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I'm your host, Ash McDonald, the only therapist who speaks fluent entrepreneur.
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Welcome to Shamelessly Ambitious.
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Hello, my friend, and welcome back to Shamelessly Ambitious.
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Last episode, I kind of bared it all, got very, very raw with you, and ultimately ended with this idea that I don't need to have my whole life figured out, but I do need to start fucking moving again.
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And as I've sat with that, I wanted to kind of follow up and come back and talk about what does moving actually require?
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And ultimately, I think that this begins and ends with a challenge, right?
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Challenging you, challenging me to, you know, to move.
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I guess is the easiest way to put it.
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But like something that we've all probably participated in over the years is getting really, really good at giving sophisticated and psychological explanations for why we don't do shit.
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Right.
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And so as I was thinking of like, well, how do I get moving?
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How do I get into action?
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The thought also came this idea of like, well, some things I just don't want to fucking do, which brought me to this realization.
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And I kind of knew this, but it was important to have these reflections to get here.
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That like, I think that too often we are asking questions like, is this aligned or does this feel expansive?
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Or is it my nervous system that's saying no?
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And is this a trauma response?
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Am I forcing something?
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You know, does this honor my capacity?
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Do I need rest?
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And I think sometimes we're allowed to just say, I just don't fucking want to do it.
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And not wanting to do something is also information.
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But it's not necessarily instruction, I guess you can say.
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Now, I've been talking a lot about mixtape, which is my new offering, something I've been so freaking excited to build and bring to you.
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And it releases to the public on September 21st.
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So it's coming soon.
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I'm so excited.
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Actually, it releases on my daughter's birthday because I feel like I always have a date in mind and then I'll forget it as I'm talking about it.
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And this just makes it so, so easy to remember.
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So my daughter turns eight on the 21st of September.
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Also, doors open to mixtape.
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You've also heard me talk about that this is only going to be open to waitless people.
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So the only way to ever learn anything about it, or I guess not learn things because I'm talking about it today, but to get in is to be on the wait list.
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So that'll be in the show notes.
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Join if you want to.
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But mixtape is fundamentally about understanding the psychology behind your patterns so you can stop letting them run your business.
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I think that the point of self-awareness isn't to create this like increasingly elaborate explanation for why we're not taking action.
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It's really just to give yourself more choice.
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Right.
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Because at the end of the day, yes, capacity matters and values matter, and burnout matters, and trauma matters, and the way we are building businesses in general.
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It really does matter.
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And and underline exclamation point, capital bold, all the things.
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Somewhere along the way, we have started treating discomfort as evidence that something is wrong.
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Myself included.
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My hand is raised.
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I am vulnerably selling, selling you, sharing with you, telling you, all those things combined, that I too have allowed discomfort to be proof that like something is wrong.
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Right.
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And there, I think there is this really, really fine line between the kind of discomfort that is a message and the kind of discomfort that is an invitation.
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I guess I'll say that.
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Like maybe, maybe you sit down to write, let's say a sales email, for instance, and your body feels that resistance.
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And maybe that's because selling is really vulnerable, not because this is the wrong time to sell that or email isn't the right platform to do it.
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Right.
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Maybe, yeah, it's just uncomfortable.
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And we need to like meet that where it's at.
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Maybe visibility, I talked a lot about this on the last episode, and I am plugging this last episode a few times.
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So if you haven't listened to it, I do suggest going back and listening to episode 205.
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But maybe visibility is feeling really exhausting because exposing yourself to judgment and ridicule and those kind of things is very uncomfortable, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't do it, whether that be on social media or in person, like I have done.
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And also, like in the same note, obviously I'm recognizing, okay, I've really pushed myself and pushed myself and pushed myself here.
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And I'm kind of tired of it.
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So I want to change gears for a little bit.
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Kind of going back to what I said in the last episode of going all in really does matter to me, right?
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Maybe pitching yourself.
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Oof, I feel like this one's always something that's on my to-do list.
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And I am unfortunately not doing it as much as I think I should.
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But maybe pitching yourself makes you want to crawl out of your skin because rejection freaking sucks.
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But that doesn't mean it's intuition that you shouldn't be pitching yourself.
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The same can be said about our personal life.
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Maybe the workout feels hard, but maybe because working out is fucking hard and that's just how you get results.
