WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.720
It will it will get more comfortable today.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:04.080
We're gonna be up near 70.
00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:07.440
Yesterday never felt like it got out of that low fifties.
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:12.000
And don't you feel though that you still need to be doing outside y kind of things?
00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:12.480
Oh yeah.
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:13.759
Oh my god, are you kidding me?
00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:15.839
I'm just gonna be starting leaf blowing season.
00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:18.559
Oh, yes, which is kind of fun because you feel like a ghostbuster.
00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:19.440
Fun for the first time.
00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.000
It's fun for the first time.
00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:23.839
Nice wheeze with that.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:25.679
Shut up, I'm still sick.
00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:28.399
Um my emergency this morning.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:30.640
The uh it's fun for the first time.
00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:36.079
It's kind of like the snow blowing for the first time, mowing the lawn for the first time, or the last time of the season.
00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:43.119
It's the middle stuff, you're just like, oh God, that's why I like to just wait till there is so many leaves that it comes up to my thighs.
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:45.520
So I've tried this, and then I can't.
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:48.320
Uh because I live in a rainforest, number one.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:57.439
Uh I if I don't maintain and now every weekend until all the leaves are gone sometime a week before Thanksgiving, I am out there literally.
00:00:57.520 --> 00:01:02.880
Like if I go do it, if I could if if I did it even this afternoon, I could get it done pretty quickly.
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:04.400
You know, like maybe an hour.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:04.799
Okay.
00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:09.359
If I wait for it to get all the way up to my thighs, I'm out there for an entire day.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:13.120
I end up stopping at one point one year and go, I'll be back to this tomorrow.
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:17.760
You know how a few weeks ago we talked about giving Gavin and Lydia things to do as far as chores.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:21.200
I couldn't put a blower on Gavin, it would pull him right to the ground.
00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:21.599
I know.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:22.560
That's exactly what I was thinking.
00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:25.840
You guys, if you've never met Gavin, he's really, really small for his age.
00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:28.079
He's super lightweight little kid.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:29.040
50 pounds, maybe?
00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:30.000
56.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:31.599
He's 56 pounds.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:34.879
I could just see him like back backpack on.
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Leaning all the way back.
00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:40.799
And then his feet would be up in the air if he and he'd be kicking like a turtle.
00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:48.159
Or worse yet, he he engages the blower and all of a sudden he's off the ground and the thing's spinning him around.
00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:48.480
Right?
00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:48.719
Yeah.
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And then Lydia comes and she's like, I'll take care of the things.
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Give me the backpack, Gavin.
00:01:52.640 --> 00:01:52.799
Right.
00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:53.599
I know, right?
00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:54.400
All right, listen.
00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:59.200
Well, while we're talking about parenting things, and what chores I can give my kid.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:00.319
Not that one.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:01.200
Not that one.
00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:03.280
Uh, go ahead with what you have going on.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.360
So I'm pretty irritated with my husband right now because he wants us to financially support his mom.
00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:14.800
She just reached retirement age and quit her job, but she lives alone and basically has no savings.
00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:18.080
Um, her husband passed away and didn't really leave her much money.
00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:20.080
So, you know, I feel bad for her.
00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:26.000
I really do, but I don't think it's automatically our responsibility to support another adult financially.
00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:31.360
And don't get me wrong, we're doing okay financially, but we're not like women in money by any means.
00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:38.240
So I'm worried if my husband starts cutting a check every month, that's gonna come out of our retirement or the kids' college savings.
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.840
Um, but eventually he's already told her we'll help her at least somewhat.
00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:46.240
So now I feel like he's made a promise before we even agreed on what we can afford.
00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:52.000
And I'm not trying to be the daughter-in-law who's like you're on your own, because that's not how I feel about it.
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:57.759
But I just think we have to make sure we're not hurting our own family's future by fixing her problems.
00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:04.879
But so yeah, I just feel like if I put my foot down, it's not gonna get me anywhere because my husband already feels like this is our responsibility.
00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:14.319
So yeah, just wondering what other people would do here, because I feel like this is gonna be like a somewhat permanent commitment that'll end up just messing things up for us.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:20.240
Well, the first thing that you have to know is you have a say in this because your finances are involved in this.
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:20.800
Right.
00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:23.439
Um you can pull from your check.
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:25.280
Well well, it no, it's not that.
00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:28.240
I I think there's a much, much better way to handle this.
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:28.960
Oh, okay.
00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.759
Um not tell him in a bossy pants kind of way.
00:03:32.080 --> 00:03:32.800
Well, that would be the one.
00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:36.639
So, yeah, let's not make him all defensive and be like, Well, so here's the thing.
