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00:00:03.229Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously.
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00:00:08.932My name is Shea and this is a place where I let my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
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00:00:27.446Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously! It is February.
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00:00:34.694It is currently the third, which means Jazz's podcast takeover came out last week.
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00:00:36.926How good was that podcast takeover.
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00:00:38.805I loved it.
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00:00:40.466Honestly, I would do it again.
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00:00:48.103I would do it over and over and over and over again, do it again, I would do it over and over, and over and over again.
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00:00:49.506And I kind of want in the future to do more podcast takeovers.
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00:00:58.311One to give my subconscious a little bit of time to absorb the perspectives and absorb just the world in general.
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00:01:05.150But it's also very nice to get different perspectives of what's going on in every person's subconscious mind.
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00:01:12.521Yes, it's fun to pick my brain, but it's even more fun when it's a different voice and a different perspective.
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00:01:14.963But, alas, here we are.
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00:01:21.472Welcome back to me, your host of this podcast.
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00:01:31.510The one thing that caught my eye from the last podcast episode actually transcended into what I'm currently obsessed with.
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00:01:38.551So, Jazz was talking about; If you haven't listened to that episode, I highly recommend you listen to that episode.
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00:01:41.722It's so good, dives into many different things.
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00:01:49.308But the one thing that she mentioned in that episode, it actually healed a part of my inner child, which is amazing.
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00:01:54.402So I recently wanted to start getting back into anime.
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00:01:57.188Yes, you heard that correctly.
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00:02:00.034So she was mentioning Fruits Basket.
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00:02:19.408So I'm currently in the middle of re-watching it, after years of not watching it, and I'm falling back in love and realizing why I love that anime so much and I realize half of my personality and half of the life lessons that I've implemented into my life truly come from that show.
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00:02:27.133There may or may not be some spoilers, but if you have not watched it, I recommend that you watch it.
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00:02:29.564It is so good, so good.
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00:02:40.947Anyways, if you didn't hear from that podcast episode, she's a Yuki stan and I'm a Kyo stan and at first I was like no, I get it.
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00:02:47.096I understand the Yuki stan, you know, I get it, I understand it.
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00:02:49.568Has that changed my mind in any type of way?
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00:02:54.721No, no, it has not.
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00:02:59.865I think I realized I'm still a Kyo stan, I love Kyo.
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00:03:13.055But let's just say this man has the lowest EQ of any, any person I've ever met, even though it's a character, you know?
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00:03:17.097But I just want to dive in to why I love this man so much.
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00:03:28.941Okay, how do I even start this?
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00:03:32.286Okay, for one: I don't know why brutally honest people, but the dumb type of honesty really gets me in a character.
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00:03:44.890But what really gets me truly about Kyo's character is the fact that even if he gets ragey, even when he's out of pocket at the most random times, he still internalizes it.
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00:03:56.322He still reflects on it, and we love a man that reflects for one.
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00:04:07.540But for two: the reason why I'm mentioning this is I'm going to dive into this one scene that I just watched, like literally before I started recording, I finished an episode and this analogy really stuck with me.
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00:04:30.002And in order for me to dive into that analogy, I have to tell you this man has the lowest social EQ, lowest emotional intelligence, but the way he's learning, the way he's just going, I don't even know how to describe it to you, I don't.
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00:04:38.781So, for example, within this show, there is a little subplot that Kyo is jealous of Yuki.
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00:04:47.196Yuki is jealous of Kyo for xyz amount of reasons, of what they want in their lives, right?
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00:04:56.350And Tohru is using this analogy to show that they do have admirable qualities.
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00:05:01.884And the analogy was that everyone is a rice ball right?
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00:05:06.661And in the middle of their back, or on the back of the rice ball, there's a plum.
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00:05:20.045Or the world is full of different shapes on the back, or different colors on the back, or different fruits, or different vegetables or different proteins, it doesn't matter, right, everyone has something different on their rice ball.
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00:05:25.149But the thing is that rice ball cannot see it because obviously it's in the middle of your back.
