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Hello and welcome to the Creative Couch.
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I'm some martial artist and creative coach.
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This is a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of a creative life.
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Each week I respond to three real creative dilemmas sent in by listeners, exploring both the emotional side of what you're experiencing and some practical ways to move forward.
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And from time to time, I'll also be joined by other artists to talk about their creative life, their practice, their challenges, and what keeps them going.
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Hello and welcome back to the Creative Couch.
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How are you all this slightly warm Sunday afternoon?
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So we are back from the Isle of Wight.
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We are back from our week and a half.
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So I did four days of teaching at Hamprinted in Bogna Regis, and then Marple and I got in the camper van and uh went to the Isle of Wight on the ferry.
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So that vlog, Creative Journey vlog, is now up on YouTube.
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If anybody fanci watching that, please go and watch it.
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I did really enjoy putting that together.
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I'm really enjoying editing these vlogs.
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Um I'm finding it a really good use of my creativity at the moment, where I've got so many things going on that actually just sitting down and kind of editing is is slots in really nicely.
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Anyway, I'm back.
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We're back.
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We are answering three wonderful dilemmas today.
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So thank you to everyone who has sent in a dilemma over the past couple of weeks.
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As always, I am going to do a shout out for more though.
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I would love some more.
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Um, so if you have a dilemma, a creative dilemma, then do send it in to the creative couch pod at gmail.com.
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Right, let's get into it.
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So my um loving lately, I had a mental block then, been quite a few mental blocks at the moment.
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Um, my yes, my loving lately this week is the author Mary Lawson.
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So she is a bit of a new discovery for me.
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I have been recommended her uh quite a few times because I really enjoy uh female writers along the same kind of ilk as uh Anne Tyler, um Alice Monroe, those kind of forfeits.
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And a couple of you have already recommended that I read some of the uh novels by Mary Dawson.
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And I downloaded one on Audible this week and I really, really enjoyed it.
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It was called Crow Lake, and um what's interesting about her is that she is Canadian, she was born in Canada, but she moved over to the UK, I think, in about sort of mid-1960s, and she's lived here ever since.
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But her her novels are always about Canada, in particular Ontario, and she she only really started getting critical acclaim in her mid-50s.
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So her first novel, which was Crow Late, which was the one I um listened to, which was the kind of breakthrough novel, I just really enjoyed the character development, I enjoyed the slow pace of it, I really, really enjoy those kinds of quite melancholic, atmospheric kind of novels, family-oriented, family kind of dramas, not really a drama, but you know, it was quite again, it was very quiet, but it was it was I just found it really beautiful.
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Um, so if you like kind of Anne Tyler, who's one of my favourite authors, Alice Monroe, Elizabeth Strout, that kind of vein of um uh novelists, and I think you would enjoy Mary Lawson.
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She did, she's only written about four, I think, and I think A Town Call Solace was her latest one, and um I believe that was shortlisted for the Booker.
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It was shortlisted for a big award.
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Anyway, that's on my list next.
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Okay, so Mary Oliver is my recommendation of the week.
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She is the same age as my mum, so she was born in 1946, so she's now 80 and she is still living in the in the UK.
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So, right, okay, let's get into the dilemmas.
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So, today I am answering Amandine's dilemma, I am answering Jen's dilemma, and I am answering Michelle's dilemma.
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And Jen Jen's dilemma, let me just turn this off.
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It's telling me that I need to get up and move.
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I've done quite enough moving today.
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I've already done my four-mile run.
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Um, so I think I can sit down for an hour and record this podcast.
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Um, it does dictate my life a little bit, this watch.
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I did love it, don't get me wrong, I do love my watch, but um, sometimes when it tells me to stand up, I'm like, shut up.
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Right, sorry, I'm getting distracted.
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Amandine, Jen, and Michelle.
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Um and I was just saying that Jen's dilemma relates really nicely to Michelle's dilemma, as you will see as I progress.
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Right, okay, let's uh let's get going.
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So Amandine writes um that she lives in France with her husband and her four-year-old daughter, and she works full-time.
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She makes she makes art in the small pockets of time she can find, often sketching in the evening or alongside her daughter.
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She keeps a bag of sketchbooks and drawing materials in the living room so that everything is easily accessible.
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She draws at home, on holiday, in restaurants, and on public transport.
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Her practice is quite irregular.
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She writes that she draws, sometimes she draws almost every day, sometimes only a couple of times a month, and sometimes not at all for several weeks.
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She doesn't have a dedicated studio space or a particular ritual around making.
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Longer term, she says she would like to develop a side project around her art, to share her work with a community and potentially sell some print.
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I think when she says a side project, I think she means a sort of body of work.
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I think that's how I'm interpreting it.
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But she feels that her current practice is fragmented.
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She says she uses different materials, draws different subjects, but doesn't feel like there is a coherent artistic identity running through her work.
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So I think her questions really are how do how does she find her artistic identity?
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How can she understand the values behind her work?
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And really, how do you develop a style and how do you then turn that into a bigger project?
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Okay, so let's look at the emotional layer because I think there's a lot of pressure hiding in this dilemma because she's already fitting in her creativity around a busy family life, a full-time job, which means that her creativity has to be flexible.
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And I think that she's almost interpreting that flexibility as a lack of seriousness almost.
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I feel that when Amandine mentions that, you know, she says it's quite fragmented, but I think the nature of her life, your life, Amandine, means that you have no option for it to be anything other than fragmented.
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Um and I think that this the fact that you say, you know, you use different materials, you draw different things, um, I don't work consistently enough, therefore I don't really know who I am as an artist.
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I think actually that doesn't really follow.
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Because what I'm hearing is that there's some really clear threads in your work.
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Um, you know, you carry your sketchbook around everywhere, you draw from everyday life, you draw while you are traveling, you draw alongside your daughter, you use materials that are immediate and portable.
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And I think that that is a really clear uh that gives us a really clear indication as how actually how you make the work, even if the finished work doesn't look like one perfectly coherent collection, the way that you are making work is really clear.
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You know, you've got a portable studio that you take with you.
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Um and I think, and I've said this before, and I'm gonna say it again.
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As soon as we say, right, I'm gonna start selling my work, that immediately puts pressure on you.
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And I think what happens is that you then start thinking about, right, I need to sell the work, therefore I need to make it commercially viable, I need to start making work that people will like, and then you start guessing what people will like.
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So I think rather than thinking, you know, what will sell, what will people want?
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I think you need to build up your work before you build your shop and you start selling your work.
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Because at the moment, I feel that you need time to allow your practice to develop and for you to see who you are.
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So I think absolutely have that goal that you know, eventually you would like to perhaps start selling your work or showing your work, but in the meantime, I think we need to focus on where you are now, and we need to uh group together in a way, group things together and produce.
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Uh I'm going to give you some suggestions for some projects really that I think will help you see who you are as an artist.
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Because I very often, I've said this before, and again I'll say it again.
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We often can't see our style.
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Other people can see our style, we can't see our style.
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You know, I've said this time and time again, I repeat this in my Instagram posts.
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You will have people will say to you, Oh, you know, I've saw a dress that's really you, and you'll be like, Well, what do you mean it's really me?
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I haven't got a style, I just haven't got a style.
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You know, we don't often see what it is that we like until somebody points it out.
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And that's the same with our artwork.
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Right, okay, so the practical layer.
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I think the first thing I want you to do is separate the artistic development from the commercial ambition in a way.
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So, like I've just said, let's kind of put the idea of selling your work on the back burner for a start, let's concentrate on the here and now.
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I would like you to concentrate on building a body of work over the next six months and then just notice what keeps returning.
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So instead of asking, what is my style, you'll start to ask, what is it that I am returning to?
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You know, it could be certain subjects, it could be certain ways of working, it could be that your practice starts to really focus on drawing in cafes or you know, drawing family life, or drawing everyday objects.
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Maybe it's something to do with the line that you use, or maybe it's to do with the speed that you do things.
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But I but I think we need to look at what you have in front of you and utilize what you've already told us about the fact that you draw everyday things and make that almost your focus.
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Because I think, in essence, you have it there, it's just you haven't quite seen it yet.
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And I wouldn't worry about materials because I think that the fact that you carry everything around in a bag makes me think that you're not overusing materials, you're not like sitting in a room that's full of all these different uh you know fancy materials that you don't know what to use.
