It stops with me | Ep 5

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Good afternoon, guys.
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Well, actually, just kidding.
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I think I'm posting this in the morning.
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Good morning, sorry.
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My bad.
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Uh, a couple of announcements before we get into everything.
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Or not really announcements.
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Let's just do some housekeeping here.
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And if you're one of those people who absolutely hate hearing all of this stuff before we get into what our episode is about, I will put in the show notes like a timestamp.
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That way you can skip ahead.
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First and foremost, I decided that instead of hooking a mic to my shirt, I have it hooked on to a little spatula, and that's what I'm using.
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I look ridiculous.
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But if you if you've been here for a while, you know I talk with my hands.
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Like I am notoriously bad about talking with my hands, and I was hitting the mic so much that I was like, okay, I gotta do something.
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So I'm sitting here holding my little knife spatula with a microphone clipped onto the end of it.
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That's fine, that's great, that's where we're at.
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So let's start off with some fun stuff.
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The coffee of the day was so good, so so good.
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I did, it was just regular espresso, plain coffee, and then I did a little bit of sea salt, and I added some sugar-free white chocolate sauce, a little sugar-free vanilla and sugar-free maple pancake coffee syrup, and I brewed the espresso, and then I put a little spoonful of the better goods maple butter in it.
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Dude, I'm telling you, it is amazing.
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I'm gonna get the pumpkin butter this week because I got the maple butter last week.
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It really, really, really is so good.
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I have a friend of mine who I tried my hardest to make them like coffee for so long, and she wouldn't listen to me and she was like, Bridget, it's just not good, whatever.
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Guess who made a gallon of Ask Coffee this week?
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And she is now on the coffee train.
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She jacked it up a little bit and she doesn't like her gallon of coffee, but I'm helping her figure out how to redo it.
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Um, she's like, I really need you to tell me what to make because I don't want to buy a coffee machine.
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So she's been using like the NES Cafe or no, I think she did Cafe Bustello.
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But shout out to Em.
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You're on the coffee train.
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I love you.
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You're gonna make it.
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It's changing your life.
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I don't know if I would say for the better, but it's changing your life.
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Um, I've been trying to like give her little recipes, which maybe I need to start posting my little as I make my coffees, do little coffee clips.
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I did a few of them on TikTok there for a while and I would like pray while I did it.
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But let I don't know, we'll see.
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But on another note, I have had so many people reach out to me about how they can help support the show.
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And I I'm so thankful and I'm grateful for anyone who has helped or sent anything.
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It means more to me than you will ever know.
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I do want to let you guys know that we turned our website back on for this show.
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It's just like a basic one, it's like just one place where all the episodes are, and you can still listen on Apple and Spotify, Castbox, and all the other places.
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But this is like our little website where you can get all of them.
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And on that website, they have a support tab, and it's just where you can go in and you can like send a dollar, you can send ten dollars, you can do whatever you want.
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And the only reason I'm saying that is because I've had people ask, and you pray about that, whatever you think, whatever you want to do.
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If you can't do anything right now, what I do ask is can you just pray for the show?
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I'm not asking for anything, I'm just letting you guys know.
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Um, my goal with our show is to move into an audio and video platform so you guys can see me.
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You can watch us on YouTube, and you will realize how bad I am about talking with my hands.
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If you ever listened to Booked Bagged and Tagged, I remember Andy would get so frustrated because while I was reading what I was reading, like I had written everything out, he would follow along while I was reading, but I talked with my hands so much that I would move the paper and like make him nauseous while I was moving.
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Um, so yeah, it's bad.
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Um, and you can just see how bad that's gonna be.
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But that is my goal.
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I do want to move into like an audio video platform to where everything can stay on Apple.
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But if you want the opportunity to see us, then you can go and you can watch me on there.
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And that is why I am even mentioning any kind of support because everything is gonna go back into the show, everything is gonna go back into whatever it is that God has planned for this show, and I know it's big, and I'm just I'm so excited.
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It just feels good being here again.
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Like I I think I've gotten through my nerves a little bit with it, and now I'm just happy to be here.
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Let's see where it takes us kind of thing.
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I'm also trying to figure out ways that I can interact with you guys more.
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We did go live the other day and it was pitiful.
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Um, it was the first time I have been live and I could not tell you how long, and I felt so silly.
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Um, I deleted it immediately after.
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It was very awkward, and I was like, I don't know, I want to interact with you guys, but I think I made that about me and not about God, which is what it was supposed to be.
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So I felt convicted and I deleted it.
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So as much as I want to interact with you guys, I've got to figure out what way God wants that to be.
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Um, so I've been trying to like post little things in our something sweeter Facebook group.
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So if you're not in that and you're listening, that is where a lot of daily interactions are.
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Um, I'm gonna try to post on TikTok more.
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Um, I I don't know where we're at.
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We'll see what we're doing.
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And I'm just trying to figure everything.
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But you know what I really want to do?
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And this is like so far-fetched, this is gonna be a while unless God just says go now.
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I doubt it though.
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Um, I want to do something.
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Like I want to like have some kind of event.
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And I don't know how that would work.
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And I'm talking like get a bunch of people together and like have like a small worship service before we start, and then I can talk to you guys and maybe open up for some questions or just like have a little moment together.
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And I don't know, maybe I'm putting the buggy before the horse, but I just want to see what God can do and how he can move everything.
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And if you're you know local, then that would be really cool.
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Like if you're in North Georgia um to be able to come to something like that.
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And who knows?
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I mean, I'll let you guys know once God tells me what to do and when to do it, but that's where we are.
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Okay, all of that was super happy and exciting.
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Now let's get into the episode.
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And I'm just gonna start this whole thing by saying I did not plan on making this episode about me.
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And while it's not entirely about me, there is a heavy aspect to this that has a lot to do with my own personal testimony.
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Um, I did not plan to go through this again, but God was very clear with me about what He wanted me to do.
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And I I'm a private person, believe it or not.
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Um, I know that my version of private is probably a lot for some people because here's the thing.
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I will tell you everything that you want to know about one thing, and then have an entire, you know, other part of my life that I keep completely to myself and my family.
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So while I'm a very private person, yes, this is one of those things that God has said this doesn't need to be private anymore.
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And I want to explain that because I know that there are people who don't like when I talk about this subject, and there are people who believe that my version of these events are false or that what I have said is that I've twisted things.
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And I want to make something very clear, very, very clear before we go any further.
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This isn't my truth, this is the truth as I experienced it and what happened, um, not just my version of things, but what happened.
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And I'm always gonna give God the glory for bringing me through that.
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And again, if you're new here and you have absolutely no idea why I'm even starting this episode off like this, it's gonna make more sense in a minute.
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Um, if you have, if you're somebody who has maybe heard this story um from the other side, you've probably heard a very carefully scripted version that paints the person in a light that they have chosen for themselves.
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And I'm not saying that to bash anybody.
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I'm saying that because I'm not gonna sugarcoat my life or rewrite what happened to me just to maintain a certain image.
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This episode is actually going to continu is like a continuation of my testimony.
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So if you don't know the whole story, I think the best place to start is the testimony video.
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Um I posted it a couple years ago on our old YouTube page.
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Then I moved it over to something sweeter.
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I think I recorded it in the spring of 23, maybe.
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So I mean it it's it's been a good minute.
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I also posted a link to this video in our Facebook page.
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Um, if you okay, so you can go if you're not on Facebook and you're listening to this, I think I have our link tree in the show notes.
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If not, I'm gonna post our video the video in the show notes anyway.
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But it's like a one-hour video of me talking about what I went through.
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And it it's I can't tell you how many times I've watched it, but I think every time I watch it, it hits me different.
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And parts of me are just like, I just want to hug that person and say, hey, it gets better.
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Um if you watched it, then you're gonna kind of, you know, where I'm going and what this is all about.
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Um, if you haven't watched it yet, I I really, really do recommend pausing this and going and watching that because it's gonna make a lot more sense.
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But I'll give you a very, very brief summary because one thing that I want to make clear, I right before I hit record, I stopped and prayed and I said, God, help me say what I need to say in a way that glorifies you, not my flesh.
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Because this is one of those topics where I could beat a dead horse, and I that's not what I'm here to do.
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I'm not here to run anybody down, I'm not here to gossip, I'm not here to, you know, just dig up all this dirt because I don't want to.
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I didn't want to talk about it to begin with, but I think that there's a reason that God put it on my heart so heavy, and I don't know what that reason is, but maybe somebody listening will get something from it.
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Um, so I just ask you to be patient with me through this.
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Uh and y'all know I am a I'm a tender-hearted person.
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Like I like I'm gonna be crying, right?
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Like we're gonna cry together.
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But um for obvious reasons, this one is much harder to do.
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So please just bear with me.
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And I'm just gonna go ahead.
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So to give you a brief summary, honestly, it doesn't do the story justice, but once you hear it, you're gonna understand why I opened this story, this episode the way that I did.
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I'm not gonna sit here and bash my mom.
