WEBVTT
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of
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The Sapient. Today we have Brian on the show.
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So first of all, welcome Brian. How are you doing?
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What's up? What's going on? Hello, thank you
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so much for having me on your show. Things are
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going busy. Things are great. Life is exploding.
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Nice. And where are you based out of? Pardon?
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Where are you based out of? I'm based out of
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Red Deer, Alberta, up here in Canada. Nice. So...
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It's a two -door lamp. A little bit. We've kicked
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him out, but unfortunately, we're still stuck
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with some pretty scary liberals, yeah. Yeah.
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How's life? How's everything? What do you do
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and stuff? Well, right now, I am the host of
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my podcast, The Return Project. I'm also an author
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of my first book that I wrote called Getting
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Selfish, Filling Your Bucket First. I am an aspiring
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speaker that... I want to get out there and share
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my message with people. And other than that,
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I spend my time. I have three daughters and my
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wife hanging out with my family, living the dream,
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working hard. It's a pretty busy life and things
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are never boring. That's for sure. Especially
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the podcast is erupting. The book is exploding.
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We just got it published a couple of weeks ago.
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We're just trying to get it out into people's
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hands and get the message out there and share
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it with people more. So it's busy. Yeah, I guess
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being busy is a good thing. Being busy is an
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incredible thing. I'm not good at being bored.
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I'm not good at sitting on my hands and twiddling
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my thumbs. I'm always one of those go, go, go,
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let's make something happen kind of people. And
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what sort of got you interested in writing the
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book? My book came from a passion project. Same
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with my podcast. It all comes from a place of
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wanting to help people understand there is a
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greater life out there. The book comes from walking
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through my own experience of a very dark, really
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hard time that I got really angry and tired of
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people calling me selfish when I wanted to put
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myself first and honor myself. And at the time,
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I had no idea that it was going to become my
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whole concept and I was going to write a whole
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book on it. I just wanted to put myself first.
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You know, I would look around and this is something
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I tell everybody. Sometimes you need to look
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in the mirror and understand and see who's looking
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back. Because when I had a moment and I looked
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in the mirror and I hated who I saw back and
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I had no idea who was looking back at me was
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pretty terrifying. So what do you say? You are
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kind of anti... Like the typical belief of be
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selfless and, you know, like put others in front
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of yourself. And this is where it's a bit of
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a twist. Absolutely not. Because it's almost
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what I'm trying to tell people is that you have
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to get selfish to be able to pour with abundance.
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To be able to give people the best of you and
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to be able to show up in the world as your most
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authentic. powerful self, your bucket has to
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be full first. You can't give from an empty bucket.
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If your bucket is depleted, drained, holes full
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of it, toxic, being held together by band -aids,
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you are no good to anybody else until you're
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good to yourself. When you say be selfish, how
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would you define selfish? I define selfish as
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self -love, setting your boundaries, and putting
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yourself first so you can pour with abundance.
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There's a definition out there, if we go by the
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Oxford Dictionary definition, that the word selfish
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can have a negative tone to it. The word selfish
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really is, you know, looking after yourself and
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only yourself and taking and not giving and it's
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all about you. Really, I want to transform. Let's
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play on that word. Let's take for ourselves so
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we can give for everyone else. So you would say
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that kind of the typical, you know, a selfish
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person, right? Would you say that they're a good
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person at heart or a bad person? It's definitely
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that place of you have to look at it from the
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right perspective because yes, there are people
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out there who are the definition of the dictionary
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selfish. There are awful people out there. I'm
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not going to deny that. I'm not going to ever
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sugarcoat that. There are selfish people out
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there who are just, well, jackasses. I reframe
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it because I want people to really understand
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that if we all took a moment to look ourselves
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in the mirror, get to know who we were, understand
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our boundaries, our passion, our insides, our
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beliefs, our values, our morals, all of that,
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who we were, and then discover how to create
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a healthy abundance so that we can take the best
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of ourselves and give it to others. I'm going
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to give you a quick metaphorical scenario that
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I use to make this really clear to people. You're
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going to a family wedding. You've been told you
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have to go, but the family that's all going are
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heavy drinkers, people that are disrespectful
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to you, people who you find kind of toxic, and
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not family you know very well yet. Everybody
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in your family is saying you have to go because
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it's family. You have to be there because they're
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family. They're using that family word in a guilting
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you in, making you feel bad because you don't
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really want to be there. So here's where we have
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to get selfish. You have to make that hard decision
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to say, no, I'm going to respect my boundaries
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and not go hang out with people that are heavy
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drinkers. I'm going to protect my energy and
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my passion and not be put down and disrespected
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by people who aren't very nice to you. And first
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off, maybe you just don't want to go and that's
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okay. In that sense, yes, get selfish, look after
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yourself, and make the decision you want to make.
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We're not here to let anyone else make us feel
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guilty or make us feel like we're being the bad
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person. We're looking after us and our family
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first. We're looking after the people that matter
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to us so we can be better people for them. So
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you would say standing up for ourselves, right?
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100%. It's all about... Creating those boundaries,
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creating that safe place for yourself, creating
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those places where you recognize whether it's
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you just don't want to go, whether it's you're
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making a choice not to spend time with people
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who rob you of your energy, put you down and
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disrespect you. Why would you put yourself in
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a situation that didn't feel good? Yeah, got
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it. And let's see. Now that you're talking about
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boundaries, right? Like, the normal society norms
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hate boundaries. Right? Because it kind of doesn't
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let people dictate you or, you know, like, I
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would say, make you obedient. And that's a key
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factor to it. You want to be a strong, powerful
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person? You want to be confident? You want to
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be able to walk with your head held high? You
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need to stand up and put those in place because
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you're not going to let anybody walk on you.
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You're not going to let anybody tell you how
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to live your life and what to do. You make the
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decisions. You choose yourself. You tell people,
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this is how I live. This is who I am. So what
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about those people who say, you know, like, I
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don't want boundaries because that makes other
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people uncomfortable? And that's hard. It's going
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to make people uncomfortable. And that's part
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of the growing journey is it's hard for us to
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set those boundaries from someone in a perspective
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who's never set a boundary in their life. Those
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people, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's hard
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to do, but it's so worth it. Yes, it's going
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to be uncomfortable for you and you're probably
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going to make someone else uncomfortable. But
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that other person that you're making uncomfortable.
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They're only uncomfortable because they can no
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longer push you around and make you do what they
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want. They can no longer pour into your bucket.
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You've basically said, here's my line. I'm not
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letting you in anymore. And now they don't like
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it. And what was that experience that kind of
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ticked you off in your own life? I go back to
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it was the moment I woke up in the mirror one
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day and I looked in the mirror. I had no idea
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who was looking back. I hated what I saw looking
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back. And a flicker, something in me, a small
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spark, something screamed out saying, I want
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to love this person. I want to know who this
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is. I need more. That was the eruption moment.
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I had spent years wearing a mask. being the person
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everybody wanted me to do. You might even laugh.
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I went to university because someone else told
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me what I was really good at and I should do
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that. And I just said, okay, yeah. And I spent
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thousands of dollars to go to university for
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something to find out that I really hated that.
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That's not what I wanted to do. I did it because
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someone else told me I was good at it and filled
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my bucket. Because at that time, well, I was
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a hot mess and didn't really know anything different.
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And how much time do you think it took you to
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actually make change? Years. This process that
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you walk through of change, it's not an overnight
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change. It's not a one -day switch. It is years.
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I've spent years walking through, educating myself,
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dreaming big. Learning about forgiveness, grace,
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and gratitude. Learning about how to fuel my
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body with nutrition and keep my mind and body
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healthy. I've walked through years of finding
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what my beliefs were, understanding who I was
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at the core, and how I was going to hold those
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boundaries. And, well, you fall down a lot. There's
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lots of ups and downs. So it's part of its trial
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and error. action it's learning it's i've probably
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spent the last 10 years and i'll keep walking
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it it's a never -ending journey i will walk this
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journey of self -growth and self -love and growing
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myself and the people around me until the day
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i die yeah so what kind of inspired you right
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because you went through the stuff and you change
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yourself right but what actually inspired you
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to write a book about it Well, here's the funny
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part about the book. The book really started
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with scribbles and notes and tidbits. I would
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just pull out of my brain sometimes and strike
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down. And it was probably a good couple of years
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of just making notebooks and random notes in
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my phone or on my computer and all this. Then
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finally, I was in a conversation with someone
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one day. And I was talking about having a bucket
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list item. I've always wanted to write a book.
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You know, it was one of my life goals to publish
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a book because I've always enjoyed writing. I've
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always been a writer. I've always been a creative
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person. And somebody looked at me and said, just
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do it. You have all of this stuff. You have all
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this knowledge. You've got all this wisdom. You've
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got all this inspiration and a powerful story.
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Just do it. And I don't know why it clicked at
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that time. Maybe it was the universe and everything
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falls into a right time at a right place. But
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it just came together. And so, yeah, I took everything
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I compiled over years, everything out of my brain
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that I'd learned through mentors, books, other
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podcasts, myself, just took it all and started
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writing. And, well, it took a while for it to
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come together to what it is today. Now there
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is this handbook and a guide of steps that walks
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people through really a path of rediscovery,
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a path of embracing their self -love and pulling
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themselves out of, well, not knowing who they
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are, being a hot mess, being burnt out, being
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an extraordinary people pleaser like I was, and
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just looking for something more in life. So to
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round that all out, this book, has been a passion
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project that developed over years and I just
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decided one day to put action into my words and
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just I did it and we walked through the process
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of self -publishing this book a couple of weeks
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ago and now it's out there now this book will
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transform people's lives got it and how long
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did it take you to write the book like from scratch
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From getting serious about it to having it finished,
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I'm going to say at least a year. Because there
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was periods where I would go hardcore at it and
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then I would kind of fall off and take a break.
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And then I'd come back to it or I would write.
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This is where it gets hard. Coming from an author,
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and I'm sure any other authors out there listening
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know this, when you write, your first manuscript
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or your first chunk and you think it's brilliant
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you think what you've done is incredible and
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you send it to a second set of eyes and they
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tear it apart and then you and then you go back
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and look at it and you go oh my god i need to
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fix all this so you rewrite the whole thing and
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then you repeat that process probably half a
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dozen times till you finally get to a point where
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you go okay now it's good okay this is what i
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really wanted it to be like So probably from
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getting serious to publishing, I would say at
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least a year. At least. God, and how many times
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in that year did you want to give up? Oh, there
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was many. Between having my own self -doubt,
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is this good enough? Is anybody going to ever
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read this? Like, what the hell am I doing? To
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having to swallow it when somebody would send
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me back. all scribbled on, version that I had
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to go through and fix, spelling errors, grammar
00:15:45.789 --> 00:15:47.789
errors, a million different things. And I went,
00:15:47.850 --> 00:15:50.610
I thought it was so good. And now they're telling
00:15:50.610 --> 00:15:53.470
me, look at all this. So I was like, oh. So yes,
00:15:53.610 --> 00:15:56.809
many, many, many times did I want to throw my
00:15:56.809 --> 00:16:00.210
hands in the air and say, what the hell? Yeah.
