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Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously.
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My name is Shay, and this is a place where I let my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
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Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously.
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Today my voice is a bit hoarse and it is definitely going through the ringer.
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I think I'm getting sick, but you know, the subconscious thoughts are still flowing.
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So happy Wednesday.
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I think I admitted it on my Scoop Subconsciously Instagram page that I want to be more consistent this year, and I think with consistency, that also means coming up with a better schedule.
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So you will be getting a new subconsciously episode every Wednesday now, compared to maybe once every like two, three months.
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And I don't know.
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I at first was like, I don't really want to do it.
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I think that I just want to do it when my brain just decides it's time to ramble, but I think I've been having a lot of internal digestion of just the world lately and trying to figure my life out.
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And as I record this episode, it is currently January 26th.
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It is 3.20 in the morning.
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Yeah, you can tell.
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My brain is definitely just going.
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So let's just let the flow of conversation go.
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Welcome to Subconsciously, where my brain just does the talking.
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Let me start by saying the reason why I'm even doing this podcast at 3.20 in the morning is because I had Jazz over for the weekend, and she slept over yesterday, and then I ended up taking her home or leaving my house at like 2 in the morning.
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I fell asleep.
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Um, we were watching Narnia, and I just I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll watch Narnia, yeah, yeah, for sure.
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My toxic trait, my toxic trait is that I will want to watch a movie with you so badly.
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I will be so in tuned with you.
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I will agree with you fullheartedly want to be in this moment with you and watch this movie.
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But my toxic trait is that I will agree with you wholeheartedly, but I will fall asleep.
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I will fall asleep.
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And I don't know how how I do it every time.
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I'm like, I I could be fully awake, I could be fully in the element of awareness that, you know, aware of my circumstance and just wanting to be in this moment, but then I just I get comfy, man.
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I put on that blanket, I lay my head upon my pillow, I look at the TV a little too long, and bam, I'm asleep.
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And this magical moment I'm supposed to be having with my loved one ends up getting ruined because I just fall asleep and they end up watching the movie without me, and then I'm butthurt because they watched the movie without me.
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But that's my fault.
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Right.
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But anyways, back to that.
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Hedgez over.
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So at one in nope, two in the morning when Narnia ended.
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When did we start watching freaking Narnia?
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I don't even remember.
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But I think it was close to like two in the morning when I left and um went and dropped her home and then had to drive all the way back.
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On my drive back, it was so peaceful.
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Like sometimes I forget how chaotic the world can be and how overstimulating it is.
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But at night it's so quiet, there's no one on the road, it's just you and your podcast, or it's you and your music, or it's you and your silence, or whatever it may be, to each their own.
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But it's so peaceful to drive at night, especially where I'm from, especially during these peak late night hours.
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You have a couple cars on the street, but it's not jam-packed, you're not feeling like you're in any rush to go anywhere, even though you know you're on your way back home or you're heading to work for a late night shift or what.
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But it is so peaceful not to have so many things that could potentially drive you off the road or drive you crazy or lead you to road rage or you know, all these things, right?
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Anyways, besides the fact, so I'm driving home, right?
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And I'm about to turn right at this uh streetlight, obviously.
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And I just I'm obviously doing my checks, I'm checking my mirrors, I'm doing my shoulder checks, I'm looking at these things, and I see this random dude definitely must be on something.
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Like, I I couldn't describe what I felt when I saw it, but okay, imagine.
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Okay, it's a like a five-eight dude with the tallest and thickest stick I've ever seen.
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Like, you know how people use like Mother Nature branches as like walking sticks?
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Well, this was not your average walking stick, this was like taller than him, had to be at least like six foot at least because this man was tall.
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And why I say I or I'm assuming that he was on something was because he was running around with a stick and he was kind of talking to himself.
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Like you can kind of even though my music's going, you can kind of read lips and stuff, and he wasn't on the phone, like I don't see no phone out, and I don't know.
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It was also he was like running around in a way that it's like it's not your typical of like high energy like running around, but it's not I don't know how to describe this, but if you understand what I'm talking about, you'll understand what I'm talking about.
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But yeah, and then I thought for a fat second he was about to run into the street, so I had to like not slam on my brakes, but be hyper aware that like this guy has a stick, and I'm driving a car that is not my car, and so I'd rather not have to um explain to the owner of my car or the owner of the car that I'm driving, aka my father, that a random stick man hit it.
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So no, it did not hit it, but yeah, just being hyper aware of my situation, hyper aware of what's going on.
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But yeah, I didn't end up running in the street, but it was just something so interesting to witness at 2 50 in the morning.
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Like, I know I see some crazy stuff, but around my area specific, I've never seen a man with a giant stick, like six foot stick, running around going in circles, three in the morning activities, right?
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I had this thought in my head too, um, as I was driving, and I think that's why I decided, yeah, it's 3.20 in the morning when I started this podcast.
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But there's this thought I had this morning, yes, even at 3.20 this morning, it kind of sparked me wanting to do this episode so late at night.
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Especially when I got home, I could have just hopped into bed, called it a day.
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But I was reflecting on friendships and my personal experience in trio friendships specifically, where you know, three people, whether it be all girls, all guys, one guy, two girls, or you know, the latter, you know, all these mix of gendered friendships and girl friendships and guy friendships.
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And obviously I can't speak for the guys because I am not a guy, but hopefully soon I'll have a guy on this podcast to help me navigate the guy brain, or at least one guy's brain one day.
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But anyways, yes, I was thinking about trios and my experience in trio friendships and diving into that conversation with nobody but listening to other podcasts and other TikToks and other YouTube videos and just coming across and eavesdropping, shouldn't be eavesdropping, but it's kind of hard to do when people yap so loudly in public and are gossiping and it's hard not to eavesdrop because you you try not to, but it's just that type of volume where they're just like talking super loud and you can't help but be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that happened.
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Anyways, trio friendships.
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I personally have realized going through so many friendships and learning to abandon the old and replace them with people who inspire you, replace friendships that seem to drag you down rather than lift you up, and also just remove friendships that no longer are serving you this year, but also that you are no longer serving them, right?
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Friendships are a two-way street in this narcissistic world that we live in.
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Everything seems like a me-me-me and friendships, but truly the same goes for if they are not serving you and you're not serving them, what is the purpose of that friendship?