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I'm not going but I'm also not going to pretend that her choices didn't hurt me just to keep up a certain picture of her.
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Because the truth is, I love my mama.
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I love my mama so much.
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I still love my mama.
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I just don't love the person who she chose to be in the end.
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And that wasn't the mom that I knew.
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And I think that that is something that people don't always understand about grief.
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That my specific story, I grieved the loss of my mom the first time when I was 13.
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And then I did it again at 25 when I had to go no contact.
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And I do say had to.
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It was not a choice that I wanted to make.
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It was not an evil choice on my part, it was an ultimatum, and I wasn't again, I wasn't her choice.
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But then I had to grieve her finally when I was 27.
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So in a lot of ways, I had already grieved the loss of her years before her actual death.
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And if you know anything about my testimony, you know that so much of it centers around this specific relationship in my life.
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For the first 13 years of my life, I was my mother's shadow.
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She was my absolute everything.
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People would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I would say a mama, because I genuinely thought that I had the best mom in the entire world.
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From my sweet, innocent point of view, my family was perfect.
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Everything about my family was perfect.
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But what I didn't know is what was happening behind the scenes.
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And when I finally found out, it flipped my entire world upside down.
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And also let me reiterate the fact that when I say I found out, it wasn't because someone told me that she was doing something to me to be mean.
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It was something I seen with my own eyes.
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It was things that my mom told me out of her own mouth.
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Good, glad we got that cleared up because I do not in any way want to feed into that narrative that has been out there that my dad or my family or whoever ran my mother down to me, and that is what happened in the end.
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Absolutely not.
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My issues with my mom came directly from her and the things that she would do or did in front of me.
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So, in a nutshell, my mom had begun to have affairs and eventually decided that in her very own words, she was gonna live her life for her.
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And the night that she told me that she was leaving, she told me to pack a bag, and that that I she never came back and got me.
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She never took me with her the night that she left.
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She literally never came back for me either.
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That night wrecked me for years.
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It changed me, it changed my siblings, it changed my dad, it changed our family.
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And honestly, I carried the damage from that night for a very long time, quite honestly, until Andy himself picked up the pieces and put them back together.
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When I say she never came back from me, I'm not saying that was the last time I saw my mom.
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I mean in the sense that the mom that left that night, that was like I had to grieve the death of the mom that I had for the first 13 years of my life because I never saw her again.
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Never.
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Never once did I see that version of my mom, and that's the version that I chased after for so many years.
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And the version the version of her that I wanted the most, that was her.
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That was the version of my mom.
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And I never got that back.
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And I think that that's why I put up with so much over the next, you know, half of my life is because I was constantly searching for that version of her again.
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Um I like I said, she was a part of my life afterwards, but just not in the same way.
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It was never the same.
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I never, I never got that version of her back.
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I feel like I've said version so many times now.
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Sorry.
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But um, my mom began drinking literally that night.
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Like she left my dad, she left us, she went and got something to drink and never stopped.
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Literally.
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She would, you know, bottle to bottle from man to man, and over time she created her own story and one where everyone else was responsible for what had happened to her.
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And I want to hit pause there because there was a lot of sadness in my mom's life.
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Some of it was done to her.
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She had a very sad life, but a lot of it was the results of her own choices.
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And that's where I want to make the distinction because it matters.
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Because here's the lesson, and here's where I want to eventually bring this episode.
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Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.
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Because if you don't heal what hurt you, eventually you're going to hand that hurt to your children.
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And that's the part that I really need somebody to hear is it is a reason, not an excuse.
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Your trauma is a reason, but not an excuse.
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Does that make sense?
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Everything that you were taught growing up does not have to grow old with you.
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You can be a person who says it stops with me.
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And that's exactly where we're going today because I want to talk about broken walls, not just physical walls, generational walls, family walls, spiritual walls.
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And we're going to talk about what happens when you inherit a mess that you didn't create, but you decide that you're not going to leave for the next generation.
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Okay, so let's take a break from Bridget's incredibly dramatic childhood story, and we're going to dive into the Bible.
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That sounds like a better I'm going to hit pause.
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I'm going to get some water.
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I'm going to be right back.
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Okay, we're good.
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We're good.
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Maybe I should add like some elevator music right there for you or something.
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I don't know.
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But today we are going to be in the book of Nehemiah.
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So there are several major themes throughout Nehemiah.
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It's perseverance, it's sacrifice, leadership, obedience, restoration.
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And one of the things that I absolutely love about Nehemiah is that he wasn't a king sitting on a throne.
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He wasn't some powerful ruler.
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He was a common man in a very unique position.
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He was the king's cupbearer.
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So he had been trusted with this important position, and God was going to use that.
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He was going to use the position to accomplish something much bigger than honestly what Nehemiah had ever thought that he could.
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But before we get to Nehemiah rebuilding the wall, we need to understand something.
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Why was the wall broken in the first place?
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So we're going to go back and get some context real quick.
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At the beginning of Nehemiah, we are introduced into a the condition of Jerusalem.
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The walls are broken, the gates are burned, the people are in affliction.
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But why?
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Like what happened?
00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:43.119
So Jerusalem had been destroyed by Babylon during the reign of Nebuchadnezzar after Israel's repeated rebellion and disobedience towards God.
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And Babylon was the instrument that God used for judgment.
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And I want to, like, we're going to come back to that, but I need you to understand that.
00:18:52.559 --> 00:19:05.359
And I know that it is difficult for us to hear sometimes that God uses something for our judgment, but we'll sit back and ask, why would God allow Jerusalem to be restored?
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Or sorry, not restored.
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Why would God allow Jerusalem to be destroyed?
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Like, doesn't He love them?
00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:12.079
I don't understand.
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But when we read through Israel's history, we see something.
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We see people who are repeatedly turning away from God.
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God warned them.
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He sent prophets.
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He told them what would happen if they continued in rebellion.
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And they just kept doing it anyway.
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:40.880
In Kings, 2 Kings 24 and 20, it says, For through the anger of the Lord it came to pass in Jerusalem and Judah until he cast them out from his presence.
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And then again, in 2 Kings 25 and 21, it says, So Judah was carried away out of their land.
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So 2 Kings 25, 9 through 10, it tells us about the house of the Lord and the king's house and the houses of Jerusalem that were burned and the walls of Jerusalem that were broken down.
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The walls were broken, the gates were burned, the temple was burned, the people were carried away.
00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:12.559
And Jerusalem's destruction represented much more than just this physical destruction.
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:16.079
There was a spiritual history behind what happened.
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God warned them over and over and over, and they flat out ignored him.
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And we get to this point where we have to be like we have to be real with it.
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Like, oh no, it's the consequences of our own actions, right?
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:34.880
So what does any of that have to do with Nehemiah?
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Nehemiah isn't simply looking at this city saying, Well, this place is a mess.
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Somebody should really clean it up.
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No, he is looking at something much bigger.
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And you see that by the way that he begins this entire thing.
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So look at Nehemiah, the first four verses.
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And Nehemiah asked about Jerusalem.
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He's told, the remnant that are left out of, sorry, the remnant that are left out of the captivity there in the province are in great affliction and reproach.
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The wall of Jerusalem also is broken down, and the gates thereof are burned with fire.
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So to stop right there, it says they were in great affliction and reproach.
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.359
The exile wasn't God's failure.
00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:29.920
God had not failed them.
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:38.880
They walked away from God, away from what he told them, and they eventually had to live with the consequences of those decisions.
00:21:39.200 --> 00:21:42.079
And I mean, how many times do you sit here?
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All right, we'll talk, we'll say how many times does somebody you know?
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Maybe that'll be easier to answer the question, right?
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So how many times have you seen people constantly run from God?
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Like they will not stop.
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They, you know, they won't quit drinking, they won't quit smoking, they won't quit sleeping around.
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And I know I'm being blunt, but On it is 2026.
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We all know what we're doing, right?
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Or what some of us are doing.
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But they're, you know, jumping from man to man.
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They're drinking.
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They're doing all of these things that they shouldn't be doing.
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And then they're sitting back.
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Why is God not helping me?
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Why is you know this falling apart?
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And I just want to look at him and be like, how is God ever going to bless something that he is not in?
00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:26.880
I can't tell you how many times I prayed for the booked, bagged, and tagged.
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And I was like, God, we bless this show.
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Just give us so much money and do this.
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God, bless our show.
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And then I'm sitting back now going, I was asking God to bless a show that was praising something that he hates.
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And while we did it in a tactful way, in a tasteful way, as far as we didn't cuss, we didn't, you know, do anything we weren't supposed to.
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And if God was ever brought up, I'll let it be brought up.
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But it was not glorifying him in any what way whatsoever.
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So we have to be able to stop and ask, is this something that God did to me, or is this something that I've done to myself?
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Because those are two very different questions.
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:11.680
So let's look at Nehemiah's immediate response.
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In verse 4, it says, And it came to pass when I heard these words that I sat down and wept and mourned certain days and fasted and prayed before God of heaven.
