WEBVTT
1
00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:06.639
Welcome to the Dose Is Everything Podcast with me Bencoomber,
2
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:11.080
and today it's another solo show. I'm in my car.
3
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.239
It's just such a nice place to think and be
4
00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:21.399
and flow and communicate. I love it, so expect this.
5
00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:27.160
Hopefully it works for you. Hopefully you like the solo format.
6
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.120
So off the back of last week's podcast where I
7
00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:36.920
talked about identity and a really good and very poignant question.
8
00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:42.039
So in the podcast, I talked about a word truth,
9
00:00:43.479 --> 00:00:47.119
The truth will set us free, and this is important
10
00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:53.799
in any domain of life, mental, emotional or physical, scientific,
11
00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.479
everything like the truth sets us free. And as a
12
00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:04.359
supplement company, we try and found everything we do on truth.
13
00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:08.040
So when we build a product, we're like, what is
14
00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:14.120
the scientific truth around what humans optimally need based on
15
00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:19.640
their diet and environment in the modern world, what does
16
00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:22.280
that mean for building a multi vitamin? And then we
17
00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:27.239
put that information into awesome defense. The same with our training.
18
00:01:27.319 --> 00:01:33.280
What's scientifically shown to best optimize the physical body in
19
00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:37.680
the gym. But some of the hard areas of life
20
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:42.680
to seek truth in are the more abstract, the mental,
21
00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:47.480
the emotional. But it's really important because they will define
22
00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:51.319
what happens downstream. So if you think about your body
23
00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:54.079
in a hierarchy, Let's look at your head. Your head
24
00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:57.000
is the top of your body, and you will quite
25
00:01:57.079 --> 00:02:01.359
often make decisions head down. You're thinking of thought, You
26
00:02:01.480 --> 00:02:04.480
believe a thing, you have a story, and then that
27
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:08.680
informs your behavior. So I believe this about training, or
28
00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:12.919
I believe this about my body, and you act then
29
00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:17.080
in the way based on your belief system. So actually
30
00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:22.080
going right to the top of this chain is incredibly important.
31
00:02:22.919 --> 00:02:25.319
So this question that I got on social media was
32
00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:32.439
simply this, Ben, how do you know if you are
33
00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:36.439
acting on something that is true in your life or not?
34
00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:43.919
That was it so simple and so powerful. Now the
35
00:02:44.039 --> 00:02:49.400
problem with this is when we develop ourselves, many people
36
00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:58.800
will default to judgment or not enough. So if I
37
00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:02.800
analyze this part of myself all my life, what I'm
38
00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:06.479
basically doing is saying that I am not doing enough,
39
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:09.439
or I am not enough or I don't know enough,
40
00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:13.280
because I'm saying is this the right thing to do?
41
00:03:14.280 --> 00:03:17.639
So we view it through the lens on ourselves of judgment.
42
00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:23.719
I'm judging myself. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. So
43
00:03:24.039 --> 00:03:28.280
just feeling depressed about yourself and then it stops you
44
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:32.960
questioning things because your thought loop is, well, when I
45
00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:35.439
question things, I judge myself and I don't like it
46
00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:37.520
when I judge myself. So I'm not going to do
47
00:03:37.560 --> 00:03:40.680
that because it doesn't then lead to more positive behaviors.
48
00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:44.840
But the problem is is we stay constrained if we
49
00:03:44.919 --> 00:03:47.520
think about that identity statement. What it's trying to do
50
00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:51.199
is make a zoom out and say, let's not stay constrained.
51
00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:53.879
Let's move towards the identity that you want to be.
52
00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:02.840
And then we use open cureuriosity, and powerful questions to
53
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:06.280
find out whether we are acting on truth. So instead
54
00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:11.120
of inquiring about anything in your life through judgment through
55
00:04:11.159 --> 00:04:18.680
not enough, do it through curiosity, through opportunity, through expansion.
56
00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:23.759
Really simple example. So I've just joined back at a
57
00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:27.000
new gym and I bumped into a guy I've seen
58
00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:29.439
many many times in this gym. So, this gym that
59
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.199
I'm going to again, I used to personal train there
60
00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:36.720
when I was twenty one. I'm now forty. Now this
61
00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:40.519
guy has been in that gym nineteen years. I bump
62
00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:43.560
into him like every time in this gym, and we
63
00:04:43.560 --> 00:04:46.120
were chatting and I was just like, how's your training,
64
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.120
and it's like, oh, you know, same old like you know,
65
00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:52.959
push paul legs like you know, but everything's a bit
66
00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.959
sourer now, a bit more tired, joints, her all the
67
00:04:55.959 --> 00:04:58.240
rest of it. And I was like, okay, cool. I
68
00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:00.800
was like, what do you want from you training? Like
69
00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:03.759
what is your goal? And he was like, well, you know,
70
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:05.879
I don't want to feel good, I want to look good.
71
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.480
I want to move good. I was like okay. I
72
00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:13.040
was like, so, what's changed in your training over the
73
00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:17.439
last like five years, for example, and he went, oh, well,
74
00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:22.199
not a lot, Like I changed my exercises around. Sometimes
75
00:05:22.199 --> 00:05:25.079
I do a strength block sometimes. I was like, okay, cool,
76
00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:32.079
so what are you doing? There's taking you closer to
77
00:05:32.279 --> 00:05:34.959
your goal? And he sort of thought about it, He's like, well,
78
00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:36.639
what do you mean. I was like, well, your goal
79
00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:41.639
is to look good, feel good, move better. Is your
80
00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:46.040
training taking you towards that goal or further away from
81
00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:48.879
that goal? And we both agreed that it's not really
82
00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:52.720
taking him further away, it's just keeping him where he is.
83
00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:57.519
And he admitted that he's not really making any progress.
84
00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.720
His body, like the way he looks, the way you
85
00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:02.600
feel kind of been the same for like he basically
86
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:04.839
said like eight, nine, ten years. I was like, okay.
