Our Millennial Inheritance: Siblings Anticipate Dealing With Parents' Stuff

WEBVTT
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Hey, it's half of the Rolling Rogans because
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I am not with Joe right now. And I've got a special guest.
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My brother Rob Sunderland is back with us again.
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And we are going to talk about a trend that's going
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on right now with millennial inheritance. We definitely
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have our own that we're going to be dealing with our parents.
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And so this is going to be a 2-part thing because we're going to talk
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about what we're going to deal with. Our parents, and then we're going to come
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back and do another one, and we're going to talk about what Rob's going to
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deal with for his kids. So let's get
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started. I'm Amy. I'm Joe. And we're the
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Rolling Rogans. Buckle up for loony midlife tales and caregiving chaos.
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It's time to draw on the art of aging. Hey, Rolling Rogans family,
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please like, comment, subscribe, and share right now before
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you forget. Let's keep rolling together. Before we get started,
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I first want to thank our supporters with buymeacoffee.com.
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We have Matthew Pfeiffer and we also have a special someone.
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If you'd like to support us, uh, we have memberships that you can do monthly,
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That helps us buy coffee for Joe and his mom. So thank
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you very much to Matthew and our special someone. All right,
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Rob, you ready to get started talking about what we're
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going to be dealing with? Uh, yeah,
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we've actually, yeah, it's something I don't know if you found it first or if
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I found it first, but yeah, just kind of watching some, some videos
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and seeing that and going, oh yeah, we're going to have to deal with that.
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And then being self-aware and reflective,
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realizing that my kids are going to have to deal with that when myself
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and my wife pass on. So. I think you actually sent Nick
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Fox Radio. He's on Instagram, YouTube,
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all of those things. I think you sent me the video first and
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you're like, we're going to have to deal with this. Now I'm addicted.
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I'm watching all of them. I love them. I actually reached out to him,
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showed him some pictures of what we're going to be dealing with.
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And just to give a little bit of background too, our mom is a
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hoarder, unofficially diagnosed, but we know, um, I brought
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in a hoarding counselor a few years ago. She's still mad at me about that.
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And when I reached out to Nick Fox,
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um, he said he agreed. He's like, sometimes it's just better to wait
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until they pass to be able to deal with it, especially since our
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mom also has vascular cognitive impairment. So not
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only do you have the emotional trauma of the hoarding side
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of it, we've also got the upcoming dementia side of it that's going
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to be even harder to deal with. Sometimes it's just I
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think better, I don't know, better,
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easier, less traumatizing for all of
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us involved to possibly wait, but it
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already stresses me out waiting to see what we're going to be dealing with.
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That was a deep breath there. I mean,
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there was, you know, some of the videos that he has, you know, it's kind
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of like tongue-in-cheek, haha, look, when you get your inheritance from your parents
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passing on, it's so much more than just financial
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stuff, right? You have to deal with their, their house, their possessions
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and everything. And yeah, I think
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some of the things that we're hearing about and reading about are the boomer
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generation being more materialistic and buying things and
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then having big houses and fancy furniture and all
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that stuff. And just whatever their collections, which I'm sure we'll get into
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everybody's collections of whether it's, Beanie Babies or
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special glass. The one
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we're dealing with, Longaberger baskets. Our mother
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has Longaberger baskets. Yes. Um,
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not just the baskets, but the dishes too. The dishes.
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Yeah. All sorts of different dishes and themed
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dishes for different holidays and so on and so forth. Yeah. And that
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actually, that you brought that up, um, that came from our grandma too.
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Yes. Yes. I remember when I got married, I think you got it too,
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is we got gifts for every month to decorate
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everything. All this stuff. Every holiday has its own special decorations, which,
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yeah, I mean, that passed on to my wife actually.
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And, and, uh, I mean, I think it's cool. I really do. I think
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that part of it's really cool. It's just, I think within our family,
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it kept going like, so every holiday or every birthday
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or anniversary or whatever, you got some other thing that goes with a
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theme thing within the household. And you get, when you're first
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starting out, when we first got married, it was cool because we didn't have a
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lot of that stuff. But now we've got this mass saturation of,
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of, um, stuff, stuff. I mean,
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we're transitioning from what, fall, September into October,
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which is Halloween. So we have a bunch of totes upstairs here
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now where we got this Pack away all the old decorations and put up a
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new one. Like I said, it's really cool, but it became such a mess that
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even our grandma had, I, it was, it was a storage facility
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with all the decorations that she had.
