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Alright, guys, welcome back to the Standing Nowhere podcast.
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This is Jake, your host, and it's been a minute.
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God, it's been I think six months since I last recorded an episode, and uh little nervous about recording again.
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It's been so long, I'm kind of out of practice.
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And I was gonna take a week, maybe two weeks, possibly three weeks off, you know, somewhere in that ballpark.
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And I did.
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I took some time off.
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What little free time I had I would use for uh, you know, stuff that I was into, like gaming, um, just having fun with the fam, shooting the shit, you know, killing time, free up my mind a little bit.
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Every week I had that pressure to drop a new episode, and I just needed to step back from it.
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I started feeling overwhelmed, especially the social media aspect of uh podcasting, it gets pretty intense.
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There's a whole social media aspect that comes along with this.
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And when I first started, I really just wanted to sit down in front of a microphone and uh talk about stuff, you know?
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And there was a whole process of preparing the outline, and the social media aspect was brutal afterwards because I had to promote the episodes, and I really am not a social media guy.
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I'm not into that.
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And um, somebody like myself, who already is strapped for time, you know, planning the episode took a lot out of me.
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I had to think about what I wanted to speak about, draft the outline, and that was another problem is I would put too much time into the outline and I would lose a lot of spontaneity.
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I had a friend of mine say the episode sounded scripted, and I've never used a script ever, nor do I ever plan on it.
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But hearing that feedback, I was like, man, that hurts.
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Because um, you know, I'm trying too hard essentially to make sure that it's gonna be good before I sit down and record instead of just kind of trusting the unknown.
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Isn't that a good metaphor for life?
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You know, it's like we the more we want to control things, the more they kind of slip through our fingers, you know, and we get stressed out when they don't go the way we planned.
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At the same time, you have to have some plan.
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You can't just sit down and record an episode from scratch.
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I mean, can you?
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I guess that's kind of what I'm doing now.
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I had like four or five bullet points of things I wanted to talk about.
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The first being where I've been.
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But yeah, it was it was just taking a lot out of me.
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And I was um, like I mentioned, you know, before when I when I have limited time, I would resort to uh leaning on AI for a lot of stuff.
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And the heart of every episode was completely from me, you know, the outlines, drafting the outlines.
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I would use AI to help me uh with maybe structuring the outline a little bit, like should this section come before that section?
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And I I would use AI to help me edit, which I still do.
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I mean, because it it'll just glance at the whole episode, and I use it to to look at first and flag stuff like is this gonna get me in trouble?
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Maybe I should cut that out, you know.
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But even that I've scaled way back on, at least I plan on going forward.
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And um, I used it for the cover art, I used it for uh social media planning, because I I just I don't want to sit around and plan social media stuff.
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Um, I would start researching like what do I need to do for a thumbnail, for example.
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And um the images, I the whole thing just feels so fake and phony to me.
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You know, you got to do the um the clickbait thumbnail where you know you got a surprised look on your face or something like that.
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I just I really don't like that stuff.
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So I'm gonna redesign everything.
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I haven't done it yet, but I've been planning on it.
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I'm gonna redesign everything to how I want it.
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And whether that is optimal for discovery or not, oh well.
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I'm just gonna do it my way.
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You know, I appreciate AI as a tool.
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Um, you get out of it what you put in and what you prompt it for.
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And before I was prompting it with things like, you know, what's what's the most optimal way for me to promote this on social media?
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But honestly, I don't think AI really knows that because it's just gonna give you a big blended version of what a lot of successful people do.
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But that that's not gonna fit you personally, and I think people are gonna see that authenticity kind of leak out when you just put it through an AI blender.
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So, to those of you who found this podcast through my social media, I apologize.
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It's gonna be a lot more honest uh and me going forward, which means it's probably gonna be a lot less effective.
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But for the people that do find it going forward through social media, at least it's me.
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It'll be me more authentically and uh probably a lot less appealing, but oh well, you know, it's just gonna be me.
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So, anyways, uh you know, I I needed to step back from the podcast just for some uh mental health, you know, putting give giving me some space, right?
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And the first thing I wanted to do was really put some time into gaming, believe it or not.
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I mean, a lot of you know I've I've been a gamer most of my life.
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I'm pretty competitive at gaming as well.
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I love to sit down and play competitive, like esport style games.
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Um, I've been really into Overwatch for the past gosh decade now, off and on, uh, because I love first-person shooter competitive games.
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But for me, I just love playing against other humans.
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Now that I'm in my 40s, I like to test myself and see, you know, am I slipping?
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I've always been able to maintain like the top quarter of players in Overwatch, top 25%.
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And um, when I took this break initially six months ago, I wanted to really push myself and see what I could achieve on Overwatch.
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Because you go back seven or eight years ago, when I was like mid-30s, late 30s, I was able to achieve master's rank, which is like the top two, top three percentile.
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And of course, the game was very different then, but I love that.
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I love being in that top niche of players, you know, the no-lifers, the people who need to get outside and touch some grass.
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I love being in that category.
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And I wanted to go back to that as I was freeing up some time for myself, um, stepping away from the podcast.
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You know, I was still working a lot of hours, but I did have a small window where I could work slightly less.
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Anyways, I jumped into it and um I was really focused.
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You know, I was eating a lot better.
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It's funny because it encouraged me to kind of optimize myself biologically.
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I would get better sleep.
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I would time the amount that I played and made sure that I took breaks.
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I was eating better.
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You know, trying to get higher in Overwatch made me want to just be a better person.
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It's kind of weird saying that out loud, but it's true.
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You know, I already meditate daily, which helps a lot with mental stress and things like that.
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But one of the big things I struggle with in competitive gaming is being a good sport.
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I've come a long way, even five years ago, ten years ago when I was younger.
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I mean, all the way back to the 80s when I was a kid.
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You know, if I failed at a video game or died, I I think the first controller I broke was on an old Radio Shack Tandy.
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And a lot of you, that's way before your time, but some of you may know about it.
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It was like this old keyboard where you'd stick a big cartridge in the side, and the games back then were just ridiculously hard.
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And I threw a controller on the ground as a kid and button popped out.
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And I've broken my fair share of uh computer hardware through the years, but you know, when you play against other people, it really pays to be a good sport because the negative energy that can pop up inside of you, um it's pretty bad.
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It's like a fire that can really consume you.
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So you gotta just keep a good uh perspective on the game, you know, and you're gonna lose.
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And it's exactly losing that makes it so much fun when you win.
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Because if you're winning every game, it kind of loses its value.
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But um sportsmanship is very important, you know, they call it tilt, an old term from uh poker, where if you get angry, you start seeing red, you start making um worse decisions, your reactive reaction time goes down.
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And that's something I've always struggled with um throughout my gaming life.
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And it's it's always interesting because to anyone listening who has been practicing, say, mindfulness or being more present in their life, um and what I mean by that is just you know, there's two modes of living.
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Um, there's one where you're on autopilot, thoughts are coming and going in your head, and you don't even notice them.
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You know they're there, but you don't really notice them.
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And then there's the second mode where you're present and you are aware of what's coming into your head.
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And when that happens, you have this little bit of space in your mind where you can make choices.
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Like if a thought pops in your head and you're aware of the thought, you can dismiss it and let it go, or if it's useful, you can follow it.
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And practicing mindfulness, and as I mentioned, people who are listening that practice mindfulness, trying to be more present in their lives, it's interesting because you'll notice when things take you away more.
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Uh, like when I drive, I get taken away a lot more because I'm I'm in the moment.
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I have to uh think about, you know, all these different things to make sure I don't get an accident, or if somebody cuts me off, boom, I'm gone.
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You know, I'm instant reactivity mode.
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A couple of weeks ago, somebody uh got really upset when I zipper merged, which is the correct way to drive.
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And it's funny because I was practicing presence up to that point.
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I was practicing following my breath.
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I was even watching my emotions as I was zipper merging, and thoughts were appearing in my head, like, oh, what if somebody gets angry, you know, and they don't understand what you're doing is correct.
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Because you always see people pile up in a turn lane way too early instead of using the open lane and you know, merging at the last moment, which reduces traffic.
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Anyways, I zipper merge and this guy gets really upset.
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So he follows close behind me, tailgating me.
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He switches his light on, and boom, I'm gone.
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I lost my presence.
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I got into reactivity mode.
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I started getting angry.
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You know, fuck this guy.
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Why is he following me so close?
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Doesn't he know that what I did is correct?
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And then I had to turn right eventually.
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So he pulled up next to me.
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We rolled our windows down and we started a little shouting match.
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And um, at first I was telling him, you know, it's called a zipper merge.
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Google it, it's the correct way to drive.
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You're the one causing traffic.
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But he was in full reactivity mode as well.
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He's shouting curses at me, and his wife's sitting next to him, she's cursing at me too.
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And uh, you know, I'm human, so I lost myself in that moment too, and I quickly regained my awareness after that event, and uh and I was just kind of with the anger feeling inside of me, and it doesn't feel good, you know.
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Anger causes us to do a lot of stupid things in life, and um back to my original point, um, gaming is one of those areas in my life where I would say like 80, 90 percent of the time I'm a good sport, and when I lose, I take it on the chin.
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But there's you know, a good 10, 20% of games where I get frustrated.
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Everyone does.
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It's one of the big things in Overwatch that's really challenging because they always put you against people who are ranked where you're at.
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So you're gonna win.
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The algorithm tries to make you win and lose 50% of the time.
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So you got to be able to take it on the chin when you lose.
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And I'm not always able to do that, and sometimes I lose it, you know, even after meditating for four years, you know.
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Sure, meditation's helped, but uh, you still lose yourself, you're still human, you're still a human being.
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And um, those moments where I get taken out, it's always fascinating to me.
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And I'm always like, why is it with gaming, out of everything in my life, that I still struggle the most with?
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With maintaining presence, maintaining mindfulness.
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It's something about gaming.
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Um, maybe it's just that intense competitive environment, I don't know.
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But um taking time off and gaming and trying to rank up, I um brought my practice into the game and I was really kind of watching myself uh get angry.
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And there was times when I just absolutely would lose it, just like I did when I was a kid, you know, and I'm like, wow, I guess I'm still human, you know, I'm not quite to Buddhahood yet.
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But um, you know, I still have a lot of work to do on myself, and um thoughts will always pop up, like, oh, you're losing it.