87
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:08.959
I was like, so, why don't we use this opportunity
88
00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:15.079
to challenge what you're doing with open curiosity so that
89
00:06:15.160 --> 00:06:19.360
we can lead ourselves to a better outcome. You said
90
00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:23.120
to me, you want to feel better, Okay, what inputs
91
00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:27.000
do we need to do change to feel better? And
92
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:29.800
there'll be some lifestyle staff, There'll be some training staff,
93
00:06:29.879 --> 00:06:33.560
There'll be a couple of things, right, and then you
94
00:06:33.639 --> 00:06:36.560
want to look better. Okay, cool, Well again there's some
95
00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:39.040
input staff. You know, we need to maybe look at
96
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.639
your training again, we maybe probably principally want to look
97
00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:48.160
at your dire calorie expenditure. And then lastly, you want
98
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.600
to move better. Now, this is probably the big one
99
00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:52.560
that's the most relevant to what he was doing in
100
00:06:52.600 --> 00:06:54.680
the gym. I was like, you want to move better,
101
00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:57.120
but you've been doing the same thing for the last
102
00:06:57.160 --> 00:07:01.439
eight years and you're getting like, well, you're not getting
103
00:07:01.439 --> 00:07:04.759
the same outcomes. You're staying the same. Like, ideally, you
104
00:07:04.839 --> 00:07:07.480
want your training to be improving you in some way.
105
00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:12.120
Humans like progress. It's motivating. So I said, well, what
106
00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:15.319
if we changed your training and instead of just doing
107
00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:19.800
a simple pushpaol legs. You kept like half of that
108
00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:23.040
because you obviously enjoy that. You kind of like bodybuilding,
109
00:07:23.079 --> 00:07:25.720
but we made it way more functional. So the first
110
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:30.040
fifteen minutes of your training it was more dynamic. We
111
00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:34.120
use sleds, we use sandbags, we maybe put some loaded
112
00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:37.959
yogur in, and then you do your thirty minute strength block,
113
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:41.519
and then for twelve minutes towards the end, you have
114
00:07:41.639 --> 00:07:48.480
a brutal like conditioning thing where we get skier, we
115
00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:51.519
get a kettle bell, you know, we literally just find
116
00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:56.879
real sweaty rhythm where you gain real fitness and kind
117
00:07:56.879 --> 00:07:59.000
of feel like an athlete. I was like, if you
118
00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.639
did that for six months, how do you think you'd
119
00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:06.879
look and feel? And he went, yeah, I think I'd
120
00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:08.639
feel pretty good. And I was like, okay, so what's
121
00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:10.959
stopping you is like, I don't really know how to
122
00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:14.000
do that, and I was like, that's fine. We have
123
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:18.040
open curiosity and we simply say this is what we want.
124
00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:21.279
I don't know how to get there. Let me find
125
00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:24.920
the tools people resources that allows me to get there
126
00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:27.920
and have the courage to say I'm going to play
127
00:08:27.959 --> 00:08:30.199
around with my training for a bit and try and
128
00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.960
get to the place that feels good. There's no judgment
129
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:38.080
in the process, there's no criticism, there's just open curiosity.
130
00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:43.519
But that wouldn't have happened unless I had challenged what
131
00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:46.279
he was doing, and I did it nicely and did
132
00:08:46.279 --> 00:08:48.200
it gently. I just sort of said, hey, well, you
133
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:51.720
know what you're doing, and that's all we need to
134
00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:58.279
do because the inputs didn't hit the required or desired outputs,
135
00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:04.480
and that means we weren't aligned with truth. Now, this
136
00:09:04.799 --> 00:09:11.279
can feel overwhelming if you let it. If you approach
137
00:09:11.399 --> 00:09:17.279
this through judgment, through not enough. If we approach this
138
00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:22.759
through open curiosity of wanting to be better, then questioning
139
00:09:23.480 --> 00:09:32.200
everything is incredibly powerful. So what might you question again everything?
140
00:09:32.679 --> 00:09:35.639
Why do I believe the things that I believe? Why
141
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.519
do I think the way that I think? Why do
142
00:09:38.600 --> 00:09:41.399
I keep doing that thing that I say I want
143
00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:46.679
to change but I keep doing it anyway when people
144
00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:49.559
do that thing at me? Why do I react in
145
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:54.639
that way? I don't really want to react in that way.
146
00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:57.720
Am I enjoying my job? Am I enjoying my training?
147
00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:01.279
Do I like those people hang out with? Do I
148
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:04.960
like the car that I drive? Now this might sound ridiculous,
149
00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:12.720
but humans love comfort. And the thing with comfort is
150
00:10:12.759 --> 00:10:18.559
it stops you seeing what you have the potential to change. Now.
151
00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:23.399
I'm not saying you need to change anything, but it
152
00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:29.320
starts with a question. Change starts with a question, a
153
00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:33.879
courageous and powerful question to say, there's a little niggle here,
154
00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:38.639
or this friction, or there's a sense of unease or unhappiness.
155
00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:42.120
Let me have the courage to challenge what I'm currently doing.
156
00:10:44.759 --> 00:10:48.320
And it could be that you know, for example, you
157
00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:51.759
challenge your work. I'm not quite enjoying my work right now,
158
00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:54.799
and you've been having these feelings of like, oh I
159
00:10:54.799 --> 00:10:59.919
should get a new job. But upon challenging it productively.
160
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:03.679
And this is where working with coaches can be powerful,
161
00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:09.000
because coaches are generally skilled at asking good questions. And
162
00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:12.279
this is where I would actually fly the flag for AI.
163
00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:17.279
You know, I've many a times been struggle struggling with
164
00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:20.840
something I quite off to do this with parenting, and
165
00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:24.840
I'm like, let me sit down with chosen AI platform
166
00:11:25.159 --> 00:11:31.399
and bounce some ideas around and literally tell it, think, critically,
167
00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:34.679
challenge me, open my eyes to what I am not seeing,
168
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:38.360
and it makes you think. It opens your synapses and
169
00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:42.480
brain to like new possibilities, and that's what we're trying
170
00:11:42.519 --> 00:11:44.759
to do. So if you sat down and you're like, oh,
171
00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:48.000
you know, I'm quite annoyed, Well, I'm happy with my
172
00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:51.240
work right now, and I might move jobs. But then
173
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:55.000
upon challenging it and really getting into it, it might
174
00:11:55.080 --> 00:11:58.759
just be one aspect of your job that is frustrating you,
175
00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:02.759
and actually there might be a solution for you to say, well,
176
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.360
if I found a solution for that one bit, I reckon,
177
00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:09.279
I'd really start to enjoying my job again. So I
178
00:12:09.320 --> 00:12:11.639
don't have to go through the upheaval of moving jobs.
