WEBVTT
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Hello everybody, welcome to Self -Help Show.
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This is Gina and I'm your host. Today we were
00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.640
supposed to have an amazing discussion with...
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Tom Rose. He is an author, speaker and a former
00:00:13.970 --> 00:00:16.730
cooking show personality. He's famously known
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for cooking together with Tom and Joyce. And
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this was original show on Fox for 13 years. So
00:00:22.789 --> 00:00:25.230
I know a lot of people would have really like
00:00:25.230 --> 00:00:28.370
looked forward to him. So because he wasn't able
00:00:28.370 --> 00:00:30.969
to connect, I'm going to carry on with today's
00:00:30.969 --> 00:00:33.189
episode just on my own. You know, my own episodes
00:00:33.189 --> 00:00:36.270
are very brief and straight to the point. Our
00:00:36.270 --> 00:00:40.670
discussion was going to be about grief. So from
00:00:40.670 --> 00:00:43.990
a personal experience, I have dealt with grief
00:00:43.990 --> 00:00:47.030
when I lost my mom. And I think on this podcast,
00:00:47.149 --> 00:00:50.149
I've spoken about grief several times. I think
00:00:50.149 --> 00:00:53.969
this is something that nobody applies for. It
00:00:53.969 --> 00:00:56.810
just happens to anyone. You can just wake up
00:00:56.810 --> 00:00:59.070
one day and somebody that you love the most is
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gone. So how do we deal with grief? I will share
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my own personal experiences, as you know. It's
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always about what I've gone through. And then
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I always invite experts to talk about, you know,
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what they have studied and what they have experienced
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in their lives as well. So for me, honestly,
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it was a difficult time. I think for the most
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part of it, I blamed myself. And I think this
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happens with majority of people, you know, especially
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if it is your lover or your sibling or your parents.
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It can be anyone. You tend to blame yourself
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for... what happened and then I kind of went
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on a spiral of just depression and anxiety and
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wondering why they left me. So if there's anybody
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who's going through grief right now listening
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to this, I just want you to know that it is not
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your fault. Life just happens the way life happens
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and we don't have control over it. We can have
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control over what we do. We can have control
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over what we eat, where we go, how we spend our
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time. But when that moment comes when, you know,
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it's death, nobody really can control it. From
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the trillionaires to the poorest of poor, no
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one can control that. I know this for certain,
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and I'm sure you also know this. So the best
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way to kind of move on and just understand that
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it happened just the way it did, then there really
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isn't anything else that would cause you pain.
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I think the first step is acceptance. If you
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just accept it, then you should be on a fast
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way to recovery. Then the second thing is just
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acknowledging that this person was, for example,
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my mom. She played a very big role in my life
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because she gave birth to me. And she was there
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for me in times where she could and in times
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where she couldn't. It's something that I also
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understood. However, I valued all the times we
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shared and it really like were some of my happiest
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memories. I remember the one time when she visited
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me, I was in high school. I was in boarding school.
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And I think at that time I had gone over a year
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plus without having anyone visit me. every term
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there's like a visitation day and I had gone
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for like maybe four terms without anyone visiting
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me and she just randomly visited and she brought
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me everything I've always wanted. I'll always
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remember that day. It was one of my happiest
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days. I was so happy to see her. I had not seen
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her I think in like maybe two years and But at
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that time, we didn't have phones, so you couldn't
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really call and say, oh, where are you? Come
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and visit me. It was a matter of you, maybe you
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see somebody else's parent and then when they
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go, you'll be like, please, when you go home,
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please, can you tell my parents or someone to
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come and visit me? That type of thing. So, yeah,
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I think one of my friends, one of my friend's
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parents visited the previous term. Visitation.
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And then she noticed that nobody visited me.
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And then I told her, please, like when you go
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back, can you tell like my parents or somebody
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to visit me? So they fortunately enough delivered
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the message. And then my mom came to visit me.
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So it was one of the happiest moments. So the
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reason I'm saying this is whenever you lose someone
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that you love dearly, just always immerse yourself.
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and the happiest moments that you spent together
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because that will not only help you heal, it
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will also just help you, it will help you almost
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like appreciate them and kind of feel like they're
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there even they're not there. You will relive
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that memory and how it made you feel and that
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would make you feel better, right? Then... Another
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thing is just feel the emotions. If you want
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to cry, cry. If you want to walk, take a walk.