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00:05:26.163How can you see it?
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00:05:26.646Right?
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00:05:35.189Probably everyone else around you can see that amazing shape, color, food in your back, those traits, those qualities that you cannot see.
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00:05:56.324And she was pretty much telling Kyo that all those things that you're wanting, all those things that you're jealous of, all those things that you want in your life, that you admire about Yuki, even though you're so low in your emotional and social intelligence.
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00:06:16.432The way she dumbed it down for him was that he was a rice ball with a plum in his back and he said it was the most stupidest analogy he's ever heard and he got super ragey and he ended up Immediately being like I can see the plum in your back, you know, immediately, kind of turning it back to her.
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00:06:31.516He literally said he's so embarrassed, he's so red and he's just like I can see the plum on your back, meaning he can see the qualities that she doesn't see in herself.
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00:06:38.076And no matter what you're feeling, oh my gosh to have someone say they see you.
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00:06:52.244Oh my gosh, because I remember in my life when there was a person who I admired so much and that I cared for so much and I pretty much loved this person.
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00:07:23.812When they finally say that they see you, that they see what you've done, when they see the hard work and everything that just hits, you know and just, oh, that scene just got me and the whole premise of that scene alone was that how can you be jealous of what another person has, or what another person is going through, or something that they have that you don't have, that you admire but you can't have?
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00:07:34.634Or you know they're doing something that you want to do but you're not in the circumstance to do it, all these little minuscule things that you potentially might be jealous of.
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00:07:39.151Or you might look at yourself and be like I'm so boring, I have nothing going for me.
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00:07:45.716I have nothing, but you look on the back of them and they got a freaking plum on them.
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00:07:50.076You know they got that amazing trait that probably someone else is jealous of.
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00:08:05.411And if that analogy helps you in realizing that you are not boring, you have a different interest in someone else, or you have an amazing talent that no one else has, or you are gifted with an ability that not a lot of people have.
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00:08:06.935Share your gift.
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00:08:26.971You don't have to sit there and be jealous and sometimes it just takes a one-on-one person to let you know "hey, I see you, I see those traits and I think the reason why that analogy so far because I'm still watching has hit me the most and I've cried already.
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00:08:32.336We're not even like half into the season and I've already cried multiple times.
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00:08:39.995But I think the reason why that one hit for me was because we're going to get into the deep things now.
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00:08:42.525Okay, we're just going to lay it all out.
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00:08:44.850I have not been mentally well.
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00:08:52.413I'm trying to see the good in things, I'm trying to understand and I'm trying to not numb myself down.
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00:08:58.154I'm trying to let my feelings be feelings, I'm letting myself be myself.
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00:09:08.792But what I'm truly struggling with at the moment is finding that purpose in myself, finding those good things that I have in me and I don't know why.
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00:09:18.798As you get to understand me through this podcast, you'll understand that I'm a very giving person, or at least the people in my life know I'm a very giving person.
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00:09:25.638If I could let you borrow something for a month, two months, three months, I'll give it to you.
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00:09:32.038If you say you want water, I'll gladly go search for so long to go find it.
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00:09:34.429There are so many things.
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00:09:41.735For example, if you got a show, I'm that person that's down to go, something that's making you anxious.
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00:09:45.094I'm that person that you can talk to and I see you.
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00:09:46.779I see that you're struggling.
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00:09:48.605I see that you're going through something.
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00:09:49.809I see it.
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00:09:51.695I see you doing your best.
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00:09:55.825I see you in everything that you do, even if you don't realize that.
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00:10:00.615I have already observed it and I've seen your patterns and all these things.
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00:10:09.657But it's something that I didn't really realize because my mental well-being has been so low.
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00:10:13.832I realized I can't give as much, because how can you pour from an empty cup?
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00:10:24.158But, on a real note, I felt like I had this big, big gallon jug and I pretty much was poured out.
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00:10:32.195I gave all that I could and I'm left with maybe a couple drops to give to myself.
