WEBVTT
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This is second win with K.R.
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Henderson.
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Fellas, I was thinking, a man can almost lose everything and still recover.
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He can lose his job, money, love, marriage.
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He can lose the life he thought he'd have by now and still get a second win.
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But there's one thing, one thing a man cannot afford to lose.
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Himself.
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Because when a man loses himself, he starts doing things the man he used to be would never recognize.
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You get what I'm saying?
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And this is what I want to talk about.
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This is a conversation that I want to have.
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I want to talk about when a man loses himself.
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Because I'm watching something happen to men.
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And I mean, at an alarming rate that didn't used to happen.
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I mean a relationship ends in a man that once said, I love you.
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Now he becomes the same man that says, if I can't have you, nobody can.
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Now, I don't know if we're watching too much Hollywood or theatrics or spilling over into our lifestyle, but this is becoming an epidemic, a problem.
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And think about how far a man has to travel inside himself to get from I love you to I'll kill you.
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That's not one bad decision, is it?
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Something was breaking long before the trigger was pulled.
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And let me make something absolutely clear.
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I mean crystal.
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But before I go any further, I need to say something.
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I don't want you to misunderstand what I'm saying.
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Understanding how a man got there is really not the same as excusing what he did.
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Does that make sense?
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I mean, we can examine what was broken, what he was struggling with, what signs were possibly missed, but we still can hold him completely responsible for his actions.
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Correct?
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There is no excuse for a man taking a woman's life, or anyone's life for that matter.
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I mean, unless he's protecting himself.
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And I mean from hurt harm and danger.
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Excuse me.
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But if all we can do do is condemn the act after someone is gone, we're already too late.
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So I want to go upstream.
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Just for a moment.
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Let's think about what was happening before he got there.
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You get where I'm going?
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I mean, I've had two cousins and a friend of mine who was involved in domestic violence.
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Now I know domestic violence month is next month.
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We're here a little early, and rightfully so.
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So this isn't theoretical, not for me.
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I have I've seen what violence leaves behind.
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And I want to know.
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Where does a man lose himself?
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I'm talking to men in the room now, and I pray to God that you're listening.
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Because here's what I've learned.
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Men don't only lose themselves in women.
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I've seen them lose themselves in careers.
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I mean, how many times have we heard of a guy getting a pink slip and going home and doing something foolish to himself or going back up to the job and causing conflict and chaos.
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But he can lose himself in money, status, even image.
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And I always say a lot of times we're trying to trying to protect an image really that we don't even have.
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He can lose himself with his children.
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A lot of times they grow up.
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If you live long enough, you'll see that.
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And they won't need dad the way they used to.
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And God forbid a marriage ends, divorce.
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Wow.
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He can lose himself then.
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And even when he turns 50, 60 and looks around and says, hey, this is not the life I thought I was going to have.
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So, gentlemen, my good man, this is second wind territory.
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Because second wind isn't always about getting your old life back.
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Sometimes it's about finding you again.
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And I truly believe there are some questions on the floor that can help a man do just that.
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One is and you may want to take some notes on this one.
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I know this is a podcast, but this weighed heavily on me this week.
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So the first thing is, where am I?
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I mean, we're talking about, I mean, who am I?
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Where am I going?
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I mean, that's awareness and identity, I mean, purpose.
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I mean, I know it sounds a little cliche ish, but walk with me.
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Because maybe awareness, identity, and purpose aren't just three things a man can lose.
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Maybe they're road, maybe they're maybe they're just a road back.
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And if you're still breathing, there's still assignment left to be done.
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Let's talk about it.
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So when we look at awareness, let's start there.
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And really, excuse me.
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All I'm talking about is being honest enough with yourself to know when you ain't doing good.
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I mean, when you're not yourself, you're more angry than usual, jealous, can't sleep.
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Possibly thinking about an issue all day.
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That issue, it could be a woman.
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I mean, we've seen the examples of that, right?
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Checking people's phones and driving by their houses and calling them a thousand times a day.
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I mean, brother, come on, man.
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After call number 14, I think we've gathered enough information, don't you think?
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She ain't answering.
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Put the phone down.
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But here's the thing: at some point, you've got to be able to look at yourself and say, man, I'm not handling this way.
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And there's nothing weak about that.
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I mean, we've all been there.
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This is why it's important and imperative for men to have mentors and people in their lives that have been where they are or where they're going and to walk them through it.