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And it's just time to ease it out and just let it go.
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Yes, I keep going around in circles with this trio friendship thing, but I've been in a lot of trio friendships in my life, not only just because those are the type of environments I thrive in.
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I thrive in very small conversations in large groups.
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I tend to lose myself a little bit more.
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I get very overstimulated, which leads to me being a little bit frustrated, which leads to me not wanting to be in the situation that I'm in.
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And especially in my introverted nature, I tend to want to build proper connection and proper love for another person through smaller groups.
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And that's okay.
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There's nothing wrong with that.
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And I've accepted that it's just part of me.
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I just don't thrive in an environment that has a lot of people in it.
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I can love all these people, but I cannot handle a lot of people all at once.
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My brain wants to focus on one to I think the max I could do is probably like four before I kind of lose my brain cell and I just I can't do it.
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But anyways, I keep drifting from what I'm talking about.
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But trio friendships, I've been in a lot of them, and let's just say I've survived a lot of trio friendships, I've also left a lot of trio friendships, but my honest opinion about them, I think they work for a certain amount of time before one or two become very secure within each other and just get along better, and one person ends up feeling left out, or one person ends up feeling hurt or something, or it just equally works out, right?
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But in my personal opinion, I don't think trios work.
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I truly I think they work if you got the mixed personalities and everyone has mutual respect for one another.
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But I can fully say that sometimes trios within friendships can kind of feel backstabby because if one person has a bad experience with one of the members within your trio, then the other person is kind of taking the brunt of the argument and being the middle person for it and all that fun stuff.
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And I'm just starting to realize I've been through that position.
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I've also put another person in that situation, and again, I'd rather be honest about my flaws and all than hide it and pretend that I'm a victim in every single circumstance that I've lived in in my life because that's just not true.
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Because I know I got my flaws, and I've definitely done that to somebody where I've had an issue with another person in this in quote trio friendship, and they ended up taking the brunt of it all, or I've ended up telling them I'm leaving this friendship, I'm leaving this friendship in whatever year this friendship was formed because it is not good for me and it's not good for the other person, and it's just better to move forward than hold on to something that makes me feel like garbage, you know?
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Because that's the thing about friendships, you don't want to keep a friend who makes you feel like garbage, you don't want to be around people that make you feel like garbage, but you also don't want to lose yourself within a friendship either.
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It's the same way in a relationship too with your significant other.
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You don't want to lose yourself, and then when you start end up being catty about it, it's one thing to have like, you know, certain disagreements and certain things that, you know, change your perspective and are supposed to be eye-opening canon events, if you will.
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But it's another if every single day you're arguing with your friend or your significant other.
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It's another thing if every single conversation leads to tension and not in a playful way.
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And in my experience with it, I always wanted to be a best friend to someone.
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And it's funny because I was having this conversation with um uh who was I having a conversation with?
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I was having a conversation with somebody.
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They were talking about how they were very fortunate that within their life, they have naturally always had this positive attitude in their life, and that will be another episode that will be coming soon where I talk about gratitude or bad attitude about life.
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But this example will also be brought up in that episode, so stay tuned for that.
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But anyways, they were talking about how they just have had a very positive experience when it comes to making friends in a very positive where they don't have to try so hard in order to be liked or in order to feel loved or in order to gain friends or in order to, you know, do anything within friendships.
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They never had to beg for friendship, they never had to try really hard for a friendship, right?
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And something that they said really stood out to me was that I've never been in a position where I had to pray for a best friend or I had to try to persuade someone to be my friend.
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And I don't know why that line really hit me, because I felt like a lot of the things this person was saying, yes, I think comes from a genuine place that is good, but in a lot of different ways, it just hit me, and I was just trying to digest it because I was the type of person that in school I bounced around a lot, whether it be actually being moved to different schools or moving between friend groups and just trying to see who I vibe with, all these things.
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But one thing I always wanted in my soul and in my nature is I always wanted one person to lean on.
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And I always wanted to have that person I could be like, oh, that's my bestie, you know, that's my best friend.
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And that was my whole mindset growing up because it felt like as long as I had somebody, I I wouldn't have to deal with it by myself.
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And obviously at this point I was a godless person.
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I didn't I didn't believe that I had someone walking with me every step of the way.
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But around that time I truly craved friendship, I truly craved connection, and I didn't know that every time I craved heavily craved connection with another human being, I'd end up in a trio, and those two people would always end up becoming the quote unquote best friends, the pairing.
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And I just be there.
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It was so hard for me to digest because what made me in quote undesirable to be a best friend, or what made me not be special enough to be someone's best friend, or worthy enough, or XYZ enough, you know, like all these lists of reasons why I could hate on myself and be like, why wasn't it me?
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I could have been petty about it.
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I could have said, Oh, it's the best season, the plus one.
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You know, like I could have been petty about it, but I started to realize maybe it's not me.
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Maybe it's just I hadn't found my person yet.
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I hadn't found someone I could truly say that's my best friend.
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They know me from the inside out.
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I know them and they know me.
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But I just found that in these trio dynamics, it was just so hard for me to be close.
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You are close, but then when fallouts happen, obviously two, two out of the three end up being together, and the one who is the one who leaves ends up, you know, leaving, going off on their own adventure and finding new friends and things like that.
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And I think with my experience with it, I've just gone through enough.
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Enough to know that I don't think I belong in a trio friendship.
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I think with my experience in life, I think I've gone through my fair share of hurting within trio friendships, but also I've realized how much perspective I can gain from trio friendships as well.
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And I don't get hurt anymore compared to how I used to.
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I used to be like, uh, I don't really want to do this, I don't want to be here.
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To now being like, you know what?
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If you guys are best friends, cool.
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You know, like I think I found the contentment in being okay if I I end up not having a best friend in my whole life.
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And obviously, I do have very close friends, I have people I can just truly love upon.
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I would say the closest to being the top tier of the best friend list of like knowing everything about me would probably be jazz for sure.
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But yeah, when I'm not around that girly and I have all these other very important people in my life, I'm trying not to put anyone on a pedestal.
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I'm trying not to say, oh, this friendship is better than another person, or oh, they're going there without me, and I'm feeling sad, or I'm feeling like, why did they leave me out?
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Why do they do this?
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I'm learning right now, in this current moment, to be okay with being alone and okay that I'm not someone's first choice because that's a hard pill to swallow, too.
