Why Does the Body Sometimes Resist Touch?

Episode 12: Welcome to the Bodyworkers Table. Real conversations on bodywork, relationship, nervous systems, and the human experience. We're Kari and Jamie from Healing Hands Training. We teach craniosacral therapy and bod programs. And between the two of us, we've spent a few decades sitting with bodies, nervous systems, stories, symptoms, surprises, and all the things that don't fit neatly into a textbook. This podcast is really just an extension of the conversations we already have together after working and teaching. In bodywork, we often talk about resistance. We might perceive it in the tissues beneath our hands, notice it in someone's movement, or encounter it in the therapeutic relationship. And today we're diving into what we actually mean by resistance. And what happens when we stop seeing it as something to overcome? So let's get into it. When we talk about resistance in bodywork, Kari, what are we actually describing here? Could be a few different things. As humans, we always have some level of resistance to change, even if that change will make us feel better. Sometimes that resistance is on a conscious level. Very often it's on an unconscious level. And so as a bodyworker, when a client comes in, resistance may look like skirting around the issue verbally. It may look like coming late to appointments. It may look like trying to talk about Things unrelated through the session. And then sometimes it's it's palpable through the hands. So maybe a client will come in and consciously they are are ready to jump in and we go to work on the body, and the body tenses up in certain locations, or we perceive a hesitancy of relaxing into our hand. I notice that sometimes when I am when I have my hand under under clients' sacrums. One thing I will notice is does this sacrum meet me where I'm at? Does it drop into my hand? Does it does it feel a little hesitant? And yeah, I think that that i would be a non-conscious form of resistance. All of it is welcome. All of it is The innate wisdom of the client system saying, Hey, change is hard and being seen is scary and I need to do this at a pace that feels safe. So beautifully said. Because the word resistance has got a bad rap. Yeah, man. It's seen as as negative for many people, not only for clients, but also as practitioners. If you're working, you might feel that if you encounter resistance, you won't be getting anywhere with this client. But I do think it is a very intelligent adaptation. Yeah. Because it could be too scary to visit or revisit certain material, certain imprints, things being held. I worked with someone just the other day that asked me if I felt what they felt and what they were tuning into was resistance and how their body was was showing up was that anytime it would deeply relax, there would be an audible sigh or a deepening of breath, and I could feel it within the tissues too. Immediately her body would jerk awake and come back to a very conscious, awakened state. So it can show up like that too. I've had that experience several times with clients. Hmm. I've also had folks come with a preconceived idea of what the session will feel like or look like through working with other practitioners. And i it can feel really helpful to to sh share what the session will look like. Mm-hmm. Cause we can work so differently. Exactly. And I think talking about things beforehand creates A loose expectation so that people aren't just surprised by their experience. They have something to grasp onto in those moments. And that can be really settling for the nervous system. It's like what we do when we begin our trainings. We always give an overview of what we're going to be doing the four days. I have a an interesting thought that just came up and I don't expect you to answer it. Let's hear it. Let's just put it out there. Sure. Do you think that all resistance is authentic? If you pull back enough blankets, I think so. I think the the outer layers maybe not often. Or I mean not often, not always. So resistance can feel really inauthentic. And I think at its core it's still that piece like that. internal piece is just so terrified of of being seen because then then change has to come. Absolutely. Yeah, I have to agree with you. But it's interesting how certain layers can be perceived as less authentic or feel like someone is putting on a bit of a show. Absolutely. Yeah. Princess in the pea kind of idea. That's how I see it. Did you ever know that fairy tale? So the first, you know, the first ten mattresses, you know, could be inauthentic and then you get to the to the to the scared little little being in there. That's a really great visual to bring it all together. I had a client once we were gonna do trauma imprint repair and they really wanted to and they had a specific piece they wanted to work on. And their body just just shut down and they were able to express what it felt like and they said, It feels like we're getting close to Pandora's box and if we open it, I may never be able to close it. And I thought that was really cool that they could describe that that feeling and awesome that we could honor that and say, Hey, we don't need to we don't, you know, how about we just make that box nice and comfortable and maybe Give it a few extra cozy cushions or some snacks or something. So that it feels safe, right? So it doesn't feel threatened. Yeah. I've really deepened my understanding of how important it is as a practitioner to really allow the client to have their own experience and not push my agenda on them. I think at the beginning, someone starting out, you know, you want to get into that Pandora's box. You want it to be open and you wanna see everything inside. But but I think the approach that you just described and in such a light way, it also doesn't always have to be so serious. Absolutely. That can feel really