Italian 9/11 - Daniel Beaver
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Daniel BeaverStand Up Comedian and Host
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Daniel BeaverStand Up Comedian and Host
Bio
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Contact
Blog
Daniel BeaverStand Up Comedian and Host
Daniel BeaverStand Up Comedian and Host
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Audio Transcription (AI made)
Tell us about Pisa. Pisa shit.(…) It’s a little country in the shitland.(…) Okay, so you don’t like Pisa? Well, guess where Andrei is from. That’s the best. I’m from Madrid, in Italy. From Italy, yeah. He’s Italian. Before it was really good. I wish I was recording it earlier. There’s no one there. Stop it. Stop it. I keep saying this, nobody there. There is no one there. We’re like breaking the fourth wall. Yes, exactly. Our fans are over there. Anyway, come on. And we’ve got you all from Ukraine. So we’ve got a Swiss person. They are Italians. To Italian. Don’t like Pisa. Pisa. Exactly. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa. Shit. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa shit. Not Pisa. Pisa, the city of Pisa. Yeah, like American Pisa. American Pisa. It’s only famous for a wrong tower. Come American Pisa. No, no American Pisa. No, American Pisa. It’s very similar to Pisa. It’s a shit. No. No. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. American Pisa. Yeah. Welcome to 15 Chicago Stegotypes. Yeah, Chicago Pizza Pie is delicious. Yeah, it’s really good.(…) Chicago Pizza Pie, the ones that’s really thick are delicious. No. Yeah, they are. They’re amazing. I know they are like thick, but…(…) Thick, a bit like… The famous deep dish pizza. Deep dish pizza, yeah. The only one I can’t pronounce. It’s like that. Deep dish pizza. It’s delicious. Yeah, really? Yeah. It’s a pool of marinara, as John Stewart says. Come on. Deep… Wait. Wait. Deep gish pizza. Deep dish pizza. You basically take like a crust that is made for a pie. It’s lasagna. Do you know lasagna? Yes, it’s lasagna. I know what it’s lasagna. Yeah, and you do sound very Italian, by the way. I am Italian. Italian, not a lot. Who do you need approved? What is a piece of sheet?(…) A jeez? Eh? Is that how it’s my accent?
(…)
Pisa. I say it’s a… Pisa is a sheet.
(…)
Pisa sheet. Pisa sheet. Pisa, pizza sheet. The pizza, pizza sheet. Pizza, pizza sheet. This makes no sense whatsoever. Exactly. That sounds like a riddle you’re trying to
So he’s a comedian touring all over the world and what he does is, you might not know this, he writes Pisa Med all over the world and puts it on Instagram. Exactly.
(…)
On the Twin Tower? Twin Towers. And that one is Razum. Yeah, that one.
(…)
So the Twin Towers, it wasn’t the planes flying in that sort of bullshit, it was Pisa Med was written so much all over it the thing crashed. On the air.
(…)
On the plane.(…) So the Italians did 9-11, Italians did 9-11. Pisa Med. Your tower is shit. Not now, Kaiser. Pisa people. Pisa people.(…) Are you sure they want to get cancelled? No. Because you’re leaning into it. No, no, this makes perfect sense. My parents. After this podcast, my parents and… No, this makes perfect sense. It’s not 9-11, it’s great. No, it’s 9-11. It makes perfect sense. It’s 9-11. It makes perfect sense. How should… How should… How should Tower looks like? Now I show you. It makes perfect sense. No, you’ve got to think about it, right? No, it’s logical.(…) Pisa is only famous for its tower. And then they see New York. These are the motherfuckers. They’ve got two towers and we’ve only got one tower. How do we get rid of one? Hit it and how do we make sure we bag the second one as well? They heard about pineapple pizza, but they understood pizza. And they were like, “Fuck you and your tower and your pizza.” And they’re like… Oh, pineapple pizza. Yes, pineapple pizza. Pisa, pineapple pizza. And next time, Torrey fan. The entire 9-11. Next time. Next time. Next time, tower. I felt tower. I started here before. The next 9-11 is going to be in Paris. In Paris.(…) Anywhere there’s a tower is not safe from Pisa terrorists. Whoever there’s a tower. Yeah, I felt tower is falling apart anyway, so they don’t need any help.(…) No, not Pisa’s. Pisa’s. Pisa’s. Pisa’s shit. It’s always a comedian, huh? Yeah. Yeah,(…) good cancel.
(…)
We like it. It’s okay. So 9-11 was… What other acts have been done by Italians in history that we can blame? Or we could blame Italians for? Making the overrated food. Completely inside joke. No, it’s inside joke only for Italian, but not only Italian, but only Tuscan. Because the history, this Ille Buorno pizza,(…) Florence Pisa, because in Italy, in Tuscan, we have the bread,(…) never salt.
(…)
Bread, but no salt. Unsalted bread, yes. And they hate each other because they don’t have salted bread.(…) Exactly. That’s going to make a life pretty terrible, actually. It’s nice, not terrible. It’s good, but come on. No, no. It tastes like flour and water. Because it is flour and water. And you put it on your tongue, it’s like… No, no, no. You eat the bread with cheese or ham. But that’s an assumption by the baker. He should not be making an assumption. No, you make the bread basic. What if they like going along? My name is de Milang. Yeah, I like. I like my bread with salt. Your bread is a fuck bread. Fake bread. Fake bread. I like fake bread. I want some fuck bread. If they have fuck bread in Italy, I’m going to Sicily for some of my fuck bread. French baguette. French baguette. French baguette. You mean on… Dildo bread. French baguette. Dildo bread. No, this is French. And if you carve a hole, it’s like double purpose. Exactly. Oh, you heard it here first. Baguette. You can fuck yourself and then you can fuck it on the other end. Excellent stuff. It’s how we make the raguettes out of it. It’s how French people became two nations.
