WEBVTT
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Hello, hello, welcome.
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We are so excited to have Carrie Reichart here.
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She's a London-based artist who uses craft as a form of protest and care.
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So, Carrie, share with our audience a little bit about you and your work and movement.
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Well, hi, like I said, like you introduced me, I'm Carrie.
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I'm an artist.
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I live in London.
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And um, I'm probably most well known for the fact that I've spent the last 20 years mosaic in the outside of my house.
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But I actually graduated in 1991 from Leeds Polytechnic with a degree in fine art sculpture.
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And you know, ever since then I've been creating and making stuff and crafting.
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Yeah.
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Um, we'd love to discuss the question how can creativity create positive social change with you?
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Um, I think that you could probably speak to that pretty uh openly and non-knowledgeably.
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Yes, I mean, from a very personal point of view, um it changed it was life-changing for me because I see it as a form of art therapy.
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I've, you know, I'm quite aware of the fact that I use art and especially craft as a way of um addressing a lot of mental health problems that I've had over the years.
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That's why I called my house the treatment rooms.
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I stole that from the sign of a mental hospital.
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It was in a mental hospital and it said treatment rooms.
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And I thought, yeah, I'm gonna take that and put that on my studio because I I recognized then that that was me going into therapy, and so I think because of my own life journey and because art was so instrumental in me staying alive, literally staying alive, and uh being able to deal with a lot of my own personal problems and traumas, you know, I recognised that it was a great thing to do with other people, and so essentially from when I left college, me and my best friend from college, Karen Francesca and her older brother, who who's an artist who goes by the name of ATM Street Art, we formed a group called Living Space Arts and we became a uh a community art collective.
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So, I mean, that was from '98.
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So if you imagine, I've been working for ever since.
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So it's what nearly 30 years.
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And most of the ethos of all of my work from that point has been about trying to use art as a way of bringing around social cohesion and agency because it healed me.
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So I went out in the world to try and heal the world with it.
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I love that.
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So art has healed you, so you're a testimony to that.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I think it can changed me from a victim to a survivor.
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Most definitely, most definitely, art has just been able to communicate something that I cannot communicate in words.
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You know, it's you have to get to my age, which is the crone stage, you have to be in the last stage of your life.
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That's why you become an elder and a wise woman.
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It's not because you're necessarily wise, it's just because you've got so much experience to draw upon, and you have to be able to look back at things.
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You know, you really have to look back at things because what happened to me was that when I was 21, I was chased down a street, chased down an alley, and I was hit to the ground and I was sexually assaulted.
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And and it, you know, that moment shattered me because from that moment I stopped being a confident young woman who thought, yeah, no one's going to tell me where to walk down the street to someone who couldn't be in my own flat.
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And so it was completely traumatizing.
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And I tried to cut my wrists, and at that moment, I just two months later, I was starting an art foundation course, one year art foundation course, where I'd gone because I'd previously dropped out of a filmmaking course and thought I want to go back to filmmaking.
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And I went to do an art foundation course, but I didn't know, but I spent an entire year doing art therapy.
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You know, everything I did was processing this, but I didn't know that.
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I got set a project that was design a poster for uh a local adventure playground.
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I didn't even know until when they do a crit.
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You know, at the end of the year they look at all your work, they pull it all out, they pulled out my design poster, which was on a scaffolding with men lurking in the background.
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Do you know what I mean?
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It was just you know, I really just you know, I went there to do film and uh I ended up doing sculpture.
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I was the only sculpture student, so I used to be in a little Victorian house that was attached to the polytechnic, and I and I just spent a term making a man attacking a woman from behind in paper mache, and then I spent six months, six weeks making a film called Ode to Love, which might as well be called Ode to Violence.
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Do you know what I mean?
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But because it was very unregulated, I think it was brilliant in a way.
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There was no tutor looking at me, nobody saw what I was doing.
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Nobody.
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And one of them said, I think that's the most misogynistic thing I've ever seen in my life.
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And one of them said, Do you know what?
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If we had the if I had the power, I'd destroy that.
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And then then the other one said, We'd never allow you to make such a film in our university.
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Yeah, wow, there's so many layers to this.
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And so I sat there and I just wanted to cry.
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I, you know, I just like sportified, and never to this day I think were they playing devil's advocate?
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You know, they could have just said that to see what I would say.
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Yeah, because now I would argue that film.
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I probably wouldn't take it anymore because my vote, my, my view of even using that material's changed.
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But I would be able to articulate and say, look, I've just been sexually assorted, right?
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Processing something, I've made this film for six weeks, you know.
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But I didn't.
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I sat there and froze in the same way I froze when I was assorted.
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Yeah.
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I walked out of that um at that interview, and I and I had a portfolio of some other stuff, mainly you know, weird stuff that I'd done over the last year, and tried to throw it out the train, but luckily it was an A1 and it wouldn't fit.
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And I went all the way home, I was so dejected.
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And I went back to university, and university said, Well, it's polytechnic, then this is pre-or universities, it's when they put people in places where they'd be best suited, um, rather than making everything academic.
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But um, I went back and they said, Oh, look, you've got a second choice, apply to Leeds.
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Leeds has got this amazing um performance art and do film, experimental film.
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So I went back to that interview with this same little video, and uh, there was a man there called Mick Sean, and he said, Um, I said, I'm here to show this film.
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He said, Uh, we don't I haven't got the ability to show that.
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We stopped making films two years ago.
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We closed down that bit.
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And I instantly thought, Oh god, that's it, that's it, that's my life gone.
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Because that's what you think when you're 18.
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I'm not going to university, it's destroyed.
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And so I just said, All right, what do you do?
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And he said, Well, we do painting, printing, and sculpture.
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And because I thought I had nothing to lose, I said, All right, well, give me a bloody hammer then, and I'll do sculpture.
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And and he gave me a place.
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I think he even gave me a place then and there.
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Uh, and and what I didn't realize is that he thought I'd be devil's advocate.
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Every he didn't get on with all the other tutors, and so he brought me in as a live wire just to kind of you know make it more exciting.
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And so I I just went home and suddenly I was doing a degree in sculpture.
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You know, my whole life is happy accidents.
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I never people always say to me, and then a question I often get is when did you know you're an artist?
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Or when you were a child, you know, when did you know it's if there's this moment?
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And I always say to people, it's taken me 30 years to be able to say I'm an artist because I felt such an imposter.
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I didn't even like stamp my own works all the last 10 years.
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Yeah, yeah.
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You know, for me, it's like I I can't I didn't think I was an artist because I can't draw and I can't paint.
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You know, I'm not a drawer, I'm not.
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I now realize it's because my brain works differently, and where some people can see imagery, I see nothing.
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There's a word for it, anaphasia.
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They've you know, they give names names to these things, but I didn't realize that it's it's taken me a long time to realize that I can't remember music, I only remember music as it's been heard.
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It's why I could never do drama because I can't remember lines.
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Yeah, I realize I can only rem remember three letters or three words, I can't see a word and then write it down how to spell it.
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Is it dyslexia?
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Is it adh?
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Is it childhood trauma?
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You know, who knows?
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But that's me.
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But it's taken me so long to realize oh god, no wonder I was shit at English.
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I was dyslexic, you know.
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I don't I see words differently, I don't have an internal memory, so I can't be hypnotized.
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I can't think in my head, what does my mum look like?
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I don't I've got no image of it, and so I never thought I was an artist because I can't draw, right?
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And so I but what I was was a craft person because my mum was a fanatical knitter, fanatical.
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She was to knitting what I am to mosaics, and so from a very young age, in the old days, you know, if you were a bit hyperactive or a bit this or a bit odd, they gave you cross stitch, you know.
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I was doing needlework, you know.
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I've still got all my needlework, my I've still got a patchwork quilt I started when I was seven in the basement, you know.
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Wow, and so I naturally always did craft, and my mum learned to knit when she was four during the war in the tubes in the dark, and she learned on four needles how to do soldiers' socks.
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Wow, wow, and literally died knitting.
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And when knitting wasn't very popular in the 80s, my mum dedicated her life because she could afford to to going around knitting shops like John Lewis and teaching all everyone how to knit.
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You know, she just sat there like we're in a women's group and would talk, you know, you know, it's where the dialogue comes from while you do craft, and so I think that was always in the background, but I never said, Oh, I'm an artist.
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I I wanted to do drama, I wanted to do film, I ended up doing uh sculpture, I ended up doing a fine art degree, I ended up doing mosaics because I couldn't do my sculptures, which were all resin-based and really nasty materials to work with because I was working from home and I just had a baby.
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I couldn't really keep making resin and hard-killing myself in a really small room.
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My partner designed a garden with a sunken bit and said, Oh, why don't you do a mosaic?
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And so it, you know, everything I ever did was just accidental.
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But now when I look back at my self, I go, of course, that was all art therapy, you know.
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Yeah, this happened, you know.
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I I I had problems with being an artist because I have an internal dialogue that says you're shit all the time.
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Right.
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Yeah, not an artist, you're crap.
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You know, I'd when I went left my fine art course.
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I originally used to try and cast people for a living, but I don't really like touching people, I don't really like being in that situation.
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I found it all quite stressful, but you know, I wouldn't be able to, there weren't diagnoses, you didn't go, oh yeah, I'm this, so it's just like, oh, I've got to do this, and I don't really like doing it.
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But you know, so it's like all these little accidents that happened along the way, and and that's you know, but in moments of true darkness where you know I was self-harming, I'd cut my wrists, I've OD'd.
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When in those true, true dark moments is when I made art or people around me helped me make art, and I just think being able to step outside of a situation to express it in some way when I haven't got the vision the the voice to express it, you know, it saved me, literally saved my life.
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Beautiful, yeah.
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Yeah, I'm just gonna shut the door because it's my dog's opened it and my totally my dog likes to you know sometimes.
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I think that um I think it's really interesting to me all of the layers that you just uncovered, which is I think most people's experience, because Lisa and I went to the same um school to get our masters, and my experience was very similar to yours walking into a room where people were critiquing my work that was extremely personal, and I didn't know it at the time that it was like so so deeply ingrained in myself, and they were just like, Well, this is wrong because it's technically not correct, and I I couldn't, I I had no interest in that kind of conversation, and it took me a really long time to realize it's because that's not what it interests me in art.
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I don't care how well you can um paint a painting or take a photograph, I want to know how it makes you feel.
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And I think that there are almost like two different, I mean, I'm sure there's several different types of artists, but that's a very big thing.
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No, I know.
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I mean, I think it's just there is you're gonna get the academics, you're gonna get the people.
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That was the same with pottery, you know.
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Grayson Perry is a you know one of the greatest potters in England, but go on a pottery course and half the tutors will say, He can't even make a pot, you know, it's not very good, you know.
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You know, that that but you know, definitely there are people who was doing one thing, but for me, and for obviously you and a lot a lot of artists who understand the therapeutic value in art, for me, it's all about intent.
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Yeah, I've always been interested in outsider art.
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People always say, Oh, you're an outsider artist.
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I'm like, I'm not, I'm trained, trust me.
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I've been going to college for years and years and years, but I have an outsider kind of way of working, which is all the time as a way of therapizing myself.
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But my interest was always artist's intent.
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Why did you make it?
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And that's why I always like art from institutions, I like art from prisons, I like art that's conveying something, I like art that's meant to be a way of communicating where they where communication is no other way for it.
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But I think college, I mean, I left college thinking I would never do art again.
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I hated my college, I hated it, you know.
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They told me that my work I went to college from 90, my degree was from essentially 90.
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No, what am I talking about?
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It's from 88 to 91, and I did nearly a year of that in Montclair State University in New Jersey, and so um, so yeah, my degree was then.
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My course had just been closed down a few years previously, the whole department for sex for degrees, and it'd be really outrageous.
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So by the time I got there, they were like very like didn't want anything that was controversial, Johnson.
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They would really try and put that, you know, and so I arrived there and I was absolutely like blown away by the gorilla girls, uh-huh.
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You know, the gorilla girls and Judy Chicago and all of this feminist art.
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And then I was introduced to Edward Keenholz.
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And actually, I think one of the more things that resonated with me was when I left my school, basically, I left school at 16, hating it, thinking it was boring, and I went and did a course called Films, English, Drama and Art Studies, which was a very weird two-year course where you did theatre design, theatre studies, film studies, English and drama and music appreciation.