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You know, the fact that you keep your studio in your back tells me that actually you are already using quite a limited set of materials, which I think is really good.
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Um and again, even if you do mix your mediums, even if you do, you know, use a bit of paint and then use a bit of uh, you know, some coloured pencils and some wax crayons, the coherence comes from the way that you see things and the way that you use the line.
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The line will always come out, whatever medium you're using.
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You know, you can see my style through my lino cuts and from my through my drawings, because it's my way of mark making.
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So it doesn't necessarily matter if you are using different materials because the essence of you will still be there, and it will be there even if you can't see it.
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So let me reassure you on that, Mandine.
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But I do think you need to give yourself some temporary constraints because I think constraints are really helpful when you feel scattered.
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So I think maybe for three months you choose a project, and I've written down something like, you know, I'm going to make 30 drawings from my everyday life, or you know, I'm going to make 30 drawings of different meals that I that I eat, or you know, I'm going to draw the places I visit with my daughter and the places where we spend time together.
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So I think having an idea of a project, I think, will give you some structure and some borders from which to kind of bash against almost, you know.
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Um, and this doesn't mean to say that this is going to be your life work, this is just giving you a focus for the next few months.
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And I love this bag in your living room.
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I love the fact that you've got this portable studio in your living room that you take with you wherever you go.
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I think this is your ritual.
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You said to me that you don't have a ritual around creating art.
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You do, you do.
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I mean, how many other other how many other people sit in the living room with a bag of bag of artwork that, you know, a bag of art materials that they take out with them?
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Not that many.
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So I think this is already your ritual.
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You know, you're going out with your daughter, you pick up your bag and you go.
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But again, I would probably go through that bag and make that bag uh you refine the bag.
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So if you've got stuff in there that you know that you won't use, get rid of it.
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You know, I would say to you, perhaps having a limitation on the materials that you use might be helpful at this point.
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So if you've got watercolours in there that you don't use and you haven't used for a few months, get them out of the bag.
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You know, um, keep the materials that you love and keep the sketchbooks in there.
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And again, be purposeful with the sketchbooks.
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I would say create, you know, uh, maybe you need to buy a new sketchbook for this new project, you know, have a sketchbook which is entirely for this project, uh, or maybe loose sheets of paper, however you want to work, you know.
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Um okay, so we talk about consistency.
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I think, and I think what will happen is that you will, if you set yourself 30 drawings, or if you know, if you set yourself, I'm going to do a drawing every four days or something, if you set yourself a target, I think you will achieve.
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But I think you need some goals to work towards, a project to work towards, something that gives you a structure.
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Um, and then what will what I would like you to do after you've done those 30 drawings or you finish the project, I want you to then look at the work and then do that kind of investigation.
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What is it that I keep coming back to?
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Why do I keep drawing this?
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Why does this matter to me?
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Because in that you will find your values.
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You will find your values.
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I don't think you need to invent them, I think they'll be there on the page.
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You know, maybe the work is about family, maybe the work is about observation, maybe the work is about everyday life with a you know, a full-time job and a four-year-old daughter.
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You know, maybe it is about everyday life in France when you're 30, middle 30s with a daughter.
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You know, those values are much more meaningful when they emerge from the work rather than you trying to force them to try and think about right, what is it, what are my values?
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Um, because I think it'll it'll be obvious.
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Right, so the your homework is this three-month project.
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You know, choose one sketchbook and a limited amount of materials, and I want you to I'll just figure that out.
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I want you to focus on that project for those three months, but choose a theme that genuinely interests you, you know, nothing too grandiose or ambitious, something that you can adapt and um uh embed.
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That's not the right word, uh you know, a thing that you can adapt and that will be flexible enough for you to fit into your everyday routine.
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And then I want you to make 30 drawings.
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I don't know why I've come up with this 30, 30 drawings.
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I think it's almost to do with the monthly drawing challenges that I do.
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You know, 30, 30 is a really nice number.
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And they can take five minutes or they can take an hour, it doesn't really matter.
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But the the idea that the fact that you do these drawings and that at the end of it you can sit back and you can evaluate them and you use them as source material to find out what it is that you keep coming back to, what it is that you're interested in, what keeps appearing, what subjects are you interested in, what colours are you using, what you know, what marks are yours, what compositions, what mood, what ideas.
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It'll all be there.
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And then I want you to choose five drawings that you feel feel most like you.
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Five drawings that you then think yes, there's something here.
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Okay, there's something here, there is something here that I feel really feels like me.
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And then just sit with those drawings for a while, just sit with them and write down some ideas as to you know why it is that you're drawn to those drawings and what those things have in common.
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Because I think that is the beginning of your artistic identity.
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It's gathering enough evidence for you to just to see and discover what is already there.
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So I think the work needs to come by doing this a focused three-month project, and then going into it.
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And then the floor's your own, you know.
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I think once you've had that sort of period of time where you've given yourself the opportunity to uh to explore and you've given yourself, you know, the uh a really clear body of work for you to then unpick.
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I think what you then choose to do with it is is up to you, you know.
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Um, but I do think having this this sort of foundational three-month investigation would be really helpful for you.
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Okay, Amandine.
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I hope that uh I hope that was helpful.
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Okay, moving on to Jane.
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So Jen has a really interesting dilemma, and um I think it's one that we all as artists think about, you know, environmentally conscious souls that we are.
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I think this is something that will come up again and again, and it's definitely something that comes up for me in my own practice, and I have ways that I uh, you know, do my best with it, which I'll I'll talk about um as we get into this dilemma.
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Right, so Jen writes that she is very conscious of the environmental impact of making art.
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She writes that she tries to use what she already has, she tries to avoid unnecessary waste and steers away from toxic materials where she can.
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But she knows that making art invariably involves consuming materials, creating waste, and sometimes disposing of things in ways that she feels uncomfortable about.
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She said that the climate crisis feels very immediate.
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Jen lives in Canada and there's been really serious forest fires around her area, as there has been here in the UK and evacuations nearby.
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So she's asking, how do we reconcile being environmentally conscious with the fact that making art has an environmental cost?
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Okay, so let's look at the emotional side to this.
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I don't think there's a completely clean answer here, because I think once you start thinking about the environmental consequences of everything you use, it would then start, you would then it was very easy to start feeling guilty about buying paper or buying ink or washing brushes down the sink, washing brushes, washing inks or paint or whatever it is, you know, down the sink or throwing things away.
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I think being conscious is really useful, but expecting your art to have no environmental footprint isn't very realistic.
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Um and I think the danger is that this awareness turns into guilt, and then the guilt becomes paralysing.
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Um, and I think the fact that Jenny's already thinking about this and is already making conscious choices is great, and I think it's something that should be celebrated.
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But I think the aim probably isn't purity, it's just consciousness, isn't it?
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Um we because I worry that we start to use environmental consciousness uh as a way to punish ourselves for making art, you know.
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Um so I I yeah, I kind of feel like that's the emotional side of it.
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You know, I don't think it's helpful for us to you know uh start allowing that guilt to impact us so much that actually we stop making work.
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And and this will follow on with um uh Michelle's dilemma now.
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I mean the practical side, right?
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So I'm not perfect.
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I do my best.
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You know, I reuse packaging, I uh I reuse paper.
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If I'm proofing prints, I use both sides.
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I sell my seconds, so I would never you know throw the papers away.
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I buy I try and sell those uh prints at a lower cost for people who can't afford the full price editions.
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You know, I do that twice a year with the super second sale, which is actually coming up soon.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:38.000
Um, and I you know I make conscious choices around the uh the chemicals I use for my etching.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:49.920
You know, I use non-toxic uh chemicals, I wouldn't use uh acids, I used etching salts, um, and I'm really careful of the way I dispose things, you know.
00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:57.839
But I do my print, I buy paper, you know, I do throw things away, and there is obviously going to be an environmental cost.
00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:08.160
But I think if we concentrate on small repeatable choices, then I think we can make ourselves feel a lot better about it.
00:23:08.319 --> 00:23:11.119
So use up what you've got.
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.119
Use up what you've got.
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:16.319
Reuse paper for proofs and tests, you know.
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:18.160
This is this is things that I do.
