146: Practicing Non-attachment (Sam Solo)

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Hello, hello, hello, my beautiful people.
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How you doing today, huh?
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Sam Solo going on it today.
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My sister Polly is out and about traveling in the universe and celebrating her birthday.
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So I'm here today to talk to you about practicing non-attachment.
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Practicing non-attachment.
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Note I used the word practice as in doing something over and over and over and over to get better at something.
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Because honestly, non-attachment is a frickin' ninja skill, people.
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It can take a lifetime to get good at it, and it requires practice.
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Did you guys know that non-attachment is deeply rooted in Buddhism, Hinduism, and even modern psychology?
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Here's some frameworks.
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For Buddhism, they teach that clinging to transient impermanent things creates suffering.
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That's what they think of attachment teaching.
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They teach that clinging to transient impermanent things creates suffering.
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In Hinduism, they teach non-possessiveness and right action without obsession of getting a reward.
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Nonpossessiveness, right action without the obsession of getting a reward.
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That's Hinduism.
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In Western psychology, the framework is about acceptance and commitment.
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It's actually ACT, the acceptance and commitment theory, which helps people observe their thoughts without judgment and take action based on their personal values.
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Acceptance and commitment theory is helping people observe their thoughts without judgment and taking action based on their personal values.
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Ooh, well, maybe I should have started off by confessing that non-attachment is indeed my biggest personal growth project for the year.
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For me, I call it making space to breathe and letting go so I can grow.
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And the reason I'm called to this development challenge this year.
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What is the reason?
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Well, these last two years of lifing, politics, the economy, family needs, work life, work, illness, injury, and as of last count, losing eight of my friends and family to death in the last 18 months.
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Eight.
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Let's just say I have felt tested to support all of those around me more than ever.
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But getting attached to others' pain and suffering, others' process and results is not healthy for me or anyone, frankly.
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And honestly, it really started to ramp up like next freaking level for me when I got sick myself.
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I got a bacterial and a fungal infection from the water at Iron Man, Arizona.
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And I battled that for about six months.
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And then, and then in the middle of all these things listed above called lifing, I broke my back doing CrossFit not long after.
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So back-to-back situations where I needed to fix me.
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My nervous system, my gut and digestive system, my muscle and skeletal system were all wrecked.
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So my instincts were to go into full-on frickin' superwoman mode.
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No joke, that's actually my style.
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See a problem, investigate, educate, empower, aka fix.
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All things and all humans who are broken, including me.
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And sometimes, as in a lot, these things or these people actually have nothing to do with me.
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And truthfully, I really do have zero control or impact over them.
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Now, that's a hard pill to swallow.
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And I will always be compassionate, intuitive, emotionally intelligent, generous, energetically connected to those around me.
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And I'm pretty sure all of that was developed for my lifetime of suffering.
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And honestly, almost dying twice.
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I laugh, but it's pretty crazy.
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However, just because humaning is hard and I do not like to have people around me suffering needlessly, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, does not mean it's my job to fix it.
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And if you're like me, this superpower can become really dark.
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In fact, I do say it has a dark side.
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Do you like to be the rescuer, the strong and wise, one that everybody leans on?
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Do you make yourself available at all times to be a resource day after day, no matter what the latest crisis is, no matter what human is in crisis?
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Can you relate to this behavioral pattern?
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Well, here's the hilarious part of my story.
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I've actually been called the boundary queen for about a decade or more.
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Definitely after 50.
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Truth is, I have worked personally very hard to create and flex limits or guidelines for myself in terms of how I interact with others, generally ensuring my physical, emotional, and mental space is protected from others' encroachment.
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My values are indeed my highest protected treasures.
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I've built this muscle.
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However, this non-attachment muscle.
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However, somewhere this last year, my boundaries broke down as I too needed to heal, have support from others, and care for my own broken body and heart.
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Luckily, I have now moved throughout through that really challenging cycle of life and come out the other side.
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I've healed, I've rebuilt my body and my brain yet again, and my heart.
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But those old habits and story patterns of being strong for everyone, being wise for everyone, being a resource, being there no matter what, for people to lean on were so triggered.
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Big time.
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And that old identity, my old survival instincts crept back in as I spent hours in the doctor's office on the floor in pain, and in fact on the surgery table, desperate.
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So here I am now, physically and emotionally healthy again, outside in nature, moving my body and spirit freely to rebuild health in all areas of my life, doing what I love.
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And also, that's what brought me to spending 18 and a half days and 253 miles in the wilderness alone on the JMT.
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That deep need and motivation to shed grief, pain, old stories, old habit identities, and reconnect with my own power and truth led me to the wilderness.
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The mountains and the miles allowed me to breathe back into my truth and power and release others' suffering, not just my own.
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And now so I continue and will continue to practice non-attachment, just like I did in the wilderness.
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Basically, what I did was number one, I expected nothing.
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And yet at the same time, I was open to everything.
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Number two, I tried not to judge myself or others, and instead be fully aware and engaged in the moment.
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Number three, as my heart was pumping and my lungs were expanding, I breathed air and space into my life rather than trying to control it.
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Number four, in peeling back my own layers, I discovered I was not actually the human trapped in the body.
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I, like all of you, are spirits or souls, simply living this lifetime inside this package.
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And as we experience this earth school in this crazy, crazy earth school, in this body that we were delivered into, we get to choose the curriculum.
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Nobody else.
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So being attached to others, like an academic path or coast or course load of others' lives, makes no sense at all.
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We need all the energy, focus, patience, wisdom to pass our own damn classes.
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And lastly, number five, our ego wants us to attach our identity to others' results.
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Our ego wants us to believe that we have the power and the answers, that we will drive results for others, our children, our friends, our family, our jobs, our communities.
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But the ego is bullshit.
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What is real and possible is that all humans deserve their own liberation and joy.
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All those lives who you touch are free.
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They are also free, just like you, to think, feel, act out their own life journey.
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We just share the space with them and they share it with us.
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We get the privilege, and this is not a work assignment, but the privilege to bear witness to the beauty of both the suffering and the salvation of those around us.
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Now, let's get on with your own precious life, beautiful people.
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And I'll see you next week.