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But I went from being bored to deaf to suddenly being introduced to Arto, Antonio Arto, the theatre of cruelty, the theater, the idea that sometimes you had to shock the nation, and this was all super exciting to me.
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And so suddenly I was in the world of film noir and and um Hitchcock women in distress films.
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But you know, I was such a little mind from 16 to 18.
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It was all like, wow, suddenly I'm interested in this and I'm making films and I'm doing drama, but then I went on what by the time I went to do the university, which is a few years later, the feminist that was the thing that caught my, you know, you know, that that spoke to me.
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But I had tutors that literally said to me, you know, it's all been done before.
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I actually named all my pieces, my name, and something that a tutor had said about it.
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Oh, you must be a feminist, then it's just another woman going on about her womb, you know.
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I literally had it because you know, you know, they literally come round and say, don't do that, that's kids.
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And I was like, you know, it's really difficult because your tutors are your tutors, they're gonna grade you.
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Yeah, the power dynamics is huge.
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But you're if you're 18, 19, 21, a female, you've only just left one form of patriarchy, or you're you know, my father was mad, you know.
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I got to university or college, I should say, and you're just in this other world, but you don't understand any of that at the time, and I always said to them, I you know, now if they said to me it's all been done before, I go, but not by me.
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I need to do it, and I'll have my own way of doing it because I feel a lot now.
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I'm so much older and I often go back into universities, or I go back because someone wants, you know, there's a be a student that says, Oh, you know, can we listen?
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And I go and I see all their work.
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It's terrible because I think, oh my god, I did that.
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I have seen it all before, but you can understand that that's part of their process, yeah.
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You know, part of going about learning about your body or processing this or doing things, but you know, I don't think the amount of power that a tutor has at that time that I don't think they realize it's so crushing.
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I can remember when the the the when I put up my degree show, I felt like I was standing naked in that room.
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I thought, oh my god, everyone's gonna know I've had an abortion, everybody's gonna know because this work tackles abortion.
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And I I felt it, I've you know, uh but actually it was a learning lesson because I realized that they didn't.
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People just look at it and they think differently about it, and it's not, but you know, you know that like you're saying, it's like that it's feeling naked because it's so expressive, it means so much to you.
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Yeah, I think that's a you know, uh uh it's not what all students feel because some of them will be put in abstract paintings and love it, you know.
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But there'll be a group of artists who will probably spend a whole lifetime using art in a therapeutic way and understand how magical it is.
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Yeah.
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It's amazing what you're what's that quote?
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An um artist living out loud.
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Remember that quote?
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Have you heard that?
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Something something so that's what it that's what I'm feeling.
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It's like your art is your voice, and it's you living out loud, and it's um it is very feminist, and it's um for me, it's like although you were in the patriarchal system of the art institution of the you know of the gallery world, you were giving a voice to yourself, and so I'm I'm like really curious because you're a craftivist.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:07.839
Well, that's what I was gonna say, because in a way I felt, you know, I couldn't speak when I first did public art, when I first did community art, I get boils on my throat.
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:09.200
It was so hard.
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:17.039
You know, I can remember we did a piece of art where they said at the you know, they they open up your piece, and they said, Would any of you like to say anything?
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:36.160
Because you get the mayor who says something, and you get the person who's funded it, and they asked all three of us if any of one of us wanted to say it, and we no, none of us would say a word, but you have to understand that when we set up this group, one of us as was coming from drugs, I was very heavily into drugs and had you know just had another nervous breakdown.
00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:52.160
You know, I'd been a care worker for two years, and I'd got in two years I'd become the registered state manager of a care home and then had a catastrophe, you know, I just had a complete breakdown and spent two years, you know, being medicated and trying to pull myself together.
00:20:52.160 --> 00:21:01.920
And when I went to go and apply for a job, jobs say how many days sick have you had in the last two weeks or two years actually, how long?
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:03.200
I can't say all of them.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:06.079
I was unemployable, I was unemployable.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.839
You can't come back from that.
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:08.880
You can't.
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:16.240
I think I tried to spent my whole life trying to not get a diagnosis because in the old days, if you had a diagnosis, that's it.
00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:19.839
You know, if you've got depression or you got this, it would carry with you.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:28.640
But I definitely didn't want a diagnosis, and so it got to a point where the whole thing exploded, and I got a diagnosis of an extreme personality disorder.
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:36.880
And even to this day, when I take out insurance, if I want to take out an insurance, I'll say, Have you ever sorry we have to ask you?
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:38.240
Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:39.759
And you go, yes.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:44.240
And they go, Okay, but sorry, I know it's stupid, but have you done it more than once?
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:49.839
They're like, Yeah, five times, and they're like, Oh, you go, it was 40 years ago, you know.
00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:51.119
Do you know what I mean?
00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:56.559
But it carries, you know, all of that stuff is it is a weight, is is a real weight.
00:21:56.559 --> 00:21:59.759
So I was trying very hard not to, and then I suddenly did.
00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:02.880
And then I suddenly was in a place where who's going to employ me?
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:04.160
Who's going to employ me?
00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:11.680
You know, I and and I was doing mosaics, and the person who was looking after my child in daycare had said, Oh, I've seen your mosaics.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:13.680
Do you want to come and mosaic the school?
00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.000
We'll pay you 50 quid a day each.
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:20.480
And so all three of us got this first ever job to mosaic.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:27.759
Uh, you know, it was the four seasons, which is a joke because we don't have seasons anymore that had to be by now.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:36.640
But the amount of four seasons I've done in schools, or but anyway, so our first ever job was mosaic in Hogarth School, which is where my brothers had been to.
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:50.400
And um uh and I I remember the first day we went into work and we were teaching mosaics, and they said, Yes, at the time my name was Richards, because I used to be Miss my real name's Richards, but that's another story.
00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:53.599
But they said, Oh, Miss Richards, would you like a cup of coffee?
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:58.000
And when they went out of the room, me and my two friends were like, Oh my god, did you hear it?
00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:59.519
They called me Miss Richards, you know.
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:04.240
We were so blown away, just kind of the respect and that they were nice to us.
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:35.200
And I always remember because we went to the high road and we went to a place called Pizza Express, and we had a pizza that and we were like the happiest we have ever been because we were buying it with the earnings of doing this community project, and so it really was like it brought, you know, it we wouldn't have you know, we were in such a bad place, and it gave us so much joy, and and it was so wonderful to be respected and to be liked, and and so you know, from that point I was doing public art for about the next 10 years, yeah.
00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:56.559
We weren't capable of talking, you know, and my favorite quote, and I wish I knew where it was from, is the quickest way to happiness is to find a cause greater than yourself, happiness, and it was because what happened is is that I was doing all the community art and stuff, and then I started writing to someone on death row.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:03.440
I saw the big issue, which is a magazine for the homeless, and it said human rights, as in W-R-I-T-E-S.
00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:06.480
Could you write to someone on death row?
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:10.319
And I thought, yeah, I could imagine writing to a serial killer.
00:24:10.319 --> 00:24:11.680
That was my mind at the time.
00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:17.119
Yeah, truthfully, because you know, I'm not some wonderful, kind-hearted person.
00:24:17.119 --> 00:24:25.599
I'm just you know, I was like, wow, you know, I like Silence of the Lambs, and I'd read every book there was on serial killers because I was really interested in why.
00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:26.640
How could you do that?
00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:29.200
You know, it was the why.
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:33.279
So I was like, oh wow, this that could be really interesting.
00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:40.720
And so I applied, and it's pre-computer, it's not this time where you look up and you can see someone, and it's like dating apps.
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:45.920
It was literally write a letter and they say, Look, this is the next person on the list, Louis Romarez.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:52.319
So I I wrote and I sent him this letter, and about three weeks later he sent me one back.
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:55.119
And I thought, What, oh god, what have I done?
00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:57.119
I've written to someone on death row.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:12.319
Oh my god, this letter just sat there haunting me on my fireplace because I'd just become a single mother to a three-year-old, and I was sitting in my flat thinking, you know, I really wish sometimes I did think about the consequences of my actions.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:18.079
But so when I opened it, this letter said, Oh dear Carrie, thank you so much for your letter.
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:20.160
Um, I see you do mosaics.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.000
I've done mosaics in the past.
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:27.680
Sending you a photo of a mosaic you might like, and it's like humanity hits you in the face.
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:38.480
Oh my god, okay, you know, and so over this course of five years, when I wrote to Lewis, he explained to me how capital punishment means those with no capital get punished.
00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:45.119
Showed me he was undoubtedly innocent of the crime that you know it's all arbitrary, you know.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:53.279
The whole thing, it's like I had went on this incredible journey of understanding of something because I'm very OCD.
00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:58.640
If I'm into something, I know everything about it, I may forget it and move on to something else.
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:04.240
But in that time, you know, there was a 10-year period where I ate and dreamt death row.
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:15.279
But but the thing is, is I might not be able to stick up for myself, or I might not be able to talk for myself, but I learned to get up and talk about that.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:21.359
And the craftivism and having a cause greater than myself enabled me to do public speaking.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:22.319
Now I can.
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:27.279
I can go around the world, I can stand on a you know, I don't pronounce my words right.
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:39.920
There's lots of things that's wrong with me, but I don't care anymore because it that's that's what people need to understand about activism is that what you give, you receive probably three times more.
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.480
You know, people always say, Oh, you're so nice, aren't you?
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.279
You're really nice.
00:26:43.279 --> 00:26:44.880
You did this, you did that.
00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:46.160
You know, it's such a nice thing.
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:51.440
And you go, You don't understand, you know, my life has been so enhanced by doing these things, you know.
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:54.559
I did find power, I did find my own voice.
00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:58.400
And once I found my voice, I could help other people find their voice.
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:11.200
And you know, yeah, it feels like it started for you, like it started as um art for you, obviously saved your life, and I completely wholeheartedly can relate to that.
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:20.480
And then you it sort of became you, it became your voice and your form of self-expression, but also a form of therapy to work through.
00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:33.440
And then it became something where you could relate to someone that you thought you could never relate to before, and then and then it became a way for you to almost use your own voice, but also give voice to other people.
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.519
I can see the timeline there.
00:27:35.519 --> 00:27:40.160
Um, so where where do you feel like you are now in your journey?
00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:48.319
Well, it's interesting because like everything about my life is kind of governed by what's going on around me, you know.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:51.440
I'm not governed by art, my life governs my art.
00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:52.079
Yeah.
00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:55.759
And uh my father died last year at 94.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:08.319
It's the end of a big empire because he was the there's him and two brothers, which means whether I like it or not, I'm going through a shedding of a skin that you would naturally do in the crone stage anyway.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:40.799
And and so I'm actually at a point where I'm partly in an existential crisis, partly trying to lean into the fact that I'm jumping into the fertile void because I'm having to simultaneously deconstruct my father's estate, which is a big house with like he's a hoarder from hell of rubbish, but mixed in with that rubbish is all of the documents from my family, and my family on my dad's side is spectacularly interesting.
00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:43.519
Yeah, you want to talk about colonialism.
00:28:43.519 --> 00:29:09.039
My grandfather was one of three brothers who in the 18th century went out to Mount were the first people to go travel into Outer Mongolia and trade with them and bring camel hair back to New York, and there are buildings in Wall Street with the Rikard brothers on it because they were camel hair kings, but they also, you know, traded with uh Persia and were became a count by the Tsar of Russia.
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:19.519
And we have documents that say that we owned all the trees on the Caspian Sea, that my insane family tried to fight for 40 years back because they lost it all in the wars.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:26.160
The thing is, is my grandmother when she was 40, she got on a ship, and think about the time we're talking about.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:32.640
She got on a ship, went all the way to Iran, and forced a 70-year-old to marry her, and then had three children.
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:34.799
Yeah, that's why I never met my grandfather.
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:36.000
He was dead years ago.
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:51.359
He was dead when my you know, and my father comes from an aristocratic, unbelievably billionaire family that by the time he was um came in, he was living in a in a hut in in Budapest, penniless.
00:29:51.359 --> 00:30:01.680
And so that is a very weird family, but we have all these paperworks because nobody in my mum or my dad have ever thrown away an envelope in their lives.
00:30:01.680 --> 00:30:03.839
Wow, they've just taken the letters out.
00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:05.440
I mean, it's nonsense, you know.
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:11.279
So we've got this kind of upper, you know, we've got all these documents, letters to the king and stuff.
