Everyday Generosity

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This is Cleveland.
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And this is Lindsay.
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And this is another episode of The Devil You Don't Know.
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Lindsay, what are we going to be talking about today?
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The smallest moments of generosity.
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But first, uh, let's catch folks up on, you know, briefly, quickly, on what's been going on with us for the last whatnot going on, what not.
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I want to say three weeks.
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Three weeks?
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Yes.
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I'm very sleepy today.
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I swam in the sea all day.
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Wow, hard stuff.
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I know.
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Real difficult play.
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Difficult.
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Difficult.
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At least it's not like Emmett.
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Oh.
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Yeah.
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That's one thing I've noticed here.
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Emmett and the little girl with her beach hat.
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Yeah, yeah.
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The kids' little problems.
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Kids' big problems.
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Yeah, Emmett had a big bad beach there.
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I'm like, bro, I'm watching them.
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So we were at this uh beautiful um little inlet, I want to call it, uh, Brewer's Bay the other day, which is Tortoll's.
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Oh, what a gorgeous beach that is.
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I think we're gonna go there tomorrow.
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Yeah, Tortoll's a beautiful island.
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And um it's it's usually not one that's populated by the tourists, but there is this family, I want to say they're good Christian folk from the Midwest.
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And uh one of them, uh the the Huckleberry.
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Why would you assume that they're Christian folk if they're from the Midwest?
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And how did you know where they're from?
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You asked?
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I I Lynn, it's me.
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Oh, you generalize.
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I generalize and I make up stories.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Carry on.
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So in my fiction, well, I don't know how many uh non-Christian people are named Emmett, but you know, maybe.
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Uh anyway.
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Did you ever see Emmett Otter's jug band Christmas?
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I have not.
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Oh, I love that Christmas movie.
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Now I gotta add it to my list along with Die Hard and Jingle All the Way.
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But anyway, is it before you're tired?
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Anyway, carry on.
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So he was just it was just an amazing day.
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And I guess he had done something to get himself in in a little bit of trouble.
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Yes, we were swimming in the sea and he threw rocks near us.
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Oh, is that what happened?
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Yes.
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Were we the cause?
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Well, we weren't the cause.
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I I mean the rock didn't even come anywhere near us.
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We were way out swimming in the sea.
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And he swam too far from his parents first, and they called him back.
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And then he got out and he was walking along the shore towards where they were sitting, and he started picking up rocks and throwing them in the ocean.
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And his mother called him over.
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Get over here, get over here.
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Oh man, I feel bad.
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But you know what?
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You know, it was just such a rocks weren't even near us.
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It was like little.
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And it was such a beautiful day.
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And he he caught he caught such an attitude, and even later on, you know, when dad uh called him over, he still was like he covered his face, he wouldn't go in the sea.
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It was just very funny.
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He was just sulky, and it kind of made me think how many people actually have a big, bad beach day when life around them isn't beautiful and they want to, you know, kvetch about that.
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It's funny how kids react to things, right?
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It's like they can't let go of it, they need to hold the grudge.
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Like the little girl with her beach hat, she had such a tantrum because she just didn't want to wear her beach hat.
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Yeah.
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And I thought, wow, she's gonna allow this to ruin her day.
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And she's just, no beach hat, no beach hat.
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And I just, you know, I remember the kids.
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And even now, right?
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I mean, Huckleberry Tim still holds the grudge.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And so we we sometimes we get in the way of our own beauty.
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But that's a that's a topic for another day, or at least considering.
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Yes, but it it's been a really great vacation, and I really uh tried to get you extend one more week because that's all customs would allow, but you said no.
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We have to go home.
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Wait, have we really gone up against the the limit of how long you can stay?
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I think yeah, you said 30 days.
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30 days, you gotta leave.
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Yep, and then come back.
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Come back.
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You gotta go to that's right, you gotta go to St.
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Thomas for one day and then they'll re-stamp you and you can re-up for another 30 days.
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Woo! Right.
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I didn't I didn't know we were pushing right up against it.
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Anyway, this has been at least for me, because you know I didn't actually even want to go on vacation, um, and I was being a big baby about it for a a couple of I just ignore that.
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Yeah, but I I want to say I was being generous, and I'm glad that I was being generous because I'll because I'm trying to segue into our topic.
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Sure.
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The smallest moments of generosity.
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So today we're talking about something that seems simple on the surface, but has the power to transform the way we experience our lives, and that's generosity.
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And general Linz, what kind of generosity am I talking about here?
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You're not talking about grand gestures, but just generosity in the way that we think, speak, and move through ordinary moments in life.
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Because if we're honest, most of our lives aren't lived in extraordinary moments.
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I know I have a lot of ordinary moments.
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They're lived in conversations with loved ones.
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They're waiting in line at a grocery store, they're driving through traffic, responding to an email, or making a quick judgment about someone we've never met.
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I'm really good at that, by the way.
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Um, but you know, I think part of why you love Tortola so much is that spirit of generosity that is very alive here.
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Very alive here.
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You know, we met that fella, you know, uh he wasn't from the Midwest, but we met that fella, Ryan and his family, and we had a great conversation in the in the ocean.
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And it was like, you know, had and he here and he brought us drinks.
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He picked up our drinks.
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Right.
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Right?
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Right.
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Well, and even just Elvet downstairs, right?