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Like, because that's the whole premise, right?
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That means if you have a best friend, that means you're their first choice and they're your first choice, and you will always go and seek them, and no matter what the circumstances, and that's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
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But when you don't have that and you're kind of relying on yourself and you're going through this life, you have to become your own best friend, you know.
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You have to love on yourself the way that you love on someone else.
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And it's a tough pill to swallow when you think that, especially in trio friendships, that you're the second choice, that you are only important because you know something or you can offer something in that area, and that's all they view you as?
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That's a tough pill to swallow.
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That you're potentially being used, but you're also being loved, and that's a confusing feeling to have.
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Like, how do you distinguish like within a friendship if you're being loved or used?
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And then where is that line where you finally draw the boundary and say, Okay, that's enough?
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Because if you're a hardcore lover, lover for your friends, lover for life, you will do anything.
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I know I would do anything for my friends.
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If I get close enough to you, I'll think of you as my second family, and like I won't let you let go.
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You'll have to be the one to let go.
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And then when I finally realized I I don't need that type of feeling in my life, that hard burden feeling where I don't know whether you love me or whether you hate me or whether you're using me or whether you just need me because I'm a good person to talk to or give advice to, or I don't know.
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I've just been having that thought a lot where I don't quite know if I'm good enough.
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That one hit actually.
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Sometimes I don't know if I'm good enough to be friends with another person.
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And so that's why I also feel so I feel so out of place too.
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Because as much as I want to love on other people and these walls are up, I think learning to be okay with yourself is also learning that you're gonna be flawed.
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And it's about who do you want to see you at your worst?
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Who do you want to see you while you're going through your own struggle?
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And that honestly, that right there just kind of opened a lot about myself because a lot of the people in my life, I don't think I want them to see me struggle, which means I'm not comfortable enough to let someone else in.
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And again, it looks so different to everyone else.
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But for me, I'm finding it hard to allow people to see me at my worst, or when I feel like I'm losing faith in myself or in my life or in my financial status or anything.
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I don't like having to tell someone that I'm struggling, especially a friend, because in my life, I don't know a lot of my family, I'm not extremely close to a lot of my family.
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So, like I said, my friends are like my second family, and so when I have to be honest about what I'm going through, I don't like doing that.
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I like helping people, I don't like being the one who has to be helped because being the one who has to be helped constantly makes me feel like I am a burden, and I know too.
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Certain people listening to this, they may relate to it, they may not, and they may just be like, dang, that is a sad thought to have.
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But I've been processing my friendships a lot because I've been in a place where I've been staying away because I don't want them to hear or see me struggle or judge who I am.
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Because that's the thing with friendships, too.
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As much as you can judge them, they will also judge you.
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And if you have the right person, like your quote-unquote best friend that chooses you through thick and thin, they can accept those things that are flawed about you that you don't want to open up about.
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Even if you don't know how to explain it, they understand how your brain works and they get it.
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They just there's something about it that just clicks.
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But if you are trying to explain it to a friend who's really just watching you struggle and just asking you how you are, and you're just you don't want to say you're good, but at the same time, you don't want to say you're bad, because if you say you're bad, then you have to go into the depth of why you're bad.
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And then once you're in the role of explaining why things are end quote bad or why you're feeling a certain way, then it feels like a burden because they asked you just how are you?
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And I don't know what it is within society either that we automatically have to just say, Oh, how are you?
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I'm good.
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What happened to building conversations with people?
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You know, what happened to people just saying, like, oh, how are you?
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Oh, I've you know, I've I've been better, and this is why.
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Like, what happened to basic human connection and being able to relate to one another?
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That even if we're saying we're good, we're actually thinking something completely opposite or something that needs to be unloaded.
00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:24.079
We don't want to load unload it because we don't want the other person to think you're crazy.
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:28.720
I've been there, I understand it, I truly get that.
00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:38.720
So we shorten our answers and we say we're good because we don't want to bother them, we don't want them to see our flaws, we don't have to explain things that we're going through.
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:40.160
That's okay.
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:51.920
Genuinely, it's okay to feel flawed and scared to open up because once you open up, what happens with that information?
00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:54.079
Who knows where it's gonna go?
00:26:54.319 --> 00:27:09.680
Especially in this world, you have to be so careful with your words because you can get canceled so fast, you can get rejected so fast, and it's just a place that is frightening to open up.
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:17.039
But that's why I also created the space for myself and for everyone who wants to open up.
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:25.839
I create this as a safe space because honestly, if we can't be vulnerable with one another, what's the point of even doing this?
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:44.160
What's the point of even living properly if we can't be vulnerable about the things that are bothering us, about the things that we are going through, about the things we've experienced, about the perceptions or the judgments or the hate or the love that we've experienced in this life that we were given.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:52.480
Who yeah, friendships, they are something I've never ever thought I would be open about.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:28:01.759
Because I have so many perceptions when it comes to friendships, but yeah, I think trios specifically back to that.
00:28:02.079 --> 00:28:05.519
If you are the odd person out in a trio, don't feel bad.
00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:14.160
Don't don't think that you're less than because you're the outer person rather than the inner inner to the group.
00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:15.519
Does that make sense?
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:17.680
You're not in the best friends list.
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.119
That sounds dark.
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:21.359
Sorry, that's not what I meant.
00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:24.799
I mean decay.
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:27.839
Sorry, my brain is starting to malfunction.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:29.279
It's almost four in the morning.
00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:32.079
But you know, don't feel bad.
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:37.279
Don't feel bad if you're not the number one pick within a three-person team.
00:28:37.519 --> 00:28:46.960
Just know that you have your own strengths, you have your own weaknesses, and I'm glad that you are on the outside.
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:49.920
Because you're definitely stronger.
00:28:50.079 --> 00:29:02.160
You're definitely walking through this life where even if there's two other people who claim that they're best friends, you get to know both of the sides of the best friends, you know?
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:05.119
You still get to be the middleman, you still get to know that T.
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:07.279
You still get to have fun.
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:14.799
And I think that's the whole premise that I want to get at now as I come towards this end of this episode.
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:18.240
Just have fun within your friendships.
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:27.279
Don't take it too seriously because the only way you're gonna learn how to overcome the struggles you're facing is one.