00:16:00.950 --> 00:16:04.289
And what was your kind of driving force behind?
00:16:04.450 --> 00:16:07.379
Like, okay, I need to finish this. The driving
00:16:07.379 --> 00:16:11.200
force every time came back to the little voice
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:14.500
in my head saying, we need to share this message.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:17.159
People need to know there's more to life and
00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:21.080
that we can go from surviving to absolutely thriving.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.379
We need to get this message out to people and
00:16:23.379 --> 00:16:26.399
it will change lives. It just kept ringing in
00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:28.919
me and coming back to me every time I hit a wall
00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:33.059
or hit a hiccup or got stuck. That voice in my
00:16:33.059 --> 00:16:36.259
head and in my heart said, We need to get this
00:16:36.259 --> 00:16:43.460
out. And do you think your podcast is also aligned
00:16:43.460 --> 00:16:48.019
to what you're writing in the book? I really
00:16:48.019 --> 00:16:51.000
feel like my podcast is 100 % aligned. I called
00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:54.299
it The Return Project because there's a point
00:16:54.299 --> 00:16:57.799
in our life where everybody says, you can just
00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:00.360
start again, draw a line in the sand, we're starting
00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:03.659
it from scratch. But no. You're never starting
00:17:03.659 --> 00:17:05.960
from scratch. You're never just starting again.
00:17:06.579 --> 00:17:09.339
You're always returning. You're returning with
00:17:09.339 --> 00:17:11.539
more wisdom, more knowledge, more experience.
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.380
You're returning from life kicked the crap out
00:17:15.380 --> 00:17:20.299
of you. Awful things have happened. And now look
00:17:20.299 --> 00:17:21.960
what you're going to do with it. Where can you
00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.079
go when you make your ultimate return? Everybody
00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:28.779
has the power in them to go from an ultimate
00:17:28.779 --> 00:17:33.630
return to an ultimate life. the horrible things
00:17:33.630 --> 00:17:36.730
that happened to us, and turn them into the greatest
00:17:36.730 --> 00:17:40.529
things that have ever happened in our life. And
00:17:40.529 --> 00:17:44.109
how's your podcast been? What's that journey
00:17:44.109 --> 00:17:48.849
like? Oh, the podcast journey has been kind of
00:17:48.849 --> 00:17:52.470
like the book. You ride the highs and the lows.
00:17:52.690 --> 00:17:54.809
You think you're doing great, and then you learn
00:17:54.809 --> 00:17:56.750
something, and you look back and go, oh my god,
00:17:56.829 --> 00:17:59.829
I let that go out there to people? Like, what
00:17:59.829 --> 00:18:02.519
was I thinking? And then you create some more
00:18:02.519 --> 00:18:04.740
and you think it's great. And so it's, it's that
00:18:04.740 --> 00:18:06.920
roller coaster that anybody in the podcast world,
00:18:06.980 --> 00:18:11.359
I'm sure you have. I know I have rides that highs
00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:14.500
and lows of going, this is incredible. I've made
00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:17.279
such great content. And then you go back and
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:19.559
you look at your content from a couple of months
00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:22.559
to a year ago and you go, well, I see that I've
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:24.779
learned a lot and I've grown, but I can't believe
00:18:24.779 --> 00:18:28.930
I let that out in the world. Oh my gosh. And
00:18:28.930 --> 00:18:33.589
as a native English speaker, how crucial do you
00:18:33.589 --> 00:18:35.630
think communication has been achieving that?
00:18:36.769 --> 00:18:40.410
Let's be honest. In today's world, ideas are
00:18:40.410 --> 00:18:43.589
everywhere. What sets you apart is how well you
00:18:43.589 --> 00:18:47.299
communicate them, especially in English. If you
00:18:47.299 --> 00:18:49.859
are a startup founder pitching across borders,
00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:53.559
a professional leading virtual teams, or an MBA
00:18:53.559 --> 00:18:56.519
applicant facing high -stakes interviews, and
00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:59.660
English isn't your first language, you know that
00:18:59.660 --> 00:19:03.019
just being fluent isn't enough. That's where
00:19:03.019 --> 00:19:07.180
Bespeak English comes in. They offer one -on
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00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:16.680
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00:19:16.680 --> 00:19:20.000
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00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.700
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00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:39.700
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00:19:54.730 --> 00:19:59.910
your voice matters. Learning how to communicate
00:19:59.910 --> 00:20:04.849
with people and use words, it's always been a
00:20:04.849 --> 00:20:06.329
strong suit of mine, so that's where I've been
00:20:06.329 --> 00:20:11.009
blessed. But it's such a powerful tool when we
00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:13.829
can learn to communicate with people and really...
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:18.579
dig into powerful topics, dig into different
00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:22.799
personalities. Communication is something that
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:26.059
I think everybody should work on and develop
00:20:26.059 --> 00:20:29.160
as a skill. When you can have the ability to
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.599
sit down and have a one hour conversation, whether
00:20:31.599 --> 00:20:35.259
it's just fluff and you just get hit top layer
00:20:35.259 --> 00:20:37.920
stuff, great. Or when you get really good at
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.039
it and you can connect with people through your
00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:43.420
communication. and dive into these places where
00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:46.940
you build these connections, you build relationships,
00:20:47.339 --> 00:20:50.079
you meet new people from around the world. I
00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:53.140
can now say I have friends that are across the
00:20:53.140 --> 00:20:56.000
world that I would have never had in a million
00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.460
years or gotten to know. And I know them very,
00:20:59.500 --> 00:21:03.819
very intimately and well because we communicate
00:21:03.819 --> 00:21:07.279
so well. The power of language, the power of
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:10.180
communication. And even here's a fun key that
00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:13.339
I've been starting to pick up on, such as I get
00:21:13.339 --> 00:21:15.680
to meet people like yourself out in India or
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:18.460
whether it's Germany or Australia, you get to
00:21:18.460 --> 00:21:24.539
learn new languages. Yeah. Unfortunately, the
00:21:24.539 --> 00:21:27.980
same people ruled us all, so we are all speaking
00:21:27.980 --> 00:21:34.220
the same language. There is that. In a way, we
00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:36.799
are all saying the same thing and speaking the
00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:41.059
same language. But sometimes it's the words we
00:21:41.059 --> 00:21:44.660
use that mean something completely different.
00:21:45.220 --> 00:21:47.480
Yeah, I think it's because of the context of
00:21:47.480 --> 00:21:51.619
culture and just people, right? And that is so
00:21:51.619 --> 00:21:54.240
cool. You want to get into the concept of culture
00:21:54.240 --> 00:21:57.660
now. So I get really fascinated by this stuff
00:21:57.660 --> 00:22:00.680
because we wrap it all back to the world of podcasting,
00:22:00.680 --> 00:22:02.279
communication, getting to meet people around
00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:06.480
the world. I have had the opportunity to learn
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.940
about New cultures that I would have never experienced.
00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:13.140
I get to meet people who are teaching me and
00:22:13.140 --> 00:22:15.299
letting me see glimpses into their world, their
00:22:15.299 --> 00:22:20.079
cultures, the way they live. And I just think
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:22.420
that's the greatest opportunity to be able to
00:22:22.420 --> 00:22:27.099
take that in. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Because I
00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:30.000
have spoken to people from multiple countries,
00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:34.859
multiple cultures. And that's kind of my... curiosity
00:22:34.859 --> 00:22:37.140
right that takes over whenever i speak to people
00:22:37.140 --> 00:22:43.140
um and it's like fascinating to see how same
00:22:43.140 --> 00:22:47.039
humans different brains right like the way you
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:49.920
know people operate and the way people have different
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.079
like standards right okay i have to jump in here
00:22:53.079 --> 00:22:56.640
and share this with you because it really is
00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.779
a such an interesting little facet of how the
00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:04.130
brain works so for myself I have a question at
00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:07.250
the end of every one of my podcasts. I ask everybody
00:23:07.250 --> 00:23:09.529
the same question. And the question I always
00:23:09.529 --> 00:23:13.009
ask is, what is your definition of truly living
00:23:13.009 --> 00:23:16.809
your best life? And now I've had people from
00:23:16.809 --> 00:23:22.529
intuitive healers, alternative medicines, living
00:23:22.529 --> 00:23:26.910
life hippies, world travelers, to double doctors,
00:23:27.349 --> 00:23:32.220
psychologists, master degrees. highly educated
00:23:32.220 --> 00:23:36.140
people all on my podcast. The complete massive
00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:40.160
different spectrums. And yet, when I ask that
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:44.839
question, it is wild to see how all of their
00:23:44.839 --> 00:23:49.839
answers interject in the middle. People from
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:53.259
complete different walks of life, journeys, spaces,
00:23:53.420 --> 00:23:58.759
mindsets, all meet in the middle when you ask
00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:01.930
them about what living their best life means
00:24:01.930 --> 00:24:04.730
or really deep, powerful questions like that.
00:24:05.750 --> 00:24:09.670
And what do you think is the most general or
00:24:09.670 --> 00:24:14.329
most common answer in that? Ooh. I would have
00:24:14.329 --> 00:24:21.509
to say a very revolving answer would be to be
00:24:21.509 --> 00:24:27.009
present in the moment, to love yourself, to embrace
00:24:27.009 --> 00:24:32.799
the life that you're given. And to do what feels
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:37.319
good. So you would say none of them are talking
00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:42.259
about corporate jobs? No. Or spreadsheets. That's
00:24:42.259 --> 00:24:46.519
the wild part. Like, you know, in my brain, I
00:24:46.519 --> 00:24:48.660
would have assumed and I would have thought that
00:24:48.660 --> 00:24:51.180
when I'm talking to someone who's got a double
00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:53.839
doctorate and a highly educated person that's
00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:56.039
been to multiple universities and all that crazy
00:24:56.039 --> 00:24:58.460
stuff, it's going to tell me that their best
00:24:58.460 --> 00:25:01.799
life is... education and knowledge and power
00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:06.299
and being the smartest person alive or the person
00:25:06.299 --> 00:25:08.460
that's a free loving hippie traveling the world
00:25:08.460 --> 00:25:11.279
would have told me that their greatest life and
00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:13.119
the best way to live their life around that would
00:25:13.119 --> 00:25:18.019
be total freedom and excitement and no responsibility
00:25:18.019 --> 00:25:22.960
and whatever they want and yet every single one
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:29.029
of them in different words different ways say
00:25:29.029 --> 00:25:33.210
the same things about finding yourself in the
00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:36.609
moment, finding your true self -love, doing what
00:25:36.609 --> 00:25:40.349
feels good, embracing the life that you're given,
00:25:40.569 --> 00:25:48.170
and never giving up. Yeah. And because, you know,
00:25:48.230 --> 00:25:50.609
you have spoken to a lot of people, right, through
00:25:50.609 --> 00:25:53.329
the podcast, but, you know, just through Gentle
00:25:53.329 --> 00:26:01.140
Life, right? How, like, How much of a percentage
00:26:01.140 --> 00:26:07.339
of people do you think are selfish? I think the
00:26:07.339 --> 00:26:09.579
people that I have the opportunity to speak with
00:26:09.579 --> 00:26:14.200
are all selfish to my definition of it. They're
00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:16.980
all people who have discovered the ability to
00:26:16.980 --> 00:26:19.259
set their boundaries, to create their self -love,
00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:22.079
to rediscover who they were, to overcome the
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:24.900
greatest challenges of life and embrace everything
00:26:24.900 --> 00:26:27.690
that is them. So they can pour out with abundance.