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Your practice has not helped you, you know, you're just like you've always been, you're fooling yourself.
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All kinds of negativity, thought negative thought loops would just pop up.
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And I just use it as an as an opportunity to uh watch myself, observe myself, see how I'm doing.
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And uh I did eventually rank up after a couple of days, taking some time off, I was able to achieve diamond one on DPS in Overwatch, which brought me into the top three, top four percentile, pretty close to where I was before in masters.
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Not quite as close, but um almost there, you know.
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And and for someone in their 40s uh who's really busy on an old computer, my hardware is at least 10, 11 years old.
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I'm playing against kids who um have top-of-the-line rigs and they got way better frame rate than I do, way better response time than I do.
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So the fact that I'm still hanging with them, you know, my ego was appeased.
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I felt good.
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I felt like I could exhale, like I'm still there, you know.
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So um little uh self-gloating there.
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But after I took uh some time off and was playing video games, just you know, watching movies with the fam, hanging out, um, the uh the summer was really kicking into gear.
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And when you are a delivery driver for these uh gig apps, which I do full time, as many of you know, DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub, uh, we have what's called the summer slowdown.
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And every year has been a little bit worse than the year before it.
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Uh, pay has been getting slashed dramatically, especially over the last two years.
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And there's more drivers than ever on the road because of the economy and where it's at.
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And when there's more drivers, that's great for the companies because then we are fighting each other uh over rides, which means we get more desperate, so we take deliveries that are absolutely not worth our time.
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And it was getting so dire that I was making less than I want to say 60, 65% of what I was making two to three years ago, uh, even less than that on some days through the summer.
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So after I took some time off and I was ready to possibly start making some episodes again, I was in a position where I had to work more hours than I ever have before.
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And I think I worked two almost three months straight, uh, doing about at least 55 hours a week, up to 65 and 70 hours a week, just to make less than I was a few months prior.
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So after I took that time off, it was like I had no more time because I had to work so many hours.
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So even coming up with a podcast idea, it just wasn't there.
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And I just said to myself, Well, I gotta take more time off then from the podcast because I can't come into it half-ass.
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And I just put it out of my mind.
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I said, you know what, I love podcasting, and I do, but I'll come back to it when I can.
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And in the meantime, I'll just let my mind kind of rest.
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And I took that as an opportunity as well to work on myself.
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So if you listen to the last episode, I listened to it.
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I sounded a little frantic in that episode, to be honest, and I think that was a testament to how stressed I was and how busy I was and how much I needed to step back.
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And I was talking about dropping things like uh caffeine or other habits.
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And for me personally, having this commitment to being more present in my life, more awake, if you will, I start to notice things that pull me out, like I was mentioning previously, like gaming or a driver flipping me off, but also habits.
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And when I have too much caffeine, like I have had today, um, it it tends to create that uh anxious, racy thought environment in my mind.
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And I I don't like that.
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You know, paying more attention to yourself, you start to notice these states of mind that you don't like.
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And before that, I started to notice notice the state of mind that cannabis would put me in, both while I was on it or when I was off of it after 24 hours.
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And I started to notice that while I was on it, I just wasn't thinking optimally.
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I mean, it was a lot of fun, it's very relaxing, of course.
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It's a wonderful drug, you know, but it has side effects.
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And I didn't really notice those side effects until I started paying more close attention to how I felt, especially around the 24-hour marker from the last time I would have it.
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And what turned out to be something that I love to do at the end of the day to help me relax, I started to notice as I got to the end of the day, it was like I couldn't wait to have it because the day was so hard, or it I perceived it as so hard.
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My thoughts just felt so heavy, you know, my situation.
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So that was why I dropped cannabis before.
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I like to train with a barbell, and that's another thing that I've started doing recently is uh working out, exercising, training myself, training my body.
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I've been a huge lover of weightlifting for well over a decade now, and it's been you know one of the most important things in my life.
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Because if when you eat right and you uh train your body and you give it resistance, it it just it puts you in such a better state of mind that I cannot I cannot overemphasize how important it truly is to take care of yourself nutritionally, hygienically with your sleep or hygiene in general, dressing um in a respectable manner so you feel dignified.
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You know, getting sleep, eating right, training with a barbell, training with resistance training.
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For me personally, um the big uh uh guru, if you will, of nutrition and sports training and sports fitness is has been Martin Burkhan.
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Most of you don't know who he is, but you've heard of intermittent fasting, and he is the uh um single biggest person in terms of how the world knows about intermittent fasting.
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It's it's because of him.
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He's kind of a prodigy when it comes to understanding scientific research and uh he really has helped uh me personally with understanding uh how important it is to eat, how to eat properly, how to train properly.
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And it's not complicated at all.
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It doesn't take a lot of time.
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You know, I started lifting um probably about four or five months ago, shortly after my my break, my planned break, I started picking up the barbell again, and I've never felt better.
00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:44.720
And it was like I started remembering how good I felt when I lifted.
00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:47.519
I it's like I forgot because I was so busy.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:59.759
And that's been one of the hardest things is my schedule is so busy that I couldn't justify it to myself to take an hour to an hour and a half three times a week to lift.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:03.039
And I forgot the immense benefit that comes from that.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:09.599
And ever since I've picked it up, you know, I've I've lost over 35 pounds since the last time you guys have heard me.
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:11.039
And I feel better.
00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:14.079
I had I was starting to get sleep apnea, and that's gone.
00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:21.920
My snoring at night has been greatly reduced, and I feel much more refreshed every day that I wake up.
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:26.319
And I've saved myself from having to get a CPAP machine, at least for now.
00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:33.680
I still have to get a sleep test done to see if I really need one later, but I really don't want to wear a Darth Vader mask every day for the rest of my life.
00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:39.759
So that's part of the reason I started uh lifting and eating right, uh, is because I didn't I didn't want to die.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:41.359
I didn't want to have sleep apnea.
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:44.720
I wanted to wake up feeling good every day.
00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:48.880
So that's something I've been doing since I've been gone as well.
00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:51.839
I'm kind of giving you guys a big update because it's been a while.
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:55.599
You know, it's been about six months or more since you've last heard me.
00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:59.599
So I've uh started lifting again, eating right, eating.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.279
A lot of protein, almost 300 grams a day.
00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:10.400
If you want to see the routine that I'm doing, uh you can go to Amazon and get a book called The Lean Gains Method.
00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:16.799
It was written by Martin Birkhahn, the same Swedish man that I'm speaking to you about.
00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:22.880
In addition to that, I've really stepped up my uh job applications.
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:26.160
I was kind of half-assing it before, if I'm honest.
00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:31.279
You know, I'd put out apps, but not nearly as many as I I've needed to.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:36.000
And the past couple of months, I've really been applying for a crazy number of jobs.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:49.279
I think as of right now, as of this recording, I have about 35 to 40 open job applications and a whole bunch of rejection letters, but that's part of the process.
00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:52.400
It's a tough economy right now, trying to find work.
00:22:52.799 --> 00:23:00.079
I um I almost had a job back in May, uh, shortly after I took a hiatus.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.400
And it's it's a really good job.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:06.559
The pay is pretty decent, I would say.
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:08.240
Very competitive.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:15.519
It's unionized too, so they um they have a lot of protections like job increases with cost of living, pension.
00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:17.920
I mean, how many jobs have pensions now?
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:21.359
And a slew of benefits.
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:30.480
And I applied for the job, I got a phone call interview, I did well on that, and they said, we want you to come in for a second interview.
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:32.000
So I went.
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:36.480
And when I got to the interview, there was a fair amount of people there.
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:39.839
I would say 35, 40 people.
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.319
And they said, Congratulations, you guys.
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:46.720
You guys are the top, you know, 40 people out of 700 applicants.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:51.200
Now, just to let you all know, we only have five positions available.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:54.640
So a lot of us kind of looked at each other and we got a little nervous.
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.599
And they said, We're going to be doing uh interviews with 12 different people.
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:02.240
You'll have two minutes at each station.
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:06.400
So, long story short, we we went through our round of interviews.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:11.039
I felt like I did really well, and I got a phone call a few days later.
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:16.240
And the woman said, I have good news and I have bad news.
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:18.000
And I thought, oh boy.
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:21.440
She said, The good news is we really like you.
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:26.960
She said, You were our number two pick out of 700 people.
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:28.960
700 English speakers.
00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:30.319
And I thought, well, great.
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:36.400
She said, the only thing is we only have one position available for English speakers at the moment.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:37.599
I thought, uh.
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:43.759
She's like, so you didn't get the job now, but we really, really like you, and we can't emphasize that enough.
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:47.039
And we'd love for you to reapply in the fall.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:53.279
Which it is now fall, and they still have not reopened the position yet, but I am checking every day.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:58.799
So that was kind of flattering to hear that I had beaten over 700 candidates.
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.640
It was just unfortunate they didn't have a spot for me at the time.
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:06.400
In the meantime, I've applied at uh a bunch of other places.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:10.799
I had another job that was really close, but they rejected me.
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:13.839
I made it to the second interview.
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:16.720
Pretty decent pay there as well.
00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:20.079
And um, I guess I just wasn't the right fit for them.
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:25.519
It's a really competitive market out there, so that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:30.319
I'm a much healthier uh version of myself than you last heard me.
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:40.400
Um much busier, working a lot more hours, if that's even possible, more or less consistently over 60 hours a week.
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:44.160
I took a half day today because I just needed a mental health day.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.079
So I figured I'd record an episode.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:47.839
It just felt like the time was right.
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:56.880
I've been getting that feeling inside that I've been wanting to make an episode for quite a while now, and I thought, well, today's the day, you know.
00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:02.000
I just went to two weddings, so I did get a little vacation time, even though I couldn't afford it.
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:09.599
I couldn't afford to miss it because they're family, and if you don't make time for once-in-a-lifetime things like a wedding, you know, what's the point of being here?
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:11.440
So I got through it.
00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:15.039
Um, the financial part of it, and they were great.
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:16.160
They were both really great.
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:19.039
My brother got married, my sister-in-law got married.
00:26:19.359 --> 00:26:20.480
Great times.
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:22.480
Vacation's really tough for me.
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:29.839
Um, it was like over the last two weeks, both of them got married, and it's the most free time I've had in months.
00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:36.480
And the hardest part about vacation time for me is it reminds me of what living is like.
