EP 163: When Parenting Feels Relentless: Easter Survival for ADHD Mums

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Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast.
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I'm your neurodiverse host, Dr.
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Olivia Kessel, and more importantly, I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, Alexandra, who really inspired this podcast.
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As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system, I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks.
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Each week on this podcast, I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade.
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It's 2 a.m.
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You're scrolling again, desperately searching for someone who actually understands what it's like to raise a child with ADHD.
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School doesn't get it, friends just say be stricter, even family tells you she'll grow out of it.
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But you know this is different, and you're so tired of fighting this battle completely alone.
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I'm Dr.
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Olivia, and as both a medical doctor and a mom of a neurodiverse child, I've built what I desperately needed: the ADHD Warrior Mom Recharge Station, a place where you're finally understood.
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You'll get weekly group coaching when you need support and strategies to use, monthly master classes where you ask the experts your questions, actual self-care strategies that you can implement.
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And most importantly, a community of mothers who completely get it.
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Right now, I'm opening for just 50 founding members at 29 pounds a month for life.
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That's 50% off forever.
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Once these spots are filled, this price will disappear.
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Stop fighting this alone.
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You can go to www.sendparenting.com backslash join, or just click on the link in the show notes.
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Hello and welcome back to the Send Parenting Podcast.
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Today's episode is a little different.
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We're heading into the Easter holidays, and if I'm really honest with you, this can be one of the hardest times for many parents that I support.
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Less structure, more demands, more time holding everything together.
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And this week in my group coaching, there was one theme that came up again and again: loneliness, that deep, quiet kind of loneliness where you're surrounded by people, but no one truly understands what your day looks like.
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So if you're heading into these holidays feeling a bit overwhelmed, overstretched, and feeling like it's all on your shoulders, then this episode is for you.
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So I want to start by saying something really clearly.
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Parenting a neurodiverse child can be relentless.
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And I do not say things like that lightly.
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It's not just parenting, it's the constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the managing of emotions, theirs and your own.
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It's the emails, the school battles, the appointments, the feeling that you're always one step behind or one step away from the next challenge.
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And what makes it even harder is that most people do not see it.
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They might see a snapshot, maybe a moment, a behavior, but they don't see the full picture.
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And so many of the moms I speak to say the same thing.
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I feel so alone in this.
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And here's the truth: you're not alone, but it certainly can feel that way.
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I know I felt very alone because the depth of what you're carrying is not visible to the outside world.
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I often think of it as an invisible load.
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You're holding so much, but no one can see the weight of it.
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And over time, that takes its toll, not just physically, but emotionally.
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And you start to question yourself Am I doing enough?
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Am I getting this wrong?
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Why does this feel so hard?
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And then there is the comparisons that we all make.
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Looking at other families, other children, and wondering why everything feels so much more complicated to you.
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But here's what I want to gently remind you: you're not parenting a typical child in a typical system.
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You're navigating a world that was not designed for your child.
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And that requires a completely different level of energy, awareness, and resilience.
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So as we go into these holidays, I do not want you to add more pressure to yourself.
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I do not want this to become, I need to get this right.
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I need to make this magical, I need to cope better.
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Because that is what so many of us do.
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Instead, I want to offer you a different goal.
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Not perfection, not control, but this.
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Do not lose yourself completely in it.
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That's the goal.
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Because when everything becomes about managing, fixing, holding, you disappear.
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And you matter too.
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You're not just the regulator, the organizer, the advocate.
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You are a person within this.
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So let me give you something as simple to take into this week.
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Not a routine, not a strategy, just one anchor.
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One small moment each day where you come back to yourself.
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It might be a minute of breathing in the bathroom, or dare I say, run yourself a bubble bath and give yourself 15 minutes to yourself.
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Maybe getting up a bit earlier and having a quiet cup of tea before the house wakes up, stepping outside for a five or 10 minute walk by yourself, or longer if you can.
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It doesn't need to be big though to matter, because this is how we refill.
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Not in grand gestures, not in spa weekends away, but in the small, consistent pauses.
