WEBVTT
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I'm your host, Ash McDonald, the only therapist who speaks fluent entrepreneur.
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Welcome to Shamelessly Ambitious.
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Hello, my dear.
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Welcome back to the Shamelessly Ambitious Podcast.
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As promised, I am coming to you from Rome.
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Last week's episode was in Barcelona, and I said I'm gonna try and record an episode in Rome, and I'm doing it.
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Now, I was about to start, and my initial thought was like, Oh, I wish you were here.
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I wish I could bring everybody to this experience and this, like all the things that I've experienced over the past week.
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And just I'm in fucking Rome.
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And then I laughed because I'm actually in bed, topless.
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Actually, I'm not topless, I'm naked, but a blanket is covering everything from below.
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And as much as I want that to be, just like I'm so European and I'm naked all the time now, it's because I'm trying to preserve clothing.
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I could only fit so much into a carry-on and pajamas was was not one of those things that I could fit a lot of.
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And because I'm mostly staying with other people, the time when I'm alone, I was like, I'm not gonna wear anything to bed.
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Which by the way, I mostly sleep naked in general at home.
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But this is strategic.
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And so I am here, I am naked, I am recording this podcast episode, and then I shall shower and I shall go explore and have the best time ever in Rome.
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In fact, my best friend in the whole wide world is arriving today.
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And I'm so excited.
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Oh, I'm so excited.
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I'm so, so excited.
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And so that's where we're at.
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That's where we're at in Rome.
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And I was creating a piece of content this morning because, as you can expect, there is just something about taking away the kids and the responsibilities and the disciplining of the kids.
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Although I wish I could say that's actually stopped.
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I'm still kind of disciplining from afar.
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That I don't want to lose, or I don't want to lose weight.
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I do want to lose weight.
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I don't want to gain weight.
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Just normal life management.
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I'm just living my fucking life and I love it, right?
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And when you do that, I do think that you get these really unique glimpses of yourself that you're not normally gonna get.
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And I don't think that I'm inauthentic or that when I'm at home, I'm not the real me.
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I just think it's a little unedited.
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It's a little unedited to just be fully you and do whatever you want.
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If it's like, I'm not actually that hungry, but that slice of pizza looks so good.
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There's a part of me at home that's like, no, you don't need it, and has to have this whole like self-d-and it's good.
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We want these things.
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Like, I want to be healthy, I want to make good choices.
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But here and on vacation in Europe, I don't give a shit.
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I want to taste good food.
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I want to drink a lot of wine.
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I want to get drunk multiple times throughout the day, unexpectedly.
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I want to smoke European cigarettes, I want to get tattoos, and I just want to frolic all over town, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
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That's exactly what I'm doing.
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And the conversations are epic, the people I'm meeting, epic.
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Wandering around alone, epic, all of it is just so, so, so, so good.
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And so I've been creating this piece of content.
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I'm not working a ton, but I'm definitely working a little bit in the mornings because Europe is slow to rise.
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I'm never slow to rise.
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And so I've been taking advantage of that and creating a little bit of content because I am temporarily back on social media.
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Now, I did have the intent of coming back all in.
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No, stop, October 1st.
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And that was kind of a funny thing for me to expect for myself.
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And and while I tried to shame myself for the first couple of days, then I remembered, oh yeah, this is my life and I make the decisions, and this is my business, and I make the decisions.
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And being all in while being all here didn't really track.
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And so I'll be all in when I return from Europe.
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But I have been prepping a little bit for that and creating content.
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And this one piece of content that I was creating, it literally says just checking in that you aren't editing yourself into someone that's easier to digest again.
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And that's because that's a thought that I've been thinking of like, I'm so uninterested in being digestible here.
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So uninterested in it.
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And I want to take back so much of that.
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While also I did have a lot of it, not perfect, but I had it.
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Like it's not non-existent, but there's parts that I want to bring back.
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And I think that we all need this reminder.
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Like, where are we being digestible?
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Where are we making ourselves smaller?
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And not just in the limelight or in front of somebody that we care about or maybe even don't care about, but like to ourselves.
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Where am I being digestible?
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And so I kind of wanted to bring that here.
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I have been having some of the most epic conversations, and in those conversations have been really radical truths, sometimes that you know exist inside of you, but then you say them out loud and you're like, whoa.
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I felt that.
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I felt the zing of that through my body.
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And I thought I'd bring some of those things here and really invite you to answer the questions yourself that I pose, to really think on not just what I'm saying, but what would you say?
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And maybe, maybe just maybe find a person to say it out loud to, whether that's a mentor or your mom or a friend or your partner, or maybe it's just out loud, and maybe you go a step further and you record it in a voice note.
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So it feels a little bit more official, but I really want to go there with you because I've been going there with some extraordinary women and it's been life-changing.
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And one of those questions that my girlfriend and I were asking each other is just like, what do we want more of?
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And that doesn't sound like, whoa, whoa, Ash, you're really taking it to the next level there.
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But also, as women, we have a tendency to really suck at answering questions like this or to not really take our time.
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And you know what I want more of right now?
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I do want more money.
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I want more abundance.
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I want more all in energy.
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So, all in, I'm all in became a phrase of Delia and I while we were in Barcelona.
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We've we've said it so many times.
