Personal Development For The Real World: Intentional Flexibility

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We're taking life for what it is, which is full of surprises and changes and curveballs, and your day rarely goes exactly how you plan it.
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We're essentially planning for the crazy days, planning for the hectic.
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Hello my loves, and welcome to the Purposeful Lifestyle Development Podcast, where we discuss all things thought, work and manifestation, but we use neuroscience and the study of the brain to do so.
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I'm your host, tessa Spiesak.
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I'm a board certified practitioner, master life and health coach and seasoned executive speaker.
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If you're ready to create your highest value lifestyle and turn your dream life into a reality, you're in the right place.
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Let's get right in to today's episode.
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Hello, hello my loves, and welcome back to the Purposeful Lifestyle Development Podcast.
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Big shout out and hello to everyone who tunes in weekly, but if you're new here, welcome.
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Don't forget to hit subscribe so that you never miss part of our conversation.
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I'm just so grateful to chat with you.
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However, and wherever you are listening in from, this one is very special.
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This will be the very last podcast episode of 2023.
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It will be off next week, since I'll be celebrating Christmas with my family.
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We have everyone in town will be hosting, so I will be running around busy.
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We're already in full swing planning mode.
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But that makes this episode really, really special and it is somewhat of a continuation from last week.
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Last week I talked about a therapy called behavioral activation.
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If you haven't listened to that one, I do suggest you go back and do so For a quick summary or just a refresher.
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Basically, we discussed how humans have this sneaky little habit of taking action that continues how you already feel.
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Basically, this can be really great.
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If we're flying high, everything is working in our favor, all is well.
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We tend to continue to do things that make us feel good.
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We knock things off the to-do list, we move our bodies with intention, we usually eat in a way that serves us better, we stay hydrated, we're motivated to work on our things.
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Basically, it's flow state.
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It's what we're always searching for and it makes us feel great literally best feeling in the world when you're just flying high like that.
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But on the other hand, when we don't feel like it, when we feel crappy or something happens, unfortunately, we are usually just as tempted to continue with actions, to continue how we feel there.
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If you feel bad or tired or anxious, depressed, you'll probably talk yourself out of doing that workout that you wanted to do, you're probably not so motivated to work on that to-do list.
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You might eat the food that makes your body feel bad just because it tastes good in the minute, because we don't feel so great.
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All the things we discussed how we break that link in this negative cycle to start moving back into some upward momentum, and the solution for that is by simply doing it anyway.
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Do the thing anyway.
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Move the needle the way you want to anyway, because that is where we finally start to feel like it, to make you feel better and to turn it around.
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It's not necessarily how we're wired, so using the intention behind it really helps and intentionally changing the direction in the flow of where your feelings are pointed.
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I mentioned last week that today, this week, I'm going to be talking about how to actually do that.
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I think, coming up to the new year, there really couldn't be a better time for this reminder, especially as a lot of us are taking inventory over the last year, setting new intentions going into the new year and everything in between.
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I really wanted to talk about my favorite, most realistic and most sustainable, but gentlest and kindest to self way of making lasting change in your life in a way that serves you and it makes you feel good, because that's the key.
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If you want something to stick, if you want to make lasting change, you have to like it and it has to feel good.
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So, that being said, this is kind of along the same vein.
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I want you to know I'm not about forcing ourselves into doing things that we hate either, and I don't want that message to get twisted in here at all but how we get ourselves to act like our own dang best friend when we need the help and the things we've tried before just aren't working.
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I've got good news for you, because this works, and this is exactly how I approach change in creating new habits in my own life and how I help my clients do the same.
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I've actually been doing this exercise a lot with my one-on-one folks lately, so again feels like perfect timing for this episode, because we all need it.
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So let's dive in.
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One mistake we tend to make when we approach change is something that I think we all know we shouldn't do, but try anyway, and that's trying to change everything all at once, or it's to judge your ability to make that change on the very best day ever, where everything is already going your way the stars are aligning, nothing's going wrong, timing is perfect, that all the things that we plan for the day.
