Thom Guerrero, Surviving Death and Crushing Life: Part 1

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Everybody's familiar with having something happen where your life flashes before your eyes is the same.
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All of a sudden, oh my gosh, I was near death.
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My life flashes.
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Okay.
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But for me, I describe it as a crawl.
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It was a crawl of my life before my eyes.
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And as my life crawled before my eyes, for hours, I got to reconcile a whole lot of life that I had lived, still very much believing that I was not going to make it.
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When shift happened, it is our choice.
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Hey everybody, welcome to the Talk Shift Podcast.
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Craig Davis here.
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All right, I am actually so fired up to be here.
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Now you notice that the studio is a little different, meaning it's not the Zoom background of my office, but I am actually here on location at my good friend and our guest today, and how fortunate we are to be here.
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And I want to introduce and I want to talk a little bit about, you know, so this is Tom Guerrero, the mortgage doctor, the chief uh the broker of record of the mortgage doctor here in Modesto, um California.
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And Tom and I got a chance to meet recently at an event in San Francisco, Arjun Dingra, who many of you guys know runs the LFG event, the Better Human Project, and I was a speaker on stage.
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And Tom had heard what I was speaking about and had reached out and uh and asked to connect.
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I said, Well, absolutely, I love doing that.
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And we did, and and we immediately hit it off.
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I mean, it was a bromance, I think, even before we even got going.
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But but as I got to learn Tom's story, I said, Oh my God, man, I need more of that.
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I mean, from beating death to succeeding in life to the zero paradox, which we're going to talk about and what that means.
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And Tom, as I'm just grateful and fortunate to be here today.
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I mean, I drove to be here with you, to meet you, to be in, to be in studio with you, to do talk and shift on the road.
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And and that really is, you know, like this is the beginning of so many more conversations and your story and the value you provide and what and I've and I just came out of a meeting with you and your originators, and the culture and the energy and the vision and the direction, the strategy.
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I mean, everyone, you know, here knows I could just keep going and going and going.
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But I just have to commend you that you have built such an impressive business, and I'm excited to learn more.
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And I want to introduce you to at least my world out here in the talk and shift atmosphere.
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So, Tom, welcome to talk and shift.
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No, no, thank you so much.
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This is a huge honor uh to to be on and thank you just from seeing you on stage and and you know, saying I I need to reach out to that guy.
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And I know we have so many parallels, it seems like, as we've communicated more and more.
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But it it's so great having you out here, getting to see you interact with our team and and all of the nuggets that you have.
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Um, it's great.
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So I I appreciate that.
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Even our just conversation, like I was telling you, I have a bunch of notes.
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Every time we talk, I'm taking notes because I'm like, oh, that's a good one.
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Oh, that's great.
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So uh this is great.
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And the platform that you're doing is amazing too, to get this information out there for people.
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And so I'm uh I'm really honored to to be a part of that.
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And yeah, hopefully bigger and better things, yeah, in the near future.
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Yeah, no doubt about that and the direction that you're on.
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I mean, that we're on both that we're both on together.
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And I think that's the fun part of all this.
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I mean, just the conversations you and I have had.
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I mean, that's the reason why I'm here.
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I'm like, this is a podcast.
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We've had so many great conversations that we have to capture.
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We've had like three or four podcasts, right?
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Probably.
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Totally.
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Totally.
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And you know, and every time we talk, there's just more to to unpack from that.
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But I mean, you know, I mean, Ton, tell, I mean, tell us a little bit about.
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I mean, obviously, you have a very, very powerful story, and and let's just kind of get into the meat of it.
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I mean, you faced a near-death experience, or maybe I would even go as far as to say a death experience.
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Yeah.
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Not only is the story miraculous and what you had to overcome and what you did and what we'll get in there, but how you have then come out of that and just crushing life.
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And I just think, I mean, it's it's it's beyond commendable.
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That's not the right word.
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It's but it's it's so impressive and it's it's contagious, it's infectious.
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It's, you know, and and I just love that.
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So maybe share with everybody a little bit about, you know, what where you were, what happened, and then you know, we're gonna transition into where you're going.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Just to give the uh cliff notes version of it.
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Uh, so Father's Day weekend, uh spending it with my son, picking him up.
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And uh usually I would I would take this trip to Southern California to get my son, and and it was very, very commonplace for me.
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I'd make this trip probably a couple times a month.
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This particular uh incident, though, after we had a great weekend, caught up with uh family, had fun with some friends, and we're headed back home.
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And it just seemed like the entirety of the trip, there was something that was fighting me all the way um home.
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And so my original timeline from leaving LA to getting stuck in traffic to having to charge my vehicle multiple times, like everything was just piling up.
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Uh so it was one of those situations where, and that that just kind of happens sometimes where you're like, I just gotta tough it out.
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I'm almost there, I'm almost there, I'm almost there.
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So that's that was a lot of the day in a nutshell.
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And as I was approached, so I I this was a uh with charging and all that, this was probably like a seven, eight-hour trip, right?
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That I had I had traveled with my son, and we're 40 minutes from home.
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I could feel my bed.
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I'm I'm so ready to be done driving, get everybody tucked in and get to relax a little bit.
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And as I'm traveling up uh the freeway, there is the this particular highway that I'm on.
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You can see the the traffic on the other side.
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And uh, so I saw a pair of headlights.
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It was acting a little differently than than it I thought was normal.
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So I it kind of did catch my eye for a sec.
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So I noticed it.
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And as I peered at it, I kind of pulled myself up a little bit to get a little closer to the windshield.
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I'm like looking at it, I'm like, this doesn't look right.
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And then as soon as I said this out loud, I was like, I think this guy's on the wrong side of the road.
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Immediately the headlights were in front of me.
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So we were, I was approaching a turn, and so I saw, I saw enough of a difference in how it was behaving, but not enough to clearly indicate this person's, you know, it's not like I saw five miles down the road that this guy was head-on towards me.
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It was just in this weird turn, the way that the situation was laid out.
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And so as those headlights all of a sudden were directed at me, the you know, time slows down.
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And so as time is just uh slowing down, I'm starting to reconcile what is about to happen.
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How can I avoid it?
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And I didn't, there was a vehicle next to me, and I'm trying to calculate, you know, how am I gonna avoid this possibly?
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And I couldn't think of a good way to do that.
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My son is sitting on the passenger side, rear passenger.
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And so I didn't want to at all put him in a bad position.
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So the best thing that I could do at that point is make the decision, I'm gonna hit this guy, um, but I'm gonna move my car over without jerking it or causing me to do something else.
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I'm gonna move my car over enough to where we're probably gonna hit driver to driver.
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And um, and that was the best decision I could make in the time that I had.
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So as I positioned the vehicle, you know, the minimal braking that I could do at that point didn't really do anything.
