More Relationship Questions Answered!

WEBVTT

1
00:00:01.399 --> 00:00:08.279
Strawt media, don't dinner, I'm
coming over there. Okay, HMM,

2
00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:15.320
that is delicious Tequila. I'm having
a work I can see that, because

3
00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:20.160
it's Tequila talk and I'm having a
Martini because I'm a fucking rebel. You

4
00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:23.280
are. You break the rule.
Yeah, I like that about you.

5
00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:28.920
I know you do for yourself a
glass of your finest Tequila or whatever you

6
00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:33.359
drink from Straw hut media. This
is Tequila Talk. But Daisy points and

7
00:00:33.479 --> 00:00:44.439
Richard Mox, how are you doing? I would say I'm ninety nine percent.

8
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:51.719
Yeah, I have just this little
dry cough left and you I'm okay.

9
00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:55.640
You know I will still you're still
a little of lethargic. Yeah,

10
00:00:55.679 --> 00:01:00.679
for those of you who don't know, we started two thousand and twenty two

11
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:06.599
with Covid yeah, we believe the
time we got it sometime around New Year's

12
00:01:06.719 --> 00:01:11.879
or the night before or New Year's. The point is we spent the whole

13
00:01:11.879 --> 00:01:19.280
beginning of this year basically alone at
home, which is is worse thing,

14
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:21.760
which is what we've been doing for
the last two years. We if you

15
00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:25.640
guys heard US last week we were
in Miami. So the whole we were

16
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:29.879
excited because right after New Year's.
Mid Day after New Year's we flew to

17
00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:33.560
Miami be with your family and to
see friends and we were like to go

18
00:01:33.640 --> 00:01:36.879
to wedding twenty, ynny too,
at wedding and go out to dinner,

19
00:01:37.159 --> 00:01:42.400
like come on. And the day
we got the we went to sleep and

20
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:44.439
the next morning, days you will
come and she went, I don't feel

21
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:48.519
so good. I got it.
I knew I had it. Yeah,

22
00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:52.480
it didn't surprise me that we basically
isolated. Yeah, it didn't surprise me

23
00:01:52.480 --> 00:01:56.519
because everyone has it. Yeah,
you know, we did see people at

24
00:01:56.519 --> 00:02:00.959
New Year's. We saw some friends
and family and they were all just traveling

25
00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:05.000
and you know, your kids brought
some friends over. And could it be

26
00:02:04.959 --> 00:02:07.439
in anybody? Could have been anybody
anywhere. Everybody's got it. It's a

27
00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:15.000
super contagious variant this I'm equl your
baxed. Yeah, boosted in my case

28
00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:17.560
it's it's you know, took it
should be very mild. It was.

29
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:22.280
Should a shitty cold and my worst
symptom, you can hear my cost.

30
00:02:22.520 --> 00:02:25.879
Yeah, my worst symptom really was
the fatigue. I was very tired.

31
00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:30.560
Yeah, the first two nights I
had body aches, like back aches,

32
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:35.439
and it wasn't fun. It was
just like fluish, but then that subsided

33
00:02:35.599 --> 00:02:39.319
pretty quickly and I was left with
just, you know, some headaches,

34
00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:45.680
which I'm hearing a lot of people
have headaches, and just fatigue, and

35
00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:49.599
I'm just getting over the fatigue now. That kind of lingered for a while.

36
00:02:49.719 --> 00:02:53.759
As you remember, it was either
the end of the second day for

37
00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:57.960
me or the beginning of the third
where I went I think I'm over it

38
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:00.599
already. Yeah, like I felt
total we find we walked three miles.

39
00:03:00.680 --> 00:03:06.960
Yeah, I was like, I
got this is nothing. And then a

40
00:03:07.159 --> 00:03:13.039
day later I was just really tired, and I'm not, you know,

41
00:03:13.159 --> 00:03:16.240
I have always I always have energy. Yeah, and I was really like

42
00:03:16.360 --> 00:03:20.400
feeling kind of crappy and I thought, wait a minute, I thought I

43
00:03:20.439 --> 00:03:23.599
was over this. And then I
felt shitty for a day or two,

44
00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:28.560
like really Shitty, but then at
the end of maybe the fifth day,

45
00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:30.919
Sixth Day, I started to feel
except for this little dry cough, which

46
00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:35.520
is apparently even my son Lucas,
who's been over it for a month and

47
00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:40.000
a half so, has this lingering
cop very typical. But so this is

48
00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:50.319
fun. I was ninety seven percent
back and we were with your sister and

49
00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:53.759
brother in law at their house,
having dinner with them and they had just

50
00:03:53.800 --> 00:04:00.439
gotten over covid so we weren't worried
about yeah, and obviously we weren't drinking

51
00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:04.800
at all. When we had the
we were in full yeah, this was

52
00:04:04.879 --> 00:04:10.080
like your sixth or seventh yea into
it. When you went saw we hadn't

53
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.879
had a anything to you know,
any alcohol or anything like that for like

54
00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:15.599
a week and she opened a bottle
of wine and I said, oh,

55
00:04:15.719 --> 00:04:18.680
that sounds really good, I would
love a glass of wine. She pours

56
00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:23.360
a glass of wine, I take
a SIP. She you and Rosanna were

57
00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:27.160
in the kitchen and her kitchen and
I took a sip of the wine and

58
00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.120
I was like, oh my God, this wine is awful. The is

59
00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:35.839
like it's rotten. It's the worst
wine. It's like rancid and I winced

60
00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:39.600
and I wanted to get your attention
to go, Oh my God, you

61
00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:43.399
got to tell Rosanna the wine is
bad. And Daisy is talking to Reth

62
00:04:43.480 --> 00:04:46.639
and she looks over at me and
before I can say anything, daisy makes

63
00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:49.160
a face like missing. The wine. Amazing, it was so good and

64
00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:56.920
I went what, Oh, and
I realized that it wasn't that it was

65
00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:00.680
just rancid. It was that I
couldn't really taste it and I lost my

66
00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:04.800
sense of smell and taste for four
days. Yeah, okay. So those

67
00:05:04.839 --> 00:05:09.319
of you who went through that,
who experienced the no smell, no taste,

68
00:05:12.120 --> 00:05:16.519
it's so weird. It's such a
weird I can only imagine it's such

69
00:05:16.560 --> 00:05:23.720
a weird sensation and some people,
I talked to somebody today who had covid

70
00:05:23.759 --> 00:05:26.720
a year ago. They never got
their tastes on Smid, would seriously be

71
00:05:26.759 --> 00:05:34.079
freaking out. Yeah, so daisy
heard about a hack on ticktock of all

72
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:39.959
places, and day before yesterday she
said look, what's the downside? Right,

73
00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:45.040
we can try this. So the
hack is you take an orange and

74
00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:49.120
you burn it over a flame,
on open flame. You burn it black,

75
00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:54.720
so it takes a little while it
catches fire. You put it out

76
00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:59.040
right like a marshmallow, except way
longer because the skin is so thick on

77
00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:02.120
an orange. Sure. So she
burned an orange and an open flame and

78
00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:09.360
then you cut into the orange,
scoop out the soft bit, Hmm,

79
00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:15.120
in a bowl, mix it with
brown sugar and eat it. And people

80
00:06:15.160 --> 00:06:18.160
were saying it brought my taste back
and my smell back. Yeah, so

81
00:06:18.519 --> 00:06:21.639
you know, any of you guys
who listen to our podcast, you know

82
00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:24.439
that I'm the most incal guy in
the rust. I was like, this

83
00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:28.079
is such a fucking jerk off.
But what, you know, what's it

84
00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:30.120
downside? Yeah, what do we
have to lose? That's I love oranges.

85
00:06:30.279 --> 00:06:32.439
Yeah, no, so we did
it. I put it in the

86
00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:38.439
bowl. I could barely taste it, barely, because that's a really strong

87
00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:43.240
conduction. Smelt really strong. Yeah, I couldn't smell it and I could

88
00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:46.800
barely taste it and I thought,
yeah, it's as complete waste of time.

89
00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:54.120
So cut two. Three hours later, I take a shower. You

90
00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:58.639
were in the bathroom and I'm showering
and I went baby, I can smell

91
00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:00.839
the bath yell, I can smell
the shower gel. It was amazing.