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Um, so I actually, did you actually help?
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Yeah, I helped clean it out. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh yeah.
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And that, and that was even apparently like half of what it was going
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back. Our cousins and aunt and uncles and whatever, because they live
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closer to grandma. Um, we're like, yeah,
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this is half of what it was before. And, uh, and we were like,
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oh my gosh, they had to have a big sale and just have people
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come in and give offers on stuff and various holiday decorations
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and buy it to get rid of all the stuff.
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Because, uh, yeah, one large
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dumpster would not have been enough for it. It was that much that was
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accumulated over 80-plus years of grandma's life. And there
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it's Whether it's mom or our aunts and uncles giving stuff to
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grandma or grandma finding stuff on her own, it just accumulated.
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And that's, um, what Nick Fox also said is it's,
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it's not just millennial. It's, it's boomers. It's Gen X. Cause you
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and I are Gen X. It's, it's all the generations are dealing with
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it. But I think the millennial, this time period of
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everybody realizing the difference of what it
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was dealing with. Inheritances to what it is becoming now,
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because I think there's a shift in the mindset of stuff.
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And you and I have a very different arrangement.
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Oh, for sure. Yeah. Just real quickly. I mean, you know, they pass on
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and if you didn't know that she had that big, huge storage unit,
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you know, now all of a sudden you're dealing with the grief of her death
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and now you got to deal with all this stuff. And because the stuff
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is still there, it was over $500 a month. For the
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rental of the unit. Yeah. And that was back 20 years ago.
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Yeah. Yeah. When Grandma passed. So yeah, that was,
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it was huge. I didn't even think a storage unit could be
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that big. It was like a storage unit inside a warehouse.
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And then it was kind of like segment off your
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areas. Yeah. Yeah. And, and as the money, when somebody
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passes, money either freezes or somebody's got to pay for that,
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or you've got to get it done. Oh yeah. The next
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month. So you and I have very different situations. Don't have children.
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Uh, Joe and I don't have kids and you do have kids. Joe and I
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lived in a van for 5 years. So we've already
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sold off everything, really processed. We've already adapted
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to that minimal life. Minimal stuff. You've got a 2-story
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home with a basement, 2 kids, um, that are older,
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but very different setups of how
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to look at things. Um, but now I, that we're taking care
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of Joe's mom, we have a house, but we're still very minimal in,
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and it feels weird for me to start collecting things. Like she wants to decorate
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for the holidays and I'm like, ah, I feel suffocated already sometimes.
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But at the same time, it's nice. We are getting back to that a little
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bit traditional and giving her those traditions that she remembers as,
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as she ages. So we are kind of balancing that.
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Where we don't have so much, but we have a little. It's very different from—
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you're talking about pulling all the totes out and things like that. And that's
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just us. We have a basement where we can store all those things. So,
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I mean, it works for us and I really enjoy just the
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house kind of changing for the seasons and everything. I mean, I, you know,
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and I'm sure our daughters do as well.
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Um, so it fits, it fits us, but I know not everybody can do that.
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Just Obviously being that that was one of the huge, huge things
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for our grandma. And then passing that down to, of course, our mother
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and how she changes things as well too.
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But it even goes over the top. Like there was
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a period of time where the Christmas tree basically
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stayed up all season long and she changed the decorations on the Christmas tree
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to fit the season. You know, that transitioned
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perfectly. Cause I was just going to say that as I think, uh, no,
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cause I was just thinking of why she's part of possibly why she's
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doing that is, is her mobility is getting worse. So she can't go
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down to the basement as much. So that, and dad is having to do a
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lot of this. So Tree just stayed up and then she was able to decorate
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it. Yes. But I do see, I mean,
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I'm not around as much, but from what I've heard from you and from dad
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is that it's getting harder for, for them to change with
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the seasons as much as they used to. Yes. Plus,
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for sure, with all the stuff in the house, I mean,
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mom is definitely an organized hoarder. I, I do agree that she's
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not as bad as, um, yeah. And it's, and it's not like
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we're not talking, you know, like hoarding. I mean, you can have the extremes of
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just, you can't even throw out wrappers for food and stuff like that.
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We're not talking about that. No, but it, it is things
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like being locked into, my daughters are graduated from
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college now and she still has puzzles and dolls
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and games for young kids, 8 to 10-year-olds kind
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of thing. Yes, 8 to teenager or something like that. Yeah.
