Breaking Barriers & Reaching New Heights with Coach Billy Armstrong

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Hello everyone, and welcome to Ascend.
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I am Seafood car Romaine and I'm here with the amazing,
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the awesome, the CEO of s O S Radio dot
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lot Hard.
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Let me cruise. I'm already joining you with that grand
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neuse opening. Thank you, thank you to my co host,
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and thank you to everyone that's joining us today. We
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have an amazing guest joining us, Please tell us all
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about it.
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We have the head coach at Bernon Catholic Basketball.
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Billy Armstrong. Welcome to his sending Billy.
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Oh, thank you so much for having me.
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We are excited to have you here.
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Excited to be here, so thank you so much.
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Just to begin, like, can we talk about like how
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you grew up and what inspired you to get involved
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with basketball? For me, I was a child guy. I
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got involved in sports because of my dad's influence. It
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was the same thing true for you.
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Yeah, it was definitely. It was definitely similar for sure.
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So my dad is kind of a a sports fanatic.
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He loves all kinds of different sports and he lives
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in Florida now with my mom and he's still watching
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sports and driving my mom crazy just watching sports all
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day on TV. So and like a lot of dads.
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He was, you know, my first coach and got me
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involved with basketball and baseball and football and all those
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kind of things. So and then from there just kind
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of that was where it started. And then I just
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kind of grew into loving all sports. I played so
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many different things growing up as a kid, and then
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really it wasn't until my freshman year of high school
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that it was like basketball was my thing and that's
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all I wanted to do twenty four to seven.
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Why basketball, though, Like why basketball in particular, especially if
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you played so many other sports.
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I think part of it. Part of it was that,
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you know, some of it is that self confidence. I
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felt that was maybe a little bit better at that
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than some of the other sports. One the other thing
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which I didn't realize at the time as a young person,
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but now at forty eight as I look back on it,
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just things you know, growing up and different things going
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on and my family and all of that. I liked
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that you didn't need anybody to get better. Sometimes like
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baseball you need somebody to pitch to you, or football
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you need to play cats. So I liked that I
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could just leave my house and take my ball and
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go on this kind of journey of you know, training
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hours and hours at the park or out of school
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or whatever by myself. There's probably there's probably a whole
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nother show involved with why I want to train by myself.
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But that was the thing where it's like I didn't
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get anybody's help and I can just go get better
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on my own.
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That's interesting. That leads me to the next question. How
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much of that sport specifically requires the team effort or
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the individual right kind of actions and the mistakes or
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or the things you do right. How much of that
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is a pool of the team or the individual person.
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Yeah, I think it's it's really an interesting sport from
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that standpoint because one, it's like I think it's like
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the ultimate team sport from the standpoint of like it's
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not like I don't know soccer or baseball where you
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have like this specific position. I mean you do, but
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so much of it is just like you have to
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be able to do everything. You play offense and defense.
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So it's not like you're just a pitcher in baseball,
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or you're a designated hitter or you play you know,
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right field. So I think in basketball it's like you
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really can't hide anybody. There's five guys, five women. You
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have to do all you have to be able to
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do all the skills that's necessary on both ends of
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the floor offense and defense. So it's an interesting world
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because you have that, and then the other side of
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it is that and I think this is why some
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of like the pro athletes in basketball are so you know,
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so marketable, is because in basketball, the other side of
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the equation is if you get one like franchise player,
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he can change your entire franchise in program just by
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getting that one player. So like one Lebron James going
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to a certain team can absolutely go from the basement
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to like a high level competitive team. So it's interesting,
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like I think it's the ultimate team sport. But then
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if you get one player like in football, yes, I
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guess if you get a quarterback, but there's so many
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different positions and players you need, and you need good
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defensive players as well as well as offense. So it's
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really an interesting sport and it's very it's really interesting
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culture around the game of basketball.
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So a lot of people want to be good, right yeah,
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I know for myself being in martial arts training to
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be a world champion, takes a lot of discipline, and
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you talk about taking your ball and just going off
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and practicing by yourself, but that discipline had to come
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from somewhere.
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How did you get the motivation to push yourself to.
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Train, because I know there's some days, you know, hey,
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let's face it, there's days when we don't want to train,
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but we do it anyway, right, Yeah, to get that
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motivation from because I'm sure there's a lot of young
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people out there that are listening. They're thinking, oh, it
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would be so cool to play in the pros in
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college and high school.
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But maybe they don't have that discipline that's persistence.
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Yeah, yeah, I I don't exactly know where it comes from.
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One thing I will tell you, and like I almost say,
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like I think the this might be negative to some
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people listening, but I was completely obsessed with like getting
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better at basketball by the time I was in ninth grade,
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to where my mother thought I had psychological problems and
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she's like, you need to calm down, and it's like
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I'm training it. Like I'll come home from games and
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I was disappointing my performance and now it's one am
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and I'm in front of my house, like doing drills.
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My neighbors thought I was completely nuts as well. So
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it takes though, but I can get to that. Yeah,
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I can relate to that.
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It was so bad, Like I remember, there was one
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point in my high school, my high school years where
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if you couldn't talk to me about martial arts, I
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struggled to be conversational with you.
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I'm so into it. So I could totally relate to that.
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And you know what's interesting. I study a lot of
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these athletes and what motivates them and why they're successful, right,
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and they say, actually, the same thing. They have this
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obsession right for getting better. It's like it's a no brainer.
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You have to they have to train, they have to
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get better, So it's not so crazy.
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Actually, yeah, I just don't know where the obsession came from,
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to be honest with you, that's the only thing that
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I can't like pinpoint the origin. That's I mean, I
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think to do it. Maybe, Yeah, I think part of
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it was environment. I went to a high school so
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when I was I was lucky enough to make our
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freshman team at Bergen Catholic. We had like one hundred
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and forty kids try out on the freshman team. The
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coach took twelve. I was like the eighth man out
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of twelve. So I think part of it was environment
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driven because it was like there was older kids that
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I kind of looked up to. It was like, Wow,
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I can I do that? Can I, you know, get
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to the level that they're at. So I think that
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was one piece. The other thing was is that I
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didn't My dad was a truck driver and he worked
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really hard, but we didn't have a lot, so I
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was kind of like hidden. I felt like almost like
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hidden in Northern Bergen County, which is a pretty affluent county,
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particularly like Northern Bergen County, and you know, I lived
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in a two family home, pretty humble, so there was
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this level of like I don't want to say inferiority complex,
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but I just felt like the kids had more than me.
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They had nicer homes, fancier cars, better, they were better
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dressed than me. I didn't have much. So when I
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started playing and started to get a little bit better
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from ninth grade to tenth grade, it started to create
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I guess, a level of significance for me, Like people
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started to take notice. So before I kind of felt
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like I was just a fish out of water and
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didn't belong in the environment I was in.
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Yeah. But you know what's interesting about that that a
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lot of people don't talk about is the advantages of
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the underdog. Right, you mentioned that you felt that you
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you didn't have everything that other people had. It served you.
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Yeah, yeah, right, it actually.
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Served you because a lot many people do not understand
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when you have it all. Sometimes you're like ah, like blah, y,
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I don't need to fight, I don't need to continue,
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I don't need to Yeah, that power, that persistence comes
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with right that.
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I went through that too.
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I had to walk to kung fu class because my parents,
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Yeah you know, they didn't take me to class. Yeah,
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how to get there. So yeah that those challenges that
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we face actually make.
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Us more driven.
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Yeah yeah. So what was the.
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Defining moment for you in high school where you felt
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like I could do this professional?
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I don't know if I made that jump. So the
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one thing that helped me is like I did a
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really good job of not being like distracted. I was
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also fortunate, like we grew up in an era where
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now it's a little bit more challenging for this generation
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because they know what every other kid whatever, other athlete
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maybe they're competing against is doing like I didn't know
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sometimes like other kids that got scholarship offers. So I
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think I was just a you know, fortunate for the
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timing of it. It was like I kind of kept
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my head down, really stayed focused, and just kept trying
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to get better, like each day, so that really helped.
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And then my focus as I got older, there was
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that all of a sudden idea where it's like, wow, like,
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you know, I don't know if I can pay for college,
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so I have an opportunity here. And then I started
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getting recruited for college, so then it was like I
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definitely wanted to play division on college basketball. And then
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there was the same process in college where it was
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like you start out kind of on the bottom again
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as a freshman and working your way up, and then
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it really wasn't in my senior year of college where
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it was like maybe I can do this, you know,
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overseas after college. So it was two similar stories through
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the four years of high school and then starting over
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again through the four years of college.
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And so when you started over again in college, was
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how was it working with your coach?
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Did he motivate you, do he have to push you
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or were you still driven like you were in high school?
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I was still like very driven. There was no like motivation. Uh,
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Coach McKillop was. I mean, he's a Hall of Fame
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coach and then like all of us, like you know,
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I think sometimes we just you know, we learn from
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who coached us, and then I think they're really good coaches.
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They do that, but then they evolve, and I think
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coach McKillop is like a perfect example of a Hall
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of Fame coach that did evolve. So he was really
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tough on us. He would admit this, like when he
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coached in the nineties, when I was like the late nineties,
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it was like the Bobby Knight style of coaching, really
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getting after kids and all of those things. And then
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as he went along, like things you know, changed and
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he evolved and then he got Steph Curry and different things.
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But I remember having a conversation with him at one
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point where his two sons went to play for him
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at Davidson and now his son is actually the head coach.
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But I remember a conversation I had with him and
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he said, you know, some things changed when he coached
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his own sons because he realized that everybody he coaches
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somebody's pride and joy. And that's something that really stuck
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with me, and as a coach now it's on my
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game card and it's a constant reminder that I am
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coaching somebody's pride and joy, and that's really I take
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that really seriously and it's really important to me. So
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there was a different level of motivation in college. It
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was really more self motivation because we're all there on
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a scholarship. To answer your question, Carl, and it was
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just like really motivated. I got my butt kicked my
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first two years freshman and sophomore year, they were all bigger, stronger, faster.
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I was like, I don't belong here. I'm not a
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Division one player. You want athlete. And then by my
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junior year I improved and it wasn't like I was some superstar.
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And then even in my senior year, like you know,
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I played and really helped our team. We went to
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the NCAA tournament. I got to live out all these dreams,
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playing on ESPN all that stuff. But I wasn't some
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superstar in college. But I just kind of kept grinding
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and kept working, and because of that, I had a
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lot of tremendous experiences.
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Did you have moments where you felt like quitting, like
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like I don't belong here?
