WEBVTT
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This is Second Win with K.R.
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Henderson.
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You're not late, you're assigned.
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Now, before we get started, I'm pretty sure when some of you guys saw this title, Truth Needs a Hug, you were thinking, Truth doesn't need a hug, it just needs to be told.
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And that's exactly how many of us have lived.
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This is how we move.
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We think being right is enough.
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We never stop to ask the way I said it, did it help or did it hurt?
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Because if we are honest, some of us have used, I'm telling the truth, as permission to be rude.
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And some of us use, I want to be loving, I'm trying to be loving.
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And that's really a compromise.
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Neither one is leadership.
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And brothers, let me tell you why this episode matters.
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Because the greatest damage most men ever do is not with their fists.
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It's with their words.
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Same can be said for a woman, it's with their words.
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Now, make no mistake, this principle applies to everybody.
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But today let's talk about the principle and the application to the gentleman.
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Some of us have spent years trying to provide, protect, and lead our families while quietly hurting them with what we speak.
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Most men don't wake up intending to wound their wives or discourage their children or just distancing themselves from their parents.
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It just happens.
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One conversation at a time, one sarcastic sarcastic remark at a time, one impatient response, one unnecessary outburst, one apology we never gave.
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And one morning you look up, and man, the relationship just isn't what it used to be.
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And we can't figure out why.
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I mean, we sometimes, as men, become oblivious to why.
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But deep down, brothers' relationships rarely fall apart because of one big moment.
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Usually, they roll because of a thousand small ones.
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Well, leadership isn't measured.
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So it's not it only by what we provide.
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It's really how safe people feel in your presence.
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I mean, will your wife, will she take correction from you without feeling condemned?
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I mean, come on, let's talk about it.
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When your children make a mistake, will they wonder if you'll just embarrass them?
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I mean, do the people closest to you experience your patience or only your pressure?
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And here's what I've learned.
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The people around us who know us best, they should never have to fear our honesty.
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They should be able to trust our hearts.
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Because truth can change a person's mind, their thinking, their mentality.
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I mean, we're talking about I mean, this almost spills over into why we have so much mental health issues.
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Because a lot of this stuff starts in the home and we're damaging inside the home.
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Because truth wrapped in love can re- can it actually can change a relationship.
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And that's actually why I titled this episode Truth Needs a Hug.
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Because I used to think if I told the truth, man, that was enough.
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I mean, be honest with yourself.
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A lot of you move just like that as well.
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As long as I wasn't lying, I figured I was doing my part.
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Some of us even wear it like a badge of honor.
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Man, I just tell the truth.
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I just tell it like it is.
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I don't sugarcoat anything.
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Really?
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I just keep it real.
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Yeah, whatever.
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Let me ask you something.
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Is the truth you're telling helping people or is it hurting them?
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Because truth without love becomes a weapon.
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Love without truth becomes compromise.
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I mean, truth can be brutality without love.
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So when it's spoken without love, you know what happens?
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Transformation happens when it's spoken with love.
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And I'll share something with you, brothers.
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This isn't something that I read in a book.
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I mean, I've lived this.
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About ten years after my dad beat cancer the first time, it came back.
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He was going through chemo and radiation, and from everything we could see, the treatment seemed to be working.
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I was thinking in my mind, man, he's gonna beat this again.
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One Wednesday afternoon, I dropped my oldest two kids off at my parents' house, right?
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My dad, when I walked in, I could tell he looked a little tired, but if you knew my pop, he wasn't going to complain.
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And we knew he wasn't going to complain.
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As a matter of fact, when I walked in, he was in the kitchen cooking hamburgers for the grandkids.
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I mean, that's just who he was.
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The kids wanted to stay.
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Dad and mom wanted them to stay.
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So I left them.
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I mean, I let them stay.
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But I came back that Friday to pick them up, and again, they wanted me to leave them.
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Normally I probably would have, but for some reason I said no.
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I really was thinking they needed a break, they needed some rest, especially with him being going through radiation and chemo, and mother was gonna have to take on the brunt of the responsibility.
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So I took them with me.
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I took them home.
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The very next day, my mother called me and said, Something's wrong with your dad.
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This was in the afternoon.
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She said, Meet us at the hospital.
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I could hear it in her voice.
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I mean, have you ever had one of those moments where your body is moving but your mind won't cooperate?
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I couldn't find my keys that particular day.
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I still remember it.
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I was looking everywhere, and they were sitting right on the table.