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If you just want to sleep, take a nap, do what
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you can. Try to just be in the most positive
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emotions as possible because having that heartbreak
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and just containing yourself in that space of
00:05:23.689 --> 00:05:31.420
pain will only do damage than good. so much time
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where I was lonely. This is actually not good.
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If you're going through grieving, you're supposed
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to be around people, be around friends, be around
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your family, be around some sort of supportive
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structure that will help you process these emotions
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so that you feel loved and well taken care of
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and you will feel complete. So now another thing
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When it comes to grief, there are so many different
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cultural beliefs. You know, some people believe
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that if somebody dies, they will either come
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back. Some people believe that they are in a
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resting place. Some people believe that they
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have gone to heaven. Some people believe that
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they are still here. You know, there are so many
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beliefs in the world. So I think the best way
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is to connect with how you feel. best for yourself
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i am christian i believe that if somebody dies
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they've you know gone they're gone they're not
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around they've crossed over to like the other
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side so even if i try to like speak to them or
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anything else i don't know if any of that works
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but then there are cultures that believe that
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you can speak to them you can talk to them you
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can write letters to them You can express yourself
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and there is a way they will respond to you.
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I remember this, I think one guest I spoke about
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here, or maybe somebody else I spoke to randomly,
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and they told me that when they lost their brother,
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they used to go to like a park where they used
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to spend time with the brother. And the person
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said, They would always see a butterfly at that
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park. So in a way, it almost resembled the brother,
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you know. So these are some of the things that
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people kind of deal with when trying to cope
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with grief. Then another thing is journal. Write
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it down. Write your emotions. Sometimes say things
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that we cannot say. But if we write it down,
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it's also a way of expressing how we feel. that
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can help us move forward without them. So these
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are kind of my ways that I know. Worst case scenario,
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you're struggling, you're like rolling in the
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deep. I would suggest you go see a therapist,
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go for some therapy. At least you will be confiding
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in a professional that will give you professional
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responses that will help you. So go speak to
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a therapist, tell them how you're feeling, spend
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time with them. they will help you. I've personally
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had therapy and it was one of the best things
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to ever happen to me because it helped me move
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from a place of being broken to fully being restored.
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Then the last thing I want to say is, again,
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to anyone who is going through grief at this
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point, I am so sorry that you lost your loved
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one or whatever that you lost. I pray that you
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find some sort of healing. And just understand
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that, you know, this is not your fault. This
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is beyond your control. And you just have to
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find a way to live life onwards without this
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particular person. So, yeah, thank you guys for
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joining. I appreciate it that you took some time
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to listen. I want to tell you that we're going
00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:57.240
to try another episode with Tom. I promise that
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he's going to come on the show. This technical
00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:01.779
issue with his device is kind of caught in the
00:09:01.779 --> 00:09:04.379
way. But I know that he is going to be on the
00:09:04.379 --> 00:09:07.100
show so we can pick up this conversation about
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grief when he comes back. So enjoy the rest of
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your day wherever you are. Stay blessed. And
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remember to share, like and subscribe. Go to
00:09:17.879 --> 00:09:21.659
our website and join the newsletter. Also listen
00:09:21.659 --> 00:09:24.360
to the podcast from the website. That would be
00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:27.700
such an amazing thing. And yeah, have yourselves
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a good one. Bye.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.319
Hello everybody, welcome to Self -Help Show.
00:00:02.520 --> 00:00:06.280
This is Gina and I'm your host. Today we were
00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.640
supposed to have an amazing discussion with...