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Yeah, all the time. I mean I would call my
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mom and dad and it's like this weird thing and
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I don't know if I have the correct words to
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articulate it. There is this level of almost like you
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feel tortured. You when you commit to something so much
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you'ressed with it, and it's just like then you go
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through these moments where it's just like is this what
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I'm really meant to do? And I don't want to
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do this and it's really so hard. But then there's
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this level of like I'm not a quitter and I
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won't quit, and it's just like you know, And I
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remember in college, like my first two years Davidson College.
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It's like a really like high academic school. So I
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was over my head academically, but because I was a
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basketball player, I guess there was a little sliding scale
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so they allowed me in school. But it was a
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real challenge academically for me, and I was like basketball wise,
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academically like I just don't belong here. But then there
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was this level of like I am not failing out.
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I am not failing on the basketball. And it's like,
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I'm not going home to tell that story to my family,
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right friends, and I will like die trying here. It's
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a weird thing when like you, when you have this
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level of commitment.
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God, we understand you. Yeah, you don't see us bopping
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our heads.
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Yeah, there's there's a lot of days where it's like
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I don't want to do this no more.
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But your level of commitment right to your purpose, to
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your passion is what keeps you there. What else? What
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are some of the things, And this is another question
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for you, what are some of the life skills that
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you have learned through playing the sport that have helped
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you in not only in the sport, but in life
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in general.
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Yeah. I wish I knew this at the time in
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high school and college, but I didn't. And then through
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the process of coaching over the last twenty years, it's
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like so many aha moments coaching because now it's like
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it's not about me, It's about how can I help
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my players in my team. You know, it's one of
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my philosophies in life. When you help somebody, you're actually
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helping yourself. I call it the my players know. I
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call it the Oprah Winfree effect. And it's like if
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you you know, we all know, or we should know.
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I think it's somebody we should study in school. But
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her story and she had every right to not help
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anybody in her life, like this stuff that she went through,
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stuff that she suffered, and somehow she found it in
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her heart to make a career out of helping all
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the you know, like you would go to her show
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and it'd be like gifts under the chair. It's like
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it was just you know, so and so I always
305
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joke with our players and I'm like, when you help
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somebody help yourself, it's the Oprah Winfrey effect. And that's
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why she he has all the money, but not that,
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but there is that level of it. So as a coach,
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like thinking back now, the things I wish I would
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have known as a player was that I have this
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statement where it's because of this something good will happen.
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And that has really helped me and I didn't know
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it as a player. It's really helped me where we
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take a tough loss or I don't perform the way
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I want to, and it's amazing. It's almost uncanny When
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you go back and look at different parts of your
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life that timeline, it's like, Wow, if this didn't happen,
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if this didn't go wrong, if I didn't mess this up,
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I didn't performed for here, I would have never improved.
320
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That's powerful. Yeah, that's powerful. Really Sorry, how about those
321
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days where you are you know, you're tired, you're exhausted,
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you're you know, maybe what am I doing here? What?
323
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What brings you out of that? Back to the I'm
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not a quitter mentality because those are different mentalities, right, Yeah,
325
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and it takes over us. I see that we have
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some similarities here. It takes over us for a little bit,
327
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but it doesn't conquer us. Right, So for you, what
328
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brings you out of that?
329
00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:20.080
I think part of it is like the others. So
330
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it's really like you know, I think just being aware
331
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and conscious of and I talk to my players about
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this all the time, Like you're not just putting a
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uniform out and going out there and representing yourself, Like
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you're representing your mom, your dad, your grandparents, You're representing
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your community, You're representing your extended family, different people you're representing,
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you know, like my kids are high school players, and
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we have some high profile players, like a Julius event,
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there's like a ten year old in the stands that
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might be looking up to that kid. So that was
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the stuff that would really kind of helped me. And
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I always would think, like, you know, it's like I
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think you got to create that habit of doing things.
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I think successful people do this. They have a habit
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of doing things when they they don't feel like it,
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when they're not in the mood, when they don't want
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to do it anymore. And I tell my players, if
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you need a real life example of life of that,
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just go look at your mom and like, no disrespect
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to the dad's out there, and like, your moms are
350
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constantly doing stuff for you when they don't want to.
351
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It's like getting you ready for school, getting taking care
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of you, all the stuff, and it's like what they
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really want to do is I don't know, like be
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sitting you know, with their feet up, drinking a glass
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of wine, watching a Lifetime movie or something, or reading
356
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a good book. But they constantly so now it's like
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you owe it to them. So for me it always
358
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helped Like me just others like who am I representing mom? Dad.
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My wife is, you know, a mother of three. We
360
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have three kids, and it's like I owe it to
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her to get my butt off the couch and get moving,
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not have a pity party for myself.
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That I love that.
364
00:17:51.839 --> 00:17:54.400
Talk to about talk to us about playing in Europe.
365
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You played in Belgium Kosovo.
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Ye.
367
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Like for me being an athlete competing visiting Europe, teaching
368
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over there was quite an experience. I learned so much
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and there's so much to it that has influenced who
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I am today.
371
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How did being a professional basketball.
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Player over there in Europe, representing I guess representing the
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US in a way, but representing the team you're playing
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for as well, how that influenced you?
375
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:19.720
How that impacts you?
376
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I think the two biggest things that the way it
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impacted me. One is like it developed a level of
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toughness one and I'll address that. And then the second
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00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:35.680
thing is it developed I don't know exactly how to
380
00:18:35.759 --> 00:18:41.279
articulate it developed this, uh, the way I would look
381
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at other people from other backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, speaking different languages,
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where like there's there's no right way of doing things. Yeah,
383
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So that was just like me going and just being
384
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open minded and this level of acceptance of how like
385
00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:03.000
my way is not the right way, America's way is
386
00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:06.039
not always the right way. There's values and things that
387
00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:08.000
I'm going to live by that it will never change.
388
00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:11.720
But you know, it was just it's funny because they
389
00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:13.640
had a rule when I was playing over there, you know,
390
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:15.720
where you don't allow two foreign players on each team,
391
00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:18.559
which were usually two American players, and I played with
392
00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:21.079
a different bunch of different guys. And this is no disrespecting,
393
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:22.680
but a few of them were just like why are
394
00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:24.960
they not speaking English? Why is this food not good?
395
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:26.839
It was just a lot of like complaints and where
396
00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:28.680
I was, I didn't say it. I didn't voice it
397
00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:30.680
to me because it's not really my position to judge
398
00:19:30.759 --> 00:19:33.359
how somebody's feeling. But it was really more it was
399
00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:36.319
more just like let me see, you know, let me
400
00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:38.640
kind of embrace this. And I tried the foods and
401
00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:41.200
it's like, yeah, they're in Belgium, We're living in Belgium.
402
00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:43.960
They speak French and Flemish. You know. When I went
403
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:47.440
to Kosovo, it's ninety eight percent Muslim there. I grew
404
00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:50.640
up in North Jersey, where it's Catholic and Jewish, and
405
00:19:50.920 --> 00:19:53.720
but I was very open minded to it and acceptance,
406
00:19:53.720 --> 00:19:55.359
and it really shaped me as a young man in
407
00:19:55.400 --> 00:19:58.200
my twenties, like, don't believe everything you watch on TV
408
00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:01.000
and all the stories people kind of tell you, like
409
00:20:01.039 --> 00:20:04.440
and I was fortunately I got first hand accounts of
410
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:07.079
talking to people on the street, not from a history book.
411
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:09.160
When I was in Kosovo. It's like they went through
412
00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.039
They're very pro American in Kosovo because it was a
413
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:14.519
time where that part of the world, the Serbian I
414
00:20:14.519 --> 00:20:17.160
guess Molassovich was the leader. They were the ethnic cleansing.
415
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:21.960
Kosovo is ethnic Albanians. And I'm having real life conversations
416
00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:25.960
with guys on my team where their sisters and wives
417
00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:28.160
and mothers would have to hide in the woods because
418
00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:31.039
the serve police were coming, and it was like wow,
419
00:20:31.079 --> 00:20:32.920
and I was just like, you know, and so I
420
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:35.279
really just tried to embrace all of that stuff. And
421
00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:38.759
I think the foundation just really did come from Bergen
422
00:20:38.759 --> 00:20:42.240
Catholic and Davidson College, where it's like, the way you
423
00:20:42.279 --> 00:20:44.519
make your mark and leave your legacy is how you
424
00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:47.920
help others, in my opinion, and that's what we're kind
425
00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.119
of about in our programs. And I played for two
426
00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:54.119
schools where it's about, yeah, you were developing leaders and
427
00:20:54.200 --> 00:20:57.799
leaders are about lifting other people up, not kicking them down.
428
00:20:58.119 --> 00:21:02.160
Beautiful. That is absolutely beautiful. And talking about you know,
429
00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:05.839
kind of talking about leaving a legacy. What are some
430
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:09.039
of the wisdoms and nuggets of wisdom that you impart in?
431
00:21:09.319 --> 00:21:12.440
You know, those young lives that you coach and you
432
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:16.079
affect every single day, what do you share with them,
433
00:21:16.519 --> 00:21:20.079
apart from coaching them the actual skills of the sport.
434
00:21:20.519 --> 00:21:22.519
What are some of the things that you share with them.
435
00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:24.039
What are some of those life lessons.
436
00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:26.839
Yeah, I mean there's a bunch of I mean, I'll
437
00:21:26.839 --> 00:21:29.039
give you, I'll give you a few. The one thing
438
00:21:29.079 --> 00:21:31.240
I will tell you is that I started out like
439
00:21:31.319 --> 00:21:34.799
loving the game of basketball, and it was all about basketball, basketball, basketball,
440
00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:37.200
And then it was all about like how can I
441
00:21:37.240 --> 00:21:39.119
become a better player? Like I would just I was
442
00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:41.599
very open minded, where if I met you on the
443
00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:43.079
street and you said, hey, I think you should eat
444
00:21:43.079 --> 00:21:45.440
this food, this will potentially help you, I would try it.