92
00:07:00.920 --> 00:07:03.600
It brought my sense, my tasting
smell. Yeah, it slowly came back.

93
00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:06.319
You had it kind of slowly came
back that night. Well, it

94
00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:10.240
came back like fifty percent. That
right, and then the next day came

95
00:07:10.279 --> 00:07:13.759
back a little more. Yeah,
so now it's I would say it's almost

96
00:07:13.800 --> 00:07:18.680
normal. I've learned so much on
Tick Tock. I learned so many hacker

97
00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:24.040
of things that when whenever everyone,
everyone will tell you that there are some

98
00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:29.040
very good hacks on tick tock,
Tick Tock. Okay, you know there

99
00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:32.600
are. It's very informational. Veri
on Tick Tock, hacks on Tick Tock,

100
00:07:32.600 --> 00:07:36.040
hats on tick. That's hard to
say, it is. So I

101
00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:38.839
just thought, you know, what
do we have to lose? And I

102
00:07:38.839 --> 00:07:44.720
think I don't think there's any science
behind but I think the power of suggestion

103
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:47.639
and your mind thinking that you're doing
something that may work could have a lot

104
00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:50.800
to do with it. You know
that the power of suggestion is powerful as

105
00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:55.279
fuck. Yes, but in my
case, yes, I had to overcome

106
00:07:55.279 --> 00:07:59.839
a tremendous amount of cynicism. So
it sure must be something chemically. Yes,

107
00:07:59.879 --> 00:08:01.439
that works, because I was not
yet thinking, Oh, this is

108
00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:05.480
going to be in my taste back
I was baby. I mean therey be

109
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:09.759
some science behind that? I highly
doubt it. I don't know what the

110
00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:16.079
science what why it would bring your
taste buts back. But really, you're

111
00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:20.600
eating again while we're doing the podcast. Yeah, okay, okay, you

112
00:08:20.680 --> 00:08:26.560
know why? Because days want to
just put a big fucking bowl of delicious,

113
00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:31.519
juicy grapes, Giant grapes are gigantic
in front of me while we're doing

114
00:08:31.480 --> 00:08:35.679
in pocket. What do you think
I'm going to do? But anyway,

115
00:08:35.879 --> 00:08:39.960
so it worked. Yeah, so, anyway, I'm back. You're pretty

116
00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:43.159
much back. Yeah, how was
tennis? Hmm, you play tennis?

117
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:46.759
Today? It was rained out.
Oh, that's right, you're you went

118
00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:50.320
and then you were you're right now. I walked out the door and came

119
00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:54.919
back at right supposedly playing tennis tomorrow. For the first time in eight we've

120
00:08:54.919 --> 00:09:00.159
had such shitty weather and it's La
winters are just rainy and Cole Old,

121
00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:07.240
and you know it does bigin in
southern California. Yeah, so I took

122
00:09:07.399 --> 00:09:18.159
to my social media on Monday to
ask my followers if they had good relationship

123
00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:24.120
questions. So we haven't. We
haven't done a relationship theme, yea episode,

124
00:09:24.120 --> 00:09:26.759
in a little while, and that
seems to be always the most popular.

125
00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:31.679
It's one of my favorite subjects to
talk about. I really enjoy it

126
00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:35.720
and I think that are the only
thing you like talking about more than our

127
00:09:35.759 --> 00:09:45.639
relationship is other people's relationship. Under
yes, I love to not practice what

128
00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:50.960
I preach. Yes, and I
deliberately have not really looked at the comments.

129
00:09:52.080 --> 00:09:54.120
I turned that over to you.
You compile the list of questions.

130
00:09:54.120 --> 00:09:58.039
You that were great the few and
I don't think you shared one with me,

131
00:09:58.039 --> 00:09:58.679
which I think is going to be
a good thing. Yeah, and

132
00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.080
I don't think that we're going to
get to all of them, but I'm

133
00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:05.600
going to save some for our next
show. Yeah, because we always,

134
00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:09.120
you know, when we do back
to back. Yeah, I just really

135
00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:13.919
love talking about relationships because when people
well, what's more important? It is

136
00:10:13.960 --> 00:10:16.480
the most important thing in life,
and I think these last two years really

137
00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:24.639
have could have confirmed that for all
of us, that relationships and family,

138
00:10:24.840 --> 00:10:31.320
friends, lovers, intimacy. We
need it, we need it desperately and

139
00:10:31.360 --> 00:10:37.759
we still Havn't quite figured out how
to do it right. Knowing. You're

140
00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:41.919
right, the pandemic sort of created
a make it or break a scenario for

141
00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:46.559
all kind of not just romantic relationships, but, yeah, all relationships,

142
00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:50.360
all relationships. It's a really important
topic. I do not get tired of

143
00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:56.200
talking about it. I love hearing
people stories, People's experiences, yeah,

144
00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:01.840
People's advice. Yeah, and it's
something that we can all relate to,

145
00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:05.360
you know, and some of the
advice that we give obviously is not professional

146
00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:09.639
advice, but you know, we're
to people who have lived. It's better

147
00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:15.360
than most professional advice. We've lived
a lot and we've learned a lot,

148
00:11:15.480 --> 00:11:20.240
hopefully, and I think that just
hearing other people's perspective on these topics are

149
00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:24.080
always so helpful. They can sometimes
just remind you that you're not alone what

150
00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:28.559
you're going through and what you're feeling. It's really important. So should we

151
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:35.080
jump right into it right am?
Okay, this is a yeah, this

152
00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:41.639
is one that really is stood out
for me because I think it's something that

153
00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:46.720
is not unique, something that you
don't really hear about, and I noticed

154
00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:52.360
that there were a lot of other
people jumped in and answered her. So

155
00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:56.879
a lot of people really were kind
of felt her. Okay, concern.

156
00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:58.679
Yeah, this is when you've told
me about. Yeah, this is this

157
00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.559
comes from Paula, and her mom
passed away on January first. Her Mom

158
00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:09.399
was just sixty seven years old and
they were very close. Her fiance hasn't

159
00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:13.559
been the best of being there for
her, she said, and so she

160
00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:16.960
told him that she really needed him
to step up and be her strength and

161
00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.919
he said, and I quote,
it's about time you got over it.

162
00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:26.039
It's been three weeks and Paula feels
that, fuck, this is a relationship

163
00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:31.279
breaker and she's asking, you know, is it a relationship borders? And

164
00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.679
he's an asshole. Well, look, we next question. Yeah, look,

165
00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:39.320
we don't. We don't really know
the backstory, and maybe he didn't

166
00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:45.879
mean it to sound that harsh.
The truth is that people go through their

167
00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:50.679
grief process very differently. There are
some people who really don't know how to

168
00:12:50.679 --> 00:12:56.799
deal with grief, cannot deal with
grief. Very complex. It's very complex.

169
00:12:56.279 --> 00:13:01.799
So it's very individual. It is
very individual. So I'm speaking for

170
00:13:01.960 --> 00:13:05.720
both sides, you know. So
Paula, whose mom passed away, is

171
00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:11.120
really going through many emotions three weeks
later. I mean, of course she's

172
00:13:11.240 --> 00:13:16.159
still I don't flieve you ever get
over something like that. Maybe time helps

173
00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:18.840
you heal a little bit, maybe
you deal with it a little bit better,

174
00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:22.720
but three weeks and she was only
sixty seven. Yeah, that's a

175
00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:26.080
lot to process, not like the
mom was like ninety eight and you know,

176
00:13:26.200 --> 00:13:30.039
it's kind of like you're expecting it
and you've had time to process it.

177
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:33.120
Not that that makes it any better, but okay, so Paul is

178
00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:37.879
dealing with this. What I mean
is maybe her fiance really is a good

179
00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:45.240
guy and maybe he doesn't know how
to deal with grief. Maybe he well,

180
00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:48.759
then that's what you have to say, right. Maybe her fiance it.

181
00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:52.679
Maybe he lost a parent but he
wasn't close to them, so for

182
00:13:52.759 --> 00:13:56.200
him it was not a totally different
experience. What you can't do is ascribe

183
00:13:56.279 --> 00:14:05.360
your philosophy about grief to anyone else. Absolutely, and that again we don't

184
00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.159
I'm taking Paul at her word that, Yeh, that's how it went down.

