Four Headliners Plus Vintage Radio Bits From A Classic Comedy Club Era

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This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of show business.
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Stories, interviews, and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous.
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Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards.
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Hi, and welcome to this week's podcast.
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I'm so excited you've been listening.
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I know that lots of people out there have been uh checking out this new podcast, and I've heard good things.
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So I just want to say it's such a joy for me to be working on this, touching uh base with old friends and sharing some of the comedy that's uh kept me uh moving and shaking all these many years.
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I got something kind of different for you this week.
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Uh I'm calling it my cornucopia of comedy.
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It is gonna be a little bit of everything.
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I've got uh four terrific, that's right, four terrific comics all doing short sets.
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We got people like Tom McTeague, David Crow, Robert Aguaio, and very funny Steve Smith doing sets that I think you'll enjoy.
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These short sets will be broken up by some of the radio stuff that we did back in the eighties.
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Uh an old uh commercial here and there, a couple uh phone interviews uh or marketing spots.
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Overall, it'll it'll be about 30 minutes of uh entertainment, and I think you're gonna enjoy this uh variety, a cornucopia.
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Ooh, word points of comedy.
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All right, let's jump into this week's show.
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I am so excited.
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I'm gonna kind of start things off with generic commercial.
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This is a promo spot that my partner and I did for radio back in the 80s.
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I think it's kind of fun, it's kind of different and entertaining.
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It gives you an idea of what uh marketing and advertising was like for a comedy club.
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So enjoy this short comedy spot for radio.
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Woe is me.
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Stuck in an office all day, four walls, a lot of paper, no life,
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no future.
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I need help.
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No, you need a night out at Laughs Unlimited, Sacramento's comedy club, featuring great comics from Hollywood and television.
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Are they funny?
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Hey, the best in the biz, you'll laugh your head off.
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Is that a good thing?
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I need my head, you know.
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Well, of course it is.
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Laughs Unlimited features three great comics Tuesday through Sunday.
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Comedy that's clever, fun, and even clean.
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You mean they're not gonna say pinky?
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No, probably not.
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Plus, there's no drink minimum.
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Good.
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And no smoking nights on Thursdays.
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Double good.
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So drop in to Laughs Unlimited tonight.
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I think I will.
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And enjoy the great drink, food, and fun at Laughs Unlimited.
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You forgot to tell them about the two locations.
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Oh, yeah.
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Laughs Unlimited, Sacramento's Comedy Clubs at both Citrus Heights and Old Sacramento.
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And tell them about the free child care.
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That's right, there's free child care at Citrus Heights location Tuesday through Saturday.
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Gee, that's nice.
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Well, I don't actually remember making that, but it was sure fun to listen to.
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And working with my partner Bob Stobener, we had a lot of fun doing lots of creative things from uh radio to TV, albums, concerts, you name it.
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And uh this was uh just a small sample of some of the fun things we did.
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It's time to jump into some stand-up comedy.
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Our first headliner today, and I should mention these are all headliners, uh, is a very funny guy.
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He's originally out of Seattle.
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He now lives and works out of Los Angeles, where he is considered a clean and sober comic.
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After many years of dealing with alcohol and drugs, he became a strong advocate for AA and NA and has continued over the last 20 years doing specialty shows for clean and sober audiences.
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But much more than that, he's a really good actor.
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You may have seen him get killed in Nightmare of Elm Street number two.
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He also was in Slaughterhouse Rock, and he was in the movie Nice Guys.
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So not only a terrific comic, but a bit of an actor.
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Sit back and enjoy a great little comedy set from Steve Smith.
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I'm a bachelor again, which is good.
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Yeah, I was living with somebody for a long time.
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My parents.
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I thought they'd never leave.
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I did.
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I just kept putting up little clippings of the Menendez Brothers trial in the refrigerator, and I have the house.
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I used to bug my old man when he drove the car.
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I was a little terror in the backseat, you know.
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I think all dads say this to their kids in the backseat.
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If you're dad, you probably say this to your kid.
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Or your dad said this to you.
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This is dad law.
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All dads say this when they drive.
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Hey!
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Don't make me come back there.
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In England?
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Hey! Don't make me come back there.
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Wouldn't it be great if we knew then what we know now?
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Wouldn't it just once, just once ago?
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Come on.
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Come on, you big fat bastard.