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:52.880
And I know that sounds kind of dark and dystopian, but I've been working so much for so long that I've really forgotten what it's like to have free time, you know, to just have leisure time and spend time with people.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:27:01.200
And oh, it just felt so good socializing and um just being a part of something with everyone else.
00:27:01.359 --> 00:27:03.200
It was just so wonderful.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:10.559
And it's so hard for me to go back to my 60-hour work weeks in my car alone by myself.
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:21.440
I know that sounds woe-is me-ish, but you know, part of this podcast is uh is me talking about what's going on in my life.
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:23.759
And uh that's another thing, too.
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:27.039
The podcast is going to be changing a little bit going forward.
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:44.960
I'm still gonna have a healthy dose of mindful uh wakefulness discussion because that's something that has completely transformed me and my life, my uh my thought process, and it's something that I you know just desperately want to share with people.
00:27:45.119 --> 00:27:55.599
But at the same time, I'm not gonna force myself to only talk about mindfulness or uh being awake and present in your life on every episode.
00:27:56.079 --> 00:28:05.839
Although I'm still I'm I'm sure I'll talk about it quite a bit, but I'll interweave it into relevant topics, uh, like maybe what's going on in the news or in the world.
00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:10.079
You know, I might have an episode that is uh slightly more political.
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:20.160
Um, as you've heard in the past, like I did an episode called Inamorata, where I spoke about the beginning of the Iran war, and now here we are over six months later, and it's still happening.
00:28:20.319 --> 00:28:29.680
So you might hear me talk about politics once in a while, but I'm gonna try to be very tasteful about it, non-divisive, because there's enough of that out there.
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:31.759
It's not gonna be a political podcast, so don't worry.
00:28:31.839 --> 00:28:36.079
I'm just saying I might bring it up, but I'll talk about other stuff too, I'm sure.
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:42.960
I'll have people on to talk about not only their life, but um struggles they've gone through, but also fun stuff, you know.
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:50.960
Uh, I want to kind of turn this into a uh uh a fun podcast, but also a real one, an authentic one.
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:57.440
I don't want to fit into I guess certain what's the word?
00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:04.480
Uh I don't know, I don't want to get locked into a certain niche if I want to talk about various things, you know.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:06.799
So I'm just gonna kind of do what I want.
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:13.519
And if that gets the podcasts uh banned or sidelined, so be it.
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:16.720
You know, we'll figure it out, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:18.960
But that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.440
A little update for you guys.
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:29.759
Right now I'm still looking for work, I'm still working an extreme amount of hours, and um, you know, just trying to uh hang on.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:37.519
But I I feel really good because I I've lost weight, I'm eating right, I'm so I feel a lot better and um very, very sober.
00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:40.880
I no longer drink, I no longer smoke cannabis.
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:47.759
Um, although I I I will make exceptions on uh special events or social gatherings.
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:58.079
I'll still have a beer at a wedding or a little puff on the pipe once in a while, probably less so on the cannabis part, but that's where I'm at.
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:03.759
And um, you know, my my faith is being tested right now.
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:07.519
And faith is kind of a weird word.
00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:17.920
For some people, faith is like, oh, you believe in uh a guy with a beard on a throne, you know, but I'm not talking about that kind of faith.
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:31.599
That that's more of a belief category, which I've spoken on, and I'll try not to uh reiterate too much on this episode, but you know, belief is like uh like a fervent wishing that something were true, right?
00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:37.279
Or having an idea in your head, and you just want to force that idea on other people.
00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:42.640
But faith, the faith that I'm talking about is more of a trust.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:45.279
Like, do you trust the universe?
00:30:45.599 --> 00:31:01.359
And some of you listening might be atheists, some of you might be nihilists, um and and that's really part of the crowd that I really wanted to target with this podcast are uh people who who don't have faith.
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:06.000
They look at life as it's uh it's all random.
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:14.480
That somehow we popped out of randomness, and here we are, and we're just a flash in a pan and we'll be gone.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:28.960
Instead of looking at humanity and life as a as a as a as an expression of the universe, they look at it as separate or other than.
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:37.599
And um that's the faith that I'm talking about, is that you can trust it, that you're part of it, that you're not separate from it.
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:48.079
And that's part of the title of the podcast is Standing Nowhere, because if you if you're standing on a concept, then it's got you.
00:31:48.319 --> 00:32:02.640
And if you uh have a concept in your mind that human beings are a random chance, uh separate thing from the rest of the universe, well, I hate to say it, but you're standing on a false concept.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:04.960
The same goes on the flip side.
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:18.160
You know, if I say this religion is correct, I'm standing on something on the opposite side, instead of using our logic and reasoning, which which says I'm here.
00:32:18.799 --> 00:32:32.000
And if I'm here, well, then hearness or beingness or I amness is an inherent part of whatever this mystery is that we call the universe, right?
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:49.359
And I guess where I'm going with this is if there's any one thing I wanted to get out of this podcast, is to help people who think that it's all meaningless, it's all pointless, it's all suffering, the whole life sucks, then you die crowd.
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:55.519
I wanted to kind of get at those people and say, look, you are the universe.
00:32:55.680 --> 00:33:00.160
Everything in your life is a byproduct of the universe.
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:02.720
It's an expression of the universe.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:13.440
You know, when you look at a flower or a mountain range and you think that's beautiful, that is not some side effect of some survival instinct or whatnot.
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:21.680
That's just a natural expression of the universe looking at itself and thinking, wow, I really am pretty, aren't I?
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:31.200
And I don't want to digress too much into this because I've covered this on many past episodes, but you know, my faith is being tested right now.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:50.240
Because I if if I can keep a positive mindset and an appreciation for life while working insane hours, not able to spend the quality time that I want to with my friends, my family, not being able to buy the things that I want.
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:57.599
Um, you know, not from a greedy materialistic perspective, but even a basic necessity perspective.
00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:01.839
Like I just bought new shoes and they're like three to six months overdue.
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:03.839
My old shoes were getting holes in them.
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:13.440
I'd be doing deliveries in the rain and my feet are soaked, you know, and they've got no grip on the bottom, so I'm slipping and sliding everywhere, and the top part is like frayed.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:15.920
I can't even buy, you know, the basics.
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:23.760
Never, never the uh never mind taking my wife out for date, date night, or the kids on a vacation and things like that.
00:34:24.159 --> 00:34:31.920
So I don't want to give you a woe is me tangent here, but it my faith is being tested right now.
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:33.840
It's really tough to survive.
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:36.800
And I know a lot of you listening feel that same way.
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:39.920
Like it is tough to survive right now.
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:55.199
You know, I'm 43 now, and I remember even in my 30s, I only had to work, like even doing gig work eight, eight or nine years ago, I only had to work about 30 hours a week to make my bills.
00:34:55.360 --> 00:35:10.400
I remember even if I took a vacation, which wasn't paid, you know, back then doing gig work, I could still work a really busy overtime week of like 60 or 70 hours, and I can pay all my bills in one week of work.
00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:16.719
And now I'm working those same crazy hours every week, and I can barely survive.
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:17.519
Barely.
00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:23.039
I am a bad accident away from being homeless.
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:31.280
You know, I am just on the edge in so many ways that I can't even go over all of them with you right now.
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:42.559
And yet I'm still here and I'm still happy and I'm still grateful for the life that I have, the wonderful family that I have, the friends that I have, my kids.
00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:43.920
They're so amazing.
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:50.719
You know, my son, Leon, he started uh kindergarten this year and he loves school so much.
00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:59.840
It's just so adorable seeing him come home with the things that he does, and he he can't wait to show us the artwork that my daughter creates.
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:04.239
And my daughter, she's a straight A student since since she started.
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:05.679
She left school as well.
00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:18.960
My oldest son, Trent, you know, it's been so painful being away from him for almost two years now, but it's so wonderful seeing him uh turn 20 and seeing him work full-time and uh, you know, get out there in the world.
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:22.239
So there's a lot for me to be grateful for.
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:28.719
And of course, there's uh an infinite gradient up or down on uh how you're doing in life.
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:34.960
You know, I could have been born in a much worse country with much less resources, so I'm grateful for the things I do have.
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:41.360
But at the same time, it is really, really hard in my position at this time to survive.
00:36:41.599 --> 00:37:01.039
And I'm just on my hands and knees praying every day for something to open up for me, for some job somewhere to open up, so I have some stability and I can breathe a little more easy and perhaps have a little excess money at the end of the month for savings or buying things that I need.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:06.000
And right now, I just don't have um a lot of that.
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:08.880
And my faith is really being tested right now.
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:11.440
So I just wanted to throw that out there.
00:37:11.599 --> 00:37:16.159
You know, if if a lot of you guys are feeling the same way, I I'm right there with you.
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:17.119
It's tough.
00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:26.719
These are tough times, and all we can do is just focus on the next step that we need to take in in this specific day.
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:39.360
And this is all the more reason why practicing mindfulness and um a daily presence or awareness of of exactly where you are right now is so important.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:58.639
You know, I practice mostly in the Zen tradition and um we call it zazen, you know, being with what you're doing, just whatever you're doing, being completely with that, maintaining good posture and and being with your breathing and um, you know, you you just trust.
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:02.559
That's what faith is, is trusting that it's gonna be okay.
00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:06.559
Even if I become homeless and I die of starvation, it's okay.
00:38:06.719 --> 00:38:08.559
And I don't want it to come to that.
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:15.920
But at the same time, I don't have any Hollywood fairy tale expectations about what's gonna come next.
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:22.800
All I'm doing right now is just taking it one day at a time, one step at a time, one job application at a time.
00:38:23.119 --> 00:38:26.000
And in the meantime, I'm uh working on myself.
00:38:26.159 --> 00:38:32.159
I'm blessed enough to have a squat rack and a barbell in my garage, so it makes it a lot easier to work out.
00:38:32.239 --> 00:38:34.880
So I still have my health, I still have my strength.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:41.679
I've been eating better and feeling better, and you know, I spend as much time with my family as I can.
00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:47.920
It's not nearly as much as I want, but you know, my faith is being tested right now.
00:38:48.079 --> 00:39:11.760
I have a little uh lyric I wanted to read you guys from uh Green Day, uh, from their 21 Guns album, and it says, when you're at the end of the road and you lost all sense of control, and your thoughts have taken their toll, when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul, your faith walks on broken glass, and the hangover doesn't pass.