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His first response was not to go clean up the rubble and start rebuilding.
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His first response was prayer.
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:38.000
Before Nehemiah ever touched a brick, he touched the throne of God.
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Before he ever started working with his hands, he got on his knees.
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And I think that that is important because sometimes we want God to fix the situation before we're we are willing to stop and ask him what got us here.
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Because if we don't realize what got us in the situation that we're in and we're asking God to pull us out, we are so much more likely to end up right back where we were.
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We want to rebuild, but we don't want to repent.
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We want restoration, but we don't want reflection.
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We want God to fix the wall, but we don't want to ask why the wall fell.
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And why don't we?
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Because sometimes that answer hurts.
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Sometimes we don't like being the reason.
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And it's a whole lot easier to point fingers than to take responsibility.
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So in Nehemiah 1, 5 through 7, listen to what he prays.
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He says, I beseech thee, O Lord God of heaven, the great and terrible God, and keepeth the covenant and the mercy for them that love him and observe his commandments.
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:48.400
First of all, I love that that he calls him the great and terrible God, because that puts some power on a God that we need to put the power on, right?
00:24:48.799 --> 00:24:55.279
He says, When he says, We have sinned against thee, both I and my father's house has sinned.
00:24:55.440 --> 00:24:56.640
So pay attention there.
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Nehemiah understands that broken walls are connected to something bigger than just the walls.
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:18.720
The problem wasn't simply that Jerusalem had a construction problem.
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.720
There was a spiritual history behind the physical destruction.
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And he recognizes that.
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And I also want to make that very clear.
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There is a spiritual history behind your physical destruction.
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Okay.
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You are in spiritual warfare.
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There is stuff going on in your life, and it is causing everything else around you to fall around, to fall down.
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You can physically see the destruction that the enemy is causing in your life and also the destruction you're causing in your life.
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:52.319
Because it ain't always the enemy that's doing it.
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Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house.
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Okay.
00:25:55.680 --> 00:25:59.200
So here's the question: the walls had already been destroyed years earlier.
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So why is Nehemiah so concerned about rebuilding them now?
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It's because God had not abandoned his people.
00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:11.599
This is where the story is going to shift from judgment to restoration.
00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:20.400
And that is important because sometimes we confuse God's discipline or just the consequences of our own actions with God abandoning us.
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He is not abandoning us, okay?
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Those are not the same things.
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Consequences don't mean God's abandoning you.
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Look at what Nehemiah reminds him or reminds God in Nehemiah 1, 8 through 9.
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It says, Remember, I beseech thee the word that thou commandest thy servant Moses, saying, If ye transgress, I will scatter you abroad, or I will scatter you abroad among the nations.
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But if ye turn unto me and keep my commandments and do them, though there were of you cast out into the uttermost part of the heaven, yet will I gather them from thence.
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So God warned them, if you disobey, you are going to be scattered.
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But he said also he's also giving them a promise of restoration.
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If you turn back to me, I will gather you back.
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Judgment wasn't the only thing that God spoke had spoken there.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:22.000
He said restoration is also a part of his promise, but you have to come back.
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It's not God gonna go pick you up and change your life completely in the end.
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He can change your life, but there has to be a repentance there.
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There has to be a turning back to him.
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And this is where Nehemiah gets personal for me.
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So God had already begun to bring the Jews back from captivity, but Jerusalem was still lying in ruins.
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And here's where I'm gonna pause the Bible lesson for a second, jump back into my little Dr.
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Phil special, because the walls of Jerusalem had been destroyed years before Nehemiah had tried to rebuild them.
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We're talking about 140 years, okay?
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Think about that.
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That's four to five generations of people, four to five generations that had to live with the consequences of what happened before them.
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They didn't cause the wall to fall down.
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They weren't the ones that abandoned everything that God had been telling them that caused the destruction.
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But guess what?
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:23.039
They're the ones that had to deal with it.
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Does that sound familiar to anybody out there?
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We've seen it over and over and over.
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Kids dealing with the same things that their parents are dealing with, families repeating the same cycles, addiction, abandonment, anger, broken relationships, unhealthy patterns.
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:40.160
Why?
00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:44.960
Because when you don't deal with something, it does not magically disappear.
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If you don't deal with your problems, your babies are going to end up dealing with them.
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And I don't say that to shame anybody.
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I don't say that to point fingers at anybody, but I say it because somebody had to decide that the cycle ends somewhere.
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And that whole it ran in the family till it ran into me.
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Okay, I get that.
00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:14.079
I like I said in the video, I feel like I was called to be a chainbreaker in my own family.
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I'm the oldest granddaughter on my mom's side.
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I'm the oldest daughter.
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I'm this person who my mom very much so kind of put me in a parental aspect in her own life where I may have been her daughter, but I was her parent a lot of the time.
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And what that meant for me is that I had to deal with some of the things that my mama never dealt with.
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:41.279
And I know that it's harsh.
00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:42.480
I understand that.
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And again, I know that not everybody likes when I talk about our relationship, but I also didn't really like her choosing men and alcohol over me.
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So let's call it what it is.
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She had a lot of things that she was fighting.
00:29:56.319 --> 00:29:58.480
She had a lot of things that had happened to her.
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Some of those happened because of her choices, and some of those things happened to her.
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But because she didn't deal with those things, I had to.
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It wasn't just me.
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My sister had to pick up pieces.
00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:11.519
My brother had to pick up pieces.
00:30:11.839 --> 00:30:14.960
We all had to deal with things that we didn't create.
00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:19.599
This and I know the video goes much more into detail.
00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:21.359
I don't want to do that.
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:30.799
If you showed up here to hear me, you know, talk trash about my mom and give you more details because we live in a very small town and everybody wants to know what really happened.
00:30:30.880 --> 00:30:32.000
I'm not doing that.
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:40.319
I'm not, I'm not giving details on things, but what I am gonna say is what pertains to this, okay?
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:45.039
I won't speak too much for Cassie and Logan's side of this.
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:47.680
I will share Cassie's testimony in the next week or so.
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I have it recorded from a few years ago.
00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:53.599
But that's why Nehemiah means so much to me.
00:30:53.759 --> 00:31:01.039
Because Nehemiah was looking at this broken wall that he didn't personally tear down and he makes a decision.
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I didn't break this, but I'm going to help rebuild it.
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Because if I don't, somebody else down the line is going to be tasked with this job.
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And that is the heart of a chainbreaker.
00:31:12.400 --> 00:31:15.200
You can inherit something without continuing it.
00:31:15.359 --> 00:31:19.279
You can be handed a broken pattern without handing it to your children.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:22.000
You can say it stops here.
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:25.920
And that is the big point that I want to drive here.
00:31:26.319 --> 00:31:36.799
Because I I cannot stand that saying, oh, that's just how they are, or that's just what it is, or you know, well, my mom and daddy did it, and it's good enough for that.
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:40.480
No, that's that's such no, we're not doing that.
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:45.039
Okay, I'm gonna pause before I get a little ahead of myself, but we're not doing that.
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:47.200
Restoration doesn't happen overnight.
00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:53.599
Nehemiah is essentially looking at Jerusalem saying, Okay, we're back, but the restoration isn't finished.
00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:56.079
And that's something that I think we need to understand.
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:03.359
Sometimes God is going to bring you out of something, but there still has to be a rebuilding process, and it's not always fun.
00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:07.440
The Israelites made it out of Egypt, but then guess what they had to go through?
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:08.799
The wilderness.
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:15.359
You may be forgiven, but there may still be consequences to what you did.
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:21.200
You turned your back on God, but there still may be things in your life that need to be rebuilt.
00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:27.039
Being restored to God doesn't mean that your consequences disappear immediately.
00:32:27.279 --> 00:32:30.000
Sometimes you have to deal with what was broken.
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:33.119
Specifically, you have to deal with what you broke.
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:36.400
And that's where I want to talk a second about spiritual authority.
00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:49.599
Because when we continue those same patterns, we choose those same patterns, we are giving those patterns room to continually affect our family, our generations before us and behind us are affected.
00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:50.160
Okay.
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:56.799
The enemy wants you to believe that what happened before you has to happen to you.
00:32:57.039 --> 00:32:59.200
And that is not the case.
00:32:59.440 --> 00:33:00.240
It does not.
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:03.039
You can give that authority back to God.
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:12.240
You can repent, you can change, you can rebuild, and you can decide that what happened in your family history does not become your child's inheritance.
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:13.839
And I'm gonna say that again.
00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:23.599
You, you who is listening right now, you can decide that the things that happened in your family do not become your child's inheritance.
00:33:23.839 --> 00:33:24.160
Okay.
00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:29.759
That line of daddies that aren't in kids' lives, guess what?
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:31.920
You can show up and be the dad that you never had.
00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:39.519
That line of mamas who never raised their kids, didn't want anything to do with their kids because their lives meant more to them than their kids' lives did.
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:43.359
You turn around and in spite of your mama, you become the mama you never had.