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By the time I got to the hospital, daddy was gone.
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Later, the doctor explained that the cancer treatment had made one of his arteries, they the arteries become brittle and it it broke and it burst.
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And this is what happens to patients who go through ear note and throat cancer a lot of times, not all the time.
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But my dad bled out, and just like that, the man I thought I'd have another conversation with was gone.
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Now, why do I tell you that?
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Because when I dropped my kids off on Wednesday, I didn't know.
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When I picked them up on Friday, I had no idea.
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When I kissed my dad on his forehead that Friday, walking out of the door.
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I mean, he was sitting in his chair, I still remember it.
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I didn't know it would be the last time.
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So my advice to you, man to man, be grateful for the people who are closest to you.
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You never know how long you're going to have them.
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I mean, this isn't just good advice now, fellas.
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This is a wake-up call.
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I mean, we live, man, we move and live like there's gonna always be another conversation.
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We do.
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Like there's gonna be another birthday, another Father's Day, another chance to say, I'm sorry, I appreciate you, I love you.
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But life doesn't always give us another chance.
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You know what I'm saying?
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I mean, I want you to hear me good.
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Which brings me to the real reason I brought you here to this point.
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Far too often we give strangers our best.
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We do.
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While we give our families leftovers, what's left?
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We'll smile at the cashier.
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Oh, thank you so much.
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We'll thank the waitress.
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Hold the door open for a stranger.
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We'll speak respectfully to clients all the time.
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Then we walk into our own house and we skip right over good morning.
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Some of y'all don't even say good morning at all.
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Your first words are who left the light on?
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As soon as you get up.
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I mean, we skip please.
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We glaze over thank you.
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Right?
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I mean, you get what I'm saying?
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We pass right by, I apologize.
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And brothers, let me ask you a question.
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What if the people who know you best they should experience the best version of you?
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What about that?
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Because if the people who carry your casket didn't consistently experience your kindness while you were alive, something needs to change.
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Not tomorrow, today.
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Because you don't know which conversations they'll remember the most.
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You have no idea.
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Those of you who know me, you know I like a good movie, and I remember this movie Scarface with the Pacino we played, Tony Montana, and he coined the phrase, I tell the truth even when I lie.
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Now that's an interesting line, isn't it?
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It's kind of kind of funny because a lot of us think telling the truth is enough.
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But the real question isn't, is it true?
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The real question is, how are you going to use the truth?
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I mean you see what I'm saying?
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How you how are you using the truth?
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Are you using it to restore or destroy?
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To heal or to hurt?
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The Bible never tells us to stop telling the truth.
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It tells us to speak the truth in love.
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Because truth without love becomes brutal.
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I mean, it's obnoxious.
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This is why truth needs a hug.
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Truth tells us what we need to change.
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Love determines how we help people change.
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Does that make sense?
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A man who refuses to tell the truth, he may, he may keep the peace for a moment, momentarily, but he'll never solve the problem.
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You get what I'm saying?
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At the same time, being right doesn't give us time, really, and it doesn't give us permission to be right.
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I mean, we can be factually right and relationally wrong.
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You can tell your woman the truth and still dishonor her, or your husband for that matter.
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You can correct your children and still crush their confidence.
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I mean, snatch the personality and the and the vigor, vitality right out of them.
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You can confront a friend and make the conversation more about your anger than their growth.
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I have done that very thing.
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That doesn't remove the truth.
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Love changes the tone, but it changes the motive and the goal, quite honestly.
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Because when you love somebody, there's a goal in mind when you talk to them.
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It should be to impart understanding.
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So instead of asking, can I say this?
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Love asks, can they hear this?
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Because the hug doesn't weaken the truth, right?
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Guess what?
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The hug reminds the person, I'm correcting what you did without rejecting who you are.
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Can you hear what I'm saying?
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I mean, you can imagine a father, right?
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He walks into a room.
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I mean, we've all done it, I'm sure, at some point or another.
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Walks into the son's rooms, clothes everywhere, dishes everywhere, trash everywhere.
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I mean, truth without love, you know what that sounds like?
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You're lazy.
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This is what we tell these children.
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We've had this conversation a hundred times, son.
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What's wrong with you, boy?
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You see what happens?
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The father stopped correcting the behavior and started attacking the boy.
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Now, flip that.
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And look at this, son.
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This room is unacceptable.
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Alright?
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We talked about your responsibility, and you have not upheld your end of the bargain.
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I need you to try harder.
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You understand?
