WEBVTT
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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Yeah, so I have to tell you this story.
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So my daughter and I were doing a Walmart order.
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If you don't have a Walmart membership, you need to get one because it's like $89 a year and they deliver within two hours.
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It is an awesome service.
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I still use Amazon just as equally, but we were making a Walmart list and we came up with this great idea that we were going to start drinking smoothies together in the morning.
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And she was like, I don't have time for breakfast.
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And she likes to make smoothies and take them on the go.
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And so some days we've agreed that I'm going to make her breakfast or I'm going to make her lunch and then she'll have a little bit more time.
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Today I made her some toast and I also made a smoothie because I was like, I need to get more protein in all the things.
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So I surprised her with a smoothie to go.
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There is something in children.
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I'm telling you this right now.
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There is something in children that makes them not want things.
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If you suggest it, if it's my idea and I'm showing you right now, for those of you who are listening, I am showing you the smoothie that she refused to take a sip out of because I made it and it was my idea and not hers this morning.
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And so now I'm having the other half of my smoothie that I made.
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How did that make you feel?
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I was very excited to share this mom moment with you.
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I love it.
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I mean, and welcome to everybody for like, this is our second episode.
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Welcome to Sweet Insights with Allie and Amy.
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Season four, episode two, Allie is drinking her smoothie and I'm Amy, that's Allie.
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And yeah, we have definitely a different season and I think that our listeners are really going to, I mean, I hope you benefited from all our other seasons, but I think this one's just going to hit different.
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So make a smoothie and let's dive in.
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Sounds good.
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So it's been busy.
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And like, I know we're trying to get on top of all of this season and get everything recorded, but I feel like life is busy.
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And right along with the invisible mom, like my goodness, I sometimes I think I'm on top of it and I feel like I'm feeling like I've got this and I'm good.
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Everybody sees me.
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I'm here.
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And then I literally think things just go sideways.
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And like, I am so invisible.
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Like I may as well be just evaporating into thin air.
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And for those of you who don't know Amy, Amy is the epitome of busy.
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She is the mom of two, plus two dogs, plus a significant other, plus she's a real estate agent, plus she owns a candy store that sells online and in person.
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And so today's topic, Amy, is so perfect for you.
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And I can't wait to hear your answer to this question.
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But today we are talking about why being needed feels better than being rested.
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And so Amy, the first question I have for you today is when did you last actually rest?
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Like not scroll through your phone, not catch up on laundry, but actually rest.
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So I actually think I have a good answer for this because it would have caught me off guard, but I actually just went away.
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So, okay.
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I did just go away.
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We had March break and, you know, it's going to be this, you know, how we're recording is going to not time well, but it was March break.
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And so we had some vacation time and I can tell you, I absolutely did not rest.
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Like it was a go, go, go vacation.
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Disney world.
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I'm like, I'm like waiting for where this is going.
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Cause I'm like, if she tries to tell me that she rested at Disney world, she just showed me her new Disney cup.
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Cause we all like a good mug.
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And so please show it now for those who are watching on YouTube.
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And if you're not watching on YouTube, you might want to, so you can see this beautiful cup.
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It says you had me at Walt Disney world.
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There's little Mickey's and flowers and her nails match the cup.
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It's glorious.
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It's got Mickey heads all over it.
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And so I definitely did not rest at Disney.
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You ran around, you got more steps in than ever, like, which feels great.
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It does.
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And it was awesome.
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And I will say, I did actually do it differently this time.
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So here's my two responses for you.
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So one, I did it differently because instead of go, go, go the whole time.
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And because we are familiar with the parks, my kids and I tried to get the most out of our mornings.
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And then we went back to the hotel or the resort and relaxed.
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We actually did like pool time or like just downtime in the afternoon.
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And then we went back to the parks in the evening or like it rained, we went to a movie and sat down and relaxed.
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Like this is something we never do.
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So I know, I knew you'd be proud of me.
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And the other thing I did, I had, soon as I got back, I had a REMAX awards gala weekend and that was meetings and everything.
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But I went by myself.
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Family stayed home, didn't bring them with.
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I mean, not that they would want to, it would be boring for them to come and they'd just be sitting in the room while I'm at meetings.
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But I had like a good sleep.
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Like I actually, I went to bed at a decent time.
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I wasn't up late at the casino or anything.
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Not that there's anything wrong for people who did, but like I went back to the room and I got a full night's sleep.
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So for me that that is actually more relaxing and restful.
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And I definitely was on my phone like before bed, but like I just felt like I had time to sleep and I wasn't like worried to cater to everyone else's needs, if that makes sense.
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So like I did a different strategy at Disney and then I actually had a weekend where it was all about me.
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That is amazing.
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That is so amazing.
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I love that.
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And I feel guilty a little bit for assuming that it had been so long since you had rested.
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So I'm very, very proud of you.
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But we've also, you know, we used to coach together for years.
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And so you know, knowing that we need the rest is something that that's very common.
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So what would you tell our listeners for when you were in the phases of life where rest wasn't something that you were doing?
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Well, I would say literally, I came back to work and rest is not as common.
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So back into the phase of my life.
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So I would say the things that you would have gone to Disney and go, go, go the whole time, right?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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So and I would say so when I'm in that busy phase, when I just don't have time for me, I think the only place in time that I could gather some time and we had talked about it, like is trying to like when I'm having my coffee in the morning to be mindful and to sit for my by myself for a bit.
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And it's not necessarily resting.
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But like, I still do this.
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Actually, I practice this frequently.
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And again, we don't maybe really chat about this because more our meetings or meetings or podcasting, like recordings are not really always at the same time as they used to be.
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But in the mornings, when I'm waiting for the kids to get ready, I don't have to get my kids ready.
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They're old enough.
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So I sometimes will just make a coffee and sit on the couch and wait for them to shuffle around and do everything they need to do.
