RISING ABOVE HELL - Episode 2 THE UNSPOKEN

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Oh my God.
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All right, is anybody out there checking one?
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I know I'm a few minutes late, but I was having technical difficulties.
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Just not if you can hear me.
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Check one, two.
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Okay.
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Josie.
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How are you?
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Oh my gosh, welcome.
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I'm just waiting a few minutes so everybody can join us.
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I'm just waiting for my co-host, Misha Paul, to join us.
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All right.
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Nisha, are you there?
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Send a message.
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I'm just waiting for my co-host, Jen.
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Welcome, Jen.
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Nice to see you here.
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All right.
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Take this volume down here.
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Oh my gosh.
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We got volume down here.
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All right.
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All right.
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Ah, Mary, Mary.
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Welcome.
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Welcome to Rising Above Hell, the podcast episode two, The Unspoken.
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I'm just waiting for our co-host to join us.
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And Victoria.
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Yes, Victoria was supposed to be my co-host today, but unfortunately, she's had some stuff come up, but she is amazing, and I cannot wait until our podcast together.
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And tonight we are joined by the lovely Misha Paul.
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And I'm just waiting for her to join.
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And she's having a few technical difficulties over there, but don't worry, we'll get through it.
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Again, I want to welcome you all to Rising Above Hell, Episode 2, The Unspoken, where we're going to be joined shortly by Misha Paul.
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And I'm just going to have my e smoke on hand and my coffee.
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I got my coffee.
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We're good to go.
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My mic.
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I better have my mic a little closer.
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Can you all hear me loud and clear?
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Misha! There you are.
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Okay, now.
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I want to bring you on the video.
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Uh nope.
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I don't want to ban her.
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No, I want her to come in.
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Okay.
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I think you can press a button.
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Aw, thank you, Victoria.
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You're so sweet.
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Alright, we're gonna try to bring Misha Paul in here live.
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If you guys can all hear me loud and clear, please let me know.
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I'm testing one.
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Oh, hello, Summer.
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So nice to see you here.
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I would like to add Misha.
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Misha Paul.
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We're gonna be starting this episode very shortly.
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And uh, thank you so much, Mary.
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Thank you for that.
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All right, perfect.
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Thank you, Victoria.
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My voice is pretty hard to not hear.
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It's uh pretty hard to miss this voice, isn't it?
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Okay, Misha Paul.
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It's saying, so um, Misha, you're going to have to hit something to join the the video.
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So if you could look on your on your screen and you might have to do it from your phone.
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I don't know.
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I am this is only my second live on Facebook.
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Usually I do them through other platforms, but um, Misha, if uh you might be able to click a magic little button.
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If anybody knows which button she needs to push to join me live on here right now as a co-host, I'm just trying to figure this all out.
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Awesome.
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Okay, Misha.
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I don't know which button, one of them.
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I think on the on uh on the bottom, you're gonna see on the bottom of your phone, you're gonna see some buttons, and there's a button for join.
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Um allow viewers to request to join you on the video.
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Yes, so I've had a couple of requests already, so you just have to request to join Misha.
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You just click the button that says request to join.
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And I really think I need to get anti-glare glasses because these ones are glaring quite a bit and they look a little crooked.
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Story of my life.
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Alright, we're just waiting for Misha Paul and uh again.
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I'm just gonna start by saying that this is uh episode two, The Unspoken.
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And before we get into today's episode, I want to say something that might make you uncomfortable.
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And if you haven't suffered from addiction or trauma or whatever in your life, which I'm sure there's only a very small percentage of people that have not been affected by addiction, this these episodes in rising above hell are going to make you very uncomfortable.
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Addiction is not a moral failure, it's not a weakness, it's not who you are.
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Addiction is the solution.
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It is the answer to, or was the answer to, a problem that already existed long before the substance, long before the behavior, and long before the escape ever showed up.
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And until we talk about that problem, the real one, nothing changes.
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And that's what we're doing here today.
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And it might be the most important conversation you hear all year.
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And right now we're just waiting for Misha Paul to join us.
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On the left side of the comment section, Misha, you can click join, request to join on the left-hand side of the comment section.
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Again, oh Tony, hello Tony.
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Welcome back to episode two.
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Merle, Merle, hello, Merle from Medicine Hat.
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I hope you're doing well.
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Just gonna wait a couple more minutes here.
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All right, Leanne is watching us all the way from Saskatchewan.
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And Tony, hello, Tony, and Victoria, Misha, Summer, my amazing summer.
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Jen, Josie.
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So glad to see you guys all here tonight.
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And welcome to episode two of Rising Above Hell, The Unspoken, with my special guest, uh Misha Paul.
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I can't see the photos right now.
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Um, so I'm sorry, but um, if somebody can assist Misha Paul to finding a way to join, if you're on your phone, it's on the bottom uh panel.
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Cheryl, good evening, Cheryl, my good friend Cheryl.
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Gregorio Lewis, hello, greetings from Morelos, Morelos, welcome, Gregorio.
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All right, we're just gonna give it a few more minutes while everybody clicks to join us.
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Just gonna go here and see if I can help her with this.
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All right, all right.
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I just want to mention real quick here that uh some of the topics that we discuss here uh on uh our podcast uh can cause triggers.
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Uh if you're suffering from addiction or if you are in an environment that is less uncomfortable or that you're struggling in any way, shape, or form, and uh you're listening to this podcast, chances are there may be some conversations that may cause triggers.
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Please make sure that you're in a safe place.
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Make sure that you're surrounded by people that will keep you safe and reach out uh if you need any support of any kind.
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All right.
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Thank you.
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All right, how are we all doing out there this great weekend?
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And to all of our American friends, happy Independence Day, July the 4th.
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I'm sure the fireworks are going to be absolutely wonderful in all parts of the U.S.
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today.
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Oops, I mean, pardon me.
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I'm trying to figure this out to try and get our co-host uh Misha in here right now.
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All right, Misha, how are you making out?
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Are you able to find that button that says request to join?
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Let me see if I can uh get you on here.
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Who said stop trussing?
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Oh my gosh.
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All right, so I'm scared to press any buttons that the uh podcast will end, which I don't want to happen.
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But um, anyhow, hello Barney Trotsky.
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All right, so Misha seems to be having some technical difficulties at this time.
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Uh so I am going to just call on you guys uh to continue with this podcast.
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Misha, if you're listening right now, um and you can hear me, uh just keep trying because it doesn't matter what time you get in, it just matters that we have this conversation tonight.
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Misha is an incredible human being that has um dealt with uh many things in her life as well.
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Well, she is the number was number one best-selling author of Behind Closed Doors.
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It's a book that she wrote on domestic violence, she is the podcast host of Silent No Longer, and she is all about empowering people and uh uh rising above adversity, trauma, and domestic violence.
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And I really hope that she can join us here today.
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If not, we will have another podcast with her.
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I'm going to be looking at other options for um podcasts, and I want to make sure that everyone that is a podcast host doesn't have any difficulty in joining.
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I'm gonna open up the board now to any questions that anybody that is listening right now has, and I would like to say that if you have the chance, please check out Misha Paul's page, check out the group that she has, feel free to join it, and and check out her number one best-selling book, uh, as I said, Behind Closed Doors, and check out her podcast Silent No Longer.
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She is an incredible human being with incredible strength, and she is all about empowerment.
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So please check her out.
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You will not regret it.
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And so that takes us on to a kind of another totally different twist on today's show.
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Oh, Pops made it to the podcast.
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Hey Pops, hey mama, so nice to see you guys here.
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Who else did I miss?
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Did I miss anybody else here that has joined us?
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All right, well, right now I'm just gonna start the podcast, and I would like to open up the conversation to you, our podcast guests, in um in the conversation comments, and I welcome any questions that you have about anyone that you know that is suffering from addiction or any kind of trauma, uh, childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, uh, and the list goes on.
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There are no questions that I will not answer, and I will always answer them to the best of my ability.
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Uh, some conversations may be difficult for me as well, but I'm more than willing to create a vulnerable space for all of us, and I think that starts with me being vulnerable with you, and so uh if I hesitate or start to cry, which I don't really do, but if you make me cry, I will.
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Um, but uh anyhow, it really doesn't matter either way.
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What I want to uh accomplish by being here today with everyone is that you're not alone, you do not have to do this alone, and there is a lot of support out there uh for us, and this is a great starting point if you don't have support already.
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Um, please, somebody start asking me some questions.
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Misha, maybe you have some questions that you want to ask while you're trying to figure it out.
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Victoria, I would love to hear some questions from both of you ladies and anyone else out there.
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Um, Merle, you might have some questions as well.
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Um my hope is that this conversation tonight is gonna reach someone out there who needs it exactly when they need it, and I believe that with everything I have, that somewhere out there this will help someone.
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So don't be afraid to ask any questions, don't be afraid to open the door to questions that go unanswered.
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I've talked about this before where they talk about the person that you know early in my sobriety, um, here is an addict, blah blah blah, the whole story about that, and then they talk about Jesse in the 17 plus years clean.
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Well, the stuff in the middle is the stuff that nobody ever talks about, or hardly ever talks about, I should say.
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The stuff that keeps you there, that sustains you and maintains your sobriety.
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It's about it's about having the tools to be able to get through another day, to get to one day, one week, one month, one year, and the list goes on, and having the tools that you need to be able to do that.
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Now, this podcast is a spin-off of my book called Rising Above Hell, the book that I wrote about some of the experiences I had in my life.
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The reason I wrote the book was one sole purpose.
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I wanted whoever it was out there reading my book to know that they're not alone, that what they're feeling right now in this moment, they are not alone.
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And let me repeat that you are not alone.
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No matter what you feel or think, there is somebody out there that maybe not the exact same circumstances, but the same feelings that we Get in that hell where we think that there's no way out, that we're far way too far down in the rabbit hole, way too far down in the pits of hell to be able to rise above it.
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I promise you, you are never too far down that rabbit hole.
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And no matter how how fucked up you think you are, you're not.
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You can do it, you can get out of there.
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It's not gonna be easy.
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I'm not gonna lie to you.
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I'm not gonna tell you that, oh no, you know what?
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If you just do this, it's gonna be all peaches and cream, blah blah blah.
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It won't be.
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It's gonna be hard as hell to get out of there, and it's gonna be even harder to stay there, to maintain that.
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But one thing I do promise you is it does get easier, and it it you start creating the life that you deserve, you start creating the life that you once only dreamed about, and you can really start creating something that will make your life worth living.
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I have decided to turn my pain into a purpose, I have decided to turn my trauma into transformation, and I have decided that with what I've experienced that I can use that now to help others that are in the same place I was.
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And you know, 17 years is 17 years, it's a long time, but you know what?
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It seems like a lifetime ago that that happened, but it also seems like yesterday all in one breath.