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You see the language.
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So I'm not going to ignore it, son.
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I want you to clean your room before you do anything else tonight.
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No games, no TV, nothing.
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I believe in you.
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You're better than this.
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And I'm going to hold you responsible and accountable.
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That goes a long way.
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Now I know y'all, some of y'all thinking, boy, you're gonna get your behind spanked, whipped, or you're gonna be grounded.
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Hey, hey, you discipline your children the way you believe is right.
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I'm not here to referee your house.
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My point is really one thing, and one thing only.
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The consequences are not mine.
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I'm talking about correcting the behavior without crushing the person.
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I don't have anything to do with the consequences.
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I'm just telling you to correct the behavior.
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The truth still doesn't change, the standard doesn't change, the consequences may not change, but the son now hears something different.
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My father is correcting something that I did without tearing down who I am.
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Does that make sense?
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I mean, we tell brothers all the time, read more, pray more, be around better people, work harder on yourself.
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Then six months later, we're mad because he's not finished yet.
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Well, which one did you want?
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Growth or magic.
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And when truth and love walk together, correction becomes more than just punishment.
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It becomes an invitation to grow, to elevate, to get better.
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So, gentlemen, this week don't change what you say, change how you say it.
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Before you correct your wife or your children, give truth a hug.
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Before you correct your son, give truth a hug.
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You know what?
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Even your friend, before you correct your friend, give truth a hug.
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But people don't just remember what you say.
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We understand that.
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We know that.
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They actually do remember how you made them feel.
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So I want you to get off this, was I right?
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I mean, you hear we hear it all the time.
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Uh was I right?
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No.
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I mean, ask or think, did they hear my heart?
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And you don't even have to say it out loud.
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You can think it in your mind.
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And I promise you, you'll start moving differently.
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Because the goal isn't to win the argument, the goal is to win the person.
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And if today's episode challenges you, don't let it in here.
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I want you to visit my website, krhenderson newvision.net.
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That's KRHenderson Newvision.net.
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Okay.
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And explore the second win masterclasses on demand audio.
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These are designed to help men grow in leadership and relationship, health, and emotional resilience and purpose.
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Because hearing the truth is one thing, but living the truth changes everything.
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And as always, life gets better when you get better.
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I'm K.R.
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Henderson.
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This is Second Win.
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You're not late, you're assigned.
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And brothers, truth needs a hug.
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This is Second Win with K.R.
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Henderson.
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You're not late, you're assigned.
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Now, before we get started, I'm pretty sure when some of you guys saw this title, Truth Needs a Hug, you were thinking, Truth doesn't need a hug, it just needs to be told.
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And that's exactly how many of us have lived.
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This is how we move.
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We think being right is enough.
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We never stop to ask the way I said it, did it help or did it hurt?
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Because if we are honest, some of us have used, I'm telling the truth, as permission to be rude.
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And some of us use, I want to be loving, I'm trying to be loving.
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And that's really a compromise.
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Neither one is leadership.
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And brothers, let me tell you why this episode matters.
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Because the greatest damage most men ever do is not with their fists.
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It's with their words.
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Same can be said for a woman, it's with their words.
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Now, make no mistake, this principle applies to everybody.
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But today let's talk about the principle and the application to the gentleman.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:56.799
Some of us have spent years trying to provide, protect, and lead our families while quietly hurting them with what we speak.
00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:08.080
Most men don't wake up intending to wound their wives or discourage their children or just distancing themselves from their parents.
00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:10.000
It just happens.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:26.400
One conversation at a time, one sarcastic sarcastic remark at a time, one impatient response, one unnecessary outburst, one apology we never gave.
00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:33.840
And one morning you look up, and man, the relationship just isn't what it used to be.
00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:36.960
And we can't figure out why.
00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:42.000
I mean, we sometimes, as men, become oblivious to why.
00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:49.039
But deep down, brothers' relationships rarely fall apart because of one big moment.
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:57.520
Usually, they roll because of a thousand small ones.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:00.879
Well, leadership isn't measured.
00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:04.719
So it's not it only by what we provide.
00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:09.520
It's really how safe people feel in your presence.
00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:15.840
I mean, will your wife, will she take correction from you without feeling condemned?
00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:18.479
I mean, come on, let's talk about it.
00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:25.520
When your children make a mistake, will they wonder if you'll just embarrass them?
00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:33.439
I mean, do the people closest to you experience your patience or only your pressure?
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:36.319
And here's what I've learned.
