
anytime I was hospitalized, I did.
00:28:44.133 --> 00:28:48.133
Anytime I had have surgery, I would have to have the intravenous stuff.
00:28:48.400 --> 00:29:05.400
Stuff like, Gosh, my memory fails me sometimes, but I think it was like 2 or 3 days before the surgery, and then for, oh, two weeks after the surgery, just to make sure that my body healed and that there were there were any breakthrough bleeds.
00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:13.333
And so, throughout my life, I've had, 4 or 5 surgeries.
00:29:13.333 --> 00:29:14.532
And so.
00:29:14.532 --> 00:29:16.165
Yeah.
00:29:14.532 --> 00:29:16.165
And that's and that's still the case.
00:29:16.165 --> 00:29:25.266
Now, if I were to need another surgery or if I were to be in like a serious wreck and I had internal bleeding, then that would be the medication that they would need to give me.
00:29:25.566 --> 00:29:26.266
Gonna do there.
00:29:26.266 --> 00:29:33.532
Now, is that somewhere you have to wear a bracelet or something that tells you what, I do, I wear a medical bracelet all the time.
00:29:34.766 --> 00:29:37.365
and so that way people will know.
00:29:37.365 --> 00:29:40.599
Back in the day, they didn't keep that medication.
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:41.299
It's got humor.
00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:42.465
P they didn't.
00:29:42.465 --> 00:29:44.566
Not every hospital kept it in stock.
00:29:44.566 --> 00:29:57.900
And so there was when I was in like my 19, like I was 19 or 18, my appendix, became infected and I had to have it removed and we couldn't do the surgery as soon as I needed because we were waiting on that medication.
00:29:57.900 --> 00:30:04.333
And while we were waiting for that hospital to receive that medication from another hospital, my friend ruptured.
00:30:05.732 --> 00:30:09.000
Yeah, it was just not not a good time.
00:30:09.232 --> 00:30:14.299
And so that was another like, like barrier to access for that lifesaving medication for me.
00:30:14.299 --> 00:30:16.599
So that I could receive the treatment I needed.
00:30:16.599 --> 00:30:18.032
Wow. Yeah.
00:30:18.032 --> 00:30:20.932
So now it's now standard in all hospitals.
00:30:20.932 --> 00:30:21.865
I don't know.
00:30:21.865 --> 00:30:22.799
Yeah, I don't know.
00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:39.799
The last the last time I had surgery, it was like I remember the pharmacist or the hospital actually came to my room to introduce himself to, to me and my partner, because he was hand delivering the medication because it was so expensive and so rare.
00:30:40.566 --> 00:30:45.766
And so, I don't think most people have that experience with their medication when they're in the hospital.
00:30:45.766 --> 00:30:48.133
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:48.133 --> 00:30:51.232
How did you how did you pay for all the treatments?
00:30:51.232 --> 00:30:53.032
I mean, it sounds. Yeah.
00:30:53.032 --> 00:31:01.066
So when I turned 18, I incurred a lot of medical debt that my parents had not been able to pay.
00:31:01.333 --> 00:31:02.500
Yeah.
00:31:02.500 --> 00:31:06.865
and then at another point, I didn't have insurance, and so I incurred more medical debt.
00:31:06.865 --> 00:31:12.299
And I actually ended up having to file medical bankruptcy because I just I couldn't afford the astronomical.
00:31:12.299 --> 00:31:15.165
Costs, know what I mean? So many people do.
00:31:15.165 --> 00:31:20.000
That's like such a big challenge that works in the US.
00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:20.799
Yeah.
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:26.833
And then that's a whole nother layer of, you know, challenges and stressors and all of these things.
00:31:27.566 --> 00:31:30.865
So. Well, it it's amazing.
00:31:30.865 --> 00:31:43.700
I mean, that you're, you know, again, you graduated with a PhD, you know, you've gone through all this and it's taking one step, putting one step in front of the other and continuing to work to kind of solve the challenges that as they have.
00:31:43.965 --> 00:31:47.365
you know, yeah.
00:31:47.365 --> 00:31:49.333
How do you how is your blood condition now?
00:31:49.333 --> 00:31:50.500
How do you how do you feel?
00:31:50.500 --> 00:31:53.400
I mean, is it still pretty?
00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:57.432
I mean, it's still like, if I were to get caught, it's going to take a while for to stop bleeding.
00:31:57.432 --> 00:31:59.432
And I have to like this time of the year.
00:31:59.432 --> 00:32:04.066
I have to be really, like, intentional about my nosebleeds because they can be pretty bad.
00:32:04.066 --> 00:32:06.032
Now to.
00:32:06.032 --> 00:32:17.566
But for the most part, as long as knock on wood, I don't get into any accidents like while I'm driving or like there's no like severe impact on my body, that's I.
00:32:17.566 --> 00:32:23.500
I go through life pretty normal, just a little bit more hyper vigilant than someone who maybe doesn't have a bleeding disorder.
00:32:23.566 --> 00:32:25.900
Yeah. Makes sense.
00:32:25.900 --> 00:32:27.165
and what about your network?
00:32:27.165 --> 00:32:44.633
So who is in your network and has been supportive for you throughout this process? I have they've had, I've had a lot of really wonderful friends that, you know, as friendships do, they ebb and flow. But, I've had some friends that have really been there for me.
00:32:44.633 --> 00:32:47.665
Like when I had my hysterectomy, I had one friend that didn't leave me.
00:32:48.532 --> 00:32:51.000
I have another friend that stayed with my mom during the surgery.
00:32:51.000 --> 00:32:54.465
And so, they were really wonderful people.
00:32:54.965 --> 00:33:00.700
We've, you know, we're all busy and our lives have drifted, so I don't get to see or connect with them as often, but I still hold them.
00:33:00.700 --> 00:33:03.700
And I really like special place in my heart.
00:33:03.833 --> 00:33:16.099
I would say my nurturing network right now is honestly my fur babies are definitely in that network because they are like the best wellness thing ever for me.
00:33:16.965 --> 00:33:18.333
Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:18.333 --> 00:33:24.099
You have my partner and then I've got some friends too that are they just they feed my soul.
00:33:25.432 --> 00:33:25.799
yeah.
00:33:25.799 --> 00:33:26.833
It's amazing.
00:33:26.833 --> 00:33:34.566
When we were talking earlier, I was in another conversation about how it's it takes effort to make friends, to keep connected with friends, you know?
00:33:34.833 --> 00:33:35.532
Yeah.
00:33:35.532 --> 00:33:38.532
And as we're busy and, like, that can become more challenging.
00:33:38.532 --> 00:33:51.465
And as we go through transitions, transitions, sometimes our friends need to change, and we need to be intentional about making those connections, and our friends and our families and all of those people can let us down.
00:33:51.500 --> 00:33:56.200
And so it's important that we also state have a connection to something.
00:33:56.200 --> 00:33:59.266
And some and fur babies are awesome.
00:34:00.566 --> 00:34:03.200
you know, yes, I have a dog.
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:08.300
And no matter what anyone thinks of me, my dog is always my biggest fan.
00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:10.733
Just just, you know, great.
00:34:10.733 --> 00:34:12.733
Amazing to have, and that's great.
00:34:12.733 --> 00:34:14.500
There's so much research around it.
00:34:14.500 --> 00:34:20.965
You know, I love how all the evidence is finally coming out about a lot of what we knew all along.
00:34:20.965 --> 00:34:24.065
Or, what kind of motivates our hope. So.
00:34:24.865 --> 00:34:28.266
And Pats and Animals are definitely one of them, so that's awesome.
00:34:28.666 --> 00:34:30.266
Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:30.266 --> 00:34:34.965
and then the E in our shine is a limiting challenges.
00:34:34.965 --> 00:34:43.365
And this is kind of a hodgepodge of everything our brain does till I get in the way of words or rumination.
00:34:43.365 --> 00:34:46.965
It's our worry, it's our internalizing failure.
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:50.266
It's our trying to control things outside of our control.
00:34:50.300 --> 00:34:54.432
You know, it's our biases and just all of these things.
00:34:54.432 --> 00:34:55.500
So can you talk?
00:34:55.500 --> 00:34:57.465
What are your biggest challenges?
00:34:57.465 --> 00:35:01.733
You I don't mean all of them not I mean all of them.
00:35:01.733 --> 00:35:04.432
I know exactly.
00:35:04.432 --> 00:35:05.833
Yeah.
00:35:05.833 --> 00:35:11.465
yeah, I think, I know we always say, like, we're our own worst critic.
00:35:11.833 --> 00:35:13.865
We are, and I.
00:35:13.865 --> 00:35:15.565
Oh, my gosh, I definitely am.
00:35:15.565 --> 00:35:19.365
I think I will be harsher and meaner to myself than anyone else ever.
00:35:19.365 --> 00:35:22.233
Possibly could be worse off.
00:35:22.233 --> 00:35:22.666
Yeah.
00:35:22.666 --> 00:35:27.800
So those automatic negative thoughts that I have, they are a huge challenge.
00:35:27.800 --> 00:35:55.166
And with them comes the rumination and the worry and then internalizing and taking everything personally. And, yeah, it's just it's been it's been, a great opportunity to learn to unlearn those patterns, to try to unlearn those patterns and try to give myself some of that kindness and compassion and grace that I give to most everyone else that I ever meet.
00:35:57.400 --> 00:35:59.465
but yeah, it's hard to give it to myself.
00:35:59.465 --> 00:36:00.465
Yeah.
00:36:00.465 --> 00:36:06.400
I think even the awareness of that and that, you know, becoming aware of that is such an important part of the process.
00:36:06.400 --> 00:36:08.000
Do you use any effort?
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:10.766
Do you use affirmations at all?
00:36:10.766 --> 00:36:13.465
I actually do like mantras in my mind.
00:36:13.465 --> 00:36:17.766
And so whenever, yeah, whenever that those thoughts start coming in.
00:36:17.766 --> 00:36:36.500
I, have a lot of the thoughts also like for me, it's almost like if I experience any kind of conflict or anything that feels like I feel like I'm being attacked, even though that's probably not what's happening for me growing up, if there was conflict, that was life or death situation usually.
00:36:36.932 --> 00:36:39.932
And so now I almost interpret conflict as life or death.
00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:49.465
And so for me, I have to do the mantra I am safe, I'm calm, I'm protected, and like saying that to myself and visual lighting as well.
00:36:49.465 --> 00:36:56.465
Like when I say when I say I'm grounded, I visualize, words coming out of the bottom of my spine and going down into the earth.
00:36:57.166 --> 00:37:07.666
And when I say I am protected, I visualize like just this, like bubble of like energy and light that surrounds me, that protects me.
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:16.599
And so the mantra and the visualization, it seems to really help to ground me and bring me back to the moment and realize there's no life or death situation here.
00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:18.233
You just forgot to do this thing.
00:37:20.065 --> 00:37:22.065
And I up, right?
00:37:22.065 --> 00:37:25.000
Yeah, that's awesome that you found something that works.