00:00:10.009 --> 00:00:13.970
Tom Rose. He is an author, speaker and a former
00:00:13.970 --> 00:00:16.730
cooking show personality. He's famously known
00:00:16.730 --> 00:00:18.929
for cooking together with Tom and Joyce. And
00:00:18.929 --> 00:00:22.789
this was original show on Fox for 13 years. So
00:00:22.789 --> 00:00:25.230
I know a lot of people would have really like
00:00:25.230 --> 00:00:28.370
looked forward to him. So because he wasn't able
00:00:28.370 --> 00:00:30.969
to connect, I'm going to carry on with today's
00:00:30.969 --> 00:00:33.189
episode just on my own. You know, my own episodes
00:00:33.189 --> 00:00:36.270
are very brief and straight to the point. Our
00:00:36.270 --> 00:00:40.670
discussion was going to be about grief. So from
00:00:40.670 --> 00:00:43.990
a personal experience, I have dealt with grief
00:00:43.990 --> 00:00:47.030
when I lost my mom. And I think on this podcast,
00:00:47.149 --> 00:00:50.149
I've spoken about grief several times. I think
00:00:50.149 --> 00:00:53.969
this is something that nobody applies for. It
00:00:53.969 --> 00:00:56.810
just happens to anyone. You can just wake up
00:00:56.810 --> 00:00:59.070
one day and somebody that you love the most is
00:00:59.070 --> 00:01:02.789
gone. So how do we deal with grief? I will share
00:01:02.789 --> 00:01:05.519
my own personal experiences, as you know. It's
00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:07.980
always about what I've gone through. And then
00:01:07.980 --> 00:01:10.939
I always invite experts to talk about, you know,
00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:13.640
what they have studied and what they have experienced
00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:17.019
in their lives as well. So for me, honestly,
00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:19.939
it was a difficult time. I think for the most
00:01:19.939 --> 00:01:22.540
part of it, I blamed myself. And I think this
00:01:22.540 --> 00:01:25.019
happens with majority of people, you know, especially
00:01:25.019 --> 00:01:29.260
if it is your lover or your sibling or your parents.
00:01:29.340 --> 00:01:32.980
It can be anyone. You tend to blame yourself
00:01:32.980 --> 00:01:37.230
for... what happened and then I kind of went
00:01:37.230 --> 00:01:41.989
on a spiral of just depression and anxiety and
00:01:41.989 --> 00:01:46.489
wondering why they left me. So if there's anybody
00:01:46.489 --> 00:01:48.629
who's going through grief right now listening
00:01:48.629 --> 00:01:51.129
to this, I just want you to know that it is not
00:01:51.129 --> 00:01:55.189
your fault. Life just happens the way life happens
00:01:55.189 --> 00:01:59.189
and we don't have control over it. We can have
00:01:59.189 --> 00:02:01.909
control over what we do. We can have control
00:02:01.909 --> 00:02:05.250
over what we eat, where we go, how we spend our
00:02:05.250 --> 00:02:08.430
time. But when that moment comes when, you know,
00:02:08.509 --> 00:02:11.750
it's death, nobody really can control it. From
00:02:11.750 --> 00:02:15.430
the trillionaires to the poorest of poor, no
00:02:15.430 --> 00:02:19.949
one can control that. I know this for certain,
00:02:20.009 --> 00:02:23.030
and I'm sure you also know this. So the best
00:02:23.030 --> 00:02:27.669
way to kind of move on and just understand that
00:02:27.669 --> 00:02:33.689
it happened just the way it did, then there really
00:02:33.689 --> 00:02:36.990
isn't anything else that would cause you pain.
00:02:37.169 --> 00:02:39.610
I think the first step is acceptance. If you
00:02:39.610 --> 00:02:43.789
just accept it, then you should be on a fast
00:02:43.789 --> 00:02:46.729
way to recovery. Then the second thing is just
00:02:46.729 --> 00:02:50.610
acknowledging that this person was, for example,
00:02:50.610 --> 00:02:53.530
my mom. She played a very big role in my life
00:02:53.530 --> 00:02:57.199
because she gave birth to me. And she was there
00:02:57.199 --> 00:03:00.159
for me in times where she could and in times
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:02.520
where she couldn't. It's something that I also
00:03:02.520 --> 00:03:06.319
understood. However, I valued all the times we
00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:10.819
shared and it really like were some of my happiest
00:03:10.819 --> 00:03:14.120
memories. I remember the one time when she visited
00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:16.979
me, I was in high school. I was in boarding school.
