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Get ready to reimagine the future of humanity and unlock
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your true potential. Welcome to Reimagining Humanity's Future and Yours,
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hosted by doctor David Bruder, an internationally renowned integrative psychologist,
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human potential expert, author, and social change catalyst. As he
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delves into the most urgent issues of our time. With
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the world facing unprecedented challenges and social and political divides
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growing deeper, it's time to take action. Each episode of
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this groundbreaking series will empower you with invaluable insights, strategies,
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and tools to heal these divisions and restore personal freedom
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and societal well being. Whether you're a concerned citizen, a
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courageous leader, an influential figure, or an ambitious entrepreneur, Reimagining
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Humanity's Future and Yours will guide you on a transformative
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journey discover your unique role in creating a brighter future
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for yourself and society at large. Doctor David Gruder will
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draw upon his extensive knowledge and experience to provide practical
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solutions for shaping the world we live in. With his
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passionate exploration of social change, he will help you navigate
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through the complexities of our time and inspire you to
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make a meaningful impact, So prepare yourself for an eye
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opening experience as we delve deep into the heart of
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the matter. Reimagining Humanity's Future and yours will challenge your perspectives,
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ignite your imagination, and equip you with the tools you
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need to reimagine and redefine the world around you. The
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time to transform our future is now. Join us on
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this incredible journey and enter a new era of possibility.
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For more information of Doctor David Gruder and the Reimagining
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Humanity's Future and Yours, visit www dot r h F
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y A. Welcome to Reimagining Humanity's Future and yours. Why
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together we create it brighter tomorrow? Now Here is the
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host of Reimagining Humanity's Future and Yours. Dr David Gruder.
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Welcome back to the Reimagining Humanity's Future and your show
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on the Cancom Broadcast Network, proudly broadcasting from Canada to
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the world. I'm your host, Doctor David Gruder, the futurist,
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polymath of human potential and civilizational architect who equips leading
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edge leaders, influencers, helping professionals and you with vital resources
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that make it possible for humanity's most spiritually elevated future
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to at last emerge. The title of this episode is
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Reimagining Your Sacred Responsibility Culliana, which we'll get into what
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that means living gift in service to life. In this conversation,
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we explore the deeper meaning of Kuliana, a Hawaiian understanding
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of sacred responsibility that is not about obligation or duty,
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but about relationship, reciprocity and care. We'll look at how
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purpose isn't something you manufacture or chase, but something that
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emerges when you become clear about what you are responsible
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for in your life, your work, your community, and your
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relationship with the living world. This episode will help you
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clarify your unique gifts, discern where they are meant to serve,
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and understand how living your sacred responsibility can become a
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stabilizing force for integrity, meaning, and impact in a time
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of widespread disorientation and divisiveness. Joining me is Michael Bonahan,
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a transformational leader, teacher, and longtime practice tisher of purpose
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lived in service. Michael is a founding partner of Windom
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wind Fall, Sorry about that of Wisdom Windfall, and a
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contributor to its core curriculum. He is a former national
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board chair of Boys to Men USA, a certified leader
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trainer for The Mankind Project, and a seasoned business coach
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and facilitator trained in deep, transformational and systemic approaches to
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human development. Across decades of work, including leading and more
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than a dozen successful companies, Michael has consistently focused on
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one central inquiry, how human beings discover what they are
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here to serve and how they live that responsibility with humility, coherence,
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and integrity. In this episode, Michael brings grounded wisdom and
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lived experience to exploration of Kuliana, helping us reconnect purpose
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with responsibility and responsibility with love for life itself. Michael,
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I'm delighted you're here with me on RHFY. Welcome.
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Thank you, David, it's great to be here.
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Well, thank you, And I wanted to add that Michael
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and I know each other for a number of years,
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and it's really such a pleasure to collaborate with you.
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In this first segment, we'll look at the symptoms and
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challenges people have that are clues alerting them to a
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need to develop or elevate their clarity about or their
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embodiment of their Kuliana. But first, Michael, how did your
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passionate about Kuliana first emerge?
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I was fortunate enough to grow up in Hawaii. Kuliana
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is a Hawaiian word. I my definition is acrid responsibility.
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Hawaiian meanings responsibility, duty, privilege, and also writes, writes and
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privileges that come with those responsibilities. So it's been a
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word that's sacred to me. My whole life was immersed
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in Hawaiian culture, and to me, this particular idea is
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fascinates me and I've been captivated by it for years.
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I would say that the thing that really drew me
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to it was my adverse early childhood experiences. You know,
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I began asking, due to a lot of early trauma
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that as early as the age of nine, why am
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I here? What's it all about? You know, usually the
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meaning of life questions don't come and tell maybe the
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midlife crisis, which I've already been through, but you know,
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those that particular piece was always because of some of
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the undesired childhood experiences which were great teachers to me.
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I started asking that question early and been trying to
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find the answer ever since. So discovering my purpose it
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was really it came to a head I think when
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I was turned about forty forty five, right in that space.
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It's also the same time I was drawn into the
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mankind project. But it's a calling. So the thing that
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to me is if something happens for a lot of
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men it's midlife crisis, they go, you know, what the hell,
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I've ticked all the boxes. I've got a great job,
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I have the partner or the spouse, the kids, you know,
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whatever it is, the white picket fence, whatever your particular
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idea of what the American dream is or if you
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know not, if you're not in America, what the dream
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is of success that was modeled to us by our
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parents and our ancestors in the in Western culture. And
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a lot of it has to do with, you know,
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acquiring things, achieving things that have to do with sort
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of building up our own personal silos of power and
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containment and disconnection. And then when it comes to a
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head when I realized, wow, you know, I've ticked all
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the boxes, but something's missing. That's when the question of
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what is my cooliana and how can I discover it
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and how can I live it with grace and ease,
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especially considering the life I've built for myself up to
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this point, which is about acquiring achieving more, you know,
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kind of more ego based based on the external and
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less on the internal. Thank you.
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And by the way, as you lean forward, you're the
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top of your head gets cut off, so you might
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want to watch that. Uh, that's that's great, And for
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many of us, I want to really underscore that for
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some of us, we don't really ask these deeper questions
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about higher purpose until middle age, and for some of
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us who grow up under adverse circumstances, we start asking
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those questions as children. I like you did starting at
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around age nine, I was really asking these questions quite
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quite directly inside myself, without a framework for having an
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answer to them. So in this episode's next segment we'll
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get into root causes of why we don't necessarily know
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our Kooliana, or we know it, but we're out of
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integrity with it. But for the rest of this segment,
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as I already said, I want to find out from you, Michael,
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about the symptoms that most trouble people when they're not
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living in alignment with Kooliana. What symptoms did they notice?
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Malaise, A lack of interest, a lack of passion in life.
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No passion is fleeting and kuliana or purpose will get
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you out of bed every morning. Passion comes and goes,
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but understanding my purpose doesn't. So feeling that I don't
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like asking the question why am I hear? What's life
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all about? Begin to ask those questions, Taking less pleasure
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in the things that used to be either pleasurable or
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comforting to you, some folks begin to use substances more,
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try to medicate away the feeling of an emptiness or
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something's not happening in my life. So those are some
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of the symptoms. For men, it's the classic, you know,
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sports car, new partner. That's that's sort of like an
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overarching stereotype. And for those who are on a spiritual
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path or journey, often what will happen is I call
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it spiritual bypass as in like, if I can just
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keep meditating, if I can just keep diving deep into
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being less, less connected to the outside world, more connected
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to my spiritual center, and that all sounds great. If
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we all lived in little bubbles or isolations are up
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in Bobajee's cave somewhere, so you'll it's it's really it's
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you'll find yourself pushing back against the norm and also
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you'll find yourself possibly experiencing mild, if not severe depression.
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Mm hmm, yeah, absolutely, I want to I want to
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underscore some of what you just identified. In addition to
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malaise and lack of interest and feeling less passion or pleasure,
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and and of course lack of purpose, there's there's substitution.
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It's it's like that emptiness then calls us to instinctively
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fill that emptiness with stuff. It might be. It might
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be addiction, or it might be a sports car for example,
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or it might be spiritual bypass. It might be psychological
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bypass as well. Right, Yeah, which is interesting because I
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hear a lot about spiritual bypass because of the circles
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I travel in, but as a psychologist, I rarely hear
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the term psychological bypass. And you know, the bypass of
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dealing with our baggage, our wounds, are our limiting beliefs,
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et cetera. Another part is about being unfocused, where if
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we notice that we're spread too thin or chaotic, or
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fear of missing out, that that kind of lack of
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a central focus, I think is a big symptom of
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Kuliana deficit.
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That's a good point. Yeah, find finding yourself signing up
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for all of these things, taking on more responsibilities than
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you have the bandwidth for. Right. These are these are
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other symptoms as well. You know, it's interesting because the
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the uh, the magician energy, which is really just like
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our risk manager that sort of needs to figure things
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out what comes into play big time when we are
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in our midlife crisis, in that middle space. And also
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and that's then that's where that psychological bypass is stemmed
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from archetypically about avoiding the things that are painful, right,
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that we don't want to discuss. And so yeah, you
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can go into spiritual bypass or into psychological bypass compartmentalizing emotions,
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not listening to what my body and spirit are telling me. Yeah,
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it's a very it's a very powerful archetype.
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Mm hmmm. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because as as
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you're you're talking, I realized that the word bypass is
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probably under used because it's only referred to as spiritual bypass,
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but they are psychological bypass. And then there's physical bypass,
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people who are dissociated from their bodies. They don't know
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how to recognize a sensation if they stumbled over it.
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Yeah, yeah, that our bodies really keep the score. They
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do tell us almost everything we need to know listening
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to them. And you know, we are really raised in
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a culture that disconnects us from our bodies. We you know,
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today it's all on the devices, and it's all happening
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in our heads, and and it's the only real things
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we tend to use are our fingertips and our visual
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cortex and everything else we're disconnected from and and learning
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about disease which appears in the body as illness listening
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to those pieces of what is my body trying to
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tell me? You know, someone who's trying to fill that
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emptiness for that whole with food, for example, will gain
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a lot of weight and not lies that their health
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is at risk. Or maybe they're trying to fill that
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hole with substances, alcohol, drugs, et cetera, or anything, work, sex,
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all the things that simulate us and keep us occupied.
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Indeed, and so all of these things really are symptoms
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of disconnection from our lack of clarity about Cooliana, and
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the rest of this episode will dive into the root
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causes of the symptoms. Michael and I just described what
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to look for in a solution and Michael's version of
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that solution. In the final segment, after a short break,
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my guest Purpose Clarification catalyst Michael Bonahan. I just gave
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you a new moniker and I will dig beneath the
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surface to expose the root causes of Cooliana, cluelessness and deficits.
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I'm doctor David Gruder. This is the Reimagining Humanity's Future
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and your show on the Cancom Broadcast Network proudly broadcasting
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from Canada to the world. And stay tuned because we're
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about to dive deep. Welcome back. Before the break, my
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guest Cooliana illuminator Michael Bonahan and I discussed symptoms people
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experience when they're unclear about their higher purpose, their higher responsibility,
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or are out of integrity with it. And in this segment,
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as you already know, we'll delve into underrecognized root causes
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of Koliana, confusion and deficits. So let's just jump straight
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into it. Michael, what what are those underrecognized root causes?
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Wow? So it's I would say, not knowing oneself or
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not being on a personal development journey. So if you
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don't know that then that's the place where or you
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aren't gonna you're going to be in that space of
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not even maybe being aware that there's a deeper purpose
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in your life that's waiting for you. It really takes
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I believe that that the personal development journey, which I'm
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sure that all your listeners are on in some form
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or another, and getting to know yourself and uncovering those
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belief systems that we developed in childhood. I would call
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them a leaden shadows, uh, parts of beliefs about myself
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that are often unconscious. That's why they're shadows that I hide,
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repressed an eye and project onto others. So, for example,
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if you're you're something happens traumatic to you. Let's say
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an adult, a parent that was supposed to that you
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expected love and care from instead did something the opposite.
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When we're children, we don't blame the adults in our lives.
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We blame ourselves. You know, that's where shame develops at
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a very early stage in our lives. Shame is is taught,
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and it's also I call it a generous a generous
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decision made by a child's mind to choose to blame
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them oneself instead of others and this, and so the
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beliefs that may be adopted is I'm unlovable, or if
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you are abandoned, I'm worth abandoning, or I have to
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earn my right to exist. All these beliefs that are
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instilled in us, that we take on identifying them as
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we get older, especially as we start to do our
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personal development journey and knowing, wow, you know that really
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kept me safe, that helped me make sense of a
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traumatic world when I was young. But this particular shadow
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belief no longer serves me in my adult life, and
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it's actually holding me back from my true potential. So
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I think I think that's a precursor very necessary to
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be able to dive into unpacking all of the trauma
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and the shadow messages that don't serve you any longer
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before you can begin to discover your Kuliana, sacred responsibility,
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your life's purpose.
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Yes, yes, absolutely, And so for those who might be
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watching or listening who aren't familiar with the term shadow,
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let's just briefly define that. You know, the parts of
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us that we deny, repress, ignore, or we project onto others,
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or we unjustifiably justify in ourselves too, right, we are
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disconnected from the impacts. And before I reflect on a
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couple of things other things you've just said, is there
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anything you want to add around the definition of shadow
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that you want people to know about.
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Well, just the death that shadow is that is neither
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good nor bad. There are a lot of positive elements
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that exist in shadows, some shadow beliefs that do support
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us that we adopted we were young, that do support
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us in our our older years. I think it's the
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shadow is something I encourage you to read up on it.