00:33:43.519 --> 00:33:43.839
Okay?
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:48.160
This is where you turn around and you change everything.
00:33:48.799 --> 00:33:51.920
Here's the pattern that we're gonna see throughout Nehemiah.
00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:59.839
God warned them, they chose disobedience, consequences came, and our God still offered restoration.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:00.960
Did we deserve it?
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:01.359
No.
00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:02.480
Did they deserve it?
00:34:02.720 --> 00:34:03.039
No.
00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:08.320
And I want to bring that into our lives because disobedience has consequences.
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:11.760
I've said it over and over and over, but I need you to understand that.
00:34:12.079 --> 00:34:15.119
Because consequence doesn't mean God abandoned you.
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:18.719
How many times have we asked God, why did you let this happen to me?
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:19.679
Think about it.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:24.480
Do you think maybe the question should be, did I make a wrong turn somewhere?
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:28.159
Did I ignore something that you told me to do?
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:29.679
Now let me be clear.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:33.440
I am not saying that every bad thing that happens to you is because you have sinned.
00:34:33.599 --> 00:34:34.559
That is not what I'm saying.
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:36.239
We live in a fallen world.
00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:37.519
Bad things happen.
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:41.840
People make choices that sadly directly affect other people.
00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:43.920
And I know that personally.
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:46.880
I was affected by my mama's choices.
00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:58.880
There are things that happen to me that aren't a result of something that I did specifically, but they were basically I caught fallout from her mistakes.
00:34:59.039 --> 00:35:05.599
And I will also say that there are many mistakes that I made and I don't blame her for.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:08.960
It's not the mistake that I that I made, I blame her for.
00:35:09.119 --> 00:35:15.840
I have always said, I get angry that I was allowed to make some of the mistakes that I did.
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:19.440
I was allowed to make some of the decisions I did at such a young age.
00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:28.159
But there are also times when we make choices, God warns us, we ignore him, and then we have to deal with what we just did.
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:30.559
And sometimes we don't like to call it that.
00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:32.400
We call it an attack.
00:35:32.639 --> 00:35:34.239
We call it the enemy.
00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:36.880
We call it everybody else's fault.
00:35:36.960 --> 00:35:39.679
And then we ask, why is God doing this to me?
00:35:39.920 --> 00:35:40.239
Right?
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:46.239
But sometimes we got to stop and say, God, is this something that you did to me or is this something that I have done to myself?
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:48.239
Because let's be practical, okay?
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:54.719
You say, he cheats on me constantly and he drinks all the time and he just, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:35:54.800 --> 00:35:55.599
Okay, stop.
00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:57.519
Where did you meet that man?
00:35:57.760 --> 00:36:01.280
Did you meet that man in a bar when he was already with somebody else?
00:36:01.599 --> 00:36:08.159
Did you meet that man and see red flags everywhere, but you convinced yourself that you could change him?
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:14.480
Did you ignore everything that God had showed you because you wanted the relationship?
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:18.960
And then years later we're down the road and you're saying, God, why did you give me this man?
00:36:19.119 --> 00:36:20.880
Why aren't you blessing this?
00:36:21.119 --> 00:36:23.760
God can't bless something that he never ordained.
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.559
He never said that's your man.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:27.599
You did.
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:30.079
You made him your man.
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:33.679
God did not send you somebody else's man.
00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:39.440
God did not send you somebody else's wife, and you can't pray that God blesses that.
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:40.880
But guess what?
00:36:41.199 --> 00:36:44.639
God loves you enough that he will let your choices be your choices.
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:47.039
He says, I'll give you free will.
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:48.320
You can have it.
00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:51.840
You know, you made that choice, you go on and make it.
00:36:52.079 --> 00:36:58.960
And sometimes loving someone means allowing them to experience their own consequences of their decisions.
00:36:59.199 --> 00:37:00.320
I want you to think about it.
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:01.760
If you were a parent, okay?
00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:07.119
Sometimes your child is going to make a bad decision and you know exactly what's going to happen.
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:10.559
And you're warning them and you're saying, Don't do that, don't do that.
00:37:10.639 --> 00:37:12.559
It's high on the bottom, right?
00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:14.000
But they do it anyway.
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:21.199
And sometimes you have to let them experience that pain and what they are going through, not because you don't love them, but because you do.
00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:23.199
And it is so hard.
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:34.559
It is so, and like I, you know, I see it on like me as a parent looking at my kids and they're doing something, and I'm saying, Hey, hey, buddy, that's not a very good idea.
00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:36.960
You're going to get hurt if you do that.
00:37:37.280 --> 00:37:42.639
Or if you say this again or you do this again, you're gonna get a whooping.
00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:44.880
Like you're this is you're going to be grounded.
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:48.880
And then they do it anyway, and then they're mad that that's the consequence of their action.
00:37:49.119 --> 00:37:50.320
Do I want to do that?
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:52.239
Do I want to like pop them?
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:54.079
Do I want to ground them?
00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:54.719
No.
00:37:55.119 --> 00:37:56.719
I'll be flat honest with you.
00:37:56.880 --> 00:37:59.679
Grounding sucks just as much for me as it does for them.
00:37:59.920 --> 00:38:05.039
Because now they're like annoying the crap out of me because they can't find nothing to do because they're grounded.
00:38:05.199 --> 00:38:05.679
I love them.
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:07.119
I spend every day with my children.
00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:09.039
I'm not saying go away away from me.
00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:11.119
If you're a parent, you know, why am I explaining that?
00:38:11.199 --> 00:38:12.000
You get it.
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:21.760
But if you can't pull them out of it every time, you can't rescue them from every consequence every single time because then they're never going to learn the lesson.
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.280
So, parents, that's another thing.
00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:29.760
If you're a parent who has constantly bailed your child out of something, you're doing them more harm than good.
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:36.480
Now, I my daddy has bailed me out several times on different things, and I am so grateful and thankful.
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:42.079
But I also know that he let me sit in that long enough to learn a lesson.
00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:50.000
And I'm just, it's by the grace of God and the mercy of God that I have the daddy that I have and the that he's done the things that he has done for me.
00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:55.039
But he's also let me just kind of sit with my own struggle there for a little while and just let me deal with things.
00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:56.079
And that's not fun.
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:56.559
Okay.
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:58.320
I've been the child and the parent.
00:38:58.480 --> 00:39:00.639
Neither one are fun things to do.
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:03.519
But sometimes God does the same thing to us.
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:05.760
He says, Don't go that way.
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:06.960
Don't do that.
00:39:07.119 --> 00:39:08.719
Don't talk to that person.
00:39:09.039 --> 00:39:11.039
Don't, don't go on that date.
00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:11.920
Don't do this.
00:39:12.079 --> 00:39:13.840
And we're like, I know better.
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:17.760
But the stars aligned, and my horoscope said this for the, you know what?
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:19.920
That's a whole nother, that's a whole nother episode.
00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:21.199
We won't go down that line.
00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:26.480
But you put in more identity into something that somebody wrote than what God has told you.
00:39:26.639 --> 00:39:28.559
And that again, whole nother subject.
00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:30.079
But we say we know better.
00:39:30.239 --> 00:39:32.400
And God's like, all right, bet.
00:39:32.880 --> 00:39:33.760
Go ahead.
00:39:34.079 --> 00:39:39.840
Because I'm that parent sometimes, especially with our oldest one who's in high school, thinks he knows everything.
00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:40.800
Bless his heart.
00:39:41.039 --> 00:39:46.239
He'll like, oh, that that's a whole new level and respect I have for my dad.
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:49.280
I was not, I couldn't have been that bad.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:52.000
But I know I was because it's a teenager thing.
00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:53.920
It's they know everything.
00:39:54.159 --> 00:39:54.880
Everything.
00:39:55.039 --> 00:39:56.480
You can't tell them nothing.
00:39:56.639 --> 00:39:57.599
Not a single thing.
00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:00.960
And I know our parents listening to this are laughing, saying, mm-hmm.
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:02.719
I can hear my mother-in-law right now.
00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:04.400
I know somebody who done the same thing.
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:06.079
Yes, yes, you did because he did.
00:40:06.239 --> 00:40:06.639
Amen.
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:07.119
Okay.
00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:11.760
But I'm sitting here and I'm like, you act like you know everything.
00:40:11.920 --> 00:40:16.000
And you don't know anything, and I'm trying to help you, but he won't listen to me, right?
00:40:16.239 --> 00:40:18.800
So God steps back and he says, All right, go ahead.
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:20.159
You do what you gotta do.
00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:28.000
And then eventually we have to come back with our tail tucked between our legs and our head hanging down, saying, Hey, it's me again, Margaret.
00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:29.599
I messed up, right?
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.719
And God's response isn't, I told you so.
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:34.719
Now you're on your own, figure it out.
00:40:34.960 --> 00:40:35.280
No.
00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:38.239
He says, All right, I'm here.
00:40:38.480 --> 00:40:39.920
You know, let's talk about it.
00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:41.840
Let's figure out where we went wrong.
