Jerrid Sebesta: Life Undeferred

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And so when I would have these awakenings, she was like, let's go, let's go.
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Because she inherently knew, and I don't know how she had the foresight, for me to step into this new area is actually how you find the healing.
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So many people want the healing first, then they step.
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No, it's all part of the process.
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For you to get the healing many times, you have to make the first move.
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You've got to take the first step, and you won't have the roadmap.
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Shift happened, opportunity changed.
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That is a choice.
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So when shift happens, it is our choice.
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Either we let shift happen or we make shift happen.
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Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Talking Shift.
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And we got a good one here, guys.
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Digging.
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I've got my boy Jared Sebesta here to join us.
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And Jared is a keynote speaker, a best-selling author of uh Life Undeferred.
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He's an elite coach, and he has such a wonderful story.
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And I get goosebumps talking about it because, you know, as you guys, you know, will listen to Jared, we have so much, you know, it's kind of like brothers from another mother, you know, when you kind of get to know Jared's story and how he helps people.
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And one thing, Jared, that, you know, that I was reading about you, and as I've learned, you know, and I just saw Jared speaking on stage in San Francisco at uh Arjun Dingra's uh LFG uh energy and society, the Better Human Project event.
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And I really, really truly resonate because you're helping transform leaders from success to significance.
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And that bridge right there is so powerful.
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So, you know, we're gonna dig into that.
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We're gonna go deep into that.
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So I want to welcome you to the podcast, my brother from the makeshift happen business.
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Welcome.
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Let's talk some shift.
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I love I love the title.
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And I'm I'm ready to make some shift happen, right?
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That's what we do.
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That's what we do.
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Well, I think you're the you're in the makeshift happen business.
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So this is this is gonna be an easy subject for you.
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But let's go.
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Well, let's dig in because I mean, again, that bridge from success to significance.
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I know you had you had that moment, that bridge moment, that moment in your life.
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And I think by all, you know, regular mainstream definition, you were leading a very successful career at the time, but something was missing, and you had the cojones to do something about it, and not everybody has that.
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Yeah.
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I mean, tell us a little bit about that, you know, that moment, maybe tell the audience, you know, um, about your prior career and this sort of move over to this side of the fence.
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It was either uh courage or stupidity.
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I'm not sure which one.
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There's a real fine line there.
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Yeah.
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I've I've I'm I'm 47 for those of you who are uh watching this and wondering how how old is this guy?
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Uh but I've had two decade plus long careers.
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The first of the first of which I was a TV weatherman.
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So I don't know how many TV weathermen you have on this uh podcast, but likely I'm the first, maybe second one.
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Uh no, you're the first.
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First, got it.
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Yeah.
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Um, a very prestigious job.
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Uh just very the everybody thinks that you're just, you know, the the the cast meow, and I'm being very facetious here.
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Uh, but that was that was a really fun career.
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Uh loved weather as a kid.
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I was an earth science nerd.
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Went to the University of North Dakota, played basketball up there.
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It's a great aviation school.
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So I had a chance to study weather and uh knew that I was not gonna be like doing government jobs because the only thing I could really do, and I understood this at 23 years old, is I can tell a story really well.
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I was the guy who, if you were telling a joke that I knew and you were butchering it, I would have to interrupt and then share it.
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And I still do this now, and you know, you embellish the truth just enough, you know, to make it, you know, to make it wow.
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And uh so I did that for 12 years.
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But even as I made it back to my home state of Minnesota, made it to my dream station, made it to the station I grew up watching, as my TV career kind of developed, I could feel this discon discontentment, this disconnect.
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Um, it was it was a it was a conflict because I wanted to grow in my career, but yet I felt who I actually was becoming and what I wanted to do.
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These were going two very different directions.
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So abruptly left that career totally cold turkey when my stock prices were the highest, working at my dream job back in 2014 with literally no backup plan.
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Turns out my wife was pregnant with our third child.
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We didn't know it at the time.
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So I always joke there was like a six-month period where I was unemployed.
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I was living if my in-laws in their basement, and my wife was pregnant.
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So that probably wasn't on Welcome to the Dream.
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Dave, look what you got with me.
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The Welcome to the Dream.
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Yeah.
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Fell into the uh financial business, got hired by a boutique independent right retirement planning firm.
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Don't know anything about retirement planning, have a bit of a desire with or have a bit of a passion for personal finance.
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But the gentleman who I eventually partnered with, you know, he was a life guy.
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Uh he loved bridging life and retirement.
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While I wasn't a retirement uh planner and didn't become one, it was easy for me to kind of utilize my skill set in that, in that field.
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Didn't know what we were doing.
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I was hired as a marketing guy.
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Uh I was never sitting kneecap to kneecap with uh retirees.
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That wasn't my job, nor did I want to do that.
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And uh ended up, you know, getting a you know, having a really nice tenure there, you know, for 10 years as well.
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And again, got to a point where I was in my low 40s, now making a very, you know, very stout uh you know income living you know in rural Minnesota where my wife and I were kind of from.
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And but now we've got four kids and we're living on a little ranch.
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And to your point, living the dream, right?
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But there was this disconnect.
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And I love the word alignment.
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If I can look back, the disconnect was alignment, right?
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Was I having impact?
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Yes, but I wasn't having the most.
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I wasn't living a life true to me.
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And so I did what I did in my TV career.
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I quit.
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I actually fired myself.
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But I again I share this from stage as well, where like this one felt different because two years prior to that moment, I had a very definitive moment.
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I love that, I love that you talk about these bridge moments because these moments, these inflection points, if we can rewind the tape, you know, if you look at your life as a movie that's being played out in real time, there are these definitive moments.
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And and that one came on January the 1st, 2022.
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I was on a walk with my wife, I was 43 years old, and I said to her on this walk on New Year's Day, I said, I'm done.
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And she goes, What do you mean you're done?
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I said, I'm just done.
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She goes, Elaborate.
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And I said, I'm done playing small.
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I'm done playing defense.
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I remember vividly using the word defense.
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I had lived a very defensive life.
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While I had a lot of success, and I'm psychoanalyzing myself here many years later, that was done out of a defense mechanism.
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It was actually me running away from the fear, scarcity, and uncertainty in my life that was formed in me, the mindsets that were formed at a very young age.
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And while I was successful on the outside, there was this disconnect happening.
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And by the way, I was getting tired.
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I was 43.
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I was tired.
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I was tired of running and running away, always trying to keep my head above water.
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And, you know, I again I really felt like the world, God, you know, whatever word you want to fill in.
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It was, it was, it was nudging me to double down on who I actually was.
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And that process that has now been in place now for four plus years, it's actually been a rediscovery of who I am.
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And since then, my life has completely transformed.
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It looks totally different.
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I now do this full time.
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I pinch myself, I get a chance to do events like you, that like where we met a couple of weeks ago in Cam in California.
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And I get a chance to help people at a level I never thought was possible, make more money.
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And to your point, have more impact.
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And, you know, business is scary.
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You'll be the first to do it.
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Business is really scary.
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And for anybody listening to this who's in business or started a business or is leading a business, it's really scary.
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But you know what doesn't keep me up at night anymore is the haunting of like my life is clicking off the clock, and I'm not living a life that is honoring who I actually am.
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And so while, you know, sometimes I get a little nervous about income or deals or prospecting or whatever, the one that doesn't haunt me at night, which used to haunt me for years, even when I was in TV, is that like this isn't this really isn't who I am.
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I'm leaving potential energy on the table.
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I'm not living a life true to who I am.
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And I know you've talked about authenticity and all these things on your show before, but that really, that really was how it started.
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And so this life that you know me as is relatively new.