179
00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:13.840
I just need to fix that little bit. And do
180
00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:16.120
I have the courage to now fix that little bit?
181
00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:24.799
Because I deserve that? So where could you should you?
182
00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:33.960
Is there an opportunity to challenge aspects of your life?
183
00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:39.320
And this is something that I've taken really great pleasure
184
00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:43.919
in over the last couple of years on the journey
185
00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:46.159
that I've been on with myself, focusing a lot more
186
00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:53.559
on mental emotional development, because yes, it's been hard. It's
187
00:12:53.559 --> 00:12:56.440
not easy looking at yourself in the mirror and going oh,
188
00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:01.120
I've got that behavior? Why have I got that behavior? Ah?
189
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.240
And it goes deep. But if I don't do that.
190
00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:08.000
I do not set myself free, and it starts with
191
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:12.200
having the courage to challenge why it's there and to
192
00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:18.200
not stop until you find an answer. Ninety nine point
193
00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:20.720
nine percent of the time in life, there is an
194
00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:30.919
answer to a problem. Not always, but we deserve it
195
00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:38.159
of ourselves to keep finding an answer, keep looking for solutions,
196
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:43.679
keep trying things with open curiosity through love for yourself.
197
00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:50.480
Not because you're not enough, not because we need to
198
00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:53.559
do this through the lens of judgment. No, it's opportunity.
199
00:13:53.559 --> 00:13:56.519
It's the opportunity to be a more awesome human. That's it.
200
00:13:57.720 --> 00:14:00.000
And the reason why we have to ask these questions
201
00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:04.440
is because we get comfortable as humans until one day
202
00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:08.679
we look up and we go, WHOA, I'm not in
203
00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:12.000
a great place right now. And we just haven't seen
204
00:14:12.120 --> 00:14:17.799
this slow attrition of probably many areas of our life
205
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:24.519
that have declined in quality and experience. And now we're like, oh, wow, yeah,
206
00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:28.600
I don't feel great. I've been working with a client
207
00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:34.399
recently where he came to me and I think, yeah,
208
00:14:34.440 --> 00:14:38.679
he would openly describe himself as being depressed. They didn't
209
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:42.600
have any joy, like ah, and like as a result,
210
00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:46.360
sort of everything had slowly gone to pop and we
211
00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:48.840
could sit there and we could say, oh, it's this,
212
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.799
it's that. We also looked at his testosterone level and stuff,
213
00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:57.240
and I was like, the thing is, all of those
214
00:14:57.279 --> 00:14:59.840
things could be right and all of them could be wrong.
215
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:05.200
But what we need to do is start with challenging
216
00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:07.919
what you're currently doing and could it lead to a
217
00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.960
better outcome. Because if we give the right environment for
218
00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:18.039
a human to thrive, they will thrive. So when I
219
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.720
sat down with this client, I was like, right, talk
220
00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:22.919
to me about your exercise right now. It's like, oh,
221
00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:25.600
you know, not a lot, probably walk for like twenty
222
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.879
minutes a day. I was like, okay, cool, talk to
223
00:15:28.919 --> 00:15:31.480
me about your nutrition. These nutrition was actually quite good.
224
00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:34.639
He's a real foodie, but you often like comfort eat
225
00:15:34.679 --> 00:15:36.960
the weekend and stuff, so that was creating like a
226
00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:39.960
bit of a weight problem. And then I was like, okay, cool,
227
00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:43.519
how's work going. Very stressed to work a lot on
228
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.639
my own business. It's okay, cool, fine, And we just
229
00:15:46.679 --> 00:15:50.679
broke down all these things and I said, right, let's
230
00:15:50.759 --> 00:15:53.120
build them all back up again. Like, what do we
231
00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:57.360
know about the human body from an optimization point of view? Well,
232
00:15:57.519 --> 00:16:00.279
we know it needs to sleep good, eat good, good,
233
00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:03.799
move good, and that will start to help us think good.
234
00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.480
Then we'll work on the deeper aspects of thinking good,
235
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:08.840
because it's quite often not just like, you know, one
236
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:12.600
little bit at the puzzle and then we build. Now,
237
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:17.200
we only worked with each other for three months, just
238
00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:21.840
did a three month coaching block together and at the
239
00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:27.279
end of it, we sort of self diagnosed him out
240
00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:30.159
of having low testosterone, which could be a massive issue
241
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:35.519
for men, and hormonal issues are a big, big thing,
242
00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:39.600
you know, for anyone that's got them, male or female.
243
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.399
And we sort of said, like, do you know what,
244
00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:46.120
We're not gonna keep going down the testosterone route because
245
00:16:46.120 --> 00:16:49.000
I'm actually I'm actually feeling like pretty good. Like I
246
00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:53.679
wouldn't I wouldn't describe myself as like depressed anymore. And
247
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:58.200
all we've done is taking three months to challenge what
248
00:16:58.279 --> 00:17:04.960
he was doing with curiosity and simply optimize the human. Now,
249
00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:11.279
a human cannot be optimized without new awareness and new information,
250
00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:16.960
and that's where the importance of the challenge starts. Right now,
251
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:20.640
you are walking around with a certain amount of knowledge
252
00:17:21.400 --> 00:17:27.480
and awareness. Now a mistake humans fall into the trap
253
00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:31.240
of or a trap sorry that humans fall into is
254
00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:35.480
they feel that knowledge fixes every problem. Now it does,
255
00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:41.680
but only if it fits into open awareness. And what
256
00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:45.240
I mean by that is if you have certain beliefs
257
00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:48.599
and stories about yourself, or you are not aware fully
258
00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:53.480
of your behaviors and your habits, that new information essentially
259
00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:58.519
can't land your body isn't ready to receive it. And
260
00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:03.319
that's why I'm a huge fan of the statement that
261
00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:07.960
your life will only change in the way that you
262
00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:13.000
want it to when you make yourself ready. Your life
263
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:16.920
will not change if you are not ready. So how
264
00:18:16.960 --> 00:18:20.319
do you do that? Will you make yourself more ready
265
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:27.279
by potentially developing your mindset, developing your physical body, understanding
266
00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:30.440
your skill set and where you're going in your profession, YadA, YadA, yadda.