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And I'll tell you, when I was at my worst moment in my life, when I thought there was no other way out, I wanted I wanted so much to live that I can tell you I certainly did not want to be alive.
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I didn't want to exist in this anymore.
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I didn't want to feel what I was feeling anymore, and all I wanted was the chance to actually live.
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And I felt, excuse me, I felt so unable to do that, and I felt like there was just no hope.
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There I just felt so uh hopeless, hopeless.
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I don't know what other word to use, and so in that despair, in that hopelessness, all I wanted was to stop the pain.
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Somehow, some way.
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And oh mama, you're here, thank you.
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Um and in that in that pain, and I remember from a very, very young age, and first dabbling into drugs, I felt that that was my it was it was my savior, it really was because I just wanted something to take away all that pain and to help me cope with it, and and I know that time and time again, people are constantly saying, uh, addiction is a big problem.
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Addiction is a big problem, whereas it's addiction is not the problem.
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Addiction is and the drugs and the alcohol and whatever else you're doing is the solution to a problem that was there long ago before you became addicted.
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It's the only thing that is helping you to get through to the next day, the next moment in most cases.
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And so we need to find out what the actual problem is so that we don't have to use and get so out of our minds to deal with the pain, and so it's a process, and it's it's a long, it's a lifelong process.
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I still have things that I work on, and I will always continue to work on myself to make myself better in every way that I possibly can.
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And I'll tell you, these podcasts are not just for healing of myself or of others, but for myself as well.
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And so when I say that this journey about becoming vulnerable and leaving myself exposed, it's because I feel that if I don't become vulnerable and open up to you, how can you ever feel comfortable enough to open up to me?
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I'm just gonna take a pause on that for a minute, and I'm gonna wait for you guys to start asking some questions because I would really like from you guys what do you guys want to know?
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Ask me the questions, bring it on, and give me two minutes while I try and get our lovely co-host on with us.
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Okay, questions, questions, anybody got questions.
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Cheryl, Randy, Barney, Tony, all of you out there, each and every one of you, Leanne.
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Anybody, Mary?
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Anyone out there got any questions?
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Jim, Josie.
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Well, you know what, that's a that's a big question.
00:29:21.759 --> 00:29:29.519
Um sometimes it's not even a matter of trusting them.
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Uh it's a matter of if you can find it in yourself, because you never know if you can really trust somebody.
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I know that I've found that I have a couple of people that I trust with my life.
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Um, welcome, Brenda Simpson from Alberta.
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Nice to have you here.
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Um it's really hard.
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Uh, and you know how the saying goes that sometimes sometimes it's better to talk to a stranger than it is to talk to the people that you thought you could trust.
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And I think what that what what how I interpret that is sometimes sitting on a park bench and talking to a complete stranger and releasing that, that's half the battle is the release of that.
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You can't always trust the people that you confide in, and I know that all too well, but trust yourself enough uh to know what you tell them, and I think instinctively we know when we're talking to certain people, I think we know if we what we can and what we can't trust them with.
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I mean, not always, but I think if you really listen to yourself, I think I think you'll know.
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I I think yeah, and that's a that's a tough one.
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How how do you know who can be trusted to help you?
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You know, I just yeah, I think you have to go with your instinct and intuition, Cheryl, on that one, because that's such a it's a real tough question because uh, you know, like I said, there's only uh people in my hand that I can trust to talk to.
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So yeah.
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Um Forrest Gump bench scene comes to mind.
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Yeah, right, absolutely, and a box of chocolates, and that's all you need.
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Okay, next question.
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So let's say a person has a drinking and drug problem.
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:41.519
Does that make it doubly difficult?
00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:44.240
Well, I think addiction is addiction.
00:31:44.400 --> 00:32:00.960
So if you're using a multiple of substances, I know for myself, I would put anything anywhere in my body that I could, if you know what I mean, without going into too much detail, um, to numb myself.
00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:04.319
So some people use drugs and alcohol combined.
00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:07.599
Um, so addiction is again, it's addiction.
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:24.000
Uh, both of those drinking, drinking and drugs, they're both equally as potent and equally as uh uh dangerous for for the addiction and for the problem that you're trying to solve.
00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:42.880
So I think once you get into the root of the problem and you really start digging in deep as what as to what is causing that, and for you to want to numb that, I think once you get to that point, then you know, again, it kind of goes hand in hand.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:48.480
Some people only have a drug problem, some people only have a drinking problem, some people have both.
00:32:48.720 --> 00:33:05.200
Um so yeah, I think that uh I don't think it makes it doubly as difficult because I think once when you go through the withdrawals, I think you're you're going through withdrawals no matter what.
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:14.799
If if you've got a substance abuse problem, it's gonna be equally as difficult to get off one the other or both.
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:19.839
Next question: How can you tell if someone is being honest?
00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:26.880
Well, again, I think it all comes down to intuition and what you feel in your heart.
00:33:27.119 --> 00:33:37.440
Um I think most times when we talk to somebody, uh, if we really listen and pay attention, I think we can we can most times tell.
00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:46.319
I mean, there's some people that, you know, in my experience anyhow, uh have been pretty good at uh deceiving me.
00:33:46.720 --> 00:34:04.319
But again, I I'm a firm believer in, you know, just be careful what you say to people if you don't want it repeated, you know, and and pick and choose those people very carefully.
00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:12.480
Uh for some people that kind of betrayal of trust, that kind of betrayal can be absolutely devastating.
00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:18.800
Uh, for others, I mean, it's it doesn't affect them as much.
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:25.440
And again, it's it's all in in what we're able to handle and and where we are at in our journey.
00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:36.400
So you can't always tell if somebody is being honest, and that's where you have to trust yourself to decide whether or not you really truly feel that person is being honest with you.
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:38.880
These are great questions, guys.
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:54.159
And again, we've got uh a bunch of new people here, so I just want to uh go through the beginning of the podcast again, and I want to welcome you all here today.
00:34:54.400 --> 00:35:22.320
And my name is Jesse Tyler Williams, and I am the author of the book Rising Above Hell, and that's where the spin-off of the podcast came because I really wanted to connect with everybody out there that was suffering and that was dealing with addiction, trauma, uh, domestic violence, uh, sex childhood sexual abuse, and all of the above.
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:40.639
And these conversations are gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, and it's supposed to, it's very real, it's raw, and I don't pull no punches against what I truly feel, and I wasn't always like this.
00:35:40.880 --> 00:36:01.119
I've always, you know, not always, I've tried to be uh as forthcoming as possible, and I've always found myself to be a straight shooter, but now I've come to a place in my life where I'm telling my story.
00:36:01.599 --> 00:36:56.400
I was gonna piss, and it has pissed off a lot of people because I was supposed to keep my mouth shut, but I couldn't anymore, and I knew that the story had to be told, and I told it in my way, and the book has I think 12 chapters in total, and not I think I know, and uh it's got 12 chapters in total, and it uh talks about all the experiences in my life, and then what I've done is I've made a workbook, chat uh a workbook at the end of each chapter for the reader to be able to use their life and their trauma and what they're experiencing and write it down, and it's one of these books where you can go back a year later and you can answer those same questions and get different answers because you're gonna be in a different place in your life.
00:36:56.719 --> 00:37:03.199
So, uh Rising Above Hell, it is available on Amazon for those of you that don't yet have it.
00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:15.440
Um, but today we were supposed to have a very special guest, Misha Paul, and Misha is from Tennessee, and she is the number one best-selling author for Behind Closed Doors.
00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:27.280
It's a book on domestic violence, and she is also the podcast host to Silent No Longer, which was very fitting for the podcast today, The Unspoken.
00:37:27.599 --> 00:37:40.800
And so, if there's anything that you guys want to know that relates to the unspoken or things that you want to ask about me and my life, because I cannot speak for anyone else but myself.
00:37:41.039 --> 00:37:49.920
But if there's any questions that you want to ask me directly about my life, I am more than happy and open to answering any questions out there.
00:37:50.559 --> 00:37:58.159
Uh next question: if someone breaks your trust once, should you trust them again?
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:05.280
Well, yeah, it really does depend on the situation.
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:09.119
Um, and again, that's up to you.
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:14.000
If you've if you truly feel in your heart, Crystal, hello, Crystal.
00:38:15.199 --> 00:38:22.559
Um, if you truly feel in your heart that that you should trust them again, go ahead because you never know.
00:38:22.719 --> 00:38:26.000
I mean, how did they betray your trust?
00:38:26.079 --> 00:38:27.519
Uh, what did they do?
00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:29.119
Did you take it the wrong way?
00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:30.960
Did they say it the wrong way?
00:38:31.199 --> 00:38:45.119
Um, if you feel that they broke the trust between you and that person, then it's up to you because it doesn't matter how or why, it's how you feel about that betrayal.
00:38:45.199 --> 00:38:50.079
That's the most important thing, is it's how you feel about the betrayal.
00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:58.000
So you have to decide whether or not you're willing to accept that person into your life again and trust them.
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:09.440
We've been told alcoholism is is a disease, but isn't it isn't it a choice?
00:39:09.679 --> 00:39:11.519
Yeah, that's a good question.
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:25.760
You know, um, just like addiction has been now classified as a disease, and now remember, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a certified psychologist, I'm none of those things.
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:38.159
So I'm gonna say right off the bat, everything in this podcast is based on my experience, the knowledge that I've gained from my experience, and the research that I've done.
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:57.280
So you can take this with whatever, however you feel, but this is based on how I feel about it, experiencing the addiction, experiencing both sides of it.
00:39:57.599 --> 00:40:16.000
So for me, I think that addiction in general and alcoholism, because I kind of put them under the same umbrella, because again, both of those things are trying to mask a problem, and so they become the solution.
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:29.360
And so for me, a disease is something like cancer or uh flesh-eating disease or these other diseases.
00:40:29.519 --> 00:40:31.039
To me, that's a disease.
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:35.920
Addiction is the solution to a problem that already exists.
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:38.639
Uh, addiction is not a choice.
00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:44.960
Once you're addicted, you don't have the capacity to make the right choice because you're screwed up.
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:48.239
So that's just putting it in plain layman's terms.
00:40:48.480 --> 00:41:00.000
And so what you have to do is you have to decide at that point whether or not you're going to continue to use.
00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:10.800
And yes, that is a choice, but we don't always have the capacity to make the right choice when we're consumed by alcoholism or by drug addiction.
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:24.239
So until we go through the detox, until we clean ourselves from the addiction part of it, then it's almost a need.
00:41:25.119 --> 00:41:28.880
Um, so do I believe it's an actual disease?
00:41:29.039 --> 00:41:36.480
Well, contrary to what a lot of research says right now, research that big pharma pays for, but we're not going to get into that.
00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:38.239
I don't want to get political here.
