speaker-1: Yeah. Thanks for joining our podcast. I pray that this will strengthen you and encourage you to walk into the purpose that God has called you to walk into. Make sure you hit that like and subscribe button. Share it with all your friends. Enjoy the show. What's up, everybody? Guys, we're so glad you decided to join us today. We're super excited for our guests that we have here today. We have our very own Katie Buffer, aka Bougie in the house. Say what's up, Katie. What's up?
speaker-0: Guys, I'm glad to be here. I'm glad for the opportunity to get to hang out with Nick and and share a word the Lord's given me.
speaker-1: Man, we're we're so glad that you're here. I it's been a long time coming. I've been waiting for the opportunity to get you to come on the show and the rest of your family in the Trotters and all them, get all on the show. It's we're we're one big family. It it really is a family what we we've got here and just super glad to have you on the show. Yeah.
speaker-0: I'm excited to be here.
speaker-1: So don't screw up. There's a lot of people watching. Yeah. So no pressure. Sure. So Katie, you are you're in Bible college now. it's Bible college, right?
speaker-0: Yeah, so actually I completed my Bible college or this section of my Bible college. and the last thing that I have to do before I get my credentials for pastoring is taken two tests through our state district.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah, and then I'll be you know, ready to influence some young minds 'cause I'm not doing that yet. You can't do that unless you're a pastor. Okay, that's Just kidding. I'm absolutely just kidding. no, but I I enjoy the opportunities I get to serve with you and Kansas, in children's ministry and in youth ministry and really everywhere in our church where we can be. Yeah,
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: we serve under some awesome pastors, Pastor Tabby and Pastor Marshall being the the youth pastors and children's pastors, and then Pastor Scott being an incredible lead pastor.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, d I we we are blessed at Georgetown Assembly with our pastors. Tabby and Marshall are dude, they're the best. Yeah. They're the best. to deal with the knuckleheads and I know some of y'all watch, so I love you, but to deal with the the some of the knuckleheads that we deal with, even in the adults. Yeah. We could be some of the knuckleheads. You ain't lying.
speaker-0: real, I am that knucklehead. I mean they have snatch knots at me all the time.
speaker-1: If God could stress, it I could I would stress him out if he could stress, but luckily he don't stress. But and then like you said, Scott, Scott and Cindy, that man, it's just it's what an honor it is that we have, you know, learning learning underneath who we get to learn from and everything and just to serve with man. So I've learned so much from these guys.
speaker-0: Yeah, just get to be side by side. It's like said earlier, we're we are one family. You
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: know, we're brother and sisters in Christ and and that extends among the the whole body of of Christ, but getting to serve intimately with y'all, I mean, day in or week in and week out, month in and month out, it's just it works.
speaker-1: Yeah, yes. And you know what? And God's doing great things. He's doing great things and I'm excited to see where it goes. And it won't be long. You'll be a youth pastor.
speaker-0: Yeah, hopefully.
speaker-1: and everybody will, you know, going their own ways, I guess. Everybody getting their credentials. And I I told Marshall too, I was like, dude, this this don't mean you're leaving. Just 'cause you got credentials now.
speaker-0: Can't leave
speaker-1: Can't leave me.
speaker-0: me. Yeah.
speaker-1: But anyway, so yeah, man, you you're you I guess it used pasturing is gonna be is where you're called into. Right.
speaker-0: Yeah, so it's not anything that I ever expected to be. in fact I was in college for nursing about five years ago and one of the classes I had to take was a speech class and it was during COVID, so like you weren't in front of a classroom, but you would have to video yourself taking a doing a speech in front of like three other adults and I would cry before every speech. And then I would get up there in front of these adults and it'd be like my mom and my dad and somebody. So it wasn't strangers, but I'd get up in front of them and I'd look at that thing and I'd look out at them and I'd just start crying because I was so nervous to speak. So for God to turn around and put a call of pastoring, you know, on my life was a a joke in the beginning. where I was like, You can't be talking to me. And and it even s at this point, you know, getting to preach once a month in the youth and and getting to, you know, lead worship in there and and other opportunities, I still get super nervous when I go to speak, even this. But I'm reminded almost every time of the story in in the Bible about Moses. Where he's talking to God and God's like, I need you to go and do this for me. And Moses is like, I can't talk. Have you heard like I like some people say he had a stutter. I'm not really sure what it was, but his words weren't great. And the Bible says that God talks to him and he's like, I made that mouth. I created you. and so that's always a reminder of like he created me. It doesn't matter if I make a fool out of myself or not. If that's what helps lead somebody to an encounter with God or helps even lead myself into another encounter with God, then that's all that matters.
speaker-1: Yeah. It's a lot like the missionary that we had speak at our church today. He's got that stutter and everything. And I tell you what, man, you know, you get somebody up there, it's like that, it's almost like, Well, what's my excuse? Like my excuse to what, you know, why ain't I doing this? But yeah, but hey, look, dude, God uses, you know, messed up people. I guess you could say, he you know, he doesn't use Hollywood flashy per you know, perfect people all the time. Although, you know, that's not stopping him. He'll use them too. but yeah, thank God for that because I'm about as you know, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box. Let's just say it that way. You know what w we we all know my vocabulary and all that, but yeah. But anyway, so man, I'm excited to see where that goes for you. so you are w we'll just say like associate pastor of the youths.
speaker-0: Will tell you, so we had youth camp, you know, just almost a month ago now. And one the like the second night the sec second to last night or the last night there, they asked for like the youth and their leaders to pray for the pastors that came with them, for their youth pastors. You know, and that's always a great moment. You want to lift up your pastors because your pastors are pouring out to you immensely consistently. Like, I mean, you imagine the whole church or the whole youth or you know, whatever it may be, go into one person with all of their burdens, all of their prayers, and then you just have this one person taking that on. and so it's it's always important to me when they do that. But we had a almost half of our youth turn to me and say, You're you're my youth pastor too
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: And and that was a really cool I could tear up now, you know, but is because it's hard to see yourself as that title. Like I had a customer actually say, Ar aren't you a pastor? And yeah, I don't wanna confuse them and say no, but I don't wanna say yes 'cause I'm not officially a pastor yet, you know. But I mean the Bible tells us that we're all All laymen are preachers. We're all here to spread the gospel.
speaker-1: Absolutely.
speaker-0: but yeah, it's it's incredible. It's awesome to see what God's done.
speaker-1: Well what what you pour into the kids and i is is like the fruit of that is what you're saying. That you you put a lot of time and attention to the kids. Generally if there's something that needs to be shared as far as like, hey, let's pray with this person, you don't give like details or anything like that, but it's it's evident that you are involved. You know what I mean? And that's that's such a godsend for a lot of these kids that could definitely use whether they look at you as, you know, a a used pastor obviously, but an older sister or mom, you know,'s one of look to you as a mom. And that it just says a lot. It says a lot. You're very heart wise heart posture wise, you're very all in for these kids.
speaker-0: I one of my biggest things when I finally accepted, I was like, Okay, God, I hear you, like this is the calling of my life. I don't wanna be just somebody behind a pulpit. I wanna be the support in their corner. Yeah. I wanna be the guy in their corner or the girl in their corner, that is cheering them on. And it's not that I didn't have those people, that I don't think I knew how to receive those people in my life. You know, I like I think those people were there. I have a loving family, I have, you know, people I had a youth pastor. I just think that I didn't know how to go to them and I didn't know how to receive the support they did get me. And so anytime I get the chance now to to be there and to show up in every way possible, that's that's what I wanna do because not having or feeling like you're isolating, feeling like you don't have people is one of the worst feelings.
speaker-1: yes. Yeah, that that's what you know, and our biggest thing, I've said it time and time again, like that that I hope and my prayer for this show that our testimonies and the way we talk, like is let other people know who are going through the same thing that you're not alone, man. You know, there's people out here that will, you know, walk through the fire with you. And so before we get started, 'cause so you got your you got your testimony. It's probably gonna be about three hour testimony. So we're gonna but before we get into the testimony, I do want to introduce you. You're gonna be the very first guest, by the way, to receive this from Roosters. So we are now partnered up with Roosters. we're partnered up with Novets Left Behind. So we have now we have a local, a local nonprofit. if I can get this out. If I we got a local nonprofit that we are now partnering up with and so we're gonna start donating to them and all of our proceeds is is gonna go to these veterans. What I love about this nonprofit is it one hundred percent of your money goes to the veterans. So usually we'll just say like you donate to I well I'm not gonna name a name but I don't want to, you know, disrespect anybody. But you dn donate to a big nonprofit, we'll just say. They probably have sales reps or they probably have reps that need to motel stay, you know, travel costs and stuff like that. So, but with no vets left behind, one hundred percent of your money goes to vets and that's why and it's local. A great friend of mine, Frankie Little, he's been on the show, a great friend of mine, is over it all and I'm super excited just to partner with them. But anyways. He would like for you to eat for free at his place. And man, just because that's just what kind of great guy he really is and I'm grateful to be partnered up with him and through all this and no vets left behind. So
speaker-0: Yeah, I appreciate it. That's awesome. And your heart for for Gibbon is incredible. You've always been super generous in the time that I've known you. You I didn't I didn't know you bef before Christ. But at least after Christ or in the years that I've known you, you've always been generous. And your passion for the veterans around you is incredible.
speaker-1: I I I was generous before. I I would, you know, smoke my drugs with everybody. I
speaker-0: No no bias at all.
speaker-1: wouldn't really give my drugs away. I was like, I'll smoke with you. I'm not playing, but yeah, let's we won't go that round. I appreciate
speaker-0: No, that's for another day.
speaker-1: that. I I I appreciate that very encouraging word.
speaker-0: Well, and I'll tell you before we go further, 'cause I was gonna tell you before and I I forgot, but like this morning when you were welcoming us into worship as you were getting ready in church this morning, just to see and I think I've told you this before, but the incredible growth from the guy that I first met that would be up there and you would test the boundaries and trying to figure out, you know, what you could say and how to say it. And now you stand up there with the the honor and the authority and the glory of God. Like you stand up there and you are truly inviting people in and that's incredible in itself.
speaker-1: I am guilty of I used to test the waters. it c almost kinda like and for those of you that's involved in church, or you know, some ministry of church, especially if you're young and don't know no better like I was, that you know, there's almost like a conflict between the young group and the older crowd, right? You know, w the way they grew up and did things and the young group try reach the young group. So how do you kinda juggle both of those, right? Which is still a learning curve and it's different for each. body. Like each person each church is differently. but I've guilty of that. You know, I've been guilty of that. So yeah, I appreciate that. I my energy drink hit and I went a little haywire this morning. But it sucked good.
speaker-0: Hey man, I gotta lift you up so you invite me back next time. You know gotta blow your ego up a little bit. Yeah.
speaker-1: Well you can come back, I promise.
speaker-0: But
speaker-1: But yeah, so while I'm ready to get into this thing. I know you got a lot to impact, a lot of powerful stuff to unpack. And how about we just pray and we'll let you just take off with it. All right. Would you like to pray for us? Yeah, I'll open us up. All right, well go for it.
speaker-0: Lord, we just thank you for this opportunity where we get to to spend time with you in fellowship, God, but we also get to represent you to the world. God, I pray that you would have us say nothing but what you would have for the people that are hearing this and that we would just unpack the things that need to be unpacked and say what needs to be said. God, let it be only encouraging and and let it not be something that someone takes offense to and runs off, not because offense is bad, but because we want things to be received. God, I hope that everybody that hears this has an open heart and a receiving mind and can hear from you and encounter you through this. In Jesus' name. Amen.
speaker-1: Hey man. Also, that was very fast and you didn't stutter or nothing.
speaker-0: I had a little practice today. How many I was yeah. It's sometimes if I pray out loud several times in a day, I get pretty good by the end of the day. Yeah. But in the mornings or the first time, it's not there.
speaker-1: Dude. J I wake up in the morning and I'm just like I'm so like waiting for coffee to finish pouring. I'm like Jesus, yeah. Like just like I don't even know where to begin. But
speaker-0: I'll tell you what started doing like on the start of my days. This is you know, whatever. But like I'll get the truck and get headed to the first job or whatever and and I'll be like, Good morning, Jesus And that's literally and then I'll have nothing else to say and I'll like it's been a rough morning or it's been a good morning and I'm like, Yeah, well you need to talk to Jesus some more and I'll I'll use that whole ride to make myself 'cause
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: it it's just like anything else. You rip the band aid off, it's a little easier to go.
speaker-1: yeah. If I'm being honest, I mean there's there's times where they're like, Hey, you need to stop what you're doing and I mean and just talk to the Lord a little bit. And I'll get sidetracked, you know, my A D D or whatever kicks in and I'll be sitting there praying, next thing you know, I'll see something on the side of the road. I'm like I get in a conversation about that. I'm like, I'm sorry, God, I'm back. My bad, bro.
speaker-0: Absolutely. I heard a guy one time who's a comedian, I don't remember what his name was, but he's like, You ever pray and you're like, Jesus, I love cheese and you start thinking about pizza and pepperoni and you you go way off topic. But I mean the cool thing is that like that does anger God. Like he's right there with it. He's he's like, I do love cheese. That's why I created it, you know. I don't know if he's like cheese or not, but I mean it's pretty great stuff.
speaker-1: Man, yeah, and dude, like God is like just so happy that we're even thinking about him, you know what I mean? Like because he's constantly thinking about us and, you know, wanting to converse with us and for us to stop and, you know, acknowledge him, but that means a lot. Yeah. I mean, just think like say for instance, like with Judah. If like I'm constantly wanting to hang out with Judah and just say Judah's busy, those of you that have teenagers, you probably know what I'm saying, that Hey, they stop and like actually want to hang out for a minute, dude. That would mean a lot you know, as a parent. So yeah, man, I'm the same way. as long as we're talking to him, that's all he cares about. Yeah, absolutely. So all right. So your testimony, man, a lot of I tell you what, a lot of this youth can really connect to it. That's probably why God has called you into the youth ministry. But also as grown adults, man, grown adults you can really connect to it as well. So wherever you wanna kick this off, it's all yours. Yeah, all right. So
speaker-0: So, I I grew up going to church a little bit. We went to a Methodist church when I was younger. it was kinda in and out a little bit and then I went to a Baptist church when I was in when I was in youth group kinda for a couple of years. and r and I had I heard somebody say one time that they were recovering Methabab and and and I have kind of, you know, taken on that name now that I'm at Pentecostal church. But and and that's no heat hate to any denomination. Let's if it's as long as you're Bible believing that's that's all that matters. But I I have a lot of love for the Methodist Church and a lot of love for the Baptist church. but that's that's kind of where that was. I d when I was fourteen, as I was sitting in a youth group one night and they were having the altar call and talking about if you wanted to give your life to Christ and I remember thinking, Nobody can love me. That I am unlovable and if this God, if he is if he is love, if he is the definition of love or if love is defined by him, then he doesn't want anything to do with me because I'm unlovable. And I remember sitting there and there was just something in me. I now would describe it as the Holy Spirit. I didn't know that back then. but it it just felt like something was rising in my chest and I was like, Okay, God, if you're real and if this doesn't stop before, you know, the end of the next song, then I'll stand up and I'll go to the front. It didn't stop. It got it it it rose higher and it felt like my skin was on fire. And so I I got up and I I walked to one of the youth leaders and I told him I wanted to give my life and that was Two thousand fourteen. But what happened was the next day I wasn't much different. Like I thought, Well, I did it, so I should be lovable now. Not that I wasn't lovable, but that's how I felt at the time. know, I felt like this should solve everything and it didn't. I went home to the same house. I went, you know, to school to the same friends. I was still hanging around the same people, doing the same stupid stuff. and so I was still in church after that, but I didn't really grasp a hold of God. You know, I I believed he was real because I I felt that that night. But I didn't really lean in. And so what happened as a result of that is that, you know, the next few years where I'm not leaning into God, the only other option to lean is into the world. And so what I went through with that was just now I would tell you it was depression, but at the time I didn't believe in that. mental health wasn't something that was talked about a lot. not to anybody's discredit, it just I think that was the culture. and so and so it was a mindset of you just get up and you go. Like you depression doesn't get to stop you where you're at. or you don't get to decide you're depressed. Anyways. So I kind of lived the next few years of my life or probably the next five years of my life, just barely making it. Like I'd go to school and I was even I was on sports team. I was on my Wheelington team and I was on basketball team. I was involved. I was still going to church. but I wasn't letting church change me. And so graduated high school, I started working, in Montgomery and that was about the time COVID hit. And so well, yeah, it's COVID hit and then I started working in Montgomery as a nurse's assistant. And like TikTok got real big then and I started seeing all this stuff about mental health on TikTok and I was like, this is all a joke. Like all these fruity people, like and I don't I mean that's really just how I thought of it in my head. Like these people were like fruit of the loom, crazy. mental health is like just get up. Like just get up. and what I couldn't see from the outside, like I can see it now, but from being more in it is I I would go to work and then I'd come home get in bed. And if I wasn't in bed, then I was trying to self medicate. I didn't know that's what it was, but you I I was drinking or I was doing whatever it took to not feel the things I was feeling. Whatever it took to just get up and keep going. And so I had a friend that I was that I worked with in Montgomery and she's a big part of of me realizing, okay, maybe mental health is real. and that's really where my journey with it started, but there's always a background to everything. Like there's no there's not a a moment where mental health started when you were eight or you didn't discover mental health when you were nineteen, or you didn't discover mental mental health when you were twenty. Like you've had it your whole life, the same way you've had physical health, emotional health, all of that, it it all runs together. one of the things that TikTok said was like it had ADHD symptoms, it had anxiety symptoms, just on the the different videos that you would see when you'd scroll. and I and I was like, I kind of fit those. And then I was like, but I think they're just trying to trap everybody into this. You know, to me, mental health almost looked like a cult from the outside in as as crazy as that sounds, but it was like, that's not real. Somebody's just charismatic. like a cult leader and they're pulling everybody in to think that they're weaker than they are.
speaker-1: You gotta be careful because like there's there are a lot of doctors and stuff out there. They're just diagnosing people. Yeah,
speaker-0: absolutely.
speaker-1: they're just diagnosed like literally every small boy has A D D. You know, no, there's they're a boy. Like I know there's kids with AD D and I know a few that do they don't stop. They're like the Tasmanian devil. But like that is there's a thing. Mental illness. That that is a thing, but there is a lot of doctors out there that
speaker-0: Well and truly you can see that even in physical health. You look at pain ma pain management doctors. I
speaker-1: do not go for general health. I do not go to the doctor for my general health. If I break my arm or something, I will go to the doctor.
speaker-0: Right.
speaker-1: Or if I'm sick, got the flu and I need a shot or something, like I will go to the doc. But for general health, no.
speaker-0: Yeah. Well, sometimes you go looking for problems, you're gonna find all kind of problems. But
speaker-1: Then again, I do fall out all
speaker-0: It's the Holy Spirit.
speaker-1: Yes. That's the bad part about being Pentecostal, somebody falls out be like, Ha, they're probably just in the spirit.
speaker-0: Man, that was so crazy to me the first time I saw it. We ain't gotta go down that road today, but no, so I I came home from working in Montgomery and then and even that was a God thing. So even at this point, I like I I knew God was real, but I wasn't listening to him. I wasn't you know, giving him any piece of me. and so my I had ended my job at the hospital. I had another job lined up, some things happened, it didn't work out, and so I came home and all of a sudden I had no job. And my whole life had looked like As long as I had a job, I was successful. As long as I was work even in high school, I worked crazy hours. Like I just wanted to be at work all the time. and and so this was the first time that I didn't have a job since I was man I mean sixteen for sure, but even before that I did all kinda odd jobs. and that I hit a really low point there because it I I feel like I didn't have purpose. If I wasn't working, I didn't have worth. If I wasn't actively bringing money into my account, then I you know I was just I wasn't enough. and so this was November of 2020. And so my parents had been coming to Georgetown. And they they drugged me a couple of times, but I really just was like, I I grew up Methodist and Baptist. I'm not going there, you know. Like I said, recover Method Bab. But so I finally decided to go. And I remember I sat kind of in the back, you know, Baptist, back row Baptist. and it was during worship, and I and I said, God, if this is where I'm supposed to be, because for this whole last month. I literally sat in my bed and did not move. I didn't shower. I didn't go to the store. I was putting applications in but I was having no luck. And so for this this whole month I just stopped living. And and so I I go to church and I'm sitting in the back row and I'm I'm holding the chairs in front of us 'cause we don't have pews, we have the the chairs. And and I was like, God, if you really are who I remember you to be, if if that feeling I felt that night was real when I gave my life to you, if if this is really where I'm supposed to be, then I need to be involved or I'm not gonna stay. No lie. That song end I'm getting chills. That that song ended and Pastor Tabby stood up and she said, Hey guys, I'm the new youth pastor and I need help. I never met Pastor Tabby before. my mom had her number because they had been going to church there. So I got her number. I texted her and I I was like, This is who I am. I would love to give you a hand. You know, I'll be your yes man is what I said. Anything you need, I'll do it. And she was like, Absolutely. And that that Wednesday, I was serving in youth. And so it was like I told God what I needed and he provided it instantly. Yeah. so that's how I got got to Georgetown. and and shortly after that I was still learning about mental health and finally I got talked into telling my my primary care physician some of the things that I was experiencing. and then so I went in and I remember being so nervous 'cause like I'd always told her that I was fine. You know, you go to the doctor and it it's it's long paperwork and it's got anxiety and depression and stuff like that. I don't ever click that 'cause that's for crazy people. I'm not crazy, you know? And So I get back there and she's So what's going Talk to me. And I was I remember I felt like I was gonna pass out. I was so nervous to talk to her. And finally I just said something like when I'm back and out of driveway, I get really, really nervous and I don't want drive. And that was probably like the lowest thing on the totem pole that made me nervous, but it was the easiest thing for me to get out and tell her.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: and so she she was like, All right, well, this is what I wanna do. I feel like she could read into it, or maybe the Holy Spirit was already intervening on my on intervening on my behalf. But she immediately referred me to get a psych evaluation. which is scary. When you just come from a world of not believing in mental health to a full psych eval. Like I just told you that I'm a little nervous and you're sending me for a full rundown. so, you know, I was like, whatever, we'll do it. And so I go to the separate office, you know, a couple of weeks later and basically they ask you a ton of questions and then there's a computer test to find out if you have like ADHD. And at the end of that, you go in and talk to the doctor. So I go in and I talk to him and he's like, all right, here's the deal. I don't know you how you've made it as far as you have. Your results are concerning. And I like this guy is talking like I've got some life threatening disease, you know? And I'm like, all he did was ask about my brain. not even the organ. Like he's Yeah, right.
