WEBVTT
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I want to talk about the most secret, under talked about, most misunderstood symptom that I see in scrupulous OCD.
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And by the end, you're going to know exactly why it happens and more importantly, what to do about it.
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Yeah, you are in some good company.
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Here's what we're going to talk about today.
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You love your faith.
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You're trying to be a good and faithful person, but your body just did something that really scared you.
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And maybe it happened in adoration.
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Maybe when a horrible intrusive thought showed up completely uninvited.
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But instead of brushing it off, your brain went, wait, what was that?
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What does that mean about me?
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And so you've been carrying this by yourself, checking and worrying, maybe confessing it over and over.
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But I want you to exhale for a second.
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There is a real and boring psychological, physiological reason that your body did that.
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And there is a real spiritual answer to.
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One that is much more merciful than the story OCD has been telling you.
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We're going to talk about both of them today in small steps.
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Here's the map for the next few minutes.
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We start with what this thing even is, because just naming it accurately takes down a whole lot of the fear and shame.
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And then I'm going to show you why it happens and I mean the actual mechanisms in your body and in your brain.
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Once you see it and you understand it, then it starts to lose its grip of shame and fear.
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And then we'll get to the part that matters the most for scrupulous hearts, which is what any of this means about your soul.
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And I'll tell you right now that it means a lot less than OCD wants you to believe.
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And we'll finish with what to do, because I never want to leave you without practical information.
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I want you to leave with something that you can do tonight or the next time that groinal sensations pop up in your life.
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Now, if you have not struggled with this and you wonder what this is all about, then this may not be the video for you.
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But let me tell you, if you are someone with OCD or scrupulosity and you have struggled with groinal sensations and the fear around them, you just did a nice deep breath that someone's willing to talk about it and I'm willing to talk about it.
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Let's take this out of the shadows, put it on the table where we can all look at it.
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Half, if not more, of the terror comes from never hearing it described, honestly.
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So let's fix that first.
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A groinal response or a groinal sensation is just an involuntary sensation in the genital area.
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Tingling warmth, a feeling of fullness or pressure, a little flicker of something.
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That's it.
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It's a physical event, and you know what?
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It's actually common.
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And here is the sleight of hand that your brain likes to pull.
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The sensation shows up right after you've had a thought, usually an intrusive, unwanted, awful thought, and your brain goes, Well, my body responded, so some part of me must have wanted it, right?
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But that's the whole trap.
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Right here is our move.
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But a sensation is not a desire, and it is definitely not a decision.
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Your body twitching is not your will saying yes.
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So hold on to that because we're going to build the rest on top of all of this.
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Let's talk about what this is not.
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If a sensation could tell you the truth about your heart, then being tickled would mean that you love it, but it doesn't.
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So let's talk about that part.
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I want to be very clear about what this is not, because OCD will race in to tell you what it is.
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It is not evidence of some hidden desire.
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It is not proof of a secret self, and it's not consent, because consent is something that your will does on purpose, and this is the opposite of that.
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You didn't want it.
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You might even be horrified by it.
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And here is the one that scrupulous folks especially need to hear.
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It is not a message.
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God does not talk to you through that twitch, right?
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Not usually.
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And the devil does not get to author your body either.
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I know that the fear says, what if this is a sign?
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And I'm telling you plainly that it's not a sign.
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It's the same reflexive thing that your body does when you yawn because the person across from you yawned.
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It's not a verdict that's hiding somewhere deep within.
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The people who fear this the most that I have experienced are always the most tender-hearted people in the room.
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Every time.
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So let's normalize this because I think that being alone with these thoughts and these fears is more than half of the wound, right?
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This shows up all over OCD.
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It shows up in sexual orientation OCD, where someone is doubting their orientation, which is different than a true SSA.
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It shows up with what we call POCD, or where a person has intrusive thoughts about children and is completely horrified by them.
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It shows up in harm OCD, in relationship OCD, and it shows up tangled all throughout scrupulosity.
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Here's what I see again and again.
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When a person is sitting with me who is most afraid of this sensation, people who share this experience say that what they are most afraid of in this sensation is that it makes them a monster.
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The fear itself is the evidence against the fear.
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Someone who actually wanted these thoughts would not be terrified or horrified by them.
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They certainly wouldn't be in my office or any other office in tears.
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They wouldn't be here at all, right?
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Because it wouldn't bother them.
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Examples can often land better than definitions, so let me show you what this can look like in real life.
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I'll give you three real scenarios and watch for a pattern because it's the same dynamic underneath all of them.
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Let's say that two people watch the exact same movie and have the exact same body response.
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One is fine, one spirals for three days.
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The difference is not the body, it's the story that you're telling yourself.
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So let's picture a woman watching a movie and a certain scene or a certain person comes on.
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And even if you are cautious about what you watch, which I think is a good idea, but it doesn't even have to be a sex scene for someone to pop onto screen in your body to have a response.
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But let's say she sees a character pop into a scene and then her body does a little something.
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This is totally ordinary, by the way.
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Bodies respond to beautiful content, beautiful people as a category.
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Now, here's where the road starts to split, though.
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In the OCD version, the doubt walks on stage and says, What if you're not who you think you are?
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And she may scan her body and then find the sensation again and goes, oh no, this means I've been living a lie or there's something really deep and terrible about me.
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What about my marriage?
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What about my whole life?
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And then she may spend the next three hours testing herself or reading in forums about what this is all about.
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But in a different version, she may notice that little arousal from a character, maybe the character of her same gender, and the movie keeps going.
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It's a good film.
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And afterwards she talks to her friend about the plot.
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It's the same body and the same sensation.
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The only thing that changed is the narrative that she gave it.
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Someone who has an intrusive thought, the worst kind of thought, the thought about harm or something sexual and repugnant or something blasphemous about God or Our Lady.
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The thought is horrifying to them.
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And then their body, which is now flooded with anxiety, produces a certain sensation.
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And OCD pounces on that.
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Why would your body react to that unless part of you actually wanted it?
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Is the lie and the question that it asks you.
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But here's the real answer.
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When you're in that much distress, your fight or flight system is firing on every cylinder.
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And that activation is not picky.
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It can produce sensations down there that have nothing to do with the desire and everything to do with alarm.
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Your alarm is so loud because you care so much, not because you're guilty or a horrible person.
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The horror or the distress about the feeling is actually the proof about where your true heart stands.
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But for some people, they may be asking, why does this always happen at the holiest possible moment, like in mass or in adoration?
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But there is a reason for that.
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And this is the scrupulosity flavor, and it is cruel in a very specific way.
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Let's say you're at Mass or in adoration or receiving the Eucharist, and a sensation shows up, or a blasphemous or sexual thought about something sacred just barges in.
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Now your whole system is flooded with horror, and OCD files the paperwork instantly.
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It pounces on that thought.
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You did that on purpose.
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What if that was sacrilege?
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God saw that.
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Get to confession before you die.
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But here's what's really going on.
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In those sacred moments, you are intensely focused, you're emotionally moved, and you're watching yourself like a hawk for anything that goes wrong.
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High attention, high emotion, and a mind that is scanning itself constantly, that combination is basically a recipe for producing sensations and intrusive thoughts.
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It's not that you're less holy in those moments, it's that you care the most about them.
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So the alarm rings the loudest there.
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That's it.
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When people understand the why, it can start to silence the alarm.
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So let's look at how this actually works in the body and the brain.
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There are four pieces here, and every one of them is helpful.
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I'll help you understand them.
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Attention causes sensation.
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Quick experiment.
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Think about your left big toe.
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Really focus on it.
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You feel that?
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You just made a sensation appear out of nothing.
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Your attention is like a flashlight.
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So here's the first mechanism, and it's a really important one.
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The attention creates the sensation.
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And I just proved it to you with the big toe experiment.
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But here's something else.
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Imagine you have lice crawling through your hair.
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Just picture it.
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Most people's scalps start to itch or tingle.
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Imagine a tick walking up the back of your leg.
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You can almost feel it moving, can't you?
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Did you get lice?
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Did a tick appear?
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No.
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And I'll stop so that I stop torturing you.
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Your attention manufactured the whole thing.
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We see attention can actually create sensations.
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Now, here is the problem for OCD.
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When you're scared that you might have a groinal response, what do you do?