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Carl Jung coined the term the Swiss psychologist. It was
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a contemporary of Freud, and uh, there's and we talk
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about how they interact with archetypes, which I mentioned a
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little bit earlier. But ultimately, shadow is basically what I
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don't know about myself. You know you I think you've
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mentioned Johari's window in this particular pod cast before, and
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you know, it's like there's there's in the four Things,
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there's some things that I don't know about me that
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others do. And that's the place part of personal development
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is seeking out, Hey, what can you tell me about
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myself that I may not be aware of? And so
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that's just something I'd like to throw out. It's a
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great way to do some shadow mining.
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Yes, perfectly said. And for those who aren't familiar with
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that term, Johari window j O, H A. R. I.
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It's a combination of of Joe and Harry organizational development
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psychologists decades ago who created kind of a comparison table
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having to do with things we know and don't know
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about ourselves and others know and don't know about us.
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So there are four variations, just really briefly, things I
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know about me that you know about me. Things I
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know about me that you don't know about me, maybe
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because I'm keeping secrets, but often because it's just never
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come up in conversation, Things you know about me or
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my impacts that I don't know. And then things about
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me that neither I nor you know. And so this
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is the shadow is things I don't know about me
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that you might not know, or things that neither of
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us know about me. And you're also pointing out that
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there is golden and leaden shadow, that there are parts
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of me that for survival purposes I put into hiding
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that I because I judged them or I have been
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told they're negative, but also parts of me that I
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put into hiding that are golden, that are parts of
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my light that I learn are too much for the
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people around me. And the other thing that I want
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to underscore, and what you've said so far is about
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not unpacking what you were calling and I often call
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limiting beliefs. And what I want to refine around that
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that I know you'll agree with, is that as a
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root cause of being disconnected from Kuliana, we often haven't
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unpacked the survival beliefs we adopted in childhood that became
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limiting shadow beliefs that hold us back in adulthood. And
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the other thing I want to really underscore, because it's
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not talked about enough in my circles at least, is
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the gift of shame in the beginning. It becomes a
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huge liability later, but when it first emerges, it's what
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you refer to as a generous decision I would call
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an empowering decision by a child's mind, in our mind
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as children, to blame ourselves for the disconnection that we're experiencing,
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because if we blame ourselves, then we can do something
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about it, whereas if we don't blame ourselves as little kids,
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we're stuck. There's nothing we can do. So it's shame
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as a child's version of empowerment.
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That's a really good way to look at it. It's
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I love that because because it shifts, it allows the
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victim part of ourselves to shift into the creator, which
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is like the have the empowerment dynamic around the drama triangle. However,
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as you as you said, it can become toxic and
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become something that when we're kids young, it helped us
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make sense, it made us take control and responsibility for it. However,
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later on it can become debilitating if we if we
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if we don't express it, we don't speak to it.
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The most beautiful way to get rid of shame is
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to actually give it voice and to be witnessed in
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your shame by others. And there's nothing more relieving than that.
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Of course, as children, you know where our lips are sealed.
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But as we get older as adults, there's an opportunity
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to lean into that.
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Yes, absolutely, so you used another term that some who
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are viewing or listening to the show aren't familiar with,
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the trauma triangle. So you want to go ahead and
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name the three parts of that triangle.
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Yeah. Actually, I call it the drama triangle and trama
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drama triangle. Yeah, so there's the there's the victim, the perpetrator,
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and the rescuer. And in the in the binary sense,
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the rescuer is also a form of a perpetrator because
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the rescuer reinforces the victims of victim. Other was, you
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can't help yourself, I have to help you, so I'm
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the rescuer. And yeah.
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Well, the interesting thing about the Cartman triangle for those
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who are familiar with the kar P m a N.
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This drama triangle, is that in my experience, whether someone's
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in the perpetrator role, the victim role, or the rescuer role,
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all of those people in my experience self identify as victims.
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Yeah, exactly right.
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So, now, what about societal influences that are less understood
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or less recognized root causes of Koliana confusion or being
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out of integrity with it? What kind of societal influences
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are there on that?
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Well, our entire culture and society and economy are actually
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based upon folks' ability to produce and deliver and to
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to play the game, so to speak, you know, through
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whether it's through earning or or what's what's expected of
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you in various gender roles. Uh. Thankfully, a lot of
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that is starting to be over overcome. People are being
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able to see through some of those old stereotypical gender roles.
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For men, it's still a challenge because there's a lot
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put on men. Uh. For in the past, women just
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had to show up to reveal their gift, you know,
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whether it's whether it's beauty or personality or coyness or intelligence,
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whereas men had to do and in many ways many
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forms still have to do. I'm not saying that women
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don't have to do as well. It's a tremendous amount
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of pressure put on women, especially to conform to older
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gender sance stereotypes. And but for men, it's like our
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gift isn't revealed. Our gift is like based upon doing.
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What are we doing to to contribute? How are we
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how much are we earning, how many people are we influencing?
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How many likes? This is for everybody am I getting
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on my social media and so forth? So Uh, it's
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it's a very ego based accomplishment, acquisition, power over based
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dynamic that's put into us by our culture and uh,
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and that does that does make us go after the
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brass ring, makes us go after the physical as opposed
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to the more the emotional, the mental, or the spiritual
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aspects of our lives. And so yeah, the society has
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a lot to do with we set it, We set
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ourselves up for that. I have some theories around that
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about what why it was done and how we contribute
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to to the destruction of families and so forth around that,
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but maybe that's for another podcast.
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Yeah, it most likely is you're you're dropping some great
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truth bombs that I again want to underscore that there
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are societal contributors to people being unclear about Cooliana.
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Uh.
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And though, among other things, those include misdefinitions where where
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societal rules or societal norms misdefine earning as contributing. There's
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nothing wrong with earning, but that in and of itself
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is not necessarily contributing. And uh and misidentifying power over
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as contributing.
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Uh.
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These these are shadow if they're such a thing as
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shadow Cooliana, which there probably is. Oh, yes, that that
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goes to to the shadow side of Koliana, right.
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Indeed, it certainly does. And and we're using the term
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shadow as a leaden shadows in the shadows that don't
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serve us or others.
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Yes, absolutely, thank you for that clarification. I don't want
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to go into detail about what I'm about to say,
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but for those who have listened to another episode of
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this show on Ikey Guy, a I K I G
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A I Ikey Guy might be a Japanese it's from
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a Japanese worldview, kind of semi parallel, not completely identical too,
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but a semi parallel to Kuliana.
427
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Indeed, Ikey Guy is it's it's it's a great goal,
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you know. It's it combines passion, mission, profession and vocation,
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what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs,
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and what you could be compensated for. If you can
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get all those to overlap, you are you are definitely
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in a sweet spot.
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Absolutely. So after the upcoming break, we'll get to the
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heart of the matter, which is what to look for
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in a solution that in you to clarify and embody
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your Cooliana more fully. I'm doctor David Gruder. This is
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00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:09.759
the Reimagining Humanity's Future and your show on the Cancom
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Broadcast Network proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world. And
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stay right where you are because we'll continue momentarily and
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we're back before the break. A shining example of living
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one's koliana. Michael Bonahan and I delved into less recognized
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but vitally important root causes of cooliana confusion and embodiment challenges.
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And what I will add also before going into the
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heart of this segment is something that I've mentioned in
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other episodes from the field of linguistics, that a term
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called empty category and what that means in the field
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of linguistics is that a phenomenon is occurring that has
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no name, and when it's not named, we can't develop
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conscious relationship with it. So koliana is an example of
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an empty category. It's a term that understood in the
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heart of Hawaiian culture, but not very much around the
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rest of the world, even though it's good for all
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of us. And so I just wanted to add that too. So,
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as I mentioned in this segment, will reveal ingredients to
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look for when you've decided to fully discover and embody
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your highest purpose, your cooliana. So, Michael, what ingredients should
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we be looking for when we want to discover or
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clarify or kooliana and live it more fully and consistently.
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Wow. So I'd say probably the intersection of two things
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has to occur. One is for you to understand what
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it was that you didn't get when you were a child,
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what it was, what was the unfulfilled need that your
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childhood need. And then the other is what problems in
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the world do you think need to be solved? What
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where does if you if if you have your own
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special medicine to heal yourself and the world, how and
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where do you administer that medicine? And so I think
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when those two things intersect, you are well on the
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way to discovering your Koliana, your sacred purpose and responsibility
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you might be. It's also an important way to get
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started on a mission that is part of your over
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arching cooliana, something you want to accomplish, that may be
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something that you know requires you to take specific steps
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smart goals to achieve. And so I think the intersection
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of those two things is critical. Mm. Yes, okay.
476
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:52.039
So the first couple of ingredients to be looking for
477
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:57.119
in a resource would be a resource that can help
478
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:03.160
you understand what you didn't get in childhood, your unfulfilled
479
00:33:03.279 --> 00:33:08.440
childhood needs, and on top of that, what problems in
480
00:33:08.519 --> 00:33:12.119
the world need to be solved, so that you can
481
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:20.119
then be helped to identify, identify your part in helping
482
00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:24.880
those problems get solved, your medicine, if you will, your
483
00:33:25.559 --> 00:33:30.599
unique gifts, your unique calling, and where you're called to
484
00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:32.039
provide that medicine.
485
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:37.680
Yes, exactly. I call it discovering your maximum and transformative purpose.
486
00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:42.160
And the reason I call it transformative because it's about
487
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:45.480
transforming myself as well as what's in front of me.
488
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:49.240
It's not my job to change the world. It's my
489
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:52.200
job to change my world, myself and what's in front
490
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:55.079
of me. Otherwise that's just that's putting way too much
491
00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:58.039
pressure on any individual that it's up to them, and
492
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.839
that's a great way to avoid missiac complex as well.
493
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:06.200
So yeah, I think the key is the intersection of
494
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:10.440
those two elements to help discover something that might be
495
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:13.840
at least a mission like for me, I had. I
496
00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:17.719
didn't have a lot of positive masculine role models growing up,
497
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:20.760
and it was one of my unfulfilled needs in childhood
498
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:25.840
and adolescence. And so yeah, and so after doing a
499
00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:29.280
lot of personal work, internal work, and seeing what needed
500
00:34:29.320 --> 00:34:31.800
to needed to change in the world or at least
501
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:34.360
in my world. That's when I started Boys to Men
502
00:34:34.599 --> 00:34:38.199
Mentoring Network in Hawaii, which has been going strong now
503
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:40.360
for going on thirteen fourteen years.
504
00:34:40.599 --> 00:34:45.559
And an international nonprofit. And you started that nonprofits chapter
505
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:46.639
in Habaii.
506
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:49.639
Correct, and then and then two years later took it
507
00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:52.039
national with a group of men. So it started something
508
00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:56.920
called Boys to Men USA, which essentially mentors mostly fatherless
509
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:01.400
teen boys who lack positive funeral models in their lives.
510
00:35:01.880 --> 00:35:05.559
And so that's that's a need that I had unfulfilled
511
00:35:05.639 --> 00:35:09.960
in childhood and adolescence, a problem I saw in the world,
512
00:35:10.599 --> 00:35:15.039
and it manifested because I was able to identify those
513
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:18.679
two things. It manifested itself in helping our youth and
514
00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:21.920
that organization. And it's not my primary focus any longer
515
00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:26.480
because when when part of discovering your mission and purpose
516
00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:31.199
is also engaging and enrolling others who have common beliefs
517
00:35:31.239 --> 00:35:34.079
and wants into it. And so I still serve on
518
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:37.599
the local on the local board and the base of development,
519
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:40.679
and on the national board as a as an advisor,
520
00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:42.239
right right.
521
00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:48.920
And that's a great example of identifying where you're called
522
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:53.679
to bring your medicine. What I'm fond of saying is
523
00:35:53.760 --> 00:35:58.760
that what the world needs in order to heal, in
524
00:35:58.920 --> 00:36:02.400
order to elevate its health is far more than any
525
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:06.199
one person could ever do. And when each of us
526
00:36:06.639 --> 00:36:10.960
is doing our unique part that we're called to do
527
00:36:11.559 --> 00:36:16.679
in helping that transformation and transcendence occur, all bases that
528
00:36:16.840 --> 00:36:21.199
need to be covered are covered collectively, and that's the antidote.
529
00:36:21.239 --> 00:36:23.800
Part of the antidote as well to the Messiah complex.
530
00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:30.840
Healing the world, Repairing the world is not only on
531
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:34.840
our shoulders. The only part that's on our shoulders is
532
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:40.159
to know what we're called to do, what our gifts
533
00:36:40.360 --> 00:36:44.079
are in helping that happen, and the spheres of influence
534
00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:46.800
that we're called to bring that medicine to.
535
00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:51.480
Indeed, and just to reflect back on what I said earlier,
536
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.880
the most important thing we can do before we dive
537
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:57.800
headfirst into a mission or something that we know is
538
00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:01.880
aligned with our purpose is to do our personal work.
539
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:05.280
Because if I'm doing it because I need to be seen,
540
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:07.599
or if I'm doing it because of an unhealed child
541
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:11.159
childhood wound, then I could be doing it for the
542
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.719
wrong reasons. I could be I could be I could
543
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:19.239
be driven by motives that aren't altruistic right. So, that's
544
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:22.400
the thing to think about, is heal myself before I
545
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:24.440
can begin to support the healing of others?
546
00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:32.480
Right right? Absolutely? And what I would what I would offer, Well,
547
00:37:32.559 --> 00:37:35.440
let me backtrack for a moment. We're really talking about
548
00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:39.360
two categories that are both really important in what to
549
00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:44.320
look for if when you're ready to step into your
550
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:48.639
cooliana in a fuller and clearer way. The first ingredient
551
00:37:48.760 --> 00:37:52.719
to look for is a resource that helps you discover
552
00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:58.519
or clarify or maybe even upgrade what your koliana is.