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So maybe having that conversation with your partner feels terrible, but that's because difficult conversations feel terrible.
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And fuck, yeah, launching mixtape feels really vulnerable because I really, really, really want it to work.
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And so I kind of through reflection got to this point of like, well, when when does, or when did rather this doesn't feel good in quotations become I shouldn't do this?
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Right?
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Because being and feeling fully alive, which is like my mantra, I have alive tattooed on my hand.
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I also have the word enough.
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So I have both alive and enough, tattooed on my freaking hand.
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Feeling and being fully alive does require willingly experiencing shit that does not feel good.
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And it kind of feels like an oxymoron, if that is the right definition of that word, I think it is.
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But for a second, I just caught myself like, does oxymoron fit here?
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But like, let's think about it, right?
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We've all heard that idea that like love comes with grief.
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Of course it does.
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And ambition comes with disappointment, and visibility comes with judgment.
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And having a business requires selling.
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We don't always love that.
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I know we don't always love that.
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Relationships, conflict, parenting, guilt, shame, questioning.
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Trying anything comes with the possibility of failing.
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And ultimately, we don't get to selectively remove discomfort without also potentially removing some of the aliveness or success that we're so desperately after in the first place.
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And I kind of had this like aha moment after recording the last episode of like, wait, where did I just get so comfortable thinking, like, oh, this isn't right or that doesn't feel good?
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I think that once we decide what we want, right?
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So there is the piece that certainty that I was talking about in the last episode, there is the piece of figuring out what do you really want?
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I think what comes next is what does that choice require us to be willing to do?
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Not necessarily always just what feels aligned, but what does that choice, that thing that you want, require you to be willing to do?
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What is the thing I say I want require?
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And am I willing to go all in for it?
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I say I want a more successful business, but I know that that's going to require me to be putting, I would say easily when it comes to visibility, 70 to 80% of my time in visibility, regardless of which avenue I choose.
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I say I want more intentionality with my kids, but does my calendar reflect that?
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Like, am I actually scheduling that time?
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Which, yes, sometimes in a busy life, it is absolutely fucking required to schedule it.
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Right?
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Does your behavior match the thing that you want?
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Do you want to feel less bloated and feel good in your body?
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Are you eating the foods that you know create that for you?
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Or are you taking the easy way out?
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And yes, it is easy.
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It is easy.
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I'm not gonna say lazy because I think that's shame-inducing, but sometimes it is easy.
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We do choose ease sometimes.
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I know I do.
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In fact, I just got home from picking up my daughter from school and my son was sitting on the couch watching YouTube.
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And this is a no, no, no, no, no.
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We allow some YouTube watching with parents around, but it falls in the same category as video games.
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And during the school year, video games and YouTube are only allowed on the weekends.
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It's Monday through Friday, out.
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Don't even question.
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It's just it's been easier for our family to make a hard and fast rule that is not budgeable, if that makes sense.
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Anyway, I came home and my son was watching YouTube, and I'm like, what are you doing?
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You know?
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And he's like, Dad said I could.
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So of course, as soon as my husband came out of his office, I was like, bruh, bruh, we have a hard and fast rule.
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What are we doing?
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He was like, Well, he said he just wanted to watch football replays.
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And I said, Yes, but that's where things get sticky.
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Because yes, a lot of the things my kids want to watch aren't inherently bad, but then they'll go down rabbit holes.
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And I think YouTube is inherently not a great place for kids, to be honest with you.
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So ultimately, I'm like, yeah, I get that sure, that's innocent enough.
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But the minute we start budging, it gets confusing.
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And then they're constantly asking.
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And the reason why we put these rules in place is because my husband and I decided we hate the asking, we hate the constant negotiation, we hate it.
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And so we had to get to the point of deciding what is what.
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And my husband blessed his heart, was like, you're right.
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I'm sorry, I took the easy way out.
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I was getting on a call and I just didn't want to argue.
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And I get that, but it doesn't align with our values.
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And so we have to do things differently.
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Am I actually doing the things that could produce the thing that I want, whatever that is?
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So I think it comes back to A, understand yourself, understand yourself, make time for awareness.
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B, recognize what's happening.
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But C, and very importantly, choose what you want to do anyway.
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We're allowed to feel discomfort, but maybe we should see discomfort as a really positive, affirming thing about what it is that we like and want and desire.