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And then I just have to get ready and get out the door like if I'm driving.
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So I take a little bit like that extra half hour of time just to sit for me while they're not out there.
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They're putting around the rooms, whatever they're doing.
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So that is a way that you do that, right?
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Because I also do that.
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I love watching the busy happen and like removing myself from it a little bit.
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And what do you notice on the days that you do that versus the days that you don't?
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I feel less panicked and less stressed and less rushed when I'm like getting out of the house.
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Like this morning, I definitely didn't do that because I like still was trying to get some laundry done.
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The dogs were up.
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Everybody, everybody was everywhere.
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And I feel like I felt like I was more of a hot mess getting out of the house.
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What I love about that share, Amy, is that you're showing everybody that nobody's perfect and that like you are going to have days where you do the things that feel wonderful and you're going to have days where you don't.
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And that's the beauty in it.
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And so and what we tend to notice on those days is that like, you know, maybe tomorrow you're going to make a little bit of more effort to make sure you have that time to sit and have your coffee.
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And, you know, then it's a calmer day.
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So and I mean, you're just coming back.
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So there's lots of transition time and things like that.
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But that is a habit that you created a long time ago that you've stuck with because it gives you that pause before your busy day.
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And that's such a beautiful, beautiful habit to have.
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Absolutely.
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And so here's something funny, too, because I know that this is something I do all the time.
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So can you think of a time and I know this happens like like it happens to all of us.
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So this is not going to be a question that people are going to be like, that never happens to me.
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Can you think of a time when you had a chance to rest, but you filled it with something else?
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Because I know that this is a bad habit I have.
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You know what, it is so true that we all do it.
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And I see it with my clients all the time where it's like we forgot how to do nothing.
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We are so used to being busy, go, go, go, that it's so foreign.
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Like I grew up in the generation of multitasking is praised and rewarded.
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So the more we can multitask, the better things are.
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And so I remember the highlight for me when I realized that multitasking was a problem was during covid.
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And I think I've shared this story with you before, but for our listeners, this is kind of a good example is I was so busy with clients during covid.
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I had two kids at home homeschooling and because everyone was homeschooling and all of that.
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I mean, I wrote on a whiteboard in the morning that this time was snack time and this is what you were allowed to eat because I didn't have time because I was on phone calls all day and I didn't know when a client was going to cry or something was going to happen, that the call was going to go longer and I didn't want my kids interrupting.
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And so at the end of the day, I knew that I needed to like reset and calm down.
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And so I would run a hot bath and put epsom salts and essential oils in it.
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And I was like, yes, I'm going to reset.
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But you know what I would do to try to make it more effective is I would get a stool and I would put my laptop on the stool and I would turn on the news.
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I would find out all of the stuff and all the things that were going on.
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And it was in that moment that I had done it a couple of days in a row.
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And I was like, wait a second.
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These things aren't really together.
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And that was my realization that my new focus in life needed to be.
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How can I do one thing at a time and how can I be 100 percent focused on that one thing?
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And so I started to notice all of the areas of my life that I was doing that, like when my husband and I sit at night and like most people, we like to watch a together and I would be scrolling on my phone at the same time.
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And then I would wonder why, like sometimes I couldn't remember what was going on or what was happening or because I was multitasking because I needed to surf social media at the same time as I was doing this.
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Like why?
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So like now one of my habits is I plug my phone in the kitchen and it's nowhere near me because I know I'm going to touch it.
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So like I don't touch my phone when I'm eating.
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I don't dedicate it to one thing or the other.
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So I think starting to notice those habits actually really changed things to me so that I started to do less multitasking and more one thing at a time.
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And so I think a good strategy to start noticing is are you allowing yourself to like have thoughts in your head or every time you do dishes, are you listening to a podcast and not having your own thoughts?
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Are you always like flooding it?
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And then the question then becomes when you are doing that, like what is the fear of the silence?
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What would happen if there isn't always something going on?
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Well, and do you feel guilty when there's nothing going on?
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Like I personally like you talking about the bath, like I make sure that the kids are already occupied in the room or doing homework or something at the end of the night before I go get a bath because I feel guilty if they want to be sitting out on the couch with me.
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Not that that happens often, like let's clarify that.
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But like I want everybody to be doing something and occupied or nobody home if I'm going to go and just take time for me because I feel guilty.
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Yeah.
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Right?
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And then the other difference is too like sometimes it's more comfortable when you're busy versus just doing nothing.
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Do you like that I just changed the view because I just I was recording this and you were big and I was little.
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Real life with Ali and Amy, that's what this is and it always is.
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Oh my goodness.
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But yeah, so like those are those are two.
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Or no, is your was your view always the same?
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My view is the same.
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I think.
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Now I don't know.
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I think it is.
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Oh my goodness.
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I mean, I can't even.
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My goodness, regroup yourself.
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Yeah, it's just one of those days.
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I feel like it's a Monday.
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It's not a Monday.
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
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I just realized.
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Okay, so for anybody who's not watching this on YouTube, Ali is like losing her mind laughing because she is like playing around with her screen and her settings and she just she cannot get it.
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But everybody needs a moment to laugh.
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I don't even know where you're going right now.
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Record it.
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Why do I have a big head?
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I think you need to change back whatever you did.
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I don't know.
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Alright, so moving on because I don't think she's going to come back from this.
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So one of the things that we as women and maybe men as well, but being needed gives us identity.
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Wouldn't you say?
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You know, it's really hard to look very mental.
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Or when you have a laughing fit, it causes a hot flash.
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I'm about to unlayer over here.
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Well, and that was the end of the podcast for the day.
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I don't even know what to do for you right now.
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I'm actually crying.
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Oh my goodness, we need that pause that goes a few minutes later with the dot, dot, dot.
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So this is this is real life.
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She really she's not invisible today.
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You are all gonna see this.