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Come on.
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Don't make me come up there.
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Bring it, fat man.
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That's your boy back there.
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Does Bill Clinton seem like the president?
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Or does he just seem like this guy taking care in the White House until the real president shows up?
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Voted for him too.
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I almost voted Perot.
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Anybody vote per row?
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Did you?
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My mom did too.
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I almost voted Perot.
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I just didn't think America was ready for a Keebler elf as president.
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Here's a deal, here's a deal, here's a deal, here's a deal.
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You want a cookie?
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Want a cookie?
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Here's a deal.
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I'm rich, I'm short, and I'm nuts.
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That's the deal, right?
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I have this theory that the last five presidents of the United States have actually been cartoons.
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I think they've been part of the seven dwarfs.
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I can prove it.
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There was Carter.
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Happy.
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There was Ford.
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Dopey.
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Nixon would be Doc, because he could do amazing things with tape.
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Stay with me, people.
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Reagan would be sleepy, yes.
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He used to fall asleep at meetings.
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This was our president, ladies and gentlemen.
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President Reagan.
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Well, just say no.
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Can I have some more Prozac, mommy?
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And Bush, Bush would be this little known dwarf.
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Bush would be pukey.
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There's a bright spot in American history, wouldn't it?
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We send the most powerful man in the world, the leader of the free nation, to Japan to help us with our trade.
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Yeah.
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And he blows chunks on a guy.
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Oh, the poor Japanese guy.
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Oh, Jesus Christ.
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Oh my god, he blew chunk on me.
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Oh my god, you blew chunk on me.
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Oh, yeah, we want to buy a car now, yeah.
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Can't believe he broke chunk on me.
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We like last president, he just fell asleep.
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He no blow chunk.
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What's up with the chunk?
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Remember this about the same time?
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Uh this one Japanese man got on Japanese television and uh insulted Americans, insulted Americans.
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Remember this, he apologized for this later.
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But this one Japanese man goes, Americans, a lazy workers, and Americans are lazy.
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You know what I say to that?
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So bingo, you got us.
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Who wants to work 18 hours a day?
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I don't want to work 18 hours a day.
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Hey, you make my VCR?
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I'll watch it.
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Just could you come over and show me how to hook it up?
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I was watching that guy on TV.
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When I saw that guy say Americans are lousy workers and Americans are lazy.
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I almost got out of bed and turned the channel.
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But I have remote control.
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Well, I'm a bachelor, like I said, and uh one of the things I hate is grocery shopping.
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Oh, God, I hate it.
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Ladies, I don't know if you like grocery shopping better than men's, but you're better at it.
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You take lists, you're precise, you get everything.
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Men, we walk in a grocery store.
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Beer, toilet paper, done.
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Except we get in trouble for that, don't we, guys?
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Because we come home.
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Did you get everything?
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Oh.
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You just got beer and toilet paper, didn't you?
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We needed it.
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You're gonna make me go back.
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That's right, you're going back, and here's a list.
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You get everything on this list.
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Okay.
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And here's some coupons.
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No! Take the list, but no coupons.
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You ever seen a guy in a grocery store with a list?
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Oh, are we the lost boys?
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The guy could be under a neon sign that says rice.
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The guy's going, Do you know where the rice is?
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Have you seen the rice?
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Hey, I'm a poster worker, don't mess with me.
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Steve Smith is a very, very funny comic.
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Not only done a lot of acting, but was a regular at Laughs Unlimited and is continuing his success in comedy, doing his clean and sober comedy sets around the globe.
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So I know you enjoyed that.
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All right, now to break things up, I've got an early morning radio interview.
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It was heard on KGR radio here in Sacramento and features an early morning wake-up call to none other than baby man Bruce Baum.
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If you don't know Bruce Baum, he is one of the favorite regulars at Laughs.
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Bruce was a prop comic that had uh been very successful and still entertains all over the country.
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Uh, but this early morning radio spot uh will give you an idea of what it was like for a headliner being woke up early to do radio to promote the show.
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So take it away.
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KGNR.
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Bruce Baum doesn't exactly sound like the name that a comedian would like to live with, but Bruce Baum does.
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He lives with that name.
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And you can have the opportunity of seeing Bruce in action at Laughs Unlimited in Old Sacramento.
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And hey, if you go tomorrow night, that's Thursday night, you can get in at a reduced rate just by mentioning KG and R.