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When you go and ask him something, he will stop and have a whole conversation unless he's in a cutthroat game of dominoes.
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You know, in which time he tells you that he will see you later after he wins.
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I want to call high stakes.
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High stakes.
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High stakes dominoes.
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It happens but even today he he gets so excited to see us.
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Yeah.
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And and like you said, he's never he never wears shoes.
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I've never seen him wear shoes.
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And that that I actually aspire to live a life and live in a place where I never need to wear shoes.
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But how calm and balanced does he look, right?
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He is so happy.
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And he lives a very simple life.
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So here's a question for you.
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Because we see it out here every day when you see folks hitchhiking, when you see neighbors taking care of neighbors here.
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What if generosity wasn't something we occasionally practiced, but something that we aspired to every day?
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What if what what if it became the lens and through we experienced everyday life?
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I try to do that.
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I try to let people in when I'm driving for work.
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I try to say hello to people, I smile at people, I compliment people.
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That's something I learned in my meditation training is that we can have this generosity and this gratitude in these small moments.
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And it really it it just changes the the whole energy around you.
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And you've corrected me a couple of times here with the impolite driving.
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I get it now, where you know I'm doing my New York style driving in But what if you practiced generosity when you were driving in New York?
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Yeah, yeah.
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I I think you gave me a lot to think about just in that in that moment.
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And and here's the thing is you know, I'm the research guys.
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What's fascinating is that research continues to show that even small acts of generosity don't just help the people around us, but they change us and they reduce stress, they strengthen our relationships, and even activate the brain's reward centers, reminding us that giving often feels just as meaningful as receiving.
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Well, I think it's Ram Das who says that receiving from someone else is a gift.
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Right.
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And we don't always right, and so when someone gives us something or does something for us, he says, I can't remember the exact language, I'll have to look at it.
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It's in his book, Polishing the Mirror.
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But he says, when someone gives something, the gift you give back to them is receiving the gift.
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Right.
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There doesn't have to be like an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth.
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It's, you know, because someone gave you something, you don't have to go and give them something back, right?
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What you give them back is that acceptance of the gift.
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Right, right.
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And and and it brings me back to even uh what occurred last week um with the person that we were dealing with that got super activated about something they didn't even have to get activated about.
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Um, is what if they would have just come at that?
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We even if they thought they were right, right?
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What if they would have come at that with a spirit of generosity?
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Hey, let me share some information with you that I don't think you know, right?
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Right.
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That could have been a completely different way to handle that.
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Well, right.
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And and we talked about that, and I think that's um, yeah, it's a very interesting thing.
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But we don't have to get so activated.
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We can deliver the message kindly, and I think that's also a part of what generosity really is not having those moments of exploding, but having these moments of just stepping back, recognizing something's coming up, and then delivering the message in a different way.
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I was I was watching X-Men 97 today, and it was a quote from a villain.
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Where were you watching that?
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On the beach.
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Oh, okay.
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And when I had my headphones on, he asked me what I was doing.
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I was enjoying some X-Men 97.
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Oh, very nice.
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And there's a line that a villain says when he's getting ready to actually step on someone, and he was like, you know what?
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It is not a brave man who steps on an ant and chooses to like walk away and let that person live, right?
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And and so what is generosity really?
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It is when you when you I think for most people when they think about the the word generosity, and thank you for that segue because it helps us move into this segment.
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I think people think about immediately giving money, giving gifts, giving our time.
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But for me, I wonder if generosity begins earlier than that, right?
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And it goes back to even though Apocalypse was his villain, he was generous in that moment and said it is not a brave man who will step on an ant and keep his head up high.
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Right.
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So, so what if generosity is your attitude toward life?
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Right.
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It's like a willingness to accept things and be open to things instead of shutting down and having to prove a point or be right.
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Yeah.
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I I I think uh in as we were talking to uh to uh so many wonderful people out here, as we were talking to to Scott, Scott and Debbie the other day, who's the Texas cattle rancher, and and he was surprised how much in common we had, you know, being you know, from a blue city in New York, he was like, All of us in Texas think that you guys are crazy and that you and that you're unwilling to listen.
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And I was like, you know what they say on our side?
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The same thing.
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And I think generosity is just a willingness to stay open-minded, even when it's something that you absolutely do not agree with, but staying open-minded or staying open instead of closing down.
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Right.
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And and it's allowing people to have their opinion.
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We don't always have to agree or align with someone else, we just have to respect their view, right?
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And so we can be patient, we can be curious, right?
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We can we can give our attention to those things, yeah.
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Even if we don't always want to.
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And and I want to think about that idea of meeting people with curiosity instead of certainty.
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What is for me that means that because I I'm I'm telling you, I I think one of the biggest problems that people have is they automatically judge and make up fictions and stories about other people.
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Now I'm aware that I do that, but I accept one of the things that I I I that I notice about myself, yes, I do like to think of uh stories or ideas about people in my head, but then I'm curious enough and I will ask them questions.
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And I think of certain friends of mine uh with this idea that they approach things with certainty instead of curiosity.
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And I think what what what Scott was alluding to is that everybody's so sure of not only their opinion but what they think the other person is gonna say that they're not even curious to get to know.
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Well, we we pass judgment very quickly, right?
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And we think about stereotypes or the the programming that's been fed to us.
