00:00:10
Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
00:00:12
Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
00:00:13
Speaker 1: And I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
00:00:15
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self.
00:00:32
Speaker 1: So my limiting belief and my story that I tell myself is that I'm too dumb to do something. And this stemmed from 15 years of having a stepfather telling me I was dumb all the time. So it became my truth. Those first seven years of our childhood, of our life, become our imprint years. And then even after that, it becomes our belief about ourselves, about the world. And we really take in and absorb and see and feel everything that the adults around us are doing, are saying, are showing up in that way. It's really crucial how our parents behave and what they say to us because we really take it on like that is an absolute truth. And after hearing that day after day after day after everything that I would do, it just became my truth. So throughout my teens and until I met Steve, and even then it was a fucking battle to try something new, I truly believed that there's no point to me even trying to do something because I was so dumb. I'd failed high school. I'd failed my driver's license test. I'd failed courses that I tried at TAFE. I felt like everything that I had tried, I failed at. So it just gave me more and more evidence. I'm like, this is true. Tell me where it's not true.
00:01:32
Speaker 2: Just stacked.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: Yeah. It just stacked. And then when I met Steve and I had to do my personal training course, oh, the fights we would have about that. And even then, I still failed that three times until I passed. My mom always says to me, you're not dumb. It just might not be taught in a way that you understand. You're a very hands-on person. You're a very visual person. Also, if you're not super interested in it, that makes it harder to take information on as well.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Good luck focusing on anything.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:01:56
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: And also, if you believe that you're dumb, you're almost creating that because you're not really giving it your all because you think you're going to fail anyway.
00:02:02
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:02:02
Speaker 1: So upon reflection, I can see that story is not entirely true. But yeah, it still pops up for me and I've really had to work on letting it be there, seeing it for what it is and still doing the thing anyway.
00:02:14
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: And even if I go for it and it doesn't work out, not to attach myself to that story of, oh, that didn't work out because I'm dumb. It's like, okay, that didn't work out because something better is around the corner for me or because I didn't study hard enough or because I need to understand it more. I need to put more time and effort into it and not just give up in that moment. But yeah, it feels so real. And yours might be that, you know, I'm never going to meet anyone because I'm not pretty enough. I'm never going to meet anyone because I'm too overweight. No one's going to love me because my parents didn't love me. Everyone's going to leave because everyone always has left. As I'm saying these, I hope that yours is coming to the surface and it can feel really uncomfortable, but know this is a safe place. Like we said before, having awareness is like, oh, when it comes up, it's like, okay, I know that's there, but it doesn't have to be my truth.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. This is such an opportunity for you to have a clean slate in 2026.
00:03:05
Speaker 3: You get to decide.
00:03:07
Speaker 2: What you want this year to look like based on how much of yourself you're willing to confront. And honestly, it is really uncomfortable. You're going to feel uncomfortable while you're doing it. It's not an easy journey. And I will say, like, this is a forever journey.
00:03:20
Speaker 1: Forever.
00:03:20
Speaker 2: Forever, right? You're going to constantly be working on these stories. But for as long as you are able to face them in the beginning, it will feel a lot easier down the line. Again, I'm not saying that it's going to be perfect and feel easy and you're going to be like, oh, my God, I can't wait to feel this because you're probably not going to. But you become more capable at holding them. Yes. And faster repairing. And faster repairing. This is exactly what happened the other week when this story came up for you. I love that you're laughing.
00:03:44
Speaker 1: You're like, Tiana.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: Thanks, babe.
00:03:46
Speaker 1: Call me out in front of tens of thousands of people.
00:03:49
Speaker 2: I say this with love. No, this is the year of hard conversations.
00:03:52
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:03:53
Speaker 2: Yeah. And it like came up for you in that moment. Do you want to share a little bit about like what that experience was like?
00:03:58
Speaker 1: Or do you want to share?
00:03:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:03:59
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll tell it differently to what I remember it.
00:04:01
Speaker 2: No, no. So we had a moment. We had a moment. We had a moment.
00:04:06
Speaker 1: Special moment. That sounds sexual.
00:04:08
Speaker 2: It did.
00:04:08
Speaker 1: Not what I meant.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: No.
00:04:12
Speaker 2: Bloodonic wife.