(…)
Two nations.(…) How French people came a nation, I thought you said. That sounded racist first. That sounded very racist. The people who actually came up with that is beefy. Like, you know that fucking little snack they sell in Germany. They’re disgusting. Basically what diarrhea is made for, I guess. Wait, what? Beefy. Beefy. They’re like really those little sausages that are in a packet like chocolate. Ah, the one that you buy in the vending machine. Exactly. I like the way you just did that then. You basically… That’s how you masturbate yourself. They basically sell sausages in vending machines. Yeah. And sometimes you also have this snack made with fake bread with a sausage inside. You can buy it out of a vending machine and you know you’re going to be sick like it. Yeah. Oh my God. I know, this is disgusting for Italians. But they came up with the idea, let’s carve a hole and put our sausage there. No, I’ve seen hot dogs do that. Like in the former Yugoslavia, they have hot dog and they always do a hot dog with their hole in it and they put the sausage in. Yeah. Which I find very weird because when they push the hot dog, it’s like the sauce just comes off. But it makes sense, it makes it easier. Instead of this like, “Oh shit, it’s horrible, it’s going everywhere, it’s nice.”
(…)
I like the American way like messy, it’s like eating a fucking sausage. So the difference is like the bread is cut like this and then the other one is like directly with a hole inside.(…) They put it with the hole and they do… Do they cook it inside? No. No, it’s already cooked. It’s everything is cooked, they just stuff it in the hole. Done. There you go. The entire purpose is to find the most efficient way to make you shit yourself the next day.
(…)
But you’ve been saying this for any kind of food now.
(…)
Because I have… Water is the perfect way to shit. Because I have IBS, I shit myself just by watching YouTube videos. No, but that’s your problem.(…) For those peeping things, you never shit yourself because they’re so full of chemicals. It’s like McDonald’s, it’s so full of chemicals. You never get sick.
(…)
Nobody ever gets sick like eating McDonald’s. It’s good, then.
(…)
It’s good. It’s chemical, but it’s good. For a simple Nutella, we like Nutella. Yeah, I like Nutella. Nutella is chemical,(…) but it’s good. Yeah, it’s good. Chemicals are good. Not all chemicals are bad.(…) It’s in the bread of the McDonald’s, right? They put something to not make you puke. And if you see the… The bread in the change for national. For example, in Germany, the bread in the McDonald’s is very…
(…)
…make to…
(…)
With butter. Butter. In Italy, we thought… I guess in Germany, they put sugar in the McDonald’s. Really? Yeah, it’s a little bit… Sugar in the bread. Yes. If you get the higher you go in Sweden, the bread is a little bit sweet because they put sugar in the dough.
(…)
In French, with baguettes.(…) To help it raise… The change…(…) Yeah, because in the British McDonald’s there’s a difference with German McDonald’s… …which is probably a difference between Italian McDonald’s. Italian McDonald’s doesn’t have vegan stuff, by the way. Really? So, not even vegan nuggets. In Italy, it’s vegan? Yeah, there’s nothing like in McDonald’s. There’s no vegan nuggets. No, no. In Italy. Like we’re in Italy.(…) No, because in Italy…
(…)
There must be vegan. I think. Yeah, but I mean, going to McDonald’s and expecting vegan options… …like going to the Mac and expecting a crucifix to be there. No. Like, just don’t fucking do it. No, no, no. Everyone… Everyone has McDonald’s. No, but they do have a crucifix. Hey, abso… Cheeseburger. But they do have a crucifix in IT class. When I was studying computer science, I was entering this place with the computers and technology… …and then Jesus was watching me from the world, he was like… That’s how must we try. My master… No, we had the same thing in my school. So I went to a Catholic school. Really? Every classroom had a crucifix in it, every single classroom.(…) Isn’t that weird? Like, I’m watching technology in front of me and like ancient religion… Or you could argue old technology, old execution technology. Technology for killing people. Oh. Oh my God. It is accurate. It is. It’s your own technology.
(…)
To kill people. Yeah, to kill people. crucifix in the past. In the past? Yeah. So you’re saying about he’s using technology and it’s weird to have some ancients on that. And I’m saying it is ancient, but it’s ancient technology. Like the cross is by definition technology. Yes. It’s the technology to kill people. Of course. So it’s modern.
Do you remember? You’re my favourite, I don’t really have a favourite transgender. Eurovision and Lena, Lena from Germany. Lena’s not transgender. She was, she was, she was. Lena’s not transgender. She doesn’t. Right, she’s not transgender.
(…)
Technically being transgender means that you could go back and forth, however the fuck you want. It’s all fluid, it’s all good. No, you mean the one that’s that song satellite. Yeah. She’s not transgender. She’s just a man. No, she’s a woman.(…) She’s a woman, oh man. I’m not the one getting cancelled here. Exactly, like he’s trying as hard as possible to stop this conversation from happening and we are just a bunch of stubborn motherfuckers. Just gets cancelled. Into the subject.(…) Yeah, just get cancelled from the pizza community. I’m still, I’m still like… You live here, I don’t care if they… I’m still like them, it doesn’t matter for me, like… I think it’s nice that you like transgender, them. What do you call them?(…) You can’t say them over there. They’re transgender people, people.
(…)
All of them, well not all of them, they’re individuals so there’s about to be assholes amongst the transgender community. Okay, my favourite more is like…
(…)
One target, one target, do you notice like… No.
(…)
Hyperpop, Hyperpop, no? Hyperpop is just a thing. It’s not a new kind of drug. It’s like next 10 years it’s like next 10 years for you, it’s like we’ll come to your mind but not now. Okay, that’s… Hyperpop, it’s like… It’s like Europop by Hyperpop. But Hyperpop is like a new one. Is it Goei or Goei, a Hyperpop band from Ukraine? No, no, no, no. It’s not like that. It’s like Kpop but with… That sounds bad. American, yeah.
Ferrero make to Nutella vegan.