445
00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:47.920
Like I didn't so I would try everything. And now
446
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.160
looking back on it, like I read so many books,
447
00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:51.839
did so many things for me to become a better
448
00:21:51.880 --> 00:21:54.039
basketball player, And in the end, I think it was
449
00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:56.400
all preparing me for like my real job, which was
450
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.559
actually coaching others because all those books I read. Now
451
00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:02.039
I'm just the messenger and I'm giving that stuff to
452
00:22:02.119 --> 00:22:06.039
my players, so many different things from meditation and positive
453
00:22:06.079 --> 00:22:08.519
self talk and all the stuff we do. So I
454
00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:10.559
guess the reason why I'm telling you this is because
455
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:13.440
I'm now more obsessed with coaching than I am about
456
00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:16.519
the game of basketball. And the best, the best part
457
00:22:16.519 --> 00:22:19.200
of like being a coach is like all of the
458
00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:21.599
other stuff. And I tell the parents when they bring
459
00:22:21.640 --> 00:22:23.599
their son to our program, it's like if all I
460
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:25.640
teach your son is to put an orange ball in
461
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:28.359
an orange hole, Like that's pretty stupid. Like that's not
462
00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:32.160
a really fun profession. So it's uh, and the you know,
463
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.079
And it's funny because it's like my players know, like
464
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:36.279
the things that trip us up during the season is
465
00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:39.720
not dribbling, shooting, passing skills. Like everybody needs a basic
466
00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:42.319
foundation and I do have very talented players, But what
467
00:22:42.440 --> 00:22:44.319
trips you up a lot of times on teams, whether
468
00:22:44.359 --> 00:22:48.000
it's the Los Angeles Lakers, Bergen Catholic, the Dodgers, it's
469
00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:51.240
the human stuff. It's how do humans interact with each other?
470
00:22:51.319 --> 00:22:54.519
So that's the stuff that I really love. So two things.
471
00:22:54.519 --> 00:22:58.039
I guess there's a bunch, but the one that I
472
00:22:58.079 --> 00:23:00.720
would lead with. We have an honor code and it's
473
00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:04.279
called TCC. It wasn't something that it was given to
474
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:07.640
me by my coach in college at Davidson, Bob McKillop.
475
00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:10.400
He did a really good job of influencing us on
476
00:23:10.440 --> 00:23:13.720
this TCC honor code, which stands for Trust Care Commitment.
477
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:16.960
I think Steph Curry has TCC tattooed on the inside
478
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:19.000
of his wrist. So that's a mark of like a
479
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:23.880
really good coach because you've impacted generations. So it's the
480
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:26.759
foundation of our program at Bergen Catholic. I just think
481
00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:30.839
everything starts with trust. I think when there's everything breaks
482
00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:36.799
down in society when there's no trust. So whether it's churches, churches, governments, relationships, schools,
483
00:23:37.079 --> 00:23:38.720
when there's a lack of trust and trust is a
484
00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:41.640
funny thing because you can spend a lifetime building trust
485
00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:45.039
and one poor decision can ruin trust. So it shows
486
00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:47.119
up on every basketball game, on every play and every
487
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:50.359
moment of every game you watch on TV. It's the
488
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:53.119
number one reason I think I became a good basketball
489
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:56.920
player because my mom trusted me. My homework was done
490
00:23:57.079 --> 00:23:58.640
and I was where I was going to be when
491
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:00.480
I said I would be there. And if she drove
492
00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:02.920
by McKinley Park at ten thirty at night, because that's
493
00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:05.279
where I said I would be, she would find me there.
494
00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:07.400
So I tell my players, you got to become somebody
495
00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:09.480
that can be trusted. And then I think as you
496
00:24:09.559 --> 00:24:12.359
grow up and take on roles of leadership, whatever that is.
497
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:14.279
I mean, I coach at an all boys school, so
498
00:24:14.319 --> 00:24:18.559
it's husbands, fathers, business owners, entrepreneurs. It's the first thing
499
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:21.160
is like, can you become a leader that it can
500
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:23.359
be trusted. So it all starts with that. And I
501
00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:26.079
will tell you this is aspirational for me. It's like,
502
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:29.160
you know, we make mistakes each day. So the first
503
00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:30.720
sea is care. I just think there's not enough care
504
00:24:30.759 --> 00:24:34.200
in the world, and we want people and I want
505
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:36.519
to be somebody that cares not only about me, but
506
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:39.680
cares about others and cares about how we wear our
507
00:24:39.759 --> 00:24:41.960
uniform and how we shake hands, and how we look
508
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:44.319
people in the eye and how we can help other people.
509
00:24:44.440 --> 00:24:46.799
So and then the last see is the second sea
510
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:49.200
is really just commitment, which we kind of talked about
511
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:52.519
that and in life there's a difference between routine and commitment.
512
00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:56.759
I think routine keeps you mediocre. Commitment is what gets
513
00:24:56.759 --> 00:24:59.400
you to that next level in life. So TCC is
514
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:00.000
our foundation.
515
00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:04.279
Wow, that's that's awesome. Awesome.
516
00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:08.000
You know, as a as an instructor, a martial arts instructor,
517
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:10.720
and even as a life coach. You know, I recognize
518
00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:14.400
that I don't teach martial arts to people, and you're
519
00:25:14.759 --> 00:25:18.400
exactly think it's like you're investing in these people and
520
00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:20.720
helping them to become better people no matter where this
521
00:25:20.799 --> 00:25:21.680
journey takes them.
522
00:25:21.960 --> 00:25:23.759
Yeah, because you really don't know, you don't know who's
523
00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.440
probably who's going to be. We're just simply a dad
524
00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:28.039
one day.
525
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:31.519
And these lessons, these life lessons that you've been parted
526
00:25:31.559 --> 00:25:35.319
to them, trust, care, commitment that's foundational for anything you do.
527
00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:37.400
Yes, yeah, well.
528
00:25:38.400 --> 00:25:41.759
Within your your sport, your industry, what are some of
529
00:25:41.799 --> 00:25:44.960
the challenges that you know, those that want to get
530
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.440
into the sport may kind of come across, and what
531
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:51.559
are some of the ways that you can overcome those challenges?
532
00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:54.599
I think from a from a coaching perspective for those
533
00:25:54.640 --> 00:25:56.160
that like want to get into coaching. It doesn't have
534
00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:58.160
to be basketball, but it's really, I think just anything.
535
00:25:58.200 --> 00:25:59.960
It's kind of the way it is. So it's like
536
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:02.599
when I grew up, it's whatever sport you were playing,
537
00:26:03.160 --> 00:26:05.680
you went to that coach, and that coach was kind
538
00:26:05.720 --> 00:26:08.839
of like he you know, he was the expert in
539
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:11.119
the room. So if you want to get better at baseball,
540
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:12.920
or you want to get better at martial arts or
541
00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:15.599
the piano or whatever it was you went to that,
542
00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:17.759
that's no longer the case anymore. Like I'm no longer
543
00:26:17.799 --> 00:26:20.440
the expert in the room. And it's just with social media,
544
00:26:21.160 --> 00:26:23.720
the kids are just exposed to so much more. All
545
00:26:23.720 --> 00:26:25.839
the kids now like there's a trainer on every corner,
546
00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:27.839
and that doesn't that's not negative, Like I think it's
547
00:26:27.880 --> 00:26:30.279
a good thing. There's a coach on every corner. So
548
00:26:30.359 --> 00:26:33.119
my players have anywhere from like seven to ten people
549
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:36.200
in their ears like every day, And I think that's
550
00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:39.400
a challenge for young people because consistency is such a
551
00:26:39.480 --> 00:26:43.359
key to success. It's almost very underrated. It's like always
552
00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:45.440
talk to our guys, we're trying to stack wins. It's like,
553
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:48.200
you know, you want to become great, just identify the
554
00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:51.039
one to four things that makes it rain in your
555
00:26:51.079 --> 00:26:53.880
life and do them consistently on a consistent basis, and
556
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:56.880
over time you'll you'll get to a certain level of success.
557
00:26:57.079 --> 00:26:59.759
But when you constantly have people giving you new ideas
558
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:02.759
and you should do this, it's a real challenge for anybody,
559
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:06.519
adults or teenagers who I coach. So, so, I think
560
00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:07.880
the thing and you see a lot of it now
561
00:27:07.880 --> 00:27:09.960
in press conferences, and you see a lot of high
562
00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:13.240
level coaches retiring and they don't like the nil and
563
00:27:13.519 --> 00:27:16.359
player at college kids getting paid and transfers all over
564
00:27:16.359 --> 00:27:18.359
the place and all these things. So I think you
565
00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:20.599
just have to go into it with the blinders off,
566
00:27:21.000 --> 00:27:24.880
understanding that it's a different way now and you know,
567
00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:27.119
and I understand that or whatever. And then I think,
568
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:31.440
on the other side, I call it like the Snickers bar,
569
00:27:32.119 --> 00:27:35.200
So Snickers. I think, I know it's a weird thing,
570
00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:36.119
but you have a.
571
00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:38.000
Lot of these wonderful sayings. I love it.
572
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:41.920
You need sticky if you have a business, a coaching,
573
00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:44.519
or for a program. I think sticky language is such
574
00:27:44.519 --> 00:27:47.279
an important thing. There needs to be these things that's
575
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:51.079
identifiable to so that it's memorable. That's the way the kids.
576
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:53.799
I think adults learn better too. So like we have
577
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:56.440
like a we have a word, a phrase, an expression,
578
00:27:57.039 --> 00:27:59.599
And I know my players are starting to learn when
579
00:27:59.640 --> 00:28:01.680
they start making fun of the head coach about all
580
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:04.799
my little language things that I have. And so that's
581
00:28:04.839 --> 00:28:08.680
when I know, Like you know, so the Snickers thing
582
00:28:08.759 --> 00:28:10.759
is really interesting because I think they were the number
583
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:13.440
one selling candy bar in like nineteen sixty four, and
584
00:28:13.440 --> 00:28:15.119
then they were like the number one selling candy bar
585
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:18.440
in like twenty twenty two. So you talk about consistency. Yeah,
586
00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:21.400
maybe it's just the American diet. We just like chocolate caramel.
587
00:28:21.839 --> 00:28:25.519
It's like I don't really know, yeah, yeah, what they're
588
00:28:25.559 --> 00:28:27.559
putting in it, but there is that idea. So like
589
00:28:27.720 --> 00:28:29.799
it got me thinking, like I think you have to
590
00:28:29.880 --> 00:28:32.400
evolve as a coach, But then I think you also
591
00:28:32.440 --> 00:28:34.079
need to draw a line in the sin. And that's
592
00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:36.880
really I guess the answer to your question. There's some
593
00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:39.359
things that will never change for me so as long
594
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:41.960
as I'm the head coach at Burton Catholic Basketball, Like trust, care,
595
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:45.400
commitment will be the foundation, you know, as a husband,
596
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:47.119
as a father, as a business owner. That will be
597
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:49.960
my foundation. So I think that would be my piece
598
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:52.680
of advice where it's like you need to learn the skills,
599
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:54.440
you have to stay up to date and all the
600
00:28:54.480 --> 00:28:57.079
modern ideas and technologies and all that stuff. But then
601
00:28:57.119 --> 00:29:00.279
there's also the you need to answer that question, you know,
602
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:03.440
not like hey, what's changing, but what will never change?
603
00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:06.799
So there's some principles. There's some principles, yes, you know,
604
00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:09.240
like you know, I think if you're if you're Apple,
605
00:29:09.319 --> 00:29:11.839
your Google, whatever business you're running, I think you need
606
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:14.319
to answer that question like this will never change no
607
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:17.480
matter how much pressure from the outside world.