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It just kind of became like this inside joke.
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I'm all in.
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I'm all in.
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I'm all in.
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And it's funny because she's not a Gilmore girl.
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Okay, we're working on it.
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I'm obviously obsessed with Gilmore girls.
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And we know that this is a very specific moment in history, right?
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When Laura Lai is told by Luke, I'm all in.
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That's the kind of energy I want right now, which is why I made this like reclaiming my edge sort of expectation.
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Hey, hey, hey, really quick, before we get back into it, I want to tell you about something I built specifically for you.
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It's the shamelessly ambitious stone check.
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Three very curated playlists built for the three most common places I personally see ambitious women stuck in right now.
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Number one, heavy metal.
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For when burnout is so deep you don't even know what to do, these six episodes will not only show you through and out, but they will make you feel like you again.
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Classic Rock is the second one for when you've achieved everything you said you wanted and somehow feel more lost than ever.
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These six episodes will help you find your way back to yourself without burning everything down in the process.
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And finally, playlist number three, punk rock.
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For when you are so done shrinking and so ready to go as hard as you actually want to go and crush all of your dreams and goals, these six episodes will give you full permission and the tools to back it up.
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Here's the best part.
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It's totally free and it's waiting for you.
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The link is in the show notes.
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And I've been talking about it a ton, even though I haven't actively started it.
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Although I would say that I have started it.
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It just isn't public, right?
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Like I've actively started it.
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I'm taking massive action behind the scenes.
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I am being so bold and so vulnerable in everything that I say.
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And I feel like there was a season there for a little bit where it's not that I wasn't all in per se, but it wasn't the energy of it.
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And that's okay.
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We're allowed to have slower seasons.
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And maybe you're listening to this and you're like, what I want more of right now is to go to fucking bed.
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What I want more of whatever.
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You know, you want to slow down, you want to do less.
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Great.
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I will tell you, this might become a podcast that's not so applicable to you.
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And that's okay.
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We could take a break.
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We could be on a break because I'm all fucking in.
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So if you're all in, then this is the podcast for you where we just stop making fucking excuses for anything and everything possible.
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We are all in.
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I want more money right now.
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I want more laughter right now.
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I want more impact.
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I have some really epic, extraordinary ideas that are coming to life in just the next couple of weeks because I am so sure of what I can bring to the table.
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And again, being across the table from somebody who's really witnessing me helped a ton.
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Her ability to go, holy shit, why are you not preaching this from the rooftops?
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Why are you not enough to go, you're fucking right.
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So maybe you want more of that.
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Maybe you want more companionship and connection and being around people who don't just see you but a risk taking with you, who are jumping into the fire with you.
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That's kind of where I'm at.
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And on that same note, we had a really lovely conversation around jealousy, what we're jealous of.
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And I think that jealousy ultimately is always a lovely window into what it is that we really want.
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We know this to be true, but how often do you have the kind of conversations where you're really talking about it out loud?
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Whether it's like I'm jealous of women who look like this.
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And I'm not here to shame you, obviously, shamelessly ambitious.
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However, we really do need to look at the triggers that we have and what they mean about us and how they are actually mirrors.
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And Dealy and I did a really beautiful job at getting really uncomfortable with ourselves and really looking at like where in our lives are there areas where we feel less than, where we feel envious, where we want more and aren't saying, whatever the case may be.
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And oof, yeah, I'm jealous.
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It's really funny because I was completely off social media and Jesse Jean's Yap Challenge came on, and I was off social media, and I actually discovered it because I had a handful of clients who were having a real serious response to it and needing a lot of therapeutic intervention.
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And that's how I learned about it.
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And then I went and saw, and I've always followed Jesse Jean.
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I've known her many, many iterations of her business ago.
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She actually lives in Colorado, so I've met her in person.
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And so when I figured out it was her, I was like, oh my gosh.
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And then I followed it for a minute.
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And I realized that a little seed was planted where I felt very, what do I want to say?
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Like grounded in it.
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Obviously, I'm like supporting these clients.
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I'm not on social media at the time.
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They're having a hard time kind of digesting what it means for them and what they need to do.
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I mean, some people are being inspired and some people are being triggered, right?
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And I didn't have much of a response until Vidili and I were talking and I was like, I don't necessarily want that, but it reminded me of a version of me that wanted just massive blow your fucking socks off success.
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And I think there's a part of me that dimmed that over the past couple of years.
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And I think that that was necessary.
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And not entirely so, obviously, but parts of it were necessary and what was needed from me and my family.
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And that's great.
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But I'm a little jealous of it now.
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I'm a little jealous of the like, like I said, the go all in, the like, I'm just gonna show up every single day.
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And a lot of these women that are having extraordinary results didn't know they were gonna have extraordinary results.
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They just showed up and and they didn't have some, yes, I think I will say, I do believe that there is some luck and some timing that plays a role, but that doesn't mean that there's not luck and timing available to you because their luck and their timing needed a third ingredient, and that was consistency, and maybe even a fourth, and that was resiliency.
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But I'm a little jealous, right?
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I'm a little jealous of people who get to fly first class.
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I just can't wrap my head around it.
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Could I technically afford it?
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Yes.
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I just cannot.