speaker-1: That's the concern. Good morning.
speaker-0: and he's he's like, if we don't get a handle on how you see yourself and how you see the world, you're not going to make it. And I and I still was like, Man, I don't understand. I'm not gonna my body's not gonna quit because I'm nervous about something, you know? And he turns his computer screen around and he's like, You see this chart right here? and he he's like, Normal's here and he points to like the left side of the screen and then he he goes off the side of his computer and points over here and he he says, You're so far off this chart that there's not room on my computer screen for you. And That that was pretty heavy. That was kind of a hard hit. And he was like he's like, So here's what we're do, we're gonna need a treatment plan together. Again, sounding like I have a disease that I need to be in the hospital for is what it felt like. I guess that was
speaker-1: I mean just hearing and stuff like that. I mean what was there like identities that were you you was starting to like feel that w obviously aren't true?
speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. So in that moment it was just a whole lot of shock. So he hadn't told me what I was diagnosed with yet. He was just saying, like, You're messed up. That's that's what I heard. You know, he didn't say that, but all I heard was you're messed up, which confirmed, you know, earlier I talked about I felt like I was unlovable and I wasn't enough and I wasn't worthy. And and so to hear, you know, in in what I heard, you're messed up, that just piled right on top of those things. And and to identify with those words is to to kinda want to give up on yourself.
speaker-1: You know that's what I was curious about, you know, hearing something like that like makes you wonder, you know, would someone basically be like, Well, I'm just I'm just ruined, you know.
speaker-0: Yeah, I mean and it really did feel that way. and so and so like we set up an appointment with my my my general doctor and it's like you know a month out 'cause you gotta wait forever to get in to see them and in the meantime, like I go back to work or I I'd finally gotten a job at this point. And so I I go back to work and like a week or so later I come home and there's this thick manila envelope sitting on my bed. And I was like, What is that? You know, and I go and I open it up and it is every question they asked me in that psych evaluation, what I answered to it and what they said my answer meant. And then twenty pages later, when you get to the back page, there was a full page of diagnoses that looked like somebody opened a can of alphabetic soup and just dropped it on the page. I mean, from ADHD to A D D, because back then they were two separate things, now they're considered the same they're looped in the same role. but it had ADHD, AD A D D, PTSD. I mean, literally I couldn't tell you all of them now if I tried. If I mean, when you print something out, the font's not huge. You can fit a lot on piece of paper. It was literally bullet line by bullet line of different diagnosis. and I was like, Wow.
speaker-1: That's crazy they got that many diagnoses when it comes to a psych a psych evaluation. Yeah.
speaker-0: and well my thing was if I'm this messed up, how dare you mail this to me? Like you already said that that I needed help and now you're gonna
speaker-1: You know how I gotta look at You know? Could have sent me the medicine price
speaker-0: I'm I really like and it always happens this way, but like things always seem to pile up on the same day. But like I had I'd lost somebody that I was pretty close to that day too. Or that maybe the funeral was that day. and so then to come home you know, and that was that was on the bed. But I I do remember thinking like these guys are crazy. What kind of what kind of person that advocating for mental health, which apparently exists, you know, is gonna send this packet to the person that they think is not great in mental health?
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: That's that's a whole other sidetrack there, but Yeah, so so the first thing you do when you get all these words that you don't even know what they mean on a paper is you start looking them up.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You know, Google is our best friend, but it's also our worst enemy. We we have everything at our fingertips, all the knowledge in the world, you know, and like this is what we tell the youth a lot is these are all tools. It can be used for good things, it can be used for bad things. and that's just how we walk into things. but so I started looking up, you know, like ADHD and ADHD and PTSD and anxiety and depression and and all the other things that were on this list. And you start to put yourself in a box where like the easiest example I can give you is if you hear somebody talk about ADHD, they'll say, Well, this kid'll never amount never amount to anything because they have ADHD. They can't learn, they can't sit still, they can't be successful in a business. they can't, they can't, they can't. And and it's like that with with all those stereotypes. on on all the mental health diseases or illnesses, but you start to decide like, okay, I can do no better than this level and I can't go too far right or I can't do go too far left. And this is just who I am. I just am anxious. I just am depressed. I just am hyperactive, you know, which on a sidebar, I've never considered myself hyperactive. And so to be called that, I was like you're crazy, you know. Like I made it through school, it's fine. but even sitting here with you today, like my leg tries to bounce every five seconds.
speaker-1: Yeah. yeah. Yeah. I mean I'm with you on that one.
speaker-0: but I I mean that's just, you know. So so I I had this list of diagnosis and now I slip into a place that I feel like I'm a teenager again where I'm just locking myself in my room. I don't wanna be around people. I'm not worthy to be around people. surely they can't love me if this much is wrong with me.
speaker-1: And was you taking any kind of medication for that at this point?
speaker-0: Not yet.
speaker-1: So you're still fully dealing with it?
speaker-0: Right, absolutely. And and I was I was still I at this point, I was probably six months into going to Georgetown, maybe a little bit further than that. Maybe it was a year into going I don't know. It was sometimes after I came to Georgetown, but I was much further in my walk with Christ than I had been before I came. But I would say I was far from a mature Christian. I'd say now I'm still far from a mature Christian, you know, I'm just a kid.
speaker-1: I still still learn.
speaker-0: Yeah. I I heard somebody say one time, you take the day that you seriously decide to trust God and then you come to where you are now and that's how old you are in Christ. And so by that math, I'm like four or five years old, right? I'm just a kid. So I I was leaning on God, but it was I was still learning how to lean on God. And I believe that's a process we learn throughout our lives. You know, but it was it was just it was a lot. And so I I got in with my my general doctor and we She didn't talk about the diagnosis and I didn't ask because I didn't want to talk about it. She just said, here's a medicine for the anxiety and depression. Here's a medicine for the ADHD. Let's try these out and let's see what happens. I and I'm gonna tell y'all something right now. To try ADHD medicine for the first time in my twenties and see that there's people that live life that way is crazy. Because I I remember I took it and it was within the first week that I was like, Wait a second, my brain's not loud. What I can understand what's happening around me. I mean, when we think of ADHD, a lot of times we think about that kid, kind of like you talked about earlier, the boy that's hyperactive in class. The the boy that's playing in class instead of paying attention or whatever. But it for me, I mean, there was that too when I was in school, but it it looked like I could be looking right at you, having a conversation with you, but my mind is gone and then all of a sudden my mind will come back and I'm like, I don't know what you said, I don't know what I said. And then not like not being able to complete projects and get things done or like now I work, you know, like painting houses or or doing handyman stuff or stuff. And when you have multiple jobs on a project or at a house and you s you start working on those and then all of a sudden you're like, wait a second, I was painting this wall and then I stopped and I hung this picture and then I stopped and I you know, I changed out this switch and it's like I gotta finish something. Well, if if I don't take my medicine, then that's how my day goes.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: If I take it. I I'll paint the whole wall and then while the while the wall's drying on the fresh coat I can complete another project. And it it just it makes life so much easier.
speaker-1: Yeah. And a little plug, by the way, I forgot to mention at the beginning of the show, you own a business called Faith Works. yeah. And to where you literally do everything.
speaker-0: and that's been a fun journey too. And that can be a whole other tangent, but God provided that in a season where there's another season where I I'd left a job and I have those same feelings of worthlessness, you know, and and not having a purpose popped back up. And he was like, You're gonna do it my way this time. And so Faith Works is a handywoman business, handyman business. where we'll do any odd job from inside your house to outside your house to your business, and a portion of the proceeds always go back to ministry. Yeah. and so like for June then went back to Speed the Light, which is a missions organization that provides transportation for missions, missionaries. and for the month of July it was giving back to our community. So I did a couple of projects for free for people that needed them in our community. and then even for our church school, I made a post on Facebook and people donated all the money needed to buy supplies to make a a roof to go over the door so that the sun didn't beat down on the door.
speaker-1: that I felt like that wasn't there before. They
speaker-0: No, no, I just put that up.
speaker-1: get a little canopy.
speaker-0: Yeah, that was that was really cool. It literally I post Faithworks. Yeah, Faithworks with W O R X.
speaker-1: Yeah. woman power.
speaker-0: I made that post and within two hours the the cost was covered.
speaker-1: Really
speaker-0: I mean it was crazy. Like but anyway, so
speaker-1: When when you when you do stuff for God and and you're following in the will of God, I mean God provides. A hundred percent. Even when you don't know how it's gonna work out. That's why anytime we go on a mission trip, you know, you wanna go on a mission trip and it's like if you're called to go on that mission trip, you'll f it hook.
speaker-0: finances, whatever it'll it'll make a way. That's
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: like I even with this business, I compare it all the time to the story of the Israelites in the in wandering in the wilderness where God provided man a daily for Not too much. You know, not that's it. Th there was just enough. And that's what my business works like. It'll come every Friday and Saturday I get a little nervous for the next week 'cause my week's not filled up. Like today, Thursday and Friday aren't filled up. Yeah. That makes me a little nervous 'cause that's, you know, money and and things like that. But it never fails that by like the end of Monday and Tuesday, there's so many jobs at end of the week that I can't hit all.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: And it he always provides.
speaker-1: Yeah. And we we're gonna pray for grace on that.
speaker-0: I I yeah, I appreciate it. Pray for a lot of growth.
speaker-1: We see your heart in it. I mean, and d you're doing it for him. So Lord, we pray that you bless it, you know, tenfold.
speaker-0: Absolutely.
speaker-1: You know, I what I believe it's gonna be a season. Like if if I can trust you what was it? One bag of talents, then why I'm gonna trust you with more bags.
speaker-0: Yeah. Feels like a lot of bags. You're doing great. It's the perfect business for ADHD.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You're just jumping around so you can use
speaker-1: Do everything. how often you gotta watch YouTube videos? I
speaker-0: Pretty often actually no.
speaker-1: see the photos that you like, you know, Faithworks did this today and I'm like, Dude, you literally do everything under the sun.
speaker-0: everything, man. If you're willing to pay for it, we'll we'll come handle it. one of the craziest things is like getting to minister to the customers. Like you walk in, like you don't always walk in with the gospel like throwing a track in their face 'cause that doesn't always get received well, you know. But where you get to just be there and then they they'll it always they always ask questions, this would you do full time? And I get to say, Yeah, let me tell you how my business started. Yeah. You know, and I I give that testimony of God provided in the season where I needed I needed help and now he provides every week and every day. And you know, it gives you a conversation to be able to talk about Jesus, opportunity to talk about Jesus. Yeah, it's it's been an incredible, incredible journey with that.
speaker-1: That's awesome. Yeah, you're doing a great job. That's a big step to so you was working a successful job. Like you was successful at your job. You
speaker-0: man, I was like,
speaker-1: was in management working for the lumber company and like you was it. Like you was the
speaker-0: You could argue I was running that location. Yeah. Like some people might disagree. But behind the scenes, you know, and and that's I loved it. I was managing hardware and inventory and I was out on the yard and I was handling dispatch for the company or for our location. And this is like a a Fortune three hundred company, you know, and my whole life was like I didn't complete college, when I talked earlier about college. And so it was like if I can just get in somewhere and climb the corporate ladder, I'll be successful. And so and so that's kind of where I was leading to was like the next step was being a safety coordinator at a plant. And that's what I was getting ready to do. And God was like, If you don't leave this job, I'm gonna knock you out. I've been calling you to lead it leave it for a minute and you haven't. and a lot of that's comfort. Like you just get comfortable where you're at and it and you this is the success that you've imagined all your life. And I was like, God, I don't have another job lined up and so I fought him for about two more weeks. And that's when that that plant job popped up that was within the same company, it would just be transfer to a better position. and I was like, look, it's either God, I'm getting out of this location. And he was he was like, That's not what I meant. And I I I won't lie to you, I still was like, I don't know, God, it might be what you meant, you know. And so I I tried to go through with it and it fell through. and it it was just one of those things where it was like, Okay, I hear you. And I walked into my manager's office and I was like, I'm done. You know, and and we had already talked about it was coming the end of my time. and so it wasn't a huge shock to him, but it was it I went home without a job. And I don't think I spent two days at the house before I started doing odd jobs just to have money. And then that's kind of where the business was born out of.
speaker-1: That's tough. That's a tough step. Cause I tell you what I I would struggle with. It's like what probably when it comes to my mind is like, man, am I hearing from God? Like God like is this what like am I messing up the message? Like I'm not doubting what you're saying, God, but like am I missing it? You know what I Like am I getting in the way of hearing you correctly? Are you sure you want me to quit this job? Yeah.
speaker-0: And I and I'll tell you that I struggle with that a lot, but something I think it was Pastor Marshall that told me, it it may have been Pastor Chabby, I'm not sure, but they said, you know, you would never choose to quit this job. That would never be a thought that popped in your head.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: This is your version of success. This is how you you would never choose to quit this job. So if that thought's popping up, it's probably not coming from you. You know, your flesh doesn't desire to quit that job, your flesh desires to stay there and and be successful, so to speak.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You know, and that doesn't always mean, you know, but is like if you're connected to God and you're talking to God and something pops up and you're like, I don't know about this, you know, but I w I wouldn't have chose to quit that job as far as my flesh goes, you know.
speaker-1: Yeah. And and and it goes to the scripture too, like and my sheep know my voice. There is even in a unsettling way, there there is a such thing as a peace of when you hear something like that. And you don't feel at peace, but you you can kinda tell the difference of, you know, is this of God or you know, or what like for instance I had a job offer to that was tripling my money at where I was working at. It was gonna triple my money. And I was like, I just got blessed by Jesus. Like I just got saved and was doing right. I was tithing. I was making ten dollars an hour at the at that time. And I was tithing with it and everything. Next thing you know, I got a job offer for it was like thirty four dollars an hour and with benefits and everything. I'm like, the Lord just blessed Hyroller, everything they preach about on tithing. It's true. And And then so I had somebody, they was I was just excited, right? I just assumed. And I had someone that's like, Man, are are are you sure that's what, you know, God basically that's what of God. And so I finally took the moment and I prayed about it. And dude, and it was God straight up told me, He's like, I ain't give you that. And there was a calming, even though I was like, Yeah, I was pissed. Right. Dude, I'm making ten dollars an hour swinging the weeder. I'm mad. And but man, they but at the same time I had a I had a piece in me to be able to go to and say, Man, I'm sorry, I can't take the job. And but instantly God provided double
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: doubling my money. I still ain't got tripling. But
speaker-0: There, you get there.
speaker-1: doubled my money. But but yeah, man, this you you you know his voice. Yeah. You know, you know his voice, so
speaker-0: And it was sometimes you overthink that and you're like, I don't I don't I don't know. But overthinking's what gets us, man. We get trapped in the spirals, you know.
speaker-1: Not good, but a lot. A lot. A lot.
speaker-0: it's a good thing that has patience with us 'cause sometimes like if you tell like one of the youth, like if I'm like, Hey, quit doing that and they keep doing that and you're like, I'm gonna knock you out. Mm-hmm. I don't thankfully, I don't think God's ever thought to knock me or he would have, you know.
speaker-1: Yeah, that's what we keep foam noodles around just in case we need to put a smack down on some kids.
speaker-0: That's right. Judas smacks me with a more than anybody.
speaker-1: yeah, my son's abusive. Guess it's from his mom. she ain't here to defend herself. So so you're you're in a position now, so you're not you're not taking medication yet, man. You've received all these diagnoses.
speaker-0: And I'm down.
speaker-1: Man, dude, yeah, you you you're it sounds like identity is piling up. yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: You're not worth it. You're broken, you're you know, everything that comes along with it.
speaker-0: Right. How can I be a youth leader? How can I stand in front of these kids with all these problems? Mm-hmm. You know, how can I if if I'm not fixed, if I'm not perfect, then then how can I stand up there and say God is great if, you know, if they look at me and they're like, Well, she she's messed up. You know, you get your your sp your perspective gets off. and so I get on the medicine, I talk to the doctor, I get on Adderall and I get on LexPro, which is for it's for LexPro is for anxiety and depression. And then the Adderall was for you. I didn't think it was, but it's just it's I'd never really taken medicine before in my life and to have two daily medicines all of a sudden was kind of scary. and then like when you start something for anxiety or depression, rarely do you notice a difference in the first week. And so you kind of feel like you're taking like a sugar pill, like something that doesn't do anything. Why am I doing this? This is pointless. Or you already decide it doesn't work before you give it a chance. Yeah. on the other hand, you try Adderall and you're like, This is great. It's instantly. As long as it's prescribed.
speaker-1: Dad took all my medicines.
speaker-0: Right, right. So, if you have ADHD and you take ADHD medicine, nine times out of ten, you're gonna see the world through a whole new lens. And I've cried over it before. Like there's been times when I like either I couldn't get my medicine because I was on a trip and I ran out or, you know, there's a shortage, whatever, 'cause COVID made things really weird in that world, but when I wouldn't have it and I'd like, I don't wanna do this. I don't I don't I think I give you the example when I preach on Wednesday nights sometimes I'll look down at my notes and it'll just look like the words are floating off the paper. And like somebody tried to tell me one time that's dyslexia. And I'm like, it's not. This is this is what ADHD looks like to me. And and it w it'll look like I can read one word, I can see it, and I know there's a word after it, but I can't make the jump. I can't figure out what the next word is. And th these are notes that I've written, that I've studied and poured over and prayed over and and rewritten a hundred times. You know, I know it back and forth, but I just I look down at the paper and I'm like, I I don't know what's happening. When my medicine runs out or or if I haven't had a chance to take it, that's what it looks like. and so when I do have this tool, you know, this this medicine that helps me, it ch it changes my whole outlook. and everybody's story is different with medicines. And and I wanna make that clear before we go further. I am not a professional. Like th this doesn't come from schooling I've had. This doesn't come from me working with a professional, this is my experience and the wisdom that God's blessed me with over the years. to be able to to do this and then to to share my testimony in it. and if you're somebody who's just starting to get into mental health or maybe you you just don't know where to start or you were on a journey before and now you're not, something to really check into is the American Association of Christian Counselors. There it doesn't matter where you're at, they've got counselors near you in America. I'm sure there's programs overseas, but those are the ones I know about here. There's some incredible people on there who not only have the knowledge to help you, but they have the wisdom from God to help you.
speaker-1: That's what I was gonna ask you. So when choosing a a psych profession or w you know, whatever, like what requirements or would you, you know, recommend? Yeah. I mean, we would definitely recommend a Christian.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: And that's the psychiatrist, everything. One hundred percent of psychiatrists. You if if you are a believer, I highly recommend a a faith believing psychiatrist.
speaker-0: Even if you're not a believer. Yeah. I mean I mean 'cause here's the deal, right? the guy I saw for the original Psyche Bow, I don't know where he stood in his faith. I talked to him for thirty minutes and that was our whole exchange. And then he dropped bombshell, you know, in the mail. But the I ended up I did find a therapist, and began to see her and well, I've seen two therapists in my life and the first one wasn't a Christian counselor and the second one is and I still see her to this day. Like, And and honestly it's like the highlight when I get to go 'cause now we're just friends talking. I mean I pay her to be my friend, but you know, her insurance does. But the difference between knowing that you're walking into a room where somebody has prayed over you and prayed over the issues you're bringing and the all the overthinking and it's a safe place where you truly will not be judged. Yeah. And it's not somebody that you're gonna see in your everyday life to where if she were to start judging you, it would matter. Yeah. Like and I like she's not gonna judge me like, you know, but it like I have close friends I can I can say things to, but there's some things that I'm like, if I say that they may see me different, you know, and and she if she does, I I'll never know it, you know. but so the medicine is a tool that helps me to be able to do things. Therapy gave me tools to help me be able to work through things. and so like like one of the things that deal with are are night terrors, and nightmares. And they're not near as common as they used to be, but they're still several times a week. But one of the tools she gave me was how to when you wake up not live in that panic. and and it was just this sort of like rewriting it out. Basically you rewrite the script where where what at whatever point the dream turns scary, you rewrite it into something good. So like if he pulled a knife out in your dream, on his paper you're gonna write, he pulled flowers out. Like and I know that sounds crazy. You're like I well I can do that in my head. It's writing it out changes so much. But yeah, so I I'd gotten on medicine, I'd started seeing a therapist. and I remember I was so ashamed of that back page of diagnosis that I wouldn't even show it to my therapist. I I was like, I'll read you two or three of But I yeah, she's a mental health professional. Like she this is what she does. But I was so ashamed. and I was like, I just don't want I don't want anybody to know. Mm-hmm. And it was shame is a lot of what she had to work with me through work through with me. and I think that's something that the devil uses with us constantly. Shame is not a feeling from God. No. You know, shame comes straight from the enemy. And actually, Lisa Turkhirst, I don't know if you know who that is, but she is a profound woman of God. She drops books left and right and she has a podcast too, but I won't plug it.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: no at least Turker's great. She has a great team with her. But one of the things she says is that shame is self harming at my expense. Yeah. You know, that that's how the letters break down. And it really is that. Like, there's at no point in the Bible where shame is put on somebody and God's like, You deserve this. Shame is a heavy weight that we put on ourselves for no reason. Even in the same way, like I'll give you an example that more people can probably align with, but like w if you mess up and you sin And you catch yourself and it sometimes it's like I d I don't wanna pray to God right now because I don't deserve to. And you feel ashamed for the sin and because a sin's not a good thing, but that shame is what the devil's put in to separate us from God or to make us, you know, not go towards him. And the longer we buy into that shame, the longer we buy into that self harm, the longer we are without God. You know, the longer we're pushing him away. and so and so she helped me work through a lot of that, to be able to talk more freely with her and And that kind of thing. But the n so we kind of leveled out after that. I was taking I had the right medicine, the right dosage. That's always a journey. If you get on that journey, it is you gotta figure out what medicine works, what dosage of the medicine works, what combination of medicines work. It can be a lot. But know that it's no different than when you're trying to figure out medicines for a physical health issue. it's just taking what your body figuring out what your body needs.
