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Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
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I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
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And just like every day, I'm grateful to be sober.
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Super grateful to be completely sober.
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And so last week, in getting comfortable with myself, three and a half years of showing up, I talked about going from isolation and being scared and feeling like I didn't have any friends to actually letting people into my life.
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I talked about meetings and honest conversation, service, and putting myself into uncomfortable situations.
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I didn't suddenly become comfortable with myself and then go out and meet people.
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I began showing up, and that changed the way I felt about myself.
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And this week I want to take that story one step further.
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What happens when the change inside starts showing up in the rest of your life?
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What happens when your intention becomes more than something you say you want?
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So I'll talk about my career for a second.
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I moved to Wilmington, as many of you know, and the people I met, you know, have been amazing.
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And an opportunity that I had resisted for years actually wound up giving me much more than I could have ever imagined.
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When looking back, I see a pattern that I couldn't see while I was in it.
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I kept trying to find the right job while I wasn't clear about what mattered most to me.
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I wanted that next opportunity to settle something inside of me that a job couldn't settle.
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And I was brought to my knees in that part of my life over and over until I finally had to look at what I was chasing and the reasons for that.
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You know, when I started asking how could I be of maximum service to my coworkers, maximum service to at work, to my customers, and the people around me, something shifted.
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Then my life began to open up in ways that I really couldn't have planned.
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An opportunity took me to Wilmington, and that move put me around people I would have never met otherwise.
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Through that network of people came the job that I had resisted for so long, and it's become one of the most rewarding things that I've done.
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And you may call that God, the universe, grace, or maybe just simply being willing and available.
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From inside of my life, the theme today is this intention has to be in line aligned with your values if you want it to change how you live.
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And what I thought I was looking for, well, there was a time when my question about work was mostly what job should I take next?
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Which is a real question.
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Bills are real, responsibilities are real, and I don't want to pretend that everybody has the luxury of turning down a paycheck while they search for their calling, so to speak.
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But underneath that, that practical question was asking me a bit of a different question.
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Which job is finally going to make me feel okay about myself?
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I didn't always know that was the question.
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I could talk about the position, the money, the territory, the title, the next opportunity.
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I could make a good case for why one job should work.
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Then something would happen, and I'd be right back in the same place internally.
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I know what it feels like to keep trying to solve an inside problem with an outside change, a different company, a new role, a new place, a fresh start.
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Can all be great things.
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But if I bring the same fears and need the same validation into each one, I may find myself repeating the same lesson in a different shirt.
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And that doesn't mean every job that didn't work was my fault.
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It doesn't mean I was wrong to want stability or income.
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It means that I had to get honest about the part I could change.
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I couldn't control every employer's decision, but I could look at my own intention.
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And was I entering the work mainly to get something that would finally prove my worth?
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Or was I asking where my skills and my willingness could be useful?
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When you've been brought to your knees in one area of your life, you stop being impressed with your own explanations.
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You start asking better questions.
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Not why won't the world give me the exact opportunity I pictured, but what is this showing me about the way I'm living?
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And that was a hard question for me, but it did open a door.
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Intention can sound good and still be out of alignment.
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We talk about setting intentions, and you can write one in a journal, you can say it out loud, you can put it on a vision board.
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And I have no problem with any of that.
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But saying I want meaningful work and living in a way that reflects that desire are two different things.
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Here's a quick example.
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I can say that I value service and then spend every workday asking, what am I getting out of this?
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I can say I want real connection, then never let anybody in and know, let them know that I'm struggling.
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I can say I trust God and then try to control every detail of how an opportunity has to present itself.
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The words are my stated intentions.
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My repeated choices reveal what I'm actually practicing.
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The realization was uncomfortable.
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I wasn't necessarily lying when I said what I wanted.
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I just hadn't aligned my behavior with it.
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And I couldn't think of a, I couldn't really think my way into alignment.
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I had to practice it over and over.
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And for me, that internal shift was being of maximum service.
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That phrase means something concrete to me today.
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How can I help the customer understand the process?
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How can I support the person I work beside?
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Can I do what I say I'm gonna do?
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Can I be honest when I don't know the answer?
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Can I make a decision based on what's right instead of what makes me look good in the next five minutes?
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When I ask myself those questions, the work changes.
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The person in front of me stops being a transaction or a measure of my success.
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They become a person, I have a chance to help.
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Some days I get impatient, I want an outcome, I catch myself calculating the commissions.
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Alignment is a practice, not a trophy that you earn.
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And when I noticed, when I noticed, I'm off course, I have to come back to the question what would service look like here?
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And the part where my life brought me to my knees, I just want to stay with that phrase for a moment, brought to my knees, because people can make the story sound neat after there's a happy chapter.
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But while you're going through it, it's fucking messy.
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I can be scared to wonder how the next opportunity is gonna show up.
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I can wear you down and keep trying and keep hoping and keep feeling that the thing you thought would fix, it hasn't fixed it.
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There were times where I wanted certainty more than anything.
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You know, tell me that the job is the right one, tell me that what the income will be, tell me what I'll be working with, tell me how it'll turn out.
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I wanted to see the whole staircase before putting one single foot on the first step.
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Sounds pretty familiar, huh?
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It's the ladder from the episode we've been talking about.