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And it was just pretty much head-on collision at that point.
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So at that moment, that final decision, I thought that I was making that final decision.
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But the thought was if this is how we have impact, my son is probably gonna have a chance because if it's driver to driver, that'll absorb a lot of it.
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It'll it'll, you know, free up his side, and uh and and that's what happened.
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So after impact, surprisingly, I woke up actually right away.
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I woke up before he was awake.
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So he had, you know, we were driving for a little while, so he'd been asleep.
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And so he just starts to groan a little bit.
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And I one, I was in shock because I, although I had already made that decision, I just didn't think I was gonna wake up.
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I thought that was it.
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So but I was severely pinned uh in the vehicle.
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So the steering wheel was in my chest, my my CTAC completely ripped through the floor and pulled the floor with it.
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So I was pinned in this position.
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The only thing that were were free were uh my arms.
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I was trying to find my phone, trying to figure out how to contact someone, and and I'm as my son's waking up, I'm starting to talk to him and just let him know, hey, things are gonna be okay, you're gonna be fine, I'm gonna make sure you get out of here.
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So I'm talking him through.
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And as I'm talking to him, you know, in my head, what's what's going through it is, okay, I must have come to because I needed, he needed that comfort, you know, and and I even at that point, I still thought I was done.
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Like it was not a, oh my gosh, I survived at all.
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It was very much like, okay, I must have just woken up and you know, have enough of the ability to make sure he's clear.
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And I and I, and I, and thankfully I was.
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There was a good Samaritan that came over, was able to keep an eye on us, make sure our car didn't catch on fire.
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The other, the vehicle that struck us was was uh burning at that moment.
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So I couldn't tell if it was that car on fire, if you were on fire.
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It was really hard to tell.
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No offense, Elon.
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I was in a Tesla, so immediately I thought, man, I'm this is a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.
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So I I need to get out of here.
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Or I mean, not me, but my son needs to get out of here, was my biggest uh you know thought at the time.
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So he was able to to get taken out of the vehicle.
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Once he was clear of the vehicle, I I sort of began to relax.
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But that started the next phase, which was just this extended amount of time that I was trapped in the vehicle.
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Once again, still fairly certain that I was not going to make it out of there.
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I knew I knew that I was losing blood.
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I could I could tell that I was bleeding from somewhere.
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I couldn't really feel what was going on under my chest because of how compressed everything was.
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But I knew that there was something wrong with my legs.
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I couldn't really tell what was happening.
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And in that moment, the way that I phrase it is everybody's familiar with, you know, having something happen where your life flashes before your eyes is the same, right?
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So all of a sudden, like, oh my gosh, I was near death.
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My life flashes okay.
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But for me, I describe it as a crawl.
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It was a crawl of my life before my eyes.
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And as my life crawled before my eyes for hours, I got to reconcile a whole lot of life that I had lived, still very much believing that I was not going to make it.
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And um, even the first response, I mean, the first handful of first responders that I I talked to, but even the initial first responder, him and I actually ironically, we met, we bumped into each other later on.
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And he were he was telling me as we were talking, I noticed it when he walked up to me.
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I'm I'm sitting there, obviously, it just it's a little fuzzy.
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But as he walks up, I I turned and I and I said, you know, how's it going, officer?
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And he looked at me and I could just tell in his face he was freaked out.
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And and later on, when I when I talked to him, he was telling me, he's like, I was certain you were dead.
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Like I thought he's like, I just was already prepared.
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Like, this isn't, you know, this person has passed.
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He's like, when you turned, I that was the last thing I expected to have happen.
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Seeing the vehicle, seeing the other vehicle, knowing the impact.
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He later on was telling me the story about how he was he was there so fast because he was trying to already turn around because it was reported.
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So he was trying to intercept the vehicle.
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So he knew he saw the vehicle start using it.
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He didn't see it, but it got called in.
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So he was the one dispatched.
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He flipped it, he was he was, you know, catching up in his head.
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He's like, please don't let it hit something, please don't let it hit somebody.
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And so for him, it was a different experience too, because you know, he was just like, I could I have prevented this, you know.
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So he was feeling that immediate shock as well.
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But at that point, after my son was out, going through that process of reconciling, uh it it provided a lot of perspective.
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And what I thought was at the moment, I thought I was reconciling because once again, you know, the this is gonna be this is gonna be it.
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I was trying to find a way to call my wife.
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I was uh trying to use my car to call her or the the dash wasn't working.
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Um but I was doing everything I could to try to sort of put all these pieces together um with what I thought was the limited time that I had.
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And at the time I had I just turned 37.
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And so, you know, i a lot of the thoughts that I had were about the time that I had spent already.
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The the things that I had I had positioned myself to do one day.
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You know, we had had some of these talks too.
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Some of the some of the things that went through my mind was just about my son, the state of, you know, the age that he is, the things I was able to impart to him, the things that I wasn't able to do, or the things that I was putting off because, you know, one day I'm gonna share this lesson, one day I'm gonna do this, one day I'm gonna do that.
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So there was a a lot of uh it it it wasn't it wasn't at all a a bad experience, but it was it was a very cathartic process to go through.
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Now, was this because you talk about the crawl and and actually and as you're telling the story time, right?
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I mean like instantaneously you see I mean, and and give me a little bit of a realistic time frame, but I can imagine as we see headlights, I mean, for your brain to lock in and to make that decision to turn the car this way to the instantaneous, you know, impact, to waking up to talking to your son, then you then you talk about the crawl.
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And I and I I can't speak from that experience, but I can understand how time slows down in that moment from a flash to a crawl until I hear what you're saying.
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Give me give me a little perspective of A, how long were you actually in the car trapped?
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And B, what that that crawl was all of this going was all of this going through your mind in the moment while you're in the car, or was this after the accident?
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It was primarily in the car.
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That was a whole lot of it.
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Yeah, so the from you know, it was a split second, the impact situation.
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Yeah.
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So that that I right yeah, well, it it could have been microseconds at that point, right?
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But but that was a a very instant thing.
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I did the best that I could.
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I uh my wife jokes, so that believe it or not, that was my first accident.
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So I used to have a pretty good driving record and I joke with my wife all the time because let's keep that one for one.
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Well, yeah, no, no, I know.
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She tells me all the time, I was like, hey, I've only been in one accident.
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She's like, Yeah, but that was really bad.
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Insurance loves me.
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But uh, I was my my dad, my father, when I was younger, he was really uh he was really hard on us in a lot of ways, but he was also very much about getting us involved in activities and keeping us engaged and all that.
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So I actually had a uh motorcycle license before I had a driver's license for a vehicle.
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And I had to go through training courses and things like that.
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So I as a driver, I'm pretty alert uh and try to put my phone down as much as possible.