speaker-1: That's like blood pressure or anything like that.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: You're not gonna get it on the first pill for very likely. Yeah.
speaker-0: Right. so everything kinda kinda leveled out a little bit. I was seeing her every two weeks or, you know, sometimes it'd be a little bit longer than that. Just taking the medicine and serving in youth and I I'm doing the things and I I feel like, you know, I'm I'm getting healthy, so to speak. and I I started having these conversations with people that knew me before I started coming back to church and the conversation was how can you believe in Jesus and believe in mental health? You know, if you believe in God, then you should perfect. You which was the same concept that I had fought with earlier. You know, and so what what I was able to explain to them only because the Holy Spirit showed it to me was that the Bible gives us examples of health throughout it. And so we have examples of physical healing, like the lame man in Acts three. You know, he gets healed in in Jesus' name. He he was paralyzed his whole life and he gets healed and he walks away. And you say, Well, yeah, physical healing. Jesus did that all the time. You know, we pray for physical healing all the time. We prayed for physical healing earlier. Yeah. you know, but Bible also talks about emotional healing. if we look at the story of Hannah in First Samuel, where you know, she was barren and she was being bullied because of that, and that caused her to be bitter. Yeah. You know, that's an emotional health problem. But the Bible tells us that she cried out to God and God lifted her spirits and released her from the bitterness.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: in mental health, we can look at first Kings chapter nineteen where Elijah has just come through a huge victory. And then all of a sudden he feels like he's without purpose and he's being chased by these people and he's he cries out to God and he's like, God, I want to do this anymore. I don't want to live. Yeah. You know? And and that that's you know, that comes that's we align that with suicidal idolation. He doesn't want to be there anymore. Depression at its finest or at his darkest, I guess I should say.
speaker-1: Yeah, he w there was a time where Eliza was suicidal. Yeah. You know, or you know, or l he didn't want to live no more.
speaker-0: Yeah. And God didn't say and wash his hands up Yeah. he had like if he he took care of like four hundred prophets of Baal or something. It was a bunch of people. Like he was one guy took all that on.
speaker-1: While talking smack to him. Yeah. He might be in the bathroom with cry loud.
speaker-0: Right, right. and so what we see with that story is he's crying out to God and he's like, God, I just I don't want to be here anymore. I I can't live one more day and God doesn't write him off, he doesn't kick him out, he doesn't say you're just being weak you know, he he's he sends an angel to him and and he comforts him, you he he lets him rest and he gives him food and and he's able to continue.
speaker-1: I think that's really important to look at. Like he sent an angel to attend to his needs and comfort him. I mean, it's so important, man, that we realize that man, going and seeking help from others doesn't make you any lesser of a person. I can say this for men. 'cause like I I know some guys out there that like do they will not open up about this. They will not seek help because they They honestly you feel like you're less of a man if you just can't handle it yourself. You know, take care of it. I'm gonna bottle it up, I'm gonna hide it, and you know, I'll I'll grit through it. Man, you ain't got to. You I mean you ain't got to. Like I I know you manly, man, but that's that's not what defines you as a man. Man, take care of there is such saying it's like we talked about it, so chemically unbalanced. So let me explain this.
speaker-0: So you have you can be chemically unbalanced, which means that something in your brain isn't quite firing the way it needs to. Yeah. so whether that you whether it's genetic and it this runs in your family, or whether it's, you know, an injury that happened at some point that changed things or a birth defect or or whatever the case may be. and then those things are typically righted by medication. and then on the other hand of that you have it's like nature versus nurture. So nature would be what we just talked about with the chemical imbalance. where the maybe the genes are off or or whatever the case may be, nurture is gonna be what you experience. So if there was trauma in your past, if there was an incident that happened, if there was neglect, if there was abuse, whatever the case may be. and that's where medication helps and also like therapy tools help to help you get through those things. And then there's the times when those happen together. so what you have is maybe this ran in your family, you know, maybe it's maybe you genetic maybe sorry. Maybe you have a genetics to give you anxiety and you experienced abuse growing up. And so what you get there from the outside looking in is a perfect cocktail of a hurricane. You know? Yeah. And but it doesn't have to just mean that life doesn't stop there and that and that's kind of where the Lord brought me with this and it is really been the last six months, last year, where he's been pointing out that these diagnoses that I have are not my identity. and I'm bad about I'll look something up or I'll I'll see a video on TikTok or I'm not on TikTok anymore, on Facebook Reels or on YouTube shorts that relates to ADHD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, whatever the case may be. And I'll watch it and then you know these algorithms, they'll start being you more videos that are the exact same. Right. And even if you look it up on YouTube, sometimes it pops up on your Facebook and you're like, I I are these two in cahoots, what happened, you know?
speaker-1: Or even say it, you're phone apart. Right.
speaker-0: and so what happens is all of a sudden, because we're all on our phones all the time, way more than we need to be, you know, it's so all of a sudden we're taking in all this stuff. And it doesn't have to be bad videos. you know, learning more doesn't have to be a bad thing, but some of these videos aren't from educated professionals or individuals. I'm not educated professional on this topic, but some of these videos are stereotypes where they're saying, You can't do this, you'll never be this. some of these videos give you excuses where it's like, you'll never be able to be around fireworks because you have PTSD. Mm-hmm. You'll never, you know, I can't do this. I can't do that because I have ADHD, because I have this. and some of the videos are helpful and they'll tell you, you know, this is this is one of the tools I use to handle ADHD. Some of the tool some of the videos look like, Just it'll list symptoms. It and and any mental health thing and really any physical health thing too, the symptoms are crazy. If you look at side effects on medicine, man, those pamphlets fold out and they're, you know, twenty pages long of every side effect possible. Symptoms work the same way. except for being instead of instead of being caused by medicine, it's caused by a disease or an illness. and s and so when it starts listing out all these symptoms, you'll be starting to question. I thought that was part of my personality. I thought, I I so, with ADHD being like something where you jump around a lot, you know, stereotypically where you where you're running around where you can't focus you just can't focus. sometimes there's videos that pop up that say one of the symptoms of ADHD is Like you can't sleep. Okay. I got a problem sleeping. I got a problem dreaming when I sleep, but I don't have a problem sleeping. But if I see a video sometimes that says, you know, not be able to sleep, not be able to fall asleep, that kind of thing is a symptom of ADHD, all of a sudden I can't sleep. And that video didn't change a dang thing. Yeah. All right. It didn't change my definition of ADHD or what ADHD does in my body. But what it did was because I've been trapped in this loop of watching these ADHD videos or and absorbing this ADHD content where I've decided that it's truth subconsciously, you know. And so now I'm I'm living it. My brain's decided you can't sleep because you have ADHD.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: and you do you just take it on. And so I I would get in these times where I I I I don't know if I can preach this week because I I'm just not able to. I can't focus. I can't sit down to write a sermon because I can't focus. and that there's even an artist out there who has a song that says I'd be a better Christian on Adderall. And that's a hard statement. And like when that song first came out and it was everywhere on my feed because of, you know, ADHD or whatever, but I remember just thinking, it really does make me a better Christian. And that like she didn't mean it to be a bad thing, but I took it as a bad thing and I was like, Well, if if I can't be a a Christian without Adderall, which you can't be, don't don't get lost there. but if if I can't, you know, live up to what God needs me to do without Adderall, then what good am I to him? You know, if I can't rely fully on him. And I think a lot of times that's where we get messed up too is like I shouldn't have to take this medicine because I have God. And the truth is God gives us tools like the medicine. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where there's man, dude, there's some people out there, especially this and the fate on the face side, like they literally like won't even go to the doctor 'cause they're like, If it's God's will to heal me, like I'll be healed. Like, no, God gave us doctors. Like he gave people wisdom.
speaker-0: That's that's like if you broke your leg you'd go to the doctor. You could go to the hospital, you know, pretty quickly. It kinda hurt.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: so if you're having a a little bit of a mental breakdown or, you know, whatever the case may be, l let's go on and go, you
speaker-1: yeah, go s go seek some help, man. It's it's it's not worth going through that fight, you know, going through that battle, man. It's you know, if you could seek help, get seek some help. You know, and all that reminds me too, there was somebody I heard and I've heard it before. I you know, I I I don't understand on the side of mental health issue, but I do understand on the addiction side. I've heard someone make the statement before, like, well, they was trying to clean up, but they was using other substances to clean up like methadone clinics. Right. I think there's another stuff called like Suboxin or whatever the case may be. And so like it's been three years. Like that you you should get off of that. like y you know, you're not on drugs anymore. You like hey it's time to get off the Suboxin. Well I'll always be an addict. You know, I'm always gonna need this stuff. Like, no, you're you're now addicted to the Suboxin now. You're not you're not an addict. You know, that's not your identity.
speaker-0: Man, and it's so easy to fall on that trap.
speaker-1: Is it just too yeah, just to receive, you know what? I'm just always gonna be this person. Right. You're not, man. I mean, you are if you lay down and let it weird. I mean, that's always the easiest option too. Right. Absolutely. Just lay down and take it. Yeah. That's probably inappropriate. Coming but but man, look, dude, and when when I heard that and we was like in a hearing at the moment. And when I heard that, like I interrupted, I said, That's a Well, I I'm gonna just say it. I was like, That's a damn lie. You know, like that no you ain't. Like you're not always at it. You've been clean for three years off of drugs. That's your new drug for first of all. But like, dude, you're not always an addict. You can be set free. I'm not an addict no more. I mean I go I use addict
speaker-0: You use your testimony. Addiction is a piece of your testimony. yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, but I mean I still use like addiction rules. I guess you could so speak like I to this day I will not ever drink a beer or you know, I w I won't take pain medicine unless I really need it. But I mean heck I I got four teeth pulled out of my head at one time and I was like, Nope, I don't wanna take the chance and I regretted it a little bit, but but I mean I'll take it if it if I need it though, but
speaker-0: I mean that's just it's we all have to have boundaries in our life.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, you go.
speaker-0: Okay. Boundaries I mean, God didn't even shy away from boundaries. Yeah. You know, I mean like there's things when he the Ten Commandments, that was a boundary. Yeah. You know, and a lot of times we shy away from those, but you setting boundaries in your life to protect you from something that, you know, used to bring you harm.
speaker-1: You gotta know who you are? Absolutely. My I got a very addictive personality, so but yeah, man, it's
speaker-0: I I'll tell you something else that I I've I haven't said this out loud ever because I feel like, you know, some people may buck at it a little bit but
speaker-1: Just show or do that, do you know? Just open up.
speaker-0: I think I think addicts are some of the best Christians. well, 'cause here's the deal, right? We're all born with a void in our lives. And that the only thing that can truly fill that void is Jesus. But we don't know that when we're first born, you know? And so, as we as we're born into sin and we live through lives, we're constantly trying to plug that void with something. and and so like sometimes you'll see it where it's filling it with a boyfriend or a girlfriend where you have to have somebody. Sometimes you'll see it where it's filling it with money, sometimes you'll see where it's filling it with meth or with alcohol or with you know, weed, pills, whatever the case may be. Yeah. But w at whatever point you encounter God and you realize that that the high you get from the love that He pours over you, you want that more than you want, you know, more than you want to pick up a cigarette again or more than you want to pick up, you know, a drink again, whatever the case may be, more than you want to call that boyfriend, you when you start replacing that void in your life with Jesus instead of those things the worldly things you were chasing. all of a sudden instead of waking up and thinking, I I need I need a drink right now, you're thinking, I need to get in my Bible right now. Mm-hmm. And and so just as hard as you're chasing the drug or the girl or the guy or or whatever, you begin chasing God. Yeah. And if you if we all chase the same way, if somebody was chasing a high, man, would be
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: holier than they are for sure. You know, holy rollers on a whole different level.
speaker-1: Yeah. And I I always say it like this too. like I'll tell it to the teenagers and all that, you know, like we were formed by God through dust, like the dust, like God created us with his hands. And that's what it's like. We are always trying to fill a void that only God could fill because that's the thumbprint of God on our lives, right? Yeah. So there's something on the inside of us that could only be filled by the presence of God. That that is an area inside of you that only God can r reside in, right? And we spend so much trying to alcohol, drugs, women or men, whatever, whoever you are. but all these things, heck now, even the what is it, the dopamine off of reels. you know, post a picture on f you know social media and it's like Like it, like it, like it, share.
speaker-0: 'Cause I catch myself sometimes even when I post something. Like on even on the business page where I'm like, How many people liked it? How many people shared it? You and I have to go, I don't actually care, you know, but the excitement I get from somebody shared my thing.
speaker-1: Is a dopamine, one hundred percent. Yeah.
speaker-0: and and even that same that like we talk about your diagnosis, your diagnosis in the sense that we're talking about doesn't have to just be in a medical diagnosis sense. It certainly can be, you know, it applies to physical health as well, but the diagnosis that we're talking about, it can be what your mom called you when you were seven and you still remember it. Mm-hmm. You know, it it can be what the world puts on you, it can be a name that you've put on yourself where I've decided I'm a loser. So a loser is my identity. And that's the diagnosis I put on my life. Yeah. You know, and and when you do that, you sure are gonna stay a loser. You know? And I mean we can laugh about it from where we're at, but when you're in it, when you feel like a loser, because we have fleeting feelings, you know, but when you lean into that and you start listing all the reasons you're a loser instead of listing the reasons, yes, like a fire. Yes. is first Peter two ten talks about we weren't nobody's people and now we're God's people. Mm-hmm. it says that we we had no mercy and now we've been given mercy. God claims us over and over and over again, not as his property, but as his people, as his flock, as his as the things he loves most. You know, and and so to find our identity in a diagnosis, in a, you know, a term and whatever it may be, God's sitting there like, that's not who you are. That's not who I created you to be. That's not who I've called you to be, that's not who I've chosen you to be. But he won't snatch us out of it because he loves us that much too. Yeah. You know, we have to turn around and walk out of it.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: A hundred percent. He he's a good father. He shows up for us in
speaker-1: And we we have witnessed so much all around healing from you know, from him. So where where are you at with that now? So like you're you're pretty you seem pretty mellow, focused.
speaker-0: The funny thing when you say that is even if you talk to people from before, I mean, some people would tell you that I I was definitely a different person. but a lot of my stuff was internal. So like even to this day, if somebody makes me mad, I don't usually go tell them they make me mad. I'm on the inside going, Why did I get mad at that? Mm-hmm. I like I pull it down on myself if that makes sense. even in youth ministry, if if I get frustrated with one of kids 'cause, you know, we ain't perfect, they can get loud sometimes. But instead of sometimes instead of disciplining the problem, you know, or correcting the problem with the student, I'll go, why did I let that bother me? Or why did I let it get to that point? And and I will it's shame again and I'll internalize that still to this day. but the moment is that at this point I can recognize that. And it takes time. You don't you don't wake up one day and all of a sudden you can recognize things. Like it it takes time and putting the work in and and going to therapy if that's what you need or having you know taking the medication if that's what you need or being in your word, you know, building up who you are in Christ. But at some point, you know, you'll s you'll start to recognize the Holy Spirit when he says, You didn't mess up. And it was like, did you react a little slow? Probably. You know. Did you could you have handled that better? Maybe. But you know what? Now you know for next time. You're still called. in my case to be in youth ministry, you're you're still called to be my child. but I a lot of times we think that once we're a Christian w that things should be perfect. And like I was saying earlier where people have questioned me in the past where it's like, well, you're a Christian. Well you're, you know, getting ready to be a pastor. You you put this work in, but how can you say that you still need medicine? How can you say that, how can you accept that? And the truth is, I would rather be on this medicine and know God and be able to see Him clearer. It's like wearing glasses. Honestly. Like if you wouldn't tell somebody that's blind or, you know, has unclear vision to be like, You don't need those glasses 'cause you got God. Yeah. Like God gave them them glasses.
speaker-1: I and I bad part is like I know there's ignorant people out there that say stuff like that.
speaker-0: Yeah. And and there is. And when you walk into them and they're like, Well, you should just trust God more.
speaker-1: probably the same ones that'll pull out snakes, the poisonous snakes and like if God will protect me like I hope it bites you in the face.
speaker-0: What's funny is nine times out of ten it's the people that are crying out to God when something happens to them physically, but mentally they won't go near him. Yeah. There is a special kind of shame on mental health and and it really like I don't know, ten years ago I feel like we never heard mental health, or at least I didn't in any subject.
speaker-1: Got really big before right. I'd say right at COVID. Right.
speaker-0: And so now we just walk in it, man. And and I have an ADHD diagnosis. I have or an ADD di I can't remember which one it's called now. I I have a PTSD diagnosis, I have an anxiety diagnosis, like, but those things are not me. But I have watched even our students and and even outside of just our youth, you know, other youth in other places, other people in other places where where they'll say, you'll have to excuse me because I have this. You'll you I can't listen to what you have to say because I have ADHD. There's days when I can't focus, even on the medicine. There there's just bad days. But never am I gonna be like, I'm I'm not gonna go to church a Sunday 'cause I can't focus. Yeah. You know, I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna leave where I need to be because I can't do the things. Now, I mean, there's different circumstances and I know that, but To walk out of where God's called you to be and where He's placed you and and to define yourself by these diagnoses, by these labels, you know, whatever it may be, is like slapping him in the face to me. And I'm guilty of it. I've already said that. Even this past the past two weeks preparing for this, when I texted you and I said I said, This is what I believe the Lord's laying on my heart for this, for our conversation, it was like the next day when I started seeing stuff pop up on my Facebook and I fell hard where it it was just like it was a symptom for something, maybe it was an anxiety, but it was like you only love the way you love because of your anxiety. You're so afraid to lose people that that's why you love the way you love. And that hurt. That was like, you know, that makes my love selfish. That means I don't really love this person. I just want to hold on to for my good. And it wasn't just one video like that. It started being it was like every other video said a similar thing about that same symptom and anxiety. And and the heaviness that poured down on that. And I knew. I I already knew that it was because but I'd had the conversation with you in Kansas, like this is what I wanted to do, and I knew that's where the enemy was attacking. And so I like to say I wasn't prayed up would be a lie, you know? And I and I was in my word. I I read the same psalm every night for like a week, man. it's Psalm sixty nine. But it it just talks about like, God pull me out of the muck. Who I feel like I'm rounding over here. and I really did feel that way. Like I and I I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to have this conversation with Nick. And but and to back up a little bit from there, I came off my leg Supreme about six months ago, because I no longer needed it. And and that doesn't just go away, you know, that that comes from from Jesus being in me and helping me and healing me in the same way that he healed the people in the Bible, you know. it's it's just as as big of a thing as that. And so off the Luxray, I've been off it for a while, I've been doing fine. I had this moment where I go down and my first thought is, I came off that medicine too early. I'm not actually healed. You know, I I I need that back. And I think I even told Pastor Tabby I was I was like I I think I came off this too early. You know, like I I think I messed up. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't be fixed. You know and it's it's that you go back to those fundamental issues. that you've already worked through and you've already put the work in but that's where the enemy always attacks you, you know? And she was like, No. Like it's just been one of those weeks. You don't get to decide, you know, on on the turn of a hat that that's that not what this is. This is the enemy putting doubt in. And that's why it's so important to have people in your life
speaker-1: yeah.
speaker-0: to point you the back way. And and like come on jump all over the place now. But one of my favorite things about the relationship that I have with you in Kansas is that randomly I'll be like, Hey theological question.
speaker-1: Those
speaker-0: You know? And sometimes it was like the best part of my week, even if we don't get anywhere without
speaker-1: Someone's sometimes it'd be a good brain teaser. Yeah. Like, let me look into that.
speaker-0: You know, and and then sometimes even if it's not a theological question, and by that I mean like some random question about the Bible that doesn't actually matter. Like it matters, but it doesn't matter. You know, I'm not saved or not saved because I believe one way on the question. But it's also when I get to say, Man, I experienced this with a student and I just don't know what to do, guys. Yeah. Like I don't know how to go I don't even know how to pray for this person anymore. But it it's because I have a community with y'all and that's what God designs us for. You know, He doesn't design us to be alone. But I have people in my life that I can go to and then they can come to me and and we lift each other up and speak truth when we can't see truth. so anyways, Pastor Shabby was speaking some truth into me. And in Psalm 69 it says, this isn't word for word, you know, this is the KD translation, but it talks about pull God pull me out of the muck, and then it says, God, I know you can do it. And he will. And I every day it was a little bit easier to say. This is the enemy attacking. I rebuke this in Jesus' name. I'm gonna spread the word that God's given me. You know, he's aligned for there to be a platform for this to happen. This is the word that needs to get out. And so that's that's what I'm gonna do. And I mean, so that was like last week and then this week starts up and it's like the same thing all over again. It's a different symptom with a different diagnosis, but it's the same process. And I'll be dang, I fell right into it again. I just faced the same trap, you know. that I I was reminded of James where it talks about we should delight in our trials. And I was like, How cool is it? You know, I had I didn't feel it was cool, but I had to tell myself it was cool. that I'm doing so much work for the kingdom right now that the enemy's double timing me with attacks. You know?
speaker-1: Make feel stress.
speaker-0: Yeah. But mental health doesn't go away the same way physical health doesn't go away. If you break your back and you know you get healed, I mean like you ha we rear the brace or you have the surgery or whatever, it's months later and you're kinda getting back to normal life, your back could still break down the line. You know, or you could have another fracture or you could just have back pain, nerve pain, whatever. Mm-hmm. It's the same stuff with mental health. Yeah. It's the same stuff. They're like I know people that have issues with like sciatic nerves in their legs and they can have the surgeries, you know, if it's like a a slip disc or whatever, that's compressing the nerve and get a little sciencey on y'all. So if if there's something in your vertebrae that's pinching the side nerve, that's what can cause the pain sometimes. And you can have the surgery and get that fixed. But your body is apt to lean towards that issue. And mental health is the same way. So just another slip can disc or another no, another disc can slip. or y you know, a nerve can get compressed again. Whatever your body's done it before, so it's ready to do it again. With mental health, I've gone down the the dark tunnels before, my my mind's ready to do it again. It's prepared to do it again. And so it is a it's a fight that you have to constantly say, I am not anxiety, I am not ADHD, I am not bipolar. If that's something you deal with, I am not I'm just I am not these things. I am not an addict. Yeah. I fought with addiction. I am not a failure. I am not a disgrace. I am not worthless. You have to consistently remind yourselves of truths because the Bible tells us the enemy is the father of all lies. Yeah. I mean, deceit. pours into us constantly from him, from every avenue, you know, from social media, from just our minds. He just he just puts it right on in.