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And to find out what we can look forward to when we see the show, I'm gonna talk with Bruce right now.
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Good morning, Bruce.
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How are you doing?
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Hey, I understand you're a new father.
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That's right, I got a baby.
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Congratulations, uh, boy or girl.
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It's a girl, and I'll tell you she's about 17 months now, so it's not brand new.
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But it's incredible watching them grow up.
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Oh, yeah.
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It's like right now she's got four teeth and they're all on the top, and it's wonderful because we can use her in the garden as a rake.
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That's just until her bottom teeth come in.
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Then she's a hedge clipper.
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Tremendous.
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How did you get into the business of comedy?
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Well, I was uh going to school at Davis, as a matter of fact.
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Oh, yeah.
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Up here, and uh I was gonna go to law school.
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And matter of fact, when I decided to go into comedy, law schools across the nation applauded my decision.
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Well, as a matter of fact, uh they could sort of use a little humor in the law right now.
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Uh-huh.
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Do you specialize in a particular type of humor, Bruce?
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Well, I do a lot of uh physical stuff and a lot of uh props.
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I use a lot of props in my act also.
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Uh-huh.
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As a matter of fact, uh I saw you.
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Uh you recently co-hosted the Don Rickles special.
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It was shown on HBO here.
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Uh-huh.
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What's Rickles like to work for?
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He's really a very nice person.
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He's almost like uh the complete opposite of his stage persona when he's off stage.
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Uh although he does he's very, very funny, even when he's off stage.
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But he's a real nice person.
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Yeah, quick mind and not as crude a person as he appears in his act then.
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No, he's just an act.
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What would you say is the biggest achievement you've had as a comic throughout your career?
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This is it.
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That's it?
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Uh-huh.
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Marvelous.
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No, I would say um the uh the real thing was a lot was uh was was big.
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And uh I did those logos this year.
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Actually, everything you know, you gotta take everything as being exciting, otherwise you can get uh uh uh boring.
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No, I I would say probably a ripple thing is it was most exciting because it was shot in Vegas and I was working with someone like John Rickle.
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Yeah.
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Well they shoot a show like that, Bruce.
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Uh they do it all at one time, or do they take it in stages and recut or what's it?
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No, we shot that straight through.
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That was uh what's on the HBO special, they've they've cut a little bit because the show probably ran along, but you know, it was that's that's how the audience saw it in Vegas.
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That was uh that was a good show, and uh you were very funny.
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I I uh really liked your routine.
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Which brings me to a point.
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Can you leave us today with a little touch of humor, keeping in mind uh I want to hear your favorite joke, perhaps, keeping in mind that we are governed and regulated by the Federal Communications Commission, Bruce?
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Well, because we're governed by the FCC, I can't tell you my favorite joke.
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That's what I thought.
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But I can tell you a joke.
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All right.
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How about uh this this is true?
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This guy the other day walked into a sporting good store.
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He said a guy, hey, I'm going hunting, I need some hunting dogs.
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The guy gives him five of his best dogs.
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The guy leaves, comes back five hours later, and says, Hey, I need some more dogs.
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The guy, what happened?
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What happened to the ones I gave you?
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He just already shot them.
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All right.
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That's the kind of humor we could expect to hear at probably uh not all uh that innocent, uh, over at the uh Laughs Unlimited in old Sacramento, right?
00:14:47.279 --> 00:14:47.840
That's right.
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Okay, Bruce.
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Hey, thanks for taking the time to talk to us this morning.
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I'll bet you don't get up early uh every day, huh?
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Well, I'm usually up till early and then getting it up early.
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Okay.
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We'll we'll talk to you again soon.
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Have a good day and a good show tonight.
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:04.159
You too.
00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:04.720
Thanks a lot.
00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:05.360
Bye-bye.
00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:06.319
Bye-bye.
00:15:06.319 --> 00:15:08.720
I did see that comedy special.
00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:10.319
That's why I was a little afraid.
00:15:10.319 --> 00:15:13.600
Maybe you understood why it's yes.
00:15:13.600 --> 00:15:16.879
Uh very, very uh funny man, uh Bruce Baum.
00:15:16.879 --> 00:15:19.600
And with a thing like that, you've got to be good.
00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:21.600
You can't be kidding, huh?