00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:39.839
So I've got this period where I'm kind of with other members of my family realizing that this archive needs preserving just because it's interesting, you know, it's of a certain class and stuff, but it's fascinating from seeing a woman because because my my grandmother was really out there, you know, in terms of what she was doing, and um same as I'm trying to get rid of all my father's stuff, which has everything of mine, you know.
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:57.200
I'm finding all my everything, but I'm also having to give up my big studio that I've had for the last 20 years because it's part of my dad's estate, and so and unable to to even do anything, I have to go through my own house and get rid of everything.
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:01.119
And I've you know, I've got a basement I haven't been in for 16 years, you know.
00:31:01.119 --> 00:31:07.200
I've just been throwing stuff down in the basement because I like to say I'm an artist, not a hoarder, but really I'm a hoarder, right?
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:13.200
Yeah so I've been forced at this moment of time to do proper, what do they call it, Swedish deaf clearance?
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:14.000
Do you know what I'm saying?
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:21.119
I don't yeah I don't want my pa I don't want my kids to have to do what I'm doing, which is to wade through this, you know.
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:38.559
So and I see it as a natural stop in my life where I'm going to go through everything, but I'm trying to work out what I want to keep because I've collected materials and stuff on the basis that it can made I've got an idea for it, you know.
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:51.200
I've got eight 1960s mannequin dolls, and I've got a box over there of 4,000 eyeballs that I bought off of eBay in the 90s, you know what I mean?
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:51.920
Yes, yeah.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:32:00.079
So I bought it all for you know, it's wonderful.
00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:07.839
I was gonna stick it all into my mannequins and make an eye, you know, all ideas, avoid paying tax as well because I bought materials.
00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:13.200
But now I'm at this stage where I'm going, do I really want to make public art anymore?
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:14.400
I'm not sure.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:19.119
I don't need to financially I don't have to sell things, you know.
00:32:19.119 --> 00:32:37.119
I've had to, I became a single parent who had to just, you know, do the things I needed to do because to pay the bills, but now I don't, I'm not in that world because I'm married to someone and I'm in a better position, so I don't need to sell things so I don't want to, because you know, that's the least interesting thing to me.
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:45.279
I mean uh I don't really want to do public art anymore because A, I think it's gone to a world where it's too stressful.
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:49.920
People are you know, we now have phones and everyone take a close up of a picture.
00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:55.519
And when I'm trying to retell history, I just offend somebody somewhere along the line.
00:32:55.519 --> 00:33:07.680
It's you know, the last job I did, what I always do is I go on Facebook and I go into local groups and I reach out to them and I ask them for their own photos, you know, and talk to people and try to engage the community.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:11.759
So the imagery that I use in my public art has come from the very place.
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:12.880
Yeah.
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:25.279
Uh and I I think it's in the old days I'd go to the library and go for all the photos, and you know, because I'm trying as like an arch archivist to get this information.
00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:32.400
Well, on the last job I did, I did all this, and then retrospectively, they wanted proof that I had permission for everyone I'd ever spoken to.
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:42.319
And I, you know, I spent two days having to write to people on Facebook and get their permission, and it's like, trust me, I've done this work for 10 years, nobody's ever complained.
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:58.720
But nowadays, you know, almost could find someone who's going to complain with their photo or nothing, and it's just I I don't need the stress of it, and also because of the ODC way I am, like I spent the last few years doing working up in St.
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:08.000
Helens and Knowsley, which is near Liverpool up north, working on basically women's stories, working class women's stories.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:16.400
But and I did two big pieces of art there that are great, you know, because it's that famous quote that I won't be able to remember now.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:24.320
Um anyway, but the thing is, is that even though I was only paid to work so many months there or weeks there, that's all I thought about.
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:29.840
I don't kind of not think about that move into my own work, I just think about the job I'm doing.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:31.599
It consumes me.
00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:34.159
And I'll work every minute of every day.
00:34:34.159 --> 00:34:37.679
You know, some they say to you, how are you gonna know you're gonna work in budgets?
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:41.039
Like, because I just work with the budget you give me, trust me, you know.
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:52.400
I work for peace work because I make it with love and I make it with passion and I make it with such a strong sense of belief that it might help, you know.
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:56.559
So, but I've done that now for at least 10 years, you know.
00:34:56.559 --> 00:35:16.960
I've done that, I've done that, and and I don't want the stress of offending people now because I think we've in the time that I've done public art, we went from a place where me and my friends used to advocate to include the local people in the art that they were getting, and we'd be up against people who do big lumps of metal or you know, counseled.
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:18.320
Well, why would you want to do that?
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:20.320
We were the advocators of that.
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:25.119
Now you can't go for a job that doesn't say how you're engaging the local people.
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:28.880
A lot of it's just tick boxing, a lot of it's tick boxing.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:35.440
That's the thing, it's not any more real because I've done enough jobs where they want me to give the design before I've done the consultation.
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:42.559
In fact, I are over six months about one job because it's like, how can I give you a design if I haven't done jobs consultation?
00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:44.960
I mean, you know, because it's it's tick boxing.
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:45.840
Can you do this?
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:54.239
Yeah, but we have change and change for for the better because now local artists are often given the jobs, you know what I mean?
00:35:54.239 --> 00:36:01.440
You know, it's local, the work is usually focused about the place, you know.
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:06.559
But that's been a 30-year journey that I've watched, and I advocated for it at the beginning.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.400
You know, I was talking to the people saying, Look, surely we should do something about here.
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:26.320
You know, but you know, now that is standard, and now you can do degrees, you don't have to just do a degree in painting, printing, or sculpture, you could do one in craft, you can combine them, you don't have to be regimented, you know.
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:31.920
It was like you had to explain why you want to move from painting to sculpture in my days.
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:33.920
Well, I'd might like to use the printing studio.
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:37.280
We're a sculptor, but I'll quite like to do print, you know.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:47.679
Now everything is crossover, you have craft, you have all that kind of I can't even remember what the word is, but you know, where artist participation, or you know, there's all MAs in it.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:59.119
You know, that's we've well people have at least woken up to the principle that that's what would make better public art is to use the community, you know, you're getting double your money's worth.
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:15.519
But now I've done that for 30 years, and it's it's almost at a point where it's like I don't need the stress because I know now that trying to promote putting photos of all the community from me just being the person that's going to find it is all too problematic, and I don't, you know.
00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:26.480
And also, I think because I am shedding a skin to a degree, and I have got to a stage that you have to live 60 years to get to.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:40.079
I think there's a voice that I want to say where I want to explain what it's like to be a woman and to have that experience and to be from a survivor, from a victim to a survivor.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:43.440
And I'm not really bothered whether I who I see it.
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:50.800
Um, in a way, I want this work to be seen when I'm dead because everything's just so worrying with the way the world we live in.
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:51.840
But do you see what I mean?
00:37:51.840 --> 00:38:03.840
I think that now I made all that work when I was 21, and I made a lot of if you think made them maiden mother prone, I made a load of maiden shit when I was at college.
00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:12.320
It all was done a lot of mother stuff because I've been making helping over 1,500 people make hearts to women that they love.
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:13.119
Do you know what I mean?
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:15.679
But now I feel like I'm at the throne stage.
00:38:15.679 --> 00:38:24.159
I want to kind of retrospectively make a series of art while I'm going through all my own archives, using all my own photos.
00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:42.880
I'm you know, I've got I I'll show you just for a this is a print of me when I was seven from a very traumatic holiday in Yugoslavia where my dad took me to a nuda speech.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:51.280
But you know, I want to make pieces about this with all the beautiful stuff that I've collected because I think it will be healing for me.
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:51.760
Yeah.
00:38:51.760 --> 00:39:00.719
Because I'm so singly focused, I think it might be good for me to focus in on my own life rather than in a way.
00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:05.440
I spent a whole load of my life avoiding everything through drink, drugs, weed.
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:20.639
I kind of then did a form of art therapy and helped other people, but I I've kind of realized I have been in therapy for 10 years, but I kind of realized that my OCD workaholic nature is another way of keeping things at bay.
00:39:20.639 --> 00:39:24.400
I might be terribly happy, but it's keeping everything else.
00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:35.679
And so, you know, there's part of me that wants to slow down, stop, and make the whole body of work that's just another form of art therapy, but where I'm very conscious of what I'm doing.
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:41.039
You're more aware of it as opposed to uh as opposed to being able to see it after it's done.
00:39:41.280 --> 00:40:01.760
Yeah, and I actually recognize the fact that I'm trying to write a book while a friend is helping me by interviewing me and turning it into AI because I could never write anything, but I I there's a recognition because I do all this work about trying to keep women's history alive, because we are the carers, we're the mothers, you know.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:03.920
I'm now going to become a granny, you know.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:07.519
I I feel that I want to archive my own work.
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:15.519
It's not about publishing the book, it's just I want to write my own history because those who, you know, it's those who write the history, you know.
00:40:15.519 --> 00:40:34.559
I would I I have a stage in my life where I think, no, I have a story, it's an interesting story, and it might be some way give hope to some other people that are struggling at different stages, you know, because I see myself as going to the dark and coming to the light through art and through helping people.
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:44.159
So I'm at this period where I'm just thinking, no, I want to spend a couple of years archiving, writing, documenting, doing some work of my own.
00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:48.320
And then we'll see, you know, I don't know beyond that.
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:50.400
Yeah, no, that sounds nice.
00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:51.599
It's a beautiful story.
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:53.519
It's like the hero's journey, you know.
00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:59.679
You're you're and then but now you're going within, so your cycle is it's legacy, right?
00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:11.679
So you're you're, you know, and that's the it's the art of life, also, because the art of life is you you want people to see your art and make a difference, but then at some point you have to inverse, right?
00:41:11.840 --> 00:41:19.679
You have to really go inside and and get to know and also I think because you know, you do as you get older, you know, I'm now 60.
00:41:19.679 --> 00:41:22.480
If I'm lucky, I might have 15 Christmases.
00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:24.320
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:25.760
Life gets faster.
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:30.800
I know all these cliches come out of old people, you know.
00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:35.840
But life does speed up, I can assure you, it's speeded up.
00:41:35.840 --> 00:41:40.400
I spent half of my life wishing it away, which is a tragedy, you know.
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:43.599
And then I spend the rest of my life going, can you just slow down?
00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:46.079
Because it's just it's all going too quick.
00:41:46.079 --> 00:41:53.760
And so I think as an artist, A, you your time suddenly becomes precious and and you have less energy.
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:55.679
But you just do.
00:41:55.679 --> 00:41:57.760
There's a you know, I have less energy.
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:01.519
I used to work on about four to six hours sleep a night.
00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:15.679
I yeah, I only get six to eight now, but I just know I don't have the energy because I always wanted to live in an artist's commune, and I always dreamed that if I ever got any money, I'd get a small holding and you know in Wales, and all my mates would live there.
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:18.719
And now we're all like, I can't even bother to tidy up my garage.
00:42:18.719 --> 00:42:26.079
The idea I'm gonna move all the way here, I haven't got the energy, it's not even the actual energy, it's like a life force energy.
00:42:26.079 --> 00:42:32.079
It's like you know, but maybe I'll do all this and I'll have another spot of energy.
00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:48.559
The energy that I do have, I want to do what I love most, and what I love most in the world is to go to other parts of the world and work with other people, you know, and I can only probably do that about twice a year because it it's it takes up you know time.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:43:04.480
But going to Mexico and creating a mother serpent on a wall in one of the oldest cities in Mexico City, working with the most incredible artists you're ever gonna work with, that is life, you know, that keeps me, you know.
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:12.880
But I kind of think now, well, probably I kind of deserve it because I did put 30 years into I mean, but what I'm doing is helping over there, you know.
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:37.199
I'm yeah, well, yeah, you're just you're still, I mean, I think that the thing is that we I think it's a mistake to say that when you take care of yourself or you do work for yourself, that you're not doing work for the rest of the world, you are doing work for the rest of the world, and so I I I actually think that that for some reason um gets misconstrued quite a bit that that it's a selfish.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:41.119
Interesting that I've never really, you know, because I you know, I still struggle.
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:45.199
It's the kind of eternal as a very female attribute, isn't it?
00:43:45.199 --> 00:43:59.760
Yeah to be, you know, I'm someone who has been the mother, I'm gonna be the grand, but you know, I was the unfit mother because it's you know, I felt a lot of resentment about it because anything that takes my time away from making makes me slightly.