speaker-1: It's it's really the only tactic he's got because we have all power and authority through Jesus Christ. Yeah. So we c the only authority that the devil has is what we give him. Absolutely. So all he can do is just bait us with a lie and try to get us to believe in it. Yeah. I mean that's that's all the only strategy he has. Yes. You know?
speaker-0: And as a result of that, I would say at least eighty percent of the the tools that I have learned, through therapy and through other avenues that deal with kind of like resetting your mind all have to do with putting truth in the replace of life. Almost every single one. Yeah. and that's no coincidence. You know, if if that's where the enemy's gonna attack the majority of the time, then we need to be built up there. Yes. It it I mean, even if you go back to the armor of God, they didn't leave out the helmet. You know. Yeah. I know it says the helmet of salvation, but I mean, it is important that we're protecting our mind. something else Pastor Chavez says is garbage in is garbage out. So if we're taking in lies or if we're taking in the bad stuff on TV that we shouldn't be watching, you know, or the stuff on social media, we're gonna put it out too. Yeah. And it will consume everything in you because the enemy's goal is to drag us down with him. It's not have a party in hell. It's it's to be miserable, it's all get out with him in hell without God.
speaker-1: I know I can get a little n nerdy with you. You're gonna be proud of this.
speaker-0: I'm ready. Let me hear it.
speaker-1: So, all credit goes to Craig Rachel. You know, I was listening to him. He he I don't even know if he's ever preached a bad message. He's so talented. but anyway, so he he did a message on talking about taking control of your mind. So we have neuron pathways. So and that's what that is, is just the way we think. And so think of it this way. We're country. You know, we're country out here. Any of y'all ever seen a cow field, you'll notice in a cow field there's a little dirt trail that's about that wide right there. And what that is, and this works with deer, animals, period. Animals travel in one path, you know. So what that is, that's the path that that cow walks in that field. So much so like it's only walking that wide, you know. Every day. A hundred acre field, there's that dirt track right there. It's the same way with our brains. So we have neuropathways that our neuropathogens travel on. I think I'm getting this correctly. You it
speaker-0: You are nailing it. I'm so proud right now.
speaker-1: right now. so so when we think as we're thinking, we are creating pathways. You know what I mean? So we're we're creating it and creating it. And so that becomes our default setting. So if we're sitting here, everything that you're saying, right? You know, we're it believing in the lies of the enemy that I am broken and I am, you know, unfixable or too far, whatever the case may be with the mental health. You think that so much about yourself, it becomes your default setting that your neuropathways or neuropathogens are gonna immediately just jump to that. So you have got to create a new pathway of way of thinking and like you're saying, the garbage out, garbage in, garbage out, good in I don't know.
speaker-0: Garbage in, garbage out.
speaker-1: Okay. So you gotta create a new way of thinking. Like, no, heck, go read Ephesians. Ephesians says a lot about how God You know, I'm not broken or I'm not a throwaway. God says I'm chosen. Right. You know, God, I am called. So whenever you have that lie of the enemy that comes through and you believe and create that pathway in your brain that becomes your default setting, create a new default setting and say, you know what? No, I am loved by the king of this universe, the creator, the author, the finisher of my faith. I am his and he is mine. And you keep doing that, a habit takes what is it, seven days, fourteen days to create a habit. I Yeah
speaker-0: I well I'm not sure. Yeah, yeah.
speaker-1: yeah, I threw a curveball.
speaker-0: I think it's twenty eight days, but I didn't want to correct you then.
speaker-1: Lord, I don't know if it's that much. I hope not. but like create a new habit, man. Wake up and and say, you know what? Like I am somebody. I I am somebody. This ain't who I am. Like he says who I am.
speaker-0: Well, I'll tell you the longer that that cow walked that path, you know, the longer that you thought that thought, the deeper it is and the harder it is to correct it. And so, like, for me, one of the oldest lies and one of the ones that I repeated the most was I'm unlovable. Mm-hmm. And so I'll tell you that I'm love more now, you know, and I recognize that. But there's times and there's days where I'm like, I I don't know, you know, are they faking it? You know, they actually like me, that kind of thing. I'm pretty
speaker-1: You're you're you're pretty loved in the church. I am
speaker-0: loved in the church. We have an amazing, amazing family in that way.
speaker-1: And name bougie for a reason.
speaker-0: Not 'cause I'm bougie though. bougie in Christ, maybe. I don't know, man. Like as I thought this thought about being unlovable for so long. I mean, we're talking as long as I can remember, that was the thought in my mind. and it and it it's what drove me a lot of places that I shouldn't have been, but that was we'll s we'll say at least fourteen years of thinking that thought. It's a long time. For somebody who's twenty five.
speaker-1: Right. It's kinda hard to convince you otherwise. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: So when you when you've believed that your whole life, pretty much, you know. I mean, I'm not gonna say I thought that when I was a baby, you know, or like a a five year old, but when you felt that way your whole life, when you decide to change that, it's not gonna be something that changes today.
speaker-1: It is
speaker-0: It's not gonna be I'm not just gonna suddenly believe otherwise for all time. I mean, like God can convince you of something in an instant, but the enemy's still gonna go back to that. And because those grooves are so wide, it's so easy to fall into it. I t if you've ever been mud riding and there's like there's ruts already made, there's trails already made, and then there's deep ruts where like you're like, I'm gonna bottom out if I go through that thing. But if you're if you try to drive around that rut, most of the time, because that's where that deep groove already is, the A T V you're on will fall into that deep rut. It'll slip because that's where it's easy to go. Everything in nature moves to the path of least resistance and our minds do the same thing. Yeah. So if I'm teetering on the edge of you know, I don't know if I if I feel loved in this moment or you know, I don't know if trust this person, whatever that may be, it's real easy to slip into I'm unlovable. It's slip it I your brain's covered in slick mud, you know. not really, but it it's it's just we just fall straight into it. And if you've ever tried to get come out of one of those ruts, you know, literally on a four wheeler or whatever the case may be, it ain't always easy, you know, depending on what you got. But part of having the right equipment helps in those situations. And the right equipment is going to be your Bible. He's it's the only offensive weapon that's in the armor of God. And it replaces or it sets truth in motion throughout it. There's not a lie in the Bible. There's not a point where it contradicts itself. There's not a point where it identifies you as anything other than what you are, which is a child of God. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's just it's so important that we don't get lost in these diagnoses, these labels and take them on as who we are. You know, God calls us to be His. He calls us to be Psalms tells us that we're beautifully and wonderfully made. You don't say that about something that's you wouldn't say addiction is beautifully and wonderfully made. No. You wouldn't say anxiety is beautifully and w wonderfully made. You wouldn't say, you know, all these things. But we are beautifully and wonderfully made because of who our father is. That's how he that's how he is, and that's how he created us.
speaker-1: But everything that he's created, he don't talk like that to nothing else. You know, like we're we're set apart with him. You know. Yeah. He says we're just below the angels. Absolutely. You know.
speaker-0: And and there's people that argue, well, if if God's so good, then why why doesn't He just take these things when we come to Him? You know, and and I've I've been there, you know, where it's it's like Fair point. God I I brought my anxiety to you. Yeah. Why do I still have it? I mean I don't now. Mm-hmm. But and I'll come back to that second 'cause I want I wanna come back on the topic there. But if God took all of our problems from us, we wouldn't talk to him for nothing. Never.
speaker-1: Yeah, we wouldn't never go to him, yeah.
speaker-0: I I remember I had my tonsils taken out and I prayed to God more in that three weeks of healing than I probably have my whole life. Because I couldn't really talk and I couldn't really eat and it hurt bad. It hurt bad. And 'cause I'm a baby. But I remember I was telling Pastor Chevy again, that's that's who I talk to most but I was I was like, God's probably tired of me talking. Like I have talked his ear off. And she was like, Well, that's probably a good thing, you know? Like, you don't want to say your pain you're going through is good, but mm maybe it was, you know. But even on the the standpoint of where I talked earlier where I've been healed of my anxiety, I'm not taking anxiety medication at this point, it doesn't mean I'll never feel anxiety again. Anxiety is a part of what we are because it actually holds a purpose. And that is if you're standing in the middle of the road and a car's coming, you should feel anxiety. Bottom of the line, right? If if you're in the woods at night and you hear a noise, you should feel anxiety. Like you sh it's it's not to give you fear of the woods or give you fear of the road. It's supposed if it works in the way it was created, then it helps you live. You know, it has a purpose of getting you out of a dangerous situation or making sure you're aware of what's around you. Mm-hmm. The problem is when it's distorted through either a chemical imbalance or through trauma, you know, whatever the case may be, where we then allow it to control us. And so, like if if you get in a car wreck and all of a sudden it's like I don't want to drive. I'm too afraid to drive. I have anxiety on that. That's where you've allowed your anxiety to be in control. And so now instead of being alert and vigilant on the roads, you're scared to get on the road. You're letting fear define you and put you in a box. You're letting that diagnosis control you. Yeah. if you're if you're afraid of going in the woods ever again, you know, because you heard a noise one night, you're letting that control you. Instead of saying, I'm a child of God, I'm grateful that he gave me things to protect me. Think about like Spidey Sense, man. Like if you ever watch Spider Man, he's he's got a spidey sense where he like the enemy's about to tag him from behind. And he's he's got spidey sense and then he turns around and he's able to correct the problem. Anxiety works the same way. Yeah. Spider Man don't let Spidey sense run his life though, you know? Yeah. and I mean that's just a way to look at it, but it's so easy to fall in those traps, but the Bible tells us all throughout it who we are and why we are what we are. You know?
speaker-1: And it it is so important to to understand that man and and get a grasp on it. Because like I said, that the devil's got one shot or or he's got one attack and that's to to make us believe a lie about ourselves that the God never said. And like you said in the very beginning, if it does any kind if it's talking down about you, about yourself, if it's shaming you or guilting you in any type of way, man, that ain't of God. God never uses guilt to correct you. God never uses guilt to, you know, or even to better you. That ain't how God does it. Like, man, even when God's corrected me, it's a stern correction, but it's also love. You can feel love in it. You know what I mean? And so man, if it's ever anything like shame or guilt or or or whatever the case may be. Man, dude, that ain't what guys call for you. That ain't that ain't God what's God saying about you. Absolutely. One hundred percent. Absolutely. So what w I think with what you have experienced and what you've gone through and these answers that you've figured out that works best for you, like you said, there's probably a million different scenarios. Absolutely. There's a million different scenarios here. But I think we've reached a generation because of social media, because of what the media is doing. Like I hate the media. that's Fox News, CNN, MN, SBC, whatever
speaker-0: I don't even I don't even watch the news.
speaker-1: it's horrible. Like I don't even know how to look at weather because I don't want to look at the news. But what they have done to our generation diagnosed us with everything. Absolutely. They don't even know what sex they are anymore. You know what I mean? They they don't know who they are anymore. So we're dealing with a generation that is struggling so hard with a self diagnosis yeah. Man, what's some encouraging words that you can leave to a generation and I know you're you help the youth out and that's why you're so great with the youth. What's some encouraging words, man, that you can just you want to just give to the to the youth that are, you know, of struggling with the same scenario?
speaker-0: Yeah. Well, first want to address something else you said there. And this is the biggest thing that gets me, but where we talk about the diagnosis that the the world puts on us, right? Every time I hear somebody say that this generation's lost, this generation of youth, you know, the the teenagers that are in there now or even the ones that have just graduated, they're they're like, We've we've really messed up on this one, like they're gone. Yeah. They really you know, they're messed up, they're whatever. You're putting a diagnosis on them that is gonna define you're defining them in your own mind. And past that, they didn't create this world. Mm-hmm. They didn't create the circumstances that they walked into. It's i I don't think a certain generation's to blame, but you can't be mad at the generation at hand for dealing with what you left.
speaker-1: You handed them this. We I guess we handed
speaker-0: Right. You did it, Nick. No. but I I mean it's just and it's easy to say because we see it more now.
speaker-1: His
speaker-0: You can say, Well, nobody talked about, you know, being homosexual t fifty years ago. It was still out there. Yeah. You didn't see it as much because nothing was broadcasted as much. There are eyes everywhere, there's cameras everywhere. I'm glad there wasn't as many I mean, like, there were smart smartphones when I was in middle school and high school, but I'm glad they weren't near as common. We there wasn't videos everywhere.
speaker-1: I won't say a flip phone, the flip razors. Yeah. that that was whenever I came through like the upper middle school, high school. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: I I think I was in like middle school when like the iPhone three came out. Yeah then. But I just when we decide as a as a culture or even as a church, man, it's so easy to do where you just say this generation's lost. Yeah. The kids that are in your church that hear that, or the k the kids that are under your influence or whatever, when they hear you say that, they look up to you and they're gonna define themselves by that. So now you've unintentionally given a diagnosis where you're trying to point out a problem, but what it does is they it makes them think they are the problem.
speaker-1: Why why bother now? If I'm if I'm lost.
speaker-0: That's right. The th the best thing you can do for the the teenagers, the kids, the you know, the the young ones that are around you is to speak life into them instead of instead of putting them down. Even if you're like, Well I wasn't talking about, you know, Bob who sits in you know, is there when the church is open all the time. I was talking about all these other heathens. Bob doesn't know that. You know? And I I mean you'd think, Well, yeah, he does. He doesn't. He hear he hears what you're saying, what you've decided is his is his personality, is his future. And he's gonna hold on to it because you're the authority in his life. and so that's just that's something that I've been really passionate about here lately, is is we gotta quit saying that this this generation's wrong.
speaker-1: Yeah, no I mean dude, they're hungry for answers. They're always getting fed the wrong stuff. They are. And is and again, I blame the media for it. You know what I mean? They they're and we all know what it's like being a teenager. We're gullible. We're gonna believe anything.
speaker-0: Your body's changing. You're learning how the world works and your mind is changing. And they're even like you wanna talk about mental health. Well, as a teenager, all your chemicals are messed up. And it is not something's wrong with them. That's just how
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah. And so when you're saying things in their developmental years like that, you're hurting Mm-hmm. Hurting bad. so just to anybody else out there, speak life before you speak death ever.
speaker-1: There's power, life and death in the tongue. James definitely tells us a lot about that.
speaker-0: but for anybody else that whether you're you feel like you're stuck under a diagnosis or under a label, you know, like we talked about earlier, the most important thing you can do is speak truth and speak life just like we were just talking about to yourself. And that feels crazy. Like you'll be like you hear people say, stand in the in the mirror and say morning affirmations, you know. And and I'll I'll be first to tell you I ain't stand in the mirror and say morning affirmations. But it is important that we speak. positive things about ourselves. So even like if I'm messing with you in Kansas and I'm and I I say something stupid like I don't know everything I say is stupid sometimes. But that that what I just said where I put myself down by calling myself stupid, that's speaking death instead of speaking lice. Where instead I should I should stop myself in that conversation like I'm doing now and say, I'm not stupid. The thing is I say you're smart. You know, I am smart. God's giving me wisdom. He's given me knowledge. I just have a hard time saying it sometimes and that's okay. sometimes morning affirmations work affirmations work for some people, they don't for others. Everything is a you gotta figure out what works for you, but the truth will always work for you. And the Bible tells us that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and nobody gets to the Father but through him. Without him, it is nearly impossible for us to live or it is impossible for us to live a life where we are mentally healthy in any capacity. and if it wasn't important, it wouldn't be in the Bible. And mental health is all throughout the Bible, like we were talking about earlier. So just
speaker-1: There there's things that that that would go along with emotional and mental health that like you don't even catch. Like think about this, like the woman with the issue of blood. Yeah. So just to go down a scenario, like it's there's literally mental health and emotional health's all in the Bible. like the woman with the issue of blood, twelve years, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So she bled for twelve years when in Jewish culture that means she was unclean. That means she had to stay out away from everybody. She didn't have physical touch, like there wasn't no hugging somebody saying, I love you you know what I mean? Like she went twelve years because like she couldn't make anybody ritual unclean or you know, unclean. So the fact that she reached out and touched Jesus and Jesus came back and like out of a father standpoint, 'cause he calls her daughter, right, I think he came back and called her daughter because they was a hurt that was deeper than the blood.
speaker-0: Sure. There was a there was a diagnosis on her from the community of you're unclean.
speaker-1: Yeah. Like she she literally hasn't I I'd be willing to bet just a a conversation with somebody, she probably hadn't had a positive conversation with somebody probably the whole twelve years.
speaker-0: Right. So for for the truth to be spoken for her to hear a different diagnosis or hear a different truth or hear the truth of you're my daughter.
speaker-1: Dude, yeah, he called her daughter. And that's what I wanna when you read and you see daughter, I was like, dude, there was a deeper hurt. And I think that's what Jesus was healing. Because when's the last time that woman's probably been called anything loving family member like that? You know what I mean? Right. A beloved family member. so with him, when when I read that and I seen daughter, I'm like, there was a deeper thing in that that she really needed to hear that. so yeah, mental health and emotional health is all in there. Just dig deep.
speaker-0: It is, it is. And and and figuring out where you need to stand with it, if if that's something you're struggling with today or if you struggle in the past or you want to be prepared for when you struggle with in the future, 'cause it's something that we all deal with. Ephesians is a great book to read. Yeah, it really is. It it really centers on your identity in Christ and and when we find that, that gives us solid rock to stand on. You know, in instead of shifting sand.
speaker-1: Yeah, I love Ephesians. I really feel like you've had a lot to share. that's very important. Like I said, I know grown men who struggle with these same things.
speaker-0: Yeah. It is definitely not something that is biased towards anybody, you know, any race, any age, any gender, it's all there.
speaker-1: Hey, look, mental health don't discriminate. No. Dude, it it doesn't discriminate. And man, look, it's I would say the most dangerous thing. Man, it's it's the most dangerous thing because
speaker-0: You can't see it.
speaker-1: it's almost like, yeah, that's what it's like. And it's so isolated. Yeah, as far as like you're gonna isolate it. Like you need, like you say, like you're gonna keep it to yourself, and you're gonna pretty much just go through hell. I mean, you're gonna go through hell. So seek help. There's nothing wrong whether you're a believer or you're not a believer, man. Dude, there is nothing wrong with going to get professional help. Like don't let some church pew jumper, whatever they call them, tell you that, no, the Lord'll do it. Don't don't go see a psychiatrist and all that. Man, no, screw that. Dude, go see help. Man, you know, we we need help sometimes. We need help. Like if I'll be vulnerable for a minute. Like my body don't produce testosterone like it should. I have to go get testosterone put in my body. That doesn't make me less of a man, you know. actually I feel great. Fantastic.
speaker-0: I feel fantastic. Yeah.
speaker-1: It it it'd be like, you know, like God's like, Hey, here's I did this for you so you can feel better but I'm over here like, No, I'm gonna wait for God safe.
speaker-0: It doesn't look the way I want it to look so I'm not gonna accept it. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah. There's look, there's a story about that. And we'll we'll close after this, but I gotta share the story. It's funny. Bring it on. So there was a person, I don't know, you probably heard this. There was a old lady sitting in a an apartment complex that was on fire. And the fire department came there and was like, man, we come to get you out. No, the Lord is gonna provide for me a way out. And and then it was like the police came and they're like, man, we need to get you out of the field. God's gonna save me. He's gonna give me a way out. And then finally, long story short, she perished. Then she gets up to heaven and is like, God, what happened? Why didn't you save me? He's like, man, I sent you a fire truck. I sent you the police department and you just kept saying no to everything.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm.
speaker-1: And so, man, like, but it's so true. Like, man, God has given us wisdom as a humanity. He's given us wisdom how to help each other out. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so man, there there's nothing it doesn't make you lesser of a man. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you any of that. It's gonna make you feel better. Yeah.
speaker-0: Doesn't make you less of a woman either. It doesn't make you less of a daughter, doesn't make you less of a son, doesn't make you less of a Christian gotta have some
speaker-1: They say I can't I can't I can't speak on a woman's side. Yeah.
speaker-0: woman's son. It doesn't make you less of a mom. It doesn't make you less of a daughter. It doesn't make you less of a Christian if you need a tool that your neighbor doesn't need. If you're looking at that at that, you know, in quotations, that perfect Christian in your church and you're like, Well, they don't need this, first of all, you don't know what they need. Second of all, they're not you. God created us all different and He created us to be identified in Him and to mirror Him and be in His image, not in what this world calls us to be.
speaker-1: I I could see especially moms, men just like strung out like far as like, dude, I'm tired.
speaker-0: And they say, Well, I should be able to handle this. You know, 'cause I'm a woman. I should be able to handle fifteen thousand kids or one kid. One kid can be a lot. I'm not I'm not saying that you ain't worthy of it if you got one kid.
speaker-1: 'Cause you know Yeah. But Judah can be a lot.
speaker-0: He hit me this morning with a switch. That thing hurt. But I mean k the kids can just be like that. But sometimes life piles up and it doesn't make you less of a mom because you get a little frustrated.
speaker-1: Yeah. Mental health is a is a is a sneak attack. It's it it's scary, but there is help out there. There's help out there. and as you said before, definitely would recommend a Christian background. What's the name of that?
speaker-0: group. Yeah, so it's American Association of Christian Counselors AAC C dot net, I believe is the the address to get to it. but it'll find you somebody in your area that is a Bible believing counselor that'll back you up and give you the tools you need to to for therapy to go along with your faith. 'Cause sometimes if you have a worldly therapist they won't they'll say things that are contrary to your faith, you know, 'cause I they're of the world, you know. But if you have a Christian therapist, they'll walk through with you with Christ. Yeah. And that's important. so it's A A C C dot net.
speaker-1: And as a Christian, I mean y'all can they already know like what your goal like, you know, I'm I'm gonna stay on that. Like you're you're not gonna tell me you know, I was supposed to be born a different gender or something. Right. Yeah,
speaker-0: Right. And then align you with the truth. Yeah.
speaker-1: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's strongly recommend. Strongly recommend. Well, Katie, we appreciate you coming and
speaker-0: And it's been great.
speaker-1: sharing all that. so with all that being said, hey, don't forget if you need some stuff done, we know Yeah, handy woman.
speaker-0: Bring it on, guys.