00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:28.799
Reuse packaging, look after tools so they don't so they don't wear out, you know, dispose of inks and chemicals, like I said, um responsibly where you can.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:39.519
Um, and choose less toxic, you know, like I said, for etching, you choosing less toxic um materials is uh obviously going to be much more beneficial.
00:23:39.680 --> 00:23:52.559
I mean, the inks that I use for my uh lino cuts or the caligo safe wash inks, so I don't use any kind of um you know white spirit or anything like that, which is better for me, better for the environment.
00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:58.319
And I think one thing is don't buy materials just because they look exciting or they're fashionable.
00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:06.480
And this is something that I think, as I thought about this dilemma, it made me reflect on again my own practice.
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:16.240
And you know, when I go, I travel a lot, as you guys know, and whenever I go somewhere, I inevitably I get an email or a DM from somebody saying, Can you go to an art shop?
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:18.079
Can you go and visit an art shop?
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:20.000
Can you go and show us around an art shop?
00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:24.880
Now I love an art shop, but I don't go crazy in art shops.
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:29.759
I I don't because I I've I know what my practice needs.
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:35.839
I know that there's no point me buying gold spray because I won't use gold spray.
00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:53.119
I think the more honed your practice is, the more you know who you are as an artist, I think the more responsible choices you make uh follows, if that makes it make sense.
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:59.039
You you're not going to buy loads of stuff that you don't need because you know that you won't use it.
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:00.960
And I think it's different when you're starting off.
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:09.279
And you know, as you will already notice, a lot of the dilemmas I get in are from people who are starting off and they're trying everything, so therefore they're buying everything.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:14.240
And I've had creatives in the past who've said to me, I've seen their their space.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:19.680
I mean, it looks like an art shop, they've got so many materials in there, but they they don't know where to start.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:29.200
But I think the more that you develop your practice, that the you know, that the longer you make your work, the more selective you will become with your materials.
00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:34.000
So I do think that over time you will buy less.
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:42.319
So I think developing a clearer artistic practice can actually make you a more discerning customer, if that makes sense.
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:48.160
Um, so and that's not to say I don't like going around art shops.
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:55.599
I I do, but I just know that it'd be a waste of money and a waste of materials if I went and bought loads of stuff because I just wouldn't use it.
00:25:55.839 --> 00:26:01.200
I know what I need, and I buy that uh in I buy with that in mind.
00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:05.599
Um but again, I'm not perfect.
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:07.759
We know that.
00:26:08.480 --> 00:26:09.440
We know that.
00:26:09.839 --> 00:26:11.839
Right, okay, so homework.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:15.119
I would say do a sustainability audit almost.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:21.680
I think first of all, write down things that you are really pleased that you do, things that you know that you do already well.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:31.440
You know, like for me, it would be reusing packaging, reusing paper, and choosing uh environmentally friendly uh etching uh materials.
00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:31.920
Okay.
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:38.240
And then I think do do then think about one source of waste that actually really bothers you.
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:41.039
What is it that you would like to refine a bit more?
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:53.119
And how that could be, you know, um, I don't know, making sure that everything, every paper that you throw away goes into the recycling rather than into the bin because you can't be bothered to walk to the recycling bin or whatever, you know.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:27:01.680
There's there's good there's bound to be something in your practice, in your studio space or in your, you know, how wherever you make your work that you know that you could do better.
00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:04.720
And then think, right, what change could I make here?
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:06.720
What is one realistic change?
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:11.440
And then I think make that change and then get on and make your work.
00:27:13.279 --> 00:27:14.559
Get on and make your work.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:28.640
And I do think it's good to do that sustainability sustainable sustainability audit every three months or so, you know, because I don't think that the answer is to feel guilty every time you pick up a tube of ink or you, you know, you start a new print.
00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:34.160
I think it's important that we're conscious about the choices that we're making.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:46.319
You know, change what we can, change what we realistically can, use up what you buy, waste less where's possible, and still allow yourself to be an artist.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:50.160
I hope that makes sense.
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:56.079
Which leads me perfectly, perfectly onto Michelle's dealing.
00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:58.559
Okay, right, Michelle.
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:05.359
So Michelle wrote in to say that she is 50 years old, she has two children and works full-time.
00:28:05.519 --> 00:28:15.039
She said she originally studied art, but after finding it difficult to make a stable living in the arts, she retrained in another field and stopped making artwork altogether.
00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:25.759
About 10 years ago, she returned to painting, she took classes, began working independently, entered competitions, made sales, built an Instagram account and rented a studio.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:38.960
She worked incredibly hard to produce a series of 15 oil paintings on canvas and was rightly proud of having managed this alongside her work and her family and I.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:49.440
However, when at a family gathering, a relative saw the paintings and made a comment along the lines of, What do you do with all of them if they don't sell?
00:28:49.759 --> 00:29:06.559
and suggested that making so many paintings was a waste of canvas and wood, mentioning somebody who sketched digitally instead, obviously insinuating that you know maybe that was a more environmentally conscious way of making artwork.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:12.480
Michelle said she felt embarrassed, particularly because the comment was made publicly.
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:18.319
However, that one remark completely derailed Michelle.
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:26.640
She stopped sharing her work, she gave up her studio and went into a prolonged artistic block.
00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:35.119
However, since then, she has tried making more commercial paintings so that selling them might justify their existence.
00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:43.599
She switched to paper, to botanical water and botanical watercolour because it felt less environmentally wasteful.
00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:50.000
She also worked under a pseudonym to protect herself from criticism and even tried giving up art altogether.
00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:53.200
I have to say, Michelle, your email broke my heart.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.160
It absolutely broke my heart.
00:29:56.480 --> 00:29:57.440
My goodness.
00:29:57.920 --> 00:29:58.240
Okay.
00:29:59.200 --> 00:30:01.359
However, she does keep coming back to it.
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:11.200
So she writes that she's now painting in oils again on canvas, and it is what she really wants to do, and has an idea for a body of work she feels excited about.
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:19.039
So I think her question is, you know, why did that comment affect her affect her so profoundly?
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:25.039
And how does she stop sabotaging sabotaging a creative life that she so desperately wants?
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:29.039
Okay, right, so Michelle.
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:30.400
Oof, goodness.
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:35.599
Um, first of all, I just want to say thank you for writing so openly about this.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:56.960
Um you know, I think being so sort of open about the fact that that one comment sent you into such a dark place in a way and made you question everything, it sounds incredibly painful.
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:03.599
Um I don't think the comment is what it's all about though.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:14.640
I think the comment was the trigger that almost reinforced what you already believed about your work.
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:23.839
Um, I think it landed on a belief that was already there because you wrote at the end of your email, I studied art and that I couldn't make a living from it.
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.640
Therefore, perhaps I'm a failed artist.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:46.000
So I think that trigger, I mean, sorry, that comment was almost um it almost confirmed a belief about you in that you know the work isn't gonna sell, essentially.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:48.079
That's kind of what that person was insinuating.
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.440
The work isn't gonna sell, so therefore, what you're gonna do with it all.
00:31:54.240 --> 00:32:04.319
It's you know, I think it made you think rather than you thinking that the question was, you know, where essentially where are you gonna store them?
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:07.519
What you heard was why are you making these?
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:09.039
What is the point?
00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:11.359
Who do you think you are?
00:32:11.599 --> 00:32:16.160
And again, if they aren't selling, they're just taking up space.
00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:29.200
So I think that it's almost like the comment confirmed a belief that you already had about yourself, and I think that's probably why it stayed with you for so long.
00:32:29.599 --> 00:33:04.559
Um and then I feel what I feel really sad about then is that you you know that comment, which I think affirmed a b affirmed a belief that you had about your your your work then made you pivot and try to make work which again had probably a smaller environmental footprint, um, and also was more commercially viable, you know, more likely to sell.
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:16.480
So therefore, again, you are sabotaging your own creative identity by making work for this invisible audience that you think will like what it is that you're doing.
00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:23.200
And and and yeah, it's it's almost you're like you're trying to defend yourself against criticism.
00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:30.480
You know, if the paintings sell, then they're allowed, or you know, if they're biodegradable, they're allowed, or if they're on paper, they're allowed.
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:37.279
Um and also, you know, then creating a pseudonym.
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:51.519
You know, if you create a pseudonym, then you, Michelle, are unable to receive that criticism because it's your pseudonym who is receiving the criticism.