267
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.359
It's like an athlete. For an athlete to win the trophy,
268
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:39.920
they have to make themselves ready. They have to condition
269
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:44.519
their body. Their body has to be ready to perform
270
00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:47.519
at a certain level to get an outcome. And we're
271
00:18:47.559 --> 00:18:53.640
the same. So if we walk around without the awareness
272
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:59.519
of ourselves and we're not regularly challenging what we do
273
00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:03.960
and what we do it the information that comes at us,
274
00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:11.759
whether it's asked for, or it's not it won't go in.
275
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.720
And this is why it all starts with powerful questions.
276
00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:21.119
If you ask powerful questions, things can move, things can change.
277
00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:23.240
But if you do not have the courage to do that,
278
00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:29.720
then it cannot happen. You stay the same. And I
279
00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:34.799
say this with every ounce of love in my heart
280
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:39.119
for you being the most awesome version of yourself. I
281
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:45.720
mean that. But change is difficult because you have to
282
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:55.400
challenge things. And humans like comfort, but sometimes comfort doesn't
283
00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:58.319
get as to where we want to be, and we've
284
00:19:58.359 --> 00:20:02.000
got to break things down and build them back up
285
00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:07.119
in a different way. When I got chronically ill, couldn't
286
00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:10.559
get out of bed, couldn't think straight. Do you know
287
00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:13.839
what I had to do. I had to break myself
288
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:17.440
down even further before I could build myself back up again.
289
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:23.960
And I did it by challenging everything because everything was
290
00:20:24.039 --> 00:20:28.079
feeding into the system. There wasn't one reason I was
291
00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:33.039
chronically ill. It was a multitude of reasons that had
292
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:38.359
put my body into a physiological state to even have
293
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:43.279
that illness. And that's where I developed the courage to
294
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:47.200
start to say, hmm, this is more than just one thing.
295
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.440
I need to start to challenge everything. And when I
296
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:57.079
started to challenge everything, everything started to change now, albeit slowly.
297
00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:01.319
I mean I say slowly. That can be the problem
298
00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:04.000
with self development. We want things to happen very quickly,
299
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:11.599
and sometimes they don't, especially the mental and emotional body.
300
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:16.000
The physical body can change incredibly quickly. Like I can
301
00:21:16.039 --> 00:21:20.759
take someone that's two stone overweight, get that weight off
302
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:23.920
within the space of three months, have them lifting weights,
303
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:27.240
doing certain things. They're going to look pretty decent in
304
00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:31.960
three months. That's why the twelve week transformation is a thing,
305
00:21:32.119 --> 00:21:34.839
like you can do a lot of really good work
306
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:40.200
in twelve weeks with the physical body, but the mental
307
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:44.720
and emotional body is more difficult because it's more messy
308
00:21:45.559 --> 00:21:52.480
because everyone has a very unique set of experiences and
309
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:58.680
belief systems. But the human body physically is largely the
310
00:21:58.759 --> 00:22:02.319
same into terms of if I do this thing to
311
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:05.519
the muscle tissue and I eat in this way, this
312
00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:08.920
will happen to fat tissue, this will happen to muscle tissue.
313
00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:14.519
But if I sit down in a mental health coaching session,
314
00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:18.440
it's not a linear journey to say, well, if I
315
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:21.359
do this session, I expect this client to be here
316
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:27.559
after it, because there's so much predicated on that outcome.
317
00:22:28.279 --> 00:22:31.839
What's the current belief system, how was it formalized, did
318
00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:34.880
the person have trauma in there? All sorts of stuff.
319
00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:39.240
And this is where we quite often don't develop ourselves
320
00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:43.319
in the mental and emotional body because it is messy.
321
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:51.240
But you have to walk messy pass you have to
322
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:53.880
have the courage to do it. And the great thing
323
00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.599
is is you can do this stuff like in private.
324
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.480
I've done over one thousand hours of meditation over the
325
00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:04.359
last three to four years. Most people have never seen
326
00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:07.480
any of that. I've done it in the quiet hours,
327
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:11.559
early in the morning, late in the evening now and
328
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:16.920
again sitting in my car. Same with loads of areas
329
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:19.000
of life. We don't have to publicize it. We just
330
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:23.000
have to do the work if we want the outcome.
331
00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:29.279
And that's one of the great things with tools like meditation, journaling, coaching,
332
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:34.119
various forms of therapy, because they give space for challenge.
333
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:38.519
If you sit in meditation and it feels uncomfortable, you're
334
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.319
already challenging yourself. If you write a journal entry and
335
00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:45.279
you don't know what to write, you're already challenging yourself.
336
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:48.000
If you go in a coaching call and you don't
337
00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:50.559
have awareness to the problem, and the coach starts to
338
00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:59.039
ask questions. You're already challenging and that's good. But we've
339
00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:03.559
got to show up to discover these things. We've got
340
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:11.400
to show up for ourselves, and I really want you
341
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:23.039
to show up to yourself powerfully with love. Let me
342
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:26.599
know how this podcast lands. I love feedback, shoot me
343
00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:29.880
a message on social media. I mentioned on the last
344
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:34.319
podcast I've been thinking about doing some live coaching. You know,
345
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:39.400
maybe I help you with a challenge and we talk
346
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:42.920
about it, we disclose your name, we share. It can
347
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:45.880
be a really powerful way to learn to know talk
348
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:50.200
through problems and have problems challenged. And I'm a very
349
00:24:50.200 --> 00:24:52.799
good challenger. I'm an incredibly good coach and will say
350
00:24:52.799 --> 00:24:56.319
that proudly. I've done the work to become a good coach,
351
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:01.039
both through the work that I've done on myself and
352
00:25:01.240 --> 00:25:04.519
the work that I've done in developing my skill set,
353
00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:08.720
and then also just time in the trenches, time coaching
354
00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:16.200
and reflecting and helping people. That has been the doses
355
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:19.200
everything with me, Bencoomba, see you next week. Goodbye,
1
00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:06.639
Welcome to the Dose Is Everything Podcast with me Bencoomber,
2
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:11.080
and today it's another solo show. I'm in my car.
3
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.239
It's just such a nice place to think and be
4
00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:21.399
and flow and communicate. I love it, so expect this.