00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:44.560
The people around us who know us best, they should never have to fear our honesty.
00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:48.159
They should be able to trust our hearts.
00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:55.280
Because truth can change a person's mind, their thinking, their mentality.
00:03:55.520 --> 00:04:05.759
I mean, we're talking about I mean, this almost spills over into why we have so much mental health issues.
00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:13.520
Because a lot of this stuff starts in the home and we're damaging inside the home.
00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:19.199
Because truth wrapped in love can re- can it actually can change a relationship.
00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:25.199
And that's actually why I titled this episode Truth Needs a Hug.
00:04:25.519 --> 00:04:29.839
Because I used to think if I told the truth, man, that was enough.
00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:32.319
I mean, be honest with yourself.
00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:35.680
A lot of you move just like that as well.
00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:40.959
As long as I wasn't lying, I figured I was doing my part.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:44.639
Some of us even wear it like a badge of honor.
00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:47.040
Man, I just tell the truth.
00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:48.160
I just tell it like it is.
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:50.480
I don't sugarcoat anything.
00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:51.439
Really?
00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:53.040
I just keep it real.
00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:54.399
Yeah, whatever.
00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:56.480
Let me ask you something.
00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:01.120
Is the truth you're telling helping people or is it hurting them?
00:05:01.680 --> 00:05:05.519
Because truth without love becomes a weapon.
00:05:06.160 --> 00:05:08.879
Love without truth becomes compromise.
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:12.800
I mean, truth can be brutality without love.
00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:18.399
So when it's spoken without love, you know what happens?
00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:23.519
Transformation happens when it's spoken with love.
00:05:25.120 --> 00:05:27.600
And I'll share something with you, brothers.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:30.160
This isn't something that I read in a book.
00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:31.839
I mean, I've lived this.
00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:38.480
About ten years after my dad beat cancer the first time, it came back.
00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:47.920
He was going through chemo and radiation, and from everything we could see, the treatment seemed to be working.
00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:51.519
I was thinking in my mind, man, he's gonna beat this again.
00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:59.839
One Wednesday afternoon, I dropped my oldest two kids off at my parents' house, right?
00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:09.759
My dad, when I walked in, I could tell he looked a little tired, but if you knew my pop, he wasn't going to complain.
00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:12.399
And we knew he wasn't going to complain.
00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:20.079
As a matter of fact, when I walked in, he was in the kitchen cooking hamburgers for the grandkids.
00:06:20.319 --> 00:06:22.240
I mean, that's just who he was.
00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:25.600
The kids wanted to stay.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:28.560
Dad and mom wanted them to stay.
00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:31.839
So I left them.
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:33.360
I mean, I let them stay.
00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:39.920
But I came back that Friday to pick them up, and again, they wanted me to leave them.
00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:44.240
Normally I probably would have, but for some reason I said no.
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:57.920
I really was thinking they needed a break, they needed some rest, especially with him being going through radiation and chemo, and mother was gonna have to take on the brunt of the responsibility.
00:06:58.160 --> 00:06:59.360
So I took them with me.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:00.480
I took them home.
00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:04.959
The very next day, my mother called me and said, Something's wrong with your dad.
00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:07.040
This was in the afternoon.
00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.319
She said, Meet us at the hospital.
00:07:12.959 --> 00:07:14.240
I could hear it in her voice.
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:20.000
I mean, have you ever had one of those moments where your body is moving but your mind won't cooperate?
00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:23.600
I couldn't find my keys that particular day.
00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:24.639
I still remember it.
00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:29.040
I was looking everywhere, and they were sitting right on the table.
00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:34.879
By the time I got to the hospital, daddy was gone.
00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:51.199
Later, the doctor explained that the cancer treatment had made one of his arteries, they the arteries become brittle and it it broke and it burst.
00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:59.439
And this is what happens to patients who go through ear note and throat cancer a lot of times, not all the time.
00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:07.120
But my dad bled out, and just like that, the man I thought I'd have another conversation with was gone.
00:08:08.000 --> 00:08:10.399
Now, why do I tell you that?
00:08:11.839 --> 00:08:16.720
Because when I dropped my kids off on Wednesday, I didn't know.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:23.360
When I picked them up on Friday, I had no idea.
00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:32.399
When I kissed my dad on his forehead that Friday, walking out of the door.
00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:35.360
I mean, he was sitting in his chair, I still remember it.
00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:38.639
I didn't know it would be the last time.