185
00:14:09.000 --> 00:14:13.200
That's a very insensitive thing to say. It's a very discreet so that's

186
00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:18.360
my point. I think that the
real that my my advice for Paula in

187
00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:26.759
this situation would be, you know, you know your fiance better than anyone,

188
00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:31.120
so you know how he meant it. You know if maybe he's just

189
00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:37.440
someone who is a little emotionally troubled
when it comes to dealing with grief.

190
00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:41.039
When it is she know whatever she
knows, she would have she wouldn't have

191
00:14:41.080 --> 00:14:46.039
posted what he said. Hatch write
it's something that is bothering her. But

192
00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:50.240
is it bothering you just because he
said this and the way he said it,

193
00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:52.159
or is it part of a bigger
Paris. Is a part of a

194
00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:56.039
bigger problem? Is he generally insensitive
to your needs? The first thing I

195
00:14:56.039 --> 00:15:00.720
would say, if I were Paula, is, just so you know,

196
00:15:00.840 --> 00:15:05.679
to the fiance, I've received more
emotional support, yeah, complete strangers on

197
00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:13.159
Instagram then I got from you.
Right. And you know the truth is

198
00:15:13.480 --> 00:15:16.519
that only she knows. It's her
mom right, only she knows how he

199
00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:20.720
meant it. So I think you
really have to analyze here. You know,

200
00:15:22.039 --> 00:15:26.120
is it worth breaking the relationship just
because he said that? Maybe not.

201
00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:30.360
But is this part of a bigger
problem, where he is generally not

202
00:15:30.440 --> 00:15:35.000
supportive, where he is generally where
he thinks that maybe you're too needy,

203
00:15:35.159 --> 00:15:39.159
where he maybe doesn't respond to your
needs, and this is just really,

204
00:15:39.639 --> 00:15:45.000
you know, the straw that broke
the camels back. HMM, is is

205
00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:48.320
this really? It doesn't matter in
that scenario. Yeah, it was wrong.

206
00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:52.360
Yeah, it was a wrong thing
to say. I'm a I'm a

207
00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:54.559
believer in two sides to every story
or, you know, being open to

208
00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:58.679
both sides of him. Yeah,
argument, but this is one of those

209
00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:03.840
rare cases where there's nothing that gives
him a pass for me, not for

210
00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:07.720
saying that. No, he really
owes her an apology. I mean saying,

211
00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:11.440
look, I'm I love you and
I'm sorry you're hurting, but I'm

212
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:15.879
emotionally unequipped to yeah, like I
I can't deal with grief. I don't

213
00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:18.879
know, like I'm afraid of it. Yeah, I don't. I can't

214
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:21.399
be around people who are breathing.
I get all that. Just be honest,

215
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:22.960
but don't say it's been three weeks, get over it, like that

216
00:16:23.080 --> 00:16:26.399
is definitely the wrong thing to say. Yeah, we'll be right back after

217
00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:40.759
this short break. You know,
any time that your significant other, your

218
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:47.879
fiance, your boyfriend, your husband, it sees that you need him or

219
00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:52.879
even more specifically, you're asking,
yeah, for support. You're saying,

220
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:57.200
I'm really hurting right now, I
really need you to help me find my

221
00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:00.919
strength. I need you to be
my strength for a minute. Yeah.

222
00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:07.279
So anyone who says that to you, it doesn't matter how ill equipped you

223
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.839
are to deal with their problems.
It takes nothing to have some compassion and

224
00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:18.000
to say, look, I I
don't think there's anything I can say or

225
00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:19.799
do to help you, but I'm
here for you. Yeah, you know.

226
00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:25.400
Or Look, you're you seem to
really, really be struggling with this.

227
00:17:25.480 --> 00:17:26.799
I don't know that I'm equipped to
help you with this. Can I

228
00:17:26.839 --> 00:17:30.799
help you find someone to talk to? Maybe you should seek some therapy,

229
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:37.359
maybe we should both go to to
a therapist together and really talk about our

230
00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:40.079
feelings, because I don't know how
to deal with this either. Yeah,

231
00:17:40.279 --> 00:17:42.640
you know, maybe that's the right
thing to say, but so look,

232
00:17:42.759 --> 00:17:47.640
I don't know if this is a
relationship ender. I think for me that

233
00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:51.559
would be a huge red flag.
Absolutely, yeah, I would. For

234
00:17:51.640 --> 00:17:56.160
me personally, seriously, that would
probably be the beginning of the end for

235
00:17:56.200 --> 00:18:00.440
me and that relationship. Yeah,
but maybe you know, he is your

236
00:18:00.440 --> 00:18:06.039
fiance. So maybe before you go
that route, really ask yourself some tough

237
00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:10.200
questions like is this part of a
bigger problem? Is this? Is this

238
00:18:10.319 --> 00:18:14.839
part of something that he does where
he's just generally not there for you emotionally

239
00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:19.359
when you need this person? Yeah, and sorry, guys, Lee seek

240
00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:25.119
out some professional help, but it
really does help to talk to someone who's

241
00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:33.880
experienced with the grief process and who
can help you really iron out your emotions

242
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:37.799
and talk about it a little bit. And there is no time frame.

243
00:18:37.920 --> 00:18:40.319
It doesn't matter if it's been three
weeks, one of those, one of

244
00:18:40.359 --> 00:18:47.759
the fears to point out here.
If her mom was sixty seven and things

245
00:18:47.799 --> 00:18:52.880
being averaged, that means Paul is
probably in her s, mid to late

246
00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:56.839
S, maybe R S, who
knows? Yeah, but I mean generally

247
00:18:56.880 --> 00:19:00.480
speaking, let's say she's in her
she's around forty, like between forty and

248
00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:04.759
forty five. Okay, that means
that she's at a time in her life

249
00:19:04.759 --> 00:19:12.400
where, I don't know if she
has kids. A lot happens from forty

250
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:21.160
to fifty, to fifty five.
That is emotionally unchartered territory. Right for

251
00:19:21.240 --> 00:19:23.759
all of us. It's a time
when we're going through stuff. We're losing

252
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:30.640
people, we're we're having to come
to terms with the older versions of ourselves.

253
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:36.480
There's a lot of emotional stuff that
happens. If you're in a relationship

254
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:40.400
with someone who's not equipped to help
you through any of that, that's tough.

255
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:44.880
You need to you better off alone, I think so. You know.

256
00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:47.920
I think so, better off just
to be surrounded by friends who get

257
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:49.839
you, yeah, who were there
for you, to be in a relationship

258
00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:57.200
with someone who is insensitive to those
kind of you know, the those processes,

259
00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:03.759
I guess that's the right word.
Yeah, I'm sorry, Paul,

260
00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:08.000
you diserve better than that. Everybody
deserves better than that. But you know,

261
00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:17.400
you owe it to yourself to to
talk to someone to really help you

262
00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:19.160
deal with grief. It's a tough
thing to go through. I'm also going

263
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:23.680
to go out on a limb,
a very short limb, and say Paul's

264
00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:27.759
friends have all said what we're saying. Probably, I'm sure there are people

265
00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:32.640
around her saying, you know,
that was a real dick move and you

266
00:20:32.680 --> 00:20:36.240
know, I hope maybe bring it
up to him. Maybe bring it up

267
00:20:36.279 --> 00:20:38.480
to him and show him how insensitive, yeah, it was. I mean

268
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:44.440
all you have to do is go
to your post and see. Yeah,

269
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:48.920
people came to her defense, you
know, and with this was a post

270
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:51.480
that you did, basically asking for
they what do you guys want to talk

271
00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:55.839
about? And everybody just and a
lot of people jumped in on her thing

272
00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:57.799
and said, Hey, I was
just scrolling through here and yeah, you

273
00:20:57.839 --> 00:21:02.119
know, this sounds like this and
that was not okay and I'm sorry for

274
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:03.839
it. You know. So,
Paula, first of all, I'm really,

275
00:21:03.880 --> 00:21:10.200
really, really sorry for your loss
and I hope that. I hope

276
00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:12.559
that you can work it out and, yes, heals you an apology and

277
00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:17.599
maybe it's time to end the relationship. Yeah, I don't know. I've

278
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:21.000
lost both my parents and I can
tell you you know very different circumstances,

279
00:21:21.000 --> 00:21:23.359
but it's a process and you got
to go through it on your own time

280
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:30.000
at your own pace. Absolutely all
right. Let's move on to Jeff.