608
00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:20.599
Wow, that's so important, and I wanted to put some
609
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:24.279
emphasis there because a lot of our young adults need
610
00:29:24.359 --> 00:29:29.200
to hear this. It is a combination between foundation core
611
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:33.880
values that are so important for you, right and the
612
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:37.759
things that are evolving, changing, shifting, because as human beings,
613
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:43.880
we change, we evolve, we grow, right, band So but
614
00:29:44.039 --> 00:29:49.680
without forgetting what's foundation? Yeah, and I think that's so critical.
615
00:29:50.599 --> 00:29:53.000
What role I mean, I think you touched upon it
616
00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:56.279
a little bit, but what role has social media played?
617
00:29:57.240 --> 00:29:59.920
I see a lot of people sharing knowledge and information
618
00:30:00.359 --> 00:30:03.119
that they're not really experts in and they're sharing the
619
00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:08.480
wrong information, right and therefore, and also, things are changing
620
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:12.599
so rapidly. I don't know necessarily if it's in the
621
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:17.319
industry of sport, but in technology, in so many other areas,
622
00:30:17.799 --> 00:30:20.920
and in social media itself, things are changing so rapidly
623
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:25.960
that it doesn't give people the opportunity to set a foundation. Yeah,
624
00:30:26.039 --> 00:30:30.519
so how do we do that today effectively? That's the key.
625
00:30:31.400 --> 00:30:34.720
Yeah. Yeah, It's like, I'm not like the anti social
626
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:37.240
media person and say never go on Instagram any of
627
00:30:37.240 --> 00:30:39.519
those kind of things. And because there is like value
628
00:30:39.559 --> 00:30:42.279
I think in a lot of things. So but I
629
00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:45.359
do think there's a level of discipline. So we call
630
00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:48.240
it controlling the input, and I think for young people
631
00:30:48.319 --> 00:30:51.279
that's maybe the number one thing you can do to
632
00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:54.640
really set your future up for success. You have to
633
00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:58.079
control the input. Because now there's there's there's they've spent
634
00:30:58.119 --> 00:31:01.640
billions and billions of dollars on attempting to, for lack
635
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:04.240
of a better word, maybe control us, I guess, but
636
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:07.160
we're still driving the bus ourselves. So I think you
637
00:31:07.319 --> 00:31:12.960
really need to develop a strategy, a routine, something where
638
00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:15.680
you can control the input. For me, personally, I like
639
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:17.359
to do it first thing in the morning. So I
640
00:31:17.400 --> 00:31:20.359
set my day up where it's it's I'm not going
641
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:22.400
to go reach to the phone, I'm not going to
642
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:25.680
go turn on the news, you know, that first thirty
643
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:28.400
minutes to sixty minutes, like I'm going to control the input,
644
00:31:29.079 --> 00:31:32.200
you know, and whether it's listening to like you know,
645
00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:35.240
some podcast that really really kind of helps you create
646
00:31:35.319 --> 00:31:38.279
that the mindset, you know, if it's if it's praying,
647
00:31:38.319 --> 00:31:40.880
if it's reading from the Bible, it's reading from a book, like,
648
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:42.839
you know. And I would do it first thing in
649
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:44.920
the morning because that's when you're you have the most
650
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:47.759
self you know, disciplined willpower and intention first thing in
651
00:31:47.799 --> 00:31:50.440
the morning. So I think if you can start your
652
00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:55.000
day by controlling the input, because I always say, like nowadays,
653
00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:57.640
like from eight am to eight pm, it's almost like
654
00:31:57.680 --> 00:31:59.599
no matter what profession you're in, you're just putting out
655
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:04.960
fires and you're getting so many different things coming at you. Yeah,
656
00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:08.039
it's just so I think controlling the input is one,
657
00:32:08.519 --> 00:32:12.720
and then I think those that have the ability and
658
00:32:12.799 --> 00:32:16.039
have the skill of staying focused are the ones that
659
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:19.240
the ones that would be equipped for the future to
660
00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:21.960
really have high levels of success. It's because they're just
661
00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:25.839
spent so much money on to make us distract us
662
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:28.039
and not let us be focused on the things that
663
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:29.480
really matter most in our lives.
664
00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:32.599
I want to ask you a question about that, because
665
00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:36.720
Bergen Catholic has a legacy of excellence. You played there
666
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:40.680
and then you come back and you're coaching there. Pressure
667
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:44.319
can be very distracting. Yep, right, because you feel like
668
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:47.400
eyes are on you, everybody's waiting to see what you do.
669
00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:50.319
Yeah, when somebody's in a pressure situation.
670
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:53.279
And I'm sure there's times as a coach you feel this, Yeah,
671
00:32:53.480 --> 00:32:54.359
players feel this.
672
00:32:54.799 --> 00:32:56.039
How do you stay focused?
673
00:32:57.839 --> 00:32:59.759
I think the one thing is like that idea of
674
00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:05.519
Like the idea is really just like not like know
675
00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:09.559
your enemy, but it's like becoming aware. So it's like
676
00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:12.480
being aware of Like, so I'll mention to our players.
677
00:33:12.680 --> 00:33:14.400
So we actually have a shooting drill we do in
678
00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:16.880
our in our program and it's called the pressure test,
679
00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:19.400
and have to make a certain amount of shots and
680
00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:22.319
then it's specifically named the pressure test. But really it's
681
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.839
not really about the shooting drill. It's getting them to
682
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:29.200
understand what pressure really is. And for us, we always
683
00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:32.839
say pressure steals your focus. Pressure steals your joy, So
684
00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:36.000
I remind them of this. So why do guys miss
685
00:33:36.039 --> 00:33:39.079
game winning shots or why to you know, you watch
686
00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:41.880
a w NBA game and somebody makes a certain mistake
687
00:33:41.920 --> 00:33:43.799
that they probably wouldn't make, but it's because they feel
688
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:47.119
the pressure. So I think the first thing is becoming
689
00:33:47.160 --> 00:33:50.359
aware of like, yeah, there's I'm feeling pressure here. Well,
690
00:33:50.559 --> 00:33:52.400
well I'm gonna talk it back. And it's like, well,
691
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:55.200
pressure steals my focus, So now what am I going
692
00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.799
to focus on? We have two things that we focus on.
693
00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:01.720
One we really try to we really try to stay
694
00:34:01.759 --> 00:34:04.960
focus on. We stay faithful to the things that matter most.
695
00:34:05.240 --> 00:34:08.199
So that's from a technical basketball standpoint. You know, we're
696
00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:11.840
really focused on getting back on defense, We're focused on
697
00:34:11.880 --> 00:34:16.199
whatever spacing on offense. And then it's really the other
698
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:17.599
things that kind of matter to us. And then we
699
00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:19.880
do have an acronym that we use that we say
700
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:22.519
to ourselves when we feel pressure. We call it win,
701
00:34:23.039 --> 00:34:25.519
and win just stands for what's important. Now, I think
702
00:34:25.559 --> 00:34:28.679
this applies anything. You know, you're feeling external pressure at
703
00:34:28.679 --> 00:34:30.800
the job you work at, or you're an entrepreneur and
704
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:33.400
you're feeling this external pressure and now it's like just
705
00:34:33.480 --> 00:34:36.199
ask yourself that question, because your brain will shift what's
706
00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:39.039
important now? Well, what's important now? I need to sit
707
00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:41.719
here and spend the next twenty minutes responding to this
708
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:43.880
email or whatever it is. You'll figure it out, I
709
00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:46.840
think when you shift those questions, So become aware. I'm
710
00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:50.320
in the pressure cooker one two. What's the trigger now
711
00:34:50.360 --> 00:34:53.599
to get me to embrace pressure? While pressure steals focus
712
00:34:53.639 --> 00:34:57.159
and joy? How do I what's my strategy? What's important now?
713
00:34:57.320 --> 00:35:00.000
I'm going to stay faithful to the things that matter most.
714
00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:04.960
Work perfectly, but over time it becomes your tool of
715
00:35:05.119 --> 00:35:05.480
One of.
716
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:07.360
The things I love about what you're saying, is it
717
00:35:07.559 --> 00:35:12.800
very clear structure and process I always talk about you
718
00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:16.400
got to fall in love with the process. Yeah. Is
719
00:35:16.440 --> 00:35:19.480
this just a process you created? Is this a process
720
00:35:19.519 --> 00:35:22.519
that was given to you? Is it just taking everything
721
00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:24.480
you've learned and created your own process?
722
00:35:24.599 --> 00:35:25.440
Mixture of both?
723
00:35:26.039 --> 00:35:31.559
Right, in all trans In all transparency, I've stolen it
724
00:35:31.599 --> 00:35:38.519
from a lot of people, so borrowed. Okay, So there
725
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:40.960
are moments where I do feel like you have like
726
00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.000
that imposter syndrome, and it's just like I feel like
727
00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:46.280
I don't have my one. I don't have my own idea.
728
00:35:46.320 --> 00:35:48.920
Like I've never created anything of myself, but I will
729
00:35:48.920 --> 00:35:52.559
tell you one. I always give credit to all this
730
00:35:52.639 --> 00:35:55.639
stuff that I've learned, but I think it really comes
731
00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:59.480
down to my desire and like this, like this, I'm
732
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:01.840
just like third, you know, and I tell my players, like,
733
00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:03.280
you know, there's two kinds of people in the world.
734
00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:04.719
There's to know it alls and to learn it all.
735
00:36:05.320 --> 00:36:07.360
You know, Kobe Bryant was to learn it all. It's
736
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:09.880
like he's just trying to learn. So that's really where
737
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:11.840
it comes from. Like I just I don't know where
738
00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:14.000
that came from in me personally, but like I just
739
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:15.760
want to get all the good ideas. You can't always
740
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:17.760
use all the good ideas, but I just want to
741
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:20.559
get them. And it's just constantly learning. So it's just
742
00:36:21.639 --> 00:36:23.880
you're hungry. Yeah, that's what it is.
743
00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:25.960
Yeah, what it is, You're hungry and I want to
744
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:28.800
share something with you at the gym. Ron one of
745
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:29.679
my favorites.
746
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:31.360
Oh he's the best. Yeah, Oh my.
747
00:36:31.320 --> 00:36:36.880
God, you say around that he's like borrow other people's wisdom. Yeah,
748
00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:39.360
there's people that put things into words in such a
749
00:36:39.400 --> 00:36:42.880
beautiful way you would have never thought. Right. Yeah, so
750
00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:45.679
you know, borrow these ways. So that's why I said
751
00:36:45.719 --> 00:36:46.199
borrow you.