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00:10:35.926And in the way that I see it, it's not necessarily a bad thing.
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00:10:40.017But I realize I don't really have much left.
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00:10:49.337I don't have much left to offer or at least it feels that way the way I look at this water jug and that I only have a couple drops left.
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00:10:53.533If I could give that to someone right now, I would.
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00:11:05.115If it means that that other person can survive longer, or if it means that they have a better quality of life from it or they have something, I'll have done my job.
00:11:05.115 -->
00:11:07.461I will feel like I have purpose.
00:11:08.043 -->
00:11:17.080But in recent circumstances within my life, I feel like I don't have much of a purpose to give.
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00:11:20.753And I don't, I don't know how to progress.
00:11:20.753 -->
00:11:24.865Noticing other people progressing, you know?
00:11:23.759 -->
00:11:33.259I'm trying to not be envious or jealous or feel like why them and not me, why, why?
00:11:33.259 -->
00:11:50.231And I feel like, because I'm trying so hard not to do that to myself, I'm suppressing it and because of that I went into this conversation with a friend and I was just telling them that I just don't feel like me.
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00:11:52.956I'm just, I feel sad.
00:11:52.956 -->
00:11:56.239I feel like what do I have now?
00:11:56.239 -->
00:11:57.701What purpose do I have?
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00:12:03.374Like, yes, I have X, y, z, I am doing a pod.
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00:12:04.495Yeah, I have a job.
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00:12:07.607Yeah, I have all these things, but why do I still feel like that?
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00:12:10.934Why do I feel like I am numbing myself?
00:12:10.934 -->
00:12:17.765Why do I feel like a robot?
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00:12:19.990Like every single day is the same?
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00:12:20.692Why do I feel like giving up?
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00:12:24.687You know, it was like such a hard pill to swallow because this person literally said "how are you?
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00:12:25.568You don't?
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00:12:27.052You don't seem like yourself.
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00:12:32.506" And honestly, I didn't feel like it either and I didn't know how to go back to it.
00:12:32.506 -->
00:12:35.990I didn't know how to be that optimistic person.
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00:12:44.681Or if, because I felt like I didn't have a purpose, that right into the toilet.
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00:12:56.941You know, just everything that I was feeling, everything that I was suppressing, now just comes out when I finally hear something or digest it finally.
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00:13:06.311Whether that's the problem, whether that is a person, whether that's an emotion or a circumstance, or financial or whatever it may be.
00:13:06.311 -->
00:13:19.130I found that when other people were in that motion of working towards that goal, because I was numbing it so much and because I wasn't really feeling anything, I would just cry.
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00:13:34.767But that crying would have no purpose to it, no emotion to it, like I don't know if anyone's ever been there where I don't know if it's apathy, I don't know if it's numbness, I don't know.
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00:13:50.138But it could be a mix of apathy and depression, it could be a lot of mixed things, but it just felt like, no matter what I did, no matter what I had to offer, it wasn't good enough.
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00:13:52.019It didn't feel good enough.
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00:14:10.697And due to that feeling, due to that mentality, I have found myself not wanting to be around a lot of people and I've also found myself really straying from the things that I used to love.
00:14:10.697 -->
00:14:21.625And so that's why it's a little ironic that in the beginning of this I'm laughing and I'm just so excited about Fruits Basket and I'm healing my inner child and I'm so close.
00:14:21.625 -->
00:14:30.649But as that is the surface level, as we get deeper into my subconscious here, internally, I don't feel anything.
00:14:31.191 -->
00:14:36.687Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I had a pod, I don't think I would even be speaking right now.
00:14:36.687 -->
00:14:40.236I think I would just be curled up somewhere, and that's fine with me.
00:14:40.236 -->
00:14:44.914And I'm trying not to rob myself of joy.
00:14:44.914 -->
00:14:52.071I'm trying not to rob myself of growing and rob myself of experiences.
00:14:52.071 -->
00:14:55.597But have you ever felt stuck, genuinely stuck?