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You check.
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You point your attention flashlight right to that spot to see if anything's happening.
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And that particular part of the body is one of the most nerve-dense areas in your entire body, right?
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By design.
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God is beautiful.
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So the moment you check, you have basically guaranteed that you will feel something.
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And then that something becomes your evidence.
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You are creating the very thing that you're afraid of finding.
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See how that works?
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The body doesn't match the heart.
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This is where a whole body of research with a very clunky name, arousal nonconcordance, comes in.
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And it can really help dismantle the entire lie that OCD is telling you.
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The second mechanism is something that researchers have documented for decades.
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And the technical phrase is a rank concordance.
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All it means is this what your body does physically and what you actually desire in your heart very often do not match.
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They run on partly separate tracks.
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And a big part of this Gornal response runs on autopilot, on the autonomic nervous system, and it reacts to the category of this sexual content or a response to beauty, not to the real desires on your part.
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That's why a person can watch a scene with actors they have no interest in and have a physiological response.
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Sadly, this is why survivors of abuse can have their body respond even though they have no consent.
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So please hear this.
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Physical arousal is not a reliable read for what you want or desire.
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It's not like your body testifying to you.
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Yes, your body has a language, the theology of the body.
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It's just that these sensations are not always saying what you think they are.
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It's very likely that OCD has just been treating it like this and then scaring you over and over again.
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Now, this is the worst part in my opinion because it's kind of a cruel paradox.
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The third mechanism is the anxiety itself.
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When your OCD gets triggered, when your body goes into fight or flight, that is a whole body aroused state.
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Your heart's pounding, your blood's moving, everything is turned up, and your activation is not neatly walled off to that part of your body.
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It can absolutely produce sensations down there.
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So watch the loop.
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You have a thought, you get scared, the fear creates a sensation, you notice the sensation, and now you are more scared, which makes more sensation, which makes more fear, and around and around it goes.
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You see how that works?
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The panic can become its own type of fuel.
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But this can also be good news because it tells us exactly where we can intervene to break this cycle.
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We don't break it by trying to control the sensation.
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Ironically, that can make it worse.
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We break it by changing what we do with the fear.
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And we will get there, don't worry.
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So let's put all of these together in one loop.
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I know this may sound a little tedious, but I really want you to understand the mechanisms under this.
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Step one, the doubt shows in.
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What if this sensation means something horrible or terrible about me?
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Step two, you go looking, you scan, you check, you monitor.
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Step three, because of everything that we just covered, attention plus anxiety, they basically create the sensation right on cue.
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And step four, your OCD grabs that sensation and says, here's the proof.
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And that proof feeds the original doubt, and then the whole cycle spins faster and faster and gets stronger and stronger.
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But here's the part I really want you to try to catch.
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This is circular reasoning, right?
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The doubt creates the checking.
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The checking creates a sensation, and then the sensation gets used as evidence for the doubt.
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It's like a snake eating its own tail.
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You are not learning anything true about yourself.
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You're just running on a loop.
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And that's what I want you to start saying to yourself when you have these sensations.
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Now, here's why everything gets worse with time instead of better.
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And this is very important for people who struggle with scrupulosity because you are probably a very diligent person and you want to check to make sure, right?
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Every single time you test yourself, every time you monitor, every time you conjure an image to see how you react, every time you go looking for a response to prove something or to disprove something, you're just sending a signal to your brain.
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And this signal, this message is this is a real threat, so keep tracking it.
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And then your brain, being a good little threat detector that it is, says, okay, and gets more sensitive, not less.
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We call that sensitization.
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So the testing that feels like it should finally settle everything is the exact thing that could be turning up the volume.
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Testing does not change your desires, your orientation, it doesn't change your heart, it doesn't uncover some hidden truth about you.
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All it does is embolden the OCD.
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And when you stop feeding it, the brain can slowly recalibrate.
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And there's actually a lot of hope in that.
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This is the section that I want people with scrupulous dispositions or hearts to hear.
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Let's take a look at what any of this actually means in front of God, in front of our Lord.
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And I think you're going to be able to breathe a little easier after this part.
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First, you are not the first devout person to be tormented like this.
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Some of the greatest saints experience this, and you are in extraordinary company.
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Scrupulosity is cruel in a very particular way.
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It takes sensation and it staples it to the things that you love the most, right?
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Your prayer, Eucharist, Our Lady, the Saints.
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And then it reads that sensation as a spiritual verdict, that it sends sacrilege and proof that you are secretly deviant, proof that you are damned.
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And I want you to know something.
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This is not new.
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It's not a sign that you are uniquely awful.
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The church has been walking with scrupulous souls for centuries.
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St.
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Ignatius of Loyola actually wrote rules for dealing with scruples because he struggled with them himself.
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And St.
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Alphonsus Lagory, Saint Therese, and many holy people struggled with this exactly same type of torment.
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You're not standing outside of the faith because of this.
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You are standing in a long line of tender, serious souls that the church has always known how to love.
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Now, here's a sentence I want you to write down, or at least remember, your nervous system does not have the authority to condemn you.
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Let's put the actual teaching of the church on the table plainly.
00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:51.759
For sin to be mortal, the catechism gives three conditions.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:53.759
It must be grave matter.
00:19:54.000 --> 00:20:01.119
You must have full knowledge that it is gravely wrong, and you have to give deliberate consent of the will.
00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:05.440
And that's paragraph 1857, if you want to check me.
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:09.839
Now, look at what a groinal response or sensation is.
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.759
It is involuntary.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:13.119
You don't want it.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:15.519
You're probably horrified by it.
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.039
You are actually the opposite of consenting.
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:20.880
You're recoiling from it.
00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:33.200
So by the church's own definition, the deliberate consent of the will is just simply not there, which means the whole verdict that OCD is trying to hand down never really gets off the ground.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:34.559
It's not true.
00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:44.559
And here's the deeper thing: even a horrible, intrusive thought that is objectively something grave, but that shows up uninvited is not a sin.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:48.720
Sin lives in the yes that you actually give freely.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:53.279
So your body twitching down there is not a yes.
00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:57.279
God isn't reading your nervous system for evidence against you.
00:20:57.440 --> 00:20:58.960
That's not how this works.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:07.680
I want to put this on the screen so that you can come back to it, maybe take a screenshot, grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent.
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:13.599
Notice it says these three must together be present for the conditions to be met.
00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:15.039
Not one of the three.
00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:24.160
So when OCD says you felt something sexual, you sinned, you can hold up this line and ask, was there deliberate consent?
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:30.880
Or if you have a horrible, intrusive thought that objectively is very grave.
00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:35.039
If you did not invite it, there was not deliberate consent.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:36.240
It's not there.
00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:43.119
Maybe you were fighting it, maybe you were horrified by it, maybe you were checking just to make sure it wasn't there and then it popped up.
00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:48.400
And the accusation, well, it collapses on its face.
00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:51.759
This is not the same thing as being soft on sin.
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:54.799
This is the church's own standard.
00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:59.440
You may find that she's far more merciful and far more precise.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:03.119
Then your anxiety would like for you to believe that she is.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:08.079
Nobody spends years in anguish over a desire that they actually have.
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:11.359
The agony over this is part of the evidence.
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:17.599
Here's a really useful distinction from clinical work, and I'll translate it for you.
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:22.000
We talk about things being egosyntonic and egodystonic.
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:26.480
Egocentonic means that it feels like it belongs to you.
00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:28.559
It fits with who you are.
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:30.400
It doesn't cause you distress.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:33.200
And in fact, you might feel good about it.
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:37.279
You're happy that this thing describes you or is a part of you.
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:46.799
Ego dystonic means that it feels foreign, invasive, against the grain of everything that you love, and it causes you distress.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:51.119
OCD content is always egodystonic.
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:52.799
That's its signature.
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:56.160
And in some ways, that can be diagnostic itself.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:02.319
The reason it hurts so much is that it's aimed at exactly what you care about the most.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:14.480
So the torment itself is actually a piece of the evidence, but be careful because you know if these things are against what you believe.
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:20.559
Sometimes people get into a loop where they say, Well, do I dislike it enough?
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:23.599
Does it bother me enough?
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:26.559
Do I have enough distress about it?
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:28.400
You know what you believe.
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:31.839
Trust it at first, blush, and go from there.