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:30.269
So they can build massive charities. So they
00:26:30.269 --> 00:26:33.009
can give to everybody else. So they can be the
00:26:33.009 --> 00:26:35.029
greatest person and show up with the most authenticity.
00:26:35.890 --> 00:26:39.109
I can't say that a single person I've ever met
00:26:39.109 --> 00:26:43.829
is the Oxford definition of ugly, selfish, or
00:26:43.829 --> 00:26:47.509
a jackass. You know, there's lots of people in
00:26:47.509 --> 00:26:50.029
my life that I've had to give the snip to or
00:26:50.029 --> 00:26:54.069
that I've known who are that. But because I took
00:26:54.069 --> 00:26:56.589
my own words and got selfish, They're not part
00:26:56.589 --> 00:26:58.869
of my life anymore. I don't let those people
00:26:58.869 --> 00:27:01.509
in my life. I don't associate with them. And
00:27:01.509 --> 00:27:03.910
I don't give them the time of day. If they want
00:27:03.910 --> 00:27:06.849
to live their life and be a selfish person all
00:27:06.849 --> 00:27:10.349
about themselves. Cool. Go do you. Because you're
00:27:10.349 --> 00:27:13.490
not someone I'm going to give my energy to. Yeah.
00:27:13.970 --> 00:27:17.970
And also do you think it's like people have to
00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:20.369
stand up for themselves in order to achieve something
00:27:20.369 --> 00:27:24.369
in life? That's the only way to do it. To get
00:27:24.369 --> 00:27:27.200
where you want to go. You better stand up for
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:29.180
yourself or someone else is going to walk all
00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:32.960
over you. Right. And especially they'll hate
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:37.640
you if you are not self -serving anymore to them.
00:27:37.779 --> 00:27:43.880
Right. You're not being self -serving to the
00:27:43.880 --> 00:27:48.839
point that it's hurting other people. But you
00:27:48.839 --> 00:27:51.660
are always going to be self -serving to make
00:27:51.660 --> 00:27:55.809
sure you're looking after number one. Yeah. And
00:27:55.809 --> 00:27:59.569
would you say that having confidence in your
00:27:59.569 --> 00:28:03.930
own abilities helps you do that? Massively. You
00:28:03.930 --> 00:28:07.450
have to build that confidence. And confidence
00:28:07.450 --> 00:28:10.849
is hard. We're not born with confidence. We don't
00:28:10.849 --> 00:28:13.430
wake up one day and we're the most confident
00:28:13.430 --> 00:28:16.410
person in the world. Confidence comes from little
00:28:16.410 --> 00:28:18.829
actions every day. It's putting in the reps.
00:28:18.890 --> 00:28:22.289
It's doing the work. Confidence comes from doing
00:28:22.289 --> 00:28:24.849
things when you're scared. I'm not going to lie.
00:28:24.910 --> 00:28:27.450
I've got to go give a keynote speech in two weeks
00:28:27.450 --> 00:28:31.049
here and go give a 30 -minute presentation. And
00:28:31.049 --> 00:28:33.809
I'm terrified. Like it's going to be the scariest
00:28:33.809 --> 00:28:36.730
thing I've ever done. But I'm also going to tackle
00:28:36.730 --> 00:28:39.789
it so damn confidently that no one's ever going
00:28:39.789 --> 00:28:42.910
to know. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing about
00:28:42.910 --> 00:28:47.509
fear, right? Like fear is just a signal, right?
00:28:47.589 --> 00:28:51.009
It's not actual thing. It's just a signal of
00:28:51.009 --> 00:28:53.990
your mind saying, please don't do it. Because
00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:57.769
it's uncomfortable. Fear is nothing but your
00:28:57.769 --> 00:29:00.970
comfort zone wanting you to hold back. It is
00:29:00.970 --> 00:29:03.769
your safety net telling you, oh no, something
00:29:03.769 --> 00:29:08.210
bad might happen. Or fear is that nasty little
00:29:08.210 --> 00:29:11.369
voice in your head that, well, if you listen
00:29:11.369 --> 00:29:13.250
to it, it's probably going to kill you first.
00:29:13.710 --> 00:29:16.210
Yeah. But I would say, you know, fear is a good
00:29:16.210 --> 00:29:19.490
thing. Because it's like, once you get over that
00:29:19.490 --> 00:29:22.369
fear, right, then the ride is actually... absolutely
00:29:22.369 --> 00:29:27.089
enjoyable like absolutely i can put it in this
00:29:27.089 --> 00:29:31.150
context my my wife loves roller coasters i'm
00:29:31.150 --> 00:29:34.210
not such a fan of roller coasters but when she
00:29:34.210 --> 00:29:36.589
pushes me out of my comfort zone and puts me
00:29:36.589 --> 00:29:38.809
in that scary roller coaster that spins upside
00:29:38.809 --> 00:29:40.690
down and flips you around in multiple different
00:29:40.690 --> 00:29:46.069
directions i've i was in full fear mode but i
00:29:46.069 --> 00:29:49.180
jumped in I beat my fear. I didn't listen to
00:29:49.180 --> 00:29:51.500
it. Maybe I've watched too much Final Destination
00:29:51.500 --> 00:29:54.859
where the roller coaster all falls apart. But
00:29:54.859 --> 00:29:58.259
I then loved it. Once I got over that fear and
00:29:58.259 --> 00:30:01.059
I was able to conquer it, that roller coaster
00:30:01.059 --> 00:30:04.839
was amazing. Right. And I think that's literally
00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:08.740
life, right? You've got to get into the ride.
00:30:10.140 --> 00:30:12.259
Pretty much. That's going to be how you wake
00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:15.160
up every day. Now, you can choose to be a person
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:17.799
who lives in comfort and lets that fear rule
00:30:17.799 --> 00:30:20.259
your life and you cannot get in the roller coaster.
00:30:20.759 --> 00:30:23.579
But in my opinion, you're going to live a pretty
00:30:23.579 --> 00:30:25.960
boring life and you're not going to get very
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:31.460
far. Yeah. And it's also like, you know, like
00:30:31.460 --> 00:30:33.799
I think it was Jordan Peterson or somebody who
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:36.480
said like, you cannot half -ass anything because
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.559
you're investing your time in it. Absolutely.
00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:44.970
It's... when you half -ass something, you're,
00:30:44.970 --> 00:30:49.910
well, you're doing it. Yeah. Shitty. I don't
00:30:49.910 --> 00:30:52.309
know how else to describe that because when you
00:30:52.309 --> 00:30:54.089
half -ass something, you're letting yourself
00:30:54.089 --> 00:30:57.009
down and you're letting someone else down. Yeah.
00:30:57.089 --> 00:31:01.450
When you half -ass something, you are not giving
00:31:01.450 --> 00:31:05.170
your best. And maybe it's my belief that in everything
00:31:05.170 --> 00:31:08.509
I do, I'm there to give 100%. I'm there to do
00:31:08.509 --> 00:31:13.299
my best. So if I half -ass something, I actually
00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:16.579
feel bad about it. I go, I didn't show up as
00:31:16.579 --> 00:31:18.680
my best self. I didn't give what I could, you
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:22.740
know. I half -ass that. That's not me. Do you
00:31:22.740 --> 00:31:25.680
think people half -ass it because they have to
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:29.099
use it as an excuse in the event if they fail?
00:31:29.819 --> 00:31:32.720
Oh, absolutely. And I think it goes back to that
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:37.380
fear. I think that if you let fear rule you,
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:39.420
you're going to half -ass something because...
00:31:39.819 --> 00:31:43.440
then you don't have to overcome that fear of
00:31:43.440 --> 00:31:45.579
failure. You don't have to overcome that fear
00:31:45.579 --> 00:31:47.779
of what someone else is going to think. You don't
00:31:47.779 --> 00:31:50.839
have to overcome that fear of, was this good
00:31:50.839 --> 00:31:54.200
enough? So if you half -ass it, you feel and
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:57.279
tell yourself, well, I did my best. I did what
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:01.599
I could. I tried. No, you half -assed it and
00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:06.750
you didn't try at all. Yeah. And I feel like
00:32:06.750 --> 00:32:09.329
when people give it all and they fail, they're
00:32:09.329 --> 00:32:15.049
still happy. When you give 100 % of yourself
00:32:15.049 --> 00:32:18.069
and you give it your all, you put your heart,
00:32:18.089 --> 00:32:20.829
your soul, your body into it, some blood, sweat,
00:32:20.869 --> 00:32:24.569
and tears, you'll never be wrong. And if you
00:32:24.569 --> 00:32:28.410
are, the most you do is learn from it. Anytime
00:32:28.410 --> 00:32:31.630
I've ever dove two feet in, blood, sweat, and
00:32:31.630 --> 00:32:36.569
tears, poured 100 % of myself into it, If I was
00:32:36.569 --> 00:32:39.450
wrong, it was a learning moment. And if I was
00:32:39.450 --> 00:32:42.970
right, it was awesome. Yeah, because when you
00:32:42.970 --> 00:32:45.029
give it all and you fail, you're like, okay,
00:32:45.089 --> 00:32:48.910
I tried my best. It's whatever. Yeah. And you're
00:32:48.910 --> 00:32:52.049
comfortable in that moment with wrestling with
00:32:52.049 --> 00:32:56.289
failure. Instead of like, oh, I half -assed it.
00:32:56.690 --> 00:33:01.990
And you're confident outside, but inside everybody
00:33:01.990 --> 00:33:05.930
knows, okay, I should have. Right. I should have
00:33:05.930 --> 00:33:08.970
tried better. I should have done better. Right.
00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:15.589
And it's like humans have this tribalism, right,
00:33:15.670 --> 00:33:19.150
where they have to justify their failures rather
00:33:19.150 --> 00:33:22.970
than success. People don't justify success. They're
00:33:22.970 --> 00:33:24.930
like, yeah, you know, I accomplished what I wanted
00:33:24.930 --> 00:33:28.609
to do and that's it. Right. But they try to justify
00:33:28.609 --> 00:33:31.549
failure so much. Like, you know, this went wrong,
00:33:31.609 --> 00:33:33.920
you know, that went wrong. Because it's seen
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:37.980
as something negative. And as we are tribals,
00:33:37.980 --> 00:33:40.160
right? You know, we have that tribalism in the
00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:43.099
mind. And I think somewhere humans feel like
00:33:43.099 --> 00:33:49.539
we are being devalued within this tribe. It's
00:33:49.539 --> 00:33:53.119
a very fascinating mindset when you look at it
00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:56.220
in that perspective. Because we can put it on
00:33:56.220 --> 00:33:58.500
two bases. The one that you kind of discussed
00:33:58.500 --> 00:34:02.230
there where... You have to come up with a reason
00:34:02.230 --> 00:34:04.730
why it didn't work and you have to justify that
00:34:04.730 --> 00:34:07.549
and you have to come up with every excuse under
00:34:07.549 --> 00:34:10.989
the sun. That's a self -issue. That's self -confidence.