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I could stand at the bottom studying it, I can imagine every way I might fall.
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I can also ask for guidance, check out what I need, check what I need to check, and then take the next responsible step.
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And what changed for me wasn't that I suddenly knew where my career would end up.
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I became more willing to be useful in the situation I actually had.
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Couldn't make tomorrow promise me anything, but I could show up honestly today.
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I could treat coworkers well, I could follow through with a customer when I don't feel like it.
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I can ask for help instead of waiting for help to show up and to make me feel important.
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That shift didn't erase the difficulty, it changed my relationship with it.
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When I was focused on the result, I couldn't control every delay felt like a verdict on me.
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And when I focused on living my values today, I had something solid to do before the results came.
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And I'm not saying hardship always arrives to teach us teach us a lesson, or that somebody somebody struggling with work just needs to find a better attitude.
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People face real obstacles.
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And I'm telling you what I found in my own life.
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And when I stopped asking a job to give me an identity, I could see opportunities and people more clearly.
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Wilmington was a door, it wasn't the whole, it wasn't the whole plan.
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I could see the immediate opportunity.
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I couldn't see the network of people I would meet because I because I said yes to it.
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If you heard last week's episode, you know how big that is for me.
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The man who felt isolated and scared and had to keep choosing to show up around people.
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The move gave me new places to do that.
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I could have arrived here and kept myself at a distance, but instead I got involved, I met new people, I built friendships, and I stayed available.
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Looking back, that path makes sense.
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Work brought me to Wilmington.
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Wilmington placed me among people.
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These relationships led to another opportunity, but I didn't have that diagram when I started.
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I had a decision in front of me and a willingness to take it.
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Sometimes we miss the value of a step because it isn't the final destination.
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We say, well, that job isn't everything I wanted.
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Or why am I here if this isn't where I'm supposed to end up?
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Maybe that step is doing something you can't measure yet.
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It might be teaching you a skill.
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It might be introducing introducing you to someone, it might be putting you in a community where you can grow.
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I don't mean you have to stay in a situation forever that doesn't fit your values.
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I mean the the worth of a chapter isn't limited to whether it was the last chapter.
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Wilmington was an opening in my life and I had to walk through it and keep walking.
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And that's one reason I'm grateful.
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I couldn't see the whole future.
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If someone would have shown had shown me every uncomfortable conversation, every uncertain week, and every unexpected turn, I might have tried to negotiate my way around them.
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In fact, I guarantee I would have.
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No, I resisted it.
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You know, I could make a list, a whole list of reasons why I didn't want to do it.
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Knocking doors, no thanks.
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Climbing on a tall ass roof, no thanks.
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Being new at something again, no thanks.
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There were parts of me, you know, there were parts of that work that made me uncomfortable before I ever started.
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And now I look at my life and I see how much that opportunity has brought me.
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I'm grateful I got into roofing.
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I've had a chance to meet new homeowners, learn a new trade, work with people I respect, and be useful in a process that can feel confusing to a customer.
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It allows me to listen, explain, follow through, and sometimes admit I need help.
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Those are things I said I valued showing up in a job that I almost dismissed.
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Think about how strange that is.
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I spent time looking for the right career move.
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Then something and something I completely resisted came through relationships I never would have had if I hadn't have if I hadn't made the move first.
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I can't sit here and tell you I orchestrated that.
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In fact, from where I stand, it feels like the universe conspired once my intentions and my actions began pointing in the same direction.
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I don't mean I made a wish and a job appeared.
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I moved, I met people, I was willing to learn.
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Somebody offered an opportunity and I had to decide whether to take it.
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Other people had choices in that story too.
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And there's gratitude and humility in acknowledging that.
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The opportunity also came with responsibilities.
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I didn't get to call something a line and then stop doing it at the hard parts.
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If I want to be of maximum service in roofing, I need to keep learning, I need to be careful.
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I need to communicate honestly with my homeowners.
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I need to treat the people I work with as partners, not stepping stones.
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The alignment has to live in that everyday work.
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Let me ask you something.
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How do you know a value is yours or not just a word that sounds good?
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For me, I know by what it what it asks me to do when it's inconvenient.
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Honesty is easy to claim when the truth makes me look good.
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It's quite it's more revealing when I need to tell a customer, I don't know, let me find out.
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Service is easy to talk about when somebody thanks me.
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It's more revealing when I do what I promised and nobody applauds.
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Connection feels great when I walk into a room full of friends.
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It's more revealing when I have to make the first call and feel have that awkward feeling that we've all had.
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Last week I talked about becoming comfortable with myself by walking into situations that made me uncomfortable.
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And here's the connection to today, those uncomfortable choices also help me discover what my values actually are.
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I could have written service on a piece of paper years earlier, but it became real when I chose to act on it in meetings and relationships and at work.
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Somebody listening might say, I have strong intention, I have a strong intention.
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I know exactly what I want.
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Okay, great.
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What does that intention require of you today?
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Who do you need to become available to?
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What conversations are you avoiding?
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What habit is pulling you away from the value you say matters?
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If I say I want to work, if I say that I want to I want work that helps people, but I refuse every chance to serve unless it comes with the the title I pictured, I may be missing an opening.