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I don't know.
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I think it's just fucking maybe this next season for me is about being uninlighted, uninlighted, unaligned.
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Maybe it's doing shit I don't want to do.
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And that was the conclusion I came to.
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At the end of the day, I think this next season, even though I feel really raw and confused and uncertain right now, I think what I do know, what I am certain about is it's gonna require a tenacious version of me that I think went to sleep a little bit here and there.
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Not in all areas of my life, but some.
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And I'm ready to bring her back.
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I wanted a cooler word.
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I was thinking of resurrect.
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That's the word, but it didn't come out naturally.
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So that's stupid.
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I want to resurrect that version of me.
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And I hope you will too.
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So this is a short sweetie, because you're a short sweetie.
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And I love that you're here, and I'm grateful for you.
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And hopefully you'll join the wait list for mixtape because I poured my whole heart and soul in there to really give you all of this.
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All of this goodness that you so deeply deserve.
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That you feel and experience, and it's not about perfection, but it sure is how it's about taking your power back.
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Good day, my friends.
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I'm your host, Ash McDonald, the only therapist who speaks fluent entrepreneur.
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Welcome to Shamelessly Ambitious.
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Hello, my friend, and welcome back to Shamelessly Ambitious.
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Last episode, I kind of bared it all, got very, very raw with you, and ultimately ended with this idea that I don't need to have my whole life figured out, but I do need to start fucking moving again.
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And as I've sat with that, I wanted to kind of follow up and come back and talk about what does moving actually require?
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And ultimately, I think that this begins and ends with a challenge, right?
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Challenging you, challenging me to, you know, to move.
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I guess is the easiest way to put it.
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But like something that we've all probably participated in over the years is getting really, really good at giving sophisticated and psychological explanations for why we don't do shit.
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Right.
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And so as I was thinking of like, well, how do I get moving?
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How do I get into action?
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The thought also came this idea of like, well, some things I just don't want to fucking do, which brought me to this realization.
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And I kind of knew this, but it was important to have these reflections to get here.
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That like, I think that too often we are asking questions like, is this aligned or does this feel expansive?
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Or is it my nervous system that's saying no?
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And is this a trauma response?
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Am I forcing something?
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You know, does this honor my capacity?
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Do I need rest?
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And I think sometimes we're allowed to just say, I just don't fucking want to do it.
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And not wanting to do something is also information.
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But it's not necessarily instruction, I guess you can say.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:57.359
Now, I've been talking a lot about mixtape, which is my new offering, something I've been so freaking excited to build and bring to you.
00:01:57.439 --> 00:02:00.159
And it releases to the public on September 21st.
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So it's coming soon.
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I'm so excited.
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Actually, it releases on my daughter's birthday because I feel like I always have a date in mind and then I'll forget it as I'm talking about it.
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And this just makes it so, so easy to remember.
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So my daughter turns eight on the 21st of September.
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Also, doors open to mixtape.
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:16.400
You've also heard me talk about that this is only going to be open to waitless people.
00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:23.520
So the only way to ever learn anything about it, or I guess not learn things because I'm talking about it today, but to get in is to be on the wait list.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:24.719
So that'll be in the show notes.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:25.759
Join if you want to.
00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:35.680
But mixtape is fundamentally about understanding the psychology behind your patterns so you can stop letting them run your business.
00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:46.319
I think that the point of self-awareness isn't to create this like increasingly elaborate explanation for why we're not taking action.
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:50.080
It's really just to give yourself more choice.
00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:50.719
Right.
00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:58.560
Because at the end of the day, yes, capacity matters and values matter, and burnout matters, and trauma matters, and the way we are building businesses in general.
00:02:58.639 --> 00:02:59.840
It really does matter.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:05.280
And and underline exclamation point, capital bold, all the things.
00:03:05.439 --> 00:03:11.759
Somewhere along the way, we have started treating discomfort as evidence that something is wrong.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:12.719
Myself included.
00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:13.759
My hand is raised.
00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:24.719
I am vulnerably selling, selling you, sharing with you, telling you, all those things combined, that I too have allowed discomfort to be proof that like something is wrong.
00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:25.120
Right.
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:32.240
And there, I think there is this really, really fine line between the kind of discomfort that is a message and the kind of discomfort that is an invitation.
00:03:32.479 --> 00:03:33.599
I guess I'll say that.