00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:06.880
Resentful, and then of course you get to the other side and go, Oh god, it actually went quicker than I thought, you know.
00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:18.000
My mum always said that you make better grand parents because by then you're not in the stress of all your life or trying to work out what you're doing, you could you come at a different part of your life.
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:21.360
So I'm kind of hoping that I'll be a better grandparent.
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:27.199
Yeah, well, we can always be improving, and I think that so long as you continue to make art, right?
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:31.280
You constantly discover new things about yourself, and then you you're right.
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.000
I mean, you never know who's gonna stumble upon your work and have their life changed, you know.
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:48.320
Oh, and and you know, and I just think the whole thing about craft and craftivism, it's it's a wonderful joining of things because craft in itself is meditative, it will put you in a flow.
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:57.039
And my experience of it is that when you get groups of people together who might not be able to voice their themselves very well.
00:44:57.039 --> 00:45:08.000
You know, I've worked with kids who couldn't even make eye contact and say their names, but whilst your your hands are busy and you're focused on something, conversations start more.
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:08.880
Do you know what I mean?
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:15.280
It's so therapeutic by nature, you know, bringing people together or working on something.
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:24.960
I the first mosaic courses I ever ran were at psychiatric hospital, you know, where me and my friend could have easily been patients, do you know what I mean?
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:39.039
And we're only just the other side, and we worked in a group there where the old guy that had run the um upholstery had died, and so there was quite a nice per nurse there who said, Well, you know, you come and do mosaics.
00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:45.199
And so we sat with these pieces, and one one bloke, elderly bloke, never spoke, he was mute, yeah.
00:45:45.199 --> 00:45:58.400
And every single week he would pop out a mosaic, he'd just do an apple, he'd like because you know, some people are very slow and it'll take him hours, but he'd just do one, and then at the end of it, everyone would come up and go, Oh, that's really good, oh, that's really nice.
00:45:58.400 --> 00:46:02.800
And so many people talked to him that after about six weeks he started to talk to people.
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:26.159
Whoa, literally got his voice, and it was a tragedy because it was it should have been a movie, you know, this feel good movie where all the it was a bit like clock not clockwork orange, that's the wrong one, but one flew over the cuckoo's nest where they were imagine them all engaged in mosaics and suddenly, you know, and then some other woman came along and decided that you know this wasn't helpful.
00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:28.800
How is it helpful for them to make their own art?
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:37.039
They got to learn to make an income, so they stopped them having any freedom of what they did, and we had to make blue and white signs for the hospital.
00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:44.400
It only took about it, it only took about two, three weeks, and most of the people dropped away, and then they closed.
00:46:44.400 --> 00:47:12.480
Oh, and it's just like this is like oh, you know, it's you know, sometimes it just takes the right person, one person with the right mentality to understand and appreciate the benefits of just having a voice and being creative and just being having some freedom of expression, you know, because you can see the little uh you can see how people's conscious is awoken by creativity.
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:19.679
I'll tell you the biggest time I ever saw that is in the 90s, 2000, at the very end of the 90s.
00:47:19.679 --> 00:47:36.960
Me, Karen, and Mark and uh my friend Natalie, we went to work in the orphanages of Romania, you know, at the time where it was all in the news, went with some weird Christian or American Christian organization called World Something Health.
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:40.559
Um anyway, we went there and we worked in those places.
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:44.880
Uh, you know, I think it gave us post-traumatic shock, actually.
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:51.360
But we worked there and we worked with kids who'd never seen colour, never seen that.
00:47:51.360 --> 00:47:54.480
If you add red to yellow, it makes orange.
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:59.599
Wow, you know, these are kids who'd spent all day having to put dots in a thing.
00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:03.760
I mean, they were so mal badly treated, I can't even go into it.
00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:11.519
But we brought paint and we bought materials, and we literally saw a girl who was a hunchback who couldn't speak.
00:48:11.519 --> 00:48:16.559
Kind of I could show I haven't got it, but her first painting that she ever did of a dove.
00:48:16.559 --> 00:48:21.599
She she literally, after the three we went there three times, I think, she was upright.
00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:32.880
She was like, I know, you know, I saw it, I saw how how so dramatically they changed inside, just knowing they were good at something, seeing people's reactions.
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:45.199
But more importantly, I learned that the people around them who'd perceived these kids as less than human, because that's the only way you can treat people badly is is you know, because this was a very poverty-stricken place.
00:48:45.199 --> 00:49:02.480
But I I they went from having numbers on their uniforms, just like old dirty uniforms with a five on it, but because the TV crew wanted to come and see what these kids were painting, they had to get uniforms, and because it was presented to the outside world, it literally it kind of changed.
00:49:02.480 --> 00:49:06.079
You could see it, you could see the people going, Oh, did they do that?
00:49:06.079 --> 00:49:08.800
What you know, yeah, right.
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:18.480
Yeah, and when we went to that school, they said, Well, we'll just bring you your we'll just bring you the good kids, and we said, No, we either work with every kid or no kids, we're not doing it.
00:49:18.480 --> 00:49:44.800
Yeah, and we did we literally slept in this orphanage, it's like the aura of the place, and we went back there three years, and then because Romania wanted to join the EU, it had to close down all its orphanages, um, which actually for some it was great because they were resettled in the community, some okay, less okay because families just get paid to have the kids, and some just get left in hospitals.
00:49:44.800 --> 00:50:01.440
So, you know, it's a very mixed bag, but essentially they didn't want this idea of having horrible orphanages, and some of the kids I know literally, I mean, they would have been um resettled, and I'm sure that that whole experience was good for them.
00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:10.320
I just know it will be because I remember one of them when we were all crying when we were leaving, one of them looking at me and going, You really care?
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:13.119
It's like somebody actually cares.
00:50:13.119 --> 00:50:14.880
We're like, Yeah, we do.
00:50:14.880 --> 00:50:25.840
But I think for some of them it will have been a benefit, but for some of them, like you know, to them, my you know, I still haunts me that you know, is it good better to show it, you know, show a light and then take it away?
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:32.159
Because when we left, these kids would be rocking and banging their heads, and it was very traumatic.
00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:37.119
And one girl would walk around calling me mummy everywhere I went, you know.
00:50:37.119 --> 00:50:45.360
So, you know, but I've never seen such a kind of like because you you'll only find that in a very, very dark part of the world.
00:50:45.360 --> 00:51:15.360
But when you see it and you go, Oh my god, look at these kids, look at this, you know, just bringing color into their world, just bringing color, just letting them create, letting the world see that these kids can paint and draw and do these things, and that whole kind of uh journey, you know, it's a difficult one to go on, but I you know, I I I I don't think there's probably more of a way that you can actually experience that light going on with people.
00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:17.679
Wow, wow.
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:20.960
Thank you so much for sharing so much with us today.
00:51:20.960 --> 00:51:22.239
I really appreciate it.
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:29.280
No, it's well, what is one one last um word or comment you have to share with our audience about?
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:34.239
I mean, you're really talking about the power of art and how it gives voice to everybody.
00:51:34.639 --> 00:51:34.880
Yeah.
00:51:35.119 --> 00:51:41.360
Well, yeah, I think that you know, this idea that you're an artist or you're not an artist, it doesn't really matter.
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:47.440
You know, the thing is is to find something that you like doing, and if it gives you pleasure to just do it.
00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:48.079
Yeah.
00:51:48.079 --> 00:52:01.679
One of yeah, one of my um most favorite quotes from like a teacher I had in grad school was that you know, find something that you enjoy doing, whether you are good at it or not, just give 200% to it.
00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:04.159
Well and just stop, you know.
00:52:04.159 --> 00:52:12.880
Sorry to interrupt, but my dad's only advice, and trust me, he didn't give me a lot of good advice, is Carrie, if you find something you like doing, you're lucky.
00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:18.079
And if you find someone to pay, he says if you find someone to pay you to do it, then you've really hit the jackpot.
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:20.320
That's the lottery.
00:52:20.320 --> 00:52:29.440
I mean, it is it's incredible if that if that happens for you, and I think that um I think that's awesome when it does.
00:52:29.599 --> 00:52:39.440
And I I yeah, but I think I actually think that people who become I know successful people, I know people who make money, and A, they're driven by that thought, you know.
00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:40.719
I know, I yeah.
00:52:40.719 --> 00:53:00.000
People who are famous, people who make money are usually they're they're that's what they want because you have to have draw, you really do have to want to make money in art, you have to limit your supply, you have to create scarcity, you might be lucky, but the I think it damages your art because you can't you're in it, you've got a style, then yeah, yeah.
00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:09.199
People always said to me, we can't really, we don't know what you're gonna do because if you'd have just done the spray cans, if you'd just done mad in England, you know, you have to have a brand.
00:53:09.199 --> 00:53:14.639
People will say it's the same way on an Instagram, you know, you've got to do the same thing over and over again.
00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:16.000
It's like I can't do that.
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:18.800
I'm not talking about the place, you know.
00:53:18.800 --> 00:53:27.360
I'm following my little life, I'm not following this career path, or I was lucky I didn't have to follow a money path.
00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:42.000
But you know, yeah, I think people my my thing to say to anyone is that give it a go because you never know, you know, just try mosaic, just try playing with clay, just try a bit of tapestry, just try writing a poem.
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:48.719
I always say to people when I go teach in schools or young people, public art, man, street art.
00:53:48.719 --> 00:54:00.159
It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't even have to be illegal, but trust me, pointing something out into the street, whether it's a poem stuck on a lamppost or a little bit of tapestry, just having that voice.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:03.039
Trust me, things happen, dialogue start.
00:54:03.039 --> 00:54:04.320
You know what I mean?
00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:08.400
You find your voice just tentatively, just taking over ownership.
00:54:08.400 --> 00:54:19.199
So I'm always an advocate for people just going out and counterbalancing the visual pollution of advertising, which is essentially selling stuff that to make us feel bad.
00:54:19.199 --> 00:54:22.159
Just put a little thing, just leave a little thing.
00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:26.639
You know, someone walking to work will just see that and go, Wonder what that's doing there.
00:54:26.639 --> 00:54:31.519
Yeah, but you know, beautifying our streets is revolutionary.
00:54:31.519 --> 00:54:33.280
I love it.
00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:36.320
Yeah, thank you so much so much.
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:37.360
Amazing.
00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:03.919
Hello, hello, welcome.
00:00:03.919 --> 00:00:07.120
We are so excited to have Carrie Reichart here.
00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:12.000
She's a London-based artist who uses craft as a form of protest and care.
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:18.800
So, Carrie, share with our audience a little bit about you and your work and movement.
00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:23.280
Well, hi, like I said, like you introduced me, I'm Carrie.
00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:24.399
I'm an artist.
00:00:24.399 --> 00:00:25.760
I live in London.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:33.200
And um, I'm probably most well known for the fact that I've spent the last 20 years mosaic in the outside of my house.
00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:40.799
But I actually graduated in 1991 from Leeds Polytechnic with a degree in fine art sculpture.
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:46.799
And you know, ever since then I've been creating and making stuff and crafting.
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:48.399
Yeah.
00:00:48.399 --> 00:00:55.920
Um, we'd love to discuss the question how can creativity create positive social change with you?
00:00:55.920 --> 00:01:02.000
Um, I think that you could probably speak to that pretty uh openly and non-knowledgeably.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:14.079
Yes, I mean, from a very personal point of view, um it changed it was life-changing for me because I see it as a form of art therapy.
00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:25.680
I've, you know, I'm quite aware of the fact that I use art and especially craft as a way of um addressing a lot of mental health problems that I've had over the years.
00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:28.640
That's why I called my house the treatment rooms.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:31.359
I stole that from the sign of a mental hospital.
00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:34.400
It was in a mental hospital and it said treatment rooms.
00:01:34.400 --> 00:02:20.400
And I thought, yeah, I'm gonna take that and put that on my studio because I I recognized then that that was me going into therapy, and so I think because of my own life journey and because art was so instrumental in me staying alive, literally staying alive, and uh being able to deal with a lot of my own personal problems and traumas, you know, I recognised that it was a great thing to do with other people, and so essentially from when I left college, me and my best friend from college, Karen Francesca and her older brother, who who's an artist who goes by the name of ATM Street Art, we formed a group called Living Space Arts and we became a uh a community art collective.
00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:22.639
So, I mean, that was from '98.
00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:26.080
So if you imagine, I've been working for ever since.