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You wouldn't recognize me two years ago, certainly not four years ago.
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That I mean, dude, there what you're saying, and I really want everyone to like really pay attention.
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I want, I want to extract a few of these insights that you were talking about.
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I mean, first of all, you mean you're you're a weatherman at the station you grew up in, like, like on the billboard of life, that's sort of like I made it, and this is where I'll be for the rest of my career.
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I mean, literally, the weatherman I feel like is like one of those types of fantastic, right?
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You know, like but again, you there was something missing, and you said something, and then through the iteration on that walk, because I was really trying to pay attention to like what is it that you were missing?
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What was misaligned?
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What because I think we fall, and and I I a hundred percent can relate to this, you were playing defense.
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What I'm hearing is you started to have this reflection point and realize I'm playing defense, and that and I could dare to maybe say beyond the career, because that extends into life, and certainly I know the idea, I know the feeling of I mean, days are long, years are short.
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And when we're playing defense, the connection to that also to me, and then when I recognize this, you know, with clients and throughout you know the mortgage and housing industry, we're grinding.
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When we're playing defense, we're on our heels and we're on our heels.
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I'm a skier, right?
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I'll use a skiing analogy.
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I do ski.
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I have, I don't anymore.
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I need to stay, I need to stay vertical.
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Skiing makes me harder.
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If I'm skiing defensively and I'm leaning back on my heels, my thighs are gonna burn out and I'm gonna have muscle fatigue, right?
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That's grind, that's defense, I'm on my heels.
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But my point is when we're playing offense, we're on our toes.
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Now it can feel a little uncomfortable to be on your toes, but miraculously you ski better, right?
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And I think that's a good analogy from what I'm hearing.
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Yeah, I don't interrupt.
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I don't, because people always ask me, like, why'd you leave TV?
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Why'd you leave TV?
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You know, and I'm like, well, how much time do you have?
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You know what I mean?
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The short answer is that you know, TV ran in three months, in three-year intervals.
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You always signed a three-year contract.
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So your life was always lived in these three-year intervals, right?
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And it just seemed like the more three-year contracts I signed, the faster they'd come up.
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And you know what I was doing every time a three-year interview went by, I'd look at my life.
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I'm like, I'm not, I'm not doing anything.
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Like, and again, life, it wasn't it's not about how much money don't hear me.
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It wasn't that.
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It was that TV was such a grind, and I'm not no disrespect to the TV business.
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It was phenomenal to me.
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It treated me very well, it gave me an incredible story and experiences I could not get otherwise.
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So don't hear me that.
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But you know what I did for 12 years, Craig?
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I worked, I worked my butt off.
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Yeah, I could count on one hand how many times I was home for Christmas, Thanksgiving, I get 36 hours off.
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And again, I'm not complaining because they made me work.
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It was just that it wasn't.
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I again, I got into my 40s and I'm like, dude, like if you don't start being the cause, not the effect in your life, there's no guarantee that this Cinderella story has a has a Cinderella ending.
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Again, when you're in your 20s and 30s, that's one thing.
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You start hitting your 40s, and now I'm down your 50.
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It's like, no, no, no, there's this sense of urgency that started to build.
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And I think that that led to the read the rediscovery of who I actually was.
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I felt the nudge to then go after it.
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By the way, what were we coming out of in early 2022?
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Well, obviously the pandemic.
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That woke a lot of people up, including me, which accelerated this process, which was kind of seated years prior.
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So it really was kind of the perfect storm of all these things coming together.
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And for me to really have that aha light bulb moment that I needed.
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How did your how did your wife respond when you said when when you when you brought this up?
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I you know, I get that, I get that question a lot because I've quit two careers, you know, we've done we've made some really big leaps or jumps.
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And I have a very supportive spouse, and she's probably listening right now, so I got to really watch what I say here.
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But I have an incredibly supportive spouse.
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Your spouse should talk to my spouse because we have a moment in time here.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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Yeah, she has been, you know, we've been married for almost 20 years, and I'm sure we'll go down this road, Craig, at some point.
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She's seen the darkness in me.
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She's seen me in those dark moments, not a moment for seasons, for years.
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And uh, I'm 6'6, she's 5'5, you know.
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So you again, people listening to this can't see me, but you know, she would over the years she'd grab me by the lapels and she's like, if I could take it out of you, I would take it from you.
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And she knows that she can't, right?
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And so when I would have these awakenings, she was like, Let's go, let's go, because she inherently knew, and I don't know how she had the foresight, for me to step into this new area is actually how you find the healing.
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So many people want the healing first, then they step, no, no, no, no, no.
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It's all part of the process, right?
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It's gonna for you to get the healing many times, you have to make the first move.
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You've got to take the first step.
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And you won't have the roadmap.
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You'll have maybe step one if you're lucky, right?
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But through that process, I mean, I just can't eat from my childhood to my relationship with my mom to how I view myself.
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I mean, all of these things, there's been so much healing through this process, but it goes back to me making that first step after probably a decade plus of feeling that discontentment inside that I could feel stirring and building.
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Well, we I mean, we have to step into the storm.
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We have to put ourselves in there, out there, and be willing to get injured.
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We have to be willing to get hurt.
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It could be uncomfortable, it we have to, it could be facing fear, like proverbial and real.
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But the point is, you can't heal something that isn't proverbally broken.
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Sure.
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We got to break it.
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And you had you broke it even without knowing the playbook of where to go next.
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Sure.
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It's that idea of messy action, right?
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Just just get in, just get in the arena.
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Dr.
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Benjamin Hardy talks about that in one of his books.
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Just get in the arena.
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I love that.
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I remember reading that a couple of years ago, and that resonated with me.
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But I mean, this is so powerful, right?
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Like, and this goes to so many facets of our life, right?
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You want to improve your marriage, you take the first step.
00:14:16.879 --> 00:14:18.720
Don't wait for your spouse to make the first step.
00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:20.879
You want to take the first step in your physical health.
00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:22.879
Stop waiting to feel like going to the gym.
00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:24.320
By the way, you never will.
00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:25.360
You never will.
00:14:25.440 --> 00:14:26.480
I still don't want to.
00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:27.440
You know what I mean?
00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:29.600
Um, even like, I mean, we'll we'll go there.
00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:40.960
I know how deep you want to go here, but like even when it comes to like your prayer life, and again, I don't want to go too far off the rails here, but it's like, I need to kind of posture myself with certainty, trust, and belief.
00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:46.159
Then when I pray, then when I like tap into the spiritual, then there's power, right?
00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:48.720
I there's a there's a story that I talk about in my book.
00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:51.279
I I reference Exodus 14, 15, right?
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:59.759
And the Israelites, they're complaining because they're complaining the moan at Moses because he brought them out in the desert, and Pharaoh's coming after them, and they're wailing.
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.279
And finally, God says to Moses, like, tell them to stop complaining, get up and walk.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:07.840
And he didn't tell them what was going to happen thereafter.
00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:09.360
He just said, get up and walk.
00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:12.320
And so they actually did it and they got to the edge of the Red Sea.
00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:14.000
They could not walk any further.
00:15:14.159 --> 00:15:15.759
Then the divine took over.
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:17.200
Then God showed up.
00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:18.960
Then there was a breakthrough.
00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:21.120
Then something shifted, right?
00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:23.919
And I'm like, that's an analogy for this life, right?
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:27.360
We're I I again I spend a lot of time in the faith department.
00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:30.879
So I'm dealing with people of faith, and I'm broad brushing here.
00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:43.120
So excuse me, but a lot of people of faith, we are sitting here waiting, fingers crossed, hands clasped, which is good, but it's like, well, I'm just kind of waiting on the Lord to give me a sign.