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She is definitely going through a moment.
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So I'm going to help try and wrap it up for her here.
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But basically, one of the things that does give us purpose, especially in motherhood is feeling needed.
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And so when we're not needed, and when we're feeling that the busyness is stopping or the kids like again, my kids are older, so they need me less, they need me again, we talked about this when food is needed or drives are needed, but they need you less in general.
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So some women really feel lost or worthless.
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And it's really hard to sometimes take that back, especially when you can't identify what the problem is.
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Recently, who her kids are grown, and have recently moved out.
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And she went to Costco, and she on like, she realized that she was filling her cart with her son's favorite things.
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And it was just on autopilot that she was buying all these things because she just always has.
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So she's like, she doesn't go in Costco and think, Oh, what do I want to eat?
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She's like, Oh, what will we'll call him Dylan?
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You know, what would Dylan like?
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What would Dylan like?
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And then she realized that, like, she had all this stuff in her cart for Dylan.
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But Dylan isn't at the house anymore.
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Right?
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And so like, that just really highlights that, like, we literally go when we go into autopilot, it's them, them, them, everybody.
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Right.
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And so I encourage everyone that, you know, we can't all necessarily take a weekend, right?
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We can we maybe we can sometime in the year.
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But what can we do on a little daily basis or a weekly basis that allows ourselves to rest?
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Right?
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For years, I said I was someone who couldn't meditate.
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When I was at my worst, when I went through my adrenal fatigue, when I quit my job, the therapists, the people they were like, you need to learn to meditate.
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And I was like, Oh, well, what if I dedicate a room to it?
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What if I like set up a room and have a candle and a pillow and all these things that I thought I needed to do it in a certain way.
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And what I realized is, is that I was too stressed to go that far and learn how to meditate and do those things.
00:18:05.799 --> 00:18:17.420
But then I realized that I actually was meditating in my own way, through allowing my thoughts to come in and leave.
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:19.240
And I did it differently.
00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:21.480
I might have done it when I was driving.
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:26.279
And I would allow thoughts to come and I would allow thoughts to go, I might do it.
00:18:26.500 --> 00:18:34.720
I was always a person who like for the first part of our marriage, like I loved baths, and I would sit in baths, I would relax, and I love the way it made me feel.
00:18:35.079 --> 00:18:36.880
And I didn't listen to TV.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:37.559
I didn't.
00:18:37.940 --> 00:18:38.700
I just sat there.
00:18:38.980 --> 00:18:40.119
And one day I was taking a bath.
00:18:40.180 --> 00:18:43.900
And I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, this is like meditation.
00:18:44.099 --> 00:18:47.240
Like meditation doesn't have to be on a pillow sitting, whatever.
00:18:47.619 --> 00:18:49.579
It's being quiet with your mind.
00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:52.000
And there's no right formula.
00:18:52.019 --> 00:18:53.440
There's no right way to do it.
00:18:53.480 --> 00:18:56.920
There are strategies that you can try that people teach all those things.
00:18:57.039 --> 00:18:58.819
Those are not things that I tend to teach.
00:18:58.819 --> 00:19:02.700
But we can have a gratitude practice that's linked to doing dishes.
00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:06.940
We can have, you know, another practice that's linked to brushing your teeth.
00:19:07.339 --> 00:19:09.279
You know, you can have quiet time in the shower.
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:18.220
Like, I was telling one of my clients the other day that like, sometimes my greatest thoughts come when I'm in the shower, because I'm just quiet with myself.
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:21.460
And so I've really started to embrace that quiet with myself.
00:19:21.859 --> 00:19:22.259
Right.
00:19:22.359 --> 00:19:28.680
So like maybe this week, Amy, your challenge is you're coming back from this nice time where you sat by the pool, and it was beautiful and great.
00:19:30.220 --> 00:19:39.480
Maybe instead of the crime podcast that we know you like to listen to during the shower, especially when you're home alone, and like, you feel like someone's going to come and get you.
00:19:40.619 --> 00:19:45.299
Like maybe that's a strategy where you can like, what if you use that as quiet time?
00:19:45.380 --> 00:19:49.559
Like what if you like, see what pops into your head when you have that quiet space?
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:52.039
So that's my advice this week.
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:53.380
That is that is what I think.
00:19:54.279 --> 00:19:58.220
And I think that sometimes you could just even use like the times that you're unneeded.
00:19:58.420 --> 00:20:01.519
Like if the kids are at school, you're not really needed at that time.
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:03.720
Like you can try and find some quiet time to yourself.
00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:08.460
And there's no like, recipe that's specific.
00:20:08.900 --> 00:20:11.220
There's no like, one answer for all people.
00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:12.900
Like you got to find your own little nugget.
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.759
Maybe it's when you're slicing and dicing dinner.
00:20:15.299 --> 00:20:17.460
Maybe you're like, thankful that you have people to feed.
00:20:18.220 --> 00:20:22.059
You know, maybe it's like I suggested in the shower, it can be any of those things.
00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:27.400
But noticing it, and acknowledging it is really, really beneficial.
00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:30.279
And I don't even know that I would say that this is my advice for today.
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:32.940
I'm going to correct myself and say, this is my challenge for you.
00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:35.740
This is my challenge that I want everyone to try this week.
00:20:35.940 --> 00:20:38.279
And see how that lands, see how it feels.
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:41.440
You know, maybe it's like Amy suggested, coffee in the morning.
00:20:41.859 --> 00:20:46.359
You know, if you have teenagers, like maybe you can sit and have coffee in the morning and like just chill for a little bit.
00:20:46.700 --> 00:20:48.880
If you've got toddlers, probably not.
00:20:49.480 --> 00:20:51.380
You're getting them ready, doing all those things.
00:20:51.519 --> 00:21:04.099
And if they're anything like my kid, the theories that people have of wake up early before your kids, they knew the second my toe hit the floor, they would, they were like, mommy's up, mommy's up, you know, so like that isn't going to work for everyone.