00:40:42.159 --> 00:40:44.719
And he says, Are you ready?
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:46.639
Are you ready to listen to me now?
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:49.199
Or are you still gonna go off and do your own thing?
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:52.719
In Galatians 6 and 7, it's one of the best verses.
00:40:52.960 --> 00:40:56.000
And this is Paul saying, Be not deceived.
00:40:56.159 --> 00:41:02.400
God is not mocked, for whosoever, for whatsoever a man soweth, he shall also reap.
00:41:02.559 --> 00:41:04.079
So you have to keep that in mind.
00:41:04.239 --> 00:41:08.480
The Bible directly tells us several times, you're gonna reap what you sow, baby.
00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:11.440
Whatever you sow, it's gonna come back.
00:41:11.519 --> 00:41:20.159
And you got to be careful on what you're sowing because there is going to come a day when that harvest comes in and it can be a good one or it can be a destructive one.
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:22.079
So what you sow matters.
00:41:22.239 --> 00:41:25.119
The decisions you make matters.
00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:29.679
Your obedience matters just as much as your disobedience matters.
00:41:29.840 --> 00:41:36.639
Those consequences to what we choose are going to affect not only you, but your family.
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:38.559
And that is something that is heavy.
00:41:38.719 --> 00:41:46.239
The consequences that you choose, even in when they're bad or they're good or whatever, they're going to affect your family.
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:49.679
And sometimes we have to sit there and live through it for a while.
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:54.239
But it's not the end of the story because God can still help you rebuild.
00:41:54.480 --> 00:41:59.440
Nehemiah didn't walk into Jerusalem and pretend that the walls had never fallen.
00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:03.199
He didn't say, let's just forget about that bad time we went through.
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:05.679
Because that that's something that some people like to do, right?
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:07.519
They like to rewrite history.
00:42:07.679 --> 00:42:10.559
They like to pretend that nothing ever happened.
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:11.920
Let's put a band-aid over it.
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:14.239
Oh, let's put a band-aid over the way that I acted.
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:19.119
Let's put a band-aid over the things that I caused you and move on.
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:19.679
No.
00:42:20.079 --> 00:42:22.400
God has never said that that's what we're going to do.
00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:25.920
He goes back and he looks directly at the damage.
00:42:26.159 --> 00:42:30.400
The walls were broken, the gates were burned, the people suffered.
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:32.239
The city had been humiliated.
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.320
But restoration was still possible.
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:36.400
And I need somebody to understand that.
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:39.519
You may have some broken walls in your life.
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:42.559
There may be things that you wish you had never done.
00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:44.239
I know there's plenty for me, okay?
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:54.000
I can't tell you how many times I've prayed and been like, God, if you just want to keep those pillar memories, I am completely fine with you erasing the years between 2008 to 2013.
00:42:54.159 --> 00:42:55.440
High school was rough, okay?
00:42:55.599 --> 00:43:01.440
If you knew me in high school and you haven't seen me in however many years it's been, please understand that's not me.
00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:02.559
I'm not that person.
00:43:02.719 --> 00:43:03.599
I'm so sorry.
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:05.679
Please don't think of me like that, okay?
00:43:06.079 --> 00:43:07.280
Like, like I get it.
00:43:07.360 --> 00:43:08.559
We were all stupid.
00:43:08.719 --> 00:43:09.119
We were.
00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:12.239
I feel like I took my fair share in stupidity.
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:14.480
But that's not who I am.
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:19.039
You know, maybe there were decisions that you wish you could go back and change, like I said.
00:43:19.199 --> 00:43:20.639
Maybe you ignored God.
00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:26.079
Maybe you knew better, or maybe God told you to stop and you just kept on going.
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:29.679
And now you're in the middle of this whole consequence thing, right?
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.239
And you're saying, How am I ever gonna fix this?
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:34.239
I dug myself too big of a hole.
00:43:34.400 --> 00:43:47.679
And I'm here to tell you that you are going to have to deal with it before you have your child asking why you didn't, because your children shouldn't have to inherit the consequences of something that you are unwilling to confront.
00:43:47.920 --> 00:43:53.519
Nehemiah shows us that you may have to live through the consequences, but that doesn't mean that God is finished with you.
00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:59.440
Sometimes the broken walls in our lives aren't God punishing us, they are just the consequences of your own actions.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:03.199
I know you're probably like, come on, man, you've said it 15 times.
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:08.000
I know I've said it 15 times, but there's still babies out here dealing with their mama's problems.
00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:10.960
There's still babies out here dealing with their grandma's problems.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:11.440
Okay.
00:44:11.840 --> 00:44:14.800
It's something that we don't talk about enough.
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:18.639
We it swept under a rug and said, Oh, that's just how they are.
00:44:18.880 --> 00:44:20.000
That's just what it is.
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:21.119
That's how we do it.
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:22.480
That's our last name.
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:28.719
You know, that's just the so-and-so way, or what like, no, no, that is not what we're doing here.
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:40.800
Y'all want to know why so many millennials went no contact with their parents or why so many are out here and they are rebranding, they are re like forming their entire family.
00:44:41.119 --> 00:44:49.679
It's because we grew up and realized, like, I feel like, and I'm not talking about like my parents in particular, just the generation.
00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:54.800
I feel like our parents' generation, which a lot of millennial parents, is Gen X, right?
00:44:54.960 --> 00:44:57.119
Or that is Gen X, though that's how generations work.
00:44:57.280 --> 00:44:57.679
Excuse me.
00:44:57.760 --> 00:44:58.960
It's been a long day.
00:44:59.280 --> 00:45:08.800
That generation, it was everything was swept under the rug, and you just don't talk about it, you just move on, and that's how that is, you know, whatever.
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:28.880
And when we were raised, and and this was not my personal story, but I'm gonna say this that, you know, somebody was molested by somebody in their family, and then that family member still gets to show up to different family functions because their blood, no, absolutely not.
00:45:29.119 --> 00:45:33.280
And that's why so many millennials grew up and said, I'm raising my kid different.
00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:43.199
I'm raising my kid to know that it doesn't matter how close that family member is, it doesn't matter who that family member is, they don't, that doesn't condone their actions.
00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:57.199
So when we make the mess, God's not saying that you have to stay there in it, but to get out of the mess, you're going to have to turn back to him and repent and ask to for his help.
00:45:57.519 --> 00:46:01.360
And not only will he help you rebuild, he will fight for you.
00:46:01.599 --> 00:46:05.119
When Nehemiah and the people began to rebuild, opposition came.
00:46:05.280 --> 00:46:07.199
The enemy didn't want those walls rebuilt.
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:10.000
The enemy doesn't want you free from those chains.
00:46:10.239 --> 00:46:15.360
He he's gonna tell you every lie he can think of to keep you from turning back to God.
00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:17.519
That nobody will ever forgive you.
00:46:17.679 --> 00:46:19.840
You are too dirty to be in this church.
00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:22.960
You did too much for God to forgive you.
00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:25.840
You went too far for God to forgive you.
00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:27.599
Your kids don't love you anymore.
00:46:27.679 --> 00:46:28.559
You hurt them.
00:46:28.719 --> 00:46:32.880
But those are all lies, and I know that because I'm the kid on the other side of it.
00:46:33.119 --> 00:46:36.559
I'm 31 years old and I still to this day want my mom.
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:38.800
I wanted my mom then.
00:46:39.199 --> 00:46:40.719
I want my mom now.
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:47.199
And sadly, I don't have that opportunity anymore, which is why this is a subject that means so much to me.
00:46:47.519 --> 00:46:54.639
Because all I ever wanted, I did not want to bring her through the dirt and you know, go through every single thing that she ever did.
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:56.400
I did not want that.
00:46:56.559 --> 00:47:02.320
I tried so hard to talk to her and not to she kept wanting to go down rabbit holes about things.
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:11.360
She wanted to rewrite history so bad and to make everything somebody else's fault, something that happened to her, not something that she caused.
00:47:11.599 --> 00:47:20.559
And again, I'm not gonna sit here and you know give y'all something to sit and listen to with popcorn for those that I know is the only reason that they're listening to this episode.
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:23.119
But I hope that you have heard me in all of this.
00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:29.599
Do you think I want to sit here at 31 years old and all these years after my mom died and still be talking about this?
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:30.239
No.
00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:31.920
But do you know why I do?
00:47:32.159 --> 00:47:34.159
Because it's my testimony.
00:47:34.719 --> 00:47:40.480
Because if it had not been for what I went through with her, I wouldn't be sitting here recording this.
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:44.719
I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be the woman that I am.
00:47:45.519 --> 00:47:51.440
And I had to grieve her once while she honestly, I had to grieve her twice while she was still alive.
00:47:51.599 --> 00:48:00.000
And then again, when I watched alcohol take more and more away from her, I knew, I know, I know she loved me.
00:48:00.159 --> 00:48:01.039
I know that.
00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:06.719
And because there's so many people out there that will they want to comment and be like, your mom loved you in her own way.