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Right, right, right.
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And I think about all the ways that we can be generous um is practicing patience instead of frustration.
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Uh to give someone around when our attention, like putting the phone down, what you'll always remind me of, and and I frequently try to leave it in the car these days, but give someone our full attention when it's easier to say stay distracted.
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And in this sense, generosity isn't something we occasionally do, right?
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Um, I think sometimes generosity is listening just without giving a response.
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Right, absolutely.
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Right?
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I think for me, I think one of the biggest generosities that we can give is allowing someone to have a different opinion instead of convincing them that they're wrong.
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What do you think about that?
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Well, we don't ever have to convince someone that they're wrong.
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We talked about this, I think, last week when we recorded about the story that Jack Cornfield told about um the guru, right?
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Is that if someone has an opinion, why do we need to tell them it is right or wrong?
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Right, right.
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And and and and look at the karmic energy.
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So that person that was so adamant that they were right last week.
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What what what ended up what you know?
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It's not well, that's terrible.
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Something really bad happened to her.
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She actually went to work and she got bit by a dog and has to have 10 days of antibiotics.
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They had to make sure she had an updated tetanus shot.
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You know, karma works in funny ways.
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She probably was telling the dog what to do.
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The dog got tired of it.
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Um, I don't know how to bite.
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Ah, gotcha.
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You know, and I'm not saying that that person got that on purpose, but it's it, there's a little bit of karma in there.
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Linz, I want to ask you, there are many spiritual traditions that remind us that generosity isn't just about losing something, it's about recognizing that there's enough kindness and compassion uh and presence to share.
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Um, you spent so much time helping people through your counseling and and through service.
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How has your understanding of generosity changed over the years?
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Right.
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So for me, this is something I've been thinking about more recently, maybe just because it was a big topic in our um in my training, but for me, it has become more about just recognizing little things and not not talking about people, not passing judgment, not not, you know, having opinions about everything.
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And I think that I there was a time in my life where I thought generosity was giving and giving and giving.
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And now it has actually for me shifted into these smaller moments of when I'm driving for work and there's tons of traffic in the morning, which happens often.
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I stop and I let someone in.
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I let someone get a lane change.
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I let somebody go in front of me somewhere in the grocery store, for example, if they have two items.
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I say hello to people, I compliment people on things.
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Um, and so for me, it has become more about just little moments throughout the day rather than these big moments.
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Right.
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Um, that brings us to our next topic, which is generosity in our words and in our thoughts.
00:14:57.919 --> 00:15:02.399
And it goes back to storytelling.
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:11.759
You know, we meet somebody, we come across a situation, and even though many times we're right, there are also many times that we're wrong, right?
00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:16.799
Um, and so I once again don't think generosity actually just only begins with our actions.
00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:18.559
I think it starts with our minds.
00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:26.159
And you can think of all the stories that we've that you tell yourself, you know, like you just brought up getting cut off in traffic, or something like that.
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:28.159
Well, no, I let people go in in traffic.
00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:32.960
When people cut me off, I just actually say, maybe they have somewhere really important to be.
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:34.559
Maybe something happened to them.
00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:40.000
Or people start making up a story in their head, why why didn't this person return my text?
00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:42.320
Um or someone seems impatient.
00:15:42.480 --> 00:16:02.879
I actually had a uh an incident like that where uh a good friend of mine that I used to work at in my corporate gig um had a something bad happen to her at work and was let go, and she felt it was unfair, and it kind, you know, as as somebody who had been there for a long time and she was embarrassed and felt a type of way about it because she was uh she was was a high-ranking executive at the time.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:08.799
And then somebody that was a good friend of hers in the mailroom, you know, just stopped returning her calls.
00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:18.480
And she assumed that it was that she was like, Oh my god, how dare this person who I was generous and kind to and all these other things stop returning my calls?
00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:20.639
And I had I was like, Hey, you know what?
00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:32.320
Um you don't know this, but he, you know, left in a very bad and very embarrassing way, and I'm sure that he would love to hear from you.
00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:33.279
And she was stunned.
00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:36.559
And she actually reached out to him and he did hear from her.
00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:50.480
And I told her, I was like, I said, one of the things I learned in grad school is sometimes, you know, we make up stories in our head that somebody shunned us or or left us behind, and we don't even have generosity of thought to think that they're going through something too.
00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:51.039
Right.
00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:56.320
Well, that's often because we are very like self-centered.
00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:56.799
Right.
00:16:57.039 --> 00:16:58.639
We make everything about us.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:07.039
And so when something happens, we automatically make a perception, which I've talked about many, many, many times with everybody.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:09.680
But we make a perception about it and we choose a bad one.
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:10.160
Right.
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:13.119
So most of the time we don't even know the whole story, and that's what I had to tell her.
00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:25.759
It was like, he's not calling you because he he's he's you know, like he thinks, you know, like, you know, uh that he doesn't trust your cherish your friendship, or that, you know, he he abandoned you too after all the years that you helped him out.
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:29.839
He had a bad situation that I'm sure he's embarrassed about.
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:30.400
Right.
00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:34.880
Well, and because the thing is, is you know, you don't know what other people have said.
00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:35.279
Right.
00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:39.759
So sometimes it's better to just avoid what does Tarbrock teach people?