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As a matter of fact, sometimes working harder on yourself doesn't necessarily mean another push-up.
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I mean, you know, sometimes I'll post pictures of me and the boys doing push-ups.
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Well, more with them than me, but I'm doing them too.
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But there are times when, hey, woe is just being mad enough to say, hey, something's going on with me, and I need to talk to you.
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Because I've had moments in my own life when I had to recognize, KR, you need to get yourself together.
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That's awareness.
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Not beating yourself or pretending you don't feel what you feel.
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Just recognizing it before your feelings start making decisions for it.
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I mean, you get what I'm saying?
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Because that you don't want.
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And sometimes the difference between the two is simply catching yourself early enough to say, hold on, man, this ain't me.
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Which kind of segues us into the next question.
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So if this isn't me, then who am I?
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Now this is identity.
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Because even when I'm upset, pissed, feel feeling betrayed, there ought to be something inside of me that says, that's not who I am.
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I'm a man who protects life.
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I don't take life.
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Imagine getting that call as a father.
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That's your daughter.
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The little girl you raised, the little girl you're protected, and somebody who claimed to love her is taking her life.
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You can't bring your baby back.
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Man, what does a father do?
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I mean, what does that do to a family?
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Violence doesn't just take one life, it leaves pain with everybody connected to that life.
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There's a trail.
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This is why identity matters.
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No matter how angry I am or how badly I've been hurt, I'm still responsible for what I do next.
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And lately I've been thinking about identity from another direction.
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Now check this out.
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So I've been spending some time on Ancestry.com.
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I know some of you don't find that relevant and probably don't even care about it.
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But I don't know why God just deposited in my spirit all of a sudden.
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And I wanted to know some things.
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So I'm looking at my family.
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Gulla Geechee in Georgia, Native American ancestry in Louisiana.
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Always thought my people were just from Louisiana, right?
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No.
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And when I looked at what black people had to do to survive, I mean just to keep standing.
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Man, it'll do something to you.
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I mean families separating.
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Human beings bought and sold like furniture.
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Actual bill of sales you can see.
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Then suddenly becoming free and still having to fight to be treated like human beings.
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We call the civil rights movement, right?
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But I've come to see it differently.
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Before it was ever a civil rights issue, before it was ever a civil rights issue, it had to be a human rights issue.
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And looking at that history has made me think, man, I don't ever want to hurt another black man if I can help.
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We've already been through enough.
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This is why history matters, because history tells us where I came from.
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And when you lose your history, you can lose part of your identity.
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And I'll just add a side note there.
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History is a form of resistance.
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Does that make sense?
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And the next thing I wanted to talk about, well, some people may not like this one, but we have moved away from God.
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Now I'm not saying everything was better back in the day.
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It wasn't.
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But there was a time when we held on to God because they didn't have anything else.
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And that faith gave people a foundation.
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There was a standard beyond how you felt.
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There was hope.
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There was accountability.
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Not everybody's got to be the toughest person in the room.
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Nobody can walk away or apologize or just say, hey, I'm wrong.
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Somehow humility became weakness in the African American community.
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And respect, man, I can walk through Krogan and see a grown man's pants hanging halfway down his behind.
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Sir, I'm just trying to get some chicken, man.
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I shouldn't know what brand of underwear you have on.
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I mean, I'm not talking about underwear pants.
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I'm really talking about standards and respect.
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Because at what point does something become right?
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Simply because enough people start doing it.
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I'll wait.
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But here's where I might make some people upset.
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Your truth can be wrong.
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I mean, so can mine because feelings aren't the final authority on truth, right?
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I mean, my anger doesn't make me right.
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My anger does not make me correct.
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Actually, my hurt doesn't either.
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And popularity doesn't make something right either.
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I've got to have a standard outside of myself, and for me, that's God.
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History tells me where I came from, but God tells me whose I am.
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And that gives me that foundation to answer, who am I?
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Because now I move into purpose.
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But there's still one question.
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Why am I here?
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And I believe when a man loses awareness and identity, it's not unusual for him to struggle with purpose.
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Because if I don't know who I am, how am I supposed to know what I'm supposed to do?
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So he starts reaching for something to make his life matter.
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Status, title.
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Again, a woman, and this is where some men get in trouble.
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We take something God intended to be relationship and turn it into something maybe a reason for living.
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Man, your woman should not be your purpose.
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Girlfriend or wife?
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Fiance, whatever.