752
00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:49.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. But I do think you need,
753
00:36:49.519 --> 00:36:54.239
like i've kind of and it's there's like I think
754
00:36:54.239 --> 00:36:56.800
there's a place for everything, but I do think you need.
755
00:36:57.079 --> 00:36:59.760
The one thing I've learned is that I think the
756
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:04.000
best like speakers, whether it's motivational or whatever, it's like
757
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:08.119
the motivational kind of they motivate you. But then when
758
00:37:08.119 --> 00:37:11.079
the speech is over, you go home and now you're
759
00:37:11.159 --> 00:37:14.239
left still left with your habits and it's like nothing's
760
00:37:14.280 --> 00:37:18.000
really changed. So my thing, like some of the speakers
761
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:20.480
in different books I've read, it's the ones that really
762
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:24.320
give you an actual practical tool that is so easy
763
00:37:24.360 --> 00:37:27.159
to use that it's almost like how do you not
764
00:37:27.320 --> 00:37:27.639
use that?
765
00:37:28.039 --> 00:37:28.159
Right?
766
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:31.840
Yeah, So I think it's just like really learning from
767
00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:34.079
really good people where it's like a tool or strategy
768
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:37.079
that you can use as opposed to like you motivate
769
00:37:37.119 --> 00:37:39.639
me today. And then because the problem is it's really
770
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:42.800
hard for people to change because the habits is so ingrained.
771
00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:45.719
What are some of the things that you see in
772
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:50.960
today's generation that may post a challenge for them or
773
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:55.639
a difficulty that wasn't you know, in our generation, and
774
00:37:55.679 --> 00:37:59.440
what are some of the advice that you would give them.
775
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:01.360
I think I kind of touched on I think the
776
00:38:01.400 --> 00:38:04.800
biggest challenge for them one is distraction. How do you
777
00:38:04.920 --> 00:38:09.960
not get distracted? That's one. I think that's that's really
778
00:38:10.440 --> 00:38:13.559
that's really a challenge because the distraction kind of leads
779
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:19.920
to it takes you down this road of I guess, yeah,
780
00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:23.440
and you're spending more time looking at other people's lives
781
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:25.920
and going over all the things that they have that
782
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:28.239
you don't have, and then it leads you down the
783
00:38:28.320 --> 00:38:31.840
spiral of like this you know, pours me and they
784
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:33.880
have it better and they're they're happier and they have
785
00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:36.440
things and why can't I? And it's just so I
786
00:38:36.440 --> 00:38:38.360
think that's really the challenge. Which I didn't have to
787
00:38:38.360 --> 00:38:40.440
deal with it, and you guys didn't either. Growing up,
788
00:38:40.440 --> 00:38:46.480
We didn't know necessarily what everybody was doing in the neighborhood. Yeah, no,
789
00:38:46.480 --> 00:38:48.840
it was really good thing. So I think that's really
790
00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:50.880
one of the challenge. The one tool that I give
791
00:38:50.920 --> 00:38:52.840
all my players is the first thing you need to do,
792
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:55.440
like after you're done listening to this today, for those
793
00:38:55.480 --> 00:38:57.400
that are listening, you need to go home and spend
794
00:38:57.400 --> 00:38:59.199
ten minutes and what I and you need what I
795
00:38:59.239 --> 00:39:02.159
call quit And I said early, like, I'm not a quitter,
796
00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:05.519
but I've learned that everybody needs a quit list. And
797
00:39:05.559 --> 00:39:07.360
that's the one thing I think young people could do.
798
00:39:07.800 --> 00:39:13.159
It's just like, everybody needs a quit list. So you
799
00:39:13.239 --> 00:39:15.280
got to identify the five to ten things that you
800
00:39:15.280 --> 00:39:20.480
need to quit doing, like getting up every morning and complaining, gossiping.
801
00:39:20.920 --> 00:39:24.840
I think human beings were really good at snoozing, boozing, binging,
802
00:39:25.679 --> 00:39:29.360
we binge Netflix twenty four episodes and and all of
803
00:39:29.400 --> 00:39:32.880
a sudden, you've lost all this time and you spend
804
00:39:32.920 --> 00:39:36.239
no time on that idea of be faithful to the
805
00:39:36.239 --> 00:39:38.800
things that matter most. So I would create the quit
806
00:39:38.840 --> 00:39:40.199
list as soon as I possibly can.
807
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:42.400
Oh, that's powerful.
808
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:46.920
Great, And Okay, where'd you learn that one from?
809
00:39:47.960 --> 00:39:52.519
I can't remember now. I feel like it's it's some
810
00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:57.159
self help guru. Honestly, I just can't remember because it's
811
00:39:57.199 --> 00:40:01.360
all I kind of intertwined together, because like, I do
812
00:40:01.480 --> 00:40:04.280
spend a block of time each day trying to improve,
813
00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:08.400
So I'm like, I do learn some things. But yeah,
814
00:40:08.519 --> 00:40:09.639
can we talk about that?
815
00:40:09.719 --> 00:40:13.599
Because I talk a lot about living from your values
816
00:40:13.639 --> 00:40:14.920
and time blocking.
817
00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:16.960
Yeah, I really believe.
818
00:40:16.639 --> 00:40:19.719
It's so essential, and it sounds like you're actually deliberately
819
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:22.400
doing that. A lot of the things that you're speaking
820
00:40:22.440 --> 00:40:24.320
about is being very intentional.
821
00:40:24.679 --> 00:40:25.920
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
822
00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:29.960
Are you actually time blocking your day out and doing
823
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:30.639
these different things?
824
00:40:30.760 --> 00:40:33.239
Yeah. Once, I I wish I was more consistent than
825
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:36.199
I wish I was more consistent with it. And then
826
00:40:36.239 --> 00:40:38.239
I will tell you during the winter, I get into
827
00:40:38.280 --> 00:40:40.880
my high school basketball season and it's really like this
828
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:44.880
juggernaut and it's it's way more challenging for me because
829
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:47.159
we're playing three four games a week and you know,
830
00:40:47.199 --> 00:40:48.599
we want to play at the highest level we can.
831
00:40:48.719 --> 00:40:52.079
But I'm definitely better out of season, and I'm at
832
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:55.199
my best when I kind of go through this routine
833
00:40:55.239 --> 00:40:59.079
weekly and daily where I am like blocking, you know,
834
00:40:59.159 --> 00:41:01.719
doing my time block. It's really like the number one
835
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:06.159
kind of time management thing besides creating your quit list first.
836
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:08.760
So really where it works for me is you create
837
00:41:08.760 --> 00:41:11.760
your quit list set five to ten things that's basically
838
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:13.840
robbing you of your time because you've got to buy
839
00:41:13.880 --> 00:41:16.159
back your time. And then I always, you know, my
840
00:41:16.159 --> 00:41:17.960
college coach would always say time and love are like
841
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:20.280
the two greatest assets human beings have, So how are
842
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:22.679
you using those? So you got to create that quit list,
843
00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:24.320
and then the next thing, you've got to create your
844
00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:26.920
success checklist. So what's the four things you need to
845
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:28.639
do every day? Well, I need to go to bed
846
00:41:28.679 --> 00:41:31.119
on time. I need to get ten thousand steps, I
847
00:41:31.159 --> 00:41:33.599
need to spend thirty minutes in putting like powerful stuff
848
00:41:33.639 --> 00:41:36.360
in whatever the four things are for you. And then
849
00:41:36.400 --> 00:41:38.760
you need to like spend time blocking your day out
850
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:41.360
the day before. So do it the day before where
851
00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:43.920
you're time blocking, so it's like for these thirty minutes,
852
00:41:43.960 --> 00:41:46.519
I'm only doing this, and for this hour, I'm only
853
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:48.960
doing this. And then so you're not answering emails all
854
00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:50.960
day long, right, Yeah.
855
00:41:50.840 --> 00:41:53.920
It sounds like you really need to be very intentional.
856
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:54.039
Everything like that.
857
00:41:54.079 --> 00:41:57.519
Yeah, in order to kind of have all these skills
858
00:41:57.519 --> 00:41:59.400
and habits, you need to want it.
859
00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:01.639
Yeah yea right, and you work at it.
860
00:42:01.679 --> 00:42:02.840
And you got to work at.
861
00:42:02.719 --> 00:42:04.880
It because I feel like the world is set up
862
00:42:04.920 --> 00:42:07.159
now to take your time and love away from you.
863
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:09.519
I don't want to say that in like a cruel way,
864
00:42:09.599 --> 00:42:12.679
like I just they're not doing anything wrong. Like a
865
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:15.239
lot of it is based on finances, it's like they
866
00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:17.199
spend all this money on figuring out how to hook
867
00:42:17.239 --> 00:42:20.480
your time on Netflix. They actually, I think they used
868
00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:22.599
to do. I forget that what the number was, but
869
00:42:23.199 --> 00:42:25.840
I think it used to be fifteen seconds between episodes
870
00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:28.840
on Netflix or something or five. But they did all
871
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:32.000
this research and they found that ten seconds was the
872
00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:35.039
exact perfect time to hook people. So that because if
873
00:42:35.039 --> 00:42:39.920
they waited fifteen seconds, people would turn it off, and
874
00:42:39.960 --> 00:42:41.880
if they did five seconds, it was too short, so
875
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:45.280
they waste They learned ten seconds hooks you on Netflix
876
00:42:45.280 --> 00:42:48.320
so that you watch one episode to the next. I'm
877
00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:51.239
not mad at Netflix. They did their job. I guess
878
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:52.880
they're trying to get you to watch Netflix.
879
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:57.920
And you talk about distractions, and you were saying something earlier,
880
00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:01.079
and I want to ask this question because these are
881
00:43:01.119 --> 00:43:04.360
things we didn't have to deal with. College athletes can
882
00:43:04.400 --> 00:43:06.760
now make money, yep, a lot of money.
883
00:43:08.119 --> 00:43:11.000
How is that a distraction? Where do you think it's
884
00:43:11.079 --> 00:43:12.679
like it doesn't really matter.
885
00:43:13.840 --> 00:43:14.559
Is it a motivator?
886
00:43:14.599 --> 00:43:16.840
Is it a motivator or is it a distraction?
887
00:43:16.960 --> 00:43:19.079
Because I think it's changing the game, is going to
888
00:43:19.159 --> 00:43:20.280
change how people approach it.