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:27.565
And, you know, different things work for different people.
00:37:27.565 --> 00:37:30.166
So I always say explore what works for you.
00:37:30.166 --> 00:37:36.465
You know, the mantras, affirmations, you not touching the five four, three, two, one word touch, smell, taste.
00:37:37.333 --> 00:37:38.333
You know something.
00:37:38.333 --> 00:37:40.865
You have a practice you can work to because it is.
00:37:40.865 --> 00:37:46.166
We're in our minds and when we get back into the present moment, it's usually everything's okay in the present.
00:37:46.166 --> 00:37:48.233
It's in our minds that it's not okay.
00:37:48.233 --> 00:37:57.166
And so and just even learning what our brain does to kind of talk us into these states, you know, and how to intervene and that we are not our thoughts.
00:37:57.733 --> 00:38:00.565
We are observing our thoughts.
00:38:00.565 --> 00:38:02.699
So I love Michael Singer.
00:38:02.699 --> 00:38:08.532
He's really an inspiration for some of this work. So, yeah, that's awesome.
00:38:08.532 --> 00:38:11.532
And so that's how you shine.
00:38:08.532 --> 00:38:11.532
So I love that.
00:38:11.532 --> 00:38:13.132
Also help.
00:38:13.132 --> 00:38:37.365
I wonder if we could just have just chat for a few minutes about some a conversation I had earlier, if you're willing, about, you know, what do we do about and I, I it's a conversation I have all the time because I go and we speak with different populations and there are certain populations that are so discriminated against, so marginal, was so high in hopelessness.
00:38:37.833 --> 00:38:38.500
Yeah.
00:38:38.500 --> 00:38:52.699
And that say, how can I hope and why should I hope when the system are, you know, set up this way and you know, we're the power and they're not changing.
00:38:55.300 --> 00:39:02.833
what do you, what do you have any advice or thoughts or, you know, words of wisdom on that from your perspective?
00:39:05.699 --> 00:39:13.565
that's saying that I just thinking about institutionalized racism and how.
00:39:13.565 --> 00:39:16.565
Yeah, just how that impacts Bipoc communities.
00:39:17.432 --> 00:39:27.266
And also I'm thinking about intersectionality and how, like the different layers of our different identities and how they're layered and how they impact how we navigate the world.
00:39:31.065 --> 00:39:44.666
and then I'm also thinking about, like, implicit biases, the biases that a lot of people hold internally that they were learning before they even understood what they were learning or how to think, but they were learning.
00:39:45.266 --> 00:39:48.266
And so.
00:39:48.865 --> 00:39:54.032
I guess, to answer that question, I'm just going to kind of look at it from a macro lens.
00:39:54.032 --> 00:39:56.266
So just on an individual level.
00:39:56.266 --> 00:40:14.333
And so perhaps one of the ways we can start to combat that is by inviting people to be more open, to have an honest look at what implicit biases they hold and not not attach those biases to whether or not they're good or bad people.
00:40:14.333 --> 00:40:27.900
So not threatening their worth or their value, but to be more critical, be a more critical consumer of their thoughts and their beliefs, and is is this thing that I did that a microaggression that caused harm?
00:40:29.065 --> 00:40:34.565
Is that a symptom of an internal belief that I didn't realize I had?
00:40:34.565 --> 00:40:37.233
And does that align with my values?
00:40:37.233 --> 00:40:39.865
And if it doesn't, how can I how can I unpack that?
00:40:39.865 --> 00:40:48.432
How can I unlearn that? And how can I, show up in more authentic ways to support communities that I care deeply about and people that I love?
00:40:49.266 --> 00:40:52.266
On to counseling is one way that a lot of people can do that.
00:40:52.465 --> 00:40:53.800
You know?
00:40:53.800 --> 00:40:54.465
Yeah.
00:40:54.465 --> 00:40:55.233
It's wonderful.
00:40:55.233 --> 00:40:58.199
I know I we all need counselors.
00:40:58.199 --> 00:41:00.166
Yes, I, I love my counselor.
00:41:00.166 --> 00:41:01.465
You know that.
00:41:01.465 --> 00:41:06.465
I know it doesn't mean you're sick or there's something wrong with, you know, such a.
00:41:06.465 --> 00:41:08.865
It means you're human. Exactly.
00:41:08.865 --> 00:41:12.565
And life is challenging and people can be challenging, you know?
00:41:12.833 --> 00:41:13.965
Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:13.965 --> 00:41:22.965
And I mean, having that non-biased third party who has total unconditional positive regard for you is it's so rare.
00:41:24.065 --> 00:41:27.965
and I need a lot of people who are like, oh, I try the therapists.
00:41:27.965 --> 00:41:30.000
And they were no good for me.
00:41:27.965 --> 00:41:30.000
I didn't like them.
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:31.500
I don't want to go back.
00:41:31.500 --> 00:41:32.766
And I hear that, and I understand that.
00:41:32.766 --> 00:41:37.865
And some people really do have horrible experiences with therapists, and I don't mean to minimize that.
00:41:38.532 --> 00:41:50.800
And I would like to invite them to consider, a metaphor of like when you're a kid and you change schools and you're trying to find your new friend group, not every friend group in that school is going to be a good fit.
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:53.065
You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit.
00:41:53.065 --> 00:41:55.266
And I think it's the same for trying to find a counselor.
00:41:55.266 --> 00:41:59.465
You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit, and not everybody is going to be a good fit.
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:00.865
Yeah.
00:42:00.865 --> 00:42:03.500
solutely absolutely. Yeah.
00:42:03.500 --> 00:42:05.766
And I've had them through different periods of my life.
00:42:05.766 --> 00:42:10.833
Different counselors have served, you know, purposes during different periods of time, too.
00:42:10.833 --> 00:42:15.833
So it's okay to change at some point to if, you know, if you want some.
00:42:16.333 --> 00:42:17.565
Absolutely. Yeah.
00:42:17.565 --> 00:42:22.965
And you don't want to wait until you're in time of crisis to go find a therapist, that's not the easiest time to find one.
00:42:22.965 --> 00:42:24.865
That's good because you're in crisis.
00:42:24.865 --> 00:42:28.666
You know, it's about, we have one.
00:42:28.666 --> 00:42:32.065
And in your nourishing network, you know what I call.
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.632
Yeah. I should have added her to my nourishing network.
00:42:34.632 --> 00:42:42.699
I'm sorry, I forgot, but, yeah, she definitely, she hold space for me when I need it, and she.
00:42:42.699 --> 00:42:45.699
Yeah, I appreciate her very much.
00:42:45.900 --> 00:42:46.965
Yeah.
00:42:46.965 --> 00:42:49.965
That's awesome. Yeah.
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:50.565
yeah.
00:42:50.565 --> 00:42:55.365
So, any final thoughts or things you want to share?
00:42:55.900 --> 00:42:59.565
to our listeners or about your story or tips or.
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:05.000
Oh my gosh.
00:43:05.400 --> 00:43:14.400
just to be kind to yourself, give yourself some grace and some kindness and continue to be open and curious.
00:43:16.932 --> 00:43:17.733
yeah.
00:43:17.733 --> 00:43:18.465
Wonderful.
00:43:18.465 --> 00:43:31.500
Well, thank you so much for joining, trustee with a Y and sharing your, your story and your journey and your challenges and, and how you're navigating, many healthy ways.
00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:39.632
And, you know, hopefully some of our listeners got some skills that they can use in their own lives or similar challenges or different challenges.
00:43:40.099 --> 00:43:46.766
but as I said, we're better when we share stories and we share what's working and what's not working and learn kind of together.
00:43:46.865 --> 00:43:49.065
So I'm really grateful.
00:43:49.065 --> 00:43:52.599
How can people learn more about you, or is that something you want to?
00:43:56.233 --> 00:43:59.733
what's what's the what's the normal way people are the other people.
00:43:59.733 --> 00:44:04.632
Well, LinkedIn or websites or any of the, that those.
00:44:04.632 --> 00:44:05.465
Yeah.
00:44:05.465 --> 00:44:10.565
I do have a LinkedIn and it's under Christine and then in parentheses, Kristi with a Y.
00:44:10.733 --> 00:44:13.365
Okay. Awesome.
00:44:13.365 --> 00:44:13.632
yeah.
00:44:13.632 --> 00:44:19.965
So they've been find me on there if they want or I, I do have an Etsy shop where I sell my crochet if anybody is.
00:44:19.965 --> 00:44:26.565
You just did I, did I, I just started it and like, I only have two items because another one just sold.
00:44:26.565 --> 00:44:28.632
But that's that's a tiny shop.
00:44:28.632 --> 00:44:31.965
But it's the liminal, the liminal nook.
00:44:32.532 --> 00:44:34.233
The liminal, not.
00:44:34.233 --> 00:44:36.632
Wow, liminal.
00:44:36.632 --> 00:44:39.632
ally I don't know.
00:44:40.032 --> 00:44:42.000
nook. Awesome.
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:44.465
That's so cool. Well, got. I'm fast.
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:44.465
There's two.
00:44:44.465 --> 00:44:48.099
I'm a hurry and takes you a while to make, you know.
00:44:49.099 --> 00:44:50.300
it depends on what it is.
00:44:50.300 --> 00:44:52.965
The more I do it, the faster I get. So, like, this.
00:44:52.965 --> 00:44:55.965
Awesome. Sweater took, like, 3 or 4 days.
00:44:56.565 --> 00:44:59.065
wow, that's pretty incredible.
00:44:59.065 --> 00:44:59.632
Thank you. Oh.
00:44:59.632 --> 00:45:00.532
That's awesome.
00:45:00.532 --> 00:45:03.465
Well, thank you so much for joining and sharing your story.
00:45:03.465 --> 00:45:05.932
It was really wonderful connecting with you.
00:45:05.932 --> 00:45:08.400
Thank you.
00:45:05.932 --> 00:45:08.400
Likewise, learning more about you.
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:10.333
And thanks for going into counseling.
00:45:10.333 --> 00:45:12.900
You need counselors out there.
00:45:12.900 --> 00:45:17.233
so much so, so many people, different challenges.
00:45:17.965 --> 00:45:21.400
you know, talk in my nourishing network for sure.
00:45:21.432 --> 00:45:28.465
Therapist. So, and thanks to all you listeners for listening in, please be sure to share this with others.
00:45:28.733 --> 00:45:34.132
spread the message that hope is measurable and teachable, and we've got to be intentional about our hope and practice skills.
00:45:34.833 --> 00:45:41.400
And our shine Hope framework provides kind of an evidence based approach for how we can can work on our hope.
00:45:41.432 --> 00:45:42.266
It's a journey.
00:45:42.266 --> 00:45:43.500
You know, it's a daily journey.
00:45:43.500 --> 00:45:45.266
So again, thanks for listening.
00:45:45.266 --> 00:45:49.065
And and Christy, thank you again for joining us today.
00:45:49.599 --> 00:45:51.065
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
00:45:51.065 --> 00:45:52.632
I really appreciate it.