speaker-1: But no, we appreciate you coming. Thank you for sharing. thank you for everything you do with the youth. And we love you. We appreciate you. Yeah, thanks for having me. So all right guys, well we'll see you on the next one. We love you guys and y'all stay safe.
speaker-0: Guys, I'm glad to be here. I'm glad for the opportunity to get to hang out with Nick and and share a word the Lord's given me.
speaker-1: Man, we're we're so glad that you're here. I it's been a long time coming. I've been waiting for the opportunity to get you to come on the show and the rest of your family in the Trotters and all them, get all on the show. It's we're we're one big family. It it really is a family what we we've got here and just super glad to have you on the show. Yeah.
speaker-0: I'm excited to be here.
speaker-1: So don't screw up. There's a lot of people watching. Yeah. So no pressure. Sure. So Katie, you are you're in Bible college now. it's Bible college, right?
speaker-0: Yeah, so actually I completed my Bible college or this section of my Bible college. and the last thing that I have to do before I get my credentials for pastoring is taken two tests through our state district.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah, and then I'll be you know, ready to influence some young minds 'cause I'm not doing that yet. You can't do that unless you're a pastor. Okay, that's Just kidding. I'm absolutely just kidding. no, but I I enjoy the opportunities I get to serve with you and Kansas, in children's ministry and in youth ministry and really everywhere in our church where we can be. Yeah,
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: we serve under some awesome pastors, Pastor Tabby and Pastor Marshall being the the youth pastors and children's pastors, and then Pastor Scott being an incredible lead pastor.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, d I we we are blessed at Georgetown Assembly with our pastors. Tabby and Marshall are dude, they're the best. Yeah. They're the best. to deal with the knuckleheads and I know some of y'all watch, so I love you, but to deal with the the some of the knuckleheads that we deal with, even in the adults. Yeah. We could be some of the knuckleheads. You ain't lying.
speaker-0: real, I am that knucklehead. I mean they have snatch knots at me all the time.
speaker-1: If God could stress, it I could I would stress him out if he could stress, but luckily he don't stress. But and then like you said, Scott, Scott and Cindy, that man, it's just it's what an honor it is that we have, you know, learning learning underneath who we get to learn from and everything and just to serve with man. So I've learned so much from these guys.
speaker-0: Yeah, just get to be side by side. It's like said earlier, we're we are one family. You
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: know, we're brother and sisters in Christ and and that extends among the the whole body of of Christ, but getting to serve intimately with y'all, I mean, day in or week in and week out, month in and month out, it's just it works.
speaker-1: Yeah, yes. And you know what? And God's doing great things. He's doing great things and I'm excited to see where it goes. And it won't be long. You'll be a youth pastor.
speaker-0: Yeah, hopefully.
speaker-1: and everybody will, you know, going their own ways, I guess. Everybody getting their credentials. And I I told Marshall too, I was like, dude, this this don't mean you're leaving. Just 'cause you got credentials now.
speaker-0: Can't leave
speaker-1: Can't leave me.
speaker-0: me. Yeah.
speaker-1: But anyway, so yeah, man, you you're you I guess it used pasturing is gonna be is where you're called into. Right.
speaker-0: Yeah, so it's not anything that I ever expected to be. in fact I was in college for nursing about five years ago and one of the classes I had to take was a speech class and it was during COVID, so like you weren't in front of a classroom, but you would have to video yourself taking a doing a speech in front of like three other adults and I would cry before every speech. And then I would get up there in front of these adults and it'd be like my mom and my dad and somebody. So it wasn't strangers, but I'd get up in front of them and I'd look at that thing and I'd look out at them and I'd just start crying because I was so nervous to speak. So for God to turn around and put a call of pastoring, you know, on my life was a a joke in the beginning. where I was like, You can't be talking to me. And and it even s at this point, you know, getting to preach once a month in the youth and and getting to, you know, lead worship in there and and other opportunities, I still get super nervous when I go to speak, even this. But I'm reminded almost every time of the story in in the Bible about Moses. Where he's talking to God and God's like, I need you to go and do this for me. And Moses is like, I can't talk. Have you heard like I like some people say he had a stutter. I'm not really sure what it was, but his words weren't great. And the Bible says that God talks to him and he's like, I made that mouth. I created you. and so that's always a reminder of like he created me. It doesn't matter if I make a fool out of myself or not. If that's what helps lead somebody to an encounter with God or helps even lead myself into another encounter with God, then that's all that matters.
speaker-1: Yeah. It's a lot like the missionary that we had speak at our church today. He's got that stutter and everything. And I tell you what, man, you know, you get somebody up there, it's like that, it's almost like, Well, what's my excuse? Like my excuse to what, you know, why ain't I doing this? But yeah, but hey, look, dude, God uses, you know, messed up people. I guess you could say, he you know, he doesn't use Hollywood flashy per you know, perfect people all the time. Although, you know, that's not stopping him. He'll use them too. but yeah, thank God for that because I'm about as you know, I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box. Let's just say it that way. You know what w we we all know my vocabulary and all that, but yeah. But anyway, so man, I'm excited to see where that goes for you. so you are w we'll just say like associate pastor of the youths.
speaker-0: Will tell you, so we had youth camp, you know, just almost a month ago now. And one the like the second night the sec second to last night or the last night there, they asked for like the youth and their leaders to pray for the pastors that came with them, for their youth pastors. You know, and that's always a great moment. You want to lift up your pastors because your pastors are pouring out to you immensely consistently. Like, I mean, you imagine the whole church or the whole youth or you know, whatever it may be, go into one person with all of their burdens, all of their prayers, and then you just have this one person taking that on. and so it's it's always important to me when they do that. But we had a almost half of our youth turn to me and say, You're you're my youth pastor too
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: And and that was a really cool I could tear up now, you know, but is because it's hard to see yourself as that title. Like I had a customer actually say, Ar aren't you a pastor? And yeah, I don't wanna confuse them and say no, but I don't wanna say yes 'cause I'm not officially a pastor yet, you know. But I mean the Bible tells us that we're all All laymen are preachers. We're all here to spread the gospel.
speaker-1: Absolutely.
speaker-0: but yeah, it's it's incredible. It's awesome to see what God's done.
speaker-1: Well what what you pour into the kids and i is is like the fruit of that is what you're saying. That you you put a lot of time and attention to the kids. Generally if there's something that needs to be shared as far as like, hey, let's pray with this person, you don't give like details or anything like that, but it's it's evident that you are involved. You know what I mean? And that's that's such a godsend for a lot of these kids that could definitely use whether they look at you as, you know, a a used pastor obviously, but an older sister or mom, you know,'s one of look to you as a mom. And that it just says a lot. It says a lot. You're very heart wise heart posture wise, you're very all in for these kids.
speaker-0: I one of my biggest things when I finally accepted, I was like, Okay, God, I hear you, like this is the calling of my life. I don't wanna be just somebody behind a pulpit. I wanna be the support in their corner. Yeah. I wanna be the guy in their corner or the girl in their corner, that is cheering them on. And it's not that I didn't have those people, that I don't think I knew how to receive those people in my life. You know, I like I think those people were there. I have a loving family, I have, you know, people I had a youth pastor. I just think that I didn't know how to go to them and I didn't know how to receive the support they did get me. And so anytime I get the chance now to to be there and to show up in every way possible, that's that's what I wanna do because not having or feeling like you're isolating, feeling like you don't have people is one of the worst feelings.
speaker-1: yes. Yeah, that that's what you know, and our biggest thing, I've said it time and time again, like that that I hope and my prayer for this show that our testimonies and the way we talk, like is let other people know who are going through the same thing that you're not alone, man. You know, there's people out here that will, you know, walk through the fire with you. And so before we get started, 'cause so you got your you got your testimony. It's probably gonna be about three hour testimony. So we're gonna but before we get into the testimony, I do want to introduce you. You're gonna be the very first guest, by the way, to receive this from Roosters. So we are now partnered up with Roosters. we're partnered up with Novets Left Behind. So we have now we have a local, a local nonprofit. if I can get this out. If I we got a local nonprofit that we are now partnering up with and so we're gonna start donating to them and all of our proceeds is is gonna go to these veterans. What I love about this nonprofit is it one hundred percent of your money goes to the veterans. So usually we'll just say like you donate to I well I'm not gonna name a name but I don't want to, you know, disrespect anybody. But you dn donate to a big nonprofit, we'll just say. They probably have sales reps or they probably have reps that need to motel stay, you know, travel costs and stuff like that. So, but with no vets left behind, one hundred percent of your money goes to vets and that's why and it's local. A great friend of mine, Frankie Little, he's been on the show, a great friend of mine, is over it all and I'm super excited just to partner with them. But anyways. He would like for you to eat for free at his place. And man, just because that's just what kind of great guy he really is and I'm grateful to be partnered up with him and through all this and no vets left behind. So
speaker-0: Yeah, I appreciate it. That's awesome. And your heart for for Gibbon is incredible. You've always been super generous in the time that I've known you. You I didn't I didn't know you bef before Christ. But at least after Christ or in the years that I've known you, you've always been generous. And your passion for the veterans around you is incredible.
speaker-1: I I I was generous before. I I would, you know, smoke my drugs with everybody. I
speaker-0: No no bias at all.
speaker-1: wouldn't really give my drugs away. I was like, I'll smoke with you. I'm not playing, but yeah, let's we won't go that round. I appreciate
speaker-0: No, that's for another day.
speaker-1: that. I I I appreciate that very encouraging word.
speaker-0: Well, and I'll tell you before we go further, 'cause I was gonna tell you before and I I forgot, but like this morning when you were welcoming us into worship as you were getting ready in church this morning, just to see and I think I've told you this before, but the incredible growth from the guy that I first met that would be up there and you would test the boundaries and trying to figure out, you know, what you could say and how to say it. And now you stand up there with the the honor and the authority and the glory of God. Like you stand up there and you are truly inviting people in and that's incredible in itself.
speaker-1: I am guilty of I used to test the waters. it c almost kinda like and for those of you that's involved in church, or you know, some ministry of church, especially if you're young and don't know no better like I was, that you know, there's almost like a conflict between the young group and the older crowd, right? You know, w the way they grew up and did things and the young group try reach the young group. So how do you kinda juggle both of those, right? Which is still a learning curve and it's different for each. body. Like each person each church is differently. but I've guilty of that. You know, I've been guilty of that. So yeah, I appreciate that. I my energy drink hit and I went a little haywire this morning. But it sucked good.
speaker-0: Hey man, I gotta lift you up so you invite me back next time. You know gotta blow your ego up a little bit. Yeah.
speaker-1: Well you can come back, I promise.
speaker-0: But
speaker-1: But yeah, so while I'm ready to get into this thing. I know you got a lot to impact, a lot of powerful stuff to unpack. And how about we just pray and we'll let you just take off with it. All right. Would you like to pray for us? Yeah, I'll open us up. All right, well go for it.
speaker-0: Lord, we just thank you for this opportunity where we get to to spend time with you in fellowship, God, but we also get to represent you to the world. God, I pray that you would have us say nothing but what you would have for the people that are hearing this and that we would just unpack the things that need to be unpacked and say what needs to be said. God, let it be only encouraging and and let it not be something that someone takes offense to and runs off, not because offense is bad, but because we want things to be received. God, I hope that everybody that hears this has an open heart and a receiving mind and can hear from you and encounter you through this. In Jesus' name. Amen.
speaker-1: Hey man. Also, that was very fast and you didn't stutter or nothing.
speaker-0: I had a little practice today. How many I was yeah. It's sometimes if I pray out loud several times in a day, I get pretty good by the end of the day. Yeah. But in the mornings or the first time, it's not there.
speaker-1: Dude. J I wake up in the morning and I'm just like I'm so like waiting for coffee to finish pouring. I'm like Jesus, yeah. Like just like I don't even know where to begin. But
speaker-0: I'll tell you what started doing like on the start of my days. This is you know, whatever. But like I'll get the truck and get headed to the first job or whatever and and I'll be like, Good morning, Jesus And that's literally and then I'll have nothing else to say and I'll like it's been a rough morning or it's been a good morning and I'm like, Yeah, well you need to talk to Jesus some more and I'll I'll use that whole ride to make myself 'cause
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: it it's just like anything else. You rip the band aid off, it's a little easier to go.
speaker-1: yeah. If I'm being honest, I mean there's there's times where they're like, Hey, you need to stop what you're doing and I mean and just talk to the Lord a little bit. And I'll get sidetracked, you know, my A D D or whatever kicks in and I'll be sitting there praying, next thing you know, I'll see something on the side of the road. I'm like I get in a conversation about that. I'm like, I'm sorry, God, I'm back. My bad, bro.
speaker-0: Absolutely. I heard a guy one time who's a comedian, I don't remember what his name was, but he's like, You ever pray and you're like, Jesus, I love cheese and you start thinking about pizza and pepperoni and you you go way off topic. But I mean the cool thing is that like that does anger God. Like he's right there with it. He's he's like, I do love cheese. That's why I created it, you know. I don't know if he's like cheese or not, but I mean it's pretty great stuff.
speaker-1: Man, yeah, and dude, like God is like just so happy that we're even thinking about him, you know what I mean? Like because he's constantly thinking about us and, you know, wanting to converse with us and for us to stop and, you know, acknowledge him, but that means a lot. Yeah. I mean, just think like say for instance, like with Judah. If like I'm constantly wanting to hang out with Judah and just say Judah's busy, those of you that have teenagers, you probably know what I'm saying, that Hey, they stop and like actually want to hang out for a minute, dude. That would mean a lot you know, as a parent. So yeah, man, I'm the same way. as long as we're talking to him, that's all he cares about. Yeah, absolutely. So all right. So your testimony, man, a lot of I tell you what, a lot of this youth can really connect to it. That's probably why God has called you into the youth ministry. But also as grown adults, man, grown adults you can really connect to it as well. So wherever you wanna kick this off, it's all yours. Yeah, all right. So
speaker-0: So, I I grew up going to church a little bit. We went to a Methodist church when I was younger. it was kinda in and out a little bit and then I went to a Baptist church when I was in when I was in youth group kinda for a couple of years. and r and I had I heard somebody say one time that they were recovering Methabab and and and I have kind of, you know, taken on that name now that I'm at Pentecostal church. But and and that's no heat hate to any denomination. Let's if it's as long as you're Bible believing that's that's all that matters. But I I have a lot of love for the Methodist Church and a lot of love for the Baptist church. but that's that's kind of where that was. I d when I was fourteen, as I was sitting in a youth group one night and they were having the altar call and talking about if you wanted to give your life to Christ and I remember thinking, Nobody can love me. That I am unlovable and if this God, if he is if he is love, if he is the definition of love or if love is defined by him, then he doesn't want anything to do with me because I'm unlovable. And I remember sitting there and there was just something in me. I now would describe it as the Holy Spirit. I didn't know that back then. but it it just felt like something was rising in my chest and I was like, Okay, God, if you're real and if this doesn't stop before, you know, the end of the next song, then I'll stand up and I'll go to the front. It didn't stop. It got it it it rose higher and it felt like my skin was on fire. And so I I got up and I I walked to one of the youth leaders and I told him I wanted to give my life and that was Two thousand fourteen. But what happened was the next day I wasn't much different. Like I thought, Well, I did it, so I should be lovable now. Not that I wasn't lovable, but that's how I felt at the time. know, I felt like this should solve everything and it didn't. I went home to the same house. I went, you know, to school to the same friends. I was still hanging around the same people, doing the same stupid stuff. and so I was still in church after that, but I didn't really grasp a hold of God. You know, I I believed he was real because I I felt that that night. But I didn't really lean in. And so what happened as a result of that is that, you know, the next few years where I'm not leaning into God, the only other option to lean is into the world. And so what I went through with that was just now I would tell you it was depression, but at the time I didn't believe in that. mental health wasn't something that was talked about a lot. not to anybody's discredit, it just I think that was the culture. and so and so it was a mindset of you just get up and you go. Like you depression doesn't get to stop you where you're at. or you don't get to decide you're depressed. Anyways. So I kind of lived the next few years of my life or probably the next five years of my life, just barely making it. Like I'd go to school and I was even I was on sports team. I was on my Wheelington team and I was on basketball team. I was involved. I was still going to church. but I wasn't letting church change me. And so graduated high school, I started working, in Montgomery and that was about the time COVID hit. And so well, yeah, it's COVID hit and then I started working in Montgomery as a nurse's assistant. And like TikTok got real big then and I started seeing all this stuff about mental health on TikTok and I was like, this is all a joke. Like all these fruity people, like and I don't I mean that's really just how I thought of it in my head. Like these people were like fruit of the loom, crazy. mental health is like just get up. Like just get up. and what I couldn't see from the outside, like I can see it now, but from being more in it is I I would go to work and then I'd come home get in bed. And if I wasn't in bed, then I was trying to self medicate. I didn't know that's what it was, but you I I was drinking or I was doing whatever it took to not feel the things I was feeling. Whatever it took to just get up and keep going. And so I had a friend that I was that I worked with in Montgomery and she's a big part of of me realizing, okay, maybe mental health is real. and that's really where my journey with it started, but there's always a background to everything. Like there's no there's not a a moment where mental health started when you were eight or you didn't discover mental health when you were nineteen, or you didn't discover mental mental health when you were twenty. Like you've had it your whole life, the same way you've had physical health, emotional health, all of that, it it all runs together. one of the things that TikTok said was like it had ADHD symptoms, it had anxiety symptoms, just on the the different videos that you would see when you'd scroll. and I and I was like, I kind of fit those. And then I was like, but I think they're just trying to trap everybody into this. You know, to me, mental health almost looked like a cult from the outside in as as crazy as that sounds, but it was like, that's not real. Somebody's just charismatic. like a cult leader and they're pulling everybody in to think that they're weaker than they are.
speaker-1: You gotta be careful because like there's there are a lot of doctors and stuff out there. They're just diagnosing people. Yeah,
speaker-0: absolutely.
speaker-1: they're just diagnosed like literally every small boy has A D D. You know, no, there's they're a boy. Like I know there's kids with AD D and I know a few that do they don't stop. They're like the Tasmanian devil. But like that is there's a thing. Mental illness. That that is a thing, but there is a lot of doctors out there that
speaker-0: Well and truly you can see that even in physical health. You look at pain ma pain management doctors. I
speaker-1: do not go for general health. I do not go to the doctor for my general health. If I break my arm or something, I will go to the doctor.
speaker-0: Right.
speaker-1: Or if I'm sick, got the flu and I need a shot or something, like I will go to the doc. But for general health, no.
speaker-0: Yeah. Well, sometimes you go looking for problems, you're gonna find all kind of problems. But
speaker-1: Then again, I do fall out all
speaker-0: It's the Holy Spirit.
speaker-1: Yes. That's the bad part about being Pentecostal, somebody falls out be like, Ha, they're probably just in the spirit.
speaker-0: Man, that was so crazy to me the first time I saw it. We ain't gotta go down that road today, but no, so I I came home from working in Montgomery and then and even that was a God thing. So even at this point, I like I I knew God was real, but I wasn't listening to him. I wasn't you know, giving him any piece of me. and so my I had ended my job at the hospital. I had another job lined up, some things happened, it didn't work out, and so I came home and all of a sudden I had no job. And my whole life had looked like As long as I had a job, I was successful. As long as I was work even in high school, I worked crazy hours. Like I just wanted to be at work all the time. and and so this was the first time that I didn't have a job since I was man I mean sixteen for sure, but even before that I did all kinda odd jobs. and that I hit a really low point there because it I I feel like I didn't have purpose. If I wasn't working, I didn't have worth. If I wasn't actively bringing money into my account, then I you know I was just I wasn't enough. and so this was November of 2020. And so my parents had been coming to Georgetown. And they they drugged me a couple of times, but I really just was like, I I grew up Methodist and Baptist. I'm not going there, you know. Like I said, recover Method Bab. But so I finally decided to go. And I remember I sat kind of in the back, you know, Baptist, back row Baptist. and it was during worship, and I and I said, God, if this is where I'm supposed to be, because for this whole last month. I literally sat in my bed and did not move. I didn't shower. I didn't go to the store. I was putting applications in but I was having no luck. And so for this this whole month I just stopped living. And and so I I go to church and I'm sitting in the back row and I'm I'm holding the chairs in front of us 'cause we don't have pews, we have the the chairs. And and I was like, God, if you really are who I remember you to be, if if that feeling I felt that night was real when I gave my life to you, if if this is really where I'm supposed to be, then I need to be involved or I'm not gonna stay. No lie. That song end I'm getting chills. That that song ended and Pastor Tabby stood up and she said, Hey guys, I'm the new youth pastor and I need help. I never met Pastor Tabby before. my mom had her number because they had been going to church there. So I got her number. I texted her and I I was like, This is who I am. I would love to give you a hand. You know, I'll be your yes man is what I said. Anything you need, I'll do it. And she was like, Absolutely. And that that Wednesday, I was serving in youth. And so it was like I told God what I needed and he provided it instantly. Yeah. so that's how I got got to Georgetown. and and shortly after that I was still learning about mental health and finally I got talked into telling my my primary care physician some of the things that I was experiencing. and then so I went in and I remember being so nervous 'cause like I'd always told her that I was fine. You know, you go to the doctor and it it's it's long paperwork and it's got anxiety and depression and stuff like that. I don't ever click that 'cause that's for crazy people. I'm not crazy, you know? And So I get back there and she's So what's going Talk to me. And I was I remember I felt like I was gonna pass out. I was so nervous to talk to her. And finally I just said something like when I'm back and out of driveway, I get really, really nervous and I don't want drive. And that was probably like the lowest thing on the totem pole that made me nervous, but it was the easiest thing for me to get out and tell her.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: and so she she was like, All right, well, this is what I wanna do. I feel like she could read into it, or maybe the Holy Spirit was already intervening on my on intervening on my behalf. But she immediately referred me to get a psych evaluation. which is scary. When you just come from a world of not believing in mental health to a full psych eval. Like I just told you that I'm a little nervous and you're sending me for a full rundown. so, you know, I was like, whatever, we'll do it. And so I go to the separate office, you know, a couple of weeks later and basically they ask you a ton of questions and then there's a computer test to find out if you have like ADHD. And at the end of that, you go in and talk to the doctor. So I go in and I talk to him and he's like, all right, here's the deal. I don't know you how you've made it as far as you have. Your results are concerning. And I like this guy is talking like I've got some life threatening disease, you know? And I'm like, all he did was ask about my brain. not even the organ. Like he's Yeah, right.
speaker-1: That's the concern. Good morning.
speaker-0: and he's he's like, if we don't get a handle on how you see yourself and how you see the world, you're not going to make it. And I and I still was like, Man, I don't understand. I'm not gonna my body's not gonna quit because I'm nervous about something, you know? And he turns his computer screen around and he's like, You see this chart right here? and he he's like, Normal's here and he points to like the left side of the screen and then he he goes off the side of his computer and points over here and he he says, You're so far off this chart that there's not room on my computer screen for you. And That that was pretty heavy. That was kind of a hard hit. And he was like he's like, So here's what we're do, we're gonna need a treatment plan together. Again, sounding like I have a disease that I need to be in the hospital for is what it felt like. I guess that was
speaker-1: I mean just hearing and stuff like that. I mean what was there like identities that were you you was starting to like feel that w obviously aren't true?
speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. So in that moment it was just a whole lot of shock. So he hadn't told me what I was diagnosed with yet. He was just saying, like, You're messed up. That's that's what I heard. You know, he didn't say that, but all I heard was you're messed up, which confirmed, you know, earlier I talked about I felt like I was unlovable and I wasn't enough and I wasn't worthy. And and so to hear, you know, in in what I heard, you're messed up, that just piled right on top of those things. And and to identify with those words is to to kinda want to give up on yourself.
speaker-1: You know that's what I was curious about, you know, hearing something like that like makes you wonder, you know, would someone basically be like, Well, I'm just I'm just ruined, you know.
speaker-0: Yeah, I mean and it really did feel that way. and so and so like we set up an appointment with my my my general doctor and it's like you know a month out 'cause you gotta wait forever to get in to see them and in the meantime, like I go back to work or I I'd finally gotten a job at this point. And so I I go back to work and like a week or so later I come home and there's this thick manila envelope sitting on my bed. And I was like, What is that? You know, and I go and I open it up and it is every question they asked me in that psych evaluation, what I answered to it and what they said my answer meant. And then twenty pages later, when you get to the back page, there was a full page of diagnoses that looked like somebody opened a can of alphabetic soup and just dropped it on the page. I mean, from ADHD to A D D, because back then they were two separate things, now they're considered the same they're looped in the same role. but it had ADHD, AD A D D, PTSD. I mean, literally I couldn't tell you all of them now if I tried. If I mean, when you print something out, the font's not huge. You can fit a lot on piece of paper. It was literally bullet line by bullet line of different diagnosis. and I was like, Wow.
speaker-1: That's crazy they got that many diagnoses when it comes to a psych a psych evaluation. Yeah.
speaker-0: and well my thing was if I'm this messed up, how dare you mail this to me? Like you already said that that I needed help and now you're gonna
speaker-1: You know how I gotta look at You know? Could have sent me the medicine price
speaker-0: I'm I really like and it always happens this way, but like things always seem to pile up on the same day. But like I had I'd lost somebody that I was pretty close to that day too. Or that maybe the funeral was that day. and so then to come home you know, and that was that was on the bed. But I I do remember thinking like these guys are crazy. What kind of what kind of person that advocating for mental health, which apparently exists, you know, is gonna send this packet to the person that they think is not great in mental health?