5
00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:27.160
Hopefully it works for you. Hopefully you like the solo format.
6
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:31.120
So off the back of last week's podcast where I
7
00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:36.920
talked about identity and a really good and very poignant question.
8
00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:42.039
So in the podcast, I talked about a word truth,
9
00:00:43.479 --> 00:00:47.119
The truth will set us free, and this is important
10
00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:53.799
in any domain of life, mental, emotional or physical, scientific,
11
00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.479
everything like the truth sets us free. And as a
12
00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:04.359
supplement company, we try and found everything we do on truth.
13
00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:08.040
So when we build a product, we're like, what is
14
00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:14.120
the scientific truth around what humans optimally need based on
15
00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:19.640
their diet and environment in the modern world, what does
16
00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:22.280
that mean for building a multi vitamin? And then we
17
00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:27.239
put that information into awesome defense. The same with our training.
18
00:01:27.319 --> 00:01:33.280
What's scientifically shown to best optimize the physical body in
19
00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:37.680
the gym. But some of the hard areas of life
20
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:42.680
to seek truth in are the more abstract, the mental,
21
00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:47.480
the emotional. But it's really important because they will define
22
00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:51.319
what happens downstream. So if you think about your body
23
00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:54.079
in a hierarchy, Let's look at your head. Your head
24
00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:57.000
is the top of your body, and you will quite
25
00:01:57.079 --> 00:02:01.359
often make decisions head down. You're thinking of thought, You
26
00:02:01.480 --> 00:02:04.480
believe a thing, you have a story, and then that
27
00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:08.680
informs your behavior. So I believe this about training, or
28
00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:12.919
I believe this about my body, and you act then
29
00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:17.080
in the way based on your belief system. So actually
30
00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:22.080
going right to the top of this chain is incredibly important.
31
00:02:22.919 --> 00:02:25.319
So this question that I got on social media was
32
00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:32.439
simply this, Ben, how do you know if you are
33
00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:36.439
acting on something that is true in your life or not?
34
00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:43.919
That was it so simple and so powerful. Now the
35
00:02:44.039 --> 00:02:49.400
problem with this is when we develop ourselves, many people
36
00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:58.800
will default to judgment or not enough. So if I
37
00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:02.800
analyze this part of myself all my life, what I'm
38
00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:06.479
basically doing is saying that I am not doing enough,
39
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:09.439
or I am not enough or I don't know enough,
40
00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:13.280
because I'm saying is this the right thing to do?
41
00:03:14.280 --> 00:03:17.639
So we view it through the lens on ourselves of judgment.
42
00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:23.719
I'm judging myself. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. So
43
00:03:24.039 --> 00:03:28.280
just feeling depressed about yourself and then it stops you
44
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:32.960
questioning things because your thought loop is, well, when I
45
00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:35.439
question things, I judge myself and I don't like it
46
00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:37.520
when I judge myself. So I'm not going to do
47
00:03:37.560 --> 00:03:40.680
that because it doesn't then lead to more positive behaviors.
48
00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:44.840
But the problem is is we stay constrained if we
49
00:03:44.919 --> 00:03:47.520
think about that identity statement. What it's trying to do
50
00:03:47.599 --> 00:03:51.199
is make a zoom out and say, let's not stay constrained.
51
00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:53.879
Let's move towards the identity that you want to be.
52
00:03:55.759 --> 00:04:02.840
And then we use open cureuriosity, and powerful questions to
53
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:06.280
find out whether we are acting on truth. So instead
54
00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:11.120
of inquiring about anything in your life through judgment through
55
00:04:11.159 --> 00:04:18.680
not enough, do it through curiosity, through opportunity, through expansion.
56
00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:23.759
Really simple example. So I've just joined back at a
57
00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:27.000
new gym and I bumped into a guy I've seen
58
00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:29.439
many many times in this gym. So, this gym that
59
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.199
I'm going to again, I used to personal train there
60
00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:36.720
when I was twenty one. I'm now forty. Now this
61
00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:40.519
guy has been in that gym nineteen years. I bump
62
00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:43.560
into him like every time in this gym, and we
63
00:04:43.560 --> 00:04:46.120
were chatting and I was just like, how's your training,
64
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.120
and it's like, oh, you know, same old like you know,
65
00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:52.959
push paul legs like you know, but everything's a bit
66
00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.959
sourer now, a bit more tired, joints, her all the
67
00:04:55.959 --> 00:04:58.240
rest of it. And I was like, okay, cool. I
68
00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:00.800
was like, what do you want from you training? Like
69
00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:03.759
what is your goal? And he was like, well, you know,
70
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:05.879
I don't want to feel good, I want to look good.
71
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.480
I want to move good. I was like okay. I
72
00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:13.040
was like, so, what's changed in your training over the
73
00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:17.439
last like five years, for example, and he went, oh, well,
74
00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:22.199
not a lot, Like I changed my exercises around. Sometimes
75
00:05:22.199 --> 00:05:25.079
I do a strength block sometimes. I was like, okay, cool,
76
00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:32.079
so what are you doing? There's taking you closer to
77
00:05:32.279 --> 00:05:34.959
your goal? And he sort of thought about it, He's like, well,
78
00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:36.639
what do you mean. I was like, well, your goal
79
00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:41.639
is to look good, feel good, move better. Is your
80
00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:46.040
training taking you towards that goal or further away from
81
00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:48.879
that goal? And we both agreed that it's not really
82
00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:52.720
taking him further away, it's just keeping him where he is.
83
00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:57.519
And he admitted that he's not really making any progress.
84
00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.720
His body, like the way he looks, the way you
85
00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:02.600
feel kind of been the same for like he basically
86
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:04.839
said like eight, nine, ten years. I was like, okay.