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So it's like, yeah, of course it's the emotional attachment,
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you know, latching on to various associations
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that she has. Because I have talked to her about, Mom,
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there's nobody to play these games anymore.
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We can get rid of them. And, oh no, no, no, no, we can't,
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you know, whatever. And she comes up with some excuse why we can't.
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Clean some of that stuff out, um, already at this point. And, and over
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the years as I've visited, I've tried to come and help do cleaning
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out. So when we were building our van, I think it was around 2018,
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2019. I remember we were working on just the beginnings
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of building our van and, um,
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mom wouldn't really let us work on in the house. So dad
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had the garage. So we were able to help him clean out
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the garage enough for him to get a second car in because that wasn't possible
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for a while. Um, I remember specifically there was a broken screen
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door that it was broken. It was off the house and it just
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needed to be thrown out. We were up on the top of the roof of
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the van, me and Joe, and we were cutting the hole in the van to
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put the vent fan in and stuff. And all of a sudden I hear them
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yelling in the garage, which is very unlike our parents. They don't yell.
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And mom did not want that screen door thrown out.
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And it became such an issue. We're like, oh, okay. There's something
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connecting there that we don't know. So we just
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let, let that go. But it was just,
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that stuck in my mind for so long and just the difficulty
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that she's having letting go of stuff. It breaks my heart because with,
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as dementia progresses, having all of
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that stuff around is, is one, it's a safety hazard.
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And 2, it's going to be more overstimulating for her brain.
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And it's actually from the studies that I've heard is that it
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overloads the brain more. But at the same time, she is
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like, remember she thought that somebody was selling her potato
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dish on Facebook? Okay. I was wondering if we were going to bring that up.
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Yes. Yes. And then she found it in the hutch where
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it always has been. So, yes. Yes. She's happened to somehow,
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it's not like she goes on Facebook very often, but somehow she saw it
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on Facebook Marketplace and must have frantically,
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whatever, tried to find it in the house, couldn't find it, and then accused
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us of taking it to then sell it on Facebook Marketplace. And we're like,
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no, no, mom. And then, yeah, many months later,
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she was looking for something else and then happened to find
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it. So it kind of, I'm torn.
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Like I want to come help and clean and sort
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and simplify the space so that she's more comfortable.
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But from these experiences, we now know that it's actually going
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to make her more uncomfortable because she's just going to question where all this stuff
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went. And that's going to, with the dementia side
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of it, it's just going to perpetuate that agitation. We've tried
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to help. And I think at this point that it's just going to be better
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to just wait until she passes. And, and I've talked to dad
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about possibly at some point, if he's unable
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to do the full caregiving that's possibly
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coming, that he is considering assisted livings.
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And then you get into the costs of, of how much that's going to be.
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But is she going to be able to let all that stuff
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go? And how would we transition her to assisted living? Like only
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take certain things because we can't take all of that and put it in an
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assisted living apartment, you know? Oh gosh, no, no. Right. My brain is
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just reeling from like, how would that transition go? And we're not even doing
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it yet. So. Yeah,
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there's only going to be, yeah, so much that could be brought
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over into a smaller apartment. And that could be very traumatizing for mom to look.
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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, again, the emotional attachments that
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you've had these set of decorations out for the holidays for
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decades. Again, the memories that are associated with those past
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holidays and now not having them out.
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Yeah, definitely the trauma related, or is it just the emotional
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depression of just the act of aging and you no longer have those
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things. Um, right. But it, you know, the, and I don't know if I'm
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bringing it back too soon for you, but the millennial inheritance is the challenge
14:55.849 --> 14:59.499
of us kids now having to go through that. And, and one of the things
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that, uh, he brought up was to be able to go through it, to find
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out why there were some of those emotional attachments so that mom's
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got this longer burger basket. Okay. And when they've passed,
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what do we do with all these longer burger baskets? Do we, I don't want
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a collection of Longer Burger baskets. I don't think you do either, but do we
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maybe hold onto one for a memory of her, a smaller
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basket, and then we do divest the other ones, um,
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or, or what? So that there is that thing that they're not worth as much
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as what they thought they would be. Well, of course, of course.
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That's, you know, like Beanie Babies and collectibles and all
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sorts of things. But, um, versus let's say
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when, you know, cause we've had Our grandparents passed away.