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:14.719
Nothing's ever built to last.
00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:16.400
You're in ruins.
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:21.920
Crazy.
00:39:22.079 --> 00:39:28.239
I I heard that lyric the other day when we were driving, I think back from the wedding or something, and I was like, man, what a beautiful lyric.
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:31.679
It's like your faith is walking on broken glass.
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:33.039
That's how it feels right now.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:39.679
The gas price is my god, five bucks a gallon here in Gilbert, Arizona for a good while there.
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:47.039
I mean, we just got down to like 430 a gallon, but that was eating me alive on top of everything being slow.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:57.679
So you want to talk about my faith being tested, and then on top of that, you know, not really having time to put into the podcast and having it sit there for six months.
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:02.960
It was rough, you know, like my faith was being really tested and it still is.
00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:08.800
But again, all I can do is be present at this moment.
00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:23.920
You know, here I am sitting in this chair, talking to you guys on this microphone, feeling my back being straight and just being with my breath, trusting that the next words that I say will make for a decent episode.
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:26.639
I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring.
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:28.800
It could get a lot worse.
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:36.719
I'll be honest with you, when I first started this podcast well over a year ago, congrats on one year on the podcast too, by the way, pat on the back.
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:40.960
You know, I thought things were just gonna start getting better right away.
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:48.079
I had this idea in my head, in the back of my head, that the podcast would really take off in six to nine months.
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:51.840
I would have a lot of people following, and that didn't pan out.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:54.800
You know, the podcast it grew really slowly.
00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:57.360
You know, I don't know when my next episode is gonna come out.
00:40:57.519 --> 00:41:09.840
It could be a week, it could be uh a couple of months again, hopefully not, but I'm holding on, you know, and um although my faith is being tested, I do feel pretty good.
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:12.079
I feel good, I feel good inside.
00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:16.079
It's not a um, it's not like I'm in denial.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:20.480
I'm not uh disassociated with my experiences.
00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:27.599
If anything, I'm more present than ever with how hard things are right now, but I'm holding on.
00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:34.960
And um, on top of that, having to reach out and ask for help from family members, it's extremely difficult.
00:41:35.199 --> 00:41:39.760
You know, your ego or your mind starts to uh beat itself up.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:41.599
Like, how did you get yourself here?
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:43.039
And you piece of crap.
00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:46.480
Why didn't you uh look for a job like you are now sooner?
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:48.639
You know, all the negative thoughts.
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:51.760
Um it's tough.
00:41:52.559 --> 00:41:58.960
But all I can do is love myself and focus on one step at a time to try to get out of this, you know.
00:41:59.519 --> 00:42:03.679
So that's that's pretty much an update.
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:07.920
That was some of the main meat that I wanted to talk about on this episode.
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:12.800
And since it's been a while, I wanted to maybe hit a few other things too.
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:22.320
You know, I mentioned before that I used AI to help me with the podcast due to my limited free time, and it's been an invaluable tool.
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:26.559
You know, it showed me how to do editing, it showed me how to get the podcast off the ground.
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:34.960
I think a lot of people are worried about AI when they shouldn't be because and this is just my opinion.
00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:42.239
AI is is sort of a what's the word I'm looking for here?
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:48.559
AI is it sort of mimics the way your mind works.
00:42:48.719 --> 00:42:50.239
And hear me out on this.
00:42:51.119 --> 00:42:53.679
It is a form of intelligence, obviously.
00:42:54.079 --> 00:43:00.400
People like to diminish uh AI as, well, it's just a large language model, it's just a if this, then that.
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:05.840
But I hate to tell you, but that's what you are, at least your intelligence, your mind.
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:15.360
And part of the reason that mindfulness practice is so important in your life, is precisely this reason.
00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:18.639
Because if you're not present with your life, you're missing it.
00:43:18.719 --> 00:43:28.639
And you're living in the past because your brain is literally only past images, words, symbols, things that you've seen before.
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:38.719
So you're living completely from things that you've seen in the past, and then you're trying to formulate or predict what will happen in the future.
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:40.719
So you're not living at all in the now.
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:43.119
You're not able to take in new things.
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:47.440
And AI mimics the way our mind works.
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:52.639
But what it doesn't do, what it doesn't have, is that awareness behind it.
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:56.880
So AI kind of mimics our anxieties, if you will.
00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:04.239
And people that identify Only with their thoughts, only with thinking.
00:44:04.960 --> 00:44:09.679
I think, therefore I am, they feel threatened by AI.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:13.039
But AI can't create new things.
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:15.360
That's only something a human can do.
00:44:15.599 --> 00:44:24.800
AI takes everything that's already been done before and it kind of regurgitates it out into a sort of a vanilla mainstream way.
00:44:25.679 --> 00:44:31.119
Don't get me wrong, it can create cool art and things like that, but it's always based on things that it's seen.
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.800
And that's exactly how your mind works, too, your your your own intelligence.
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:45.199
Uh, which again is why presence is so important, because you can't create new things uh if you're not present.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.199
And that's how all creation happens.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:50.480
It comes out of nowhere, it comes out of the void, if you will.
00:44:50.719 --> 00:44:56.000
And as humans, we kind of like channel it into something tangible.
00:44:56.639 --> 00:45:05.679
Like when a musician creates a new song, you know, they they write down something that they create spontaneously.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:13.599
Like think of um, you know, your any of your favorite songs at any point in your life.
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:19.599
That musician didn't say, I know exactly what this song is going to sound like, and I know exactly what I want to do.
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:21.840
You know, they just start playing.
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:24.559
And it comes out of that play.
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:31.519
And we use the word play because you don't work at music, you don't work the piano, you don't work the guitar.
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:34.480
Things just spring forth new.
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:42.159
And that's why it, I guess to my point with AI is you don't have to worry about being replaced by it.
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:44.880
Certain monotonous jobs, yeah.
00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:51.760
But as human beings, you know, it they can't replace our creativity, our artistic side.
00:45:52.000 --> 00:46:03.039
The only thing we do have to worry about is is the job factor, but like I mentioned on previous episodes, uh, I think it was Inamurata, you AI is not taking your job.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:08.480
The person who owns the job is replacing you with AI.
00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:12.960
So AI is not the threat, it's the person who owns the job.
00:46:13.760 --> 00:46:17.599
So the state of the world right now, it's in a really weird place.
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:21.920
And we're seeing a decline in the West as well.
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:29.599
We see the decline in living standards in the United States, and you know, it's it's a gloomy situation.
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:38.400
And a lot of this that I've been talking about, you know, I put these bullet points down as some things I wanted to talk about in this episode, but I can feel like it's getting a little too dark.
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:43.840
And I just want to kind of steer it away from that because it's important to keep optimism.
00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:58.800
There are periods in time, in history, where things feel like they're getting dire, and they are, but we can always rally, we can always overcome it, and we have in the past, and we will this time.
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:02.320
And the important thing is to maintain hope, really.
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.360
And that was the last thing I just wanted to kind of hit on.
00:47:05.679 --> 00:47:13.840
Like I mentioned, with my faith being tested, I still have hope, and it's not a foolish, blind Hollywood ending hope.
00:47:14.239 --> 00:47:16.159
You know, I am hoping I'll get a job.
00:47:16.239 --> 00:47:18.639
I'm hoping the economy will improve.
00:47:20.400 --> 00:47:22.320
So take care of yourself.
00:47:22.559 --> 00:47:36.320
You know, take some time and think about what you do have, and who you have, and what you have.
00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:39.679
Let's close this episode on hope.
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:43.280
Let's all bow our heads and uh no, I'm just joking.
00:47:43.519 --> 00:47:44.800
It's good to be back.
00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:53.840
I just wanted to give you guys an update, let you know what's been going on, my plans for the podcast, and uh I promise I'll keep it light.
00:47:55.199 --> 00:48:00.960
Anyways, before I ramble too much, I just want to say I love you guys.
00:48:01.039 --> 00:48:05.199
I'm happy to be back, and uh, you know, keep an eye out for another episode in the near future.
00:48:05.280 --> 00:48:07.199
So, anyways, I'll end it there.
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:08.559
Alright, thanks for listening.
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:10.239
I'll talk to you next time.
00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:07.599
Alright, guys, welcome back to the Standing Nowhere podcast.
00:00:07.839 --> 00:00:10.960
This is Jake, your host, and it's been a minute.
00:00:11.279 --> 00:00:18.640
God, it's been I think six months since I last recorded an episode, and uh little nervous about recording again.
00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:21.839
It's been so long, I'm kind of out of practice.
00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:29.600
And I was gonna take a week, maybe two weeks, possibly three weeks off, you know, somewhere in that ballpark.
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:31.280
And I did.
00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:32.799
I took some time off.
00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:46.079
What little free time I had I would use for uh, you know, stuff that I was into, like gaming, um, just having fun with the fam, shooting the shit, you know, killing time, free up my mind a little bit.
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:52.159
Every week I had that pressure to drop a new episode, and I just needed to step back from it.
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:59.759
I started feeling overwhelmed, especially the social media aspect of uh podcasting, it gets pretty intense.
00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.679
There's a whole social media aspect that comes along with this.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:10.799
And when I first started, I really just wanted to sit down in front of a microphone and uh talk about stuff, you know?
00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:25.840
And there was a whole process of preparing the outline, and the social media aspect was brutal afterwards because I had to promote the episodes, and I really am not a social media guy.
00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:27.200
I'm not into that.
00:01:27.920 --> 00:01:35.920
And um, somebody like myself, who already is strapped for time, you know, planning the episode took a lot out of me.
00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:46.640
I had to think about what I wanted to speak about, draft the outline, and that was another problem is I would put too much time into the outline and I would lose a lot of spontaneity.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:53.680
I had a friend of mine say the episode sounded scripted, and I've never used a script ever, nor do I ever plan on it.
00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:57.519
But hearing that feedback, I was like, man, that hurts.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:08.400
Because um, you know, I'm trying too hard essentially to make sure that it's gonna be good before I sit down and record instead of just kind of trusting the unknown.
00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:11.439
Isn't that a good metaphor for life?
00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:20.960
You know, it's like we the more we want to control things, the more they kind of slip through our fingers, you know, and we get stressed out when they don't go the way we planned.
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:23.439
At the same time, you have to have some plan.
00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:27.039
You can't just sit down and record an episode from scratch.