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But in that circumstance, like that was I feel like that was some of the motorcycle technique where you're scan you are scanning, um, it's a system that they train you with for that.
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So I feel like that's what kicked in and helped me make that decision.
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But I do know it was a split-second decision.
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That was not a very long amount of time.
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Coming to after impact, uh judging based off of my son's injuries and where he was at and and him still waking up, I was probably uh I was probably cognizant within a minute to two after impact.
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It was pretty quick.
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So it's not like I I was out for an extended amount of time.
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Just the fact that he didn't fully wake up yet.
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So so that was that was pretty quick.
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The part of the the crawl part of going through and the reconciling, that took place over the span of probably two to three hours.
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So you were stuck in the car, trapped in this position, unsure, uncertain, and you had about two to three hours.
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Yeah.
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So I I know that uh first responders were there probably within, you know, 20 to 30 minutes.
00:15:51.440 --> 00:16:04.480
Um and it's it's tell that story another time, but getting to actually talk to the first responder that that was there so I could verify some stuff from you know, they're my perspective is a little tainted, so hearing his side, and I was like, okay, that kind of reconciles.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:09.840
But uh after he was under the same impression that I was, he thought that my vehicle was gonna light on fire.
00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:12.080
Um, because you know, it's a Tesla.
00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:16.080
If the battery pack is is punctured, it's just a matter of time.
00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:30.639
So once my son was taken out of the vehicle, which probably happened within the first 30 minutes uh from them getting on scene, so he was standing away from uh my vehicle holding my son, waiting for him to get attention.
00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:33.279
I I could at that point I couldn't.
00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:38.559
He was he was behind me for sure, but he did tell me he was like, I have him, he's good, you don't have to worry about him.
00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:40.559
And I was like, Okay, just make sure he's fine.
00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:43.600
Like that's my that's what I'm concerned about the most.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:56.080
So him and I being able to talk and and him telling his side of it, I know he was like, I was afraid, that's why I kept my distance, not because I didn't want to be there so you could see him, but I didn't want anything to happen to him, of course, which was the right move.
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:00.559
So in that span of time, um I was just really left to my own devices.
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:05.359
Uh he did talk to me initially before, but when I was like, get my son out of here, that's what he he did.
00:17:05.440 --> 00:17:11.920
But uh him and I probably had a five-minute conversation, then my son was taken out of the vehicle, and then it was just that slow down.
00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:13.279
And there's the crawl.
00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:15.839
So walk me through what's going on in your mindset.
00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:25.839
I mean, because I know you had and we were talking about this and and sort of how some of these um and I I don't want to say too much because I want you to kind of reveal this, but you know, these realizations and and what was going on.
00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:30.880
Wal walk me through that experience and what was going on in the mindset and and where that you know started taking you.
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:33.519
I went through familial situations.
00:17:33.680 --> 00:17:42.559
I I went through I reconciled, you know, my spouse not being able to call her, but what were the things that I would have told her right now?
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:50.240
Uh I thought about, you know, a lot of the disagreements that we had had and really how was that necessary?
00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:56.480
And I I thought about the things that we had put off that would have been the, you know, quote unquote bucket list item things, right?
00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:57.119
Stuff like that.
00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:02.799
So a lot of the reconciling initially was very much family-centric.
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:21.039
And, you know, as we kind of shared that too, you know, one of the perspectives that I really thought about as I was going through this, because there was the part that probably would have been quick was, oh my gosh, I'm I'm trying to get a hold of people, you know, and still thinking that maybe I could find my phone, maybe I can't make a phone call, those kind of things.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:26.799
Once I realized, you know, I can't find my phone or I don't know where it's at, and my my car is not responding.
00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:30.319
Like the screen was was on to a certain extent, but it wasn't responding.
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:33.359
So I could I could normally call her just by touching my touch screen.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:37.279
So I'm I'm trying all these different ways to contact them.
00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:41.119
And then I was like, okay, well, I'm just gonna go through like what would I want to say?
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:43.359
What were the things that we would communicate about?
00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:46.240
So that part actually was was pretty quick.
00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:51.119
And then after the fact, after a certain amount of time went by, I was like, okay, I'm still here.
00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:58.240
Like I was thinking I was having like a short goodbye initially, because once again, you know, this kind of happened in layers.
00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:02.400
I I, you know, initially thought I was awake to tell my son goodbye, make sure he was good.
00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:03.359
Then my son was good.
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:05.759
He was, he I did the goodbye to him.
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:08.400
I knew he was fine, uh, at least at the moment.
00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:10.480
I reconciled some of those relationships.
00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:19.279
And then the the next layer was where it really dug in because the next layer of that process was, well, I'm still here.
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:21.519
All I can do is think at this point, right?
00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:24.160
There's nothing out, there's no one to contact.
00:19:24.319 --> 00:19:34.640
You know, it's kind of like one of those moments where all of a sudden your phone battery dies and we're so used to being connected, and we have to stop and say, Oh my gosh, I'm in, I'm in life right now, you know?
00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:38.960
Like one of those, like, now it's a restroom trip that's not distracted kind of things.
00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:40.640
Where so you're like, what do I think about?
00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:53.200
And I for me, it was a very much one of those moments and where the next layer that it hit after I kind of got through family and relationship type stuff, it it started to reconcile success to a certain degree.
00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:58.640
It went into business, it went into what I had done with my life.
00:19:58.799 --> 00:20:02.240
Like, what what are people going to stand up and talk about?
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:02.880
Right?
00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:05.440
Because that would be the thing that I would think would be coming next.
00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:09.039
Legacy, it's about what they can remember me, what are they gonna say?
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:18.640
And um, you know, one of the thoughts that tipped that was when I was wrapping up, when I was wrapping up thinking about my son, there was a thought that really, really hit me.
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:32.880
I've said this a couple of times, and I don't know if I'm communicating the best way, but the best that that I can describe it, because some people kind of take it a little, a little offensively, but depending on your faith construct, most faiths have a determination that there's something after this is done, right?
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:43.920
So that so my faith that, you know, I I very much have this idea of there's a heaven, there's a place that's after, and that's where there's some sort of you know, peace, perfection, things like that.
00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:47.200
And and I had this thought and it really bugged me.
00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:51.920
And I I I saw this idea and I'm like, okay, well, I'm here.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:54.960
And the thought was, okay, so I'm here, so I'll be okay.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:21:00.640
Like I'm not, I'm not in this angst or this worry about where am I going, what's gonna happen after, you know.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:04.640
I'm like, I I believe in something, and that's probably what's gonna happen, right?
00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:06.079
Because I believe in it, you know?
00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.880
And uh, but this is the thought that really bugged me.
00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:13.920
It was the thought where I was like, okay, so I go, there's a fork in the road.
00:21:14.000 --> 00:21:15.599
I'm going over here, right?