00:04:13
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:04:14
Speaker 2: Work wife. Anyway, so we were at the office and we were working on a project and we were doing something and we had a Google Doc out ready and there was all this information on it and it was something to do with actually our new membership called Rise Inside. If you're not in there, go have a look. You'll love it. And, you know, Ashley was going through this document and I could see that she was getting a little bit overwhelmed and she started to say, like, babe, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. It's not really making sense to me. Like, it's starting to feel really, really overwhelming. And I just, can we simplify it? Can we change it? And that was what was coming up for her. what I was receiving was actually my story and my limiting belief. And when Ashley was saying, this feels really overwhelming, I heard my work is overwhelming.
00:04:53
Speaker 1: Also to give context. So when we plan episodes and when we plan content in Rise Inside or the podcast, sometimes I take lead on a certain topic. I feel more confident and that's a strength of mine. And maybe Tiana doesn't feel as strong in that and vice versa. So this particular topic It's not something that I have ever taught. So Tiana was taking lead and she wrote this incredible 18 page document with all this information. And then my job was to read through it and condense it down and understand it. And then we talk about it together and then we build the content out like that. Yes. But as I was reading it, I was like, oh my gosh, like my story was, I'm so fucking dumb. I don't know what she's talking about. But yeah, you heard that your content wasn't digestible enough.
00:05:31
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:05:32
Speaker 1: Overwhelming. Whereas in my head, which I have learned, I need to communicate better with that. Your content's amazing and you're so smart and it's so much value. I just need it explained in a more simplified way. But you can see how both our stories there were just so present and so real and actually so valid.
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Yeah. Cause in that moment, like the story that I was telling myself, which is not at all what you said, but this is what I heard in my head based on my own triggers, wounds and beliefs was that my content was overwhelming and almost in my head, it was like, it's not good enough. My story that I've always had is that I'm not capable enough. I'm not capable enough to achieve the things that I want to do. So like, I think it was almost one of those moments where it was like that old belief popped up in the moment. It was like, oh, see, it's not good enough. See, you're not capable enough. See, you can't do this. And it was not necessarily that I was told that growing up, but it was more because I was always somebody who used to start things and never finish them. And so all the evidence that I had was stacking that. any time that I wanted to achieve something and set out, I would give up or I would fail and then I wouldn't get back up. Or I would even have, let's say, for example, my dad, he was always there whenever I would struggle, right? So it was like, my story was also that I need saving because it was like, well, whenever something gets really hard, I'm not the person to solve the problem. My dad's the person to solve the problem. And so because somebody else did it, that automatically means that I wasn't capable of doing it.
00:06:55
Speaker 1: And do it without someone's help. Yeah.
00:06:56
Speaker 2: So I always needed somebody else to be there and I never had that instilled sense of trust in myself. Because every single time along the journey, no matter what it was, like even wanting to work on site and things like that, I was like, oh my God, I'm not capable until I finished it and all the things. But like I would stop and start courses and I would, you know, try new business ventures and I would get a new job and then I'd hate it and I'd leave. And I just, I had this never ending list of things that I started and never finished. And I was just, had this overwhelming feeling of like feeling disappointed in myself all the time. And so really what allowed me to change that was really having internal boundaries with myself and having the discipline to actually stick to something and go hey like you don't need somebody else to solve it or fix it or save you you don't need saving you're not broken there's nothing wrong with you you just need to prove to yourself that you're actually capable of doing it yeah and so through that repetition of consistently going like hey I'm going to commit to this because it means something to me and then going hey like you can do this and not forcing myself into doing it because I hated it but loving myself into the growth and that was the biggest difference okay I have these boundaries and discipline with myself because I love myself not because I'm trying to make you hate what you're doing or feel challenged or anything like that it came from a place of love and so in that moment when Ashley and I were having that conversation it was like both of our triggers came up in that moment and we were both faced with it to sit with it in the discomfort together and we were just like.
00:08:17
Speaker 3: Oh like moving through it yeah yeah it's really hard and Yeah, no matter how old you get and how much work you do on this, I feel like they are always going to arise in certain moments because it's like that old analogy of a wound, you know, and it heals or you've got.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: A bandaid on it, but then it can be recut open and it starts to bleed again. And that happened for us. It's like, oh, I thought I'd worked through that. I'm dumb story. I know it's still always in the back of my head, but I'm pretty quick to squash it now. Like I said before, I don't let it stop me from doing anything. Even this whole topic, I was like, I'm willing to learn.