00:41:38.480 --> 00:41:45.920
Um, but for me, I think that alcoholism is definitely a huge problem, just like drug addiction.
00:41:46.079 --> 00:42:05.840
And I think alcoholism falls under that same umbrella, and it's again uh trying to fight out, fight off demons that are there, and so until we get to the source of those problems, we're gonna continue to make really bad choices.
00:42:06.239 --> 00:42:11.840
So it is, and especially in the beginning, it's definitely a choice in the beginning.
00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:16.800
Um yeah, hereditary.
00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:18.480
There's that word again.
00:42:18.719 --> 00:42:32.159
Um you know, I'm I'm like I said, I'm no mental health expert in terms of the research that's been done.
00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:43.920
I'm I'm no expert in terms of uh the scientific research uh because a lot of it is based on other information and stuff and statistics.
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:54.960
So, you know, they say that uh being uh a child molester is hereditary.
00:42:55.280 --> 00:42:57.519
Um, I think those are all choices.
00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:10.880
Uh, when you get to a certain age, if you know that your family has a history of alcoholism, you might want to be very careful when making the this the choices whether or not to drink.
00:43:11.440 --> 00:43:43.920
But you know, for myself, I don't know if I believe that drug addiction and alcoholism is hereditary because when you grow up in an environment where it doesn't consume your life, I think your chances of success at not becoming that, uh, you know, yeah, that's a that's a tough one for me to answer because I don't want to mislead anybody.
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:46.639
I can only give you my thoughts and opinions.
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:50.800
But personally, myself, I don't believe it is hereditary.
00:43:51.039 --> 00:43:53.920
I hope that answers your quote question, Cheryl.
00:43:54.159 --> 00:43:54.719
Linda.
00:43:55.119 --> 00:43:56.880
Oh my gosh, Linda is here.
00:43:57.039 --> 00:43:58.159
Hello, Linda.
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:00.960
I miss you.
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:12.880
So, Cheryl, I hope that answered your question on whether or not alcoholism is hereditary or a disease.
00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:22.079
Um, and again, these are my thoughts through experience and through what I've witnessed uh in other people's lives.
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:30.960
So um again, I'm not here with a science lab uh doing studies on people.
00:44:31.119 --> 00:44:38.000
Although, if anybody's interested, I can open up a little lab and I can start uh uh what do you call that, doing research on people?
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:39.599
No, I'm just kidding.
00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:52.960
Anyhow, um again, my name is Jesse Tyler Williams, uh, author of Rising Above Hell and host of the podcast Rising Above Hell.
00:44:53.039 --> 00:45:26.000
Today we were supposed to be joined by the lovely Misha Paul, and uh she is the incredible number one best-selling author of Behind Closed Doors, a book on domestic violence, and the podcast host of Silent No Longer, which um brings up the big unspoken uh podcast today on what we were supposed to talk about and on topics that are not to be talked about, and especially when it comes to domestic violence, childhood sexual trauma.
00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:47.519
Uh, I myself got told to shut the hell up and go play outside and play, and so um still to this day I'm not supposed to talk about it, but there I went again and opened up my big mouth and pissed everybody off, but that's okay because you know what, it's out there now, and my hope is that it can possibly save it from happening to somebody else.
00:45:47.840 --> 00:45:49.920
Sheila, hello Sheila, how are you?
00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:52.159
Nice to see you here as well.
00:45:53.679 --> 00:45:59.599
I agree a lot of it is family, not hereditary.
00:45:59.920 --> 00:46:08.159
If you grow up in that environment, then a lot of it falls back on the kids and so on and so on.
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:09.760
Yes, absolutely.
00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:17.119
Um, I firmly believe that you become a product of your environment.
00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:27.760
Um yes, Misha, why don't you hit the the bottom button uh where there's a little person, and I think that's an A, and see if that works.
00:46:27.920 --> 00:46:29.440
It's on your phone.
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:32.800
Um no, what was I talking about?
00:46:32.880 --> 00:46:34.159
Damn it, shiny nickel.
00:46:34.239 --> 00:46:35.360
Oh, environments.
00:46:35.599 --> 00:46:45.360
Um so it doesn't matter if you're a child or an adult, you become a product of your environment.
00:46:45.760 --> 00:47:11.039
If you are sitting in, if you are growing up in an environment where your home is filled with alcohol and parties and drugs and everything, you know, you get the odd story of a kid growing up in an environment like that and becoming extremely successful and completely opposite of what they grew in.
00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:41.280
Unfortunately, there is not as many of those stories as there is for those children falling into those same patterns, and so excuse me, so as we get older and we have the choice on what environments we want to subject ourselves to, that is where we need to make sure that we're staying safe, and that starts as early as our early teens, you know, peer pressure.
00:47:41.360 --> 00:48:32.320
You go to a party, and then you go to another party, and you continue to go to these parties and be subjected to all sorts of alcohol and drugs and different people, and so the longer you're in it, the longer you become it, and especially in your teenage years, where you're so impressionable and so for most of us, so easily swayed, you know, just to be popular, just to fit in, and so it can be pretty lonely for you if you don't fit into certain categories in school, you know, and thank God I think schools are getting a lot better these days than when we were growing up, but I think that um the peer pressure can sometimes push kids into a place that they don't want to be, and then the opposite can happen as well.
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:52.000
You get these kids that are totally isolated and left out of everything because they won't go to the parties, they're not hanging out with the popular kids, and the next thing you know, you find them, and you know, the these are great students, they do well in school, and then you find out they committed suicide.
00:48:52.239 --> 00:48:54.239
So there's so many stories.
00:48:54.400 --> 00:49:16.800
So I think that we need to create an awareness for our children, and we need to start it at a young, young age, and we need to create an awareness and and the tools for these kids for peer pressure, for being isolated or isolating themselves, the bullying.
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:29.840
I know there's a lot of things that have been implemented into schools now about anti-bullying and stuff like that, it's still not enough because there's still so much of it going on, and it's getting worse in a lot of cases.
00:49:30.079 --> 00:50:01.119
I mean, so again, environment is huge, and as long as we as long as we keep our side of the fence clean for the most part, I think that creating that kind of environment for ourselves and making sure we're okay, I think that'll branch out to the people that you surround yourself with, to the type of life you live, to the success you have, and everything in between.
00:50:02.400 --> 00:50:03.920
Uh, next one.
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:09.679
We all learn from what we see in our own lives in the teen years.
00:50:09.840 --> 00:50:11.920
Absolutely, and even younger than that.
00:50:12.079 --> 00:50:16.079
I mean, I was in high school in 1969.
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:16.880
Whew.
00:50:17.039 --> 00:50:21.280
The things I saw on campus, thankfully, I was chicken.
00:50:23.039 --> 00:50:26.639
I can't see you being a chicken, Cheryl, but yeah, okay.
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:28.159
But yeah, absolutely.
00:50:28.480 --> 00:50:34.639
We're so impressionable, and and again, a lot of it is led by peer pressure from a very, very young age.
00:50:38.320 --> 00:50:41.679
I'm just trying to look through all these messages here.
00:50:43.119 --> 00:50:48.400
Uh anybody else have any questions for me tonight?
00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:52.159
I would love to get some questions.
00:50:52.320 --> 00:50:57.440
Uh um, you know, are gonna tilt the boat a bit here.
00:50:57.599 --> 00:51:00.320
Um, so feel free to ask me any question.
00:51:00.400 --> 00:51:03.280
I'm gonna drink some coffee while y'all think about that.
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:09.199
Oh my god, I love coffee.
00:51:14.159 --> 00:51:16.559
No, it doesn't have any ticket line in it.
00:51:32.880 --> 00:51:33.519
All right.
00:51:34.639 --> 00:51:46.079
So today I want to talk a little bit about the unspoken, which is what the primary title of this podcast was supposed to be today.
00:51:46.559 --> 00:52:01.440
You know, we go through life, and again, starting from a very, yes, yum, yum, uh, from a very young age, uh, we get told what we can and can't say for the most part in most families.
00:52:01.679 --> 00:52:19.199
Um, and I think we can teach our children, our grandchildren, and our nieces and our nephews, and everybody in between to talk about things that people tell us not to talk about.
00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:32.480
Now, I'm talking about childhood trauma, I'm talking about childhood sexual abuse, I'm talking about drug and alcohol uh questions that they have from a young age.
00:52:32.719 --> 00:52:49.119
They need to be able to be verbal about all of this and they need to talk about it because what we think is a stupid question or what somebody else thinks is a stupid question is probably a question that could change the path of a life for somebody.
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:52.320
Um, I always say there are no stupid questions.
00:52:53.039 --> 00:52:59.119
The only stupid questions are the ones that you don't ask because then you just keep them to yourself and nobody knows about them.
00:52:59.360 --> 00:53:08.800
So ask as many questions as you possibly can and get your children and grandchildren to ask as many questions as they as they possibly can.
00:53:09.039 --> 00:53:20.159
Because if we don't listen to them when they're young, they're not going to be able to feel like they can come to us when they're going to need us the most, and that's in their preteen and teen years.
00:53:20.400 --> 00:53:26.800
And if if they don't have the ability to speak to somebody at that time, they never will.
00:53:26.960 --> 00:53:36.400
And again, it's going to be the whole uh gateway to turning them from one path to the other.
00:53:36.880 --> 00:53:40.960
Jeanette, my friend Danette from Edmonton, welcome.
00:53:41.280 --> 00:53:43.039
Nice to have you here.
00:53:44.559 --> 00:53:49.760
Another question that we have tonight is what do you think about cyberbullying?
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:59.920
Yes, this is a huge thing, and I was actually going to start talking about this when we were talking earlier about uh uh bullying in schools and stuff like that.
00:54:00.239 --> 00:54:22.320
Uh, there's so much cyberbullying going on out there that a lot of people don't even know about, and the parents don't even know about until it's too late, and they've already lost their child, and you know, like you don't have enough likes or you don't have enough clout on on social media, you know.
00:54:22.559 --> 00:54:41.280
Uh, and so you're not fitting in, so this can be hugely detrimental to a teenager, preteen, or teenager, and even adults are getting bullied online, and yeah, the longer you hold it in, the longer and harder your path will be.
00:54:41.519 --> 00:54:42.480
Absolutely.
00:54:42.800 --> 00:54:59.280
And so the cyber bullying, I know they're doing a lot about it, and I know Facebook especially, there's a lot of comments and stuff that aren't you aren't even able to post anymore because they're trying to uh uh ban a lot of that stuff.
00:54:59.519 --> 00:55:04.960
Um, but again, you've got to keep yourself self safe all the time.
00:55:05.039 --> 00:55:14.480
You have to teach your children, your grandchildren, your nieces, your nephews, you have to talk to them about all that, and that it's not acceptable no matter where the bullying is coming from.