281
00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:33.279
WHO said? He says, how
do you feel about the way men and

282
00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:38.799
women age differently? After thirty three
years of marriage, his wife thinks that

283
00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:44.319
she looks terrible, even though he
tells her that she still hot. It's

284
00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:48.240
a very common problem. HMM,
so she's really, I guess, not

285
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.440
feeling very good about herself after thirty
three years of being together. Hmm,

286
00:21:55.079 --> 00:22:00.559
what do you think? That's a
really interesting question and topic. Okay,

287
00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:10.799
so first of all, your sense
of Ohen I say, your Jeff's wife,

288
00:22:11.319 --> 00:22:17.160
after thirty three years. So,
Jeff, your wife, her sense

289
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:23.799
of herself, beauty, herself worth
has nothing to do with you. I

290
00:22:23.880 --> 00:22:30.480
mean, you can make it Shitty
by criticizing her or being that's for sure,

291
00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:36.160
but at the end of the day
it's not Jeff's responsibility for how she

292
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:41.079
feels about herself right, it's hers
right, and if she feels bad about

293
00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:45.319
herself. It's a trick, you
know, it's tricky. It's a tricky

294
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:48.920
as a I'll speak as a man. It's tricky in that you want to

295
00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:53.119
be supportive, but, if you
like, there been times when you have

296
00:22:53.559 --> 00:22:59.160
kind of said things about yourself that
I remember when saying to you, no

297
00:22:59.359 --> 00:23:04.200
one talks about you like that in
front of me, including you, and

298
00:23:04.279 --> 00:23:08.359
the truth is that two things can
co exist. One is that there are

299
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:15.200
times when you don't feel great about
yourself, especially at right now, at

300
00:23:15.240 --> 00:23:18.759
this last year too. We're based
upon your age and what's going on,

301
00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:25.680
whatever circumstances, and the same is
true for me, when you and I

302
00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:33.480
confide in each other our insecurities about
ourselves or our sense of being older or

303
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:40.359
not looking the way we did or, you know, my I can relate

304
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:45.240
to this in that I I just
sometimes you say things and I just sometimes

305
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:48.319
I get angry with you, and
sometimes I just look at you and it's

306
00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:53.640
just ludicrous because you're the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen, and I think

307
00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:59.960
that all I can do is,
and maybe this is good advice for Jeff,

308
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:03.000
just keep doing what you're doing,
which is adoring your wife and telling

309
00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:10.319
her that she's the hottest thing you've
ever seen, because that's really all she

310
00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:11.839
wants you. She wants that from
you. I can tell you that she

311
00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:17.599
wants that from you. And sometimes
she wants to just tell you how she's

312
00:24:17.640 --> 00:24:21.079
feeling about herself, and you got
to take it all in and say,

313
00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:26.240
I get it, I understand.
I don't see what you see. I

314
00:24:26.279 --> 00:24:30.960
see something completely different then you see, but it's valid. I hear you,

315
00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:38.039
but I mean, women are way
more critical of themselves and men.

316
00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:44.319
Yeah, and the truth is that
women do age differently than men. I

317
00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:47.839
don't even know that it's that they
age differently, but the perception of their

318
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:49.880
aging is different. I think he's
doing the right thing. You know,

319
00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:56.160
you're telling her she's still hot,
but when a woman is confiding in her

320
00:24:56.240 --> 00:25:02.079
husband, who has known her since
she was young and now she sees her

321
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:08.279
youth no longer there, it's you
know, you're going talking about grief.

322
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:11.680
Your get you're going through this.
It's a bit of a morning process,

323
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:17.960
the morning process where you're grieving for
the person that you used to be.

324
00:25:18.200 --> 00:25:22.759
Okay, so there's that. Okay, emotionally, it's hard for a woman,

325
00:25:22.839 --> 00:25:26.519
because I just write you on one
thing. Yeah, to be that

326
00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:30.359
guy you're mourning. The shell of
yes used to be, not a personally.

327
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.799
Well, a lot of times a
person changes along with the shell.

328
00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:38.599
Your self esteem definitely affect your personality. And if your self esteem takes a

329
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.319
hit because you don't feel good about
yourself, yeah, well, but you're

330
00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:45.960
still get a little deeper than that. I'm it's a little more than just

331
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:51.440
a shell. So the Shell is
important because, even though it is something

332
00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:56.559
very superficial, society puts a lot
of importance on youth. Once a woman

333
00:25:56.599 --> 00:26:03.200
loses that youthfulness, it's almost like
you're no longer worthy of anything. You're

334
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:07.279
just kind of ages them. Yeah, there's a lot of discarding of people

335
00:26:07.319 --> 00:26:10.640
at you know, no one looks
at you the same. You almost become

336
00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:17.880
invisible. You almost do. So
women who are young and attractive, they're

337
00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:23.319
used to getting a certain type of
attention for basically just for being young and

338
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:27.039
attractive. Yeah, that's basically all
you need. Yeah, then as you

339
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:32.400
age, you see that you're losing
that and you're trying to cope with it,

340
00:26:32.440 --> 00:26:38.799
and that's hard enough on its own
right. Knowing that men do age

341
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:42.240
different because they're seen differently by society. You know a man, yeah,

342
00:26:42.279 --> 00:26:47.759
don't hot when he's sixty or sixty
five or even seventy, depending on how

343
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.240
he carries himself, depending on what
he looks like. or any James Dons

344
00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:56.440
case, eighty one James. Yes, he looks amazing as a very handsome

345
00:26:56.480 --> 00:27:00.240
older man. Yes, but women
lose that, you know, the minute

346
00:27:00.279 --> 00:27:03.759
you you're like into your late s
or mid S, you're already, you

347
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:07.920
know, Middle Age, and it's
very different for women. So yes,

348
00:27:07.079 --> 00:27:15.200
we do have many different things to
deal with emotionally psychologically as we age.

349
00:27:15.319 --> 00:27:22.720
Now, with that said, a
woman's body responds dramatically different with menopause and

350
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:30.200
hormones. So it is also chemically. Yes, it's something else is going

351
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:34.119
on that is contributing to all this
nonsense. So this affects everything and affects

352
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:40.359
sex libidos. You get sleep disturbances, you get the hot flashes, insomnia,

353
00:27:40.480 --> 00:27:45.079
stress, depression, so all these
emotional symptoms. You know, they're

354
00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:49.400
very real. You get mood swings, anxiety, weight gain. This is

355
00:27:49.559 --> 00:27:55.000
very freaking for women going through menopause. You know, you lack the estrogen.

356
00:27:55.119 --> 00:28:00.519
It affects every thing. It's a
real mindful so it's a very,

357
00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:04.680
very real thing. She this is
not just you know, your wife who's

358
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:07.319
complaining. Oh Yeah, you know, I don't I don't look so good

359
00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:11.799
anymore and I don't like my wrinkles. And it goes much deeper than that,

360
00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:15.000
even though we understand that, yes, you know, it's a part

361
00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:19.319
of life. We all get older. It is dramatically different from field,

362
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:23.519
different in your body. There is
something chemically happening that is very real.