00:21:04.180 --> 00:21:05.880
If it does great, wake up early.
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.720
If it doesn't find another nugget of time.
00:21:09.779 --> 00:21:10.180
Right.
00:21:10.299 --> 00:21:15.079
And I think, and we can, you know, idolize and dream of the weekend away.
00:21:15.259 --> 00:21:15.660
Absolutely.
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:20.119
But find something now a little nugget is all you need to get you started.
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:21.240
Right.
00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:26.339
And I think that it's important, not just for us, cause we talk about so much about the invisible mom and how we feel invisible.
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:29.940
And we've talked about partners and spouses and whatever, and anyone can feel invisible.
00:21:30.099 --> 00:21:38.299
It doesn't have to be us, but remember that if we're feeling invisible and all the things that are going on, they may also feel invisible too.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:47.880
And so one of the things that I try and do in the, in the evening is because it's been a long day and I have been needed by work, by partner, by kids, by whoever dogs, whatever.
00:21:48.759 --> 00:21:55.980
And so I'm constantly needed all day is in the end, sometimes we're needed so much that we don't need anyone else.
00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:01.420
I find, and that sometimes it's important to give some time back to our partners too.
00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:11.940
So that quiet time with them can look different too, because maybe it's just doing something and sitting, and you may still need some time to yourself in the end to read or whatever you're doing, or just quiet time.
00:22:12.380 --> 00:22:21.380
But you do want to make sure that you're seeing everyone else in your house as well, because sometimes partners, I think it's a long day.
00:22:21.460 --> 00:22:25.900
And because we do become very independent as busy moms, busy parents, dads, whatever.
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:30.559
The other person may not feel very visible either.
00:22:30.660 --> 00:22:32.859
So we need to make sure that we're taking some time with them.
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:42.500
And at my place, we often will watch a show together or something before bed, even if it like we've had long days and nobody's like just seeing each other for the first time at like 930 at night.
00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:44.359
So maybe it's a show.
00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:51.799
We sometimes will just like hop in the hot tub or whatever, or just like have some face time.
00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:56.660
Because it's not always us being invisible or feeling invisible.
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:57.619
There's other people too.
00:22:59.579 --> 00:22:59.940
Absolutely.
00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:08.359
And what we want you to know, from a perspective from one mom to another mom, from each of us to you, is that we see you.
00:23:08.799 --> 00:23:11.119
And if you need support, you need help, we are here.
00:23:12.619 --> 00:23:20.420
And if you enjoyed today's podcast, if you laughed with me, if you learned something from us, be sure to share this with a friend, and we'll see you next time.
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:21.440
Bye!
00:00:02.140 --> 00:00:03.979
(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Yeah, so I have to tell you this story.
00:00:04.519 --> 00:00:07.519
So my daughter and I were doing a Walmart order.
00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:13.480
If you don't have a Walmart membership, you need to get one because it's like $89 a year and they deliver within two hours.
00:00:13.660 --> 00:00:15.019
It is an awesome service.
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I still use Amazon just as equally, but we were making a Walmart list and we came up with this great idea that we were going to start drinking smoothies together in the morning.
00:00:24.100 --> 00:00:26.059
And she was like, I don't have time for breakfast.
00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:28.940
And she likes to make smoothies and take them on the go.
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And so some days we've agreed that I'm going to make her breakfast or I'm going to make her lunch and then she'll have a little bit more time.
00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:40.380
Today I made her some toast and I also made a smoothie because I was like, I need to get more protein in all the things.
00:00:40.820 --> 00:00:43.439
So I surprised her with a smoothie to go.
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There is something in children.
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I'm telling you this right now.
00:00:47.799 --> 00:00:53.359
There is something in children that makes them not want things.
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If you suggest it, if it's my idea and I'm showing you right now, for those of you who are listening, I am showing you the smoothie that she refused to take a sip out of because I made it and it was my idea and not hers this morning.
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And so now I'm having the other half of my smoothie that I made.
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How did that make you feel?
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I was very excited to share this mom moment with you.
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I love it.
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I mean, and welcome to everybody for like, this is our second episode.
00:01:25.469 --> 00:01:28.150
Welcome to Sweet Insights with Allie and Amy.
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Season four, episode two, Allie is drinking her smoothie and I'm Amy, that's Allie.
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And yeah, we have definitely a different season and I think that our listeners are really going to, I mean, I hope you benefited from all our other seasons, but I think this one's just going to hit different.
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So make a smoothie and let's dive in.
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Sounds good.
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So it's been busy.
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And like, I know we're trying to get on top of all of this season and get everything recorded, but I feel like life is busy.
00:02:07.629 --> 00:02:17.150
And right along with the invisible mom, like my goodness, I sometimes I think I'm on top of it and I feel like I'm feeling like I've got this and I'm good.
00:02:17.270 --> 00:02:18.189
Everybody sees me.
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I'm here.
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And then I literally think things just go sideways.
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And like, I am so invisible.
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Like I may as well be just evaporating into thin air.
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And for those of you who don't know Amy, Amy is the epitome of busy.
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She is the mom of two, plus two dogs, plus a significant other, plus she's a real estate agent, plus she owns a candy store that sells online and in person.
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And so today's topic, Amy, is so perfect for you.
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And I can't wait to hear your answer to this question.
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But today we are talking about why being needed feels better than being rested.
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And so Amy, the first question I have for you today is when did you last actually rest?
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Like not scroll through your phone, not catch up on laundry, but actually rest.
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So I actually think I have a good answer for this because it would have caught me off guard, but I actually just went away.
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So, okay.
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I did just go away.
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We had March break and, you know, it's going to be this, you know, how we're recording is going to not time well, but it was March break.
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And so we had some vacation time and I can tell you, I absolutely did not rest.