00:33:55.039 --> 00:34:05.200
However, I'm really pleased to hear that that period was short-lived and that you are now making the work that you want to make again.
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:18.800
And I think the crucial thing here is you know, you have a full-time job, but you don't need to make these paintings sellable in a way.
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:31.360
You know, you don't have to sell the paintings to pay your mortgage, and I think that gives you extraordinary free extraordinary extraordinarily extraordinary freedom.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:36.880
I think that enables you to to really make the work that you want to make, and it will find an audience.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:38.880
It will find an audience.
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:47.440
You know, there's no point making you know, lino cuts of of rabbits because you think that's what people want.
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:56.400
You're just going to feel really frustrated, and you may as well go and do a job that you don't like if you're gonna make lino cuts of rabbits if that's not what you want to do.
00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:11.920
You know, because you don't have to get your paintings to pay your mortgage, you don't have to worry about you know, uh finding a gallery or or uh, you know, trying to organise an exhibition or anything like that.
00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:21.360
So, and I'm not saying that those things are bad things, they're not no, not bad things, but I feel at the moment we're working with you in a really fragile space, you know.
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:45.920
So I think that at the moment it is important to protect yourself because your creativity has been bruised and bashed around for so long that I think that there absolutely needs to be a time where you are making the work for you rather than thinking about anybody else or showing it to anybody else.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:57.760
Now, that doesn't mean to say that I don't think you should show it, because I do think you should, because I think your safety net here in in the past has been to hide yourself and to make work under a pseudonym.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:12.639
But at the moment, I feel that these this new idea you have for your own for your new paintings sounds really exciting, and I want to encourage you to make those paintings but without any pressure to show them to anybody.
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:25.599
Okay, so I think you need to paint those paintings on canvas with oils, and I don't think you need to stop negotiating with yourself about the medium, you know.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:28.880
You you've you've tried other ways of working and it didn't work for you.
00:36:29.039 --> 00:36:30.639
You keep coming back to this.
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:34.800
The road always seems to lead you back to oil painting and canvas.
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:36.400
That is information, isn't it?
00:36:36.559 --> 00:36:38.079
So stick with that.
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:51.679
Um, but again, I don't think you need to disappear for a few years because I think that would reinforce your idea that you know you can only show your work when you've made yourself completely bulletproof.
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:53.840
And I don't think we ever do, do we?
00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:57.760
You know, we never make ourselves bulletproof, we're always going to feel exposed.
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:06.559
Whenever we show our work, whenever we do anything, there's always going to be an element of, oh my goodness, is anybody gonna like this?
00:37:06.639 --> 00:37:15.280
You know, and the reality is some people won't like it, some people won't like the colours you use, some people will think it's too scribbly.
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:22.960
I'm just thinking back to that comment I had on uh my drawings in in uh on Amazon, you know, all the drawings look really scribbly.
00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:30.159
You know, some people will find them too scribbly, some people will find the colours that you use not to their taste, some people will find the subject matter not their taste.
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:35.760
That is that is the reality of being an artist, you know, you cannot avoid that.
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:40.639
But I think we need to build you up slowly, you know, we need to build you up slowly.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:52.639
Um, so I do think let's make those uh canvases, let's let's paint those canvases, and I think what I would like you to do is do it gently.
00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:58.559
You don't have to share anything at this stage.
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:06.960
Let this body of work build up gradually, and then I think you can start sharing pieces when you feel ready.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:16.960
Not because you have to feel confident enough, because I'm not sure you probably will, but I think you get to decide how much access people have to a vulnerable part of your life.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:25.360
You know, there's there's a difference between protecting a new body of work and hiding it away so that nobody criticizes it.
00:38:26.639 --> 00:38:31.679
So I think let's build this body of work, let's make these five paintings or whatever it is.
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:43.920
And um actually, well, that's what I'm going to come to because I think that what I would like you to do is set yourself a target, and I would like you to make these five paintings without making any decisions about what happens to them.
00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:56.000
So I want you to make the paintings, no selling plan, no Instagram strategy, no deciding whether they're commercially viable, no switching medium halfway through because you feel it's too indulgent.
00:38:56.159 --> 00:39:01.360
I just want you to make five oil paintings on canvas in the project that you want to pursue.
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:09.119
And then after making those five, the only question I really want you to ask yourself is, would I like to make another one?
00:39:09.360 --> 00:39:11.360
You know, would I like to make another one?
00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:17.679
Because I think if the answer is yes, then make make the sixth, and I think that is how you build your practice.
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:24.079
You know, you find your confidence by doing the work, and I think that that will grow.
00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:34.880
And I think you need to comments will always come along and they're always going to bother you.
00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:36.320
That is inevitable.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:40.400
So if you show your work again, maybe that relative will come along and say something else.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:59.119
But what you have to also understand is that I think what was happening there, I mean, that comment from that relative was probably really innocuous, but you interpreted it in a really critical way, and it made you think that actually, you know, that one comment sent you down a spiral.
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:05.519
So I think it's about kind of taking a deep breath and thinking, you know, what am I bringing to this comment?
00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:07.440
You know, this comment is this.
00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:10.400
What are what beliefs am I bringing to this comment?
00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:17.119
You know, and I think having that ability to stand back and thinking what part of that is them and what part of that is me.
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:24.239
So I think you know, practice that, practice showing your work very gently to people that you trust.
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:33.039
And I think over time your confidence will build, and you will have a beautiful body of work that you want to share with people.
00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:40.320
But take your time with it, build yourself up slowly, show it to people that you trust, but show it.
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:45.199
Do show it, but after you've made it, after you've made it and you show it gently.
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:47.679
Okay, so that's my advice to you.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:51.199
And the thing is, you will always come back to it.
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:52.960
You will always come back to it, Michelle.
00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:54.719
You you've you've kept coming back to it.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:41:02.559
It has it's been something that's been, you know, you can ignore it, you can ignore it, you can ignore it, but you will always come back to painting oils on canvas.
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:04.559
So I think you're gonna do really well with it.
00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:09.280
I think let's just, you know, you've acknowledged it, that comment upset you.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:21.760
It triggered something in you that I think activated a you know, a deep entrenched belief about yourself, but you know, you haven't let it demail you completely.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:23.280
You've come back, you're here now.
00:41:23.519 --> 00:41:25.679
Let's make the work and move on.
00:41:26.559 --> 00:41:27.119
Right.
00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:28.480
I hope that's helpful.
00:41:28.559 --> 00:41:30.400
I don't know how long I've been going on for.
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:33.119
I'm thirsty, got some water here.
00:41:35.119 --> 00:41:36.559
So it's half past two.
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:40.960
I've got one and a half hours before my sketchbook session starts.
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:45.199
So hopefully I can get this edited and put together, ready for Tuesday.
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:47.199
All right, guys, listen, we're sending love.
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:57.199
As always, if you enjoy this um podcast, please do tell your friends about it, share it, like it, do whatever you need to do to keep it going.
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:04.559
And more most importantly, pardon, is send your dilemmas in to me here at the creative couchpod at gmail.com.
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:09.840
If you send your email in, you will get a generic reply from me saying, Thank you, I've got your email.
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:18.559
Um, and uh, you know, um, but that's just to let you know that I've got your email and I have read it, but you know, obviously I've got to work my way through the dilemmas.
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:23.760
Right, lovelies, listen, take care, and we will see you next week.
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:27.199
Look at her in the corner, busy snoozing away.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:29.039
She is the prettiest dog ever.
00:42:29.199 --> 00:42:30.880
We've just had the nicest week together.
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:35.920
I mean, the best thing about being in Camp of Ram was just I get to spend all my time with her.
00:42:36.159 --> 00:42:37.440
Just wonderful.
00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:40.239
Right, guys, listen, take care, see you soon.
00:00:00.800 --> 00:00:03.520
Hello and welcome to the Creative Couch.
00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:06.799
I'm some martial artist and creative coach.
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:12.000
This is a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of a creative life.
00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:23.839
Each week I respond to three real creative dilemmas sent in by listeners, exploring both the emotional side of what you're experiencing and some practical ways to move forward.
00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:33.280
And from time to time, I'll also be joined by other artists to talk about their creative life, their practice, their challenges, and what keeps them going.
00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:36.560
Hello and welcome back to the Creative Couch.
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:41.600
How are you all this slightly warm Sunday afternoon?