00:08:50
Speaker 2: I'm here.
00:08:50
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm fucking shit scared and I need to understand this more and I need it more simplified. I need to study it more and ask more questions. But in that moment, that trigger ended up taking over. We really had to like regulate and work through that and have further conversations on how it can feel good for both of us and also learn to hold each other in the triggers.
00:09:06
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:09:07
Speaker 1: While we're both triggered.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: While we're both triggered. Yeah, because we were having this conversation the other day. And it's really easy to hold somebody in their triggers when you're not triggered too.
00:09:14
Speaker 1: When you're regulated.
00:09:15
Speaker 2: When you're regulated and you're like, babe, I've got you. Like, come to me.
00:09:18
Speaker 1: You can tell me anything.
00:09:19
Speaker 2: When you're also feeling activated and you're having your own internal experience, you face a little bit more challenge, right? Because you're holding your trigger and then you're also holding this person too and you're having your own internal experience. So everything that's happening right now feels personal and everything that's happening for the other person also feels personal, you know? So we had to navigate that conversation of going, okay, like what's coming up for you? How does this feel for you? And then kind of squashing the conversation, regulating, coming back together, rehabbing the conversation, and then repairing together and coming back to each other.
00:09:49
Speaker 1: You have to be super aware in conversations around your triggers, because like what you said before, what I heard was, isn't what she said. And I think this is a really powerful thing in relationship dynamics to say, I know this isn't what you're saying, but what I'm hearing from you is dah, dah, dah, dah. and then it gives the other person opportunity to say well that's not what I mean yeah I know it can come across like that but I'm going to repeat it in a different way yeah what I mean is da da da I make it about you so it's not about them but when you're triggered you do take everything personally so true and that's where the nervous system regulation comes in so freaking handy and it's something to always work on it's not easy and but we've gotta be super aware of these limited beliefs.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
00:00:12
Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
00:00:13
Speaker 1: And I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
00:00:15
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self.
00:00:32
Speaker 1: So my limiting belief and my story that I tell myself is that I'm too dumb to do something. And this stemmed from 15 years of having a stepfather telling me I was dumb all the time. So it became my truth. Those first seven years of our childhood, of our life, become our imprint years. And then even after that, it becomes our belief about ourselves, about the world. And we really take in and absorb and see and feel everything that the adults around us are doing, are saying, are showing up in that way. It's really crucial how our parents behave and what they say to us because we really take it on like that is an absolute truth. And after hearing that day after day after day after everything that I would do, it just became my truth. So throughout my teens and until I met Steve, and even then it was a fucking battle to try something new, I truly believed that there's no point to me even trying to do something because I was so dumb. I'd failed high school. I'd failed my driver's license test. I'd failed courses that I tried at TAFE. I felt like everything that I had tried, I failed at. So it just gave me more and more evidence. I'm like, this is true. Tell me where it's not true.
00:01:32
Speaker 2: Just stacked.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: Yeah. It just stacked. And then when I met Steve and I had to do my personal training course, oh, the fights we would have about that. And even then, I still failed that three times until I passed. My mom always says to me, you're not dumb. It just might not be taught in a way that you understand. You're a very hands-on person. You're a very visual person. Also, if you're not super interested in it, that makes it harder to take information on as well.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Good luck focusing on anything.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:01:56
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: And also, if you believe that you're dumb, you're almost creating that because you're not really giving it your all because you think you're going to fail anyway.
00:02:02
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:02:02
Speaker 1: So upon reflection, I can see that story is not entirely true. But yeah, it still pops up for me and I've really had to work on letting it be there, seeing it for what it is and still doing the thing anyway.