00:55:18.880 --> 00:55:26.960
Children who are exposed to any type of abuse most often think it is normal and sadly don't report it.
00:55:27.199 --> 00:55:33.599
Absolutely, and that's where education comes in, and that's where the talks from a young age come in.
00:55:33.840 --> 00:55:47.280
And so when we teach our children from a very young age, and by children I mean, I mean this could be our nieces, nephews, uh, cousins, uh, children, grandchildren, etc.
00:55:47.440 --> 00:55:47.679
etc.
00:55:48.400 --> 00:55:59.920
If we teach them from a young age that this is not okay, some of them will feel like they're not alone.
00:56:00.880 --> 00:56:20.960
And I know for the most part that when that is happening to you, you do feel alone, you feel like it's isolated, and especially if you do say something and you get shut down, it makes the impact of that tenfold.
00:56:21.280 --> 00:56:26.880
Because not only did you try and voice it, but you got shut down when you did.
00:56:27.119 --> 00:56:34.719
You probably got called names, you probably got called, uh told you were stupid and to keep your mouth shut and go outside and play.
00:56:34.880 --> 00:56:36.159
I know I did.
00:56:36.400 --> 00:56:50.719
Um, so I think it's crucial that we really start educating and giving children the tools that they need to be able to survive that kind of abuse.
00:56:50.880 --> 00:57:03.599
A child, whether it's uh a physical abuse, mental abuse, whether it's sexual abuse, we need to give these children a voice from a young age and let them know that they are being heard.
00:57:03.760 --> 00:57:13.360
And it's a difficult task, and but I know if we keep doing it, we can save one kid at a time, and that's what it's all about.
00:57:14.960 --> 00:57:29.119
Roughly what age do you think a person has the nads to accept their abuse of children or kids and step up to the plate and actually apologize for their misgivings?
00:57:34.159 --> 00:57:37.440
To accept their abuse of children or kids and step up to the plate.
00:57:37.599 --> 00:57:37.760
Okay.
00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:42.480
I I don't think that that ever goes away.
00:57:42.639 --> 00:57:52.000
I think as long as that person that was the abuser uh is alive, there's an opportunity for them to apologize.
00:57:52.239 --> 00:58:00.719
And I think as you know, like I said, as long as they're alive, they have the ability to apologize.
00:58:01.119 --> 00:58:12.320
There is never a wrong time to try and ask for forgiveness to the person that you abuse, and I think that goes indefinitely.
00:58:26.000 --> 00:58:34.239
Yes, because sorry, Misha, if I go off of the live right now, what it'll do is it'll stop the live because I'm on my phone.
00:58:34.480 --> 00:58:56.480
And so, um uh why don't you try leaving the the group chat right now and then join the live again and then see if you can click request to request to join after you do that.
00:58:56.639 --> 00:58:58.880
I don't know, it's just a suggestion.
00:58:59.519 --> 00:59:01.360
What do I think about karma?
00:59:01.519 --> 00:59:04.000
Well, karma can be a bitch, I know that.
00:59:04.320 --> 00:59:09.519
Um, I think karma, you know, that's a completely different topic.
00:59:09.840 --> 00:59:21.599
Um I firmly believe that everybody gets their karma, whether it's good or bad, at some point, maybe in this lifetime or another lifetime, but that's my belief in that.
00:59:21.760 --> 00:59:24.159
Age isn't a factor, the work has to be done.
00:59:24.400 --> 00:59:25.599
Absolutely.
00:59:26.079 --> 00:59:27.440
Absolutely.
00:59:33.440 --> 00:59:35.679
Summer, I want to be the karma bus driver.
00:59:39.599 --> 00:59:42.000
Yeah, are you on your phone, Misha?
00:59:47.679 --> 01:00:03.519
If you're on your phone, on the bottom of your phone, there's a mic button, there's another mic button, there's a flip the camera button, there's some kind of suitcase, there's a link button, and there's a person button.
01:00:03.760 --> 01:00:07.039
Click the person button and ask to join.
01:00:10.400 --> 01:00:16.000
Pin a link to encourage viewers to take action.
01:00:16.480 --> 01:00:18.079
Add a new link.
01:00:25.360 --> 01:00:27.840
Shotgun on that bus, Sheila, right?
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:31.599
I can't get on it on the phone.
01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:32.239
Okay.
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:39.519
Well, everyone out there right now listening, I'm really sorry that we're having these technical difficulties with Misha today.
01:00:39.840 --> 01:00:44.880
But I want you to know that she will definitely be joining me on another podcast.
01:00:45.119 --> 01:00:59.840
And we're gonna probably do our next podcast on Zoom or Riverside, and so uh we will definitely have Misha here uh with us, and so that she can have a conversation with us on this.
01:01:00.159 --> 01:01:05.599
And again, you can find Misha Paul on all social media platforms.
01:01:05.760 --> 01:01:17.039
Uh, she is the author of the number one best-selling uh book called Behind Closed Doors, a book on domestic violence, and she is the podcast host to Silent No Longer.
01:01:17.360 --> 01:01:21.199
So please follow her and uh find out more about her.
01:01:21.440 --> 01:01:23.920
She's an incredible human, doing a lot of work.
01:01:24.079 --> 01:01:33.199
You have nothing to apologize for at all, and so I'm just glad that you were able to join us in the uh chat anyhow.
01:01:33.440 --> 01:01:46.159
But Misha, while I have you at least in the comments, why don't you uh why don't you have a conversation with me?
01:01:46.320 --> 01:01:53.039
Ask me something, um and let's get this conversation going about the unspoken.
01:01:53.280 --> 01:01:54.960
I'll give you a minute.
01:02:01.280 --> 01:02:03.119
Yes, I no longer.
01:02:03.440 --> 01:02:04.079
Yes.
01:02:34.239 --> 01:02:42.559
We talk about uh addiction and the effects that addiction can have on you and the people that you love.
01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:57.119
And I don't know of anyone, I know a lot of people, I don't know of anybody that doesn't, hasn't either suffered from addiction or knows somebody that is suffering or has suffered from addiction.
01:02:57.519 --> 01:03:01.199
And people talk about the pandemics in the world.
01:03:01.440 --> 01:03:07.360
I think addiction is probably one of our greatest pandemics known to mankind.
01:03:07.599 --> 01:03:19.760
Uh, the amount of people that are suffering alone in silence right now is astronomical, and the numbers are not declining.
01:03:19.840 --> 01:03:38.159
I know there's been some studies done, and they're very vague studies, but just look at the streets in these cities and what's happening, and again, they're trying to mask the problem with addiction by more pills, more medication.
01:03:38.719 --> 01:03:43.119
And so that is not solving the crisis.
01:03:43.760 --> 01:03:48.079
All it's doing is putting a band-aid on a very big boo-boo.
01:03:48.239 --> 01:03:50.559
Well, how long do you think that band-aid's gonna stay on?
01:03:50.719 --> 01:04:00.159
It's not gonna last long at all, and so I think that we need to dig deeper and we need to get to the source of the problem.
01:04:00.719 --> 01:04:06.320
Mental health and sobriety, how do you suggest people struggling take their first steps in recovering?
01:04:06.719 --> 01:04:08.000
In recovery.
01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:21.920
Well, it's kind of a catch-22 because uh there's obviously huge mental health issues that is that has caused their journey in addiction.
01:04:22.400 --> 01:04:36.800
So I think the first step is to get your body detoxed so that you can start the the healing process.
01:04:37.360 --> 01:05:07.679
And I don't think, and I firmly believe, that anybody that gets clean or sober, whatever title you want to put on it, I think that what happens and why the the number of failures is because what they're doing is they're getting clean and they're staying clean and they think, oh, this is great, I'm doing good, but they don't do the work that keeps you there.
01:05:08.079 --> 01:05:32.480
So once you get to that point, and once you've gone through the detox where the addiction and the cravings and all that stuff is out of your system, I think the first thing that you have to do is start dealing with the problems, the mental health issues that are causing the addiction.
01:05:32.639 --> 01:05:45.039
So I think you need to go really deep and you need to make sure that you're in an environment that protects you and that keeps you safe and allows you to be vulnerable without being exposed.
01:05:45.280 --> 01:05:51.679
And so, for a lot of people, that's huge, and especially people that come from small communities.
01:05:51.920 --> 01:05:59.760
That's a huge deterrent for a lot of people to reach out for help, is because they're scared somebody else in town is.
01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:07.280
Gonna know about it, gonna know about their trauma, gonna know about uh all the stuff that they've been dealing with.
01:06:07.519 --> 01:06:16.880
So I think there's so much stuff, and that's why I'm so happy that there's a lot of online um counseling now and mental health resources.
01:06:16.960 --> 01:06:25.840
There's tons of online support now, so I think it's really important for those people that are scared of exposure in smaller communities.
01:06:26.079 --> 01:06:43.760
I think it's huge for them to just go online and and try to find some online resources, but it's a work, it's it's a lot of work, and that's why mainly that I wrote my book because a lot of people can't go to psychologists or they've gone to like for myself.
01:06:43.840 --> 01:06:49.119
I went to rehab, I went to psychologist, psychiatrist, and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
01:06:49.280 --> 01:06:59.119
I went to all these places, and seriously, they all they wanted to do was put me on other medication, and I'm like, no, I'm not doing this.
01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:03.280
Well, at first I did because it was great, because I was getting high off the shit, right?
01:07:03.519 --> 01:07:10.639
So when I decided that that was it, that's when I that's when I said, no, I don't want any medication.
01:07:10.800 --> 01:07:12.960
If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it all the way.
01:07:13.119 --> 01:07:22.480
And the doctor literally told me the two percent, he said, you're either gonna go back to using again, or you're you could possibly die from the withdrawal symptoms.
01:07:22.719 --> 01:07:25.840
I looked at the doctor and I said, Well, I guess I'm gonna die trying.
01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:26.719
And I almost did.
01:07:26.880 --> 01:07:29.199
I mean, I got really, really sick.
01:07:29.519 --> 01:07:30.960
I mean, I got really sick.
01:07:31.119 --> 01:07:33.679
I ended up in the hospital a couple of times.
01:07:33.920 --> 01:08:18.239
Um, and so uh for me it was it was that I knew the work that I needed to do, and so that's why I wrote the book, and at the end of each chapter, I've got a workbook so that the person that is reading that chapter, and it's a book that you can jump from chapter to chapter, depending on where uh you are at in your life, because we all have different stuff, and so I wrote it in a way that the reader could actually do workbooks with the healing process and with the with the chapter they just read, and how they could apply it to their life, reflection questions, resources for them if they were struggling, and so on and so forth.
01:08:18.399 --> 01:08:30.800
So that was really huge for me, and so I think dealing with the mental health issue as soon as you're able to is huge to maintaining that sobriety.