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And I have a past client whose husband does points and stuff, and I can't tell you how many times I have tried to look into and figure out how to really maximize my points.
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Granted, I flew here and I'm flying back entirely on points.
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So I use them and I'm decent at them, but I've never gotten to the point where I'm like, oh yeah, I can definitely use all these points inside first class.
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That looks nice, especially when you are sleeping, sitting up.
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That was so shitty.
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What else am I jealous of?
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I'm jealous sometimes of people who are naturally thin.
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I feel like I have to work really hard.
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I kind of make a joke, and this sometimes our jokes are really just to stabilize us.
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That is, I work really hard to be mid.
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And what I mean by that is that I feel like if I like I've stopped working out the past couple of days and I I know I've gained weight.
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I've know I've gained weight.
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I feel softer, and that's okay.
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I'm okay with it.
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I just I don't love that that's how my body operates.
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I feel like I will continuously always have to work really, really, really hard.
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If I'm not tracking everything into my body and working out consistently, I gain weight.
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And that's shitty.
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And I'm jealous of people who are just so naturally slender and athletically built, even if they don't work out.
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I mean, have you met them?
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You're one of them, and kudos to you if your body just looks really fit.
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I have so many friends who are like, oh, I mean, I work out sometimes and they are so jacked.
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And I'm like, okay, that's fine.
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I work out seven days a week.
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It's no big deal.
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Yeah, those are my jealousies right now.
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Another thing we talked about was this idea of what do I want people to say about me when I'm not in the room?
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And honestly, this brought up a lot for me that I was glad we talked about.
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There is this, the story will make sense.
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There is this, it's like a jam consistency, and you put it on, you put it on toast, and it's called marmite, and it's English.
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And my friend is is British, Delia is British.
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And she was like, You have to try it.
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It is known as this thing that either people love it or hate it.
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Kind of like, oh fuck, what is it called?
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Oh my god, it's that herb that tastes like soap or it doesn't taste like soap.
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Some people love it, and they're like, oh my god, I can see it, I can smell it, I can taste it.
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And my periomenopausal brain is like, fuck you, you don't get to know what it is.
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Oh my god.
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Anyways, hopefully you know what I'm talking about.
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I'm gonna die.
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I feel like I you're gonna actively hear me look up the herb that tastes like so because I can't leave you hanging here.
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I just I really can't.
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Let's see.
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Come on.
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Think harder.
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I have really bad Wi-Fi here.
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Cilantro! Okay, cilantro.
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Similar to cilantro, okay.
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I love cilantro, by the way.
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I think it tastes delicious.
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So I'm like, ooh, and I really, I did not realize until after I tasted it, but I was so dedicated to loving it because my friend loves it.
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And she's like, I love it, everybody hates it, I love it.
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And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna love it too.
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I just know it.
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I didn't love it.
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I didn't love it at all.
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It's the grossest thing I've ever had in my life.
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I hate marmite, okay?
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But we were talking about it because I've always felt like I am a love or hate kind of person.
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People meet me, and I have a lot of evidence to this, so I'm not making it up, where they either love me and not a little love me.
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.360
Like people love me, and that sounds really cocky.
00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:49.600
I don't mean for it too, but they just really are like, holy shit, this person is awesome and I love her and I want more of her.
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:52.080
Or quite the fucking opposite.
00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:53.360
They cannot stand me.
00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:56.639
And they couldn't even pinpoint why they cannot stand me.
00:15:57.120 --> 00:16:03.840
And most of the time, they'll even try to be able to stand me because they can see other people who really, really like me, and they just can't.
00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:08.559
And honestly, I have a lot of shame around this because I hate the idea of not being liked.
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:15.440
And it's a funny world because I'm also clearly not the kind of person who behaves as though I hate not being liked, but it's true.
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:17.039
And it's very, very true.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:18.720
And I don't want to behave like that.
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:19.440
And so I don't.
00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:22.240
I do share my beliefs loud and proud.
00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.000
I act exactly as I am.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.399
I feel like I can say this with confidence.
00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.399
If you have not met me in person, if you did meet me in person, I'm exactly who you think I am.
00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:35.120
I also wonder if still, even if you listen to my podcast forever and ever, that there's a possibility they hate me.
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:40.720
But I also am kind of convinced that those who tune in my podcast already know that they don't like me and then they never listen again.
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:43.759
And so if you're listening, I think you might kind of like me, which is awesome.
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:50.000
And I haven't taken my ADHD meds today.
00:16:50.320 --> 00:17:04.720
But what I wish that people said was that I had a big heart and it was clear that I would do just about anything for the people that I love, that loyalty is one of my greatest strengths.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.559
I feel that that is true.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.240
I wonder if people would say that.
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:15.119
I want my friends to know that I'm the kind of friend that would drop anything and travel all the way around the world if they really needed me.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:18.000
I want people to talk about the way that I'm mom.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:28.160
I want them to have witnessed me as a mother and think, holy shit, she's really good at this because it's something I work really hard at and I really care about.
00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:37.359
I wish that people would talk about how inspiring I am, that I inspire them to be bigger and go bolder and never give up.
00:17:37.519 --> 00:17:47.839
And that's a hope I've always had a wish, a dream, a desire is to be the kind of person that helps people be themselves and never shy away from an opportunity that can change their lives.