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My father-in-law has passed away. And when we went through their house
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and looked for things, that stuff that
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might've been important to the parent or the person that passed away
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is completely different than what might be valuable to me. Something that
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triggers a memory of me for that person or my wife
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for her father and stuff that resonates with her that
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she wants to keep, but she can't keep everything, of course. But having to
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deal with the, all the stuff that's
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in the house when someone passes away at the same time you're trying to grieve
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and go through all the administrative paperwork
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and everything of getting credit cards shut down and bills
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and getting rid of the place that they lived in and so
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on and so forth. But then you got to deal with all this stuff that
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goes with it. It's definitely something that, that he was suggesting having the conversations
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and if it's something that's not, you know, because I think sometimes
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too parents think, oh, I'm hanging on to
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this because I want my son or daughter to
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take it from me. You know, I want them to have it to remember me.
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And the son or daughter might be like, it doesn't mean anything to
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me. Why? You know, whatever. But maybe at least it affords
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you the conversation to have with your loved one about why they think
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it's special for you to have it. And that might change your mind or,
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wow, I guess, okay, you don't, oh no, that's the thing I want.
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Oh, well then yeah, I guess we could get rid of this, you know?
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Well, and that's why I wanted to talk about this is because, and just like
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Nick Fox is saying, have these conversations now so
17:21.025 --> 17:24.812
that if there is something meaningful, you don't realize that it's
17:24.860 --> 17:27.895
meaningful to them. And then all of a sudden it clicks because you start having
17:28.395 --> 17:31.507
these conversations instead of like, I'd say
17:32.007 --> 17:34.922
the way I've been approaching it is I'm get this done so we don't stress
17:35.050 --> 17:38.417
about it and have to deal with it later. I'm, I'm like, fix the
17:38.917 --> 17:42.986
problem kind of mindset, but I have to kind of back up and
17:43.486 --> 17:47.347
see it from mom's perspective or dad's perspective and see why it was meaningful to
17:47.475 --> 17:50.569
them. Oh, most definitely. Try to have those conversations.
17:51.403 --> 17:54.994
Yeah. So going back to that gravy bowl, that gravy bowl was her
17:55.494 --> 17:59.018
mother's. So it has special meaning in place for her that I'm sure all the
17:59.518 --> 18:03.160
family events that got together. That bowl was what the gravy
18:03.224 --> 18:08.118
was served in. And okay, now I want that potato bowl because
18:08.618 --> 18:12.137
I'm thinking about it and I'm remembering the— it was a potato,
18:12.217 --> 18:15.350
like it looked like a baked potato with the lid on it. Yep, with the
18:15.850 --> 18:19.326
lid on it. And I remember that at Thanksgiving. So now I'm kind of
18:19.826 --> 18:20.635
like, oh, I kind of like that idea.
18:23.915 --> 18:27.073
But, um, but you know, if we didn't have this conversation, you wouldn't necessarily have
18:27.573 --> 18:30.903
known that and had that, right? And that's the next thing
18:31.176 --> 18:34.340
is when mom and dad do pass and you,
18:34.741 --> 18:38.098
me, and our brother Mike, all of us are going
18:38.114 --> 18:41.728
to have to get together and do this. Then it becomes the time.
18:42.033 --> 18:45.678
Like you guys work full time. If, if Joe and I
18:45.952 --> 18:48.891
are able to, like if his mom has passed or whatever,
18:49.405 --> 18:52.793
however that timing works out, we may be able to
18:53.293 --> 18:56.246
come up with our van and hang out for months at a time to go
18:56.746 --> 19:00.086
through all this stuff. Right. But if Dee isn't,
19:00.166 --> 19:04.006
hasn't passed yet, now one of y'all clearly has to stay behind.
19:04.215 --> 19:07.814
So now it puts an extra burden, stress on the person who's left behind.
19:08.200 --> 19:11.991
Most likely it will be Joe because, you know, this is our concept task,
19:12.072 --> 19:15.864
right? It's his mom and you'd have to come back and now you're
19:15.928 --> 19:19.479
feeling torn because you want to help out Joe, but you
19:19.527 --> 19:22.756
also want to help go through all the stuff in the house. Right. Not leave
19:23.256 --> 19:26.654
it to you guys. Yeah. But I can definitely tell, like with mom,
19:26.830 --> 19:30.372
those are her memories and that's what she's trying to hold onto. And especially
19:30.872 --> 19:33.690
I think with her vascular dementia and stuff,
19:34.219 --> 19:38.226
things are starting to get flighty. And it's the visual representation
19:38.726 --> 19:42.441
of some object of something that helps her hold onto those
19:42.473 --> 19:46.015
memories that she has. So, I mean, on one hand I get it. It's just,
19:46.705 --> 19:49.493
is everything that? And,
19:49.926 --> 19:52.507
and it may be just mom can't necessarily articulate.