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Like it was a go, go, go vacation.
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Disney world.
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I'm like, I'm like waiting for where this is going.
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Cause I'm like, if she tries to tell me that she rested at Disney world, she just showed me her new Disney cup.
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Cause we all like a good mug.
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And so please show it now for those who are watching on YouTube.
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And if you're not watching on YouTube, you might want to, so you can see this beautiful cup.
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It says you had me at Walt Disney world.
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There's little Mickey's and flowers and her nails match the cup.
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It's glorious.
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It's got Mickey heads all over it.
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And so I definitely did not rest at Disney.
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You ran around, you got more steps in than ever, like, which feels great.
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It does.
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And it was awesome.
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And I will say, I did actually do it differently this time.
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So here's my two responses for you.
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So one, I did it differently because instead of go, go, go the whole time.
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And because we are familiar with the parks, my kids and I tried to get the most out of our mornings.
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And then we went back to the hotel or the resort and relaxed.
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We actually did like pool time or like just downtime in the afternoon.
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And then we went back to the parks in the evening or like it rained, we went to a movie and sat down and relaxed.
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Like this is something we never do.
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So I know, I knew you'd be proud of me.
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And the other thing I did, I had, soon as I got back, I had a REMAX awards gala weekend and that was meetings and everything.
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But I went by myself.
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Family stayed home, didn't bring them with.
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I mean, not that they would want to, it would be boring for them to come and they'd just be sitting in the room while I'm at meetings.
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But I had like a good sleep.
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Like I actually, I went to bed at a decent time.
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I wasn't up late at the casino or anything.
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Not that there's anything wrong for people who did, but like I went back to the room and I got a full night's sleep.
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So for me that that is actually more relaxing and restful.
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And I definitely was on my phone like before bed, but like I just felt like I had time to sleep and I wasn't like worried to cater to everyone else's needs, if that makes sense.
00:05:41.730 --> 00:05:46.829
So like I did a different strategy at Disney and then I actually had a weekend where it was all about me.
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That is amazing.
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That is so amazing.
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I love that.
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And I feel guilty a little bit for assuming that it had been so long since you had rested.
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So I'm very, very proud of you.
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But we've also, you know, we used to coach together for years.
00:06:03.569 --> 00:06:08.889
And so you know, knowing that we need the rest is something that that's very common.
00:06:09.110 --> 00:06:16.149
So what would you tell our listeners for when you were in the phases of life where rest wasn't something that you were doing?
00:06:17.550 --> 00:06:22.990
Well, I would say literally, I came back to work and rest is not as common.
00:06:24.129 --> 00:06:26.769
So back into the phase of my life.
00:06:27.009 --> 00:06:32.930
So I would say the things that you would have gone to Disney and go, go, go the whole time, right?
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Yeah, absolutely.
00:06:34.129 --> 00:06:49.750
So and I would say so when I'm in that busy phase, when I just don't have time for me, I think the only place in time that I could gather some time and we had talked about it, like is trying to like when I'm having my coffee in the morning to be mindful and to sit for my by myself for a bit.
00:06:49.870 --> 00:06:51.250
And it's not necessarily resting.
00:06:51.250 --> 00:06:52.769
But like, I still do this.
00:06:52.930 --> 00:06:54.189
Actually, I practice this frequently.
00:06:54.189 --> 00:07:02.129
And again, we don't maybe really chat about this because more our meetings or meetings or podcasting, like recordings are not really always at the same time as they used to be.
00:07:02.389 --> 00:07:05.870
But in the mornings, when I'm waiting for the kids to get ready, I don't have to get my kids ready.
00:07:05.949 --> 00:07:06.509
They're old enough.
00:07:06.529 --> 00:07:12.129
So I sometimes will just make a coffee and sit on the couch and wait for them to shuffle around and do everything they need to do.
00:07:12.389 --> 00:07:15.529
And then I just have to get ready and get out the door like if I'm driving.
00:07:15.790 --> 00:07:21.470
So I take a little bit like that extra half hour of time just to sit for me while they're not out there.
00:07:21.670 --> 00:07:23.810
They're putting around the rooms, whatever they're doing.
00:07:24.410 --> 00:07:28.149
So that is a way that you do that, right?
00:07:28.170 --> 00:07:29.149
Because I also do that.
00:07:29.230 --> 00:07:33.529
I love watching the busy happen and like removing myself from it a little bit.
00:07:34.110 --> 00:07:38.829
And what do you notice on the days that you do that versus the days that you don't?
00:07:39.470 --> 00:07:43.990
I feel less panicked and less stressed and less rushed when I'm like getting out of the house.
00:07:44.129 --> 00:07:49.009
Like this morning, I definitely didn't do that because I like still was trying to get some laundry done.
00:07:49.110 --> 00:07:49.889
The dogs were up.
00:07:49.949 --> 00:07:51.649
Everybody, everybody was everywhere.
00:07:52.269 --> 00:07:56.310
And I feel like I felt like I was more of a hot mess getting out of the house.
00:07:57.170 --> 00:08:08.910
What I love about that share, Amy, is that you're showing everybody that nobody's perfect and that like you are going to have days where you do the things that feel wonderful and you're going to have days where you don't.
00:08:09.089 --> 00:08:10.689
And that's the beauty in it.
00:08:10.910 --> 00:08:18.769
And so and what we tend to notice on those days is that like, you know, maybe tomorrow you're going to make a little bit of more effort to make sure you have that time to sit and have your coffee.
00:08:19.550 --> 00:08:21.310
And, you know, then it's a calmer day.
00:08:22.209 --> 00:08:24.230
So and I mean, you're just coming back.
00:08:24.550 --> 00:08:27.829
So there's lots of transition time and things like that.
00:08:28.269 --> 00:08:37.750
But that is a habit that you created a long time ago that you've stuck with because it gives you that pause before your busy day.