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.839
That's what I want people to say.
00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.759
And on that note, those are all the that was like kind of a humble brag.
00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:57.200
Now I'm feeling embarrassed because it was kind of a humble brag.
00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:01.680
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave you with this question because remember, I want you to answer these questions about yourself as well.
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:05.119
What's something that you teach that you're currently terrible at?
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:07.359
I just told you all the things that I'm so good at.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:09.599
So let me tell you the things to really suck at.
00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:20.240
And one of those things is I am extraordinary at teaching women how to get out of burnout and how to manage their emotions in a way that allows them to manage their time and alter their behaviors.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:21.039
Excellent.
00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:22.640
I'm fucking excellent at it.
00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:23.119
Okay.
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.519
I'm not great at it as a person.
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.279
Yeah.
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:33.279
I feel like I've been in and out of burnout my entire fucking existence, and it's so irritating.
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.359
So deeply, deeply fucking irritating.
00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:36.480
But here we are.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:51.920
And I think that has to do with a lot of my diagnoses, my ADHD, my touch of autism, my ambition and compulsion and desire to be the greatest at everything.
00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:53.680
And I struggle sometimes.
00:18:54.000 --> 00:19:00.799
And then I have moments of deep, deep, deep imposter syndrome around like I shouldn't be exhausted again or I should be better at this.
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:01.920
And I think we all that.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:02.960
We are all that.
00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:03.680
We all have that.
00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:04.880
You know what I mean?
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:13.039
I often tell myself and tell my clients and tell you right now that the magic we need the most is traditionally the magic that we give out in spades.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:14.640
And I have to remember that a lot.
00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:30.720
That like the reason why I am so deeply good at the things that I do is because I'm constantly reliving the hardship of them in my day-to-day life, which makes me and allows me to be wildly empathetic and also on my game in terms of how to mentor it.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:39.839
Because if I nailed it in the first go, I mean, honestly, what what on God screen earth would make me an expert at it?
00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.440
It just doesn't make sense to me.
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:44.880
Similarly, with like structures and systems, I do think I'm an expert at this.
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.680
And it's because I'm constantly revising mine and auditing mine.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:50.000
That's not necessarily one that I think I'm bad at.
00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:52.480
I think I'm exceptional at that all the time.
00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.920
But I feel like I'm constantly changing it.
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.559
And so I don't know if that makes me good or terrible.
00:19:58.640 --> 00:19:59.599
I'm not really sure.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:01.519
What else am I terrible at?
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:11.200
I mean, I've had seasons, not right now, but I've definitely had seasons where obviously I am here to to therapise and to support people in their relationships.
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:15.599
And I've been a bad wife and struggled to be a good wife or a good mom.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:16.960
Less so, I'll be honest.
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:20.640
Motherhood feels a little bit more natural to me than basically anything else in the world.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:24.720
And still challenging, mind you, just a little bit more natural.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.440
So, anyway, I don't know what this is.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:32.799
It's an unedited version of me a little bit, a reminder to get to know yourself a little bit more.
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:37.680
A fucking go for it pep talk, my friend.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.799
Whatever it is, go for it.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.000
And I'm here, I'm tearing you on, and I hate to turn it on.
00:00:01.439 --> 00:00:05.919
I'm your host, Ash McDonald, the only therapist who speaks fluent entrepreneur.
00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.240
Welcome to Shamelessly Ambitious.
00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:10.720
Hello, my dear.
00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:13.359
Welcome back to the Shamelessly Ambitious Podcast.
00:00:13.599 --> 00:00:16.160
As promised, I am coming to you from Rome.
00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:22.320
Last week's episode was in Barcelona, and I said I'm gonna try and record an episode in Rome, and I'm doing it.
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:28.160
Now, I was about to start, and my initial thought was like, Oh, I wish you were here.
00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:34.560
I wish I could bring everybody to this experience and this, like all the things that I've experienced over the past week.
00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:36.320
And just I'm in fucking Rome.
00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:39.759
And then I laughed because I'm actually in bed, topless.
00:00:40.159 --> 00:00:44.320
Actually, I'm not topless, I'm naked, but a blanket is covering everything from below.
00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:52.399
And as much as I want that to be, just like I'm so European and I'm naked all the time now, it's because I'm trying to preserve clothing.
00:00:53.119 --> 00:01:00.000
I could only fit so much into a carry-on and pajamas was was not one of those things that I could fit a lot of.
00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:06.400
And because I'm mostly staying with other people, the time when I'm alone, I was like, I'm not gonna wear anything to bed.
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:09.280
Which by the way, I mostly sleep naked in general at home.
00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:12.000
But this is strategic.
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And so I am here, I am naked, I am recording this podcast episode, and then I shall shower and I shall go explore and have the best time ever in Rome.
00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:26.879
In fact, my best friend in the whole wide world is arriving today.
00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:28.319
And I'm so excited.
00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:29.359
Oh, I'm so excited.
00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:30.400
I'm so, so excited.
00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:32.560
And so that's where we're at.
00:01:32.799 --> 00:01:34.480
That's where we're at in Rome.
00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:48.000
And I was creating a piece of content this morning because, as you can expect, there is just something about taking away the kids and the responsibilities and the disciplining of the kids.