00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:28.400
So it's what nearly 30 years.
00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:41.840
And most of the ethos of all of my work from that point has been about trying to use art as a way of bringing around social cohesion and agency because it healed me.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:44.960
So I went out in the world to try and heal the world with it.
00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:46.479
I love that.
00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:50.479
So art has healed you, so you're a testimony to that.
00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:51.520
Yeah, yeah.
00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:55.039
I think it can changed me from a victim to a survivor.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:03:05.360
Most definitely, most definitely, art has just been able to communicate something that I cannot communicate in words.
00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:11.039
You know, it's you have to get to my age, which is the crone stage, you have to be in the last stage of your life.
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:14.000
That's why you become an elder and a wise woman.
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:22.159
It's not because you're necessarily wise, it's just because you've got so much experience to draw upon, and you have to be able to look back at things.
00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:35.360
You know, you really have to look back at things because what happened to me was that when I was 21, I was chased down a street, chased down an alley, and I was hit to the ground and I was sexually assaulted.
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:46.560
And and it, you know, that moment shattered me because from that moment I stopped being a confident young woman who thought, yeah, no one's going to tell me where to walk down the street to someone who couldn't be in my own flat.
00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:49.360
And so it was completely traumatizing.
00:03:49.360 --> 00:04:04.800
And I tried to cut my wrists, and at that moment, I just two months later, I was starting an art foundation course, one year art foundation course, where I'd gone because I'd previously dropped out of a filmmaking course and thought I want to go back to filmmaking.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:12.159
And I went to do an art foundation course, but I didn't know, but I spent an entire year doing art therapy.
00:04:12.159 --> 00:04:16.800
You know, everything I did was processing this, but I didn't know that.
00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:22.639
I got set a project that was design a poster for uh a local adventure playground.
00:04:22.639 --> 00:04:25.360
I didn't even know until when they do a crit.
00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:35.360
You know, at the end of the year they look at all your work, they pull it all out, they pulled out my design poster, which was on a scaffolding with men lurking in the background.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:36.399
Do you know what I mean?
00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:44.879
It was just you know, I really just you know, I went there to do film and uh I ended up doing sculpture.
00:04:44.879 --> 00:05:02.160
I was the only sculpture student, so I used to be in a little Victorian house that was attached to the polytechnic, and I and I just spent a term making a man attacking a woman from behind in paper mache, and then I spent six months, six weeks making a film called Ode to Love, which might as well be called Ode to Violence.
00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:03.040
Do you know what I mean?
00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:07.600
But because it was very unregulated, I think it was brilliant in a way.
00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:10.800
There was no tutor looking at me, nobody saw what I was doing.
00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:12.079
Nobody.
00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:32.000
And one of them said, I think that's the most misogynistic thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:33.839
And one of them said, Do you know what?
00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:37.279
If we had the if I had the power, I'd destroy that.
00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:43.199
And then then the other one said, We'd never allow you to make such a film in our university.
00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:46.079
Yeah, wow, there's so many layers to this.
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.639
And so I sat there and I just wanted to cry.
00:05:50.639 --> 00:05:56.560
I, you know, I just like sportified, and never to this day I think were they playing devil's advocate?
00:05:56.560 --> 00:05:59.439
You know, they could have just said that to see what I would say.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:02.879
Yeah, because now I would argue that film.
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:08.560
I probably wouldn't take it anymore because my vote, my, my view of even using that material's changed.
00:06:08.560 --> 00:06:12.639
But I would be able to articulate and say, look, I've just been sexually assorted, right?
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:17.279
Processing something, I've made this film for six weeks, you know.
00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:18.240
But I didn't.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:21.680
I sat there and froze in the same way I froze when I was assorted.
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:22.160
Yeah.
00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:35.839
I walked out of that um at that interview, and I and I had a portfolio of some other stuff, mainly you know, weird stuff that I'd done over the last year, and tried to throw it out the train, but luckily it was an A1 and it wouldn't fit.
00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:38.560
And I went all the way home, I was so dejected.
00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:50.720
And I went back to university, and university said, Well, it's polytechnic, then this is pre-or universities, it's when they put people in places where they'd be best suited, um, rather than making everything academic.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:55.439
But um, I went back and they said, Oh, look, you've got a second choice, apply to Leeds.
00:06:55.439 --> 00:07:01.360
Leeds has got this amazing um performance art and do film, experimental film.
00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:11.120
So I went back to that interview with this same little video, and uh, there was a man there called Mick Sean, and he said, Um, I said, I'm here to show this film.
00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:13.600
He said, Uh, we don't I haven't got the ability to show that.
00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:15.439
We stopped making films two years ago.
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:16.879
We closed down that bit.
00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:21.199
And I instantly thought, Oh god, that's it, that's it, that's my life gone.
00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:22.800
Because that's what you think when you're 18.
00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:25.920
I'm not going to university, it's destroyed.
00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:28.959
And so I just said, All right, what do you do?
00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:32.480
And he said, Well, we do painting, printing, and sculpture.
00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:37.680
And because I thought I had nothing to lose, I said, All right, well, give me a bloody hammer then, and I'll do sculpture.
00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:39.519
And and he gave me a place.
00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:41.759
I think he even gave me a place then and there.
00:07:41.759 --> 00:07:46.079
Uh, and and what I didn't realize is that he thought I'd be devil's advocate.
00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:53.839
Every he didn't get on with all the other tutors, and so he brought me in as a live wire just to kind of you know make it more exciting.
00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:58.560
And so I I just went home and suddenly I was doing a degree in sculpture.
00:07:58.560 --> 00:08:01.519
You know, my whole life is happy accidents.
00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:09.199
I never people always say to me, and then a question I often get is when did you know you're an artist?
00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:12.720
Or when you were a child, you know, when did you know it's if there's this moment?
00:08:12.720 --> 00:08:19.759
And I always say to people, it's taken me 30 years to be able to say I'm an artist because I felt such an imposter.
00:08:19.759 --> 00:08:23.439
I didn't even like stamp my own works all the last 10 years.
00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:24.800
Yeah, yeah.
00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:31.759
You know, for me, it's like I I can't I didn't think I was an artist because I can't draw and I can't paint.
00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:33.840
You know, I'm not a drawer, I'm not.
00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:40.720
I now realize it's because my brain works differently, and where some people can see imagery, I see nothing.
00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:43.120
There's a word for it, anaphasia.
00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:55.039
They've you know, they give names names to these things, but I didn't realize that it's it's taken me a long time to realize that I can't remember music, I only remember music as it's been heard.
00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:58.639
It's why I could never do drama because I can't remember lines.
00:08:58.639 --> 00:09:06.000
Yeah, I realize I can only rem remember three letters or three words, I can't see a word and then write it down how to spell it.
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:07.679
Is it dyslexia?
00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:08.960
Is it adh?
00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:11.200
Is it childhood trauma?
00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:12.320
You know, who knows?
00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:13.039
But that's me.
00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:17.039
But it's taken me so long to realize oh god, no wonder I was shit at English.
00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:18.799
I was dyslexic, you know.
00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:24.879
I don't I see words differently, I don't have an internal memory, so I can't be hypnotized.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.559
I can't think in my head, what does my mum look like?
00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:35.279
I don't I've got no image of it, and so I never thought I was an artist because I can't draw, right?
00:09:35.279 --> 00:09:42.799
And so I but what I was was a craft person because my mum was a fanatical knitter, fanatical.
00:09:42.799 --> 00:09:53.840
She was to knitting what I am to mosaics, and so from a very young age, in the old days, you know, if you were a bit hyperactive or a bit this or a bit odd, they gave you cross stitch, you know.
00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:55.360
I was doing needlework, you know.
00:09:55.360 --> 00:10:02.720
I've still got all my needlework, my I've still got a patchwork quilt I started when I was seven in the basement, you know.
00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:16.240
Wow, and so I naturally always did craft, and my mum learned to knit when she was four during the war in the tubes in the dark, and she learned on four needles how to do soldiers' socks.
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:19.279
Wow, wow, and literally died knitting.
00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:30.000
And when knitting wasn't very popular in the 80s, my mum dedicated her life because she could afford to to going around knitting shops like John Lewis and teaching all everyone how to knit.
00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:44.080
You know, she just sat there like we're in a women's group and would talk, you know, you know, it's where the dialogue comes from while you do craft, and so I think that was always in the background, but I never said, Oh, I'm an artist.
00:10:44.080 --> 00:11:02.480
I I wanted to do drama, I wanted to do film, I ended up doing uh sculpture, I ended up doing a fine art degree, I ended up doing mosaics because I couldn't do my sculptures, which were all resin-based and really nasty materials to work with because I was working from home and I just had a baby.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:07.200
I couldn't really keep making resin and hard-killing myself in a really small room.
00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:14.879
My partner designed a garden with a sunken bit and said, Oh, why don't you do a mosaic?
00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:18.639
And so it, you know, everything I ever did was just accidental.
00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:23.360
But now when I look back at my self, I go, of course, that was all art therapy, you know.
00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:25.759
Yeah, this happened, you know.
00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:32.080
I I I had problems with being an artist because I have an internal dialogue that says you're shit all the time.
00:11:32.080 --> 00:11:32.480
Right.
00:11:32.480 --> 00:11:34.879
Yeah, not an artist, you're crap.
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:39.120
You know, I'd when I went left my fine art course.
00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:47.600
I originally used to try and cast people for a living, but I don't really like touching people, I don't really like being in that situation.
00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:58.000
I found it all quite stressful, but you know, I wouldn't be able to, there weren't diagnoses, you didn't go, oh yeah, I'm this, so it's just like, oh, I've got to do this, and I don't really like doing it.
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:14.639
But you know, so it's like all these little accidents that happened along the way, and and that's you know, but in moments of true darkness where you know I was self-harming, I'd cut my wrists, I've OD'd.
00:12:14.639 --> 00:12:35.840
When in those true, true dark moments is when I made art or people around me helped me make art, and I just think being able to step outside of a situation to express it in some way when I haven't got the vision the the voice to express it, you know, it saved me, literally saved my life.
00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:37.840
Beautiful, yeah.
00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:48.639
Yeah, I'm just gonna shut the door because it's my dog's opened it and my totally my dog likes to you know sometimes.
00:12:49.360 --> 00:13:33.759
I think that um I think it's really interesting to me all of the layers that you just uncovered, which is I think most people's experience, because Lisa and I went to the same um school to get our masters, and my experience was very similar to yours walking into a room where people were critiquing my work that was extremely personal, and I didn't know it at the time that it was like so so deeply ingrained in myself, and they were just like, Well, this is wrong because it's technically not correct, and I I couldn't, I I had no interest in that kind of conversation, and it took me a really long time to realize it's because that's not what it interests me in art.
00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:40.799
I don't care how well you can um paint a painting or take a photograph, I want to know how it makes you feel.
00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:47.759
And I think that there are almost like two different, I mean, I'm sure there's several different types of artists, but that's a very big thing.
00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:48.240
No, I know.
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:52.159
I mean, I think it's just there is you're gonna get the academics, you're gonna get the people.
00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:54.480
That was the same with pottery, you know.
00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:03.120
Grayson Perry is a you know one of the greatest potters in England, but go on a pottery course and half the tutors will say, He can't even make a pot, you know, it's not very good, you know.
00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:16.080
You know, that that but you know, definitely there are people who was doing one thing, but for me, and for obviously you and a lot a lot of artists who understand the therapeutic value in art, for me, it's all about intent.
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:19.440
Yeah, I've always been interested in outsider art.
00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:21.200
People always say, Oh, you're an outsider artist.
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:23.279
I'm like, I'm not, I'm trained, trust me.
00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:33.679
I've been going to college for years and years and years, but I have an outsider kind of way of working, which is all the time as a way of therapizing myself.
00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:36.240
But my interest was always artist's intent.
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:37.759
Why did you make it?
00:14:37.759 --> 00:14:52.000
And that's why I always like art from institutions, I like art from prisons, I like art that's conveying something, I like art that's meant to be a way of communicating where they where communication is no other way for it.
00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:56.480
But I think college, I mean, I left college thinking I would never do art again.
00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:59.679
I hated my college, I hated it, you know.
00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:07.120
They told me that my work I went to college from 90, my degree was from essentially 90.
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:08.960
No, what am I talking about?
00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:20.639
It's from 88 to 91, and I did nearly a year of that in Montclair State University in New Jersey, and so um, so yeah, my degree was then.