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But I know I can already hear somebody saying, Man, you better hope your wife doesn't hear this.
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She's gonna hear.
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And I'm probably gonna hear about it.
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Okay?
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But I'm not saying your wife's not important.
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I'm saying no human being should have to answer the question, why do I exist?
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Gentlemen, that's far too much weight to put on another person.
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But listen, a good woman can walk with your mission.
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She can give you one, and some of y'all don't need a helpmate.
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You need roadside assistance because you ain't going nowhere.
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You get what I'm saying?
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I mean, some people, people who ain't going anywhere, they want you to go with them.
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People who're not doing anything, they want you to do it too.
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I mean, am I making sense?
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And if your identity was built around that thing, when it changes, you can lose yourself.
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This is why Second Wind can't depend on getting your old life back.
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Sometimes Second Wind begins to realize hey, God ain't trying to give us, me, you, our old lives back.
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He's really showing us what we're supposed to do next.
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This is where purpose lands.
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And look, heartbreak, man, it can hurt.
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It can hurt like hell.
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I mean, it's it can be painful.
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You might cry.
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I've cried in the closet.
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But fellas, you're allowed to cry, but don't call me at 2:30 in the morning.
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Call me around 9 a.m.
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But seriously, cry.
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Pray.
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Talk to your brothers.
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I mean, get professional help if you need it, and eventually understand it.
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Hey, my relationship ended, but my life didn't.
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God didn't leave.
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My assignment is still here.
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My purpose, it didn't pack a suitcase and leave when she left.
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And here's another uncomfortable truth.
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Some of what you call love in love, sometimes it's flat out dependence.
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Maybe sometimes it's insecurity.
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That's really your second way.
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So, how does a man find himself again?
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Because sometimes life hits so hard that a man you used to be doesn't know how to handle the life you're living now.
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Not necessarily to go backwards, but to move forward.
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Right?
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Awareness, identity, purpose, God.
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The job may not come back.
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Relationship may not either.
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Maybe money won't.
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The life you plan may not.
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But gentlemen, you can.
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And maybe that's what second wind points to.
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Not an old life, but getting you back.
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Because sometimes working hard on yourself means realizing you shouldn't be doing all the work by yourself anyway.
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I mean, we talk about all the time life gets better when you get better.
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And if you're still here, there's still assignment.
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Because you're not late.
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You're assigned.
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This is Second Win with K.R.
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Henderson.
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This is second win with K.R.
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Henderson.
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Fellas, I was thinking, a man can almost lose everything and still recover.
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He can lose his job, money, love, marriage.
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He can lose the life he thought he'd have by now and still get a second win.
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But there's one thing, one thing a man cannot afford to lose.
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Himself.
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Because when a man loses himself, he starts doing things the man he used to be would never recognize.
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You get what I'm saying?
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And this is what I want to talk about.
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This is a conversation that I want to have.
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I want to talk about when a man loses himself.
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Because I'm watching something happen to men.
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And I mean, at an alarming rate that didn't used to happen.
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I mean a relationship ends in a man that once said, I love you.
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Now he becomes the same man that says, if I can't have you, nobody can.
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Now, I don't know if we're watching too much Hollywood or theatrics or spilling over into our lifestyle, but this is becoming an epidemic, a problem.
00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:50.000
And think about how far a man has to travel inside himself to get from I love you to I'll kill you.
00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:53.760
That's not one bad decision, is it?
00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:58.640
Something was breaking long before the trigger was pulled.
00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:03.200
And let me make something absolutely clear.
00:02:03.359 --> 00:02:05.120
I mean crystal.
00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:13.120
But before I go any further, I need to say something.
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:17.120
I don't want you to misunderstand what I'm saying.
00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:25.039
Understanding how a man got there is really not the same as excusing what he did.
00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:27.360
Does that make sense?
00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:41.520
I mean, we can examine what was broken, what he was struggling with, what signs were possibly missed, but we still can hold him completely responsible for his actions.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:44.159
Correct?
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:54.080
There is no excuse for a man taking a woman's life, or anyone's life for that matter.
00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:57.840
I mean, unless he's protecting himself.
00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:03.360
And I mean from hurt harm and danger.
00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:05.439
Excuse me.
00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:15.360
But if all we can do do is condemn the act after someone is gone, we're already too late.
00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:18.000
So I want to go upstream.
00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:20.719
Just for a moment.
00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.879
Let's think about what was happening before he got there.
00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:27.120
You get where I'm going?
