Transform Your Identity

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards
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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with
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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station
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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,
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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice.
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You should seek the services.
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Of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas.
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Behoy, Captain David Gallimore welcomes you aboard the Regenerate Show
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live Monday's ten am Pacific on KFOHD Radio at KFOHD
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dot com. We dive into the real messy work of
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transforming our lives. Leadership and organizations. Bring your hot mess
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and confusion. Lead with clarity, courage and components. Together, let's
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strengthen our resilience, accelerating the health of ourselves, people, plant
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and profits. Now here's your host, Captain Dave, your personal regenerator.
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All aboard.
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The Boy and Happy Monday. Our theme today is transform
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your Identity and I am so excited to welcome doctor
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Frank Wagner, a dear, dear, dear friend and sense who
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is going to sit down and talk with me about
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transformation both personal and professional and organizational but through the
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lens of stakeholders. He is the co creator with doctor
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Marshall Goldsmith of stakeholder centered coaching. And I didn't know
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that Frank back in the eighties had collaborated with Marshall
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and Paul Hersey in creating situational leadership for IBM. I
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was a new leader at IBM and found situational leadership
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to be so eye opening. It was like veil had
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been lifted on how do I look at people, really
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look at people from a situational perspective, from a task
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or initiative perspective, and help guide them and coach them
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and mentor them. It's still a tool that I use
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every day in my life and with my clients. So
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we're going to explore the deep roots of identity, what
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it actually takes to transform it, including the messy middle.
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And we're going to unpack how the world's most successful
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leaders used aakeholder centered coaching at both the individual and
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team level to get measureably better and how you can too.
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Here's our promise. First, I have some fun today, because
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when we're laughing, we're learning. I want to we want
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to leave you inspired, and we want to leave you
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with one thing that you can apply I today or
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tomorrow before you go to the next busy part of
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your day. So I invite you to grab a pen.
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Transformations happen here. So Frank started his consulting career center
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for leadership studies. In the late seventies, he became a
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partner at Kelt, Goldsmith and Boone, providing leadership development to
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Fortune five hundred companies, and then with Marshall co developed
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a highly successful Excellent Manager program, originally for IBM and
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then for many other Fortune one herd companies, And the
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last couple decades he's been overseeing the design and training
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of coaches, thousands of coaches. I think I listened to
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an interview with Brendan Burchard, who's the CEO of Stakeholders
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Centered Coaching, that you've surpassed over five thousand coaches certified
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coaches of which I am still very much a student
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on my way to mastery of Stakeholders centered Coaching. And
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I will tell you that I got to know Frank
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at an even deeper level as we get together with
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a number of other kindred spirits through the one hundred coaches,
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we have something called a awesome LPR Life Plan Review
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like a Mastermind group on Fridays. We've been doing that
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now for four and a half years and it has
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helped me through so many ups and downs. So without
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further ado, please welcome my dear, dear friend and sense
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doctor Frank Wagner.
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Well, thank you, David, and good morning or afternoon or
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evening wherever you happen to be when you're listening to
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this thing and you're not live, or whether you are
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live right now. Thank you for the introduction, David, a
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little too long for my liking. And I do want
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to correct, you know, one thing, when you said Brandon
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who's now running the Stakeholder centered Coaching, it's it's Murguard.
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That's the way you would pronounce his last name. And
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also want to say that I have higher expectations of
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this than I guess David does. When he says we're
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going to leave you with one thing, I want to
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leave you with a number of things. Maybe you can
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choose one of them. But in terms of our discussion
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this morning, as we're on the West coast of the
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United States, we've got, you know, some very interesting stuff
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to talk about. Now. I want to start off by,
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you know, right on the title of this thing, it
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says the word live, regenerate, and you know, people smarter
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than me have said that words have meaning. Now we
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can always assume that when I'm using a word, that
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meaning that I have is the same as everyone else
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who's hearing the word. And that's why I just want
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to start off myself, since I'm just now kind of
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this first time on this particular podcast, is what do
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you you know? Kind of short description, David, how do
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you do? How would you define live regenerate?
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Rank? Thank you? Language is powerful and we want to
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be clear. So how I define regenerate different from the
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word sustainable is sustainable is do no harm and often
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to continue what people have been doing, but do it
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more consistently, more sustainably. Sustainability also from the perspective of
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produced recycle, reuse and being helpful to community and planet
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and profit. It was clear to me back in the
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summer of twenty twenty four that if we were going
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to solve some of the challenges that we are experiencing globally,
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including psychological lack of safety and lack of engagement, happiness challenges,
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certainly increased drought and fires in the West as you
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and I both have experienced, and just all of the
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challenges that many young people are facing today due to
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mental health and stress that we couldn't just sustain what
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we're doing. And doctor Laura Storm, sorry, Laura Storm, not
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a doctor. Laura Storm did a ted X talk that
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I listened to the summer of twenty four talking about
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regeneration and how she defines that very quickly, is to
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nurture and improve and make healthier. And in the context
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of our climate, how do we act more like nature.