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If I say I want community, but I decline every invitation because I don't feel comfortable yet, I'm waiting, I'm waiting for a feeling that might only come after I show up.
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If I say I want a peaceful life, but I keep trying to force an outcome I don't control, I might need to loosen my grip.
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I don't ask those questions to shame anyone.
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I need I need to ask myself the same things.
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The gap between my values and my behaviors is useful information.
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It shows me where to take the next step.
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And uh people use that word in different ways.
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And here's how I understand it from this season of my life.
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I set an intention about the kind of man I wanted to be and the kind of life I wanted to build.
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And then I had to let that intention change how I showed up.
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I had to be willing to take opportunities that didn't look the way I expected and build relationships knowing without knowing what they were going to lead to.
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I believe God has been a work my entire life.
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But I can also see my humanness and my human steps moving, accepting help, staying connected, learning the work, showing up again after an uncomfortable day.
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I can be grateful for the gift and still acknowledge the action it took to receive it.
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It's tempting to tell this as though every event was guaranteed to turn out well, but I don't know that.
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Alignment didn't mean the road got smooth, it meant I had a reason to keep walking it.
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If the deal didn't close, I could still be honest.
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If I felt new and inexperienced, I could still learn.
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If I didn't understand why the door had closed, I could still be useful to the person in front of me.
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And that's where intention becomes more than an inspirational quote.
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It gives me direction for Tuesday afternoon when I'm tired, when I want the sale, when somebody else is upset, or when I feel the old fear coming back.
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In those moments, I can ask what choice is consistent with who I say I want to be.
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And that is the internal shift for me.
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Over time, the outside of my life started to reflect in ways that I couldn't have ordered it off a menu if I tried.
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And so I got a question for you.
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Today, I want to turn this towards you for a second.
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Is there an area in your life where you keep asking for a different result while repeating the same way of showing up?
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It might be work, it might be a relationship, it might be recovery, it might be the way you talk to yourself when you've made a mistake.
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Because boy, I'm very guilty of talking shit to myself.
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Start writing down the intention in an honest sentence.
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Maybe it's I want to work where I can be useful and support myself.
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Maybe it's I want to be connected to people.
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Maybe it's I want to live sober and be fully present.
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Use your words, not mine.
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And then write down a couple, two or three of those values that need to be present if that intention is going to mean anything.
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And for me, service, honesty, and connection belong on that list.
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Your list may look different, but you have to ask yourself, where does my current behavior support those values?
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Where am I asking for the reward without practicing the value?
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And finally, this week, take one action that brings the two closer together.
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Have a conversation, help a coworker without turning it into a scorecard or a transaction.
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Stay after the meeting.
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Learn the part of the job that you've been avoiding.
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Tell somebody you trust what you actually want and ask whether they see maybe they see an opportunity you might be overlooking.
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You can't force the right job to appear by Friday.
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You can't guarantee how another person will respond.
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But you can act in a way that reflects your intention today.
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And if you just stay open to a path that doesn't match the one you drew in your head, you just got to be open-minded.
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Think about my story.
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I wanted a career that meant something to me.
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What came first?
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Was it the intention?
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Well, that did come first.
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It was the intentional step toward service.
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And then I moved, and then the people and then the opportunity that I didn't want or didn't think I wanted.
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Each step made the next one possible.
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But I didn't know that while I was standing there, standing in the step.
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You know what I mean?
00:24:59.190 --> 00:25:07.109
The question isn't whether you can see the entire path, it's whether you can take the next step in alignment with what matters to you.
00:25:07.109 --> 00:25:17.509
And last week I said I became more comfortable with myself by doing uncomfortable things and allowing other people into my life.
00:25:17.509 --> 00:25:23.589
And those relationships did more than relieve me of my loneliness.
00:25:23.589 --> 00:25:28.230
They helped me make a new chapter of work that's possible.
00:25:28.230 --> 00:25:35.349
And that work is now teaching me over and over again how to be of service.
00:25:35.349 --> 00:25:41.750
Tried to find the right career by reaching for the right outside answer.
00:25:41.750 --> 00:25:47.430
Being brought to my knees in that search made me look inward.
00:25:47.430 --> 00:26:01.190
When I began to align my intentions with service, honesty, and the way I treated people, I became willing to take a move I couldn't fully explain in an opportunity I once rejected.
00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:04.230
I'm grateful to be here in Wellington.
00:26:04.230 --> 00:26:07.029
I'm grateful for the people who've welcomed me here.
00:26:07.029 --> 00:26:08.950
And now the work that's followed.
00:26:08.950 --> 00:26:12.789
I won't pretend I controlled the whole process because I didn't.
00:26:12.789 --> 00:26:27.349
I did have a part, I did stay open, I did show up, I did act on the values that that I the values I wanted, my values.
00:26:27.349 --> 00:26:41.430
If you're in a hard chapter of your life right now, please don't hear this as a promise that every door will open for you.
00:26:41.430 --> 00:27:01.190
But it is an invitation to look at what you can do to live today, be honest with what you want, get clear on your values, do the next right thing in front of you, and then keep an open mind to the possibilities that show up along the way.
00:27:01.190 --> 00:27:04.230
So I appreciate you guys listening.