(…)
But it should be vegan anyway, because it’s palm oil. Which nuts do they use? They had me asking it. That was the problem. For me, it’s very terrible, because I eat the Nutella vegan. It’s very authentic. Really? Why do you ask me to sell it? This is a problem, because if the original Nutella is good,(…) the vegan Nutella is good, and the taste is similar. It’s a problem, because it’s only chemical.(…) Ah, yeah.(…) Who cares if it tastes good?(…) For me, it’s no problem. We’re going to die anyway. Exactly. We’re going to die. Why not die with a lot of big Nutella in your mouth?
(…)
In America,(…) I have Nutella in the plastic tank.
(…)
My friend is eating the Nutella.
(…)
Ah, it’s disgusting. For me, it’s crazy, but it’s fantastic. There is actually a problem. Have you heard that recently, preservatives are actually preserving dead bodies in the ground?(…) Really? We’ve been going down to the big side. I’ve heard this in Italy a lot, but I think it’s going to happen everywhere.(…) Back in the days, they used to dig out dead bodies from the grave after 25 years. Now they can’t do that anymore, because there are so many preservatives going around on the planet that even when we die and we get buried, it takes forever for us to decompose. Really? Yes, there was a story actually in England somewhere. There was a town, and they used to put some chemicals to preserve the bodies when they were burying them down.
(…)
All these people were buried in that area, and then it created some kind of pollution, and it fucked up the whole region. Not the region, but the whole area. The bodies were toxic for the nature, and so it was insane stuff. In Tuscan, you used only a condom.
(…)
They’re like a full-body condom, and they bury you. You come out as a big salami in a few years. Every guy that gets killed is because he gets killed because he’s cheating, and he has a hard dick, so they have to put the condom on to just say, “Sorry, you guys.”
(…)
So you put people in a condom? He did Kukluksklan. That is the Kukluksklan. That is the Kukluksklan. “Santaklos” Kukluksklan. No, Kukluksklan, but one of the Grand Dragons, not one of the regular Kukluksklan. The game is called “Santaklos” or Kukluksklan. I don’t know what that is. I don’t know, like, “Santaklos”? “Santaklos”, yeah. “Father Christmas”, yeah. Yeah, “Father Christmas”. Why me? What? Is it too America to say “Santaklos” now?(…) Yes. Just to summarize, we had 9-11 KKK transgender people were in Ukraine. Wow. In Italy, we had Kukluksklan.(…) “Mita” and “Pita” and “Pita”.
(…)
“Mulurans”. No, no, “Sant Peter”.(…) Oh, “Sant Peter” and it’s like black pizza. No, the church.(…) Sure, “Sant Peter”. We have a pope. You don’t have… No, everyone has a pope. The pope’s not just… The pope’s for everybody. No. Oh, my God. No. What you can’t see it from? Of course it is. The pope’s from Argentina.(…) No. The pope is a… The pope. He’s a… He’s a… All the kind. We just… For me, pope… Now pope, Francesco, is a fake pope. How is he a fake pope? Because a communist.
(…)
What? The communist. He’s a communist pope. No, marketing. All the marketing.
(…)
For me, yeah, for me, it’s all the marketing of the church, okay? Oh, yeah, it’s genius marketing. Genius marketing. Genius marketing, the first best seller in the history, no? Yeah, the Bible. The Bible, exactly. But for me, now pope, okay, new pope, is crazy and stupid because he tells the young people, okay?
(…)
But old people, he’s ate this Francesco because…(…) Because he’s like cool, he’s like younger. Exactly. Yeah. But it’s only marketing. Yeah. The church is only marketing for 2,000 years. The genius. It’s the biggest capital…(…) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They’ve got a huge amount of money. Or do you want to stir? Michelangelo. Michelangelo. Is it okay? Michelangelo, with that. So this is the owner of this wonderful restaurant that we’re in. What’s the name of the restaurant? My name is Michelangelo. Michelangelo. That’s not true. We’re in the Italian capital.
(…)
Okay, he’s a painter. I know. He’s a good painter in ceilings. No, no. He can come and paint my ceiling. Is it? Austeria de L’Eartiste. That’s the name of the restaurant.(…) Yeah, but Austeria de L’Eartiste is a beautiful place. Munich.(…) Munich, yeah. He’s the owner… We did a delicious food before. Bellissimo. Bellissimo, more to go, no? Where’s the TikTok video? Can you put the TikTok video on?(…) TikTok. TikTok, yeah. Put the video on TikTok.(…) I’m going to put the video on. Yeah. Put the video on the camera.(…) Yeah. Put the video on the camera. Yeah. What’s the name of the restaurant? The one you prefer. It’s called “Cocustu”. “Cocustu”, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, no.(…) He’s going to bring the costumes. So we’re going to dress up as… I hope he’s not going to strip for us. No, it’s a transformation. This is a transformer. If he comes… Does he understand English? If he comes back, he could. Lela and…
(…)
Yeah,(…) we are. Should we sing along?(…) “Gran-i-TikTok, Mikolancho”. “Gran-i-TikTok, Mikolancho”. How many… How many followers do you have? “Kwale, kwale, kwale”. “Kwale”. What do you follow that? “Kwale”. How many do you follow that?(…) “Kwale”. “Kwale” is a TikTok live, yeah.(…) “Kwale” is a “Busta”, a “Kreskia” in the art of “Alle-Lame”. I’ll put some titles on, don’t worry.
(…)
“Kwale”.(…)
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. “Kwale”.
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. I think he’s promoting himself now, here. “Kwale”. “Kwale”. Influencers in the wild. Influencers in the wild.
This is like a zoo.(…) “Kwale”.
(…)
“Kwale”.(…)
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. “Kwale”. This is a TPK-3.
With hardcore music in the background. I know. What’s going on? This is
chaos.
(…)
“Kranjolo”. “C”. “C”. Are you from my country?