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Nature's been around for three point eight billion years, Mother
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Nature's learned a thing or two, and so if we
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can follow the logic of life, how do we as
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leaders really create environments where people can flourish, where individuals
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can discover their ekey guy, their reason for being, and
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align their work with their ekey guy. So that's what
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then led to this Regenerate podcast, trying to pay it
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forward to next generation leaders that might not be able
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to afford you or I bill rate, but we want
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to pay it forward to share best practices and great
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you know kind of nature vetted nature validated theories and
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tools and approaches and frameworks. I think stakeholders centered coaching
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is very much a regenerative approach because the stakeholders themselves
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are providing that ecosystem for people to get healthier, not
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just to sustain, but to improve.
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Does that help? Yeah? It helps? Well, again, what is
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the outcome we're looking at here? And it sounds from
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you know, the definition you got from a Ted talk
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your number of years ago is around not sticking with
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the way things are today. But you are. You are
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talking about the change process. But this is a change
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process for good that you're going to be healthier, You're
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you're you're going to be you know, I'll add a
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few terms here, you're more balanced and you have a
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better life, and that doesn't mean the way you are today. So,
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you know, Mike, when I was asked to talk about
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you know, is really a kind of this podcast? Is
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your identity transforming? Your identity? Is your identity static? I
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guess it can be, But generally successful people aren't static.
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They're always evolving, they're always getting better, and ideally they're
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they're happier, they're more content, and they have more meaning
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in their lives. So that's what we're going to focus
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on here today.
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So you think about Ben Franklin healthier, wealthier, and wiser.
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Yes, Ben Franklin was a fascinating character. I mean, I
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love all the phenomenal things that he wasn't a perfect
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human being like the rest of us, yet he did
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some absolutely amazing things. And for instance, you one term
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you mentioned early on here is humility. You know we
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have in our process is which we built into the
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repertoire of a leader as we work with is they've
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got they got to have courage, humility, and discipline, and
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all those things are worthwhile things. By the way, always improve,
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always regenerate in this so inters your identity. Let's go
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to your identity. There's two types of identity that you
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can talk about, and they're interrelated. One of them is
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your public identity. This is what other people would say
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about you. Oh, David Gallimore, he has this great podcast
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he does and he's a guru round live in a
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regenerative way on this thing. I mean, that'd be your public.
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Part of your public identity, you also have a private identity.
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And a term I actually kind of prefer to use
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is your self concept. So I want to define what
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your self concept is. But before I do that, I
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just want you to think, for a moment, how would
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you yourself, if you're listening to this ident define my
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either personal identity or my self concept. What what would
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be the definition of that? And then I'm going to
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give you the definition that we use. Just take a moment.
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Then well, well I'll give you at least my answer.
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So you're talking about what is that definition as opposed
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to what is identity?
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Yeah? Well, well yeah, I mean, by the way, because
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it's such things that come up as okay, once you
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also define it, where does this come from? So you
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know the the uh okay, I'm going to move on
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right now is the way we define and this is
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what we call an operational definition. And David had mentioned
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one of my mentors, Paul Hersey, who was the developer
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with Ken Blanchard many decades ago, of this framework called
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situational leadership. He would say, you know, everyone can have
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their own definition of things, but when you're talking, it's
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nice to know what the other person means and what
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and when they're using a term the call an operational definition.
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The operational definition of your self concept is the thoughts
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and feelings you have about yourself. I assume you're walking
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on a mountaintop. There's nobody there, no one else is
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saying anything. You're talking to yourself about yourself. That is
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your self concept, and that is your internal identity on
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this Now the question is is you're going to have
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something you're saying Where did that come from? I mean,
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where does all these thoughts and feelings you have got
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yourself come from? And I first learned that you talked
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about this concept with Marshall Goldsmith, my good friend. I've
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known Marshall since we started the PhD program together at
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UCLA back in nineteen seventy one. Became very good friends.
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We've done a lot of collegial things together through the life.
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This he's been I am so much better off because
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of this guy. He's amazing. And he tells a pretty
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fascinating story about this self concept. And it stems from
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something both he and I went to, not at the
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same time in our PhD program, but we both went
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through this program called sensitivity training. And and in the
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sensitivity training, you sit around a circle. There's no agenda.
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People just talk and they and it's it's one of
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these things that leads to deep insights about yourself and
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and Marshall was talking about himself in this in this
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PhD program course, and he's and he said, I have
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no mechanical aptitude. See that's a self description. I have
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no mechanical aptitude. And and and he said, and and
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his the mentor in our program, Bob Tannebaum Uh, who
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was like this guy that floated off the room. He
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was like one of these guys in a narrow coat
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that looked like he was some sort of like psychic.
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And he and he says to Marshall, where'd that come from?
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What what do you mean? How do you know you
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have no mechanical aptitude. Marshall thought about it and so
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that he kind of digested where that came from. Marshall
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grew up in a small town in Valley State called
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Valley Station, Kentucky. I guess, somewhere between Louisville and Fort Knox,
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like you know, one of these like one street towns.
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His dad ran the ran the the gas station that
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was there. And and his mother was the first grade
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school teacher. By the way, she's the first grade school
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teacher until Marshall was born. This is old style America.