00:17:39.839 --> 00:17:45.359
I that's well, the suffering grows when we believe every thought that our mind produces, right?
00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:52.799
And so the problem is, is and this is something that I I work I'm working on a lot uh with because you know I have a lot of classes now.
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:55.440
All of a sudden I've many, many meditation classes.
00:17:55.839 --> 00:17:56.559
Blowing up.
00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:00.720
So we are constantly thinking.
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.839
Matt, you know, Jack Cornfield calls it the monkey mind.
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:09.359
We're constantly producing thoughts and we're constantly listening to them, right?
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:20.720
And we don't really, we and then we sit there and we believe all these stories rather than giving it space to actually think about it in a different way.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:21.119
Right.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:21.519
Right?
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:23.759
Or to just let go of it and let things be.
00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:24.319
Right.
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:26.079
There's an idea in Buddhism.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:28.079
I I think you've talked to me about it before.
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:29.279
It's called right speech.
00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:30.160
What is that?
00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:31.200
Oh, I don't know.
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:34.559
I've never talked to you about that, but I would imagine that You haven't.
00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:35.359
It's what?
00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:36.079
Well, wait a minute.
00:18:36.319 --> 00:18:36.799
No, I've never.
00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:38.079
Well, could wait wait wait a minute.
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:39.759
Maybe you have and you don't realize it.
00:18:39.920 --> 00:18:43.759
Because before speaking, I think right speech has this idea is it true?
00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:44.640
Is it kind?
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:45.359
Is it helpful?
00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:48.079
Well, I always say to you, does it need to be said?
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:49.440
Does it need to be said by me?
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:50.880
And does it need to be said right now?
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:51.359
Right.
00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:51.759
Okay.
00:18:51.920 --> 00:18:52.960
So I'm gonna go back.
00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:54.720
You know, it would align with that.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:19:01.039
I don't ever call it right speech, but that's I was actually going to go ahead and say, you know, what you were saying.
00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:02.640
So yeah.
00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:04.880
But it that but that is what right speech is.
00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:08.799
It's this, it's this teaching that is before speaking, is what I'm saying.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:13.839
And I think is another thing that you like to say is it is is my is my is what I'm going to add.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:14.480
Right.
00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:16.000
Well, just like don't say anything, right?
00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:21.440
Dharma Mitra says you should only speak if what you have to say is of greater value than the silence.
00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:37.920
And and I think in our modern culture, especially on both sides, but I find that my liberal friends are very guilty of this, that instead of trying to have conversation, um you know, instead of asking another question, they they're trying to make another point.
00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:38.400
Right.
00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:46.640
And when you think about gurus, like when KD talks about gurus and even like people like Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ acts what we call in counseling.
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:49.039
I think he act he did like Socratic questioning, right?
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:58.240
Or motivational interviewing, which is he didn't tell you what to do, he helped you through a series of questions come to the conclusion for yourself, right?
00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:58.640
Right?
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:04.160
Jesus was not a fire and in and in and brimstone preacher, he was a counselor.
00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:13.119
And I think, you know, if we th if we came to our conversations with each other once again with curiosity and generosity, it wouldn't be important if you got my point or not.
00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:13.920
Right.
00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:16.880
And and we don't always have to say things out loud.
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:20.559
Not every thought that we have needs to be verbalized.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:21.519
Right, right.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:27.599
You know, I think all of us have had some kind of conversation at least once in our life with somebody who made us fully seen.
00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:37.599
And it's not because they solved the problem, and it's not because, you know, they, you know, like they had a quippy or something, you know, funny or wise to say, it's because they were fully present.
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:38.079
Right.
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:44.799
Who who is it that says we only listen so that we know when it's our next turn to speak?
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:46.240
Uh Benjamin Franklin.
00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:46.960
Yeah, right.
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:47.920
Something like that.
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:49.119
I might not have gotten it.
00:20:49.359 --> 00:20:50.079
No, you got it close.
00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:50.720
It's good.
00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:52.720
So, but that's what it reminded me of.
00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:53.119
Right.
00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:54.480
It's not actively listening.
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:55.920
So, Linz, I got a question for you.
00:20:56.079 --> 00:21:01.440
You've had countless conversations with people during some of the hardest moments of their lives.
00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:08.400
What have those experiences taught you about the the power of generous listening and generous speech?
00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:19.599
Well, I don't I'm I try to be, I try to practice what I preach, which is that moment between the stimulus, right, and the response.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:23.039
I try to take that moment of silence.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:34.799
And I sit, so I like to also help my clients learn to sit and not say anything, because a lot is learned in those moments, right?
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:43.680
When we have difficult moments and we hear people say things and we listen, and and it can be about anything, but it brings something up in us, right?
00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:48.319
Sometimes, and sometimes, right, the biggest one is judgment or oh, I wouldn't have done that, right?
00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:51.359
And us kind of sitting here and trying to rework the situation.
00:21:51.599 --> 00:22:00.960
But the the the the real work happens when we actually just sit with what comes up for us, and so that's What I try to practice.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:02.319
And I do I'm not always good at it.
00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:05.119
Sometimes, you know, I'm triggered by the best at everything.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:06.400
Oh, that's very sweet.
00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:07.200
Thank you.
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:14.400
Um, but I try to take those moments as teaching moments, but also learning moments for myself.