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:43.840
So we are back from the Isle of Wight.
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:46.240
We are back from our week and a half.
00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:55.759
So I did four days of teaching at Hamprinted in Bogna Regis, and then Marple and I got in the camper van and uh went to the Isle of Wight on the ferry.
00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:00.399
So that vlog, Creative Journey vlog, is now up on YouTube.
00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:04.319
If anybody fanci watching that, please go and watch it.
00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:06.480
I did really enjoy putting that together.
00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:09.599
I'm really enjoying editing these vlogs.
00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:21.760
Um I'm finding it a really good use of my creativity at the moment, where I've got so many things going on that actually just sitting down and kind of editing is is slots in really nicely.
00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:23.120
Anyway, I'm back.
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:23.760
We're back.
00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:27.120
We are answering three wonderful dilemmas today.
00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:31.840
So thank you to everyone who has sent in a dilemma over the past couple of weeks.
00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:34.959
As always, I am going to do a shout out for more though.
00:01:35.040 --> 00:01:36.239
I would love some more.
00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:46.480
Um, so if you have a dilemma, a creative dilemma, then do send it in to the creative couch pod at gmail.com.
00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:49.680
Right, let's get into it.
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So my um loving lately, I had a mental block then, been quite a few mental blocks at the moment.
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Um, my yes, my loving lately this week is the author Mary Lawson.
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So she is a bit of a new discovery for me.
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I have been recommended her uh quite a few times because I really enjoy uh female writers along the same kind of ilk as uh Anne Tyler, um Alice Monroe, those kind of forfeits.
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And a couple of you have already recommended that I read some of the uh novels by Mary Dawson.
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And I downloaded one on Audible this week and I really, really enjoyed it.
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It was called Crow Lake, and um what's interesting about her is that she is Canadian, she was born in Canada, but she moved over to the UK, I think, in about sort of mid-1960s, and she's lived here ever since.
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But her her novels are always about Canada, in particular Ontario, and she she only really started getting critical acclaim in her mid-50s.
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So her first novel, which was Crow Late, which was the one I um listened to, which was the kind of breakthrough novel, I just really enjoyed the character development, I enjoyed the slow pace of it, I really, really enjoy those kinds of quite melancholic, atmospheric kind of novels, family-oriented, family kind of dramas, not really a drama, but you know, it was quite again, it was very quiet, but it was it was I just found it really beautiful.
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Um, so if you like kind of Anne Tyler, who's one of my favourite authors, Alice Monroe, Elizabeth Strout, that kind of vein of um uh novelists, and I think you would enjoy Mary Lawson.
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She did, she's only written about four, I think, and I think A Town Call Solace was her latest one, and um I believe that was shortlisted for the Booker.
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It was shortlisted for a big award.
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Anyway, that's on my list next.
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Okay, so Mary Oliver is my recommendation of the week.
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She is the same age as my mum, so she was born in 1946, so she's now 80 and she is still living in the in the UK.
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So, right, okay, let's get into the dilemmas.
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So, today I am answering Amandine's dilemma, I am answering Jen's dilemma, and I am answering Michelle's dilemma.
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And Jen Jen's dilemma, let me just turn this off.
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It's telling me that I need to get up and move.
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I've done quite enough moving today.
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I've already done my four-mile run.
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Um, so I think I can sit down for an hour and record this podcast.
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Um, it does dictate my life a little bit, this watch.
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I did love it, don't get me wrong, I do love my watch, but um, sometimes when it tells me to stand up, I'm like, shut up.
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Right, sorry, I'm getting distracted.
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Amandine, Jen, and Michelle.
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Um and I was just saying that Jen's dilemma relates really nicely to Michelle's dilemma, as you will see as I progress.
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Right, okay, let's uh let's get going.
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So Amandine writes um that she lives in France with her husband and her four-year-old daughter, and she works full-time.
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She makes she makes art in the small pockets of time she can find, often sketching in the evening or alongside her daughter.
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She keeps a bag of sketchbooks and drawing materials in the living room so that everything is easily accessible.
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She draws at home, on holiday, in restaurants, and on public transport.
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Her practice is quite irregular.
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She writes that she draws, sometimes she draws almost every day, sometimes only a couple of times a month, and sometimes not at all for several weeks.
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She doesn't have a dedicated studio space or a particular ritual around making.
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Longer term, she says she would like to develop a side project around her art, to share her work with a community and potentially sell some print.
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I think when she says a side project, I think she means a sort of body of work.
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I think that's how I'm interpreting it.
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But she feels that her current practice is fragmented.
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She says she uses different materials, draws different subjects, but doesn't feel like there is a coherent artistic identity running through her work.
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So I think her questions really are how do how does she find her artistic identity?
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How can she understand the values behind her work?
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And really, how do you develop a style and how do you then turn that into a bigger project?
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Okay, so let's look at the emotional layer because I think there's a lot of pressure hiding in this dilemma because she's already fitting in her creativity around a busy family life, a full-time job, which means that her creativity has to be flexible.
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And I think that she's almost interpreting that flexibility as a lack of seriousness almost.
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I feel that when Amandine mentions that, you know, she says it's quite fragmented, but I think the nature of her life, your life, Amandine, means that you have no option for it to be anything other than fragmented.
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Um and I think that this the fact that you say, you know, you use different materials, you draw different things, um, I don't work consistently enough, therefore I don't really know who I am as an artist.
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I think actually that doesn't really follow.
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Because what I'm hearing is that there's some really clear threads in your work.
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Um, you know, you carry your sketchbook around everywhere, you draw from everyday life, you draw while you are traveling, you draw alongside your daughter, you use materials that are immediate and portable.
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And I think that that is a really clear uh that gives us a really clear indication as how actually how you make the work, even if the finished work doesn't look like one perfectly coherent collection, the way that you are making work is really clear.
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You know, you've got a portable studio that you take with you.
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Um and I think, and I've said this before, and I'm gonna say it again.
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As soon as we say, right, I'm gonna start selling my work, that immediately puts pressure on you.
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And I think what happens is that you then start thinking about, right, I need to sell the work, therefore I need to make it commercially viable, I need to start making work that people will like, and then you start guessing what people will like.
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So I think rather than thinking, you know, what will sell, what will people want?
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I think you need to build up your work before you build your shop and you start selling your work.
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Because at the moment, I feel that you need time to allow your practice to develop and for you to see who you are.
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So I think absolutely have that goal that you know, eventually you would like to perhaps start selling your work or showing your work, but in the meantime, I think we need to focus on where you are now, and we need to uh group together in a way, group things together and produce.
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Uh I'm going to give you some suggestions for some projects really that I think will help you see who you are as an artist.
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Because I very often, I've said this before, and again I'll say it again.
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We often can't see our style.
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Other people can see our style, we can't see our style.
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You know, I've said this time and time again, I repeat this in my Instagram posts.
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You will have people will say to you, Oh, you know, I've saw a dress that's really you, and you'll be like, Well, what do you mean it's really me?
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I haven't got a style, I just haven't got a style.
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You know, we don't often see what it is that we like until somebody points it out.
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And that's the same with our artwork.
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Right, okay, so the practical layer.
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I think the first thing I want you to do is separate the artistic development from the commercial ambition in a way.
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So, like I've just said, let's kind of put the idea of selling your work on the back burner for a start, let's concentrate on the here and now.
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I would like you to concentrate on building a body of work over the next six months and then just notice what keeps returning.
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So instead of asking, what is my style, you'll start to ask, what is it that I am returning to?
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You know, it could be certain subjects, it could be certain ways of working, it could be that your practice starts to really focus on drawing in cafes or you know, drawing family life, or drawing everyday objects.
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Maybe it's something to do with the line that you use, or maybe it's to do with the speed that you do things.
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But I but I think we need to look at what you have in front of you and utilize what you've already told us about the fact that you draw everyday things and make that almost your focus.
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Because I think, in essence, you have it there, it's just you haven't quite seen it yet.
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And I wouldn't worry about materials because I think that the fact that you carry everything around in a bag makes me think that you're not overusing materials, you're not like sitting in a room that's full of all these different uh you know fancy materials that you don't know what to use.
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You know, the fact that you keep your studio in your back tells me that actually you are already using quite a limited set of materials, which I think is really good.