87
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:08.959
I was like, so, why don't we use this opportunity
88
00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:15.079
to challenge what you're doing with open curiosity so that
89
00:06:15.160 --> 00:06:19.360
we can lead ourselves to a better outcome. You said
90
00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:23.120
to me, you want to feel better, Okay, what inputs
91
00:06:23.160 --> 00:06:27.000
do we need to do change to feel better? And
92
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:29.800
there'll be some lifestyle staff, There'll be some training staff,
93
00:06:29.879 --> 00:06:33.560
There'll be a couple of things, right, and then you
94
00:06:33.639 --> 00:06:36.560
want to look better. Okay, cool, Well again there's some
95
00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:39.040
input staff. You know, we need to maybe look at
96
00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.639
your training again, we maybe probably principally want to look
97
00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:48.160
at your dire calorie expenditure. And then lastly, you want
98
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.600
to move better. Now, this is probably the big one
99
00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:52.560
that's the most relevant to what he was doing in
100
00:06:52.600 --> 00:06:54.680
the gym. I was like, you want to move better,
101
00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:57.120
but you've been doing the same thing for the last
102
00:06:57.160 --> 00:07:01.439
eight years and you're getting like, well, you're not getting
103
00:07:01.439 --> 00:07:04.759
the same outcomes. You're staying the same. Like, ideally, you
104
00:07:04.839 --> 00:07:07.480
want your training to be improving you in some way.
105
00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:12.120
Humans like progress. It's motivating. So I said, well, what
106
00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:15.319
if we changed your training and instead of just doing
107
00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:19.800
a simple pushpaol legs. You kept like half of that
108
00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:23.040
because you obviously enjoy that. You kind of like bodybuilding,
109
00:07:23.079 --> 00:07:25.720
but we made it way more functional. So the first
110
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:30.040
fifteen minutes of your training it was more dynamic. We
111
00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:34.120
use sleds, we use sandbags, we maybe put some loaded
112
00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:37.959
yogur in, and then you do your thirty minute strength block,
113
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:41.519
and then for twelve minutes towards the end, you have
114
00:07:41.639 --> 00:07:48.480
a brutal like conditioning thing where we get skier, we
115
00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:51.519
get a kettle bell, you know, we literally just find
116
00:07:51.680 --> 00:07:56.879
real sweaty rhythm where you gain real fitness and kind
117
00:07:56.879 --> 00:07:59.000
of feel like an athlete. I was like, if you
118
00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.639
did that for six months, how do you think you'd
119
00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:06.879
look and feel? And he went, yeah, I think I'd
120
00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:08.639
feel pretty good. And I was like, okay, so what's
121
00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:10.959
stopping you is like, I don't really know how to
122
00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:14.000
do that, and I was like, that's fine. We have
123
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:18.040
open curiosity and we simply say this is what we want.
124
00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:21.279
I don't know how to get there. Let me find
125
00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:24.920
the tools people resources that allows me to get there
126
00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:27.920
and have the courage to say I'm going to play
127
00:08:27.959 --> 00:08:30.199
around with my training for a bit and try and
128
00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.960
get to the place that feels good. There's no judgment
129
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:38.080
in the process, there's no criticism, there's just open curiosity.
130
00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:43.519
But that wouldn't have happened unless I had challenged what
131
00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:46.279
he was doing, and I did it nicely and did
132
00:08:46.279 --> 00:08:48.200
it gently. I just sort of said, hey, well, you
133
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:51.720
know what you're doing, and that's all we need to
134
00:08:51.759 --> 00:08:58.279
do because the inputs didn't hit the required or desired outputs,
135
00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:04.480
and that means we weren't aligned with truth. Now, this
136
00:09:04.799 --> 00:09:11.279
can feel overwhelming if you let it. If you approach
137
00:09:11.399 --> 00:09:17.279
this through judgment, through not enough. If we approach this
138
00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:22.759
through open curiosity of wanting to be better, then questioning
139
00:09:23.480 --> 00:09:32.200
everything is incredibly powerful. So what might you question again everything?
140
00:09:32.679 --> 00:09:35.639
Why do I believe the things that I believe? Why
141
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:38.519
do I think the way that I think? Why do
142
00:09:38.600 --> 00:09:41.399
I keep doing that thing that I say I want
143
00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:46.679
to change but I keep doing it anyway when people
144
00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:49.559
do that thing at me? Why do I react in
145
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:54.639
that way? I don't really want to react in that way.
146
00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:57.720
Am I enjoying my job? Am I enjoying my training?
147
00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:01.279
Do I like those people hang out with? Do I
148
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:04.960
like the car that I drive? Now this might sound ridiculous,
149
00:10:06.679 --> 00:10:12.720
but humans love comfort. And the thing with comfort is
150
00:10:12.759 --> 00:10:18.559
it stops you seeing what you have the potential to change. Now.
151
00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:23.399
I'm not saying you need to change anything, but it
152
00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:29.320
starts with a question. Change starts with a question, a
153
00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:33.879
courageous and powerful question to say, there's a little niggle here,
154
00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:38.639
or this friction, or there's a sense of unease or unhappiness.
155
00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:42.120
Let me have the courage to challenge what I'm currently doing.
156
00:10:44.759 --> 00:10:48.320
And it could be that you know, for example, you
157
00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:51.759
challenge your work. I'm not quite enjoying my work right now,
158
00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:54.799
and you've been having these feelings of like, oh I
159
00:10:54.799 --> 00:10:59.919
should get a new job. But upon challenging it productively.
160
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:03.679
And this is where working with coaches can be powerful,
161
00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:09.000
because coaches are generally skilled at asking good questions. And
162
00:11:09.039 --> 00:11:12.279
this is where I would actually fly the flag for AI.
163
00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:17.279
You know, I've many a times been struggle struggling with
164
00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:20.840
something I quite off to do this with parenting, and
165
00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:24.840
I'm like, let me sit down with chosen AI platform
166
00:11:25.159 --> 00:11:31.399
and bounce some ideas around and literally tell it, think, critically,
167
00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:34.679
challenge me, open my eyes to what I am not seeing,
168
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:38.360
and it makes you think. It opens your synapses and
169
00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:42.480
brain to like new possibilities, and that's what we're trying
170
00:11:42.519 --> 00:11:44.759
to do. So if you sat down and you're like, oh,
171
00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:48.000
you know, I'm quite annoyed, Well, I'm happy with my
172
00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:51.240
work right now, and I might move jobs. But then
173
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:55.000
upon challenging it and really getting into it, it might
174
00:11:55.080 --> 00:11:58.759
just be one aspect of your job that is frustrating you,
175
00:11:59.399 --> 00:12:02.759
and actually there might be a solution for you to say, well,
176
00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:07.360
if I found a solution for that one bit, I reckon,
177
00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:09.279
I'd really start to enjoying my job again. So I
178
00:12:09.320 --> 00:12:11.639
don't have to go through the upheaval of moving jobs.