01:08:31.039 --> 01:08:33.600
Oh, hello darlene, how are you?
01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:35.920
Oh, love you too, darlene.
01:08:36.159 --> 01:08:37.920
Thanks for coming today.
01:08:38.159 --> 01:08:48.319
When I was working in mental health, my clients said the one thing that helped them stay sober was to relocate and cut all connections with people who were in their life prior.
01:08:48.479 --> 01:08:49.359
I agree with this.
01:08:49.520 --> 01:08:50.560
Would you agree?
01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:52.000
Absolutely.
01:08:52.319 --> 01:08:57.039
Again, uh, as I mentioned earlier, we become a product of our environment.
01:08:57.279 --> 01:09:00.159
So for me, it meant moving as well.
01:09:00.319 --> 01:10:22.800
Um, we don't all have that choice, but you can still move yourself out of that situation, and for me, I had to move myself completely out of the environment I was in, and so I didn't move that far away from where I was living when I decided to quit, but I still moved, and so I had to disconnect with everything and everyone I knew because the only way that I was going to be able to get through this was by having absolutely no way to get anything any drugs if I needed them, and so I knew that the only way to do that was to be far away from them, and by far away I mean you know a couple hundred kilometers, it wasn't that far, but I was so sick, and if I would have been, if somebody would have been around me at that time when I was going through the withdrawals, I think I could have very easily fallen back because when you go into those kind of withdrawals and you're so sick that you want to literally die to get away from that pain.
01:10:23.199 --> 01:10:37.600
I think that if I would have had a way to call somebody, like I just need a little bit right now to get me through these withdrawals, I think I probably would have done it, but I didn't have any access to any of that.
01:10:37.840 --> 01:10:42.239
I deleted, I actually ended up burning my phone and smashing it.
01:10:42.399 --> 01:10:50.079
Um, and so I knew the numbers that I would remember in my head, and that's all that mattered.
01:10:50.239 --> 01:11:08.399
And for me, it was that important to make sure that I didn't have the chance to use again, and so I kept the numbers of the people that I knew were important to me and that cared enough about me that they wouldn't give me the opportunity to use again.
01:11:12.479 --> 01:11:20.720
Okay, now we're uh so yeah, definitely I agree with you, uh Misha, on that 100%.
01:11:21.520 --> 01:11:24.960
Change the energy of your circle, absolutely.
01:11:25.359 --> 01:11:35.840
Uh Jeanette, journal about how bad the crash is, if that helps, that coming down, how you feel for the coming down is far harder than the couple of hours of what you think is great.
01:11:36.079 --> 01:11:40.479
Remember the crash, agree, work on what is making you want to keep going back.
01:11:40.720 --> 01:11:41.600
Love you, Jesse.
01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:43.920
I love you too, and Danette.
01:11:44.560 --> 01:11:46.479
Um, absolutely.
01:11:46.640 --> 01:11:51.600
Um, I have written more journals than you can ever imagine.
01:11:51.680 --> 01:11:59.039
I have hundreds of scribblers and pieces of paper on all the writing that I've done over the years, and I still do.
01:11:59.279 --> 01:12:00.000
I still do.
01:12:00.159 --> 01:12:01.920
I still write almost every day.
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:19.680
I write something, and one of the biggest things for me is because of the amount of years that I used, that withdrawal for me was like having your skin turned inside out, and I've talked about this before.
01:12:19.920 --> 01:12:27.279
You have that itch that you can never scratch, and I you know it it almost drives you insane.
01:12:27.359 --> 01:13:04.000
And and when I think about it, it it's there's a level of insanity that comes with that, that just it's so bad that I remind myself that I never ever want to go back to that kind of life, ever in my life, and so I remind myself every once in a while where I came from, and I remember, and I remember very clearly, and so yeah, a hundred percent Danette, you're absolutely right, is journal about it, write down everything, everything that you're feeling in the moment.
01:13:04.239 --> 01:13:14.000
I know, like for me, for the first little while, I couldn't, I couldn't write, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I I couldn't for drinking water I would throw up.
01:13:14.800 --> 01:13:27.920
Umce you get to a point where you have the ability to to um where you have the ability to write or do anything like that, journal.
01:13:28.159 --> 01:13:30.000
Journal as much as you can.
01:13:39.920 --> 01:14:05.680
This pen in my hand is a symbol of what my lips can't tell, and the paper that lies before me is something I know so well, and I promise you, even that release of writing it out, and you may not be able to reread it right away, but you will go back at some point and you will read what you wrote, or you maybe you might never go back and read it, and it doesn't even matter.
01:14:05.840 --> 01:14:10.560
What matters is that you wrote it out, whether it's scribbles.
01:14:10.960 --> 01:14:17.439
I know sometimes I'm looking at some of the stuff I wrote and it's like a bunch of chicken scratch, and I have pretty nice penmanship.
01:14:17.600 --> 01:14:26.560
But when you're writing and you're just like so messed up and and just trying to get out of your head, it's it's hard sometimes to write nice.
01:14:27.119 --> 01:14:34.479
But absolutely 100% agree, Dennett, that you should journal and write and write and then write some more.
01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:40.720
Again, I'm so happy to have each and every one of you here with me today.
01:14:40.800 --> 01:14:42.800
I'm so glad that you guys could join me tonight.
01:14:42.880 --> 01:14:51.439
My name is Jesse Tyler Williams, author of Rising Above Hell, and host of the podcast you are currently watching, Rising Above Hell.
01:14:51.600 --> 01:15:06.880
This is episode two, the unspoken, and I welcome any questions right now for anybody out there who is struggling, who knows somebody who is struggling, or any questions that you want to ask me about my journey and how I got here today.
01:15:07.119 --> 01:15:19.359
February 1st, 2009, it was my first day clean, and so I'm just over 17 years clean, and I don't care if you're one minute clean, one day clean, or 10 years clean.
01:15:19.520 --> 01:15:25.039
You matter, your story matters, and you matter more than you will ever know.
01:15:25.279 --> 01:15:26.640
Welcome, Harmony.
01:15:26.720 --> 01:15:28.239
Nice to see you here.
01:15:29.840 --> 01:15:32.079
Okay, we got a request here.
01:15:32.399 --> 01:15:34.640
Oh my gosh, we did it.
01:15:34.800 --> 01:15:35.840
Ask Nisha.
01:15:36.000 --> 01:15:39.199
Yes, we did it, Nisha.
01:15:40.560 --> 01:15:42.640
Oh, we're adding okay.
01:15:43.279 --> 01:15:47.359
Oh my god, hallelujah! I touched the light.
01:15:48.239 --> 01:15:49.439
That's so crazy.
01:15:49.920 --> 01:15:53.439
Okay, so I'm trying to get to the comments now.
01:15:53.520 --> 01:15:54.319
Oh, there they are.
01:15:54.399 --> 01:15:58.640
We're back in business, ladies and gentlemen.
01:15:58.960 --> 01:16:09.600
Meet the incredible Misha Paul, the number one best-selling author of Behind Closed Doors, a book on um domestic violence.
01:16:09.760 --> 01:16:14.479
She is the podcast host to Silent No Longer with Misha Paul.
01:16:14.640 --> 01:16:17.439
And we are joined by this lovely guest today.
01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:19.359
Thank you and welcome, Misha.
01:16:19.439 --> 01:16:21.840
Finally, after an hour and a half, we did it.
01:16:22.159 --> 01:16:26.319
I know, I because I can't get on my phone, and then it finally let me on on my phone.
01:16:26.479 --> 01:16:28.000
So perfect.
01:16:28.239 --> 01:16:28.720
Perfect.
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:29.840
Here I am.
01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:39.840
Well, Misha, thank you so much for for being here today and uh truly grateful to have you on as um my first guest.
01:16:40.079 --> 01:16:46.720
I'm just gonna straighten this out a bit here, and I know we're gonna get a ton of questions here right away for you.
01:16:47.039 --> 01:17:02.319
Um so before we get into the heavy stuff here, Misha, uh can you please tell our listeners right now and everybody out there, in your own words, not the bio, not the credentials.
01:17:02.960 --> 01:17:05.279
Uh let's talk about you.
01:17:07.680 --> 01:17:09.840
Well, I've had a journey in life.
01:17:10.000 --> 01:17:22.159
So I started, um the reason why I wrote my book was because I seen that show made on Netflix, and uh that show made my entire life make sense.
01:17:22.720 --> 01:17:27.680
I never knew what domestic violence was except for somebody was hating you.
01:17:28.479 --> 01:17:34.560
And growing up, I had grown up goodness, around people hitting each other.
01:17:34.720 --> 01:17:40.000
Um, there was cops being called all the time, either the man was removed or we were removed.
01:17:40.239 --> 01:17:41.439
It was just violent all the time.
01:17:41.600 --> 01:17:42.880
So I thought everything was normal.
01:17:42.960 --> 01:17:48.319
So growing up, I made about it myself that nobody was ever gonna lay their hands on me, and that was it, because that's all I knew.
01:17:48.960 --> 01:17:56.239
And then I got into my relationships and I didn't realize that all the toxic behavior was the beginning part of getting physical.
01:17:56.960 --> 01:18:02.399
So then um my first relationship started getting physical, and we decided to quit.
01:18:02.560 --> 01:18:05.520
But we had kids together, so I went back many, many times.
01:18:06.000 --> 01:18:12.960
Um and then yes, and then my husband and I, and we were married, it was completely different.
01:18:13.359 --> 01:18:14.479
It wasn't really physical.
01:18:14.640 --> 01:18:26.880
I mean, the physical part with our relationship was throwing items, punching walls, kicking walls, um, grabbing my arm if I try to leap a conversation and that sort of thing.
01:18:27.039 --> 01:18:41.840
It was more of that emotional and psychological abuse, and then um when it wasn't affecting me anymore because I was pretty used to it because in my life on how to disociate from it, it was going after the kids.
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:49.359
And when I realized what it was doing to my kids' mental health, that was when I was like, all right, I'm done with this.
01:18:49.520 --> 01:18:51.840
I'm so I thought about waiting until they were 18.
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:55.279
And I was like, no, we I have to do this for them now.
01:18:55.760 --> 01:18:58.319
So I ended up getting a divorce.
01:18:58.399 --> 01:19:01.199
Um, I always tell people, try to have a plan if you can.
01:19:01.760 --> 01:19:11.680
Um, but after I seen that show made, I realized if I didn't realize that all of this was domestic violence, then there's probably so many people out there who don't.
01:19:11.840 --> 01:19:13.520
So that's why I wrote my book.
01:19:13.680 --> 01:19:20.399
Um, it's pretty short, straightforward, uh, different types of domestic violence goes in a little bit about my story.