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:38.079
It starts with you, it starts by recognizing that you need the help, starts by recognizing that you may need to cut off some people or you may need to add certain people back into your life.
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:47.440
It starts with your awareness, and then it goes into how do I come into friendships?
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:53.440
How do I overcome, how do I overcome these walls that I've built?
00:29:53.759 --> 00:30:01.599
All these different things as we come into society and we start opening up to one another and we start being vulnerable.
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:18.079
All it takes is one person, all it takes is someone on the internet, or someone in your neighborhood, or at work, or your church, or I don't know, a function, truly.
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:29.839
Any type of function, it only takes one person to change the trajectory of how you feel and also change the trajectory of your perspective on how you should live life.
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:38.799
And as you gain all these little perceptions, don't forget to add them to your life.
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:56.000
As you gain all these perspectives, don't forget that when you're talking to a new person that they may also have that perspective, that they may also have been going through what you went through, that they have their own friend traumas and all those things.
00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:05.599
Don't forget that you're not the only one, and that we all deserve that love, that we all deserve to be together.
00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:10.720
As human beings, we are all friends in one way or another.
00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:12.960
And I'm gonna end it with this.
00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:23.279
Even if someone becomes your enemy, like a friend becomes an enemy, in the Bible, it literally has a verse that says that we must love one another.
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:25.519
It's one of the many, many commandments.
00:31:25.839 --> 00:31:30.960
As we are commanded to love one another, that also includes your enemy.
00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:42.640
That includes not just loving your brother, your sister, your mom, your dad, your friends, your coworkers, it also involves the people who did you dirty.
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.960
It involves the people that as much as you want an apology from them, they also need that forgiveness too.
00:31:49.200 --> 00:31:56.240
You know, that even if you hate them, and hate is such a strong word, and it can build, and it can build and build and build.
00:31:56.559 --> 00:31:59.039
Do not hate on your enemy.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:11.680
Choose to love because when you see them again and you're approaching them happily, they'll be confused, and it will allow them to take a step back of why they were acting a certain way.
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:12.960
But love one another.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:15.680
It's simple, but it's hard for some people.
00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:22.400
But yeah, I want to end it with that to love one another, to be aware, and be content.
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:24.480
Gain perspectives.
00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:28.000
Always, always gain perspective.
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:29.119
It's worth it.
00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:33.920
But yeah, that is everything I have for you at four in the morning.
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:36.400
I hope you guys like this um episode.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:42.240
I just kind of hopped on here and just wanted to rant about something that popped up in the car.
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:46.559
But I sincerely thank you so much for listening to subconsciously.
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:50.400
I thank you so much for spending this uh time with me.
00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:52.640
Currently, my timer says 40 minutes.
00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:54.000
It might be shorter than that.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:33:10.720
But I thank you so much for listening and choosing subconsciously today, no matter where you are, whether it's a late night, whether it is an early morning, whether you're on a commute, whether you are grinding it out, it is midweek, it is Wednesday when you hear this.
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:14.799
I truly, truly pray that you have an amazing day.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:17.039
I pray that you are protected.
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:23.359
I pray that you find something to gain and add to your life today.
00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:29.680
And where can you find me when I'm not bothering you on a Wednesday?
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:40.319
You can find me on Scoop Subconsciously, S-C O O P S-E-V-C-O-N-S-C-I-O-U-S-L-Y.
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.400
Scoop subconsciously on Instagram.
00:33:44.559 --> 00:34:05.039
I haven't been as active on there, no one has told me to post otherwise, so you're just gonna get updates of when the next episode comes out on there, and sometimes I do some fun little Instagram things, and I am going to probably start incorporating each week.
00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:09.599
You get to decide what I go on a subconscious rant about.
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:17.440
Because again, if you've listened to this podcast enough times, you know I have a leading topic, and the rest is just my brain.
00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:26.800
So I think on there I'm gonna start doing polls for each episode, and you get to decide what the episode is about.
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:33.519
So, yeah, please feel free to rate this on any of the places that you listen to podcasts.
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:34.960
It really does help me out.
00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:48.800
And I looked at my last thing, I looked at my stats for this pod, and I'm realizing how far it's going and who's listening.
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:54.159
And I just want to say hi to all of you guys all over the world, and thank you guys so much for supporting.
00:34:54.320 --> 00:35:04.239
I never thought it would go as far as it did, but wherever you are in this world, I thank you so much for listening, and I love you a lot.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:10.639
And that is all I have for you guys on Subconsciously Today.
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:15.519
I will see you guys on the next episode, on the next following Wednesday.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:22.639
Take care of yourself, and I will see you next time where my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:24.239
Bye, guys.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.600
Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously.
00:00:03.759 --> 00:00:09.919
My name is Shay, and this is a place where I let my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:27.600
Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:34.880
Today my voice is a bit hoarse and it is definitely going through the ringer.
00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:41.359
I think I'm getting sick, but you know, the subconscious thoughts are still flowing.
00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:43.439
So happy Wednesday.
00:00:43.679 --> 00:01:03.359
I think I admitted it on my Scoop Subconsciously Instagram page that I want to be more consistent this year, and I think with consistency, that also means coming up with a better schedule.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:12.799
So you will be getting a new subconsciously episode every Wednesday now, compared to maybe once every like two, three months.
00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:15.680
And I don't know.
00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:19.840
I at first was like, I don't really want to do it.
00:01:20.159 --> 00:01:38.959
I think that I just want to do it when my brain just decides it's time to ramble, but I think I've been having a lot of internal digestion of just the world lately and trying to figure my life out.
00:01:39.439 --> 00:01:45.760
And as I record this episode, it is currently January 26th.
00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:48.560
It is 3.20 in the morning.
00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:50.560
Yeah, you can tell.
00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:52.879
My brain is definitely just going.
00:01:53.439 --> 00:01:58.319
So let's just let the flow of conversation go.
00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:02.400
Welcome to Subconsciously, where my brain just does the talking.
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:23.199
Let me start by saying the reason why I'm even doing this podcast at 3.20 in the morning is because I had Jazz over for the weekend, and she slept over yesterday, and then I ended up taking her home or leaving my house at like 2 in the morning.
00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:25.039
I fell asleep.
00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:32.159
Um, we were watching Narnia, and I just I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll watch Narnia, yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:42.479
My toxic trait, my toxic trait is that I will want to watch a movie with you so badly.