19:53.933 --> 19:57.043
Why this object versus this object versus this other object
19:57.543 --> 20:00.618
is important to her. You know, it's just— and unfortunately, that's part of the vascular
20:01.131 --> 20:05.523
is because she— that's part of the vascular cognitive changes
20:05.779 --> 20:09.194
is because she knows what she wants to say. It's in
20:09.322 --> 20:12.993
there. But because of that disconnection of what, of what's
20:13.493 --> 20:16.904
happening in her brain, she can't articulate it. She's losing those language skills.
20:17.001 --> 20:20.912
And it's sad. It is sad. Um, but then she also gets angry.
20:21.024 --> 20:23.990
And if people try to help her finish the sentence to make sure, no,
20:24.006 --> 20:26.686
that's not it. No, that's That's not it. And of course the anger builds.
20:27.264 --> 20:30.942
That's the frustration. Yeah. You know, vocalize it. And so then
20:31.055 --> 20:34.508
you just kind of like, oh, she's getting angry again. We don't want to deal
20:35.008 --> 20:37.977
with it. And then you're not dealing with it. So that's, that's the bad part.
20:38.764 --> 20:41.976
I do feel like the bad guy always trying to— the few conversations
20:42.476 --> 20:45.237
that I do have when I call on the phone, you know, I'm trying to
20:45.253 --> 20:49.139
encourage dad to get some of this stuff in place and prepared
20:49.686 --> 20:53.055
and trying to have these conversations. And unfortunately I can't
20:53.555 --> 20:57.433
get away from Florida to come all the way to Wisconsin to, to be
20:57.449 --> 21:00.672
in person and do that. But even the last time I was there,
21:00.752 --> 21:04.135
when dad had his heart attack, mom got so mad at me for coming in
21:04.635 --> 21:07.647
and taking over. And I'm like,
21:08.513 --> 21:12.313
but we got to have these conversations. And it's hard. It's delicate. And that's
21:12.457 --> 21:15.440
what Nick Fox has been saying with The Millennial Inheritance.
21:15.520 --> 21:18.807
It's these parents don't want to have these conversations sometimes.
21:18.935 --> 21:22.546
And it's It's a delicate balance and then we get frustrated and
21:23.046 --> 21:26.381
then it's just like, ah, yeah. And then you're just left having
21:26.413 --> 21:29.896
to deal with it after they passed. And, and honestly, right now,
21:30.409 --> 21:34.277
I, what you were saying about separating and being away from Joe as he's
21:34.777 --> 21:37.904
taking care of his mom. And right now, that's why he's not here right now.
21:37.968 --> 21:41.723
Cause I'm away for 2 weeks doing neurophysical therapy,
21:41.900 --> 21:45.318
taking care of myself. And so he actually
21:45.430 --> 21:49.010
is like, I can't even get on the podcast right now because he's so busy
21:49.042 --> 21:52.060
taking care of his mom and it's going well right now. I mean,
21:52.092 --> 21:55.576
she's still moderate, but he, I can definitely tell
21:55.785 --> 21:59.573
that just having that one person instead of
22:00.073 --> 22:03.651
having both of us there, it's, it's wearing on him. I haven't been back to
22:04.151 --> 22:07.519
Wisconsin for 2 years and it, it weighs on me.
22:07.568 --> 22:10.666
I was hoping to try to break away this summer to come up and try
22:10.730 --> 22:16.009
to work on some things and help. Help. But yeah,
22:16.073 --> 22:18.382
the last thing that we'll talk about is the cabin.
22:19.762 --> 22:22.809
Oh boy. Okay. Yeah. See if we can wrap that
22:23.309 --> 22:25.359
up here quick. Um,
22:26.049 --> 22:30.187
so mom and dad had a cabin in upper Wisconsin.
22:30.347 --> 22:32.625
They owned it with our aunt and uncle, their brother and sister.