00:03:27.599 --> 00:03:33.840
I mean, I've had two cousins and a friend of mine who was involved in domestic violence.
00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:37.840
Now I know domestic violence month is next month.
00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:42.400
We're here a little early, and rightfully so.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:46.479
So this isn't theoretical, not for me.
00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:51.120
I have I've seen what violence leaves behind.
00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:53.120
And I want to know.
00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:57.360
Where does a man lose himself?
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:03.439
I'm talking to men in the room now, and I pray to God that you're listening.
00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:06.159
Because here's what I've learned.
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:09.360
Men don't only lose themselves in women.
00:04:09.919 --> 00:04:13.199
I've seen them lose themselves in careers.
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:26.800
I mean, how many times have we heard of a guy getting a pink slip and going home and doing something foolish to himself or going back up to the job and causing conflict and chaos.
00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:32.720
But he can lose himself in money, status, even image.
00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:40.800
And I always say a lot of times we're trying to trying to protect an image really that we don't even have.
00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:44.720
He can lose himself with his children.
00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:46.240
A lot of times they grow up.
00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:48.160
If you live long enough, you'll see that.
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:51.040
And they won't need dad the way they used to.
00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:55.519
And God forbid a marriage ends, divorce.
00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:57.040
Wow.
00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:59.199
He can lose himself then.
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:07.120
And even when he turns 50, 60 and looks around and says, hey, this is not the life I thought I was going to have.
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:15.040
So, gentlemen, my good man, this is second wind territory.
00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:19.920
Because second wind isn't always about getting your old life back.
00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:22.800
Sometimes it's about finding you again.
00:05:23.519 --> 00:05:30.800
And I truly believe there are some questions on the floor that can help a man do just that.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:37.600
One is and you may want to take some notes on this one.
00:05:37.759 --> 00:05:43.360
I know this is a podcast, but this weighed heavily on me this week.
00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:47.600
So the first thing is, where am I?
00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:52.240
I mean, we're talking about, I mean, who am I?
00:05:53.199 --> 00:05:54.560
Where am I going?
00:05:55.120 --> 00:06:02.720
I mean, that's awareness and identity, I mean, purpose.
00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:07.519
I mean, I know it sounds a little cliche ish, but walk with me.
00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:13.920
Because maybe awareness, identity, and purpose aren't just three things a man can lose.
00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:19.120
Maybe they're road, maybe they're maybe they're just a road back.
00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:26.959
And if you're still breathing, there's still assignment left to be done.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:29.279
Let's talk about it.
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:37.519
So when we look at awareness, let's start there.
00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:44.079
And really, excuse me.
00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:51.600
All I'm talking about is being honest enough with yourself to know when you ain't doing good.
00:06:52.079 --> 00:07:00.240
I mean, when you're not yourself, you're more angry than usual, jealous, can't sleep.
00:07:00.879 --> 00:07:05.120
Possibly thinking about an issue all day.
00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:08.079
That issue, it could be a woman.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:12.000
I mean, we've seen the examples of that, right?
00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:17.839
Checking people's phones and driving by their houses and calling them a thousand times a day.
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:20.160
I mean, brother, come on, man.
00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:26.079
After call number 14, I think we've gathered enough information, don't you think?
00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:28.000
She ain't answering.
00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:30.000
Put the phone down.
00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:39.360
But here's the thing: at some point, you've got to be able to look at yourself and say, man, I'm not handling this way.
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:44.079
And there's nothing weak about that.
00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:47.120
I mean, we've all been there.
00:07:47.279 --> 00:08:00.959
This is why it's important and imperative for men to have mentors and people in their lives that have been where they are or where they're going and to walk them through it.
00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:08.160
As a matter of fact, sometimes working harder on yourself doesn't necessarily mean another push-up.
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:13.279
I mean, you know, sometimes I'll post pictures of me and the boys doing push-ups.
00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:16.639
Well, more with them than me, but I'm doing them too.
00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:27.680
But there are times when, hey, woe is just being mad enough to say, hey, something's going on with me, and I need to talk to you.
00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:36.720
Because I've had moments in my own life when I had to recognize, KR, you need to get yourself together.
00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:39.600
That's awareness.
00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:45.600
Not beating yourself or pretending you don't feel what you feel.
00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:52.799
Just recognizing it before your feelings start making decisions for it.
00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:54.720
I mean, you get what I'm saying?
00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:56.799
Because that you don't want.