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:17.279
And that's cool because I'll be fine.
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:23.920
But on the other side, there's this whole other branch of reality that's gonna happen after I'm gone.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:27.759
And the thought was, what have I done to impact that?
00:21:27.920 --> 00:21:31.119
And what are the things that I could have done that would have changed that?
00:21:31.200 --> 00:21:38.400
And what the the the best way that I could I could describe that is I almost thought of it as like a stone in a pond.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:42.000
Like there are ripples that are going to be created by this event.
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:44.880
And and I'm a I'm probably a little bit more sensitive to it.
00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:46.240
I don't know if I shared this part with you.
00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:48.640
I think it might have, but my parents passed away when I was really young.
00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:54.319
So my my father passed away uh when right a week after my 18th birthday, my mom passed away a couple days after him.
00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:57.759
So it was very close, very much like just getting into adulthood.
00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.759
So I've seen the impact of.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.480
Of family firsthand not having those parental figures.
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:07.200
And I've seen it affect myself and my siblings.
00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:16.640
And it's affected more than that because it even affects us today with our own families because we've had to, we'd we've had to heal and try to grow and compensate.
00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:18.880
And so I've seen what that does.
00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:37.599
And so to to from knowing that perspective, starting to weigh what that would do, the thought that really came to my mind and it really brought me a lot of clarity and challenge was this idea that that heaven after this afterlife thing that I thought was like, okay, I'll be good, right?
00:22:37.759 --> 00:22:38.559
It's not perfect.
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:45.519
The part that is not perfect about it is that I'm leaving something behind that I could have had more or less of an impact on, right?
00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.640
And it brought to me, I had never thought of it like that.
00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:52.880
I had always thought, like, oh, well, yeah, somebody passes away and they're they're gonna be good, right?
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:55.440
Um, or even for me, if I pass, I'm gonna be okay.
00:22:55.599 --> 00:23:00.960
But I had never looked at the other side of that coin, which is like, okay, that's that's that might be good for you, right?
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:07.359
If that's your belief system, but on the same token, there's that other side of the coin that's gonna trigger things on this side.
00:23:07.599 --> 00:23:11.039
And that really I had to reconcile a lot.
00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:19.680
So, okay, so here you are in this moment and you're going through this belief system, you're going through the mindset, you're in the you're in this moment, and and and I like how you describe it.
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:22.160
There's sort of these layers that you're you're sort of going through.
00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:23.839
And there's a fork in the road.
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:27.759
I have a belief system, and you know, and if I do pass, there's a heaven, there's somewhere I'm going.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:28.160
Right.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:35.440
But what I'm hearing is that, but I can't because I have w like it's left undone.
00:23:35.599 --> 00:23:40.799
Like there's a ripple effect that will happen, but that but you weren't okay with that ripple effect.
00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:42.240
There's more for you to do.
00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:43.839
There's you weren't ready.
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:47.759
Well, I one, I didn't think it was still feasible that I was gonna survive.
00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:49.279
Like I still hadn't reached that point yet.
00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:49.519
Yeah.
00:23:49.599 --> 00:24:02.960
Um, but I did I did have to hard reconcile that the decisions, choices, and and all those things that I I had I had done, that was gonna have a ripple into generations, like future generations, not just my son.
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:10.480
I was like, these I I immediately was just thinking the next four to five generations of what that would do and what that would create.
00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:24.319
And and it really made me consider like had I spent the right amount of time with him, had I taken the time to go through some of the harder lessons, the things I know he would need, but you know, I I wasn't quite ready to go there, right?
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:30.319
Um is all this coming into into sort of light as you're in the scroll moment?
00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:31.279
It is, yeah.
00:24:31.359 --> 00:24:36.079
And so it's it's kind of like you pull on one string and the yarn is continuing to go.
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:36.559
Yeah.
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:41.200
And same thing, like just if you saw a t-shirt and you you pulled at it and you're thinking, oh, it's gonna end there.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:47.599
And the more time that came on, the more I'm pulling at this string and it's connecting to all these different facets of my life.
00:24:47.680 --> 00:25:08.559
And like I said, going past, you know, going into the success point, I I think if from an outside perspective, and I'm not the one to say, hey, I'm successful or anything like that, like that's not my my MO, but I know that there's a lot of people that could look at my life and say, this guy's a top producer or you know, uh some somebody that's in this realm of highly productive person, right?
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:23.599
And so, you know, that it started to kind of shine a light on that, which was, okay, so I might have been in a place where I was chasing metrics in some regard, like this metric's important, that metric's important, this metric's important.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:34.559
Um, going to touching on the zeros paradox, you know, uh, the way that I I phrased it is, you know, I I spent a lot of my life chasing zeros, is really what it was.
00:25:34.799 --> 00:25:42.000
But what was I really looking at the zero that mattered the most, which was at that point, it was the zero on my clock.
00:25:42.079 --> 00:25:45.519
That was a hard deadline of this is it, right?
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:50.000
And how many of those zero metrics really mattered right now?
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:50.559
Uh-huh.
00:25:50.880 --> 00:25:55.680
And to to a certain extent, some of them were like, okay, yeah, I could see that that was useful.
00:25:55.759 --> 00:26:10.720
And then there was some where it was like, was that more of an ego thing than it was like this was really necessary, or was the exchange of time chasing this instead of spending more time with this, like, was that really worth it?
00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:11.200
Right.
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:14.799
Would it have been more important to me at this moment?
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:26.960
Which the answer was yes, but would it have been more important to me at this moment of where I'm saying goodbye, essentially, to have spent an extra day with my son to teach him a lesson that I can now see is gonna ripple into his life.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:30.960
And and these are lessons I have already paid for, I've already paid the dummy tax for, right?
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:35.759
And so reconciling that part, um, I actually wrote them down.
00:26:35.839 --> 00:26:40.240
There was kind of a list at one point where I was like just kind of data, data dumping like some of these things I thought about.
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:46.079
But there was some very important where I was like, these are probably the top 10 things that as a parent I would like to impart.
00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:49.279
And I think on my list of my top 10, I maybe thought he had two.
00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:49.680
Uh-huh.
00:26:49.839 --> 00:27:02.960
You know, and and at the same token, you know, it's not to say that I'm the end all be-all that he's not gonna be able to learn or just like I've learned without that figure, but it's still one of those things where you're like, man, I would have really have liked to give in some of that direction.
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:13.839
And if I couldn't have taught the lesson, I would have liked to have written the less, you know, something where it's like, just something so you know the importance of what I believe this is and how that will impact your life and your family's life, right?
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:18.880
So it was just some of those things that started to unravel as I kept pulling on the strings.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:28.160
But what was becoming imminent from that crawl was the balancing act of what was the most valuable thing.