00:45:52.632 --> 00:45:54.666
Thanks. have a great day. Keep shining.
00:45:56.532 --> 00:46:00.833
Thank you all for listening in to the Hope Matrix podcast.
00:46:01.532 --> 00:46:04.965
We want to shine a light that hope is teachable.
00:46:04.965 --> 00:46:21.266
Hope is measurable and teachable and provide you with actionable insights for how you can start activating hope in your life today and provide a framework so you can start talking about hope with other people and practice these skills together because we are better with hope.
00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:28.599
Please feel free to check out theshinehopecompany.com, where we list all of our resources around how to Hope.
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:41.965
We have a lot of free programs for how to hope, including the five day Challenge, our Hope infographic with a lot of skills that showcase how to hope and articles of how to incorporate hope in your life.
00:46:41.965 --> 00:46:46.266
We have The Hopebeat Weekly, which is a weekly newsletter that shares strategies for hope.
00:46:46.266 --> 00:46:51.900
We have a My Hope Story templates so you can write your own Hope story today.
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:59.699
Also my Hope Hero so we can share what our heroes are doing to activate hope in their lives.
00:46:59.699 --> 00:47:10.032
And this is especially good with youth so they can start looking up to people that have overcome similar or challenges to them and seen how these heroes use the Shine Hope framework.
00:47:10.666 --> 00:47:15.833
We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens program and Hopeful minds Overview Educator Guides.
00:47:15.833 --> 00:47:20.565
We have a new evidence based college course so you can activate Hope on the college campus.
00:47:21.032 --> 00:47:23.532
There are programs in the workplace.
00:47:23.532 --> 00:47:29.365
Overview courses 90 minute courses for learning the what, why and how to hope.
00:47:29.699 --> 00:47:32.699
What I want you to know about hope is it's a skill.
00:47:33.065 --> 00:47:35.965
You've got to practice these skills to become hopeful.
00:47:35.965 --> 00:47:43.532
It's easy to fall into despair and helplessness when we deal with challenges in life, and it takes intentional work and practice to get to hope.
00:47:44.099 --> 00:47:46.632
And yet it is always possible.
00:47:46.632 --> 00:47:48.599
So no matter what life brings.
00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:51.032
Keep shining hope.
00:47:51.032 --> 00:47:53.865
Thanks so much for listening and have an awesome day.
00:47:53.865 --> 00:48:03.666
And of course, I’ve got to add this, that this program is designed to assist you in learning about hope should not be used for medical advice, counseling, or other health related services.
00:48:03.666 --> 00:48:11.699
iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself, Kathryn Goetzke do not endorse or provide any medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
00:48:12.032 --> 00:48:14.266
I am not a medical doctor.
00:48:14.266 --> 00:48:29.465
The information provided here should not be used for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition and cannot be substituted for the advice of physicians, license professionals or therapists who are familiar with your specific situation.
00:48:30.166 --> 00:48:34.500
Consult a licensed medical profession or call 911.
00:48:34.532 --> 00:48:39.365
If you are in need of immediate assistance and be sure to know the crisis Hotline.
00:48:39.599 --> 00:48:42.599
988. If you are in need of support.
00:48:42.932 --> 00:48:44.166
Thanks so much for listening.
00:48:44.166 --> 00:48:47.266
Take good care of yourself and keep shining hope.
00:00:01.566 --> 00:00:06.333
This is Kathryn Goetzke, host of The Hope Matrix Podcast.
00:00:07.099 --> 00:00:13.365
We are here to share science, stories and strategies for how to hope.
00:00:13.699 --> 00:00:16.800
I'm the Chief Hope officer of the Shine Hope Company.
00:00:17.300 --> 00:00:20.765
And SHINE is the mnemonic for how we teach hope.
00:00:20.765 --> 00:00:34.932
So when we talk about hope, we talk about how we use Stress Skills, Happiness habits, Inspired Actions, Nourishing Networks and Eliminating Challenges which are thinking patterns that get in the way of our ability to hope.
00:00:34.966 --> 00:00:37.732
Hope is a skill.
00:00:37.732 --> 00:00:44.566
You can measure hope, you can teach hope and you can start practicing skills to activate higher hope in your life today.
00:00:44.665 --> 00:00:54.932
And on this Hope Matrix podcast, we aim to bring in guests, experts in science, people with stories, and those that have strategies for activating hope in your life.
00:00:57.466 --> 00:00:59.365
Well hello everyone.
00:00:59.365 --> 00:01:04.433
All the listener's so grateful to have you here today for the Hope matrix podcast.
00:01:05.066 --> 00:01:11.132
really, I appreciate you taking time to learn more about hope and strategies for how to shine hope in your life.
00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:16.066
today we have Doctor Christy Oaks with us on the podcast.
00:01:16.066 --> 00:01:18.033
That's Christy with the Y.
00:01:18.033 --> 00:01:28.965
so I, for all those listening, and I'm really grateful to have Christy here to share her expertise and some of her own journey and shine hope skills.
00:01:28.965 --> 00:01:31.965
So first of all, I want to welcome you to the podcast.
00:01:32.165 --> 00:01:35.266
So I thank you so much for joining today.
00:01:35.665 --> 00:01:37.299
Yeah, thank you so much, Kathryn.
00:01:37.299 --> 00:01:40.299
I'm so happy and excited and nervous to be here.
00:01:40.332 --> 00:01:42.000
Oh, amazing.
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:46.799
I know I was terrified when I did my first podcast, and now I just get used to it.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:50.933
And then I listen to myself and I think I shouldn’t listen to myself.
00:01:51.965 --> 00:01:53.533
Now I'm really grateful.
00:01:53.533 --> 00:02:00.099
You know, it takes such courage to share stories, live, especially when it's personal to us.
00:02:00.665 --> 00:02:02.465
Yeah, yeah. No doubt.
00:02:02.465 --> 00:02:05.965
And yeah, I think it's the only way we all grow.
00:02:05.965 --> 00:02:11.699
And I think when we share stories, it can make it so much easier for the next person.
00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:15.900
If, you know, we share it with intention and with some of the strategies.
00:02:15.900 --> 00:02:35.199
But yes, I, you know, talk a lot about how I struggled so much as a youth and, and in my 20s and so much of the shine framework I use was the negative kind of turning to addictions and self-harm and all of these things that were actually making everything worse for me and, and for my life.
00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:48.800
And, so by sharing skills and your story of things that you've gone through and how you navigated and the healthy tools we use, the ones that we know are kind of backed by science, it's really I'm really grateful, as you are a doctor, too.
00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:51.332
Yeah. So that's amazing.
00:02:51.332 --> 00:02:54.466
Why don’t we start, can you just share a little bit more about yourself?
00:02:54.966 --> 00:02:55.366
Yeah.
00:02:55.366 --> 00:02:59.599
So, my doctorate is in counselor education and supervision.
00:02:59.665 --> 00:03:01.733
I just graduated this year.
00:03:01.733 --> 00:03:04.566
Awesome! Congrats! Thanks.
00:03:04.566 --> 00:03:19.932
I did my dissertation study on, the experiences of counselor educators and supervisors that identify within the queer community their experiences of power, privilege, and oppression in higher education, which was a really, really cool study.
00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:27.633
I'm a huge nature lover, and I'm currently doing a nature based therapy certificate at, East Tennessee State University.
00:03:27.665 --> 00:03:31.133
Since, you know, I graduated my PhD, and I had to find something else to do.
00:03:31.400 --> 00:03:34.400
Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:34.432 --> 00:03:43.733
and I guess a little on the more personal side, I am someone who lives with a severe bleeding disorder that has had a huge impact on the way I navigate my life.
00:03:44.532 --> 00:03:52.165
And, I also, I share a little bit about your childhood and early life experiences.
00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:55.233
I have an ACES score of six.
00:03:55.233 --> 00:04:00.432
And, my family also experienced homelessness for the first 11 years of my life.
00:04:00.432 --> 00:04:03.432
Thankfully, we had a family member that let us live with them.
00:04:03.532 --> 00:04:09.032
but it was a pretty severe hoarding situation, so just not the healthiest environment.
00:04:09.032 --> 00:04:15.832
And yeah, now I work as a clinic director and a clinical instructor in higher education.
00:04:16.165 --> 00:04:18.266
and as a counselor to.
00:04:18.266 --> 00:04:19.766
Wow, what's amazing?
00:04:19.766 --> 00:04:22.333
Good for you guys. yeah.
00:04:22.333 --> 00:04:26.165
And to all the listeners that don't know, ACES are adverse childhood experiences.
00:04:26.165 --> 00:04:28.932
So what we go through and you can get up to a score of ten.
00:04:28.932 --> 00:04:33.565
So I think it's I think four and a higher than solving and challenging.
00:04:33.565 --> 00:04:37.632
So I'm definitely higher on the aces or as well.
00:04:37.632 --> 00:04:40.766
And you know it can come from all kinds of things.
00:04:41.132 --> 00:04:46.800
what we know is that those higher in ACES are going to be higher in hopelessness, you know, or moments of hopelessness.
00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:48.466
thank you so much.
00:04:48.466 --> 00:05:01.365
What I learned in life was, even though I came from a great family, but losing my dad to suicide at 18, and a lot of the things I learned were kind of around hopelessness, around getting stuck in that persistent state of hopelessness.
00:05:02.266 --> 00:05:07.233
you know, we know it's also very hard on the LGBTQ community.
00:05:07.233 --> 00:05:27.365
You know, hopelessness is often a consequence of oppression, discrimination and so, again, you know, when you look at hopelessness being both despair or super like emotional despair and then motivational helplessness, so powerlessness to do anything about it, of course, you're going to be higher in hopelessness.
00:05:27.365 --> 00:05:30.733
so it's really about being proactive about our hope.
00:05:31.266 --> 00:05:44.000
Not saying it's easy at all, but, you know, learning and working together to cultivate hope in our lives and to learn how to hope and really where our locus of control is in that hope.
00:05:44.333 --> 00:05:51.233
and so, yeah, so I'm really grateful to you for sharing today and being willing to be open again.
00:05:51.233 --> 00:06:00.365
It's you know, we don't we learn through other people and, and when we don't, we can go through, you know, so many unnecessary challenges.
00:06:00.365 --> 00:06:05.399
And I think that, you know, my addictions were just a way to soothe my stress response.
00:06:05.665 --> 00:06:13.432
had I learned at a young age some of these or had I learned from people that have gone through it before me as well, that would have been really helpful.
00:06:13.432 --> 00:06:16.199
So thank you for being here.
00:06:16.199 --> 00:06:19.199
And for being honest about how you're feeling.
00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:21.432
yeah, of course. It's always an adventure.
00:06:21.432 --> 00:06:25.665
I used to be terrified of public speaking, literally terrified.
00:06:25.899 --> 00:06:33.500
And I realized that what I was doing was I was activated my stress response because I get in my head and I think, oh, I've got to say this, I've got.