00:27:04.230 --> 00:27:17.670
And uh look, if you got any value out of this, make sure you leave us a review, make sure you subscribe to the podcast, share it with somebody that maybe needs to hear this, and we'll see you next week.
00:00:30.869 --> 00:00:33.350
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
00:00:33.350 --> 00:00:35.829
I'm your host, Corey Berrier.
00:00:35.829 --> 00:00:42.950
And just like every day, I'm grateful to be sober.
00:00:42.950 --> 00:00:45.670
Super grateful to be completely sober.
00:00:45.670 --> 00:01:01.829
And so last week, in getting comfortable with myself, three and a half years of showing up, I talked about going from isolation and being scared and feeling like I didn't have any friends to actually letting people into my life.
00:01:01.829 --> 00:01:09.909
I talked about meetings and honest conversation, service, and putting myself into uncomfortable situations.
00:01:09.909 --> 00:01:15.750
I didn't suddenly become comfortable with myself and then go out and meet people.
00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:21.829
I began showing up, and that changed the way I felt about myself.
00:01:21.829 --> 00:01:28.149
And this week I want to take that story one step further.
00:01:28.149 --> 00:01:35.349
What happens when the change inside starts showing up in the rest of your life?
00:01:35.349 --> 00:01:40.869
What happens when your intention becomes more than something you say you want?
00:01:40.869 --> 00:01:44.629
So I'll talk about my career for a second.
00:01:44.629 --> 00:01:51.189
I moved to Wilmington, as many of you know, and the people I met, you know, have been amazing.
00:01:51.189 --> 00:02:01.909
And an opportunity that I had resisted for years actually wound up giving me much more than I could have ever imagined.
00:02:01.909 --> 00:02:07.269
When looking back, I see a pattern that I couldn't see while I was in it.
00:02:07.269 --> 00:02:13.750
I kept trying to find the right job while I wasn't clear about what mattered most to me.
00:02:13.750 --> 00:02:21.909
I wanted that next opportunity to settle something inside of me that a job couldn't settle.
00:02:21.909 --> 00:02:32.870
And I was brought to my knees in that part of my life over and over until I finally had to look at what I was chasing and the reasons for that.
00:02:32.870 --> 00:02:48.629
You know, when I started asking how could I be of maximum service to my coworkers, maximum service to at work, to my customers, and the people around me, something shifted.
00:02:48.629 --> 00:02:54.070
Then my life began to open up in ways that I really couldn't have planned.
00:02:54.070 --> 00:03:02.870
An opportunity took me to Wilmington, and that move put me around people I would have never met otherwise.
00:03:02.870 --> 00:03:15.909
Through that network of people came the job that I had resisted for so long, and it's become one of the most rewarding things that I've done.
00:03:15.909 --> 00:03:27.030
And you may call that God, the universe, grace, or maybe just simply being willing and available.
00:03:27.030 --> 00:03:46.629
From inside of my life, the theme today is this intention has to be in line aligned with your values if you want it to change how you live.
00:03:46.629 --> 00:04:01.990
And what I thought I was looking for, well, there was a time when my question about work was mostly what job should I take next?
00:04:01.990 --> 00:04:04.070
Which is a real question.
00:04:04.070 --> 00:04:15.350
Bills are real, responsibilities are real, and I don't want to pretend that everybody has the luxury of turning down a paycheck while they search for their calling, so to speak.
00:04:15.350 --> 00:04:22.230
But underneath that, that practical question was asking me a bit of a different question.
00:04:22.230 --> 00:04:27.269
Which job is finally going to make me feel okay about myself?
00:04:27.269 --> 00:04:31.029
I didn't always know that was the question.
00:04:31.029 --> 00:04:37.189
I could talk about the position, the money, the territory, the title, the next opportunity.
00:04:37.189 --> 00:04:41.909
I could make a good case for why one job should work.
00:04:41.909 --> 00:04:48.949
Then something would happen, and I'd be right back in the same place internally.
00:04:48.949 --> 00:05:01.269
I know what it feels like to keep trying to solve an inside problem with an outside change, a different company, a new role, a new place, a fresh start.
00:05:01.269 --> 00:05:03.990
Can all be great things.
00:05:03.990 --> 00:05:18.710
But if I bring the same fears and need the same validation into each one, I may find myself repeating the same lesson in a different shirt.
00:05:18.710 --> 00:05:23.030
And that doesn't mean every job that didn't work was my fault.
00:05:23.030 --> 00:05:26.790
It doesn't mean I was wrong to want stability or income.
00:05:26.790 --> 00:05:30.949
It means that I had to get honest about the part I could change.
00:05:30.949 --> 00:05:37.829
I couldn't control every employer's decision, but I could look at my own intention.
00:05:37.829 --> 00:05:45.269
And was I entering the work mainly to get something that would finally prove my worth?
00:05:45.269 --> 00:05:50.629
Or was I asking where my skills and my willingness could be useful?
00:05:50.629 --> 00:05:58.870
When you've been brought to your knees in one area of your life, you stop being impressed with your own explanations.
00:05:58.870 --> 00:06:01.110
You start asking better questions.
00:06:01.110 --> 00:06:10.949
Not why won't the world give me the exact opportunity I pictured, but what is this showing me about the way I'm living?