553
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:03.039
And the second ingriden to look for is assistance in
554
00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:07.679
how you get to consistently embody your cooliana once you're
555
00:38:07.719 --> 00:38:12.079
clear about it. Are those before I double back to
556
00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:14.440
a couple of other things you said, would you say
557
00:38:14.480 --> 00:38:17.239
that those are the two main ingredients in what to
558
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:20.239
look for, how to discover yours and how to consistently
559
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:20.840
embody it.
560
00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:25.079
Yeah, when it comes to discovery and embodiment for certain Yeah,
561
00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:28.239
those are the things to definitely be aware of and
562
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:31.800
to be continually working on. It's not like, oh, I'm
563
00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:34.440
healed or my work is done. So as long as
564
00:38:34.679 --> 00:38:37.000
I'm still breathing or my heart is beating, my work
565
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.079
goes on. Yes, there's.
566
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:47.280
A quote from a book by Richard Bach, who people
567
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:51.760
most know his most famous book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, But
568
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:55.599
in another book of his called Illusions, there's a line
569
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:59.800
from it that I'm paraphrasing now, but I'm capturing honorably
570
00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:04.119
his intention, which is, here's a test to find out
571
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:08.400
if your growth on Earth is finished, if you're still here,
572
00:39:08.519 --> 00:39:13.199
it's not. So this is ongoing. It's not a one
573
00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:18.119
and done thing around doing our inner work. Here. You
574
00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.519
and I are in the second half of life, and
575
00:39:20.679 --> 00:39:24.039
we're still doing our inner work. I'm seventy two years old.
576
00:39:24.559 --> 00:39:27.599
I'm far from done with my inner work. So it
577
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.719
is an ongoing process. The other thing I wanted to
578
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:34.920
underscore that you said earlier was your phrase discovering your
579
00:39:35.199 --> 00:39:42.760
maximum transformative purpose. And I agree with that, and I
580
00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:48.480
view Cooliana as going a step beyond transformation that I
581
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:51.119
want to bring into this and get your perspective on.
582
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:57.760
I would call it discovering your maximum transformative and transcendent purpose.
583
00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:03.239
Transformative is about me and my self actualization. Transcendence is
584
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:05.039
about greater than just me.
585
00:40:06.199 --> 00:40:09.800
Indeed, Yeah, so it starts off with the transformative purpose
586
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:13.440
because it has to begin with myself, right. And also,
587
00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:17.519
and when I can find a way to effectively deliver
588
00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:23.079
without attachment, to outcome, without expecting something in return that's external,
589
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:26.559
all the returns have to be internal, have to be
590
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:31.079
coming from the wellspring of love, life, passion, power, the
591
00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:34.920
gift of humanity that is me and that is you. Then,
592
00:40:35.159 --> 00:40:38.000
by all means, but to move it to a place
593
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:42.039
where your medicine is delivered, then that certainly is a
594
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:46.239
space of transcendence. I appreciate that. And also I can
595
00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:49.519
transform the world, my external world. It's incredible by just
596
00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:52.559
changing the lens through which I view what's in front
597
00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:56.119
of me, which is essentially about changing the belief systems. Right,
598
00:40:56.840 --> 00:41:01.280
then I can transform what's in front of me without
599
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:04.440
anything changing objectively from the outside.
600
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:09.159
I want to run something else past you to see
601
00:41:09.400 --> 00:41:13.320
if I'm tracking this accurately or if you have something
602
00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:16.199
to add to it, which is that I see us
603
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:21.199
as having two missions that inform each other and comprise Koliana.
604
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:25.320
One is what I call our soul growth mission and
605
00:41:25.480 --> 00:41:29.119
the other is what I call our impact mission. And
606
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:33.719
how do how do those two missions translate into or
607
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:34.920
support Koliana?
608
00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.760
If you agree with that well, I think those two
609
00:41:38.840 --> 00:41:42.000
missions are critical. You know, one is the internal, one
610
00:41:42.159 --> 00:41:45.480
is the transformative, and the other is the transcendent. I
611
00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:47.880
love it so that my sole growth mission and my
612
00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:52.039
impact mission, it starts with soul growth and it never ends.
613
00:41:52.199 --> 00:41:56.519
The soul growth continues because as the successes or failures,
614
00:41:56.719 --> 00:42:00.079
or the hits or misses happen in the actions that
615
00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:04.800
I take, both internally and externally, there's that's an opportunity
616
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:07.760
for me to do the sole growth work. And then,
617
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:10.920
of course koliana is about being in relationship. It's about
618
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:16.280
being in community. Kuliana in Hawaiian was about reciprocity and
619
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:20.679
in mutual relationship, not just with other individuals but with everything.
620
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:23.440
So if your koliana is to care for the aina,
621
00:42:23.599 --> 00:42:26.159
the land that you know, you're doing that because the
622
00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:30.519
reciprocity the land will provide and care for you. It's
623
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:36.079
also about a holistic responsibility. So everything from a personal
624
00:42:36.119 --> 00:42:39.960
accountability one hundred percent personal accountability to the broader duty
625
00:42:40.039 --> 00:42:43.920
of caring for what's outside of myself right and those
626
00:42:43.960 --> 00:42:46.480
are in alignment because I have to have that level
627
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:50.360
of accountability and integrity in order to be able to
628
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:56.840
to honestly and without inserting my ego into the outcomes
629
00:42:56.920 --> 00:42:58.400
that I pray.
630
00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:02.599
For, said, I want to tie this in with something
631
00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:07.119
else that I've brought up in other episodes, term that
632
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:10.119
I coined back in two thousand and eight called free
633
00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:17.280
responsibility the intersection of personal freedom and social responsibility, because
634
00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:22.840
I think it's tied to Koliana, because if I'm only
635
00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:27.519
about personal freedom, then I'm only about me. Freedom without
636
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:34.760
responsibility is narcissism and entitlement and responsibility without freedom is tyranny.
637
00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:39.119
So it's got to be the both and of where
638
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.960
personal agency personal free will, if you will, intersects with
639
00:43:46.719 --> 00:43:50.639
responsibility to the groups that we are part of. So
640
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:55.440
after our upcoming break, we'll return for this episode's final segment,
641
00:43:55.559 --> 00:43:58.679
during which I'll be asking Michael Bonahan to reveal how
642
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:05.199
he provides. It's Koliana up leveling ingredients that we just unpacked,
643
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:09.559
and so that's coming up shortly. I'm doctor David Gruder.
644
00:44:09.679 --> 00:44:12.719
This is the Reimagining Humanity's Future in your show on
645
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:17.480
the Cancom Broadcast Network, proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world,
646
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:25.000
and will return shortly well before the break. The Koliana doula.
647
00:44:25.599 --> 00:44:29.119
There you go, there's another phrase for you. Michael Bonahan
648
00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:32.880
and I unpacked ingredients to look for when you want
649
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:38.639
to develop up level or more fully embody your sacred purpose,
650
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:43.760
your sacred responsibility. As I already mentioned during the final
651
00:44:43.880 --> 00:44:48.960
segment of this episode called Reimagining your Sacred Responsibility Cooliana,
652
00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:54.119
living your gift in service to life. Michael will reveal
653
00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:58.440
how he provides what he's suggested or we suggested in
654
00:44:58.519 --> 00:45:01.039
the last segment that you look for. I'll then let
655
00:45:01.119 --> 00:45:03.960
you all know how to access his great ways of
656
00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:07.679
facilitating this, and after that we'll each share the big
657
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:11.800
takeaways we hope you've gained from this episode, followed by
658
00:45:11.880 --> 00:45:15.079
my closing comments. So, Michael, how do you help people
659
00:45:15.559 --> 00:45:19.440
develop up level or more fully embody their Cooliana.
660
00:45:20.679 --> 00:45:24.320
Well, it's a process very similar to what I talked
661
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:28.599
about earlier, as far as discovering the belief systems, the
662
00:45:28.679 --> 00:45:32.880
shadow of belief systems that no longer serve you, unpacking those,
663
00:45:33.599 --> 00:45:37.880
finding their origins, doing some maybe some therapies around or
664
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:42.360
some processes around discovering how they developed and how you
665
00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:45.039
can hold those beliefs in front of you as opposed
666
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:48.119
to them living in your unconscious and keeping you back.
667
00:45:48.719 --> 00:45:53.800
So my coaching sessions I call it purpose management is
668
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.880
what we do at Wisdom Windfall or purpose management sessions
669
00:45:57.119 --> 00:46:00.599
always start with a deep dive into discovery, ring what
670
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:03.920
it is about yourself and getting to know yourself. And
671
00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:06.079
I call it there are three selves. I call them
672
00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:10.639
the original self, that's my personality, the God spark that
673
00:46:10.719 --> 00:46:13.079
lives in me, that I came into this incarnation with.
674
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:17.000
That's the wounded self. No matter how much we think
675
00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:19.519
we have our acts together, how perfect our life was,
676
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:21.960
we are all wounded in some way. Even the act
677
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:24.599
of being born, being separated from our mother, our source,
678
00:46:25.079 --> 00:46:28.039
is a wounding in itself. And then finally to understand
679
00:46:28.199 --> 00:46:32.880
our defended selves, you know, the beliefs and behaviors that
680
00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:35.519
we had adapted to get the gumption to take our
681
00:46:35.559 --> 00:46:37.960
original and wounded selves out into the world and begin
682
00:46:38.039 --> 00:46:40.719
to interact with the world. Our defended selves, the masks
683
00:46:41.079 --> 00:46:44.239
that we wear, the cloak that we hide our true selves,
684
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:47.199
our emotional selves in. And I call that that's a
685
00:46:47.280 --> 00:46:50.760
process called reclaiming yourself, which is the foundation of Wisdom
686
00:46:50.760 --> 00:46:54.039
wind Falls work. Once I begin to truly understand those
687
00:46:54.119 --> 00:46:57.760
three parts, of myself and understand that none of them
688
00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:01.639
are greater or lesser than they are all holistically me
689
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:04.679
as the human being, and be able to integrate, integrate
690
00:47:04.760 --> 00:47:08.400
them and be aware who's online and everything from self
691
00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:11.320
care to what I do in interacting with others in
692
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:14.320
the world and how I approach my purpose. That's the
693
00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:18.960
first step. And then I go into areas of deep listening,
694
00:47:19.840 --> 00:47:23.719
asking powerful and reflective questions, and finally I do. What
695
00:47:23.880 --> 00:47:27.360
we do is what most coaches do not do. We
696
00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:32.320
help people set smart goals and help them be accountable
697
00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:33.679
to achieving those goals.
698
00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:40.920
Right, Okay, yeah, so let's unpack those a little bit.
699
00:47:42.519 --> 00:47:51.039
Purpose management is uncovering our shadow beliefs and getting freedom
700
00:47:51.599 --> 00:47:54.199
from those so that we're not they're not the boss
701
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:58.599
of us anymore, not that they disappear entirely, but they're
702
00:47:58.679 --> 00:48:00.559
not running us anymore.
703
00:48:00.840 --> 00:48:02.840
Right, Yeah, they'll hold us, they hold us back for
704
00:48:02.920 --> 00:48:03.880
reaching our potential.
705
00:48:04.360 --> 00:48:11.519
Yes, and getting really clear about our three selves. And again,
706
00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:14.800
I'm going to reiterate what you said, because I don't
707
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:19.199
want it to just disappear into the ethers. Our original self,
708
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:25.679
which is basically our our authentic self, the higher self
709
00:48:25.760 --> 00:48:28.920
that we came in with that that we were endowed
710
00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:35.119
with our wounded self that comes from adverse childhood experiences
711
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:39.599
that we don't know how to process in helpful ways
712
00:48:39.719 --> 00:48:44.199
when we're growing up, and our defended self, the mask
713
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:49.159
that we learned to wear to cope with our woundedself
714
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:54.119
and to cope with the the the gap between how
715
00:48:54.159 --> 00:48:59.360
we're showing up and who we actually are. So integrating
716
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:03.480
those and then the other part that you were talking
717
00:49:03.559 --> 00:49:09.519
about is about smart goals, And of course not everyone
718
00:49:09.599 --> 00:49:13.480
who's watching or listening to this episode knows what a
719
00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:17.159
smart goal is, So can you briefly say what those
720
00:49:17.719 --> 00:49:18.840
five ingredients are?
721
00:49:19.039 --> 00:49:26.519
Right? Smart is an acronym for specific, measurable, achievable relative
722
00:49:26.599 --> 00:49:31.760
to my mission or purpose and time bound. M hm yep.
723
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:36.320
So you might want to re listen to that little
724
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:42.000
SoundBite again because all of those ingredients have to be
725
00:49:42.440 --> 00:49:45.920
included if a goal is going to be what I
726
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:48.960
refer to as accountability capable.
727
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:52.960
Yeah, and the idea is to make them simple to
728
00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:57.000
start with and build on your successes. People tend to
729
00:49:57.480 --> 00:50:00.320
set I'm going to set this huge, almost unacheap ale
730
00:50:00.360 --> 00:50:03.000
smart goal and then feel like they a failure or
731
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:08.000
they didn't hit their mark. So make it simple, right, So.
732
00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:14.559
A too large smart goal is not smart.
733
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:16.760
Well put?