363
00:28:23.880 --> 00:28:32.240
It affects your body, it affects
you emotionally physically, and you know it's

364
00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:34.519
not an illness. Menopause is not
and there's nothing wrong with menopause. It's

365
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:41.359
a very natural part of life.
But I think sometimes men forget everything that

366
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:45.400
is going on with it. I
think they forget and I think that sometimes

367
00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:48.559
we just need a minute, we
just need someone to hear us. We

368
00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:52.279
sometimes we just need to let it
out a little bit. Yeah, because

369
00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:56.839
you know we're not we're not ourselves, we're not acting like ourselves, we

370
00:28:56.920 --> 00:29:02.480
don't look like ourselves, we don't
feel like ourselves and sometimes you just want

371
00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:07.000
to say it. Now. With
that said, Jeff, I would say

372
00:29:08.759 --> 00:29:12.279
let your wife know that you understand
everything that is going on and that,

373
00:29:12.359 --> 00:29:17.359
even though you see her the same
way that you always have, that you're

374
00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:19.720
still in love with her, that
you're still hot for her, that you

375
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:25.960
understand that there is something much deeper
going on here, that it is a

376
00:29:26.200 --> 00:29:32.519
very real physical and emotional and psychological
reaction, that there is something very real

377
00:29:32.599 --> 00:29:36.799
going on. And maybe you can
help her find a doctor that will help

378
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:41.000
her with hormone replacement, maybe you
can help or find a therapist that will

379
00:29:41.319 --> 00:29:48.359
help her deal with what she's feeling, but also you can just hear her

380
00:29:48.440 --> 00:29:52.480
out. Yeah, and this listen
to her. The question to ask is

381
00:29:52.559 --> 00:29:55.960
simple. How can I help you
with this? How can I help you

382
00:29:56.839 --> 00:30:03.440
go through what you're going through?
Yes, do you want to go join

383
00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:07.279
a fitness program together? I'll go
with you. Do you want to go

384
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:11.119
find you want me to help you
find a great doctor for we what?

385
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.680
How can I help? Yes,
yeah, those are all really great things

386
00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:17.519
instead of going you look fucking gray. I'm so hard for you. Get

387
00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:21.519
over it. It's almost like the
last question. Well, yeah, sensitive

388
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:23.920
to what the individual is going through
solutely, and yes, it's it is

389
00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:26.559
the right thing to say, Hey, you're still hot, I'm still hot

390
00:30:26.640 --> 00:30:30.359
for you. Yeah, definitely say
that and show it and show it,

391
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:33.720
but there's much more to that,
you know, just go a little bit

392
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:37.440
deeper and let her know that you
understand that there is a lot going on,

393
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.960
because there is. There really is, and you know, it really

394
00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:44.960
is different from men than women,
and you do get past it, you

395
00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:48.640
know, I believe that we got
to get past it, but it is

396
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:52.240
an adjustment period. You know,
you're no longer the person you used to

397
00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:59.599
be and it's physical, it's real, it's emotional and there are things out

398
00:30:59.599 --> 00:31:03.640
there that can help her symptoms and
you can really help by being supportive and

399
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:07.960
just understanding that it's not just that
she feels like she's getting older. It's

400
00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:11.279
really not that superficial. It's much
deeper than that. That's a real thing.

401
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:15.359
Yeah, but it is a great
question and I do think that a

402
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:21.640
lot of people are going through this. I know I personally can relate to

403
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:23.920
what she's feeling, because there is
a lot going on and it's not just

404
00:31:25.160 --> 00:31:30.480
that I look at myself and I
look different, you know, I I've

405
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:33.920
lost my youthfulness and it's something that
I have to come to terms with.

406
00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:38.160
It's something that I have to find
ways to be comfortable with it and deal

407
00:31:38.279 --> 00:31:41.559
with it, you know, especially
in the business that I'm in. But

408
00:31:42.119 --> 00:31:45.799
well, okay, that's interesting that
you put put it that way. But

409
00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:51.839
that way the choice of word.
You Lost Your quotes. Youthfulness, yes,

410
00:31:51.960 --> 00:31:56.039
I did. Fifty five. Yeah, so you're not young. No,

411
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:01.559
so, no, no, fifty
five yet or forty five year old

412
00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:07.599
is youthful? No, but you
know, when you're in your s you

413
00:32:07.720 --> 00:32:12.200
still feel really good. You still
you know, unless you're going through early

414
00:32:12.279 --> 00:32:15.079
menopause. Then yes, it affects
everything. But when I was in my

415
00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:17.880
fort s I felt great. Sure, I didn't feel young, but I

416
00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:22.079
felt great. I felt like I
looked good, I was fit, I

417
00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:27.160
was in a good emotional state.
And then when my hormone started changing,

418
00:32:27.839 --> 00:32:31.319
and specially in these last two three
years, you know where I've just been

419
00:32:31.400 --> 00:32:37.720
stuck at home looking at myself,
literally watching myself age in the mirror,

420
00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:43.759
and I think we all have.
Yeah, but you add to it all

421
00:32:43.839 --> 00:32:51.319
these real hormonal, physical psychological issues
and you know, it's a lot and

422
00:32:51.559 --> 00:33:04.039
inactivity and inability to again, sorry
for the cough guys, inability to carry

423
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:09.119
on and, as you were right, because sometimes if you're busy and you're

424
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:15.119
active. It distracts you from the
the from the YEA stuff. Yeah,

425
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:17.319
so where it's like it doesn't matter, like I'm busy, I'm my life

426
00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:22.000
is full, doesn't matter that I
have an extra wrinkle. Who Cares?

427
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.440
Right? And also, you're a
man, true, so it doesn't matter.

428
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:29.160
But you know they're there. Maybe
talk to your girlfriends. For some

429
00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:32.240
reason, this whole thing is still, I think, a little taboo.

430
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:36.640
I don't think a lot of people, a lot of women, talk about

431
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:40.039
what they go through once they're going
through Menopaus, because it's almost like saying

432
00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:44.240
it out loud. Oh Hey,
I'm all down, you know, and

433
00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:47.519
you you try to fight it,
because that's all everybody does is just just

434
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:52.319
hide it, just, you know, kind of sweep it under the rug

435
00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:55.960
and carry on. Yeah, and
sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes it

436
00:33:57.039 --> 00:34:00.279
really does help to talk about it, to get your girlfriends together. They're

437
00:34:00.279 --> 00:34:04.039
all going through similar things. It
makes you feel better right when some of

438
00:34:04.119 --> 00:34:07.200
the when other people are like,
I dude, you have no idea.

439
00:34:07.159 --> 00:34:10.239
Sometimes you just want to hear that
you're not alone in it, that that

440
00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:15.800
other people are going through it,
and some people have found things that help

441
00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:20.400
them deal with it that make life
better? Yeah, there are. There

442
00:34:20.440 --> 00:34:23.960
are definitely many things that you can
do to help with all of these symptoms,

443
00:34:24.079 --> 00:34:29.760
with all of these real things that
come along with aging as a woman.

444
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:34.360
But it's a very good question and, you know, all for all

445
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:39.000
the men out there who you know, maybe maybe your wife isn't complaining about

446
00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:44.239
it, just understand that she may
be going through this silently because she's embarrassed

447
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:49.760
say anything. So just bring up
the dialog. It's so important to talk

448
00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:52.920
about it with with women and to
yeah, go to your wife and say,

449
00:34:52.960 --> 00:34:54.679
I know you haven't said anything,
but are you feeling bad about how

450
00:34:54.840 --> 00:35:00.519
old and Shit do you look?
Okay, maybe don't say that. Maybe

451
00:35:00.639 --> 00:35:05.280
don't say that. No, no, badly line. Yeah, okay,

452
00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:07.679
but you know, maybe say,
Hey, I was listening to this podcast

453
00:35:07.800 --> 00:35:10.039
and apparently this, this is a
real thing, you know, and are

454
00:35:10.119 --> 00:35:13.639
you okay with it? Have you
felt any of this or are you you

455
00:35:13.760 --> 00:35:15.559
know, yeah, maybe, just, I don't know, just be supportive

456
00:35:16.599 --> 00:35:25.800
and understanding. Yes, good question, Jeff. Okay, here's another one.

457
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:32.519
So Renee, she has never dated
at all and she's thirty five.

458
00:35:32.719 --> 00:35:37.599
She has a learning disability and a
speech impediment, but she really just wants

459
00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:42.920
to be loved by someone. She's
always dreamed of being in a loving relationship.

460
00:35:43.079 --> 00:35:45.320
She's been taking care of herself,
she's been getting healthy and fit and

461
00:35:45.760 --> 00:35:49.719
she just wants to find love.
So she's basically asking, you know,

462
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:53.880
can someone be loved despite having disabilities? Of course, a hundred percent.