00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:27.840
I mean, can you?
00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:29.599
I guess that's kind of what I'm doing now.
00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:33.360
I had like four or five bullet points of things I wanted to talk about.
00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:36.080
The first being where I've been.
00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:39.759
But yeah, it was it was just taking a lot out of me.
00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:52.159
And I was um, like I mentioned, you know, before when I when I have limited time, I would resort to uh leaning on AI for a lot of stuff.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:58.560
And the heart of every episode was completely from me, you know, the outlines, drafting the outlines.
00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:07.520
I would use AI to help me uh with maybe structuring the outline a little bit, like should this section come before that section?
00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:10.879
And I I would use AI to help me edit, which I still do.
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:19.439
I mean, because it it'll just glance at the whole episode, and I use it to to look at first and flag stuff like is this gonna get me in trouble?
00:03:19.599 --> 00:03:21.599
Maybe I should cut that out, you know.
00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:26.159
But even that I've scaled way back on, at least I plan on going forward.
00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:36.400
And um, I used it for the cover art, I used it for uh social media planning, because I I just I don't want to sit around and plan social media stuff.
00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:41.520
Um, I would start researching like what do I need to do for a thumbnail, for example.
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:46.960
And um the images, I the whole thing just feels so fake and phony to me.
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:55.919
You know, you got to do the um the clickbait thumbnail where you know you got a surprised look on your face or something like that.
00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:58.960
I just I really don't like that stuff.
00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:01.439
So I'm gonna redesign everything.
00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:03.759
I haven't done it yet, but I've been planning on it.
00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:06.240
I'm gonna redesign everything to how I want it.
00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:11.680
And whether that is optimal for discovery or not, oh well.
00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:13.520
I'm just gonna do it my way.
00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:16.639
You know, I appreciate AI as a tool.
00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:20.560
Um, you get out of it what you put in and what you prompt it for.
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:28.079
And before I was prompting it with things like, you know, what's what's the most optimal way for me to promote this on social media?
00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:36.879
But honestly, I don't think AI really knows that because it's just gonna give you a big blended version of what a lot of successful people do.
00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:47.279
But that that's not gonna fit you personally, and I think people are gonna see that authenticity kind of leak out when you just put it through an AI blender.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:53.600
So, to those of you who found this podcast through my social media, I apologize.
00:04:53.839 --> 00:05:00.480
It's gonna be a lot more honest uh and me going forward, which means it's probably gonna be a lot less effective.
00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:06.720
But for the people that do find it going forward through social media, at least it's me.
00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:14.959
It'll be me more authentically and uh probably a lot less appealing, but oh well, you know, it's just gonna be me.
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:28.079
So, anyways, uh you know, I I needed to step back from the podcast just for some uh mental health, you know, putting give giving me some space, right?
00:05:28.319 --> 00:05:32.560
And the first thing I wanted to do was really put some time into gaming, believe it or not.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:35.759
I mean, a lot of you know I've I've been a gamer most of my life.
00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:37.920
I'm pretty competitive at gaming as well.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:42.800
I love to sit down and play competitive, like esport style games.
00:05:43.040 --> 00:05:52.639
Um, I've been really into Overwatch for the past gosh decade now, off and on, uh, because I love first-person shooter competitive games.
00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:55.519
But for me, I just love playing against other humans.
00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:00.560
Now that I'm in my 40s, I like to test myself and see, you know, am I slipping?
00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:07.360
I've always been able to maintain like the top quarter of players in Overwatch, top 25%.
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:18.639
And um, when I took this break initially six months ago, I wanted to really push myself and see what I could achieve on Overwatch.
00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:30.959
Because you go back seven or eight years ago, when I was like mid-30s, late 30s, I was able to achieve master's rank, which is like the top two, top three percentile.
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:35.120
And of course, the game was very different then, but I love that.
00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:42.079
I love being in that top niche of players, you know, the no-lifers, the people who need to get outside and touch some grass.
00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:43.839
I love being in that category.
00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:51.199
And I wanted to go back to that as I was freeing up some time for myself, um, stepping away from the podcast.
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:56.079
You know, I was still working a lot of hours, but I did have a small window where I could work slightly less.
00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:00.720
Anyways, I jumped into it and um I was really focused.
00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:02.800
You know, I was eating a lot better.
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:07.920
It's funny because it encouraged me to kind of optimize myself biologically.
00:07:08.079 --> 00:07:09.519
I would get better sleep.
00:07:09.680 --> 00:07:13.920
I would time the amount that I played and made sure that I took breaks.
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:16.000
I was eating better.
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:21.199
You know, trying to get higher in Overwatch made me want to just be a better person.
00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.480
It's kind of weird saying that out loud, but it's true.
00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:29.839
You know, I already meditate daily, which helps a lot with mental stress and things like that.
00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:35.040
But one of the big things I struggle with in competitive gaming is being a good sport.
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:40.240
I've come a long way, even five years ago, ten years ago when I was younger.
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:42.879
I mean, all the way back to the 80s when I was a kid.
00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:50.319
You know, if I failed at a video game or died, I I think the first controller I broke was on an old Radio Shack Tandy.
00:07:50.399 --> 00:07:53.600
And a lot of you, that's way before your time, but some of you may know about it.
00:07:53.680 --> 00:08:00.480
It was like this old keyboard where you'd stick a big cartridge in the side, and the games back then were just ridiculously hard.
00:08:00.639 --> 00:08:04.399
And I threw a controller on the ground as a kid and button popped out.
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:20.720
And I've broken my fair share of uh computer hardware through the years, but you know, when you play against other people, it really pays to be a good sport because the negative energy that can pop up inside of you, um it's pretty bad.
00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:22.879
It's like a fire that can really consume you.
00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:30.800
So you gotta just keep a good uh perspective on the game, you know, and you're gonna lose.
00:08:30.959 --> 00:08:34.799
And it's exactly losing that makes it so much fun when you win.
00:08:34.879 --> 00:08:38.480
Because if you're winning every game, it kind of loses its value.
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:54.320
But um sportsmanship is very important, you know, they call it tilt, an old term from uh poker, where if you get angry, you start seeing red, you start making um worse decisions, your reactive reaction time goes down.
00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:59.279
And that's something I've always struggled with um throughout my gaming life.
00:08:59.600 --> 00:09:16.080
And it's it's always interesting because to anyone listening who has been practicing, say, mindfulness or being more present in their life, um and what I mean by that is just you know, there's two modes of living.
00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:21.200
Um, there's one where you're on autopilot, thoughts are coming and going in your head, and you don't even notice them.
00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:23.360
You know they're there, but you don't really notice them.
00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:30.559
And then there's the second mode where you're present and you are aware of what's coming into your head.
00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:36.000
And when that happens, you have this little bit of space in your mind where you can make choices.
00:09:36.159 --> 00:09:42.799
Like if a thought pops in your head and you're aware of the thought, you can dismiss it and let it go, or if it's useful, you can follow it.
00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:55.759
And practicing mindfulness, and as I mentioned, people who are listening that practice mindfulness, trying to be more present in their lives, it's interesting because you'll notice when things take you away more.
00:09:55.919 --> 00:10:00.080
Uh, like when I drive, I get taken away a lot more because I'm I'm in the moment.
00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:08.080
I have to uh think about, you know, all these different things to make sure I don't get an accident, or if somebody cuts me off, boom, I'm gone.
00:10:08.159 --> 00:10:10.480
You know, I'm instant reactivity mode.
00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:16.720
A couple of weeks ago, somebody uh got really upset when I zipper merged, which is the correct way to drive.
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:20.320
And it's funny because I was practicing presence up to that point.
00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:22.159
I was practicing following my breath.
00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:32.159
I was even watching my emotions as I was zipper merging, and thoughts were appearing in my head, like, oh, what if somebody gets angry, you know, and they don't understand what you're doing is correct.
00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:42.000
Because you always see people pile up in a turn lane way too early instead of using the open lane and you know, merging at the last moment, which reduces traffic.
00:10:42.159 --> 00:10:44.879
Anyways, I zipper merge and this guy gets really upset.
00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:47.600
So he follows close behind me, tailgating me.
00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:50.559
He switches his light on, and boom, I'm gone.
00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:51.519
I lost my presence.
00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:52.799
I got into reactivity mode.
00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:54.080
I started getting angry.
00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:55.440
You know, fuck this guy.
00:10:55.519 --> 00:10:56.879
Why is he following me so close?
00:10:57.039 --> 00:10:59.200
Doesn't he know that what I did is correct?
00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.200
And then I had to turn right eventually.
00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:02.399
So he pulled up next to me.
00:11:02.559 --> 00:11:06.399
We rolled our windows down and we started a little shouting match.
00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:10.320
And um, at first I was telling him, you know, it's called a zipper merge.
00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:12.159
Google it, it's the correct way to drive.
00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:13.679
You're the one causing traffic.
00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:16.000
But he was in full reactivity mode as well.
00:11:16.080 --> 00:11:20.799
He's shouting curses at me, and his wife's sitting next to him, she's cursing at me too.
00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:33.919
And uh, you know, I'm human, so I lost myself in that moment too, and I quickly regained my awareness after that event, and uh and I was just kind of with the anger feeling inside of me, and it doesn't feel good, you know.
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:52.480
Anger causes us to do a lot of stupid things in life, and um back to my original point, um, gaming is one of those areas in my life where I would say like 80, 90 percent of the time I'm a good sport, and when I lose, I take it on the chin.
00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:57.519
But there's you know, a good 10, 20% of games where I get frustrated.
00:11:57.600 --> 00:11:58.240
Everyone does.
00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:04.960
It's one of the big things in Overwatch that's really challenging because they always put you against people who are ranked where you're at.
00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:06.080
So you're gonna win.
00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:09.519
The algorithm tries to make you win and lose 50% of the time.
00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:12.720
So you got to be able to take it on the chin when you lose.
00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:19.039
And I'm not always able to do that, and sometimes I lose it, you know, even after meditating for four years, you know.
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:24.720
Sure, meditation's helped, but uh, you still lose yourself, you're still human, you're still a human being.
00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:29.039
And um, those moments where I get taken out, it's always fascinating to me.
00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:35.120
And I'm always like, why is it with gaming, out of everything in my life, that I still struggle the most with?
00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:38.480
With maintaining presence, maintaining mindfulness.