00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:38.319
I understand he feels obligated to his mom.
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I would too.
00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:39.680
Okay.
00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:44.000
Yes, but wait, wait till you hear what I where I'm going with this uh on this.
00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:50.960
You cannot totally drain everything you have to make sure that they're cared for.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:04:01.759
Now, it sounds like you probably don't want her moving into your house because that, you know, you could sell the her house or whatever, see what profit you can get and apply that to her future.
00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:04.000
That might be, excuse me, a little bit more extreme.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:05.599
No, here's what I would start with.
00:04:05.759 --> 00:04:07.599
Here's how the help should go.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:12.400
Maybe, because like let's say she has a$500 car payment a month, grandma.
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:12.960
Yep.
00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:14.879
That's not an uncommon car payment.
00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:15.280
No.
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:17.279
Maybe that's where the line gets drawn.
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:19.360
And you say, that's what we're gonna do.
00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:26.720
Or if she still has a mortgage that she has not finished paying off, that those are obligations you have to deal with.
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:27.040
Right.
00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.879
Because you can't just suddenly say, Well, come up with your own money for the uh mortgage.
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:35.600
She's not gonna get that much on Social Security, she's not gonna get that much from you know different areas.
00:04:35.759 --> 00:04:36.560
That has to be paid.
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:39.920
And you don't you don't want her to lose your house so she moves in with you.
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:43.439
That makes so much sense to me that you would start with a mortgage or something a little bit bigger.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:45.279
Well, here's what here's the way I would do that.
00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:46.480
Substantial, I should say.
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:47.839
Here's the way I would handle that.
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:51.120
The first thing I would do is help them help themselves.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:54.160
In other words, you've mentioned this over the past couple days.
00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:56.560
Heap just opened up in New York State.
00:04:56.879 --> 00:04:57.199
Yep.
00:04:57.439 --> 00:04:58.079
Get her on it.
00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:02.720
She's gonna qualify because she doesn't have any money and she's single and you know, she's a widow.
00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:04.399
And you don't have to take care of that part.
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:14.560
You you may have to so you're I think your efforts need to come more in setting her up for assistance that she can get that will help her.
00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:16.399
In other words, get her on heap.
00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:19.759
Uh then buy her a scooter so she doesn't need to have a car payer.
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:20.639
Right.
00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:24.800
Look at the then I would say look at those bigger situations.
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:31.360
Uh I mean, maybe she has an$800 a month mortgage that maybe it has let's let's pretend it has like three years left on it.
00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:32.240
Okay.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:38.639
So how much can we put from your social security or whatever else you're getting to that?
00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:46.240
Basically, I'm trying to come up with ways to keep them from drawing the most out of their accounts and affecting their future, and it will.
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Because she said that, and I thought that was a great point.
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Also, I would want to see how the his mom is spending the money.
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Because if she's buying stupid stuff, then you need to also get a handle on that.
00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:06.160
And I know that's hard, but get a handle on that because maybe she can't afford certain things because she's spending it while she's playing online poker.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:08.079
Because when you're old, what else are you doing?
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Well, that's true too.
00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:10.959
I mean, I think you're gonna have to examine it at all.
00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:23.920
I don't know if anybody else has been in a situation like this where essentially you have, well, what is now, you know, a single parent older, that is they didn't have much laid aside.
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:31.199
They didn't have the retirement, they didn't have this, but they still have these expenses, and they're still healthy enough to be in their own home.
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I mean, ultimately, I want to be clear on this too.
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Ultimately, and she needs to have the tough conversation, it may come down to grandma to mom, mother-in-law, grandma for the kids, whatever, having to downsize what she is in.
00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:51.439
If she has a house and it's that close to being paid off, you may not need that house.
00:06:51.759 --> 00:06:52.800
Maybe you do an apartment.
00:06:53.439 --> 00:07:00.480
I was even thinking, besides that, as a uh money savings, what do old people also have a lot of stuff?
00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:03.920
Is there other things that but a garage sale only gets you so far?
00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:13.279
No, I know, but is there a few things, at least until you and your husband can figure out a grand plan to help pay some of the things along the way?
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:17.600
I think there are multiple things that you can do to at least transition you into that.
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I think these are all things that she needs to bring forward since her husband, the you know, the son of the mom, since since he's already said he's gonna help.
00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:39.759
I think now it's time time to define what the help is because you cannot break yourself or your family's future just to take care of someone that didn't do the best job setting themselves up for the future.
00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:42.000
And is probably playing online poker as we speak.
00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:42.560
It could be.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:02.720
It will it will get more comfortable today.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:04.080
We're gonna be up near 70.