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.599
People don't agonize over their real wants and desires.
00:23:35.839 --> 00:23:40.880
The distress is your own heart telling you the truth about where you stand.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:43.599
But remember that your body is not the enemy.
00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:44.720
It never was.
00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:52.880
I want to reframe the body for a second because scrupulosity has a tendency to turn it into an informant or a traitor.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:56.319
And that's just not how our faith sees the body.
00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:02.319
In the theology of the body, Saint John Paul gives us a beautiful picture.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:04.559
The body is good, it's a gift.
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:09.680
The body's meant to reveal something about the self, something good and holy.
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:21.200
And a body like that is also a real body in a fallen world, but also running on a nervous system that came before your reason.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:24.960
And those reflexes are not your soul speaking.
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:27.680
You don't have to go to war with your body.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:30.319
We can hold both, honor both, right?
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:36.079
The body is a gift and its involuntary reflexes are not moral messages.
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:40.559
These two things can live together in the same sentence at the same time.
00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:44.880
Now I never want to leave you with just information and no exit, nothing to do.
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.279
We want to give real tools for real life.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:49.359
So let's talk about that in this part.
00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:55.759
The gold standard for OCD is a treatment called ERP, exposure and response prevention.
00:24:55.920 --> 00:25:05.279
And there's a beautiful related approach called inference-based CBT that works really well for the doubt-driven stuff.
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:11.119
Now, these should not be attempted without the guidance of a trained mental health clinician.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:18.240
And I don't just mean somebody who has a PhD or an LPC or is a therapist, but someone specifically trained in OCD.
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:20.799
But I want you to understand how it works.
00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:23.119
I want to translate some of this jargon.
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:28.799
The part that is most helpful in these approaches is the response prevention.
00:25:29.119 --> 00:25:41.279
That means that when you have the urge to check, the urge to scan, to test, or to replay the thought to see how you feel about it, you just notice the urge and don't act on it.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:43.920
And that's the response prevention.
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:45.440
That's that's it.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:52.240
Your anxiety will likely peak, which is why you want to do this with a trained professional, but then it will come down.
00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:56.319
And over time it won't peak as high and it'll come down faster.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:58.880
This is where things start to shift.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:01.839
You're actually creating brain change.
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:04.880
You're not trying to make the sensation go away.
00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:10.960
If you are trying to make it go away or you're still fighting it, then you are still feeding it.
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:14.400
Remember, you're putting the flashlight of your attention on it.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:19.759
The goal is to let the sensation be there, completely boring, and not respond.
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:28.720
So when you stop responding, the brain slowly learns that there was never danger here, and it allows it to quiet down on its own.
00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:33.680
Confession is a gift, but scrupulosity can turn a gift into a compulsion.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:35.759
So we've got to be honest with this.
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.359
I want to be really careful.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:41.519
I am not bending the church's teaching in any way.
00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:47.920
Confession is a beautiful sacrament, it is a grace, and we should frequent it regularly.
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:54.000
But scrupulosity is brilliant at taking a genuine good and turning it into a compulsion itself.
00:26:54.240 --> 00:26:56.960
And the tell here is the repetition.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:05.680
When you're back in the confession for the fifth time this week over the same incident, that's not deeper holiness.
00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:07.759
That's reassurance seeking.
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:10.960
That is trying to wear the cloak of holiness.
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:17.920
It may feel spiritual, but it's actually feeding the same loop as any other checking behavior.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:19.759
So here's our move.
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:25.279
A good who understands scrupulosity will absolutely back this up.
00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:30.240
Take a look at the video with my conversation with Father Alar on this.
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:38.720
It's important to pick one priest, a regular confessor, spiritual director, and tell him plainly, I struggle with scrupulosity.
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:45.359
And if you go to the video with Father Alar, there's a link there that you can download.
00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:48.640
It's a letter for priest about scrupulosity.
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:52.799
And then let him be your outside reference point.
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:54.799
No priest hopping here.
00:27:55.039 --> 00:28:05.039
Let him set the rule, usually something like involuntary sensations are not sins, or you don't need to confess them, or you don't need to reconfess them.
00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:06.960
And then here's the hard part.
00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:12.400
You obey his rule, especially when the fear is screaming at you to go back.
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.359
That obedience is the trust.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:18.079
That's where the real growth happens.
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:21.839
That's where these loops of anxiety weaken.
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.680
And this is where the beautiful healing starts to happen.
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.359
It's right on the other side of what scares you the most.
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:40.880
Remember that every time you do something to prevent the sensation or to check the sensation, the OCD gets a little bigger and your world gets a little stronger.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:44.799
The instinct when something scares you is to avoid it, right?
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:55.119
And with this, avoidance can look like skipping adoration or cutting your prayers short or staying away from certain people or certain settings that are not sinful.
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:58.319
It's not one of the situations where you should be staying away from them.
00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:02.079
But this is all to keep the sensation from happening.
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:07.119
I understand that impulse completely, but avoidance is a trap.
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:11.440
And I've said before that anxiety eats avoidance for breakfast.
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.680
Every single time you avoid, you send your brain the message that there is something truly dangerous going on.
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:19.519
Good thing we stepped away.
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:23.519
This must be important because look at how her behavior is following.
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:28.000
This makes the OCD grow, but it makes your life shrink.
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:30.079
It gets smaller and smaller.
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:35.599
So our move here, as hard as it is, is to keep living your actual life.
00:29:35.759 --> 00:29:41.920
Keep going to mass, keep praying, keep being around people that you love, keep being around holy beauty.
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:50.000
And when the sensation shows up, you let it come, you let it be nothing, and then you do the next thing that matters.
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:51.599
This is not reckless.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:30:05.920
Living your values while the fear is right there in the room, refusing to let it run the show and make decisions for you is exactly how your brain relearns that you are safe, that these lies are not true.
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:11.759
So let me give you something concrete for the actual moment this happens next.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:14.079
Because in the moment it can be hard to think.
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:17.599
Step one, you're gonna name it flat and a little bored.
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:20.720
This is a granal response or sensation.
00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:24.880
It's just a feeling, it's not a sign, no drama.
00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:35.119
Step two, you do not check, you do not test, you do not start arguing with it in your head or trying to prove that you didn't want it.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:40.559
Because remember that arguing and checking are just feeding the fear.
00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:44.079
You have to keep the attention flashlight off.
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:47.359
Step three, you let the anxiety be there.
00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:54.720
And if that's hard, that's why you need to be working with a mental health professional to help you with some strategies for how to manage that.
00:30:54.960 --> 00:30:58.480
We're not trying to force yourself to be calm.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:07.759
You're just dropping your shoulders, unclenching your jaw, let your breath keep moving, and allow the discomfort to exist and watch it past.
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:11.279
Step four is you turn back to whatever you were doing.
00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:17.759
Instead of avoidance, we approach the prayer, the conversation, the dishes, sensation and all.
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:21.519
It gets to stay there and you get to keep doing the next right thing.
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:26.799
You don't have to win the argument with yourself, with your OCD before you move on.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:32.640
This is the whole secret, if you will, of how to start entangling these loops.
00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:34.480
You don't have to obey the urge.
00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:41.519
And every single time that you do that, you're getting stronger and the OCD is getting weaker.
00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:44.400
See, this is the part where people get stuck.
00:31:44.559 --> 00:32:00.400
When they struggle with OCD and scrupulosity, there's this feeling that if they could just convince themselves enough that somewhere on the other side of this one more question or this one more check, that these things would just go away.
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:05.119
But OCD is a liar, and this one more check is never one more check.
00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:09.279
This one more reassurance is never one more reassurance.
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:11.279
And in fact, it's making it worse.
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:23.759
So they try to seek temporary comfort and then believe that if they do it more, that temporary comfort will expand into more prolonged comfort, but that's not how it works.
00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:30.880
Prolonged comfort comes at the other side of avoiding the urge to check or to seek reassurance.
00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:39.839
And the last little piece is how I want you to talk to yourself because people who are scrupulous tend to have a very brutal inner voice.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:44.480
The self-attack itself is part of the compulsion.
00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:48.079
Beating yourself up can feel like you're doing something.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:54.480
It can feel like penance, it can feel productive, it can feel like creating safety, but it's not.