00:08:37.950 --> 00:08:40.730
And that's such a beautiful, beautiful habit to have.
00:08:41.750 --> 00:08:42.149
Absolutely.
00:08:42.350 --> 00:08:45.769
And so here's something funny, too, because I know that this is something I do all the time.
00:08:46.309 --> 00:08:51.230
So can you think of a time and I know this happens like like it happens to all of us.
00:08:51.250 --> 00:08:54.309
So this is not going to be a question that people are going to be like, that never happens to me.
00:08:54.889 --> 00:08:59.129
Can you think of a time when you had a chance to rest, but you filled it with something else?
00:08:59.210 --> 00:09:02.370
Because I know that this is a bad habit I have.
00:09:03.629 --> 00:09:08.190
You know what, it is so true that we all do it.
00:09:08.629 --> 00:09:16.049
And I see it with my clients all the time where it's like we forgot how to do nothing.
00:09:16.850 --> 00:09:23.090
We are so used to being busy, go, go, go, that it's so foreign.
00:09:23.269 --> 00:09:28.750
Like I grew up in the generation of multitasking is praised and rewarded.
00:09:29.289 --> 00:09:32.490
So the more we can multitask, the better things are.
00:09:32.970 --> 00:09:40.169
And so I remember the highlight for me when I realized that multitasking was a problem was during covid.
00:09:40.309 --> 00:09:48.690
And I think I've shared this story with you before, but for our listeners, this is kind of a good example is I was so busy with clients during covid.
00:09:48.830 --> 00:09:54.690
I had two kids at home homeschooling and because everyone was homeschooling and all of that.
00:09:54.830 --> 00:10:09.129
I mean, I wrote on a whiteboard in the morning that this time was snack time and this is what you were allowed to eat because I didn't have time because I was on phone calls all day and I didn't know when a client was going to cry or something was going to happen, that the call was going to go longer and I didn't want my kids interrupting.
00:10:09.590 --> 00:10:15.429
And so at the end of the day, I knew that I needed to like reset and calm down.
00:10:15.610 --> 00:10:19.769
And so I would run a hot bath and put epsom salts and essential oils in it.
00:10:19.789 --> 00:10:21.110
And I was like, yes, I'm going to reset.
00:10:21.509 --> 00:10:29.289
But you know what I would do to try to make it more effective is I would get a stool and I would put my laptop on the stool and I would turn on the news.
00:10:30.190 --> 00:10:34.309
I would find out all of the stuff and all the things that were going on.
00:10:34.529 --> 00:10:37.470
And it was in that moment that I had done it a couple of days in a row.
00:10:37.669 --> 00:10:39.129
And I was like, wait a second.
00:10:39.509 --> 00:10:42.590
These things aren't really together.
00:10:43.549 --> 00:10:48.950
And that was my realization that my new focus in life needed to be.
00:10:49.070 --> 00:10:54.490
How can I do one thing at a time and how can I be 100 percent focused on that one thing?
00:10:55.289 --> 00:11:10.090
And so I started to notice all of the areas of my life that I was doing that, like when my husband and I sit at night and like most people, we like to watch a together and I would be scrolling on my phone at the same time.
00:11:10.409 --> 00:11:19.690
And then I would wonder why, like sometimes I couldn't remember what was going on or what was happening or because I was multitasking because I needed to surf social media at the same time as I was doing this.
00:11:19.990 --> 00:11:20.830
Like why?
00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:27.610
So like now one of my habits is I plug my phone in the kitchen and it's nowhere near me because I know I'm going to touch it.
00:11:27.909 --> 00:11:30.389
So like I don't touch my phone when I'm eating.
00:11:32.590 --> 00:11:36.509
I don't dedicate it to one thing or the other.
00:11:36.990 --> 00:11:46.730
So I think starting to notice those habits actually really changed things to me so that I started to do less multitasking and more one thing at a time.
00:11:48.450 --> 00:12:01.669
And so I think a good strategy to start noticing is are you allowing yourself to like have thoughts in your head or every time you do dishes, are you listening to a podcast and not having your own thoughts?
00:12:01.970 --> 00:12:03.909
Are you always like flooding it?
00:12:04.350 --> 00:12:11.269
And then the question then becomes when you are doing that, like what is the fear of the silence?
00:12:11.529 --> 00:12:15.309
What would happen if there isn't always something going on?
00:12:16.169 --> 00:12:18.669
Well, and do you feel guilty when there's nothing going on?
00:12:20.169 --> 00:12:33.649
Like I personally like you talking about the bath, like I make sure that the kids are already occupied in the room or doing homework or something at the end of the night before I go get a bath because I feel guilty if they want to be sitting out on the couch with me.
00:12:34.289 --> 00:12:36.809
Not that that happens often, like let's clarify that.
00:12:37.190 --> 00:12:45.730
But like I want everybody to be doing something and occupied or nobody home if I'm going to go and just take time for me because I feel guilty.
00:12:48.549 --> 00:12:49.009
Yeah.
00:12:49.009 --> 00:12:49.470
Right?
00:12:49.570 --> 00:12:56.110
And then the other difference is too like sometimes it's more comfortable when you're busy versus just doing nothing.
00:12:57.889 --> 00:13:03.509
Do you like that I just changed the view because I just I was recording this and you were big and I was little.
00:13:07.409 --> 00:13:12.330
Real life with Ali and Amy, that's what this is and it always is.
00:13:13.490 --> 00:13:14.129
Oh my goodness.
00:13:14.769 --> 00:13:16.549
But yeah, so like those are those are two.
00:13:16.850 --> 00:13:19.309
Or no, is your was your view always the same?
00:13:19.750 --> 00:13:20.889
My view is the same.
00:13:23.029 --> 00:13:23.529
I think.
00:13:24.230 --> 00:13:26.250
Now I don't know.