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We need everything to go right, or we're mad at ourselves or demotivated, frustrated, and we're telling ourselves that it's not going to work or it doesn't work or we're not good enough.
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Worse, and the main point of my approach here to avoid all of that is that we're taking life for what it is, which is full of surprises and changes and curveballs, and your day rarely goes exactly how you plan it.
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We're essentially planning for the crazy days, planning for the hectic, and I consider it a three-tiered approach to goal setting.
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So, of course, you're totally allowed to keep your big goal, the thing that you would do if everything was perfect, all the stars aligned, everything went right, timing was perfect, but we're going to call that your stretch goal.
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That's your big goal.
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You can keep it, but that's your big one.
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And then I want you to set another one, and this is something like I mean, since a popular New Year's goal is working out, I'll use that as an example but say it's working out If you're someone who is very, very sedentary, maybe you work from a computer, you sit a lot, maybe an old injury.
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Whatever the case, you don't move too much, you don't work out too much, but your big goal is you want to work out at a gym or at a studio every single day.
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Okay, fine, but if that was possible with your now, you'd probably already be doing it, rather than it being the stretch goal.
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Like I said, there could be a thousand different reasons, a host of reasons.
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None of them are a judgment of good versus bad.
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It just it is what it is.
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Maybe you're busy, maybe you have kids and you're trying to learn how to juggle the timing.
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Maybe you need to just change something in your reality to get there.
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But again, we've got our stretch top tier goal and then I want you to set another one that is something that falls in line with the same goal but maybe takes a little bit less effort.
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So if that big goal, with our example, is to go from pretty sedentary to working out at a gym or a studio every day, let's make a plan for the days that things don't go your way.
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Maybe physically going to the gym is just out of the wheelhouse for the day, the timing situation isn't sorted, the kids are doing something.
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Maybe you slept poorly and slept in so your whole schedule got thrown.
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Or, honestly, maybe you just can't find the motivation that day to get up and do it again Because motivation is fleeting.
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We talk about that a lot, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
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We don't rely on motivation.
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That's a conversation for another day.
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But let's talk about that day.
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What can we do to plan for it?
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So maybe making yourself get to the gym or the studio isn't in the cards, but what will you still be proud of yourself for?
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Can you walk for 30 minutes?
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Instead, go outside, get in nature?
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Can you pop on a video from YouTube and do something in the living room?
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Is there a treadmill available to you?
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Can you do some abs on the floor?
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Find something that's still getting you towards your goal, and in this case, the goal of daily movement.
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But this allows for more flexibility.
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And then I want you to go one deeper, and this layer is so, so important.
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It's more important than you think, but I want you to pick something so small and so easy that you would basically have to choose not to do it if it somehow got away from you.
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Something that you could do if it was nighttime, if you're getting ready for bed, or even if you're already in bed, you can do it anyway.
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I really suggest taking something that takes no more than five minutes I mean literally 10 at tops because this is something that I want you to commit to, no matter what.
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This is the tiny little thing that can be your 1% in moving the needle in the right direction.
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So for our workout example, maybe it's not going to the gym or the studio for an hour, maybe you don't even have time or energy or whatever to do the 30 minute walk or the video, but you know what you can do.
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You can get down on the floor and stretch.
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You can do it from where you're sitting.
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You can do it in bed.
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If you're already in bed, you can pop on the floor and do a few pushups or a few sit ups or just move whatever that is for you.
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But this base layer is something that allows you to commit to your goals and allows you to see really what's genuinely realistic for you, and it allows you to be gentle and to have simple, sustainable change.
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Because, no matter what, every single day you can do something that moves you in that direction, and the good thing about this is, over time you'll notice that you'll see a lot more of days that you have that big goal.
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Action is taking place.
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We're seeing a lot more consistency there.
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You'll start to see less and less of that simple base level standard, which is cool for two different reasons.
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One, your goal will naturally and gradually mature with you as it becomes your lifestyle.
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So it allows you to reevaluate what you want versus where you are in terms of your goals and it shows you what actually makes sense to you in your life, because you can't do it the same way I do it versus the way they do it.