(…)
We’re from Rocapito. “Rocapito”. Or is it “Carabian”? “Calabrian”. “Sut” in Italy. “Sut” in Italy. Is it “The heel of the boots”? “Sut” in Italy.(…) The toe of the boots. The toe of the boots. “Sicily”. “The heel of the boots”. “Etaco” in Italy. “Etaco”, the heel. “The point”.
(…)
No, that’s “The foot”. “Calabria”, no. “The point”? “The foot”. “The point”, that’s “C?c?c”? “C?c”?
(…)
“C”?c”?
(…)
“Ano” in Italian. “C”?c”?c”? I was figuring the counter back one. “I recommend the foot” is really good. “The foot” is really good. “The foot” is the tip of Italy. Okay, so it’s the top. “E” born in the tip in Italy.
It’s like kicking Sicily. Exactly. Okay, okay, okay, I understand. Exactly. What was that TikTok? I’ll find out his TikTok later on and I’ll put a link for his TikTok so you can follow the TikTok. Are you never staying in Sicily? No. I’ve been to Sardinia. Sardinia? Okay. Sardinia is really nice. I’ve been to all over Italy but not… And I’ve been to Bari. Bari is the further south. Bari. Papuria. Yeah.(…) Okay, and Tuscany?
(…)
What’s in Tuscany? It’s Florence. Florence. Florence, I’ve been to Siena. Siena, okay.(…) I’ve been to Florence, I’ve been to Siena. I’ve been to… Next, in November I’m going to Trieste and Udine.(…) Ah, Trieste? Yeah. Wow. In November? In November. For like a friend’s birthday.
(…)
Okay, from my first comedy or for…? Not a lot of holiday.(…) And then we’re also a bit in Genoa,(…) Milan, Verona and some other places. I forget. Yeah, it’s beautiful. I love Italy. I know, yeah, it’s cool. It’s cool. It’s cool Italy. The food is good. It’s not as good as British food life. Italy is cool. Italy is cool. It’s the clitoris of Europe. The clitoris of Europe. The clitoris of Europe. Pretty useless, but
pretty fun. Italy, the clitoris of Europe. You’re talking about fish and chips? No. Fish and chips? Wait, how do you connect fish and chips with clitoris? Nothing. Explain. Well, maybe I can see.
Okay, so I’m going to say something quite controversial. British food is better than Italian food. And I can tell you why. We’ve got fish and chips, we’ve got curry, we’ve got delicious pies. It’s proper food with lots of variety, lots of variety of ingredients, flavors, everything. Whereas Italian food, all it is is pasta and tomatoes. And the fish and chips. Are you ready to take any punches in this? Okay,(…) I’m just saying, that’s my own full opinion, and I want to make a controversial opinion about fish and chips incoming. No, fish is born in general. That’s just not true.(…) That’s not true. The general people want to add in bulk and transformation.
(…)
That’s just not… Pasta and cinefindus because the fish and chips is a findus. Oh, shit. You have only tea born in India and moket and the fish and chips born in… Moket? It’s the carpet on the floor.
(…)
A carpet? Parkettes?
(…)
No, not a carpet. In England, a carpet. A carpet, yeah.
(…)
Floor padding.(…) Floor padding. Floor padding. Carpets.
(…)
And ducks.
(…)
Finish your… Finish this. You have one of the biggest abomination in food, I can think about. What’s that?
(…)
Black pudding. Oh, it’s delicious black pudding. Fuck you. No, it’s terrible. For breakfast, that’s big blood. What is it? It’s blood.
(…)
No. Yeah.
(…)
Black pudding is pig’s blood and it’s served for breakfast. If that’s not the lowest level of food abomination on the planet. It’s not disgusting. It’s delicious. Do you not have something like that in Italy? Like an Italian blood sauce. Like it’s mind bending to have it for breakfast. Like we have it in very specific moment for dinner and that’s it.
(…)
Yeah. Yeah. Fry it.(…) If that is not the lowest point in the world, it’s good enough. It’s not the lowest point, it’s delicious. That’s like… Delicious? Yeah. Not too many. Delicious, connect with apricot and croissant with apricot. Croissant with apricot nutella is delicious in the breakfast. No blood, okay? No blood. Blood is for crazy people. No. Yeah. Oh no, it’s for people who has empire.(…) So… Empire. No, no, no.
(…)
It’s blood thirsty. Blood thirsty.(…) Blood thirsty. To me,(…) anybody who decides to have a condensated pig blood for breakfast has been like, “Oh my God, I’m so desperate to eat anything right now that I could even eat that.” It’s delicious. It’s part of a full English breakfast. It’s delicious. Cappuccino, no blood. Cappuccino is okay. It’s not as good as a proper breakfast tea. For people, for audience, okay? Cappuccino, only breakfast.(…) No. Oh no. After lunch. Cappuccino, whatever you want. No. Freedom. No, on this one I’m a fan. Don’t go on and say you can have a cup of tea. Please go for lunch. You know, whatever you want. Before lunch. I know after lunch. Okay. If you really need to take a shit and you need something hot in your belly and you want cappuccino for dinner, just go for it. Only for shit. Freedom. Okay. Cappuccino, only for shit. Only for pizza.
(…)
I’m just asking.
(…)
We have two last ones. We have two last ones, all right? Pizza only cappuccino after lunch.
(…)
Pizza is a Citti cappuccino.
(…)
Citti cappuccino. Citti cappuccino. It’s a Citti cappuccino after 12 o’clock.
(…)
The way after. Which I think means shit.
(…)
Final thought everybody. Then final thought before we finish. Patrick, have you got a final thought? What about friendship and love? There we go. There we go. I didn’t just opening a new topic right now. Just two seconds. Final thought. Final thought. Final thought. Final thought. Yeah.
(…)
Actually,(…) why some people don’t eat pork.(…) For me, it’s really part of my identity and I’m really curious about pork meat.(…) Basically,(…) I am on half pork and on half greek. So pig, final thought, excellent stuff, final thought.
(…)
Black pudding is horrible.
(…)
Final thought. Me too. Me too, that’s it. All right, we’ll finish it up there. Thank you very much for watching and all listening. See you soon. Bye-bye.