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And if everything feels overwhelming, just come back to your breath.
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One really grounding breath work that I found really helpful is taking a deep breath in for six, holding it for four, letting it out for six.
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And if you repeat that three times, it activates your parasympathetic system.
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And remind yourself, this is hard and I'm still here doing it.
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And I want you to leave with this it's okay if part of you is looking forward to the holidays and part of you is dreading them.
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Both can exist at the same time.
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You are allowed to feel tired, you're allowed to need support, you're allowed to not have all the answers, but you're also doing more than you give yourself credit for.
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Every single day, you are showing up, and that matters.
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So as you go into this week, be gentle with yourself, even in the chaos.
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You still matter and you're not alone in this.
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No, it's not chocolates.
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It's a couple of moments to take for yourself a meditation that I've recorded.
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So if you're driving, please don't listen to this now.
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Um, but rather find a place where you can be quiet and by yourself.
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Um, either lock yourself in the bathroom or maybe lie down on your bed upstairs.
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It takes about seven minutes.
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Put in some earbuds, or you can just sit upright as well, with your feet flat on the ground, hands on your thighs, and listen to the meditation.
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I'm also going to include it in the show notes so that you can play it separately from this podcast.
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I hope you enjoy it.
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It's a place for you to just reflect and be calm and have a space for yourself.
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So find that quiet place and then listen to the following meditation.
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Close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or just soften your gaze.
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Let your shoulders drop, unclench your jaw, and allow your body to be supported by the chair beneath you.
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I want you to take a slow deep breath in through your nose and a long breath out through your mouth.
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And I want you to do that again.
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Deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, and one more time in through your nose, out through your mouth.
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Now just begin to notice your breathing without changing it.
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Notice the rise of your chest, the fall of your shoulders.
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You don't need to do this perfectly, just being here is enough.
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You are caring a lot.
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The constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the holding it all together.
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Parenting a neurodiverse child can feel relentless.
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And what makes it even harder is that so few people truly understand what your day looks like.
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The decisions, the battles, the exhaustion that no one sees.
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So for just a moment, we're gonna put it down.
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Not fix it, not solve it, just put it down.
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Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, imagine placing everything you are carrying beside you.
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The school worries, the emails, the what ifs, the guilt.
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Just set it down.
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It will still be there later if you need it, but right now you don't have to hold it.
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Now imagine a place where you feel safe.
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It might be somewhere real or somewhere your mind creates.
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It could be by the sea.
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A quiet room.
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A calm space just for you.
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Notice what it feels like to be there.
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The sounds you hear, the temperature, the stillness.
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In this space, there are no demands.
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No one needs anything from you here.
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You are not needed, you are simply allowed to be.
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Not everything, just a little.
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Like your bucket of being gently refilled, one drop at a time.
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A breath, a moment, a pause like this.
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This is how we refill.
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And when you're ready, bring awareness back to your body.
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Notice your feet on the ground, your hands resting where they are.
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Take one deeper breath in and out through the mouth.
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Gently wiggle your fingers and your toes.
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And when you're ready, softly open your eyes and just notice what feels even slightly different.
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Take a moment and notice how you feel in your body right now.
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There's no right or wrong here.
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If you could describe how you feel now, in what word would that be?
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I hope that was one small moment that you've been able to take today, and one that you can repeat over the holiday season when you need just to get back to being yourself and to let yourself breathe.
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You're doing better than you think you are, and thank you for showing up today.
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If this has been helpful for you, please pass on to any other parents or moms that you know might need a bit of calm in this holiday period.
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Also, please feel free to check out our membership community for ADHD Warrior Moms.
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They're not just ADHD, we have pretty much every neurodiversity in there.
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It's a place where we can support each other.
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I offer weekly group coaching, and um there's links in the show notes to that.
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I'll also put links to this meditation, so if you just want to listen to it on its own, you'll be able to do so.
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Hope you have a nice holiday period ahead.
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And if you don't, that's okay too.
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Take the good with the bad.
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See you next week.