TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:13.119
Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast.
00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:15.359
I'm your neurodiverse host, Dr.
00:00:15.439 --> 00:00:24.559
Olivia Kessel, and more importantly, I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, Alexandra, who really inspired this podcast.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:40.880
As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system, I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks.
00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:49.679
Each week on this podcast, I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade.
00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:51.039
It's 2 a.m.
00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:59.039
You're scrolling again, desperately searching for someone who actually understands what it's like to raise a child with ADHD.
00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:05.200
School doesn't get it, friends just say be stricter, even family tells you she'll grow out of it.
00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:11.760
But you know this is different, and you're so tired of fighting this battle completely alone.
00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:13.680
I'm Dr.
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:27.840
Olivia, and as both a medical doctor and a mom of a neurodiverse child, I've built what I desperately needed: the ADHD Warrior Mom Recharge Station, a place where you're finally understood.
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:41.920
You'll get weekly group coaching when you need support and strategies to use, monthly master classes where you ask the experts your questions, actual self-care strategies that you can implement.
00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:46.959
And most importantly, a community of mothers who completely get it.
00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:53.359
Right now, I'm opening for just 50 founding members at 29 pounds a month for life.
00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:55.599
That's 50% off forever.
00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:58.560
Once these spots are filled, this price will disappear.
00:01:59.359 --> 00:02:01.040
Stop fighting this alone.
00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:12.479
You can go to www.sendparenting.com backslash join, or just click on the link in the show notes.
00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:16.159
Hello and welcome back to the Send Parenting Podcast.
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:18.400
Today's episode is a little different.
00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:25.919
We're heading into the Easter holidays, and if I'm really honest with you, this can be one of the hardest times for many parents that I support.
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:31.039
Less structure, more demands, more time holding everything together.
00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:44.479
And this week in my group coaching, there was one theme that came up again and again: loneliness, that deep, quiet kind of loneliness where you're surrounded by people, but no one truly understands what your day looks like.
00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:54.240
So if you're heading into these holidays feeling a bit overwhelmed, overstretched, and feeling like
Load full transcript
it's all on your shoulders, then this episode is for you.
00:02:54.560 --> 00:02:57.680
So I want to start by saying something really clearly.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:01.199
Parenting a neurodiverse child can be relentless.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:04.240
And I do not say things like that lightly.
00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:14.719
It's not just parenting, it's the constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the managing of emotions, theirs and your own.
00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:25.120
It's the emails, the school battles, the appointments, the feeling that you're always one step behind or one step away from the next challenge.
00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:29.840
And what makes it even harder is that most people do not see it.
00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:36.159
They might see a snapshot, maybe a moment, a behavior, but they don't see the full picture.
00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:39.919
And so many of the moms I speak to say the same thing.
00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.560
I feel so alone in this.
00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:47.520
And here's the truth: you're not alone, but it certainly can feel that way.
00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:53.759
I know I felt very alone because the depth of what you're carrying is not visible to the outside world.
00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:56.800
I often think of it as an invisible load.
00:03:57.039 --> 00:04:00.800
You're holding so much, but no one can see the weight of it.
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:06.240
And over time, that takes its toll, not just physically, but emotionally.
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:10.159
And you start to question yourself Am I doing enough?
00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:11.759
Am I getting this wrong?
00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.919
Why does this feel so hard?
00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:17.279
And then there is the comparisons that we all make.
00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:24.959
Looking at other families, other children, and wondering why everything feels so much more complicated to you.
00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:32.399
But here's what I want to gently remind you: you're not parenting a typical child in a typical system.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:36.000
You're navigating a world that was not designed for your child.
00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:42.480
And that requires a completely different level of energy, awareness, and resilience.
00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:50.000
So as we go into these holidays, I do not want you to add more pressure to yourself.
00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:53.839
I do not want this to become, I need to get this right.
00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:57.199
I need to make this magical, I need to cope better.
00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:59.920
Because that is what so many of us do.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.959
Instead, I want to offer you a different goal.
00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:06.800
Not perfection, not control, but this.
00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:10.319
Do not lose yourself completely in it.
00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:11.600
That's the goal.
00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:17.120
Because when everything becomes about managing, fixing, holding, you disappear.
00:05:17.279 -->
00:05:18.720
And you matter too.
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:22.879
You're not just the regulator, the organizer, the advocate.
00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:25.759
You are a person within this.
00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:29.920
So let me give you something as simple to take into this week.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.319
Not a routine, not a strategy, just one anchor.
00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:40.000
One small moment each day where you come back to yourself.
00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:49.360
It might be a minute of breathing in the bathroom, or dare I say, run yourself a bubble bath and give yourself 15 minutes to yourself.
00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:59.519
Maybe getting up a bit earlier and having a quiet cup of tea before the house wakes up, stepping outside for a five or 10 minute walk by yourself, or longer if you can.
00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:04.160
It doesn't need to be big though to matter, because this is how we refill.
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:10.800
Not in grand gestures, not in spa weekends away, but in the small, consistent pauses.
00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:15.680
And if everything feels overwhelming, just come back to your breath.