00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:20.319
Of, you know, we're, you know, that, and and and I think for my clients, they feel heard, right?
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:23.759
They they perceive that they're heard, they perceive that they're seen.
00:22:24.079 --> 00:22:26.000
And I don't, and I don't judge them.
00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:29.200
A lot of times I'll validate what comes up for them.
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:34.319
I'm gonna move on to our next segment, which is generosity even in in small moments.
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:39.359
And so, Linz, I'll I'll throw this at you because this was the topic that you wanted to come up with.
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:46.240
Um, what are some small moments that we can do daily to to to practice generosity?
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:55.200
Well, one thing I think I've said to you when I heard you make a comment about somebody was I had said to you, you know, be generous.
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:57.119
Don't say anything, right?
00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:58.400
It's not nice to talk about people.
00:22:58.720 --> 00:23:00.000
How about that guy to judge them?
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:01.839
How about that guy in the orange suit though?
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:03.119
Did you judge him?
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:06.559
No, I but that was vibrant.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:07.920
Yeah, I don't know what that was.
00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:11.839
It was like an orange Hawaiian shirt with orange pants and orange sneakers.
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:12.400
Yeah, he was good.
00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:13.359
And an orange hat.
00:23:13.759 --> 00:23:14.559
He was very happy though.
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:14.880
Yeah.
00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:16.559
He was enjoying his walk on the beach.
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:18.720
He had his camera, he was taking pictures.
00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:26.799
But for me, the the way that I have this show up in my daily life is I'd have already said it several times.
00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:28.880
When I'm driving, I let people come in.
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:31.039
I wave, I say hello.
00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:34.880
I will do little things for people if I can.
00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:43.920
I take the time to compliment them, to tell them how cute their children are, to spend a little more time with someone than I would.
00:23:44.079 --> 00:23:46.960
Um, and I try to like, I try to be present.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:48.480
That's the biggest part of it.
00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:49.440
Yeah.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:57.920
I think one of the notes that I jotted down to myself that it's offering a smile to a stranger with no expectation to get anything back, not even a smile.
00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:00.079
And but that's how we should operate.
00:24:00.400 --> 00:24:11.359
And it reminds me a little bit of what Scott Galloway talks about, notes on being a man, about real fathers coming and understand that you may never be appreciated for being a good dad, right?
00:24:11.440 --> 00:24:17.440
But that we don't do this because you know that good fathers are don't do this because they want praise.
00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:20.079
You'll probably never get the praise that you deserve.
00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:22.640
But you do it because it's the right thing to do.
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:24.240
Right.
00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:25.759
So sorry, I was yawning.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:26.640
Oh no, we're almost there.
00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:28.799
We're almost at the finish line, right?
00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:30.559
There's a lot of swimming in the sea.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:30.799
Yeah.
00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:31.200
A lot.
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:40.240
And and I and I think the important thing is to ask yourself, and I've worked with clients, especially people pleasers, is why are you doing like once again?
00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:44.400
I I we want you to understand it's good to be generous, but be genuinely generous, right?
00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:48.160
Don't do it because you think it's you're gonna get something back for it.
00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:52.640
Do it because you want the person to just be on the receiving end of it.
00:24:52.880 --> 00:25:06.880
So, Linz, is before we move on to our next topic, when you think about your own life, is there a recent moment or something small and ordinary where either giving or receiving a simple act of generosity stayed with you longer than you expected?
00:25:07.839 --> 00:25:13.200
Well, I I well, I recently evaluated a little girl for work and I diagnosed her with autism.
00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:20.960
And you know, the mom was beside herself, and I had already seen her for her developmental testing, but then I was sent back to do the autism testing.
00:25:21.519 --> 00:25:25.279
And all this mother is beside herself.
00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:40.559
The child has a lot of emotional dysregulation, and the family is, you know, I'm I don't I don't know this, but I would believe that they're not documented because the mother is very, very afraid that the daughter has such emotional dysregulation that she's afraid the neighbors are gonna call the police on her.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:44.880
The child doesn't sleep, she's screaming all the time, she's banging her head, she's kicking.
00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:46.960
And the little girl loved my toy.
00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:53.119
And I knew that if I took this toy, that this poor mother was gonna have one of the worst nights of her life.
00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:55.519
And so I just left the toy and ordered a new one.
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:04.480
And the mother sent me a video, you know, later that evening showing me that the daughter was still playing with the toy and how happy the daughter was.
00:26:04.559 --> 00:26:08.640
And then a few days later, this little girl was still playing with this toy.
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:17.519
And, you know, and I think about them all the time because I think this mother so desperately wants help for her child that she'll do whatever it takes.
00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:20.480
And I think that she was just so grateful in that moment.
00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:24.240
And that was all I wanted was for her to have like a nice evening, right?
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:32.480
And not have a screaming child because the child has a real difficult time with her, and you know, with the calming down and soothing and and things like that.
00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:35.039
And so I I just left the toy for her.
00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:37.519
And, you know, she's had now had weeks of fun with it.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:55.039
And it goes back to even what what I said, what talks what research talks about is that people who who who give are and give for a good reason, not because they want praise, not because you know, you wanted that mother to to come back at you and be like, oh, you're awesome and amazing, just because you want to do something nice that it was stress-free.