734
00:50:18.559 --> 00:50:23.760
Yeah, yeah, And so what I want to also underscore
735
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:30.679
is that what you're identifying as being the way that
736
00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:36.000
you and your colleagues at Wisdom Windfall. I don't know
737
00:50:36.039 --> 00:50:39.320
why I keep calling it Windom. I'm thinking of William Windham,
738
00:50:39.639 --> 00:50:45.400
the old actor from decades ago, Wisdom Windfall. That you
739
00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:49.800
all are are doing your version of something that you
740
00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:54.719
and I are saying to our listeners and viewers to
741
00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:58.559
look for. No matter who you utilize, there's got to
742
00:50:58.639 --> 00:51:02.559
be a purpose management component. There's got to be a
743
00:51:02.719 --> 00:51:09.039
recognition of your three selves and integrating them and turning
744
00:51:09.320 --> 00:51:12.760
what was a wound into a blessing. I call that
745
00:51:13.599 --> 00:51:19.119
harvesting skills, harvesting gifts from the undesired and even unacceptable
746
00:51:19.480 --> 00:51:26.320
in our lives and smart goals. And accountability. So accountability
747
00:51:26.920 --> 00:51:31.920
is one of those words that is misused a lot,
748
00:51:32.239 --> 00:51:37.840
especially in business, where what gets mislabeled us accountability is
749
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:42.679
shaming and coercion. And that's not the accountability you and
750
00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:46.719
I are talking about. So would you offer your definition
751
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:47.800
of accountability?
752
00:51:48.920 --> 00:51:53.440
Sure? Accountability to me is taking responsibility for the impact
753
00:51:53.519 --> 00:51:58.760
of my action or inaction, whether it's done consciously or unconsciously,
754
00:51:59.280 --> 00:52:03.199
that's account of the So yeah, so it's it's as
755
00:52:03.239 --> 00:52:05.119
opposed to you know, did I get this thing done?
756
00:52:05.159 --> 00:52:08.840
You know, we all enter into agreements and some of
757
00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:11.480
us can't keep those agreements. And the question is do
758
00:52:11.559 --> 00:52:13.960
I enter into the agreement because there's a shadow, a
759
00:52:14.119 --> 00:52:16.840
need or a lack like did I over commit or
760
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:19.519
did I enter into an agreement knowing I wasn't going
761
00:52:19.599 --> 00:52:22.400
to fulfill it just to be able to have that
762
00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:25.079
moment of like, yeah, I can do this, and and
763
00:52:25.559 --> 00:52:28.880
and these are all pointers and lessons in definding shadows
764
00:52:28.920 --> 00:52:32.599
that no longer serve me. Right. So communication, If I
765
00:52:32.679 --> 00:52:36.719
can't keep an agreement, communication is re negotiating agreement. There's
766
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:40.000
nothing wrong with that. Staying in relationship and communicating with
767
00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:44.079
those who you are who are in agreement with is critical.
768
00:52:44.239 --> 00:52:46.480
So that's an important thing I do with my clients
769
00:52:46.519 --> 00:52:50.360
as well. Our purpose management sessions are all about you know,
770
00:52:50.559 --> 00:52:53.880
what what did you set out to do? What did
771
00:52:54.119 --> 00:52:58.039
what was the deliverable? What was the smart goal that
772
00:52:58.079 --> 00:53:00.599
you and did you achieve it? And if not, what
773
00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:04.119
was the shadow belief that kept you from doing it,
774
00:53:04.239 --> 00:53:06.880
And how can you get back and right relationship with
775
00:53:07.039 --> 00:53:12.800
your yourself by setting a new agreement and being accountable.
776
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:17.480
To that m I think that's really important, having to
777
00:53:17.639 --> 00:53:21.679
do with the fact that sometimes I've certainly done this
778
00:53:21.880 --> 00:53:25.360
where in the joy of a particular moment or in
779
00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:30.079
the passion of a particular moment, I've said I'll do something,
780
00:53:31.079 --> 00:53:35.440
only to discover afterwards that I had a good intention.
781
00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:39.079
But I don't have enough bandwidth to follow through on
782
00:53:39.239 --> 00:53:41.840
what I said I would do or on the timeline
783
00:53:41.880 --> 00:53:45.480
I said I would do it within. And so learning
784
00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:51.679
the art of transparent agreement renegotiation as needed is really important.
785
00:53:52.119 --> 00:53:54.360
And then the other part of what you said, and
786
00:53:54.679 --> 00:53:56.880
I want to move on to the final part of
787
00:53:56.960 --> 00:54:02.360
this segment momentarily, but I can't let this pass, which
788
00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:07.480
is making sure that there is coherence between my intentions
789
00:54:07.880 --> 00:54:12.199
and my impacts. A lot of people have good intentions
790
00:54:13.159 --> 00:54:18.800
and their impact isn't aligned with those good intentions, and
791
00:54:19.480 --> 00:54:22.039
some people think that they should be let off the
792
00:54:22.119 --> 00:54:25.960
hook about their negative impact because they had positive intention
793
00:54:26.440 --> 00:54:32.599
and that's mistaken, that's not helpful. So much of what
794
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:38.360
we've explored today, Juliana sacred responsibility and living your gifts
795
00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:44.199
in service beyond only yourself isn't just something to understand intellectually.
796
00:54:44.719 --> 00:54:48.159
It's something that has to be experienced in our body
797
00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:52.400
and our relationships, in our and in real time. For
798
00:54:52.559 --> 00:54:56.159
those of you who feel that pull, Michael offers a
799
00:54:56.239 --> 00:55:01.280
deeply experiential program called Dancing the Archetype. This isn't a
800
00:55:01.400 --> 00:55:06.000
workshop about concepts or personality types. It's an immersive process
801
00:55:06.360 --> 00:55:10.480
that uses movement, presence and archetypal intelligence to help you
802
00:55:10.599 --> 00:55:14.599
embody the forces shaping your life and clarify what you're
803
00:55:14.679 --> 00:55:18.480
being called to take responsibility for at this stage of
804
00:55:18.559 --> 00:55:22.679
your journey. As we record this, the next Dancing the
805
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:26.599
Archetype's immersion will take place on April tenth through twelfth,
806
00:55:26.719 --> 00:55:30.400
twenty twenty six, in Asheville, North Carolina. And if you're
807
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:34.039
watching or listening to this episode after those dates, I
808
00:55:34.159 --> 00:55:37.239
still encourage you to visit the page to see when
809
00:55:37.320 --> 00:55:40.880
and where it'll be held next. So if today's conversation
810
00:55:41.159 --> 00:55:45.760
stirred something in you, not urgency, but recognition, you're welcome
811
00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:49.960
to further explore that opportunity through this forwarder link I've
812
00:55:50.079 --> 00:55:53.000
created to make it easier for you to remember, and
813
00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:57.400
that is www dot the SESS for the Center for
814
00:55:57.559 --> 00:56:02.880
Enlightened Self Sovereignty thchgc ess dot com, slash Dancing for
815
00:56:03.039 --> 00:56:08.159
Dancing the Archetypes. Michael, what is in a short, non
816
00:56:08.280 --> 00:56:11.679
run on sentence, what's the big takeaway that you're hoping
817
00:56:11.760 --> 00:56:13.159
people got from this episode?
818
00:56:14.239 --> 00:56:18.320
Well, the understanding that they may be feeling some angst
819
00:56:18.440 --> 00:56:20.679
or something and there's something you can do about it.
820
00:56:21.039 --> 00:56:23.119
You may be feeling there's something missing in your life.
821
00:56:23.159 --> 00:56:25.239
You've ticked all those boxes I talked about at the
822
00:56:25.320 --> 00:56:28.880
beginning of our session, and something still still missing. So
823
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:31.440
what can I do about it? I can begin to
824
00:56:31.559 --> 00:56:34.679
go deeper under my journey of self discovery, find out
825
00:56:34.719 --> 00:56:36.920
what is my special medicine to help heal the world,
826
00:56:37.199 --> 00:56:39.320
and work out a plan to deliver it with grace
827
00:56:39.360 --> 00:56:42.800
and ease. And the hope is that people feel inspired, awesome.
828
00:56:43.400 --> 00:56:46.519
So mine is don't underestimate the impact you can have.
829
00:56:46.719 --> 00:56:49.000
Every single one of us can make a huge difference
830
00:56:49.159 --> 00:56:52.440
in our chosen spheres of influence by knowing and living
831
00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:57.800
our Cooliana again. Discover the programs that Michael Bonahan and
832
00:56:58.519 --> 00:57:04.119
Wisdom Windfall offer at through the forwarder link thesess dot
833
00:57:04.239 --> 00:57:07.000
com slash Dancing and get in touch with him through
834
00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:10.039
the contact page on that website. Thank you so very much,
835
00:57:10.159 --> 00:57:13.679
Michael for helping us illuminate the hidden keys to Cooliana
836
00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:15.159
embodiment and for.
837
00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:19.559
Being here on my show, My Pleasure. Thank you David, and.
838
00:57:19.679 --> 00:57:22.519
Thank you all for joining me for this episode of
839
00:57:22.599 --> 00:57:27.159
reimagining Humanity's Future in Yours on the Kencom Broadcast Network,
840
00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:30.920
proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world. This has been
841
00:57:31.039 --> 00:57:35.400
doctor David Gruder, the futurist polymath of human potential and
842
00:57:35.559 --> 00:57:40.679
civilization architect who equips leading edge leaders, influencers and you
843
00:57:41.199 --> 00:57:45.559
with impactful resilience that makes it possible for humanity's most
844
00:57:45.599 --> 00:57:50.360
spiritually elevated future to at last emerge. I invite you
845
00:57:50.519 --> 00:57:54.320
to explore my main website, Doctor Gruder dot dot com.
846
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:57.440
That's d R g r U d er dot com,
847
00:57:57.960 --> 00:57:59.880
where you'll find a link to watch or listen to
848
00:58:00.039 --> 00:58:03.559
all of the show's episodes and my books and keynote offerings,
849
00:58:03.840 --> 00:58:07.559
and to the Center for Enlightened Self Sovereignty. The world
850
00:58:07.719 --> 00:58:10.760
needs you, your nation needs you, your loved ones need you.
851
00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:14.320
You need you boost your impact in helping the future
852
00:58:14.400 --> 00:58:17.679
you most want to emerge. I enthusiastically invite you to
853
00:58:17.760 --> 00:58:21.480
tune in next time for another spellbusting, uplifting, an actionable
854
00:58:21.559 --> 00:58:25.079
episode on how together we can and will build a
855
00:58:25.119 --> 00:58:27.960
better future for ourselves and for humanity.
1
00:00:09.400 --> 00:00:12.720
Get ready to reimagine the future of humanity and unlock
2
00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:17.760
your true potential. Welcome to Reimagining Humanity's Future and Yours,
3
00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:23.079
hosted by doctor David Bruder, an internationally renowned integrative psychologist,
4
00:00:23.440 --> 00:00:27.800
human potential expert, author, and social change catalyst. As he
5
00:00:27.879 --> 00:00:31.280
delves into the most urgent issues of our time. With
6
00:00:31.359 --> 00:00:35.799
the world facing unprecedented challenges and social and political divides
7
00:00:35.799 --> 00:00:39.719
growing deeper, it's time to take action. Each episode of
8
00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:44.439
this groundbreaking series will empower you with invaluable insights, strategies,
9
00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:48.079
and tools to heal these divisions and restore personal freedom
10
00:00:48.200 --> 00:00:52.280
and societal well being. Whether you're a concerned citizen, a
11
00:00:52.359 --> 00:00:57.479
courageous leader, an influential figure, or an ambitious entrepreneur, Reimagining
12
00:00:57.560 --> 00:01:01.000
Humanity's Future and Yours will guide you on a transformative
13
00:01:01.079 --> 00:01:05.239
journey discover your unique role in creating a brighter future
14
00:01:05.239 --> 00:01:09.719
for yourself and society at large. Doctor David Gruder will
15
00:01:09.799 --> 00:01:13.719
draw upon his extensive knowledge and experience to provide practical
16
00:01:13.760 --> 00:01:16.760
solutions for shaping the world we live in. With his
17
00:01:16.879 --> 00:01:20.560
passionate exploration of social change, he will help you navigate
18
00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:23.560
through the complexities of our time and inspire you to
19
00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.840
make a meaningful impact, So prepare yourself for an eye
20
00:01:27.920 --> 00:01:30.680
opening experience as we delve deep into the heart of
21
00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:36.239
the matter. Reimagining Humanity's Future and yours will challenge your perspectives,
22
00:01:36.439 --> 00:01:39.439
ignite your imagination, and equip you with the tools you
23
00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:43.319
need to reimagine and redefine the world around you. The
24
00:01:43.319 --> 00:01:46.840
time to transform our future is now. Join us on
25
00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:50.319
this incredible journey and enter a new era of possibility.
26
00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:54.319
For more information of Doctor David Gruder and the Reimagining
27
00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:59.400
Humanity's Future and Yours, visit www dot r h F
28
00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:05.640
y A. Welcome to Reimagining Humanity's Future and yours. Why
29
00:02:05.719 --> 00:02:09.759
together we create it brighter tomorrow? Now Here is the
30
00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:14.400
host of Reimagining Humanity's Future and Yours. Dr David Gruder.