00:32:54.640 --> 00:32:59.119
It just carves those grooves deeper and keeps you dysregulated.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:05.359
And remember, when you are dysregulated, all of these loops run faster and stronger.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:10.000
Here's what the saints who fought scrupulosity actually learned.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:13.759
They learned to trust God's mercy more than their own fear.
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:22.880
And I understand that trust God more is not enough for someone who struggles with clinical OCD and scrupulosity.
00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:29.599
But we to be able to trust, we have to learn to tolerate that uncertainty.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:35.920
So it's yes, trusting, but there may be something that comes before the ability to trust.
00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:40.960
So what do we need to do so that we can learn to trust?
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:46.319
And it is tolerating uncertainty or some of this exposure and ritual prevention.
00:33:46.559 --> 00:33:46.720
St.
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:56.720
Francis de Sales, who was a master with scrupulous souls because he struggled with it for so long himself, basically taught people to be gentle and patient with themselves.
00:33:56.960 --> 00:34:03.200
So talk to yourself the way you would talk to a frightened child who was sure that they were bad.
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:04.880
You wouldn't pile on.
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:08.000
You'd get down at their level and say, hey, you're not bad.
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.639
I know that you're scared right now, but I've got you.
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:11.840
And here's the truth.
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:16.000
This is exactly how God is looking at you in those painful moments.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:20.320
He's closer and kinder than your fear wants you to believe.
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:26.320
Remember, this is treatable, genuinely, reliably treatable.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:31.119
You don't have to white knuckle this forever or struggle forever.
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:41.599
And as important as psychoeducation or what this video is, learning more about what this is and what treatment looks like, it's not treatment itself.
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:44.559
So just know that this is treatable.
00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:48.400
It's not just managed if you're lucky.
00:34:48.639 --> 00:34:51.199
But this is where the kind of help matters.
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:58.239
Remember, not every therapist or psychologist is specifically trained in OCD or scrupulosity.
00:34:58.400 --> 00:34:59.440
You have to ask.
00:34:59.599 --> 00:35:00.480
You need to ask.
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:02.559
You have a right to ask.
00:35:02.800 --> 00:35:15.840
Someone who does ERP or inference-braised CBT, if you're not in some of those contraindicated groups, I say this because well-meaning general talk therapy can often make OCD worse.
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:29.840
Because if a well-meaning therapist or spiritual director keeps reassuring you, keeps helping you analyze whether the sensation meant something, they can unknowingly strengthen the compulsion.
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:33.119
You need someone who knows how to not do that.
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:39.119
The International OCD Foundation has a directory where you can search for specialists.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:43.760
And remember, in the US, therapists are generally licensed by state.
00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:55.840
So with the advent of virtual therapy showing in most cases similar outcomes as face-to-face, you can look in your entire state's registry.
00:35:56.079 --> 00:36:07.039
And for those who watch this channel, your dream team is a good OCD-trained therapist working alongside a confessor or spiritual director who actually understands scrupulosity.
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:09.840
I have done this several times.
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:17.280
There are many fantastic priests who truly understand scrupulosity and work hand in hand.
00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:24.880
That's where you may want to go to that video with Father Alar and download the handout to give to your priest.
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:36.559
When your spiritual director and therapist are on the same page, telling you the same merciful but true thing, that's where people can really start experiencing freedom.
00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:38.000
And it's beautiful.
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:40.000
There's so much hope.
00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:44.079
And as we mentioned, psychoeducation is not the same as therapy.
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:53.119
But if you would like to know more, I talk more about grainal sensations and lots of other things related to scrupulosity and intrusive thoughts.
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:58.880
And the online course, Freedom from Scrupulosity and Intrusive Thoughts a Catholic Educational Approach.
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:08.559
I created this online course because I get so many comments and emails of people asking for information.
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:18.239
And while I can't be a therapist via comment section or by email, psychoeducation is a truly important first step.
00:37:18.639 --> 00:37:25.679
So I put almost everything I know about scrupulosity and OCD and intrusive thoughts into this course.
00:37:25.840 --> 00:37:30.320
There's several hours of videos, over a hundred pages in the workbook.
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:35.599
It's a great place to start or to use alongside a secular therapist.
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.800
Okay, let's bring this all together.
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:41.440
I would invite you to screenshot this one.
00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:45.760
A groinal sensation or response is just a sensation.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:50.239
And sensations are not the same as desire and it's not consent.
00:37:50.480 --> 00:38:00.000
Two, your attention and your anxiety can literally manufacture sensations, which means all of that checking and testing is not getting you certainty.
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:02.079
It's actually pouring gas on the fire.
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:05.599
Three, the body does not always match the heart.
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:11.280
Arousal is just not a reliable readout of what you actually want.
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:13.920
Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:18.559
But in these situations, paired with anxiety, it often is not.
00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:23.360
Four, mortal sin requires the deliberate consent of your will.
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:34.079
So a reflex that you are horrified by or disturbed by or embarrassed by or don't want does not meet the church's own bar.
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:39.519
And five, here's the whole plan just in one sentence.
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:50.480
Stop testing, gently stop over-confessing, do not avoid the things that you love, and go get help from someone who actually specializes in OCD.
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:52.079
This is treatable.
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:53.679
There is hope.
00:38:53.920 --> 00:39:00.000
If this helped you, makes you feel a little less alone, a little less afraid, that's exactly why this channel exists.
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:03.840
So please share it with someone who it could benefit from.
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:11.599
I want to leave you with three words that our Lord and the angels say more than almost anything else, be not afraid.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:15.280
And I know that just hearing that doesn't make it so.
00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:17.920
It just means that's where we're going.
00:39:18.079 --> 00:39:19.679
That's what we're heading towards.
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:31.920
And if you struggle with mental health issues like anxiety or OCD or scrupulosity, then there may be some intermediary steps that need to happen before you can get to this place.
00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:36.159
But just know that the Lord wants this peace for you.
00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:42.960
Your worth is not up for renegotiation by any twitch that you may have in your body.
00:39:43.119 --> 00:39:49.519
Remember, there's always room for you and any uncomfortable sensations here on the Catholic couch.
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:51.599
I'll see you next time, friends.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:09.439
I want to talk about the most secret, under talked about, most misunderstood symptom that I see in scrupulous OCD.
00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:16.559
And by the end, you're going to know exactly why it happens and more importantly, what to do about it.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:40.640
Yeah, you are in some good company.
00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:42.799
Here's what we're going to talk about today.
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.159
You love your faith.
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:51.439
You're trying to be a good and faithful person, but your body just did something that really scared you.
00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:54.240
And maybe it happened in adoration.
00:00:54.399 --> 00:00:59.679
Maybe when a horrible intrusive thought showed up completely uninvited.
00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:04.560
But instead of brushing it off, your brain went, wait, what was that?
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:07.040
What does that mean about me?
00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:13.280
And so you've been carrying this by yourself, checking and worrying, maybe confessing it over and over.
00:01:13.519 --> 00:01:15.920
But I want you to exhale for a second.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:23.760
There is a real and boring psychological, physiological reason that your body did that.
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:28.000
And there is a real spiritual answer to.
00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:33.200
One that is much more merciful than the story OCD has been telling you.
00:01:33.439 --> 00:01:37.120
We're going to talk about both of them today in small steps.
00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:39.519
Here's the map for the next few minutes.
00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:48.879
We start with what this thing even is, because just naming it accurately takes down a whole lot of the fear and shame.
00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:55.920
And then I'm going to show you why it happens and I mean the actual mechanisms in your body and in your brain.
00:01:56.159 --> 00:02:01.920
Once you see it and you understand it, then it starts to lose its grip of shame and fear.
00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:09.840
And then we'll get to the part that matters the most for scrupulous hearts, which is what any of this means about your soul.
00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:15.280
And I'll tell you right now that it means a lot less than OCD wants you to believe.
00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:22.000
And we'll finish with what to do, because I never want to leave you without practical information.
00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:30.400
I want you to leave with something that you can do tonight or the next time that groinal sensations pop up in your life.
00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:38.960
Now, if you have not struggled with this and you wonder what this is all about, then this may not be the video for you.
00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:54.479
But let me tell you, if you are someone with OCD or scrupulosity and you have struggled with groinal sensations and the fear around them, you just did a nice deep breath that someone's willing to talk about it and I'm willing to talk about it.