00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:50.400
Although I wish I could say that's actually stopped.
00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:52.719
I'm still kind of disciplining from afar.
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That I don't want to lose, or I don't want to lose weight.
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I do want to lose weight.
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I don't want to gain weight.
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Just normal life management.
00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:03.200
I'm just living my fucking life and I love it, right?
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:10.240
And when you do that, I do think that you get these really unique glimpses of yourself that you're not normally gonna get.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:15.520
And I don't think that I'm inauthentic or that when I'm at home, I'm not the real me.
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:18.800
I just think it's a little unedited.
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:23.599
It's a little unedited to just be fully you and do whatever you want.
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If it's like, I'm not actually that hungry, but that slice of pizza looks so good.
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There's a part of me at home that's like, no, you don't need it, and has to have this whole like self-d-and it's good.
00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:34.240
We want these things.
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Like, I want to be healthy, I want to make good choices.
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But here and on vacation in Europe, I don't give a shit.
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I want to taste good food.
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I want to drink a lot of wine.
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I want to get drunk multiple times throughout the day, unexpectedly.
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I want to smoke European cigarettes, I want to get tattoos, and I just want to frolic all over town, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
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That's exactly what I'm doing.
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And the conversations are epic, the people I'm meeting, epic.
00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:08.080
Wandering around alone, epic, all of it is just so, so, so, so good.
00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:10.400
And so I've been creating this piece of content.
00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:14.800
I'm not working a ton, but I'm definitely working a little bit in the mornings because Europe is slow to rise.
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I'm never slow to rise.
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And so I've been taking advantage of that and creating a little bit of content because I am temporarily back on social media.
00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:26.000
Now, I did have the intent of coming back all in.
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No, stop, October 1st.
00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:30.319
And that was kind of a funny thing for me to expect for myself.
00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:39.120
And and while I tried to shame myself for the first couple of days, then I remembered, oh yeah, this is my life and I make the decisions, and this is my business, and I make the decisions.
00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:43.840
And being all in while being all here didn't really track.
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And so I'll be all in when I return from Europe.
00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:50.240
But I have been prepping a little bit for that and creating content.
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And this one piece of content that I was creating, it literally says just checking in that you aren't editing yourself into someone that's easier to digest again.
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:09.759
And that's because that's a thought that I've been thinking of like, I'm so uninterested in being digestible here.
00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:12.319
So uninterested in it.
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And I want to take back so much of that.
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:18.720
While also I did have a lot of it, not perfect, but I had it.
00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:21.759
Like it's not non-existent, but there's parts that I want to bring back.
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And I think that we all need this reminder.
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Like, where are we being digestible?
00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:29.519
Where are we making ourselves smaller?
00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:37.519
And not just in the limelight or in front of somebody that we care about or maybe even don't care about, but like to ourselves.
00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.120
Where am I being digestible?
00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:44.319
And so I kind of wanted to bring that here.
00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:55.439
I have been having some of the most epic conversations, and in those conversations have been really radical truths, sometimes that you know exist inside of you, but then you say them out loud and you're like, whoa.
00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:57.040
I felt that.
00:04:57.199 --> 00:04:59.680
I felt the zing of that through my body.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:11.279
And I thought I'd bring some of those things here and really invite you to answer the questions yourself that I pose, to really think on not just what I'm saying, but what would you say?
00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:23.759
And maybe, maybe just maybe find a person to say it out loud to, whether that's a mentor or your mom or a friend or your partner, or maybe it's just out loud, and maybe you go a step further and you record it in a voice note.
00:05:23.839 --> 00:05:32.480
So it feels a little bit more official, but I really want to go there with you because I've been going there with some extraordinary women and it's been life-changing.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:39.279
And one of those questions that my girlfriend and I were asking each other is just like, what do we want more of?
00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:44.079
And that doesn't sound like, whoa, whoa, Ash, you're really taking it to the next level there.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:50.879
But also, as women, we have a tendency to really suck at answering questions like this or to not really take our time.
00:05:52.079 --> 00:05:54.160
And you know what I want more of right now?
00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:56.720
I do want more money.
00:05:56.879 --> 00:05:58.319
I want more abundance.
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I want more all in energy.
00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:08.639
So, all in, I'm all in became a phrase of Delia and I while we were in Barcelona.
00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:10.079
We've we've said it so many times.
00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:11.759
It just kind of became like this inside joke.
00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:12.560
I'm all in.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:13.279
I'm all in.
00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:14.319
I'm all in.
00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:16.879
And it's funny because she's not a Gilmore girl.
00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:18.319
Okay, we're working on it.
00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:21.040
I'm obviously obsessed with Gilmore girls.
00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:26.720
And we know that this is a very specific moment in history, right?
00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:31.519
When Laura Lai is told by Luke, I'm all in.
00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:39.040
That's the kind of energy I want right now, which is why I made this like reclaiming my edge sort of expectation.
00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:45.199
Hey, hey, hey, really quick, before we get back into it, I want to tell you about something I built specifically for you.
00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:47.759
It's the shamelessly ambitious stone check.
00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:55.279
Three very curated playlists built for the three most common places I personally see ambitious women stuck in right now.
00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:56.959
Number one, heavy metal.
