ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Nobody prepares you for what pregnancy and birth does to your sex life. Jo Robertson is here to change that.
In this episode of The Cyclist's pregnancy miniseries, Kat and Jess sit down with Jo Robertson, sex therapist, relationship counsellor, TEDx speaker, and one of New Zealand's most trusted voices on sexual wellbeing, for a conversation that is honest, warm, practical, and long overdue. Jo holds a Master of Science in Sex Therapy from Sydney University and has spent over 15 years working in sexual health through therapy, education, and research. She also has three boys and knows firsthand what she's talking about.
The conversation starts where most pregnancy sex conversations don't. At the beginning. Jo walks through how desire and intimacy typically shift across the three trimesters, why the first trimester often brings a complete loss of libido that has nothing to do with how you feel about your partner, and why the second trimester can feel like a different story entirely. She also addresses the elephant in the room: the fear many couples carry about whether sex during pregnancy is safe, what the actual evidence says, and what the very limited genuine contraindications are.
They get into the body image conversation that sits underneath all of this, the way a changing body can create distance between a woman and her own sexuality, the pressure to feel sexy when you feel nothing of the sort, and why Jo is clear that desire doesn't have to be spontaneous to be real. She introduces the concept of responsive desire, the idea that for many women, arousal follows engagement rather than preceding it, and why understanding this reframes the entire conversation about low libido during pregnancy and postpartum.
Then there's the fourth trimester. Jo is honest about what postpartum intimacy actually looks like for most couples, the physical healing, the hormonal landscape of breastfeeding and its effect on lubrication and desire, the way a newborn collapses the boundaries between your body as a sexual being and your body as a feeding and caregiving one. She talks about the mental load, the touched-out feeling that makes physical connection feel like one more demand rather than a refuge, and why the six-week clearance from a GP is not the whole picture.
Jo also speaks to partners, what the experience of watching a birth can do to someone's relationship with their partner's body, how to hold desire with care rather than pressure, and why the season analogy is one of the most useful frameworks she gives couples in her practice. Winter always becomes spring. But you have to let winter be winter first.
This is the conversation to have before the baby arrives, with your partner beside you if possible.
This series is proudly brought to you by our headline sponsor, Pure Mama. Thoughtfully developed, genuinely clean bodycare for every stage of pregnancy and postpartum: https://www.puremama.com
And our supporting partner: The Sleep Store, your one stop shop for safe sleep solutions and parenting essentials, from pregnancy through to toddler years and beyond: https://www.thesleepstore.co.nz/
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Website: wearethecyclist.com
Hit play. And maybe share this one with your partner too.