01:19:20.560 --> 01:19:26.239
And now I just want everybody to have a safe place to tell their story, and that's why I started my podcast.
01:19:26.399 --> 01:19:33.520
And now I'm just helping get the word out there and just helping anybody through the situation or and to heal.
01:19:33.680 --> 01:19:34.720
That's my story.
01:19:35.039 --> 01:19:43.439
Well, thank you so much, Misha, for sharing that with us, and thank you for being here tonight and having the courage and the bravery to do what you're doing.
01:19:43.680 --> 01:19:53.600
And I I see uh on social media a lot of what I've seen you do, what I watch you do, and how you communicate with uh the people.
01:19:54.159 --> 01:19:56.880
And so uh thank you for that.
01:19:57.119 --> 01:20:02.640
And uh I admire you, and you're an inspiration to a lot of us out there.
01:20:02.880 --> 01:20:10.319
So uh yeah, thanks again for taking the time, and uh especially after everything we went through here tonight to get you on here.
01:20:10.560 --> 01:20:12.399
Um, I do have a few questions.
01:20:12.560 --> 01:20:15.600
I know there was a couple of questions that came up.
01:20:15.920 --> 01:20:21.119
Uh what am I doing here?
01:20:22.000 --> 01:20:24.000
Yeah, okay, so I lost it.
01:20:24.560 --> 01:20:38.960
Anyhow, um so like everyone, when um when things start to happen in our lives, and especially with domestic violence, I mean it it usually happens so slow.
01:20:39.119 --> 01:20:52.880
And I know for anybody out there listening right now, um uh that is either at the hands of domestic violence or has been at the hands of domestic violence, uh, there is help out there.
01:20:52.960 --> 01:21:02.479
Uh I have a ton of resources uh available on uh in my book, and I'm gonna be posting some in my group as well.
01:21:02.720 --> 01:21:06.399
Um, and we can probably post some in yours as well, Misha, right?
01:21:06.640 --> 01:21:13.760
Yeah, you don't have to stay there, and I know that can be very scary.
01:21:13.920 --> 01:21:32.720
I know for myself it was extremely scary leaving uh a guy that I was with for a while, and um it starts so gradual, you know, it starts by a few comments and jealousy, and then it starts by, you know, that friend isn't good for you, that person isn't good for you.
01:21:32.880 --> 01:21:58.720
Um, and then it you know starts with just a kind of a hit, you know, a slap side the head or something, and and then they're like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, you know, and then it just prove it, it's such a slow but fast process that you sometimes don't even realize what's happening, and then you start to take the blame for it, like, oh, maybe I did something to deserve that, because you're already in that mindset.
01:21:58.880 --> 01:22:09.520
If you've already accepted it to that point, you're already at a mindset that has diminished any belief that you had in yourself that it wasn't you.
01:22:10.079 --> 01:22:20.800
So I think it's super important to access help as soon as possible, or get out of the relationship if you can as soon as possible.
01:22:21.520 --> 01:22:30.239
What would you say to somebody that was in the beginning stages of that domestic violence right now?
01:22:32.319 --> 01:22:39.199
Um I'm not talking about uh the escape plan, I'm not talking about when it gets to that point.
01:22:39.359 --> 01:22:41.760
I'm talking about like the very first signs.
01:22:42.319 --> 01:22:43.119
Exactly.
01:22:43.439 --> 01:22:53.760
And that that's kind of tricky though, because when you first start seeing somebody and you think that you know you're falling in love, or even if you think that you are falling in love, you're not gonna see the signs.
01:22:53.920 --> 01:22:57.439
And that's the part that's why you get into it.
01:22:57.760 --> 01:23:04.640
Um, and I feel like unless you're really, really educated on seeing what the signs are, you're not gonna recognize them.
01:23:05.279 --> 01:23:16.640
And a lot of people don't, and even if you know that some of the signs are there and you really care for that person, you're just gonna be like, oh, and make up an excuse.
01:23:17.920 --> 01:23:21.600
And that's why people get it so deep and they feel like they can't get out.
01:23:21.840 --> 01:23:31.359
Because by the time you realize what's happening, you're already you're already like, I don't know, six months a year or longer in, and now you're just like, what happened?
01:23:31.439 --> 01:23:32.640
How did I get here?
01:23:33.119 --> 01:23:37.520
And then you have to rebuild yourself back up to be able to get the strength to get out.
01:23:38.560 --> 01:23:46.720
But I mean, some of the first signs, um it really just depends on the situation.
01:23:46.960 --> 01:23:54.159
Um some things that I would look at personally if it was me going into another relationship now, knowing what I know.
01:23:54.640 --> 01:24:14.560
If somebody is talking about the future very were very, very quickly at the beginning stages, like maybe you're just dating or you just got together, and like they're like pushing like years and years out of their plans that they have for you, that's one of the major signs.
01:24:14.880 --> 01:24:19.520
Because if you're just getting to know somebody, you're not gonna have your whole life planned out with them, right?
01:24:19.920 --> 01:24:22.479
And I I feel like that's a type of love bombing.
01:24:23.279 --> 01:24:32.399
They're trying to reel you in and making you see this whole life that you could have with them, and I've had that before, and let me tell you, it was nothing like they said it was gonna be.
01:24:32.960 --> 01:24:50.239
So correct me if I'm wrong, but I I think like on that topic there, I think that I mean, uh, we all struggle with something in our lives, but I think it's so important.
01:24:50.880 --> 01:24:58.159
Um, like you're saying about people not seeing the signs right away, so it does happen very gradually.
01:24:58.319 --> 01:25:08.720
Yeah, but I was already so damaged when I got into relationships that I already felt undeserving.
01:25:09.439 --> 01:25:17.600
Um and so you almost think that, oh, this is just normal, this is what it's supposed to be, I deserve it.
01:25:17.760 --> 01:25:19.439
You know, who else is gonna want me?
01:25:19.520 --> 01:25:24.880
Because that's always a common phrase that they use, like, well, who's gonna want you, right?
01:25:25.119 --> 01:25:28.000
Uh you're lucky, you're lucky uh you even have me.
01:25:28.159 --> 01:25:30.800
You know, that kind of yeah.
01:25:33.359 --> 01:25:36.239
They make it sound like they're doing you a favor in life.
01:25:36.720 --> 01:25:37.680
Exactly.
01:25:38.399 --> 01:25:53.039
So I guess my question then is is I guess if some somebody like Cheryl says I love you, Cheryl.
01:25:53.279 --> 01:25:54.960
Uh she says, Guess I'm weird.
01:25:55.039 --> 01:26:00.880
All it took was uh one hard push from my six foot three husband, and I told him if he ever did that, I'd kill him.
01:26:01.680 --> 01:26:03.279
He backed up three steps.
01:26:03.520 --> 01:26:06.159
Yes, and not a lot of women have that kind of strength, Cheryl.
01:26:06.319 --> 01:26:15.119
And kudos to you because I sure wish I would have been like you, because half of my life or my whole life would have changed drastically.
01:26:15.439 --> 01:26:26.000
Um unfortunately, uh like for myself, I was already so damaged that I thought, you know, this is it, this is as good as it gets, right?
01:26:26.479 --> 01:26:43.439
So um, and again, I think it goes back to the education part, uh, making sure we have enough podcasts out there, have enough literature out there, have enough resources for women to be able to access us and men too.
01:26:43.760 --> 01:26:52.479
There's a lot of really, really messed up uh relationships where the men are at the hands of the abuser.
01:26:52.720 --> 01:26:57.760
Yeah, once the men need to the men need to like start talking about it.
01:26:58.000 --> 01:26:58.560
Absolutely.
01:26:58.960 --> 01:27:01.760
And it's a lot more difficult for them to do it, right?
01:27:02.000 --> 01:27:08.800
Yeah, I've had a few people reach out to me and they want to tell their story, but they're like, I'm like a six six three guy with muscles.
01:27:08.880 --> 01:27:09.920
Like, who's gonna believe me?
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:11.039
And all they have is shame.
01:27:11.199 --> 01:27:13.920
I'm like, everybody has a story, yeah.
01:27:14.239 --> 01:27:19.840
And every if the all the men just start telling their story, it's gonna make other men feel comfortable, just like us women.
01:27:20.079 --> 01:27:20.399
Exactly.
01:27:20.720 --> 01:27:22.319
No, we don't want to tell our story either.
01:27:24.399 --> 01:27:25.439
Yeah, for sure.
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:31.119
Well, thank you for that so much, and thank you for for your comment there, uh, Cheryl.
01:27:31.199 --> 01:27:36.560
I I believe I I don't believe you would have done anything less.
01:27:36.880 --> 01:27:41.600
It really boils down to the person knowing that they are worth it a thousand percent.
01:27:41.760 --> 01:27:51.199
And that's the point I was trying to get at, is it's so important again, the education and the mentoring and the counseling.
01:27:51.359 --> 01:28:12.720
And if you are in a bad place in your life, whether you're a man or a woman, and you're struggling uh with your self worth and And so for me, I didn't even, and as as screwed up as it sounds, I didn't even know what I was doing to myself.
01:28:12.960 --> 01:28:19.119
Um the how I felt about myself was irrelevant.
01:28:19.279 --> 01:28:20.880
It it didn't matter.
01:28:21.119 --> 01:28:23.039
That's how messed up I was.
01:28:23.279 --> 01:28:27.279
So my feelings, my life, all that stuff didn't matter.
01:28:27.439 --> 01:28:31.359
And I know there's a lot of women out there that feel the same way.
01:28:31.600 --> 01:28:42.560
For me now, I mean, if I ever got into another relationship, if I ever entertained that thought, I I would just, I would probably be a little overkill.
01:28:42.640 --> 01:28:44.399
I'd be on the other side of the fence, right?
01:28:44.560 --> 01:28:49.279
I would be like, one wrong comment or whatever, like you're out, you know.
01:28:49.520 --> 01:29:09.520
So it's like, you know, I I would hope I would be in a good enough place if I decided to ever entertain another relationship that I would, you know, have enough compassion and kindness, uh, but always know matter-of-factly.
01:29:09.600 --> 01:29:13.520
And I and I'm in a place now where I would be able to see through all of that.
01:29:13.680 --> 01:29:32.880
I can have a conversation with a man, uh, even not in like on an intimate level or anything, but I can have a conversation with a man or a woman, uh, for that matter, and I can tell by their body language, by their conversation, with their significant other, if that's a healthy relationship.
01:29:33.039 --> 01:29:39.359
And that's only because of the experience I've had, not just with my own life, but with mentoring others as well.
01:29:39.520 --> 01:29:52.560
So I mean, I think that's the other thing is we have to just we have to keep doing what we're doing to make the world a better place.