889
00:43:20.679 --> 00:43:27.119
Yeah, I think what you need I think so college
890
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:30.320
athletics was on one side for a long long time
891
00:43:30.599 --> 00:43:33.199
where I felt like the coaches and the institutions had
892
00:43:33.239 --> 00:43:35.400
all the control. You were giving a kid a full
893
00:43:35.440 --> 00:43:38.800
scholarship two hundred thousand dollars and then you get a
894
00:43:38.800 --> 00:43:41.760
little meal money, and you know, there was players where
895
00:43:41.800 --> 00:43:44.800
their family couldn't even come to a game because they
896
00:43:44.800 --> 00:43:46.559
didn't have the money to get on a tick airline
897
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:49.320
to go watch their son or daughter play. So there
898
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:51.760
was that side, really really extreme part of it, but
899
00:43:51.800 --> 00:43:53.960
it did help a lot of kids get great educations
900
00:43:53.960 --> 00:43:57.079
and go on to do really successful things and have experiences.
901
00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:59.440
Now I think we've gone to the other other extreme
902
00:43:59.719 --> 00:44:02.199
where it's just like the coaches, institutions and all this
903
00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:05.719
stuff have absolutely no control. It's gone now to the
904
00:44:05.760 --> 00:44:08.920
point of where it's just like, you know, there's young
905
00:44:08.920 --> 00:44:10.679
people are just going to go to the highest bidder
906
00:44:11.239 --> 00:44:14.239
and whoever can give them the most money. So I
907
00:44:14.280 --> 00:44:17.039
think right now, for me personally, I think you just
908
00:44:17.239 --> 00:44:20.119
the college world needs to take that step of it's
909
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:22.679
pro sports now, like call it what it is. Stop
910
00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:25.760
dancing around, so that means, okay, it's pro sports. So
911
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:28.639
what we're gonna have is collective bargaining agreements. We're going
912
00:44:28.679 --> 00:44:31.280
to have contracts so that a kid who's playing football
913
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:34.119
at Michigan can't leave to go to play out Ohio
914
00:44:34.239 --> 00:44:37.679
State next week and be on the field playing because
915
00:44:37.679 --> 00:44:39.960
Ohio State's going to give them more money. Like now,
916
00:44:39.960 --> 00:44:42.360
they're just like they've opened the flogates. There's no rules,
917
00:44:42.360 --> 00:44:46.320
no regulations, no restrictions, no nothing. And I think it's
918
00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:50.039
really doing damage to a generation of kids, to young people,
919
00:44:50.920 --> 00:44:54.239
because they're losing value in things that will what I
920
00:44:54.280 --> 00:44:57.280
always say matter most in life. So for example, I
921
00:44:57.320 --> 00:45:00.400
go to Davidson College and I develop these lights long
922
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:04.360
relationships with guys through the joys and the heartaches of
923
00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:07.599
winning and losing as a team at Davidson College. So
924
00:45:07.639 --> 00:45:09.360
I have guys that I played with where if I
925
00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:11.039
didn't talk to them for two years and I called
926
00:45:11.039 --> 00:45:13.639
them today, they would lay down in traffic for me.
927
00:45:14.000 --> 00:45:17.639
Those relationships are really hard to build now because one
928
00:45:17.719 --> 00:45:20.199
kid's playing at kids playing at Fordham this year. The
929
00:45:20.239 --> 00:45:22.480
next year he's playing at Villanova, the next year he's
930
00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:26.880
playing at Albany, and they don't think those things matter,
931
00:45:26.920 --> 00:45:29.119
and they do. You know, It's like knock on wood,
932
00:45:29.159 --> 00:45:31.800
It's like I never needed a job, knock on wood,
933
00:45:31.800 --> 00:45:33.840
but I have one hundred people at Bergen Catholic that
934
00:45:33.880 --> 00:45:36.079
would help me get a job if I needed one.
935
00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:39.760
And I think the environment in college sports is taking
936
00:45:39.800 --> 00:45:42.800
that away. I think there's also it's taken away to
937
00:45:42.840 --> 00:45:46.440
make Yeah, so it's that relationship stuff. It's like people
938
00:45:46.440 --> 00:45:48.840
don't realize how important is when it hits the fan
939
00:45:48.920 --> 00:45:51.239
in life, you're gonna go to the people that you
940
00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:53.440
have the strongest relationship with. I think we've got a
941
00:45:53.480 --> 00:45:56.039
generation of kids now that don't have strong enough relations
942
00:45:56.440 --> 00:45:59.920
relationships with people. And because of that, mental health is
943
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:04.360
just really a problem. Depression, suicide, all of these things.
944
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:07.199
And that's just one aspect and one negative. I think
945
00:46:07.239 --> 00:46:10.960
of what's going on in college athletics.
946
00:46:09.679 --> 00:46:13.880
Mental health and all these things. Let's go into self care, right,
947
00:46:14.760 --> 00:46:17.800
I know, for me is one of the challenges when
948
00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:23.199
you are a workaholic. Right. However, people like us, we
949
00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:31.280
have maybe a more higher resistance and tolerance, right, Yeah,
950
00:46:31.360 --> 00:46:34.960
we can take a little more pressure because of you know,
951
00:46:35.079 --> 00:46:37.719
the focus that we have, because of the passion that
952
00:46:37.719 --> 00:46:40.280
we have. So I think for us as at a
953
00:46:40.360 --> 00:46:44.920
higher you know, at a different rate. However, self care
954
00:46:45.119 --> 00:46:48.280
is important, So what are some of the things that
955
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:50.480
you do for self care and what would you advise
956
00:46:50.679 --> 00:46:52.519
some athletes out there to do.
957
00:46:53.199 --> 00:46:56.599
Yeah, so we're I'm like a really really big believer
958
00:46:56.719 --> 00:47:00.400
in it. And basketball is one of the ultimate teams sports,
959
00:47:00.679 --> 00:47:02.719
and people ask me like, how do you build your team?
960
00:47:03.079 --> 00:47:04.559
And the one of the ways you build our team
961
00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:07.320
one of our first principles of building our team. We
962
00:47:07.360 --> 00:47:10.880
call it me first for us, and so it's it's
963
00:47:10.880 --> 00:47:13.199
the idea of you know, it's really we just use
964
00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:17.920
that idea of the oxygen mask on the airplane, so
965
00:47:17.960 --> 00:47:20.760
it's like you put yours on first. So really it's
966
00:47:20.760 --> 00:47:25.239
like I'm trying to develop myself, my wife, my players,
967
00:47:25.280 --> 00:47:28.679
Like we're trying to become the most elite level, you know,
968
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:33.320
best version of ourselves we usually possibly can become, so
969
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:35.599
that I can take those unique gifts and straints and
970
00:47:35.639 --> 00:47:38.199
really help the people that I love the most, Because
971
00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:40.119
if I don't can't care of myself and don't have
972
00:47:40.199 --> 00:47:42.880
high energy, and I'm not in shape and I don't
973
00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:44.480
have the health and i don't get good sleep and
974
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:46.559
all this kind of stuff, I can't care for my
975
00:47:46.599 --> 00:47:48.880
three kids at a high level. I can't care for
976
00:47:48.960 --> 00:47:51.400
my team. So we do that with our basketball team too,
977
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:54.320
Like I'm trying to make you the best best young
978
00:47:54.360 --> 00:47:57.039
men you potentially can become, and then we want you
979
00:47:57.119 --> 00:48:00.320
to take those unique gifts to help our team become great.
980
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:03.480
So it's really me first for us, that's how we
981
00:48:03.519 --> 00:48:05.679
build it. And it sounds weird coming from a coach.
982
00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:07.760
We don't have like the all we don't have like
983
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:10.480
Nike would have the T shirts, like the all in
984
00:48:10.639 --> 00:48:13.000
T shirts. We don't. We don't have like the all
985
00:48:13.039 --> 00:48:15.559
in because it's like we have what's called check in.
986
00:48:15.599 --> 00:48:16.559
I think that's more important.
987
00:48:16.599 --> 00:48:17.000
We called it.
988
00:48:17.719 --> 00:48:19.880
We called a check up from the neck up, Like
989
00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:22.199
how often are you checking in with the people that
990
00:48:22.239 --> 00:48:25.400
you're working with? Like really checking in? So but some
991
00:48:25.440 --> 00:48:27.000
of the things I do, honestly, I'm just like I
992
00:48:27.039 --> 00:48:30.280
have It's it's just exercise is really important to me.
993
00:48:30.840 --> 00:48:33.239
So just getting to the gym working out, I've really
994
00:48:33.280 --> 00:48:35.159
fell in love. My gym has a sauna. So when
995
00:48:35.159 --> 00:48:37.599
I've done working out, I listened to like a podcast
996
00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:43.960
or something, and yeah, sitting there sitting in the sauna. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
997
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:47.199
one hundred percent, I said, controlling that input, filling my
998
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:50.000
mind with the right stuff and for sure.
999
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:54.039
What so OS is about, Yeah, kind of focusing on
1000
00:48:54.360 --> 00:48:58.360
positive personal development content where you don't have a lot
1001
00:48:58.400 --> 00:49:01.119
of these distractions that you have and all the other
1002
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:04.880
media platforms. Right, I want to share with you another
1003
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:08.719
Jim Rohn quote, right, that speaks of one day he
1004
00:49:08.880 --> 00:49:11.920
was kind of like younger in his career, he used
1005
00:49:11.960 --> 00:49:14.880
to say to people, you know, I'll take care of
1006
00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:17.079
you and you take care of me. Yeah, and then
1007
00:49:17.159 --> 00:49:21.079
he said that more into his career, as he got
1008
00:49:21.159 --> 00:49:24.880
more you know, kind of a lot more wisdom, he
1009
00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:28.960
started to say, I'll take care of me for you,
1010
00:49:29.159 --> 00:49:32.760
and please you take care of you for me, which
1011
00:49:32.920 --> 00:49:36.599
is what you're basically sharing, the importance of you taking
1012
00:49:36.599 --> 00:49:39.400
care of you so you can, you know, show up
1013
00:49:39.920 --> 00:49:40.960
in a better way.
1014
00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:43.039
For other people. Yeah. And this is just speaking like
1015
00:49:43.159 --> 00:49:48.519
from purely observation, you know, me being a man. Of course,
1016
00:49:48.920 --> 00:49:51.480
it's I think it's even like harder for women, whether
1017
00:49:51.519 --> 00:49:56.079
it be moms, wives, just whatever. I don't know exactly,
1018
00:49:56.119 --> 00:49:59.440
but there's maybe that inherent thing of like helping others.
1019
00:50:00.119 --> 00:50:02.679
See if you're a mom where you have kids, and
1020
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:05.880
so I think there's maybe sometimes a level of guilt potentially.