31
00:02:21.800 --> 00:02:25.560
Welcome back to the Reimagining Humanity's Future and your show
32
00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:30.159
on the Cancom Broadcast Network, proudly broadcasting from Canada to
33
00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:33.800
the world. I'm your host, Doctor David Gruder, the futurist,
34
00:02:33.879 --> 00:02:38.919
polymath of human potential and civilizational architect who equips leading
35
00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:44.000
edge leaders, influencers, helping professionals and you with vital resources
36
00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:48.759
that make it possible for humanity's most spiritually elevated future
37
00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:52.800
to at last emerge. The title of this episode is
38
00:02:52.919 --> 00:02:58.639
Reimagining Your Sacred Responsibility Culliana, which we'll get into what
39
00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:03.439
that means living gift in service to life. In this conversation,
40
00:03:03.960 --> 00:03:08.599
we explore the deeper meaning of Kuliana, a Hawaiian understanding
41
00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:13.120
of sacred responsibility that is not about obligation or duty,
42
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:18.000
but about relationship, reciprocity and care. We'll look at how
43
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:22.479
purpose isn't something you manufacture or chase, but something that
44
00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:26.719
emerges when you become clear about what you are responsible
45
00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:30.840
for in your life, your work, your community, and your
46
00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:34.719
relationship with the living world. This episode will help you
47
00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:40.039
clarify your unique gifts, discern where they are meant to serve,
48
00:03:40.520 --> 00:03:45.319
and understand how living your sacred responsibility can become a
49
00:03:45.400 --> 00:03:49.800
stabilizing force for integrity, meaning, and impact in a time
50
00:03:49.879 --> 00:03:56.120
of widespread disorientation and divisiveness. Joining me is Michael Bonahan,
51
00:03:56.599 --> 00:04:01.400
a transformational leader, teacher, and longtime practice tisher of purpose
52
00:04:01.639 --> 00:04:06.159
lived in service. Michael is a founding partner of Windom
53
00:04:06.199 --> 00:04:11.680
wind Fall, Sorry about that of Wisdom Windfall, and a
54
00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:16.800
contributor to its core curriculum. He is a former national
55
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:20.720
board chair of Boys to Men USA, a certified leader
56
00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:25.240
trainer for The Mankind Project, and a seasoned business coach
57
00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:31.199
and facilitator trained in deep, transformational and systemic approaches to
58
00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:37.360
human development. Across decades of work, including leading and more
59
00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:42.439
than a dozen successful companies, Michael has consistently focused on
60
00:04:42.439 --> 00:04:47.199
one central inquiry, how human beings discover what they are
61
00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:53.759
here to serve and how they live that responsibility with humility, coherence,
62
00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:58.480
and integrity. In this episode, Michael brings grounded wisdom and
63
00:04:58.680 --> 00:05:04.839
lived experience to exploration of Kuliana, helping us reconnect purpose
64
00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:10.439
with responsibility and responsibility with love for life itself. Michael,
65
00:05:10.519 --> 00:05:14.800
I'm delighted you're here with me on RHFY. Welcome.
66
00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:17.680
Thank you, David, it's great to be here.
67
00:05:18.879 --> 00:05:22.680
Well, thank you, And I wanted to add that Michael
68
00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:25.920
and I know each other for a number of years,
69
00:05:26.160 --> 00:05:30.360
and it's really such a pleasure to collaborate with you.
70
00:05:31.959 --> 00:05:35.879
In this first segment, we'll look at the symptoms and
71
00:05:36.000 --> 00:05:40.000
challenges people have that are clues alerting them to a
72
00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:43.160
need to develop or elevate their clarity about or their
73
00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:46.959
embodiment of their Kuliana. But first, Michael, how did your
74
00:05:47.319 --> 00:05:50.839
passionate about Kuliana first emerge?
75
00:05:51.399 --> 00:05:56.560
I was fortunate enough to grow up in Hawaii. Kuliana
76
00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:01.360
is a Hawaiian word. I my definition is acrid responsibility.
77
00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:07.759
Hawaiian meanings responsibility, duty, privilege, and also writes, writes and
78
00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:13.120
privileges that come with those responsibilities. So it's been a
79
00:06:13.160 --> 00:06:18.920
word that's sacred to me. My whole life was immersed
80
00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:24.560
in Hawaiian culture, and to me, this particular idea is
81
00:06:25.079 --> 00:06:28.120
fascinates me and I've been captivated by it for years.
82
00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:33.759
I would say that the thing that really drew me
83
00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:37.839
to it was my adverse early childhood experiences. You know,
84
00:06:38.040 --> 00:06:41.199
I began asking, due to a lot of early trauma
85
00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:44.399
that as early as the age of nine, why am
86
00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:47.560
I here? What's it all about? You know, usually the
87
00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:50.079
meaning of life questions don't come and tell maybe the
88
00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:53.600
midlife crisis, which I've already been through, but you know,
89
00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:57.000
those that particular piece was always because of some of
90
00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:03.240
the undesired childhood experiences which were great teachers to me.
91
00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:08.120
I started asking that question early and been trying to
92
00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:12.000
find the answer ever since. So discovering my purpose it
93
00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.959
was really it came to a head I think when
94
00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:17.959
I was turned about forty forty five, right in that space.
95
00:07:18.360 --> 00:07:21.959
It's also the same time I was drawn into the
96
00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:25.680
mankind project. But it's a calling. So the thing that
97
00:07:26.279 --> 00:07:28.480
to me is if something happens for a lot of
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men it's midlife crisis, they go, you know, what the hell,
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I've ticked all the boxes. I've got a great job,
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I have the partner or the spouse, the kids, you know,
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whatever it is, the white picket fence, whatever your particular
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idea of what the American dream is or if you
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know not, if you're not in America, what the dream
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is of success that was modeled to us by our
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parents and our ancestors in the in Western culture. And
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a lot of it has to do with, you know,
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acquiring things, achieving things that have to do with sort
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of building up our own personal silos of power and
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containment and disconnection. And then when it comes to a
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head when I realized, wow, you know, I've ticked all
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the boxes, but something's missing. That's when the question of
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what is my cooliana and how can I discover it
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and how can I live it with grace and ease,
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especially considering the life I've built for myself up to
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this point, which is about acquiring achieving more, you know,
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kind of more ego based based on the external and
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less on the internal. Thank you.
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And by the way, as you lean forward, you're the
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top of your head gets cut off, so you might
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want to watch that. Uh, that's that's great, And for
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many of us, I want to really underscore that for
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some of us, we don't really ask these deeper questions
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about higher purpose until middle age, and for some of
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us who grow up under adverse circumstances, we start asking
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those questions as children. I like you did starting at
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around age nine, I was really asking these questions quite
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quite directly inside myself, without a framework for having an
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answer to them. So in this episode's next segment we'll
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get into root causes of why we don't necessarily know
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our Kooliana, or we know it, but we're out of
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integrity with it. But for the rest of this segment,
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as I already said, I want to find out from you, Michael,
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about the symptoms that most trouble people when they're not
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living in alignment with Kooliana. What symptoms did they notice?
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Malaise, A lack of interest, a lack of passion in life.
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No passion is fleeting and kuliana or purpose will get
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you out of bed every morning. Passion comes and goes,
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but understanding my purpose doesn't. So feeling that I don't
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like asking the question why am I hear? What's life
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all about? Begin to ask those questions, Taking less pleasure
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in the things that used to be either pleasurable or
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comforting to you, some folks begin to use substances more,
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try to medicate away the feeling of an emptiness or
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something's not happening in my life. So those are some
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of the symptoms. For men, it's the classic, you know,
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sports car, new partner. That's that's sort of like an
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overarching stereotype. And for those who are on a spiritual
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path or journey, often what will happen is I call
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it spiritual bypass as in like, if I can just
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keep meditating, if I can just keep diving deep into
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being less, less connected to the outside world, more connected
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to my spiritual center, and that all sounds great. If
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we all lived in little bubbles or isolations are up
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in Bobajee's cave somewhere, so you'll it's it's really it's
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you'll find yourself pushing back against the norm and also
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you'll find yourself possibly experiencing mild, if not severe depression.
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Mm hmm, yeah, absolutely, I want to I want to
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underscore some of what you just identified. In addition to
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malaise and lack of interest and feeling less passion or pleasure,
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and and of course lack of purpose, there's there's substitution.
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It's it's like that emptiness then calls us to instinctively
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fill that emptiness with stuff. It might be. It might
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be addiction, or it might be a sports car for example,
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or it might be spiritual bypass. It might be psychological
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bypass as well. Right, Yeah, which is interesting because I
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hear a lot about spiritual bypass because of the circles
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I travel in, but as a psychologist, I rarely hear
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the term psychological bypass. And you know, the bypass of
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dealing with our baggage, our wounds, are our limiting beliefs,
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et cetera. Another part is about being unfocused, where if
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we notice that we're spread too thin or chaotic, or
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fear of missing out, that that kind of lack of
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a central focus, I think is a big symptom of
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Kuliana deficit.
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That's a good point. Yeah, find finding yourself signing up
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for all of these things, taking on more responsibilities than
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you have the bandwidth for. Right. These are these are
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other symptoms as well. You know, it's interesting because the
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the uh, the magician energy, which is really just like
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our risk manager that sort of needs to figure things
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out what comes into play big time when we are
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in our midlife crisis, in that middle space. And also
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and that's then that's where that psychological bypass is stemmed
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from archetypically about avoiding the things that are painful, right,
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that we don't want to discuss. And so yeah, you
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can go into spiritual bypass or into psychological bypass compartmentalizing emotions,
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not listening to what my body and spirit are telling me. Yeah,
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it's a very it's a very powerful archetype.
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Mm hmmm. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because as as
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you're you're talking, I realized that the word bypass is
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probably under used because it's only referred to as spiritual bypass,
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but they are psychological bypass. And then there's physical bypass,
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people who are dissociated from their bodies. They don't know
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how to recognize a sensation if they stumbled over it.
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Yeah, yeah, that our bodies really keep the score. They
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do tell us almost everything we need to know listening
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to them. And you know, we are really raised in
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a culture that disconnects us from our bodies. We you know,
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today it's all on the devices, and it's all happening
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in our heads, and and it's the only real things
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we tend to use are our fingertips and our visual
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cortex and everything else we're disconnected from and and learning
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about disease which appears in the body as illness listening
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to those pieces of what is my body trying to
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tell me? You know, someone who's trying to fill that
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emptiness for that whole with food, for example, will gain
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a lot of weight and not lies that their health
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is at risk. Or maybe they're trying to fill that
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hole with substances, alcohol, drugs, et cetera, or anything, work, sex,
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all the things that simulate us and keep us occupied.
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Indeed, and so all of these things really are symptoms
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of disconnection from our lack of clarity about Cooliana, and
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the rest of this episode will dive into the root
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causes of the symptoms. Michael and I just described what
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to look for in a solution and Michael's version of
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that solution. In the final segment, after a short break,
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my guest Purpose Clarification catalyst Michael Bonahan. I just gave
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you a new moniker and I will dig beneath the
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surface to expose the root causes of Cooliana, cluelessness and deficits.
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I'm doctor David Gruder. This is the Reimagining Humanity's Future
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and your show on the Cancom Broadcast Network proudly broadcasting
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from Canada to the world. And stay tuned because we're
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about to dive deep. Welcome back. Before the break, my
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guest Cooliana illuminator Michael Bonahan and I discussed symptoms people
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experience when they're unclear about their higher purpose, their higher responsibility,
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or are out of integrity with it. And in this segment,
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as you already know, we'll delve into underrecognized root causes
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of Koliana, confusion and deficits. So let's just jump straight
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into it. Michael, what what are those underrecognized root causes?
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Wow? So it's I would say, not knowing oneself or
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not being on a personal development journey. So if you
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don't know that then that's the place where or you
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aren't gonna you're going to be in that space of
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not even maybe being aware that there's a deeper purpose
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in your life that's waiting for you. It really takes
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I believe that that the personal development journey, which I'm
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sure that all your listeners are on in some form
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or another, and getting to know yourself and uncovering those
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belief systems that we developed in childhood. I would call
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them a leaden shadows, uh, parts of beliefs about myself
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that are often unconscious. That's why they're shadows that I hide,
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repressed an eye and project onto others. So, for example,
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if you're you're something happens traumatic to you. Let's say
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an adult, a parent that was supposed to that you
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expected love and care from instead did something the opposite.
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When we're children, we don't blame the adults in our lives.
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We blame ourselves. You know, that's where shame develops at
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a very early stage in our lives. Shame is is taught,
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and it's also I call it a generous a generous
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decision made by a child's mind to choose to blame
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them oneself instead of others and this, and so the
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beliefs that may be adopted is I'm unlovable, or if
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you are abandoned, I'm worth abandoning, or I have to
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earn my right to exist. All these beliefs that are
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instilled in us, that we take on identifying them as
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we get older, especially as we start to do our
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personal development journey and knowing, wow, you know that really
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kept me safe, that helped me make sense of a
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traumatic world when I was young. But this particular shadow
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belief no longer serves me in my adult life, and
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it's actually holding me back from my true potential. So
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I think I think that's a precursor very necessary to
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be able to dive into unpacking all of the trauma
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and the shadow messages that don't serve you any longer
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before you can begin to discover your Kuliana, sacred responsibility,
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your life's purpose.
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Yes, yes, absolutely, And so for those who might be
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watching or listening who aren't familiar with the term shadow,
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let's just briefly define that. You know, the parts of
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us that we deny, repress, ignore, or we project onto others,
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or we unjustifiably justify in ourselves too, right, we are
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disconnected from the impacts. And before I reflect on a
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couple of things other things you've just said, is there
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anything you want to add around the definition of shadow
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that you want people to know about.
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Well, just the death that shadow is that is neither
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good nor bad. There are a lot of positive elements
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that exist in shadows, some shadow beliefs that do support
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us that we adopted we were young, that do support
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us in our our older years. I think it's the
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shadow is something I encourage you to read up on it.
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Carl Jung coined the term the Swiss psychologist. It was
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a contemporary of Freud, and uh, there's and we talk
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about how they interact with archetypes, which I mentioned a
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little bit earlier. But ultimately, shadow is basically what I
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don't know about myself. You know you I think you've
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mentioned Johari's window in this particular pod cast before, and
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you know, it's like there's there's in the four Things,
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there's some things that I don't know about me that
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others do. And that's the place part of personal development
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is seeking out, Hey, what can you tell me about
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myself that I may not be aware of? And so
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that's just something I'd like to throw out. It's a
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great way to do some shadow mining.