463
00:35:54.199 --> 00:35:58.639
There's someone for everyone. It's tough. It's a really tough question, you

464
00:35:58.679 --> 00:36:00.679
know, when you really think about
it. I know you're thinking, you

465
00:36:00.760 --> 00:36:05.960
know, hey, I'm thirty five, I haven't really ever dated. Yeah,

466
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:10.320
but I want to, and I
really do think that the longer you

467
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:15.199
wait, the more difficult it is. Well, maybe she's not waiting,

468
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:19.280
maybe she just hasn't, yeah,
had the opportunity yet, but I you

469
00:36:19.480 --> 00:36:22.559
never, you know. I know
it's such a cliche to say there's someone

470
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:27.039
for everyone, but I really believe
that there is. They're absolutely have to

471
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:30.360
keep putting yourself out there. You
have to keep being open. Yeah,

472
00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:37.079
you have to. You know it. Even in Renee's situation, it kind

473
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:42.039
of makes me think about what we've
talked about many times on this podcast,

474
00:36:42.119 --> 00:36:45.840
which is in order to be a
good partner in a relationship, you have

475
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:51.119
to be really good with yourself.
Yeah, so you have to get to

476
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:54.519
the point where, whether you find
someone or not, hmm, you're happy.

477
00:36:55.400 --> 00:37:00.960
Yeah, and that's usually when you'll
find someone. And you know what

478
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:05.159
renee it sounds like, and she
sounds like she's doing she's in the process

479
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:08.000
of that. It's just like she's
really understanding of who she is. She's

480
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:14.719
got a good understanding of who she
is and what her disabilities are and she's

481
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:21.679
not letting that get in her way. And I know it's difficult when I

482
00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:25.559
can only imagine, you know what
you must feel when you meet somebody new.

483
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:29.880
But if you're thinking, Oh,
I wonder if my disabilities is going

484
00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:32.360
to be an issue for him,
he's probably never gonna. You know,

485
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:37.280
your state of mind is very important
where when you meet people. But also

486
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:44.559
there are there are groups that you
can join, whether it's online or in

487
00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:50.440
person, with people who are going
through similar things, yeah, or people

488
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:53.440
who are trying to be supportive of
their loved ones, and those are the

489
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:57.559
people that you want to mix with. Those are the people who are going

490
00:37:57.599 --> 00:38:04.719
to be understanding and that's going to
also help you be more prepared and be

491
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:14.280
more open when you meet people and
not be concerned or not be so thinking

492
00:38:14.360 --> 00:38:16.880
that this is going to be a
limitation for you, because I understand,

493
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:20.480
I can understand how difficult it must
be for you, you know, and

494
00:38:20.639 --> 00:38:25.960
especially you know you're not a kid
anymore and your pickier. You want someone

495
00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:29.719
who is really going to be respectful
and you want someone who's going to be

496
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:35.000
loving and compassionate and supportive, and
those are not easy things to find in

497
00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:39.679
a partner, and especially when you're
just dating, you know. But I

498
00:38:39.960 --> 00:38:45.960
think that there are some very kind, compassionate, loving men out there who

499
00:38:46.199 --> 00:38:51.840
will fall in love with who you
are, including everything that you have to

500
00:38:51.920 --> 00:38:55.440
do with and they will love you
for exactly who you are. But I

501
00:38:55.559 --> 00:39:01.239
think she's I think she's well to
things want to read, reiterate. She

502
00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:07.199
seems to be doing for herself what
she wants, what she feels is necessary.

503
00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:14.000
She's focusing on her health and her
fitness and her she's like ready to

504
00:39:14.079 --> 00:39:19.519
put herself out there. And the
rest you have to sort of just mentally

505
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:24.760
trust the universe to bring yes.
Yeah, definitely, open your mind to

506
00:39:24.920 --> 00:39:30.039
it, open your heart to it, believe and know and understand that you

507
00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:34.599
are deserving of, yes, this
relationship that you want envision it, but

508
00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:37.840
also be proactive in it. Bring
yourself out there. Yeah, join an

509
00:39:37.920 --> 00:39:45.400
online dating site where you can sure
front, you know, say yeah,

510
00:39:45.719 --> 00:39:47.920
there's who, I little bit of
about yourself and who you are, and

511
00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:53.199
and maybe join other groups of people
who have similar situations going on, people

512
00:39:53.199 --> 00:39:58.119
who will understand from the beginning what
what you're going through and what you're feeling.

513
00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:00.199
But you know what, that Saiid. It doesn't have to be someone

514
00:40:00.280 --> 00:40:04.480
who has disabilities. There are many
people who are loving, kind, compassionate

515
00:40:04.519 --> 00:40:07.960
who will fall in love with your
heart and who you are and everything that

516
00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:10.760
you have to offer and just,
you know, put yourself out there.

517
00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:15.559
Yes, the answer is yes.
You will definitely start dating. You will

518
00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:20.880
find some warning for you in a
a hundred percent. It may take some

519
00:40:21.039 --> 00:40:22.760
time and you may have to kiss
some frogs. So we all do,

520
00:40:23.960 --> 00:40:29.400
but it happens. It will happen. Good. What else you get?

521
00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:36.039
We we have time for maybe one
more, yeah, this is or two

522
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:37.039
more. We got two more?
Yeah, we got two more. This

523
00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:42.000
is a good one. Kim is
fifty two years old, successful, divorced

524
00:40:42.039 --> 00:40:47.159
with three kids, fit, attractive. She's a very open minded liberal woman,

525
00:40:47.239 --> 00:40:52.119
but she lives in a ridiculously conservative
town. These are her words.

526
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:55.760
Ridiculously Conservative town, and she can't
find a date. All right, because

527
00:40:55.760 --> 00:41:00.360
everybody's like minded, but her right. That's that's I don't mean to laugh,

528
00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:07.039
but I get it. Yeah,
I get it. Yeah, that's

529
00:41:07.119 --> 00:41:12.800
a big move. No joke.
I thought the same thing. I thought

530
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:15.320
I would for sure pack my shop. So I wouldn't want to surrounded by

531
00:41:15.480 --> 00:41:22.079
ideology that doesn't well resonate with me. In fact, it's just we all

532
00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:24.119
our look, we're all surrounded by
people who think differently than we do.

533
00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:30.800
But you find your people and that
doesn't mean that you can't date someone who

534
00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:36.039
is political, who has politically different
in all kids. And what the differences

535
00:41:36.079 --> 00:41:37.960
are. Yeah, exactly. If
it's someone who's just gonna go like listen,

536
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:42.599
just so you know, I'm going
to vote Republican, that's okay.

537
00:41:42.760 --> 00:41:46.840
But if it's somebody who's crazy and
extreme, than I know I couldn't date

538
00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:53.840
that person. But look, you
clearly are not the only liberal in that

539
00:41:53.960 --> 00:41:58.360
town. There are many more liberal
people in that town. You may just

540
00:41:58.559 --> 00:42:01.440
not have met them yet. But
what I would do in a situation like

541
00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:06.159
that is I would join on online
dating site or you know, I would

542
00:42:06.800 --> 00:42:09.880
take some trips with my girlfriend's take
some weekend trips to different places, go

543
00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:15.320
to the town over from you and
and just meet different people. But I

544
00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:21.800
think that just go online, meet
people online. Yeah, we'll be right

545
00:42:21.880 --> 00:42:36.880
back after this short break. You
know, it's weird because up until the

546
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:43.400
last few years, the idea of
being politically having political differences of opinion.

547
00:42:43.639 --> 00:42:47.599
Yeah, still left lots of room
for dialog. Right, and it's that

548
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:54.039
as narrowed to the point where it's
almost like it's like either or right.