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00:15:04.587Like you know you're doing the right things, you're doing what is asked of you, you're doing what is meant for you.
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00:15:06.871You're doing everything.
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00:15:24.653You may be getting a good routine down, you might be going to the gym constantly, you might be eating healthy, you might be surrounding yourself with new people, you might be going to different functions, you might just be the ideal person that society loves.
00:15:24.653 -->
00:15:28.725But have you found that society has trapped you a little bit?
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00:15:45.075Because, for me, I feel like that is where I'm at and because I'm slowly backing into that, I don't really have a way out and I'm slowly but surely not digging myself into a grave.
00:15:45.075 -->
00:15:51.037But I'm definitely being cornered into a cage, and not one of those cages that are like you know.
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00:15:53.144It's a white wall, it's a prison.
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00:15:57.116No, I'm talking like iron bars.
00:15:57.116 -->
00:15:59.028You can see the outside world.
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00:16:00.232It feels so close to you.
00:16:00.232 -->
00:16:07.416You can stick your arm out, but you can't reach it because obviously you've got short, stubby arms.
00:16:07.416 -->
00:16:08.317If you're me.
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00:16:10.025and
00:16:10.025 -->
00:16:22.755And that's how I'm feeling right now now, I feel like I've been caged and I've just kept going backwards into societal norms and all these things where I feel like they've shut the gate on me.
00:16:22.755 -->
00:16:27.216I feel like I'm sticking my arm out just begging for a drop of water.
00:16:27.216 -->
00:16:33.717I am in this place that I feel like there's no escape .
00:16:33.717 -->
00:16:41.552it's so scary because I look at myself and I'm not that person.
00:16:40.951 -->
00:16:43.017I'm not that person to feel like this is it, you know?
00:16:43.017 -->
00:16:47.125But it, as of recently, it has really been gnawing at me.
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00:17:06.313And because it's been gnawing at me so hard and I haven't been in the best place to explain that to anyone I feel like because I'm doing it to myself and because I feel so backed up in the cage, I feel like that other person doesn't see those qualities in me.
00:17:06.313 -->
00:17:08.117They don't see that plum on my back.
00:17:08.117 -->
00:17:13.608If I could pick that plum on my back and give it to that person, I have already done it.
00:17:14.049 -->
00:17:21.579And it's so hard because I know, I know so much that that is not what I want to be.
00:17:21.579 -->
00:17:22.904I know I don't want to be.
00:17:22.904 -->
00:17:25.248I don't want to be a label.
00:17:25.248 -->
00:17:39.281I don't want to be labeled as oh, you have depression, oh, you have anxiety, oh, you are spiritually drained, you are worthless, you are ordinary.
00:17:39.281 -->
00:17:43.192Oh my gosh, I had that in my head.
00:17:43.192 -->
00:17:54.228My biggest fear is that someone's just going to say I'm ordinary, that there's nothing special about me, that my little quirks aren't fun to be around.
00:17:54.228 -->
00:17:59.718I feel like a bubble of sadness and that is a horrible feeling.
00:17:59.718 -->
00:18:09.611And because of that bubble of sadness I feel like the label's coming and it's so scary because I'm trying to just let it be what it is.
00:18:09.611 -->
00:18:15.846But it's hard to let it be what it is when you're in the thick of it.
00:18:15.846 -->
00:18:29.602And I'm really, really trying to see this bright light and see the end of this tunnel that I've been digging and digging to get through and just see what blessing is on the way.
00:18:29.664 -->
00:18:46.455But I just, if I'm very honest, as of recently, being very, completely, completely vulnerable, I haven't seen it in a while and I was telling, I was telling Jazz, actually I don't like being the sad friend.
00:18:46.455 -->
00:18:48.136It makes me feel awful.
00:18:48.136 -->
00:19:02.563It makes me feel awful in a room full of happy people to be the sad, depressing bubble in the corner and not know what to do with that, because everyone wants to see you, everyone wants to be around you, everyone thinks you're okay.