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:44.879
I'm like, He has go.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:45.919
It's there.
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:46.799
Take a step.
00:15:46.960 --> 00:15:48.399
And then we start the Yah butt game.
00:15:48.480 --> 00:15:49.679
Yeah, but I don't know which one.
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:50.559
Just pick one.
00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:51.600
Just pick one, right?
00:15:51.919 --> 00:15:53.440
Yeah, I'd love the yeah buts because I've done it.
00:15:53.519 --> 00:15:55.360
Yeah, but, yeah, but yeah, but it's so funny.
00:15:55.440 --> 00:16:03.279
You just said that I cut people, I just cut you off right here, but like I literally just lit up right there because I will cut people off and I will and I will point that out right there.
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:04.799
We're gonna avoid the yah buts.
00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:09.600
As some of you I want to do this, this, yeah, but as if that's a period, not a comma.
00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:15.840
And I'm gonna stop you every time you say yah, but so when you said that, you saw me just light up because it is so and I'll say one more thing.
00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:16.639
Just.
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:19.440
I just no no no take the word just out.
00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:22.080
You either do or don't do, don't just, right?
00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:25.919
Because you're just you're trying to justify not doing it.
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:28.799
So I love that you just brought that up and and I love this story.
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:29.120
Go ahead.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:29.919
Yeah, pick one.
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:36.879
I mean, so many people probably listening, they're sitting on a decision right now, and I'm not suggesting you don't sit on it and take methodical action, seek counsel.
00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:38.000
That's not what I'm suggesting.
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:42.399
But you know, you know, if you're listening to this, you know you're sitting on a decision too long.
00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:46.080
Should I make this hire, fire this person, try this strategy, do this thing?
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:47.519
And I'm just like, yes.
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:48.720
Well, which one should I do?
00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:50.080
Yes, just pick one.
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:51.519
What if it's the wrong one?
00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:52.720
Interesting.
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.919
I believe this is this is you know geridology here.
00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:00.559
I believe that if you choose to go all in on it, you cannot make the wrong decision.
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:03.679
It by default is the right decision, right?
00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:05.359
Yeah, but what if it goes awry?
00:17:05.519 --> 00:17:07.359
What if it doesn't end up the way that I want it to?
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:08.720
What if it doesn't pan out?
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:09.680
It might not.
00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:11.759
You know, it might pan out better than you thought.
00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:12.960
You might actually lose money.
00:17:13.039 --> 00:17:16.720
You may try a strategy or do a hire or try something and it may not work.
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:17.839
But here's the deal.
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:24.640
I believe that if you do that and you go all in and you commit and you get rid of the yah bots, right?
00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:27.839
That will lead you to the next course of action.
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:29.359
It'll lead you to the next connection.
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:30.480
You'll learn something.
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:36.240
And even if you lose money, which happens, you're in business, you'll try something and it won't pan out, right?
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:47.680
Whatever you learn, if you have the awareness, that lesson will by far be bigger than any money that you could, that you could you could have lost if you can even really truly lose money, which is another story.
00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:48.559
But you know what I'm saying?
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:52.400
Like the problem is when we just go to play repeat back to the beginning of our conversation.
00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:56.480
That's why I titled my platform, my book, Life Undeferred, because I was living a life deferred.
00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:59.440
It was just, it was the same year over and over again.
00:17:59.680 --> 00:18:05.279
And so it's like, how do we manually, methodically, and intentionally jumpstart momentum in our life?
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:13.039
So we live a life that is not just influential, but connected to who we are, which by the way, that's how you live an influential life.
00:18:13.279 --> 00:18:17.359
You live a life that is so deeply connected in every aspect.
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:20.640
And so that's really the magic of what we're talking about here today.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:21.599
Well, absolutely.
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:22.880
And that connection, right?
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:28.319
Getting our connection from, again, how we define success in life versus significance, purpose.
00:18:28.559 --> 00:18:30.319
I talk about your genius zone.
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:35.279
Lock first, we have to find your genius zone, unlock it, and then we lock it in, right?
00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:39.279
And and we're saying in this, you know, talking about in the same genre of conversation here.
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:42.640
And it just, again, messy action, whatever the choice is.
00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:53.599
And I love what you say there, because maybe a lot of wrong decisions or bad decisions have to happen to lead you towards where you need to go.
00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:56.559
And if we can be confident in that, you know what?
00:18:56.640 --> 00:18:59.839
I'm gonna, it's kind of like, you know, be wrong but proud.
00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:07.119
You know, like I'm gonna make, or like when I'm doing brainstorming strategic planning, you know, with with leaders, and I did this throughout my career, I would all I would always set rules.
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:11.759
And one of those rules would be, hey guys, no bad ideas, even though some are.
00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:13.599
I want all of your bad ideas.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:14.720
I don't want you to hold them back.
00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:20.640
Because in that horrible bad idea that could never happen, there's something in there.
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:25.359
And I'm getting you to jump over all those obstacles, all of those yah butts.
00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:27.200
As the crow flies, right?
00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:31.200
We're only at 30 minutes to our destination, but why does it take us two hours to get there?
00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:34.160
Because we're hitting every tree treetop along the way.
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:36.480
I want to get you to fly over, right?
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:42.400
Like as a crow flies analogy, I want to get you to fly over all of those treetops, those obstacles, all those yah butts.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:42.880
Yeah.
00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:51.759
But I want to, you know, again, to reiterate before we move on to another point, like that was how I lived for 43 years until I hit that inflection point.
00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:57.440
I was just, I just kept waiting for life to happen to me, not me happen to life, right?
00:19:57.519 --> 00:19:59.200
And and the action piece.
00:19:59.359 --> 00:20:01.200
But first, I needed to come to that moment.
00:20:01.440 --> 00:20:04.240
I think a lot of people may be listening, like, they don't know what action to take.
00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:05.359
Well, first you got to decide.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:11.200
Like, first, you just gotta make a decision and plant the flagpole that like something has to shift, right?
00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:12.480
No pun intended.
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:19.839
And even in that moment, even though even though nothing has changed, you just made a decision, just like on that road on January the 1st, right?
00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:20.720
I made a decision.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:25.039
The truth is that I was moments away from planting the flagpole.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:28.000
Everything shifted in in my life.
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:28.960
You know what I mean?
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:30.240
Like everything shifted.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:33.920
Like I took, I'm now on a new pathway.
00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:42.880
And so, yes, action is important, but first I would challenge your people and your listeners and your leaders listening to this, like, make a decision first.
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:52.240
Make just and like make it so powerful that it shifts your internals, like where you are now a new human being, right?
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:55.839
I think a lot of people don't get what they want because we're just we're always dipping our toe in.
00:20:55.920 --> 00:20:57.759
We never go all in on anything, right?
00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:01.039
A true decision will shift your identity.
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:05.680
A true decision will radically shift your behavior.
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:09.359
You know, if you say it's easy to be like, I'm making a decision, I'm gonna start going to the gym.
00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:13.920
Uh, I'm doing it, you know, I'm losing the weight and I'm gonna get jacked again and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:20.720
Well, that's if it doesn't immediately shift your decision making, your actions, it's not truly a decision.
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:24.400
And I think we fool ourselves perhaps as leaders, high achievers, business people.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:26.000
We think we've made decisions.
00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:29.359
And if we're really honest with ourselves, many times we haven't.
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:36.160
We've just kind of we've said it, we've got the dopamine hit, but it hasn't truly shifted the internals.
00:21:36.319 --> 00:21:40.960
A true decision will shift your identity and thus shift your outer reality.
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:45.839
Either shift's gonna happen to you or you're gonna make shift happen for you.