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:07.519
That's great.
00:48:07.599 --> 00:48:10.239
I know she loved me in her own way, but you know what?
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:13.280
She didn't love me more than she loved her decisions.
00:48:13.519 --> 00:48:16.400
She didn't love me more than the things that she chose.
00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:23.199
But being a mom means putting your children above your own selfish needs and wants, and that's where the cycle stopped for me.
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:26.159
And I'm not sitting here saying that I'm better than my mom.
00:48:26.639 --> 00:48:32.320
I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody because there's nobody better than me, and I'm not better than anybody, okay?
00:48:32.639 --> 00:48:38.639
But there are pieces of her that I carry with me to this day, and there are things about her that I love.
00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:44.719
I can't, and I always see more of her in the holidays because that is where my mom was so magical.
00:48:44.800 --> 00:48:54.159
Okay, Christmas was her thing, she made it my thing, and I'm we were both like Buddy the Elf with that junk, like, and that's something that I see and I carry with her.
00:48:54.239 --> 00:49:04.079
There's so many good things about my mom that I carry to this day, but there are also a lot of scars that I've had to carry because of her.
00:49:04.239 --> 00:49:13.039
And the differences between our two stories is my children never have to wake up wondering where I am.
00:49:13.360 --> 00:49:18.079
My children never have to wonder whether they are my first choice.
00:49:18.639 --> 00:49:22.079
My children will never know abandonment like I did.
00:49:22.320 --> 00:49:30.719
And not because I'm perfect, I'm very far from perfect, but because I made a decision that it stops here, it is not going any further.
00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:34.880
I made God my number one, not myself.
00:49:35.119 --> 00:49:40.480
And again, I know there are people who do not like this story, and I understand why.
00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:50.719
I understand that for some of you, it is because you heard a very carefully curated version of this story and not the things that really took place.
00:49:51.199 --> 00:49:55.199
And because that's what you heard, I'm the bad guy, and that is fine.
00:49:55.360 --> 00:49:56.639
I will be the bad guy.
00:49:56.719 --> 00:50:02.960
I don't care anymore because at the end of the day, it is not about what she did, what I did, what anybody else did.
00:50:03.119 --> 00:50:12.000
What I need you to understand and what I need you to hear is it is about the spiritual aspect behind it because a spiritual warfare caused physical destruction.
00:50:12.239 --> 00:50:22.880
Okay, she was a beautiful woman, she was a sweet, loving, caring mom for so long.
00:50:23.119 --> 00:50:27.440
That woman was everything that I wanted to be when I was little.
00:50:27.599 --> 00:50:37.360
I looked up to her so much, but she made bad decisions and she never could get to the place where she could forgive herself for those decisions, so she doubled down.
00:50:37.519 --> 00:50:44.000
And I want to say that not because I'm bashing her, but because I need you to understand it does not matter how far you went.
00:50:44.159 --> 00:50:50.960
I don't care if you had affairs or if you became an alcoholic or if you did anything else.
00:50:51.199 --> 00:50:52.400
I do not care.
00:50:52.639 --> 00:50:59.920
Do you think that I cared if she came back to me and said, I'm sorry for the things that I did?
00:51:00.079 --> 00:51:02.400
Do you think that I would have held that over her?
00:51:02.800 --> 00:51:03.119
No.
00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:12.239
It was I never all I ever wanted from her was validation because she tried to rewrite history so much that that hurt.
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:18.639
That like to say that certain things didn't happen when they did, that was painful.
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:23.519
And I so many people think that they're just too far gone to come back.
00:51:23.679 --> 00:51:25.679
I did not care how far gone she was.
00:51:25.840 --> 00:51:27.360
I just wanted my mom.
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:38.559
And I took I couldn't get that because she couldn't turn around and repent and walk the way that she knows that she was supposed to walk.
00:51:38.880 --> 00:51:56.320
And I I've I can't tell you how many times I've prayed that I know she was sick the last couple days that she was alive, and I just I've prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that while she laid there sick that she had a conversation with God.
00:51:56.559 --> 00:52:07.039
Because it didn't matter how far gone she thought she was, there was always, always time to turn it around and give it back to God.
00:52:07.280 --> 00:52:10.000
I want you to look at Nehemiah 4, 17 and 18.
00:52:10.079 --> 00:52:18.800
And it says they that they which builded the wall on the wall, every one of his hands wrought in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon.
00:52:19.039 --> 00:52:22.400
So they're rebuilding with one hand and fighting with the other.
00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:23.440
And why?
00:52:23.599 --> 00:52:27.519
It's because restoration doesn't mean that there won't be opposition.
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:31.840
Sometimes when we're rebuilding, we're fighting at the same time.
00:52:32.079 --> 00:52:51.199
When you're trying to put your marriage back together, you're rebuilding your finances, when you're rebuilding your relationship with God, when you're rebuilding your confidence or rebuilding what your own decisions tore down, the whole time you're rebuilding, the enemy is saying it's never gonna work, it's never gonna be what it was.
00:52:51.360 --> 00:52:54.880
They're never gonna trust you again, they're never gonna come back to you.
00:52:55.039 --> 00:52:58.880
But in Nehemiah 4 and 20, it says, Our God shall fight for us.
00:52:59.039 --> 00:53:02.400
And that's what I need you to understand, that there is hope.
00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:07.679
You may have consequences to walk through, but you do not have to walk through them alone.
00:53:07.920 --> 00:53:12.800
And I know I said this in the last episode, but that song, that crab family song, it always comes back to mind.
00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:17.440
It says, He may never or he never promised that the cross wouldn't get heavy.
00:53:17.599 --> 00:53:21.039
He never promised that the hill wouldn't be hard to climb.
00:53:21.199 --> 00:53:25.199
But he said that he'll always show up in time and that he will be there.
00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:26.800
And that's because he will.
00:53:26.960 --> 00:53:29.280
He never said you had to fight alone.
00:53:29.519 --> 00:53:34.159
I don't understand where that comes from, where you think that you're in this on your own.
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:38.480
I can't even walk without him holding my hand and I'm not letting go.
00:53:38.960 --> 00:53:47.840
So the part that I want you to really understand here is I don't want this message to simply be mess up and God will fix it, or mess up and God can help you fix it.
00:53:48.159 --> 00:53:52.079
Because if that's where what we're taking from this, we've missed the entire point.
00:53:52.480 --> 00:53:57.440
The goal isn't to spend our entire lives breaking down walls and rebuilding walls.
00:53:57.679 --> 00:54:05.199
At some point, we have to learn, we have to grow, we have to stop repeating the same cycle because that's what a generational curse looks like.
00:54:05.360 --> 00:54:07.840
And one day I want to do a whole thing on that.
00:54:08.159 --> 00:54:13.840
But it's saying, My children will not have to deal with the same things that I dealt with.
00:54:14.000 --> 00:54:17.119
And I think that Nehemiah gives us a clue about how to do that.
00:54:17.360 --> 00:54:19.360
Look at Nehemiah 5 and 15.
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:22.960
It says, But so did not I because of the fear of the Lord.
00:54:23.280 --> 00:54:26.400
But so did not I because of the fear of the Lord.
00:54:26.559 --> 00:54:27.679
That's the difference.
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:29.360
Nehemiah feared God.
00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:40.639
And when you truly fear God, it changes the way that you live, it changes the way you parent, it changes the decisions that you make, what you're willing to tolerate, and what you are willing to pass down.
00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:50.320
In Proverbs 10 or 9 and 10, excuse me, it says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the holy, and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.
00:54:50.639 --> 00:54:59.199
So if you truly fear God, you are going to be weary of what you hand down to your children because you will pay for that.
00:54:59.599 --> 00:55:03.599
You will stand before God one day, and he will look at you and say, Why?
00:55:03.840 --> 00:55:05.679
Why did you give that to your kids?
00:55:05.840 --> 00:55:09.039
Why did you not handle that before they had to?
00:55:09.199 --> 00:55:11.039
And you're gonna have to answer for that.
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:22.400
And that is honestly one of my biggest pushes because I will never stand in front of God and him look at me and say, Were you not called to be their mom before anything else?
00:55:22.639 --> 00:55:36.800
But you were too consumed with your own life to handle this, and now your kids are having to deal with this pain that was never even meant to be theirs, that was never meant to be yours, and you didn't do that.
00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:45.039
And that that tears me up inside because I'm like, how can somebody look at their babies and it okay?
00:55:45.199 --> 00:55:46.079
Well, let's back up.
00:55:46.159 --> 00:55:57.760
It's not them really saying this because they can't, but I can never look at my children in the face and say, I'm sorry, I don't, I just don't love you enough to stop this this habit.
00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:01.280
I I don't love you enough to make sure that you're my first choice.
00:56:01.519 --> 00:56:03.039
No, we never say that.
00:56:03.280 --> 00:56:03.840
Never.
00:56:04.079 --> 00:56:08.639
It's we reason it away, and the devil gives us those reasons, right?