00:27:28.240 --> 00:27:36.799
Did I truly have what is the most valuable thing, that that metric, like was that in fact what was what should have been in the place that I put it, right?
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:39.279
Because I I put that there at the end of the day.
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:42.400
And so I think that was part of that process for me.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:28:10.799
You know, and it's it's I mean, and again, the the to capture the crawl moment that all of this is going on in your mind in this moment, and and what I'm hearing, and of course, you know, tell me otherwise, is like this almost like this out-of-body experience, this this complete clarity and and the zero paradox, like the paradox of what that zero what's the most what's a more important zero, the zero on paper or the zero on in time, right?
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:14.720
The zero on the spreadsheet or the W2 or the zero on the clock.
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:17.599
And all of a sudden that trade-off happens, right?
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:18.799
And we chase zeros.
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:19.119
Yes.
00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:28.559
And all of a sudden, kind of going from chasing this zero to realizing, wait a second, maybe I need to, man, I don't know if chase is the right word, but really value this zero.
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:29.039
Yeah.
00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:34.400
And and and again, check me here, because what I'm also hearing is like, and I'm not done yet.
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:39.039
And I'm not done yet because I need more of this zero on the clock.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:40.480
Uh more to give.
00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:55.759
So, so fat so fast forward, and we can skip back to you, but to fast forward, there was, you know, as as I'm being cut now out of the vehicle, and and I'm I'm trying to, in my high performer fashion, tell the I'm trying to situation.
00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:59.519
Yes, I'm trying to tell the crew, yeah, why don't you just cut my seat?
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:00.480
I can slide out the back.
00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:01.359
Like, what are you guys doing?
00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:02.640
Why are you cutting the pillar off?
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:04.480
I'm like talking them through this, right?
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.440
And they're just like, shut up, we need to cut your put doorpost.
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:07.839
Yeah.
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:16.559
Um so, but it it was at that moment uh finally that last piece cutting and them grabbing me.
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:20.720
And that's when, that's when the realization of like, I'm not done came.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:27.359
So that whole entire time, literally, as even as they were cutting, because at that point, I knew I was I knew I was bleeding.
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:28.400
I don't know how bad it was.
00:29:28.559 --> 00:29:30.960
I could I couldn't tell the the extent of the injuries.
00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:32.880
I just know this is I knew this was bad.
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:33.200
Yeah.
00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:33.759
Right.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:43.279
And but it was that final moment where they grabbed me and I I remember them two two guys were holding me and I'm telling them, thank you.
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:45.519
And I said it out loud and I was like, I'm not done.
00:29:45.599 --> 00:29:46.480
And I'm not done.
00:29:46.559 --> 00:29:47.839
You said I did I did, yeah.
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:50.400
As they're carrying me to the car, I'm like, I'm not, I'm not done.
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:51.680
This is like I'm not going.
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:52.079
Yeah.
00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:56.160
And that was in my head, that was the decision of like, no, uh-uh.
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:58.559
If I I made it this far, I'm good.
00:29:58.640 --> 00:29:59.599
Like, I'm gonna be good.
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:00.960
I don't care what this looks like.
00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:09.119
I didn't know if I I couldn't, I mean, at that point, that moment, I couldn't really feel anything that was like under Were you in pain when you were in the car?
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:20.160
Or were uh it to I mean, if you look at my injury list, which I've had multiple doctors say they've never seen anyone with my list of injuries, like that extent, be alive.
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:26.480
But two of my primary physicians have said that they looked at my chart before they met me and they're like, What am I gonna walk into?
00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:28.880
And I'm just sitting there like waving a hi, how's it going, doctor?
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:34.160
And they're like, I can tell the picture of you like in the I have a fun fact, actually, just to veer off real quick.
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:38.799
So, like in the hospital, which is its own experience and in itself, and that's probably gonna be its own book.
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:42.640
But as I'm in the hospital, I'd have doctors that would walk in, and they're like, Oh, you're on a call.
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:44.160
I can I are you busy?
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:45.200
Should I come back?
00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:47.119
And I'd be like, Yeah, like five more minutes.
00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:48.400
Like they did sold.
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:54.240
One of the one of my neighbors, literally, this young kid, he was he was probably like 17, 18.
00:30:54.400 --> 00:30:57.759
He came up to talk to me before he left because I had probably 30 different neighbors.
00:30:57.839 --> 00:30:58.720
I was there so long.
00:30:58.880 --> 00:30:59.039
Sure.
00:30:59.200 --> 00:31:03.759
I was in a step-down floor for surgery, so these people were not there for an extended amount of time.
00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:05.279
Like here I am just sitting there apart.
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:07.200
And this kid came up to me.
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:12.799
He's like, Man, he's like, You were really annoying me so much when I first got in here and hearing all your phone calls.
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:15.359
He's like, and then I thought, like, I might want to do that.
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:16.640
I want to do what you do.
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:18.559
He's like, Can I get your phone?
00:31:19.279 --> 00:31:19.680
He has my number.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:20.720
Holy I'll call one day.
00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:32.559
But anyway, so so going going back to the the car uh or being put into the ambulance, so that that was the point where I was like, oh shit, no, I'm I'm I'm staying.
00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:33.599
I'm staying though.
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:34.880
Do you mean like in life?
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:38.319
Or like I have more to reconcile, put me back in the partial space.
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:41.279
Well, no, I was already done with that part, but I was like, no, but I'm gonna live.
00:31:41.440 --> 00:31:42.000
Like that's important.
00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:45.440
I made a commitment to myself at that point.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:48.480
Uh although I said like I'm I I'm not going anywhere.
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:52.240
My thought was like, one, I'm not gonna die, and two, I don't care.
00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:54.319
Um, I don't know if there's cursing on your podcast.
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:54.880
Please.
00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:02.160
Okay, but I was like, fuck this, like whatever this looks like, I don't care if I'm gonna wheelchair, I don't care what it is, yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:02.559
Yeah.
00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:09.039
And so right there, I was just like, I don't, I'm gonna embrace whatever this is and we're we're gonna move past it.
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:24.240
And I got I got to embrace whatever this and uh and I taught, you know, I've talked about that too with during some of the the uh speaking that I've done, which is you know, I feel like most people, and I think people lean towards one or the other, but I think in any situation you can vacillate between the two.
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:31.519
But I think most people, when you sum it up, you know, people have a victim mentality or people have a survivor mentality, is the way I look at it, right?
00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:34.240
And so at that point, I was like, I'm I'm a survivor.
00:32:34.319 --> 00:32:44.559
Like I survived, and I'm gonna talk about and I'm going to survive, and I'm gonna survive in any way that I have the ability to, but I'm not gonna be limited by whatever the situation is.