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Yes, perfectly said. And for those who aren't familiar with
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that term, Johari window j O, H A. R. I.
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It's a combination of of Joe and Harry organizational development
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psychologists decades ago who created kind of a comparison table
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having to do with things we know and don't know
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about ourselves and others know and don't know about us.
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So there are four variations, just really briefly, things I
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know about me that you know about me. Things I
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know about me that you don't know about me, maybe
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because I'm keeping secrets, but often because it's just never
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come up in conversation, Things you know about me or
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my impacts that I don't know. And then things about
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me that neither I nor you know. And so this
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is the shadow is things I don't know about me
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that you might not know, or things that neither of
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us know about me. And you're also pointing out that
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there is golden and leaden shadow, that there are parts
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of me that for survival purposes I put into hiding
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that I because I judged them or I have been
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told they're negative, but also parts of me that I
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put into hiding that are golden, that are parts of
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my light that I learn are too much for the
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people around me. And the other thing that I want
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to underscore, and what you've said so far is about
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not unpacking what you were calling and I often call
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limiting beliefs. And what I want to refine around that
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that I know you'll agree with, is that as a
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root cause of being disconnected from Kuliana, we often haven't
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unpacked the survival beliefs we adopted in childhood that became
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limiting shadow beliefs that hold us back in adulthood. And
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the other thing I want to really underscore, because it's
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not talked about enough in my circles at least, is
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the gift of shame in the beginning. It becomes a
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huge liability later, but when it first emerges, it's what
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you refer to as a generous decision I would call
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an empowering decision by a child's mind, in our mind
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as children, to blame ourselves for the disconnection that we're experiencing,
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because if we blame ourselves, then we can do something
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about it, whereas if we don't blame ourselves as little kids,
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we're stuck. There's nothing we can do. So it's shame
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as a child's version of empowerment.
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00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:41.799
That's a really good way to look at it. It's
337
00:23:42.119 --> 00:23:46.680
I love that because because it shifts, it allows the
338
00:23:46.759 --> 00:23:51.079
victim part of ourselves to shift into the creator, which
339
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:56.279
is like the have the empowerment dynamic around the drama triangle. However,
340
00:23:57.000 --> 00:24:00.200
as you as you said, it can become toxic and
341
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.920
become something that when we're kids young, it helped us
342
00:24:03.960 --> 00:24:08.240
make sense, it made us take control and responsibility for it. However,
343
00:24:08.359 --> 00:24:12.559
later on it can become debilitating if we if we
344
00:24:12.920 --> 00:24:15.720
if we don't express it, we don't speak to it.
345
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:19.000
The most beautiful way to get rid of shame is
346
00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:21.680
to actually give it voice and to be witnessed in
347
00:24:21.759 --> 00:24:25.160
your shame by others. And there's nothing more relieving than that.
348
00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:28.799
Of course, as children, you know where our lips are sealed.
349
00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:31.599
But as we get older as adults, there's an opportunity
350
00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:32.559
to lean into that.
351
00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:37.799
Yes, absolutely, so you used another term that some who
352
00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:41.279
are viewing or listening to the show aren't familiar with,
353
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:44.240
the trauma triangle. So you want to go ahead and
354
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:46.359
name the three parts of that triangle.
355
00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:50.039
Yeah. Actually, I call it the drama triangle and trama
356
00:24:50.440 --> 00:24:55.599
drama triangle. Yeah, so there's the there's the victim, the perpetrator,
357
00:24:55.759 --> 00:24:59.279
and the rescuer. And in the in the binary sense,
358
00:24:59.319 --> 00:25:02.279
the rescuer is also a form of a perpetrator because
359
00:25:02.279 --> 00:25:06.920
the rescuer reinforces the victims of victim. Other was, you
360
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:08.960
can't help yourself, I have to help you, so I'm
361
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:11.880
the rescuer. And yeah.
362
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:16.640
Well, the interesting thing about the Cartman triangle for those
363
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:19.480
who are familiar with the kar P m a N.
364
00:25:20.039 --> 00:25:26.200
This drama triangle, is that in my experience, whether someone's
365
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:30.240
in the perpetrator role, the victim role, or the rescuer role,
366
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:34.880
all of those people in my experience self identify as victims.
367
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:37.759
Yeah, exactly right.
368
00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:46.680
So, now, what about societal influences that are less understood
369
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:53.000
or less recognized root causes of Koliana confusion or being
370
00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:56.160
out of integrity with it? What kind of societal influences
371
00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:56.839
are there on that?
372
00:25:57.319 --> 00:26:02.200
Well, our entire culture and society and economy are actually
373
00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:07.960
based upon folks' ability to produce and deliver and to
374
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.599
to play the game, so to speak, you know, through
375
00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:16.240
whether it's through earning or or what's what's expected of
376
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:20.319
you in various gender roles. Uh. Thankfully, a lot of
377
00:26:20.359 --> 00:26:23.319
that is starting to be over overcome. People are being
378
00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:26.400
able to see through some of those old stereotypical gender roles.
379
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:29.200
For men, it's still a challenge because there's a lot
380
00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:33.839
put on men. Uh. For in the past, women just
381
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:36.160
had to show up to reveal their gift, you know,
382
00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:41.759
whether it's whether it's beauty or personality or coyness or intelligence,
383
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:45.319
whereas men had to do and in many ways many
384
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:47.880
forms still have to do. I'm not saying that women
385
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:49.759
don't have to do as well. It's a tremendous amount
386
00:26:49.799 --> 00:26:52.759
of pressure put on women, especially to conform to older
387
00:26:52.839 --> 00:26:57.240
gender sance stereotypes. And but for men, it's like our
388
00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:00.279
gift isn't revealed. Our gift is like based upon doing.
389
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:04.519
What are we doing to to contribute? How are we
390
00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:07.839
how much are we earning, how many people are we influencing?
391
00:27:07.880 --> 00:27:10.240
How many likes? This is for everybody am I getting
392
00:27:10.279 --> 00:27:14.000
on my social media and so forth? So Uh, it's
393
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:22.079
it's a very ego based accomplishment, acquisition, power over based
394
00:27:23.319 --> 00:27:27.839
dynamic that's put into us by our culture and uh,
395
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:30.720
and that does that does make us go after the
396
00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:34.680
brass ring, makes us go after the physical as opposed
397
00:27:34.680 --> 00:27:38.680
to the more the emotional, the mental, or the spiritual
398
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:42.279
aspects of our lives. And so yeah, the society has
399
00:27:42.319 --> 00:27:43.839
a lot to do with we set it, We set
400
00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:46.839
ourselves up for that. I have some theories around that
401
00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:50.240
about what why it was done and how we contribute
402
00:27:50.279 --> 00:27:53.880
to to the destruction of families and so forth around that,
403
00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:56.000
but maybe that's for another podcast.
404
00:27:56.400 --> 00:28:01.480
Yeah, it most likely is you're you're dropping some great
405
00:28:01.559 --> 00:28:06.920
truth bombs that I again want to underscore that there
406
00:28:07.039 --> 00:28:13.400
are societal contributors to people being unclear about Cooliana.
407
00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:14.359
Uh.
408
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:20.160
And though, among other things, those include misdefinitions where where
409
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:29.799
societal rules or societal norms misdefine earning as contributing. There's
410
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:34.119
nothing wrong with earning, but that in and of itself
411
00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:40.039
is not necessarily contributing. And uh and misidentifying power over
412
00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:41.519
as contributing.
413
00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:42.559
Uh.
414
00:28:42.599 --> 00:28:46.599
These these are shadow if they're such a thing as
415
00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:51.680
shadow Cooliana, which there probably is. Oh, yes, that that
416
00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:55.799
goes to to the shadow side of Koliana, right.
417
00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:59.200
Indeed, it certainly does. And and we're using the term
418
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:02.119
shadow as a leaden shadows in the shadows that don't
419
00:29:02.200 --> 00:29:03.200
serve us or others.
420
00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:09.000
Yes, absolutely, thank you for that clarification. I don't want
421
00:29:09.079 --> 00:29:11.680
to go into detail about what I'm about to say,
422
00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:15.680
but for those who have listened to another episode of
423
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:19.519
this show on Ikey Guy, a I K I G
424
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:25.680
A I Ikey Guy might be a Japanese it's from
425
00:29:26.039 --> 00:29:31.920
a Japanese worldview, kind of semi parallel, not completely identical too,
426
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:33.920
but a semi parallel to Kuliana.
427
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:38.240
Indeed, Ikey Guy is it's it's it's a great goal,
428
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:41.960
you know. It's it combines passion, mission, profession and vocation,
429
00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:45.240
what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs,
430
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:47.359
and what you could be compensated for. If you can
431
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:51.119
get all those to overlap, you are you are definitely
432
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:51.920
in a sweet spot.
433
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:56.359
Absolutely. So after the upcoming break, we'll get to the
434
00:29:56.440 --> 00:29:58.519
heart of the matter, which is what to look for
435
00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:02.200
in a solution that in you to clarify and embody
436
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:06.160
your Cooliana more fully. I'm doctor David Gruder. This is
437
00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:09.759
the Reimagining Humanity's Future and your show on the Cancom
438
00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:13.920
Broadcast Network proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world. And
439
00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:19.720
stay right where you are because we'll continue momentarily and
440
00:30:20.119 --> 00:30:24.319
we're back before the break. A shining example of living
441
00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:29.640
one's koliana. Michael Bonahan and I delved into less recognized
442
00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:36.400
but vitally important root causes of cooliana confusion and embodiment challenges.
443
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:40.640
And what I will add also before going into the
444
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:44.200
heart of this segment is something that I've mentioned in
445
00:30:44.319 --> 00:30:48.119
other episodes from the field of linguistics, that a term
446
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:51.680
called empty category and what that means in the field
447
00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:55.079
of linguistics is that a phenomenon is occurring that has
448
00:30:55.240 --> 00:30:58.680
no name, and when it's not named, we can't develop
449
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:02.880
conscious relationship with it. So koliana is an example of
450
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:07.200
an empty category. It's a term that understood in the
451
00:31:07.319 --> 00:31:10.799
heart of Hawaiian culture, but not very much around the
452
00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:13.000
rest of the world, even though it's good for all
453
00:31:13.079 --> 00:31:17.079
of us. And so I just wanted to add that too. So,
454
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:20.720
as I mentioned in this segment, will reveal ingredients to
455
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:24.440
look for when you've decided to fully discover and embody
456
00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:30.440
your highest purpose, your cooliana. So, Michael, what ingredients should
457
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:33.160
we be looking for when we want to discover or
458
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:38.119
clarify or kooliana and live it more fully and consistently.
459
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:44.799
Wow. So I'd say probably the intersection of two things
460
00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:49.200
has to occur. One is for you to understand what
461
00:31:49.400 --> 00:31:52.200
it was that you didn't get when you were a child,
462
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:55.920
what it was, what was the unfulfilled need that your
463
00:31:56.000 --> 00:32:00.799
childhood need. And then the other is what problems in
464
00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:03.680
the world do you think need to be solved? What
465
00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:07.480
where does if you if if you have your own
466
00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:11.920
special medicine to heal yourself and the world, how and
467
00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:16.279
where do you administer that medicine? And so I think
468
00:32:16.519 --> 00:32:19.359
when those two things intersect, you are well on the
469
00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:23.359
way to discovering your Koliana, your sacred purpose and responsibility
470
00:32:23.640 --> 00:32:26.279
you might be. It's also an important way to get
471
00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:29.680
started on a mission that is part of your over
472
00:32:30.359 --> 00:32:33.799
arching cooliana, something you want to accomplish, that may be
473
00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:37.359
something that you know requires you to take specific steps
474
00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:41.359
smart goals to achieve. And so I think the intersection
475
00:32:41.480 --> 00:32:46.920
of those two things is critical. Mm. Yes, okay.
476
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:52.039
So the first couple of ingredients to be looking for
477
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:57.119
in a resource would be a resource that can help
478
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:03.160
you understand what you didn't get in childhood, your unfulfilled
479
00:33:03.279 --> 00:33:08.440
childhood needs, and on top of that, what problems in
480
00:33:08.519 --> 00:33:12.119
the world need to be solved, so that you can
481
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:20.119
then be helped to identify, identify your part in helping
482
00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:24.880
those problems get solved, your medicine, if you will, your
483
00:33:25.559 --> 00:33:30.599
unique gifts, your unique calling, and where you're called to
484
00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:32.039
provide that medicine.
485
00:33:32.920 --> 00:33:37.680
Yes, exactly. I call it discovering your maximum and transformative purpose.
486
00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:42.160
And the reason I call it transformative because it's about
487
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:45.480
transforming myself as well as what's in front of me.
488
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:49.240
It's not my job to change the world. It's my
489
00:33:49.440 --> 00:33:52.200
job to change my world, myself and what's in front
490
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:55.079
of me. Otherwise that's just that's putting way too much
491
00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:58.039
pressure on any individual that it's up to them, and
492
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.839
that's a great way to avoid missiac complex as well.
493
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:06.200
So yeah, I think the key is the intersection of
494
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:10.440
those two elements to help discover something that might be
495
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:13.840
at least a mission like for me, I had. I
496
00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:17.719
didn't have a lot of positive masculine role models growing up,
497
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:20.760
and it was one of my unfulfilled needs in childhood
498
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:25.840
and adolescence. And so yeah, and so after doing a
499
00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:29.280
lot of personal work, internal work, and seeing what needed
500
00:34:29.320 --> 00:34:31.800
to needed to change in the world or at least
501
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:34.360
in my world. That's when I started Boys to Men
502
00:34:34.599 --> 00:34:38.199
Mentoring Network in Hawaii, which has been going strong now
503
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:40.360
for going on thirteen fourteen years.