00:26:55.119 --> 00:26:59.519
Now, great story and all, but I thought you were gonna talk about the price of the Tiffany necklace.
00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:00.240
What a surprise.
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:03.119
Um you're funny.
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:07.599
I I I loved I loved when you were thinking, you're like, Cleve, we should get one for mom.
00:27:07.920 --> 00:27:09.359
And then you were like, wait a minute.
00:27:09.599 --> 00:27:10.480
How much did you pay for that?
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:12.079
How much did you pay for that thing?
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:12.880
Yeah.
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:14.559
But no, no, no, no.
00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:15.839
I think that was wonderful.
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:17.680
I think that was a wonderful, that was a wonderful story.
00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:18.160
And thank you.
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:20.319
Thank you for thank you for sharing that.
00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:25.680
Um, let's move on to let's move on to our final, to our final segments on this.
00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:29.759
Is what what gets in the way of generosity, do you think, sometimes?
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:36.640
If being generous is so natural, why does it feel so difficult sometimes, do you think, Linz?
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:40.480
Ourselves, life, things that are happening, right?
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:50.480
We have somewhere to be, we're overwhelmed, somebody upset us, things didn't go the way that we planned at home in the morning, we're stressed out from work, maybe we're late, we're tired.
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:54.160
And so then we start to make things about ourselves.
00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:54.880
Right.
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:58.000
And we don't worry so much about maybe being kind to others.
00:27:58.559 --> 00:27:58.799
Right.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:05.519
And I think it goes back to the idea of, you know, being more.
00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:10.240
I always tell people that the secret of of mental health counseling is is being mindful.
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:26.400
Um, and I think it goes back to just uh to approaching these things strategically, which is, you know, which is just like just thinking about it from the other from the other person's point of view, or thinking about how I can react differently.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:31.039
I think um, I know one of your mentors says, always deliver the message kindly.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:36.400
And I know Terence Real always says, be be kind, but be firm.
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:43.039
And some of the questions that you can ask yourselves before you have a sharp reaction is can I soften my tone here?
00:28:43.359 --> 00:28:45.920
Uh can I take one more breath before I act?
00:28:46.160 --> 00:28:53.279
Can I remember that the person in front of me may be carrying a burden that I don't even am aware of?
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:54.079
Right.
00:28:54.319 --> 00:29:01.119
Well, and I think the other part of that is that we so often don't take into account the other person.
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:04.319
And we see this a lot with couples when couples argue.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:11.519
We're not when we react to something our partner says or they react to something that we say, we're not looking at it from where they came from.
00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:13.920
We're looking at it from where we came from.
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:15.039
Right, right.
00:29:15.200 --> 00:29:17.279
Right, and from our own personal experience.
00:29:17.519 --> 00:29:22.480
And so we often don't take that pause because we're emotional people, so we often react emotionally.
00:29:22.799 --> 00:29:31.680
It goes back to um, you know, something that I had skipped over earlier, but I want to just retouch on it now is presence, returning, and the practice of kindness, right?
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:33.599
And so it seems like part of that, yeah.
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:44.160
I think you said Jack Cornfield always says, um, no, not Jack Cornfield, Ram Das, um, in Be Here Now, that he talks about that practice of of kindness.
00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:46.240
Yeah, you gotta read that book.
00:29:46.319 --> 00:29:47.599
It's actually very, very good.
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:56.640
But it's really that that is that we are, you know, it's just that we other people are living their own story and we're living our own story.
00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:10.079
And so we have to be in the moment, we have to stop rehashing and rehearsing and just be and stop judging what's going on right in front of us and just being present, right?
00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:14.559
And that presence is what also helps us to tolerate things that are unpleasant.
00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:18.319
And it doesn't mean that you don't stand up for yourself, and it doesn't mean that you have to.
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:19.519
No, you still need boundaries.
00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:26.319
That's what I was thinking about earlier when you said that is that we can we don't need to let people walk all over us.
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:31.839
In fact, we shouldn't, but we can be generous and have boundaries at the same time.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:40.400
And I I was talking about this with you, I think the other day, is that all of these emotions and things that are going on, we can they can all coexist.
00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:41.039
Right?
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:45.279
I can be having a great day and a terrible day all at the same time, right?
00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:52.400
You can be having, you can be grieving something, and I can be experiencing joy, and we can still coexist in the same space.
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:53.359
Right, right.
00:30:53.519 --> 00:31:04.240
You know, uh I I you know, one of the things that uh that people think like a patient once was like, Well, you sound like you're preaching toxic positivity, and it's like, absolutely not, right?
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:08.000
It's not about avoiding the uncomfortable moments, right?
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:21.839
It's just it's remembering that we all forget, that we all get reactive, we all lose our balance, and it's not about avoiding them, it's about noticing those moments, accepting them, and then coming back home again, if that makes sense.
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:22.480
Right.
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:27.839
Well, and toxic positivity to me would be that, oh, you're uncomfortable with your emotions.
00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:28.640
Right, right.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:35.839
And so that you try to dismiss anything that's negative or that's gonna bring up anything uncomfortable in you, right?
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:39.680
So that you can kind of have a cheerful and optimistic outlook in a situation.
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:44.240
And that is actually very different than just slowing down and being present, right?
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:44.640
Right.
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:48.079
Because in those moments, you just don't have to say anything.
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:48.720
Right, right.