01:29:52.640 --> 01:30:09.680
And I always say, if we're saving one person, my parents, my godparents, I love them so dearly, they gave me a necklace one time with a starfish on it, and they told me the story about the little boy that went to the beach uh collecting starfish.
01:30:09.760 --> 01:30:11.039
Have you ever heard that story?
01:30:11.279 --> 01:30:13.279
I never did until my parents told me.
01:30:13.439 --> 01:30:23.119
But the little boy was collecting starfish along the beach, and when the when the tide washes in, the beach is covered with thousands of starfish.
01:30:23.359 --> 01:30:28.880
This little boy would walk on the beach and he would throw the starfish in back into the sea.
01:30:29.039 --> 01:30:32.319
And this older fella comes along and he says, Hey son, what are you doing?
01:30:32.399 --> 01:30:34.640
And he says, I'm saving the starfish.
01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:35.680
He goes, Look at them.
01:30:35.760 --> 01:30:37.600
There's thousands and thousands of them.
01:30:37.680 --> 01:30:39.039
You're never gonna save them all.
01:30:39.279 --> 01:30:40.960
He goes, You're not gonna make a difference.
01:30:41.119 --> 01:30:45.760
So he picks up a goal uh starfish, throws it in, and he goes in, well, it made a difference to that one.
01:30:45.920 --> 01:30:53.680
And so I and and so when they gave me that necklace, I mean I hold it dear to my life, I always remember that story.
01:30:53.840 --> 01:31:05.119
And I remember what I'm doing and what you're doing, Nisha, and what Victoria and so many like us out there are doing, and the difference that we are making in the lives of people that we don't even know.
01:31:05.680 --> 01:31:25.760
And and so I think it's so important to keep doing the work that we're doing because a lot of people, even though they're not reaching out and they're listening to our podcasts, maybe it's helping that one person.
01:31:25.840 --> 01:31:33.600
And I really believe that if we keep doing what we're doing, we're gonna help people in the masses, and it all starts right here, right now, right?
01:31:33.840 --> 01:31:37.680
And I want to say hello to my amazing friend, uh Sherry.
01:31:38.000 --> 01:31:40.880
Hi, Sherry, thanks for joining us tonight.
01:31:41.119 --> 01:31:44.399
And for all those newcomers out there, my name is Jesse Tyler Williams.
01:31:44.479 --> 01:31:52.000
I am the author of Rising Above Hell and co-author of number one best-selling book, Transforming Pain into Purpose.
01:31:52.239 --> 01:31:54.960
I'm here joined by Misha Paul.
01:31:55.199 --> 01:32:04.960
She is the number one best-selling author of Behind Closed Doors, a book on domestic violence, and she is the podcast host of Silent No Longer with Misha Paul.
01:32:05.119 --> 01:32:08.560
Please check her out on social media as Misha Paul.
01:32:08.800 --> 01:32:12.560
And again, thank you so much for being here today with me, Misha.
01:32:12.640 --> 01:32:15.520
It's an absolute pleasure to have you with us today.
01:32:16.399 --> 01:32:26.960
And just a few more questions, and uh yeah, and then we'll open up the chat one more time, and then we will call it a night.
01:32:27.199 --> 01:32:30.159
But thank you for finally being able to join me.
01:32:30.399 --> 01:32:32.000
So you're welcome.
01:32:32.319 --> 01:32:32.960
Yeah.
01:32:35.119 --> 01:32:38.720
So what was your rock bottom moment?
01:32:38.880 --> 01:32:44.319
Like we all talk about rock bottom, and I talk about my rock bottom and finding the basement.
01:32:44.720 --> 01:32:49.279
Um hang on a sec.
01:32:49.439 --> 01:32:56.880
Are you aware of the type of people on the internet like scammers and sex torch sextortionists?
01:32:57.199 --> 01:33:00.640
Oh, yes, I'm very aware of what social media is all about.
01:33:00.800 --> 01:33:02.000
So thank you for that.
01:33:02.239 --> 01:33:07.199
And uh yes, Emma, we all need to keep ourselves safe when we're on the internet.
01:33:07.600 --> 01:33:10.000
So, yes, thank you for that reminder.
01:33:10.640 --> 01:33:18.800
Um, so for me, my rock bottom, I found the basement, and and you know, it was a deep freaking hole.
01:33:19.039 --> 01:33:29.920
And so can you share with us what your rock bottom was and tell us a bit about that and and what that turning point was for you?
01:33:30.560 --> 01:33:35.600
Um, so it was a few things leading up to it.
01:33:35.840 --> 01:33:46.800
Um, it started, we'll have to like rewind a little bit to when I was a child, I was molested by my cousin, and I was also right by him.
01:33:47.119 --> 01:33:54.319
And after I had a car accident, we had to move into the house that all that happened to me in.
01:33:54.720 --> 01:33:59.199
So I was living in this house where all that happened to me, I was just in a car accident.
01:33:59.279 --> 01:34:07.199
I lost all my schooling, my job, and I was in a very bad relationship with my kids' dad.
01:34:07.439 --> 01:34:11.359
So, and I had four kids or three kids at the time.
01:34:11.439 --> 01:34:12.800
Well, no, four kids at the time.
01:34:12.960 --> 01:34:16.159
It was like eight or nine and under.
01:34:17.199 --> 01:34:23.520
So, and we were trying to separate, but we just kept coming back, you know, because it was just easier.
01:34:23.600 --> 01:34:28.079
And then every single time I tried to leave, my family would stop talking to me, and then that would break my heart.
01:34:28.239 --> 01:34:30.239
And so I just kept going back to him.
01:34:30.319 --> 01:34:39.920
But I can remember um one day I was just laying in the bathtub and I was like, oh, all my kids were sleeping.
01:34:40.079 --> 01:34:44.720
And I was like, I could just end my life right now and just be done with this because it was like five years of this.
01:34:44.880 --> 01:34:47.439
I was in pain every single day from the car accident.
01:34:47.520 --> 01:34:57.039
I like did a lot of damage to my neck, and um, I couldn't take any medication for it because everything gave me so many side effects or would make me sleep, and I had to take care of my kids.
01:34:57.359 --> 01:35:01.199
So, and then living in that house that caused me even more depression.
01:35:01.279 --> 01:35:07.039
So I was in really, really deep depression, and I was laying there and I was like, I could just end it right now and it'd just be done.
01:35:07.279 --> 01:35:10.079
And then God's like, but who's gonna find you?
01:35:10.399 --> 01:35:14.560
And it would have been my kids, and I was like, I could not do that to them.
01:35:14.800 --> 01:35:19.520
And that was like the moment that I decided that I had to do something.
01:35:19.760 --> 01:35:25.680
So that was the moment that I was like, all right, God, you want me to get up out of this tub?
01:35:25.840 --> 01:35:28.880
You're gonna have to help me because I didn't know what to do.
01:35:29.039 --> 01:35:31.840
I lost everything, my schooling, my job.
01:35:32.000 --> 01:35:32.640
I had no money.
01:35:32.720 --> 01:35:37.359
I couldn't get a job because people would hear that I was in a car accident and they wouldn't hire me.
01:35:37.600 --> 01:35:40.960
So, but I got up and he helped me through it.
01:35:41.279 --> 01:35:44.960
And I was finally able to leave the relationship.
01:35:45.039 --> 01:35:49.760
I did have to stay in the house a little bit longer, but my landlord let me stay there for free.
01:35:49.920 --> 01:35:54.239
You know, that was he was a family friend, so that was a huge blessing.
01:35:54.399 --> 01:36:01.279
He helped me find a job, got me back into school, and slowly my life started, you know, moving forward.
01:36:01.520 --> 01:36:07.840
And then I got married and I moved out of state, but that was my rock bottom in that relationship.
01:36:08.000 --> 01:36:20.319
And then my next one was I started having the same thoughts of suicide, but this time I knew it was like the beginning stages of like I need to do something or this isn't gonna end well.
01:36:20.640 --> 01:36:24.960
So that's when I decided that I was done and I needed to start making a plan.
01:36:27.039 --> 01:36:32.239
So, first of all, thank you for sharing all of that with us.
01:36:32.399 --> 01:36:42.399
I know that uh, you know, it leaves us very vulnerable, and uh, but talking about it always hopefully helps others become vulnerable and open up as well.
01:36:42.640 --> 01:36:45.119
Yeah, so thank you so much for that.
01:36:45.439 --> 01:36:59.039
Um so through all of that uh and and going through the cycle, did you feel like it was a cycle, your suicidal attempts and and thoughts?
01:36:59.439 --> 01:37:10.479
And do you feel like where you're at now in your life you have found enough healing that you're beyond that, or are you willing to talk about that?
01:37:10.880 --> 01:37:21.039
Um, it was definitely a cycle, and it all sends back to is I just felt like I wasn't good enough, wasn't worthy enough.
01:37:21.359 --> 01:37:27.840
Um and I don't know, I just I felt like nobody loved me.
01:37:27.920 --> 01:37:30.560
Like no matter what I did, I was never good enough, you know.
01:37:31.359 --> 01:37:39.920
And I prayed about I I stopped praying for my marriage and I started praying for myself, and that's when my whole life changed.
01:37:40.239 --> 01:37:44.720
And that's when God was like, Let me love you, and I let him show me what love was like.
01:37:44.960 --> 01:37:50.800
Um, he taught he had me quit my job, which I fought because finances was a big thing for me.
01:37:50.880 --> 01:38:01.920
If I didn't have my own finances, I was dependent on somebody, and I didn't want to be dependent on anybody just in case I need to be, you know, like run away or something, you know, because I I like to have that money.
01:38:02.560 --> 01:38:11.279
And so I did, I quit my job and he taught me about toxic behavior because I couldn't figure out why I kept running into the same situation every single time.
01:38:11.439 --> 01:38:13.760
Like, why do I keep ending up here?
01:38:14.079 --> 01:38:17.920
And that's when I figured out that I didn't know what toxic relationships were.
01:38:18.079 --> 01:38:19.279
He taught me what that was.
01:38:19.520 --> 01:38:25.119
Um, somebody gave me the book Boundaries, I learned what boundaries were, and that's when everything changed.
01:38:25.279 --> 01:38:27.920
When I learned what boundaries were, because I had no boundaries.
01:38:28.079 --> 01:38:39.039
My my whole life, I had to um do everything that I could to keep people around me happy to keep myself safe because I was in some pretty scary situations at times.
01:38:39.359 --> 01:38:46.560
So I learned at a very young age to keep an eye of your surroundings and just make sure that other people are happy.
01:38:46.880 --> 01:38:56.720
So that's what I was taught to do and learn to do, and then I carried that into my adult life, which then got me into cycles, you know.
01:38:56.880 --> 01:39:02.880
And when I learned boundaries, that when I learned boundaries, people started dropping like flies out of my life.
01:39:02.960 --> 01:39:03.600
It was amazing.