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:22.480
It's well, I'm just I I've I've done this for so long that it's hard to stop, or it's I don't want to change because I don't I can't I don't like change, or I want to live my life for me.
00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:26.800
I'm sorry, but when you're a parent, you don't get to live your life for you anymore.
00:56:27.039 --> 00:56:28.000
It you don't.
00:56:28.159 --> 00:56:31.920
You can have things that you enjoy, that's not what I'm saying.
00:56:32.239 --> 00:56:39.440
But when your life gets put in front of your own kids' well-being, that's a problem.
00:56:39.599 --> 00:56:53.199
But nobody wants to hear that because the world that we live in today is such a catering world, it's so easy to get what you want, it's so easy, like a click of the button or one phone call, and you can have anything you want, but nobody wants to parent anymore.
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:59.440
Nobody wants to put in the hard work because I mean it's just it's too hard for some people.
00:56:59.599 --> 00:57:04.960
And I'm a firm believer, and I don't think everybody who has kids should have been parents in the first place.
00:57:05.360 --> 00:57:14.880
And it was one of those that's the consequence of the action, you laid down with him, you laid down with her, and now this baby is suffering because of a bad decision you made.
00:57:15.119 --> 00:57:22.559
You weren't ready to be a parent, but now they're having to put up with this version of you who they were never meant to be, they were never meant to have.
00:57:22.719 --> 00:57:38.400
I'm not saying any baby is a mistake, that is not at all what I am saying, but what I am getting at is when you make bad dis bad decisions and bad choices, sometimes it's not just you dealing with the consequences of your actions, it's your kids having to deal with it.
00:57:38.639 --> 00:57:42.719
Okay, and that's where everything falls apart.
00:57:42.880 --> 00:57:45.360
So the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:58.719
So if you are tired of constantly disobeying, tired of making the same mistakes, if you're tired of dealing with the same consequences, of rebuilding the same walls over and over, then maybe the prayer shouldn't only be God help me rebuild.
00:57:58.880 --> 00:58:05.440
Maybe the prayer needs to be God teach me to fear you so I stop tearing it down.
00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:12.960
Because there is a difference between someone knowing God will forgive you and fearing him enough to obey him.
00:58:13.440 --> 00:58:30.800
We need to have a healthy reverence for God, a holy respect, and understanding that he is God and we are not, that he sees what we don't see and he knows what we don't know, and he knows that there are roads that are going to lead to destruction that we don't see the end of.
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:35.280
And sometimes God's saying, Hey, don't go there, and we don't understand why.
00:58:35.519 --> 00:58:42.480
But wisdom says, if God says don't go, I don't need to understand the entire reason behind why before I obey.
00:58:42.639 --> 00:58:44.480
That is the fear of God.
00:58:44.639 --> 00:58:47.599
That is why I quit, but I quit booked, bagged, and tagged.
00:58:47.679 --> 00:58:53.360
And I know I've said this before, but I felt like God had protected us through the duration of the podcast.
00:58:53.440 --> 00:59:12.079
And I felt like right there at the end, he said, okay, because if y'all, I don't know if I've ever even told y'all everything that had came up, but we had a lot of opportunities hit us right there at the end to where we were going from making the money that we were making, which was great money, but we were about to like step up into something different.
00:59:12.159 --> 00:59:14.719
It was like a different level that was being presented to us.
00:59:14.880 --> 00:59:18.960
And I felt so much so that God was saying, Okay, here's the door.
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:20.960
I'm telling you this is enough.
00:59:21.119 --> 00:59:21.920
Are you gonna listen?
00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:27.840
Because I've protected you up until this point, but I'm about to let the consequences of your actions decide the rest of it.
00:59:28.079 --> 00:59:29.840
And I said, I got you.
00:59:29.920 --> 00:59:30.719
I'm listening.
00:59:30.880 --> 00:59:31.519
I hear you.
00:59:31.599 --> 00:59:33.599
I'm gonna I'm gonna pay attention here.
00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:37.519
So when I look at Nehemiah, I don't just see a man rebuilding a wall.
00:59:37.679 --> 00:59:43.920
I see a people who experienced the consequences of disobedience and a God who had warned them.
00:59:44.159 --> 00:59:56.559
I see people who had fallen, a city that had been destroyed, but I also see God keeping his promise, because God said, If ye return unto me, yet I will I gather them.
00:59:56.800 --> 00:59:57.679
And he did.
00:59:57.840 --> 01:00:00.079
The walls were broken, but they were rebuilt.
01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:04.559
The gates were burned, but they were restored, and the people that suffered, God was still with them.
01:00:04.639 --> 01:00:10.559
And eventually they could look at what had been rebuilt and say, This work was wrought of our God.
01:00:10.800 --> 01:00:14.159
So maybe today that you're looking at some broken walls.
01:00:14.400 --> 01:00:20.079
Maybe you're looking at consequences, and maybe some of those broken walls are your children.
01:00:20.239 --> 01:00:20.559
Okay.
01:00:21.760 --> 01:00:25.440
You have to stop and say, How did I get here?
01:00:25.679 --> 01:00:29.840
Maybe the first thing you need to do is not blame the devil.
01:00:30.079 --> 01:00:32.719
Maybe it's not blame another person.
01:00:33.039 --> 01:00:36.880
Maybe it's not even asked, God, why did you let this happen?
01:00:37.039 --> 01:00:40.400
Maybe we need to stop and say, God, show me where I went wrong.
01:00:40.719 --> 01:00:45.679
And if you realize that you made a wrong choice, it is time to own it.
01:00:45.840 --> 01:00:49.360
It's time to repent, turn back, and rebuild.
01:00:49.599 --> 01:00:52.800
Because failure does not have to be the end of the story.
01:00:53.199 --> 01:00:56.800
And God, I mean, I serve a God who can restore.
01:00:56.960 --> 01:01:02.800
Do you, if he's still a God of restoration, then we need to put that in his hands.
01:01:03.119 --> 01:01:04.960
Let's learn from the lesson.
01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:09.280
Let's not keep rebuilding the same wall before it ever gets.
01:01:09.440 --> 01:01:16.800
I mean, I feel like so many of us, we tear down a wall, then we halfway rebuild it, and before we ever get to lay the last brick, we knock it down again.
01:01:17.039 --> 01:01:18.880
Let's learn to fear God.
01:01:19.199 --> 01:01:29.119
Let's learn to obey him, learn to trust him in his instruction, even when we don't understand it ourselves, because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:33.440
And maybe the prayer, again, like I said, it isn't God fixed what I broke.
01:01:33.599 --> 01:01:35.039
It's change me.
01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:37.840
Change me from the inside out.
01:01:37.920 --> 01:01:41.920
So I don't keep breaking what you have helped me rebuild.
01:01:42.239 --> 01:01:45.119
Because restoration is a gift.
01:01:45.360 --> 01:01:45.679
Okay.
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:50.719
Restoration is beautiful, but guys, obedience, obedience is better.
01:01:51.280 --> 01:01:52.559
I know this was a long one.
01:01:52.639 --> 01:02:15.599
I fully did not intend on it being this long, but maybe some of you guys who are longtime fans of both podcasts, maybe you're you can understand me a little bit better by this because I I really struggled through all of this and this all started before I ever started the podcast.
01:02:15.679 --> 01:02:20.159
I think I started the very first podcast in what was it?
01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:26.159
21, I believe, maybe I feel like something like that.
01:02:26.480 --> 01:02:28.719
And or maybe it was 22.
01:02:28.880 --> 01:02:29.760
I don't remember.
01:02:30.079 --> 01:02:34.559
But all of this had been going on with my mom in the midst of that.
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:41.280
So, you know, I'm trying to do this podcast and we're trying to, you know, do whatever.
01:02:41.760 --> 01:02:47.199
And what y'all don't know is when my mom died, I was recording an episode two days later.
01:02:47.599 --> 01:02:52.320
When my mom died, I was making a TikTok for the podcast that next day.
01:02:52.559 --> 01:03:01.119
Not because I was didn't care, but I had no off switch when during this time.
01:03:01.599 --> 01:03:08.079
If I l allowed myself to slow down even the tiniest, I fell apart.
01:03:08.400 --> 01:03:15.519
And there were some people close to me who had noticed that if it wasn't the podcast, I was doing paint classes.
01:03:15.599 --> 01:03:20.159
If it wasn't paint classes, I was filling myself up with anything else that I could do.
01:03:20.239 --> 01:03:25.599
I would not take a breath because every breath hurt.
01:03:26.239 --> 01:03:31.119
And there were so many people who they were so mad that we ended the podcast.
01:03:31.199 --> 01:03:33.840
And I mean, like one, if God said do it, I'm gonna do it.
01:03:34.159 --> 01:03:57.679
But two, what you don't understand is that show became a crutch and it was a way for me to ignore a lot of the pain that I was going through because I could just fill myself with anything other than the pain from her, and it was causing so much more pain on top of it because I wouldn't deal with it.