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Marshall's father believed that once they had a child. She
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couldn't work, so she was a teacher. Now she had
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she taught one person now, her son Marshall. And and okay,
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great outcome. The guy's brilliant and and so. But she
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also told him, you know, if you're using our technical
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term now when he used you know, I have no
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mechanical after she says, you have no mechanical aptitude, Marshall,
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you're not going to be like your father and and
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and his father bought into it. Yeah, you're not going
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to be like me and thing. So guess what. Here's
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the here's the critical of where your your your personal identity,
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your your self concept comes from. And that is we
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tend to become with significant other people tell us we
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are a very important word here. Significant For some people,
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parents are not significant, right they there's not it's their
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peer group or whatever they define as significant. So Marshall
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early on was told, don't pick up a tool, Marshall,
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who bad things will probably happen to you. You have
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no mechanical aptitude on this thing. So now he's growing
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up in Kentucky now young teenagers in Kentucky. Two things
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are important to him. Girls and their cars. Now Marshall's
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father ran the gas station. He had the lift that
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you could put a car up and work on it.
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So Marshall would bring his friends over and they would
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be working on their cars and they say, Marshall, you're
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a great guy, but don't touch my car. Right, So,
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now it's not just Marshall's parents. Is Marshall's parents and
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his best friends that are saying Marshall, you have no
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mechanical aptitude. Now, a pivotal event occurred in the later
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sixties where Marshall had to take the Induction, an exam
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for the United States Army, you know. And so he
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takes the exam and part of the exam was like
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this multiple choice test where you had to kind of
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name that tool. Marshall scored in the lowest one percentile
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of anyone who had ever taken that test. So now
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here's marshal self concept. My parents tell me you have
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no mechanical actors, my friends tell me I have mechanical
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and now the United States Army, with a specialized test,
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tells me I have no mechanical aptitude. So he said,
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why do you think I have no mechanical aptitude? Well,
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by this way, when I heard the story. I'm sitting
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in Marshal going, wait a minute, what does it take
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to have mechanical aptitude? One is, you have to have
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a logical mind to kind of work with things and tools.
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Marshall scored a perfect score on the math section of
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the SAT smartest guy I know in terms of being
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a logic guy. But the other think, by the way,
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you got to have eye hand coordination. Now this goes
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back in the day before all these video games we
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have today. They had a few things like Space Invaders
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and Donkey Kong and that kind of by the way,
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and pool. Now, pool is a is something that requires
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both kind of figuring out the logic of this the
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physics of what I got to do in this thing,
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But you got to do too. Marshall basically made money
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in college planning pool. So I'm confused. The guy has
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no mechanical attitude. He's brilliant with being able to kind
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of use the stuff a tool, and he's he's got
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the skill set to do it. By the way, and
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let me tell you the wo The last thing about
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marshal story before I turned to me see this is
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I was listening to marshall teller's story about this class
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he went to and and uh, and I started thinking
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about myself. But the last thing is Marshall got married.
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When I met him, he was single. Then he has
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a wonderful wife for now, I don't know, fifty six
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years or so. Laida. When they first got married, she
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was a She was a psychologist working for Loyola mar
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in Mount University. Marshall I now had our PhDs. We
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were assistant professors of management at Loyal and Marymount University. Right,
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they bought a house in Westchester where the campus resides
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in West Los Angeles. And they got their first house
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and one day the phone rings. It's lighter, she says,
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Frank washing machines having a problem. Could you come over
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and try to help us. You didn't want Marshall to
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touch the Washington machines. So now is white He is
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telling him he had no mechanical act. So the thing
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is it's powerful about who the significant other people that
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were in our lives that helped frame that internal dialogue
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you now have for yourself. Now, let me tell you
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my story. My Sir's a lot shorter. I was born
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an identical twin, and I was always called the baby
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of the family. Now, my twin brother was seven minutes
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older than me, and that made me the baby of
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the family. He was also sort of like Marshall that
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was brilliant, you know, straight a's max all national tests
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he ever took, by the way, among his degrees, he
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has an engineering degree, he has an MBAs, he has
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a law degree, and he's a Certified accountant you know CPA.
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And by the way, he got a CPA never taking
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an accounting class. That program requires four sections before you
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can get that thing. Very few people score all four
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in the first try. Yes, who did my brother? Now,
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I'm growing up with this guy, but I'm going to
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go back in time. We're about like eight years old,
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eight or nine years old. I emulated my brother. I
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remember we were going to buy a dog, our first dog,
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a German Shepherd, wonderful dog we have forever. We love
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this dog. I was so excited about it. My father,
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my brother and I want to get the dog. We
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get to the place where we're going to walk in
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the backyard get the dog. I remember watching my brother's
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footsteps and stepping in his footsteps. My identity is I'm
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not as good as my brother, but I got but
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he's my model. He's he's kind of who I am. Well,
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a few years after that, my father took my brother
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and I to a movie. This is the old days
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where the movie theater showed one show, one point in time.
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You wait in line outside box office opens, you go up,
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get your tickets, you go in, you know, go to
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a movie. Well, my father, very very good father, rarely
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got mad at at either one of us, never really
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raised his voice except for a handful of times. And
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by the way, this is the only time I ever
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saw him do it publicly. We're standing in front of
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the theater. I'm not just like watching, waiting for the
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thing to open up, not paying much attention to things.