22:33.555 --> 22:36.747
And recently for financial reasons,
22:36.843 --> 22:40.789
they had to sell it and they finally sold it, which was very emotional
22:41.289 --> 22:44.787
for even you. For everybody involved. Because, um, when we
22:45.287 --> 22:48.097
lived in van life, Joe and I would go there for the summer and we
22:48.161 --> 22:51.936
spent a lot of time there and it was, it was great. But it hit
22:52.436 --> 22:56.338
you different that you were comparing
22:56.451 --> 23:00.130
where you are in your life to when dad bought the
23:00.630 --> 23:04.146
cabin and, and explain all that. Okay. If you can
23:04.646 --> 23:08.018
explain it quickly. Yeah. Um, when, uh, our grandpa passed away,
23:08.163 --> 23:11.712
dad and uncle basically used
23:12.212 --> 23:15.485
the proceeds from the sale of his house to buy this cabin
23:15.985 --> 23:18.841
up north. I think that the two of them had always wanted that.
23:18.937 --> 23:22.630
And so it was just a really good opportunity to do that,
23:22.774 --> 23:25.825
to buy the cabin. And it also, one of their cousins owned it, so it
23:26.325 --> 23:28.555
was in the family prior to. Yeah. So it was kind of keeping it in
23:29.055 --> 23:33.147
the family too, up north, not too crazy far, like 2.5-hour drive up
23:33.647 --> 23:37.113
north, a little longer for my uncle because they lived down in Illinois.
23:37.386 --> 23:39.939
And so yeah, it'd been in the family and then they are doing the math.
23:40.357 --> 23:44.355
It was basically my
23:44.484 --> 23:47.852
age plus one that dad
23:48.352 --> 23:51.808
and uncle were at when they bought that cabin. I actually was
23:51.841 --> 23:54.924
kind of joking with dad a little bit about that. So he's like,
23:56.100 --> 23:59.924
unfortunately, I wasn't in a position to buy out
23:59.972 --> 24:03.282
my uncle's half and maybe keep it in the family or anything like that.
24:04.005 --> 24:07.545
But so then dad made a Oh, so you want me to kick the bucket?
24:07.657 --> 24:10.017
You know? And I was like, no, dad, no, no, I much would prefer you
24:10.305 --> 24:14.559
being around and stuff. But just to kind of really hit home with
24:15.059 --> 24:18.154
the realization of the age I'm at now and where mom and dad
24:18.186 --> 24:21.701
are at and uncle and aunt, um, just having it in the family.
24:21.781 --> 24:25.344
And of course too, I mean, it's, it's a cabin. It has a huge pole
24:25.392 --> 24:29.003
barn. So that's where we stored a bunch of stuff, which certainly
24:29.503 --> 24:33.625
didn't help out the accumulation of things and so on and so forth.
24:33.737 --> 24:37.572
But, uh, what, what was really cool, and I don't know how they pulled this
24:38.072 --> 24:41.488
off, is that the sale agreement was that, you know,
24:41.504 --> 24:44.729
they could take everything out and whatever they didn't want to take,
24:44.809 --> 24:48.002
they could leave behind, as opposed to cleaning the whole thing out and
24:48.083 --> 24:51.565
everything. So that was huge because there was a lot of stuff
24:52.065 --> 24:55.111
in that pole barn that we left behind. And Mom,
24:55.881 --> 24:59.491
basically out of the 4, Mom, Dad, and Uncle and Aunt,
24:59.972 --> 25:03.147
Dad was the only able-bodied person and he's wearing out.
25:03.676 --> 25:06.513
So yeah, from a physical standpoint.
25:06.609 --> 25:10.280
Yeah. The other parties involved really couldn't do
25:10.296 --> 25:13.936
it. And you're in Florida. So yeah, all of a sudden it was like
25:14.080 --> 25:17.398
they had put it on the market, hadn't sold for a year. Uh,
25:17.607 --> 25:20.476
they switched realtors and then it like sold in a week and a half kind
25:20.976 --> 25:22.833
of a thing. All of a sudden it was like, oh my God, we got
25:22.897 --> 25:26.456
it. And literally it was, we got 2, 3 more
25:26.504 --> 25:29.550
weekends to basically clear everything out that we want to take. So,
25:29.935 --> 25:33.207
right. Dad actually joked. Dad actually
25:33.239 --> 25:36.206
joked. He kind of put it out there as a joke, but I was kind
25:36.706 --> 25:40.088
of serious, like, you wouldn't want to fly up here and help, would you?
25:40.136 --> 25:42.269
And I was like, I wish I could.
25:43.649 --> 25:47.482
But with the timing of my therapy I'm doing right now, I just,
25:47.515 --> 25:50.482
I couldn't do it. No, but I wish I could.