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Um and again, even if you do mix your mediums, even if you do, you know, use a bit of paint and then use a bit of uh, you know, some coloured pencils and some wax crayons, the coherence comes from the way that you see things and the way that you use the line.
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The line will always come out, whatever medium you're using.
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You know, you can see my style through my lino cuts and from my through my drawings, because it's my way of mark making.
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So it doesn't necessarily matter if you are using different materials because the essence of you will still be there, and it will be there even if you can't see it.
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So let me reassure you on that, Mandine.
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But I do think you need to give yourself some temporary constraints because I think constraints are really helpful when you feel scattered.
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So I think maybe for three months you choose a project, and I've written down something like, you know, I'm going to make 30 drawings from my everyday life, or you know, I'm going to make 30 drawings of different meals that I that I eat, or you know, I'm going to draw the places I visit with my daughter and the places where we spend time together.
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So I think having an idea of a project, I think, will give you some structure and some borders from which to kind of bash against almost, you know.
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Um, and this doesn't mean to say that this is going to be your life work, this is just giving you a focus for the next few months.
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And I love this bag in your living room.
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I love the fact that you've got this portable studio in your living room that you take with you wherever you go.
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I think this is your ritual.
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You said to me that you don't have a ritual around creating art.
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You do, you do.
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I mean, how many other other how many other people sit in the living room with a bag of bag of artwork that, you know, a bag of art materials that they take out with them?
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Not that many.
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So I think this is already your ritual.
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You know, you're going out with your daughter, you pick up your bag and you go.
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But again, I would probably go through that bag and make that bag uh you refine the bag.
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So if you've got stuff in there that you know that you won't use, get rid of it.
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You know, I would say to you, perhaps having a limitation on the materials that you use might be helpful at this point.
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So if you've got watercolours in there that you don't use and you haven't used for a few months, get them out of the bag.
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You know, um, keep the materials that you love and keep the sketchbooks in there.
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And again, be purposeful with the sketchbooks.
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I would say create, you know, uh, maybe you need to buy a new sketchbook for this new project, you know, have a sketchbook which is entirely for this project, uh, or maybe loose sheets of paper, however you want to work, you know.
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:55.279
Um okay, so we talk about consistency.
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I think, and I think what will happen is that you will, if you set yourself 30 drawings, or if you know, if you set yourself, I'm going to do a drawing every four days or something, if you set yourself a target, I think you will achieve.
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But I think you need some goals to work towards, a project to work towards, something that gives you a structure.
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Um, and then what will what I would like you to do after you've done those 30 drawings or you finish the project, I want you to then look at the work and then do that kind of investigation.
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What is it that I keep coming back to?
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Why do I keep drawing this?
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Why does this matter to me?
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Because in that you will find your values.
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You will find your values.
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I don't think you need to invent them, I think they'll be there on the page.
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You know, maybe the work is about family, maybe the work is about observation, maybe the work is about everyday life with a you know, a full-time job and a four-year-old daughter.
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You know, maybe it is about everyday life in France when you're 30, middle 30s with a daughter.
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You know, those values are much more meaningful when they emerge from the work rather than you trying to force them to try and think about right, what is it, what are my values?
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Um, because I think it'll it'll be obvious.
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Right, so the your homework is this three-month project.
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You know, choose one sketchbook and a limited amount of materials, and I want you to I'll just figure that out.
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I want you to focus on that project for those three months, but choose a theme that genuinely interests you, you know, nothing too grandiose or ambitious, something that you can adapt and um uh embed.
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That's not the right word, uh you know, a thing that you can adapt and that will be flexible enough for you to fit into your everyday routine.
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And then I want you to make 30 drawings.
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I don't know why I've come up with this 30, 30 drawings.
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I think it's almost to do with the monthly drawing challenges that I do.
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You know, 30, 30 is a really nice number.
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And they can take five minutes or they can take an hour, it doesn't really matter.
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But the the idea that the fact that you do these drawings and that at the end of it you can sit back and you can evaluate them and you use them as source material to find out what it is that you keep coming back to, what it is that you're interested in, what keeps appearing, what subjects are you interested in, what colours are you using, what you know, what marks are yours, what compositions, what mood, what ideas.
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It'll all be there.
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And then I want you to choose five drawings that you feel feel most like you.
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Five drawings that you then think yes, there's something here.
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Okay, there's something here, there is something here that I feel really feels like me.
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And then just sit with those drawings for a while, just sit with them and write down some ideas as to you know why it is that you're drawn to those drawings and what those things have in common.
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Because I think that is the beginning of your artistic identity.
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It's gathering enough evidence for you to just to see and discover what is already there.
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So I think the work needs to come by doing this a focused three-month project, and then going into it.
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And then the floor's your own, you know.
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I think once you've had that sort of period of time where you've given yourself the opportunity to uh to explore and you've given yourself, you know, the uh a really clear body of work for you to then unpick.
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I think what you then choose to do with it is is up to you, you know.
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Um, but I do think having this this sort of foundational three-month investigation would be really helpful for you.
00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:52.079
Okay, Amandine.
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I hope that uh I hope that was helpful.
00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:55.759
Okay, moving on to Jane.
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So Jen has a really interesting dilemma, and um I think it's one that we all as artists think about, you know, environmentally conscious souls that we are.
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I think this is something that will come up again and again, and it's definitely something that comes up for me in my own practice, and I have ways that I uh, you know, do my best with it, which I'll I'll talk about um as we get into this dilemma.
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Right, so Jen writes that she is very conscious of the environmental impact of making art.
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She writes that she tries to use what she already has, she tries to avoid unnecessary waste and steers away from toxic materials where she can.
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But she knows that making art invariably involves consuming materials, creating waste, and sometimes disposing of things in ways that she feels uncomfortable about.
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She said that the climate crisis feels very immediate.
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Jen lives in Canada and there's been really serious forest fires around her area, as there has been here in the UK and evacuations nearby.
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So she's asking, how do we reconcile being environmentally conscious with the fact that making art has an environmental cost?
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.519
Okay, so let's look at the emotional side to this.
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I don't think there's a completely clean answer here, because I think once you start thinking about the environmental consequences of everything you use, it would then start, you would then it was very easy to start feeling guilty about buying paper or buying ink or washing brushes down the sink, washing brushes, washing inks or paint or whatever it is, you know, down the sink or throwing things away.
00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:56.480
I think being conscious is really useful, but expecting your art to have no environmental footprint isn't very realistic.
00:20:56.880 --> 00:21:07.680
Um and I think the danger is that this awareness turns into guilt, and then the guilt becomes paralysing.
00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:20.319
Um, and I think the fact that Jenny's already thinking about this and is already making conscious choices is great, and I think it's something that should be celebrated.
00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:24.799
But I think the aim probably isn't purity, it's just consciousness, isn't it?
00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:36.720
Um we because I worry that we start to use environmental consciousness uh as a way to punish ourselves for making art, you know.
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:42.400
Um so I I yeah, I kind of feel like that's the emotional side of it.
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:55.359
You know, I don't think it's helpful for us to you know uh start allowing that guilt to impact us so much that actually we stop making work.
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:59.759
And and this will follow on with um uh Michelle's dilemma now.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:02.640
I mean the practical side, right?
00:22:02.720 --> 00:22:03.680
So I'm not perfect.
00:22:03.839 --> 00:22:05.039
I do my best.
00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:09.839
You know, I reuse packaging, I uh I reuse paper.
00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:13.599
If I'm proofing prints, I use both sides.
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:18.319
I sell my seconds, so I would never you know throw the papers away.
00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:25.440
I buy I try and sell those uh prints at a lower cost for people who can't afford the full price editions.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:29.839
You know, I do that twice a year with the super second sale, which is actually coming up soon.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:38.000
Um, and I you know I make conscious choices around the uh the chemicals I use for my etching.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:49.920
You know, I use non-toxic uh chemicals, I wouldn't use uh acids, I used etching salts, um, and I'm really careful of the way I dispose things, you know.
00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:57.839
But I do my print, I buy paper, you know, I do throw things away, and there is obviously going to be an environmental cost.
00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:08.160
But I think if we concentrate on small repeatable choices, then I think we can make ourselves feel a lot better about it.
00:23:08.319 --> 00:23:11.119
So use up what you've got.
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.119
Use up what you've got.
00:23:13.519 --> 00:23:16.319
Reuse paper for proofs and tests, you know.