00:02:54.719 --> 00:02:59.120
Let's take this out of the shadows, put it on the table where we can all look at it.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:05.840
Half, if not more, of the terror comes from never hearing it described, honestly.
00:03:06.159 --> 00:03:08.159
So let's fix that first.
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:16.240
A groinal response or a groinal sensation is just an involuntary sensation in the genital area.
00:03:16.479 --> 00:03:20.800
Tingling warmth, a feeling of fullness or pressure, a little flicker of something.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:21.759
That's it.
00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:24.319
It's a physical event, and you know what?
00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:25.919
It's actually common.
00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:31.360
And here is the sleight of hand that your brain likes to pull.
00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:43.840
The sensation shows up right after you've had a thought, usually an intrusive, unwanted, awful thought, and your brain goes, Well, my body responded, so some part of me must have wanted it, right?
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:45.759
But that's the whole trap.
00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:47.759
Right here is our move.
00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:53.199
But a sensation is not a desire, and it is definitely not a decision.
00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:57.039
Your body twitching is not your will saying yes.
00:03:57.199 --> 00:04:01.680
So hold on to that because we're going to build the rest on top of all of this.
00:04:01.919 --> 00:04:04.159
Let's talk about what this is not.
00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:11.759
If a sensation could tell you the truth about your heart, then being tickled would mean that you love it, but it doesn't.
00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.840
So let's talk about that part.
00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:20.639
I want to be very clear about what this is not, because OCD will race in to tell you what it is.
00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:24.319
It is not evidence of some hidden desire.
00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:35.360
It is not proof of a secret self, and it's not consent, because consent is something that your will does on purpose, and this is the opposite of that.
00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:36.639
You didn't want it.
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:38.720
You might even be horrified by it.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:43.519
And here is the one that scrupulous folks especially need to hear.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:45.759
It is not a message.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.600
God does not talk to you through that twitch, right?
00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:50.560
Not usually.
00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:54.319
And the devil does not get to author your body either.
00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:57.839
I know that the fear says, what if this is a sign?
00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:02.160
And I'm telling you plainly that it's not a sign.
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:09.199
It's the same reflexive thing that your body does when you yawn because the person across from you yawned.
00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:12.160
It's not a verdict that's hiding somewhere deep within.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:20.639
The people who fear this the most that I have experienced are always the most tender-hearted people in the room.
00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:21.839
Every time.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:31.120
So let's normalize this because I think that being alone with these thoughts and these fears is more than half of the wound, right?
00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:35.199
This shows up all over OCD.
00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:44.639
It shows up in sexual orientation OCD, where someone is doubting their orientation, which is different than a true SSA.
00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:55.279
It shows up with what we call POCD, or where a person has intrusive thoughts about children and is completely horrified by them.
00:05:55.439 --> 00:06:04.000
It shows up in harm OCD, in relationship OCD, and it shows up tangled all throughout scrupulosity.
00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:06.399
Here's what I see again and again.
00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:20.160
When a person is sitting with me who is most afraid of this sensation, people who share this experience say that what they are most afraid of in this sensation is that it makes them a monster.
00:06:20.399 --> 00:06:25.040
The fear itself is the evidence against the fear.
00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:31.360
Someone who actually wanted these thoughts would not be terrified or horrified by them.
00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:35.680
They certainly wouldn't be in my office or any other office in tears.
00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:38.079
They wouldn't be here at all, right?
00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:40.560
Because it wouldn't bother them.
00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:46.240
Examples can often land better than definitions, so let me show you what this can look like in real life.
00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:54.879
I'll give you three real scenarios and watch for a pattern because it's the same dynamic underneath all of them.
00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:59.839
Let's say that two people watch the exact same movie and have the exact same body response.
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:03.120
One is fine, one spirals for three days.
00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:07.839
The difference is not the body, it's the story that you're telling yourself.
00:07:08.079 --> 00:07:14.560
So let's picture a woman watching a movie and a certain scene or a certain person comes on.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:26.399
And even if you are cautious about what you watch, which I think is a good idea, but it doesn't even have to be a sex scene for someone to pop onto screen in your body to have a response.
00:07:26.639 --> 00:07:32.319
But let's say she sees a character pop into a scene and then her body does a little something.
00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:34.879
This is totally ordinary, by the way.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:41.040
Bodies respond to beautiful content, beautiful people as a category.
00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:43.600
Now, here's where the road starts to split, though.
00:07:43.759 --> 00:07:50.240
In the OCD version, the doubt walks on stage and says, What if you're not who you think you are?
00:07:50.560 --> 00:08:01.600
And she may scan her body and then find the sensation again and goes, oh no, this means I've been living a lie or there's something really deep and terrible about me.
00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:03.199
What about my marriage?
00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:04.639
What about my whole life?
00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:12.800
And then she may spend the next three hours testing herself or reading in forums about what this is all about.
00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:21.360
But in a different version, she may notice that little arousal from a character, maybe the character of her same gender, and the movie keeps going.
00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:22.480
It's a good film.
00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:25.199
And afterwards she talks to her friend about the plot.
00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:27.439
It's the same body and the same sensation.
00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:32.000
The only thing that changed is the narrative that she gave it.
00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:44.879
Someone who has an intrusive thought, the worst kind of thought, the thought about harm or something sexual and repugnant or something blasphemous about God or Our Lady.
00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:47.039
The thought is horrifying to them.
00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:54.080
And then their body, which is now flooded with anxiety, produces a certain sensation.
00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.000
And OCD pounces on that.
00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:02.320
Why would your body react to that unless part of you actually wanted it?
00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:06.080
Is the lie and the question that it asks you.
00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:07.679
But here's the real answer.
00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:13.440
When you're in that much distress, your fight or flight system is firing on every cylinder.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:16.159
And that activation is not picky.
00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:23.279
It can produce sensations down there that have nothing to do with the desire and everything to do with alarm.
00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:29.840
Your alarm is so loud because you care so much, not because you're guilty or a horrible person.
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:36.960
The horror or the distress about the feeling is actually the proof about where your true heart stands.
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:45.200
But for some people, they may be asking, why does this always happen at the holiest possible moment, like in mass or in adoration?
00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:47.120
But there is a reason for that.
00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:53.120
And this is the scrupulosity flavor, and it is cruel in a very specific way.
00:09:53.360 --> 00:10:04.639
Let's say you're at Mass or in adoration or receiving the Eucharist, and a sensation shows up, or a blasphemous or sexual thought about something sacred just barges in.
00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:12.399
Now your whole system is flooded with horror, and OCD files the paperwork instantly.
00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:15.279
It pounces on that thought.
00:10:15.440 --> 00:10:16.799
You did that on purpose.
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:18.480
What if that was sacrilege?
00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:19.600
God saw that.
00:10:19.759 --> 00:10:21.600
Get to confession before you die.
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:23.679
But here's what's really going on.
00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:32.720
In those sacred moments, you are intensely focused, you're emotionally moved, and you're watching yourself like a hawk for anything that goes wrong.
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:45.279
High attention, high emotion, and a mind that is scanning itself constantly, that combination is basically a recipe for producing sensations and intrusive thoughts.
00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:50.000
It's not that you're less holy in those moments, it's that you care the most about them.
00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:53.279
So the alarm rings the loudest there.
00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:54.320
That's it.
00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:58.720
When people understand the why, it can start to silence the alarm.
00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:03.440
So let's look at how this actually works in the body and the brain.
00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:06.960
There are four pieces here, and every one of them is helpful.
00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:08.639
I'll help you understand them.
00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:10.320
Attention causes sensation.
00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:11.440
Quick experiment.
00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:13.759
Think about your left big toe.
00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:15.039
Really focus on it.
00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:16.080
You feel that?
00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:19.360
You just made a sensation appear out of nothing.
00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:21.600
Your attention is like a flashlight.
00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:26.080
So here's the first mechanism, and it's a really important one.
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:29.440
The attention creates the sensation.
00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:33.200
And I just proved it to you with the big toe experiment.
00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:35.200
But here's something else.
00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:39.919
Imagine you have lice crawling through your hair.
00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:41.200
Just picture it.
00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:44.559
Most people's scalps start to itch or tingle.
00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:47.679
Imagine a tick walking up the back of your leg.