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And all of a sudden, my father turns to my
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brother and he he's pointing his finger, and my brother's
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name is Michael. He goes, Michael, you may be as
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smart as can be, you don't have half the common
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sense of your brother. That's what Frank Wagner's identity started
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that day, and to this day is how I describe myself.
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I'm a guy that kind of operates in common sense. Now, look,
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why did I pick up profession like teaching leadership? And
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coaching leadership. Fundamentals of leadership hasn't changed in billions of years, right,
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it stays the same. So I mean I don't have
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to keep on a shelf life and knowledge of always
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changing new things in terms of what I'm doing, and
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all of my advice to people is basically common sense
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in what I do. Now here's the one thing too,
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Let's look at something that David and I work with
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a lot. David, do you ever have to give somebody feedback? Yes? Indeed, okay,
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do you ever give them what Marshall coin for our
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field feed forward suggestions? Do you ever do that?
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Yeah? I think that's such a powerful reframe because you
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can't change the past, but you can change the future
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by being more aware of what is needed, what positive
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behaviors are needed to accomplish something more easily, more productively,
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more smartly.
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Yeah. Well, see the thing is is, now here's the thing.
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What feedback to people accept? What feedback to people reject?
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They reject information that's inconsistent with their self concept. Now,
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as an example, someone self concept is if you're a man,
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I'm not handsome. If you're a woman, I'm not pretty.
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And someone says to you oh, David, you're such a
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handsome person and you think I'm pretty damn ugly. Are
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you going to accept that feedback? And you say that
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person has no clue I'm not handsome type of thing.
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So you know, the point is is that we tend
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to accept information that's inconsistent with our self concept and
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reject information that's inconsistent with our self concept. Okay, stop
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right now thinking about yourself, regenerating your self concept or
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your internal image. You a good self assessment. Why am
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I saying these things about myself? Where did this come from?
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And by the way, is this something I want to
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keep or is this something I want to change? Right, David?
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And in fact, to that very point, Frank, going from
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the corporate world to being a solopreneur happy to sell
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myself and feeling it's okay when people say no or
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they ghost me, it's not a reflection of me per se.
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It's they're just making a choice for them. I can
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take myself identity way back to when my sister and
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I were trying to sell Christmas cards to make some
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pen money door to door and getting no thank yous
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and doors slammed, and then all of that behavior of
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trying to sell, got reinforced is I can't sell? Yeah,
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it's an amazing challenge to rewire that self perception. How
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have you done better but still have another several layers.
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I think of the onion to go, oh yeah, yeah.
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I mean, it's funny how we think that some people
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are just born salespeople. And maybe there's true, there's truth
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in that because they so early on got that has
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or self concept and they'd hone their skills over time,
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and they and you know, and they don't mind the
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rejection and they and they and they actually are very
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successful at their sales. So you know, you got to
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myself limiting myself in my view of myself with my
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internal image. That's the key. And is it is it
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serving you? Well? See, I think you know, David, because
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you're you're the first person that coined the phrase to
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me that I now easily recognize that it's a messy middle.
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You know, you know a lot of times when you're
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in the messy middle, you like to kind of sit
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there and blame the environment and everybody else. Interview. Oh,
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it's because it's it's because of the war between America
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and Israel and Iran that's that's why I'm in this
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messy middle. Okay. Is it contributing to us having challenges
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and problems in our lives? Yes, But again the messy
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middle is is like where where am I coming from?
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With this same? How do I real in an effective manner?
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So?
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Yeah, and well well not even but something my dad
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we can Well, I'm accountable because because I voted for Trump,
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or i'm or or I'm washing my hands of because
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I didn't vote. Okay, well that's fine for Rochard. But
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but but our messy middle is how it's affecting us. Yep.
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Well, I use the definition of accountability to mean that
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by which I attract I attract this into my life.
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Whether I'm responsible or not, that's not the same thing.
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But accountable is given what's happened, what can I do
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next to make this a better situation?
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Right? Well, again, being accountable, what does that mean? And
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and uh and what it really means is not thinking
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about it? Is what are you going to do? So
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I think we should shift to some tools, some some
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some approaches that can help us with our identity.
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And to that point, Frank, I had offered to you
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instead of running a little commercial that I run about
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halfway through at this point in the podcast, do you
435
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want to just take a couple of minutes and describe
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the Marshall Goldsman stakeholder centered coaching process and if that's
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a pivot then to the tools that you wanted to introduce.
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Is that fair? Sure I can do that, And again,
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just give me the signal if I'm talking too long
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on this, because I mean I've done programs that run,
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you know, sixteen hours on that. So the the you
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got to take you to put the muzzle on the
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teacher here. The Sinkler Center coaching was developed by my
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friend Marshall Goldsmith and then he became very successful at it,
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and at one point in time he asked me to
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design and teach other people with the methodology. So that's
447
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my That's how I got involved in this. And I
448
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take no pride of oh, I invented this thing. You know,
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I'm not even I'm not a co inventor of it.
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I'm a co refiner of it to make it operational.
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That's maybe something I've contributed. Sinker Center coaching really has
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kind of five components to it. It's different from what
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has been historically in the consulting world coaches who generally
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have one on one interactions with the person they're coaching.