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:48.559
Maybe you you you you threw me a softball on that.
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:50.240
That's awesome.
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:56.240
I love that something I'll the other thing I want to pull out of what you just said, and I want everybody to hear this really loud and clear identity.
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.599
When you shift, because again, shift happens, opportunities.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:01.440
Chains, success is a choice.
00:22:01.599 --> 00:22:05.599
And when you want to step into your future identity, it is your identity.
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:07.359
And you need to shift into that identity.
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:08.640
The gym is a perfect analogy.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:12.079
Don't just go to the gym, shift your identity that I am a healthy person.
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:13.759
So, what does a healthy person do?
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:15.759
They work out, they go to the gym, right?
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:21.200
And that identity shift, that's what gets us down into our belief system.
00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:22.720
And that is what's so critical.
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:27.599
If you want to make shift happen, we've got to get underneath it all and get down to our belief system.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:28.720
I believe.
00:22:28.880 --> 00:22:29.279
Why?
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:34.720
Because our belief system influences our behaviors, our behaviors, then drive our actions.
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:40.799
So, like it's funny, as a coach, and I'd love to get your perspective on this, I don't do a lot of goal setting.
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:44.640
Instead, I focus on that's just a result of what.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:47.200
So we're gonna focus on the of what.
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:48.559
And again, you mentioned Dr.
00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:49.519
Benjamin Hardy.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:54.319
Brother, I've had so many defining moments when I've read his book and just went like, whoa.
00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:57.839
And like one of those, and this stopped me in my tracks.
00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:07.519
And for those of you that know my story, and Jared, you heard, you know, part of my story on stage, you know, in San Francisco, you know, just get over fighting stage three cancer, you know, spent a year fighting straight stage three.
00:23:07.599 --> 00:23:10.240
Um, mortgage industry is disintegrating around me.
00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:11.519
And then I finally get over it.
00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:13.039
Life is good, here we go.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:14.160
You know, I'm running a great team.
00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.640
And then, like six weeks later, I lost I lost my job.
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:19.519
And that put me into a very, very dark place.
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:20.559
And I can reflect.
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:24.799
And the reason why is because I felt like I lost my identity.
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:35.519
I felt like I'd lost my identity as a leader, as someone who had built this company for 14 years, as someone who had cultivated all these wonderful, beautiful relationships and business.
00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:48.240
And it felt like it was taken away in an instant, and facing a very depressed or depressing industry that I knew in my heart it was not the right decision to move forward.
00:23:48.559 --> 00:24:03.920
Defense, Craig, safety, fear, all of that said, you have to go get another job, you have to go find, you know, but the my stomach, man, it was upside down, screaming that this is not the right, this is not your path.
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:05.440
And I was lost.
00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:14.640
And my wife, and that's why I perked up when you were saying my beautiful, trusting, faithful wife said, This is the path you're supposed to go on.
00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:15.920
You were at, you know.
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:18.960
So I talked about I think I'm I think I need to start my own coaching business.
00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:23.759
She said, that is not think, she said, that is absolutely what you need to do.
00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:26.720
I fully believe that is God's plan for you.
00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:31.119
And her faith, when I was down, her faith is what kept me up.
00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:33.519
And I'm gonna tie this back down to identity.
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:42.960
I had to literally, in the words of my 15-year-old daughter, literally, I had to literally ask myself, who am I?
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:48.880
What fed and created the success in my life and career?
00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:52.240
And what I came down to is I'm a fucking badass leader.
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:53.039
I am a leader.
00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:54.079
That's why I love doing.
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:56.960
I love leading teams, being part of a team.
00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:07.920
Leadership is a passion within me and helping, and then understanding that throughout my entire career of sales and management and leadership, one of my superpowers is helping you be successful.
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:20.799
And if I can help you be successful in understanding how to help you be successful from mindset to purpose to action to the business, but again, inherently, well, that's gonna make me feel successful.
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:21.119
Yeah.
00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:24.480
I had to find that identity that felt like it was lost.
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:32.079
And my and as soon as I found it, which was really just that shift, I planted my flag, stepped into my future identity.
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:35.920
I am now a coach, a consultant, a speaker.
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:40.720
I hadn't coached, I hadn't consulted, and I haven't spoken yet, but that is who I am now.
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:44.799
April 12th, 2023, pen on paper.
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:45.680
That's interesting.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:48.880
Faith plus crit is is where we are today.
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:49.920
Let me ask you a question.
00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:52.799
So when you lost your job, I'm gonna interview you now on your show.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:55.920
So you said that it jacked up my identity, right?
00:25:56.160 --> 00:26:00.880
So take that one step deeper because I believe that your belief systems are based off of an identity, right?
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:02.799
They're that they're they're close cousins, right?
00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:09.200
And so what did that what did that say to you about what you believed about to be true about yourself, right?
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:12.079
So it's like, bam, lost my job, identity gets rocked.
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:13.279
Now, what did that say?
00:26:13.440 --> 00:26:15.920
What was what was your belief system telling you?
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:27.599
That I was lost, that I did not have a purpose, that I was, you know, like who am I as a as a let alone a man, as a person?
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:29.200
Belief in your value.
00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:30.400
Belief in my value.
00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:31.680
Everything was clouded.
00:26:31.759 --> 00:26:34.240
I I lost all vision, all purpose.
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:39.599
But I also, and and I want to make this point because where you're going, what I also realized now in reflection, right?
00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:48.400
When we're when we're in the valley, it's it's hard to see, but in reflection, my identity at the time was also tied externally, not internally.
00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:52.079
And I had to, that's why I said, who am I?
00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:54.000
And I had to start with, I am a leader.
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.920
Nobody can take that away from me.
00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:06.000
And that's an internal, and of course, that has, you know, that that was the beginning of re realigning your words, because absolutely realigning my belief system.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:08.319
And then from there, fuck, man, bring it on.
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:09.680
Isn't it interesting?
00:27:09.839 --> 00:27:17.599
And and again, I I know that we were both busy at this last event, but I opened and closed with me actually losing my identity.
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:26.720
When you were talking, there were so many, I was sitting next to him like, oh my God, like Jared and I are going to become like good friends, and he doesn't even know it yet.
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:37.359
But the to your point, I had when I was building, again, you can't you can't see me if you're listening to this, but like again, I was growing now my business that I'm in right now rapidly.
00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:41.279
Just launch book, do all the things, got my identity stolen two weeks to the day later.
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:41.839
That's right.
00:27:41.920 --> 00:27:42.240
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:42.640
Yep.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:43.599
And like lost.
00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:49.039
I mean, in reality, I didn't, but it felt like I mean it was a it was a big cataclysmic earthquake, right?
00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:52.160
Like, I mean, I'm you know, I'm I'm I'm trying to figure out can I even do this?
00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:53.759
You know, I have no backup plan.
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:54.960
I am the backup plan.
00:27:55.039 --> 00:28:06.480
I have four kids and a mortgage, and it's like I by the end of that day, I was out thousands of dollars and I had no, I had no social, I had no audience, no audience, which is how we live.
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:07.519
That's how we make money.
00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:08.319
We connect online.
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:12.000
I had no audience, I was out money, and I was like, holy cow.
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:21.279
And my good friend, Craig, uh said to me the very next day, with without a wink of hesitation, said, Jared's gonna be the best thing that ever happens to you.
00:28:21.359 --> 00:28:23.119
And I thought he was on drugs.
00:28:23.359 --> 00:28:25.440
And uh, I'll never forget that conversation.
00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:29.680
And he said, We will laugh about this one day, not today, not tomorrow, not next week.
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:33.680
But he goes, I promise you, buckle up for about what's what's to happen.