comforting. Yeah. Someone's actually listening, you know, that is really frightening. I don't want to go there and then be respected in that. Yeah. Not be shamed or not be made to feel like, well then that's a failure. Because it really isn't. The last thing we need to be is re-traumatized, right? Or or be made to feel like there's something wrong with us when we're being vulnerable on the table. We get enough of it in daily life, right? So I have a question for you, Jamie. Okay. How do you distinguish between a physical restriction and a personal boundary? Hmm. Hey, let me consider this. For me, over the years, it is a practice in distinguishing what I am perceiving and what that means to me. Not necessarily the meaning for the client, but for example. Tissues bracing feels different than an emotional holding. It's more so my meaning of what I am tuning into and what I've come to understand over the many years. And then being able to listen to that, acknowledge it. What does it need? How can I best support in this moment? Maybe that's with staying still, or maybe that's by applying a really gentle technique. To decompress, or maybe it's calling for more, and we we move into the dialogue with trauma imprint repair. So yeah, I'm listening and then distinguishing what I am feeling and then moving forward from there. Can I add to that? Please. I feel like with a physical restriction, there is almost always the possibility. for movement and maybe even release, whereas a personal boundary i is not very budgeable. And I yeah, I we probably learn how to how to tell the difference or how to feel those through doing and through trampling over them a time or two and going, that that didn't feel good, or having the client let us know that didn't feel good. Being aware of our own, like what does it feel? I've certainly been on the table many times when when I've had a practitioner of whatever modality just work in a way that didn't really feel awesome. So and your body might have been giving off some of that boundary as well. Absolutely. Yeah. Not every practitioner is taught to interpret that or feel into that. So what changes when we approach resistance with curiosity rather than trying to force someone through a change. Do we change our pace or our approach when we work with someone? Does our technique change? Yeah, I think all of the above. And I I think in response to the client. So if we give that resistance space or autonomy, often it'll soften. Or shift or or dissipate completely. And so that will inform where we go from there. And for the people listening, they might be wondering: well, how do you give a certain area or a certain part of the body autonomy? Like what does that even mean or look like when you're working? And I'd be curious what you have to say about that. Let's say I was working at the pelvis. I didn't feel like the sacrum was dropping into my hand, or when I placed my hand on the anterior front part of the pelvis that it didn't really want me there, then I would move my hand. That's what it would feel like to give it autonomy. Or, you know, if if I wanted to, I could always check in with that person. But I'd phrase the question with a Does it feel okay to have my hand here at the pelvis? Or would you prefer if I moved it to A, B, or C? So that way they they're they're not locked into having to say, Yeah, it's okay. You can be there when they don't really want to. Yeah. So always I always give a this or that. Or yeah, if an area tenses when I go there, then I then I give it space. I can work that same area from a different location. I think sometimes it can also be as simple as saying hello to that place in the body, giving it acknowledgement and noticing that it is there doing what it's doing. So for example, let's say we're working with something very specific like the cerebrospinal fluid, and we're tuning into the third ventricle, and we just say, Hello, fluid. Hello. It's very likely, and what I've noticed is that there is a response and it becomes a little bit of a dance. And then we get to understand it a little bit more. What are we noticing about it today? Inequalities. And then we're in this communication with it. And that I think is a part of giving it a voice, therefore autonomy. Yeah, good point. Letting it be seen. Can you recall a session where honoring a protective response changed the direction the session went? So I'm thinking of a session in particular where we were exploring some trauma imprint repair and we came up to resistance. And what that looked like for the client was a lot of, I don't know. So I would provide a prompt. They would reply, I don't know. I don't know. I can't feel it. I don't know. And that was telling me or giving me the information that perhaps there is a protective response going on here. I don't need to know the root of it and what would happen if I honored that and gave it space. And we transitioned from doing Some dialogue into a quieter session. And I have to say, when we did transition, that person's system was able to then fully deepen into their body, into the session, into a beautiful theta state. But because I had kind of, I would say I probably took the trauma imprint repair a little too far out of my own. Curiosity and wanting to get somewhere. You know, it happens sometimes. That it would have been probably nicer for the client if I if I would have stopped a little sooner. So they could have had more time to go deep. But that was great learning too, because I could feel the difference. It was very clear to me by the time I transitioned that there was. resistance here for whatever reason. I didn't need to solve it in that session or at all. And I could move on and offer something more nourishing for that system at the time. Yeah, when we I I definitely feel when I'm able to honor that, hear it, and and redirect that that the body softens. There's