00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:45.360
I will be so in tuned with you.
00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:53.520
I will agree with you fullheartedly want to be in this moment with you and watch this movie.
00:02:53.680 --> 00:02:58.400
But my toxic trait is that I will agree with you wholeheartedly, but I will fall asleep.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:02:59.919
I will fall asleep.
00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:04.719
And I don't know how how I do it every time.
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:22.479
I'm like, I I could be fully awake, I could be fully in the element of awareness that, you know, aware of my circumstance and just wanting to be in this moment, but then I just I get comfy, man.
00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:31.199
I put on that blanket, I lay my head upon my pillow, I look at the TV a little too long, and bam, I'm asleep.
00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:45.039
And this magical moment I'm supposed to be having with my loved one ends up getting ruined because I just fall asleep and they end up watching the movie without me, and then I'm butthurt because they watched the movie without me.
00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:47.840
But that's my fault.
00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:49.199
Right.
00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:52.479
But anyways, back to that.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:54.319
Hedgez over.
00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:58.960
So at one in nope, two in the morning when Narnia ended.
00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:00.960
When did we start watching freaking Narnia?
00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:02.159
I don't even remember.
00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:11.199
But I think it was close to like two in the morning when I left and um went and dropped her home and then had to drive all the way back.
00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:14.560
On my drive back, it was so peaceful.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:21.040
Like sometimes I forget how chaotic the world can be and how overstimulating it is.
00:04:21.439 --> 00:04:36.959
But at night it's so quiet, there's no one on the road, it's just you and your podcast, or it's you and your music, or it's you and your silence, or whatever it may be, to each their own.
00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:45.439
But it's so peaceful to drive at night, especially where I'm from, especially during these peak late night hours.
00:04:45.519 --> 00:05:01.759
You have a couple cars on the street, but it's not jam-packed, you're not feeling like you're in any rush to go anywhere, even though you know you're on your way back home or you're heading to work for a late night shift or what.
00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:16.800
But it is so peaceful not to have so many things that could potentially drive you off the road or drive you crazy or lead you to road rage or you know, all these things, right?
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:20.639
Anyways, besides the fact, so I'm driving home, right?
00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:28.800
And I'm about to turn right at this uh streetlight, obviously.
00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:42.800
And I just I'm obviously doing my checks, I'm checking my mirrors, I'm doing my shoulder checks, I'm looking at these things, and I see this random dude definitely must be on something.
00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:49.920
Like, I I couldn't describe what I felt when I saw it, but okay, imagine.
00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:59.199
Okay, it's a like a five-eight dude with the tallest and thickest stick I've ever seen.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:05.439
Like, you know how people use like Mother Nature branches as like walking sticks?
00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:17.439
Well, this was not your average walking stick, this was like taller than him, had to be at least like six foot at least because this man was tall.
00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:27.120
And why I say I or I'm assuming that he was on something was because he was running around with a stick and he was kind of talking to himself.
00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:37.600
Like you can kind of even though my music's going, you can kind of read lips and stuff, and he wasn't on the phone, like I don't see no phone out, and I don't know.
00:06:37.839 --> 00:06:51.600
It was also he was like running around in a way that it's like it's not your typical of like high energy like running around, but it's not I don't know how to describe this, but if you understand what I'm talking about, you'll understand what I'm talking about.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:07:23.199
But yeah, and then I thought for a fat second he was about to run into the street, so I had to like not slam on my brakes, but be hyper aware that like this guy has a stick, and I'm driving a car that is not my car, and so I'd rather not have to um explain to the owner of my car or the owner of the car that I'm driving, aka my father, that a random stick man hit it.
00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:31.600
So no, it did not hit it, but yeah, just being hyper aware of my situation, hyper aware of what's going on.
00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:40.879
But yeah, I didn't end up running in the street, but it was just something so interesting to witness at 2 50 in the morning.
00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:57.439
Like, I know I see some crazy stuff, but around my area specific, I've never seen a man with a giant stick, like six foot stick, running around going in circles, three in the morning activities, right?
00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:09.040
I had this thought in my head too, um, as I was driving, and I think that's why I decided, yeah, it's 3.20 in the morning when I started this podcast.
00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:18.240
But there's this thought I had this morning, yes, even at 3.20 this morning, it kind of sparked me wanting to do this episode so late at night.
00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:21.759
Especially when I got home, I could have just hopped into bed, called it a day.
00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:53.039
But I was reflecting on friendships and my personal experience in trio friendships specifically, where you know, three people, whether it be all girls, all guys, one guy, two girls, or you know, the latter, you know, all these mix of gendered friendships and girl friendships and guy friendships.
00:08:53.120 --> 00:09:07.120
And obviously I can't speak for the guys because I am not a guy, but hopefully soon I'll have a guy on this podcast to help me navigate the guy brain, or at least one guy's brain one day.
00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:52.639
But anyways, yes, I was thinking about trios and my experience in trio friendships and diving into that conversation with nobody but listening to other podcasts and other TikToks and other YouTube videos and just coming across and eavesdropping, shouldn't be eavesdropping, but it's kind of hard to do when people yap so loudly in public and are gossiping and it's hard not to eavesdrop because you you try not to, but it's just that type of volume where they're just like talking super loud and you can't help but be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that happened.
00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:55.360
Anyways, trio friendships.
00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:24.720
I personally have realized going through so many friendships and learning to abandon the old and replace them with people who inspire you, replace friendships that seem to drag you down rather than lift you up, and also just remove friendships that no longer are serving you this year, but also that you are no longer serving them, right?
00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:29.039
Friendships are a two-way street in this narcissistic world that we live in.
00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:41.120
Everything seems like a me-me-me and friendships, but truly the same goes for if they are not serving you and you're not serving them, what is the purpose of that friendship?
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.159
And it's just time to ease it out and just let it go.
00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:57.200
Yes, I keep going around in circles with this trio friendship thing, but I've been in a lot of trio friendships in my life, not only just because those are the type of environments I thrive in.
00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:02.480
I thrive in very small conversations in large groups.
00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:05.440
I tend to lose myself a little bit more.
00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:14.080
I get very overstimulated, which leads to me being a little bit frustrated, which leads to me not wanting to be in the situation that I'm in.
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:26.879
And especially in my introverted nature, I tend to want to build proper connection and proper love for another person through smaller groups.