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:35.680
Now, there's a caveat to that.
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:41.680
He said, and this is I I use this word a lot, I share this a lot with people, and this is this is where the magic happens.
00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:43.920
Like, because I think what we're talking about here is strategy.
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:44.960
Like, I love strategy.
00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:52.559
Like, let's build the system, scale the strat the marketing, social media, their strategy and business and leadership 100,000 percent.
00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:56.079
But there's another piece that I needed to understand.
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:59.200
So God allowed me to go through that identity correct.
00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:01.279
I needed to understand surrender.
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:03.039
Oh my god, I love that.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:07.839
My friend Craig said he goes, he goes, Don't fight this, don't run away from it.
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.319
And he's now he's speaking my language because that's how I have operated for decades, right?
00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:16.160
He goes, Don't scream, don't yell, don't fight it.
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:17.920
He goes, What an opportunity.
00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:19.920
He's like, he goes, you don't have any social media.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:23.680
He's like, yeah, you could just you could just chill with your chill with your wife now, because you got nothing to do.
00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:25.279
I had there was nothing I could do.
00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:26.240
There was nothing.
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.440
There wasn't, I had not, there was there, there was literally no work.
00:29:29.519 --> 00:29:33.359
Like my schedule just got deleted because I had nothing.
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:35.279
And so he's like, What an opportunity.
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:36.960
You can now spend more time with your wife and kids.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:38.559
And I was like, Are you are you nuts, dude?
00:29:38.640 --> 00:29:40.240
Like, I'm trying to build something here.
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:46.880
And he goes, he goes, the money, the social media, he goes, that that will he goes, the faster you surrender that, faster it'll come back.
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:47.920
Watch.
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:50.160
And so I took him up on his advice.
00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:51.839
I know you talk about uncomfortable.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:53.519
You want to talk about uncomfortable?
00:29:53.599 --> 00:30:02.240
That whole month of December, the entire month of December 2024, my ego and my flesh are screaming, screaming.
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:07.519
And I sat and I just sat in the uncomfortable and I believed.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:14.079
And every time I felt that, oh, the anxiety flare up, I just surrendered it, just like Craig said.
00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:18.960
And all of a sudden, and again, I'll spare you the details for the sake of time, like it broke.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:22.480
And all of a sudden, everything blew up like the next month.
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:26.400
And then I was like, oh he was right.
00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:27.279
He was right.
00:30:27.359 --> 00:30:29.839
There was something inside of me that needed to shift.
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:34.319
There was something, there was a at the identity level, God knows exactly what he's doing, by the way.
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:36.559
I want you guys to hear that he knows exactly what's going on.
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:38.240
He knows exactly what you need.
00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:41.759
And he will, it's it's easy to receive the good things.
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:44.720
We need to receive those cataclysmic things as well.
00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:51.519
And sometimes the best thing that can happen is that he can actually strip us down like bare naked, obviously, not literally, but that's what it felt like, right?
00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:53.279
Where I had nothing to rely on.
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:59.039
I could completely surrender so that I could come back and build it back better and become even bigger.
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:00.480
Again, I'll spare you the details.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:04.559
I don't know how deep you want to go on this, but I shared this from stage where you where we saw each other.
00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:06.319
My mom passed away three months later.
00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:10.480
Not unexpected, but that was a cataclysmic event.
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:19.440
And I I remember feeling so honored that that happened, that I was there in her final moments.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:24.799
I had a chance to spend nine months with her uh every day because she was in a senior living care facility in my hometown.
00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:26.240
The stars aligned.
00:31:26.319 --> 00:31:28.319
It was an absolute miracle how this happened.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:34.400
And I had a chance to spend some incredibly sacred time those final months and even moments.
00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:37.200
Uh, she passed in a room, it was me and her.
00:31:37.519 --> 00:31:40.640
And I was giving her the truth because she had lived by a lie.
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:41.519
Talk about belief.
00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:48.319
There's a I had a front row seat to somebody who lived by a belief system that was not true, capital T, and I had a front row seat.
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:49.599
That's why I'm so passionate about this.
00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:51.920
And I felt my wife asked me that night, she was, How do you feel?
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:53.519
And I said, I feel so honored.
00:31:53.759 --> 00:32:01.920
I feel honored that I had this sacred role, albeit difficult, because her and I, our relationship was very complex at times.
00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:10.000
I was her person, I was her little helper, and it was a very burdensome relationship at times, but I felt honored that God gave me that.
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:16.640
That like three days later, I was on stage in front of 350 people, state workers, state teachers in Minnesota, and I shared the story.
00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:20.000
It was one of the most powerful stories from stage.
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.720
I felt so honored that I had that opportunity.
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:29.519
And then there's been other cataclysmic things that have happened, and I've always received them with honor, surrendered to them.
00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:39.039
And every time I get elevated, and I can rewind the tape back, and like it started when I got my world rocked right after I launched my book.
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:41.839
And then when you look back, you become so thankful.
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:46.319
Now I'm just I'm so thankful the thing that was like the worst thing ever at the time.
00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:51.680
I now look back and I'm like, wow, I think my life is more choreographed than what I believed.
00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:53.440
I think I truly believe this.
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:57.200
Like our lives are more choreographed than we could ever understand.
00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:01.359
But at the same time, at the very same time, we're not puppets on a string.
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:10.079
We are given this beautiful thing called free will where we can decide and we can make shifts at any moment of any single day.
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:16.079
And those shifts then engage the choreographer, capital C in our lives.
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:18.000
And this is where the magic happens, guys.
00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:20.559
You want to go back to the original question, Craig, where you're talking about significance?
00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:22.319
This is how you live a significant life.
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:24.640
This is how you live a life of significance.
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:25.920
It's true connection.
00:33:26.079 --> 00:33:27.680
It's true connection to that power.
00:33:27.839 --> 00:33:31.119
So sorry for going off on a tangent there, but again, identity stolen.
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:33.200
What a wonderful thing to happen.
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:34.480
Let me ask you a question.
00:33:34.559 --> 00:33:35.440
This is a softball.
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:37.920
Did that happen to you or for you?
00:33:38.160 --> 00:33:38.480
Right.
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:44.480
Again, if you had asked me pre-flagpole moment, I would say it's happening to me because that's how I lived.
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:48.880
I was in a constant defensive stance, always waiting for another fire to put out, right?
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:55.680
And that was probably the biggest shift because I I got a feeling that was going to come out eventually in our in our interview here today.
00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:56.960
The biggest shift.
00:33:57.119 --> 00:33:58.319
And there have been many.
00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:02.319
The biggest one is that life happens to me, not for me.
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:05.200
I always live with that lens for decades.
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:10.320
And all of a sudden that that lens started to uh be replaced by you know what?
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:18.719
I actually think is it possible that like everything is actually choreographed with divine design, with divine precision for me?
00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:22.159
And to answer your question, obviously the answer um is yes.
00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:29.760
But that took a an incredible amount of inner work and going through the fire and the refinement to get to that point.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:32.400
And that's one thing I really try to tell people.
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:38.880
Because again, if if your if your mentality is life is happening to me, not for me, life is is is grueling.
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:41.199
It is hard.
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:42.880
I mean it.
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:44.480
Oh, yeah, you'll be totally burnt out.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:52.559
In fact, funny story, when I was at the very, very beginning of this process, um, we happen to go to a counselor because I have a daughter who has ADHD.
00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:54.880
And so they'll they'll put you into counseling.
00:34:54.960 --> 00:34:55.840
Uh and I love her.
00:34:55.920 --> 00:34:56.559
Don't get me wrong.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:58.639
I talk about her from stage, I talk about her in my book.