00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:26.160
One really grounding breath work that I found really helpful is taking a deep breath in for six, holding it for four, letting it out for six.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:31.120
And if you repeat that three times, it activates your parasympathetic system.
00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:36.720
And remind yourself, this is hard and I'm still here doing it.
00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:45.040
And I want you to leave with this it's okay if part of you is looking forward to the holidays and part of you is dreading them.
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:47.600
Both can exist at the same time.
00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:57.680
You are allowed to feel tired, you're allowed to need support, you're allowed to not have all the answers, but you're also doing more than you give yourself credit for.
00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:02.240
Every single day, you are showing up, and that matters.
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:07.120
So as you go into this week, be gentle with yourself, even in the chaos.
00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:11.439
You still matter and you're not alone in this.
00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:18.399
No, it's not chocolates.
00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:24.800
It's a couple of moments to take for yourself a meditation that I've recorded.
00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:28.560
So if you're driving, please don't listen to this now.
00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:34.160
Um, but rather find a place where you can be quiet and by yourself.
00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:38.560
Um, either lock yourself in the bathroom or maybe lie down on your bed upstairs.
00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:40.399
It takes about seven minutes.
00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:49.839
Put in some earbuds, or you can just sit upright as well, with your feet flat on the ground, hands on your thighs, and listen to the meditation.
00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:55.040
I'm also going to include it in the show notes so that you can play it separately from this
podcast.
00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:56.399
I hope you enjoy it.
00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:04.480
It's a place for you to just reflect and be calm and have a space for yourself.
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:10.240
So find that quiet place and then listen to the following meditation.
00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:22.319
Close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or just soften your gaze.
00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:31.519
Let your shoulders drop, unclench your jaw, and allow your body to be supported by the chair beneath you.
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:40.799
I want you to take a slow deep breath in through your nose and a long breath out through your mouth.
00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:45.200
And I want you to do that again.
00:08:45.679 --> 00:09:01.759
Deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, and one more time in through your nose, out through your mouth.
00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:07.919
Now just begin to notice your breathing without changing it.
00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:13.360
Notice the rise of your chest, the fall of your shoulders.
00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:19.519
You don't need to do this perfectly, just being here is enough.
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.159
You are caring a lot.
00:09:25.679 --> 00:09:35.120
The constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the holding it all together.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.480
Parenting a neurodiverse child can feel relentless.
00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:48.799
And what makes it even harder is that so few people truly understand what your day looks like.
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:56.080
The decisions, the battles, the exhaustion that no one sees.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:03.759
So for just a moment, we're gonna put it down.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:10.159
Not fix it, not solve it, just put it down.
00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:22.159
Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, imagine placing everything you are carrying beside you.
00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:30.159
The school worries, the emails, the what ifs, the guilt.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:32.480
Just set it down.
00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:39.679
It will still be there later if you need it, but right now you don't have to hold it.
00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.799
Now imagine a place where you feel safe.
00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:51.840
It might be somewhere real or somewhere your mind creates.
00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:55.039
It could be by the sea.
00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:58.240
A quiet room.
00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:01.679
A calm space just for you.
00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.919
Notice what it feels like to be there.
00:11:06.879 --> 00:11:13.919
The sounds you hear, the temperature, the stillness.
00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:18.720
In this space, there are no demands.
00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:22.879
No one needs anything from you here.
00:11:24.639 --> 00:11:29.360
You are not needed, you are simply allowed to be.
00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:46.000
Not everything, just a little.
00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:54.320
Like your bucket of being gently refilled, one drop at a time.
00:12:55.759 --> 00:13:00.879
A breath, a moment, a pause like this.
00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:03.919
This is how we refill.
00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:11.759
And when you're ready, bring awareness back to your body.
00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:17.759
Notice your feet on the ground, your hands resting where they are.
00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:26.720
Take one deeper breath in and out through the mouth.
00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.840
Gently wiggle your fingers and your toes.
00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:45.600
And when you're ready, softly open your eyes and just notice what feels even slightly different.
00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:54.000
Take a moment and notice how you feel in your body right now.
00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:57.279
There's no right or wrong here.
00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:04.000
If you could describe how you feel now, in what word would that be?
00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:21.919
I hope that was one small moment that you've been able to take today, and one that you can repeat over the holiday season when you need just to get back to being yourself and to let yourself breathe.
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:26.240
You're doing better than you think you are, and thank you for showing up today.
00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:34.960
If this has been helpful for you, please pass on to any other parents or moms that you know might need a bit of calm in this holiday period.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:42.559
Also, please feel free to check out our membership community for ADHD Warrior Moms.
00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:46.320
They're not just ADHD, we have pretty much every neurodiversity in there.
00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:48.240
It's a place where we can support each other.
00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:53.360
I offer weekly group coaching, and um there's links in the show notes to that.
00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:59.600
I'll also put links to this meditation, so if you just want to listen to it on its own, you'll be able to do so.
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.919
Hope you have a nice holiday period ahead.
00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:06.080
And if you don't, that's okay too.
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:07.600
Take the good with the bad.
00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:08.799
See you next week.