00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:28.399
My course had just been closed down a few years previously, the whole department for sex for degrees, and it'd be really outrageous.
00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:35.759
So by the time I got there, they were like very like didn't want anything that was controversial, Johnson.
00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:44.320
They would really try and put that, you know, and so I arrived there and I was absolutely like blown away by the gorilla girls, uh-huh.
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:50.240
You know, the gorilla girls and Judy Chicago and all of this feminist art.
00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:53.200
And then I was introduced to Edward Keenholz.
00:15:53.200 --> 00:16:17.600
And actually, I think one of the more things that resonated with me was when I left my school, basically, I left school at 16, hating it, thinking it was boring, and I went and did a course called Films, English, Drama and Art Studies, which was a very weird two-year course where you did theatre design, theatre studies, film studies, English and drama and music appreciation.
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:31.679
But I went from being bored to deaf to suddenly being introduced to Arto, Antonio Arto, the theatre of cruelty, the theater, the idea that sometimes you had to shock the nation, and this was all super exciting to me.
00:16:31.679 --> 00:16:38.799
And so suddenly I was in the world of film noir and and um Hitchcock women in distress films.
00:16:38.799 --> 00:16:42.720
But you know, I was such a little mind from 16 to 18.
00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:57.840
It was all like, wow, suddenly I'm interested in this and I'm making films and I'm doing drama, but then I went on what by the time I went to do the university, which is a few years later, the feminist that was the thing that caught my, you know, you know, that that spoke to me.
00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:01.600
But I had tutors that literally said to me, you know, it's all been done before.
00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:08.000
I actually named all my pieces, my name, and something that a tutor had said about it.
00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:14.799
Oh, you must be a feminist, then it's just another woman going on about her womb, you know.
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:21.440
I literally had it because you know, you know, they literally come round and say, don't do that, that's kids.
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:26.480
And I was like, you know, it's really difficult because your tutors are your tutors, they're gonna grade you.
00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:30.240
Yeah, the power dynamics is huge.
00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:38.640
But you're if you're 18, 19, 21, a female, you've only just left one form of patriarchy, or you're you know, my father was mad, you know.
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:52.559
I got to university or college, I should say, and you're just in this other world, but you don't understand any of that at the time, and I always said to them, I you know, now if they said to me it's all been done before, I go, but not by me.
00:17:52.559 --> 00:18:00.079
I need to do it, and I'll have my own way of doing it because I feel a lot now.
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:07.759
I'm so much older and I often go back into universities, or I go back because someone wants, you know, there's a be a student that says, Oh, you know, can we listen?
00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:09.759
And I go and I see all their work.
00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:12.480
It's terrible because I think, oh my god, I did that.
00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:17.519
I have seen it all before, but you can understand that that's part of their process, yeah.
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:30.640
You know, part of going about learning about your body or processing this or doing things, but you know, I don't think the amount of power that a tutor has at that time that I don't think they realize it's so crushing.
00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:38.480
I can remember when the the the when I put up my degree show, I felt like I was standing naked in that room.
00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:46.000
I thought, oh my god, everyone's gonna know I've had an abortion, everybody's gonna know because this work tackles abortion.
00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:53.039
And I I felt it, I've you know, uh but actually it was a learning lesson because I realized that they didn't.
00:18:53.039 --> 00:19:03.920
People just look at it and they think differently about it, and it's not, but you know, you know that like you're saying, it's like that it's feeling naked because it's so expressive, it means so much to you.
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:11.200
Yeah, I think that's a you know, uh uh it's not what all students feel because some of them will be put in abstract paintings and love it, you know.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:20.319
But there'll be a group of artists who will probably spend a whole lifetime using art in a therapeutic way and understand how magical it is.
00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:21.039
Yeah.
00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:24.000
It's amazing what you're what's that quote?
00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:27.200
An um artist living out loud.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.319
Remember that quote?
00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:29.119
Have you heard that?
00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:33.200
Something something so that's what it that's what I'm feeling.
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:55.279
It's like your art is your voice, and it's you living out loud, and it's um it is very feminist, and it's um for me, it's like although you were in the patriarchal system of the art institution of the you know of the gallery world, you were giving a voice to yourself, and so I'm I'm like really curious because you're a craftivist.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:07.839
Well, that's what I was gonna say, because in a way I felt, you know, I couldn't speak when I first did public art, when I first did community art, I get boils on my throat.
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:09.200
It was so hard.
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:17.039
You know, I can remember we did a piece of art where they said at the you know, they they open up your piece, and they said, Would any of you like to say anything?
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:36.160
Because you get the mayor who says something, and you get the person who's funded it, and they asked all three of us if any of one of us wanted to say it, and we no, none of us would say a word, but you have to understand that when we set up this group, one of us as was coming from drugs, I was very heavily into drugs and had you know just had another nervous breakdown.
00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:52.160
You know, I'd been a care worker for two years, and I'd got in two years I'd become the registered state manager of a care home and then had a catastrophe, you know, I just had a complete breakdown and spent two years, you know, being medicated and trying to pull myself together.
00:20:52.160 --> 00:21:01.920
And when I went to go and apply for a job, jobs say how many days sick have you had in the last two weeks or two years actually, how long?
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:03.200
I can't say all of them.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:06.079
I was unemployable, I was unemployable.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.839
You can't come back from that.
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:08.880
You can't.
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:16.240
I think I tried to spent my whole life trying to not get a diagnosis because in the old days, if you had a diagnosis, that's it.
00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:19.839
You know, if you've got depression or you got this, it would carry with you.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:28.640
But I definitely didn't want a diagnosis, and so it got to a point where the whole thing exploded, and I got a diagnosis of an extreme personality disorder.
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:36.880
And even to this day, when I take out insurance, if I want to take out an insurance, I'll say, Have you ever sorry we have to ask you?
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:38.240
Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:39.759
And you go, yes.
00:21:39.759 --> 00:21:44.240
And they go, Okay, but sorry, I know it's stupid, but have you done it more than once?
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:49.839
They're like, Yeah, five times, and they're like, Oh, you go, it was 40 years ago, you know.
00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:51.119
Do you know what I mean?
00:21:51.119 --> 00:21:56.559
But it carries, you know, all of that stuff is it is a weight, is is a real weight.
00:21:56.559 --> 00:21:59.759
So I was trying very hard not to, and then I suddenly did.
00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:02.880
And then I suddenly was in a place where who's going to employ me?
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:04.160
Who's going to employ me?
00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:11.680
You know, I and and I was doing mosaics, and the person who was looking after my child in daycare had said, Oh, I've seen your mosaics.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:13.680
Do you want to come and mosaic the school?
00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.000
We'll pay you 50 quid a day each.
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:20.480
And so all three of us got this first ever job to mosaic.
00:22:20.480 --> 00:22:27.759
Uh, you know, it was the four seasons, which is a joke because we don't have seasons anymore that had to be by now.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:36.640
But the amount of four seasons I've done in schools, or but anyway, so our first ever job was mosaic in Hogarth School, which is where my brothers had been to.
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:50.400
And um uh and I I remember the first day we went into work and we were teaching mosaics, and they said, Yes, at the time my name was Richards, because I used to be Miss my real name's Richards, but that's another story.
00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:53.599
But they said, Oh, Miss Richards, would you like a cup of coffee?
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:58.000
And when they went out of the room, me and my two friends were like, Oh my god, did you hear it?
00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:59.519
They called me Miss Richards, you know.
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:04.240
We were so blown away, just kind of the respect and that they were nice to us.
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:35.200
And I always remember because we went to the high road and we went to a place called Pizza Express, and we had a pizza that and we were like the happiest we have ever been because we were buying it with the earnings of doing this community project, and so it really was like it brought, you know, it we wouldn't have you know, we were in such a bad place, and it gave us so much joy, and and it was so wonderful to be respected and to be liked, and and so you know, from that point I was doing public art for about the next 10 years, yeah.
00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:56.559
We weren't capable of talking, you know, and my favorite quote, and I wish I knew where it was from, is the quickest way to happiness is to find a cause greater than yourself, happiness, and it was because what happened is is that I was doing all the community art and stuff, and then I started writing to someone on death row.
00:23:56.559 --> 00:24:03.440
I saw the big issue, which is a magazine for the homeless, and it said human rights, as in W-R-I-T-E-S.
00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:06.480
Could you write to someone on death row?
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:10.319
And I thought, yeah, I could imagine writing to a serial killer.
00:24:10.319 --> 00:24:11.680
That was my mind at the time.
00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:17.119
Yeah, truthfully, because you know, I'm not some wonderful, kind-hearted person.
00:24:17.119 --> 00:24:25.599
I'm just you know, I was like, wow, you know, I like Silence of the Lambs, and I'd read every book there was on serial killers because I was really interested in why.
00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:26.640
How could you do that?
00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:29.200
You know, it was the why.
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:33.279
So I was like, oh wow, this that could be really interesting.
00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:40.720
And so I applied, and it's pre-computer, it's not this time where you look up and you can see someone, and it's like dating apps.
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:45.920
It was literally write a letter and they say, Look, this is the next person on the list, Louis Romarez.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:52.319
So I I wrote and I sent him this letter, and about three weeks later he sent me one back.
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:55.119
And I thought, What, oh god, what have I done?
00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:57.119
I've written to someone on death row.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:12.319
Oh my god, this letter just sat there haunting me on my fireplace because I'd just become a single mother to a three-year-old, and I was sitting in my flat thinking, you know, I really wish sometimes I did think about the consequences of my actions.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:18.079
But so when I opened it, this letter said, Oh dear Carrie, thank you so much for your letter.
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:20.160
Um, I see you do mosaics.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.000
I've done mosaics in the past.
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:27.680
Sending you a photo of a mosaic you might like, and it's like humanity hits you in the face.
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:38.480
Oh my god, okay, you know, and so over this course of five years, when I wrote to Lewis, he explained to me how capital punishment means those with no capital get punished.
00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:45.119
Showed me he was undoubtedly innocent of the crime that you know it's all arbitrary, you know.
00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:53.279
The whole thing, it's like I had went on this incredible journey of understanding of something because I'm very OCD.
00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:58.640
If I'm into something, I know everything about it, I may forget it and move on to something else.
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:04.240
But in that time, you know, there was a 10-year period where I ate and dreamt death row.
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:15.279
But but the thing is, is I might not be able to stick up for myself, or I might not be able to talk for myself, but I learned to get up and talk about that.
00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:21.359
And the craftivism and having a cause greater than myself enabled me to do public speaking.
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:22.319
Now I can.
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:27.279
I can go around the world, I can stand on a you know, I don't pronounce my words right.
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:39.920
There's lots of things that's wrong with me, but I don't care anymore because it that's that's what people need to understand about activism is that what you give, you receive probably three times more.
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.480
You know, people always say, Oh, you're so nice, aren't you?
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.279
You're really nice.
00:26:43.279 --> 00:26:44.880
You did this, you did that.
00:26:44.880 --> 00:26:46.160
You know, it's such a nice thing.
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:51.440
And you go, You don't understand, you know, my life has been so enhanced by doing these things, you know.
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:54.559
I did find power, I did find my own voice.
00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:58.400
And once I found my voice, I could help other people find their voice.
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:11.200
And you know, yeah, it feels like it started for you, like it started as um art for you, obviously saved your life, and I completely wholeheartedly can relate to that.
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:20.480
And then you it sort of became you, it became your voice and your form of self-expression, but also a form of therapy to work through.
00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:33.440
And then it became something where you could relate to someone that you thought you could never relate to before, and then and then it became a way for you to almost use your own voice, but also give voice to other people.
00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.519
I can see the timeline there.
00:27:35.519 --> 00:27:40.160
Um, so where where do you feel like you are now in your journey?
00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:48.319
Well, it's interesting because like everything about my life is kind of governed by what's going on around me, you know.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:51.440
I'm not governed by art, my life governs my art.
00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:52.079
Yeah.
00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:55.759
And uh my father died last year at 94.
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:08.319
It's the end of a big empire because he was the there's him and two brothers, which means whether I like it or not, I'm going through a shedding of a skin that you would naturally do in the crone stage anyway.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:40.799
And and so I'm actually at a point where I'm partly in an existential crisis, partly trying to lean into the fact that I'm jumping into the fertile void because I'm having to simultaneously deconstruct my father's estate, which is a big house with like he's a hoarder from hell of rubbish, but mixed in with that rubbish is all of the documents from my family, and my family on my dad's side is spectacularly interesting.