00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:48.160
Ironically, you know, I I have that realization, I'm like, yeah, I'm in it.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:53.039
They they uh knock me out and they put me in the ambulance and I flatlined on the way to the hospital.
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:55.440
So as soon as I say I'm not gonna die, then I die.
00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:00.240
So so technically, uh it was a death-death experience, briefly.
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:02.079
Metaphor in here, right?
00:33:02.559 --> 00:33:06.720
Beyond like, you know, here you are holding on, but as soon as like they get, okay, we're good.
00:33:06.799 --> 00:33:10.319
That's when things kind of almost like I didn't die in the car as I'm bleeding out, right?
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:11.200
But in the ambulance.
00:33:11.599 --> 00:33:15.119
All of a sudden, you know, in the controlled environment where they're supposed to save you, I'm dying.
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:29.440
And uh so it's and and for for a while after that, even though I wasn't cognizant, like my wife tells this that side of the story where you know, she, every medical professional is telling her how how the outlook is not good.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:30.480
It's it's very bleak.
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:32.880
The kind of repair cannot make promises.
00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:40.559
You know, best cases, I'm severely paralyzed, and I I might not be able to do this, I might not wake up.
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:43.680
Like they're talking uh to her about all of these.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:46.880
Like he we're we're gonna take both of his legs for sure.
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:48.720
Um, we're we got we might have to do this.
00:33:48.799 --> 00:33:50.480
Like, so she's getting all of that.
00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:57.519
And as they were trying to, they couldn't even transfer me to um ICU or like a hospital that that would be better equipped.
00:33:57.599 --> 00:34:02.319
Um, they were going between uh it was either gonna be Stanford or Davis.
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:04.880
I ended up being in Davis, so Davis was my of my second hobby.
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:06.240
Yeah, there you go, right?
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:21.119
We find so but she she she yelled at the doctors, the whole team of doctors tells me that story where she basically told them, like, you don't come in here and tell me you're gonna cut my husband's legs off without telling me everything you did to avoid that.
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:28.239
So she kicked into hardcore, you know, and so then somebody pulled her aside and she thought that she was gonna get escorted out of the hospital.
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:31.440
And that's when they told her, like, I we get it.
00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:34.400
He's a younger guy, you know, I'm around his age.
00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:35.760
I I totally understand this.
00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:40.480
Like, what this hospital is saying, they can only do is because of where you're at.
00:34:40.639 --> 00:34:42.079
Like, this is not the proper house.
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:44.719
Our goal is to get him stabilized, to get him out of here.
00:34:44.880 --> 00:34:45.519
He needs to go.
00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:54.480
The longer he's here, the more risky runs of them having to make these drastic decisions because they can't, they don't have the equipment or the the knowledge base to like show you anything outside.
00:34:54.639 --> 00:34:54.800
Sure.
00:34:55.119 --> 00:34:57.920
So they were like, hey, it's not them, it's like this is the facility.
00:34:59.039 --> 00:34:59.599
Yeah, exactly.
00:34:59.679 --> 00:35:03.920
And so so thankfully uh that person was able to work through that.
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:10.960
The social worker got me a spot at Davis, but then the next issue was like they couldn't transfer me because my I wasn't stable.
00:35:11.119 --> 00:35:16.239
So sure they were gonna meta flight me over there, but I wasn't stable enough to get loaded in the helicopter.
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:18.079
Then I wasn't stable enough to even drive.
00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:23.280
So it was this whole thing where they're trying to stabilize me and my vitals are just all over the place.
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:32.719
But as uh my wife tells the story, I don't remember it, but I I'm guessing it's from that moment of getting taken into the ambulance where I'm like, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere.
00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:38.960
So they had sedated me and they're they're moving over to a new set of IVs.
00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:45.119
The wife, the way that my wife describes it is there was like an entire wall of bags of all of these different things that they're you know putting in.
00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:46.000
It's the cockpit.
00:35:46.159 --> 00:35:46.400
Right.
00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:47.199
So yeah, exactly.
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:53.920
I just imagine like a Frankenstein type scene where like we're they're tweaking all these little things, but they're trying to just get my my vitals stable.
00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:57.679
And they were switching me over to this new set.
00:35:57.760 --> 00:36:01.840
So they unplugged, you know, my current IV and they were trying to put the new one in.
00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:04.000
And when they did that, uh I came to.
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:04.960
Interesting.
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:09.360
And I don't remember this part, but the way that she describes it, and I'm pretty sure it's accurate.
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:19.360
But the way that she describes it is as soon as they took that off, which was whatever was sedating me, I immediately sat up, scared the shit out of everyone in the room.
00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:26.239
Because all these medical professional, like the nurses, the they're they're they think I have spinal issues, like and I did, I did.
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:27.920
I had fractures, I had all this stuff, right?
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:29.760
So they don't even know where to like grab me.
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:30.000
Yeah.
00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:30.400
Right.
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:33.679
Because they're just like, I I can hurt this guy anywhere I touch him, right?
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:34.079
Yeah.
00:36:34.239 --> 00:36:41.280
Um, but I sit up and I I kick the bed down and I rotate to stand up to walk out.
00:36:41.760 --> 00:36:43.360
And they're freaking out.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:45.599
They can't, half of my leg is missing.
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:48.480
Like, there's just all these things that are going on.
00:36:48.639 --> 00:36:50.880
They were not prepared for me to do that.
00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:55.360
So she's she's trying to run over because they're they she sees this happening.
00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:55.599
Yeah.
00:36:55.760 --> 00:36:56.800
And they're like, no, we can't.
00:36:56.960 --> 00:37:00.239
They're trying to talk to him, and then finally they're like, You talk to him, tell him to chill out, right?
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:01.840
Like, we can't like grab him.
00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:04.880
We don't want to mess something up and all that stuff.
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:11.440
And so luckily they were able to put the IV in again, and then I knocked out, you know, uh, and I was back on the table.
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:16.559
That's what I that's the only thing I can I could chalk it up to.
00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:24.239
And I, like I said, the that that thought right before the ambulance was as soon as I made that choice, then I was like, where's my son at?
00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:26.880
Because I had already said goodbye in my head, right?
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:31.039
And I and I trusted that he was uh he was gonna be okay and that I made the best decision.
00:37:31.679 --> 00:37:34.480
I didn't know, but I felt like he would have been okay.
00:37:34.639 --> 00:37:38.800
Um but at that point I think it was just like, hey, I'm here and I need to go find him and see how he's doing.
00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:41.039
That was just probably the drive at that point.
00:37:41.199 --> 00:37:43.599
Um, and that's what my wife was yelling at me.
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:46.480
She was like, he's fine, he's fine, like he's he's okay.
00:37:46.719 --> 00:38:00.639
But it it just is a funny hearing that story, and like, and I've talked to a couple of the people that were that now it's it's weird how many of these people I've gotten to meet that were there during some part of my process.