00:06:10.949 --> 00:06:15.829
And that was a hard question for me, but it did open a door.
00:06:15.829 --> 00:06:22.949
Intention can sound good and still be out of alignment.
00:06:22.949 --> 00:06:31.350
We talk about setting intentions, and you can write one in a journal, you can say it out loud, you can put it on a vision board.
00:06:31.350 --> 00:06:33.110
And I have no problem with any of that.
00:06:33.110 --> 00:06:40.150
But saying I want meaningful work and living in a way that reflects that desire are two different things.
00:06:40.150 --> 00:06:42.949
Here's a quick example.
00:06:42.949 --> 00:06:51.269
I can say that I value service and then spend every workday asking, what am I getting out of this?
00:06:51.269 --> 00:06:59.110
I can say I want real connection, then never let anybody in and know, let them know that I'm struggling.
00:06:59.110 --> 00:07:08.470
I can say I trust God and then try to control every detail of how an opportunity has to present itself.
00:07:08.470 --> 00:07:13.269
The words are my stated intentions.
00:07:13.269 --> 00:07:18.550
My repeated choices reveal what I'm actually practicing.
00:07:18.550 --> 00:07:21.110
The realization was uncomfortable.
00:07:21.110 --> 00:07:25.590
I wasn't necessarily lying when I said what I wanted.
00:07:25.590 --> 00:07:28.710
I just hadn't aligned my behavior with it.
00:07:28.710 --> 00:07:33.350
And I couldn't think of a, I couldn't really think my way into alignment.
00:07:33.350 --> 00:07:35.750
I had to practice it over and over.
00:07:35.750 --> 00:07:42.470
And for me, that internal shift was being of maximum service.
00:07:42.470 --> 00:07:46.710
That phrase means something concrete to me today.
00:07:46.710 --> 00:07:50.150
How can I help the customer understand the process?
00:07:50.150 --> 00:07:52.629
How can I support the person I work beside?
00:07:52.629 --> 00:07:55.829
Can I do what I say I'm gonna do?
00:07:55.829 --> 00:07:59.910
Can I be honest when I don't know the answer?
00:07:59.910 --> 00:08:07.269
Can I make a decision based on what's right instead of what makes me look good in the next five minutes?
00:08:07.269 --> 00:08:13.509
When I ask myself those questions, the work changes.
00:08:13.509 --> 00:08:22.629
The person in front of me stops being a transaction or a measure of my success.
00:08:22.629 --> 00:08:26.870
They become a person, I have a chance to help.
00:08:26.870 --> 00:08:51.590
Some days I get impatient, I want an outcome, I catch myself calculating the commissions.
00:08:51.590 --> 00:08:57.350
Alignment is a practice, not a trophy that you earn.
00:08:57.350 --> 00:09:05.909
And when I noticed, when I noticed, I'm off course, I have to come back to the question what would service look like here?
00:09:05.909 --> 00:09:21.750
And the part where my life brought me to my knees, I just want to stay with that phrase for a moment, brought to my knees, because people can make the story sound neat after there's a happy chapter.
00:09:21.750 --> 00:09:25.909
But while you're going through it, it's fucking messy.
00:09:25.909 --> 00:09:32.710
I can be scared to wonder how the next opportunity is gonna show up.
00:09:32.710 --> 00:09:44.070
I can wear you down and keep trying and keep hoping and keep feeling that the thing you thought would fix, it hasn't fixed it.
00:09:44.070 --> 00:09:52.389
There were times where I wanted certainty more than anything.
00:09:52.389 --> 00:10:04.310
You know, tell me that the job is the right one, tell me that what the income will be, tell me what I'll be working with, tell me how it'll turn out.
00:10:04.310 --> 00:10:09.909
I wanted to see the whole staircase before putting one single foot on the first step.
00:10:09.909 --> 00:10:13.269
Sounds pretty familiar, huh?
00:10:13.269 --> 00:10:17.590
It's the ladder from the episode we've been talking about.
00:10:17.590 --> 00:10:21.909
I could stand at the bottom studying it, I can imagine every way I might fall.
00:10:21.909 --> 00:10:31.909
I can also ask for guidance, check out what I need, check what I need to check, and then take the next responsible step.
00:10:31.909 --> 00:10:38.710
And what changed for me wasn't that I suddenly knew where my career would end up.
00:10:38.710 --> 00:10:44.549
I became more willing to be useful in the situation I actually had.
00:10:44.549 --> 00:10:51.909
Couldn't make tomorrow promise me anything, but I could show up honestly today.
00:10:51.909 --> 00:10:57.590
I could treat coworkers well, I could follow through with a customer when I don't feel like it.
00:10:57.590 --> 00:11:06.950
I can ask for help instead of waiting for help to show up and to make me feel important.
00:11:06.950 --> 00:11:13.830
That shift didn't erase the difficulty, it changed my relationship with it.
00:11:13.830 --> 00:11:21.110
When I was focused on the result, I couldn't control every delay felt like a verdict on me.
00:11:21.110 --> 00:11:31.750
And when I focused on living my values today, I had something solid to do before the results came.
00:11:31.750 --> 00:11:42.149
And I'm not saying hardship always arrives to teach us teach us a lesson, or that somebody somebody struggling with work just needs to find a better attitude.