00:06:57.120 --> 00:07:06.000
For when burnout is so deep you don't even know what to do, these six episodes will not only show you through and out, but they will make you feel like you again.
00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:12.480
Classic Rock is the second one for when you've achieved everything you said you wanted and somehow feel more lost than ever.
00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:17.600
These six episodes will help you find your way back to yourself without burning everything down in the process.
00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:20.959
And finally, playlist number three, punk rock.
00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:33.439
For when you are so done shrinking and so ready to go as hard as you actually want to go and crush all of your dreams and goals, these six episodes will give you full permission and the tools to back it up.
00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:34.480
Here's the best part.
00:07:34.560 --> 00:07:36.399
It's totally free and it's waiting for you.
00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:38.240
The link is in the show notes.
00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:41.920
And I've been talking about it a ton, even though I haven't actively started it.
00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:43.519
Although I would say that I have started it.
00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:44.800
It just isn't public, right?
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:46.560
Like I've actively started it.
00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:48.720
I'm taking massive action behind the scenes.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:51.839
I am being so bold and so vulnerable in everything that I say.
00:07:52.000 --> 00:08:00.000
And I feel like there was a season there for a little bit where it's not that I wasn't all in per se, but it wasn't the energy of it.
00:08:00.160 --> 00:08:00.800
And that's okay.
00:08:00.879 --> 00:08:02.079
We're allowed to have slower seasons.
00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:05.680
And maybe you're listening to this and you're like, what I want more of right now is to go to fucking bed.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:07.439
What I want more of whatever.
00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:09.279
You know, you want to slow down, you want to do less.
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:09.759
Great.
00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:14.399
I will tell you, this might become a podcast that's not so applicable to you.
00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:15.040
And that's okay.
00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:15.839
We could take a break.
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:18.800
We could be on a break because I'm all fucking in.
00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:26.639
So if you're all in, then this is the podcast for you where we just stop making fucking excuses for anything and everything possible.
00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:28.240
We are all in.
00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:29.920
I want more money right now.
00:08:30.160 --> 00:08:32.159
I want more laughter right now.
00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:34.080
I want more impact.
00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:45.679
I have some really epic, extraordinary ideas that are coming to life in just the next couple of weeks because I am so sure of what I can bring to the table.
00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:51.600
And again, being across the table from somebody who's really witnessing me helped a ton.
00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:57.600
Her ability to go, holy shit, why are you not preaching this from the rooftops?
00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:00.559
Why are you not enough to go, you're fucking right.
00:09:00.960 --> 00:09:02.080
So maybe you want more of that.
00:09:02.159 --> 00:09:10.879
Maybe you want more companionship and connection and being around people who don't just see you but a risk taking with you, who are jumping into the fire with you.
00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:12.720
That's kind of where I'm at.
00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:20.240
And on that same note, we had a really lovely conversation around jealousy, what we're jealous of.
00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:28.799
And I think that jealousy ultimately is always a lovely window into what it is that we really want.
00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:33.519
We know this to be true, but how often do you have the kind of conversations where you're really talking about it out loud?
00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:36.879
Whether it's like I'm jealous of women who look like this.
00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:42.000
And I'm not here to shame you, obviously, shamelessly ambitious.
00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:49.440
However, we really do need to look at the triggers that we have and what they mean about us and how they are actually mirrors.
00:09:49.679 --> 00:10:05.919
And Dealy and I did a really beautiful job at getting really uncomfortable with ourselves and really looking at like where in our lives are there areas where we feel less than, where we feel envious, where we want more and aren't saying, whatever the case may be.
00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:10.399
And oof, yeah, I'm jealous.
00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:26.799
It's really funny because I was completely off social media and Jesse Jean's Yap Challenge came on, and I was off social media, and I actually discovered it because I had a handful of clients who were having a real serious response to it and needing a lot of therapeutic intervention.
00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:28.480
And that's how I learned about it.
00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:30.960
And then I went and saw, and I've always followed Jesse Jean.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:33.840
I've known her many, many iterations of her business ago.
00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:36.399
She actually lives in Colorado, so I've met her in person.
00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:39.200
And so when I figured out it was her, I was like, oh my gosh.
00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:40.960
And then I followed it for a minute.
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:48.240
And I realized that a little seed was planted where I felt very, what do I want to say?
00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:50.080
Like grounded in it.
00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:51.840
Obviously, I'm like supporting these clients.
00:10:51.919 --> 00:10:53.519
I'm not on social media at the time.
00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:57.519
They're having a hard time kind of digesting what it means for them and what they need to do.
00:10:57.679 --> 00:11:00.720
I mean, some people are being inspired and some people are being triggered, right?
00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:16.080
And I didn't have much of a response until Vidili and I were talking and I was like, I don't necessarily want that, but it reminded me of a version of me that wanted just massive blow your fucking socks off success.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:21.200
And I think there's a part of me that dimmed that over the past couple of years.
00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:23.440
And I think that that was necessary.
00:11:23.600 --> 00:11:29.519
And not entirely so, obviously, but parts of it were necessary and what was needed from me and my family.
00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:31.039
And that's great.
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:32.720
But I'm a little jealous of it now.
00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:38.799
I'm a little jealous of the like, like I said, the go all in, the like, I'm just gonna show up every single day.