00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:28.000
And that's okay.
00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:29.440
There's nothing wrong with that.
00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.480
And I've accepted that it's just part of me.
00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:36.080
I just don't thrive in an environment that has a lot of people in it.
00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:40.799
I can love all these people, but I cannot handle a lot of people all at once.
00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:54.639
My brain wants to focus on one to I think the max I could do is probably like four before I kind of lose my brain cell and I just I can't do it.
00:11:55.279 --> 00:12:01.440
But anyways, I keep drifting from what I'm talking about.
00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:36.559
But trio friendships, I've been in a lot of them, and let's just say I've survived a lot of trio friendships, I've also left a lot of trio friendships, but my honest opinion about them, I think they work for a certain amount of time before one or two become very secure within each other and just get along better, and one person ends up feeling left out, or one person ends up feeling hurt or something, or it just equally works out, right?
00:12:36.960 --> 00:12:40.080
But in my personal opinion, I don't think trios work.
00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:49.120
I truly I think they work if you got the mixed personalities and everyone has mutual respect for one another.
00:12:49.279 --> 00:13:10.320
But I can fully say that sometimes trios within friendships can kind of feel backstabby because if one person has a bad experience with one of the members within your trio, then the other person is kind of taking the brunt of the argument and being the middle person for it and all that fun stuff.
00:13:10.639 --> 00:13:15.440
And I'm just starting to realize I've been through that position.
00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:28.879
I've also put another person in that situation, and again, I'd rather be honest about my flaws and all than hide it and pretend that I'm a victim in every single circumstance that I've lived in in my life because that's just not true.
00:13:29.120 --> 00:14:02.320
Because I know I got my flaws, and I've definitely done that to somebody where I've had an issue with another person in this in quote trio friendship, and they ended up taking the brunt of it all, or I've ended up telling them I'm leaving this friendship, I'm leaving this friendship in whatever year this friendship was formed because it is not good for me and it's not good for the other person, and it's just better to move forward than hold on to something that makes me feel like garbage, you know?
00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:16.240
Because that's the thing about friendships, you don't want to keep a friend who makes you feel like garbage, you don't want to be around people that make you feel like garbage, but you also don't want to lose yourself within a friendship either.
00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:20.559
It's the same way in a relationship too with your significant other.
00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:37.679
You don't want to lose yourself, and then when you start end up being catty about it, it's one thing to have like, you know, certain disagreements and certain things that, you know, change your perspective and are supposed to be eye-opening canon events, if you will.
00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:43.200
But it's another if every single day you're arguing with your friend or your significant other.
00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:50.480
It's another thing if every single conversation leads to tension and not in a playful way.
00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:57.600
And in my experience with it, I always wanted to be a best friend to someone.
00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:02.960
And it's funny because I was having this conversation with um uh who was I having a conversation with?
00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:04.639
I was having a conversation with somebody.
00:15:04.879 --> 00:15:21.519
They were talking about how they were very fortunate that within their life, they have naturally always had this positive attitude in their life, and that will be another episode that will be coming soon where I talk about gratitude or bad attitude about life.
00:15:21.759 --> 00:15:26.240
But this example will also be brought up in that episode, so stay tuned for that.
00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:49.840
But anyways, they were talking about how they just have had a very positive experience when it comes to making friends in a very positive where they don't have to try so hard in order to be liked or in order to feel loved or in order to gain friends or in order to, you know, do anything within friendships.
00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:56.159
They never had to beg for friendship, they never had to try really hard for a friendship, right?
00:15:56.559 --> 00:16:10.000
And something that they said really stood out to me was that I've never been in a position where I had to pray for a best friend or I had to try to persuade someone to be my friend.
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:48.399
And I don't know why that line really hit me, because I felt like a lot of the things this person was saying, yes, I think comes from a genuine place that is good, but in a lot of different ways, it just hit me, and I was just trying to digest it because I was the type of person that in school I bounced around a lot, whether it be actually being moved to different schools or moving between friend groups and just trying to see who I vibe with, all these things.
00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:56.240
But one thing I always wanted in my soul and in my nature is I always wanted one person to lean on.
00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:03.919
And I always wanted to have that person I could be like, oh, that's my bestie, you know, that's my best friend.
00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:11.920
And that was my whole mindset growing up because it felt like as long as I had somebody, I I wouldn't have to deal with it by myself.
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:14.799
And obviously at this point I was a godless person.
00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:19.839
I didn't I didn't believe that I had someone walking with me every step of the way.
00:17:20.079 --> 00:17:41.359
But around that time I truly craved friendship, I truly craved connection, and I didn't know that every time I craved heavily craved connection with another human being, I'd end up in a trio, and those two people would always end up becoming the quote unquote best friends, the pairing.
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:43.440
And I just be there.
00:17:43.599 --> 00:18:04.799
It was so hard for me to digest because what made me in quote undesirable to be a best friend, or what made me not be special enough to be someone's best friend, or worthy enough, or XYZ enough, you know, like all these lists of reasons why I could hate on myself and be like, why wasn't it me?
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:06.400
I could have been petty about it.
00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:09.599
I could have said, Oh, it's the best season, the plus one.
00:18:10.079 --> 00:18:16.640
You know, like I could have been petty about it, but I started to realize maybe it's not me.
00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:19.680
Maybe it's just I hadn't found my person yet.
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:23.839
I hadn't found someone I could truly say that's my best friend.
00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:25.519
They know me from the inside out.
00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:27.839
I know them and they know me.
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:34.240
But I just found that in these trio dynamics, it was just so hard for me to be close.
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:50.240
You are close, but then when fallouts happen, obviously two, two out of the three end up being together, and the one who is the one who leaves ends up, you know, leaving, going off on their own adventure and finding new friends and things like that.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:55.119
And I think with my experience with it, I've just gone through enough.
00:18:55.359 --> 00:18:59.119
Enough to know that I don't think I belong in a trio friendship.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:14.559
I think with my experience in life, I think I've gone through my fair share of hurting within trio friendships, but also I've realized how much perspective I can gain from trio friendships as well.
00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:18.799
And I don't get hurt anymore compared to how I used to.
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:24.079
I used to be like, uh, I don't really want to do this, I don't want to be here.
00:19:24.319 --> 00:19:26.480
To now being like, you know what?