00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:48.559
So my advice to you, man to man, be grateful for the people who are closest to you.
00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:52.879
You never know how long you're going to have them.
00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:57.039
I mean, this isn't just good advice now, fellas.
00:08:57.919 --> 00:08:59.840
This is a wake-up call.
00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:07.679
I mean, we live, man, we move and live like there's gonna always be another conversation.
00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:08.480
We do.
00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:17.600
Like there's gonna be another birthday, another Father's Day, another chance to say, I'm sorry, I appreciate you, I love you.
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:21.919
But life doesn't always give us another chance.
00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:23.120
You know what I'm saying?
00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:24.960
I mean, I want you to hear me good.
00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:30.879
Which brings me to the real reason I brought you here to this point.
00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:36.320
Far too often we give strangers our best.
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:37.200
We do.
00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:41.360
While we give our families leftovers, what's left?
00:09:41.519 --> 00:09:43.200
We'll smile at the cashier.
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:44.960
Oh, thank you so much.
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:46.960
We'll thank the waitress.
00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:49.840
Hold the door open for a stranger.
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:53.919
We'll speak respectfully to clients all the time.
00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:58.639
Then we walk into our own house and we skip right over good morning.
00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:04.159
Some of y'all don't even say good morning at all.
00:10:04.639 --> 00:10:07.279
Your first words are who left the light on?
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:08.879
As soon as you get up.
00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:11.519
I mean, we skip please.
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:15.120
We glaze over thank you.
00:10:15.440 --> 00:10:16.000
Right?
00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:18.480
I mean, you get what I'm saying?
00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:21.600
We pass right by, I apologize.
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:24.320
And brothers, let me ask you a question.
00:10:24.559 --> 00:10:31.440
What if the people who know you best they should experience the best version of you?
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:32.799
What about that?
00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:45.840
Because if the people who carry your casket didn't consistently experience your kindness while you were alive, something needs to change.
00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:49.200
Not tomorrow, today.
00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:58.159
Because you don't know which conversations they'll remember the most.
00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:00.240
You have no idea.
00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:15.039
Those of you who know me, you know I like a good movie, and I remember this movie Scarface with the Pacino we played, Tony Montana, and he coined the phrase, I tell the truth even when I lie.
00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:17.919
Now that's an interesting line, isn't it?
00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:24.799
It's kind of kind of funny because a lot of us think telling the truth is enough.
00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:29.360
But the real question isn't, is it true?
00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:35.440
The real question is, how are you going to use the truth?
00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:38.080
I mean you see what I'm saying?
00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:42.399
How you how are you using the truth?
00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:46.720
Are you using it to restore or destroy?
00:11:46.879 --> 00:11:48.240
To heal or to hurt?
00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:52.000
The Bible never tells us to stop telling the truth.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:54.720
It tells us to speak the truth in love.
00:11:55.679 --> 00:12:00.240
Because truth without love becomes brutal.
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:03.919
I mean, it's obnoxious.
00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:06.960
This is why truth needs a hug.
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:10.559
Truth tells us what we need to change.
00:12:10.879 --> 00:12:14.879
Love determines how we help people change.
00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:16.080
Does that make sense?
00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:26.480
A man who refuses to tell the truth, he may, he may keep the peace for a moment, momentarily, but he'll never solve the problem.
00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:29.279
You get what I'm saying?
00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:38.639
At the same time, being right doesn't give us time, really, and it doesn't give us permission to be right.
00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:45.120
I mean, we can be factually right and relationally wrong.
00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:51.600
You can tell your woman the truth and still dishonor her, or your husband for that matter.
00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:58.399
You can correct your children and still crush their confidence.
00:12:58.799 --> 00:13:04.799
I mean, snatch the personality and the and the vigor, vitality right out of them.
00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:11.600
You can confront a friend and make the conversation more about your anger than their growth.
00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:13.759
I have done that very thing.
00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:16.080
That doesn't remove the truth.
00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:23.200
Love changes the tone, but it changes the motive and the goal, quite honestly.
00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:29.120
Because when you love somebody, there's a goal in mind when you talk to them.
00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:34.000
It should be to impart understanding.
00:13:34.320 --> 00:13:38.080
So instead of asking, can I say this?
00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:42.399
Love asks, can they hear this?
00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.559
Because the hug doesn't weaken the truth, right?
00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:47.440
Guess what?
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:54.639
The hug reminds the person, I'm correcting what you did without rejecting who you are.
00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:00.799
Can you hear what I'm saying?