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It's almost like, I don't want to say it's therapy,
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but it's behind closed doors. Nobody else knows about it.
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And by the way, sometimes it leads to some very
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positive outcomes. What Marshall did has even make it more
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public because he's smart. See, remember we have self concepts.
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We also have a concept of who someone else is,
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so we have a concept of their identity. So like
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I can say, well, you know, David's a wonderful human being,
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but he never listens. He just doesn't listen. Now, a
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coach comes in to coach this person and they work
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on listening, and guess what if you had a documentary
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of this person, they are listening better. But the person
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who thinks they're a bad listener is going to say,
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you never got better. He doesn't listen any better behind
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closed doors, right, And they don't pick up on the
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data that reinforced their view of the bad listener. They're
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looking at all the still things they think is but
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they're not listening. So what Marshall did is is we
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create this thing. What we why it's called stakeholder centered
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coaching is that we really turn the people that work
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with an individual into the coach. And it has to
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start by the leader having a goal. You have to
477
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:20.839
pick something to improve. We generally have some methodologies to
478
00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:23.240
help this person think it through and they pick a
479
00:28:23.359 --> 00:28:28.000
goal to work on their leadership. And before that's done,
480
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:30.000
and then they have a goal, they got to check
481
00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:32.640
get a check mark from whoever they report to. So
482
00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:36.400
if you might be a you know the the I
483
00:28:36.440 --> 00:28:40.480
don't know, like VP of sales, but you report to
484
00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:43.359
somebody and that person that you report to has to
485
00:28:43.359 --> 00:28:47.119
say good choice, work on that goal. The other thing
486
00:28:47.160 --> 00:28:50.359
you do is and even before you meet with your manager,
487
00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:53.000
you decide who are going to be the relevant people
488
00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:55.440
in the organization that should be involved to work with
489
00:28:55.480 --> 00:29:00.279
me close enough and cand observe my behavior and by
490
00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:03.119
the way, might important for them to see you differently.
491
00:29:03.319 --> 00:29:05.480
So you get a list to a goal, a list
492
00:29:05.480 --> 00:29:08.200
of stakeholders, you get a sign off from management. That's
493
00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:11.880
that's step one. Step two. Stakeholders have got to understand
494
00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:15.559
what they're doing. They got involved. Enroll the stakeholders. They's
495
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:17.640
got to be the leader's got to be rehearsed. I
496
00:29:18.119 --> 00:29:20.160
like to have the leader, the leader do it themselves.
497
00:29:20.920 --> 00:29:24.079
My post close friend in colleague who was my partner
498
00:29:24.359 --> 00:29:27.640
up until twenty twenty two when he died, he often
499
00:29:27.720 --> 00:29:31.640
was the one that was explaining this to the stakeholders. Right. Well,
500
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:34.039
so there's no one way to do anything. So but
501
00:29:34.160 --> 00:29:36.359
in terms of mine, I rehearse with my leader. They
502
00:29:36.359 --> 00:29:39.759
go in and they actually ask for help from your stakeholders.
503
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:43.480
Here's what I'm asking you to do. I'm working on
504
00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:47.279
my listening or I'm working on delegating more effectively. In fact,
505
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:48.960
I had a guy that was over this week last
506
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:51.920
weekend who I coached many years ago, and he was
507
00:29:51.960 --> 00:29:54.720
a fellow at Intel, and I've known the guy for
508
00:29:54.759 --> 00:29:57.279
over thirty years now, and he just came back from
509
00:29:57.359 --> 00:29:59.680
Abu Dhabi where he's been working as the number three
510
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:03.000
guy in technology in Abu Dhavi. And and he he
511
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:06.319
told me how valuable what I did with him, which
512
00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:09.119
was stakeholder center coaching way back. It took him where
513
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:11.680
he is and he's still using it today. So so
514
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:15.039
you pick your goal, you pick your stakeholders, you enroll
515
00:30:15.079 --> 00:30:18.079
your stakeholders, and and then and they got to buy
516
00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:20.720
in they have a choice of saying no or they
517
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:23.359
could say yes. But now they're committed. If they've said
518
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:26.480
yes on this thing, then the step three is to
519
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:28.880
build an action plan, and he gets who gets to
520
00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:33.000
build the action plan the stakeholders. So the last thing
521
00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:36.559
a leader does after enrolling them, they're saying, look, take
522
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:39.279
a take a day or two and think through, how
523
00:30:39.319 --> 00:30:42.920
do you think I would do a better job of listening, delegating,
524
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:49.160
communicating more effectively whatever the the leadership behavior is, because
525
00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:53.480
because actually the goals are often not behavioral, right, and
526
00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:57.319
so so they we need a plan that actually as
527
00:30:57.400 --> 00:31:00.400
things you do that that's when change occurred when you
528
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:03.559
do things differently. So they all send in a couple
529
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:06.200
and by the way, this is not anonymous, because if
530
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:08.319
you're going to send someone an email, there are two
531
00:31:08.319 --> 00:31:11.359
ideas for you. You know who said it. Now we build
532
00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:14.599
the action plan as best we can around the stakeholder's
533
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:17.039
idea of what the leader should do. And I always
534
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:20.359
keep personally a little record of every comment made when
535
00:31:20.359 --> 00:31:22.519
that first time they were asked to give suggestions. It
536
00:31:22.519 --> 00:31:24.559
may not make the action plan, but I'm going to
537
00:31:24.599 --> 00:31:26.920
make sure that that leader does that. Whatever that person
538
00:31:27.000 --> 00:31:29.680
said at least once or twice during our time here.