00:11:42.149 --> 00:11:44.629
People face real obstacles.
00:11:44.629 --> 00:11:47.750
And I'm telling you what I found in my own life.
00:11:47.750 --> 00:11:57.029
And when I stopped asking a job to give me an identity, I could see opportunities and people more clearly.
00:11:57.029 --> 00:12:03.269
Wilmington was a door, it wasn't the whole, it wasn't the whole plan.
00:12:03.269 --> 00:12:28.070
I could see the immediate opportunity.
00:12:28.070 --> 00:12:33.830
I couldn't see the network of people I would meet because I because I said yes to it.
00:12:33.830 --> 00:12:38.870
If you heard last week's episode, you know how big that is for me.
00:12:38.870 --> 00:12:45.590
The man who felt isolated and scared and had to keep choosing to show up around people.
00:12:45.590 --> 00:12:48.789
The move gave me new places to do that.
00:12:48.789 --> 00:13:00.789
I could have arrived here and kept myself at a distance, but instead I got involved, I met new people, I built friendships, and I stayed available.
00:13:00.789 --> 00:13:04.629
Looking back, that path makes sense.
00:13:04.629 --> 00:13:06.389
Work brought me to Wilmington.
00:13:06.389 --> 00:13:08.470
Wilmington placed me among people.
00:13:08.470 --> 00:13:14.789
These relationships led to another opportunity, but I didn't have that diagram when I started.
00:13:14.789 --> 00:13:18.710
I had a decision in front of me and a willingness to take it.
00:13:18.710 --> 00:13:24.629
Sometimes we miss the value of a step because it isn't the final destination.
00:13:24.629 --> 00:13:28.470
We say, well, that job isn't everything I wanted.
00:13:28.470 --> 00:13:33.430
Or why am I here if this isn't where I'm supposed to end up?
00:13:33.430 --> 00:13:37.750
Maybe that step is doing something you can't measure yet.
00:13:37.750 --> 00:13:39.669
It might be teaching you a skill.
00:13:39.669 --> 00:13:46.470
It might be introducing introducing you to someone, it might be putting you in a community where you can grow.
00:13:46.470 --> 00:13:53.509
I don't mean you have to stay in a situation forever that doesn't fit your values.
00:13:53.509 --> 00:14:00.629
I mean the the worth of a chapter isn't limited to whether it was the last chapter.
00:14:00.629 --> 00:14:06.230
Wilmington was an opening in my life and I had to walk through it and keep walking.
00:14:06.230 --> 00:14:09.430
And that's one reason I'm grateful.
00:14:09.430 --> 00:14:11.509
I couldn't see the whole future.
00:14:11.509 --> 00:14:24.070
If someone would have shown had shown me every uncomfortable conversation, every uncertain week, and every unexpected turn, I might have tried to negotiate my way around them.
00:14:24.070 --> 00:14:26.310
In fact, I guarantee I would have.
00:14:26.310 --> 00:14:54.870
No, I resisted it.
00:14:54.870 --> 00:15:00.230
You know, I could make a list, a whole list of reasons why I didn't want to do it.
00:15:00.230 --> 00:15:01.830
Knocking doors, no thanks.
00:15:01.830 --> 00:15:04.549
Climbing on a tall ass roof, no thanks.
00:15:04.549 --> 00:15:08.389
Being new at something again, no thanks.
00:15:08.389 --> 00:15:15.590
There were parts of me, you know, there were parts of that work that made me uncomfortable before I ever started.
00:15:15.590 --> 00:15:21.590
And now I look at my life and I see how much that opportunity has brought me.
00:15:21.590 --> 00:15:24.149
I'm grateful I got into roofing.
00:15:24.149 --> 00:15:35.509
I've had a chance to meet new homeowners, learn a new trade, work with people I respect, and be useful in a process that can feel confusing to a customer.
00:15:35.509 --> 00:15:44.870
It allows me to listen, explain, follow through, and sometimes admit I need help.
00:15:44.870 --> 00:15:51.750
Those are things I said I valued showing up in a job that I almost dismissed.
00:15:51.750 --> 00:15:54.870
Think about how strange that is.
00:15:54.870 --> 00:15:57.750
I spent time looking for the right career move.
00:15:57.750 --> 00:16:07.669
Then something and something I completely resisted came through relationships I never would have had if I hadn't have if I hadn't made the move first.
00:16:07.669 --> 00:16:11.350
I can't sit here and tell you I orchestrated that.
00:16:11.350 --> 00:16:21.110
In fact, from where I stand, it feels like the universe conspired once my intentions and my actions began pointing in the same direction.
00:16:21.110 --> 00:16:24.629
I don't mean I made a wish and a job appeared.
00:16:24.629 --> 00:16:27.590
I moved, I met people, I was willing to learn.
00:16:27.590 --> 00:16:31.669
Somebody offered an opportunity and I had to decide whether to take it.
00:16:31.669 --> 00:16:35.669
Other people had choices in that story too.
00:16:35.669 --> 00:16:39.750
And there's gratitude and humility in acknowledging that.
00:16:39.750 --> 00:16:44.629
The opportunity also came with responsibilities.
00:16:44.629 --> 00:16:50.470
I didn't get to call something a line and then stop doing it at the hard parts.