00:14:01.279 --> 00:14:05.039
I mean, you can imagine a father, right?
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:07.759
He walks into a room.
00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:11.519
I mean, we've all done it, I'm sure, at some point or another.
00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:16.799
Walks into the son's rooms, clothes everywhere, dishes everywhere, trash everywhere.
00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:21.279
I mean, truth without love, you know what that sounds like?
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:22.559
You're lazy.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:25.360
This is what we tell these children.
00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:28.000
We've had this conversation a hundred times, son.
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:29.759
What's wrong with you, boy?
00:14:30.159 --> 00:14:31.679
You see what happens?
00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:37.759
The father stopped correcting the behavior and started attacking the boy.
00:14:38.720 --> 00:14:40.720
Now, flip that.
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:45.120
And look at this, son.
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:49.440
This room is unacceptable.
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:50.720
Alright?
00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:58.480
We talked about your responsibility, and you have not upheld your end of the bargain.
00:14:58.799 --> 00:15:00.639
I need you to try harder.
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:01.679
You understand?
00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:03.200
You see the language.
00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:06.320
So I'm not going to ignore it, son.
00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:10.879
I want you to clean your room before you do anything else tonight.
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.879
No games, no TV, nothing.
00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:16.240
I believe in you.
00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:17.519
You're better than this.
00:15:17.600 --> 00:15:21.039
And I'm going to hold you responsible and accountable.
00:15:21.759 --> 00:15:23.360
That goes a long way.
00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:32.399
Now I know y'all, some of y'all thinking, boy, you're gonna get your behind spanked, whipped, or you're gonna be grounded.
00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:38.159
Hey, hey, you discipline your children the way you believe is right.
00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:40.879
I'm not here to referee your house.
00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:47.679
My point is really one thing, and one thing only.
00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:51.039
The consequences are not mine.
00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:56.159
I'm talking about correcting the behavior without crushing the person.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.799
I don't have anything to do with the consequences.
00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:01.919
I'm just telling you to correct the behavior.
00:16:02.080 --> 00:16:10.720
The truth still doesn't change, the standard doesn't change, the consequences may not change, but the son now hears something different.
00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:16.240
My father is correcting something that I did without tearing down who I am.
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:18.799
Does that make sense?
00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:29.440
I mean, we tell brothers all the time, read more, pray more, be around better people, work harder on yourself.
00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:34.799
Then six months later, we're mad because he's not finished yet.
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:38.320
Well, which one did you want?
00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:39.919
Growth or magic.
00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:51.200
And when truth and love walk together, correction becomes more than just punishment.
00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:57.440
It becomes an invitation to grow, to elevate, to get better.
00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:03.440
So, gentlemen, this week don't change what you say, change how you say it.
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:10.240
Before you correct your wife or your children, give truth a hug.
00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:14.799
Before you correct your son, give truth a hug.
00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:17.200
You know what?
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:22.160
Even your friend, before you correct your friend, give truth a hug.
00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:26.960
But people don't just remember what you say.
00:17:27.119 --> 00:17:28.319
We understand that.
00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:29.440
We know that.
00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:34.160
They actually do remember how you made them feel.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:39.359
So I want you to get off this, was I right?
00:17:41.039 --> 00:17:43.200
I mean, you hear we hear it all the time.
00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:44.720
Uh was I right?
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:45.599
No.
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:52.079
I mean, ask or think, did they hear my heart?
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:54.000
And you don't even have to say it out loud.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:55.680
You can think it in your mind.
00:17:55.839 --> 00:17:58.640
And I promise you, you'll start moving differently.
00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:03.119
Because the goal isn't to win the argument, the goal is to win the person.
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:09.599
And if today's episode challenges you, don't let it in here.
00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:18.960
I want you to visit my website, krhenderson newvision.net.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:25.599
That's KRHenderson Newvision.net.
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:27.200
Okay.
00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:33.759
And explore the second win masterclasses on demand audio.
00:18:35.119 --> 00:18:42.960
These are designed to help men grow in leadership and relationship, health, and emotional resilience and purpose.
00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:49.920
Because hearing the truth is one thing, but living the truth changes everything.
00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:53.599
And as always, life gets better when you get better.
00:18:53.759 --> 00:18:54.480
I'm K.R.
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:55.279
Henderson.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:56.960
This is Second Win.
00:18:57.519 --> 00:19:00.400
You're not late, you're assigned.
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:05.599
And brothers, truth needs a hug.