00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:12.240
And sometimes the difference between the two is simply catching yourself early enough to say, hold on, man, this ain't me.
00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:19.759
Which kind of segues us into the next question.
00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:22.720
So if this isn't me, then who am I?
00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:26.879
Now this is identity.
00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:38.480
Because even when I'm upset, pissed, feel feeling betrayed, there ought to be something inside of me that says, that's not who I am.
00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:42.159
I'm a man who protects life.
00:09:42.320 --> 00:09:43.919
I don't take life.
00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:48.879
Imagine getting that call as a father.
00:09:49.919 --> 00:09:51.200
That's your daughter.
00:09:51.440 --> 00:10:01.600
The little girl you raised, the little girl you're protected, and somebody who claimed to love her is taking her life.
00:10:02.639 --> 00:10:04.799
You can't bring your baby back.
00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:09.840
Man, what does a father do?
00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:16.159
I mean, what does that do to a family?
00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:25.679
Violence doesn't just take one life, it leaves pain with everybody connected to that life.
00:10:25.840 --> 00:10:27.279
There's a trail.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:30.320
This is why identity matters.
00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:38.399
No matter how angry I am or how badly I've been hurt, I'm still responsible for what I do next.
00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:44.080
And lately I've been thinking about identity from another direction.
00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:46.080
Now check this out.
00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:50.559
So I've been spending some time on Ancestry.com.
00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:55.120
I know some of you don't find that relevant and probably don't even care about it.
00:10:56.639 --> 00:11:00.960
But I don't know why God just deposited in my spirit all of a sudden.
00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:03.039
And I wanted to know some things.
00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:04.960
So I'm looking at my family.
00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:10.399
Gulla Geechee in Georgia, Native American ancestry in Louisiana.
00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:14.960
Always thought my people were just from Louisiana, right?
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:15.840
No.
00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:25.679
And when I looked at what black people had to do to survive, I mean just to keep standing.
00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:29.360
Man, it'll do something to you.
00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:31.919
I mean families separating.
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:37.039
Human beings bought and sold like furniture.
00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:41.600
Actual bill of sales you can see.
00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:50.639
Then suddenly becoming free and still having to fight to be treated like human beings.
00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:54.879
We call the civil rights movement, right?
00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:58.559
But I've come to see it differently.
00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:10.240
Before it was ever a civil rights issue, before it was ever a civil rights issue, it had to be a human rights issue.
00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:16.080
And looking at that history has made me think, man, I don't ever want to hurt another black man if I can help.
00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:19.759
We've already been through enough.
00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:25.919
This is why history matters, because history tells us where I came from.
00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:32.080
And when you lose your history, you can lose part of your identity.
00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:34.720
And I'll just add a side note there.
00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:37.600
History is a form of resistance.
00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:42.240
Does that make sense?
00:12:44.960 --> 00:12:55.440
And the next thing I wanted to talk about, well, some people may not like this one, but we have moved away from God.
00:12:56.080 --> 00:12:59.279
Now I'm not saying everything was better back in the day.
00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:00.559
It wasn't.
00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:08.080
But there was a time when we held on to God because they didn't have anything else.
00:13:08.240 --> 00:13:11.120
And that faith gave people a foundation.
00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:14.639
There was a standard beyond how you felt.
00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:17.120
There was hope.
00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:19.519
There was accountability.
00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:22.000
Not everybody's got to be the toughest person in the room.
00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:28.480
Nobody can walk away or apologize or just say, hey, I'm wrong.
00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:36.320
Somehow humility became weakness in the African American community.
00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:44.080
And respect, man, I can walk through Krogan and see a grown man's pants hanging halfway down his behind.
00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:49.360
Sir, I'm just trying to get some chicken, man.
00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:52.399
I shouldn't know what brand of underwear you have on.
00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:56.320
I mean, I'm not talking about underwear pants.
00:13:56.480 --> 00:13:59.759
I'm really talking about standards and respect.
00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:04.559
Because at what point does something become right?
00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:08.399
Simply because enough people start doing it.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:10.879
I'll wait.
00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:19.759
But here's where I might make some people upset.
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:21.039
Your truth can be wrong.
00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:26.879
I mean, so can mine because feelings aren't the final authority on truth, right?
00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:32.159
I mean, my anger doesn't make me right.
00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:36.399
My anger does not make me correct.
00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:39.039
Actually, my hurt doesn't either.
00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:44.720
And popularity doesn't make something right either.