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:49.919
You can almost feel it moving, can't you?
00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:51.200
Did you get lice?
00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:52.320
Did a tick appear?
00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:52.879
No.
00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:55.919
And I'll stop so that I stop torturing you.
00:11:56.240 --> 00:11:59.039
Your attention manufactured the whole thing.
00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:02.240
We see attention can actually create sensations.
00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:05.279
Now, here is the problem for OCD.
00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:11.360
When you're scared that you might have a groinal response, what do you do?
00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:12.639
You check.
00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:18.320
You point your attention flashlight right to that spot to see if anything's happening.
00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:25.840
And that particular part of the body is one of the most nerve-dense areas in your entire body, right?
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:26.879
By design.
00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:28.399
God is beautiful.
00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:35.279
So the moment you check, you have basically guaranteed that you will feel something.
00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:39.120
And then that something becomes your evidence.
00:12:39.360 --> 00:12:42.559
You are creating the very thing that you're afraid of finding.
00:12:42.960 --> 00:12:44.000
See how that works?
00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:46.159
The body doesn't match the heart.
00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:54.799
This is where a whole body of research with a very clunky name, arousal nonconcordance, comes in.
00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:59.120
And it can really help dismantle the entire lie that OCD is telling you.
00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:04.960
The second mechanism is something that researchers have documented for decades.
00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:08.559
And the technical phrase is a rank concordance.
00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:18.320
All it means is this what your body does physically and what you actually desire in your heart very often do not match.
00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:21.200
They run on partly separate tracks.
00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:37.840
And a big part of this Gornal response runs on autopilot, on the autonomic nervous system, and it reacts to the category of this sexual content or a response to beauty, not to the real desires on your part.
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:44.879
That's why a person can watch a scene with actors they have no interest in and have a physiological response.
00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:55.279
Sadly, this is why survivors of abuse can have their body respond even though they have no consent.
00:13:55.519 --> 00:13:56.960
So please hear this.
00:13:57.200 --> 00:14:03.440
Physical arousal is not a reliable read for what you want or desire.
00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:06.720
It's not like your body testifying to you.
00:14:06.960 --> 00:14:11.919
Yes, your body has a language, the theology of the body.
00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:18.320
It's just that these sensations are not always saying what you think they are.
00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:26.240
It's very likely that OCD has just been treating it like this and then scaring you over and over again.
00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:31.919
Now, this is the worst part in my opinion because it's kind of a cruel paradox.
00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:34.720
The third mechanism is the anxiety itself.
00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:41.679
When your OCD gets triggered, when your body goes into fight or flight, that is a whole body aroused state.
00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:51.600
Your heart's pounding, your blood's moving, everything is turned up, and your activation is not neatly walled off to that part of your body.
00:14:51.919 --> 00:14:55.919
It can absolutely produce sensations down there.
00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:57.840
So watch the loop.
00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:11.039
You have a thought, you get scared, the fear creates a sensation, you notice the sensation, and now you are more scared, which makes more sensation, which makes more fear, and around and around it goes.
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.399
You see how that works?
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:15.759
The panic can become its own type of fuel.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:21.759
But this can also be good news because it tells us exactly where we can intervene to break this cycle.
00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:25.600
We don't break it by trying to control the sensation.
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:28.559
Ironically, that can make it worse.
00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:32.879
We break it by changing what we do with the fear.
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:35.279
And we will get there, don't worry.
00:15:35.519 --> 00:15:38.639
So let's put all of these together in one loop.
00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:43.759
I know this may sound a little tedious, but I really want you to understand the mechanisms under this.
00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:45.840
Step one, the doubt shows in.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:50.320
What if this sensation means something horrible or terrible about me?
00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:54.559
Step two, you go looking, you scan, you check, you monitor.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:16:03.200
Step three, because of everything that we just covered, attention plus anxiety, they basically create the sensation right on cue.
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:08.480
And step four, your OCD grabs that sensation and says, here's the proof.
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:15.600
And that proof feeds the original doubt, and then the whole cycle spins faster and faster and gets stronger and stronger.
00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:18.799
But here's the part I really want you to try to catch.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:21.360
This is circular reasoning, right?
00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:23.519
The doubt creates the checking.
00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:29.039
The checking creates a sensation, and then the sensation gets used as evidence for the doubt.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.759
It's like a snake eating its own tail.
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:35.279
You are not learning anything true about yourself.
00:16:35.440 --> 00:16:38.080
You're just running on a loop.
00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:44.240
And that's what I want you to start saying to yourself when you have these sensations.
00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:48.960
Now, here's why everything gets worse with time instead of better.
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:58.720
And this is very important for people who struggle with scrupulosity because you are probably a very diligent person and you want to check to make sure, right?
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:15.200
Every single time you test yourself, every time you monitor, every time you conjure an image to see how you react, every time you go looking for a response to prove something or to disprove something, you're just sending a signal to your brain.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:20.640
And this signal, this message is this is a real threat, so keep tracking it.
00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:29.359
And then your brain, being a good little threat detector that it is, says, okay, and gets more sensitive, not less.
00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:32.079
We call that sensitization.
00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:41.519
So the testing that feels like it should finally settle everything is the exact thing that could be turning up the volume.
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:52.240
Testing does not change your desires, your orientation, it doesn't change your heart, it doesn't uncover some hidden truth about you.
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:55.519
All it does is embolden the OCD.
00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:00.400
And when you stop feeding it, the brain can slowly recalibrate.
00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:03.200
And there's actually a lot of hope in that.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:09.119
This is the section that I want people with scrupulous dispositions or hearts to hear.
00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:17.119
Let's take a look at what any of this actually means in front of God, in front of our Lord.
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:21.519
And I think you're going to be able to breathe a little easier after this part.
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:26.079
First, you are not the first devout person to be tormented like this.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:32.319
Some of the greatest saints experience this, and you are in extraordinary company.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:35.680
Scrupulosity is cruel in a very particular way.
00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:41.039
It takes sensation and it staples it to the things that you love the most, right?
00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:44.480
Your prayer, Eucharist, Our Lady, the Saints.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:55.519
And then it reads that sensation as a spiritual verdict, that it sends sacrilege and proof that you are secretly deviant, proof that you are damned.
00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:57.759
And I want you to know something.
00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:59.039
This is not new.
00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:02.079
It's not a sign that you are uniquely awful.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:06.640
The church has been walking with scrupulous souls for centuries.
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:07.039
St.
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:13.359
Ignatius of Loyola actually wrote rules for dealing with scruples because he struggled with them himself.
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:13.920
And St.
00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:22.319
Alphonsus Lagory, Saint Therese, and many holy people struggled with this exactly same type of torment.
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:25.519
You're not standing outside of the faith because of this.
00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:34.079
You are standing in a long line of tender, serious souls that the church has always known how to love.
00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:42.160
Now, here's a sentence I want you to write down, or at least remember, your nervous system does not have the authority to condemn you.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:47.359
Let's put the actual teaching of the church on the table plainly.
00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:51.759
For sin to be mortal, the catechism gives three conditions.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:53.759
It must be grave matter.
00:19:54.000 --> 00:20:01.119
You must have full knowledge that it is gravely wrong, and you have to give deliberate consent of the will.
00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:05.440
And that's paragraph 1857, if you want to check me.
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:09.839
Now, look at what a groinal response or sensation is.
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.759
It is involuntary.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:13.119
You don't want it.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:15.519
You're probably horrified by it.
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.039
You are actually the opposite of consenting.
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:20.880
You're recoiling from it.
00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:33.200
So by the church's own definition, the deliberate consent of the will is just simply not there, which means the whole verdict that OCD is trying to hand down never really gets off the ground.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:34.559
It's not true.
00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:44.559
And here's the deeper thing: even a horrible, intrusive thought that is objectively something grave, but that shows up uninvited is not a sin.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:48.720
Sin lives in the yes that you actually give freely.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:53.279
So your body twitching down there is not a yes.
00:20:53.599 --> 00:20:57.279
God isn't reading your nervous system for evidence against you.
00:20:57.440 --> 00:20:58.960
That's not how this works.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:07.680
I want to put this on the screen so that you can come back to it, maybe take a screenshot, grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent.
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:13.599
Notice it says these three must together be present for the conditions to be met.