00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:24.879
Hey, I want to remind you, we got a lot of pull around here.
00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:33.279
So if you go to Laughs Unlimited in old Sacramento tomorrow night, you can get in at a reduced rate just by mentioning KGNR.
00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:34.159
That sounds good.
00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:35.199
Just toss it right off.
00:15:35.199 --> 00:15:36.159
Hi, KG and R.
00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:39.279
And uh and you get in at a reduced rate.
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:41.279
KG and R Newtime's 818.
00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:47.120
You could tell Bruce was just thrilled to death to be woken up so early to do a radio spot.
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:51.039
But those kind of things really help the club keep the crowds coming in.
00:15:51.039 --> 00:16:03.600
Uh, we always did a combination of marketing and advertising, uh, including TV, radio, billboards, print, flyers, you name it, anything to get butts in the seats because that's how we kept things going.
00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:05.840
Right now we're going to go to another headliner.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.319
You've heard him on a couple of the earlier podcasts.
00:16:08.319 --> 00:16:13.519
He's a very talented comic musician out of Venice Beach, California.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:19.919
He is still producing music, but we think of him as one of the funniest guys when it comes to musical comedy.
00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:22.720
Here's some music by Robert Aguyo.
00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:28.559
Darling so wonderful.
00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:36.799
Everything is back to the first time.
00:18:08.560 --> 00:18:11.280
Wow, Robert really knows how to put together some music.
00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:12.640
We hope you enjoyed that.
00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.759
Hey, we're gonna jump into some straight stand-up comedy.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.200
This next headliner is a very special treat to share with you.
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:28.720
He's originally out of Seattle, and he's one of the few entertainers in comedy who has won both the Seattle and the San Francisco Comedy Competitions.
00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:33.920
So these are national competitions because comics came from all over the country to participate.
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:39.600
And to be able to win both Seattle and San Francisco is a real tip of the hat to David Crow.
00:18:39.600 --> 00:18:46.480
And David was a regular at Laughs Unlimited, and I've used him since for some of the fundraising concerts I've put off.
00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:51.280
And you may have also heard David on the nationally known Bob and Tom morning show.
00:18:51.280 --> 00:18:55.040
He has performed all over the country, and I think you'll enjoy a set.
00:18:55.040 --> 00:18:59.519
So sit back and enjoy a comedy set from headliner David Crow.
00:19:01.280 --> 00:19:05.680
Let's face it, lawmakers, they sometimes have these laws that just are so meddling, don't you think?
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:08.640
Best case I've ever seen in the state of Georgia.
00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:09.759
Honest to God.
00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:12.640
Oral sex is illegal.
00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:18.880
She's going, I know that.
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:25.280
I live there and often broke the law.
00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:31.759
You know what the weird part about that is?
00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:38.080
Because that's a law means that had to be debated on the floor of the Georgia State Legislature.
00:19:38.080 --> 00:19:42.400
I don't want to sound like a pervert, but I would have bought tickets to that event.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:51.600
Well, Senator, may I call your attention to Article 2, Section 3 of the Antiphalia Statute?
00:19:51.600 --> 00:20:03.360
Well, it says no gentleman shall ever receive all stimulation of his genitalia.
00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:10.080
I'm fully aware of the heinous nature of this crime saying it up.
00:20:10.080 --> 00:20:16.480
But say a gentleman was to uh injured his genitalia.
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:24.640
You mean to prohibit his wife from uh guessing it better?
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:34.240
Uh no, Senator, that is not the intent of the law.
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:43.840
If I could direct all your attention to the video monitor here, we have a reenactment of the crime taking place.
00:20:43.840 --> 00:20:55.519
I would like to point out the rather touching nature of the Janitalian and the young lady rather overzealously stimulating the penance.
00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:01.040
She's doing a lot more than just kissing at battle.
00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:05.600
Pless he've been hurt something going awful.
00:21:05.600 --> 00:21:09.280
I swear she looked like she's trying to kill cancer, there.
00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:15.440
Oh, Senator.
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:20.000
I don't think it's appropriate to show this kind of video at the legislature.
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.160
May I request a copy for myself to view in my own time?
00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:29.680
Yeah, Senator, I request we all get copies of that there video.
00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:36.000
In fact, I like starting filibuster with the video right now.
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:46.400
Does it matter if a dog licks, you're dead?