25:51.124 --> 25:54.171
But yeah, it was kind of the, hey, okay, bring this out, do this,
25:54.235 --> 25:58.726
whatever. I was like the gopher going everywhere and hauling stuff out and Packing
25:58.806 --> 26:02.638
up aunt and uncle's vehicle with some few remaining
26:02.734 --> 26:06.517
things. Because they physically can't do it. So yeah, they physically
26:06.581 --> 26:10.172
can't, you know, I mean, they could move a box maybe,
26:10.204 --> 26:14.003
but if it was too heavy or trying to carry that out with the balancing
26:14.051 --> 26:18.427
of going downstairs and walking across some uneven ground outside,
26:18.524 --> 26:22.002
it just, yeah, it was a lot of back and forth. And then there's the
26:22.066 --> 26:26.042
dynamics of the relationships of, okay, when you're like combining
26:26.074 --> 26:29.520
decorations, it's not so bad. Okay. We'll put this up here. We'll put that up
26:30.020 --> 26:33.848
there, but then When it was like a combination thing, it's like, well, now who
26:33.928 --> 26:37.904
gets what? Yeah. And there was a bit of that, that, that occurred.
26:38.016 --> 26:41.254
And it's just like, oh my gosh, really? You know, we're arguing
26:41.366 --> 26:45.214
over this decorative thing that's broken. And it's
26:45.326 --> 26:48.821
again, memories that are attached to them. Yeah. Interesting that you
26:49.321 --> 26:52.427
bring that part up is what do you think when the 3 of
26:52.507 --> 26:55.553
us are going to have to go through mom and dad's stuff? Yeah,
26:55.569 --> 26:58.759
that'll be interesting. I hadn't thought of that. And I mean, you know, but well,
26:58.775 --> 27:02.446
you with your minimalistic mindset and everything and not really having
27:02.478 --> 27:06.115
a place to keep it, I, you know, you might take or want
27:06.615 --> 27:09.431
to keep one or two things, I think. But other than that, you just won't
27:09.931 --> 27:13.196
be able to physically deal with anything. Um, we have a house
27:13.696 --> 27:16.576
now though. I do. I guess you do. You do. But I, you know,
27:16.624 --> 27:19.908
like you said, you still are minimalistic. Maybe you do take some decorations or
27:20.408 --> 27:23.913
whatever from, again, depending on how soon it happens or that, that people
27:24.413 --> 27:27.438
pass. But, and, and Mike has been kind of out of the
27:27.938 --> 27:31.667
picture. So I don't know. He may not have those memory attachments unless we're talking
27:31.763 --> 27:34.824
like way back in childhood. That's something like that.
27:35.322 --> 27:38.322
Those are the things that I think we might have a little trouble with is
27:38.578 --> 27:41.787
some of the old childhood stuff because mom won't let us take it yet.
27:42.589 --> 27:45.091
I've already tried to take some of my stuff and she's like, well, you're just
27:45.591 --> 27:48.380
going to sell it. I'm like, well, yeah. But,
27:49.101 --> 27:52.374
but there's things that cross over that the 3
27:52.486 --> 27:56.031
of us, or maybe because you 2 were born. Yeah, I don't remember what it
27:56.080 --> 27:59.208
was, but it was something like I remember playing with it. So I thought it
27:59.708 --> 28:03.106
was my toy, but I guess Mike may have remembered playing
28:03.218 --> 28:06.458
with it, so he thinks it's his, and now like we're fighting.
28:06.506 --> 28:09.763
But at some point it's just kind of like, nah, it's not worth
28:09.811 --> 28:13.003
it. Well, some, some families can't do that. Some families can't do
28:13.503 --> 28:16.821
that. Yes. Yeah. And it does that. I mean, I hope that
28:16.837 --> 28:20.350
the 3 of us will be good with that, but it's, it's funny
28:20.382 --> 28:24.216
how after death happens and— yeah, there's some other stuff
28:24.716 --> 28:27.729
too that once the last parent passes away, how all of a sudden the siblings
28:28.467 --> 28:32.619
change in attitudes. And I hope having these discussions
28:32.876 --> 28:36.387
and starting to prepare for ourselves now that we can avoid
28:36.419 --> 28:40.235
some of that, but at the same time, you can't prepare for all scenarios
28:40.267 --> 28:43.314
and you never know what the attention span is. Yeah.
28:43.699 --> 28:46.922
Well, exactly. Exactly. There's that. And then, and then it's just like
28:46.986 --> 28:50.048
helping out, you know, just stuff you read, not necessarily our family, but like
28:50.548 --> 28:53.479
you could have one person that just wants to get whatever money's left in the
28:53.979 --> 28:56.911
will and, you know, out of there, then the other siblings are left kind of
28:57.344 --> 29:00.586
cleaning out the house so it can be sold so that you can get the
29:01.035 --> 29:03.763
proceeds from the sale of the house to split up.