00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:15.039
Not one of the three.
00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:24.160
So when OCD says you felt something sexual, you sinned, you can hold up this line and ask, was there deliberate consent?
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:30.880
Or if you have a horrible, intrusive thought that objectively is very grave.
00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:35.039
If you did not invite it, there was not deliberate consent.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:36.240
It's not there.
00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:43.119
Maybe you were fighting it, maybe you were horrified by it, maybe you were checking just to make sure it wasn't there and then it popped up.
00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:48.400
And the accusation, well, it collapses on its face.
00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:51.759
This is not the same thing as being soft on sin.
00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:54.799
This is the church's own standard.
00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:59.440
You may find that she's far more merciful and far more precise.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:03.119
Then your anxiety would like for you to believe that she is.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:08.079
Nobody spends years in anguish over a desire that they actually have.
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:11.359
The agony over this is part of the evidence.
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:17.599
Here's a really useful distinction from clinical work, and I'll translate it for you.
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:22.000
We talk about things being egosyntonic and egodystonic.
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:26.480
Egocentonic means that it feels like it belongs to you.
00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:28.559
It fits with who you are.
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:30.400
It doesn't cause you distress.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:33.200
And in fact, you might feel good about it.
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:37.279
You're happy that this thing describes you or is a part of you.
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:46.799
Ego dystonic means that it feels foreign, invasive, against the grain of everything that you love, and it causes you distress.
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:51.119
OCD content is always egodystonic.
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:52.799
That's its signature.
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:56.160
And in some ways, that can be diagnostic itself.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:02.319
The reason it hurts so much is that it's aimed at exactly what you care about the most.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:14.480
So the torment itself is actually a piece of the evidence, but be careful because you know if these things are against what you believe.
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:20.559
Sometimes people get into a loop where they say, Well, do I dislike it enough?
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:23.599
Does it bother me enough?
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:26.559
Do I have enough distress about it?
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:28.400
You know what you believe.
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:31.839
Trust it at first, blush, and go from there.
00:23:32.079 --> 00:23:35.599
People don't agonize over their real wants and desires.
00:23:35.839 --> 00:23:40.880
The distress is your own heart telling you the truth about where you stand.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:43.599
But remember that your body is not the enemy.
00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:44.720
It never was.
00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:52.880
I want to reframe the body for a second because scrupulosity has a tendency to turn it into an informant or a traitor.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:56.319
And that's just not how our faith sees the body.
00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:02.319
In the theology of the body, Saint John Paul gives us a beautiful picture.
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:04.559
The body is good, it's a gift.
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:09.680
The body's meant to reveal something about the self, something good and holy.
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:21.200
And a body like that is also a real body in a fallen world, but also running on a nervous system that came before your reason.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:24.960
And those reflexes are not your soul speaking.
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:27.680
You don't have to go to war with your body.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:30.319
We can hold both, honor both, right?
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:36.079
The body is a gift and its involuntary reflexes are not moral messages.
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:40.559
These two things can live together in the same sentence at the same time.
00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:44.880
Now I never want to leave you with just information and no exit, nothing to do.
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.279
We want to give real tools for real life.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:49.359
So let's talk about that in this part.
00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:55.759
The gold standard for OCD is a treatment called ERP, exposure and response prevention.
00:24:55.920 --> 00:25:05.279
And there's a beautiful related approach called inference-based CBT that works really well for the doubt-driven stuff.
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:11.119
Now, these should not be attempted without the guidance of a trained mental health clinician.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:18.240
And I don't just mean somebody who has a PhD or an LPC or is a therapist, but someone specifically trained in OCD.
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:20.799
But I want you to understand how it works.
00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:23.119
I want to translate some of this jargon.
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:28.799
The part that is most helpful in these approaches is the response prevention.
00:25:29.119 --> 00:25:41.279
That means that when you have the urge to check, the urge to scan, to test, or to replay the thought to see how you feel about it, you just notice the urge and don't act on it.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:43.920
And that's the response prevention.
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:45.440
That's that's it.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:52.240
Your anxiety will likely peak, which is why you want to do this with a trained professional, but then it will come down.
00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:56.319
And over time it won't peak as high and it'll come down faster.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:25:58.880
This is where things start to shift.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:01.839
You're actually creating brain change.
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:04.880
You're not trying to make the sensation go away.
00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:10.960
If you are trying to make it go away or you're still fighting it, then you are still feeding it.
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:14.400
Remember, you're putting the flashlight of your attention on it.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:19.759
The goal is to let the sensation be there, completely boring, and not respond.
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:28.720
So when you stop responding, the brain slowly learns that there was never danger here, and it allows it to quiet down on its own.
00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:33.680
Confession is a gift, but scrupulosity can turn a gift into a compulsion.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:35.759
So we've got to be honest with this.
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.359
I want to be really careful.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:41.519
I am not bending the church's teaching in any way.
00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:47.920
Confession is a beautiful sacrament, it is a grace, and we should frequent it regularly.
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:54.000
But scrupulosity is brilliant at taking a genuine good and turning it into a compulsion itself.
00:26:54.240 --> 00:26:56.960
And the tell here is the repetition.
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:05.680
When you're back in the confession for the fifth time this week over the same incident, that's not deeper holiness.
00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:07.759
That's reassurance seeking.
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:10.960
That is trying to wear the cloak of holiness.
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:17.920
It may feel spiritual, but it's actually feeding the same loop as any other checking behavior.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:19.759
So here's our move.
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:25.279
A good who understands scrupulosity will absolutely back this up.
00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:30.240
Take a look at the video with my conversation with Father Alar on this.
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:38.720
It's important to pick one priest, a regular confessor, spiritual director, and tell him plainly, I struggle with scrupulosity.
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:45.359
And if you go to the video with Father Alar, there's a link there that you can download.
00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:48.640
It's a letter for priest about scrupulosity.
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:52.799
And then let him be your outside reference point.
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:54.799
No priest hopping here.
00:27:55.039 --> 00:28:05.039
Let him set the rule, usually something like involuntary sensations are not sins, or you don't need to confess them, or you don't need to reconfess them.
00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:06.960
And then here's the hard part.
00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:12.400
You obey his rule, especially when the fear is screaming at you to go back.
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.359
That obedience is the trust.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:18.079
That's where the real growth happens.
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:21.839
That's where these loops of anxiety weaken.
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:25.680
And this is where the beautiful healing starts to happen.
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.359
It's right on the other side of what scares you the most.
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:40.880
Remember that every time you do something to prevent the sensation or to check the sensation, the OCD gets a little bigger and your world gets a little stronger.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:44.799
The instinct when something scares you is to avoid it, right?
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:55.119
And with this, avoidance can look like skipping adoration or cutting your prayers short or staying away from certain people or certain settings that are not sinful.
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:58.319
It's not one of the situations where you should be staying away from them.
00:28:58.559 --> 00:29:02.079
But this is all to keep the sensation from happening.
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:07.119
I understand that impulse completely, but avoidance is a trap.
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:11.440
And I've said before that anxiety eats avoidance for breakfast.
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:17.680
Every single time you avoid, you send your brain the message that there is something truly dangerous going on.
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:19.519
Good thing we stepped away.
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:23.519
This must be important because look at how her behavior is following.
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:28.000
This makes the OCD grow, but it makes your life shrink.
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:30.079
It gets smaller and smaller.
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:35.599
So our move here, as hard as it is, is to keep living your actual life.
00:29:35.759 --> 00:29:41.920
Keep going to mass, keep praying, keep being around people that you love, keep being around holy beauty.
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:50.000
And when the sensation shows up, you let it come, you let it be nothing, and then you do the next thing that matters.
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:51.599
This is not reckless.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:30:05.920
Living your values while the fear is right there in the room, refusing to let it run the show and make decisions for you is exactly how your brain relearns that you are safe, that these lies are not true.
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:11.759
So let me give you something concrete for the actual moment this happens next.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:14.079
Because in the moment it can be hard to think.
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:17.599
Step one, you're gonna name it flat and a little bored.
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:20.720
This is a granal response or sensation.
00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:24.880
It's just a feeling, it's not a sign, no drama.
00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:35.119
Step two, you do not check, you do not test, you do not start arguing with it in your head or trying to prove that you didn't want it.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:40.559
Because remember that arguing and checking are just feeding the fear.