00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:40.799
It's something about gaming.
00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:45.360
Um, maybe it's just that intense competitive environment, I don't know.
00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:56.720
But um taking time off and gaming and trying to rank up, I um brought my practice into the game and I was really kind of watching myself uh get angry.
00:12:56.799 --> 00:13:06.240
And there was times when I just absolutely would lose it, just like I did when I was a kid, you know, and I'm like, wow, I guess I'm still human, you know, I'm not quite to Buddhahood yet.
00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:14.879
But um, you know, I still have a lot of work to do on myself, and um thoughts will always pop up, like, oh, you're losing it.
00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:20.080
Your practice has not helped you, you know, you're just like you've always been, you're fooling yourself.
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:24.480
All kinds of negativity, thought negative thought loops would just pop up.
00:13:24.559 --> 00:13:30.960
And I just use it as an as an opportunity to uh watch myself, observe myself, see how I'm doing.
00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:50.159
And uh I did eventually rank up after a couple of days, taking some time off, I was able to achieve diamond one on DPS in Overwatch, which brought me into the top three, top four percentile, pretty close to where I was before in masters.
00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:54.480
Not quite as close, but um almost there, you know.
00:13:54.559 --> 00:14:01.440
And and for someone in their 40s uh who's really busy on an old computer, my hardware is at least 10, 11 years old.
00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:10.159
I'm playing against kids who um have top-of-the-line rigs and they got way better frame rate than I do, way better response time than I do.
00:14:10.320 --> 00:14:14.720
So the fact that I'm still hanging with them, you know, my ego was appeased.
00:14:14.799 --> 00:14:15.519
I felt good.
00:14:15.679 --> 00:14:18.639
I felt like I could exhale, like I'm still there, you know.
00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:23.759
So um little uh self-gloating there.
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:36.159
But after I took uh some time off and was playing video games, just you know, watching movies with the fam, hanging out, um, the uh the summer was really kicking into gear.
00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:50.159
And when you are a delivery driver for these uh gig apps, which I do full time, as many of you know, DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub, uh, we have what's called the summer slowdown.
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:54.480
And every year has been a little bit worse than the year before it.
00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:59.840
Uh, pay has been getting slashed dramatically, especially over the last two years.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:05.840
And there's more drivers than ever on the road because of the economy and where it's at.
00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:19.120
And when there's more drivers, that's great for the companies because then we are fighting each other uh over rides, which means we get more desperate, so we take deliveries that are absolutely not worth our time.
00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:31.759
And it was getting so dire that I was making less than I want to say 60, 65% of what I was making two to three years ago, uh, even less than that on some days through the summer.
00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:42.399
So after I took some time off and I was ready to possibly start making some episodes again, I was in a position where I had to work more hours than I ever have before.
00:15:42.480 --> 00:15:58.480
And I think I worked two almost three months straight, uh, doing about at least 55 hours a week, up to 65 and 70 hours a week, just to make less than I was a few months prior.
00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:04.960
So after I took that time off, it was like I had no more time because I had to work so many hours.
00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:10.559
So even coming up with a podcast idea, it just wasn't there.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:20.799
And I just said to myself, Well, I gotta take more time off then from the podcast because I can't come into it half-ass.
00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:23.600
And I just put it out of my mind.
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:28.799
I said, you know what, I love podcasting, and I do, but I'll come back to it when I can.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:32.960
And in the meantime, I'll just let my mind kind of rest.
00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:39.440
And I took that as an opportunity as well to work on myself.
00:16:39.759 --> 00:16:44.879
So if you listen to the last episode, I listened to it.
00:16:45.120 --> 00:16:53.440
I sounded a little frantic in that episode, to be honest, and I think that was a testament to how stressed I was and how busy I was and how much I needed to step back.
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:58.720
And I was talking about dropping things like uh caffeine or other habits.
00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:17.680
And for me personally, having this commitment to being more present in my life, more awake, if you will, I start to notice things that pull me out, like I was mentioning previously, like gaming or a driver flipping me off, but also habits.
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:29.200
And when I have too much caffeine, like I have had today, um, it it tends to create that uh anxious, racy thought environment in my mind.
00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:30.559
And I I don't like that.
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:35.200
You know, paying more attention to yourself, you start to notice these states of mind that you don't like.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:47.200
And before that, I started to notice notice the state of mind that cannabis would put me in, both while I was on it or when I was off of it after 24 hours.
00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:52.640
And I started to notice that while I was on it, I just wasn't thinking optimally.
00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:55.759
I mean, it was a lot of fun, it's very relaxing, of course.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:59.200
It's a wonderful drug, you know, but it has side effects.
00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:11.519
And I didn't really notice those side effects until I started paying more close attention to how I felt, especially around the 24-hour marker from the last time I would have it.
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:28.640
And what turned out to be something that I love to do at the end of the day to help me relax, I started to notice as I got to the end of the day, it was like I couldn't wait to have it because the day was so hard, or it I perceived it as so hard.
00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:33.599
My thoughts just felt so heavy, you know, my situation.
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.720
So that was why I dropped cannabis before.
00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:46.559
I like to train with a barbell, and that's another thing that I've started doing recently is uh working out, exercising, training myself, training my body.
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:58.240
I've been a huge lover of weightlifting for well over a decade now, and it's been you know one of the most important things in my life.
00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:31.599
Because if when you eat right and you uh train your body and you give it resistance, it it just it puts you in such a better state of mind that I cannot I cannot overemphasize how important it truly is to take care of yourself nutritionally, hygienically with your sleep or hygiene in general, dressing um in a respectable manner so you feel dignified.
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:37.759
You know, getting sleep, eating right, training with a barbell, training with resistance training.
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:49.039
For me personally, um the big uh uh guru, if you will, of nutrition and sports training and sports fitness is has been Martin Burkhan.
00:19:49.519 --> 00:20:02.720
Most of you don't know who he is, but you've heard of intermittent fasting, and he is the uh um single biggest person in terms of how the world knows about intermittent fasting.
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:03.920
It's it's because of him.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:23.119
He's kind of a prodigy when it comes to understanding scientific research and uh he really has helped uh me personally with understanding uh how important it is to eat, how to eat properly, how to train properly.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:25.680
And it's not complicated at all.
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:26.960
It doesn't take a lot of time.
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:38.720
You know, I started lifting um probably about four or five months ago, shortly after my my break, my planned break, I started picking up the barbell again, and I've never felt better.
00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:44.720
And it was like I started remembering how good I felt when I lifted.
00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:47.519
I it's like I forgot because I was so busy.
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:59.759
And that's been one of the hardest things is my schedule is so busy that I couldn't justify it to myself to take an hour to an hour and a half three times a week to lift.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:03.039
And I forgot the immense benefit that comes from that.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:09.599
And ever since I've picked it up, you know, I've I've lost over 35 pounds since the last time you guys have heard me.
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:11.039
And I feel better.
00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:14.079
I had I was starting to get sleep apnea, and that's gone.
00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:21.920
My snoring at night has been greatly reduced, and I feel much more refreshed every day that I wake up.
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:26.319
And I've saved myself from having to get a CPAP machine, at least for now.
00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:33.680
I still have to get a sleep test done to see if I really need one later, but I really don't want to wear a Darth Vader mask every day for the rest of my life.
00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:39.759
So that's part of the reason I started uh lifting and eating right, uh, is because I didn't I didn't want to die.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:41.359
I didn't want to have sleep apnea.
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:44.720
I wanted to wake up feeling good every day.
00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:48.880
So that's something I've been doing since I've been gone as well.
00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:51.839
I'm kind of giving you guys a big update because it's been a while.
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:55.599
You know, it's been about six months or more since you've last heard me.
00:21:55.759 --> 00:21:59.599
So I've uh started lifting again, eating right, eating.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.279
A lot of protein, almost 300 grams a day.
00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:10.400
If you want to see the routine that I'm doing, uh you can go to Amazon and get a book called The Lean Gains Method.
00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:16.799
It was written by Martin Birkhahn, the same Swedish man that I'm speaking to you about.
00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:22.880
In addition to that, I've really stepped up my uh job applications.
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:26.160
I was kind of half-assing it before, if I'm honest.
00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:31.279
You know, I'd put out apps, but not nearly as many as I I've needed to.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:36.000
And the past couple of months, I've really been applying for a crazy number of jobs.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:49.279
I think as of right now, as of this recording, I have about 35 to 40 open job applications and a whole bunch of rejection letters, but that's part of the process.
00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:52.400
It's a tough economy right now, trying to find work.
00:22:52.799 --> 00:23:00.079
I um I almost had a job back in May, uh, shortly after I took a hiatus.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:02.400
And it's it's a really good job.
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:06.559
The pay is pretty decent, I would say.
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:08.240
Very competitive.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:15.519
It's unionized too, so they um they have a lot of protections like job increases with cost of living, pension.
00:23:15.599 --> 00:23:17.920
I mean, how many jobs have pensions now?
00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:21.359
And a slew of benefits.
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:30.480
And I applied for the job, I got a phone call interview, I did well on that, and they said, we want you to come in for a second interview.
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:32.000
So I went.
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:36.480
And when I got to the interview, there was a fair amount of people there.
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:39.839
I would say 35, 40 people.
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:42.319
And they said, Congratulations, you guys.
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:46.720
You guys are the top, you know, 40 people out of 700 applicants.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:51.200
Now, just to let you all know, we only have five positions available.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:54.640
So a lot of us kind of looked at each other and we got a little nervous.
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.599
And they said, We're going to be doing uh interviews with 12 different people.
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:02.240
You'll have two minutes at each station.
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:06.400
So, long story short, we we went through our round of interviews.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:11.039
I felt like I did really well, and I got a phone call a few days later.
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:16.240
And the woman said, I have good news and I have bad news.
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:18.000
And I thought, oh boy.
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:21.440
She said, The good news is we really like you.
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:26.960
She said, You were our number two pick out of 700 people.
00:24:27.440 --> 00:24:28.960
700 English speakers.
00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:30.319
And I thought, well, great.
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:36.400
She said, the only thing is we only have one position available for English speakers at the moment.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:37.599
I thought, uh.
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:43.759
She's like, so you didn't get the job now, but we really, really like you, and we can't emphasize that enough.
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:47.039
And we'd love for you to reapply in the fall.