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:56.400
I mean, just if you spell some gravy on it or something, you know.
00:22:03.280 --> 00:22:04.160
Forget it.
00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:12.240
I gotta tell you, David always uh comes from a different angle and is a very funny guy.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.360
And if you ever get a chance to see him live, make sure you do that.
00:22:15.360 --> 00:22:16.960
One of the best in the business.
00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:18.880
Hey, I wanted to break things up now.
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:27.920
We have a radio promo spot that was put together for us to promote uh one of the early appearances by Gary Shanling at the club.
00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:40.480
It doesn't include anything direct from Gary, other a couple excerpts from his sets, but it's a very funny promo and it gives you an idea of the kind of advertising and marketing we did to get butts in the seats.
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:44.640
This was to promote a week of Gary Shanling at Laughs Unlimited.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:47.920
Sit back and enjoy this short short radio promo.
00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:54.960
Hey, for a good time, come on over to Laughs Unlimited, a fellow who just appeared on The Tonight Show is headlining Thursday through Sunday.
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:55.920
Gary Chandling.
00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.759
And who are these guys with compasses on the dashboards of their car?
00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:00.800
Have you seen it?
00:23:00.800 --> 00:23:01.759
Where the hell are they going?
00:23:01.759 --> 00:23:03.280
Ecuador or what?
00:23:03.840 --> 00:23:06.640
Also this week, Paula Poundstone from San Francisco.
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:08.640
Doors open at 7, Tuesday through Sunday.
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:13.360
Showtime is 8, Tuesday through Thursday, 8 and 10 30, Friday and Saturday nights.
00:23:13.360 --> 00:23:14.720
Call for reservations now.
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:17.840
Laughs will rest Christmas week, but then look out.
00:23:17.840 --> 00:23:20.320
You're invited for a fabulous New Year's Eve.
00:23:20.320 --> 00:23:21.840
Two shows, one at 7 p.m.
00:23:21.840 --> 00:23:24.800
for the midnight in New York party, or come for the 10 p.m.
00:23:24.800 --> 00:23:26.880
show and share the fun when it's midnight here.
00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:28.560
The man who has no friends.
00:23:28.560 --> 00:23:30.400
Bob Sagitt brings in the new year.
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:34.320
Also Jeremy Kramer from San Francisco and Chris McDermott from LA's Comedy Store.
00:23:34.320 --> 00:23:41.120
New Year's Eve tickets must be picked up by December 19th, so call now for Laughs Unlimited Reservations, 446-5905.
00:23:41.120 --> 00:23:43.440
And don't miss Gary Chandling this week.
00:23:43.680 --> 00:23:44.880
It's so weird.
00:23:46.800 --> 00:23:48.000
Hey, what'd you think of that?
00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:49.040
Not bad, huh?
00:23:49.040 --> 00:23:52.480
If you heard that on the radio, you might be driving down to the club right now.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:55.360
Of course, this was 40 years ago.
00:23:55.360 --> 00:23:57.519
But hey, eventually we get there.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:58.720
All right.
00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:00.320
We hope you enjoyed that.
00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:06.240
Well, now it's time for our next headliner, and this is somebody that is really special to me.
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:08.640
Uh his name is Tom McTeague.
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:10.800
He is a very talented headliner.
00:24:10.800 --> 00:24:15.759
He's done numerous uh TV spots, one of the top headliners in the country.
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:18.400
He's a regular in Las Vegas to this day.
00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:20.000
But you may recognize him.
00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.400
He was also on the TV show Baywatch as a regular back in 1989.
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:27.600
He was also on Beverly Hills 90210.
00:24:27.600 --> 00:24:31.759
And later in 2014, he was in the movie Boyhood.
00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:35.120
Here he is, our next headliner, Tom McTeague.
00:24:35.120 --> 00:24:36.560
Well, it's nice to be here.
00:24:36.560 --> 00:24:39.920
Um played some golf today, which was fun.
00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:50.320
Um, but it's kind of embarrassing because I hit a I'm not a very good golfer, but I hit kind of a long ball of about the fifth T, I guess, and I clipped the lady in the foresome in front of us.
00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:53.040
And I didn't kill her or nothing.
00:24:53.040 --> 00:24:55.519
So I had to club her to death with my forearm.
00:24:55.519 --> 00:25:04.560
Because you never want to take a wounded golfer home with you, because sometimes, you know, they come too in the back seat and they can really tear up your upholstery.