00:03:17.099 --> 00:03:20.960
And I think at that time I had gone over a year
00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:25.379
plus without having anyone visit me. every term
00:03:25.379 --> 00:03:28.479
there's like a visitation day and I had gone
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.840
for like maybe four terms without anyone visiting
00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:36.699
me and she just randomly visited and she brought
00:03:36.699 --> 00:03:39.259
me everything I've always wanted. I'll always
00:03:39.259 --> 00:03:42.460
remember that day. It was one of my happiest
00:03:42.460 --> 00:03:46.520
days. I was so happy to see her. I had not seen
00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:50.349
her I think in like maybe two years and But at
00:03:50.349 --> 00:03:52.789
that time, we didn't have phones, so you couldn't
00:03:52.789 --> 00:03:54.810
really call and say, oh, where are you? Come
00:03:54.810 --> 00:03:58.370
and visit me. It was a matter of you, maybe you
00:03:58.370 --> 00:04:00.270
see somebody else's parent and then when they
00:04:00.270 --> 00:04:02.009
go, you'll be like, please, when you go home,
00:04:02.050 --> 00:04:03.870
please, can you tell my parents or someone to
00:04:03.870 --> 00:04:06.349
come and visit me? That type of thing. So, yeah,
00:04:06.449 --> 00:04:09.129
I think one of my friends, one of my friend's
00:04:09.129 --> 00:04:13.930
parents visited the previous term. Visitation.
00:04:14.539 --> 00:04:17.360
And then she noticed that nobody visited me.
00:04:17.500 --> 00:04:20.100
And then I told her, please, like when you go
00:04:20.100 --> 00:04:23.019
back, can you tell like my parents or somebody
00:04:23.019 --> 00:04:26.759
to visit me? So they fortunately enough delivered
00:04:26.759 --> 00:04:29.699
the message. And then my mom came to visit me.
00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:33.040
So it was one of the happiest moments. So the
00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:35.720
reason I'm saying this is whenever you lose someone
00:04:35.720 --> 00:04:38.600
that you love dearly, just always immerse yourself.
00:04:39.319 --> 00:04:41.660
and the happiest moments that you spent together
00:04:41.660 --> 00:04:45.720
because that will not only help you heal, it
00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:49.019
will also just help you, it will help you almost
00:04:49.019 --> 00:04:52.579
like appreciate them and kind of feel like they're
00:04:52.579 --> 00:04:55.600
there even they're not there. You will relive
00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:58.500
that memory and how it made you feel and that
00:04:58.500 --> 00:05:01.750
would make you feel better, right? Then... Another
00:05:01.750 --> 00:05:05.189
thing is just feel the emotions. If you want
00:05:05.189 --> 00:05:09.089
to cry, cry. If you want to walk, take a walk.
00:05:09.209 --> 00:05:12.050
If you just want to sleep, take a nap, do what
00:05:12.050 --> 00:05:15.629
you can. Try to just be in the most positive
00:05:15.629 --> 00:05:19.970
emotions as possible because having that heartbreak
00:05:19.970 --> 00:05:23.689
and just containing yourself in that space of
00:05:23.689 --> 00:05:31.420
pain will only do damage than good. so much time
00:05:31.420 --> 00:05:33.759
where I was lonely. This is actually not good.
00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:36.160
If you're going through grieving, you're supposed
00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:39.060
to be around people, be around friends, be around
00:05:39.060 --> 00:05:41.939
your family, be around some sort of supportive
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structure that will help you process these emotions
00:05:45.300 --> 00:05:49.879
so that you feel loved and well taken care of
00:05:49.879 --> 00:05:54.720
and you will feel complete. So now another thing
00:05:55.149 --> 00:05:57.970
When it comes to grief, there are so many different
00:05:57.970 --> 00:06:00.589
cultural beliefs. You know, some people believe
00:06:00.589 --> 00:06:03.930
that if somebody dies, they will either come
00:06:03.930 --> 00:06:07.930
back. Some people believe that they are in a
00:06:07.930 --> 00:06:10.149
resting place. Some people believe that they
00:06:10.149 --> 00:06:12.449
have gone to heaven. Some people believe that
00:06:12.449 --> 00:06:15.029
they are still here. You know, there are so many
00:06:15.029 --> 00:06:18.209
beliefs in the world. So I think the best way
00:06:18.209 --> 00:06:23.329
is to connect with how you feel. best for yourself
00:06:23.329 --> 00:06:27.250
i am christian i believe that if somebody dies
00:06:27.250 --> 00:06:30.689
they've you know gone they're gone they're not
00:06:30.689 --> 00:06:32.990
around they've crossed over to like the other
00:06:32.990 --> 00:06:37.470
side so even if i try to like speak to them or
00:06:37.470 --> 00:06:39.589
anything else i don't know if any of that works
00:06:39.589 --> 00:06:41.810
but then there are cultures that believe that
00:06:41.810 --> 00:06:44.430
you can speak to them you can talk to them you
00:06:44.430 --> 00:06:48.410
can write letters to them You can express yourself
00:06:48.410 --> 00:06:51.110
and there is a way they will respond to you.