00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:07.440
Yesterday never felt like it got out of that low fifties.
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:12.000
And don't you feel though that you still need to be doing outside y kind of things?
00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:12.480
Oh yeah.
00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:13.759
Oh my god, are you kidding me?
00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:15.839
I'm just gonna be starting leaf blowing season.
00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:18.559
Oh, yes, which is kind of fun because you feel like a ghostbuster.
00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:19.440
Fun for the first time.
00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.000
It's fun for the first time.
00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:23.839
Nice wheeze with that.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:25.679
Shut up, I'm still sick.
00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:28.399
Um my emergency this morning.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:30.640
The uh it's fun for the first time.
00:00:30.879 --> 00:00:36.079
It's kind of like the snow blowing for the first time, mowing the lawn for the first time, or the last time of the season.
00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:43.119
It's the middle stuff, you're just like, oh God, that's why I like to just wait till there is so many leaves that it comes up to my thighs.
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:45.520
So I've tried this, and then I can't.
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:48.320
Uh because I live in a rainforest, number one.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:57.439
Uh I if I don't maintain and now every weekend until all the leaves are gone sometime a week before Thanksgiving, I am out there literally.
00:00:57.520 --> 00:01:02.880
Like if I go do it, if I could if if I did it even this afternoon, I could get it done pretty quickly.
00:01:03.119 --> 00:01:04.400
You know, like maybe an hour.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:04.799
Okay.
00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:09.359
If I wait for it to get all the way up to my thighs, I'm out there for an entire day.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:13.120
I end up stopping at one point one year and go, I'll be back to this tomorrow.
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:17.760
You know how a few weeks ago we talked about giving Gavin and Lydia things to do as far as chores.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:21.200
I couldn't put a blower on Gavin, it would pull him right to the ground.
00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:21.599
I know.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:22.560
That's exactly what I was thinking.
00:01:22.719 --> 00:01:25.840
You guys, if you've never met Gavin, he's really, really small for his age.
00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:28.079
He's super lightweight little kid.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:29.040
50 pounds, maybe?
00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:30.000
56.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:31.599
He's 56 pounds.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:34.879
I could just see him like back backpack on.
00:01:35.120 --> 00:01:36.159
Leaning all the way back.
00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:40.799
And then his feet would be up in the air if he and he'd be kicking like a turtle.
00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:48.159
Or worse yet, he he engages the blower and all of a sudden he's off the ground and the thing's spinning him around.
00:01:48.319 --> 00:01:48.480
Right?
00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:48.719
Yeah.
00:01:48.959 --> 00:01:51.040
And then Lydia comes and she's like, I'll take care of the things.
00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:52.400
Give me the backpack, Gavin.
00:01:52.640 --> 00:01:52.799
Right.
00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:53.599
I know, right?
00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:54.400
All right, listen.
00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:59.200
Well, while we're talking about parenting things, and what chores I can give my kid.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:00.319
Not that one.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:01.200
Not that one.
00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:03.280
Uh, go ahead with what you have going on.
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.360
So I'm pretty irritated with my husband right now because he wants us to financially support his mom.
00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:14.800
She just reached retirement age and quit her job, but she lives alone and basically has no savings.
00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:18.080
Um, her husband passed away and didn't really leave her much money.
00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:20.080
So, you know, I feel bad for her.
00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:26.000
I really do, but I don't think it's automatically our responsibility to support another adult financially.
00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:31.360
And don't get me wrong, we're doing okay financially, but we're not like women in money by any means.
00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:38.240
So I'm worried if my husband starts cutting a check every month, that's gonna come out of our retirement or the kids' college savings.
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.840
Um, but eventually he's already told her we'll help her at least somewhat.
00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:46.240
So now I feel like he's made a promise before we even agreed on what we can afford.
00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:52.000
And I'm not trying to be the daughter-in-law who's like you're on your own, because that's not how I feel about it.
00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:57.759
But I just think we have to make sure we're not hurting our own family's future by fixing her problems.
00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:04.879
But so yeah, I just feel like if I put my foot down, it's not gonna get me anywhere because my husband already feels like this is our responsibility.
00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:14.319
So yeah, just wondering what other people would do here, because I feel like this is gonna be like a somewhat permanent commitment that'll end up just messing things up for us.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:20.240
Well, the first thing that you have to know is you have a say in this because your finances are involved in this.
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:20.800
Right.
00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:23.439
Um you can pull from your check.
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:25.280
Well well, it no, it's not that.
00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:28.240
I I think there's a much, much better way to handle this.
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:28.960
Oh, okay.