00:13:26.669 --> 00:13:27.450
I think it is.
00:13:28.669 --> 00:13:29.669
Oh my goodness.
00:13:29.870 --> 00:13:30.830
I mean, I can't even.
00:13:36.269 --> 00:13:38.389
My goodness, regroup yourself.
00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:44.879
Yeah, it's just one of those days.
00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:46.399
I feel like it's a Monday.
00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:47.399
It's not a Monday.
00:13:49.179 --> 00:13:50.480
Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:13:51.279 --> 00:13:52.399
I just realized.
00:13:55.470 --> 00:14:10.330
Okay, so for anybody who's not watching this on YouTube, Ali is like losing her mind laughing because she is like playing around with her screen and her settings and she just she cannot get it.
00:14:12.950 --> 00:14:15.509
But everybody needs a moment to laugh.
00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:20.799
I don't even know where you're going right now.
00:14:21.539 --> 00:14:22.580
Record it.
00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:30.860
Why do I have a big head?
00:14:32.200 --> 00:14:34.700
I think you need to change back whatever you did.
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:36.220
I don't know.
00:14:40.110 --> 00:14:44.610
Alright, so moving on because I don't think she's going to come back from this.
00:14:45.309 --> 00:14:54.210
So one of the things that we as women and maybe men as well, but being needed gives us identity.
00:14:56.370 --> 00:14:57.250
Wouldn't you say?
00:14:58.870 --> 00:15:01.049
You know, it's really hard to look very mental.
00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:05.990
Or when you have a laughing fit, it causes a hot flash.
00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:11.549
I'm about to unlayer over here.
00:15:15.940 --> 00:15:22.100
Well, and that was the end of the podcast for the day.
00:15:30.740 --> 00:15:33.519
I don't even know what to do for you right now.
00:15:34.279 --> 00:15:35.679
I'm actually crying.
00:15:36.299 --> 00:15:42.340
Oh my goodness, we need that pause that goes a few minutes later with the dot, dot, dot.
00:15:46.460 --> 00:15:48.480
So this is this is real life.
00:15:48.580 --> 00:15:50.899
She really she's not invisible today.
00:15:51.000 --> 00:15:52.200
You are all gonna see this.
00:15:52.820 --> 00:15:55.980
She is definitely going through a moment.
00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:01.080
So I'm going to help try and wrap it up for her here.
00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:06.440
But basically, one of the things that does give us purpose, especially in motherhood is feeling needed.
00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:21.240
And so when we're not needed, and when we're feeling that the busyness is stopping or the kids like again, my kids are older, so they need me less, they need me again, we talked about this when food is needed or drives are needed, but they need you less in general.
00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:24.179
So some women really feel lost or worthless.
00:16:24.740 --> 00:16:30.080
And it's really hard to sometimes take that back, especially when you can't identify what the problem is.
00:16:31.639 --> 00:16:36.460
Recently, who her kids are grown, and have recently moved out.
00:16:36.679 --> 00:16:44.259
And she went to Costco, and she on like, she realized that she was filling her cart with her son's favorite things.
00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:49.919
And it was just on autopilot that she was buying all these things because she just always has.
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:53.659
So she's like, she doesn't go in Costco and think, Oh, what do I want to eat?
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:56.399
She's like, Oh, what will we'll call him Dylan?
00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.440
You know, what would Dylan like?
00:16:58.519 --> 00:16:59.299
What would Dylan like?
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:02.139
And then she realized that, like, she had all this stuff in her cart for Dylan.
00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:04.279
But Dylan isn't at the house anymore.
00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:05.920
Right?
00:17:06.519 --> 00:17:15.900
And so like, that just really highlights that, like, we literally go when we go into autopilot, it's them, them, them, everybody.
00:17:15.900 --> 00:17:16.559
Right.
00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:23.598
And so I encourage everyone that, you know, we can't all necessarily take a weekend, right?
00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:25.900
We can we maybe we can sometime in the year.
00:17:26.098 --> 00:17:33.960
But what can we do on a little daily basis or a weekly basis that allows ourselves to rest?
00:17:34.980 --> 00:17:35.200
Right?
00:17:35.880 --> 00:17:38.920
For years, I said I was someone who couldn't meditate.
00:17:39.359 --> 00:17:47.759
When I was at my worst, when I went through my adrenal fatigue, when I quit my job, the therapists, the people they were like, you need to learn to meditate.
00:17:47.980 --> 00:17:51.019
And I was like, Oh, well, what if I dedicate a room to it?
00:17:51.140 --> 00:17:56.519
What if I like set up a room and have a candle and a pillow and all these things that I thought I needed to do it in a certain way.
00:17:56.700 --> 00:18:03.859
And what I realized is, is that I was too stressed to go that far and learn how to meditate and do those things.
00:18:05.799 --> 00:18:17.420
But then I realized that I actually was meditating in my own way, through allowing my thoughts to come in and leave.
00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:19.240
And I did it differently.
00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:21.480
I might have done it when I was driving.
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:26.279
And I would allow thoughts to come and I would allow thoughts to go, I might do it.
00:18:26.500 --> 00:18:34.720
I was always a person who like for the first part of our marriage, like I loved baths, and I would sit in baths, I would relax, and I love the way it made me feel.
00:18:35.079 --> 00:18:36.880
And I didn't listen to TV.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:37.559
I didn't.
00:18:37.940 --> 00:18:38.700
I just sat there.
00:18:38.980 --> 00:18:40.119
And one day I was taking a bath.
00:18:40.180 --> 00:18:43.900
And I was like, Oh, my gosh, like, this is like meditation.
00:18:44.099 --> 00:18:47.240
Like meditation doesn't have to be on a pillow sitting, whatever.
00:18:47.619 --> 00:18:49.579
It's being quiet with your mind.
00:18:50.259 --> 00:18:52.000
And there's no right formula.