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: That's that's a whole other sidetrack there, but Yeah, so so the first thing you do when you get all these words that you don't even know what they mean on a paper is you start looking them up.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You know, Google is our best friend, but it's also our worst enemy. We we have everything at our fingertips, all the knowledge in the world, you know, and like this is what we tell the youth a lot is these are all tools. It can be used for good things, it can be used for bad things. and that's just how we walk into things. but so I started looking up, you know, like ADHD and ADHD and PTSD and anxiety and depression and and all the other things that were on this list. And you start to put yourself in a box where like the easiest example I can give you is if you hear somebody talk about ADHD, they'll say, Well, this kid'll never amount never amount to anything because they have ADHD. They can't learn, they can't sit still, they can't be successful in a business. they can't, they can't, they can't. And and it's like that with with all those stereotypes. on on all the mental health diseases or illnesses, but you start to decide like, okay, I can do no better than this level and I can't go too far right or I can't do go too far left. And this is just who I am. I just am anxious. I just am depressed. I just am hyperactive, you know, which on a sidebar, I've never considered myself hyperactive. And so to be called that, I was like you're crazy, you know. Like I made it through school, it's fine. but even sitting here with you today, like my leg tries to bounce every five seconds.
speaker-1: Yeah. yeah. Yeah. I mean I'm with you on that one.
speaker-0: but I I mean that's just, you know. So so I I had this list of diagnosis and now I slip into a place that I feel like I'm a teenager again where I'm just locking myself in my room. I don't wanna be around people. I'm not worthy to be around people. surely they can't love me if this much is wrong with me.
speaker-1: And was you taking any kind of medication for that at this point?
speaker-0: Not yet.
speaker-1: So you're still fully dealing with it?
speaker-0: Right, absolutely. And and I was I was still I at this point, I was probably six months into going to Georgetown, maybe a little bit further than that. Maybe it was a year into going I don't know. It was sometimes after I came to Georgetown, but I was much further in my walk with Christ than I had been before I came. But I would say I was far from a mature Christian. I'd say now I'm still far from a mature Christian, you know, I'm just a kid.
speaker-1: I still still learn.
speaker-0: Yeah. I I heard somebody say one time, you take the day that you seriously decide to trust God and then you come to where you are now and that's how old you are in Christ. And so by that math, I'm like four or five years old, right? I'm just a kid. So I I was leaning on God, but it was I was still learning how to lean on God. And I believe that's a process we learn throughout our lives. You know, but it was it was just it was a lot. And so I I got in with my my general doctor and we She didn't talk about the diagnosis and I didn't ask because I didn't want to talk about it. She just said, here's a medicine for the anxiety and depression. Here's a medicine for the ADHD. Let's try these out and let's see what happens. I and I'm gonna tell y'all something right now. To try ADHD medicine for the first time in my twenties and see that there's people that live life that way is crazy. Because I I remember I took it and it was within the first week that I was like, Wait a second, my brain's not loud. What I can understand what's happening around me. I mean, when we think of ADHD, a lot of times we think about that kid, kind of like you talked about earlier, the boy that's hyperactive in class. The the boy that's playing in class instead of paying attention or whatever. But it for me, I mean, there was that too when I was in school, but it it looked like I could be looking right at you, having a conversation with you, but my mind is gone and then all of a sudden my mind will come back and I'm like, I don't know what you said, I don't know what I said. And then not like not being able to complete projects and get things done or like now I work, you know, like painting houses or or doing handyman stuff or stuff. And when you have multiple jobs on a project or at a house and you s you start working on those and then all of a sudden you're like, wait a second, I was painting this wall and then I stopped and I hung this picture and then I stopped and I you know, I changed out this switch and it's like I gotta finish something. Well, if if I don't take my medicine, then that's how my day goes.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: If I take it. I I'll paint the whole wall and then while the while the wall's drying on the fresh coat I can complete another project. And it it just it makes life so much easier.
speaker-1: Yeah. And a little plug, by the way, I forgot to mention at the beginning of the show, you own a business called Faith Works. yeah. And to where you literally do everything.
speaker-0: and that's been a fun journey too. And that can be a whole other tangent, but God provided that in a season where there's another season where I I'd left a job and I have those same feelings of worthlessness, you know, and and not having a purpose popped back up. And he was like, You're gonna do it my way this time. And so Faith Works is a handywoman business, handyman business. where we'll do any odd job from inside your house to outside your house to your business, and a portion of the proceeds always go back to ministry. Yeah. and so like for June then went back to Speed the Light, which is a missions organization that provides transportation for missions, missionaries. and for the month of July it was giving back to our community. So I did a couple of projects for free for people that needed them in our community. and then even for our church school, I made a post on Facebook and people donated all the money needed to buy supplies to make a a roof to go over the door so that the sun didn't beat down on the door.
speaker-1: that I felt like that wasn't there before. They
speaker-0: No, no, I just put that up.
speaker-1: get a little canopy.
speaker-0: Yeah, that was that was really cool. It literally I post Faithworks. Yeah, Faithworks with W O R X.
speaker-1: Yeah. woman power.
speaker-0: I made that post and within two hours the the cost was covered.
speaker-1: Really
speaker-0: I mean it was crazy. Like but anyway, so
speaker-1: When when you when you do stuff for God and and you're following in the will of God, I mean God provides. A hundred percent. Even when you don't know how it's gonna work out. That's why anytime we go on a mission trip, you know, you wanna go on a mission trip and it's like if you're called to go on that mission trip, you'll f it hook.
speaker-0: finances, whatever it'll it'll make a way. That's
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: like I even with this business, I compare it all the time to the story of the Israelites in the in wandering in the wilderness where God provided man a daily for Not too much. You know, not that's it. Th there was just enough. And that's what my business works like. It'll come every Friday and Saturday I get a little nervous for the next week 'cause my week's not filled up. Like today, Thursday and Friday aren't filled up. Yeah. That makes me a little nervous 'cause that's, you know, money and and things like that. But it never fails that by like the end of Monday and Tuesday, there's so many jobs at end of the week that I can't hit all.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: And it he always provides.
speaker-1: Yeah. And we we're gonna pray for grace on that.
speaker-0: I I yeah, I appreciate it. Pray for a lot of growth.
speaker-1: We see your heart in it. I mean, and d you're doing it for him. So Lord, we pray that you bless it, you know, tenfold.
speaker-0: Absolutely.
speaker-1: You know, I what I believe it's gonna be a season. Like if if I can trust you what was it? One bag of talents, then why I'm gonna trust you with more bags.
speaker-0: Yeah. Feels like a lot of bags. You're doing great. It's the perfect business for ADHD.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You're just jumping around so you can use
speaker-1: Do everything. how often you gotta watch YouTube videos? I
speaker-0: Pretty often actually no.
speaker-1: see the photos that you like, you know, Faithworks did this today and I'm like, Dude, you literally do everything under the sun.
speaker-0: everything, man. If you're willing to pay for it, we'll we'll come handle it. one of the craziest things is like getting to minister to the customers. Like you walk in, like you don't always walk in with the gospel like throwing a track in their face 'cause that doesn't always get received well, you know. But where you get to just be there and then they they'll it always they always ask questions, this would you do full time? And I get to say, Yeah, let me tell you how my business started. Yeah. You know, and I I give that testimony of God provided in the season where I needed I needed help and now he provides every week and every day. And you know, it gives you a conversation to be able to talk about Jesus, opportunity to talk about Jesus. Yeah, it's it's been an incredible, incredible journey with that.
speaker-1: That's awesome. Yeah, you're doing a great job. That's a big step to so you was working a successful job. Like you was successful at your job. You
speaker-0: man, I was like,
speaker-1: was in management working for the lumber company and like you was it. Like you was the
speaker-0: You could argue I was running that location. Yeah. Like some people might disagree. But behind the scenes, you know, and and that's I loved it. I was managing hardware and inventory and I was out on the yard and I was handling dispatch for the company or for our location. And this is like a a Fortune three hundred company, you know, and my whole life was like I didn't complete college, when I talked earlier about college. And so it was like if I can just get in somewhere and climb the corporate ladder, I'll be successful. And so and so that's kind of where I was leading to was like the next step was being a safety coordinator at a plant. And that's what I was getting ready to do. And God was like, If you don't leave this job, I'm gonna knock you out. I've been calling you to lead it leave it for a minute and you haven't. and a lot of that's comfort. Like you just get comfortable where you're at and it and you this is the success that you've imagined all your life. And I was like, God, I don't have another job lined up and so I fought him for about two more weeks. And that's when that that plant job popped up that was within the same company, it would just be transfer to a better position. and I was like, look, it's either God, I'm getting out of this location. And he was he was like, That's not what I meant. And I I I won't lie to you, I still was like, I don't know, God, it might be what you meant, you know. And so I I tried to go through with it and it fell through. and it it was just one of those things where it was like, Okay, I hear you. And I walked into my manager's office and I was like, I'm done. You know, and and we had already talked about it was coming the end of my time. and so it wasn't a huge shock to him, but it was it I went home without a job. And I don't think I spent two days at the house before I started doing odd jobs just to have money. And then that's kind of where the business was born out of.
speaker-1: That's tough. That's a tough step. Cause I tell you what I I would struggle with. It's like what probably when it comes to my mind is like, man, am I hearing from God? Like God like is this what like am I messing up the message? Like I'm not doubting what you're saying, God, but like am I missing it? You know what I Like am I getting in the way of hearing you correctly? Are you sure you want me to quit this job? Yeah.
speaker-0: And I and I'll tell you that I struggle with that a lot, but something I think it was Pastor Marshall that told me, it it may have been Pastor Chabby, I'm not sure, but they said, you know, you would never choose to quit this job. That would never be a thought that popped in your head.
speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: This is your version of success. This is how you you would never choose to quit this job. So if that thought's popping up, it's probably not coming from you. You know, your flesh doesn't desire to quit that job, your flesh desires to stay there and and be successful, so to speak.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: You know, and that doesn't always mean, you know, but is like if you're connected to God and you're talking to God and something pops up and you're like, I don't know about this, you know, but I w I wouldn't have chose to quit that job as far as my flesh goes, you know.
speaker-1: Yeah. And and and it goes to the scripture too, like and my sheep know my voice. There is even in a unsettling way, there there is a such thing as a peace of when you hear something like that. And you don't feel at peace, but you you can kinda tell the difference of, you know, is this of God or you know, or what like for instance I had a job offer to that was tripling my money at where I was working at. It was gonna triple my money. And I was like, I just got blessed by Jesus. Like I just got saved and was doing right. I was tithing. I was making ten dollars an hour at the at that time. And I was tithing with it and everything. Next thing you know, I got a job offer for it was like thirty four dollars an hour and with benefits and everything. I'm like, the Lord just blessed Hyroller, everything they preach about on tithing. It's true. And And then so I had somebody, they was I was just excited, right? I just assumed. And I had someone that's like, Man, are are are you sure that's what, you know, God basically that's what of God. And so I finally took the moment and I prayed about it. And dude, and it was God straight up told me, He's like, I ain't give you that. And there was a calming, even though I was like, Yeah, I was pissed. Right. Dude, I'm making ten dollars an hour swinging the weeder. I'm mad. And but man, they but at the same time I had a I had a piece in me to be able to go to and say, Man, I'm sorry, I can't take the job. And but instantly God provided double
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: doubling my money. I still ain't got tripling. But
speaker-0: There, you get there.
speaker-1: doubled my money. But but yeah, man, this you you you know his voice. Yeah. You know, you know his voice, so
speaker-0: And it was sometimes you overthink that and you're like, I don't I don't I don't know. But overthinking's what gets us, man. We get trapped in the spirals, you know.
speaker-1: Not good, but a lot. A lot. A lot.
speaker-0: it's a good thing that has patience with us 'cause sometimes like if you tell like one of the youth, like if I'm like, Hey, quit doing that and they keep doing that and you're like, I'm gonna knock you out. Mm-hmm. I don't thankfully, I don't think God's ever thought to knock me or he would have, you know.
speaker-1: Yeah, that's what we keep foam noodles around just in case we need to put a smack down on some kids.
speaker-0: That's right. Judas smacks me with a more than anybody.
speaker-1: yeah, my son's abusive. Guess it's from his mom. she ain't here to defend herself. So so you're you're in a position now, so you're not you're not taking medication yet, man. You've received all these diagnoses.
speaker-0: And I'm down.
speaker-1: Man, dude, yeah, you you you're it sounds like identity is piling up. yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: You're not worth it. You're broken, you're you know, everything that comes along with it.
speaker-0: Right. How can I be a youth leader? How can I stand in front of these kids with all these problems? Mm-hmm. You know, how can I if if I'm not fixed, if I'm not perfect, then then how can I stand up there and say God is great if, you know, if they look at me and they're like, Well, she she's messed up. You know, you get your your sp your perspective gets off. and so I get on the medicine, I talk to the doctor, I get on Adderall and I get on LexPro, which is for it's for LexPro is for anxiety and depression. And then the Adderall was for you. I didn't think it was, but it's just it's I'd never really taken medicine before in my life and to have two daily medicines all of a sudden was kind of scary. and then like when you start something for anxiety or depression, rarely do you notice a difference in the first week. And so you kind of feel like you're taking like a sugar pill, like something that doesn't do anything. Why am I doing this? This is pointless. Or you already decide it doesn't work before you give it a chance. Yeah. on the other hand, you try Adderall and you're like, This is great. It's instantly. As long as it's prescribed.
speaker-1: Dad took all my medicines.
speaker-0: Right, right. So, if you have ADHD and you take ADHD medicine, nine times out of ten, you're gonna see the world through a whole new lens. And I've cried over it before. Like there's been times when I like either I couldn't get my medicine because I was on a trip and I ran out or, you know, there's a shortage, whatever, 'cause COVID made things really weird in that world, but when I wouldn't have it and I'd like, I don't wanna do this. I don't I don't I think I give you the example when I preach on Wednesday nights sometimes I'll look down at my notes and it'll just look like the words are floating off the paper. And like somebody tried to tell me one time that's dyslexia. And I'm like, it's not. This is this is what ADHD looks like to me. And and it w it'll look like I can read one word, I can see it, and I know there's a word after it, but I can't make the jump. I can't figure out what the next word is. And th these are notes that I've written, that I've studied and poured over and prayed over and and rewritten a hundred times. You know, I know it back and forth, but I just I look down at the paper and I'm like, I I don't know what's happening. When my medicine runs out or or if I haven't had a chance to take it, that's what it looks like. and so when I do have this tool, you know, this this medicine that helps me, it ch it changes my whole outlook. and everybody's story is different with medicines. And and I wanna make that clear before we go further. I am not a professional. Like th this doesn't come from schooling I've had. This doesn't come from me working with a professional, this is my experience and the wisdom that God's blessed me with over the years. to be able to to do this and then to to share my testimony in it. and if you're somebody who's just starting to get into mental health or maybe you you just don't know where to start or you were on a journey before and now you're not, something to really check into is the American Association of Christian Counselors. There it doesn't matter where you're at, they've got counselors near you in America. I'm sure there's programs overseas, but those are the ones I know about here. There's some incredible people on there who not only have the knowledge to help you, but they have the wisdom from God to help you.
speaker-1: That's what I was gonna ask you. So when choosing a a psych profession or w you know, whatever, like what requirements or would you, you know, recommend? Yeah. I mean, we would definitely recommend a Christian.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: And that's the psychiatrist, everything. One hundred percent of psychiatrists. You if if you are a believer, I highly recommend a a faith believing psychiatrist.
speaker-0: Even if you're not a believer. Yeah. I mean I mean 'cause here's the deal, right? the guy I saw for the original Psyche Bow, I don't know where he stood in his faith. I talked to him for thirty minutes and that was our whole exchange. And then he dropped bombshell, you know, in the mail. But the I ended up I did find a therapist, and began to see her and well, I've seen two therapists in my life and the first one wasn't a Christian counselor and the second one is and I still see her to this day. Like, And and honestly it's like the highlight when I get to go 'cause now we're just friends talking. I mean I pay her to be my friend, but you know, her insurance does. But the difference between knowing that you're walking into a room where somebody has prayed over you and prayed over the issues you're bringing and the all the overthinking and it's a safe place where you truly will not be judged. Yeah. And it's not somebody that you're gonna see in your everyday life to where if she were to start judging you, it would matter. Yeah. Like and I like she's not gonna judge me like, you know, but it like I have close friends I can I can say things to, but there's some things that I'm like, if I say that they may see me different, you know, and and she if she does, I I'll never know it, you know. but so the medicine is a tool that helps me to be able to do things. Therapy gave me tools to help me be able to work through things. and so like like one of the things that deal with are are night terrors, and nightmares. And they're not near as common as they used to be, but they're still several times a week. But one of the tools she gave me was how to when you wake up not live in that panic. and and it was just this sort of like rewriting it out. Basically you rewrite the script where where what at whatever point the dream turns scary, you rewrite it into something good. So like if he pulled a knife out in your dream, on his paper you're gonna write, he pulled flowers out. Like and I know that sounds crazy. You're like I well I can do that in my head. It's writing it out changes so much. But yeah, so I I'd gotten on medicine, I'd started seeing a therapist. and I remember I was so ashamed of that back page of diagnosis that I wouldn't even show it to my therapist. I I was like, I'll read you two or three of But I yeah, she's a mental health professional. Like she this is what she does. But I was so ashamed. and I was like, I just don't want I don't want anybody to know. Mm-hmm. And it was shame is a lot of what she had to work with me through work through with me. and I think that's something that the devil uses with us constantly. Shame is not a feeling from God. No. You know, shame comes straight from the enemy. And actually, Lisa Turkhirst, I don't know if you know who that is, but she is a profound woman of God. She drops books left and right and she has a podcast too, but I won't plug it.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: no at least Turker's great. She has a great team with her. But one of the things she says is that shame is self harming at my expense. Yeah. You know, that that's how the letters break down. And it really is that. Like, there's at no point in the Bible where shame is put on somebody and God's like, You deserve this. Shame is a heavy weight that we put on ourselves for no reason. Even in the same way, like I'll give you an example that more people can probably align with, but like w if you mess up and you sin And you catch yourself and it sometimes it's like I d I don't wanna pray to God right now because I don't deserve to. And you feel ashamed for the sin and because a sin's not a good thing, but that shame is what the devil's put in to separate us from God or to make us, you know, not go towards him. And the longer we buy into that shame, the longer we buy into that self harm, the longer we are without God. You know, the longer we're pushing him away. and so and so she helped me work through a lot of that, to be able to talk more freely with her and And that kind of thing. But the n so we kind of leveled out after that. I was taking I had the right medicine, the right dosage. That's always a journey. If you get on that journey, it is you gotta figure out what medicine works, what dosage of the medicine works, what combination of medicines work. It can be a lot. But know that it's no different than when you're trying to figure out medicines for a physical health issue. it's just taking what your body figuring out what your body needs.
speaker-1: That's like blood pressure or anything like that.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: You're not gonna get it on the first pill for very likely. Yeah.