00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:52.080
I've got to have a standard outside of myself, and for me, that's God.
00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:59.039
History tells me where I came from, but God tells me whose I am.
00:14:59.679 --> 00:15:07.759
And that gives me that foundation to answer, who am I?
00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:13.360
Because now I move into purpose.
00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:18.720
But there's still one question.
00:15:19.679 --> 00:15:21.039
Why am I here?
00:15:23.919 --> 00:15:32.240
And I believe when a man loses awareness and identity, it's not unusual for him to struggle with purpose.
00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:39.039
Because if I don't know who I am, how am I supposed to know what I'm supposed to do?
00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.200
So he starts reaching for something to make his life matter.
00:15:44.480 --> 00:15:46.240
Status, title.
00:15:47.519 --> 00:15:53.039
Again, a woman, and this is where some men get in trouble.
00:15:53.360 --> 00:16:00.240
We take something God intended to be relationship and turn it into something maybe a reason for living.
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:03.039
Man, your woman should not be your purpose.
00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:05.279
Girlfriend or wife?
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:07.840
Fiance, whatever.
00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:16.000
But I know I can already hear somebody saying, Man, you better hope your wife doesn't hear this.
00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:17.840
She's gonna hear.
00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:20.960
And I'm probably gonna hear about it.
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:21.679
Okay?
00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:25.679
But I'm not saying your wife's not important.
00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:31.679
I'm saying no human being should have to answer the question, why do I exist?
00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:39.519
Gentlemen, that's far too much weight to put on another person.
00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:46.000
But listen, a good woman can walk with your mission.
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:52.080
She can give you one, and some of y'all don't need a helpmate.
00:16:52.159 --> 00:16:57.759
You need roadside assistance because you ain't going nowhere.
00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:02.799
You get what I'm saying?
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:09.359
I mean, some people, people who ain't going anywhere, they want you to go with them.
00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:14.400
People who're not doing anything, they want you to do it too.
00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:17.920
I mean, am I making sense?
00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:26.559
And if your identity was built around that thing, when it changes, you can lose yourself.
00:17:28.559 --> 00:17:34.000
This is why Second Wind can't depend on getting your old life back.
00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:44.000
Sometimes Second Wind begins to realize hey, God ain't trying to give us, me, you, our old lives back.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:47.599
He's really showing us what we're supposed to do next.
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:50.559
This is where purpose lands.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:55.200
And look, heartbreak, man, it can hurt.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:56.720
It can hurt like hell.
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:58.160
I mean, it's it can be painful.
00:17:58.240 --> 00:17:59.039
You might cry.
00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:01.200
I've cried in the closet.
00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:05.839
But fellas, you're allowed to cry, but don't call me at 2:30 in the morning.
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:07.440
Call me around 9 a.m.
00:18:09.440 --> 00:18:11.680
But seriously, cry.
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:12.799
Pray.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:14.880
Talk to your brothers.
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:18.720
I mean, get professional help if you need it, and eventually understand it.
00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:22.319
Hey, my relationship ended, but my life didn't.
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:24.319
God didn't leave.
00:18:24.720 --> 00:18:27.039
My assignment is still here.
00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:33.039
My purpose, it didn't pack a suitcase and leave when she left.
00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:37.039
And here's another uncomfortable truth.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:43.200
Some of what you call love in love, sometimes it's flat out dependence.
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:46.400
Maybe sometimes it's insecurity.
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:53.039
That's really your second way.
00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:57.359
So, how does a man find himself again?
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:08.559
Because sometimes life hits so hard that a man you used to be doesn't know how to handle the life you're living now.
00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:12.480
Not necessarily to go backwards, but to move forward.
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:13.519
Right?
00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:20.720
Awareness, identity, purpose, God.
00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:25.440
The job may not come back.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:27.599
Relationship may not either.
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:29.839
Maybe money won't.
00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:32.480
The life you plan may not.
00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:36.319
But gentlemen, you can.
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.519
And maybe that's what second wind points to.
00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:46.880
Not an old life, but getting you back.
00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:54.240
Because sometimes working hard on yourself means realizing you shouldn't be doing all the work by yourself anyway.
00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:59.200
I mean, we talk about all the time life gets better when you get better.
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.000
And if you're still here, there's still assignment.
00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:04.400
Because you're not late.
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:06.319
You're assigned.
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:09.119
This is Second Win with K.R.
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:09.839
Henderson.