(…)
favourite transgender is like Lena
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Audio Transcription (AI made)
Tell us about Pisa. Pisa shit.(…) It’s a little country in the shitland.(…) Okay, so you don’t like Pisa? Well, guess where Andrei is from. That’s the best. I’m from Madrid, in Italy. From Italy, yeah. He’s Italian. Before it was really good. I wish I was recording it earlier. There’s no one there. Stop it. Stop it. I keep saying this, nobody there. There is no one there. We’re like breaking the fourth wall. Yes, exactly. Our fans are over there. Anyway, come on. And we’ve got you all from Ukraine. So we’ve got a Swiss person. They are Italians. To Italian. Don’t like Pisa. Pisa. Exactly. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa. Shit. Pisa. Pisa. Pisa shit. Not Pisa. Pisa, the city of Pisa. Yeah, like American Pisa. American Pisa. It’s only famous for a wrong tower. Come American Pisa. No, no American Pisa. No, American Pisa. It’s very similar to Pisa. It’s a shit. No. No. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. American Pisa. Yeah. Welcome to 15 Chicago Stegotypes. Yeah, Chicago Pizza Pie is delicious. Yeah, it’s really good.(…) Chicago Pizza Pie, the ones that’s really thick are delicious. No. Yeah, they are. They’re amazing. I know they are like thick, but…(…) Thick, a bit like… The famous deep dish pizza. Deep dish pizza, yeah. The only one I can’t pronounce. It’s like that. Deep dish pizza. It’s delicious. Yeah, really? Yeah. It’s a pool of marinara, as John Stewart says. Come on. Deep… Wait. Wait. Deep gish pizza. Deep dish pizza. You basically take like a crust that is made for a pie. It’s lasagna. Do you know lasagna? Yes, it’s lasagna. I know what it’s lasagna. Yeah, and you do sound very Italian, by the way. I am Italian. Italian, not a lot. Who do you need approved? What is a piece of sheet?(…) A jeez? Eh? Is that how it’s my accent?
(…)
Pisa. I say it’s a… Pisa is a sheet.
(…)
Pisa sheet. Pisa sheet. Pisa, pizza sheet. The pizza, pizza sheet. Pizza, pizza sheet. This makes no sense whatsoever. Exactly. That sounds like a riddle you’re trying to
So he’s a comedian touring all over the world and what he does is, you might not know this, he writes Pisa Med all over the world and puts it on Instagram. Exactly.
(…)
On the Twin Tower? Twin Towers. And that one is Razum. Yeah, that one.
(…)
So the Twin Towers, it wasn’t the planes flying in that sort of bullshit, it was Pisa Med was written so much all over it the thing crashed. On the air.
(…)
On the plane.(…) So the Italians did 9-11, Italians did 9-11. Pisa Med. Your tower is shit. Not now, Kaiser. Pisa people. Pisa people.(…) Are you sure they want to get cancelled? No. Because you’re leaning into it. No, no, this makes perfect sense. My parents. After this podcast, my parents and… No, this makes perfect sense. It’s not 9-11, it’s great. No, it’s 9-11. It makes perfect sense. It’s 9-11. It makes perfect sense. How should… How should… How should Tower looks like? Now I show you. It makes perfect sense. No, you’ve got to think about it, right? No, it’s logical.(…) Pisa is only famous for its tower. And then they see New York. These are the motherfuckers. They’ve got two towers and we’ve only got one tower. How do we get rid of one? Hit it and how do we make sure we bag the second one as well? They heard about pineapple pizza, but they understood pizza. And they were like, “Fuck you and your tower and your pizza.” And they’re like… Oh, pineapple pizza. Yes, pineapple pizza. Pisa, pineapple pizza. And next time, Torrey fan. The entire 9-11. Next time. Next time. Next time, tower. I felt tower. I started here before. The next 9-11 is going to be in Paris. In Paris.(…) Anywhere there’s a tower is not safe from Pisa terrorists. Whoever there’s a tower. Yeah, I felt tower is falling apart anyway, so they don’t need any help.(…) No, not Pisa’s. Pisa’s. Pisa’s. Pisa’s shit. It’s always a comedian, huh? Yeah. Yeah,(…) good cancel.
(…)
We like it. It’s okay. So 9-11 was… What other acts have been done by Italians in history that we can blame? Or we could blame Italians for? Making the overrated food. Completely inside joke. No, it’s inside joke only for Italian, but not only Italian, but only Tuscan. Because the history, this Ille Buorno pizza,(…) Florence Pisa, because in Italy, in Tuscan, we have the bread,(…) never salt.
(…)
Bread, but no salt. Unsalted bread, yes. And they hate each other because they don’t have salted bread.(…) Exactly. That’s going to make a life pretty terrible, actually. It’s nice, not terrible. It’s good, but come on. No, no. It tastes like flour and water. Because it is flour and water. And you put it on your tongue, it’s like… No, no, no. You eat the bread with cheese or ham. But that’s an assumption by the baker. He should not be making an assumption. No, you make the bread basic. What if they like going along? My name is de Milang. Yeah, I like. I like my bread with salt. Your bread is a fuck bread. Fake bread. Fake bread. I like fake bread. I want some fuck bread. If they have fuck bread in Italy, I’m going to Sicily for some of my fuck bread. French baguette. French baguette. French baguette. You mean on… Dildo bread. French baguette. Dildo bread. No, this is French. And if you carve a hole, it’s like double purpose. Exactly. Oh, you heard it here first. Baguette. You can fuck yourself and then you can fuck it on the other end. Excellent stuff. It’s how we make the raguettes out of it. It’s how French people became two nations.