00:06:33.500 --> 00:06:34.865
And then I'd stop breathing.
00:06:34.865 --> 00:06:40.199
And as soon as you stop breathing, you know, it just triggers that even more and more and more.
00:06:40.199 --> 00:06:41.833
And I'd get into this packed stage.
00:06:41.833 --> 00:06:50.365
So I'm grateful that I've worked hard to get to a place where I can do a podcast. So, yes. You know, maybe you'll have your own someday too.
00:06:50.766 --> 00:06:53.600
Yeah. I don't know about that, but I can.
00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:59.266
I can relate with that, with getting up in front of a classroom and teaching, like the first time I did that, that was very scary.
00:06:59.266 --> 00:07:01.766
But now it's just like, oh, hey, this is me.
00:07:01.766 --> 00:07:03.100
And awkward.
00:07:03.100 --> 00:07:05.766
And I say words wrong and this is just who I am.
00:07:05.766 --> 00:07:07.565
Yes. That's awesome.
00:07:07.565 --> 00:07:09.565
We must embrace that.
00:07:09.565 --> 00:07:11.432
This is the earlier the better.
00:07:11.432 --> 00:07:13.533
Yeah. yeah.
00:07:13.533 --> 00:07:16.899
So why don't you talk more about your experiences?
00:07:16.899 --> 00:07:19.365
So you mentioned a bleeding disorder.
00:07:19.365 --> 00:07:19.733
What?
00:07:19.733 --> 00:07:22.899
What is what does that even mean, though?
00:07:23.333 --> 00:07:27.033
I have it's actually pretty common in the United States.
00:07:27.033 --> 00:07:31.165
Just most people have a very mild form and don't know that they have a bleeding have the bleeding disorder.
00:07:31.165 --> 00:07:33.600
But what I have is called von Willebrand's disorder.
00:07:34.865 --> 00:07:38.132
and had type two a severe.
00:07:38.132 --> 00:07:44.333
And so what that means for me is that in my in my blood, everyone has well, not everyone.
00:07:44.333 --> 00:07:47.165
If you have sibling disorder issues with your blood, then you don't have this.
00:07:47.165 --> 00:08:01.100
But there's the von Willebrand factor in your blood, and that's part of the clotting agent for whenever you get a cut or a bruise, that goes in and it helps your, your cells stick together so that you can form a clot minor, misshapen.
00:08:01.100 --> 00:08:03.833
And so they don't stick together like they should.
00:08:03.833 --> 00:08:13.033
So the average person, if they were to get like, say, a cat scratch, on average someone without a bleeding disorder would stop bleeding within like seven minutes.
00:08:13.932 --> 00:08:19.500
The last time they did a, timed test on me to see how long it would take for me to stop bleeding.
00:08:19.833 --> 00:08:23.065
They stopped after 45 minutes because my blood just was not clotting.
00:08:23.165 --> 00:08:24.500
Yeah.
00:08:24.500 --> 00:08:25.699
yeah. Yeah.
00:08:25.699 --> 00:08:30.233
So it's, it has a huge impact on, like, everything in my life.
00:08:30.233 --> 00:08:37.399
And, you know, I was born assigned female at birth, so, like, heavily impacted my menstrual cycle.
00:08:38.232 --> 00:08:47.865
so from the time I started, my cycle, I was in and out of the hospital getting blood transfusions and medications to try and help stop the bleeding.
00:08:47.865 --> 00:08:53.966
But that was just like one time when I was 13.
00:08:53.966 --> 00:08:56.966
That entire year, I bled every single day.
00:08:58.966 --> 00:09:01.033
Yeah. Wow.
00:09:01.033 --> 00:09:03.765
And I mean, what are the physical like?
00:09:03.765 --> 00:09:04.765
You like, how did all that?
00:09:04.765 --> 00:09:07.765
I mean, could you do anything? Could you?
00:09:08.466 --> 00:09:13.732
Well, so von Willebrand, willebrand's affects the, soft tissues.
00:09:13.732 --> 00:09:20.200
So, like, when I was really young, I would have, like, really severe nosebleeds, and it would take several hours for them to stop.
00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:27.332
And that was not fun for a kid who had undiagnosed ADHD having to sit still while my mom holds my nose for a nose bleed.
00:09:27.700 --> 00:09:28.633
Oh my. Gosh.
00:09:29.566 --> 00:09:31.066
and I bruise really easy.
00:09:31.066 --> 00:09:40.633
So at the time when I was younger, there was, actually an investigation into my family for child abuse because I had bruises just from my parents picking me up out of the crib.
00:09:41.566 --> 00:09:48.765
but during that time, with, heavy bleeding from my menstrual cycle, I was just anemic all the time.
00:09:48.765 --> 00:09:53.133
So very, very low energy had to move really slow.
00:09:53.133 --> 00:09:56.466
There was a couple of times where I actually passed out from the blood loss.
00:09:58.633 --> 00:09:59.332
yeah.
00:09:59.332 --> 00:10:00.466
So just.
00:10:00.466 --> 00:10:03.466
Exhaustion. Yeah, yeah.
00:10:03.466 --> 00:10:06.399
And here you sit today for the PhD.
00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:07.533
Yeah.
00:10:07.533 --> 00:10:10.533
Yeah, it's it's kind of a miracle that I'm still alive.
00:10:10.865 --> 00:10:13.533
Wow. Yeah.
00:10:13.533 --> 00:10:15.765
That's amazing.
00:10:15.765 --> 00:10:17.666
so share more. About what?
00:10:17.666 --> 00:10:19.666
So what were the stressors?
00:10:19.666 --> 00:10:22.832
So I'll kind of walk through the shine framework, if that's okay with you.
00:10:22.832 --> 00:10:24.633
And you could just share how you're navigated.
00:10:24.633 --> 00:10:28.265
Is there anything else specifically you want to talk about throughout this?
00:10:29.700 --> 00:10:34.765
no. I feel like, the bleeding disorder has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in my life, so.
00:10:34.765 --> 00:10:36.466
Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
00:10:36.466 --> 00:10:40.666
And then if you're in a high renaissance for you, you're not equipped with a lot of the skills.
00:10:40.666 --> 00:10:46.432
And I mean, for me being really reactive, very emotionally, you know, reactive to things.
00:10:46.432 --> 00:10:48.500
So we're very fast.
00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:50.899
Trigger I get triggered by something.
00:10:50.899 --> 00:10:54.666
it's so it's been a real process for me to learn.
00:10:55.000 --> 00:11:01.832
But thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain through these practices, through all of them, which is amazing.
00:11:01.832 --> 00:11:03.432
So, Yeah.
00:11:03.432 --> 00:11:06.432
And and I actually, as you go by she/her correct.
00:11:06.666 --> 00:11:09.666
She/they. She/they sorry. Got it.
00:11:09.666 --> 00:11:11.500
so you were assigned female.
00:11:11.500 --> 00:11:16.166
And can you can you explain more to our listeners what that means?
00:11:16.166 --> 00:11:16.832
She/they.
00:11:18.232 --> 00:11:23.566
so it is gender identity is unique to every individual.
00:11:23.566 --> 00:11:26.200
For me, I do not identify as cisgender.
00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:31.966
And so for listeners, cisgender means that your gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth.
00:11:31.966 --> 00:11:40.666
So if you are assigned female at birth and you resonate with being female and femininity, and you identify as a female, then you would be cisgender.
00:11:41.966 --> 00:11:45.399
for me, it kind of depends on the day as how I identify.
00:11:45.399 --> 00:11:48.899
So usually I'll just say identify as gender fluid or gender queer.
00:11:49.399 --> 00:11:57.299
And for me, that just means, I don't resonate with identifying as female or resonate with femininity all the time.
00:11:57.299 --> 00:11:58.932
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
00:11:58.932 --> 00:12:01.932
It really just ebbs and flows and depends on the day.
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:10.666
So there are some days she/her pronouns still fine, and there are other days that feels like I need to come out of my skin, because that's not me about it.
00:12:10.932 --> 00:12:12.166
Thank you so much.
00:12:12.166 --> 00:12:14.633
Yeah, and the we’re going to do a whole episode on that.
00:12:14.633 --> 00:12:15.799
I think it's so important.
00:12:15.799 --> 00:12:19.633
And what people fear they often are against.
00:12:19.633 --> 00:12:24.432
And so being open about it and just helping understand this really.
00:12:24.432 --> 00:12:33.332
Yeah, I'm really grateful for that. So, and I'm sure that adds a whole other complexity to everything you navigate.
00:12:33.566 --> 00:12:35.932
Definitely it, I feel like it.
00:12:35.932 --> 00:12:38.865
And, the bleeding disorder and hot impact on my menstrual cycle.
00:12:38.865 --> 00:12:41.865
They kind of they go together, they're like married.
00:12:42.033 --> 00:12:44.865
But, yeah, that makes sense.
00:12:44.865 --> 00:12:47.399
So let's talk more about stressors.
00:12:47.399 --> 00:12:50.332
Triggers, stress skills.
00:12:50.332 --> 00:12:59.666
again, our stress response when we're triggered by things, we have this warning of chemicals in our body nurture and often adrenaline and cortisol.
00:12:59.666 --> 00:13:01.633
And they keep us in our downstairs brain.
00:13:01.633 --> 00:13:08.232
And we can think and collaborate and problem solve and, you know, be in a necessarily hopeful place.
00:13:08.232 --> 00:13:12.765
I say we have to use our sadness or anger fear as indicators.
00:13:12.765 --> 00:13:13.932
We don't want to run from them.
00:13:13.932 --> 00:13:18.865
We want to address them, listen to them, learn from them, and then work to get back.
00:13:18.865 --> 00:13:21.232
Navigating our way back into our upstairs brain.
00:13:21.232 --> 00:13:24.832
That's what we talk a lot of talk to a lot of kids about that.
00:13:25.332 --> 00:13:31.265
So I can imagine there's a million things that are stressors for you in life and that have that.
00:13:31.265 --> 00:13:38.865
And every time, I mean, if you have a bleeding disorder, every time you it's options are cut up or anything happens.
00:13:39.033 --> 00:13:41.066
That's a trigger. I would imagine.
00:13:41.066 --> 00:13:48.166
So can you talk more about the triggers and kind of what you do to navigate it, navigate them?
00:13:50.133 --> 00:14:08.533
You know, you would think every time I would get cut or bump into something that that would be a trigger, but it's just so much part of my norm that it's honestly not like it's it's almost and maybe this is very, very privileged for me to say within the bleeding disorder community, but I've had a hysterectomy.
00:14:08.533 --> 00:14:15.399
And so since the hysterectomy, it's almost like I sometimes forget that I have a bleeding disorder because that was where all my symptoms came from.
00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:35.466
So for me, the triggers are more of like when a student on campus sees me and, assumes that I'm a person who has a menstrual cycle and asks me if I have a tampon or a pad, that for me as a trigger because it makes you feel really weirdly uncomfortable or if people ask if I have children or when I'm going to have children, or why don't I have children?