01:39:03.680 --> 01:39:07.039
I was like, goodness, is that all I had to do all my life is just do boundaries?
01:39:07.199 --> 01:39:09.359
Like, what I didn't even get all the way through the book.
01:39:09.520 --> 01:39:11.840
First three chapters, and I'm like, this is great.
01:39:12.159 --> 01:39:13.039
Yeah, right.
01:39:14.000 --> 01:39:16.000
It's funny how that works, isn't it?
01:39:16.239 --> 01:39:16.640
Mm-hmm.
01:39:16.800 --> 01:39:28.159
And then I started loving myself and uh learning about myself and just learning about domestic violence and how to recognize it sooner.
01:39:28.960 --> 01:39:32.079
Um I mean, I still have a lot of healing to do.
01:39:32.640 --> 01:39:39.520
Do I get worried about going into a relationship or thinking too much about relationships?
01:39:39.680 --> 01:39:43.199
Sometimes, yes, but I'm very cautious.
01:39:43.359 --> 01:39:44.720
Let's just put it that way.
01:39:45.039 --> 01:39:45.279
Right.
01:39:45.359 --> 01:39:49.039
And I also yeah, I've also learned respect.
01:39:49.520 --> 01:39:54.159
Like if somebody disrespects me once, I'll be like, hey, I feel disrespected when you do blah blah blah.
01:39:54.399 --> 01:40:01.039
If you do it again, you're just showing me that you don't care and you are gonna just keep disrespecting me, and I'm just I just walk away.
01:40:02.000 --> 01:40:02.640
Right.
01:40:02.960 --> 01:40:14.880
And I think that's a huge part of everything, is like you said earlier, is knowing your boundaries and and setting them and sticking to them and not accepting just because it's this person or that person.
01:40:14.960 --> 01:40:22.000
Yeah, and generally, you know, it's usually the people that are closest to us that we have to give those reminders to, right?
01:40:22.159 --> 01:40:39.520
Yeah, and I think once we start accepting bad behavior from people that we love, um, and we allow that to happen, not only does it filter out to our surroundings, but especially our children.
01:40:39.840 --> 01:40:55.920
So I think when we accept that kind of disrespect and treatment from whether it's your spouse or your family members or friends or whatever, and the kids see that, they think that's okay.
01:40:56.079 --> 01:41:15.840
And yeah, you all they all of a sudden become the person that they target for that disrespect, and then they they allow that in their lives, and unless we lead by example, then it's a continued cycle, and it's up to us to break that cycle and to teach them, right?
01:41:15.920 --> 01:41:18.319
And so what you're doing, I think it's amazing.
01:41:18.560 --> 01:41:32.319
And you said it earlier about uh you're still healing, and I think that throughout our life, as long as we're on this side of the dirt, I think we're always gonna continue to heal and grow and learn.
01:41:32.560 --> 01:41:45.760
And you know, I've heard a lot of times, you know, people that go on on a healing journey and they're like, oh, I'm so good now, I'm a guru, and you know, uh, I'm done learning, now I'm gonna teach.
01:41:46.159 --> 01:41:48.319
Run from those people as far as you can.
01:41:48.880 --> 01:41:50.720
Because every day is you're learning something.
01:41:51.359 --> 01:41:52.960
Just run really, really fast.
01:41:53.600 --> 01:42:00.479
Because, like I said, as long as you're on this side of the dirt, there is nothing that you can't learn.
01:42:00.720 --> 01:42:12.159
I mean, we go through life, and you know, I've had people say to me uh in conversations, like, Well, I heard you on an interview a couple of years ago, and you said something totally different.
01:42:12.319 --> 01:42:15.520
And I say, Because at that time, that's what I believed.
01:42:15.680 --> 01:42:23.920
But now through my life experiences and what I've endured and what I've gone through, I see things a little bit differently.
01:42:24.079 --> 01:42:28.800
I have more compassion of the situation and the circumstances.
01:42:29.199 --> 01:42:40.079
I I find that I try to, I try I really hard, and it's not always easy because trust me when I say I like to throat punch people every once in a while too.
01:42:40.239 --> 01:43:01.039
I don't do it, I don't recommend it, but it doesn't take away from the feeling that we are human, and we have to accept the fact that it's we're perfectly imperfect, and you know, the more that we can accept ourselves with all the flaws that we have, the better off we're gonna be.
01:43:01.119 --> 01:43:04.960
And stop giving a shit so much about what everybody else thinks about us.
01:43:05.359 --> 01:43:13.439
You have to know yourself, yourself, you have to know who you are, and it all comes with healing.
01:43:13.600 --> 01:43:16.960
And we change, we change on a day-to-day basis.
01:43:17.279 --> 01:43:50.960
Situations, circumstances, events that take place in our lives, things that we see, all these things have a huge uh impact on how we perceive things, how we handle things, and and how we how we can change the perception of not just the perception, but how we can use that to not only enhance our ability to learn from it, but how we can use those tools to teach about those things.
01:43:51.279 --> 01:43:59.119
And yeah, if you would ask me two years a certain question and ask me that same question today, and it might even change tomorrow.
01:43:59.279 --> 01:44:14.800
I don't know, something might happen on a view uh or a thought that I have about how things are now, but ask me tomorrow, and if something happens that impacts my life to change my way of thought for that particular thing, then that's what it is.
01:44:14.960 --> 01:44:20.079
It doesn't mean I I lied or that I just said something because of this or that.
01:44:20.319 --> 01:44:28.560
It's because life can change you, it can change your perception, it can change how you forgive, it can change how you learn, it can change how you grow.
01:44:28.720 --> 01:44:34.640
And that's what it's all about is healing, healing, healing, and Jesus mercy.
01:44:36.399 --> 01:44:43.840
Yeah, yeah, situations come into your life too to help you pull back those layers so you can um heal and grow.
01:44:44.239 --> 01:44:48.720
And you're not gonna be the same person you were a month ago if you're doing the work.
01:44:49.039 --> 01:44:50.079
Exactly.
01:44:50.800 --> 01:44:55.039
And uh we are pretty much out of time.
01:44:55.199 --> 01:45:01.680
Is there anything else that you would like to tell our listeners before I do our closing uh closing ceremonies?
01:45:01.760 --> 01:45:05.199
No, our closing uh uh statements for the evening.
01:45:05.359 --> 01:45:08.960
Uh, I want to thank you again for coming here today.
01:45:09.039 --> 01:45:12.640
It's conditioned learning, it's uh breaking the cycle is the hard part.
01:45:12.880 --> 01:45:14.479
Absolutely, sherry.
01:45:14.560 --> 01:45:15.439
Thank you for that.
01:45:15.600 --> 01:45:17.359
And and that's it.
01:45:17.840 --> 01:45:20.960
And uh learn behavior, right?
01:45:21.119 --> 01:45:30.720
It's uh it's you know, and and kids they watch, they see everything, they're way smarter than we can ever give them credit for.
01:45:31.119 --> 01:45:34.479
And it's breaking that cycle, and it is the hard part.
01:45:34.640 --> 01:45:41.520
You bet it is, and you know, some days it's just like uh, you know, but we can do it.
01:45:41.600 --> 01:45:42.880
And hi, Crystal.
01:45:43.199 --> 01:45:44.880
Hi, nice to see you.
01:45:45.199 --> 01:46:00.880
Um and we talked about that earlier about breaking the cycle and the patterns and rising above that so that we can teach our children, our grandchildren, our nieces, our nephews, and anybody else that's watching, right?
01:46:01.279 --> 01:46:04.479
And um, and I believe that we're doing it.
01:46:04.640 --> 01:46:31.439
I mean, I know I know for a matter of fact that just in what I've shared with the world, I'm breaking some cycles in my family and the um situations in in that I've shared in my book that you'll have to read about um in terms of the abuse and the different situations in my life and how that affected me and how it's affecting people today.
01:46:31.680 --> 01:46:38.800
Um and so do you have any closing notes for us uh before I close things up tonight?
01:46:39.039 --> 01:46:53.199
Yes, anybody anybody who would like to know more about domestic violence or um is trying to heal from it, um, I do have a reclaimed group coaching program that I do, and it goes along with my book.
01:46:53.359 --> 01:46:55.039
So you get the book along with it.
01:46:55.199 --> 01:47:01.840
Um for the weekend for 4th of July, I am doing 250 off, and that's more than 50 percent.
01:47:02.079 --> 01:47:10.800
So um I can put in you can you can go to my uh Facebook page and click on my stand store and it's there.
01:47:10.960 --> 01:47:13.520
And I can give you the link too if there's someplace you want to put it.
01:47:13.760 --> 01:47:14.319
Absolutely.
01:47:14.399 --> 01:47:17.439
You can put the link in in the discussion on this event.
01:47:18.159 --> 01:47:23.600
And if anybody ever has any questions that you want to talk, just reach out, message me on Messenger.
01:47:23.760 --> 01:47:26.239
Um, I usually reply back pretty quickly.
01:47:26.399 --> 01:47:28.079
So don't hesitate to chat.
01:47:28.640 --> 01:47:29.199
Awesome.
01:47:29.359 --> 01:47:30.720
Thank you again so much.
01:47:30.880 --> 01:47:34.239
Uh I really appreciate you being here tonight, Misha.
01:47:34.479 --> 01:47:37.119
And uh I want to thank you for your time tonight.
01:47:37.199 --> 01:47:40.000
And I want to thank each and every one of you and Yolanda.
01:47:40.079 --> 01:47:40.880
I see you as well.
01:47:41.039 --> 01:47:43.600
I feel like uh what's that rumbo room show?
01:47:43.680 --> 01:47:44.960
I see you and I see you.
01:47:45.119 --> 01:47:58.880
Um I see you all, I really do, and I am truly grateful, truly grateful for each and every one of you who took the time to come out tonight and to uh spend these last two hours with us.
01:47:59.119 --> 01:48:09.039
And uh my name is Jesse Tyler Williams, I'm the author of uh Rising Above Hell and the obviously the host of this podcast, Rising Above Hell.
01:48:09.119 --> 01:48:11.920
This is episode two, the unspoken.
01:48:12.159 --> 01:48:18.960
So don't forget to follow us on social media, both Misha Paul and myself, and to get live updates.
01:48:19.119 --> 01:48:28.319
I will be hosting another podcast in two weeks where I will have another very special guest, and details will be announced uh in the next couple of days.
01:48:28.560 --> 01:48:30.479
And so stay tuned again.
01:48:30.640 --> 01:48:38.479
Remember if you have a choice to be right or to be kind, always choose to be kind and take care of yourself and take care of each other.
01:48:38.640 --> 01:48:40.800
This is Jesse Tyler Williams signing off.
01:48:40.960 --> 01:48:42.479
Take care and thank you again.