(…)
Two nations.(…) How French people came a nation, I thought you said. That sounded racist first. That sounded very racist. The people who actually came up with that is beefy. Like, you know that fucking little snack they sell in Germany. They’re disgusting. Basically what diarrhea is made for, I guess. Wait, what? Beefy. Beefy. They’re like really those little sausages that are in a packet like chocolate. Ah, the one that you buy in the vending machine. Exactly. I like the way you just did that then. You basically… That’s how you masturbate yourself. They basically sell sausages in vending machines. Yeah. And sometimes you also have this snack made with fake bread with a sausage inside. You can buy it out of a vending machine and you know you’re going to be sick like it. Yeah. Oh my God. I know, this is disgusting for Italians. But they came up with the idea, let’s carve a hole and put our sausage there. No, I’ve seen hot dogs do that. Like in the former Yugoslavia, they have hot dog and they always do a hot dog with their hole in it and they put the sausage in. Yeah. Which I find very weird because when they push the hot dog, it’s like the sauce just comes off. But it makes sense, it makes it easier. Instead of this like, “Oh shit, it’s horrible, it’s going everywhere, it’s nice.”
(…)
I like the American way like messy, it’s like eating a fucking sausage. So the difference is like the bread is cut like this and then the other one is like directly with a hole inside.(…) They put it with the hole and they do… Do they cook it inside? No. No, it’s already cooked. It’s everything is cooked, they just stuff it in the hole. Done. There you go. The entire purpose is to find the most efficient way to make you shit yourself the next day.
(…)
But you’ve been saying this for any kind of food now.
(…)
Because I have… Water is the perfect way to shit. Because I have IBS, I shit myself just by watching YouTube videos. No, but that’s your problem.(…) For those peeping things, you never shit yourself because they’re so full of chemicals. It’s like McDonald’s, it’s so full of chemicals. You never get sick.
(…)
Nobody ever gets sick like eating McDonald’s. It’s good, then.
(…)
It’s good. It’s chemical, but it’s good. For a simple Nutella, we like Nutella. Yeah, I like Nutella. Nutella is chemical,(…) but it’s good. Yeah, it’s good. Chemicals are good. Not all chemicals are bad.(…) It’s in the bread of the McDonald’s, right? They put something to not make you puke. And if you see the… The bread in the change for national. For example, in Germany, the bread in the McDonald’s is very…
(…)
…make to…
(…)
With butter. Butter. In Italy, we thought… I guess in Germany, they put sugar in the McDonald’s. Really? Yeah, it’s a little bit… Sugar in the bread. Yes. If you get the higher you go in Sweden, the bread is a little bit sweet because they put sugar in the dough.
(…)
In French, with baguettes.(…) To help it raise… The change…(…) Yeah, because in the British McDonald’s there’s a difference with German McDonald’s… …which is probably a difference between Italian McDonald’s. Italian McDonald’s doesn’t have vegan stuff, by the way. Really? So, not even vegan nuggets. In Italy, it’s vegan? Yeah, there’s nothing like in McDonald’s. There’s no vegan nuggets. No, no. In Italy. Like we’re in Italy.(…) No, because in Italy…
(…)
There must be vegan. I think. Yeah, but I mean, going to McDonald’s and expecting vegan options… …like going to the Mac and expecting a crucifix to be there. No. Like, just don’t fucking do it. No, no, no. Everyone… Everyone has McDonald’s. No, but they do have a crucifix. Hey, abso… Cheeseburger. But they do have a crucifix in IT class. When I was studying computer science, I was entering this place with the computers and technology… …and then Jesus was watching me from the world, he was like… That’s how must we try. My master… No, we had the same thing in my school. So I went to a Catholic school. Really? Every classroom had a crucifix in it, every single classroom.(…) Isn’t that weird? Like, I’m watching technology in front of me and like ancient religion… Or you could argue old technology, old execution technology. Technology for killing people. Oh. Oh my God. It is accurate. It is. It’s your own technology.
(…)
To kill people. Yeah, to kill people. crucifix in the past. In the past? Yeah. So you’re saying about he’s using technology and it’s weird to have some ancients on that. And I’m saying it is ancient, but it’s ancient technology. Like the cross is by definition technology. Yes. It’s the technology to kill people. Of course. So it’s modern.
Do you remember? You’re my favourite, I don’t really have a favourite transgender. Eurovision and Lena, Lena from Germany. Lena’s not transgender. She was, she was, she was. Lena’s not transgender. She doesn’t. Right, she’s not transgender.
(…)
Technically being transgender means that you could go back and forth, however the fuck you want. It’s all fluid, it’s all good. No, you mean the one that’s that song satellite. Yeah. She’s not transgender. She’s just a man. No, she’s a woman.(…) She’s a woman, oh man. I’m not the one getting cancelled here. Exactly, like he’s trying as hard as possible to stop this conversation from happening and we are just a bunch of stubborn motherfuckers. Just gets cancelled. Into the subject.(…) Yeah, just get cancelled from the pizza community. I’m still, I’m still like… You live here, I don’t care if they… I’m still like them, it doesn’t matter for me, like… I think it’s nice that you like transgender, them. What do you call them?(…) You can’t say them over there. They’re transgender people, people.
(…)
All of them, well not all of them, they’re individuals so there’s about to be assholes amongst the transgender community. Okay, my favourite more is like…
(…)
One target, one target, do you notice like… No.
(…)
Hyperpop, Hyperpop, no? Hyperpop is just a thing. It’s not a new kind of drug. It’s like next 10 years it’s like next 10 years for you, it’s like we’ll come to your mind but not now. Okay, that’s… Hyperpop, it’s like… It’s like Europop by Hyperpop. But Hyperpop is like a new one. Is it Goei or Goei, a Hyperpop band from Ukraine? No, no, no, no. It’s not like that. It’s like Kpop but with… That sounds bad. American, yeah.
Ferrero make to Nutella vegan.