00:14:35.633 --> 00:14:40.232
Those are big triggers for me, but not so much the day to day stuff.
00:14:40.232 --> 00:14:43.232
More as like the specific to the menstrual cycle stuff.
00:14:43.466 --> 00:14:44.533
Got it, got it.
00:14:44.533 --> 00:14:47.932
And how do you navigate I mean, navigate the triggers.
00:14:48.466 --> 00:14:49.365
Depends on the day.
00:14:50.932 --> 00:14:51.666
depends on the day.
00:14:51.666 --> 00:14:53.466
And that depends on the trigger.
00:14:53.466 --> 00:14:55.166
Right? Right.
00:14:55.166 --> 00:14:55.432
Yeah.
00:14:55.432 --> 00:14:59.832
And you even realize, I mean, do you realize in your body when you're getting triggered by things?
00:15:00.932 --> 00:15:02.700
it takes me a minute to get there.
00:15:02.700 --> 00:15:05.200
Yeah, to realize what's happening, because I'm.
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.832
I tend to be so in my head. Yeah.
00:15:07.832 --> 00:15:11.265
And getting in touch with my body takes a lot of intentional effort for me.
00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:13.566
Yeah. So. Yeah.
00:15:13.566 --> 00:15:15.166
Yeah, that makes sense. I know.
00:15:15.166 --> 00:15:19.566
And when you grow up in trauma or any kind of you become.
00:15:20.232 --> 00:15:23.299
Yeah, almost protect it against those triggers somewhat.
00:15:23.299 --> 00:15:25.466
You know, you develop this kind of a barrier.
00:15:25.466 --> 00:15:26.100
You cannot.
00:15:26.100 --> 00:15:28.899
And so the you draw everything doesn't it.
00:15:28.899 --> 00:15:29.265
Back to you.
00:15:29.265 --> 00:15:34.966
So it took me as a long time to really get in touch with how am I feeling, what is triggering me?
00:15:34.966 --> 00:15:44.533
I wore a leap which measures HRV in the real time, and it would start vibrating when it noticed I was trigger and I was like, am I?
00:15:44.533 --> 00:15:45.166
I'm triggered?
00:15:45.166 --> 00:15:49.399
And then I would realize, oh, I'm reading an email and this is triggering me.
00:15:49.399 --> 00:15:53.633
So even getting in touch with the triggers, yeah, is so important.
00:15:53.633 --> 00:16:05.265
And to me it's such an important stop approach because until you start really understanding when you're triggered, what triggers you, how it's triggering you, what it makes you feel and how you navigate it.
00:16:05.265 --> 00:16:13.666
You're going to have challenges because when you react, when you're in those triggered places, we do really do things that are very harmful for us.
00:16:13.666 --> 00:16:17.732
So yeah, so it's a process for you, I'm hearing.
00:16:18.466 --> 00:16:19.832
Yes, very much so.
00:16:20.865 --> 00:16:27.399
I feel like I feel like my mental health has a big impact on that too, which we're kind of talking about already.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:38.432
but so I'm, I have several diagnoses, but I feel like my depression and my anxiety are like they have a huge impact on how I navigate my life.
00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:43.732
And so there will be days where like, everything's fine.
00:16:43.732 --> 00:16:48.365
But as the days start getting shorter and there's less time that I can spend outside comfortably.
00:16:48.365 --> 00:16:51.466
Not that there's any kind of bad weather, just not preparedness.
00:16:53.133 --> 00:16:57.832
it has a big impact on, like, I guess the depression or even seasonal affective disorder.
00:16:58.666 --> 00:16:59.666
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
00:16:59.666 --> 00:17:01.865
Makes sense. Absolutely.
00:17:01.865 --> 00:17:04.799
So how do you how do you navigate.
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:13.066
Like what do you do for your stressors. And so I do a lot of gardening.
00:17:13.066 --> 00:17:14.465
You know. Awesome.
00:17:14.465 --> 00:17:15.465
Yeah. Yes.
00:17:15.465 --> 00:17:18.833
I'm very much like a chaos slash cottage garden gardener.
00:17:21.400 --> 00:17:23.665
I like going on nature walks, just being outside.
00:17:23.665 --> 00:17:26.165
I love doing sit spots.
00:17:26.165 --> 00:17:27.165
Are you familiar with what?
00:17:27.165 --> 00:17:27.633
That's that spot.
00:17:27.633 --> 00:17:29.032
That's. No.
00:17:29.032 --> 00:17:30.400
Do you go there?
00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:33.400
Like, my favorite way to start the day?
00:17:33.732 --> 00:17:54.400
but it's just going out in nature and finding a place that you can sit and be comfortable and just sit in silence and just notice, the nature beings around you, see if they have any, like, messages to offer you or if you can find any reflections of what's going on in your world that can give you like information or hope.
00:17:55.833 --> 00:18:10.599
and I'll usually do that practice for at least 15 minutes, but it always ends up turning into like 30 or 45 minutes because I just I love it, but I'll go outside in the mornings, I'll have my tea and I'll just sit in my garden and just watch the birds look at the and see the new blooms.
00:18:11.365 --> 00:18:13.799
Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah.
00:18:13.799 --> 00:18:14.200
Yeah.
00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:20.532
And as you mentioned, I mean, you brought up the weather, but it's challenging to do that then when you get out and crazy weather.
00:18:20.532 --> 00:18:27.099
And so I feel like we have to be really creative about what skills we use and how we kind of replicate that or in what way.
00:18:28.266 --> 00:18:29.833
I saw a lot of that in Covid.
00:18:29.833 --> 00:18:39.133
If we stopped doing our stress skills or happiness habits, we can, you know, develop a clinical anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder.
00:18:39.133 --> 00:18:49.232
And so for me, I had to get really creative about the stress skills I'm using, especially when I all of a sudden lose access to them or can't do them anymore.
00:18:49.232 --> 00:18:50.099
For whatever reason.
00:18:50.099 --> 00:18:52.865
I have to figure out another way to manage my stress hormones.
00:18:52.865 --> 00:18:55.066
That's healthy for me.
00:18:55.066 --> 00:19:02.700
You know, you used to manage that with smoking or drinking or just things that would take those moments away, but that weren't healthy for me.
00:19:02.700 --> 00:19:04.732
And so, yeah, learning.
00:19:04.732 --> 00:19:07.432
So how are you doing that?
00:19:04.732 --> 00:19:07.432
How are you replacing that?
00:19:07.432 --> 00:19:10.432
Are you in a closed area climate or.
00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:11.732
Yeah, it actually snowed today.
00:19:11.732 --> 00:19:14.400
We had a two hour snow delay. So that was nice.
00:19:15.566 --> 00:19:16.566
Fine.
00:19:16.566 --> 00:19:18.333
Yeah.
00:19:18.333 --> 00:19:21.333
So weirdly, I like being outside when it's cold.
00:19:22.432 --> 00:19:25.400
like, I, I like being able to put the layers on.
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:25.732
Yeah.
00:19:25.732 --> 00:19:26.900
So I will still go outside.
00:19:26.900 --> 00:19:29.099
I don't spend nearly as much time, though.
00:19:29.099 --> 00:19:34.665
I also have, a lot of houseplants to, like, take care of inside.
00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:41.566
so I will I will, honestly, I'll just walk around my house looking at all my different houseplants to check on them and see how they're doing.
00:19:42.165 --> 00:19:44.165
Yeah, that's one thing that I do.
00:19:44.165 --> 00:19:50.500
I also, I'll do some tapping or yoga or some meditation.
00:19:50.500 --> 00:19:53.566
I also, I like to crochet Little Bear too.
00:19:53.566 --> 00:19:55.232
So yeah, that's kind of neat.
00:19:55.232 --> 00:19:58.232
That title I did nine.
00:19:58.965 --> 00:20:00.665
That's impressive.
00:20:00.665 --> 00:20:01.432
Thank you.
00:20:01.432 --> 00:20:04.432
Yeah, it's very meditative.
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:07.066
that's gathering.
00:20:07.066 --> 00:20:07.400
Yeah.
00:20:07.400 --> 00:20:13.365
And I you know, when I think about anxiety, I think about for me it was just my fear response.
00:20:13.365 --> 00:20:15.732
Yeah. And I got into that fear response.
00:20:15.732 --> 00:20:18.865
And so this my stress skills helped me navigate my fear response.
00:20:18.865 --> 00:20:28.766
And now I'm very aware of it and very intentional about it so that I can instantly manage, just constantly navigate in my fear response with stress skills.
00:20:29.299 --> 00:20:32.299
And really the same thing with happiness habits.
00:20:32.700 --> 00:20:34.000
Getting serotonin.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:39.266
Our bodies can produce serotonin, dopamine, you know, these positive happy hormones.
00:20:39.266 --> 00:20:45.500
And so it's learning how to how to manufacture them within our bodies, how to the best of our ability endorphins.
00:20:46.365 --> 00:20:48.000
And so how do you do that?
00:20:49.165 --> 00:20:55.865
I will say I think practicing gratitude makes a world of difference for me, because it's really easy for me to.
00:20:56.465 --> 00:21:03.432
Yeah, see, the people I graduated high school with, like they have children that are like getting ready to graduate high school or starting to drive.
00:21:03.432 --> 00:21:06.432
And I'm like, I have two cats and a dog.
00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:10.900
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:21.932
and so I like I try to reframe that in my mind to be grateful for the fact that, you know, I am still alive, I'm still here, I'm giving back to the community through the clinic that I direct.
00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:29.133
I'm able to help, the future generations of counselors, and by that I'm able to help more clients in that way.
00:21:29.133 --> 00:21:35.932
And so, yeah, just focusing on the things that I'm really grateful for in my life, especially the fur babies.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:38.432
Yeah. They're awesome.
00:21:38.432 --> 00:21:40.133
I have a dog myself. It's amazing.
00:21:41.133 --> 00:21:41.566
Yeah.
00:21:41.566 --> 00:21:57.599
And we've been smiling and releasing this bird bones and so and I now was I, I used to get so annoyed by some of the research in literature art like just smile, but it really like we have to produce these happiness ones.
00:21:57.599 --> 00:21:59.532
It really does impact how we feel.
00:21:59.532 --> 00:22:07.032
And I can tell when I'm really low and and I have to do even more things on that, you know, happy moment.
00:22:07.032 --> 00:22:16.232
We're just like researching what can we do to kind of create these happiness moments within ourselves that maybe it doesn't cost money, that the anyone can do anywhere.
00:22:16.232 --> 00:22:18.900
And there are so many creative ways to do it.
00:22:18.900 --> 00:22:23.665
and so what are other are there, do you have any other suggestions or tips?
00:22:25.133 --> 00:22:32.266
so for me, trying to make myself smile without there being like, something to prompt the smile is really difficult.
00:22:32.266 --> 00:22:38.299
And so I will try to intentionally listen to to music that I know will make me smile or laugh.
00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:42.232
And so anything the Alvin and the Chipmunks thing always makes me laugh.
