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You're listening to Struggle Berry Crunch with your Teriyana, .
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As a recovering high-functioning codependent person, the biggest thing that I had to learn in my journey was not to fix people.
00:00:22.928 --> 00:00:36.451
Most of the time when I was growing up, especially in my early 20s, I would try to go into relationships looking for a way that I could help people because to me, it made me feel more valuable in their life.
00:00:36.451 --> 00:00:40.444
It made me feel like I could hold that space, like they needed me.
00:00:40.444 --> 00:00:54.127
I needed to feel needed, and the more I involved myself in their issues, in their surroundings, without even asking them what kind of support they need, I would just give it all up Emotionally.
00:00:54.127 --> 00:01:00.384
I was gaining more chaos in my life without even dealing with my own issues first.
00:01:00.384 --> 00:01:24.325
So Not my Circus, not my Monkeys, came from this book that I read by Terri Cole, a great psychotherapist who is just an expert in boundaries, codependency, passive aggressiveness, and it helped me learn how to manage the space between caring about somebody and fixing somebody.
00:01:24.325 --> 00:01:51.602
Allowing someone to learn along the way in their journey is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, versus trying to fix everything for them when we step into people's lives and we try to take it over by showing what we know is best or offering unasked for advice.
00:01:51.602 --> 00:01:59.504
Sometimes we do more harm than good and we rob people from learning from their own monkeys.
00:02:00.908 --> 00:02:13.093
So if you're similar to me and you struggle with codependency, just remember it's okay to support people from a distance and you can start by asking them what they need.
00:02:13.093 --> 00:02:23.935
And if they say that they just need you to listen especially for a person who's emotionally available, that can be very hard and you just listen because you want to.
00:02:23.935 --> 00:02:30.533
You want to do more, you want to give input, you want to give feedback, but you just being there is enough.
00:02:30.533 --> 00:02:35.348
You are enough and that's all they need to know.
00:02:35.348 --> 00:02:37.133
And that's all you need to know.
00:02:37.836 --> 00:02:40.905
We're all on a personal journey and we're reflections of other people.
00:02:40.905 --> 00:02:48.479
You have your own circus and old monkeys to manage and you can enjoy the show with other people and they can enjoy your show as they watch.
00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:49.963
You learn and grow along the way.
00:02:49.963 --> 00:02:54.876
So remember, not your circus, not your monkeys.
00:02:54.876 --> 00:02:58.223
Healthy boundaries, everyone, healthy boundaries.
00:02:58.223 --> 00:03:03.653
And also, please go listen to my podcast, struggleberry Crunch.
00:03:03.653 --> 00:03:16.013
It's on Apple, spotify and Google and all the major podcast networks where I talk about these different things, about codependency and responsibility and the fears that we face.
00:03:16.013 --> 00:03:24.276
But I think, in regards to this talk, you'll definitely love my podcast episode that Bish Codependency.
00:03:24.276 --> 00:03:25.721
Go check it out.
00:03:25.721 --> 00:03:27.062
I'll talk to you soon.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.833
You're listening to Struggle Berry Crunch with your Teriyana, .
00:00:06.833 --> 00:00:22.928
As a recovering high-functioning codependent person, the biggest thing that I had to learn in my journey was not to fix people.
00:00:22.928 --> 00:00:36.451
Most of the time when I was growing up, especially in my early 20s, I would try to go into relationships looking for a way that I could help people because to me, it made me feel more valuable in their life.
00:00:36.451 --> 00:00:40.444
It made me feel like I could hold that space, like they needed me.
00:00:40.444 --> 00:00:54.127
I needed to feel needed, and the more I involved myself in their issues, in their surroundings, without even asking them what kind of support they need, I would just give it all up Emotionally.
00:00:54.127 --> 00:01:00.384
I was gaining more chaos in my life without even dealing with my own issues first.
00:01:00.384 --> 00:01:24.325
So Not my Circus, not my Monkeys, came from this book that I read by Terri Cole, a great psychotherapist who is just an expert in boundaries, codependency, passive aggressiveness, and it helped me learn how to manage the space between caring about somebody and fixing somebody.
00:01:24.325 --> 00:01:51.602
Allowing someone to learn along the way in their journey is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone, versus trying to fix everything for them when we step into people's lives and we try to take it over by showing what we know is best or offering unasked for advice.
00:01:51.602 --> 00:01:59.504
Sometimes we do more harm than good and we rob people from learning from their own monkeys.
00:02:00.908 --> 00:02:13.093
So if you're similar to me and you struggle with codependency, just remember it's okay to support people from a distance and you can start by asking them what they need.
00:02:13.093 --> 00:02:23.935
And if they say that they just need you to listen especially for a person who's emotionally available, that can be very hard and you just listen because you want to.
00:02:23.935 --> 00:02:30.533
You want to do more, you want to give input, you want to give feedback, but you just being there is enough.
00:02:30.533 --> 00:02:35.348
You are enough and that's all they need to know.
00:02:35.348 --> 00:02:37.133
And that's all you need to know.
00:02:37.836 --> 00:02:40.905
We're all on a personal journey and we're reflections of other people.
00:02:40.905 --> 00:02:48.479
You have your own circus and old monkeys to manage and you can enjoy the show with other people and they can enjoy your show as they watch.
00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:49.963
You learn and grow along the way.
00:02:49.963 --> 00:02:54.876
So remember, not your circus, not your monkeys.
00:02:54.876 --> 00:02:58.223
Healthy boundaries, everyone, healthy boundaries.
00:02:58.223 --> 00:03:03.653
And also, please go listen to my podcast, struggleberry Crunch.
00:03:03.653 --> 00:03:16.013
It's on Apple, spotify and Google and all the major podcast networks where I talk about these different things, about codependency and responsibility and the fears that we face.
00:03:16.013 --> 00:03:24.276
But I think, in regards to this talk, you'll definitely love my podcast episode that Bish Codependency.
00:03:24.276 --> 00:03:25.721
Go check it out.
00:03:25.721 --> 00:03:27.062
I'll talk to you soon.