(…)
But it should be vegan anyway, because it’s palm oil. Which nuts do they use? They had me asking it. That was the problem. For me, it’s very terrible, because I eat the Nutella vegan. It’s very authentic. Really? Why do you ask me to sell it? This is a problem, because if the original Nutella is good,(…) the vegan Nutella is good, and the taste is similar. It’s a problem, because it’s only chemical.(…) Ah, yeah.(…) Who cares if it tastes good?(…) For me, it’s no problem. We’re going to die anyway. Exactly. We’re going to die. Why not die with a lot of big Nutella in your mouth?
(…)
In America,(…) I have Nutella in the plastic tank.
(…)
My friend is eating the Nutella.
(…)
Ah, it’s disgusting. For me, it’s crazy, but it’s fantastic. There is actually a problem. Have you heard that recently, preservatives are actually preserving dead bodies in the ground?(…) Really? We’ve been going down to the big side. I’ve heard this in Italy a lot, but I think it’s going to happen everywhere.(…) Back in the days, they used to dig out dead bodies from the grave after 25 years. Now they can’t do that anymore, because there are so many preservatives going around on the planet that even when we die and we get buried, it takes forever for us to decompose. Really? Yes, there was a story actually in England somewhere. There was a town, and they used to put some chemicals to preserve the bodies when they were burying them down.
(…)
All these people were buried in that area, and then it created some kind of pollution, and it fucked up the whole region. Not the region, but the whole area. The bodies were toxic for the nature, and so it was insane stuff. In Tuscan, you used only a condom.
(…)
They’re like a full-body condom, and they bury you. You come out as a big salami in a few years. Every guy that gets killed is because he gets killed because he’s cheating, and he has a hard dick, so they have to put the condom on to just say, “Sorry, you guys.”
(…)
So you put people in a condom? He did Kukluksklan. That is the Kukluksklan. That is the Kukluksklan. “Santaklos” Kukluksklan. No, Kukluksklan, but one of the Grand Dragons, not one of the regular Kukluksklan. The game is called “Santaklos” or Kukluksklan. I don’t know what that is. I don’t know, like, “Santaklos”? “Santaklos”, yeah. “Father Christmas”, yeah. Yeah, “Father Christmas”. Why me? What? Is it too America to say “Santaklos” now?(…) Yes. Just to summarize, we had 9-11 KKK transgender people were in Ukraine. Wow. In Italy, we had Kukluksklan.(…) “Mita” and “Pita” and “Pita”.
(…)
“Mulurans”. No, no, “Sant Peter”.(…) Oh, “Sant Peter” and it’s like black pizza. No, the church.(…) Sure, “Sant Peter”. We have a pope. You don’t have… No, everyone has a pope. The pope’s not just… The pope’s for everybody. No. Oh, my God. No. What you can’t see it from? Of course it is. The pope’s from Argentina.(…) No. The pope is a… The pope. He’s a… He’s a… All the kind. We just… For me, pope… Now pope, Francesco, is a fake pope. How is he a fake pope? Because a communist.
(…)
What? The communist. He’s a communist pope. No, marketing. All the marketing.
(…)
For me, yeah, for me, it’s all the marketing of the church, okay? Oh, yeah, it’s genius marketing. Genius marketing. Genius marketing, the first best seller in the history, no? Yeah, the Bible. The Bible, exactly. But for me, now pope, okay, new pope, is crazy and stupid because he tells the young people, okay?
(…)
But old people, he’s ate this Francesco because…(…) Because he’s like cool, he’s like younger. Exactly. Yeah. But it’s only marketing. Yeah. The church is only marketing for 2,000 years. The genius. It’s the biggest capital…(…) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They’ve got a huge amount of money. Or do you want to stir? Michelangelo. Michelangelo. Is it okay? Michelangelo, with that. So this is the owner of this wonderful restaurant that we’re in. What’s the name of the restaurant? My name is Michelangelo. Michelangelo. That’s not true. We’re in the Italian capital.
(…)
Okay, he’s a painter. I know. He’s a good painter in ceilings. No, no. He can come and paint my ceiling. Is it? Austeria de L’Eartiste. That’s the name of the restaurant.(…) Yeah, but Austeria de L’Eartiste is a beautiful place. Munich.(…) Munich, yeah. He’s the owner… We did a delicious food before. Bellissimo. Bellissimo, more to go, no? Where’s the TikTok video? Can you put the TikTok video on?(…) TikTok. TikTok, yeah. Put the video on TikTok.(…) I’m going to put the video on. Yeah. Put the video on the camera.(…) Yeah. Put the video on the camera. Yeah. What’s the name of the restaurant? The one you prefer. It’s called “Cocustu”. “Cocustu”, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, no.(…) He’s going to bring the costumes. So we’re going to dress up as… I hope he’s not going to strip for us. No, it’s a transformation. This is a transformer. If he comes… Does he understand English? If he comes back, he could. Lela and…
(…)
Yeah,(…) we are. Should we sing along?(…) “Gran-i-TikTok, Mikolancho”. “Gran-i-TikTok, Mikolancho”. How many… How many followers do you have? “Kwale, kwale, kwale”. “Kwale”. What do you follow that? “Kwale”. How many do you follow that?(…) “Kwale”. “Kwale” is a TikTok live, yeah.(…) “Kwale” is a “Busta”, a “Kreskia” in the art of “Alle-Lame”. I’ll put some titles on, don’t worry.
(…)
“Kwale”.(…)
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. “Kwale”.
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. I think he’s promoting himself now, here. “Kwale”. “Kwale”. Influencers in the wild. Influencers in the wild.
This is like a zoo.(…) “Kwale”.
(…)
“Kwale”.(…)
“Kwale”. “Kwale”. “Kwale”. This is a TPK-3.
With hardcore music in the background. I know. What’s going on? This is
chaos.
(…)
“Kranjolo”. “C”. “C”. Are you from my country?
(…)
We’re from Rocapito. “Rocapito”. Or is it “Carabian”? “Calabrian”. “Sut” in Italy. “Sut” in Italy. Is it “The heel of the boots”? “Sut” in Italy.(…) The toe of the boots. The toe of the boots. “Sicily”. “The heel of the boots”. “Etaco” in Italy. “Etaco”, the heel. “The point”.