00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:45.440
And a lot of these women that are having extraordinary results didn't know they were gonna have extraordinary results.
00:11:45.919 --> 00:12:02.879
They just showed up and and they didn't have some, yes, I think I will say, I do believe that there is some luck and some timing that plays a role, but that doesn't mean that there's not luck and timing available to you because their luck and their timing needed a third ingredient, and that was consistency, and maybe even a fourth, and that was resiliency.
00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:06.240
But I'm a little jealous, right?
00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:09.840
I'm a little jealous of people who get to fly first class.
00:12:10.320 --> 00:12:11.759
I just can't wrap my head around it.
00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:12.960
Could I technically afford it?
00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:13.440
Yes.
00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:15.120
I just cannot.
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:24.159
And I have a past client whose husband does points and stuff, and I can't tell you how many times I have tried to look into and figure out how to really maximize my points.
00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:28.399
Granted, I flew here and I'm flying back entirely on points.
00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:35.679
So I use them and I'm decent at them, but I've never gotten to the point where I'm like, oh yeah, I can definitely use all these points inside first class.
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:40.879
That looks nice, especially when you are sleeping, sitting up.
00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:43.200
That was so shitty.
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:44.960
What else am I jealous of?
00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:48.399
I'm jealous sometimes of people who are naturally thin.
00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:50.159
I feel like I have to work really hard.
00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:53.679
I kind of make a joke, and this sometimes our jokes are really just to stabilize us.
00:12:53.759 --> 00:12:55.919
That is, I work really hard to be mid.
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:03.039
And what I mean by that is that I feel like if I like I've stopped working out the past couple of days and I I know I've gained weight.
00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:04.240
I've know I've gained weight.
00:13:04.399 --> 00:13:07.440
I feel softer, and that's okay.
00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:08.399
I'm okay with it.
00:13:08.559 --> 00:13:11.519
I just I don't love that that's how my body operates.
00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:16.080
I feel like I will continuously always have to work really, really, really hard.
00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:21.360
If I'm not tracking everything into my body and working out consistently, I gain weight.
00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:22.240
And that's shitty.
00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:27.360
And I'm jealous of people who are just so naturally slender and athletically built, even if they don't work out.
00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:28.720
I mean, have you met them?
00:13:29.840 --> 00:13:32.960
You're one of them, and kudos to you if your body just looks really fit.
00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.519
I have so many friends who are like, oh, I mean, I work out sometimes and they are so jacked.
00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:39.600
And I'm like, okay, that's fine.
00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:41.200
I work out seven days a week.
00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:42.559
It's no big deal.
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.600
Yeah, those are my jealousies right now.
00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:52.320
Another thing we talked about was this idea of what do I want people to say about me when I'm not in the room?
00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:56.480
And honestly, this brought up a lot for me that I was glad we talked about.
00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:00.480
There is this, the story will make sense.
00:14:00.639 --> 00:14:08.960
There is this, it's like a jam consistency, and you put it on, you put it on toast, and it's called marmite, and it's English.
00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:11.679
And my friend is is British, Delia is British.
00:14:12.720 --> 00:14:15.360
And she was like, You have to try it.
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:18.240
It is known as this thing that either people love it or hate it.
00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:21.519
Kind of like, oh fuck, what is it called?
00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:27.440
Oh my god, it's that herb that tastes like soap or it doesn't taste like soap.
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:33.200
Some people love it, and they're like, oh my god, I can see it, I can smell it, I can taste it.
00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:37.440
And my periomenopausal brain is like, fuck you, you don't get to know what it is.
00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:38.879
Oh my god.
00:14:39.519 --> 00:14:41.519
Anyways, hopefully you know what I'm talking about.
00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:42.480
I'm gonna die.
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:55.759
I feel like I you're gonna actively hear me look up the herb that tastes like so because I can't leave you hanging here.
00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:56.879
I just I really can't.
00:14:57.039 --> 00:14:57.840
Let's see.
00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:01.039
Come on.
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:02.159
Think harder.
00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:03.360
I have really bad Wi-Fi here.
00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:06.320
Cilantro! Okay, cilantro.
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:08.159
Similar to cilantro, okay.
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:09.600
I love cilantro, by the way.
00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:10.480
I think it tastes delicious.
00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:17.120
So I'm like, ooh, and I really, I did not realize until after I tasted it, but I was so dedicated to loving it because my friend loves it.
00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:18.879
And she's like, I love it, everybody hates it, I love it.
00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:20.240
And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna love it too.
00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:21.360
I just know it.
00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:23.120
I didn't love it.
00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:24.879
I didn't love it at all.
00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:26.720
It's the grossest thing I've ever had in my life.
00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:28.480
I hate marmite, okay?
00:15:28.639 --> 00:15:34.000
But we were talking about it because I've always felt like I am a love or hate kind of person.
00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:41.120
People meet me, and I have a lot of evidence to this, so I'm not making it up, where they either love me and not a little love me.
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.360
Like people love me, and that sounds really cocky.
00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:49.600
I don't mean for it too, but they just really are like, holy shit, this person is awesome and I love her and I want more of her.
00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:52.080
Or quite the fucking opposite.
00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:53.360
They cannot stand me.
00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:56.639
And they couldn't even pinpoint why they cannot stand me.