00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:51.920
Quick question for you before we move on to our final segment.
00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:56.960
You spent many years supporting people through very difficult seasons of life.
00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:01.759
What do you think most often gets in the way of generosity?
00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:06.799
And I'm not just talking about generosity to others, but people being generous and gracious to themselves.
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:12.000
Well, well, what I said earlier, all of those things still apply here, right?
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:13.839
Being stressed, being overwhelmed.
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:18.240
But I think a big one is that we are our own worst critics.
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:18.559
Right.
00:32:18.799 --> 00:32:28.960
And when we aren't true to ourselves, we create this internal unhappiness when we aren't living our authentic lives.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:34.960
And then, right, we can't be generous to ourselves or others because we're so unhappy.
00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:40.640
And we're basically spending all of our energy living a life that is really not ours.
00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:41.519
Okay.
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:43.920
I think that's a great, I think that's a great answer.
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:50.240
And a good segue to our final segment, which is living generosity every day.
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:57.759
Um, as we finish today, what are what are some final thoughts uh that you would like to leave people with, or some simple practices?
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:00.400
Well, it's it's not complicated, right?
00:33:00.480 --> 00:33:05.119
We just need to take these little things into our everyday life.
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:07.200
Pause before talking.
00:33:08.319 --> 00:33:11.200
Ask yourself, does this really need to be said?
00:33:12.720 --> 00:33:13.200
Right?
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:14.799
Not judging, right?
00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:15.920
We we all judge.
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.119
There's so much judgment.
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:19.200
We judge, we walk down the street.
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:20.720
I mean, I I do it all the time.
00:33:20.799 --> 00:33:26.880
I did it the other day at the beach when I saw that woman with bright teal hair, and I was like, oh, wow, that's weird.
00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:27.279
Right.
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:34.480
And so it's like looking at those things and and realizing that okay, maybe it's not for me is the better way to say it.
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:35.119
Right.
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:36.079
I wouldn't do that.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:37.200
I that's not for me.
00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:38.960
I don't really like that for myself.
00:33:39.279 --> 00:33:39.519
Right.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:42.319
But also reminding yourself maybe there's something more going on.
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:43.119
Right, right.
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:43.519
Right.
00:33:43.599 --> 00:33:51.440
And then and then looking for opportunities every day where you can practice generosity when you're in line at the store, when you're driving.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:53.759
I mean, especially in New York with driving.
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:55.200
That's the biggest one for me.
00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:56.640
I just let people in now.
00:33:56.799 --> 00:33:57.200
Right.
00:33:57.359 --> 00:33:59.519
I just stop and I let people in.
00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:00.000
Right.
00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:07.200
And I realize that, you know, that's nice for them because if I don't, then five five cars behind me probably aren't going to either.
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:07.759
Yeah.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:08.320
Right.
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:12.960
And and we shouldn't do these things because we think someone's watching and we want praise for it.
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:15.679
We should just do it because we should be kind.
00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:18.559
Yeah.
00:34:18.719 --> 00:34:21.039
I I I I I just want to go back to even what you were saying.
00:34:21.119 --> 00:34:23.280
I was being facetious when I was like, but it was weird.
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:23.920
But you know what?
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:29.039
One of the things I've learned, and one of the things I've learned as a therapist is what works for you is that's what works for you.
00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:30.639
And I don't have to agree with it.
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:32.880
I don't have to abide by it.
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.800
I have to help you live with the decisions that work for you, right?
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:37.199
Right.
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:42.239
And the thing is that oftentimes these decisions don't work for people, but they're really not ready to face that.
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:42.559
Right.
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:42.800
Right.
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:49.679
And that's the other part of it, is recognizing as well that, you know, yes, right?
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:53.199
Like, no, I know, like, because here's the thing as a therapist, right?
00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:56.079
You could see for miles that something's not gonna work.
00:34:56.400 --> 00:35:01.199
And your client can come back every single week and it's still not working, but they're not ready to let go of it, right?
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:03.440
So they have to be ready.
00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:05.199
It doesn't matter if you're ready.
00:35:05.360 --> 00:35:05.679
Right.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:10.320
And you know, because you have kids and I have kids, they don't ever want to hear what we have to say.
00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:12.639
But if someone else tells them, they might hear it.
00:35:12.719 --> 00:35:12.960
Right.
00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:27.199
And so we have to realize that, you know, people are going to continue with this, regardless of what our opinion, our advice, right, or corrective guidance is, until they're ready to do something differently.
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:29.519
And so what are our opinions going to do?
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:31.039
They're just gonna continue to hurt them.
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:31.760
Right, right.
00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:42.239
And I think also, too, as a as as we wrap the the only thoughts I want to add on this, I work so with so many people that aren't generous, that you know, aren't generous uh not only to the others, but not to themselves.
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:57.519
And one of the things I've said to you about a colleague, and I've come to realize it even with people that I've worked with in the past, is anybody that comes to work and is nasty and rude and mean and unkind and causes problems and is arguing all the time, you know who the first person they're not kind to is themselves.
00:35:57.760 --> 00:35:57.920
Right.
00:35:58.079 --> 00:35:58.239
Right.
00:35:58.480 --> 00:36:00.639
It takes a lot of energy to be like that, I always say.
00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:01.039
Right.