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:29.119
If you guys are best friends, cool.
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:39.680
You know, like I think I found the contentment in being okay if I I end up not having a best friend in my whole life.
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:46.559
And obviously, I do have very close friends, I have people I can just truly love upon.
00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:55.680
I would say the closest to being the top tier of the best friend list of like knowing everything about me would probably be jazz for sure.
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:08.079
But yeah, when I'm not around that girly and I have all these other very important people in my life, I'm trying not to put anyone on a pedestal.
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:21.359
I'm trying not to say, oh, this friendship is better than another person, or oh, they're going there without me, and I'm feeling sad, or I'm feeling like, why did they leave me out?
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:22.480
Why do they do this?
00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:37.279
I'm learning right now, in this current moment, to be okay with being alone and okay that I'm not someone's first choice because that's a hard pill to swallow, too.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.440
Like, because that's the whole premise, right?
00:20:39.599 --> 00:20:52.480
That means if you have a best friend, that means you're their first choice and they're your first choice, and you will always go and seek them, and no matter what the circumstances, and that's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
00:20:52.720 --> 00:21:02.559
But when you don't have that and you're kind of relying on yourself and you're going through this life, you have to become your own best friend, you know.
00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:06.640
You have to love on yourself the way that you love on someone else.
00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:21.359
And it's a tough pill to swallow when you think that, especially in trio friendships, that you're the second choice, that you are only important because you know something or you can offer something in that area, and that's all they view you as?
00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:23.519
That's a tough pill to swallow.
00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:30.400
That you're potentially being used, but you're also being loved, and that's a confusing feeling to have.
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:35.680
Like, how do you distinguish like within a friendship if you're being loved or used?
00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:41.759
And then where is that line where you finally draw the boundary and say, Okay, that's enough?
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:50.480
Because if you're a hardcore lover, lover for your friends, lover for life, you will do anything.
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:53.839
I know I would do anything for my friends.
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:59.759
If I get close enough to you, I'll think of you as my second family, and like I won't let you let go.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:01.920
You'll have to be the one to let go.
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:22.559
And then when I finally realized I I don't need that type of feeling in my life, that hard burden feeling where I don't know whether you love me or whether you hate me or whether you're using me or whether you just need me because I'm a good person to talk to or give advice to, or I don't know.
00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:30.000
I've just been having that thought a lot where I don't quite know if I'm good enough.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:32.319
That one hit actually.
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:37.839
Sometimes I don't know if I'm good enough to be friends with another person.
00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:45.920
And so that's why I also feel so I feel so out of place too.
00:22:46.240 --> 00:22:57.039
Because as much as I want to love on other people and these walls are up, I think learning to be okay with yourself is also learning that you're gonna be flawed.
00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:01.759
And it's about who do you want to see you at your worst?
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:06.960
Who do you want to see you while you're going through your own struggle?
00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:22.799
And that honestly, that right there just kind of opened a lot about myself because a lot of the people in my life, I don't think I want them to see me struggle, which means I'm not comfortable enough to let someone else in.
00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:26.400
And again, it looks so different to everyone else.
00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:43.119
But for me, I'm finding it hard to allow people to see me at my worst, or when I feel like I'm losing faith in myself or in my life or in my financial status or anything.
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:55.279
I don't like having to tell someone that I'm struggling, especially a friend, because in my life, I don't know a lot of my family, I'm not extremely close to a lot of my family.
00:23:55.519 --> 00:24:04.160
So, like I said, my friends are like my second family, and so when I have to be honest about what I'm going through, I don't like doing that.
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:20.960
I like helping people, I don't like being the one who has to be helped because being the one who has to be helped constantly makes me feel like I am a burden, and I know too.
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:28.400
Certain people listening to this, they may relate to it, they may not, and they may just be like, dang, that is a sad thought to have.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:43.920
But I've been processing my friendships a lot because I've been in a place where I've been staying away because I don't want them to hear or see me struggle or judge who I am.
00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:46.160
Because that's the thing with friendships, too.
00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:49.119
As much as you can judge them, they will also judge you.
00:24:49.279 --> 00:25:02.480
And if you have the right person, like your quote-unquote best friend that chooses you through thick and thin, they can accept those things that are flawed about you that you don't want to open up about.
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:08.079
Even if you don't know how to explain it, they understand how your brain works and they get it.
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:13.200
They just there's something about it that just clicks.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:32.880
But if you are trying to explain it to a friend who's really just watching you struggle and just asking you how you are, and you're just you don't want to say you're good, but at the same time, you don't want to say you're bad, because if you say you're bad, then you have to go into the depth of why you're bad.
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:44.240
And then once you're in the role of explaining why things are end quote bad or why you're feeling a certain way, then it feels like a burden because they asked you just how are you?
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:50.880
And I don't know what it is within society either that we automatically have to just say, Oh, how are you?
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:51.519
I'm good.
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:54.960
What happened to building conversations with people?
00:25:55.359 --> 00:25:58.799
You know, what happened to people just saying, like, oh, how are you?
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:03.839
Oh, I've you know, I've I've been better, and this is why.
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:11.200
Like, what happened to basic human connection and being able to relate to one another?
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:18.079
That even if we're saying we're good, we're actually thinking something completely opposite or something that needs to be unloaded.
00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:24.079
We don't want to load unload it because we don't want the other person to think you're crazy.
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:28.720
I've been there, I understand it, I truly get that.
00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:38.720
So we shorten our answers and we say we're good because we don't want to bother them, we don't want them to see our flaws, we don't have to explain things that we're going through.
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:40.160
That's okay.
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:51.920
Genuinely, it's okay to feel flawed and scared to open up because once you open up, what happens with that information?
00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:54.079
Who knows where it's gonna go?
00:26:54.319 --> 00:27:09.680
Especially in this world, you have to be so careful with your words because you can get canceled so fast, you can get rejected so fast, and it's just a place that is frightening to open up.
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:17.039
But that's why I also created the space for myself and for everyone who wants to open up.
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:25.839
I create this as a safe space because honestly, if we can't be vulnerable with one another, what's the point of even doing this?
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:44.160
What's the point of even living properly if we can't be vulnerable about the things that are bothering us, about the things that we are going through, about the things we've experienced, about the perceptions or the judgments or the hate or the love that we've experienced in this life that we were given.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:52.480
Who yeah, friendships, they are something I've never ever thought I would be open about.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:28:01.759
Because I have so many perceptions when it comes to friendships, but yeah, I think trios specifically back to that.