1021
00:50:06.239 --> 00:50:08.719
And again this is just my observation. I just see
1022
00:50:08.760 --> 00:50:11.559
my wife, you know, she's the mom of three, and
1023
00:50:11.599 --> 00:50:14.159
it's like reminding, like, you have to take care of
1024
00:50:14.199 --> 00:50:17.440
yourself and it's okay to take that time. You know,
1025
00:50:17.480 --> 00:50:19.840
it's not easy to do. That's why, like time management
1026
00:50:19.880 --> 00:50:22.280
is so important, but you have to take that time
1027
00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:24.639
so that you can be at your best for those
1028
00:50:24.719 --> 00:50:25.960
that you love the most.
1029
00:50:26.199 --> 00:50:29.559
I think society plays a part in shaming people when
1030
00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:32.639
they percent right, and I think that has to do
1031
00:50:32.679 --> 00:50:35.679
especially with women. As you were mentioning being a mom
1032
00:50:35.719 --> 00:50:38.360
of a six year old, a single mom, it's like,
1033
00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:42.880
you know, we're expected to pour an outpour to our
1034
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:45.920
children everything, and as we should, but we should also
1035
00:50:45.960 --> 00:50:47.880
take care of us so we can do that. It's
1036
00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:51.559
the same kind of right, But there is shaming in society.
1037
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:55.199
Percent Yeah. And if you're not working eighty hours a week,
1038
00:50:55.599 --> 00:50:58.239
you're not really doing the right stuff and all of
1039
00:50:58.280 --> 00:50:58.760
those things.
1040
00:50:58.840 --> 00:51:04.679
Yeah, speaking of self care, I work with a lot
1041
00:51:04.719 --> 00:51:09.599
of athletes that never consider life beyond the game, and we.
1042
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:12.880
Just talked about how now in college, these kids are
1043
00:51:12.960 --> 00:51:16.519
making all this money. You know, there's an entourage that
1044
00:51:16.599 --> 00:51:20.679
comes with that there's money being wasted on lifestyle things
1045
00:51:20.719 --> 00:51:23.760
that maybe aren't so important, and hopefully they're getting direction
1046
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:24.800
from their parents on that.
1047
00:51:27.119 --> 00:51:29.920
How do you prepare your kids for life beyond the game.
1048
00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:32.840
You know, there's injuries, there's potential that you may not
1049
00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:35.000
make your goal. You can be the greatest thing today
1050
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:39.320
and suddenly have a you know, a game ending injury. Yeah,
1051
00:51:39.360 --> 00:51:41.599
so life beyond the game. Talk to me, how are
1052
00:51:41.679 --> 00:51:45.159
you as a coach? I guess all these lessons that
1053
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:48.920
you're imparting, But is that a conversation that ever occurs.
1054
00:51:48.440 --> 00:51:49.599
With your team?
1055
00:51:50.079 --> 00:51:52.119
Yeah? So when they first walk in the door, that's
1056
00:51:52.159 --> 00:51:54.679
one of the most important things for me when they
1057
00:51:54.679 --> 00:51:56.840
first walk in the door, is this idea of who
1058
00:51:56.880 --> 00:51:58.880
you are as a person will always be more important
1059
00:51:58.880 --> 00:52:01.159
than who you are as a player, And like they
1060
00:52:01.199 --> 00:52:03.039
need to get that as soon as they walk in
1061
00:52:03.079 --> 00:52:05.679
the door. And really the tool we use is just
1062
00:52:05.840 --> 00:52:09.599
every day, normal one on one conversations. There's some things
1063
00:52:09.599 --> 00:52:12.239
within the team, but it's these constant check ins on
1064
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:15.000
like with my players, like how you doing, how's mom
1065
00:52:15.039 --> 00:52:17.280
and dad? What's going on with your girlfriend? I heard
1066
00:52:17.280 --> 00:52:19.440
your dog ran away? Like whatever it is, Like there
1067
00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:22.119
needs to be this constant I guess from quote unquote
1068
00:52:22.119 --> 00:52:25.519
the guy in charge, there's this constant like so they
1069
00:52:25.559 --> 00:52:28.519
don't start to identify themselves as like a basketball player,
1070
00:52:29.000 --> 00:52:30.440
you know, because they get a lot of that. It's
1071
00:52:30.480 --> 00:52:33.840
really that identification piece. So it's really just like me
1072
00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:36.719
constantly talking to them. And then there are some conversations
1073
00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:39.079
where one on one will be like, you know, what
1074
00:52:39.119 --> 00:52:41.840
are you thinking about like after basketball? And you know,
1075
00:52:42.119 --> 00:52:44.280
what do you want to do? And I had a
1076
00:52:44.280 --> 00:52:47.039
great conversation with a kid three years ago, you know
1077
00:52:47.079 --> 00:52:49.320
where we're talking and it's just like that question, like
1078
00:52:49.400 --> 00:52:51.639
what do you think you can do like life after basketball?
1079
00:52:51.719 --> 00:52:54.800
And he said he wanted to be an entrepreneur and
1080
00:52:54.840 --> 00:52:57.079
he wanted to own his own business. And this from
1081
00:52:57.360 --> 00:53:00.800
speaking from his perspective. He basically said his neighborhood there
1082
00:53:00.880 --> 00:53:04.400
wasn't there wasn't enough black owned businesses and that's something
1083
00:53:04.440 --> 00:53:07.119
he thought he'd be really good at. So I think
1084
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:09.280
it's really just like, you know, it seems like such
1085
00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:12.480
a simple concept, but I joke around it's like, wow,
1086
00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:14.880
I came up with this revolutionary idea. We're going to
1087
00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:18.320
use one on one conversations with people, like we're just
1088
00:53:18.360 --> 00:53:21.239
gonna talk to them and we're gonna have conversations outside
1089
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:23.400
of like, hey, you know you got to get better
1090
00:53:23.440 --> 00:53:26.119
at defense or how can we improve your game? So
1091
00:53:26.159 --> 00:53:27.920
I think they need to have they need to hear
1092
00:53:27.960 --> 00:53:29.480
that from me and my staff.
1093
00:53:30.039 --> 00:53:32.159
We need to clone you. That's what we need to do.
1094
00:53:34.599 --> 00:53:35.360
That is awesome.
1095
00:53:35.559 --> 00:53:36.199
I appreciate it.
1096
00:53:37.679 --> 00:53:38.000
General.
1097
00:53:38.159 --> 00:53:39.639
I will tell you I mess up every day, and
1098
00:53:39.679 --> 00:53:41.679
if you talk to my wife, she'll give you a
1099
00:53:41.719 --> 00:53:43.519
list of things that I need to get better at.
1100
00:53:43.559 --> 00:53:48.079
So but I am working towards them, yes, exactly, exactly.
1101
00:53:49.159 --> 00:53:51.880
But what is what is next? What are you looking
1102
00:53:51.960 --> 00:53:54.599
forward to do? What are you working on currently as well?
1103
00:53:56.719 --> 00:54:03.480
Honestly? So one is I guess it's trying to be
1104
00:54:03.559 --> 00:54:05.760
like the best dad and husband I can be, because
1105
00:54:05.880 --> 00:54:07.480
you know, you have three small kids. They're like three,
1106
00:54:07.559 --> 00:54:11.280
five and eight. So yeah, two girls. So I have
1107
00:54:11.400 --> 00:54:15.159
April is eight, Summers five, and then Trey's three. So
1108
00:54:15.199 --> 00:54:18.039
I guess the next phase is really there's two things.
1109
00:54:18.360 --> 00:54:23.880
One is trying to create a little bit more simplicity
1110
00:54:23.920 --> 00:54:27.480
and structure in our home life just because it's already chaotic.
1111
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:29.960
But my wife and I run our own business and
1112
00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:33.119
we run out of our home, so she wants to
1113
00:54:33.119 --> 00:54:35.480
be a mom and she's constantly being a mom, and
1114
00:54:35.480 --> 00:54:37.440
then it's like an email and a phone call and
1115
00:54:37.639 --> 00:54:41.800
text message and all that stuff. Yeah, so there's that piece.
1116
00:54:41.800 --> 00:54:44.079
And then I work at Bergen Catholic, like coaching the
1117
00:54:44.119 --> 00:54:46.039
basketball team. It's like a thousand hours a year if
1118
00:54:46.079 --> 00:54:47.800
you want to do it the right way. I work
1119
00:54:47.840 --> 00:54:50.320
in the advancement office like that. So it's really trying
1120
00:54:50.360 --> 00:54:53.039
to can we create a structure and a system. So
1121
00:54:53.159 --> 00:54:55.119
I mean, we do have family dinner as often as
1122
00:54:55.119 --> 00:54:57.400
we possibly can, but can we create a little bit
1123
00:54:57.480 --> 00:55:00.519
more structure so it's a little less chaotic in home.
1124
00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:02.320
So that's one and then the other part is I
1125
00:55:02.360 --> 00:55:05.639
really want to get into I have we have like
1126
00:55:05.719 --> 00:55:08.119
hundreds of kids in my Hoop Dreams program, but I
1127
00:55:08.159 --> 00:55:10.320
really want to get into like coaching the coaches more
1128
00:55:10.920 --> 00:55:12.800
because I just feel like that's the way I can
1129
00:55:12.880 --> 00:55:15.280
really if I talk to a coach that coaches fifty
1130
00:55:15.360 --> 00:55:18.280
kids like so, and like, I don't have all the answers,
1131
00:55:18.280 --> 00:55:19.920
but I think I have a lot of things that
1132
00:55:20.559 --> 00:55:24.199
practical stuff after coaching over twenty years that can really help.
1133
00:55:24.239 --> 00:55:26.800
And I do think there's a lot of there's a
1134
00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:30.079
crisis in coaching youth today. I think there's a lot
1135
00:55:30.119 --> 00:55:32.719
of yelling, blaming and shaming, at least when I go.
1136
00:55:32.840 --> 00:55:34.800
It's just my observation, Like when I go to games
1137
00:55:34.840 --> 00:55:36.880
and it's like, what are you doing and screaming and
1138
00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:39.079
yet like we don't. I'm an the tense guy, Like
1139
00:55:39.480 --> 00:55:41.199
you can talk to my players. They will tell you that.
1140
00:55:41.719 --> 00:55:45.039
But there's no blaming in shaming. Nobody's in trouble. I
1141
00:55:45.159 --> 00:55:48.239
show up the same way every single day. So if
1142
00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:50.280
we win a game, if we lose a game, if
1143
00:55:50.280 --> 00:55:52.559
we lose to our rival, I don't show up in
1144
00:55:52.599 --> 00:55:55.840
practice now like all pissed off. So like, I just
1145
00:55:55.840 --> 00:55:58.039
think I have a lot of value to add coaches,
1146
00:55:58.079 --> 00:56:00.840
young coaches that maybe are when through things that I
1147
00:56:00.880 --> 00:56:02.559
wish I would have known at the time. So it's
1148
00:56:02.599 --> 00:56:05.199
really those two things just next on my horizon.