00:34:11.369 --> 00:34:13.550
That's a fear of failure. That's a fear of what
00:34:13.550 --> 00:34:16.090
other people are going to think. That is 100
00:34:16.090 --> 00:34:20.630
% you. If you can come at something like a failure
00:34:20.630 --> 00:34:24.510
and accept it and acknowledge that you failed
00:34:24.510 --> 00:34:26.670
and look at it in a bit of a different perspective
00:34:26.670 --> 00:34:29.880
without having to justify it. Even when someone
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:32.639
else wants you to justify it. Because that's
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.559
going to be the flip side. Someone else is going
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:36.780
to come to you and say, why didn't that work?
00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:40.340
Why did you fail? They're going to want an answer.
00:34:40.860 --> 00:34:44.239
If you have the confidence and the ability to
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:47.980
say, stuff happened. It didn't work. We'll try
00:34:47.980 --> 00:34:52.260
again. Or we can do this better. Or we can try
00:34:52.260 --> 00:34:56.139
this next. It's all about being able to shift
00:34:56.139 --> 00:35:00.820
your mindset. It is true. The majority of people
00:35:00.820 --> 00:35:05.079
in our community -driven, tribal -mindsetted,
00:35:05.420 --> 00:35:09.760
eco -driven people that we are from a human nature
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:13.739
want to show up as our best and want to not feel
00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:18.280
like we did bad. We want to feel and have a reason
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:20.500
when something goes wrong. But it's completely
00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:25.320
100 % a mindset. You must grow yourself out of
00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:29.780
that mindset. And be able to defeat that feelings
00:35:29.780 --> 00:35:33.099
inside of unworthy, not good enough, you screwed
00:35:33.099 --> 00:35:38.079
up, all those things. And flip that to say, it
00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:40.320
didn't work. We're going to learn from it. We'll
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.079
try this next. If you want me to justify it,
00:35:43.139 --> 00:35:46.860
sure. I'll give you why it didn't work. I'm going
00:35:46.860 --> 00:35:52.059
to be very clear and blunt. And I think we go
00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:56.539
right back to confidence. You can be... Stuck
00:35:56.539 --> 00:36:01.079
in fear, or you can be confident. Got it. And
00:36:01.079 --> 00:36:03.539
so, Brian, if people want to check out your book
00:36:03.539 --> 00:36:07.500
and the podcast, where can they do that? My book's
00:36:07.500 --> 00:36:11.280
now available on Amazon, amazon .com or amazon
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:14.019
.ca under Get Selfish, Filling Your Bucket First.
00:36:14.260 --> 00:36:17.019
My author page will be there under Brian White
00:36:17.019 --> 00:36:20.579
as well. That or jump over to our Facebook, our
00:36:20.579 --> 00:36:25.619
Instagram, our LinkedIn. Basically, any social
00:36:25.619 --> 00:36:28.159
media platform that you can find out there, we're
00:36:28.159 --> 00:36:32.059
pretty much on it at The Return Project. Got
00:36:32.059 --> 00:36:34.920
it. And any final words or anything that you
00:36:34.920 --> 00:36:41.260
want to say to kind of wrap it nicely? I want
00:36:41.260 --> 00:36:43.719
everybody to take a look at themselves in the
00:36:43.719 --> 00:36:46.500
mirror. Whether you go home tonight or you're
00:36:46.500 --> 00:36:49.800
waking up first thing this morning, honestly,
00:36:50.019 --> 00:36:54.449
look in the mirror and ask yourself, Who am I?
00:36:54.570 --> 00:37:01.010
What am I? Look in that mirror and really see
00:37:01.010 --> 00:37:06.250
who's looking back. Got it. And thank you so
00:37:06.250 --> 00:37:10.630
much, Brian, for being here. And I know that
00:37:10.630 --> 00:37:13.849
my audience did take away a lot from the conversation.
00:37:14.449 --> 00:37:16.989
And thank you so much once again for making your
00:37:16.989 --> 00:37:19.869
time and being here. And to my audience, guys,
00:37:19.909 --> 00:37:22.030
this is the end of the episode. Thank you so
00:37:22.030 --> 00:37:24.710
much for being here. and listening to us right
00:37:24.710 --> 00:37:27.630
and uh hopefully you took some value from it
00:37:27.630 --> 00:37:31.809
and all of the brands links will be in the description
00:37:31.809 --> 00:37:34.789
so go check him out and if you want you know
00:37:34.789 --> 00:37:36.809
he's i you know he's very responsive on social
00:37:36.809 --> 00:37:39.869
media i can you know testify to that so you can
00:37:39.869 --> 00:37:42.670
just talk to him if you want to and yeah that's
00:37:42.670 --> 00:37:44.650
all and until the next episode take care thank
00:37:44.650 --> 00:37:47.050
you bye -bye thanks everybody have a great night
00:00:00.929 --> 00:00:02.589
Hello and welcome back to another episode of
00:00:02.589 --> 00:00:05.669
The Sapient. Today we have Brian on the show.
00:00:06.190 --> 00:00:08.289
So first of all, welcome Brian. How are you doing?
00:00:08.410 --> 00:00:11.650
What's up? What's going on? Hello, thank you
00:00:11.650 --> 00:00:14.609
so much for having me on your show. Things are
00:00:14.609 --> 00:00:18.230
going busy. Things are great. Life is exploding.
00:00:19.910 --> 00:00:22.670
Nice. And where are you based out of? Pardon?
00:00:23.250 --> 00:00:25.850
Where are you based out of? I'm based out of
00:00:25.850 --> 00:00:29.170
Red Deer, Alberta, up here in Canada. Nice. So...
00:00:29.530 --> 00:00:33.109
It's a two -door lamp. A little bit. We've kicked
00:00:33.109 --> 00:00:35.210
him out, but unfortunately, we're still stuck
00:00:35.210 --> 00:00:39.270
with some pretty scary liberals, yeah. Yeah.
00:00:39.549 --> 00:00:43.609
How's life? How's everything? What do you do
00:00:43.609 --> 00:00:46.649
and stuff? Well, right now, I am the host of
00:00:46.649 --> 00:00:50.429
my podcast, The Return Project. I'm also an author
00:00:50.429 --> 00:00:53.670
of my first book that I wrote called Getting
00:00:53.670 --> 00:00:58.229
Selfish, Filling Your Bucket First. I am an aspiring
00:00:58.229 --> 00:01:00.579
speaker that... I want to get out there and share
00:01:00.579 --> 00:01:03.060
my message with people. And other than that,
00:01:03.100 --> 00:01:05.879
I spend my time. I have three daughters and my
00:01:05.879 --> 00:01:08.700
wife hanging out with my family, living the dream,
00:01:08.840 --> 00:01:13.019
working hard. It's a pretty busy life and things
00:01:13.019 --> 00:01:15.579
are never boring. That's for sure. Especially
00:01:15.579 --> 00:01:19.239
the podcast is erupting. The book is exploding.
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:21.939
We just got it published a couple of weeks ago.
00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:23.879
We're just trying to get it out into people's
00:01:23.879 --> 00:01:26.159
hands and get the message out there and share
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:30.900
it with people more. So it's busy. Yeah, I guess
00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:34.879
being busy is a good thing. Being busy is an
00:01:34.879 --> 00:01:38.219
incredible thing. I'm not good at being bored.
00:01:38.379 --> 00:01:40.879
I'm not good at sitting on my hands and twiddling
00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:43.599
my thumbs. I'm always one of those go, go, go,
00:01:43.620 --> 00:01:47.280
let's make something happen kind of people. And
00:01:47.280 --> 00:01:51.159
what sort of got you interested in writing the
00:01:51.159 --> 00:01:55.959
book? My book came from a passion project. Same
00:01:55.959 --> 00:01:58.200
with my podcast. It all comes from a place of
00:01:58.860 --> 00:02:02.079
wanting to help people understand there is a
00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:06.420
greater life out there. The book comes from walking
00:02:06.420 --> 00:02:09.300
through my own experience of a very dark, really
00:02:09.300 --> 00:02:14.300
hard time that I got really angry and tired of
00:02:14.300 --> 00:02:17.199
people calling me selfish when I wanted to put
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:21.560
myself first and honor myself. And at the time,
00:02:21.560 --> 00:02:24.219
I had no idea that it was going to become my
00:02:24.219 --> 00:02:25.939
whole concept and I was going to write a whole
00:02:25.939 --> 00:02:28.930
book on it. I just wanted to put myself first.
00:02:29.129 --> 00:02:32.789
You know, I would look around and this is something
00:02:32.789 --> 00:02:35.689
I tell everybody. Sometimes you need to look
00:02:35.689 --> 00:02:39.289
in the mirror and understand and see who's looking
00:02:39.289 --> 00:02:41.909
back. Because when I had a moment and I looked
00:02:41.909 --> 00:02:46.090
in the mirror and I hated who I saw back and
00:02:46.090 --> 00:02:49.509
I had no idea who was looking back at me was
00:02:49.509 --> 00:02:54.449
pretty terrifying. So what do you say? You are
00:02:54.449 --> 00:02:58.680
kind of anti... Like the typical belief of be
00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:03.479
selfless and, you know, like put others in front
00:03:03.479 --> 00:03:06.599
of yourself. And this is where it's a bit of
00:03:06.599 --> 00:03:11.080
a twist. Absolutely not. Because it's almost
00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:14.180
what I'm trying to tell people is that you have
00:03:14.180 --> 00:03:17.400
to get selfish to be able to pour with abundance.
00:03:17.719 --> 00:03:21.840
To be able to give people the best of you and
00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:24.840
to be able to show up in the world as your most
00:03:24.840 --> 00:03:28.430
authentic. powerful self, your bucket has to
00:03:28.430 --> 00:03:31.729
be full first. You can't give from an empty bucket.
00:03:31.810 --> 00:03:36.129
If your bucket is depleted, drained, holes full
00:03:36.129 --> 00:03:39.289
of it, toxic, being held together by band -aids,
00:03:39.409 --> 00:03:42.389
you are no good to anybody else until you're
00:03:42.389 --> 00:03:50.169
good to yourself. When you say be selfish, how
00:03:50.169 --> 00:03:56.060
would you define selfish? I define selfish as
00:03:56.060 --> 00:03:59.819
self -love, setting your boundaries, and putting
00:03:59.819 --> 00:04:02.139
yourself first so you can pour with abundance.