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:18.160
This is this is things that I do.
00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:28.799
Reuse packaging, look after tools so they don't so they don't wear out, you know, dispose of inks and chemicals, like I said, um responsibly where you can.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:39.519
Um, and choose less toxic, you know, like I said, for etching, you choosing less toxic um materials is uh obviously going to be much more beneficial.
00:23:39.680 --> 00:23:52.559
I mean, the inks that I use for my uh lino cuts or the caligo safe wash inks, so I don't use any kind of um you know white spirit or anything like that, which is better for me, better for the environment.
00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:58.319
And I think one thing is don't buy materials just because they look exciting or they're fashionable.
00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:06.480
And this is something that I think, as I thought about this dilemma, it made me reflect on again my own practice.
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:16.240
And you know, when I go, I travel a lot, as you guys know, and whenever I go somewhere, I inevitably I get an email or a DM from somebody saying, Can you go to an art shop?
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:18.079
Can you go and visit an art shop?
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Can you go and show us around an art shop?
00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:24.880
Now I love an art shop, but I don't go crazy in art shops.
00:24:24.960 --> 00:24:29.759
I I don't because I I've I know what my practice needs.
00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:35.839
I know that there's no point me buying gold spray because I won't use gold spray.
00:24:36.079 --> 00:24:53.119
I think the more honed your practice is, the more you know who you are as an artist, I think the more responsible choices you make uh follows, if that makes it make sense.
00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:59.039
You you're not going to buy loads of stuff that you don't need because you know that you won't use it.
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:00.960
And I think it's different when you're starting off.
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:09.279
And you know, as you will already notice, a lot of the dilemmas I get in are from people who are starting off and they're trying everything, so therefore they're buying everything.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:14.240
And I've had creatives in the past who've said to me, I've seen their their space.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:19.680
I mean, it looks like an art shop, they've got so many materials in there, but they they don't know where to start.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:29.200
But I think the more that you develop your practice, that the you know, that the longer you make your work, the more selective you will become with your materials.
00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:34.000
So I do think that over time you will buy less.
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:42.319
So I think developing a clearer artistic practice can actually make you a more discerning customer, if that makes sense.
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:48.160
Um, so and that's not to say I don't like going around art shops.
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:55.599
I I do, but I just know that it'd be a waste of money and a waste of materials if I went and bought loads of stuff because I just wouldn't use it.
00:25:55.839 --> 00:26:01.200
I know what I need, and I buy that uh in I buy with that in mind.
00:26:01.359 --> 00:26:05.599
Um but again, I'm not perfect.
00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:07.759
We know that.
00:26:08.480 --> 00:26:09.440
We know that.
00:26:09.839 --> 00:26:11.839
Right, okay, so homework.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:15.119
I would say do a sustainability audit almost.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:21.680
I think first of all, write down things that you are really pleased that you do, things that you know that you do already well.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:31.440
You know, like for me, it would be reusing packaging, reusing paper, and choosing uh environmentally friendly uh etching uh materials.
00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:31.920
Okay.
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:38.240
And then I think do do then think about one source of waste that actually really bothers you.
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:41.039
What is it that you would like to refine a bit more?
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:53.119
And how that could be, you know, um, I don't know, making sure that everything, every paper that you throw away goes into the recycling rather than into the bin because you can't be bothered to walk to the recycling bin or whatever, you know.
00:26:53.279 --> 00:27:01.680
There's there's good there's bound to be something in your practice, in your studio space or in your, you know, how wherever you make your work that you know that you could do better.
00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:04.720
And then think, right, what change could I make here?
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:06.720
What is one realistic change?
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:11.440
And then I think make that change and then get on and make your work.
00:27:13.279 --> 00:27:14.559
Get on and make your work.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:28.640
And I do think it's good to do that sustainability sustainable sustainability audit every three months or so, you know, because I don't think that the answer is to feel guilty every time you pick up a tube of ink or you, you know, you start a new print.
00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:34.160
I think it's important that we're conscious about the choices that we're making.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:46.319
You know, change what we can, change what we realistically can, use up what you buy, waste less where's possible, and still allow yourself to be an artist.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:50.160
I hope that makes sense.
00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:56.079
Which leads me perfectly, perfectly onto Michelle's dealing.
00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:58.559
Okay, right, Michelle.
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:05.359
So Michelle wrote in to say that she is 50 years old, she has two children and works full-time.
00:28:05.519 --> 00:28:15.039
She said she originally studied art, but after finding it difficult to make a stable living in the arts, she retrained in another field and stopped making artwork altogether.
00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:25.759
About 10 years ago, she returned to painting, she took classes, began working independently, entered competitions, made sales, built an Instagram account and rented a studio.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:38.960
She worked incredibly hard to produce a series of 15 oil paintings on canvas and was rightly proud of having managed this alongside her work and her family and I.
00:28:39.200 --> 00:28:49.440
However, when at a family gathering, a relative saw the paintings and made a comment along the lines of, What do you do with all of them if they don't sell?
00:28:49.759 --> 00:29:06.559
and suggested that making so many paintings was a waste of canvas and wood, mentioning somebody who sketched digitally instead, obviously insinuating that you know maybe that was a more environmentally conscious way of making artwork.
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:12.480
Michelle said she felt embarrassed, particularly because the comment was made publicly.
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:18.319
However, that one remark completely derailed Michelle.
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:26.640
She stopped sharing her work, she gave up her studio and went into a prolonged artistic block.
00:29:27.279 --> 00:29:35.119
However, since then, she has tried making more commercial paintings so that selling them might justify their existence.
00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:43.599
She switched to paper, to botanical water and botanical watercolour because it felt less environmentally wasteful.
00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:50.000
She also worked under a pseudonym to protect herself from criticism and even tried giving up art altogether.
00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:53.200
I have to say, Michelle, your email broke my heart.
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.160
It absolutely broke my heart.
00:29:56.480 --> 00:29:57.440
My goodness.
00:29:57.920 --> 00:29:58.240
Okay.
00:29:59.200 --> 00:30:01.359
However, she does keep coming back to it.
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:11.200
So she writes that she's now painting in oils again on canvas, and it is what she really wants to do, and has an idea for a body of work she feels excited about.
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:19.039
So I think her question is, you know, why did that comment affect her affect her so profoundly?
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:25.039
And how does she stop sabotaging sabotaging a creative life that she so desperately wants?
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:29.039
Okay, right, so Michelle.
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:30.400
Oof, goodness.
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:35.599
Um, first of all, I just want to say thank you for writing so openly about this.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:56.960
Um you know, I think being so sort of open about the fact that that one comment sent you into such a dark place in a way and made you question everything, it sounds incredibly painful.
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:03.599
Um I don't think the comment is what it's all about though.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:14.640
I think the comment was the trigger that almost reinforced what you already believed about your work.
00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:23.839
Um, I think it landed on a belief that was already there because you wrote at the end of your email, I studied art and that I couldn't make a living from it.
00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:26.640
Therefore, perhaps I'm a failed artist.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:46.000
So I think that trigger, I mean, sorry, that comment was almost um it almost confirmed a belief about you in that you know the work isn't gonna sell, essentially.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:48.079
That's kind of what that person was insinuating.
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.440
The work isn't gonna sell, so therefore, what you're gonna do with it all.
00:31:54.240 --> 00:32:04.319
It's you know, I think it made you think rather than you thinking that the question was, you know, where essentially where are you gonna store them?
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:07.519
What you heard was why are you making these?
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:09.039
What is the point?
00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:11.359
Who do you think you are?
00:32:11.599 --> 00:32:16.160
And again, if they aren't selling, they're just taking up space.
00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:29.200
So I think that it's almost like the comment confirmed a belief that you already had about yourself, and I think that's probably why it stayed with you for so long.
00:32:29.599 --> 00:33:04.559
Um and then I feel what I feel really sad about then is that you you know that comment, which I think affirmed a b affirmed a belief that you had about your your your work then made you pivot and try to make work which again had probably a smaller environmental footprint, um, and also was more commercially viable, you know, more likely to sell.
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:16.480
So therefore, again, you are sabotaging your own creative identity by making work for this invisible audience that you think will like what it is that you're doing.
00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:23.200
And and and yeah, it's it's almost you're like you're trying to defend yourself against criticism.