00:03:33.759 --> 00:03:41.039
Like maybe, maybe you sit down to write, let's say a sales email, for instance, and your body feels that resistance.
00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:50.560
And maybe that's because selling is really vulnerable, not because this is the wrong time to sell that or email isn't the right platform to do it.
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Right.
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Maybe, yeah, it's just uncomfortable.
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And we need to like meet that where it's at.
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Maybe visibility, I talked a lot about this on the last episode, and I am plugging this last episode a few times.
00:03:59.919 --> 00:04:03.360
So if you haven't listened to it, I do suggest going back and listening to episode 205.
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:20.000
But maybe visibility is feeling really exhausting because exposing yourself to judgment and ridicule and those kind of things is very uncomfortable, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't do it, whether that be on social media or in person, like I have done.
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And also, like in the same note, obviously I'm recognizing, okay, I've really pushed myself and pushed myself and pushed myself here.
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And I'm kind of tired of it.
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So I want to change gears for a little bit.
00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:35.199
Kind of going back to what I said in the last episode of going all in really does matter to me, right?
00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:37.279
Maybe pitching yourself.
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Oof, I feel like this one's always something that's on my to-do list.
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And I am unfortunately not doing it as much as I think I should.
00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:49.279
But maybe pitching yourself makes you want to crawl out of your skin because rejection freaking sucks.
00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:52.800
But that doesn't mean it's intuition that you shouldn't be pitching yourself.
00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:54.720
The same can be said about our personal life.
00:04:54.800 --> 00:05:00.000
Maybe the workout feels hard, but maybe because working out is fucking hard and that's just how you get results.
00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:06.240
So maybe having that conversation with your partner feels terrible, but that's because difficult conversations feel terrible.
00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:14.560
And fuck, yeah, launching mixtape feels really vulnerable because I really, really, really want it to work.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:26.480
And so I kind of through reflection got to this point of like, well, when when does, or when did rather this doesn't feel good in quotations become I shouldn't do this?
00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:28.240
Right?
00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:36.959
Because being and feeling fully alive, which is like my mantra, I have alive tattooed on my hand.
00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:38.399
I also have the word enough.
00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:42.160
So I have both alive and enough, tattooed on my freaking hand.
00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:50.720
Feeling and being fully alive does require willingly experiencing shit that does not feel good.
00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:57.040
And it kind of feels like an oxymoron, if that is the right definition of that word, I think it is.
00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:00.399
But for a second, I just caught myself like, does oxymoron fit here?
00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:02.480
But like, let's think about it, right?
00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:05.120
We've all heard that idea that like love comes with grief.
00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:06.639
Of course it does.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:11.600
And ambition comes with disappointment, and visibility comes with judgment.
00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:14.480
And having a business requires selling.
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We don't always love that.
00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:16.959
I know we don't always love that.
00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:22.480
Relationships, conflict, parenting, guilt, shame, questioning.
00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:26.560
Trying anything comes with the possibility of failing.
00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:38.399
And ultimately, we don't get to selectively remove discomfort without also potentially removing some of the aliveness or success that we're so desperately after in the first place.
00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:49.519
And I kind of had this like aha moment after recording the last episode of like, wait, where did I just get so comfortable thinking, like, oh, this isn't right or that doesn't feel good?
00:06:50.399 --> 00:06:54.560
I think that once we decide what we want, right?
00:06:54.639 --> 00:07:00.240
So there is the piece that certainty that I was talking about in the last episode, there is the piece of figuring out what do you really want?
00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:04.959
I think what comes next is what does that choice require us to be willing to do?
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:15.279
Not necessarily always just what feels aligned, but what does that choice, that thing that you want, require you to be willing to do?
00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:19.519
What is the thing I say I want require?
00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:22.800
And am I willing to go all in for it?
00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:39.439
I say I want a more successful business, but I know that that's going to require me to be putting, I would say easily when it comes to visibility, 70 to 80% of my time in visibility, regardless of which avenue I choose.
00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:44.800
I say I want more intentionality with my kids, but does my calendar reflect that?
00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:46.720
Like, am I actually scheduling that time?
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Which, yes, sometimes in a busy life, it is absolutely fucking required to schedule it.
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:52.959
Right?
00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:55.839
Does your behavior match the thing that you want?