179
00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:13.840
I just need to fix that little bit. And do
180
00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:16.120
I have the courage to now fix that little bit?
181
00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:24.799
Because I deserve that? So where could you should you?
182
00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:33.960
Is there an opportunity to challenge aspects of your life?
183
00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:39.320
And this is something that I've taken really great pleasure
184
00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:43.919
in over the last couple of years on the journey
185
00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:46.159
that I've been on with myself, focusing a lot more
186
00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:53.559
on mental emotional development, because yes, it's been hard. It's
187
00:12:53.559 --> 00:12:56.440
not easy looking at yourself in the mirror and going oh,
188
00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:01.120
I've got that behavior? Why have I got that behavior? Ah?
189
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.240
And it goes deep. But if I don't do that.
190
00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:08.000
I do not set myself free, and it starts with
191
00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:12.200
having the courage to challenge why it's there and to
192
00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:18.200
not stop until you find an answer. Ninety nine point
193
00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:20.720
nine percent of the time in life, there is an
194
00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:30.919
answer to a problem. Not always, but we deserve it
195
00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:38.159
of ourselves to keep finding an answer, keep looking for solutions,
196
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:43.679
keep trying things with open curiosity through love for yourself.
197
00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:50.480
Not because you're not enough, not because we need to
198
00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:53.559
do this through the lens of judgment. No, it's opportunity.
199
00:13:53.559 --> 00:13:56.519
It's the opportunity to be a more awesome human. That's it.
200
00:13:57.720 --> 00:14:00.000
And the reason why we have to ask these questions
201
00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:04.440
is because we get comfortable as humans until one day
202
00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:08.679
we look up and we go, WHOA, I'm not in
203
00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:12.000
a great place right now. And we just haven't seen
204
00:14:12.120 --> 00:14:17.799
this slow attrition of probably many areas of our life
205
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:24.519
that have declined in quality and experience. And now we're like, oh, wow, yeah,
206
00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:28.600
I don't feel great. I've been working with a client
207
00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:34.399
recently where he came to me and I think, yeah,
208
00:14:34.440 --> 00:14:38.679
he would openly describe himself as being depressed. They didn't
209
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:42.600
have any joy, like ah, and like as a result,
210
00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:46.360
sort of everything had slowly gone to pop and we
211
00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:48.840
could sit there and we could say, oh, it's this,
212
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.799
it's that. We also looked at his testosterone level and stuff,
213
00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:57.240
and I was like, the thing is, all of those
214
00:14:57.279 --> 00:14:59.840
things could be right and all of them could be wrong.
215
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:05.200
But what we need to do is start with challenging
216
00:15:05.240 --> 00:15:07.919
what you're currently doing and could it lead to a
217
00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.960
better outcome. Because if we give the right environment for
218
00:15:12.039 --> 00:15:18.039
a human to thrive, they will thrive. So when I
219
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.720
sat down with this client, I was like, right, talk
220
00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:22.919
to me about your exercise right now. It's like, oh,
221
00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:25.600
you know, not a lot, probably walk for like twenty
222
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:28.879
minutes a day. I was like, okay, cool, talk to
223
00:15:28.919 --> 00:15:31.480
me about your nutrition. These nutrition was actually quite good.
224
00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:34.639
He's a real foodie, but you often like comfort eat
225
00:15:34.679 --> 00:15:36.960
the weekend and stuff, so that was creating like a
226
00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:39.960
bit of a weight problem. And then I was like, okay, cool,
227
00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:43.519
how's work going. Very stressed to work a lot on
228
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.639
my own business. It's okay, cool, fine, And we just
229
00:15:46.679 --> 00:15:50.679
broke down all these things and I said, right, let's
230
00:15:50.759 --> 00:15:53.120
build them all back up again. Like, what do we
231
00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:57.360
know about the human body from an optimization point of view? Well,
232
00:15:57.519 --> 00:16:00.279
we know it needs to sleep good, eat good, good,
233
00:16:00.440 --> 00:16:03.799
move good, and that will start to help us think good.
234
00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.480
Then we'll work on the deeper aspects of thinking good,
235
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:08.840
because it's quite often not just like, you know, one
236
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:12.600
little bit at the puzzle and then we build. Now,
237
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:17.200
we only worked with each other for three months, just
238
00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:21.840
did a three month coaching block together and at the
239
00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:27.279
end of it, we sort of self diagnosed him out
240
00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:30.159
of having low testosterone, which could be a massive issue
241
00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:35.519
for men, and hormonal issues are a big, big thing,
242
00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:39.600
you know, for anyone that's got them, male or female.
243
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.399
And we sort of said, like, do you know what,
244
00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:46.120
We're not gonna keep going down the testosterone route because
245
00:16:46.120 --> 00:16:49.000
I'm actually I'm actually feeling like pretty good. Like I
246
00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:53.679
wouldn't I wouldn't describe myself as like depressed anymore. And
247
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:58.200
all we've done is taking three months to challenge what
248
00:16:58.279 --> 00:17:04.960
he was doing with curiosity and simply optimize the human. Now,
249
00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:11.279
a human cannot be optimized without new awareness and new information,
250
00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:16.960
and that's where the importance of the challenge starts. Right now,
251
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:20.640
you are walking around with a certain amount of knowledge
252
00:17:21.400 --> 00:17:27.480
and awareness. Now a mistake humans fall into the trap
253
00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:31.240
of or a trap sorry that humans fall into is
254
00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:35.480
they feel that knowledge fixes every problem. Now it does,
255
00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:41.680
but only if it fits into open awareness. And what
256
00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:45.240
I mean by that is if you have certain beliefs
257
00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:48.599
and stories about yourself, or you are not aware fully
258
00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:53.480
of your behaviors and your habits, that new information essentially
259
00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:58.519
can't land your body isn't ready to receive it. And
260
00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:03.319
that's why I'm a huge fan of the statement that
261
00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:07.960
your life will only change in the way that you
262
00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:13.000
want it to when you make yourself ready. Your life
263
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:16.920
will not change if you are not ready. So how
264
00:18:16.960 --> 00:18:20.319
do you do that? Will you make yourself more ready
265
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:27.279
by potentially developing your mindset, developing your physical body, understanding
266
00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:30.440
your skill set and where you're going in your profession, YadA, YadA, yadda.