00:25:04.560 --> 00:25:14.720
I was hanging around up on Venice Beach not too long ago.
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:33.440
And uh I was walking down the boardwalk up there, and these two guys passed me, and and as they walked past, they made some rather disparaging remarks about Mexicans, which I thought was a little, you know, off base, you know, because there's a lot of Mexican influence and a lot of Mexicans around here, because Mexico's like a block away.
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:43.440
Um, if you think about it, it's really too bad because the Mexicans as a people are a very, very proud race.
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:45.200
They were originally Siberian.
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:49.680
Um then this is a long time ago.
00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:57.360
Then they migrated across the Siberian Land Bridge to Alaska, and it was just really cold.
00:25:57.360 --> 00:26:04.880
Uh and they um kept walking and they got to Canada, and um, everybody was just all stupid.
00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:15.840
Um so then they kept walking and got to Washington and it was raining, and then they got to Oregon and they didn't want to hang around because everybody was pretty stoned.
00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:22.800
And then um they got down here to California, kept walking and got here to California, and of course couldn't get on the golf courses here.
00:26:22.800 --> 00:26:28.640
And so they kept walking and got to and eventually settled what we now know as Mexico.
00:26:28.640 --> 00:26:35.759
And it makes me awfully upset when I hear people say, you know, that Mexicans are lazy because you know they're not lazy, they're tired.
00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:44.240
I'm a little tired myself.
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:47.600
I'm I'm not like Ethiopian tired, you know.
00:26:47.600 --> 00:27:17.680
I wipe my fly off my nose if I had to be tired, you got a fly in the just really tired give you a cheeseburger if you wipe it off.
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:22.880
I don't think so.
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:29.840
I'm I'm tired though.
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:31.360
I'm tired.
00:27:31.360 --> 00:27:34.720
I just um I just got um a new bed.
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:36.480
Um my first bed, actually.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:37.759
It's my first real bed.
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:39.920
Uh not like real, real bed.
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:42.080
Sleeping on pallets of straw.
00:27:42.080 --> 00:27:44.720
It's had a water bed before.
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:50.320
Um which are good bed, they're good beds for for um sleeping on.
00:27:50.320 --> 00:27:54.720
Um but they're not very good for making love, I don't think.
00:27:54.720 --> 00:28:01.120
Because my idea of the love act is um real slam dunk at friction, you know.
00:28:01.120 --> 00:28:14.480
And um with water beds, you know, you get the wave action going, you know, and then both parties just kind of in the same direction.
00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:19.759
Kind of becomes a nice warm wet place to put your penis for no apparent reason.
00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:28.720
Makes you kind of sleepy.
00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:38.160
And um I had silk sheets on my waterbed.
00:28:38.160 --> 00:28:43.120
And silk sheets, in my opinion, are a purchase that people only make once.
00:28:43.120 --> 00:28:45.759
You only buy silk sheets once.
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:48.640
And I bought them for the same reason that most men buy silk sheets.
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:59.200
Um I saw an ad in a men's magazine um with a very voluptuous young lady and a very high-cut teddy here, and a low-cut teddy there, and they'll push a big old cleavage down.
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:07.280
And there's a caption underneath it all that said, Nothing feels like silk.
00:29:07.280 --> 00:29:15.519
So I bought him.
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:19.200
Yeah, and they're right.
00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:25.519
Well, nothing feels like silk, but nothing feels like a headboard at 30 miles an hour either.
00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:33.040
Tom was always one of the funniest guys and a regular at Laughs Unlimited.
00:29:33.040 --> 00:29:41.200
So great to get an opportunity to share his comedy along with the comedy of David Crow, Robert Aguaio, and Steve Smith.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:44.960
We hope that you had a good time enjoying this podcast.
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:48.400
We have more coming out one each and every week.
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:53.840
Be sure to listen, share, and if you go to our website, be sure to comment.
00:29:53.840 --> 00:29:55.680
Thanks for listening.
00:29:55.680 --> 00:29:56.720
Bye.
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:02.560
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC.
00:30:02.560 --> 00:30:13.680
For information on the show, merchandise, and our sponsors, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc dot com.
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:18.080
Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand up comedy.
00:30:18.080 --> 00:30:20.560
Visit a comedy showroom near you.