00:22:43.766 --> 00:22:59.599
So, but I this is going to sound so silly, but one of my favorite songs to listen to when I'm feeling down is, Do you remember Weird Al and how he would make parody music?
00:22:59.932 --> 00:23:03.766
he made, a parody song for, Star Wars?
00:23:05.766 --> 00:23:10.465
and that song, like, every time I hear it, like, I can't not be happy when I hear that song because I just love it.
00:23:10.732 --> 00:23:13.732
Right? Right. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah.
00:23:13.732 --> 00:23:17.799
And it's so hard because it's when we're unhappy, we don't want.
00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:20.133
And in fact, you know, we're we're done when we're in.
00:23:20.133 --> 00:23:20.900
It's hard.
00:23:20.900 --> 00:23:31.833
And that does help us to feel better and to get back to a healthier place where we can make better decisions and work to fix challenges we have or, you know, problems.
00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:33.833
now it's super important.
00:23:33.833 --> 00:23:36.833
What about the AI is inspired actions?
00:23:36.865 --> 00:23:38.566
Do cycles steer?
00:23:40.066 --> 00:23:44.365
I tend to do more like visualization slash manifestation.
00:23:44.365 --> 00:23:47.365
So I like digitalize things going well.
00:23:47.365 --> 00:23:51.700
And I know there's some research that shows like visualizing can be really, really powerful.
00:23:52.066 --> 00:23:52.599
Yeah.
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:57.732
And so I try to tap into that and like yeah that's usually what I do.
00:23:58.232 --> 00:24:01.032
Awesome. Yeah. Visualization.
00:24:01.032 --> 00:24:05.066
And one of the studies I've just interviewed are actually Doctor Diane Dre.
00:24:05.066 --> 00:24:28.932
Her did and hope is that if you visualize something and then you see a challenge or an obstacle, visualize the obstacle and visualize yourself overcoming the obstacle or coming up with a solution and then visualizing another obstacle and then another solution you're actually more likely to achieve, like it boosts your hopes for, and it makes you more likely to achieve whatever you're visualizing.
00:24:29.532 --> 00:24:31.799
So think that's kind of a fun little practice.
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:35.500
You know, you usually visualize, but you don't really see challenges along the way.
00:24:35.500 --> 00:24:40.900
And then it's with people once they run into this challenges, they kind of give up and they lose hope.
00:24:41.133 --> 00:24:46.000
But if you build kind of self-efficacy, a belief Y can overcome these challenges.
00:24:46.665 --> 00:24:58.700
And that's two one of the reasons we do the shine Hope stories we share, how people overcome challenges that nobody, you know, that people think you can overcome and share how other people have overcome them.
00:24:58.700 --> 00:25:05.400
And, you know, even by writing your own shine Hope story so that you can say, I've done her things in the past.
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:08.232
I've overcome challenges in the past.
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:08.232
So this is a new challenge.
00:25:08.232 --> 00:25:09.766
But I'm equipped with some skills.
00:25:09.766 --> 00:25:12.099
I know that I can do things that are hard.
00:25:13.099 --> 00:25:16.099
is another kind of cool booster. So.
00:25:16.665 --> 00:25:20.299
So what about specific to your bleeding disorder?
00:25:20.299 --> 00:25:24.700
What did you have to do to, like, get to doctors?
00:25:24.700 --> 00:25:33.700
I mean, what specific things did you have to do to get a handle on it, to get to a place where, you know, you can be out in society?
00:25:33.700 --> 00:25:36.566
I just think if I had it, I'd be scared, too, you know?
00:25:36.566 --> 00:25:46.766
I mean, if you trip and fall in your, like, playing a game or something and you don't have anyone around or traveling remotely or just any of those things, I don't know.
00:25:46.965 --> 00:25:49.965
Oh, yeah.
00:25:52.766 --> 00:25:53.865
God, my mind just went like.
00:25:53.865 --> 00:25:56.232
Well, you asked not to go.
00:25:53.865 --> 00:25:56.232
Yeah. No. What are the.
00:25:56.232 --> 00:25:58.732
So what are the like?
00:25:56.232 --> 00:25:58.732
What are the specific stuff?
00:25:58.732 --> 00:26:04.365
So you found out at work, what age were you when you found out you're the bleeding disorder?
00:26:04.365 --> 00:26:05.365
Okay. Gotcha.
00:26:05.365 --> 00:26:06.432
I remember your question now.
00:26:06.432 --> 00:26:09.066
So I found out I was 12 or 13.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:15.333
and my very, very first period was seven days long.
00:26:15.365 --> 00:26:18.133
The second one was like 25 days long.
00:26:18.133 --> 00:26:21.965
And I ended up being hospitalized because I lost so much blood.
00:26:23.365 --> 00:26:27.232
I'd lost, like, over half of my body's worth of blood in those 25 days.
00:26:28.465 --> 00:26:40.365
so it took a lot of work with my hematologist as well as an ObGyn, and they started me out taking one birth control that didn't work.
00:26:40.365 --> 00:26:42.700
Then they up to two birth control that didn't work.
00:26:42.700 --> 00:26:45.766
And then they added, progesterone and that.
00:26:46.566 --> 00:26:54.032
I mean, it worked ish because for the next like few years, I would be in and out of the hospital.
00:26:54.365 --> 00:26:59.266
I would have, like I said earlier, like a period that lasted for an entire year.
00:26:59.665 --> 00:27:03.099
And so with that medication that I was taking,
00:27:03.099 --> 00:27:08.633
00 Am every single day, never taking a placebo.
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:14.732
And if I was even 15 minutes late, then I would have a hemorrhage where I would more than likely end up back in the hospital.
00:27:15.965 --> 00:27:30.833
And the medication to treat when I have a severe bleed is intravenous, and it has to be given every six hours and it costs around 20 ish thousand dollars per time your receipt, you receive the medication.
00:27:30.833 --> 00:27:33.833
So it's it's staggeringly expensive.
00:27:38.165 --> 00:27:40.566
So yeah.
00:27:40.566 --> 00:27:43.333
And yeah, that was crazy.
00:27:43.333 --> 00:27:47.599
That was a big part of all of that was just like I lived by the clock.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:48.099
And if if,
00:27:48.099 --> 00:27:51.932
00, I had to have my medicine and take it right then and there.
00:27:51.932 --> 00:27:53.633
And if I didn't then.
00:27:53.633 --> 00:27:54.266
Yeah. So it's going.
00:27:54.266 --> 00:27:56.066
To be a problem in a few days.
00:27:56.066 --> 00:27:59.066
But haven't you remember it?
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:04.165
so back then it was I knew it was life or death.
00:28:04.165 --> 00:28:08.200
I knew if I didn't take this, then there was going to be some really horrible consequences.
00:28:06.099 --> 00:28:08.200
And they weren't.
00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:11.266
It was not worth like, it was not worth it.
00:28:11.266 --> 00:28:15.465
And plus my parents, my parents, my mom helped me remember a lot of when to take it.
00:28:15.766 --> 00:28:19.799
And it just became this like natural habit of like intuitively,
00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:24.200
00 and that I needed to look at the clock and then go get my medicine.
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:27.400
Now. Now that's not the case.
00:28:28.066 --> 00:28:31.165
I can enjoy like, oh, it's I need to take my medicine and I'm okay.
00:28:31.165 --> 00:28:33.766
I'm not going to die. Yeah.
00:28:33.766 --> 00:28:36.432
but back then it really was just survival.
00:28:36.432 --> 00:28:39.400
Wow. Yeah.
00:28:36.432 --> 00:28:39.400
Did you have to do the of staff?
00:28:41.833 --> 00:28:44.133
anytime I was hospitalized, I did.
00:28:44.133 --> 00:28:48.133
Anytime I had have surgery, I would have to have the intravenous stuff.
00:28:48.400 --> 00:29:05.400
Stuff like, Gosh, my memory fails me sometimes, but I think it was like 2 or 3 days before the surgery, and then for, oh, two weeks after the surgery, just to make sure that my body healed and that there were there were any breakthrough bleeds.
00:29:05.400 --> 00:29:13.333
And so, throughout my life, I've had, 4 or 5 surgeries.
00:29:13.333 --> 00:29:14.532
And so.
00:29:14.532 --> 00:29:16.165
Yeah.
00:29:14.532 --> 00:29:16.165
And that's and that's still the case.
00:29:16.165 --> 00:29:25.266
Now, if I were to need another surgery or if I were to be in like a serious wreck and I had internal bleeding, then that would be the medication that they would need to give me.
00:29:25.566 --> 00:29:26.266
Gonna do there.
00:29:26.266 --> 00:29:33.532
Now, is that somewhere you have to wear a bracelet or something that tells you what, I do, I wear a medical bracelet all the time.
00:29:34.766 --> 00:29:37.365
and so that way people will know.
00:29:37.365 --> 00:29:40.599
Back in the day, they didn't keep that medication.
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:41.299
It's got humor.
00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:42.465
P they didn't.
00:29:42.465 --> 00:29:44.566
Not every hospital kept it in stock.
00:29:44.566 --> 00:29:57.900
And so there was when I was in like my 19, like I was 19 or 18, my appendix, became infected and I had to have it removed and we couldn't do the surgery as soon as I needed because we were waiting on that medication.
00:29:57.900 --> 00:30:04.333
And while we were waiting for that hospital to receive that medication from another hospital, my friend ruptured.
00:30:05.732 --> 00:30:09.000
Yeah, it was just not not a good time.
00:30:09.232 --> 00:30:14.299
And so that was another like, like barrier to access for that lifesaving medication for me.
00:30:14.299 --> 00:30:16.599
So that I could receive the treatment I needed.
00:30:16.599 --> 00:30:18.032
Wow. Yeah.
00:30:18.032 --> 00:30:20.932
So now it's now standard in all hospitals.
00:30:20.932 --> 00:30:21.865
I don't know.
00:30:21.865 --> 00:30:22.799
Yeah, I don't know.
00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:39.799
The last the last time I had surgery, it was like I remember the pharmacist or the hospital actually came to my room to introduce himself to, to me and my partner, because he was hand delivering the medication because it was so expensive and so rare.
00:30:40.566 --> 00:30:45.766
And so, I don't think most people have that experience with their medication when they're in the hospital.
00:30:45.766 --> 00:30:48.133
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:48.133 --> 00:30:51.232
How did you how did you pay for all the treatments?
00:30:51.232 --> 00:30:53.032
I mean, it sounds. Yeah.
00:30:53.032 --> 00:31:01.066
So when I turned 18, I incurred a lot of medical debt that my parents had not been able to pay.
00:31:01.333 --> 00:31:02.500
Yeah.
00:31:02.500 --> 00:31:06.865
and then at another point, I didn't have insurance, and so I incurred more medical debt.
00:31:06.865 --> 00:31:12.299
And I actually ended up having to file medical bankruptcy because I just I couldn't afford the astronomical.
00:31:12.299 --> 00:31:15.165
Costs, know what I mean? So many people do.