00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:31.759
Um not tell him in a bossy pants kind of way.
00:03:32.080 --> 00:03:32.800
Well, that would be the one.
00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:36.639
So, yeah, let's not make him all defensive and be like, Well, so here's the thing.
00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:38.319
I understand he feels obligated to his mom.
00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:39.120
I would too.
00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:39.680
Okay.
00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:44.000
Yes, but wait, wait till you hear what I where I'm going with this uh on this.
00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:50.960
You cannot totally drain everything you have to make sure that they're cared for.
00:03:51.199 --> 00:04:01.759
Now, it sounds like you probably don't want her moving into your house because that, you know, you could sell the her house or whatever, see what profit you can get and apply that to her future.
00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:04.000
That might be, excuse me, a little bit more extreme.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:05.599
No, here's what I would start with.
00:04:05.759 --> 00:04:07.599
Here's how the help should go.
00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:12.400
Maybe, because like let's say she has a$500 car payment a month, grandma.
00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:12.960
Yep.
00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:14.879
That's not an uncommon car payment.
00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:15.280
No.
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:17.279
Maybe that's where the line gets drawn.
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:19.360
And you say, that's what we're gonna do.
00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:26.720
Or if she still has a mortgage that she has not finished paying off, that those are obligations you have to deal with.
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:27.040
Right.
00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.879
Because you can't just suddenly say, Well, come up with your own money for the uh mortgage.
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:35.600
She's not gonna get that much on Social Security, she's not gonna get that much from you know different areas.
00:04:35.759 --> 00:04:36.560
That has to be paid.
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:39.920
And you don't you don't want her to lose your house so she moves in with you.
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:43.439
That makes so much sense to me that you would start with a mortgage or something a little bit bigger.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:45.279
Well, here's what here's the way I would do that.
00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:46.480
Substantial, I should say.
00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:47.839
Here's the way I would handle that.
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:51.120
The first thing I would do is help them help themselves.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:54.160
In other words, you've mentioned this over the past couple days.
00:04:54.399 --> 00:04:56.560
Heap just opened up in New York State.
00:04:56.879 --> 00:04:57.199
Yep.
00:04:57.439 --> 00:04:58.079
Get her on it.
00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:02.720
She's gonna qualify because she doesn't have any money and she's single and you know, she's a widow.
00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:04.399
And you don't have to take care of that part.
00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:14.560
You you may have to so you're I think your efforts need to come more in setting her up for assistance that she can get that will help her.
00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:16.399
In other words, get her on heap.
00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:19.759
Uh then buy her a scooter so she doesn't need to have a car payer.
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:20.639
Right.
00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:24.800
Look at the then I would say look at those bigger situations.
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:31.360
Uh I mean, maybe she has an$800 a month mortgage that maybe it has let's let's pretend it has like three years left on it.
00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:32.240
Okay.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:38.639
So how much can we put from your social security or whatever else you're getting to that?
00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:46.240
Basically, I'm trying to come up with ways to keep them from drawing the most out of their accounts and affecting their future, and it will.
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Because she said that, and I thought that was a great point.
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Also, I would want to see how the his mom is spending the money.
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Because if she's buying stupid stuff, then you need to also get a handle on that.
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And I know that's hard, but get a handle on that because maybe she can't afford certain things because she's spending it while she's playing online poker.
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Because when you're old, what else are you doing?
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Well, that's true too.
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I mean, I think you're gonna have to examine it at all.
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I don't know if anybody else has been in a situation like this where essentially you have, well, what is now, you know, a single parent older, that is they didn't have much laid aside.
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They didn't have the retirement, they didn't have this, but they still have these expenses, and they're still healthy enough to be in their own home.
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I mean, ultimately, I want to be clear on this too.
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Ultimately, and she needs to have the tough conversation, it may come down to grandma to mom, mother-in-law, grandma for the kids, whatever, having to downsize what she is in.
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If she has a house and it's that close to being paid off, you may not need that house.
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Maybe you do an apartment.
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I was even thinking, besides that, as a uh money savings, what do old people also have a lot of stuff?
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Is there other things that but a garage sale only gets you so far?
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No, I know, but is there a few things, at least until you and your husband can figure out a grand plan to help pay some of the things along the way?
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I think there are multiple things that you can do to at least transition you into that.
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I think these are all things that she needs to bring forward since her husband, the you know, the son of the mom, since since he's already said he's gonna help.
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I think now it's time time to define what the help is because you cannot break yourself or your family's future just to take care of someone that didn't do the best job setting themselves up for the future.
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And is probably playing online poker as we speak.
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It could be.