00:28:02.079 --> 00:28:05.519
If you are the odd person out in a trio, don't feel bad.
00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:14.160
Don't don't think that you're less than because you're the outer person rather than the inner inner to the group.
00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:15.519
Does that make sense?
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:17.680
You're not in the best friends list.
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.119
That sounds dark.
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:21.359
Sorry, that's not what I meant.
00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:24.799
I mean decay.
00:28:25.759 --> 00:28:27.839
Sorry, my brain is starting to malfunction.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:29.279
It's almost four in the morning.
00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:32.079
But you know, don't feel bad.
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:37.279
Don't feel bad if you're not the number one pick within a three-person team.
00:28:37.519 --> 00:28:46.960
Just know that you have your own strengths, you have your own weaknesses, and I'm glad that you are on the outside.
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:49.920
Because you're definitely stronger.
00:28:50.079 --> 00:29:02.160
You're definitely walking through this life where even if there's two other people who claim that they're best friends, you get to know both of the sides of the best friends, you know?
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:05.119
You still get to be the middleman, you still get to know that T.
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:07.279
You still get to have fun.
00:29:07.599 --> 00:29:14.799
And I think that's the whole premise that I want to get at now as I come towards this end of this episode.
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:18.240
Just have fun within your friendships.
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:27.279
Don't take it too seriously because the only way you're gonna learn how to overcome the struggles you're facing is one.
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:38.079
It starts with you, it starts by recognizing that you need the help, starts by recognizing that you may need to cut off some people or you may need to add certain people back into your life.
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:47.440
It starts with your awareness, and then it goes into how do I come into friendships?
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:53.440
How do I overcome, how do I overcome these walls that I've built?
00:29:53.759 --> 00:30:01.599
All these different things as we come into society and we start opening up to one another and we start being vulnerable.
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:18.079
All it takes is one person, all it takes is someone on the internet, or someone in your neighborhood, or at work, or your church, or I don't know, a function, truly.
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:29.839
Any type of function, it only takes one person to change the trajectory of how you feel and also change the trajectory of your perspective on how you should live life.
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:38.799
And as you gain all these little perceptions, don't forget to add them to your life.
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:56.000
As you gain all these perspectives, don't forget that when you're talking to a new person that they may also have that perspective, that they may also have been going through what you went through, that they have their own friend traumas and all those things.
00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:05.599
Don't forget that you're not the only one, and that we all deserve that love, that we all deserve to be together.
00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:10.720
As human beings, we are all friends in one way or another.
00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:12.960
And I'm gonna end it with this.
00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:23.279
Even if someone becomes your enemy, like a friend becomes an enemy, in the Bible, it literally has a verse that says that we must love one another.
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:25.519
It's one of the many, many commandments.
00:31:25.839 --> 00:31:30.960
As we are commanded to love one another, that also includes your enemy.
00:31:31.359 --> 00:31:42.640
That includes not just loving your brother, your sister, your mom, your dad, your friends, your coworkers, it also involves the people who did you dirty.
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.960
It involves the people that as much as you want an apology from them, they also need that forgiveness too.
00:31:49.200 --> 00:31:56.240
You know, that even if you hate them, and hate is such a strong word, and it can build, and it can build and build and build.
00:31:56.559 --> 00:31:59.039
Do not hate on your enemy.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:11.680
Choose to love because when you see them again and you're approaching them happily, they'll be confused, and it will allow them to take a step back of why they were acting a certain way.
00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:12.960
But love one another.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:15.680
It's simple, but it's hard for some people.
00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:22.400
But yeah, I want to end it with that to love one another, to be aware, and be content.
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:24.480
Gain perspectives.
00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:28.000
Always, always gain perspective.
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:29.119
It's worth it.
00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:33.920
But yeah, that is everything I have for you at four in the morning.
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:36.400
I hope you guys like this um episode.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:42.240
I just kind of hopped on here and just wanted to rant about something that popped up in the car.
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:46.559
But I sincerely thank you so much for listening to subconsciously.
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:50.400
I thank you so much for spending this uh time with me.
00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:52.640
Currently, my timer says 40 minutes.
00:32:52.720 --> 00:32:54.000
It might be shorter than that.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:33:10.720
But I thank you so much for listening and choosing subconsciously today, no matter where you are, whether it's a late night, whether it is an early morning, whether you're on a commute, whether you are grinding it out, it is midweek, it is Wednesday when you hear this.
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:14.799
I truly, truly pray that you have an amazing day.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:17.039
I pray that you are protected.
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:23.359
I pray that you find something to gain and add to your life today.
00:33:23.680 --> 00:33:29.680
And where can you find me when I'm not bothering you on a Wednesday?
00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:40.319
You can find me on Scoop Subconsciously, S-C O O P S-E-V-C-O-N-S-C-I-O-U-S-L-Y.
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.400
Scoop subconsciously on Instagram.
00:33:44.559 --> 00:34:05.039
I haven't been as active on there, no one has told me to post otherwise, so you're just gonna get updates of when the next episode comes out on there, and sometimes I do some fun little Instagram things, and I am going to probably start incorporating each week.
00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:09.599
You get to decide what I go on a subconscious rant about.
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:17.440
Because again, if you've listened to this podcast enough times, you know I have a leading topic, and the rest is just my brain.
00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:26.800
So I think on there I'm gonna start doing polls for each episode, and you get to decide what the episode is about.
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:33.519
So, yeah, please feel free to rate this on any of the places that you listen to podcasts.
00:34:33.679 --> 00:34:34.960
It really does help me out.
00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:48.800
And I looked at my last thing, I looked at my stats for this pod, and I'm realizing how far it's going and who's listening.
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:54.159
And I just want to say hi to all of you guys all over the world, and thank you guys so much for supporting.
00:34:54.320 --> 00:35:04.239
I never thought it would go as far as it did, but wherever you are in this world, I thank you so much for listening, and I love you a lot.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:10.639
And that is all I have for you guys on Subconsciously Today.
00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:15.519
I will see you guys on the next episode, on the next following Wednesday.
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:22.639
Take care of yourself, and I will see you next time where my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:24.239
Bye, guys.