29:04.228 --> 29:06.940
And it's like, well, somebody's got to do all that work kind of thing.
29:07.052 --> 29:10.245
And how is that fair for, let's say, one sibling to do
29:10.325 --> 29:13.502
it and the other 2? Because that's time. That's time.
29:13.695 --> 29:17.225
Absolutely. Time away from jobs or time away from family. Especially when you have a
29:17.725 --> 29:20.963
hoarder type person, that collection, you look at all
29:21.108 --> 29:24.750
the stuff that grandma had. Once I saw it, I was really like, yeah,
29:24.766 --> 29:27.815
you guys from the sale of all this stuff pay for the storage unit.
29:27.895 --> 29:31.215
I Yeah, that's been a lot of work, but you don't
29:31.715 --> 29:35.249
really realize that until you see it. Well, um, I'll end with this. I just
29:35.265 --> 29:37.199
watched one of Nick Fox's, uh,
29:38.712 --> 29:42.817
um, videos, and it was funny because he was explaining how it's not
29:43.317 --> 29:46.299
just millennials, it's Gen X, it's boomers. Like, we all are dealing with it,
29:46.364 --> 29:49.755
it's just different ways. But he said there's 3 things that are certain:
29:50.339 --> 29:52.530
death, taxes, and your parents' shit.
29:55.028 --> 29:58.335
Yep. Yep. And I mean,
29:58.896 --> 30:02.444
it just, I can't even get into the whole financial aspect of
30:02.944 --> 30:08.191
it too, because with memory care and all that other things, it's, I'm just,
30:08.528 --> 30:11.835
it actually weighs on me about what we're going to have to deal with.
30:11.980 --> 30:14.693
And I'm trying to let it go because I can't do anything about it right
30:14.709 --> 30:16.860
now. We've, we've already decided. And,
30:17.984 --> 30:21.580
and having that realization when I was there 2 years ago of
30:22.157 --> 30:25.972
letting it go for now. That definitely helped just having,
30:26.164 --> 30:29.691
making that decision to let it go for now and
30:29.787 --> 30:33.522
just deal with it as it comes, knowing that it's coming, but just
30:33.538 --> 30:37.305
trying to take that pressure off at the moment. Yeah. Because, but it's
30:37.321 --> 30:40.687
like for each generation, until you go through it, you don't know. It's,
30:40.912 --> 30:43.990
it's not like a training course. And I think this is the reason why you
30:44.038 --> 30:47.965
put together this podcast is this training course,
30:48.141 --> 30:51.315
or at least knowledge, lessons learned that you
30:51.347 --> 30:54.651
can pass on to as conversations. You go through it
30:55.260 --> 30:58.693
and the aha moments that you have, that it's like, this isn't taught in
30:59.030 --> 31:02.591
high school or college or anything like this, that you just have to pick up
31:03.091 --> 31:06.586
on your own. And there's just so many nuances of all that stuff that to
31:07.086 --> 31:10.628
be thrust into it when you're grieving with the death of a parent versus saying,
31:10.740 --> 31:14.286
hey, maybe these are things we can do now or put in place now that
31:14.786 --> 31:18.376
can make it easier when the parents do pass. And maybe
31:18.876 --> 31:22.515
to segue into your part 2, like you say, the 3 things that are definitive
31:22.692 --> 31:26.640
in dealing with your parents' shit. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm kind
31:27.140 --> 31:30.718
of reflecting of the stuff that I'm collecting and I feel is important.
31:31.601 --> 31:34.972
And, uh, I'm, you know, Dawn has her collection of things and
31:35.534 --> 31:38.793
we have for our daughters who definitely are,
31:39.548 --> 31:42.663
uh, you know, like I said, just graduated college and what they're going to have
31:42.679 --> 31:46.195
to deal with and, and things. So sounds
31:46.307 --> 31:49.245
like that would be our part 2. So perfect ending.
31:49.679 --> 31:53.147
We'll, we'll stop it here for now and come back next
31:53.195 --> 31:56.568
week. For part 2, and we'll continue this discussion
31:56.584 --> 31:57.391
about your stuff.
31:58.880 --> 32:01.574
Great. All right.
32:03.817 --> 32:03.946
Bye.