504
00:34:40.599 --> 00:34:45.559
And an international nonprofit. And you started that nonprofits chapter
505
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:46.639
in Habaii.
506
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:49.639
Correct, and then and then two years later took it
507
00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:52.039
national with a group of men. So it started something
508
00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:56.920
called Boys to Men USA, which essentially mentors mostly fatherless
509
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:01.400
teen boys who lack positive funeral models in their lives.
510
00:35:01.880 --> 00:35:05.559
And so that's that's a need that I had unfulfilled
511
00:35:05.639 --> 00:35:09.960
in childhood and adolescence, a problem I saw in the world,
512
00:35:10.599 --> 00:35:15.039
and it manifested because I was able to identify those
513
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:18.679
two things. It manifested itself in helping our youth and
514
00:35:18.760 --> 00:35:21.920
that organization. And it's not my primary focus any longer
515
00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:26.480
because when when part of discovering your mission and purpose
516
00:35:26.599 --> 00:35:31.199
is also engaging and enrolling others who have common beliefs
517
00:35:31.239 --> 00:35:34.079
and wants into it. And so I still serve on
518
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:37.599
the local on the local board and the base of development,
519
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:40.679
and on the national board as a as an advisor,
520
00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:42.239
right right.
521
00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:48.920
And that's a great example of identifying where you're called
522
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:53.679
to bring your medicine. What I'm fond of saying is
523
00:35:53.760 --> 00:35:58.760
that what the world needs in order to heal, in
524
00:35:58.920 --> 00:36:02.400
order to elevate its health is far more than any
525
00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:06.199
one person could ever do. And when each of us
526
00:36:06.639 --> 00:36:10.960
is doing our unique part that we're called to do
527
00:36:11.559 --> 00:36:16.679
in helping that transformation and transcendence occur, all bases that
528
00:36:16.840 --> 00:36:21.199
need to be covered are covered collectively, and that's the antidote.
529
00:36:21.239 --> 00:36:23.800
Part of the antidote as well to the Messiah complex.
530
00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:30.840
Healing the world, Repairing the world is not only on
531
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:34.840
our shoulders. The only part that's on our shoulders is
532
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:40.159
to know what we're called to do, what our gifts
533
00:36:40.360 --> 00:36:44.079
are in helping that happen, and the spheres of influence
534
00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:46.800
that we're called to bring that medicine to.
535
00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:51.480
Indeed, and just to reflect back on what I said earlier,
536
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.880
the most important thing we can do before we dive
537
00:36:54.960 --> 00:36:57.800
headfirst into a mission or something that we know is
538
00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:01.880
aligned with our purpose is to do our personal work.
539
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:05.280
Because if I'm doing it because I need to be seen,
540
00:37:05.400 --> 00:37:07.599
or if I'm doing it because of an unhealed child
541
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:11.159
childhood wound, then I could be doing it for the
542
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.719
wrong reasons. I could be I could be I could
543
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:19.239
be driven by motives that aren't altruistic right. So, that's
544
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:22.400
the thing to think about, is heal myself before I
545
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:24.440
can begin to support the healing of others?
546
00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:32.480
Right right? Absolutely? And what I would what I would offer, Well,
547
00:37:32.559 --> 00:37:35.440
let me backtrack for a moment. We're really talking about
548
00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:39.360
two categories that are both really important in what to
549
00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:44.320
look for if when you're ready to step into your
550
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:48.639
cooliana in a fuller and clearer way. The first ingredient
551
00:37:48.760 --> 00:37:52.719
to look for is a resource that helps you discover
552
00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:58.519
or clarify or maybe even upgrade what your koliana is.
553
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:03.039
And the second ingriden to look for is assistance in
554
00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:07.679
how you get to consistently embody your cooliana once you're
555
00:38:07.719 --> 00:38:12.079
clear about it. Are those before I double back to
556
00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:14.440
a couple of other things you said, would you say
557
00:38:14.480 --> 00:38:17.239
that those are the two main ingredients in what to
558
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:20.239
look for, how to discover yours and how to consistently
559
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:20.840
embody it.
560
00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:25.079
Yeah, when it comes to discovery and embodiment for certain Yeah,
561
00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:28.239
those are the things to definitely be aware of and
562
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:31.800
to be continually working on. It's not like, oh, I'm
563
00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:34.440
healed or my work is done. So as long as
564
00:38:34.679 --> 00:38:37.000
I'm still breathing or my heart is beating, my work
565
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.079
goes on. Yes, there's.
566
00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:47.280
A quote from a book by Richard Bach, who people
567
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:51.760
most know his most famous book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, But
568
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:55.599
in another book of his called Illusions, there's a line
569
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:59.800
from it that I'm paraphrasing now, but I'm capturing honorably
570
00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:04.119
his intention, which is, here's a test to find out
571
00:39:04.280 --> 00:39:08.400
if your growth on Earth is finished, if you're still here,
572
00:39:08.519 --> 00:39:13.199
it's not. So this is ongoing. It's not a one
573
00:39:13.320 --> 00:39:18.119
and done thing around doing our inner work. Here. You
574
00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:20.519
and I are in the second half of life, and
575
00:39:20.679 --> 00:39:24.039
we're still doing our inner work. I'm seventy two years old.
576
00:39:24.559 --> 00:39:27.599
I'm far from done with my inner work. So it
577
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.719
is an ongoing process. The other thing I wanted to
578
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:34.920
underscore that you said earlier was your phrase discovering your
579
00:39:35.199 --> 00:39:42.760
maximum transformative purpose. And I agree with that, and I
580
00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:48.480
view Cooliana as going a step beyond transformation that I
581
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:51.119
want to bring into this and get your perspective on.
582
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:57.760
I would call it discovering your maximum transformative and transcendent purpose.
583
00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:03.239
Transformative is about me and my self actualization. Transcendence is
584
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:05.039
about greater than just me.
585
00:40:06.199 --> 00:40:09.800
Indeed, Yeah, so it starts off with the transformative purpose
586
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:13.440
because it has to begin with myself, right. And also,
587
00:40:14.559 --> 00:40:17.519
and when I can find a way to effectively deliver
588
00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:23.079
without attachment, to outcome, without expecting something in return that's external,
589
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:26.559
all the returns have to be internal, have to be
590
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:31.079
coming from the wellspring of love, life, passion, power, the
591
00:40:31.159 --> 00:40:34.920
gift of humanity that is me and that is you. Then,
592
00:40:35.159 --> 00:40:38.000
by all means, but to move it to a place
593
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:42.039
where your medicine is delivered, then that certainly is a
594
00:40:42.079 --> 00:40:46.239
space of transcendence. I appreciate that. And also I can
595
00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:49.519
transform the world, my external world. It's incredible by just
596
00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:52.559
changing the lens through which I view what's in front
597
00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:56.119
of me, which is essentially about changing the belief systems. Right,
598
00:40:56.840 --> 00:41:01.280
then I can transform what's in front of me without
599
00:41:01.320 --> 00:41:04.440
anything changing objectively from the outside.
600
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:09.159
I want to run something else past you to see
601
00:41:09.400 --> 00:41:13.320
if I'm tracking this accurately or if you have something
602
00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:16.199
to add to it, which is that I see us
603
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:21.199
as having two missions that inform each other and comprise Koliana.
604
00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:25.320
One is what I call our soul growth mission and
605
00:41:25.480 --> 00:41:29.119
the other is what I call our impact mission. And
606
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:33.719
how do how do those two missions translate into or
607
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:34.920
support Koliana?
608
00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.760
If you agree with that well, I think those two
609
00:41:38.840 --> 00:41:42.000
missions are critical. You know, one is the internal, one
610
00:41:42.159 --> 00:41:45.480
is the transformative, and the other is the transcendent. I
611
00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:47.880
love it so that my sole growth mission and my
612
00:41:48.280 --> 00:41:52.039
impact mission, it starts with soul growth and it never ends.
613
00:41:52.199 --> 00:41:56.519
The soul growth continues because as the successes or failures,
614
00:41:56.719 --> 00:42:00.079
or the hits or misses happen in the actions that
615
00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:04.800
I take, both internally and externally, there's that's an opportunity
616
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:07.760
for me to do the sole growth work. And then,
617
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:10.920
of course koliana is about being in relationship. It's about
618
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:16.280
being in community. Kuliana in Hawaiian was about reciprocity and
619
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:20.679
in mutual relationship, not just with other individuals but with everything.
620
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:23.440
So if your koliana is to care for the aina,
621
00:42:23.599 --> 00:42:26.159
the land that you know, you're doing that because the
622
00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:30.519
reciprocity the land will provide and care for you. It's
623
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:36.079
also about a holistic responsibility. So everything from a personal
624
00:42:36.119 --> 00:42:39.960
accountability one hundred percent personal accountability to the broader duty
625
00:42:40.039 --> 00:42:43.920
of caring for what's outside of myself right and those
626
00:42:43.960 --> 00:42:46.480
are in alignment because I have to have that level
627
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:50.360
of accountability and integrity in order to be able to
628
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:56.840
to honestly and without inserting my ego into the outcomes
629
00:42:56.920 --> 00:42:58.400
that I pray.
630
00:42:58.320 --> 00:43:02.599
For, said, I want to tie this in with something
631
00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:07.119
else that I've brought up in other episodes, term that
632
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:10.119
I coined back in two thousand and eight called free
633
00:43:10.159 --> 00:43:17.280
responsibility the intersection of personal freedom and social responsibility, because
634
00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:22.840
I think it's tied to Koliana, because if I'm only
635
00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:27.519
about personal freedom, then I'm only about me. Freedom without
636
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:34.760
responsibility is narcissism and entitlement and responsibility without freedom is tyranny.
637
00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:39.119
So it's got to be the both and of where
638
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.960
personal agency personal free will, if you will, intersects with
639
00:43:46.719 --> 00:43:50.639
responsibility to the groups that we are part of. So
640
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:55.440
after our upcoming break, we'll return for this episode's final segment,
641
00:43:55.559 --> 00:43:58.679
during which I'll be asking Michael Bonahan to reveal how
642
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:05.199
he provides. It's Koliana up leveling ingredients that we just unpacked,
643
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:09.559
and so that's coming up shortly. I'm doctor David Gruder.
644
00:44:09.679 --> 00:44:12.719
This is the Reimagining Humanity's Future in your show on
645
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:17.480
the Cancom Broadcast Network, proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world,
646
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:25.000
and will return shortly well before the break. The Koliana doula.
647
00:44:25.599 --> 00:44:29.119
There you go, there's another phrase for you. Michael Bonahan
648
00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:32.880
and I unpacked ingredients to look for when you want
649
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:38.639
to develop up level or more fully embody your sacred purpose,
650
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:43.760
your sacred responsibility. As I already mentioned during the final
651
00:44:43.880 --> 00:44:48.960
segment of this episode called Reimagining your Sacred Responsibility Cooliana,
652
00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:54.119
living your gift in service to life. Michael will reveal
653
00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:58.440
how he provides what he's suggested or we suggested in
654
00:44:58.519 --> 00:45:01.039
the last segment that you look for. I'll then let
655
00:45:01.119 --> 00:45:03.960
you all know how to access his great ways of
656
00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:07.679
facilitating this, and after that we'll each share the big
657
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:11.800
takeaways we hope you've gained from this episode, followed by
658
00:45:11.880 --> 00:45:15.079
my closing comments. So, Michael, how do you help people
659
00:45:15.559 --> 00:45:19.440
develop up level or more fully embody their Cooliana.
660
00:45:20.679 --> 00:45:24.320
Well, it's a process very similar to what I talked
661
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:28.599
about earlier, as far as discovering the belief systems, the
662
00:45:28.679 --> 00:45:32.880
shadow of belief systems that no longer serve you, unpacking those,
663
00:45:33.599 --> 00:45:37.880
finding their origins, doing some maybe some therapies around or
664
00:45:37.960 --> 00:45:42.360
some processes around discovering how they developed and how you
665
00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:45.039
can hold those beliefs in front of you as opposed
666
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:48.119
to them living in your unconscious and keeping you back.
667
00:45:48.719 --> 00:45:53.800
So my coaching sessions I call it purpose management is
668
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.880
what we do at Wisdom Windfall or purpose management sessions
669
00:45:57.119 --> 00:46:00.599
always start with a deep dive into discovery, ring what
670
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:03.920
it is about yourself and getting to know yourself. And
671
00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:06.079
I call it there are three selves. I call them
672
00:46:06.480 --> 00:46:10.639
the original self, that's my personality, the God spark that
673
00:46:10.719 --> 00:46:13.079
lives in me, that I came into this incarnation with.