00:02:14
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: And even if I go for it and it doesn't work out, not to attach myself to that story of, oh, that didn't work out because I'm dumb. It's like, okay, that didn't work out because something better is around the corner for me or because I didn't study hard enough or because I need to understand it more. I need to put more time and effort into it and not just give up in that moment. But yeah, it feels so real. And yours might be that, you know, I'm never going to meet anyone because I'm not pretty enough. I'm never going to meet anyone because I'm too overweight. No one's going to love me because my parents didn't love me. Everyone's going to leave because everyone always has left. As I'm saying these, I hope that yours is coming to the surface and it can feel really uncomfortable, but know this is a safe place. Like we said before, having awareness is like, oh, when it comes up, it's like, okay, I know that's there, but it doesn't have to be my truth.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. This is such an opportunity for you to have a clean slate in 2026.
00:03:05
Speaker 3: You get to decide.
00:03:07
Speaker 2: What you want this year to look like based on how much of yourself you're willing to confront. And honestly, it is really uncomfortable. You're going to feel uncomfortable while you're doing it. It's not an easy journey. And I will say, like, this is a forever journey.
00:03:20
Speaker 1: Forever.
00:03:20
Speaker 2: Forever, right? You're going to constantly be working on these stories. But for as long as you are able to face them in the beginning, it will feel a lot easier down the line. Again, I'm not saying that it's going to be perfect and feel easy and you're going to be like, oh, my God, I can't wait to feel this because you're probably not going to. But you become more capable at holding them. Yes. And faster repairing. And faster repairing. This is exactly what happened the other week when this story came up for you. I love that you're laughing.
00:03:44
Speaker 1: You're like, Tiana.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: Thanks, babe.
00:03:46
Speaker 1: Call me out in front of tens of thousands of people.
00:03:49
Speaker 2: I say this with love. No, this is the year of hard conversations.
00:03:52
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:03:53
Speaker 2: Yeah. And it like came up for you in that moment. Do you want to share a little bit about like what that experience was like?
00:03:58
Speaker 1: Or do you want to share?
00:03:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:03:59
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll tell it differently to what I remember it.
00:04:01
Speaker 2: No, no. So we had a moment. We had a moment. We had a moment.
00:04:06
Speaker 1: Special moment. That sounds sexual.
00:04:08
Speaker 2: It did.
00:04:08
Speaker 1: Not what I meant.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: No.
00:04:12
Speaker 2: Bloodonic wife.
00:04:13
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:04:14
Speaker 2: Work wife. Anyway, so we were at the office and we were working on a project and we were doing something and we had a Google Doc out ready and there was all this information on it and it was something to do with actually our new membership called Rise Inside. If you're not in there, go have a look. You'll love it. And, you know, Ashley was going through this document and I could see that she was getting a little bit overwhelmed and she started to say, like, babe, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. It's not really making sense to me. Like, it's starting to feel really, really overwhelming. And I just, can we simplify it? Can we change it? And that was what was coming up for her. what I was receiving was actually my story and my limiting belief. And when Ashley was saying, this feels really overwhelming, I heard my work is overwhelming.
00:04:53
Speaker 1: Also to give context. So when we plan episodes and when we plan content in Rise Inside or the podcast, sometimes I take lead on a certain topic. I feel more confident and that's a strength of mine. And maybe Tiana doesn't feel as strong in that and vice versa. So this particular topic It's not something that I have ever taught. So Tiana was taking lead and she wrote this incredible 18 page document with all this information. And then my job was to read through it and condense it down and understand it. And then we talk about it together and then we build the content out like that. Yes. But as I was reading it, I was like, oh my gosh, like my story was, I'm so fucking dumb. I don't know what she's talking about. But yeah, you heard that your content wasn't digestible enough.
00:05:31
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:05:32
Speaker 1: Overwhelming. Whereas in my head, which I have learned, I need to communicate better with that. Your content's amazing and you're so smart and it's so much value. I just need it explained in a more simplified way. But you can see how both our stories there were just so present and so real and actually so valid.
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Yeah. Cause in that moment, like the story that I was telling myself, which is not at all what you said, but this is what I heard in my head based on my own triggers, wounds and beliefs was that my content was overwhelming and almost in my head, it was like, it's not good enough. My story that I've always had is that I'm not capable enough. I'm not capable enough to achieve the things that I want to do. So like, I think it was almost one of those moments where it was like that old belief popped up in the moment. It was like, oh, see, it's not good enough. See, you're not capable enough. See, you can't do this. And it was not necessarily that I was told that growing up, but it was more because I was always somebody who used to start things and never finish them. And so all the evidence that I had was stacking that. any time that I wanted to achieve something and set out, I would give up or I would fail and then I wouldn't get back up. Or I would even have, let's say, for example, my dad, he was always there whenever I would struggle, right? So it was like, my story was also that I need saving because it was like, well, whenever something gets really hard, I'm not the person to solve the problem. My dad's the person to solve the problem. And so because somebody else did it, that automatically means that I wasn't capable of doing it.