00:19:02.563 -->
00:19:08.714But, being completely vulnerable and completely honest, I don't feel that way and I'm not.
00:19:08.714 -->
00:19:12.907I'm truly not trying to put myself in a bubble.
00:19:12.907 -->
00:19:35.909I'm just being so completely real that it's okay not to be okay and that being the sad friend doesn't necessarily mean that you are a burden or that you are a problem, because that's how I've been feeling and trying to process that and I promise when I figure it out, don't worry, there'll be an episode on it.
00:19:36.691 -->
00:19:47.057But I haven't figured it out yet because I'm 22 and I'm only two years old in adult years and I literally had that thought on the street as I'm trying to process my emotions.
00:19:47.057 -->
00:19:51.048But I'm doing my job, I'm doing everything and I realized I'm just a kid.
00:19:51.048 -->
00:19:53.834That I'm so young, you know?
00:19:53.834 -->
00:20:04.049And just having, going back to the "I see you, having a person say "I see you.
00:20:04.049 -->
00:20:08.455" I think, when I'm struggling, having a person say that they see you.
00:20:08.455 -->
00:20:10.920For me I am.
00:20:10.920 -->
00:20:12.626I don't want to cry.
00:20:12.626 -->
00:20:19.857Having a person say that they see you, not just they see you because you are down.
00:20:19.857 -->
00:20:23.131Let's just say someone said that to me.
00:20:23.531 -->
00:20:52.759Having someone come to that realization that their friend or their partner or their sibling or their co-worker or whoever it may be, having that person say that they see your goodness, that they see your faithfulness and your loyalty, and that they see how hard you're trying and they see you, despite what you're feeling, despite what you're going through.
00:20:52.759 -->
00:21:00.626They see you as a whole and if they're choosing to see your goodness, they're choosing to see your goodness.
00:21:00.626 -->
00:21:37.791It makes me cry because again, going back to like grief episode and my therapist back then telling me it's all about the little victories, having someone cheer you on in noticing your victories, having someone notice that even in the worst of circumstances, that you're still trying, that you're showing up for them, even through that hardship, something just clicks in my brain because then it's like all those times that I help someone they recognize that in me?
00:21:37.791 -->
00:21:40.112They see that in me?
00:21:40.271 -->
00:21:42.731Damn, I'm being so vulnerable right now.
00:21:42.731 -->
00:21:46.454They can see the plum in my back that I can't see.
00:21:46.454 -->
00:21:49.513That quality that I'm bullying myself for?
00:21:49.513 -->
00:21:52.453Maybe they see my purpose, that I don't.
00:21:52.453 -->
00:22:12.519Having someone take notice that you have just as many good qualities as they do just gets to me on a very personal level because, it also means that all that hard work, all the water you gave out from your gallon jug didn't go to waste.
00:22:14.126 -->
00:22:21.971And I think for me, it's a little bit harder because I'm not the type of person to ask for it.
00:22:21.971 -->
00:22:24.356I don't ask people to see me.
00:22:24.356 -->
00:22:32.032I don't ask them to give me anything because, honestly, if they want to spend time with me, that's enough, you know?
00:22:32.032 -->
00:22:44.435But it's funny, even if I miss somebody, even if I want to see someone, it's hard for me to do that, it's hard for me to reach out and hard for me to say I miss them.
00:22:44.435 -->
00:22:57.818It's hard for me to get over myself and I don't know if it's because I have that fear that I'm going to have no water again or whether I'm scared they're going to say I see you, but not for the good things.
00:22:57.818 -->
00:23:04.863And I feel like I've been excommunicating myself from a lot of people who genuinely don't deserve it.
00:23:04.863 -->
00:23:06.607But also I don't feel close.
00:23:06.607 -->
00:23:10.778I feel very on the outside, looking in, and I'm just trying to get through it.
00:23:11.204 -->
00:23:12.968Damn, let's turn this pod around.
00:23:12.968 -->
00:23:16.994Oh, my gosh, anyways, yeah, Fruits Basket.