00:16:50.470 --> 00:16:57.350
If I want to be of maximum service in roofing, I need to keep learning, I need to be careful.
00:16:57.350 --> 00:17:01.509
I need to communicate honestly with my homeowners.
00:17:01.509 --> 00:17:05.829
I need to treat the people I work with as partners, not stepping stones.
00:17:05.829 --> 00:17:11.829
The alignment has to live in that everyday work.
00:17:11.829 --> 00:17:27.269
Let me ask you something.
00:17:27.269 --> 00:17:32.789
How do you know a value is yours or not just a word that sounds good?
00:17:32.789 --> 00:17:40.870
For me, I know by what it what it asks me to do when it's inconvenient.
00:17:40.870 --> 00:17:46.710
Honesty is easy to claim when the truth makes me look good.
00:17:46.710 --> 00:17:52.390
It's quite it's more revealing when I need to tell a customer, I don't know, let me find out.
00:17:52.390 --> 00:17:57.349
Service is easy to talk about when somebody thanks me.
00:17:57.349 --> 00:18:03.109
It's more revealing when I do what I promised and nobody applauds.
00:18:03.109 --> 00:18:06.630
Connection feels great when I walk into a room full of friends.
00:18:06.630 --> 00:18:14.870
It's more revealing when I have to make the first call and feel have that awkward feeling that we've all had.
00:18:14.870 --> 00:18:22.230
Last week I talked about becoming comfortable with myself by walking into situations that made me uncomfortable.
00:18:22.230 --> 00:18:30.630
And here's the connection to today, those uncomfortable choices also help me discover what my values actually are.
00:18:30.630 --> 00:18:40.789
I could have written service on a piece of paper years earlier, but it became real when I chose to act on it in meetings and relationships and at work.
00:18:40.789 --> 00:18:46.230
Somebody listening might say, I have strong intention, I have a strong intention.
00:18:46.230 --> 00:18:47.990
I know exactly what I want.
00:18:47.990 --> 00:18:49.430
Okay, great.
00:18:49.430 --> 00:18:53.589
What does that intention require of you today?
00:18:53.589 --> 00:18:57.190
Who do you need to become available to?
00:18:57.190 --> 00:18:59.349
What conversations are you avoiding?
00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:04.150
What habit is pulling you away from the value you say matters?
00:19:04.150 --> 00:19:19.990
If I say I want to work, if I say that I want to I want work that helps people, but I refuse every chance to serve unless it comes with the the title I pictured, I may be missing an opening.
00:19:19.990 --> 00:19:30.950
If I say I want community, but I decline every invitation because I don't feel comfortable yet, I'm waiting, I'm waiting for a feeling that might only come after I show up.
00:19:30.950 --> 00:19:40.549
If I say I want a peaceful life, but I keep trying to force an outcome I don't control, I might need to loosen my grip.
00:19:40.549 --> 00:19:44.870
I don't ask those questions to shame anyone.
00:19:44.870 --> 00:19:49.029
I need I need to ask myself the same things.
00:19:49.029 --> 00:19:52.870
The gap between my values and my behaviors is useful information.
00:19:52.870 --> 00:19:56.390
It shows me where to take the next step.
00:19:56.390 --> 00:20:10.470
And uh people use that word in different ways.
00:20:10.470 --> 00:20:14.710
And here's how I understand it from this season of my life.
00:20:14.710 --> 00:20:21.029
I set an intention about the kind of man I wanted to be and the kind of life I wanted to build.
00:20:21.029 --> 00:20:25.269
And then I had to let that intention change how I showed up.
00:20:25.269 --> 00:20:35.910
I had to be willing to take opportunities that didn't look the way I expected and build relationships knowing without knowing what they were going to lead to.
00:20:35.910 --> 00:20:40.870
I believe God has been a work my entire life.
00:20:40.870 --> 00:20:55.430
But I can also see my humanness and my human steps moving, accepting help, staying connected, learning the work, showing up again after an uncomfortable day.
00:20:55.430 --> 00:21:00.710
I can be grateful for the gift and still acknowledge the action it took to receive it.
00:21:00.710 --> 00:21:08.870
It's tempting to tell this as though every event was guaranteed to turn out well, but I don't know that.
00:21:08.870 --> 00:21:35.509
Alignment didn't mean the road got smooth, it meant I had a reason to keep walking it.
00:21:35.509 --> 00:21:39.430
If the deal didn't close, I could still be honest.
00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:45.190
If I felt new and inexperienced, I could still learn.
00:21:45.190 --> 00:21:52.309
If I didn't understand why the door had closed, I could still be useful to the person in front of me.
00:21:52.309 --> 00:21:57.509
And that's where intention becomes more than an inspirational quote.
00:21:57.509 --> 00:22:08.710
It gives me direction for Tuesday afternoon when I'm tired, when I want the sale, when somebody else is upset, or when I feel the old fear coming back.
00:22:08.710 --> 00:22:13.910
In those moments, I can ask what choice is consistent with who I say I want to be.
00:22:13.910 --> 00:22:17.029
And that is the internal shift for me.
00:22:17.029 --> 00:22:26.870
Over time, the outside of my life started to reflect in ways that I couldn't have ordered it off a menu if I tried.