267
00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:35.359
It's like an athlete. For an athlete to win the trophy,
268
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:39.920
they have to make themselves ready. They have to condition
269
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:44.519
their body. Their body has to be ready to perform
270
00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:47.519
at a certain level to get an outcome. And we're
271
00:18:47.559 --> 00:18:53.640
the same. So if we walk around without the awareness
272
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:59.519
of ourselves and we're not regularly challenging what we do
273
00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:03.960
and what we do it the information that comes at us,
274
00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:11.759
whether it's asked for, or it's not it won't go in.
275
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.720
And this is why it all starts with powerful questions.
276
00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:21.119
If you ask powerful questions, things can move, things can change.
277
00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:23.240
But if you do not have the courage to do that,
278
00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:29.720
then it cannot happen. You stay the same. And I
279
00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:34.799
say this with every ounce of love in my heart
280
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:39.119
for you being the most awesome version of yourself. I
281
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:45.720
mean that. But change is difficult because you have to
282
00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:55.400
challenge things. And humans like comfort, but sometimes comfort doesn't
283
00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:58.319
get as to where we want to be, and we've
284
00:19:58.359 --> 00:20:02.000
got to break things down and build them back up
285
00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:07.119
in a different way. When I got chronically ill, couldn't
286
00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:10.559
get out of bed, couldn't think straight. Do you know
287
00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:13.839
what I had to do. I had to break myself
288
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:17.440
down even further before I could build myself back up again.
289
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:23.960
And I did it by challenging everything because everything was
290
00:20:24.039 --> 00:20:28.079
feeding into the system. There wasn't one reason I was
291
00:20:28.160 --> 00:20:33.039
chronically ill. It was a multitude of reasons that had
292
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:38.359
put my body into a physiological state to even have
293
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:43.279
that illness. And that's where I developed the courage to
294
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:47.200
start to say, hmm, this is more than just one thing.
295
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.440
I need to start to challenge everything. And when I
296
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:57.079
started to challenge everything, everything started to change now, albeit slowly.
297
00:20:58.000 --> 00:21:01.319
I mean I say slowly. That can be the problem
298
00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:04.000
with self development. We want things to happen very quickly,
299
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:11.599
and sometimes they don't, especially the mental and emotional body.
300
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:16.000
The physical body can change incredibly quickly. Like I can
301
00:21:16.039 --> 00:21:20.759
take someone that's two stone overweight, get that weight off
302
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:23.920
within the space of three months, have them lifting weights,
303
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:27.240
doing certain things. They're going to look pretty decent in
304
00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:31.960
three months. That's why the twelve week transformation is a thing,
305
00:21:32.119 --> 00:21:34.839
like you can do a lot of really good work
306
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:40.200
in twelve weeks with the physical body, but the mental
307
00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:44.720
and emotional body is more difficult because it's more messy
308
00:21:45.559 --> 00:21:52.480
because everyone has a very unique set of experiences and
309
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:58.680
belief systems. But the human body physically is largely the
310
00:21:58.759 --> 00:22:02.319
same into terms of if I do this thing to
311
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:05.519
the muscle tissue and I eat in this way, this
312
00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:08.920
will happen to fat tissue, this will happen to muscle tissue.
313
00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:14.519
But if I sit down in a mental health coaching session,
314
00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:18.440
it's not a linear journey to say, well, if I
315
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:21.359
do this session, I expect this client to be here
316
00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:27.559
after it, because there's so much predicated on that outcome.
317
00:22:28.279 --> 00:22:31.839
What's the current belief system, how was it formalized, did
318
00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:34.880
the person have trauma in there? All sorts of stuff.
319
00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:39.240
And this is where we quite often don't develop ourselves
320
00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:43.319
in the mental and emotional body because it is messy.
321
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:51.240
But you have to walk messy pass you have to
322
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:53.880
have the courage to do it. And the great thing
323
00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.599
is is you can do this stuff like in private.
324
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:00.480
I've done over one thousand hours of meditation over the
325
00:23:00.559 --> 00:23:04.359
last three to four years. Most people have never seen
326
00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:07.480
any of that. I've done it in the quiet hours,
327
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:11.559
early in the morning, late in the evening now and
328
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:16.920
again sitting in my car. Same with loads of areas
329
00:23:16.920 --> 00:23:19.000
of life. We don't have to publicize it. We just
330
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:23.000
have to do the work if we want the outcome.
331
00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:29.279
And that's one of the great things with tools like meditation, journaling, coaching,
332
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:34.119
various forms of therapy, because they give space for challenge.
333
00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:38.519
If you sit in meditation and it feels uncomfortable, you're
334
00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.319
already challenging yourself. If you write a journal entry and
335
00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:45.279
you don't know what to write, you're already challenging yourself.
336
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:48.000
If you go in a coaching call and you don't
337
00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:50.559
have awareness to the problem, and the coach starts to
338
00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:59.039
ask questions. You're already challenging and that's good. But we've
339
00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:03.559
got to show up to discover these things. We've got
340
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:11.400
to show up for ourselves, and I really want you
341
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:23.039
to show up to yourself powerfully with love. Let me
342
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:26.599
know how this podcast lands. I love feedback, shoot me
343
00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:29.880
a message on social media. I mentioned on the last
344
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:34.319
podcast I've been thinking about doing some live coaching. You know,
345
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:39.400
maybe I help you with a challenge and we talk
346
00:24:39.480 --> 00:24:42.920
about it, we disclose your name, we share. It can
347
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:45.880
be a really powerful way to learn to know talk
348
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:50.200
through problems and have problems challenged. And I'm a very
349
00:24:50.200 --> 00:24:52.799
good challenger. I'm an incredibly good coach and will say
350
00:24:52.799 --> 00:24:56.319
that proudly. I've done the work to become a good coach,
351
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:01.039
both through the work that I've done on myself and
352
00:25:01.240 --> 00:25:04.519
the work that I've done in developing my skill set,
353
00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:08.720
and then also just time in the trenches, time coaching
354
00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:16.200
and reflecting and helping people. That has been the doses
355
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:19.200
everything with me, Bencoomba, see you next week. Goodbye,