539
00:31:30.039 --> 00:31:32.200
And and by the way, people can say, oh my
540
00:31:32.359 --> 00:31:35.519
go what I say isn't in the action plan. Fine,
541
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:37.799
but if it's a good action plan, they're still going
542
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:42.319
to get benefit from it, right. So then now there's
543
00:31:42.359 --> 00:31:44.240
an action plan which, by the way, the action plan
544
00:31:44.279 --> 00:31:47.079
which the coach works with them to put together, goes
545
00:31:47.119 --> 00:31:49.480
back to the stakeholders. And this is what they're supposed
546
00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:53.000
to pay attention to. Now. Basically, remember their instructions are
547
00:31:53.160 --> 00:31:55.440
anytime you see the leader doing a good job on
548
00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:58.960
this action plan, they just let them know, right, be specific.
549
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:02.119
Every time they mess up, let them know, right, give
550
00:32:02.119 --> 00:32:04.680
them a suggestion on how to get how to do
551
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:08.400
it better. Then the next the next point is is
552
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:12.680
the leader every month has one touch point with each
553
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:15.960
of these people so that they there's a personal connection here.
554
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:19.599
And then the last thing is we measure results. Anything
555
00:32:19.640 --> 00:32:22.759
important gets measured. So what we do is they get
556
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:26.079
a like my typical coach is a year halfway through
557
00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:27.839
its six months and at the end we do this
558
00:32:27.880 --> 00:32:30.079
thing called a mini survey. It's not it takes about
559
00:32:30.200 --> 00:32:32.559
you know, it's like your hotel. How's it do? How
560
00:32:32.599 --> 00:32:34.599
do we do with you. It takes a couple of
561
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:37.079
minutes to fill out there working on one goal. Right,
562
00:32:37.160 --> 00:32:39.279
they have the action plan to make their sense and
563
00:32:39.640 --> 00:32:42.319
on a scale of minus three to plus three, the
564
00:32:42.359 --> 00:32:47.000
middle score zero means no change did what? What score
565
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:48.559
do you give them? And then and then a couple
566
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:50.599
of you can still go now a little feedback and
567
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:53.480
suggestions if you want, with some written comments. They get
568
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:56.640
the feedback. And guess what, I've never had a leader
569
00:32:56.680 --> 00:32:58.960
that didn't get better. And here's the thing that that
570
00:32:59.160 --> 00:33:01.119
surprised me is the last thing I'm going to say.
571
00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:03.559
When people used to ask me, well, what do you
572
00:33:03.559 --> 00:33:05.839
do for a living? I said, well, I'm a leadership coach.
573
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:07.960
This in the last twenty years. I was a trainer
574
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.279
of this stuff for the twenty years before that. I said,
575
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:16.000
I'm a behaviorist. I help leaders change your behavior. I thought,
576
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:18.440
that's what I did. I don't say that anymore. I
577
00:33:18.559 --> 00:33:21.960
say my job is to change the perception of the
578
00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:25.559
people around a leader that they're getting better. So because
579
00:33:25.799 --> 00:33:28.160
if they are the ones that are validating whether the
580
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:31.759
person got better on this thing. And finally, what I've
581
00:33:31.799 --> 00:33:35.519
noticed is it changes relationship. So that's that's that's my
582
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:38.200
definition of a stakeholder center coaching.
583
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:43.079
That's terrific, Frank. And what rebel Our Producer has put
584
00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:46.640
in the banner is the contact information on how to
585
00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:51.519
learn more about stakeholder centered coaching idea for that.
586
00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:55.319
So the do do you make another some sort of
587
00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:58.720
thing or do we kind of move on to the next.
588
00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:03.759
Yeah, No, let's let's talk about tools around transforming identity.
589
00:34:04.079 --> 00:34:05.720
Okay, Well, I want to go to another person, like
590
00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:09.480
Marshall's met. I've never met the guy, and I got
591
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:11.079
to say, I'm I'm you know, I'm one of these
592
00:34:11.079 --> 00:34:13.239
people that say, well, see, I should read the next
593
00:34:13.280 --> 00:34:16.199
best selling book this person wrote, and I haven't read
594
00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:18.079
any except for the very first one he wrote. He
595
00:34:18.159 --> 00:34:20.840
was a medical doctor at Harvard and he ended up
596
00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:23.119
and he ended up writing a book called the Cheli
597
00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:26.639
Checklist Manifesto. Love that. See. One of the things that
598
00:34:26.679 --> 00:34:30.159
we do also include as a tool in our toolkit
599
00:34:30.760 --> 00:34:35.840
is a daily checklist. You know, typically for me, it's
600
00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:38.880
the items in their in their action plan. Right, they
601
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:41.119
should be checking in with themselves, how am I doing
602
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:45.000
on this thing? You know, buses, minuses, you know, neutrals,
603
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:48.360
missed opportunities, whatever they should be. They should be checking.