549
00:42:54.920 --> 00:42:59.440
Right. I hate that. I
hate that we've come to a point where,

550
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:05.480
and I'm sure that they the other
side feels the same way about us,

551
00:43:06.199 --> 00:43:08.039
absolutely, but I have gotten to
the point where, if you really

552
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:17.760
do support and and subscribe to what's
going on in the current conservative right wing

553
00:43:19.440 --> 00:43:23.000
ideology, yeah, then you and
I are diametrically opposed in terms of just

554
00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:28.079
souls. Like right you. So
I I'm not going to find any common

555
00:43:28.119 --> 00:43:35.159
ground with you. Yeahs but I
think that that's been distorted. I think

556
00:43:35.159 --> 00:43:37.679
that there are certain people who may
be on paper, I would say there's

557
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:43.400
nothing, there's not one sentence I
could say or they could say where we're

558
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:45.480
going to agree. But if you
spend enough time with someone, you start

559
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:49.800
to break it down and you go
oh, you're just okay, wait a

560
00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:52.000
minute, you're just repeating what you've
been told. Right, here's just repeating

561
00:43:52.039 --> 00:43:54.320
what you heard on Fox News.
Yeah, but if I really have this

562
00:43:54.400 --> 00:43:58.480
conversation with you and I wear you
down to the point where you can trust

563
00:43:58.480 --> 00:44:01.440
me a little bit, you'll say, well, I actually feel like this.

564
00:44:02.079 --> 00:44:07.079
Yeah, where I actually feel like
that, then maybe there's a sliver

565
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:12.679
of common ground to build on.
Yeah, I have to believe, as

566
00:44:12.719 --> 00:44:19.239
a human being that we can start
to turn this around, because I don't

567
00:44:19.400 --> 00:44:23.559
like feeling the way I feel about
people in that movement. Yeah, I

568
00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:30.199
just can't like and I guess it
comes from the fact that I'm so not

569
00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:38.159
a part of any political ideology.
I'm not a quote liberal. Yeah,

570
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:42.480
I'm not. I don't. I've
never, I've never been a registered anything.

571
00:44:42.599 --> 00:44:45.320
Yeah, I don't, except,
you know, myself an extreme liberal.

572
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:49.639
Things in terms of politics that I
agree with. Yeah, what was

573
00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:53.519
the Republican Party before and the Democratic
Party? Absolutely, and I feel like

574
00:44:53.840 --> 00:45:00.119
a good citizen has to leave room
for both that. But we've lost that.

575
00:45:00.519 --> 00:45:04.400
Yeah, lost that and I think
that that's why she, Kim is,

576
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:09.960
is feeling like she can't date in
her town. But you know,

577
00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:17.599
if I was a single woman living
in a ridiculously conservative town, I look,

578
00:45:17.639 --> 00:45:23.519
I don't have a problem with people
politically having opposing views. Politically,

579
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:29.159
I have no problem with that.
I have a problem when it goes beyond

580
00:45:29.320 --> 00:45:34.840
that and it goes beyond politics to
ethics and two morals. Right, you

581
00:45:34.920 --> 00:45:39.159
know. So if you humanity,
exactly so, if your politics are conservative,

582
00:45:39.239 --> 00:45:44.440
that's fine, but if, along
with your conservative politics, you subscribe

583
00:45:44.639 --> 00:45:50.119
to you know, fuck all immigrants, and I'm racist, and you know,

584
00:45:50.519 --> 00:45:54.000
I mean why would you be with
anyway like that? And and I

585
00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:59.760
we get to tell women what to
do with their bodies and we, you

586
00:45:59.880 --> 00:46:02.599
know, just do what we say, and anybody who doesn't do what we

587
00:46:02.719 --> 00:46:07.840
say, fuck the motter for trump
because he's a godly man. So okay,

588
00:46:07.400 --> 00:46:13.599
yeah, so once it goes beyond
politics and it goes into morals,

589
00:46:14.639 --> 00:46:16.119
then I have a problem. Yeah, you know, because I don't want

590
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:21.880
to hang out or even know.
You know, racist people, right,

591
00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:25.840
people who discriminated what it's belong to
are just all about their white privilege,

592
00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:30.440
people who are tone deaf to what's
going on in the world, who are

593
00:46:30.519 --> 00:46:34.000
not sensitive, who are disconnected,
yeah, to you know, and they

594
00:46:34.119 --> 00:46:36.800
they're just like me, me,
me, it's all about me and what

595
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:40.039
you know, I don't care about
anybody else. Kind of thing. Then

596
00:46:40.159 --> 00:46:44.679
I have a problem with those people, but it's not really because of their

597
00:46:44.719 --> 00:46:46.440
political views, it is because of
theirs far and the way they think.

598
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:52.480
Yes, right, so I think
that this, you know, this has

599
00:46:52.719 --> 00:47:00.719
gone way past political ideologies. It's
not. It's no longer because who cares?

600
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:04.679
If somebody's voice so found different,
differently than you, who cares?

601
00:47:04.719 --> 00:47:07.159
You can still hang out with a
have a lot of things in common with

602
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:12.119
that person. Yeah, but it
just seems like in the last few years

603
00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:15.159
that is harder and harder to find. So, whatever town is it?

604
00:47:15.239 --> 00:47:20.440
Renee, journey? Now this is
Kim, Okay Im, also, whatever

605
00:47:20.519 --> 00:47:23.559
town Kim lives in she's describing.
Yeah, I guarantee you that there are

606
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:28.360
people who are a political total give
a shit. Yeah, they're not.

607
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:30.280
You know, they might be conservative
in certain ways, but they don't follow

608
00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:35.320
with their you know, find those
people too, absolutely. And then people

609
00:47:35.360 --> 00:47:38.360
who there are people right next door
to you. Yeah, can find some

610
00:47:38.440 --> 00:47:44.159
common yeah, and be open to
meeting people who may be conservative, maybe

611
00:47:44.239 --> 00:47:49.519
they vote differently than you that maybe
they are good, good people with a

612
00:47:49.639 --> 00:47:53.039
kind heart, who are compassionate,
who are with you on on many causes

613
00:47:53.159 --> 00:47:58.719
and just politically. Maybe they're different
and that's okay. And if that's okay,

614
00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:07.480
once again move good luck, Kim. Okay, one more. This

615
00:48:07.719 --> 00:48:08.920
is a really good I I see
now we do have a lot. So

616
00:48:09.119 --> 00:48:13.679
next, yes, next episode will
tackle five, four or five more.

617
00:48:13.920 --> 00:48:20.719
This is a really good and important
question. Staff from Long Island, so

618
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:23.719
thank you for this one. She
said what are some ways you can create

619
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:35.119
a great relationship with your own self? That's a really good question. We're

620
00:48:35.159 --> 00:48:43.559
always talking about how to find really
good relationships and how to deal with relationship

621
00:48:43.599 --> 00:48:45.639
with other people, but the most
important relationship of all is that that you

622
00:48:45.800 --> 00:48:53.800
have with yourself. Well, no
disrespect to step but I don't know how

623
00:48:53.880 --> 00:48:57.920
all the stuff is, but I
mean you have to have a sense of

624
00:48:57.960 --> 00:49:01.039
who you are at this point.
You may not, oh, not necessarily.

625
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:07.320
Everyone has a sense of who they
are. They might not be working

626
00:49:07.440 --> 00:49:10.119
on it or focusing on it or
taking it to the level that they need

627
00:49:10.280 --> 00:49:15.679
to, but everyone has an instinctive
sense of who they are in a given

628
00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:21.239
moment. So that's I disagree with
that. Not everyone has that. You

629
00:49:21.280 --> 00:49:23.159
could disagree what you're wrong. No, not everyone has a good sense of

630
00:49:23.239 --> 00:49:27.239
who they are, that is a
really, really insicable good sense of who

631
00:49:27.280 --> 00:49:29.400
they are, or even a sense
of who they are. You may think

632
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:32.119
you know who you are and still
have not a good relationship with yourself,

633
00:49:32.440 --> 00:49:37.039
still not like who you are,
and this goes back to childhood traumas.

634
00:49:37.159 --> 00:49:40.559
This goes back to how you were
brought up. Maybe it's your parents,

635
00:49:40.679 --> 00:49:44.920
maybe it was something that happened to
you in school, maybe it's something that

636
00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:47.719
happened to you with with you know, your friends or your lovers, but

637
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:57.239
it created something where you are not
happy with yourself. You can know yourself

638
00:49:57.480 --> 00:50:01.320
somewhat and still not be happy with
yourself. So that is the most important

639
00:50:01.400 --> 00:50:06.639
thing, is how to have a
good relationship with yourself, how to feel

640
00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:09.000
good about who you are. First
of all, how to find out who

641
00:50:09.079 --> 00:50:15.159
you are and then how to feel
good about yourself. I think that it

642
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:17.800
is have to figure out, first
of all, what makes you happy.