00:23:16.994 -->
00:23:32.095These are just one of the many analogies that have been placed in me and I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to not be jealous, to be content, to push myself to not feel so numb, and I don't know how to change it.
00:23:32.095 -->
00:23:37.655If I'm honest, I don't know if this is the best episode to watch, if you're feeling this already.
00:23:37.655 -->
00:23:46.098But another thing is having someone say to you, you"I I think what you're feeling is you're just lacking purpose.
00:23:46.098 -->
00:23:52.315Oh man, having someone say to you"you're you're just lacking .
00:23:52.315 -->
00:24:04.114", whether that be in a harsh way b ut But when someone says that, when they see what you're going through and they say,"I I think what you're feeling is that you're lacking purpose.
00:24:04.114 -->
00:24:22.230", that hits dude, that hurts so hard to have someone that you love tell you and read you like a book and say"I I think what you're feeling is that you're lacking purpose, freaking, hit, hit me.
00:24:22.230 -->
00:24:32.295And the worst part is, if they are right, if they're reading your book correctly, and they see that and they say that to you, how do you change it?
00:24:33.696 -->
00:24:38.334This isn't, by the way, this podcast episode is not a give advice episode.
00:24:38.334 -->
00:24:40.930This is definitely a it's in my brain.
00:24:40.930 -->
00:24:41.893I need to let it out.
00:24:41.893 -->
00:24:43.178Welcome to Subconsciously.
00:24:43.178 -->
00:24:50.554But I'm genuinely asking someone now who's gone through it or who's felt it, how do you find it?
00:24:50.554 -->
00:24:56.854How do you find something that you apparently, or so-called, lack?
00:24:56.854 -->
00:24:58.861How do you get passionate again?
00:24:58.861 -->
00:25:00.906How do you fall in love again?
00:25:00.906 -->
00:25:03.134How do you find purpose?
00:25:03.134 -->
00:25:24.892And I know everyone has a different method of finding purpose, and I think the one thing that's draining me about where I'm at right now is that I don't quite know what my purpose is, or why my purpose is to give so much to others but not wanting to give it to myself.
00:25:24.984 -->
00:25:27.453I don't know why I can't be selfish.
00:25:27.453 -->
00:25:31.765I don't know why I can't be my own cheerleader.
00:25:31.765 -->
00:25:36.862I don't know why I'm waiting for someone to say "I see you in order for me to feel good about it.
00:25:36.862 -->
00:25:39.204I don't know why.
00:25:39.204 -->
00:25:46.090I don't know what I'm waiting for either, but I guess what I'm trying to get at is I haven't found that plum in my back yet.
00:25:46.090 -->
00:25:51.547I haven't looked, I haven't reversed myself and looked in a mirror and said, "oh, there it is.
00:25:52.087 -->
00:26:00.440I think I'm just scared that I may not find it and I know I'm only 22 and you're gonna be like girl you're so young.
00:26:00.440 -->
00:26:07.772Girl, it's It's too early to know and talk about purposes and all these things, but I'm just someone who wants to figure it out.
00:26:07.772 -->
00:26:19.746I don't like waiting for something like that to be found, because I'm finding, with people that I'm surrounded with or I'm cheering on, they have their purposes already.
00:26:19.746 -->
00:26:25.038They are being a light to so many people and sharing their purpose with others.
00:26:25.038 -->
00:26:32.298And I don't feel it, I don't see it and I'm trying so hard to keep my faith.
00:26:32.298 -->
00:26:48.511I'm trying so hard to keep my trust, but right now, in this stage of my life, and hopefully by next episode, it will be completely changed and that I'll be able to "Guys Guys, I had this revolutionary conversation and it was this easy.
00:26:48.511 -->
00:26:56.275But in this current moment of emotion, I don't feel that and I really want to.
00:26:56.275 -->
00:26:58.673I want to see what everyone else sees.
00:26:58.673 -->
00:27:01.314I want to be passionate the way other people are passionate.