00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:04.819
There's a definition out there, if we go by the
00:04:04.819 --> 00:04:09.180
Oxford Dictionary definition, that the word selfish
00:04:09.180 --> 00:04:12.520
can have a negative tone to it. The word selfish
00:04:12.520 --> 00:04:15.879
really is, you know, looking after yourself and
00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:21.180
only yourself and taking and not giving and it's
00:04:21.180 --> 00:04:24.629
all about you. Really, I want to transform. Let's
00:04:24.629 --> 00:04:28.470
play on that word. Let's take for ourselves so
00:04:28.470 --> 00:04:33.990
we can give for everyone else. So you would say
00:04:33.990 --> 00:04:40.470
that kind of the typical, you know, a selfish
00:04:40.470 --> 00:04:43.750
person, right? Would you say that they're a good
00:04:43.750 --> 00:04:47.000
person at heart or a bad person? It's definitely
00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:49.600
that place of you have to look at it from the
00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:51.579
right perspective because yes, there are people
00:04:51.579 --> 00:04:55.439
out there who are the definition of the dictionary
00:04:55.439 --> 00:04:57.680
selfish. There are awful people out there. I'm
00:04:57.680 --> 00:04:59.339
not going to deny that. I'm not going to ever
00:04:59.339 --> 00:05:01.819
sugarcoat that. There are selfish people out
00:05:01.819 --> 00:05:05.879
there who are just, well, jackasses. I reframe
00:05:05.879 --> 00:05:07.939
it because I want people to really understand
00:05:07.939 --> 00:05:11.560
that if we all took a moment to look ourselves
00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:14.949
in the mirror, get to know who we were, understand
00:05:14.949 --> 00:05:19.129
our boundaries, our passion, our insides, our
00:05:19.129 --> 00:05:22.470
beliefs, our values, our morals, all of that,
00:05:22.529 --> 00:05:27.670
who we were, and then discover how to create
00:05:27.670 --> 00:05:30.649
a healthy abundance so that we can take the best
00:05:30.649 --> 00:05:33.709
of ourselves and give it to others. I'm going
00:05:33.709 --> 00:05:36.790
to give you a quick metaphorical scenario that
00:05:36.790 --> 00:05:40.449
I use to make this really clear to people. You're
00:05:40.449 --> 00:05:43.170
going to a family wedding. You've been told you
00:05:43.170 --> 00:05:46.350
have to go, but the family that's all going are
00:05:46.350 --> 00:05:49.310
heavy drinkers, people that are disrespectful
00:05:49.310 --> 00:05:53.269
to you, people who you find kind of toxic, and
00:05:53.269 --> 00:05:56.990
not family you know very well yet. Everybody
00:05:56.990 --> 00:05:59.889
in your family is saying you have to go because
00:05:59.889 --> 00:06:03.189
it's family. You have to be there because they're
00:06:03.189 --> 00:06:06.790
family. They're using that family word in a guilting
00:06:06.790 --> 00:06:10.269
you in, making you feel bad because you don't
00:06:10.269 --> 00:06:12.550
really want to be there. So here's where we have
00:06:12.550 --> 00:06:16.129
to get selfish. You have to make that hard decision
00:06:16.129 --> 00:06:19.790
to say, no, I'm going to respect my boundaries
00:06:19.790 --> 00:06:22.009
and not go hang out with people that are heavy
00:06:22.009 --> 00:06:25.110
drinkers. I'm going to protect my energy and
00:06:25.110 --> 00:06:28.550
my passion and not be put down and disrespected
00:06:28.550 --> 00:06:34.170
by people who aren't very nice to you. And first
00:06:34.170 --> 00:06:36.949
off, maybe you just don't want to go and that's
00:06:36.949 --> 00:06:42.970
okay. In that sense, yes, get selfish, look after
00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:45.990
yourself, and make the decision you want to make.
00:06:46.569 --> 00:06:48.829
We're not here to let anyone else make us feel
00:06:48.829 --> 00:06:51.509
guilty or make us feel like we're being the bad
00:06:51.509 --> 00:06:54.290
person. We're looking after us and our family
00:06:54.290 --> 00:06:56.689
first. We're looking after the people that matter
00:06:56.689 --> 00:07:00.829
to us so we can be better people for them. So
00:07:00.829 --> 00:07:05.129
you would say standing up for ourselves, right?
00:07:06.670 --> 00:07:09.879
100%. It's all about... Creating those boundaries,
00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:13.220
creating that safe place for yourself, creating
00:07:13.220 --> 00:07:17.360
those places where you recognize whether it's
00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:19.839
you just don't want to go, whether it's you're
00:07:19.839 --> 00:07:22.060
making a choice not to spend time with people
00:07:22.060 --> 00:07:26.139
who rob you of your energy, put you down and
00:07:26.139 --> 00:07:28.939
disrespect you. Why would you put yourself in
00:07:28.939 --> 00:07:34.180
a situation that didn't feel good? Yeah, got
00:07:34.180 --> 00:07:39.079
it. And let's see. Now that you're talking about
00:07:39.079 --> 00:07:43.680
boundaries, right? Like, the normal society norms
00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:49.480
hate boundaries. Right? Because it kind of doesn't
00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:53.279
let people dictate you or, you know, like, I
00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:58.079
would say, make you obedient. And that's a key
00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:01.439
factor to it. You want to be a strong, powerful
00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:04.220
person? You want to be confident? You want to
00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:07.170
be able to walk with your head held high? You
00:08:07.170 --> 00:08:09.709
need to stand up and put those in place because
00:08:09.709 --> 00:08:11.970
you're not going to let anybody walk on you.
00:08:12.029 --> 00:08:14.089
You're not going to let anybody tell you how
00:08:14.089 --> 00:08:17.250
to live your life and what to do. You make the
00:08:17.250 --> 00:08:21.069
decisions. You choose yourself. You tell people,
00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:26.850
this is how I live. This is who I am. So what
00:08:26.850 --> 00:08:29.629
about those people who say, you know, like, I
00:08:29.629 --> 00:08:32.110
don't want boundaries because that makes other
00:08:32.110 --> 00:08:37.210
people uncomfortable? And that's hard. It's going
00:08:37.210 --> 00:08:39.769
to make people uncomfortable. And that's part
00:08:39.769 --> 00:08:42.549
of the growing journey is it's hard for us to
00:08:42.549 --> 00:08:45.309
set those boundaries from someone in a perspective
00:08:45.309 --> 00:08:49.169
who's never set a boundary in their life. Those
00:08:49.169 --> 00:08:52.190
people, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's hard
00:08:52.190 --> 00:08:55.750
to do, but it's so worth it. Yes, it's going
00:08:55.750 --> 00:08:57.870
to be uncomfortable for you and you're probably
00:08:57.870 --> 00:09:00.110
going to make someone else uncomfortable. But
00:09:00.110 --> 00:09:01.970
that other person that you're making uncomfortable.
00:09:02.860 --> 00:09:05.620
They're only uncomfortable because they can no
00:09:05.620 --> 00:09:08.220
longer push you around and make you do what they
00:09:08.220 --> 00:09:11.480
want. They can no longer pour into your bucket.
00:09:11.899 --> 00:09:15.279
You've basically said, here's my line. I'm not
00:09:15.279 --> 00:09:18.879
letting you in anymore. And now they don't like
00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:25.519
it. And what was that experience that kind of
00:09:25.519 --> 00:09:29.399
ticked you off in your own life? I go back to
00:09:29.399 --> 00:09:31.580
it was the moment I woke up in the mirror one
00:09:31.580 --> 00:09:34.990
day and I looked in the mirror. I had no idea
00:09:34.990 --> 00:09:37.590
who was looking back. I hated what I saw looking
00:09:37.590 --> 00:09:42.809
back. And a flicker, something in me, a small
00:09:42.809 --> 00:09:47.690
spark, something screamed out saying, I want
00:09:47.690 --> 00:09:49.649
to love this person. I want to know who this
00:09:49.649 --> 00:09:54.629
is. I need more. That was the eruption moment.
00:09:54.830 --> 00:09:59.450
I had spent years wearing a mask. being the person
00:09:59.450 --> 00:10:01.509
everybody wanted me to do. You might even laugh.
00:10:01.570 --> 00:10:04.330
I went to university because someone else told
00:10:04.330 --> 00:10:06.789
me what I was really good at and I should do
00:10:06.789 --> 00:10:10.370
that. And I just said, okay, yeah. And I spent
00:10:10.370 --> 00:10:13.149
thousands of dollars to go to university for
00:10:13.149 --> 00:10:15.429
something to find out that I really hated that.
00:10:15.669 --> 00:10:18.309
That's not what I wanted to do. I did it because
00:10:18.309 --> 00:10:21.049
someone else told me I was good at it and filled
00:10:21.049 --> 00:10:24.409
my bucket. Because at that time, well, I was
00:10:24.409 --> 00:10:27.090
a hot mess and didn't really know anything different.
00:10:29.509 --> 00:10:32.750
And how much time do you think it took you to
00:10:32.750 --> 00:10:39.389
actually make change? Years. This process that
00:10:39.389 --> 00:10:42.610
you walk through of change, it's not an overnight
00:10:42.610 --> 00:10:47.389
change. It's not a one -day switch. It is years.
00:10:48.370 --> 00:10:53.509
I've spent years walking through, educating myself,
00:10:53.990 --> 00:10:58.039
dreaming big. Learning about forgiveness, grace,
00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:01.759
and gratitude. Learning about how to fuel my
00:11:01.759 --> 00:11:04.559
body with nutrition and keep my mind and body
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:09.340
healthy. I've walked through years of finding
00:11:09.340 --> 00:11:12.580
what my beliefs were, understanding who I was
00:11:12.580 --> 00:11:16.559
at the core, and how I was going to hold those
00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:20.259
boundaries. And, well, you fall down a lot. There's
00:11:20.259 --> 00:11:23.320
lots of ups and downs. So it's part of its trial
00:11:23.320 --> 00:11:28.509
and error. action it's learning it's i've probably
00:11:28.509 --> 00:11:31.610
spent the last 10 years and i'll keep walking
00:11:31.610 --> 00:11:34.250
it it's a never -ending journey i will walk this
00:11:34.250 --> 00:11:37.509
journey of self -growth and self -love and growing
00:11:37.509 --> 00:11:40.049
myself and the people around me until the day
00:11:40.049 --> 00:11:48.009
i die yeah so what kind of inspired you right
00:11:48.009 --> 00:11:50.210
because you went through the stuff and you change
00:11:50.210 --> 00:11:53.389
yourself right but what actually inspired you
00:11:53.389 --> 00:11:56.309
to write a book about it Well, here's the funny
00:11:56.309 --> 00:11:58.950
part about the book. The book really started
00:11:58.950 --> 00:12:05.889
with scribbles and notes and tidbits. I would
00:12:05.889 --> 00:12:09.769
just pull out of my brain sometimes and strike
00:12:09.769 --> 00:12:13.409
down. And it was probably a good couple of years
00:12:13.409 --> 00:12:16.710
of just making notebooks and random notes in
00:12:16.710 --> 00:12:19.230
my phone or on my computer and all this. Then
00:12:19.230 --> 00:12:21.029
finally, I was in a conversation with someone
00:12:21.029 --> 00:12:24.340
one day. And I was talking about having a bucket
00:12:24.340 --> 00:12:26.620
list item. I've always wanted to write a book.