00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:10.800
Like I said, the first responder I've met and talked to some of the medical staff that was there that were assessing me, that were trying to put these pieces together, that were making decisions, talking to my wife.
00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:13.039
So uh so it's it's really, really interesting.
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:17.440
But I do think that just having that, and it's kind of goes back to what you were saying.
00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:25.599
Like, I at that point, once the decision was I'm not going anywhere, the next thing was like I and high performer, like it was it was I'm gonna get to work.
00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:27.039
Like I got stuff to do.
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:28.880
I gotta go do some things.
00:38:29.039 --> 00:38:37.039
I I had, you know, uh kind of this this whole not not necessarily an epiphany because it wasn't an epiphany, but it was more of like a paradigm shift, right?
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:48.079
Like this is I I I hadn't had a hard reconcile, even though I I grew up and I've lived reconciling the fact that you're like, yeah, not everybody has an extended clock, right?
00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:59.119
I it's funny, a lot of my peers that have parents and I talk to them, it's so foreign to me to be an older, you know, now now older person, older and adult that's dealing with these external figures.
00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:02.159
And I'm like, I haven't I I've grown up without that.
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:03.039
You know, sure.
00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:08.960
So it's interesting to hear that people Well, and to have this coming out of you that you I mean you won't repeat that.
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:09.599
Correct.
00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:09.920
Yes.
00:39:10.079 --> 00:39:17.679
And I think that was the the biggest, and that's why I was also like uh the the mindset shifted to, you know, uh it's it's the scientific approach, right?
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:22.320
Okay, so I I now I have new data and I need to apply it, right?
00:39:22.480 --> 00:39:27.440
Um and that's really, I mean, anybody that's in performance or business or whatever, we're all scientists, right?
00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:31.840
That's all we're doing on a daily basis, like, okay, here's that formula and that worked up to a point.
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:34.159
Now I need to shift this or tweet this, right?
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:38.400
Um, to to get better results or to have it more effective or things like that.
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:56.159
And so that was very much the drive, leaving that crawl situation, the reconciling, starting to be introduced to some of the pieces that are becoming this zeros paradox in my head where I need to shift my my idea of what zeros matter.
00:39:56.719 --> 00:40:03.280
But there was a part part of that paradox was also just valuing something differently.
00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:08.960
Um, because I think that anyone can have a moment of clarity where you value something differently, right?
00:40:09.039 --> 00:40:14.960
We can have experiences that are more common, where you can say, Oh my gosh, like my kid is growing up too quick.
00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:18.400
I need to really dig into this next season, right?
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:18.960
Things like that.
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:22.239
There's little moments that we have in our life where you're brought clarity.
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:32.800
That clarity piece was important, but I think the part that was more important for me was that uh this isn't necessarily an anti-success uh thought.
00:40:33.039 --> 00:40:37.039
This is that my impact needs to be greater with my life.
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:47.280
And and I think that one of the things I didn't look at before was I'm responsible for impacting this community, this world, things like that.
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:51.119
Like I zoomed out and I was like, I'm I'm responsible to impact that as much as I can.
00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:53.599
They put a higher emphasis on like what I'm doing.
00:40:54.079 --> 00:41:13.360
Um, those and and it goes back to we were kind of talking about this, and I start I've I've been speaking on one of the other chapters that I'm formulating right now that's using the analogy of chess, which is, you know, uh I was I was just speaking on this and I was telling people if you think about the framework of you know life and and how you know we we liken it to a game sometimes, right?
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:14.960
Or at least my father did with me.
00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:21.119
My father's one of my father's sayings was, you know, life is an arcade and you only get one quarter, you decide how to play it, right?
00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:22.079
That was one of his things.
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:26.400
I I don't know if he stole that scene from someone, but either way, I thought he was smart because that's what he used to tell me.
00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:39.920
So so I'd always think about that quarter analogy, but the although that's that's true, you know, as we go through our day-to-day, it's hard to reconcile the fact that we are limited on the amount of moves.
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:46.719
And I was just speaking and I looked at the average lifespan of someone from let's give like 18.
00:41:46.960 --> 00:41:50.559
So from 18 to you know to average lifespan.
00:41:50.719 --> 00:41:56.400
And I want to say that when I looked at that, I think it equated to something close to like 27,000 days and some change.
00:41:56.559 --> 00:42:01.039
So, so from 18 to expect life expectancy in the US, right?
00:42:01.119 --> 00:42:02.880
You're you got about 27,000 days.
00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:08.480
It's about 27,000 moves that you have at the age of 50, that decreases to under 10,000.
00:42:08.719 --> 00:42:09.360
Great, right?
00:42:09.519 --> 00:42:10.079
Yes, I know.
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:11.519
And happy birthday, by the way.
00:42:12.559 --> 00:42:13.760
I turned 50 on Thursday.
00:42:14.480 --> 00:42:16.159
Wednesday is like 97, 13.
00:42:16.239 --> 00:42:19.280
But yeah, if I could stress that's about 13,000 more.
00:42:19.599 --> 00:42:27.199
But but you know, I think that it's not really about like some people look at it as like, oh my gosh, we need more life, we need more life.
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:37.599
And the reality is if you look at some historical figures, some people that made prominent differences in the world, it the days actually didn't matter as much as we think it did, right?
00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:42.320
We all think we need more, but to be honest with you, more is decadent in some ways.
00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:43.199
Sure, right?
00:42:43.440 --> 00:42:45.679
The more that you have, the less value it holds.
00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:46.400
Yeah, right.
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:51.760
So if you're like, oh, well, I'm gonna live to that's average life, and that's you know, 77 or whatever it is, right?
00:42:51.840 --> 00:42:52.639
I'm gonna live to 100.
00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:54.639
I'm gonna get 20 some extra years, okay?
00:42:54.880 --> 00:43:00.639
But at the same time, all you're doing is watering down right at that point what is available to you.
00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:02.960
So so now you can do less.
00:43:03.199 --> 00:43:03.519
Sure.
00:43:03.679 --> 00:43:08.159
And to me, and that's the way that I look at it with my my parents.
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:12.639
Um, I was I was a little closer to my father, but I look at my father and the impact that he had with me.
00:43:12.719 --> 00:43:15.920
And he was he was a son of a bitch in a lot of ways.
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:17.920
There's a whole lot of rants I could go on.
00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:30.880
But what I would say, and I'll give him credit, I'll never take credit away from him for that, is that he impacted my life in such a substantial way in terms of these paradigms, principles, business and life that he that he gave.
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:36.639
I wish he would have preached a little bit or practiced a little bit more what he preached, but still he gave me those the short amount of time.
00:43:38.159 --> 00:43:42.480
So I quote my father now more at the age of 40 than I ever have in my life.