1149
00:56:05.559 --> 00:56:06.599
I'm waiting for the book.
1150
00:56:07.199 --> 00:56:10.760
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get when I get better at
1151
00:56:10.760 --> 00:56:14.280
time blocking and I block a half hour day of writing,
1152
00:56:14.360 --> 00:56:16.320
then I think I'll get it, get.
1153
00:56:16.239 --> 00:56:18.679
It done on talking about this.
1154
00:56:19.119 --> 00:56:21.599
I want my own podcast too, But I'm like, do
1155
00:56:21.679 --> 00:56:23.880
I really have anything of value to offer? Like we
1156
00:56:23.960 --> 00:56:28.039
all we all deal with like self esteem and self confidence.
1157
00:56:28.079 --> 00:56:28.840
It's incredible.
1158
00:56:30.280 --> 00:56:33.079
Wait, do you understand the value?
1159
00:56:34.280 --> 00:56:35.360
I appreciate that.
1160
00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:38.239
We need to work on that with it.
1161
00:56:38.280 --> 00:56:38.679
Thank you.
1162
00:56:38.920 --> 00:56:41.840
And so here's a question for you looking back on
1163
00:56:41.880 --> 00:56:44.679
your journey, what's the legacy you hope.
1164
00:56:44.480 --> 00:56:53.000
To The legacy really comes down to it's that idea
1165
00:56:53.000 --> 00:56:55.800
of like, you know, how many people you can help
1166
00:56:55.840 --> 00:56:58.639
in a lifetime. So it really comes down to that.
1167
00:56:58.880 --> 00:57:01.119
And then well how do you measure that? Like how
1168
00:57:01.119 --> 00:57:03.159
do you get data on that? And I tell people
1169
00:57:03.159 --> 00:57:05.159
all the time, like I will know if I'm actually
1170
00:57:05.199 --> 00:57:07.960
like a good basketball coach. And We've won some games
1171
00:57:07.960 --> 00:57:10.159
and some state championships and I've got a bunch of
1172
00:57:10.239 --> 00:57:12.920
kids that got scholarships and that's all great, But my
1173
00:57:13.199 --> 00:57:17.000
like the measuring stick is because I coach boys, it's like,
1174
00:57:17.719 --> 00:57:20.400
you know, do they become real men? I think that's
1175
00:57:20.400 --> 00:57:23.679
my biggest challenge every day because society divide just you know,
1176
00:57:24.519 --> 00:57:28.320
there's something around, particularly in the basketball culture this you know,
1177
00:57:28.440 --> 00:57:32.599
society kind of paints his picture of vision. Yeah, and
1178
00:57:32.639 --> 00:57:35.400
what a man really looks like and a man shows
1179
00:57:35.480 --> 00:57:37.440
up every day and a man says please and thank you,
1180
00:57:37.519 --> 00:57:39.719
and you know how you treat women and trildren tell
1181
00:57:39.760 --> 00:57:41.639
me everything I need to know about you, and do
1182
00:57:41.639 --> 00:57:43.519
you shake hands and look at people in the eye
1183
00:57:43.559 --> 00:57:46.880
and lifting others up? So I think I won't know until,
1184
00:57:46.920 --> 00:57:49.639
like my players maybe go on and get married and
1185
00:57:49.639 --> 00:57:52.519
have their own kids and then they're teaching their son
1186
00:57:52.639 --> 00:57:55.800
or daughter about TCC. That'll probably be the measuring stick
1187
00:57:55.880 --> 00:57:58.239
that Hey, maybe I actually helped a few people along
1188
00:57:58.320 --> 00:58:00.800
the way. That's awesome. That is.
1189
00:58:01.039 --> 00:58:05.280
So let me tell you, I really truly respect people
1190
00:58:05.400 --> 00:58:07.960
like you. So thank you for being you. First of all,
1191
00:58:08.159 --> 00:58:12.920
thank you right for the values, right the foundation. You
1192
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:16.800
have an amazing foundation, amazing values that you live by
1193
00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:19.679
every single day. And not only that, not only do
1194
00:58:19.760 --> 00:58:22.280
you live by it and you exemplify it, but you
1195
00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:25.679
teach it, you pass it down. So I mean when
1196
00:58:25.760 --> 00:58:27.760
you said you don't think you have value, you have.
1197
00:58:28.400 --> 00:58:31.880
Thank you value. Thank you share. I appreciate it.
1198
00:58:31.960 --> 00:58:34.840
Thank you for doing your your part and sharing that.
1199
00:58:34.840 --> 00:58:35.519
That's amazing.
1200
00:58:35.719 --> 00:58:38.920
Yeah, I've been so fortunate to such a big piece.
1201
00:58:38.960 --> 00:58:41.360
I don't really know why, but I've just been like
1202
00:58:42.280 --> 00:58:45.000
I've just been like been surrounded by so many like
1203
00:58:45.679 --> 00:58:47.800
my you know, the people at Bergen Catholic and me
1204
00:58:47.800 --> 00:58:51.679
as a student, my coach Bob McKillop at Davidson, my teammates, friends,
1205
00:58:51.719 --> 00:58:55.000
just different coaches, mentors. You know. One of my mentors,
1206
00:58:55.079 --> 00:58:58.800
Jp Nurban, lives in Ireland. Like I've just been. My
1207
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:00.880
wife is a maze. Like I just I'm really a
1208
00:59:00.920 --> 00:59:03.280
product of the people that I've been able to be
1209
00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:06.440
around and stuff. So you know, that's I guess. My
1210
00:59:06.519 --> 00:59:09.440
last thing is like, really choose wisely the people you
1211
00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:10.039
hang out with.
1212
00:59:10.599 --> 00:59:13.559
Yes, I was going to ask you for some final words.
1213
00:59:13.679 --> 00:59:16.400
Yeah, that's that's really it. Like sometimes you about to
1214
00:59:16.400 --> 00:59:19.559
make some tough decisions. So, but really choose wisely the
1215
00:59:19.559 --> 00:59:22.599
people you want to be around with hang around with. Wow.
1216
00:59:22.679 --> 00:59:24.800
So if people want to find you, they want to
1217
00:59:24.800 --> 00:59:27.599
get in touch with you, they want to engage in conversation,
1218
00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:34.440
right because obviously beyond basketball, you're mentor to men young
1219
00:59:34.480 --> 00:59:37.159
men older. Yeah, you know, like and that's the thing
1220
00:59:37.239 --> 00:59:42.280
like people in general, yes, but but definitely for guys, right,
1221
00:59:43.119 --> 00:59:44.960
I can see that, right, yep.
1222
00:59:45.400 --> 00:59:47.519
So how do they find you? How do they get
1223
00:59:47.519 --> 00:59:48.000
in touch with you?
1224
00:59:48.800 --> 00:59:51.320
I think the easiest I think the easiest way is
1225
00:59:51.440 --> 00:59:55.440
probably my Instagram. It's just at coach Billy Billy Armstrong.
1226
00:59:55.800 --> 00:59:58.960
That's probably the easiest way and just messes me on
1227
00:59:59.000 --> 01:00:02.440
there and I'm very like we sponsive with it. The
1228
01:00:02.480 --> 01:00:05.159
other one is is at Hoop Dreams BA. That's you know,
1229
01:00:05.199 --> 01:00:08.440
my hoop Dreams business, just because my wife and I
1230
01:00:08.519 --> 01:00:12.800
monitor that. So that's that's really it. And then those
1231
01:00:12.800 --> 01:00:15.320
are probably the two best ways quickly touch on hoop dreams.
1232
01:00:15.320 --> 01:00:17.039
We didn't really get into that too much, but can
1233
01:00:17.079 --> 01:00:18.760
you just quickly give us a little Yeah.
1234
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:21.840
It's really like I got I was done playing, and
1235
01:00:21.880 --> 01:00:23.440
when I was done playing, it's like, you know, the
1236
01:00:23.519 --> 01:00:26.039
natural progression was like okay, like get into coaching. And
1237
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:28.920
I really became obsessed with coaching too. So I just
1238
01:00:28.960 --> 01:00:30.280
went back and I was like, well, what am I
1239
01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:31.960
going to do? Like, well, I'm going to go back
1240
01:00:31.960 --> 01:00:34.519
to the neighborhood I grew up in Bergen County, in
1241
01:00:34.599 --> 01:00:38.719
the suburbs and really trying to, you know, teach kids
1242
01:00:38.719 --> 01:00:40.199
and let them know like, you don't have to be
1243
01:00:40.239 --> 01:00:42.679
six' ten to be a great basketball. Player you don't
1244
01:00:42.719 --> 01:00:45.119
necessarily have to live in the inner, city and you,
1245
01:00:45.159 --> 01:00:47.920
know you can kind of you can kind of be.
1246
01:00:47.960 --> 01:00:50.280
Average BECAUSE i was an average athlete and average, player
1247
01:00:50.639 --> 01:00:53.679
but if you follow certain, principles you can become above
1248
01:00:53.719 --> 01:00:55.960
average and live out some. Dreams so that's where the
1249
01:00:55.960 --> 01:00:58.159
hoop dreams came. From AND i just started back in
1250
01:00:58.239 --> 01:01:02.199
my neighborhood and twenty years, later my wife is still doing.
1251
01:01:02.199 --> 01:01:04.880
It and, wow we've had hundreds and hundred of kids come,
1252
01:01:04.920 --> 01:01:06.480
through so that's just so.
1253
01:01:06.519 --> 01:01:09.960
Amazing, YES i really want to take the opportunity to
1254
01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:12.599
thank you for being a guest on the show today
1255
01:01:12.840 --> 01:01:16.639
and for the lives that you're. Changing, really you're doing.
1256
01:01:16.679 --> 01:01:20.280
Amazing thank you so. Much thank. You this was. AWESOME
1257
01:01:20.280 --> 01:01:23.320
i really enjoyed myself and a lot of great. Conversation
1258
01:01:23.639 --> 01:01:26.320
and you guys are doing amazing stuff and you have
1259
01:01:26.360 --> 01:01:29.559
a follower now and a, listener and you know it's really.
1260
01:01:29.800 --> 01:01:31.800
You keep up the great work you guys are. Doing thank.
1261
01:01:31.840 --> 01:01:32.800
You you appreciate.
1262
01:01:32.840 --> 01:01:36.000
That, yeah, Absolutely and everybody that's, watching thank you so
1263
01:01:36.119 --> 01:01:40.639
much for watching another episode of The Ascent. Show and,
1264
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:48.960
remember because every moment, counts thank you for joining us.
1265
01:01:49.000 --> 01:01:52.000
Guys bye, Bye, Billy take care