00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:43.519
Yeah, you want to talk about colonialism.
00:28:43.519 --> 00:29:09.039
My grandfather was one of three brothers who in the 18th century went out to Mount were the first people to go travel into Outer Mongolia and trade with them and bring camel hair back to New York, and there are buildings in Wall Street with the Rikard brothers on it because they were camel hair kings, but they also, you know, traded with uh Persia and were became a count by the Tsar of Russia.
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:19.519
And we have documents that say that we owned all the trees on the Caspian Sea, that my insane family tried to fight for 40 years back because they lost it all in the wars.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:26.160
The thing is, is my grandmother when she was 40, she got on a ship, and think about the time we're talking about.
00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:32.640
She got on a ship, went all the way to Iran, and forced a 70-year-old to marry her, and then had three children.
00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:34.799
Yeah, that's why I never met my grandfather.
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:36.000
He was dead years ago.
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:51.359
He was dead when my you know, and my father comes from an aristocratic, unbelievably billionaire family that by the time he was um came in, he was living in a in a hut in in Budapest, penniless.
00:29:51.359 --> 00:30:01.680
And so that is a very weird family, but we have all these paperworks because nobody in my mum or my dad have ever thrown away an envelope in their lives.
00:30:01.680 --> 00:30:03.839
Wow, they've just taken the letters out.
00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:05.440
I mean, it's nonsense, you know.
00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:11.279
So we've got this kind of upper, you know, we've got all these documents, letters to the king and stuff.
00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:39.839
So I've got this period where I'm kind of with other members of my family realizing that this archive needs preserving just because it's interesting, you know, it's of a certain class and stuff, but it's fascinating from seeing a woman because because my my grandmother was really out there, you know, in terms of what she was doing, and um same as I'm trying to get rid of all my father's stuff, which has everything of mine, you know.
00:30:39.839 --> 00:30:57.200
I'm finding all my everything, but I'm also having to give up my big studio that I've had for the last 20 years because it's part of my dad's estate, and so and unable to to even do anything, I have to go through my own house and get rid of everything.
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:01.119
And I've you know, I've got a basement I haven't been in for 16 years, you know.
00:31:01.119 --> 00:31:07.200
I've just been throwing stuff down in the basement because I like to say I'm an artist, not a hoarder, but really I'm a hoarder, right?
00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:13.200
Yeah so I've been forced at this moment of time to do proper, what do they call it, Swedish deaf clearance?
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:14.000
Do you know what I'm saying?
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:21.119
I don't yeah I don't want my pa I don't want my kids to have to do what I'm doing, which is to wade through this, you know.
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:38.559
So and I see it as a natural stop in my life where I'm going to go through everything, but I'm trying to work out what I want to keep because I've collected materials and stuff on the basis that it can made I've got an idea for it, you know.
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:51.200
I've got eight 1960s mannequin dolls, and I've got a box over there of 4,000 eyeballs that I bought off of eBay in the 90s, you know what I mean?
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:51.920
Yes, yeah.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:32:00.079
So I bought it all for you know, it's wonderful.
00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:07.839
I was gonna stick it all into my mannequins and make an eye, you know, all ideas, avoid paying tax as well because I bought materials.
00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:13.200
But now I'm at this stage where I'm going, do I really want to make public art anymore?
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:14.400
I'm not sure.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:19.119
I don't need to financially I don't have to sell things, you know.
00:32:19.119 --> 00:32:37.119
I've had to, I became a single parent who had to just, you know, do the things I needed to do because to pay the bills, but now I don't, I'm not in that world because I'm married to someone and I'm in a better position, so I don't need to sell things so I don't want to, because you know, that's the least interesting thing to me.
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:45.279
I mean uh I don't really want to do public art anymore because A, I think it's gone to a world where it's too stressful.
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:49.920
People are you know, we now have phones and everyone take a close up of a picture.
00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:55.519
And when I'm trying to retell history, I just offend somebody somewhere along the line.
00:32:55.519 --> 00:33:07.680
It's you know, the last job I did, what I always do is I go on Facebook and I go into local groups and I reach out to them and I ask them for their own photos, you know, and talk to people and try to engage the community.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:11.759
So the imagery that I use in my public art has come from the very place.
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:12.880
Yeah.
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:25.279
Uh and I I think it's in the old days I'd go to the library and go for all the photos, and you know, because I'm trying as like an arch archivist to get this information.
00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:32.400
Well, on the last job I did, I did all this, and then retrospectively, they wanted proof that I had permission for everyone I'd ever spoken to.
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:42.319
And I, you know, I spent two days having to write to people on Facebook and get their permission, and it's like, trust me, I've done this work for 10 years, nobody's ever complained.
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:58.720
But nowadays, you know, almost could find someone who's going to complain with their photo or nothing, and it's just I I don't need the stress of it, and also because of the ODC way I am, like I spent the last few years doing working up in St.
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:08.000
Helens and Knowsley, which is near Liverpool up north, working on basically women's stories, working class women's stories.
00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:16.400
But and I did two big pieces of art there that are great, you know, because it's that famous quote that I won't be able to remember now.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:24.320
Um anyway, but the thing is, is that even though I was only paid to work so many months there or weeks there, that's all I thought about.
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:29.840
I don't kind of not think about that move into my own work, I just think about the job I'm doing.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:31.599
It consumes me.
00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:34.159
And I'll work every minute of every day.
00:34:34.159 --> 00:34:37.679
You know, some they say to you, how are you gonna know you're gonna work in budgets?
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:41.039
Like, because I just work with the budget you give me, trust me, you know.
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:52.400
I work for peace work because I make it with love and I make it with passion and I make it with such a strong sense of belief that it might help, you know.
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:56.559
So, but I've done that now for at least 10 years, you know.
00:34:56.559 --> 00:35:16.960
I've done that, I've done that, and and I don't want the stress of offending people now because I think we've in the time that I've done public art, we went from a place where me and my friends used to advocate to include the local people in the art that they were getting, and we'd be up against people who do big lumps of metal or you know, counseled.
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:18.320
Well, why would you want to do that?
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:20.320
We were the advocators of that.
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:25.119
Now you can't go for a job that doesn't say how you're engaging the local people.
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:28.880
A lot of it's just tick boxing, a lot of it's tick boxing.
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:35.440
That's the thing, it's not any more real because I've done enough jobs where they want me to give the design before I've done the consultation.
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:42.559
In fact, I are over six months about one job because it's like, how can I give you a design if I haven't done jobs consultation?
00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:44.960
I mean, you know, because it's it's tick boxing.
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:45.840
Can you do this?
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:54.239
Yeah, but we have change and change for for the better because now local artists are often given the jobs, you know what I mean?
00:35:54.239 --> 00:36:01.440
You know, it's local, the work is usually focused about the place, you know.
00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:06.559
But that's been a 30-year journey that I've watched, and I advocated for it at the beginning.
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:10.400
You know, I was talking to the people saying, Look, surely we should do something about here.
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:26.320
You know, but you know, now that is standard, and now you can do degrees, you don't have to just do a degree in painting, printing, or sculpture, you could do one in craft, you can combine them, you don't have to be regimented, you know.
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:31.920
It was like you had to explain why you want to move from painting to sculpture in my days.
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:33.920
Well, I'd might like to use the printing studio.
00:36:33.920 --> 00:36:37.280
We're a sculptor, but I'll quite like to do print, you know.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:47.679
Now everything is crossover, you have craft, you have all that kind of I can't even remember what the word is, but you know, where artist participation, or you know, there's all MAs in it.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:59.119
You know, that's we've well people have at least woken up to the principle that that's what would make better public art is to use the community, you know, you're getting double your money's worth.
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:15.519
But now I've done that for 30 years, and it's it's almost at a point where it's like I don't need the stress because I know now that trying to promote putting photos of all the community from me just being the person that's going to find it is all too problematic, and I don't, you know.
00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:26.480
And also, I think because I am shedding a skin to a degree, and I have got to a stage that you have to live 60 years to get to.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:40.079
I think there's a voice that I want to say where I want to explain what it's like to be a woman and to have that experience and to be from a survivor, from a victim to a survivor.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:43.440
And I'm not really bothered whether I who I see it.
00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:50.800
Um, in a way, I want this work to be seen when I'm dead because everything's just so worrying with the way the world we live in.
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:51.840
But do you see what I mean?
00:37:51.840 --> 00:38:03.840
I think that now I made all that work when I was 21, and I made a lot of if you think made them maiden mother prone, I made a load of maiden shit when I was at college.
00:38:03.840 --> 00:38:12.320
It all was done a lot of mother stuff because I've been making helping over 1,500 people make hearts to women that they love.
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:13.119
Do you know what I mean?
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:15.679
But now I feel like I'm at the throne stage.
00:38:15.679 --> 00:38:24.159
I want to kind of retrospectively make a series of art while I'm going through all my own archives, using all my own photos.
00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:42.880
I'm you know, I've got I I'll show you just for a this is a print of me when I was seven from a very traumatic holiday in Yugoslavia where my dad took me to a nuda speech.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:51.280
But you know, I want to make pieces about this with all the beautiful stuff that I've collected because I think it will be healing for me.
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:51.760
Yeah.
00:38:51.760 --> 00:39:00.719
Because I'm so singly focused, I think it might be good for me to focus in on my own life rather than in a way.
00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:05.440
I spent a whole load of my life avoiding everything through drink, drugs, weed.
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:20.639
I kind of then did a form of art therapy and helped other people, but I I've kind of realized I have been in therapy for 10 years, but I kind of realized that my OCD workaholic nature is another way of keeping things at bay.
00:39:20.639 --> 00:39:24.400
I might be terribly happy, but it's keeping everything else.
00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:35.679
And so, you know, there's part of me that wants to slow down, stop, and make the whole body of work that's just another form of art therapy, but where I'm very conscious of what I'm doing.
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:41.039
You're more aware of it as opposed to uh as opposed to being able to see it after it's done.
00:39:41.280 --> 00:40:01.760
Yeah, and I actually recognize the fact that I'm trying to write a book while a friend is helping me by interviewing me and turning it into AI because I could never write anything, but I I there's a recognition because I do all this work about trying to keep women's history alive, because we are the carers, we're the mothers, you know.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:03.920
I'm now going to become a granny, you know.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:07.519
I I feel that I want to archive my own work.
00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:15.519
It's not about publishing the book, it's just I want to write my own history because those who, you know, it's those who write the history, you know.
00:40:15.519 --> 00:40:34.559
I would I I have a stage in my life where I think, no, I have a story, it's an interesting story, and it might be some way give hope to some other people that are struggling at different stages, you know, because I see myself as going to the dark and coming to the light through art and through helping people.
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:44.159
So I'm at this period where I'm just thinking, no, I want to spend a couple of years archiving, writing, documenting, doing some work of my own.
00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:48.320
And then we'll see, you know, I don't know beyond that.
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:50.400
Yeah, no, that sounds nice.
00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:51.599
It's a beautiful story.
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:53.519
It's like the hero's journey, you know.
00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:59.679
You're you're and then but now you're going within, so your cycle is it's legacy, right?
00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:11.679
So you're you're, you know, and that's the it's the art of life, also, because the art of life is you you want people to see your art and make a difference, but then at some point you have to inverse, right?
00:41:11.840 --> 00:41:19.679
You have to really go inside and and get to know and also I think because you know, you do as you get older, you know, I'm now 60.
00:41:19.679 --> 00:41:22.480
If I'm lucky, I might have 15 Christmases.
00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:24.320
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:25.760
Life gets faster.
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:30.800
I know all these cliches come out of old people, you know.
00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:35.840
But life does speed up, I can assure you, it's speeded up.
00:41:35.840 --> 00:41:40.400
I spent half of my life wishing it away, which is a tragedy, you know.
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:43.599
And then I spend the rest of my life going, can you just slow down?
00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:46.079
Because it's just it's all going too quick.
00:41:46.079 --> 00:41:53.760
And so I think as an artist, A, you your time suddenly becomes precious and and you have less energy.
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:55.679
But you just do.
00:41:55.679 --> 00:41:57.760
There's a you know, I have less energy.
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:01.519
I used to work on about four to six hours sleep a night.