00:31:15.165 --> 00:31:20.000
That's like such a big challenge that works in the US.
00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:20.799
Yeah.
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:26.833
And then that's a whole nother layer of, you know, challenges and stressors and all of these things.
00:31:27.566 --> 00:31:30.865
So. Well, it it's amazing.
00:31:30.865 --> 00:31:43.700
I mean, that you're, you know, again, you graduated with a PhD, you know, you've gone through all this and it's taking one step, putting one step in front of the other and continuing to work to kind of solve the challenges that as they have.
00:31:43.965 --> 00:31:47.365
you know, yeah.
00:31:47.365 --> 00:31:49.333
How do you how is your blood condition now?
00:31:49.333 --> 00:31:50.500
How do you how do you feel?
00:31:50.500 --> 00:31:53.400
I mean, is it still pretty?
00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:57.432
I mean, it's still like, if I were to get caught, it's going to take a while for to stop bleeding.
00:31:57.432 --> 00:31:59.432
And I have to like this time of the year.
00:31:59.432 --> 00:32:04.066
I have to be really, like, intentional about my nosebleeds because they can be pretty bad.
00:32:04.066 --> 00:32:06.032
Now to.
00:32:06.032 --> 00:32:17.566
But for the most part, as long as knock on wood, I don't get into any accidents like while I'm driving or like there's no like severe impact on my body, that's I.
00:32:17.566 --> 00:32:23.500
I go through life pretty normal, just a little bit more hyper vigilant than someone who maybe doesn't have a bleeding disorder.
00:32:23.566 --> 00:32:25.900
Yeah. Makes sense.
00:32:25.900 --> 00:32:27.165
and what about your network?
00:32:27.165 --> 00:32:44.633
So who is in your network and has been supportive for you throughout this process? I have they've had, I've had a lot of really wonderful friends that, you know, as friendships do, they ebb and flow. But, I've had some friends that have really been there for me.
00:32:44.633 --> 00:32:47.665
Like when I had my hysterectomy, I had one friend that didn't leave me.
00:32:48.532 --> 00:32:51.000
I have another friend that stayed with my mom during the surgery.
00:32:51.000 --> 00:32:54.465
And so, they were really wonderful people.
00:32:54.965 --> 00:33:00.700
We've, you know, we're all busy and our lives have drifted, so I don't get to see or connect with them as often, but I still hold them.
00:33:00.700 --> 00:33:03.700
And I really like special place in my heart.
00:33:03.833 --> 00:33:16.099
I would say my nurturing network right now is honestly my fur babies are definitely in that network because they are like the best wellness thing ever for me.
00:33:16.965 --> 00:33:18.333
Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:18.333 --> 00:33:24.099
You have my partner and then I've got some friends too that are they just they feed my soul.
00:33:25.432 --> 00:33:25.799
yeah.
00:33:25.799 --> 00:33:26.833
It's amazing.
00:33:26.833 --> 00:33:34.566
When we were talking earlier, I was in another conversation about how it's it takes effort to make friends, to keep connected with friends, you know?
00:33:34.833 --> 00:33:35.532
Yeah.
00:33:35.532 --> 00:33:38.532
And as we're busy and, like, that can become more challenging.
00:33:38.532 --> 00:33:51.465
And as we go through transitions, transitions, sometimes our friends need to change, and we need to be intentional about making those connections, and our friends and our families and all of those people can let us down.
00:33:51.500 --> 00:33:56.200
And so it's important that we also state have a connection to something.
00:33:56.200 --> 00:33:59.266
And some and fur babies are awesome.
00:34:00.566 --> 00:34:03.200
you know, yes, I have a dog.
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:08.300
And no matter what anyone thinks of me, my dog is always my biggest fan.
00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:10.733
Just just, you know, great.
00:34:10.733 --> 00:34:12.733
Amazing to have, and that's great.
00:34:12.733 --> 00:34:14.500
There's so much research around it.
00:34:14.500 --> 00:34:20.965
You know, I love how all the evidence is finally coming out about a lot of what we knew all along.
00:34:20.965 --> 00:34:24.065
Or, what kind of motivates our hope. So.
00:34:24.865 --> 00:34:28.266
And Pats and Animals are definitely one of them, so that's awesome.
00:34:28.666 --> 00:34:30.266
Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:30.266 --> 00:34:34.965
and then the E in our shine is a limiting challenges.
00:34:34.965 --> 00:34:43.365
And this is kind of a hodgepodge of everything our brain does till I get in the way of words or rumination.
00:34:43.365 --> 00:34:46.965
It's our worry, it's our internalizing failure.
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:50.266
It's our trying to control things outside of our control.
00:34:50.300 --> 00:34:54.432
You know, it's our biases and just all of these things.
00:34:54.432 --> 00:34:55.500
So can you talk?
00:34:55.500 --> 00:34:57.465
What are your biggest challenges?
00:34:57.465 --> 00:35:01.733
You I don't mean all of them not I mean all of them.
00:35:01.733 --> 00:35:04.432
I know exactly.
00:35:04.432 --> 00:35:05.833
Yeah.
00:35:05.833 --> 00:35:11.465
yeah, I think, I know we always say, like, we're our own worst critic.
00:35:11.833 --> 00:35:13.865
We are, and I.
00:35:13.865 --> 00:35:15.565
Oh, my gosh, I definitely am.
00:35:15.565 --> 00:35:19.365
I think I will be harsher and meaner to myself than anyone else ever.
00:35:19.365 --> 00:35:22.233
Possibly could be worse off.
00:35:22.233 --> 00:35:22.666
Yeah.
00:35:22.666 --> 00:35:27.800
So those automatic negative thoughts that I have, they are a huge challenge.
00:35:27.800 --> 00:35:55.166
And with them comes the rumination and the worry and then internalizing and taking everything personally. And, yeah, it's just it's been it's been, a great opportunity to learn to unlearn those patterns, to try to unlearn those patterns and try to give myself some of that kindness and compassion and grace that I give to most everyone else that I ever meet.
00:35:57.400 --> 00:35:59.465
but yeah, it's hard to give it to myself.
00:35:59.465 --> 00:36:00.465
Yeah.
00:36:00.465 --> 00:36:06.400
I think even the awareness of that and that, you know, becoming aware of that is such an important part of the process.
00:36:06.400 --> 00:36:08.000
Do you use any effort?
00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:10.766
Do you use affirmations at all?
00:36:10.766 --> 00:36:13.465
I actually do like mantras in my mind.
00:36:13.465 --> 00:36:17.766
And so whenever, yeah, whenever that those thoughts start coming in.
00:36:17.766 --> 00:36:36.500
I, have a lot of the thoughts also like for me, it's almost like if I experience any kind of conflict or anything that feels like I feel like I'm being attacked, even though that's probably not what's happening for me growing up, if there was conflict, that was life or death situation usually.
00:36:36.932 --> 00:36:39.932
And so now I almost interpret conflict as life or death.
00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:49.465
And so for me, I have to do the mantra I am safe, I'm calm, I'm protected, and like saying that to myself and visual lighting as well.
00:36:49.465 --> 00:36:56.465
Like when I say when I say I'm grounded, I visualize, words coming out of the bottom of my spine and going down into the earth.
00:36:57.166 --> 00:37:07.666
And when I say I am protected, I visualize like just this, like bubble of like energy and light that surrounds me, that protects me.
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:16.599
And so the mantra and the visualization, it seems to really help to ground me and bring me back to the moment and realize there's no life or death situation here.
00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:18.233
You just forgot to do this thing.
00:37:20.065 --> 00:37:22.065
And I up, right?
00:37:22.065 --> 00:37:25.000
Yeah, that's awesome that you found something that works.
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:27.565
And, you know, different things work for different people.
00:37:27.565 --> 00:37:30.166
So I always say explore what works for you.
00:37:30.166 --> 00:37:36.465
You know, the mantras, affirmations, you not touching the five four, three, two, one word touch, smell, taste.
00:37:37.333 --> 00:37:38.333
You know something.
00:37:38.333 --> 00:37:40.865
You have a practice you can work to because it is.
00:37:40.865 --> 00:37:46.166
We're in our minds and when we get back into the present moment, it's usually everything's okay in the present.
00:37:46.166 --> 00:37:48.233
It's in our minds that it's not okay.
00:37:48.233 --> 00:37:57.166
And so and just even learning what our brain does to kind of talk us into these states, you know, and how to intervene and that we are not our thoughts.
00:37:57.733 --> 00:38:00.565
We are observing our thoughts.
00:38:00.565 --> 00:38:02.699
So I love Michael Singer.
00:38:02.699 --> 00:38:08.532
He's really an inspiration for some of this work. So, yeah, that's awesome.
00:38:08.532 --> 00:38:11.532
And so that's how you shine.
00:38:08.532 --> 00:38:11.532
So I love that.
00:38:11.532 --> 00:38:13.132
Also help.
00:38:13.132 --> 00:38:37.365
I wonder if we could just have just chat for a few minutes about some a conversation I had earlier, if you're willing, about, you know, what do we do about and I, I it's a conversation I have all the time because I go and we speak with different populations and there are certain populations that are so discriminated against, so marginal, was so high in hopelessness.
00:38:37.833 --> 00:38:38.500
Yeah.
00:38:38.500 --> 00:38:52.699
And that say, how can I hope and why should I hope when the system are, you know, set up this way and you know, we're the power and they're not changing.
00:38:55.300 --> 00:39:02.833
what do you, what do you have any advice or thoughts or, you know, words of wisdom on that from your perspective?
00:39:05.699 --> 00:39:13.565
that's saying that I just thinking about institutionalized racism and how.
00:39:13.565 --> 00:39:16.565
Yeah, just how that impacts Bipoc communities.
00:39:17.432 --> 00:39:27.266
And also I'm thinking about intersectionality and how, like the different layers of our different identities and how they're layered and how they impact how we navigate the world.
00:39:31.065 --> 00:39:44.666
and then I'm also thinking about, like, implicit biases, the biases that a lot of people hold internally that they were learning before they even understood what they were learning or how to think, but they were learning.
00:39:45.266 --> 00:39:48.266
And so.
00:39:48.865 --> 00:39:54.032
I guess, to answer that question, I'm just going to kind of look at it from a macro lens.
00:39:54.032 --> 00:39:56.266
So just on an individual level.
00:39:56.266 --> 00:40:14.333
And so perhaps one of the ways we can start to combat that is by inviting people to be more open, to have an honest look at what implicit biases they hold and not not attach those biases to whether or not they're good or bad people.
00:40:14.333 --> 00:40:27.900
So not threatening their worth or their value, but to be more critical, be a more critical consumer of their thoughts and their beliefs, and is is this thing that I did that a microaggression that caused harm?
00:40:29.065 --> 00:40:34.565
Is that a symptom of an internal belief that I didn't realize I had?
00:40:34.565 --> 00:40:37.233
And does that align with my values?
00:40:37.233 --> 00:40:39.865
And if it doesn't, how can I how can I unpack that?