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He does it, she does it.
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It's always gonna be a little bit different for all of our lives and all of our situations.
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So this allows you to really see and really evaluate what makes sense for you.
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And two, it taps into the reward system in your brain.
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For those of you who are around the life of this podcast, you know my absolute favorite mind hack is getting your brain more excited and less resistant to the things.
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That you want is to tap into your reward cycle.
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I know I talk about it a lot so I don't wanna dive too deep, but just a reminder.
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Your reward cycle of your brain is simply put when you do something that you want to do, when you do something that's good for you especially if it's new or you have resistance to it and you do it anyway, it gives your brain a good dose of dopamine, your motivation hormone and your brain likes it.
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It's driven by it.
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So it will start to want quote, unquote to get more.
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So you're legitimately starting a system where your brain wants to do the things you want to be motivated for because of the dopamine hit you get from doing it.
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And we can use this method for anything.
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What is your big stretch goal?
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Write it down.
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What is something you think you can actually do that gets you closer to that stretch goal?
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Like a medium goal, write it down.
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And finally, a base level standard of something that's letting you move at least one degree closer to what you want A little five minute, easy something that keeps you moving in that direction every single day.
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And, like I said, this can be used for anything.
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If you want to be more social, maybe your stretch goal is going to an event and your mid goal is speaking kindly to or complimenting a stranger, and then your smallest standard goal is to text someone something nice, or to comment on an old friend's social media.
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Maybe you want to change your diet.
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So, for your stretch goal, maybe you come up with the perfect, most ideal day of whole food, that's, clean, homemade meals for the whole day.
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Right, it's perfect.
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But then maybe you come up with another metric, that you have one great meal, or at least it's all homemade, or at least every meal has veggies in it.
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And then you have a base level, or your standard, where you know you're going to drink your water that day and you're going to take your vitamins, whatever that makes sense to you.
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So, no matter what, you are always moving the needle for yourself and after some time you can reflect on it.
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Maybe use a bullet journal to track how your progress is gone and see how, which one you're picking.
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Maybe talk to a friend, have an accountability buddy or me, someone like me, to make sure that not only are you successful but you're enjoying the choices that you made for you.
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And if you find out from your reflection that you keep missing the mark and aren't giving it love and attention and still aren't doing that standard that you sent for yourself, well, maybe it gives you the opportunity to look and reflect and say is this something that I really value right now and is this something that I want to prioritize right now?
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Because it's okay for those things to change?
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But it gives you this space to really open up, for some honesty with yourself there, that maybe this goal I didn't set for the reason that I thought, or maybe I just need to reevaluate there.
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And that's all okay.
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And that was a perfect caveat, actually, into my next discussion here on the podcast, which will be about looking at our priorities, our values and how we are either moving with or away from them.
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It'll be a really fun one and if you made it to the end of this episode, you are the first to know.
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After two years of the Purposeful Lifestyle Development podcast, we're not going anywhere, but we are getting a makeover, potentially a little bit of an expansion, some other fun new additions, maybe even bringing on some special guests onto the show, lots of different things in the works.
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But I am sorry to say that with all of that, I will be taking just a little moment I'm hoping it's no more than just a few weeks off to get all the bells and whistles on right.
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You know, when it comes to tech and just as like was our message of today.
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Sometimes things outside of your control even really just don't go exactly as well as planned, and that's okay.
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That's why we leave room for gentleness and flexibility and a good breath of fresh air.
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But with all of that said, I am so, so grateful to everyone who has made the first two years of this podcast as amazing as it has been downloads in 50 different countries all around the world.
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I am honored, seriously honored, to be on your journey with you, and all of my love to each and every person whose ears this has touched.
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But all right, my loves, that's where I'll leave us today.
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I want to thank you so much for joining in on this conversation with me, and each week, every Monday, we're going to be posting a new episode, going a little bit deeper into the conversation, of what you can do to train your brain on purpose to really allow for the lifestyle that you want to live.
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Until next time, my loves.
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In the meantime, here's to your health and your happiness.