00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:44.079
You have to keep the attention flashlight off.
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:47.359
Step three, you let the anxiety be there.
00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:54.720
And if that's hard, that's why you need to be working with a mental health professional to help you with some strategies for how to manage that.
00:30:54.960 --> 00:30:58.480
We're not trying to force yourself to be calm.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:07.759
You're just dropping your shoulders, unclenching your jaw, let your breath keep moving, and allow the discomfort to exist and watch it past.
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:11.279
Step four is you turn back to whatever you were doing.
00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:17.759
Instead of avoidance, we approach the prayer, the conversation, the dishes, sensation and all.
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:21.519
It gets to stay there and you get to keep doing the next right thing.
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:26.799
You don't have to win the argument with yourself, with your OCD before you move on.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:32.640
This is the whole secret, if you will, of how to start entangling these loops.
00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:34.480
You don't have to obey the urge.
00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:41.519
And every single time that you do that, you're getting stronger and the OCD is getting weaker.
00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:44.400
See, this is the part where people get stuck.
00:31:44.559 --> 00:32:00.400
When they struggle with OCD and scrupulosity, there's this feeling that if they could just convince themselves enough that somewhere on the other side of this one more question or this one more check, that these things would just go away.
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:05.119
But OCD is a liar, and this one more check is never one more check.
00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:09.279
This one more reassurance is never one more reassurance.
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:11.279
And in fact, it's making it worse.
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:23.759
So they try to seek temporary comfort and then believe that if they do it more, that temporary comfort will expand into more prolonged comfort, but that's not how it works.
00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:30.880
Prolonged comfort comes at the other side of avoiding the urge to check or to seek reassurance.
00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:39.839
And the last little piece is how I want you to talk to yourself because people who are scrupulous tend to have a very brutal inner voice.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:44.480
The self-attack itself is part of the compulsion.
00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:48.079
Beating yourself up can feel like you're doing something.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:54.480
It can feel like penance, it can feel productive, it can feel like creating safety, but it's not.
00:32:54.640 --> 00:32:59.119
It just carves those grooves deeper and keeps you dysregulated.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:05.359
And remember, when you are dysregulated, all of these loops run faster and stronger.
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:10.000
Here's what the saints who fought scrupulosity actually learned.
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:13.759
They learned to trust God's mercy more than their own fear.
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:22.880
And I understand that trust God more is not enough for someone who struggles with clinical OCD and scrupulosity.
00:33:23.200 --> 00:33:29.599
But we to be able to trust, we have to learn to tolerate that uncertainty.
00:33:29.759 --> 00:33:35.920
So it's yes, trusting, but there may be something that comes before the ability to trust.
00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:40.960
So what do we need to do so that we can learn to trust?
00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:46.319
And it is tolerating uncertainty or some of this exposure and ritual prevention.
00:33:46.559 --> 00:33:46.720
St.
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:56.720
Francis de Sales, who was a master with scrupulous souls because he struggled with it for so long himself, basically taught people to be gentle and patient with themselves.
00:33:56.960 --> 00:34:03.200
So talk to yourself the way you would talk to a frightened child who was sure that they were bad.
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:04.880
You wouldn't pile on.
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:08.000
You'd get down at their level and say, hey, you're not bad.
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.639
I know that you're scared right now, but I've got you.
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:11.840
And here's the truth.
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:16.000
This is exactly how God is looking at you in those painful moments.
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:20.320
He's closer and kinder than your fear wants you to believe.
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:26.320
Remember, this is treatable, genuinely, reliably treatable.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:31.119
You don't have to white knuckle this forever or struggle forever.
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:41.599
And as important as psychoeducation or what this video is, learning more about what this is and what treatment looks like, it's not treatment itself.
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:44.559
So just know that this is treatable.
00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:48.400
It's not just managed if you're lucky.
00:34:48.639 --> 00:34:51.199
But this is where the kind of help matters.
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:58.239
Remember, not every therapist or psychologist is specifically trained in OCD or scrupulosity.
00:34:58.400 --> 00:34:59.440
You have to ask.
00:34:59.599 --> 00:35:00.480
You need to ask.
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:02.559
You have a right to ask.
00:35:02.800 --> 00:35:15.840
Someone who does ERP or inference-braised CBT, if you're not in some of those contraindicated groups, I say this because well-meaning general talk therapy can often make OCD worse.
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:29.840
Because if a well-meaning therapist or spiritual director keeps reassuring you, keeps helping you analyze whether the sensation meant something, they can unknowingly strengthen the compulsion.
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:33.119
You need someone who knows how to not do that.
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:39.119
The International OCD Foundation has a directory where you can search for specialists.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:43.760
And remember, in the US, therapists are generally licensed by state.
00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:55.840
So with the advent of virtual therapy showing in most cases similar outcomes as face-to-face, you can look in your entire state's registry.
00:35:56.079 --> 00:36:07.039
And for those who watch this channel, your dream team is a good OCD-trained therapist working alongside a confessor or spiritual director who actually understands scrupulosity.
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:09.840
I have done this several times.
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:17.280
There are many fantastic priests who truly understand scrupulosity and work hand in hand.
00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:24.880
That's where you may want to go to that video with Father Alar and download the handout to give to your priest.
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:36.559
When your spiritual director and therapist are on the same page, telling you the same merciful but true thing, that's where people can really start experiencing freedom.
00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:38.000
And it's beautiful.
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:40.000
There's so much hope.
00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:44.079
And as we mentioned, psychoeducation is not the same as therapy.
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:53.119
But if you would like to know more, I talk more about grainal sensations and lots of other things related to scrupulosity and intrusive thoughts.
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:58.880
And the online course, Freedom from Scrupulosity and Intrusive Thoughts a Catholic Educational Approach.
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:08.559
I created this online course because I get so many comments and emails of people asking for information.
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:18.239
And while I can't be a therapist via comment section or by email, psychoeducation is a truly important first step.
00:37:18.639 --> 00:37:25.679
So I put almost everything I know about scrupulosity and OCD and intrusive thoughts into this course.
00:37:25.840 --> 00:37:30.320
There's several hours of videos, over a hundred pages in the workbook.
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:35.599
It's a great place to start or to use alongside a secular therapist.
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.800
Okay, let's bring this all together.
00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:41.440
I would invite you to screenshot this one.
00:37:41.599 --> 00:37:45.760
A groinal sensation or response is just a sensation.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:50.239
And sensations are not the same as desire and it's not consent.
00:37:50.480 --> 00:38:00.000
Two, your attention and your anxiety can literally manufacture sensations, which means all of that checking and testing is not getting you certainty.
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:02.079
It's actually pouring gas on the fire.
00:38:02.320 --> 00:38:05.599
Three, the body does not always match the heart.
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:11.280
Arousal is just not a reliable readout of what you actually want.
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:13.920
Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:18.559
But in these situations, paired with anxiety, it often is not.
00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:23.360
Four, mortal sin requires the deliberate consent of your will.
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:34.079
So a reflex that you are horrified by or disturbed by or embarrassed by or don't want does not meet the church's own bar.
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:39.519
And five, here's the whole plan just in one sentence.
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:50.480
Stop testing, gently stop over-confessing, do not avoid the things that you love, and go get help from someone who actually specializes in OCD.
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:52.079
This is treatable.
00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:53.679
There is hope.
00:38:53.920 --> 00:39:00.000
If this helped you, makes you feel a little less alone, a little less afraid, that's exactly why this channel exists.
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:03.840
So please share it with someone who it could benefit from.
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:11.599
I want to leave you with three words that our Lord and the angels say more than almost anything else, be not afraid.
00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:15.280
And I know that just hearing that doesn't make it so.
00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:17.920
It just means that's where we're going.
00:39:18.079 --> 00:39:19.679
That's what we're heading towards.
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:31.920
And if you struggle with mental health issues like anxiety or OCD or scrupulosity, then there may be some intermediary steps that need to happen before you can get to this place.
00:39:32.159 --> 00:39:36.159
But just know that the Lord wants this peace for you.
00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:42.960
Your worth is not up for renegotiation by any twitch that you may have in your body.
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Remember, there's always room for you and any uncomfortable sensations here on the Catholic couch.
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:51.599
I'll see you next time, friends.