00:27:01.314 -->
00:27:07.694I want to get it and I know I will, and I need to just have faith that it will work out.
00:27:08.144 -->
00:27:22.162But lately I've just been with me, and that shouldn't be such a sad statement either, that I've only been with me, because being with me is not a sad thing, and it shouldn't be, and I shouldn't be sad.
00:27:22.162 -->
00:27:29.338But also telling myself that I shouldn't be sad is also a way in form of abuse to myself.
00:27:29.338 -->
00:27:32.933I don't know where it came from and maybe I should get a therapist.
00:27:32.933 -->
00:27:33.816Oh, that reminds me.
00:27:33.816 -->
00:27:38.476I think I am going to therapy very soon and I think I need it.
00:27:38.476 -->
00:27:43.945I think I need a new perspective that will help give me purpose, because right now it's not really working.
00:27:44.446 -->
00:27:55.912But, alas, we're coming towards the end of this episode and I just want to say you may think you're plain, you might think you are the plainest person out there.
00:27:55.912 -->
00:28:04.673You might feel like you have nothing to offer, that you are so lonely, that you are so sad, but trust me, you have a plum in your back.
00:28:04.673 -->
00:28:06.289I have a plum in my back.
00:28:06.289 -->
00:28:09.913Everyone you love has a plum in their back.
00:28:09.913 -->
00:28:11.250So tell them more.
00:28:11.250 -->
00:28:14.285Tell them that you see them more.
00:28:14.285 -->
00:28:22.913I promise it's a little bit of a weird conversation at first, but it gets you thinking that maybe they need to hear it.
00:28:22.913 -->
00:28:26.807Maybe they need to know that they're appreciated.
00:28:26.807 -->
00:28:44.194Maybe they need to understand that, that if they are going through a tough position, that they're not going through it for nothing, and I pray that whatever is stopping you from believing that that other person genuinely sees you, you will feel it.
00:28:44.194 -->
00:28:45.837You'll feel the intent.
00:28:46.659 -->
00:29:07.590It's one thing to have it be meaningless, but if you're not consistently going out of your way to tell the people who have changed your life or have made an impact on your life that you love them, that you care for them, that you see them for them, despite the good or the bad things that they've done.
00:29:07.590 -->
00:29:12.914I'm telling you it makes such a big difference in the way that they view life because they don't feel alone.
00:29:12.914 -->
00:29:16.346They feel like they are seen.
00:29:16.346 -->
00:29:23.980And something I've noticed about the world too is that everyone wants to be seen at least once.
00:29:23.980 -->
00:29:32.239Whether that be by a lot of people, whether that be one person, whether that be by their God or anything.
00:29:32.239 -->
00:29:36.931They want to feel seen, deeply seen, and I know I feel that.
00:29:36.931 -->
00:29:38.627I felt it.
00:29:38.627 -->
00:29:39.771I feel it.
00:29:40.212 -->
00:29:48.221I want to continue feeling that I know, deep down, everyone wants someone to be passionate with and not feel so burdensome.
00:29:48.221 -->
00:29:52.511But if you are feeling burdensome, I'm really sorry because that feeling sucks.
00:29:52.511 -->
00:29:54.536It's such a heavy feeling.
00:29:54.536 -->
00:30:05.270But if you are feeling burdensome, if you're feeling something deep within you; One, I really advise that you go seek professional help and not listen to a podcast.
00:30:05.270 -->
00:30:16.798But two, if you are not ready to take that step to get professional help yet, please seek someone that you care about and tell them.
00:30:17.179 -->
00:30:23.567Or, if it's too hard, play this podcast episode to them and say that that is how I'm feeling.
00:30:23.567 -->
00:30:28.925This exact feeling is how I'm feeling, because that's what I want this pod to be about.
00:30:28.925 -->
00:30:30.186I want each episode to be like.
00:30:30.186 -->
00:30:49.196If it's hard for you to say it, play an episode or play a snippet of an episode and be like that exact description, that exact way that she or he or whoever comes on this podcast is describing it.