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:00.800
But we were in counseling one time because we're trying to fix our daughter.
00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:02.559
What's that?
00:35:02.719 --> 00:35:04.079
It is a superpower, by the way.
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:05.119
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:35:05.199 --> 00:35:08.719
So I don't uh that that is not a diss in any way, shape, or form.
00:35:09.039 --> 00:35:09.440
Yeah.
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:16.239
But inevitably, we were in uh counseling and uh we were there to fix our daughter, like fix, you know, let's get this girl fixed, you know.
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:24.639
And of course, a good counselor, which she was, starts asking questions about you, you know, and uh so my wife kind of gave her, you know, 12-minute little backstory.
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:28.079
And this counselor who I've never met, she goes, Well, what's your story, Jared?
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:32.159
And I was like, Oh, you know, so I bust out my, you know, I've I've psychoanalyzed myself, you know.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:37.199
So I gave her the 12-minute like life story, and I got this true story, Greg.
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:45.840
I got done, and there was this long pregnant pause, and this lady just goes, God, it must be exhausting being you.
00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:47.119
Oh, that's so good.
00:35:47.199 --> 00:35:48.320
What was your reaction?
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:51.840
My reaction was like, Well, yeah, actually, thank you.
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:52.719
Thank you so much.
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:54.719
I need everybody, I just need to talk to you now.
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:55.920
Like, let me just go for everything.
00:35:56.159 --> 00:36:00.239
Yeah, thank you for affirming everything that I yeah, it is it's freaking exhausting.
00:36:00.639 --> 00:36:01.840
Thank you for validating me.
00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:02.320
Right.
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:08.960
And so again, that was a shift I needed to make to be like, I want to do more, become more, you know.
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:11.440
But I'm like, doing it this way ain't working.
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:13.519
Like grinding more is not the answer.
00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:18.639
If you want to double your income, and when you look at this from a logical perspective, I have to work twice as much.
00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:24.639
I don't want that life because I've seen guys and gals that do that, and I don't want their life because it's miserable.
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:28.880
And again, with all due respect, I've been that person on the edge.
00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:30.559
And it's it's no fun.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:35.280
There's a there's a better way to lead, there's a better way to live a life.
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:38.639
And here's the irony you will find more flow.
00:36:38.719 --> 00:36:40.800
There will be more effortlessness to it.
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:47.360
And again, to go back to the very first question and topic here today, you'll actually have more significance.
00:36:48.079 --> 00:36:49.519
You know what I'm saying?
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:56.639
Every aspect of my life has increased has 10x, everyone, including income, including purpose, including fulfillment.
00:36:56.960 --> 00:36:59.920
It as soon as I made that massive shift four years ago.
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:02.239
So again, it can't be reiterated enough.
00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:03.760
This is this is really powerful stuff.
00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:06.000
Is life happening to you or for you?
00:37:06.239 --> 00:37:08.000
Be honest when you answer that question.
00:37:08.239 --> 00:37:14.559
Well, and that's why I want to bring it up because I like you, and and for me, I don't think I under, I never really thought about it.
00:37:14.639 --> 00:37:16.480
I didn't, you know, it never hit me in the face.
00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:28.639
Of course, we have our ups and downs of certainly being, you know, a uh a uh participant in the mortgage business, being a leader in the mortgage business, but you know, for 20 plus years, it is a very volatile, up and down, emotionally charged.
00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:33.119
Just when things are going good, you you always have this feeling like the shoes about to drop.
00:37:33.199 --> 00:37:40.079
So you're living this career and then life of like, I'm afraid of good things happening because I know something bad's gonna happen.
00:37:40.159 --> 00:37:42.719
And that is a horrible way to live.
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:44.639
I call it the beget principle.
00:37:44.880 --> 00:37:49.360
Good begets good, bad can beget bad, but good begets good.
00:37:49.519 --> 00:37:52.480
And absolutely love, surrender.
00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:57.199
And when we surrender, it it like and all of you can quote like Jocko, right?
00:37:57.280 --> 00:38:00.000
It's ownership, it's extreme ownership.
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:14.400
And when I I really found mindset in my leadership when I when I took on my first sort of going from the I got a big promotion and it was kind of like going from the minor leagues to the major leagues, you know, at the time, moved my family from Portland, Oregon to the Bay Area, took over.
00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:18.079
And all of a sudden, and like you said earlier in the conversation, there was no playbook.
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:20.639
I thought I was taking something over with the political.
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:21.679
There's no playbook.
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:24.880
I thought I was taking something over at let's call it a level eight.
00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:29.039
No, it was not a level eight, it was a level two, and I had to rebuild it.
00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:38.000
And that's where I really, really discovered mindset and the power of leadership and my my leadership voice and really connecting there.
00:38:38.159 --> 00:38:38.480
Yeah.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:49.440
And that is where, you know, certainly building up not just what I was doing, but building others around me and and really putting that focus into them.
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.800
And that path is certainly, you know, what led.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:59.920
But the baguette, going back to the baguette principle, surrender and it's owning it, and it's extremely liberating.
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:00.719
Yes, freedom.
00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:03.440
It's freedom to just own it.
00:39:03.679 --> 00:39:07.199
Let me add one thing, and I want I want to make sure I'm clear on this, if you don't mind.
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:07.840
Please.
00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:11.440
It's not just surrender, but it's also not just grind.
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:12.320
It's both.
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:13.280
It's both, right?
00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:15.920
So there's just a quick formula I'll share with you.
00:39:16.079 --> 00:39:22.079
Think of it like this maximum, maximum effort, maximum output, maximum energy.
00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:23.679
This is like the masculine energy.
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:24.480
This is the grind.
00:39:24.559 --> 00:39:27.280
This is the doing, the believing, the desire, the hunger, right?
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:28.800
Or leaving no stone unturned.
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:30.639
Like we're showing up today, right?
00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:34.800
Like this isn't just sit around and sing kumbaya and like just wait for like the blood.
00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:35.440
No, no, no.
00:39:35.519 --> 00:39:36.000
You're working.
00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:36.719
Don't get me wrong.
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:39.280
Like, we're working, maximum effort.
00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:47.679
You know, we'll talk about obsession, like almost borderline obsession, not unhealthy, but like like you, you are a standout when it comes to effort.
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:50.800
Maximum effort plus maximum surrender.
00:39:50.880 --> 00:39:51.840
It's a duality.
00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:53.840
It's not one or the other, it's both.
00:39:54.000 --> 00:40:01.519
So while you are having maximum effort at the very same time, you are 100% detached from the outcome.
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:02.480
Percent.
00:40:02.639 --> 00:40:05.199
I'm not talking about like trusting the process.
00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:07.280
I'm saying I'm going all in today.
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:12.639
I'm going all in on this, my business, my team, my, my, my employees, whatever that looks like.
00:40:12.719 --> 00:40:17.440
And I'm gonna show up and and there, I'm gonna be exhausted by the end of the day.
00:40:17.599 --> 00:40:28.480
But however it shakes out, good, bad, indifferent, cataclysmic, beyond imagination, good, whatever, I am 100% whole in this moment.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.239
There's nothing that can validate me.
00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:34.400
There's nothing that can be given to me that can make me any more validated than I am right now.
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:36.800
Likewise, there's nothing you can take from me.
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:38.400
You could strip everything from me.
00:40:38.559 --> 00:40:43.360
And I am just as validated in that moment as I was one minute prior, right?
00:40:43.679 --> 00:40:45.440
And it's that duality.
00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:47.280
That's where the magic happens.
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:50.079
Maximum output, maximum surrender.
00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:55.679
You want to build momentum, you want to have more purpose, you want to have more impact, you want to have more significance.