604
00:34:48.639 --> 00:34:52.000
That's a that's a that's a discipline that you use
605
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:55.480
to get better. By the way, I have three, personally,
606
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:58.239
three checklists I do every day. I'm not going to
607
00:34:58.280 --> 00:34:59.760
give you all three of them, but I will give
608
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:02.159
you one of them in in uh in a little
609
00:35:02.159 --> 00:35:06.119
bit here now a tool. Gwandhi wrote the book Checklist Manifesto.
610
00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:08.840
He was a doctor at Harvard. He got enamored with
611
00:35:09.320 --> 00:35:14.519
how effective commercial air travel is and and and and
612
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:18.000
one of the main reasons is they do checklists, religious
613
00:35:18.119 --> 00:35:23.039
checklists before every flight. On this thing, he thought, hmm, creatively,
614
00:35:23.400 --> 00:35:26.079
you know we're not perfect of as as doctors and
615
00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:28.679
surgeons and all that stuff. And you know what, our
616
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:31.599
success rate isn't always so good. Let's put it. Why
617
00:35:31.599 --> 00:35:34.760
don't we experiment with checklists? So he got between Harvard,
618
00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:39.880
he got seven other medical schools or to to put
619
00:35:39.880 --> 00:35:43.159
in a test. They're gonna run an experiment. We're gonna
620
00:35:43.159 --> 00:35:47.039
do checklists prior to surgery with our surgeons and and
621
00:35:47.159 --> 00:35:49.360
uh and typically it will be the head nurse that
622
00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:52.519
will ask the questions, and the lot of these questions
623
00:35:52.679 --> 00:35:57.920
are directed towards the surgeon. And now One of the
624
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:01.679
questions on the checklist was did you wash your hands
625
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:04.239
prior to surgery? Now, I don't know if you've seen
626
00:36:04.280 --> 00:36:06.599
this or not, right if you maybe you read the
627
00:36:06.599 --> 00:36:09.760
book yourself or heard someone talk about it, blew me away.
628
00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:14.119
Both the outcome of this research project and and and
629
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:17.719
what was the answer number one answered by doctors on
630
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:20.400
the question did you wash your hands? Right? And by
631
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:23.920
the way, there's a preto distribution of how a number
632
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:26.280
of answers, But what was by far the number one?
633
00:36:26.599 --> 00:36:28.719
Think for a second, if you haven't seen it, especially
634
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:30.360
if you haven't seen it, what is the answer?
635
00:36:30.760 --> 00:36:30.960
Yeah?
636
00:36:31.000 --> 00:36:34.199
That that those that didn't wash their hands thought they
637
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.360
had until they were asked, did you wash your hands?
638
00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:40.360
And then they had to me a kolpa no, I didn't.
639
00:36:40.400 --> 00:36:42.639
Yes, no, But that wasn't the number one answer. The
640
00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:45.519
number one answer was I don't remember.
641
00:36:45.880 --> 00:36:46.559
I don't remember.
642
00:36:46.679 --> 00:36:49.000
Yeah, And see and by the way, I've only had
643
00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:50.960
one operation in my life with my on my neck,
644
00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:55.800
the neurosurgeon, and and uh and see what by what
645
00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:59.000
I sourced my surgeon. I got the best guy around
646
00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:02.559
in Portland, Oregon area for my surgery. And and uh
647
00:37:03.000 --> 00:37:05.599
that I do not remember to me, I'm happy because
648
00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:08.079
you know, I want him thinking about not washing hands.
649
00:37:08.119 --> 00:37:10.039
I want to think about what he's doing in my neck.
650
00:37:11.000 --> 00:37:13.599
And that's generally what they're doing right now. The question
651
00:37:13.760 --> 00:37:16.320
is many people who says, I don't remember, they don't
652
00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:18.280
have no data on this, but I bet you've more
653
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:21.840
than half washed their hands. But guess what the answer
654
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:24.159
what they had was a protocol. If they said I
655
00:37:24.199 --> 00:37:28.519
don't remember, go wash your hands. Now, this was done
656
00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:32.400
in eight hospitals, and and and these are the results
657
00:37:32.679 --> 00:37:36.639
of the of this little experiment. Complications from surgery. Now,
658
00:37:36.679 --> 00:37:40.320
if you, if you ever had surgery, do you say, God,
659
00:37:40.360 --> 00:37:42.719
I just love being in hospitals. I hope there's some
660
00:37:42.760 --> 00:37:45.880
complications so I can spend more time here. No, I
661
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:50.000
don't think so. Complications fell thirty six percent. No, I'll
662
00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:53.000
just round round this down a bit here. That means
663
00:37:53.519 --> 00:37:56.719
means one thing, you have one third less chance of
664
00:37:56.719 --> 00:38:00.480
getting complications if they use checklists prior to surgery. But here,
665
00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:04.119
let me tell you the bigger one. Fatalities. What percentage
666
00:38:04.159 --> 00:38:07.480
of fatalities went on in these hospitals when they're using
667
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:11.320
checklists fifty percent. Now, by the way, I live in
668
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:15.719
a state of Oregon where there's there's a physician assisted suicide. Right,
669
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:18.519
there's protocols you got to follow to do this thing,
670
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:22.039
but you can actually choose I'm done, you know, in Oregon,
671
00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:25.679
and if you follow the protocol, that can happen well.