00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:10.239
But when people act like that, and you used to come home from your corporate job and talk about things that would happen, and I would say, Oh, maybe that person was not seen in their childhood, right?
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:13.280
That's how they perceive their childhood or whatever the situation was.
00:36:13.519 --> 00:36:19.280
We have to remember people, you know, people act out on their negative core beliefs.
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:27.360
And so if you don't feel good about yourself, and I've said this to clients before who are miserable in their jobs, and then they go home and they have all these problems.
00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:32.880
Well, why would anybody at home get the best version of you if you go somewhere every single day that you hate going?
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:33.440
Right?
00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:42.719
You absolutely despise your job, you're miserable, you're in tears, you're stressed out, you're on anxiety medication and depression medication, you get a DWI, right?
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:51.519
I've had clients in these situations, and then you're and then you end up taking a mental health leave, and then you go back to the same job after the leave.
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:55.679
And so why would anybody else in your life get the great screat version of you?
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:56.079
Right.
00:36:56.239 --> 00:36:58.480
I I I listen, it's it's crazy, right?
00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:15.760
I I I worked with an executive who once had a housekeeper suspended because the woman, like it was like she came into her office and there was like a strand of hair on her desk.
00:37:16.559 --> 00:37:23.440
And she wanted to know, like, why was remember she wanted to know if she could actually figure out whose hair?
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:24.400
Whose hair was?
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:25.199
I mean, what?
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:26.079
That was crazy.
00:37:26.159 --> 00:37:27.199
Like, whose hair is this?
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:32.880
You know, I come in, I see her, I come into my desk and I see I I figure it's somebody who worked hard, right?
00:37:33.119 --> 00:37:36.719
And and it goes back to with Steve Capus, who was a great dude.
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:40.079
I had an opportunity to work with him when I first started at NBC Universal.
00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:46.000
And Steve Cappas said the number one secret to being successful in business is treat everyone with kindness and generosity.
00:37:46.159 --> 00:37:51.199
And he was like the same level that you would treat the president of this company.
00:37:51.360 --> 00:37:56.880
I've learned that you give that same respect and love to the male, to the male clerk and to the janitor.
00:37:56.960 --> 00:37:57.840
What do you think about that?
00:37:58.079 --> 00:38:00.960
Well, I think that listen, every all those jobs need to be done.
00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:01.440
Right.
00:38:01.760 --> 00:38:06.800
So why should we treat those people like without respect?
00:38:06.960 --> 00:38:07.119
Right.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:09.760
And without gratitude, and without generosity.
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:10.239
Right.
00:38:10.400 --> 00:38:13.920
Because at the end of the day, they're doing a job that you're not going to do.
00:38:14.159 --> 00:38:31.199
There was um a story recently, um I think I for I can't remember what firm it was, but it was a person had come in for a very high senior role, um, interviewed very well, um, interviewed very well with everybody on the executive team.
00:38:31.360 --> 00:38:36.719
But then when they went down and asked the reception staff, well, how was that person when they came in?
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:41.599
They were like she was disgustingly rude to all of us and condescending.
00:38:41.840 --> 00:38:43.920
That person didn't get the job, right?
00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:54.960
Because the CEO of that company says that if you cannot come in here and treat regular everybody with the same level of generosity that you treat us, then you are not fit to work.
00:38:55.360 --> 00:38:58.159
But that should be in every single situation.
00:38:58.880 --> 00:39:00.800
Every single situation.
00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:02.000
Yeah, right.
00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:06.159
So, Lynn, last question for you, as we wrap it up.
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:12.159
If listeners remembered one thing from today's conversation, what do you think it should be?
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:13.840
Or what would you hope it to be?
00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:19.039
I think people should strive to be generous at least one time every single day.
00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:23.360
And it really becomes easier, and then you start to think about it and then you do it more.
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:26.719
But let someone in in traffic, smile at someone.
00:39:26.880 --> 00:39:28.800
If they drop something, pick it up for them.
00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:30.800
Let someone go in front of you in line.
00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:36.079
But just do something kind and you know, with a generous heart every single day.
00:39:36.239 --> 00:39:38.800
Even if it's one little tiny thing.
00:39:39.119 --> 00:39:44.159
And if there was one simple practice that you would encourage people to try, well, that's what it is.
00:39:44.559 --> 00:39:45.599
I just said it.
00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:46.159
Right?
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:48.719
Like, I and I do it all the time when I'm driving.
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:50.159
I just let people in.
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:52.639
I think that's I think that's a good place.
00:39:52.719 --> 00:39:54.559
Well, thank you for being generous with me.
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:55.760
Um, you know.
00:39:56.400 --> 00:39:57.199
Oh, thank you.
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:01.679
I know um, I don't always do like many husbands out there who Do you love me too?
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:02.000
Yep.
00:40:02.159 --> 00:40:02.480
Oh, okay.
00:40:02.559 --> 00:40:03.199
I didn't hear you.
00:40:03.599 --> 00:40:04.239
You didn't let me.
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:11.599
I was actually getting ready to go into a whole love summit monologue that you just shut down.
00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:15.760
But okay, I but if you just want me to keep it simple, I love you, baby.
00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:16.079
Okay.
00:40:16.800 --> 00:40:18.800
This has been Cleveland and Lindsay.
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:22.559
And this has been another episode of The Devil You Don't Know.