00:06:55
Speaker 1: And do it without someone's help. Yeah.
00:06:56
Speaker 2: So I always needed somebody else to be there and I never had that instilled sense of trust in myself. Because every single time along the journey, no matter what it was, like even wanting to work on site and things like that, I was like, oh my God, I'm not capable until I finished it and all the things. But like I would stop and start courses and I would, you know, try new business ventures and I would get a new job and then I'd hate it and I'd leave. And I just, I had this never ending list of things that I started and never finished. And I was just, had this overwhelming feeling of like feeling disappointed in myself all the time. And so really what allowed me to change that was really having internal boundaries with myself and having the discipline to actually stick to something and go hey like you don't need somebody else to solve it or fix it or save you you don't need saving you're not broken there's nothing wrong with you you just need to prove to yourself that you're actually capable of doing it yeah and so through that repetition of consistently going like hey I'm going to commit to this because it means something to me and then going hey like you can do this and not forcing myself into doing it because I hated it but loving myself into the growth and that was the biggest difference okay I have these boundaries and discipline with myself because I love myself not because I'm trying to make you hate what you're doing or feel challenged or anything like that it came from a place of love and so in that moment when Ashley and I were having that conversation it was like both of our triggers came up in that moment and we were both faced with it to sit with it in the discomfort together and we were just like.
00:08:17
Speaker 3: Oh like moving through it yeah yeah it's really hard and Yeah, no matter how old you get and how much work you do on this, I feel like they are always going to arise in certain moments because it's like that old analogy of a wound, you know, and it heals or you've got.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: A bandaid on it, but then it can be recut open and it starts to bleed again. And that happened for us. It's like, oh, I thought I'd worked through that. I'm dumb story. I know it's still always in the back of my head, but I'm pretty quick to squash it now. Like I said before, I don't let it stop me from doing anything. Even this whole topic, I was like, I'm willing to learn.
00:08:50
Speaker 2: I'm here.
00:08:50
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm fucking shit scared and I need to understand this more and I need it more simplified. I need to study it more and ask more questions. But in that moment, that trigger ended up taking over. We really had to like regulate and work through that and have further conversations on how it can feel good for both of us and also learn to hold each other in the triggers.
00:09:06
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:09:07
Speaker 1: While we're both triggered.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: While we're both triggered. Yeah, because we were having this conversation the other day. And it's really easy to hold somebody in their triggers when you're not triggered too.
00:09:14
Speaker 1: When you're regulated.
00:09:15
Speaker 2: When you're regulated and you're like, babe, I've got you. Like, come to me.
00:09:18
Speaker 1: You can tell me anything.
00:09:19
Speaker 2: When you're also feeling activated and you're having your own internal experience, you face a little bit more challenge, right? Because you're holding your trigger and then you're also holding this person too and you're having your own internal experience. So everything that's happening right now feels personal and everything that's happening for the other person also feels personal, you know? So we had to navigate that conversation of going, okay, like what's coming up for you? How does this feel for you? And then kind of squashing the conversation, regulating, coming back together, rehabbing the conversation, and then repairing together and coming back to each other.
00:09:49
Speaker 1: You have to be super aware in conversations around your triggers, because like what you said before, what I heard was, isn't what she said. And I think this is a really powerful thing in relationship dynamics to say, I know this isn't what you're saying, but what I'm hearing from you is dah, dah, dah, dah. and then it gives the other person opportunity to say well that's not what I mean yeah I know it can come across like that but I'm going to repeat it in a different way yeah what I mean is da da da I make it about you so it's not about them but when you're triggered you do take everything personally so true and that's where the nervous system regulation comes in so freaking handy and it's something to always work on it's not easy and but we've gotta be super aware of these limited beliefs.