no forcing. Out of curiosity, if you have had Let's say a longstanding client who just can't seem to get there, but in their mind is very determined to do the work and have the support. How do you navigate that? You know, how long do you continue the work? Their idea of in quotes getting there may be very different than what their body deems as relevant or important. And as long as their system is experiencing benefit from the sessions, then I I will continue. So there's essentially not not a prescription for how long it should take until someone feels that there has been benefit or change. No. And I I think sometimes we go in thinking, okay, this is what I have to work on. I'm saying that from a client perspective. This is what I want to work on. And if I shift this or heal this, or I'm not, I don't have this pattern anymore, then life will be great. And quite often through the work, something else shifts or heals, and the the initial piece becomes less relevant. And I always tell new clients, I I'm going to listen to what you have to say. And you know, our minds know our stories and our symptoms and our pains. But I'm gonna listen more to your body because your body cuts right through the bullshit. I may not say it exactly like that with clients. Sometimes I do, but you know, the body knows where it's at and what needs tending to and what what needs to stay the same for a while. And over your many years of being a practitioner What does encountering resistance bring up in you or what have you seen it bring up in other practitioners? And it has it changed over time? In the beginning, that was that would be a sign to me, I'm doing something wrong. I suck. I should probably stop. I'd make it about me and my insecurities rather than about them. It doesn't feel that way anymore. I'm not invested in that way in my client's experience on the table. I want to hold space. I want to be neutral. I'm there to intentionally love and listen to them. but I'm not invested in the outcome like I used to be. And so if resistance comes up, I'm I'm like, huh. Isn't that cool? And if we were to maybe compartmentalize all these different ways that a person may carry resistance within their bodies. What has been the most challenging type of resistance that you've worked with or that continue to to come up? Probably inauthentic flailing. Yes. Mm-hmm. That's such an interesting one. Because It's hard to drop into a client if they're if they're if they're constantly moving. Can you just describe inauthentic flailing from your perspective? Someone may be on the table and a an authentic release may look like a twitch or a movement and an inauthentic flailing may look like 30 minutes of grunting and groaning and Flopping a hand over here and then a leg there, and maybe wailing with no tears. So that's what I mean. And I I think under that is a an authentic fear and resistance. So I I have compassion for inauthentic flailing too. And I find it hard to work with because how can the work be done if if there's just a constant smoke screen and I'm just ducking the the hand flails. For me, I've noticed that I find it personally more challenging when someone is feeling angry a lot and they have reason to feel rageful. Not that it happens often, but I still notice myself becoming a little bit more activated around anger. And it reminds me too of the dynamic if you've ever been into a yoga class and maybe you're doing something challenging or a posture is bringing up certain emotions and you feel angry as at the teacher, right? It's that same kind of dynamic where something's coming up and it's directed this way. Maybe it's more like a projection, but it's not actually because of the teacher. I'm not in this yoga pose. Feeling like, well, feeling angry at the teacher because they made me do the yoga pose. Sure, that's on the surface. But underneath it, that's not that's not the root of my anger. So it's that kind of dynamic that I'm trying to describe in a session. Yeah. If anger is being brought up and it feels like it's directed at me, I feel bad about it. Right. And not that anger is necessarily always resistance, but I think it can be. So As we do, I'm going to ask you a fun little closing question. Okay, here we go. Kari, have you ever gotten hurt in a really silly way? I have. Many times. Most of the times I get hurt, it it seems like it's quite silly. I'll talk about one specific time when I was living in Bali with my two kids. And we had two Daxons and my kids were in school and I was taking the dogs for a walk on the beach. And I had a new skirt and top on and I was feeling really fine. And I was walking down the beach thinking that I just looked really fine with my two dogs. And we started running. Me and the dogs along the shore. And we passed these two really quite hot young men. And no, no, they were walking towards me. And I was almost to them. So I could see that they were quite hot. And me and my dogs were running. I didn't have them on leashes. And one of them lagged behind, and then they came running up and like. ran through my legs and tangled me up and I went face first into the wet sand wow without face planted. And when I got up, the these guys were just walking by and the expression on their face said it all. They didn't help you up. No, they had their look was like a mix of surprise and Trying not to laugh and horror and just like a like a what the fuck was that kind of expression? And I felt embarrassed, but mostly silly. Wow. I have never heard that story before. It's a really good one. Maybe for Halloween you can recreate the outfit. No, it'll be way too cold. Well, thank you so much for joining us for another conversation. If this episode resonated with you, we'd so love for you to share it with a fellow practitioner or someone who might find it meaningful. Until next time, keep listening, keep learning, and stay curious.