00:12:26.740 --> 00:12:29.000
You know, it was one of my life goals to publish
00:12:29.000 --> 00:12:31.679
a book because I've always enjoyed writing. I've
00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:34.159
always been a writer. I've always been a creative
00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:39.100
person. And somebody looked at me and said, just
00:12:39.100 --> 00:12:42.120
do it. You have all of this stuff. You have all
00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:44.460
this knowledge. You've got all this wisdom. You've
00:12:44.460 --> 00:12:46.700
got all this inspiration and a powerful story.
00:12:47.340 --> 00:12:50.139
Just do it. And I don't know why it clicked at
00:12:50.139 --> 00:12:53.399
that time. Maybe it was the universe and everything
00:12:53.399 --> 00:12:57.039
falls into a right time at a right place. But
00:12:57.039 --> 00:13:01.000
it just came together. And so, yeah, I took everything
00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:03.720
I compiled over years, everything out of my brain
00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:06.799
that I'd learned through mentors, books, other
00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:11.820
podcasts, myself, just took it all and started
00:13:11.820 --> 00:13:15.100
writing. And, well, it took a while for it to
00:13:15.100 --> 00:13:18.049
come together to what it is today. Now there
00:13:18.049 --> 00:13:21.870
is this handbook and a guide of steps that walks
00:13:21.870 --> 00:13:24.669
people through really a path of rediscovery,
00:13:24.769 --> 00:13:28.190
a path of embracing their self -love and pulling
00:13:28.190 --> 00:13:31.190
themselves out of, well, not knowing who they
00:13:31.190 --> 00:13:34.909
are, being a hot mess, being burnt out, being
00:13:34.909 --> 00:13:37.950
an extraordinary people pleaser like I was, and
00:13:37.950 --> 00:13:43.710
just looking for something more in life. So to
00:13:43.710 --> 00:13:48.299
round that all out, this book, has been a passion
00:13:48.299 --> 00:13:53.259
project that developed over years and I just
00:13:53.259 --> 00:13:57.559
decided one day to put action into my words and
00:13:57.559 --> 00:14:00.539
just I did it and we walked through the process
00:14:00.539 --> 00:14:03.000
of self -publishing this book a couple of weeks
00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:06.399
ago and now it's out there now this book will
00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:11.639
transform people's lives got it and how long
00:14:11.639 --> 00:14:14.600
did it take you to write the book like from scratch
00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:20.639
From getting serious about it to having it finished,
00:14:20.899 --> 00:14:25.919
I'm going to say at least a year. Because there
00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:29.220
was periods where I would go hardcore at it and
00:14:29.220 --> 00:14:31.759
then I would kind of fall off and take a break.
00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:34.980
And then I'd come back to it or I would write.
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.340
This is where it gets hard. Coming from an author,
00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:41.320
and I'm sure any other authors out there listening
00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:45.169
know this, when you write, your first manuscript
00:14:45.169 --> 00:14:47.210
or your first chunk and you think it's brilliant
00:14:47.210 --> 00:14:49.990
you think what you've done is incredible and
00:14:49.990 --> 00:14:53.429
you send it to a second set of eyes and they
00:14:53.429 --> 00:14:56.350
tear it apart and then you and then you go back
00:14:56.350 --> 00:14:58.269
and look at it and you go oh my god i need to
00:14:58.269 --> 00:15:01.850
fix all this so you rewrite the whole thing and
00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:04.509
then you repeat that process probably half a
00:15:04.509 --> 00:15:06.970
dozen times till you finally get to a point where
00:15:06.970 --> 00:15:09.990
you go okay now it's good okay this is what i
00:15:09.990 --> 00:15:13.519
really wanted it to be like So probably from
00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:16.039
getting serious to publishing, I would say at
00:15:16.039 --> 00:15:20.659
least a year. At least. God, and how many times
00:15:20.659 --> 00:15:26.039
in that year did you want to give up? Oh, there
00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:30.019
was many. Between having my own self -doubt,
00:15:30.100 --> 00:15:32.659
is this good enough? Is anybody going to ever
00:15:32.659 --> 00:15:35.159
read this? Like, what the hell am I doing? To
00:15:35.159 --> 00:15:38.940
having to swallow it when somebody would send
00:15:38.940 --> 00:15:43.850
me back. all scribbled on, version that I had
00:15:43.850 --> 00:15:45.789
to go through and fix, spelling errors, grammar
00:15:45.789 --> 00:15:47.789
errors, a million different things. And I went,
00:15:47.850 --> 00:15:50.610
I thought it was so good. And now they're telling
00:15:50.610 --> 00:15:53.470
me, look at all this. So I was like, oh. So yes,
00:15:53.610 --> 00:15:56.809
many, many, many times did I want to throw my
00:15:56.809 --> 00:16:00.210
hands in the air and say, what the hell? Yeah.
00:16:00.950 --> 00:16:04.289
And what was your kind of driving force behind?
00:16:04.450 --> 00:16:07.379
Like, okay, I need to finish this. The driving
00:16:07.379 --> 00:16:11.200
force every time came back to the little voice
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:14.500
in my head saying, we need to share this message.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:17.159
People need to know there's more to life and
00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:21.080
that we can go from surviving to absolutely thriving.
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:23.379
We need to get this message out to people and
00:16:23.379 --> 00:16:26.399
it will change lives. It just kept ringing in
00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:28.919
me and coming back to me every time I hit a wall
00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:33.059
or hit a hiccup or got stuck. That voice in my
00:16:33.059 --> 00:16:36.259
head and in my heart said, We need to get this
00:16:36.259 --> 00:16:43.460
out. And do you think your podcast is also aligned
00:16:43.460 --> 00:16:48.019
to what you're writing in the book? I really
00:16:48.019 --> 00:16:51.000
feel like my podcast is 100 % aligned. I called
00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:54.299
it The Return Project because there's a point
00:16:54.299 --> 00:16:57.799
in our life where everybody says, you can just
00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:00.360
start again, draw a line in the sand, we're starting
00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:03.659
it from scratch. But no. You're never starting
00:17:03.659 --> 00:17:05.960
from scratch. You're never just starting again.
00:17:06.579 --> 00:17:09.339
You're always returning. You're returning with
00:17:09.339 --> 00:17:11.539
more wisdom, more knowledge, more experience.
00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:15.380
You're returning from life kicked the crap out
00:17:15.380 --> 00:17:20.299
of you. Awful things have happened. And now look
00:17:20.299 --> 00:17:21.960
what you're going to do with it. Where can you
00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.079
go when you make your ultimate return? Everybody
00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:28.779
has the power in them to go from an ultimate
00:17:28.779 --> 00:17:33.630
return to an ultimate life. the horrible things
00:17:33.630 --> 00:17:36.730
that happened to us, and turn them into the greatest
00:17:36.730 --> 00:17:40.529
things that have ever happened in our life. And
00:17:40.529 --> 00:17:44.109
how's your podcast been? What's that journey
00:17:44.109 --> 00:17:48.849
like? Oh, the podcast journey has been kind of
00:17:48.849 --> 00:17:52.470
like the book. You ride the highs and the lows.
00:17:52.690 --> 00:17:54.809
You think you're doing great, and then you learn
00:17:54.809 --> 00:17:56.750
something, and you look back and go, oh my god,
00:17:56.829 --> 00:17:59.829
I let that go out there to people? Like, what
00:17:59.829 --> 00:18:02.519
was I thinking? And then you create some more
00:18:02.519 --> 00:18:04.740
and you think it's great. And so it's, it's that
00:18:04.740 --> 00:18:06.920
roller coaster that anybody in the podcast world,
00:18:06.980 --> 00:18:11.359
I'm sure you have. I know I have rides that highs
00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:14.500
and lows of going, this is incredible. I've made
00:18:14.500 --> 00:18:17.279
such great content. And then you go back and
00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:19.559
you look at your content from a couple of months
00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:22.559
to a year ago and you go, well, I see that I've
00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:24.779
learned a lot and I've grown, but I can't believe
00:18:24.779 --> 00:18:28.930
I let that out in the world. Oh my gosh. And
00:18:28.930 --> 00:18:33.589
as a native English speaker, how crucial do you
00:18:33.589 --> 00:18:35.630
think communication has been achieving that?
00:18:36.769 --> 00:18:40.410
Let's be honest. In today's world, ideas are
00:18:40.410 --> 00:18:43.589
everywhere. What sets you apart is how well you
00:18:43.589 --> 00:18:47.299
communicate them, especially in English. If you
00:18:47.299 --> 00:18:49.859
are a startup founder pitching across borders,
00:18:50.079 --> 00:18:53.559
a professional leading virtual teams, or an MBA
00:18:53.559 --> 00:18:56.519
applicant facing high -stakes interviews, and
00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:59.660
English isn't your first language, you know that
00:18:59.660 --> 00:19:03.019
just being fluent isn't enough. That's where
00:19:03.019 --> 00:19:07.180
Bespeak English comes in. They offer one -on
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00:19:09.700 --> 00:19:12.559
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00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:16.680
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00:19:16.680 --> 00:19:20.000
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00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.700
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00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:39.700
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00:19:54.730 --> 00:19:59.910
your voice matters. Learning how to communicate
00:19:59.910 --> 00:20:04.849
with people and use words, it's always been a
00:20:04.849 --> 00:20:06.329
strong suit of mine, so that's where I've been
00:20:06.329 --> 00:20:11.009
blessed. But it's such a powerful tool when we
00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:13.829
can learn to communicate with people and really...
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:18.579
dig into powerful topics, dig into different
00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:22.799
personalities. Communication is something that
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:26.059
I think everybody should work on and develop
00:20:26.059 --> 00:20:29.160
as a skill. When you can have the ability to
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.599
sit down and have a one hour conversation, whether
00:20:31.599 --> 00:20:35.259
it's just fluff and you just get hit top layer
00:20:35.259 --> 00:20:37.920
stuff, great. Or when you get really good at
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:40.039
it and you can connect with people through your
00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:43.420
communication. and dive into these places where
00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:46.940
you build these connections, you build relationships,
00:20:47.339 --> 00:20:50.079
you meet new people from around the world. I
00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:53.140
can now say I have friends that are across the
00:20:53.140 --> 00:20:56.000
world that I would have never had in a million
00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:59.460
years or gotten to know. And I know them very,
00:20:59.500 --> 00:21:03.819
very intimately and well because we communicate
00:21:03.819 --> 00:21:07.279
so well. The power of language, the power of
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:10.180
communication. And even here's a fun key that
00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:13.339
I've been starting to pick up on, such as I get
00:21:13.339 --> 00:21:15.680
to meet people like yourself out in India or
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:18.460
whether it's Germany or Australia, you get to
00:21:18.460 --> 00:21:24.539
learn new languages. Yeah. Unfortunately, the
00:21:24.539 --> 00:21:27.980
same people ruled us all, so we are all speaking
00:21:27.980 --> 00:21:34.220
the same language. There is that. In a way, we
00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:36.799
are all saying the same thing and speaking the
00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:41.059
same language. But sometimes it's the words we
00:21:41.059 --> 00:21:44.660
use that mean something completely different.