00:40:55.920 --> 00:41:00.239
The most powerful people that I know that are doing that, they live in this dual state.
00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:04.159
So again, I'm not, I don't want to suggest here that, like, oh, I just don't do anything.
00:41:04.239 --> 00:41:05.360
I just sit and I just surrender.
00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:06.239
No, not at all.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:06.639
Yeah.
00:41:06.960 --> 00:41:07.440
Yeah.
00:41:08.079 --> 00:41:09.119
I'm not taking it that way.
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:09.840
No, no, no.
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:11.119
I just want to make sure that I'm very clear on that.
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:16.400
But I again I want to give people that framework like maximum output plus maximum surrender.
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:22.159
Well, and and I'll even add this little touch on there, because when I think about surrender, right, it's letting go, right?
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:28.000
Like I think I have this visual of like, you know, you have these hooks in your back that are preventing you from moving forward.
00:41:28.079 --> 00:41:29.599
And that's where I think surrender.
00:41:29.679 --> 00:41:36.159
It's ownership, it's letting go of, and I think we talked about earlier, that outcome and focusing in on the action.
00:41:36.239 --> 00:41:44.239
And when we let go of the emotional state that it puts us in, now we're letting go of the fears, the fear of being uncomfortable, all these different things.
00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:50.239
And by the way, way more energy consumption in our brains dealing with our emotions and our fears than just to take the action.
00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:51.760
We think it's hard to take action.
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:58.239
No, it's it's energy, 75,000 times more neurons in the emotion center than the logic center.
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:01.679
It consumes more energy to worry and be anxious.
00:42:01.920 --> 00:42:03.679
And our brains love doing it.
00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:07.360
Our brains are not always acting in our best interest.
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:10.239
And that's why I always talk about our brains in third person, right?
00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:15.039
And so, and there's a whole other, you know, rabbit hole, which we, you know, we'll save that for you know another podcast.
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:29.440
But when we surrender and we let go and we give it and we just focus in on action, I am being successful versus I will be successful when I am being successful when and rooted in what action.
00:42:29.519 --> 00:42:30.639
And where did I get that from?
00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:31.760
The gap and the gain.
00:42:32.559 --> 00:42:33.280
Benjamin Hardy.
00:42:33.519 --> 00:42:36.400
So let's demystify this for just one quick second.
00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:38.320
Like, so for example, this is a true story.
00:42:38.480 --> 00:42:39.440
Honestly, this true story.
00:42:39.599 --> 00:42:42.800
I was up for a speaking engagement, been working on you know, a lead, a company.
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:46.880
I can't even think of who it was at the moment, but I was like, I wanted it, right?
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:48.000
It's a great opportunity.
00:42:48.239 --> 00:42:50.800
So let's let's let's go through the equation, maximum output.
00:42:50.880 --> 00:42:53.280
I'm doing everything I can to facilitate this relationship.
00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:55.119
Um, and I and I desire, I believe it.
00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:55.920
I'm going all in.
00:42:56.000 --> 00:42:58.880
I'm doing everything I can to make sure that this deal happens.
00:42:59.039 --> 00:42:59.760
And I believe.
00:42:59.920 --> 00:43:01.840
I believe in myself, I believe in my cause.
00:43:01.920 --> 00:43:05.519
I believe that I deserve it, not out of narcissism, but out of like, you know what?
00:43:05.599 --> 00:43:08.480
I I am 100% cut out for this.
00:43:08.559 --> 00:43:09.519
And it's my time.
00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:10.239
Why not me?
00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:10.639
Right.
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:12.400
So that's the that's the output.
00:43:12.639 --> 00:43:15.840
At the same time, too, hold on to it very loosely.
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:17.679
And I found out yesterday I didn't get it.
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:19.280
They went a different direction, right?
00:43:19.519 --> 00:43:21.199
What an opportunity.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:28.639
In that exact moment when I'm reading that and I'm like, shoot, I can either be like, you know what, F them.
00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:29.199
You know what?
00:43:29.280 --> 00:43:29.599
Screw them.
00:43:29.679 --> 00:43:31.840
I don't want that's not that's not surrender.
00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:32.880
That's not surrender.
00:43:33.039 --> 00:43:35.840
Surrender says, man, thank you so much that I had this opportunity.
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:37.920
I wonder what else I can do for them.
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:40.079
You know, and and this is this is kind of what I do.
00:43:40.239 --> 00:43:43.599
When I get turned down for an opportunity that I wanted, you know what I do?
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:45.440
I say, is there anything else I can do for you?
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:46.800
Do you need help finding a speaker?
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:48.719
I know tons of other people, right?
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:54.239
That you are pressing the surrender button when you re when when you respond that way.
00:43:54.639 --> 00:43:59.440
We we actually hamper our ability to receive when we react.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:04.960
Other way to flip to our flesh, to insecurity, to hurt, to fill in the blank, right?
00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:09.440
And so you guys listening to this, you've got to deal with a lot of crap.
00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:11.360
You've got to deal with a lot of disappointment.
00:44:11.519 --> 00:44:13.280
You've got to deal with a lot of rejection.
00:44:13.440 --> 00:44:19.119
You're going to deal with a lot of stuff going on in the world that you don't have any control over that affects your business.
00:44:19.440 --> 00:44:21.280
These are all opportunities, guys.
00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:23.440
Look at these as little mini blessings.
00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:29.039
These are golden little tickets that this world, God, the universe, whatever word you want to use, is giving you.
00:44:29.199 --> 00:44:32.320
These are, these are, this is what you need.
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:34.800
Don't fight them, right?
00:44:35.119 --> 00:44:38.320
And so, like today, I hope you have a great day.
00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:38.960
But you know what?
00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:40.880
Today could be a total dumpster fire.
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:47.039
And I'm not such, and honestly, I'm learning to rebuild this thing.
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:56.320
So, like when the dumpster fire shows up, instead of reacting like, here we go again, here's another thing I gotta deal with, another problem I got to deal with.
00:44:56.480 --> 00:44:57.280
I'm getting better.
00:44:57.440 --> 00:45:00.960
I'm not perfect at this, but I'm getting much better at being like, you know what?
00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:01.679
Thank you.
00:45:01.920 --> 00:45:02.880
What an opportunity.
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:13.679
Because in this moment, when this deal didn't come through or opportunity fell through, I can now elevate my own belief and trust and surrender more.
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:15.280
This is how you elevate people.
00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:16.960
This is how you get what you want.
00:45:17.119 --> 00:45:19.199
This is how you have a life of significance.
00:45:19.360 --> 00:45:21.920
This is how you expand and grow to your next level.
00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:24.480
This world is giving you the opportunities.
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:29.840
You have the eyes to see it and then the audacity to receive with honor.
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.920
The easy things are easy to receive.
00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:34.719
The hard things, that takes boldness.
00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:40.159
And the most powerful people that I'm learning to emulate, that's how they look at their life and their business.
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:42.400
And that's what I want to portray to you guys today.
00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:43.920
And that's how I want to live.
00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:46.239
And notice too what Jared is saying here.
00:45:46.400 --> 00:45:56.960
That also gives you the power that takes the power away from external events, external people, other perceptual bad things takes all that power away.
00:45:57.119 --> 00:45:57.519
Cool.
00:45:57.679 --> 00:46:00.639
You know, and is it a problem or is it a challenge?
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:03.119
And if it's a challenge, what's the opportunity?
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.400
That easy little reframe completely strips away.
00:46:06.559 --> 00:46:08.320
I can wake up every day and deal with challenges.
00:46:08.400 --> 00:46:09.440
I don't want to deal with problems.