01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:17.199
But I am in such a better place now, and I'm trusting God to show up in my life every single day, and guys, he has, even from when I recorded that video where I was talking about, you know, being a chain breaker, God has moved mountains since I recorded that.
01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:24.400
And honestly, I think one day I'm gonna look back at what I'm calling mountains, and they're gonna be molehills in comparison to what I know that he has planned.
01:04:24.559 --> 01:04:28.000
And I don't say that as a haha, God loves me more than you.
01:04:28.239 --> 01:04:33.760
I'm saying that I want it to be a part of my testimony, and look what I came from.
01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:58.400
All the abandonment issues, all of the anger, all of the depression, all of the anxiety, all of the things that I faced, some because of the things that she didn't deal with, some because of things that I caused myself, all of these things, and God has brought me through it and made me new, and he has made me better than I ever thought I would be.
01:04:58.559 --> 01:05:16.719
And now I get to wake up every single day with my babies, and I get to spend every single day with my babies, and I get to go to bed every night and be with a man that God has sent me, that he is the most amazing man, and he has brought me through so much.
01:05:18.400 --> 01:05:27.760
And I need for everybody who's listened this far and who knows all of the little details of this story.
01:05:28.079 --> 01:05:40.159
One thing that I want to end this on is if you will just listen to God and you will follow his word, if you will do what he says, he will bless you.
01:05:40.400 --> 01:05:45.440
Because did I ever think that one day I would get to spend the rest of my life with a man like I am?
01:05:45.760 --> 01:05:46.079
No.
01:05:46.960 --> 01:05:50.079
I didn't think that I had something like that for me.
01:05:51.199 --> 01:05:54.239
I didn't think that that was gonna be where I was.
01:05:54.400 --> 01:05:59.519
I was terrified that I was gonna end up alone the rest of my life.
01:06:00.159 --> 01:06:04.960
And I was terrified that all I was ever gonna be was turn out like her.
01:06:05.199 --> 01:06:07.519
And I I didn't want that.
01:06:08.400 --> 01:06:19.280
And not only did God give me this amazing man, but he gave me a man that when I say he picked up the pieces, it it was so much more than that.
01:06:20.239 --> 01:06:32.719
In every way that I dealt with the pandemic issues, he sent me this man that does not let a day go by without telling me that he loves me, that he cares about me.
01:06:33.119 --> 01:06:36.320
Not just saying it, but showing it in his actions.
01:06:37.599 --> 01:06:45.199
There, you know, there's that joke that says, for every woman who grew up not knowing if she was enough, how are your clingy kids?
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:46.079
Right?
01:06:46.400 --> 01:06:54.079
So not only did he give me this man that in every fiber of Andy's being shows me that he loves me.
01:06:54.480 --> 01:07:00.559
He has given me these babies that I swear if they could crawl inside of my skin, they would.
01:07:00.800 --> 01:07:14.719
And I'm so blessed, I'm so thankful that I would go through everything I've ever went through ten times over just to be able to say that I'm his wife, just to be able to say that I'm their mom.
01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:22.559
And I know that is a heavy note to end on, um, but it's the good side of it.
01:07:23.199 --> 01:07:26.400
I am so blessed to be able to do what I do.
01:07:26.559 --> 01:07:28.079
I homeschool our kids.
01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:30.800
I'm making sourdough right now.
01:07:31.360 --> 01:07:34.400
Um married to the most amazing man.
01:07:34.719 --> 01:07:38.320
I have the best daddy in the entire world.
01:07:38.480 --> 01:07:40.800
My dad, I think he hung the moon.
01:07:40.960 --> 01:07:45.119
I'm so thankful for a dad that showed me Jesus every day.
01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:54.000
I'm so thankful for the family that I was put in because without the family that I have, I wouldn't be who I was today, who I am today.
01:07:54.480 --> 01:08:00.960
So the whole point of this whole thing is it is not too late to rebuild a wall.
01:08:01.199 --> 01:08:03.440
It is not too late to give it up to God.
01:08:03.679 --> 01:08:09.440
But I need you to understand you have to stop blaming God for the consequences of your own actions.
01:08:09.760 --> 01:08:19.359
And above anything else, if you take nothing from what I've said today, as harsh as I know I have been throughout times, please deal with your your problems.
01:08:19.520 --> 01:08:25.359
Please deal with the things that you have to before you have to give them to your kids.
01:08:25.680 --> 01:08:33.520
It doesn't, I don't care if your kids are growing out of the house, they're gonna think a lot more of you if you stop and you turn around and you change your life.
01:08:33.680 --> 01:08:34.880
It is never too late.
01:08:35.039 --> 01:08:36.479
It'll be a fight.
01:08:36.560 --> 01:08:40.399
The enemy's gonna fight you every way, but God will fight for you.
01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:43.760
And if I had to have anybody on my side, that's who I want.
01:08:44.079 --> 01:09:00.560
Please, please, please, please, before it is too late, before you don't have that opportunity to make things right, do not leave this world with your kids thinking that they weren't good enough for you to change.
01:09:00.880 --> 01:09:06.720
Do not leave this world without dealing with your own problems because you're gonna give it to them.
01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:11.760
It is your turn to stand up and say it ran in the family till it ran into me.
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:14.640
It is your turn to stand up and say that's enough.
01:09:14.880 --> 01:09:16.880
Okay, so I'm gonna end in a prayer.
01:09:17.039 --> 01:09:19.840
We're all gonna dry our faces.
01:09:20.159 --> 01:09:28.399
And on a happy note, somebody in the comments of the show, like when I post it on our Facebook group, tell me what kind of coffee you were drinking today, right?
01:09:28.800 --> 01:09:29.520
Tell me.
01:09:29.680 --> 01:09:31.119
Like it's officially fall.
01:09:31.279 --> 01:09:35.439
We hit, you know, September 22nd, the first official day of fall, I believe.
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:40.560
Um, another happy note, in case you didn't notice, Fat Bear Week started yesterday.
01:09:40.720 --> 01:09:43.359
Um, I'm a big, I'm a big fat bear week person.
01:09:43.520 --> 01:09:56.479
It's all the um bears who they go and they like gorge themselves to like fatten up for the winter for hibernation, and you get to vote like a March Madness style bracket on who's the fattest bear is.
01:09:56.720 --> 01:10:01.680
I've been doing it for years by myself until Andy realized that I was doing it and he thought it was hilarious.
01:10:01.760 --> 01:10:05.199
Um, but I brought my kids into the first, this is the first year that they're doing it with me.
01:10:05.279 --> 01:10:07.119
So we've been voting on Fat Bear Week.
01:10:07.279 --> 01:10:09.119
So definitely go check out Fat Bear Week.
01:10:09.199 --> 01:10:11.680
Let me know what coffee that you had this morning.
01:10:11.840 --> 01:10:18.800
Um did also I want to know, did any of you guys get that LL Bean uh Dunkin' Donut sweater?
01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:26.399
Because I got my happy little bud up bright and early and I got there and they said they sold out within seven minutes, and I was a little upset.
01:10:26.560 --> 01:10:27.920
I was, but it's fine.
01:10:28.079 --> 01:10:31.039
Um, but let's just let's just go ahead and end on a prayer.
01:10:31.119 --> 01:10:33.279
I tried to I wanted to end on a happy note.
01:10:33.760 --> 01:10:35.920
So close your eyes, bow your heads.
01:10:36.159 --> 01:10:44.000
God, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell this story again, and I thank you for just being with me while I did it.
01:10:44.159 --> 01:10:47.920
God, it was not something I wanted to do, but I want to obey your word.
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And Lord, I hope that I honored you in telling this story and not give I hope that I didn't give into my flesh in any way because it is not meant to run down anybody, it is not meant to point fingers at anybody.
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I would never, ever, ever want to hurt anybody by telling this story.
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But God, I know that the bigger theme of all of this is that you were woven into the details of every part of this story.
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God, I thank you for the men and the people like Nehemiah who see something that needs to be rebuilt, even though it's not anything they broke.
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God, I thank you for those people who have the burden to rebuild.
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It is a heavy burden, but God, I thank you for strengthening those people who have that burden to rebuild.
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God, I pray for the Nehemiahs today.
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I pray for the chain breakers today.
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I pray that they have the strength to pick up the cross.
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I have, I pray that they have the strength to turn around and fix things for the generations to come.
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God, and I pray for the children who are dealing with things that they should not be dealing with.
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I pray that you wrap them in a hug and you let them know that it is not their fault.
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It is not something that they did and it's not, they don't mean any less, God.
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I pray that those who go through and they walk through abandonment, Lord, I pray that they reject the spirit of abandonment and they pick up the spirit of adoption because of whether we don't have a mom or we don't have a dad who wants to be there, God, I pray that they know that we have a heavenly father who has never left our side.
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God, help us be who we are called to be, not who the name that was put on us at a young age, Lord.
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We give all of these things to you, God, and we surrender it and we ask for help in the restoration and the rebuild and that you fight with us, God.
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In your holy name that we pray.
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Amen.