00:43:42.559 --> 00:43:46.079
And I haven't talked to the guy in 22 years, but he's still there.
00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:50.159
Well, and I can see this the through line within this entire conversation.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:56.880
And kind of like we were talking about, and even I say, like, and I'm a coach, and I say, look, we don't need more coaching, we need more execution.
00:43:57.199 --> 00:43:59.760
And it comes down to maximization, you know, maximization.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:05.199
Maximizing our time, not necessarily that we need more time, we just need to maximize the time that we have.
00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:37.440
And I can see in so much of what you're talking about from that short amount of time you had with your father, but yet the impact and the wisdom you pull from that, the generational ripple effect that you're saying to yourself in the crawl of I have more to do, I have more to give, I have I have a reason for being here, and this generational ripple effect that I am going to maximize my time on this planet, on this time, in this being with my son, with my family, with my community, with my company, with my success, with myself, you know, certainly.
00:44:37.599 --> 00:44:43.519
And I can see that, you know, and I and I love the zero paradox, you know, because and I and I hear what you're saying.
00:44:43.599 --> 00:45:01.280
It's like, I mean, yeah, I mean, in in t I'm sure in times of, you know, those moments of clarity, you know, yours is certainly the extreme version, you know, and you know, of course, I think anybody on their deathbed is gonna say, of course, I'd rather have more quality time, you know, quality zeros than quantity zeros, you know, and that's right.
00:45:01.599 --> 00:45:07.280
But as we're going through life, and let's talk about that a little bit because and I feel this way a little bit right now.
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:09.360
I'm turning 50 on Thursday.
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:12.639
My daughter's 15, she's a freshman, we have one.
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:16.159
My wife and I already like, we're only three years from being empty nesters, you know.
00:45:16.239 --> 00:45:24.559
And and I think about how fast time is moving now, and in time, the velocity of time just seems to be get faster now, you know?
00:45:24.719 --> 00:45:27.199
And so it's like, how do we slow down?
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:38.880
How do we maximize the and trade those dollars or and maybe that's not even the right word, but maximize those zeros on the clock, you know, and to create those ripple effects, to create that impact.
00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:41.360
What goes through your mind now post-event?
00:45:41.599 --> 00:45:51.679
And it's most people aren't gonna like this, but it it's I think, and I mean, check me on it, but okay, so let's go back to chess as the analogy.
00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:54.559
Um so chess is the analogy here.
00:45:54.880 --> 00:45:59.760
You have the ability to touch all these pieces, they're not infinite moves on a chess board.
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:05.280
At some point, even with the most drawn-out game, there is an end point at the game, right?
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:07.280
So like it will end at some point.
00:46:07.599 --> 00:46:10.719
So moves are not infinite, they're finite.
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:11.599
Okay.
00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:20.880
However, the pieces that you're accessing and the pieces that you're moving across the board are every one of those moves is vital, right?
00:46:21.119 --> 00:46:27.840
However, you can draw out a game very easily by moving pieces that aren't effective, right?
00:46:28.159 --> 00:46:30.320
And so we were actually kind of talked about this at lunch a little bit.
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:32.239
So I'm gonna this is something I've I've been chewing on.
00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:37.119
Okay, so so for example, if I'm gonna move my pawn, I don't know how you do do you play chess?
00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:37.760
A little bit.
00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:40.239
Okay, we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna get into games.
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:46.480
Okay, yeah so side note, there's cognitive studies that have been done on chess and the effect that it has on children.
00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:48.480
So if you haven't looked into that, look into it.
00:46:48.559 --> 00:46:58.239
I've I was lucky enough my for whatever reason, just maybe because we were poor kids, but my dad brought home a chessboard one day, and that's that was like an evening tradition was playing a game of chess.
00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:01.840
But so I so I've I've loved the game from a young age.
00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:08.719
Um, I'm not gonna say I'm a master or anything like that, but my son's currently enrolled in chess because uh I I know there's benefits to it.
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:15.039
Going back to it, so a pawn is a pawn on a chessboard until it reaches the other end of the board.
00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:15.360
Uh-huh.
00:47:15.519 --> 00:47:20.480
Once that pawn reaches the other end of the board, you get to choose what kind of piece it turns into, right?
00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:31.519
So a pawn can be a become a very effective member of your of your strategy if it reaches the other end, okay?
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:34.000
Which is very analogous to life.
00:47:34.239 --> 00:47:38.079
So the worst place to be in life and in business is in the middle.
00:47:38.320 --> 00:47:38.559
Sure.
00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:38.960
Right?
00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:39.360
Okay.
00:47:39.519 --> 00:47:40.800
So you talk about shift, right?
00:47:41.280 --> 00:47:41.360
Yeah.
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:46.559
So the middle is the worst, okay?
00:47:46.800 --> 00:48:00.800
And but what I will my theory is that the reason people get so comfortable getting stuck in the middle is because they don't feel like in the middle that they have a finite game that they're playing.
00:48:00.960 --> 00:48:02.079
It feels infinite.
00:48:02.159 --> 00:48:10.159
It feels like, yeah, maybe I can make the decision next quarter, next year, in a couple years when I get through this, I'm gonna change this, this, and that.
00:48:10.320 --> 00:48:12.000
How many times as a coach do you hear that?
00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:18.000
Where people are reconciling their it's not media mediocrity, but it's I don't know what else to call that.
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:22.559
Well, no, but we were just talking about this, and it's sort of like step into your ideal future now.
00:48:22.719 --> 00:48:24.960
Yes, it's not I will be, it's I am.
00:48:25.119 --> 00:48:47.199
And that is a and that that mental shift, and I talk about being a time traveler is a way to talk about this, where you can step into your future today, and we establish that present tense, we plant our flag, I declare I am, and that was and I went through a lot of that certainly after, you know, after I made my pivot, you know, from um, you know, and started my coaching business.
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:50.400
And literally it was a day, it was right around now, three years ago.
00:48:50.639 --> 00:48:55.760
I declare as of right now, I am a coach, I am self-employed, I am now in control of doing that.
00:48:56.000 --> 00:49:00.719
And and everyone knew me from the 20 years of being in leadership in the mortgage business.
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:04.400
And now I was introducing myself not as that guy, but now as this guy.
00:49:04.559 --> 00:49:06.719
I am an executive coach as of today.
00:49:06.800 --> 00:49:12.159
And lo and behold, my ideal future, my my distant future became today.
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:12.639
Right.
00:49:12.800 --> 00:49:16.400
And that was exactly what how I moved forward from that moment on.
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:19.519
That was my identity shift, which you know we've talked so much about.
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:22.239
Hey, thanks for joining me today on Talking Shit.
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:23.119
I hope you enjoyed it.
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And I'm looking forward to seeing you on our next episode.