00:46:09.599 --> 00:46:10.400
I can deal with challenges.
00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:11.920
No problems, opportunities and challenges.
00:46:12.000 --> 00:46:12.480
Bring it on.
00:46:12.800 --> 00:46:15.360
The difference between bring it on and holy shit.
00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:16.960
We must be reading the same books.
00:46:17.199 --> 00:46:18.880
I say that stuff to myself all the time.
00:46:19.119 --> 00:46:22.079
And there's a reason why I have to say that to myself every day.
00:46:22.239 --> 00:46:26.639
Because if I don't, the first the first email I get, I'm like, ah, here we go.
00:46:26.800 --> 00:46:27.119
Yeah.
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:31.280
Because for 40 plus years, my brain has operated this way.
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:35.280
This is what I was modeled with all due respect to the people in my lives at a young age.
00:46:35.440 --> 00:46:41.199
So for those of you who don't have a head start like me, guess what?
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:43.039
You're going to have to work a little harder at this.
00:46:43.119 --> 00:46:46.159
And it's going to take, it's going to take a lot more effort on the inner work.
00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:49.840
We all have inner work to do, to overcome some of this neurology.
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:56.480
And so again, thank you, God, that you're giving me these events to deal with because these are all opportunities for me to then conform.
00:46:56.559 --> 00:47:00.159
I'm sorry, not conform, correct, correct and shift.
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:04.079
Because guys, listen, there's no way, like, let's just be honest.
00:47:04.239 --> 00:47:06.320
Everybody listening here, we want more, right?
00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:10.480
We want, like, who wouldn't take, you know, more money, more influence, all those things.
00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:16.000
Is it possible that all of those things are actually waiting to be given to us?
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:21.039
The only, the only blockage is for our ability to receive.
00:47:21.199 --> 00:47:22.559
I believe that that's true.
00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:24.960
So let's learn how to receive.
00:47:25.199 --> 00:47:25.760
All right.
00:47:26.000 --> 00:47:27.280
How do we receive more?
00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:28.880
We become more.
00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:30.559
We become a bigger container.
00:47:30.639 --> 00:47:32.800
We become because it's not getting smarter.
00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:37.599
It's about becoming bigger, larger, increasing our capacity to receive.
00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:38.480
Well, how do you do that?
00:47:38.559 --> 00:47:39.280
Let's learn that.
00:47:39.440 --> 00:47:41.360
Exactly everything we're talking about here today.
00:47:41.599 --> 00:47:50.559
Surrender, all in, belief, desire, letting go, not reacting, responding out of love, giving.
00:47:50.719 --> 00:47:52.159
These are all buttons, guys.
00:47:52.320 --> 00:47:54.639
Think about some of these buttons I just listed off.
00:47:54.800 --> 00:47:57.360
Which button can you press that you haven't been pressing?
00:47:57.519 --> 00:47:59.039
Which one can you press harder?
00:47:59.199 --> 00:48:00.800
Which one's a lever that you know what?
00:48:00.880 --> 00:48:02.719
I haven't really, I haven't really gone all in on that.
00:48:02.800 --> 00:48:04.880
I'm gonna start pressing, I'm gonna start pulling on that one.
00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:06.800
This all jump starts your momentum.
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:12.320
So again, it all boils back to that original like framework maximum output plus maximum surrender.
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:17.039
And inside of there are all these buttons that we can all push a little bit harder to do what?
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:19.039
To receive more.
00:48:19.519 --> 00:48:24.000
That's that's that to me, that's the that's the magic zone.
00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:24.800
That's the math.
00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:31.920
And that's significance, that's purpose, that's life fulfilling, no matter what our role or position is.
00:48:32.079 --> 00:48:32.400
Amen.
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:35.679
Well, it's a perfect segue into my last question for us.
00:48:35.840 --> 00:48:39.360
You've already sort of answered it, but I'm gonna make you have to make a choice here.
00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:46.559
For everybody listening, Jared, what's the one word you want everybody to walk away from this conversation with?
00:48:46.880 --> 00:48:47.679
The spot here.
00:48:47.840 --> 00:48:49.039
One oh man.
00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:49.519
You know what?
00:48:49.679 --> 00:48:50.159
I'm gonna go back.
00:48:51.039 --> 00:48:51.760
You can say a couple words.
00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:54.880
No, I'm I'm gonna choose one and we've said it already.
00:48:55.119 --> 00:49:01.199
But I believe that this is really it really is the key because again, high achievers have no problem working and grinding.
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:04.880
What most high achievers have a problem with is surrender.
00:49:05.519 --> 00:49:11.760
And I believe your ability to receive is correlated to your your level of surrender.
00:49:12.159 --> 00:49:13.840
So, how do you receive more?
00:49:14.079 --> 00:49:15.119
Surrender more.
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:16.719
How do you do that?
00:49:17.039 --> 00:49:27.039
You become whole, you posture your mind and your heart in such a way that you realize there's nothing that this world can give you or take you away that isn't, that doesn't validate you anymore.
00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:31.519
That actually gives you the runway to do more.
00:49:31.679 --> 00:49:35.679
That actually gives you the inspiration, that gives you the connection to significance.
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:40.719
It's like, well, if I'm if I'm truly surrendered and I don't need anything in life, then what then what's the point of getting up?
00:49:40.800 --> 00:49:41.599
No, no, no, no.
00:49:41.679 --> 00:49:50.559
That creates the atmosphere to show up and help and give and pour your life as a living sacrifice to this world.
00:49:50.719 --> 00:49:52.079
That's that's how you do it.
00:49:52.239 --> 00:49:56.079
So again, I'm reiterating the same point, but I'd say surrender.
00:49:56.559 --> 00:49:57.440
Man, I love it.
00:49:57.519 --> 00:50:01.840
Well, dude, I'm truly honored that we got to have this conversation, that we've got to spend some time together.
00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:05.679
I have learned so much from you through this through this conversation.
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:12.079
I can hardly wait to continue more of these, getting to know you, being in each other's atmospheres, everybody listening.
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:13.199
Please dig in.
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:18.559
Jared, how can everybody uh how can everybody find you, learn more about you, get your book, all the good stuff?
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:19.920
Yeah, well, I appreciate that.
00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:22.400
We are cut from the same cloth, and this is just part one.
00:50:22.559 --> 00:50:26.880
And uh, I'm excited to continue the this conversation uh in other venues and capacity.
00:50:27.039 --> 00:50:28.800
So I appreciate the the opportunity.
00:50:29.039 --> 00:50:31.199
Jared Subesta.com, my name.com.
00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:31.760
Everything's there.
00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:33.280
I love to play on social media.
00:50:33.440 --> 00:50:34.880
Instagram is probably my favorite.
00:50:35.119 --> 00:50:37.679
Close second LinkedIn handles are just my name.
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:39.039
So I would love to connect.
00:50:39.119 --> 00:50:43.440
And uh, if you like any of this, make sure that you're diving into Craig's stuff.
00:50:43.519 --> 00:50:45.840
If you're new to his show, dive deeper.
00:50:46.000 --> 00:50:48.079
Uh, his message is the real deal.
00:50:48.159 --> 00:50:51.280
And make sure you connect with him and my and myself if you haven't done so already.
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:51.920
Love it.
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:52.960
Well, I appreciate it.
00:50:53.119 --> 00:50:54.320
Appreciate you talking shift.
00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:56.800
Everybody, thanks for joining us to our next one.
00:50:57.199 --> 00:50:58.480
It's just surrender.
00:50:58.639 --> 00:51:01.119
Hey, thanks for joining me today on Talking Shift.
00:51:01.199 --> 00:51:04.960
I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to seeing you on our next episode.