speaker-0: Right. so everything kinda kinda leveled out a little bit. I was seeing her every two weeks or, you know, sometimes it'd be a little bit longer than that. Just taking the medicine and serving in youth and I I'm doing the things and I I feel like, you know, I'm I'm getting healthy, so to speak. and I I started having these conversations with people that knew me before I started coming back to church and the conversation was how can you believe in Jesus and believe in mental health? You know, if you believe in God, then you should perfect. You which was the same concept that I had fought with earlier. You know, and so what what I was able to explain to them only because the Holy Spirit showed it to me was that the Bible gives us examples of health throughout it. And so we have examples of physical healing, like the lame man in Acts three. You know, he gets healed in in Jesus' name. He he was paralyzed his whole life and he gets healed and he walks away. And you say, Well, yeah, physical healing. Jesus did that all the time. You know, we pray for physical healing all the time. We prayed for physical healing earlier. Yeah. you know, but Bible also talks about emotional healing. if we look at the story of Hannah in First Samuel, where you know, she was barren and she was being bullied because of that, and that caused her to be bitter. Yeah. You know, that's an emotional health problem. But the Bible tells us that she cried out to God and God lifted her spirits and released her from the bitterness.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: in mental health, we can look at first Kings chapter nineteen where Elijah has just come through a huge victory. And then all of a sudden he feels like he's without purpose and he's being chased by these people and he's he cries out to God and he's like, God, I want to do this anymore. I don't want to live. Yeah. You know? And and that that's you know, that comes that's we align that with suicidal idolation. He doesn't want to be there anymore. Depression at its finest or at his darkest, I guess I should say.
speaker-1: Yeah, he w there was a time where Eliza was suicidal. Yeah. You know, or you know, or l he didn't want to live no more.
speaker-0: Yeah. And God didn't say and wash his hands up Yeah. he had like if he he took care of like four hundred prophets of Baal or something. It was a bunch of people. Like he was one guy took all that on.
speaker-1: While talking smack to him. Yeah. He might be in the bathroom with cry loud.
speaker-0: Right, right. and so what we see with that story is he's crying out to God and he's like, God, I just I don't want to be here anymore. I I can't live one more day and God doesn't write him off, he doesn't kick him out, he doesn't say you're just being weak you know, he he's he sends an angel to him and and he comforts him, you he he lets him rest and he gives him food and and he's able to continue.
speaker-1: I think that's really important to look at. Like he sent an angel to attend to his needs and comfort him. I mean, it's so important, man, that we realize that man, going and seeking help from others doesn't make you any lesser of a person. I can say this for men. 'cause like I I know some guys out there that like do they will not open up about this. They will not seek help because they They honestly you feel like you're less of a man if you just can't handle it yourself. You know, take care of it. I'm gonna bottle it up, I'm gonna hide it, and you know, I'll I'll grit through it. Man, you ain't got to. You I mean you ain't got to. Like I I know you manly, man, but that's that's not what defines you as a man. Man, take care of there is such saying it's like we talked about it, so chemically unbalanced. So let me explain this.
speaker-0: So you have you can be chemically unbalanced, which means that something in your brain isn't quite firing the way it needs to. Yeah. so whether that you whether it's genetic and it this runs in your family, or whether it's, you know, an injury that happened at some point that changed things or a birth defect or or whatever the case may be. and then those things are typically righted by medication. and then on the other hand of that you have it's like nature versus nurture. So nature would be what we just talked about with the chemical imbalance. where the maybe the genes are off or or whatever the case may be, nurture is gonna be what you experience. So if there was trauma in your past, if there was an incident that happened, if there was neglect, if there was abuse, whatever the case may be. and that's where medication helps and also like therapy tools help to help you get through those things. And then there's the times when those happen together. so what you have is maybe this ran in your family, you know, maybe it's maybe you genetic maybe sorry. Maybe you have a genetics to give you anxiety and you experienced abuse growing up. And so what you get there from the outside looking in is a perfect cocktail of a hurricane. You know? Yeah. And but it doesn't have to just mean that life doesn't stop there and that and that's kind of where the Lord brought me with this and it is really been the last six months, last year, where he's been pointing out that these diagnoses that I have are not my identity. and I'm bad about I'll look something up or I'll I'll see a video on TikTok or I'm not on TikTok anymore, on Facebook Reels or on YouTube shorts that relates to ADHD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, whatever the case may be. And I'll watch it and then you know these algorithms, they'll start being you more videos that are the exact same. Right. And even if you look it up on YouTube, sometimes it pops up on your Facebook and you're like, I I are these two in cahoots, what happened, you know?
speaker-1: Or even say it, you're phone apart. Right.
speaker-0: and so what happens is all of a sudden, because we're all on our phones all the time, way more than we need to be, you know, it's so all of a sudden we're taking in all this stuff. And it doesn't have to be bad videos. you know, learning more doesn't have to be a bad thing, but some of these videos aren't from educated professionals or individuals. I'm not educated professional on this topic, but some of these videos are stereotypes where they're saying, You can't do this, you'll never be this. some of these videos give you excuses where it's like, you'll never be able to be around fireworks because you have PTSD. Mm-hmm. You'll never, you know, I can't do this. I can't do that because I have ADHD, because I have this. and some of the videos are helpful and they'll tell you, you know, this is this is one of the tools I use to handle ADHD. Some of the tool some of the videos look like, Just it'll list symptoms. It and and any mental health thing and really any physical health thing too, the symptoms are crazy. If you look at side effects on medicine, man, those pamphlets fold out and they're, you know, twenty pages long of every side effect possible. Symptoms work the same way. except for being instead of instead of being caused by medicine, it's caused by a disease or an illness. and s and so when it starts listing out all these symptoms, you'll be starting to question. I thought that was part of my personality. I thought, I I so, with ADHD being like something where you jump around a lot, you know, stereotypically where you where you're running around where you can't focus you just can't focus. sometimes there's videos that pop up that say one of the symptoms of ADHD is Like you can't sleep. Okay. I got a problem sleeping. I got a problem dreaming when I sleep, but I don't have a problem sleeping. But if I see a video sometimes that says, you know, not be able to sleep, not be able to fall asleep, that kind of thing is a symptom of ADHD, all of a sudden I can't sleep. And that video didn't change a dang thing. Yeah. All right. It didn't change my definition of ADHD or what ADHD does in my body. But what it did was because I've been trapped in this loop of watching these ADHD videos or and absorbing this ADHD content where I've decided that it's truth subconsciously, you know. And so now I'm I'm living it. My brain's decided you can't sleep because you have ADHD.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: and you do you just take it on. And so I I would get in these times where I I I I don't know if I can preach this week because I I'm just not able to. I can't focus. I can't sit down to write a sermon because I can't focus. and that there's even an artist out there who has a song that says I'd be a better Christian on Adderall. And that's a hard statement. And like when that song first came out and it was everywhere on my feed because of, you know, ADHD or whatever, but I remember just thinking, it really does make me a better Christian. And that like she didn't mean it to be a bad thing, but I took it as a bad thing and I was like, Well, if if I can't be a a Christian without Adderall, which you can't be, don't don't get lost there. but if if I can't, you know, live up to what God needs me to do without Adderall, then what good am I to him? You know, if I can't rely fully on him. And I think a lot of times that's where we get messed up too is like I shouldn't have to take this medicine because I have God. And the truth is God gives us tools like the medicine. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where there's man, dude, there's some people out there, especially this and the fate on the face side, like they literally like won't even go to the doctor 'cause they're like, If it's God's will to heal me, like I'll be healed. Like, no, God gave us doctors. Like he gave people wisdom.
speaker-0: That's that's like if you broke your leg you'd go to the doctor. You could go to the hospital, you know, pretty quickly. It kinda hurt.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: so if you're having a a little bit of a mental breakdown or, you know, whatever the case may be, l let's go on and go, you
speaker-1: yeah, go s go seek some help, man. It's it's it's not worth going through that fight, you know, going through that battle, man. It's you know, if you could seek help, get seek some help. You know, and all that reminds me too, there was somebody I heard and I've heard it before. I you know, I I I don't understand on the side of mental health issue, but I do understand on the addiction side. I've heard someone make the statement before, like, well, they was trying to clean up, but they was using other substances to clean up like methadone clinics. Right. I think there's another stuff called like Suboxin or whatever the case may be. And so like it's been three years. Like that you you should get off of that. like y you know, you're not on drugs anymore. You like hey it's time to get off the Suboxin. Well I'll always be an addict. You know, I'm always gonna need this stuff. Like, no, you're you're now addicted to the Suboxin now. You're not you're not an addict. You know, that's not your identity.
speaker-0: Man, and it's so easy to fall on that trap.
speaker-1: Is it just too yeah, just to receive, you know what? I'm just always gonna be this person. Right. You're not, man. I mean, you are if you lay down and let it weird. I mean, that's always the easiest option too. Right. Absolutely. Just lay down and take it. Yeah. That's probably inappropriate. Coming but but man, look, dude, and when when I heard that and we was like in a hearing at the moment. And when I heard that, like I interrupted, I said, That's a Well, I I'm gonna just say it. I was like, That's a damn lie. You know, like that no you ain't. Like you're not always at it. You've been clean for three years off of drugs. That's your new drug for first of all. But like, dude, you're not always an addict. You can be set free. I'm not an addict no more. I mean I go I use addict
speaker-0: You use your testimony. Addiction is a piece of your testimony. yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah, but I mean I still use like addiction rules. I guess you could so speak like I to this day I will not ever drink a beer or you know, I w I won't take pain medicine unless I really need it. But I mean heck I I got four teeth pulled out of my head at one time and I was like, Nope, I don't wanna take the chance and I regretted it a little bit, but but I mean I'll take it if it if I need it though, but
speaker-0: I mean that's just it's we all have to have boundaries in our life.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, you go.
speaker-0: Okay. Boundaries I mean, God didn't even shy away from boundaries. Yeah. You know, I mean like there's things when he the Ten Commandments, that was a boundary. Yeah. You know, and a lot of times we shy away from those, but you setting boundaries in your life to protect you from something that, you know, used to bring you harm.
speaker-1: You gotta know who you are? Absolutely. My I got a very addictive personality, so but yeah, man, it's
speaker-0: I I'll tell you something else that I I've I haven't said this out loud ever because I feel like, you know, some people may buck at it a little bit but
speaker-1: Just show or do that, do you know? Just open up.
speaker-0: I think I think addicts are some of the best Christians. well, 'cause here's the deal, right? We're all born with a void in our lives. And that the only thing that can truly fill that void is Jesus. But we don't know that when we're first born, you know? And so, as we as we're born into sin and we live through lives, we're constantly trying to plug that void with something. and and so like sometimes you'll see it where it's filling it with a boyfriend or a girlfriend where you have to have somebody. Sometimes you'll see it where it's filling it with money, sometimes you'll see where it's filling it with meth or with alcohol or with you know, weed, pills, whatever the case may be. Yeah. But w at whatever point you encounter God and you realize that that the high you get from the love that He pours over you, you want that more than you want, you know, more than you want to pick up a cigarette again or more than you want to pick up, you know, a drink again, whatever the case may be, more than you want to call that boyfriend, you when you start replacing that void in your life with Jesus instead of those things the worldly things you were chasing. all of a sudden instead of waking up and thinking, I I need I need a drink right now, you're thinking, I need to get in my Bible right now. Mm-hmm. And and so just as hard as you're chasing the drug or the girl or the guy or or whatever, you begin chasing God. Yeah. And if you if we all chase the same way, if somebody was chasing a high, man, would be
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: holier than they are for sure. You know, holy rollers on a whole different level.
speaker-1: Yeah. And I I always say it like this too. like I'll tell it to the teenagers and all that, you know, like we were formed by God through dust, like the dust, like God created us with his hands. And that's what it's like. We are always trying to fill a void that only God could fill because that's the thumbprint of God on our lives, right? Yeah. So there's something on the inside of us that could only be filled by the presence of God. That that is an area inside of you that only God can r reside in, right? And we spend so much trying to alcohol, drugs, women or men, whatever, whoever you are. but all these things, heck now, even the what is it, the dopamine off of reels. you know, post a picture on f you know social media and it's like Like it, like it, like it, share.
speaker-0: 'Cause I catch myself sometimes even when I post something. Like on even on the business page where I'm like, How many people liked it? How many people shared it? You and I have to go, I don't actually care, you know, but the excitement I get from somebody shared my thing.
speaker-1: Is a dopamine, one hundred percent. Yeah.
speaker-0: and and even that same that like we talk about your diagnosis, your diagnosis in the sense that we're talking about doesn't have to just be in a medical diagnosis sense. It certainly can be, you know, it applies to physical health as well, but the diagnosis that we're talking about, it can be what your mom called you when you were seven and you still remember it. Mm-hmm. You know, it it can be what the world puts on you, it can be a name that you've put on yourself where I've decided I'm a loser. So a loser is my identity. And that's the diagnosis I put on my life. Yeah. You know, and and when you do that, you sure are gonna stay a loser. You know? And I mean we can laugh about it from where we're at, but when you're in it, when you feel like a loser, because we have fleeting feelings, you know, but when you lean into that and you start listing all the reasons you're a loser instead of listing the reasons, yes, like a fire. Yes. is first Peter two ten talks about we weren't nobody's people and now we're God's people. Mm-hmm. it says that we we had no mercy and now we've been given mercy. God claims us over and over and over again, not as his property, but as his people, as his flock, as his as the things he loves most. You know, and and so to find our identity in a diagnosis, in a, you know, a term and whatever it may be, God's sitting there like, that's not who you are. That's not who I created you to be. That's not who I've called you to be, that's not who I've chosen you to be. But he won't snatch us out of it because he loves us that much too. Yeah. You know, we have to turn around and walk out of it.
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: A hundred percent. He he's a good father. He shows up for us in
speaker-1: And we we have witnessed so much all around healing from you know, from him. So where where are you at with that now? So like you're you're pretty you seem pretty mellow, focused.
speaker-0: The funny thing when you say that is even if you talk to people from before, I mean, some people would tell you that I I was definitely a different person. but a lot of my stuff was internal. So like even to this day, if somebody makes me mad, I don't usually go tell them they make me mad. I'm on the inside going, Why did I get mad at that? Mm-hmm. I like I pull it down on myself if that makes sense. even in youth ministry, if if I get frustrated with one of kids 'cause, you know, we ain't perfect, they can get loud sometimes. But instead of sometimes instead of disciplining the problem, you know, or correcting the problem with the student, I'll go, why did I let that bother me? Or why did I let it get to that point? And and I will it's shame again and I'll internalize that still to this day. but the moment is that at this point I can recognize that. And it takes time. You don't you don't wake up one day and all of a sudden you can recognize things. Like it it takes time and putting the work in and and going to therapy if that's what you need or having you know taking the medication if that's what you need or being in your word, you know, building up who you are in Christ. But at some point, you know, you'll s you'll start to recognize the Holy Spirit when he says, You didn't mess up. And it was like, did you react a little slow? Probably. You know. Did you could you have handled that better? Maybe. But you know what? Now you know for next time. You're still called. in my case to be in youth ministry, you're you're still called to be my child. but I a lot of times we think that once we're a Christian w that things should be perfect. And like I was saying earlier where people have questioned me in the past where it's like, well, you're a Christian. Well you're, you know, getting ready to be a pastor. You you put this work in, but how can you say that you still need medicine? How can you say that, how can you accept that? And the truth is, I would rather be on this medicine and know God and be able to see Him clearer. It's like wearing glasses. Honestly. Like if you wouldn't tell somebody that's blind or, you know, has unclear vision to be like, You don't need those glasses 'cause you got God. Yeah. Like God gave them them glasses.
speaker-1: I and I bad part is like I know there's ignorant people out there that say stuff like that.
speaker-0: Yeah. And and there is. And when you walk into them and they're like, Well, you should just trust God more.
speaker-1: probably the same ones that'll pull out snakes, the poisonous snakes and like if God will protect me like I hope it bites you in the face.
speaker-0: What's funny is nine times out of ten it's the people that are crying out to God when something happens to them physically, but mentally they won't go near him. Yeah. There is a special kind of shame on mental health and and it really like I don't know, ten years ago I feel like we never heard mental health, or at least I didn't in any subject.
speaker-1: Got really big before right. I'd say right at COVID. Right.
speaker-0: And so now we just walk in it, man. And and I have an ADHD diagnosis. I have or an ADD di I can't remember which one it's called now. I I have a PTSD diagnosis, I have an anxiety diagnosis, like, but those things are not me. But I have watched even our students and and even outside of just our youth, you know, other youth in other places, other people in other places where where they'll say, you'll have to excuse me because I have this. You'll you I can't listen to what you have to say because I have ADHD. There's days when I can't focus, even on the medicine. There there's just bad days. But never am I gonna be like, I'm I'm not gonna go to church a Sunday 'cause I can't focus. Yeah. You know, I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna leave where I need to be because I can't do the things. Now, I mean, there's different circumstances and I know that, but To walk out of where God's called you to be and where He's placed you and and to define yourself by these diagnoses, by these labels, you know, whatever it may be, is like slapping him in the face to me. And I'm guilty of it. I've already said that. Even this past the past two weeks preparing for this, when I texted you and I said I said, This is what I believe the Lord's laying on my heart for this, for our conversation, it was like the next day when I started seeing stuff pop up on my Facebook and I fell hard where it it was just like it was a symptom for something, maybe it was an anxiety, but it was like you only love the way you love because of your anxiety. You're so afraid to lose people that that's why you love the way you love. And that hurt. That was like, you know, that makes my love selfish. That means I don't really love this person. I just want to hold on to for my good. And it wasn't just one video like that. It started being it was like every other video said a similar thing about that same symptom and anxiety. And and the heaviness that poured down on that. And I knew. I I already knew that it was because but I'd had the conversation with you in Kansas, like this is what I wanted to do, and I knew that's where the enemy was attacking. And so I like to say I wasn't prayed up would be a lie, you know? And I and I was in my word. I I read the same psalm every night for like a week, man. it's Psalm sixty nine. But it it just talks about like, God pull me out of the muck. Who I feel like I'm rounding over here. and I really did feel that way. Like I and I I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to have this conversation with Nick. And but and to back up a little bit from there, I came off my leg Supreme about six months ago, because I no longer needed it. And and that doesn't just go away, you know, that that comes from from Jesus being in me and helping me and healing me in the same way that he healed the people in the Bible, you know. it's it's just as as big of a thing as that. And so off the Luxray, I've been off it for a while, I've been doing fine. I had this moment where I go down and my first thought is, I came off that medicine too early. I'm not actually healed. You know, I I I need that back. And I think I even told Pastor Tabby I was I was like I I think I came off this too early. You know, like I I think I messed up. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't be fixed. You know and it's it's that you go back to those fundamental issues. that you've already worked through and you've already put the work in but that's where the enemy always attacks you, you know? And she was like, No. Like it's just been one of those weeks. You don't get to decide, you know, on on the turn of a hat that that's that not what this is. This is the enemy putting doubt in. And that's why it's so important to have people in your life
speaker-1: yeah.
speaker-0: to point you the back way. And and like come on jump all over the place now. But one of my favorite things about the relationship that I have with you in Kansas is that randomly I'll be like, Hey theological question.
speaker-1: Those
speaker-0: You know? And sometimes it was like the best part of my week, even if we don't get anywhere without
speaker-1: Someone's sometimes it'd be a good brain teaser. Yeah. Like, let me look into that.
speaker-0: You know, and and then sometimes even if it's not a theological question, and by that I mean like some random question about the Bible that doesn't actually matter. Like it matters, but it doesn't matter. You know, I'm not saved or not saved because I believe one way on the question. But it's also when I get to say, Man, I experienced this with a student and I just don't know what to do, guys. Yeah. Like I don't know how to go I don't even know how to pray for this person anymore. But it it's because I have a community with y'all and that's what God designs us for. You know, He doesn't design us to be alone. But I have people in my life that I can go to and then they can come to me and and we lift each other up and speak truth when we can't see truth. so anyways, Pastor Shabby was speaking some truth into me. And in Psalm 69 it says, this isn't word for word, you know, this is the KD translation, but it talks about pull God pull me out of the muck, and then it says, God, I know you can do it. And he will. And I every day it was a little bit easier to say. This is the enemy attacking. I rebuke this in Jesus' name. I'm gonna spread the word that God's given me. You know, he's aligned for there to be a platform for this to happen. This is the word that needs to get out. And so that's that's what I'm gonna do. And I mean, so that was like last week and then this week starts up and it's like the same thing all over again. It's a different symptom with a different diagnosis, but it's the same process. And I'll be dang, I fell right into it again. I just faced the same trap, you know. that I I was reminded of James where it talks about we should delight in our trials. And I was like, How cool is it? You know, I had I didn't feel it was cool, but I had to tell myself it was cool. that I'm doing so much work for the kingdom right now that the enemy's double timing me with attacks. You know?
speaker-1: Make feel stress.
speaker-0: Yeah. But mental health doesn't go away the same way physical health doesn't go away. If you break your back and you know you get healed, I mean like you ha we rear the brace or you have the surgery or whatever, it's months later and you're kinda getting back to normal life, your back could still break down the line. You know, or you could have another fracture or you could just have back pain, nerve pain, whatever. Mm-hmm. It's the same stuff with mental health. Yeah. It's the same stuff. They're like I know people that have issues with like sciatic nerves in their legs and they can have the surgeries, you know, if it's like a a slip disc or whatever, that's compressing the nerve and get a little sciencey on y'all. So if if there's something in your vertebrae that's pinching the side nerve, that's what can cause the pain sometimes. And you can have the surgery and get that fixed. But your body is apt to lean towards that issue. And mental health is the same way. So just another slip can disc or another no, another disc can slip. or y you know, a nerve can get compressed again. Whatever your body's done it before, so it's ready to do it again. With mental health, I've gone down the the dark tunnels before, my my mind's ready to do it again. It's prepared to do it again. And so it is a it's a fight that you have to constantly say, I am not anxiety, I am not ADHD, I am not bipolar. If that's something you deal with, I am not I'm just I am not these things. I am not an addict. Yeah. I fought with addiction. I am not a failure. I am not a disgrace. I am not worthless. You have to consistently remind yourselves of truths because the Bible tells us the enemy is the father of all lies. Yeah. I mean, deceit. pours into us constantly from him, from every avenue, you know, from social media, from just our minds. He just he just puts it right on in.