00:22:26.870 --> 00:22:29.750
And so I got a question for you.
00:22:29.750 --> 00:22:34.630
Today, I want to turn this towards you for a second.
00:22:34.630 --> 00:22:42.390
Is there an area in your life where you keep asking for a different result while repeating the same way of showing up?
00:22:42.390 --> 00:22:49.109
It might be work, it might be a relationship, it might be recovery, it might be the way you talk to yourself when you've made a mistake.
00:22:49.109 --> 00:22:52.470
Because boy, I'm very guilty of talking shit to myself.
00:22:52.470 --> 00:22:57.190
Start writing down the intention in an honest sentence.
00:22:57.190 --> 00:23:02.870
Maybe it's I want to work where I can be useful and support myself.
00:23:02.870 --> 00:23:05.190
Maybe it's I want to be connected to people.
00:23:05.190 --> 00:23:08.549
Maybe it's I want to live sober and be fully present.
00:23:08.549 --> 00:23:11.029
Use your words, not mine.
00:23:11.029 --> 00:23:19.190
And then write down a couple, two or three of those values that need to be present if that intention is going to mean anything.
00:23:19.190 --> 00:23:23.190
And for me, service, honesty, and connection belong on that list.
00:23:23.190 --> 00:23:30.230
Your list may look different, but you have to ask yourself, where does my current behavior support those values?
00:23:30.230 --> 00:23:35.190
Where am I asking for the reward without practicing the value?
00:23:35.190 --> 00:23:41.269
And finally, this week, take one action that brings the two closer together.
00:23:41.269 --> 00:23:48.390
Have a conversation, help a coworker without turning it into a scorecard or a transaction.
00:23:48.390 --> 00:23:50.390
Stay after the meeting.
00:23:50.390 --> 00:23:53.109
Learn the part of the job that you've been avoiding.
00:23:53.109 --> 00:24:02.710
Tell somebody you trust what you actually want and ask whether they see maybe they see an opportunity you might be overlooking.
00:24:02.710 --> 00:24:06.789
You can't force the right job to appear by Friday.
00:24:06.789 --> 00:24:09.990
You can't guarantee how another person will respond.
00:24:09.990 --> 00:24:14.390
But you can act in a way that reflects your intention today.
00:24:14.390 --> 00:24:26.549
And if you just stay open to a path that doesn't match the one you drew in your head, you just got to be open-minded.
00:24:26.549 --> 00:24:28.789
Think about my story.
00:24:28.789 --> 00:24:31.349
I wanted a career that meant something to me.
00:24:31.349 --> 00:24:33.029
What came first?
00:24:33.029 --> 00:24:34.630
Was it the intention?
00:24:34.630 --> 00:24:38.470
Well, that did come first.
00:24:38.470 --> 00:24:43.589
It was the intentional step toward service.
00:24:43.589 --> 00:24:50.870
And then I moved, and then the people and then the opportunity that I didn't want or didn't think I wanted.
00:24:50.870 --> 00:24:53.670
Each step made the next one possible.
00:24:53.670 --> 00:24:58.390
But I didn't know that while I was standing there, standing in the step.
00:24:58.390 --> 00:24:59.190
You know what I mean?
00:24:59.190 --> 00:25:07.109
The question isn't whether you can see the entire path, it's whether you can take the next step in alignment with what matters to you.
00:25:07.109 --> 00:25:17.509
And last week I said I became more comfortable with myself by doing uncomfortable things and allowing other people into my life.
00:25:17.509 --> 00:25:23.589
And those relationships did more than relieve me of my loneliness.
00:25:23.589 --> 00:25:28.230
They helped me make a new chapter of work that's possible.
00:25:28.230 --> 00:25:35.349
And that work is now teaching me over and over again how to be of service.
00:25:35.349 --> 00:25:41.750
Tried to find the right career by reaching for the right outside answer.
00:25:41.750 --> 00:25:47.430
Being brought to my knees in that search made me look inward.
00:25:47.430 --> 00:26:01.190
When I began to align my intentions with service, honesty, and the way I treated people, I became willing to take a move I couldn't fully explain in an opportunity I once rejected.
00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:04.230
I'm grateful to be here in Wellington.
00:26:04.230 --> 00:26:07.029
I'm grateful for the people who've welcomed me here.
00:26:07.029 --> 00:26:08.950
And now the work that's followed.
00:26:08.950 --> 00:26:12.789
I won't pretend I controlled the whole process because I didn't.
00:26:12.789 --> 00:26:27.349
I did have a part, I did stay open, I did show up, I did act on the values that that I the values I wanted, my values.
00:26:27.349 --> 00:26:41.430
If you're in a hard chapter of your life right now, please don't hear this as a promise that every door will open for you.
00:26:41.430 --> 00:27:01.190
But it is an invitation to look at what you can do to live today, be honest with what you want, get clear on your values, do the next right thing in front of you, and then keep an open mind to the possibilities that show up along the way.
00:27:01.190 --> 00:27:04.230
So I appreciate you guys listening.
00:27:04.230 --> 00:27:17.670
And uh look, if you got any value out of this, make sure you leave us a review, make sure you subscribe to the podcast, share it with somebody that maybe needs to hear this, and we'll see you next week.