00:21:45.220 --> 00:21:47.480
Yeah, I think it's because of the context of
00:21:47.480 --> 00:21:51.619
culture and just people, right? And that is so
00:21:51.619 --> 00:21:54.240
cool. You want to get into the concept of culture
00:21:54.240 --> 00:21:57.660
now. So I get really fascinated by this stuff
00:21:57.660 --> 00:22:00.680
because we wrap it all back to the world of podcasting,
00:22:00.680 --> 00:22:02.279
communication, getting to meet people around
00:22:02.279 --> 00:22:06.480
the world. I have had the opportunity to learn
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:09.940
about New cultures that I would have never experienced.
00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:13.140
I get to meet people who are teaching me and
00:22:13.140 --> 00:22:15.299
letting me see glimpses into their world, their
00:22:15.299 --> 00:22:20.079
cultures, the way they live. And I just think
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:22.420
that's the greatest opportunity to be able to
00:22:22.420 --> 00:22:27.099
take that in. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Because I
00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:30.000
have spoken to people from multiple countries,
00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:34.859
multiple cultures. And that's kind of my... curiosity
00:22:34.859 --> 00:22:37.140
right that takes over whenever i speak to people
00:22:37.140 --> 00:22:43.140
um and it's like fascinating to see how same
00:22:43.140 --> 00:22:47.039
humans different brains right like the way you
00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:49.920
know people operate and the way people have different
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.079
like standards right okay i have to jump in here
00:22:53.079 --> 00:22:56.640
and share this with you because it really is
00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.779
a such an interesting little facet of how the
00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:04.130
brain works so for myself I have a question at
00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:07.250
the end of every one of my podcasts. I ask everybody
00:23:07.250 --> 00:23:09.529
the same question. And the question I always
00:23:09.529 --> 00:23:13.009
ask is, what is your definition of truly living
00:23:13.009 --> 00:23:16.809
your best life? And now I've had people from
00:23:16.809 --> 00:23:22.529
intuitive healers, alternative medicines, living
00:23:22.529 --> 00:23:26.910
life hippies, world travelers, to double doctors,
00:23:27.349 --> 00:23:32.220
psychologists, master degrees. highly educated
00:23:32.220 --> 00:23:36.140
people all on my podcast. The complete massive
00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:40.160
different spectrums. And yet, when I ask that
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:44.839
question, it is wild to see how all of their
00:23:44.839 --> 00:23:49.839
answers interject in the middle. People from
00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:53.259
complete different walks of life, journeys, spaces,
00:23:53.420 --> 00:23:58.759
mindsets, all meet in the middle when you ask
00:23:58.759 --> 00:24:01.930
them about what living their best life means
00:24:01.930 --> 00:24:04.730
or really deep, powerful questions like that.
00:24:05.750 --> 00:24:09.670
And what do you think is the most general or
00:24:09.670 --> 00:24:14.329
most common answer in that? Ooh. I would have
00:24:14.329 --> 00:24:21.509
to say a very revolving answer would be to be
00:24:21.509 --> 00:24:27.009
present in the moment, to love yourself, to embrace
00:24:27.009 --> 00:24:32.799
the life that you're given. And to do what feels
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:37.319
good. So you would say none of them are talking
00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:42.259
about corporate jobs? No. Or spreadsheets. That's
00:24:42.259 --> 00:24:46.519
the wild part. Like, you know, in my brain, I
00:24:46.519 --> 00:24:48.660
would have assumed and I would have thought that
00:24:48.660 --> 00:24:51.180
when I'm talking to someone who's got a double
00:24:51.180 --> 00:24:53.839
doctorate and a highly educated person that's
00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:56.039
been to multiple universities and all that crazy
00:24:56.039 --> 00:24:58.460
stuff, it's going to tell me that their best
00:24:58.460 --> 00:25:01.799
life is... education and knowledge and power
00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:06.299
and being the smartest person alive or the person
00:25:06.299 --> 00:25:08.460
that's a free loving hippie traveling the world
00:25:08.460 --> 00:25:11.279
would have told me that their greatest life and
00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:13.119
the best way to live their life around that would
00:25:13.119 --> 00:25:18.019
be total freedom and excitement and no responsibility
00:25:18.019 --> 00:25:22.960
and whatever they want and yet every single one
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:29.029
of them in different words different ways say
00:25:29.029 --> 00:25:33.210
the same things about finding yourself in the
00:25:33.210 --> 00:25:36.609
moment, finding your true self -love, doing what
00:25:36.609 --> 00:25:40.349
feels good, embracing the life that you're given,
00:25:40.569 --> 00:25:48.170
and never giving up. Yeah. And because, you know,
00:25:48.230 --> 00:25:50.609
you have spoken to a lot of people, right, through
00:25:50.609 --> 00:25:53.329
the podcast, but, you know, just through Gentle
00:25:53.329 --> 00:26:01.140
Life, right? How, like, How much of a percentage
00:26:01.140 --> 00:26:07.339
of people do you think are selfish? I think the
00:26:07.339 --> 00:26:09.579
people that I have the opportunity to speak with
00:26:09.579 --> 00:26:14.200
are all selfish to my definition of it. They're
00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:16.980
all people who have discovered the ability to
00:26:16.980 --> 00:26:19.259
set their boundaries, to create their self -love,
00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:22.079
to rediscover who they were, to overcome the
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:24.900
greatest challenges of life and embrace everything
00:26:24.900 --> 00:26:27.690
that is them. So they can pour out with abundance.
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:30.269
So they can build massive charities. So they
00:26:30.269 --> 00:26:33.009
can give to everybody else. So they can be the
00:26:33.009 --> 00:26:35.029
greatest person and show up with the most authenticity.
00:26:35.890 --> 00:26:39.109
I can't say that a single person I've ever met
00:26:39.109 --> 00:26:43.829
is the Oxford definition of ugly, selfish, or
00:26:43.829 --> 00:26:47.509
a jackass. You know, there's lots of people in
00:26:47.509 --> 00:26:50.029
my life that I've had to give the snip to or
00:26:50.029 --> 00:26:54.069
that I've known who are that. But because I took
00:26:54.069 --> 00:26:56.589
my own words and got selfish, They're not part
00:26:56.589 --> 00:26:58.869
of my life anymore. I don't let those people
00:26:58.869 --> 00:27:01.509
in my life. I don't associate with them. And
00:27:01.509 --> 00:27:03.910
I don't give them the time of day. If they want
00:27:03.910 --> 00:27:06.849
to live their life and be a selfish person all
00:27:06.849 --> 00:27:10.349
about themselves. Cool. Go do you. Because you're
00:27:10.349 --> 00:27:13.490
not someone I'm going to give my energy to. Yeah.
00:27:13.970 --> 00:27:17.970
And also do you think it's like people have to
00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:20.369
stand up for themselves in order to achieve something
00:27:20.369 --> 00:27:24.369
in life? That's the only way to do it. To get
00:27:24.369 --> 00:27:27.200
where you want to go. You better stand up for
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:29.180
yourself or someone else is going to walk all
00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:32.960
over you. Right. And especially they'll hate
00:27:32.960 --> 00:27:37.640
you if you are not self -serving anymore to them.
00:27:37.779 --> 00:27:43.880
Right. You're not being self -serving to the
00:27:43.880 --> 00:27:48.839
point that it's hurting other people. But you
00:27:48.839 --> 00:27:51.660
are always going to be self -serving to make
00:27:51.660 --> 00:27:55.809
sure you're looking after number one. Yeah. And
00:27:55.809 --> 00:27:59.569
would you say that having confidence in your
00:27:59.569 --> 00:28:03.930
own abilities helps you do that? Massively. You
00:28:03.930 --> 00:28:07.450
have to build that confidence. And confidence
00:28:07.450 --> 00:28:10.849
is hard. We're not born with confidence. We don't
00:28:10.849 --> 00:28:13.430
wake up one day and we're the most confident
00:28:13.430 --> 00:28:16.410
person in the world. Confidence comes from little
00:28:16.410 --> 00:28:18.829
actions every day. It's putting in the reps.
00:28:18.890 --> 00:28:22.289
It's doing the work. Confidence comes from doing
00:28:22.289 --> 00:28:24.849
things when you're scared. I'm not going to lie.
00:28:24.910 --> 00:28:27.450
I've got to go give a keynote speech in two weeks
00:28:27.450 --> 00:28:31.049
here and go give a 30 -minute presentation. And
00:28:31.049 --> 00:28:33.809
I'm terrified. Like it's going to be the scariest
00:28:33.809 --> 00:28:36.730
thing I've ever done. But I'm also going to tackle
00:28:36.730 --> 00:28:39.789
it so damn confidently that no one's ever going
00:28:39.789 --> 00:28:42.910
to know. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing about
00:28:42.910 --> 00:28:47.509
fear, right? Like fear is just a signal, right?
00:28:47.589 --> 00:28:51.009
It's not actual thing. It's just a signal of
00:28:51.009 --> 00:28:53.990
your mind saying, please don't do it. Because
00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:57.769
it's uncomfortable. Fear is nothing but your
00:28:57.769 --> 00:29:00.970
comfort zone wanting you to hold back. It is
00:29:00.970 --> 00:29:03.769
your safety net telling you, oh no, something
00:29:03.769 --> 00:29:08.210
bad might happen. Or fear is that nasty little
00:29:08.210 --> 00:29:11.369
voice in your head that, well, if you listen
00:29:11.369 --> 00:29:13.250
to it, it's probably going to kill you first.
00:29:13.710 --> 00:29:16.210
Yeah. But I would say, you know, fear is a good
00:29:16.210 --> 00:29:19.490
thing. Because it's like, once you get over that
00:29:19.490 --> 00:29:22.369
fear, right, then the ride is actually... absolutely
00:29:22.369 --> 00:29:27.089
enjoyable like absolutely i can put it in this
00:29:27.089 --> 00:29:31.150
context my my wife loves roller coasters i'm
00:29:31.150 --> 00:29:34.210
not such a fan of roller coasters but when she
00:29:34.210 --> 00:29:36.589
pushes me out of my comfort zone and puts me
00:29:36.589 --> 00:29:38.809
in that scary roller coaster that spins upside
00:29:38.809 --> 00:29:40.690
down and flips you around in multiple different
00:29:40.690 --> 00:29:46.069
directions i've i was in full fear mode but i
00:29:46.069 --> 00:29:49.180
jumped in I beat my fear. I didn't listen to
00:29:49.180 --> 00:29:51.500
it. Maybe I've watched too much Final Destination
00:29:51.500 --> 00:29:54.859
where the roller coaster all falls apart. But
00:29:54.859 --> 00:29:58.259
I then loved it. Once I got over that fear and
00:29:58.259 --> 00:30:01.059
I was able to conquer it, that roller coaster
00:30:01.059 --> 00:30:04.839
was amazing. Right. And I think that's literally
00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:08.740
life, right? You've got to get into the ride.