speaker-1: It's it's really the only tactic he's got because we have all power and authority through Jesus Christ. Yeah. So we c the only authority that the devil has is what we give him. Absolutely. So all he can do is just bait us with a lie and try to get us to believe in it. Yeah. I mean that's that's all the only strategy he has. Yes. You know?
speaker-0: And as a result of that, I would say at least eighty percent of the the tools that I have learned, through therapy and through other avenues that deal with kind of like resetting your mind all have to do with putting truth in the replace of life. Almost every single one. Yeah. and that's no coincidence. You know, if if that's where the enemy's gonna attack the majority of the time, then we need to be built up there. Yes. It it I mean, even if you go back to the armor of God, they didn't leave out the helmet. You know. Yeah. I know it says the helmet of salvation, but I mean, it is important that we're protecting our mind. something else Pastor Chavez says is garbage in is garbage out. So if we're taking in lies or if we're taking in the bad stuff on TV that we shouldn't be watching, you know, or the stuff on social media, we're gonna put it out too. Yeah. And it will consume everything in you because the enemy's goal is to drag us down with him. It's not have a party in hell. It's it's to be miserable, it's all get out with him in hell without God.
speaker-1: I know I can get a little n nerdy with you. You're gonna be proud of this.
speaker-0: I'm ready. Let me hear it.
speaker-1: So, all credit goes to Craig Rachel. You know, I was listening to him. He he I don't even know if he's ever preached a bad message. He's so talented. but anyway, so he he did a message on talking about taking control of your mind. So we have neuron pathways. So and that's what that is, is just the way we think. And so think of it this way. We're country. You know, we're country out here. Any of y'all ever seen a cow field, you'll notice in a cow field there's a little dirt trail that's about that wide right there. And what that is, and this works with deer, animals, period. Animals travel in one path, you know. So what that is, that's the path that that cow walks in that field. So much so like it's only walking that wide, you know. Every day. A hundred acre field, there's that dirt track right there. It's the same way with our brains. So we have neuropathways that our neuropathogens travel on. I think I'm getting this correctly. You it
speaker-0: You are nailing it. I'm so proud right now.
speaker-1: right now. so so when we think as we're thinking, we are creating pathways. You know what I mean? So we're we're creating it and creating it. And so that becomes our default setting. So if we're sitting here, everything that you're saying, right? You know, we're it believing in the lies of the enemy that I am broken and I am, you know, unfixable or too far, whatever the case may be with the mental health. You think that so much about yourself, it becomes your default setting that your neuropathways or neuropathogens are gonna immediately just jump to that. So you have got to create a new pathway of way of thinking and like you're saying, the garbage out, garbage in, garbage out, good in I don't know.
speaker-0: Garbage in, garbage out.
speaker-1: Okay. So you gotta create a new way of thinking. Like, no, heck, go read Ephesians. Ephesians says a lot about how God You know, I'm not broken or I'm not a throwaway. God says I'm chosen. Right. You know, God, I am called. So whenever you have that lie of the enemy that comes through and you believe and create that pathway in your brain that becomes your default setting, create a new default setting and say, you know what? No, I am loved by the king of this universe, the creator, the author, the finisher of my faith. I am his and he is mine. And you keep doing that, a habit takes what is it, seven days, fourteen days to create a habit. I Yeah
speaker-0: I well I'm not sure. Yeah, yeah.
speaker-1: yeah, I threw a curveball.
speaker-0: I think it's twenty eight days, but I didn't want to correct you then.
speaker-1: Lord, I don't know if it's that much. I hope not. but like create a new habit, man. Wake up and and say, you know what? Like I am somebody. I I am somebody. This ain't who I am. Like he says who I am.
speaker-0: Well, I'll tell you the longer that that cow walked that path, you know, the longer that you thought that thought, the deeper it is and the harder it is to correct it. And so, like, for me, one of the oldest lies and one of the ones that I repeated the most was I'm unlovable. Mm-hmm. And so I'll tell you that I'm love more now, you know, and I recognize that. But there's times and there's days where I'm like, I I don't know, you know, are they faking it? You know, they actually like me, that kind of thing. I'm pretty
speaker-1: You're you're you're pretty loved in the church. I am
speaker-0: loved in the church. We have an amazing, amazing family in that way.
speaker-1: And name bougie for a reason.
speaker-0: Not 'cause I'm bougie though. bougie in Christ, maybe. I don't know, man. Like as I thought this thought about being unlovable for so long. I mean, we're talking as long as I can remember, that was the thought in my mind. and it and it it's what drove me a lot of places that I shouldn't have been, but that was we'll s we'll say at least fourteen years of thinking that thought. It's a long time. For somebody who's twenty five.
speaker-1: Right. It's kinda hard to convince you otherwise. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: So when you when you've believed that your whole life, pretty much, you know. I mean, I'm not gonna say I thought that when I was a baby, you know, or like a a five year old, but when you felt that way your whole life, when you decide to change that, it's not gonna be something that changes today.
speaker-1: It is
speaker-0: It's not gonna be I'm not just gonna suddenly believe otherwise for all time. I mean, like God can convince you of something in an instant, but the enemy's still gonna go back to that. And because those grooves are so wide, it's so easy to fall into it. I t if you've ever been mud riding and there's like there's ruts already made, there's trails already made, and then there's deep ruts where like you're like, I'm gonna bottom out if I go through that thing. But if you're if you try to drive around that rut, most of the time, because that's where that deep groove already is, the A T V you're on will fall into that deep rut. It'll slip because that's where it's easy to go. Everything in nature moves to the path of least resistance and our minds do the same thing. Yeah. So if I'm teetering on the edge of you know, I don't know if I if I feel loved in this moment or you know, I don't know if trust this person, whatever that may be, it's real easy to slip into I'm unlovable. It's slip it I your brain's covered in slick mud, you know. not really, but it it's it's just we just fall straight into it. And if you've ever tried to get come out of one of those ruts, you know, literally on a four wheeler or whatever the case may be, it ain't always easy, you know, depending on what you got. But part of having the right equipment helps in those situations. And the right equipment is going to be your Bible. He's it's the only offensive weapon that's in the armor of God. And it replaces or it sets truth in motion throughout it. There's not a lie in the Bible. There's not a point where it contradicts itself. There's not a point where it identifies you as anything other than what you are, which is a child of God. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's just it's so important that we don't get lost in these diagnoses, these labels and take them on as who we are. You know, God calls us to be His. He calls us to be Psalms tells us that we're beautifully and wonderfully made. You don't say that about something that's you wouldn't say addiction is beautifully and wonderfully made. No. You wouldn't say anxiety is beautifully and w wonderfully made. You wouldn't say, you know, all these things. But we are beautifully and wonderfully made because of who our father is. That's how he that's how he is, and that's how he created us.
speaker-1: But everything that he's created, he don't talk like that to nothing else. You know, like we're we're set apart with him. You know. Yeah. He says we're just below the angels. Absolutely. You know.
speaker-0: And and there's people that argue, well, if if God's so good, then why why doesn't He just take these things when we come to Him? You know, and and I've I've been there, you know, where it's it's like Fair point. God I I brought my anxiety to you. Yeah. Why do I still have it? I mean I don't now. Mm-hmm. But and I'll come back to that second 'cause I want I wanna come back on the topic there. But if God took all of our problems from us, we wouldn't talk to him for nothing. Never.
speaker-1: Yeah, we wouldn't never go to him, yeah.
speaker-0: I I remember I had my tonsils taken out and I prayed to God more in that three weeks of healing than I probably have my whole life. Because I couldn't really talk and I couldn't really eat and it hurt bad. It hurt bad. And 'cause I'm a baby. But I remember I was telling Pastor Chevy again, that's that's who I talk to most but I was I was like, God's probably tired of me talking. Like I have talked his ear off. And she was like, Well, that's probably a good thing, you know? Like, you don't want to say your pain you're going through is good, but mm maybe it was, you know. But even on the the standpoint of where I talked earlier where I've been healed of my anxiety, I'm not taking anxiety medication at this point, it doesn't mean I'll never feel anxiety again. Anxiety is a part of what we are because it actually holds a purpose. And that is if you're standing in the middle of the road and a car's coming, you should feel anxiety. Bottom of the line, right? If if you're in the woods at night and you hear a noise, you should feel anxiety. Like you sh it's it's not to give you fear of the woods or give you fear of the road. It's supposed if it works in the way it was created, then it helps you live. You know, it has a purpose of getting you out of a dangerous situation or making sure you're aware of what's around you. Mm-hmm. The problem is when it's distorted through either a chemical imbalance or through trauma, you know, whatever the case may be, where we then allow it to control us. And so, like if if you get in a car wreck and all of a sudden it's like I don't want to drive. I'm too afraid to drive. I have anxiety on that. That's where you've allowed your anxiety to be in control. And so now instead of being alert and vigilant on the roads, you're scared to get on the road. You're letting fear define you and put you in a box. You're letting that diagnosis control you. Yeah. if you're if you're afraid of going in the woods ever again, you know, because you heard a noise one night, you're letting that control you. Instead of saying, I'm a child of God, I'm grateful that he gave me things to protect me. Think about like Spidey Sense, man. Like if you ever watch Spider Man, he's he's got a spidey sense where he like the enemy's about to tag him from behind. And he's he's got spidey sense and then he turns around and he's able to correct the problem. Anxiety works the same way. Yeah. Spider Man don't let Spidey sense run his life though, you know? Yeah. and I mean that's just a way to look at it, but it's so easy to fall in those traps, but the Bible tells us all throughout it who we are and why we are what we are. You know?
speaker-1: And it it is so important to to understand that man and and get a grasp on it. Because like I said, that the devil's got one shot or or he's got one attack and that's to to make us believe a lie about ourselves that the God never said. And like you said in the very beginning, if it does any kind if it's talking down about you, about yourself, if it's shaming you or guilting you in any type of way, man, that ain't of God. God never uses guilt to correct you. God never uses guilt to, you know, or even to better you. That ain't how God does it. Like, man, even when God's corrected me, it's a stern correction, but it's also love. You can feel love in it. You know what I mean? And so man, if it's ever anything like shame or guilt or or or whatever the case may be. Man, dude, that ain't what guys call for you. That ain't that ain't God what's God saying about you. Absolutely. One hundred percent. Absolutely. So what w I think with what you have experienced and what you've gone through and these answers that you've figured out that works best for you, like you said, there's probably a million different scenarios. Absolutely. There's a million different scenarios here. But I think we've reached a generation because of social media, because of what the media is doing. Like I hate the media. that's Fox News, CNN, MN, SBC, whatever
speaker-0: I don't even I don't even watch the news.
speaker-1: it's horrible. Like I don't even know how to look at weather because I don't want to look at the news. But what they have done to our generation diagnosed us with everything. Absolutely. They don't even know what sex they are anymore. You know what I mean? They they don't know who they are anymore. So we're dealing with a generation that is struggling so hard with a self diagnosis yeah. Man, what's some encouraging words that you can leave to a generation and I know you're you help the youth out and that's why you're so great with the youth. What's some encouraging words, man, that you can just you want to just give to the to the youth that are, you know, of struggling with the same scenario?
speaker-0: Yeah. Well, first want to address something else you said there. And this is the biggest thing that gets me, but where we talk about the diagnosis that the the world puts on us, right? Every time I hear somebody say that this generation's lost, this generation of youth, you know, the the teenagers that are in there now or even the ones that have just graduated, they're they're like, We've we've really messed up on this one, like they're gone. Yeah. They really you know, they're messed up, they're whatever. You're putting a diagnosis on them that is gonna define you're defining them in your own mind. And past that, they didn't create this world. Mm-hmm. They didn't create the circumstances that they walked into. It's i I don't think a certain generation's to blame, but you can't be mad at the generation at hand for dealing with what you left.
speaker-1: You handed them this. We I guess we handed
speaker-0: Right. You did it, Nick. No. but I I mean it's just and it's easy to say because we see it more now.
speaker-1: His
speaker-0: You can say, Well, nobody talked about, you know, being homosexual t fifty years ago. It was still out there. Yeah. You didn't see it as much because nothing was broadcasted as much. There are eyes everywhere, there's cameras everywhere. I'm glad there wasn't as many I mean, like, there were smart smartphones when I was in middle school and high school, but I'm glad they weren't near as common. We there wasn't videos everywhere.
speaker-1: I won't say a flip phone, the flip razors. Yeah. that that was whenever I came through like the upper middle school, high school. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-0: I I think I was in like middle school when like the iPhone three came out. Yeah then. But I just when we decide as a as a culture or even as a church, man, it's so easy to do where you just say this generation's lost. Yeah. The kids that are in your church that hear that, or the k the kids that are under your influence or whatever, when they hear you say that, they look up to you and they're gonna define themselves by that. So now you've unintentionally given a diagnosis where you're trying to point out a problem, but what it does is they it makes them think they are the problem.
speaker-1: Why why bother now? If I'm if I'm lost.
speaker-0: That's right. The th the best thing you can do for the the teenagers, the kids, the you know, the the young ones that are around you is to speak life into them instead of instead of putting them down. Even if you're like, Well I wasn't talking about, you know, Bob who sits in you know, is there when the church is open all the time. I was talking about all these other heathens. Bob doesn't know that. You know? And I I mean you'd think, Well, yeah, he does. He doesn't. He hear he hears what you're saying, what you've decided is his is his personality, is his future. And he's gonna hold on to it because you're the authority in his life. and so that's just that's something that I've been really passionate about here lately, is is we gotta quit saying that this this generation's wrong.
speaker-1: Yeah, no I mean dude, they're hungry for answers. They're always getting fed the wrong stuff. They are. And is and again, I blame the media for it. You know what I mean? They they're and we all know what it's like being a teenager. We're gullible. We're gonna believe anything.
speaker-0: Your body's changing. You're learning how the world works and your mind is changing. And they're even like you wanna talk about mental health. Well, as a teenager, all your chemicals are messed up. And it is not something's wrong with them. That's just how
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah. And so when you're saying things in their developmental years like that, you're hurting Mm-hmm. Hurting bad. so just to anybody else out there, speak life before you speak death ever.
speaker-1: There's power, life and death in the tongue. James definitely tells us a lot about that.
speaker-0: but for anybody else that whether you're you feel like you're stuck under a diagnosis or under a label, you know, like we talked about earlier, the most important thing you can do is speak truth and speak life just like we were just talking about to yourself. And that feels crazy. Like you'll be like you hear people say, stand in the in the mirror and say morning affirmations, you know. And and I'll I'll be first to tell you I ain't stand in the mirror and say morning affirmations. But it is important that we speak. positive things about ourselves. So even like if I'm messing with you in Kansas and I'm and I I say something stupid like I don't know everything I say is stupid sometimes. But that that what I just said where I put myself down by calling myself stupid, that's speaking death instead of speaking lice. Where instead I should I should stop myself in that conversation like I'm doing now and say, I'm not stupid. The thing is I say you're smart. You know, I am smart. God's giving me wisdom. He's given me knowledge. I just have a hard time saying it sometimes and that's okay. sometimes morning affirmations work affirmations work for some people, they don't for others. Everything is a you gotta figure out what works for you, but the truth will always work for you. And the Bible tells us that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and nobody gets to the Father but through him. Without him, it is nearly impossible for us to live or it is impossible for us to live a life where we are mentally healthy in any capacity. and if it wasn't important, it wouldn't be in the Bible. And mental health is all throughout the Bible, like we were talking about earlier. So just
speaker-1: There there's things that that that would go along with emotional and mental health that like you don't even catch. Like think about this, like the woman with the issue of blood. Yeah. So just to go down a scenario, like it's there's literally mental health and emotional health's all in the Bible. like the woman with the issue of blood, twelve years, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. So she bled for twelve years when in Jewish culture that means she was unclean. That means she had to stay out away from everybody. She didn't have physical touch, like there wasn't no hugging somebody saying, I love you you know what I mean? Like she went twelve years because like she couldn't make anybody ritual unclean or you know, unclean. So the fact that she reached out and touched Jesus and Jesus came back and like out of a father standpoint, 'cause he calls her daughter, right, I think he came back and called her daughter because they was a hurt that was deeper than the blood.
speaker-0: Sure. There was a there was a diagnosis on her from the community of you're unclean.
speaker-1: Yeah. Like she she literally hasn't I I'd be willing to bet just a a conversation with somebody, she probably hadn't had a positive conversation with somebody probably the whole twelve years.
speaker-0: Right. So for for the truth to be spoken for her to hear a different diagnosis or hear a different truth or hear the truth of you're my daughter.
speaker-1: Dude, yeah, he called her daughter. And that's what I wanna when you read and you see daughter, I was like, dude, there was a deeper hurt. And I think that's what Jesus was healing. Because when's the last time that woman's probably been called anything loving family member like that? You know what I mean? Right. A beloved family member. so with him, when when I read that and I seen daughter, I'm like, there was a deeper thing in that that she really needed to hear that. so yeah, mental health and emotional health is all in there. Just dig deep.
speaker-0: It is, it is. And and and figuring out where you need to stand with it, if if that's something you're struggling with today or if you struggle in the past or you want to be prepared for when you struggle with in the future, 'cause it's something that we all deal with. Ephesians is a great book to read. Yeah, it really is. It it really centers on your identity in Christ and and when we find that, that gives us solid rock to stand on. You know, in instead of shifting sand.
speaker-1: Yeah, I love Ephesians. I really feel like you've had a lot to share. that's very important. Like I said, I know grown men who struggle with these same things.
speaker-0: Yeah. It is definitely not something that is biased towards anybody, you know, any race, any age, any gender, it's all there.
speaker-1: Hey, look, mental health don't discriminate. No. Dude, it it doesn't discriminate. And man, look, it's I would say the most dangerous thing. Man, it's it's the most dangerous thing because
speaker-0: You can't see it.
speaker-1: it's almost like, yeah, that's what it's like. And it's so isolated. Yeah, as far as like you're gonna isolate it. Like you need, like you say, like you're gonna keep it to yourself, and you're gonna pretty much just go through hell. I mean, you're gonna go through hell. So seek help. There's nothing wrong whether you're a believer or you're not a believer, man. Dude, there is nothing wrong with going to get professional help. Like don't let some church pew jumper, whatever they call them, tell you that, no, the Lord'll do it. Don't don't go see a psychiatrist and all that. Man, no, screw that. Dude, go see help. Man, you know, we we need help sometimes. We need help. Like if I'll be vulnerable for a minute. Like my body don't produce testosterone like it should. I have to go get testosterone put in my body. That doesn't make me less of a man, you know. actually I feel great. Fantastic.
speaker-0: I feel fantastic. Yeah.
speaker-1: It it it'd be like, you know, like God's like, Hey, here's I did this for you so you can feel better but I'm over here like, No, I'm gonna wait for God safe.
speaker-0: It doesn't look the way I want it to look so I'm not gonna accept it. Yeah. Yeah.
speaker-1: Yeah. There's look, there's a story about that. And we'll we'll close after this, but I gotta share the story. It's funny. Bring it on. So there was a person, I don't know, you probably heard this. There was a old lady sitting in a an apartment complex that was on fire. And the fire department came there and was like, man, we come to get you out. No, the Lord is gonna provide for me a way out. And and then it was like the police came and they're like, man, we need to get you out of the field. God's gonna save me. He's gonna give me a way out. And then finally, long story short, she perished. Then she gets up to heaven and is like, God, what happened? Why didn't you save me? He's like, man, I sent you a fire truck. I sent you the police department and you just kept saying no to everything.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm.
speaker-1: And so, man, like, but it's so true. Like, man, God has given us wisdom as a humanity. He's given us wisdom how to help each other out. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so man, there there's nothing it doesn't make you lesser of a man. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you any of that. It's gonna make you feel better. Yeah.
speaker-0: Doesn't make you less of a woman either. It doesn't make you less of a daughter, doesn't make you less of a son, doesn't make you less of a Christian gotta have some
speaker-1: They say I can't I can't I can't speak on a woman's side. Yeah.
speaker-0: woman's son. It doesn't make you less of a mom. It doesn't make you less of a daughter. It doesn't make you less of a Christian if you need a tool that your neighbor doesn't need. If you're looking at that at that, you know, in quotations, that perfect Christian in your church and you're like, Well, they don't need this, first of all, you don't know what they need. Second of all, they're not you. God created us all different and He created us to be identified in Him and to mirror Him and be in His image, not in what this world calls us to be.
speaker-1: I I could see especially moms, men just like strung out like far as like, dude, I'm tired.
speaker-0: And they say, Well, I should be able to handle this. You know, 'cause I'm a woman. I should be able to handle fifteen thousand kids or one kid. One kid can be a lot. I'm not I'm not saying that you ain't worthy of it if you got one kid.
speaker-1: 'Cause you know Yeah. But Judah can be a lot.
speaker-0: He hit me this morning with a switch. That thing hurt. But I mean k the kids can just be like that. But sometimes life piles up and it doesn't make you less of a mom because you get a little frustrated.
speaker-1: Yeah. Mental health is a is a is a sneak attack. It's it it's scary, but there is help out there. There's help out there. and as you said before, definitely would recommend a Christian background. What's the name of that?
speaker-0: group. Yeah, so it's American Association of Christian Counselors AAC C dot net, I believe is the the address to get to it. but it'll find you somebody in your area that is a Bible believing counselor that'll back you up and give you the tools you need to to for therapy to go along with your faith. 'Cause sometimes if you have a worldly therapist they won't they'll say things that are contrary to your faith, you know, 'cause I they're of the world, you know. But if you have a Christian therapist, they'll walk through with you with Christ. Yeah. And that's important. so it's A A C C dot net.
speaker-1: And as a Christian, I mean y'all can they already know like what your goal like, you know, I'm I'm gonna stay on that. Like you're you're not gonna tell me you know, I was supposed to be born a different gender or something. Right. Yeah,
speaker-0: Right. And then align you with the truth. Yeah.
speaker-1: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's strongly recommend. Strongly recommend. Well, Katie, we appreciate you coming and
speaker-0: And it's been great.
speaker-1: sharing all that. so with all that being said, hey, don't forget if you need some stuff done, we know Yeah, handy woman.
speaker-0: Bring it on, guys.
speaker-1: But no, we appreciate you coming. Thank you for sharing. thank you for everything you do with the youth. And we love you. We appreciate you. Yeah, thanks for having me. So all right guys, well we'll see you on the next one. We love you guys and y'all stay safe.