00:15:57.120 --> 00:16:03.840
And most of the time, they'll even try to be able to stand me because they can see other people who really, really like me, and they just can't.
00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:08.559
And honestly, I have a lot of shame around this because I hate the idea of not being liked.
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:15.440
And it's a funny world because I'm also clearly not the kind of person who behaves as though I hate not being liked, but it's true.
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:17.039
And it's very, very true.
00:16:17.279 --> 00:16:18.720
And I don't want to behave like that.
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:19.440
And so I don't.
00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:22.240
I do share my beliefs loud and proud.
00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.000
I act exactly as I am.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.399
I feel like I can say this with confidence.
00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.399
If you have not met me in person, if you did meet me in person, I'm exactly who you think I am.
00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:35.120
I also wonder if still, even if you listen to my podcast forever and ever, that there's a possibility they hate me.
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:40.720
But I also am kind of convinced that those who tune in my podcast already know that they don't like me and then they never listen again.
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:43.759
And so if you're listening, I think you might kind of like me, which is awesome.
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:50.000
And I haven't taken my ADHD meds today.
00:16:50.320 --> 00:17:04.720
But what I wish that people said was that I had a big heart and it was clear that I would do just about anything for the people that I love, that loyalty is one of my greatest strengths.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.559
I feel that that is true.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.240
I wonder if people would say that.
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:15.119
I want my friends to know that I'm the kind of friend that would drop anything and travel all the way around the world if they really needed me.
00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:18.000
I want people to talk about the way that I'm mom.
00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:28.160
I want them to have witnessed me as a mother and think, holy shit, she's really good at this because it's something I work really hard at and I really care about.
00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:37.359
I wish that people would talk about how inspiring I am, that I inspire them to be bigger and go bolder and never give up.
00:17:37.519 --> 00:17:47.839
And that's a hope I've always had a wish, a dream, a desire is to be the kind of person that helps people be themselves and never shy away from an opportunity that can change their lives.
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.839
That's what I want people to say.
00:17:50.240 --> 00:17:53.759
And on that note, those are all the that was like kind of a humble brag.
00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:57.200
Now I'm feeling embarrassed because it was kind of a humble brag.
00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:01.680
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave you with this question because remember, I want you to answer these questions about yourself as well.
00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:05.119
What's something that you teach that you're currently terrible at?
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:07.359
I just told you all the things that I'm so good at.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:09.599
So let me tell you the things to really suck at.
00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:20.240
And one of those things is I am extraordinary at teaching women how to get out of burnout and how to manage their emotions in a way that allows them to manage their time and alter their behaviors.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:21.039
Excellent.
00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:22.640
I'm fucking excellent at it.
00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:23.119
Okay.
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.519
I'm not great at it as a person.
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.279
Yeah.
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:33.279
I feel like I've been in and out of burnout my entire fucking existence, and it's so irritating.
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:35.359
So deeply, deeply fucking irritating.
00:18:35.440 --> 00:18:36.480
But here we are.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:51.920
And I think that has to do with a lot of my diagnoses, my ADHD, my touch of autism, my ambition and compulsion and desire to be the greatest at everything.
00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:53.680
And I struggle sometimes.
00:18:54.000 --> 00:19:00.799
And then I have moments of deep, deep, deep imposter syndrome around like I shouldn't be exhausted again or I should be better at this.
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:01.920
And I think we all that.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:02.960
We are all that.
00:19:03.039 --> 00:19:03.680
We all have that.
00:19:03.759 --> 00:19:04.880
You know what I mean?
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:13.039
I often tell myself and tell my clients and tell you right now that the magic we need the most is traditionally the magic that we give out in spades.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:14.640
And I have to remember that a lot.
00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:30.720
That like the reason why I am so deeply good at the things that I do is because I'm constantly reliving the hardship of them in my day-to-day life, which makes me and allows me to be wildly empathetic and also on my game in terms of how to mentor it.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:39.839
Because if I nailed it in the first go, I mean, honestly, what what on God screen earth would make me an expert at it?
00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.440
It just doesn't make sense to me.
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:44.880
Similarly, with like structures and systems, I do think I'm an expert at this.
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.680
And it's because I'm constantly revising mine and auditing mine.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:50.000
That's not necessarily one that I think I'm bad at.
00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:52.480
I think I'm exceptional at that all the time.
00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.920
But I feel like I'm constantly changing it.
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.559
And so I don't know if that makes me good or terrible.
00:19:58.640 --> 00:19:59.599
I'm not really sure.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:01.519
What else am I terrible at?
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:11.200
I mean, I've had seasons, not right now, but I've definitely had seasons where obviously I am here to to therapise and to support people in their relationships.
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:15.599
And I've been a bad wife and struggled to be a good wife or a good mom.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:16.960
Less so, I'll be honest.
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:20.640
Motherhood feels a little bit more natural to me than basically anything else in the world.
00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:24.720
And still challenging, mind you, just a little bit more natural.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.440
So, anyway, I don't know what this is.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:32.799
It's an unedited version of me a little bit, a reminder to get to know yourself a little bit more.
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:37.680
A fucking go for it pep talk, my friend.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.799
Whatever it is, go for it.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.000
And I'm here, I'm tearing you on, and I hate to turn it on.