00:18:52.019 --> 00:18:53.440
There's no right way to do it.
00:18:53.480 --> 00:18:56.920
There are strategies that you can try that people teach all those things.
00:18:57.039 --> 00:18:58.819
Those are not things that I tend to teach.
00:18:58.819 --> 00:19:02.700
But we can have a gratitude practice that's linked to doing dishes.
00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:06.940
We can have, you know, another practice that's linked to brushing your teeth.
00:19:07.339 --> 00:19:09.279
You know, you can have quiet time in the shower.
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:18.220
Like, I was telling one of my clients the other day that like, sometimes my greatest thoughts come when I'm in the shower, because I'm just quiet with myself.
00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:21.460
And so I've really started to embrace that quiet with myself.
00:19:21.859 --> 00:19:22.259
Right.
00:19:22.359 --> 00:19:28.680
So like maybe this week, Amy, your challenge is you're coming back from this nice time where you sat by the pool, and it was beautiful and great.
00:19:30.220 --> 00:19:39.480
Maybe instead of the crime podcast that we know you like to listen to during the shower, especially when you're home alone, and like, you feel like someone's going to come and get you.
00:19:40.619 --> 00:19:45.299
Like maybe that's a strategy where you can like, what if you use that as quiet time?
00:19:45.380 --> 00:19:49.559
Like what if you like, see what pops into your head when you have that quiet space?
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:52.039
So that's my advice this week.
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:53.380
That is that is what I think.
00:19:54.279 --> 00:19:58.220
And I think that sometimes you could just even use like the times that you're unneeded.
00:19:58.420 --> 00:20:01.519
Like if the kids are at school, you're not really needed at that time.
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:03.720
Like you can try and find some quiet time to yourself.
00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:08.460
And there's no like, recipe that's specific.
00:20:08.900 --> 00:20:11.220
There's no like, one answer for all people.
00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:12.900
Like you got to find your own little nugget.
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.759
Maybe it's when you're slicing and dicing dinner.
00:20:15.299 --> 00:20:17.460
Maybe you're like, thankful that you have people to feed.
00:20:18.220 --> 00:20:22.059
You know, maybe it's like I suggested in the shower, it can be any of those things.
00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:27.400
But noticing it, and acknowledging it is really, really beneficial.
00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:30.279
And I don't even know that I would say that this is my advice for today.
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:32.940
I'm going to correct myself and say, this is my challenge for you.
00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:35.740
This is my challenge that I want everyone to try this week.
00:20:35.940 --> 00:20:38.279
And see how that lands, see how it feels.
00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:41.440
You know, maybe it's like Amy suggested, coffee in the morning.
00:20:41.859 --> 00:20:46.359
You know, if you have teenagers, like maybe you can sit and have coffee in the morning and like just chill for a little bit.
00:20:46.700 --> 00:20:48.880
If you've got toddlers, probably not.
00:20:49.480 --> 00:20:51.380
You're getting them ready, doing all those things.
00:20:51.519 --> 00:21:04.099
And if they're anything like my kid, the theories that people have of wake up early before your kids, they knew the second my toe hit the floor, they would, they were like, mommy's up, mommy's up, you know, so like that isn't going to work for everyone.
00:21:04.180 --> 00:21:05.880
If it does great, wake up early.
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:08.720
If it doesn't find another nugget of time.
00:21:09.779 --> 00:21:10.180
Right.
00:21:10.299 --> 00:21:15.079
And I think, and we can, you know, idolize and dream of the weekend away.
00:21:15.259 --> 00:21:15.660
Absolutely.
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:20.119
But find something now a little nugget is all you need to get you started.
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:21.240
Right.
00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:26.339
And I think that it's important, not just for us, cause we talk about so much about the invisible mom and how we feel invisible.
00:21:26.339 --> 00:21:29.940
And we've talked about partners and spouses and whatever, and anyone can feel invisible.
00:21:30.099 --> 00:21:38.299
It doesn't have to be us, but remember that if we're feeling invisible and all the things that are going on, they may also feel invisible too.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:47.880
And so one of the things that I try and do in the, in the evening is because it's been a long day and I have been needed by work, by partner, by kids, by whoever dogs, whatever.
00:21:48.759 --> 00:21:55.980
And so I'm constantly needed all day is in the end, sometimes we're needed so much that we don't need anyone else.
00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:01.420
I find, and that sometimes it's important to give some time back to our partners too.
00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:11.940
So that quiet time with them can look different too, because maybe it's just doing something and sitting, and you may still need some time to yourself in the end to read or whatever you're doing, or just quiet time.
00:22:12.380 --> 00:22:21.380
But you do want to make sure that you're seeing everyone else in your house as well, because sometimes partners, I think it's a long day.
00:22:21.460 --> 00:22:25.900
And because we do become very independent as busy moms, busy parents, dads, whatever.
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:30.559
The other person may not feel very visible either.
00:22:30.660 --> 00:22:32.859
So we need to make sure that we're taking some time with them.
00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:42.500
And at my place, we often will watch a show together or something before bed, even if it like we've had long days and nobody's like just seeing each other for the first time at like 930 at night.
00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:44.359
So maybe it's a show.
00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:51.799
We sometimes will just like hop in the hot tub or whatever, or just like have some face time.
00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:56.660
Because it's not always us being invisible or feeling invisible.
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:57.619
There's other people too.
00:22:59.579 --> 00:22:59.940
Absolutely.
00:23:00.279 --> 00:23:08.359
And what we want you to know, from a perspective from one mom to another mom, from each of us to you, is that we see you.
00:23:08.799 --> 00:23:11.119
And if you need support, you need help, we are here.
00:23:12.619 --> 00:23:20.420
And if you enjoyed today's podcast, if you laughed with me, if you learned something from us, be sure to share this with a friend, and we'll see you next time.
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:21.440
Bye!