00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.199
Do you want to feel less bloated and feel good in your body?
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Are you eating the foods that you know create that for you?
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Or are you taking the easy way out?
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And yes, it is easy.
00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:06.399
It is easy.
00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:10.000
I'm not gonna say lazy because I think that's shame-inducing, but sometimes it is easy.
00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:11.519
We do choose ease sometimes.
00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:12.079
I know I do.
00:08:12.240 --> 00:08:17.600
In fact, I just got home from picking up my daughter from school and my son was sitting on the couch watching YouTube.
00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:19.519
And this is a no, no, no, no, no.
00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:25.199
We allow some YouTube watching with parents around, but it falls in the same category as video games.
00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:29.279
And during the school year, video games and YouTube are only allowed on the weekends.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:30.800
It's Monday through Friday, out.
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Don't even question.
00:08:31.839 --> 00:08:37.039
It's just it's been easier for our family to make a hard and fast rule that is not budgeable, if that makes sense.
00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:41.600
Anyway, I came home and my son was watching YouTube, and I'm like, what are you doing?
00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:42.080
You know?
00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:44.320
And he's like, Dad said I could.
00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:52.000
So of course, as soon as my husband came out of his office, I was like, bruh, bruh, we have a hard and fast rule.
00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:52.720
What are we doing?
00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:55.519
He was like, Well, he said he just wanted to watch football replays.
00:08:55.600 --> 00:08:58.559
And I said, Yes, but that's where things get sticky.
00:08:58.639 --> 00:09:02.720
Because yes, a lot of the things my kids want to watch aren't inherently bad, but then they'll go down rabbit holes.
00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:05.600
And I think YouTube is inherently not a great place for kids, to be honest with you.
00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:09.759
So ultimately, I'm like, yeah, I get that sure, that's innocent enough.
00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:11.840
But the minute we start budging, it gets confusing.
00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:13.200
And then they're constantly asking.
00:09:13.279 --> 00:09:20.639
And the reason why we put these rules in place is because my husband and I decided we hate the asking, we hate the constant negotiation, we hate it.
00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:24.960
And so we had to get to the point of deciding what is what.
00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:27.440
And my husband blessed his heart, was like, you're right.
00:09:27.519 --> 00:09:28.799
I'm sorry, I took the easy way out.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:30.879
I was getting on a call and I just didn't want to argue.
00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:34.240
And I get that, but it doesn't align with our values.
00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:36.720
And so we have to do things differently.
00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:41.759
Am I actually doing the things that could produce the thing that I want, whatever that is?
00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:46.879
So I think it comes back to A, understand yourself, understand yourself, make time for awareness.
00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:48.960
B, recognize what's happening.
00:09:49.039 --> 00:09:52.080
But C, and very importantly, choose what you want to do anyway.
00:09:52.320 --> 00:10:03.360
We're allowed to feel discomfort, but maybe we should see discomfort as a really positive, affirming thing about what it is that we like and want and desire.
00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:04.480
I don't know.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:12.320
I think it's just fucking maybe this next season for me is about being uninlighted, uninlighted, unaligned.
00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:15.519
Maybe it's doing shit I don't want to do.
00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.759
And that was the conclusion I came to.
00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:34.960
At the end of the day, I think this next season, even though I feel really raw and confused and uncertain right now, I think what I do know, what I am certain about is it's gonna require a tenacious version of me that I think went to sleep a little bit here and there.
00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.120
Not in all areas of my life, but some.
00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:41.279
And I'm ready to bring her back.
00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:42.799
I wanted a cooler word.
00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:44.320
I was thinking of resurrect.
00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:46.080
That's the word, but it didn't come out naturally.
00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:47.519
So that's stupid.
00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:49.519
I want to resurrect that version of me.
00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:50.480
And I hope you will too.
00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:54.320
So this is a short sweetie, because you're a short sweetie.
00:10:55.279 --> 00:10:57.679
And I love that you're here, and I'm grateful for you.
00:10:57.759 --> 00:11:05.200
And hopefully you'll join the wait list for mixtape because I poured my whole heart and soul in there to really give you all of this.
00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:08.080
All of this goodness that you so deeply deserve.
00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:14.240
That you feel and experience, and it's not about perfection, but it sure is how it's about taking your power back.
00:11:14.559 --> 00:11:16.240
Good day, my friends.