643
00:50:19.199 --> 00:50:21.760
It's crucial to your own wellbeing.
I mean, you're not going to have

644
00:50:21.960 --> 00:50:25.840
any type of solid relationships with anyone
of you're not comfortable or accepting of yourself.

645
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:29.039
Of course right. But in order
to do that, you have to

646
00:50:29.159 --> 00:50:34.039
figure out what are the things in
your life that make you happy? What

647
00:50:34.159 --> 00:50:39.480
are the things in your life that
make you angry? What are the things

648
00:50:39.880 --> 00:50:47.119
in your life that feed you,
that make you feel your sense of self

649
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:53.280
worth? Yeah, and you have
to identify all of those totally. I

650
00:50:53.400 --> 00:50:57.840
think that you're right. The first
thing that you have to do is,

651
00:50:58.440 --> 00:51:00.920
and I talked about the US in
my book that I wrote years ago,

652
00:51:02.000 --> 00:51:05.800
get to know yourself. Everybody's always
telling you, Oh, you know what,

653
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:09.519
just be yourself, just be authentic. But yeah, it is so

654
00:51:09.840 --> 00:51:14.920
difficult to figure out who you are
because from the moment you're born you're being

655
00:51:15.079 --> 00:51:17.960
told who you are. Yeah,
you're being told by your parents. You

656
00:51:19.039 --> 00:51:22.039
know who you are, how you
should be, what to believe in,

657
00:51:22.440 --> 00:51:25.440
what food to eat, how to
dress, what to believe in. From

658
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:30.559
the moment you're born, you're being
told who you are. So as we

659
00:51:30.679 --> 00:51:34.880
get older, we think we know
who we are, and a lot of

660
00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:38.039
times getting to know who you are
is UN learning a lot of things that

661
00:51:38.119 --> 00:51:42.960
you think you are on learning a
lot of things that you've been told.

662
00:51:43.199 --> 00:51:46.280
So you have to get to know
yourself. You have to figure out who

663
00:51:46.360 --> 00:51:50.719
you are, who you're not,
like you said, your likes, your

664
00:51:50.760 --> 00:51:54.880
dislikes, your triggers. You know, it's really important to figure out what

665
00:51:55.000 --> 00:52:00.079
your strengths are, embrace and focus
on those strengths and don't focus on your

666
00:52:00.119 --> 00:52:04.360
weaknesses. We don't all have it
all covered, you know, and and

667
00:52:04.559 --> 00:52:07.920
definitely do more things that bring you
joy. Yeah, I think that that

668
00:52:08.159 --> 00:52:13.159
tells you who you are, the
things that bring you happiness and and fill

669
00:52:13.280 --> 00:52:16.440
you with joy. That tells you
where you should be, what you should

670
00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:21.079
be doing more of, and I
think that a lot of times we it's

671
00:52:21.239 --> 00:52:24.159
very easy to lose that joy,
especially as we get older. But,

672
00:52:25.880 --> 00:52:30.880
you know, since she's asking,
what you can do to really have a

673
00:52:30.920 --> 00:52:36.079
good relationship with yourself, you know, spend time each day doing something for

674
00:52:36.320 --> 00:52:40.760
yourself, whether that's meditation, food
prepping, something that you do for yourself.

675
00:52:42.880 --> 00:52:46.880
I can't stress enough how important meditation
is. Yeah, I know that

676
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:50.760
a lot of people are. I
was really late to it. Yeah,

677
00:52:51.480 --> 00:52:55.119
it's so helpful. It's so important
because it's really the only thing you can

678
00:52:55.199 --> 00:52:59.360
do when I say a meditate,
you don't need to crush your legs and

679
00:52:59.400 --> 00:53:02.519
put your thumbs up and you know
that whole thing. Excuse me, but

680
00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.960
do something that really is quiet,
where it's just you with you. Stop

681
00:53:10.199 --> 00:53:15.000
judging others. This is a big
one. I think that usually when you

682
00:53:15.239 --> 00:53:21.719
when you're constantly really judgmental of other
people and critical, it's usually because it's

683
00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:25.400
something within yourself that you're fearful of
or you dislike in yourself. So take

684
00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:30.960
a look at that and notice when
you're judging other people, because that also

685
00:53:30.079 --> 00:53:35.679
creates a lot of negative talk within
yourself. It puts you on a really

686
00:53:36.039 --> 00:53:42.960
bad vibrational level. Focus on the
things that you're aware you like about yourself,

687
00:53:43.760 --> 00:53:46.320
yeah, but also with other people. have compassion and be kind with

688
00:53:46.440 --> 00:53:52.639
other people and with yourself. And
it's also really important to recognize negative self

689
00:53:52.800 --> 00:53:53.639
talk. We all have it,
we all do it, you know,

690
00:53:53.800 --> 00:53:58.599
but we have to get to the
point where we recognize it and we remind

691
00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:02.760
ourselves that those things aren't true,
the things that you're telling yourself in your

692
00:54:02.840 --> 00:54:07.320
head, those thoughts that really put
you in a bad place, they're not

693
00:54:07.639 --> 00:54:12.360
true, they don't make any sense. You have to really learn to recognize

694
00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:15.760
that, you know, remind yourself
that you're worthy of love and happiness.

695
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:19.559
You have to treat yourself well.
You know, take time to wind down

696
00:54:19.559 --> 00:54:22.880
at the end of each day and
get yourself to a good head space,

697
00:54:22.079 --> 00:54:27.159
you know, delete the bad things
that happened and just do better the next

698
00:54:27.239 --> 00:54:30.119
day. I think that that's all
any of us can do. You know,

699
00:54:30.840 --> 00:54:32.519
and here's another big one. I
think that this is really important,

700
00:54:32.880 --> 00:54:39.199
don't place your happiness on anyone or
anything that could be taken away. Your

701
00:54:39.239 --> 00:54:44.719
happiness is something that has to really
just come from you. You have to

702
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:49.679
find that within yourself because, I'm
many you put that responsibility on somebody else,

703
00:54:49.800 --> 00:54:54.599
you're just preparing yourself for a letdown. A hundred percent. That's good

704
00:54:54.599 --> 00:54:58.559
advice. I don't know. I
think that those are the things that I

705
00:54:58.679 --> 00:55:04.639
try to remind myself off and if
a good friend was really not being kind

706
00:55:04.840 --> 00:55:08.519
to herself, these are the things
that I would suggest and and hope that

707
00:55:09.880 --> 00:55:14.559
you know, when the next time
that you're having a bit of a negative

708
00:55:14.599 --> 00:55:17.960
moment or, you know, bad
thoughts about yourself or you're really down on

709
00:55:19.039 --> 00:55:22.079
yourself, that you can learn to
recognize that those things are not true and

710
00:55:22.159 --> 00:55:28.719
that it's just a habit of your
of your mind to go there. Our

711
00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:35.679
mind is comfortable bold just saying shit
it sometimes it's just a practice. It

712
00:55:35.880 --> 00:55:39.679
takes practice of it's recognizing it and
practicing the opposite thoughts. You know,

713
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:45.079
if you say something negative about yourself
to yourself, it's a gradual education.

714
00:55:45.400 --> 00:55:47.800
Yeah, pretend that it's someone talking
to you that way and don't allow it.

715
00:55:50.039 --> 00:55:52.920
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
always say there's this bitch that lives

716
00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:57.719
in my head and she's just such
a bitch and all she does is Talk

717
00:55:57.800 --> 00:56:00.079
Shit to me and I have to
tell a Shun't tolerate that. Sometime,

718
00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:05.039
anybody else exactly. So sometimes you
have to tell that bitch in your head

719
00:56:05.159 --> 00:56:08.440
just shut up and go away.
All right, good questions. Thank you,

720
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:13.840
guys. Yeah, we'll pick up
a few more at the on the

721
00:56:13.880 --> 00:56:15.960
next episode, for sure next.
Yeah, yeah, I really enjoy talking

722
00:56:16.039 --> 00:56:22.000
about all this stuff and I hope
that maybe it it helps some people.

723
00:56:22.039 --> 00:56:23.400
Have a great week, guys.
By