00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:53.279
Which it is now fall, and they still have not reopened the position yet, but I am checking every day.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:58.799
So that was kind of flattering to hear that I had beaten over 700 candidates.
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.640
It was just unfortunate they didn't have a spot for me at the time.
00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:06.400
In the meantime, I've applied at uh a bunch of other places.
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:10.799
I had another job that was really close, but they rejected me.
00:25:11.519 --> 00:25:13.839
I made it to the second interview.
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:16.720
Pretty decent pay there as well.
00:25:17.119 --> 00:25:20.079
And um, I guess I just wasn't the right fit for them.
00:25:20.240 --> 00:25:25.519
It's a really competitive market out there, so that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:30.319
I'm a much healthier uh version of myself than you last heard me.
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:40.400
Um much busier, working a lot more hours, if that's even possible, more or less consistently over 60 hours a week.
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:44.160
I took a half day today because I just needed a mental health day.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.079
So I figured I'd record an episode.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:47.839
It just felt like the time was right.
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:56.880
I've been getting that feeling inside that I've been wanting to make an episode for quite a while now, and I thought, well, today's the day, you know.
00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:02.000
I just went to two weddings, so I did get a little vacation time, even though I couldn't afford it.
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:09.599
I couldn't afford to miss it because they're family, and if you don't make time for once-in-a-lifetime things like a wedding, you know, what's the point of being here?
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:11.440
So I got through it.
00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:15.039
Um, the financial part of it, and they were great.
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:16.160
They were both really great.
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:19.039
My brother got married, my sister-in-law got married.
00:26:19.359 --> 00:26:20.480
Great times.
00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:22.480
Vacation's really tough for me.
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:29.839
Um, it was like over the last two weeks, both of them got married, and it's the most free time I've had in months.
00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:36.480
And the hardest part about vacation time for me is it reminds me of what living is like.
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:52.880
And I know that sounds kind of dark and dystopian, but I've been working so much for so long that I've really forgotten what it's like to have free time, you know, to just have leisure time and spend time with people.
00:26:52.960 --> 00:27:01.200
And oh, it just felt so good socializing and um just being a part of something with everyone else.
00:27:01.359 --> 00:27:03.200
It was just so wonderful.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:10.559
And it's so hard for me to go back to my 60-hour work weeks in my car alone by myself.
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:21.440
I know that sounds woe-is me-ish, but you know, part of this podcast is uh is me talking about what's going on in my life.
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:23.759
And uh that's another thing, too.
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:27.039
The podcast is going to be changing a little bit going forward.
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:44.960
I'm still gonna have a healthy dose of mindful uh wakefulness discussion because that's something that has completely transformed me and my life, my uh my thought process, and it's something that I you know just desperately want to share with people.
00:27:45.119 --> 00:27:55.599
But at the same time, I'm not gonna force myself to only talk about mindfulness or uh being awake and present in your life on every episode.
00:27:56.079 --> 00:28:05.839
Although I'm still I'm I'm sure I'll talk about it quite a bit, but I'll interweave it into relevant topics, uh, like maybe what's going on in the news or in the world.
00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:10.079
You know, I might have an episode that is uh slightly more political.
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:20.160
Um, as you've heard in the past, like I did an episode called Inamorata, where I spoke about the beginning of the Iran war, and now here we are over six months later, and it's still happening.
00:28:20.319 --> 00:28:29.680
So you might hear me talk about politics once in a while, but I'm gonna try to be very tasteful about it, non-divisive, because there's enough of that out there.
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:31.759
It's not gonna be a political podcast, so don't worry.
00:28:31.839 --> 00:28:36.079
I'm just saying I might bring it up, but I'll talk about other stuff too, I'm sure.
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:42.960
I'll have people on to talk about not only their life, but um struggles they've gone through, but also fun stuff, you know.
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:50.960
Uh, I want to kind of turn this into a uh uh a fun podcast, but also a real one, an authentic one.
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:57.440
I don't want to fit into I guess certain what's the word?
00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:04.480
Uh I don't know, I don't want to get locked into a certain niche if I want to talk about various things, you know.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:06.799
So I'm just gonna kind of do what I want.
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:13.519
And if that gets the podcasts uh banned or sidelined, so be it.
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:16.720
You know, we'll figure it out, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:18.960
But that's kind of where I'm at now.
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.440
A little update for you guys.
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:29.759
Right now I'm still looking for work, I'm still working an extreme amount of hours, and um, you know, just trying to uh hang on.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:37.519
But I I feel really good because I I've lost weight, I'm eating right, I'm so I feel a lot better and um very, very sober.
00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:40.880
I no longer drink, I no longer smoke cannabis.
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:47.759
Um, although I I I will make exceptions on uh special events or social gatherings.
00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:58.079
I'll still have a beer at a wedding or a little puff on the pipe once in a while, probably less so on the cannabis part, but that's where I'm at.
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:03.759
And um, you know, my my faith is being tested right now.
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:07.519
And faith is kind of a weird word.
00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:17.920
For some people, faith is like, oh, you believe in uh a guy with a beard on a throne, you know, but I'm not talking about that kind of faith.
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:31.599
That that's more of a belief category, which I've spoken on, and I'll try not to uh reiterate too much on this episode, but you know, belief is like uh like a fervent wishing that something were true, right?
00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:37.279
Or having an idea in your head, and you just want to force that idea on other people.
00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:42.640
But faith, the faith that I'm talking about is more of a trust.
00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:45.279
Like, do you trust the universe?
00:30:45.599 --> 00:31:01.359
And some of you listening might be atheists, some of you might be nihilists, um and and that's really part of the crowd that I really wanted to target with this podcast are uh people who who don't have faith.
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:06.000
They look at life as it's uh it's all random.
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:14.480
That somehow we popped out of randomness, and here we are, and we're just a flash in a pan and we'll be gone.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:28.960
Instead of looking at humanity and life as a as a as a as an expression of the universe, they look at it as separate or other than.
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:37.599
And um that's the faith that I'm talking about, is that you can trust it, that you're part of it, that you're not separate from it.
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:48.079
And that's part of the title of the podcast is Standing Nowhere, because if you if you're standing on a concept, then it's got you.
00:31:48.319 --> 00:32:02.640
And if you uh have a concept in your mind that human beings are a random chance, uh separate thing from the rest of the universe, well, I hate to say it, but you're standing on a false concept.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:04.960
The same goes on the flip side.
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:18.160
You know, if I say this religion is correct, I'm standing on something on the opposite side, instead of using our logic and reasoning, which which says I'm here.
00:32:18.799 --> 00:32:32.000
And if I'm here, well, then hearness or beingness or I amness is an inherent part of whatever this mystery is that we call the universe, right?
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:49.359
And I guess where I'm going with this is if there's any one thing I wanted to get out of this podcast, is to help people who think that it's all meaningless, it's all pointless, it's all suffering, the whole life sucks, then you die crowd.
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:55.519
I wanted to kind of get at those people and say, look, you are the universe.
00:32:55.680 --> 00:33:00.160
Everything in your life is a byproduct of the universe.
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:02.720
It's an expression of the universe.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:13.440
You know, when you look at a flower or a mountain range and you think that's beautiful, that is not some side effect of some survival instinct or whatnot.
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:21.680
That's just a natural expression of the universe looking at itself and thinking, wow, I really am pretty, aren't I?
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:31.200
And I don't want to digress too much into this because I've covered this on many past episodes, but you know, my faith is being tested right now.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:50.240
Because I if if I can keep a positive mindset and an appreciation for life while working insane hours, not able to spend the quality time that I want to with my friends, my family, not being able to buy the things that I want.
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:57.599
Um, you know, not from a greedy materialistic perspective, but even a basic necessity perspective.
00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:01.839
Like I just bought new shoes and they're like three to six months overdue.
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:03.839
My old shoes were getting holes in them.
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:13.440
I'd be doing deliveries in the rain and my feet are soaked, you know, and they've got no grip on the bottom, so I'm slipping and sliding everywhere, and the top part is like frayed.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:15.920
I can't even buy, you know, the basics.
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:23.760
Never, never the uh never mind taking my wife out for date, date night, or the kids on a vacation and things like that.
00:34:24.159 --> 00:34:31.920
So I don't want to give you a woe is me tangent here, but it my faith is being tested right now.
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:33.840
It's really tough to survive.
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:36.800
And I know a lot of you listening feel that same way.
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:39.920
Like it is tough to survive right now.
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:55.199
You know, I'm 43 now, and I remember even in my 30s, I only had to work, like even doing gig work eight, eight or nine years ago, I only had to work about 30 hours a week to make my bills.
00:34:55.360 --> 00:35:10.400
I remember even if I took a vacation, which wasn't paid, you know, back then doing gig work, I could still work a really busy overtime week of like 60 or 70 hours, and I can pay all my bills in one week of work.
00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:16.719
And now I'm working those same crazy hours every week, and I can barely survive.
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:17.519
Barely.
00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:23.039
I am a bad accident away from being homeless.
00:35:23.119 --> 00:35:31.280
You know, I am just on the edge in so many ways that I can't even go over all of them with you right now.
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:42.559
And yet I'm still here and I'm still happy and I'm still grateful for the life that I have, the wonderful family that I have, the friends that I have, my kids.
00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:43.920
They're so amazing.
00:35:44.079 --> 00:35:50.719
You know, my son, Leon, he started uh kindergarten this year and he loves school so much.
00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:59.840
It's just so adorable seeing him come home with the things that he does, and he he can't wait to show us the artwork that my daughter creates.
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:04.239
And my daughter, she's a straight A student since since she started.
00:36:04.320 --> 00:36:05.679
She left school as well.
00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:18.960
My oldest son, Trent, you know, it's been so painful being away from him for almost two years now, but it's so wonderful seeing him uh turn 20 and seeing him work full-time and uh, you know, get out there in the world.
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:22.239
So there's a lot for me to be grateful for.
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:28.719
And of course, there's uh an infinite gradient up or down on uh how you're doing in life.
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:34.960
You know, I could have been born in a much worse country with much less resources, so I'm grateful for the things I do have.
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:41.360
But at the same time, it is really, really hard in my position at this time to survive.
00:36:41.599 --> 00:37:01.039
And I'm just on my hands and knees praying every day for something to open up for me, for some job somewhere to open up, so I have some stability and I can breathe a little more easy and perhaps have a little excess money at the end of the month for savings or buying things that I need.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:06.000
And right now, I just don't have um a lot of that.