00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:15.679
I yeah, I only get six to eight now, but I just know I don't have the energy because I always wanted to live in an artist's commune, and I always dreamed that if I ever got any money, I'd get a small holding and you know in Wales, and all my mates would live there.
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:18.719
And now we're all like, I can't even bother to tidy up my garage.
00:42:18.719 --> 00:42:26.079
The idea I'm gonna move all the way here, I haven't got the energy, it's not even the actual energy, it's like a life force energy.
00:42:26.079 --> 00:42:32.079
It's like you know, but maybe I'll do all this and I'll have another spot of energy.
00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:48.559
The energy that I do have, I want to do what I love most, and what I love most in the world is to go to other parts of the world and work with other people, you know, and I can only probably do that about twice a year because it it's it takes up you know time.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:43:04.480
But going to Mexico and creating a mother serpent on a wall in one of the oldest cities in Mexico City, working with the most incredible artists you're ever gonna work with, that is life, you know, that keeps me, you know.
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:12.880
But I kind of think now, well, probably I kind of deserve it because I did put 30 years into I mean, but what I'm doing is helping over there, you know.
00:43:12.960 --> 00:43:37.199
I'm yeah, well, yeah, you're just you're still, I mean, I think that the thing is that we I think it's a mistake to say that when you take care of yourself or you do work for yourself, that you're not doing work for the rest of the world, you are doing work for the rest of the world, and so I I I actually think that that for some reason um gets misconstrued quite a bit that that it's a selfish.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:41.119
Interesting that I've never really, you know, because I you know, I still struggle.
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:45.199
It's the kind of eternal as a very female attribute, isn't it?
00:43:45.199 --> 00:43:59.760
Yeah to be, you know, I'm someone who has been the mother, I'm gonna be the grand, but you know, I was the unfit mother because it's you know, I felt a lot of resentment about it because anything that takes my time away from making makes me slightly.
00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:06.880
Resentful, and then of course you get to the other side and go, Oh god, it actually went quicker than I thought, you know.
00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:18.000
My mum always said that you make better grand parents because by then you're not in the stress of all your life or trying to work out what you're doing, you could you come at a different part of your life.
00:44:18.000 --> 00:44:21.360
So I'm kind of hoping that I'll be a better grandparent.
00:44:21.840 --> 00:44:27.199
Yeah, well, we can always be improving, and I think that so long as you continue to make art, right?
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:31.280
You constantly discover new things about yourself, and then you you're right.
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.000
I mean, you never know who's gonna stumble upon your work and have their life changed, you know.
00:44:36.320 --> 00:44:48.320
Oh, and and you know, and I just think the whole thing about craft and craftivism, it's it's a wonderful joining of things because craft in itself is meditative, it will put you in a flow.
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:57.039
And my experience of it is that when you get groups of people together who might not be able to voice their themselves very well.
00:44:57.039 --> 00:45:08.000
You know, I've worked with kids who couldn't even make eye contact and say their names, but whilst your your hands are busy and you're focused on something, conversations start more.
00:45:08.000 --> 00:45:08.880
Do you know what I mean?
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:15.280
It's so therapeutic by nature, you know, bringing people together or working on something.
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:24.960
I the first mosaic courses I ever ran were at psychiatric hospital, you know, where me and my friend could have easily been patients, do you know what I mean?
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:39.039
And we're only just the other side, and we worked in a group there where the old guy that had run the um upholstery had died, and so there was quite a nice per nurse there who said, Well, you know, you come and do mosaics.
00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:45.199
And so we sat with these pieces, and one one bloke, elderly bloke, never spoke, he was mute, yeah.
00:45:45.199 --> 00:45:58.400
And every single week he would pop out a mosaic, he'd just do an apple, he'd like because you know, some people are very slow and it'll take him hours, but he'd just do one, and then at the end of it, everyone would come up and go, Oh, that's really good, oh, that's really nice.
00:45:58.400 --> 00:46:02.800
And so many people talked to him that after about six weeks he started to talk to people.
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:26.159
Whoa, literally got his voice, and it was a tragedy because it was it should have been a movie, you know, this feel good movie where all the it was a bit like clock not clockwork orange, that's the wrong one, but one flew over the cuckoo's nest where they were imagine them all engaged in mosaics and suddenly, you know, and then some other woman came along and decided that you know this wasn't helpful.
00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:28.800
How is it helpful for them to make their own art?
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:37.039
They got to learn to make an income, so they stopped them having any freedom of what they did, and we had to make blue and white signs for the hospital.
00:46:37.039 --> 00:46:44.400
It only took about it, it only took about two, three weeks, and most of the people dropped away, and then they closed.
00:46:44.400 --> 00:47:12.480
Oh, and it's just like this is like oh, you know, it's you know, sometimes it just takes the right person, one person with the right mentality to understand and appreciate the benefits of just having a voice and being creative and just being having some freedom of expression, you know, because you can see the little uh you can see how people's conscious is awoken by creativity.
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:19.679
I'll tell you the biggest time I ever saw that is in the 90s, 2000, at the very end of the 90s.
00:47:19.679 --> 00:47:36.960
Me, Karen, and Mark and uh my friend Natalie, we went to work in the orphanages of Romania, you know, at the time where it was all in the news, went with some weird Christian or American Christian organization called World Something Health.
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:40.559
Um anyway, we went there and we worked in those places.
00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:44.880
Uh, you know, I think it gave us post-traumatic shock, actually.
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:51.360
But we worked there and we worked with kids who'd never seen colour, never seen that.
00:47:51.360 --> 00:47:54.480
If you add red to yellow, it makes orange.
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:59.599
Wow, you know, these are kids who'd spent all day having to put dots in a thing.
00:47:59.599 --> 00:48:03.760
I mean, they were so mal badly treated, I can't even go into it.
00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:11.519
But we brought paint and we bought materials, and we literally saw a girl who was a hunchback who couldn't speak.
00:48:11.519 --> 00:48:16.559
Kind of I could show I haven't got it, but her first painting that she ever did of a dove.
00:48:16.559 --> 00:48:21.599
She she literally, after the three we went there three times, I think, she was upright.
00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:32.880
She was like, I know, you know, I saw it, I saw how how so dramatically they changed inside, just knowing they were good at something, seeing people's reactions.
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:45.199
But more importantly, I learned that the people around them who'd perceived these kids as less than human, because that's the only way you can treat people badly is is you know, because this was a very poverty-stricken place.
00:48:45.199 --> 00:49:02.480
But I I they went from having numbers on their uniforms, just like old dirty uniforms with a five on it, but because the TV crew wanted to come and see what these kids were painting, they had to get uniforms, and because it was presented to the outside world, it literally it kind of changed.
00:49:02.480 --> 00:49:06.079
You could see it, you could see the people going, Oh, did they do that?
00:49:06.079 --> 00:49:08.800
What you know, yeah, right.
00:49:08.800 --> 00:49:18.480
Yeah, and when we went to that school, they said, Well, we'll just bring you your we'll just bring you the good kids, and we said, No, we either work with every kid or no kids, we're not doing it.
00:49:18.480 --> 00:49:44.800
Yeah, and we did we literally slept in this orphanage, it's like the aura of the place, and we went back there three years, and then because Romania wanted to join the EU, it had to close down all its orphanages, um, which actually for some it was great because they were resettled in the community, some okay, less okay because families just get paid to have the kids, and some just get left in hospitals.
00:49:44.800 --> 00:50:01.440
So, you know, it's a very mixed bag, but essentially they didn't want this idea of having horrible orphanages, and some of the kids I know literally, I mean, they would have been um resettled, and I'm sure that that whole experience was good for them.
00:50:01.440 --> 00:50:10.320
I just know it will be because I remember one of them when we were all crying when we were leaving, one of them looking at me and going, You really care?
00:50:10.320 --> 00:50:13.119
It's like somebody actually cares.
00:50:13.119 --> 00:50:14.880
We're like, Yeah, we do.
00:50:14.880 --> 00:50:25.840
But I think for some of them it will have been a benefit, but for some of them, like you know, to them, my you know, I still haunts me that you know, is it good better to show it, you know, show a light and then take it away?
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:32.159
Because when we left, these kids would be rocking and banging their heads, and it was very traumatic.
00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:37.119
And one girl would walk around calling me mummy everywhere I went, you know.
00:50:37.119 --> 00:50:45.360
So, you know, but I've never seen such a kind of like because you you'll only find that in a very, very dark part of the world.
00:50:45.360 --> 00:51:15.360
But when you see it and you go, Oh my god, look at these kids, look at this, you know, just bringing color into their world, just bringing color, just letting them create, letting the world see that these kids can paint and draw and do these things, and that whole kind of uh journey, you know, it's a difficult one to go on, but I you know, I I I I don't think there's probably more of a way that you can actually experience that light going on with people.
00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:17.679
Wow, wow.
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:20.960
Thank you so much for sharing so much with us today.
00:51:20.960 --> 00:51:22.239
I really appreciate it.
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:29.280
No, it's well, what is one one last um word or comment you have to share with our audience about?
00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:34.239
I mean, you're really talking about the power of art and how it gives voice to everybody.
00:51:34.639 --> 00:51:34.880
Yeah.
00:51:35.119 --> 00:51:41.360
Well, yeah, I think that you know, this idea that you're an artist or you're not an artist, it doesn't really matter.
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:47.440
You know, the thing is is to find something that you like doing, and if it gives you pleasure to just do it.
00:51:47.840 --> 00:51:48.079
Yeah.
00:51:48.079 --> 00:52:01.679
One of yeah, one of my um most favorite quotes from like a teacher I had in grad school was that you know, find something that you enjoy doing, whether you are good at it or not, just give 200% to it.
00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:04.159
Well and just stop, you know.
00:52:04.159 --> 00:52:12.880
Sorry to interrupt, but my dad's only advice, and trust me, he didn't give me a lot of good advice, is Carrie, if you find something you like doing, you're lucky.
00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:18.079
And if you find someone to pay, he says if you find someone to pay you to do it, then you've really hit the jackpot.
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:20.320
That's the lottery.
00:52:20.320 --> 00:52:29.440
I mean, it is it's incredible if that if that happens for you, and I think that um I think that's awesome when it does.
00:52:29.599 --> 00:52:39.440
And I I yeah, but I think I actually think that people who become I know successful people, I know people who make money, and A, they're driven by that thought, you know.
00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:40.719
I know, I yeah.
00:52:40.719 --> 00:53:00.000
People who are famous, people who make money are usually they're they're that's what they want because you have to have draw, you really do have to want to make money in art, you have to limit your supply, you have to create scarcity, you might be lucky, but the I think it damages your art because you can't you're in it, you've got a style, then yeah, yeah.
00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:09.199
People always said to me, we can't really, we don't know what you're gonna do because if you'd have just done the spray cans, if you'd just done mad in England, you know, you have to have a brand.
00:53:09.199 --> 00:53:14.639
People will say it's the same way on an Instagram, you know, you've got to do the same thing over and over again.
00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:16.000
It's like I can't do that.
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:18.800
I'm not talking about the place, you know.
00:53:18.800 --> 00:53:27.360
I'm following my little life, I'm not following this career path, or I was lucky I didn't have to follow a money path.
00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:42.000
But you know, yeah, I think people my my thing to say to anyone is that give it a go because you never know, you know, just try mosaic, just try playing with clay, just try a bit of tapestry, just try writing a poem.
00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:48.719
I always say to people when I go teach in schools or young people, public art, man, street art.
00:53:48.719 --> 00:54:00.159
It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't even have to be illegal, but trust me, pointing something out into the street, whether it's a poem stuck on a lamppost or a little bit of tapestry, just having that voice.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:03.039
Trust me, things happen, dialogue start.
00:54:03.039 --> 00:54:04.320
You know what I mean?
00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:08.400
You find your voice just tentatively, just taking over ownership.
00:54:08.400 --> 00:54:19.199
So I'm always an advocate for people just going out and counterbalancing the visual pollution of advertising, which is essentially selling stuff that to make us feel bad.
00:54:19.199 --> 00:54:22.159
Just put a little thing, just leave a little thing.
00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:26.639
You know, someone walking to work will just see that and go, Wonder what that's doing there.
00:54:26.639 --> 00:54:31.519
Yeah, but you know, beautifying our streets is revolutionary.
00:54:31.519 --> 00:54:33.280
I love it.
00:54:33.760 --> 00:54:36.320
Yeah, thank you so much so much.
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:37.360
Amazing.