00:30:49.196 -->
00:30:50.138That's how I'm feeling.
00:30:50.138 -->
00:30:52.531Use this as your tool guide.
00:30:52.531 -->
00:30:53.916That's what I want.
00:30:54.500 -->
00:31:01.744If it's hard for you to be vulnerable and it's hard for you to be like, this is exactly what I'm going through, just play it.
00:31:01.744 -->
00:31:08.268Play that episode or play that thing that someone has said and be like, huh, how do you feel about that?
00:31:08.268 -->
00:31:10.195And then slowly ease into it.
00:31:10.195 -->
00:31:11.340Don't just drop the bomb.
00:31:11.340 -->
00:31:12.586You don't have to drop the bomb.
00:31:12.586 -->
00:31:20.310You know this is a hard thing to dive into, but anyways, to wrap this up, I thank you for listening.
00:31:20.633 -->
00:31:25.973I truly, truly pray from the bottom of my heart that, whatever you're going through, I pray that you reach out.
00:31:25.973 -->
00:31:27.577Don't keep it to yourself.
00:31:27.577 -->
00:31:45.199I pray that you have at least one person you can be vulnerable with and if you don't, you can reach me on scoop subconsciously, s-c-o-o-p-s-u-b-c-o-n-s-c-i-o-u-s-l-y On Instagram.
00:31:45.199 -->
00:32:07.440I mean it when I say my DMs are always open, that if you have gone through something, if you just want to talk, if you want someone that is outside opinion or just a place where you can just drop your honesty, the DMs are always open and I'm always willing and ready to listen to whatever you're going through.
00:32:07.840 -->
00:32:14.904And this was such a deeply personal episode for me and I want you to know that I don't just do this because I want sympathy.
00:32:14.904 -->
00:32:22.410I do this because being completely honest and completely vulnerable is a hard thing to do in this world and if I get judged for it.
00:32:22.410 -->
00:32:23.051So be it.
00:32:23.051 -->
00:32:29.397But I am not a perfect person to judge others for what they're going through or how they're feeling.
00:32:29.397 -->
00:32:33.916All I can do is continue lifting up even if I don't feel it.
00:32:34.184 -->
00:32:35.964But I thank you guys so much for listening.
00:32:35.964 -->
00:32:39.915I thank you guys so much for giving this podcast a chance.
00:32:41.686 -->
00:32:51.232I thank you guys so much from the bottom of my heart that, whatever you're going through, wherever you are, whatever time it is, I pray that you're having an amazing day.
00:32:51.232 -->
00:32:56.188I pray that you receive a blessing in an unexpected way.
00:32:56.188 -->
00:32:59.740I truly pray from the bottom of my heart that you find that purpose.
00:32:59.740 -->
00:33:11.772I truly pray from the bottom of my heart that you genuinely start to love where you are, start to love yourself and find that purpose within yourself and give it back to yourself too.
00:33:11.772 -->
00:33:16.852Oh my goodness, guys, thank you again so much for listening.
00:33:17.252 -->
00:33:28.472If you don't mind giving this podcast five stars or a rating in general on all of your podcast platforms, I would highly appreciate it.
00:33:28.472 -->
00:33:29.810It helps me grow within the show.
00:33:29.810 -->
00:33:35.894It also helps me know that you want me to keep going, keep being vulnerable, keep being myself, keep growing.
00:33:35.894 -->
00:33:40.694You can help us all grow together within one community, within this world.
00:33:40.694 -->
00:33:44.529It really helps, and please DM the Instagram.
00:33:44.529 -->
00:33:52.253One if you have something to say, but two if you have any suggestions of what you want the upcoming episodes to be.
00:33:52.253 -->
00:33:53.296I appreciate you.
00:33:53.296 -->
00:34:01.417I see you and I see your plum on your back and I will see you guys on the next episode, where my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
00:34:01.417 -->
00:34:03.510Bye, guys.