(…)
No, that’s “The foot”. “Calabria”, no. “The point”? “The foot”. “The point”, that’s “C?c?c”? “C?c”?
(…)
“C”?c”?
(…)
“Ano” in Italian. “C”?c”?c”? I was figuring the counter back one. “I recommend the foot” is really good. “The foot” is really good. “The foot” is the tip of Italy. Okay, so it’s the top. “E” born in the tip in Italy.
It’s like kicking Sicily. Exactly. Okay, okay, okay, I understand. Exactly. What was that TikTok? I’ll find out his TikTok later on and I’ll put a link for his TikTok so you can follow the TikTok. Are you never staying in Sicily? No. I’ve been to Sardinia. Sardinia? Okay. Sardinia is really nice. I’ve been to all over Italy but not… And I’ve been to Bari. Bari is the further south. Bari. Papuria. Yeah.(…) Okay, and Tuscany?
(…)
What’s in Tuscany? It’s Florence. Florence. Florence, I’ve been to Siena. Siena, okay.(…) I’ve been to Florence, I’ve been to Siena. I’ve been to… Next, in November I’m going to Trieste and Udine.(…) Ah, Trieste? Yeah. Wow. In November? In November. For like a friend’s birthday.
(…)
Okay, from my first comedy or for…? Not a lot of holiday.(…) And then we’re also a bit in Genoa,(…) Milan, Verona and some other places. I forget. Yeah, it’s beautiful. I love Italy. I know, yeah, it’s cool. It’s cool. It’s cool Italy. The food is good. It’s not as good as British food life. Italy is cool. Italy is cool. It’s the clitoris of Europe. The clitoris of Europe. The clitoris of Europe. Pretty useless, but
pretty fun. Italy, the clitoris of Europe. You’re talking about fish and chips? No. Fish and chips? Wait, how do you connect fish and chips with clitoris? Nothing. Explain. Well, maybe I can see.
Okay, so I’m going to say something quite controversial. British food is better than Italian food. And I can tell you why. We’ve got fish and chips, we’ve got curry, we’ve got delicious pies. It’s proper food with lots of variety, lots of variety of ingredients, flavors, everything. Whereas Italian food, all it is is pasta and tomatoes. And the fish and chips. Are you ready to take any punches in this? Okay,(…) I’m just saying, that’s my own full opinion, and I want to make a controversial opinion about fish and chips incoming. No, fish is born in general. That’s just not true.(…) That’s not true. The general people want to add in bulk and transformation.
(…)
That’s just not… Pasta and cinefindus because the fish and chips is a findus. Oh, shit. You have only tea born in India and moket and the fish and chips born in… Moket? It’s the carpet on the floor.
(…)
A carpet? Parkettes?
(…)
No, not a carpet. In England, a carpet. A carpet, yeah.
(…)
Floor padding.(…) Floor padding. Floor padding. Carpets.
(…)
And ducks.
(…)
Finish your… Finish this. You have one of the biggest abomination in food, I can think about. What’s that?
(…)
Black pudding. Oh, it’s delicious black pudding. Fuck you. No, it’s terrible. For breakfast, that’s big blood. What is it? It’s blood.
(…)
No. Yeah.
(…)
Black pudding is pig’s blood and it’s served for breakfast. If that’s not the lowest level of food abomination on the planet. It’s not disgusting. It’s delicious. Do you not have something like that in Italy? Like an Italian blood sauce. Like it’s mind bending to have it for breakfast. Like we have it in very specific moment for dinner and that’s it.
(…)
Yeah. Yeah. Fry it.(…) If that is not the lowest point in the world, it’s good enough. It’s not the lowest point, it’s delicious. That’s like… Delicious? Yeah. Not too many. Delicious, connect with apricot and croissant with apricot. Croissant with apricot nutella is delicious in the breakfast. No blood, okay? No blood. Blood is for crazy people. No. Yeah. Oh no, it’s for people who has empire.(…) So… Empire. No, no, no.
(…)
It’s blood thirsty. Blood thirsty.(…) Blood thirsty. To me,(…) anybody who decides to have a condensated pig blood for breakfast has been like, “Oh my God, I’m so desperate to eat anything right now that I could even eat that.” It’s delicious. It’s part of a full English breakfast. It’s delicious. Cappuccino, no blood. Cappuccino is okay. It’s not as good as a proper breakfast tea. For people, for audience, okay? Cappuccino, only breakfast.(…) No. Oh no. After lunch. Cappuccino, whatever you want. No. Freedom. No, on this one I’m a fan. Don’t go on and say you can have a cup of tea. Please go for lunch. You know, whatever you want. Before lunch. I know after lunch. Okay. If you really need to take a shit and you need something hot in your belly and you want cappuccino for dinner, just go for it. Only for shit. Freedom. Okay. Cappuccino, only for shit. Only for pizza.
(…)
I’m just asking.
(…)
We have two last ones. We have two last ones, all right? Pizza only cappuccino after lunch.
(…)
Pizza is a Citti cappuccino.
(…)
Citti cappuccino. Citti cappuccino. It’s a Citti cappuccino after 12 o’clock.
(…)
The way after. Which I think means shit.
(…)
Final thought everybody. Then final thought before we finish. Patrick, have you got a final thought? What about friendship and love? There we go. There we go. I didn’t just opening a new topic right now. Just two seconds. Final thought. Final thought. Final thought. Final thought. Yeah.
(…)
Actually,(…) why some people don’t eat pork.(…) For me, it’s really part of my identity and I’m really curious about pork meat.(…) Basically,(…) I am on half pork and on half greek. So pig, final thought, excellent stuff, final thought.
(…)
Black pudding is horrible.
(…)
Final thought. Me too. Me too, that’s it. All right, we’ll finish it up there. Thank you very much for watching and all listening. See you soon. Bye-bye.
(…)
favourite transgender is like Lena
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