00:30:10.140 --> 00:30:12.259
Pretty much. That's going to be how you wake
00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:15.160
up every day. Now, you can choose to be a person
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:17.799
who lives in comfort and lets that fear rule
00:30:17.799 --> 00:30:20.259
your life and you cannot get in the roller coaster.
00:30:20.759 --> 00:30:23.579
But in my opinion, you're going to live a pretty
00:30:23.579 --> 00:30:25.960
boring life and you're not going to get very
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:31.460
far. Yeah. And it's also like, you know, like
00:30:31.460 --> 00:30:33.799
I think it was Jordan Peterson or somebody who
00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:36.480
said like, you cannot half -ass anything because
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.559
you're investing your time in it. Absolutely.
00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:44.970
It's... when you half -ass something, you're,
00:30:44.970 --> 00:30:49.910
well, you're doing it. Yeah. Shitty. I don't
00:30:49.910 --> 00:30:52.309
know how else to describe that because when you
00:30:52.309 --> 00:30:54.089
half -ass something, you're letting yourself
00:30:54.089 --> 00:30:57.009
down and you're letting someone else down. Yeah.
00:30:57.089 --> 00:31:01.450
When you half -ass something, you are not giving
00:31:01.450 --> 00:31:05.170
your best. And maybe it's my belief that in everything
00:31:05.170 --> 00:31:08.509
I do, I'm there to give 100%. I'm there to do
00:31:08.509 --> 00:31:13.299
my best. So if I half -ass something, I actually
00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:16.579
feel bad about it. I go, I didn't show up as
00:31:16.579 --> 00:31:18.680
my best self. I didn't give what I could, you
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:22.740
know. I half -ass that. That's not me. Do you
00:31:22.740 --> 00:31:25.680
think people half -ass it because they have to
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:29.099
use it as an excuse in the event if they fail?
00:31:29.819 --> 00:31:32.720
Oh, absolutely. And I think it goes back to that
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:37.380
fear. I think that if you let fear rule you,
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:39.420
you're going to half -ass something because...
00:31:39.819 --> 00:31:43.440
then you don't have to overcome that fear of
00:31:43.440 --> 00:31:45.579
failure. You don't have to overcome that fear
00:31:45.579 --> 00:31:47.779
of what someone else is going to think. You don't
00:31:47.779 --> 00:31:50.839
have to overcome that fear of, was this good
00:31:50.839 --> 00:31:54.200
enough? So if you half -ass it, you feel and
00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:57.279
tell yourself, well, I did my best. I did what
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:01.599
I could. I tried. No, you half -assed it and
00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:06.750
you didn't try at all. Yeah. And I feel like
00:32:06.750 --> 00:32:09.329
when people give it all and they fail, they're
00:32:09.329 --> 00:32:15.049
still happy. When you give 100 % of yourself
00:32:15.049 --> 00:32:18.069
and you give it your all, you put your heart,
00:32:18.089 --> 00:32:20.829
your soul, your body into it, some blood, sweat,
00:32:20.869 --> 00:32:24.569
and tears, you'll never be wrong. And if you
00:32:24.569 --> 00:32:28.410
are, the most you do is learn from it. Anytime
00:32:28.410 --> 00:32:31.630
I've ever dove two feet in, blood, sweat, and
00:32:31.630 --> 00:32:36.569
tears, poured 100 % of myself into it, If I was
00:32:36.569 --> 00:32:39.450
wrong, it was a learning moment. And if I was
00:32:39.450 --> 00:32:42.970
right, it was awesome. Yeah, because when you
00:32:42.970 --> 00:32:45.029
give it all and you fail, you're like, okay,
00:32:45.089 --> 00:32:48.910
I tried my best. It's whatever. Yeah. And you're
00:32:48.910 --> 00:32:52.049
comfortable in that moment with wrestling with
00:32:52.049 --> 00:32:56.289
failure. Instead of like, oh, I half -assed it.
00:32:56.690 --> 00:33:01.990
And you're confident outside, but inside everybody
00:33:01.990 --> 00:33:05.930
knows, okay, I should have. Right. I should have
00:33:05.930 --> 00:33:08.970
tried better. I should have done better. Right.
00:33:10.329 --> 00:33:15.589
And it's like humans have this tribalism, right,
00:33:15.670 --> 00:33:19.150
where they have to justify their failures rather
00:33:19.150 --> 00:33:22.970
than success. People don't justify success. They're
00:33:22.970 --> 00:33:24.930
like, yeah, you know, I accomplished what I wanted
00:33:24.930 --> 00:33:28.609
to do and that's it. Right. But they try to justify
00:33:28.609 --> 00:33:31.549
failure so much. Like, you know, this went wrong,
00:33:31.609 --> 00:33:33.920
you know, that went wrong. Because it's seen
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:37.980
as something negative. And as we are tribals,
00:33:37.980 --> 00:33:40.160
right? You know, we have that tribalism in the
00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:43.099
mind. And I think somewhere humans feel like
00:33:43.099 --> 00:33:49.539
we are being devalued within this tribe. It's
00:33:49.539 --> 00:33:53.119
a very fascinating mindset when you look at it
00:33:53.119 --> 00:33:56.220
in that perspective. Because we can put it on
00:33:56.220 --> 00:33:58.500
two bases. The one that you kind of discussed
00:33:58.500 --> 00:34:02.230
there where... You have to come up with a reason
00:34:02.230 --> 00:34:04.730
why it didn't work and you have to justify that
00:34:04.730 --> 00:34:07.549
and you have to come up with every excuse under
00:34:07.549 --> 00:34:10.989
the sun. That's a self -issue. That's self -confidence.
00:34:11.369 --> 00:34:13.550
That's a fear of failure. That's a fear of what
00:34:13.550 --> 00:34:16.090
other people are going to think. That is 100
00:34:16.090 --> 00:34:20.630
% you. If you can come at something like a failure
00:34:20.630 --> 00:34:24.510
and accept it and acknowledge that you failed
00:34:24.510 --> 00:34:26.670
and look at it in a bit of a different perspective
00:34:26.670 --> 00:34:29.880
without having to justify it. Even when someone
00:34:29.880 --> 00:34:32.639
else wants you to justify it. Because that's
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.559
going to be the flip side. Someone else is going
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:36.780
to come to you and say, why didn't that work?
00:34:36.920 --> 00:34:40.340
Why did you fail? They're going to want an answer.
00:34:40.860 --> 00:34:44.239
If you have the confidence and the ability to
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:47.980
say, stuff happened. It didn't work. We'll try
00:34:47.980 --> 00:34:52.260
again. Or we can do this better. Or we can try
00:34:52.260 --> 00:34:56.139
this next. It's all about being able to shift
00:34:56.139 --> 00:35:00.820
your mindset. It is true. The majority of people
00:35:00.820 --> 00:35:05.079
in our community -driven, tribal -mindsetted,
00:35:05.420 --> 00:35:09.760
eco -driven people that we are from a human nature
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:13.739
want to show up as our best and want to not feel
00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:18.280
like we did bad. We want to feel and have a reason
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:20.500
when something goes wrong. But it's completely
00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:25.320
100 % a mindset. You must grow yourself out of
00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:29.780
that mindset. And be able to defeat that feelings
00:35:29.780 --> 00:35:33.099
inside of unworthy, not good enough, you screwed
00:35:33.099 --> 00:35:38.079
up, all those things. And flip that to say, it
00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:40.320
didn't work. We're going to learn from it. We'll
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.079
try this next. If you want me to justify it,
00:35:43.139 --> 00:35:46.860
sure. I'll give you why it didn't work. I'm going
00:35:46.860 --> 00:35:52.059
to be very clear and blunt. And I think we go
00:35:52.059 --> 00:35:56.539
right back to confidence. You can be... Stuck
00:35:56.539 --> 00:36:01.079
in fear, or you can be confident. Got it. And
00:36:01.079 --> 00:36:03.539
so, Brian, if people want to check out your book
00:36:03.539 --> 00:36:07.500
and the podcast, where can they do that? My book's
00:36:07.500 --> 00:36:11.280
now available on Amazon, amazon .com or amazon
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:14.019
.ca under Get Selfish, Filling Your Bucket First.
00:36:14.260 --> 00:36:17.019
My author page will be there under Brian White
00:36:17.019 --> 00:36:20.579
as well. That or jump over to our Facebook, our
00:36:20.579 --> 00:36:25.619
Instagram, our LinkedIn. Basically, any social
00:36:25.619 --> 00:36:28.159
media platform that you can find out there, we're
00:36:28.159 --> 00:36:32.059
pretty much on it at The Return Project. Got
00:36:32.059 --> 00:36:34.920
it. And any final words or anything that you
00:36:34.920 --> 00:36:41.260
want to say to kind of wrap it nicely? I want
00:36:41.260 --> 00:36:43.719
everybody to take a look at themselves in the
00:36:43.719 --> 00:36:46.500
mirror. Whether you go home tonight or you're
00:36:46.500 --> 00:36:49.800
waking up first thing this morning, honestly,
00:36:50.019 --> 00:36:54.449
look in the mirror and ask yourself, Who am I?
00:36:54.570 --> 00:37:01.010
What am I? Look in that mirror and really see
00:37:01.010 --> 00:37:06.250
who's looking back. Got it. And thank you so
00:37:06.250 --> 00:37:10.630
much, Brian, for being here. And I know that
00:37:10.630 --> 00:37:13.849
my audience did take away a lot from the conversation.
00:37:14.449 --> 00:37:16.989
And thank you so much once again for making your
00:37:16.989 --> 00:37:19.869
time and being here. And to my audience, guys,
00:37:19.909 --> 00:37:22.030
this is the end of the episode. Thank you so
00:37:22.030 --> 00:37:24.710
much for being here. and listening to us right
00:37:24.710 --> 00:37:27.630
and uh hopefully you took some value from it
00:37:27.630 --> 00:37:31.809
and all of the brands links will be in the description
00:37:31.809 --> 00:37:34.789
so go check him out and if you want you know
00:37:34.789 --> 00:37:36.809
he's i you know he's very responsive on social
00:37:36.809 --> 00:37:39.869
media i can you know testify to that so you can
00:37:39.869 --> 00:37:42.670
just talk to him if you want to and yeah that's
00:37:42.670 --> 00:37:44.650
all and until the next episode take care thank
00:37:44.650 --> 00:37:47.050
you bye -bye thanks everybody have a great night