00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:30.480
You know, if the paintings sell, then they're allowed, or you know, if they're biodegradable, they're allowed, or if they're on paper, they're allowed.
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:37.279
Um and also, you know, then creating a pseudonym.
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:51.519
You know, if you create a pseudonym, then you, Michelle, are unable to receive that criticism because it's your pseudonym who is receiving the criticism.
00:33:55.039 --> 00:34:05.200
However, I'm really pleased to hear that that period was short-lived and that you are now making the work that you want to make again.
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:18.800
And I think the crucial thing here is you know, you have a full-time job, but you don't need to make these paintings sellable in a way.
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:31.360
You know, you don't have to sell the paintings to pay your mortgage, and I think that gives you extraordinary free extraordinary extraordinarily extraordinary freedom.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:36.880
I think that enables you to to really make the work that you want to make, and it will find an audience.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:38.880
It will find an audience.
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:47.440
You know, there's no point making you know, lino cuts of of rabbits because you think that's what people want.
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:56.400
You're just going to feel really frustrated, and you may as well go and do a job that you don't like if you're gonna make lino cuts of rabbits if that's not what you want to do.
00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:11.920
You know, because you don't have to get your paintings to pay your mortgage, you don't have to worry about you know, uh finding a gallery or or uh, you know, trying to organise an exhibition or anything like that.
00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:21.360
So, and I'm not saying that those things are bad things, they're not no, not bad things, but I feel at the moment we're working with you in a really fragile space, you know.
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:45.920
So I think that at the moment it is important to protect yourself because your creativity has been bruised and bashed around for so long that I think that there absolutely needs to be a time where you are making the work for you rather than thinking about anybody else or showing it to anybody else.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:57.760
Now, that doesn't mean to say that I don't think you should show it, because I do think you should, because I think your safety net here in in the past has been to hide yourself and to make work under a pseudonym.
00:35:57.920 --> 00:36:12.639
But at the moment, I feel that these this new idea you have for your own for your new paintings sounds really exciting, and I want to encourage you to make those paintings but without any pressure to show them to anybody.
00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:25.599
Okay, so I think you need to paint those paintings on canvas with oils, and I don't think you need to stop negotiating with yourself about the medium, you know.
00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:28.880
You you've you've tried other ways of working and it didn't work for you.
00:36:29.039 --> 00:36:30.639
You keep coming back to this.
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:34.800
The road always seems to lead you back to oil painting and canvas.
00:36:34.960 --> 00:36:36.400
That is information, isn't it?
00:36:36.559 --> 00:36:38.079
So stick with that.
00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:51.679
Um, but again, I don't think you need to disappear for a few years because I think that would reinforce your idea that you know you can only show your work when you've made yourself completely bulletproof.
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:53.840
And I don't think we ever do, do we?
00:36:53.920 --> 00:36:57.760
You know, we never make ourselves bulletproof, we're always going to feel exposed.
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:06.559
Whenever we show our work, whenever we do anything, there's always going to be an element of, oh my goodness, is anybody gonna like this?
00:37:06.639 --> 00:37:15.280
You know, and the reality is some people won't like it, some people won't like the colours you use, some people will think it's too scribbly.
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:22.960
I'm just thinking back to that comment I had on uh my drawings in in uh on Amazon, you know, all the drawings look really scribbly.
00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:30.159
You know, some people will find them too scribbly, some people will find the colours that you use not to their taste, some people will find the subject matter not their taste.
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:35.760
That is that is the reality of being an artist, you know, you cannot avoid that.
00:37:36.159 --> 00:37:40.639
But I think we need to build you up slowly, you know, we need to build you up slowly.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:52.639
Um, so I do think let's make those uh canvases, let's let's paint those canvases, and I think what I would like you to do is do it gently.
00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:58.559
You don't have to share anything at this stage.
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:06.960
Let this body of work build up gradually, and then I think you can start sharing pieces when you feel ready.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:16.960
Not because you have to feel confident enough, because I'm not sure you probably will, but I think you get to decide how much access people have to a vulnerable part of your life.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:25.360
You know, there's there's a difference between protecting a new body of work and hiding it away so that nobody criticizes it.
00:38:26.639 --> 00:38:31.679
So I think let's build this body of work, let's make these five paintings or whatever it is.
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:43.920
And um actually, well, that's what I'm going to come to because I think that what I would like you to do is set yourself a target, and I would like you to make these five paintings without making any decisions about what happens to them.
00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:56.000
So I want you to make the paintings, no selling plan, no Instagram strategy, no deciding whether they're commercially viable, no switching medium halfway through because you feel it's too indulgent.
00:38:56.159 --> 00:39:01.360
I just want you to make five oil paintings on canvas in the project that you want to pursue.
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:09.119
And then after making those five, the only question I really want you to ask yourself is, would I like to make another one?
00:39:09.360 --> 00:39:11.360
You know, would I like to make another one?
00:39:11.519 --> 00:39:17.679
Because I think if the answer is yes, then make make the sixth, and I think that is how you build your practice.
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:24.079
You know, you find your confidence by doing the work, and I think that that will grow.
00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:34.880
And I think you need to comments will always come along and they're always going to bother you.
00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:36.320
That is inevitable.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:40.400
So if you show your work again, maybe that relative will come along and say something else.
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:59.119
But what you have to also understand is that I think what was happening there, I mean, that comment from that relative was probably really innocuous, but you interpreted it in a really critical way, and it made you think that actually, you know, that one comment sent you down a spiral.
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:05.519
So I think it's about kind of taking a deep breath and thinking, you know, what am I bringing to this comment?
00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:07.440
You know, this comment is this.
00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:10.400
What are what beliefs am I bringing to this comment?
00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:17.119
You know, and I think having that ability to stand back and thinking what part of that is them and what part of that is me.
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:24.239
So I think you know, practice that, practice showing your work very gently to people that you trust.
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:33.039
And I think over time your confidence will build, and you will have a beautiful body of work that you want to share with people.
00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:40.320
But take your time with it, build yourself up slowly, show it to people that you trust, but show it.
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:45.199
Do show it, but after you've made it, after you've made it and you show it gently.
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:47.679
Okay, so that's my advice to you.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:51.199
And the thing is, you will always come back to it.
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:52.960
You will always come back to it, Michelle.
00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:54.719
You you've you've kept coming back to it.
00:40:54.800 --> 00:41:02.559
It has it's been something that's been, you know, you can ignore it, you can ignore it, you can ignore it, but you will always come back to painting oils on canvas.
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:04.559
So I think you're gonna do really well with it.
00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:09.280
I think let's just, you know, you've acknowledged it, that comment upset you.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:21.760
It triggered something in you that I think activated a you know, a deep entrenched belief about yourself, but you know, you haven't let it demail you completely.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:23.280
You've come back, you're here now.
00:41:23.519 --> 00:41:25.679
Let's make the work and move on.
00:41:26.559 --> 00:41:27.119
Right.
00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:28.480
I hope that's helpful.
00:41:28.559 --> 00:41:30.400
I don't know how long I've been going on for.
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:33.119
I'm thirsty, got some water here.
00:41:35.119 --> 00:41:36.559
So it's half past two.
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:40.960
I've got one and a half hours before my sketchbook session starts.
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:45.199
So hopefully I can get this edited and put together, ready for Tuesday.
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:47.199
All right, guys, listen, we're sending love.
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:57.199
As always, if you enjoy this um podcast, please do tell your friends about it, share it, like it, do whatever you need to do to keep it going.
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:04.559
And more most importantly, pardon, is send your dilemmas in to me here at the creative couchpod at gmail.com.
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:09.840
If you send your email in, you will get a generic reply from me saying, Thank you, I've got your email.
00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:18.559
Um, and uh, you know, um, but that's just to let you know that I've got your email and I have read it, but you know, obviously I've got to work my way through the dilemmas.
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:23.760
Right, lovelies, listen, take care, and we will see you next week.
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:27.199
Look at her in the corner, busy snoozing away.
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:29.039
She is the prettiest dog ever.
00:42:29.199 --> 00:42:30.880
We've just had the nicest week together.
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:35.920
I mean, the best thing about being in Camp of Ram was just I get to spend all my time with her.
00:42:36.159 --> 00:42:37.440
Just wonderful.
00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:40.239
Right, guys, listen, take care, see you soon.