674
00:46:14.360 --> 00:46:17.000
That's the wounded self. No matter how much we think
675
00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:19.519
we have our acts together, how perfect our life was,
676
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:21.960
we are all wounded in some way. Even the act
677
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:24.599
of being born, being separated from our mother, our source,
678
00:46:25.079 --> 00:46:28.039
is a wounding in itself. And then finally to understand
679
00:46:28.199 --> 00:46:32.880
our defended selves, you know, the beliefs and behaviors that
680
00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:35.519
we had adapted to get the gumption to take our
681
00:46:35.559 --> 00:46:37.960
original and wounded selves out into the world and begin
682
00:46:38.039 --> 00:46:40.719
to interact with the world. Our defended selves, the masks
683
00:46:41.079 --> 00:46:44.239
that we wear, the cloak that we hide our true selves,
684
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:47.199
our emotional selves in. And I call that that's a
685
00:46:47.280 --> 00:46:50.760
process called reclaiming yourself, which is the foundation of Wisdom
686
00:46:50.760 --> 00:46:54.039
wind Falls work. Once I begin to truly understand those
687
00:46:54.119 --> 00:46:57.760
three parts, of myself and understand that none of them
688
00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:01.639
are greater or lesser than they are all holistically me
689
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:04.679
as the human being, and be able to integrate, integrate
690
00:47:04.760 --> 00:47:08.400
them and be aware who's online and everything from self
691
00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:11.320
care to what I do in interacting with others in
692
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:14.320
the world and how I approach my purpose. That's the
693
00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:18.960
first step. And then I go into areas of deep listening,
694
00:47:19.840 --> 00:47:23.719
asking powerful and reflective questions, and finally I do. What
695
00:47:23.880 --> 00:47:27.360
we do is what most coaches do not do. We
696
00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:32.320
help people set smart goals and help them be accountable
697
00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:33.679
to achieving those goals.
698
00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:40.920
Right, Okay, yeah, so let's unpack those a little bit.
699
00:47:42.519 --> 00:47:51.039
Purpose management is uncovering our shadow beliefs and getting freedom
700
00:47:51.599 --> 00:47:54.199
from those so that we're not they're not the boss
701
00:47:54.320 --> 00:47:58.599
of us anymore, not that they disappear entirely, but they're
702
00:47:58.679 --> 00:48:00.559
not running us anymore.
703
00:48:00.840 --> 00:48:02.840
Right, Yeah, they'll hold us, they hold us back for
704
00:48:02.920 --> 00:48:03.880
reaching our potential.
705
00:48:04.360 --> 00:48:11.519
Yes, and getting really clear about our three selves. And again,
706
00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:14.800
I'm going to reiterate what you said, because I don't
707
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:19.199
want it to just disappear into the ethers. Our original self,
708
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:25.679
which is basically our our authentic self, the higher self
709
00:48:25.760 --> 00:48:28.920
that we came in with that that we were endowed
710
00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:35.119
with our wounded self that comes from adverse childhood experiences
711
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:39.599
that we don't know how to process in helpful ways
712
00:48:39.719 --> 00:48:44.199
when we're growing up, and our defended self, the mask
713
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:49.159
that we learned to wear to cope with our woundedself
714
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:54.119
and to cope with the the the gap between how
715
00:48:54.159 --> 00:48:59.360
we're showing up and who we actually are. So integrating
716
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:03.480
those and then the other part that you were talking
717
00:49:03.559 --> 00:49:09.519
about is about smart goals, And of course not everyone
718
00:49:09.599 --> 00:49:13.480
who's watching or listening to this episode knows what a
719
00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:17.159
smart goal is, So can you briefly say what those
720
00:49:17.719 --> 00:49:18.840
five ingredients are?
721
00:49:19.039 --> 00:49:26.519
Right? Smart is an acronym for specific, measurable, achievable relative
722
00:49:26.599 --> 00:49:31.760
to my mission or purpose and time bound. M hm yep.
723
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:36.320
So you might want to re listen to that little
724
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:42.000
SoundBite again because all of those ingredients have to be
725
00:49:42.440 --> 00:49:45.920
included if a goal is going to be what I
726
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:48.960
refer to as accountability capable.
727
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:52.960
Yeah, and the idea is to make them simple to
728
00:49:53.000 --> 00:49:57.000
start with and build on your successes. People tend to
729
00:49:57.480 --> 00:50:00.320
set I'm going to set this huge, almost unacheap ale
730
00:50:00.360 --> 00:50:03.000
smart goal and then feel like they a failure or
731
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:08.000
they didn't hit their mark. So make it simple, right, So.
732
00:50:09.519 --> 00:50:14.559
A too large smart goal is not smart.
733
00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:16.760
Well put?
734
00:50:18.559 --> 00:50:23.760
Yeah, yeah, And so what I want to also underscore
735
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:30.679
is that what you're identifying as being the way that
736
00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:36.000
you and your colleagues at Wisdom Windfall. I don't know
737
00:50:36.039 --> 00:50:39.320
why I keep calling it Windom. I'm thinking of William Windham,
738
00:50:39.639 --> 00:50:45.400
the old actor from decades ago, Wisdom Windfall. That you
739
00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:49.800
all are are doing your version of something that you
740
00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:54.719
and I are saying to our listeners and viewers to
741
00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:58.559
look for. No matter who you utilize, there's got to
742
00:50:58.639 --> 00:51:02.559
be a purpose management component. There's got to be a
743
00:51:02.719 --> 00:51:09.039
recognition of your three selves and integrating them and turning
744
00:51:09.320 --> 00:51:12.760
what was a wound into a blessing. I call that
745
00:51:13.599 --> 00:51:19.119
harvesting skills, harvesting gifts from the undesired and even unacceptable
746
00:51:19.480 --> 00:51:26.320
in our lives and smart goals. And accountability. So accountability
747
00:51:26.920 --> 00:51:31.920
is one of those words that is misused a lot,
748
00:51:32.239 --> 00:51:37.840
especially in business, where what gets mislabeled us accountability is
749
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:42.679
shaming and coercion. And that's not the accountability you and
750
00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:46.719
I are talking about. So would you offer your definition
751
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:47.800
of accountability?
752
00:51:48.920 --> 00:51:53.440
Sure? Accountability to me is taking responsibility for the impact
753
00:51:53.519 --> 00:51:58.760
of my action or inaction, whether it's done consciously or unconsciously,
754
00:51:59.280 --> 00:52:03.199
that's account of the So yeah, so it's it's as
755
00:52:03.239 --> 00:52:05.119
opposed to you know, did I get this thing done?
756
00:52:05.159 --> 00:52:08.840
You know, we all enter into agreements and some of
757
00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:11.480
us can't keep those agreements. And the question is do
758
00:52:11.559 --> 00:52:13.960
I enter into the agreement because there's a shadow, a
759
00:52:14.119 --> 00:52:16.840
need or a lack like did I over commit or
760
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:19.519
did I enter into an agreement knowing I wasn't going
761
00:52:19.599 --> 00:52:22.400
to fulfill it just to be able to have that
762
00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:25.079
moment of like, yeah, I can do this, and and
763
00:52:25.559 --> 00:52:28.880
and these are all pointers and lessons in definding shadows
764
00:52:28.920 --> 00:52:32.599
that no longer serve me. Right. So communication, If I
765
00:52:32.679 --> 00:52:36.719
can't keep an agreement, communication is re negotiating agreement. There's
766
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:40.000
nothing wrong with that. Staying in relationship and communicating with
767
00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:44.079
those who you are who are in agreement with is critical.
768
00:52:44.239 --> 00:52:46.480
So that's an important thing I do with my clients
769
00:52:46.519 --> 00:52:50.360
as well. Our purpose management sessions are all about you know,
770
00:52:50.559 --> 00:52:53.880
what what did you set out to do? What did
771
00:52:54.119 --> 00:52:58.039
what was the deliverable? What was the smart goal that
772
00:52:58.079 --> 00:53:00.599
you and did you achieve it? And if not, what
773
00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:04.119
was the shadow belief that kept you from doing it,
774
00:53:04.239 --> 00:53:06.880
And how can you get back and right relationship with
775
00:53:07.039 --> 00:53:12.800
your yourself by setting a new agreement and being accountable.
776
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:17.480
To that m I think that's really important, having to
777
00:53:17.639 --> 00:53:21.679
do with the fact that sometimes I've certainly done this
778
00:53:21.880 --> 00:53:25.360
where in the joy of a particular moment or in
779
00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:30.079
the passion of a particular moment, I've said I'll do something,
780
00:53:31.079 --> 00:53:35.440
only to discover afterwards that I had a good intention.
781
00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:39.079
But I don't have enough bandwidth to follow through on
782
00:53:39.239 --> 00:53:41.840
what I said I would do or on the timeline
783
00:53:41.880 --> 00:53:45.480
I said I would do it within. And so learning
784
00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:51.679
the art of transparent agreement renegotiation as needed is really important.
785
00:53:52.119 --> 00:53:54.360
And then the other part of what you said, and
786
00:53:54.679 --> 00:53:56.880
I want to move on to the final part of
787
00:53:56.960 --> 00:54:02.360
this segment momentarily, but I can't let this pass, which
788
00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:07.480
is making sure that there is coherence between my intentions
789
00:54:07.880 --> 00:54:12.199
and my impacts. A lot of people have good intentions
790
00:54:13.159 --> 00:54:18.800
and their impact isn't aligned with those good intentions, and
791
00:54:19.480 --> 00:54:22.039
some people think that they should be let off the
792
00:54:22.119 --> 00:54:25.960
hook about their negative impact because they had positive intention
793
00:54:26.440 --> 00:54:32.599
and that's mistaken, that's not helpful. So much of what
794
00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:38.360
we've explored today, Juliana sacred responsibility and living your gifts
795
00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:44.199
in service beyond only yourself isn't just something to understand intellectually.
796
00:54:44.719 --> 00:54:48.159
It's something that has to be experienced in our body
797
00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:52.400
and our relationships, in our and in real time. For
798
00:54:52.559 --> 00:54:56.159
those of you who feel that pull, Michael offers a
799
00:54:56.239 --> 00:55:01.280
deeply experiential program called Dancing the Archetype. This isn't a
800
00:55:01.400 --> 00:55:06.000
workshop about concepts or personality types. It's an immersive process
801
00:55:06.360 --> 00:55:10.480
that uses movement, presence and archetypal intelligence to help you
802
00:55:10.599 --> 00:55:14.599
embody the forces shaping your life and clarify what you're
803
00:55:14.679 --> 00:55:18.480
being called to take responsibility for at this stage of
804
00:55:18.559 --> 00:55:22.679
your journey. As we record this, the next Dancing the
805
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:26.599
Archetype's immersion will take place on April tenth through twelfth,
806
00:55:26.719 --> 00:55:30.400
twenty twenty six, in Asheville, North Carolina. And if you're
807
00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:34.039
watching or listening to this episode after those dates, I
808
00:55:34.159 --> 00:55:37.239
still encourage you to visit the page to see when
809
00:55:37.320 --> 00:55:40.880
and where it'll be held next. So if today's conversation
810
00:55:41.159 --> 00:55:45.760
stirred something in you, not urgency, but recognition, you're welcome
811
00:55:45.840 --> 00:55:49.960
to further explore that opportunity through this forwarder link I've
812
00:55:50.079 --> 00:55:53.000
created to make it easier for you to remember, and
813
00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:57.400
that is www dot the SESS for the Center for
814
00:55:57.559 --> 00:56:02.880
Enlightened Self Sovereignty thchgc ess dot com, slash Dancing for
815
00:56:03.039 --> 00:56:08.159
Dancing the Archetypes. Michael, what is in a short, non
816
00:56:08.280 --> 00:56:11.679
run on sentence, what's the big takeaway that you're hoping
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people got from this episode?
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Well, the understanding that they may be feeling some angst
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or something and there's something you can do about it.
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You may be feeling there's something missing in your life.
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You've ticked all those boxes I talked about at the
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beginning of our session, and something still still missing. So
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what can I do about it? I can begin to
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go deeper under my journey of self discovery, find out
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what is my special medicine to help heal the world,
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and work out a plan to deliver it with grace
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and ease. And the hope is that people feel inspired, awesome.
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So mine is don't underestimate the impact you can have.
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Every single one of us can make a huge difference
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in our chosen spheres of influence by knowing and living
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00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:57.800
our Cooliana again. Discover the programs that Michael Bonahan and
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00:56:58.519 --> 00:57:04.119
Wisdom Windfall offer at through the forwarder link thesess dot
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00:57:04.239 --> 00:57:07.000
com slash Dancing and get in touch with him through
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00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:10.039
the contact page on that website. Thank you so very much,
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Michael for helping us illuminate the hidden keys to Cooliana
836
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embodiment and for.
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Being here on my show, My Pleasure. Thank you David, and.
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00:57:19.679 --> 00:57:22.519
Thank you all for joining me for this episode of
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reimagining Humanity's Future in Yours on the Kencom Broadcast Network,
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00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:30.920
proudly broadcasting from Canada to the world. This has been
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00:57:31.039 --> 00:57:35.400
doctor David Gruder, the futurist polymath of human potential and
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00:57:35.559 --> 00:57:40.679
civilization architect who equips leading edge leaders, influencers and you
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00:57:41.199 --> 00:57:45.559
with impactful resilience that makes it possible for humanity's most
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00:57:45.599 --> 00:57:50.360
spiritually elevated future to at last emerge. I invite you
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00:57:50.519 --> 00:57:54.320
to explore my main website, Doctor Gruder dot dot com.
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00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:57.440
That's d R g r U d er dot com,
847
00:57:57.960 --> 00:57:59.880
where you'll find a link to watch or listen to
848
00:58:00.039 --> 00:58:03.559
all of the show's episodes and my books and keynote offerings,
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00:58:03.840 --> 00:58:07.559
and to the Center for Enlightened Self Sovereignty. The world
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00:58:07.719 --> 00:58:10.760
needs you, your nation needs you, your loved ones need you.
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00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:14.320
You need you boost your impact in helping the future
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00:58:14.400 --> 00:58:17.679
you most want to emerge. I enthusiastically invite you to
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00:58:17.760 --> 00:58:21.480
tune in next time for another spellbusting, uplifting, an actionable
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00:58:21.559 --> 00:58:25.079
episode on how together we can and will build a
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better future for ourselves and for humanity.