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:08.880
And my faith is really being tested right now.
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:11.440
So I just wanted to throw that out there.
00:37:11.599 --> 00:37:16.159
You know, if if a lot of you guys are feeling the same way, I I'm right there with you.
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:17.119
It's tough.
00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:26.719
These are tough times, and all we can do is just focus on the next step that we need to take in in this specific day.
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:39.360
And this is all the more reason why practicing mindfulness and um a daily presence or awareness of of exactly where you are right now is so important.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:58.639
You know, I practice mostly in the Zen tradition and um we call it zazen, you know, being with what you're doing, just whatever you're doing, being completely with that, maintaining good posture and and being with your breathing and um, you know, you you just trust.
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:02.559
That's what faith is, is trusting that it's gonna be okay.
00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:06.559
Even if I become homeless and I die of starvation, it's okay.
00:38:06.719 --> 00:38:08.559
And I don't want it to come to that.
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:15.920
But at the same time, I don't have any Hollywood fairy tale expectations about what's gonna come next.
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:22.800
All I'm doing right now is just taking it one day at a time, one step at a time, one job application at a time.
00:38:23.119 --> 00:38:26.000
And in the meantime, I'm uh working on myself.
00:38:26.159 --> 00:38:32.159
I'm blessed enough to have a squat rack and a barbell in my garage, so it makes it a lot easier to work out.
00:38:32.239 --> 00:38:34.880
So I still have my health, I still have my strength.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:41.679
I've been eating better and feeling better, and you know, I spend as much time with my family as I can.
00:38:42.000 --> 00:38:47.920
It's not nearly as much as I want, but you know, my faith is being tested right now.
00:38:48.079 --> 00:39:11.760
I have a little uh lyric I wanted to read you guys from uh Green Day, uh, from their 21 Guns album, and it says, when you're at the end of the road and you lost all sense of control, and your thoughts have taken their toll, when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul, your faith walks on broken glass, and the hangover doesn't pass.
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:14.719
Nothing's ever built to last.
00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:16.400
You're in ruins.
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:21.920
Crazy.
00:39:22.079 --> 00:39:28.239
I I heard that lyric the other day when we were driving, I think back from the wedding or something, and I was like, man, what a beautiful lyric.
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:31.679
It's like your faith is walking on broken glass.
00:39:31.840 --> 00:39:33.039
That's how it feels right now.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:39.679
The gas price is my god, five bucks a gallon here in Gilbert, Arizona for a good while there.
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:47.039
I mean, we just got down to like 430 a gallon, but that was eating me alive on top of everything being slow.
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:57.679
So you want to talk about my faith being tested, and then on top of that, you know, not really having time to put into the podcast and having it sit there for six months.
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:02.960
It was rough, you know, like my faith was being really tested and it still is.
00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:08.800
But again, all I can do is be present at this moment.
00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:23.920
You know, here I am sitting in this chair, talking to you guys on this microphone, feeling my back being straight and just being with my breath, trusting that the next words that I say will make for a decent episode.
00:40:24.400 --> 00:40:26.639
I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring.
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:28.800
It could get a lot worse.
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:36.719
I'll be honest with you, when I first started this podcast well over a year ago, congrats on one year on the podcast too, by the way, pat on the back.
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:40.960
You know, I thought things were just gonna start getting better right away.
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:48.079
I had this idea in my head, in the back of my head, that the podcast would really take off in six to nine months.
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:51.840
I would have a lot of people following, and that didn't pan out.
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:54.800
You know, the podcast it grew really slowly.
00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:57.360
You know, I don't know when my next episode is gonna come out.
00:40:57.519 --> 00:41:09.840
It could be a week, it could be uh a couple of months again, hopefully not, but I'm holding on, you know, and um although my faith is being tested, I do feel pretty good.
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:12.079
I feel good, I feel good inside.
00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:16.079
It's not a um, it's not like I'm in denial.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:20.480
I'm not uh disassociated with my experiences.
00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:27.599
If anything, I'm more present than ever with how hard things are right now, but I'm holding on.
00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:34.960
And um, on top of that, having to reach out and ask for help from family members, it's extremely difficult.
00:41:35.199 --> 00:41:39.760
You know, your ego or your mind starts to uh beat itself up.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:41.599
Like, how did you get yourself here?
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:43.039
And you piece of crap.
00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:46.480
Why didn't you uh look for a job like you are now sooner?
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:48.639
You know, all the negative thoughts.
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:51.760
Um it's tough.
00:41:52.559 --> 00:41:58.960
But all I can do is love myself and focus on one step at a time to try to get out of this, you know.
00:41:59.519 --> 00:42:03.679
So that's that's pretty much an update.
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:07.920
That was some of the main meat that I wanted to talk about on this episode.
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:12.800
And since it's been a while, I wanted to maybe hit a few other things too.
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:22.320
You know, I mentioned before that I used AI to help me with the podcast due to my limited free time, and it's been an invaluable tool.
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:26.559
You know, it showed me how to do editing, it showed me how to get the podcast off the ground.
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:34.960
I think a lot of people are worried about AI when they shouldn't be because and this is just my opinion.
00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:42.239
AI is is sort of a what's the word I'm looking for here?
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:48.559
AI is it sort of mimics the way your mind works.
00:42:48.719 --> 00:42:50.239
And hear me out on this.
00:42:51.119 --> 00:42:53.679
It is a form of intelligence, obviously.
00:42:54.079 --> 00:43:00.400
People like to diminish uh AI as, well, it's just a large language model, it's just a if this, then that.
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:05.840
But I hate to tell you, but that's what you are, at least your intelligence, your mind.
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:15.360
And part of the reason that mindfulness practice is so important in your life, is precisely this reason.
00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:18.639
Because if you're not present with your life, you're missing it.
00:43:18.719 --> 00:43:28.639
And you're living in the past because your brain is literally only past images, words, symbols, things that you've seen before.
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:38.719
So you're living completely from things that you've seen in the past, and then you're trying to formulate or predict what will happen in the future.
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:40.719
So you're not living at all in the now.
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:43.119
You're not able to take in new things.
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:47.440
And AI mimics the way our mind works.
00:43:47.760 --> 00:43:52.639
But what it doesn't do, what it doesn't have, is that awareness behind it.
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:56.880
So AI kind of mimics our anxieties, if you will.
00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:04.239
And people that identify Only with their thoughts, only with thinking.
00:44:04.960 --> 00:44:09.679
I think, therefore I am, they feel threatened by AI.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:13.039
But AI can't create new things.
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:15.360
That's only something a human can do.
00:44:15.599 --> 00:44:24.800
AI takes everything that's already been done before and it kind of regurgitates it out into a sort of a vanilla mainstream way.
00:44:25.679 --> 00:44:31.119
Don't get me wrong, it can create cool art and things like that, but it's always based on things that it's seen.
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.800
And that's exactly how your mind works, too, your your your own intelligence.
00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:45.199
Uh, which again is why presence is so important, because you can't create new things uh if you're not present.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:47.199
And that's how all creation happens.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:50.480
It comes out of nowhere, it comes out of the void, if you will.
00:44:50.719 --> 00:44:56.000
And as humans, we kind of like channel it into something tangible.
00:44:56.639 --> 00:45:05.679
Like when a musician creates a new song, you know, they they write down something that they create spontaneously.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:13.599
Like think of um, you know, your any of your favorite songs at any point in your life.
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:19.599
That musician didn't say, I know exactly what this song is going to sound like, and I know exactly what I want to do.
00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:21.840
You know, they just start playing.
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:24.559
And it comes out of that play.
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:31.519
And we use the word play because you don't work at music, you don't work the piano, you don't work the guitar.
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:34.480
Things just spring forth new.
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:42.159
And that's why it, I guess to my point with AI is you don't have to worry about being replaced by it.
00:45:42.400 --> 00:45:44.880
Certain monotonous jobs, yeah.
00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:51.760
But as human beings, you know, it they can't replace our creativity, our artistic side.
00:45:52.000 --> 00:46:03.039
The only thing we do have to worry about is is the job factor, but like I mentioned on previous episodes, uh, I think it was Inamurata, you AI is not taking your job.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:08.480
The person who owns the job is replacing you with AI.
00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:12.960
So AI is not the threat, it's the person who owns the job.
00:46:13.760 --> 00:46:17.599
So the state of the world right now, it's in a really weird place.
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:21.920
And we're seeing a decline in the West as well.
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:29.599
We see the decline in living standards in the United States, and you know, it's it's a gloomy situation.
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:38.400
And a lot of this that I've been talking about, you know, I put these bullet points down as some things I wanted to talk about in this episode, but I can feel like it's getting a little too dark.
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:43.840
And I just want to kind of steer it away from that because it's important to keep optimism.
00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:58.800
There are periods in time, in history, where things feel like they're getting dire, and they are, but we can always rally, we can always overcome it, and we have in the past, and we will this time.
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:02.320
And the important thing is to maintain hope, really.
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.360
And that was the last thing I just wanted to kind of hit on.
00:47:05.679 --> 00:47:13.840
Like I mentioned, with my faith being tested, I still have hope, and it's not a foolish, blind Hollywood ending hope.
00:47:14.239 --> 00:47:16.159
You know, I am hoping I'll get a job.
00:47:16.239 --> 00:47:18.639
I'm hoping the economy will improve.
00:47:20.400 --> 00:47:22.320
So take care of yourself.
00:47:22.559 --> 00:47:36.320
You know, take some time and think about what you do have, and who you have, and what you have.
00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:39.679
Let's close this episode on hope.
00:47:39.760 --> 00:47:43.280
Let's all bow our heads and uh no, I'm just joking.
00:47:43.519 --> 00:47:44.800
It's good to be back.
00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:53.840
I just wanted to give you guys an update, let you know what's been going on, my plans for the podcast, and uh I promise I'll keep it light.
00:47:55.199 --> 00:48:00.960
Anyways, before I ramble too much, I just want to say I love you guys.
00:48:01.039 --> 00:48:05.199
I'm happy to be back, and uh, you know, keep an eye out for another episode in the near future.
00:48:05.280 --> 00:48:07.199
So, anyways, I'll end it there.
00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:08.559
Alright, thanks for listening.
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:10.239
I'll talk to you next time.