00:40:39.865 --> 00:40:48.432
How can I unlearn that? And how can I, show up in more authentic ways to support communities that I care deeply about and people that I love?
00:40:49.266 --> 00:40:52.266
On to counseling is one way that a lot of people can do that.
00:40:52.465 --> 00:40:53.800
You know?
00:40:53.800 --> 00:40:54.465
Yeah.
00:40:54.465 --> 00:40:55.233
It's wonderful.
00:40:55.233 --> 00:40:58.199
I know I we all need counselors.
00:40:58.199 --> 00:41:00.166
Yes, I, I love my counselor.
00:41:00.166 --> 00:41:01.465
You know that.
00:41:01.465 --> 00:41:06.465
I know it doesn't mean you're sick or there's something wrong with, you know, such a.
00:41:06.465 --> 00:41:08.865
It means you're human. Exactly.
00:41:08.865 --> 00:41:12.565
And life is challenging and people can be challenging, you know?
00:41:12.833 --> 00:41:13.965
Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:13.965 --> 00:41:22.965
And I mean, having that non-biased third party who has total unconditional positive regard for you is it's so rare.
00:41:24.065 --> 00:41:27.965
and I need a lot of people who are like, oh, I try the therapists.
00:41:27.965 --> 00:41:30.000
And they were no good for me.
00:41:27.965 --> 00:41:30.000
I didn't like them.
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:31.500
I don't want to go back.
00:41:31.500 --> 00:41:32.766
And I hear that, and I understand that.
00:41:32.766 --> 00:41:37.865
And some people really do have horrible experiences with therapists, and I don't mean to minimize that.
00:41:38.532 --> 00:41:50.800
And I would like to invite them to consider, a metaphor of like when you're a kid and you change schools and you're trying to find your new friend group, not every friend group in that school is going to be a good fit.
00:41:50.800 --> 00:41:53.065
You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit.
00:41:53.065 --> 00:41:55.266
And I think it's the same for trying to find a counselor.
00:41:55.266 --> 00:41:59.465
You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit, and not everybody is going to be a good fit.
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:00.865
Yeah.
00:42:00.865 --> 00:42:03.500
solutely absolutely. Yeah.
00:42:03.500 --> 00:42:05.766
And I've had them through different periods of my life.
00:42:05.766 --> 00:42:10.833
Different counselors have served, you know, purposes during different periods of time, too.
00:42:10.833 --> 00:42:15.833
So it's okay to change at some point to if, you know, if you want some.
00:42:16.333 --> 00:42:17.565
Absolutely. Yeah.
00:42:17.565 --> 00:42:22.965
And you don't want to wait until you're in time of crisis to go find a therapist, that's not the easiest time to find one.
00:42:22.965 --> 00:42:24.865
That's good because you're in crisis.
00:42:24.865 --> 00:42:28.666
You know, it's about, we have one.
00:42:28.666 --> 00:42:32.065
And in your nourishing network, you know what I call.
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.632
Yeah. I should have added her to my nourishing network.
00:42:34.632 --> 00:42:42.699
I'm sorry, I forgot, but, yeah, she definitely, she hold space for me when I need it, and she.
00:42:42.699 --> 00:42:45.699
Yeah, I appreciate her very much.
00:42:45.900 --> 00:42:46.965
Yeah.
00:42:46.965 --> 00:42:49.965
That's awesome. Yeah.
00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:50.565
yeah.
00:42:50.565 --> 00:42:55.365
So, any final thoughts or things you want to share?
00:42:55.900 --> 00:42:59.565
to our listeners or about your story or tips or.
00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:05.000
Oh my gosh.
00:43:05.400 --> 00:43:14.400
just to be kind to yourself, give yourself some grace and some kindness and continue to be open and curious.
00:43:16.932 --> 00:43:17.733
yeah.
00:43:17.733 --> 00:43:18.465
Wonderful.
00:43:18.465 --> 00:43:31.500
Well, thank you so much for joining, trustee with a Y and sharing your, your story and your journey and your challenges and, and how you're navigating, many healthy ways.
00:43:31.500 --> 00:43:39.632
And, you know, hopefully some of our listeners got some skills that they can use in their own lives or similar challenges or different challenges.
00:43:40.099 --> 00:43:46.766
but as I said, we're better when we share stories and we share what's working and what's not working and learn kind of together.
00:43:46.865 --> 00:43:49.065
So I'm really grateful.
00:43:49.065 --> 00:43:52.599
How can people learn more about you, or is that something you want to?
00:43:56.233 --> 00:43:59.733
what's what's the what's the normal way people are the other people.
00:43:59.733 --> 00:44:04.632
Well, LinkedIn or websites or any of the, that those.
00:44:04.632 --> 00:44:05.465
Yeah.
00:44:05.465 --> 00:44:10.565
I do have a LinkedIn and it's under Christine and then in parentheses, Kristi with a Y.
00:44:10.733 --> 00:44:13.365
Okay. Awesome.
00:44:13.365 --> 00:44:13.632
yeah.
00:44:13.632 --> 00:44:19.965
So they've been find me on there if they want or I, I do have an Etsy shop where I sell my crochet if anybody is.
00:44:19.965 --> 00:44:26.565
You just did I, did I, I just started it and like, I only have two items because another one just sold.
00:44:26.565 --> 00:44:28.632
But that's that's a tiny shop.
00:44:28.632 --> 00:44:31.965
But it's the liminal, the liminal nook.
00:44:32.532 --> 00:44:34.233
The liminal, not.
00:44:34.233 --> 00:44:36.632
Wow, liminal.
00:44:36.632 --> 00:44:39.632
ally I don't know.
00:44:40.032 --> 00:44:42.000
nook. Awesome.
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:44.465
That's so cool. Well, got. I'm fast.
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:44.465
There's two.
00:44:44.465 --> 00:44:48.099
I'm a hurry and takes you a while to make, you know.
00:44:49.099 --> 00:44:50.300
it depends on what it is.
00:44:50.300 --> 00:44:52.965
The more I do it, the faster I get. So, like, this.
00:44:52.965 --> 00:44:55.965
Awesome. Sweater took, like, 3 or 4 days.
00:44:56.565 --> 00:44:59.065
wow, that's pretty incredible.
00:44:59.065 --> 00:44:59.632
Thank you. Oh.
00:44:59.632 --> 00:45:00.532
That's awesome.
00:45:00.532 --> 00:45:03.465
Well, thank you so much for joining and sharing your story.
00:45:03.465 --> 00:45:05.932
It was really wonderful connecting with you.
00:45:05.932 --> 00:45:08.400
Thank you.
00:45:05.932 --> 00:45:08.400
Likewise, learning more about you.
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:10.333
And thanks for going into counseling.
00:45:10.333 --> 00:45:12.900
You need counselors out there.
00:45:12.900 --> 00:45:17.233
so much so, so many people, different challenges.
00:45:17.965 --> 00:45:21.400
you know, talk in my nourishing network for sure.
00:45:21.432 --> 00:45:28.465
Therapist. So, and thanks to all you listeners for listening in, please be sure to share this with others.
00:45:28.733 --> 00:45:34.132
spread the message that hope is measurable and teachable, and we've got to be intentional about our hope and practice skills.
00:45:34.833 --> 00:45:41.400
And our shine Hope framework provides kind of an evidence based approach for how we can can work on our hope.
00:45:41.432 --> 00:45:42.266
It's a journey.
00:45:42.266 --> 00:45:43.500
You know, it's a daily journey.
00:45:43.500 --> 00:45:45.266
So again, thanks for listening.
00:45:45.266 --> 00:45:49.065
And and Christy, thank you again for joining us today.
00:45:49.599 --> 00:45:51.065
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
00:45:51.065 --> 00:45:52.632
I really appreciate it.
00:45:52.632 --> 00:45:54.666
Thanks. have a great day. Keep shining.
00:45:56.532 --> 00:46:00.833
Thank you all for listening in to the Hope Matrix podcast.
00:46:01.532 --> 00:46:04.965
We want to shine a light that hope is teachable.
00:46:04.965 --> 00:46:21.266
Hope is measurable and teachable and provide you with actionable insights for how you can start activating hope in your life today and provide a framework so you can start talking about hope with other people and practice these skills together because we are better with hope.
00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:28.599
Please feel free to check out theshinehopecompany.com, where we list all of our resources around how to Hope.
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:41.965
We have a lot of free programs for how to hope, including the five day Challenge, our Hope infographic with a lot of skills that showcase how to hope and articles of how to incorporate hope in your life.
00:46:41.965 --> 00:46:46.266
We have The Hopebeat Weekly, which is a weekly newsletter that shares strategies for hope.
00:46:46.266 --> 00:46:51.900
We have a My Hope Story templates so you can write your own Hope story today.
00:46:52.400 --> 00:46:59.699
Also my Hope Hero so we can share what our heroes are doing to activate hope in their lives.
00:46:59.699 --> 00:47:10.032
And this is especially good with youth so they can start looking up to people that have overcome similar or challenges to them and seen how these heroes use the Shine Hope framework.
00:47:10.666 --> 00:47:15.833
We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens program and Hopeful minds Overview Educator Guides.
00:47:15.833 --> 00:47:20.565
We have a new evidence based college course so you can activate Hope on the college campus.
00:47:21.032 --> 00:47:23.532
There are programs in the workplace.
00:47:23.532 --> 00:47:29.365
Overview courses 90 minute courses for learning the what, why and how to hope.
00:47:29.699 --> 00:47:32.699
What I want you to know about hope is it's a skill.
00:47:33.065 --> 00:47:35.965
You've got to practice these skills to become hopeful.
00:47:35.965 --> 00:47:43.532
It's easy to fall into despair and helplessness when we deal with challenges in life, and it takes intentional work and practice to get to hope.
00:47:44.099 --> 00:47:46.632
And yet it is always possible.
00:47:46.632 --> 00:47:48.599
So no matter what life brings.
00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:51.032
Keep shining hope.
00:47:51.032 --> 00:47:53.865
Thanks so much for listening and have an awesome day.
00:47:53.865 --> 00:48:03.666
And of course, I’ve got to add this, that this program is designed to assist you in learning about hope should not be used for medical advice, counseling, or other health related services.
00:48:03.666 --> 00:48:11.699
iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself, Kathryn Goetzke do not endorse or provide any medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
00:48:12.032 --> 00:48:14.266
I am not a medical doctor.
00:48:14.266 --> 00:48:29.465
The information provided here should not be used for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition and cannot be substituted for the advice of physicians, license professionals or therapists who are familiar with your specific situation.
00:48:30.166 --> 00:48:34.500
Consult a licensed medical profession or call 911.
00:48:34.532 --> 00:48:39.365
If you are in need of immediate assistance and be sure to know the crisis Hotline.
00:48:39.599 --> 00:48:42.599
988. If you are in need of support.
00:48:42.932 --> 00:48:44.166
Thanks so much for listening.
00:48:44.166 --> 00:48:47.266
Take good care of yourself and keep shining hope.