00:06:51.290 --> 00:06:55.370
I remember this, I think one guest I spoke about
00:06:55.370 --> 00:06:57.709
here, or maybe somebody else I spoke to randomly,
00:06:57.870 --> 00:07:01.569
and they told me that when they lost their brother,
00:07:01.730 --> 00:07:04.850
they used to go to like a park where they used
00:07:04.850 --> 00:07:08.389
to spend time with the brother. And the person
00:07:08.389 --> 00:07:11.300
said, They would always see a butterfly at that
00:07:11.300 --> 00:07:16.160
park. So in a way, it almost resembled the brother,
00:07:16.379 --> 00:07:18.220
you know. So these are some of the things that
00:07:18.220 --> 00:07:21.860
people kind of deal with when trying to cope
00:07:21.860 --> 00:07:25.600
with grief. Then another thing is journal. Write
00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:28.259
it down. Write your emotions. Sometimes say things
00:07:28.259 --> 00:07:31.699
that we cannot say. But if we write it down,
00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:36.689
it's also a way of expressing how we feel. that
00:07:36.689 --> 00:07:40.750
can help us move forward without them. So these
00:07:40.750 --> 00:07:45.189
are kind of my ways that I know. Worst case scenario,
00:07:45.449 --> 00:07:48.269
you're struggling, you're like rolling in the
00:07:48.269 --> 00:07:51.069
deep. I would suggest you go see a therapist,
00:07:51.170 --> 00:07:54.589
go for some therapy. At least you will be confiding
00:07:54.589 --> 00:07:56.730
in a professional that will give you professional
00:07:56.730 --> 00:08:00.230
responses that will help you. So go speak to
00:08:00.230 --> 00:08:02.850
a therapist, tell them how you're feeling, spend
00:08:02.850 --> 00:08:05.939
time with them. they will help you. I've personally
00:08:05.939 --> 00:08:08.540
had therapy and it was one of the best things
00:08:08.540 --> 00:08:11.980
to ever happen to me because it helped me move
00:08:11.980 --> 00:08:15.939
from a place of being broken to fully being restored.
00:08:16.360 --> 00:08:20.339
Then the last thing I want to say is, again,
00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:22.920
to anyone who is going through grief at this
00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:25.980
point, I am so sorry that you lost your loved
00:08:25.980 --> 00:08:30.560
one or whatever that you lost. I pray that you
00:08:30.560 --> 00:08:35.799
find some sort of healing. And just understand
00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:38.279
that, you know, this is not your fault. This
00:08:38.279 --> 00:08:40.659
is beyond your control. And you just have to
00:08:40.659 --> 00:08:44.440
find a way to live life onwards without this
00:08:44.440 --> 00:08:47.759
particular person. So, yeah, thank you guys for
00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:51.000
joining. I appreciate it that you took some time
00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:53.820
to listen. I want to tell you that we're going
00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:57.240
to try another episode with Tom. I promise that
00:08:57.240 --> 00:08:59.320
he's going to come on the show. This technical
00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:01.779
issue with his device is kind of caught in the
00:09:01.779 --> 00:09:04.379
way. But I know that he is going to be on the
00:09:04.379 --> 00:09:07.100
show so we can pick up this conversation about
00:09:07.100 --> 00:09:11.899
grief when he comes back. So enjoy the rest of
00:09:11.899 --> 00:09:15.139
your day wherever you are. Stay blessed. And
00:09:15.139 --> 00:09:17.879
remember to share, like and subscribe. Go to
00:09:17.879 --> 00:09:21.659
our website and join the newsletter. Also listen
00:09:21.659 --> 00:09:24.360
to the podcast from the website. That would be
00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:27.700
such an amazing thing. And yeah, have yourselves
00:09:27.700 --> 00:09:29.120
a good one. Bye.