672
00:38:26.199 --> 00:38:29.000
By the way, So here's my advice to you. If
673
00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:32.760
you need surgery and you actually want to die, ask
674
00:38:32.840 --> 00:38:36.440
the question, does this surgical team use checklists or not?
675
00:38:36.920 --> 00:38:38.599
And if they say, oh, no, we use checklists, say oh,
676
00:38:38.599 --> 00:38:40.599
I'm going another hospital. You know, I want to up
677
00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:43.079
my chances here. So but I think most people don't
678
00:38:43.119 --> 00:38:45.920
want to die and they don't want any complications. Checklists
679
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:48.800
work great. It works great in surgery teams. Guess where else.
680
00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:51.719
It works great with us and ourselves in our lives.
681
00:38:52.039 --> 00:38:53.719
So you know, you want to start thinking about a
682
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:57.880
tool we use is called a daily checklist. Now I
683
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:01.360
will tell you my list, my probably my well first
684
00:39:01.400 --> 00:39:02.800
of all one of them. I will just say I
685
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:06.119
was raised Roman Catholic. And again you know, I don't
686
00:39:06.159 --> 00:39:08.719
go by my legal name, which is Francis, but I
687
00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:12.239
was named after the patron saint in the in the
688
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:14.559
in the in the history of the Catholic church, and
689
00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:17.679
that was Francis of the Sissy. Now he has a prayer,
690
00:39:18.119 --> 00:39:21.639
you know, you know, his his his daily prayer, which
691
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:23.280
I that's the first thing I do in the morning
692
00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:25.239
when I wake up, I do that prayer. And it's
693
00:39:25.239 --> 00:39:26.920
a pretty dangerous. I'm not even I'm not going to
694
00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:29.199
recite it that. If you're interested, go look up the
695
00:39:29.199 --> 00:39:32.400
prayer of Saint Francis. See what it says. See if, if,
696
00:39:32.679 --> 00:39:35.079
if that isn't a pretty damn good checklist he did.
697
00:39:35.159 --> 00:39:37.000
I don't know how many millennial ago when he was
698
00:39:37.039 --> 00:39:40.360
around on this thing. My one is is, oh, first
699
00:39:40.360 --> 00:39:42.440
of all, let me say what is a good checklist?
700
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:45.760
In the book, the Czecklist Manifesto says the list should
701
00:39:45.800 --> 00:39:48.760
be short, and but that means that's that's like writing
702
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:53.360
a good book. It's short enough. The terrible part is editing, right,
703
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:55.800
So what you can only pick the things that are
704
00:39:55.840 --> 00:39:59.719
most important. Now, in a surgical team, it was most important,
705
00:39:59.719 --> 00:40:02.880
that are dangers to overlook, like washing your hands. But
706
00:40:02.960 --> 00:40:05.320
sometimes it can be just a positive, most important thing
707
00:40:05.320 --> 00:40:09.400
for you to do. So it's short. It focus on
708
00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:14.079
the most important things, and it's easily to understand. Never
709
00:40:14.199 --> 00:40:17.159
talking about words that mean everyone understands what's being asked
710
00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:21.079
here in your daily checklist type of thing. So here's
711
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:24.639
my list. Number one, did I do enough to maintain
712
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:26.800
my total health? Now I'm going to get back to
713
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:28.639
this one, but let me give you the other ones. First,
714
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:32.719
second one, did I choose to be grateful today? My
715
00:40:34.360 --> 00:40:38.320
third one is did I do my best to uphold
716
00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:41.440
the dignity of every person I meet? The fourth one
717
00:40:41.880 --> 00:40:47.599
is did I make a positive did I you know,
718
00:40:48.079 --> 00:40:51.119
did I make a positive difference in someone else's life today?
719
00:40:51.880 --> 00:40:53.199
See that I only have to do it once and
720
00:40:53.239 --> 00:40:55.480
I can check it off, right, Did I make a
721
00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:58.039
positive difference? And the last one is did I do
722
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:01.760
my best to avoid regrets? And those are my five items?
723
00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:03.480
So and by the end of the day, I ask
724
00:41:03.559 --> 00:41:05.719
it when I get up in the morning, and and
725
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:07.519
then I have to do a little check mark at
726
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:11.079
the end, I mean, have any regret today? Did I?
727
00:41:11.320 --> 00:41:13.760
Did I make up positive for anyone today? By the way, Dave,
728
00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:15.599
I've already made it for today. I got an I
729
00:41:15.599 --> 00:41:20.239
got an email from Caroline Santiago saying how I'd helped.
730
00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:23.360
She wanted to get my thoughts on how to handle
731
00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:26.800
this difficult case. And she said, Frank, it worked like
732
00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:29.239
a charm what you said. So I had made a
733
00:41:29.280 --> 00:41:32.079
positive difference for Caroline. Now the positition wasn't today that
734
00:41:32.199 --> 00:41:34.719
I just got the email confirmation of it type of
735
00:41:34.800 --> 00:41:37.599
thing and ideally to know if you've made a positive
736
00:41:37.599 --> 00:41:40.360
difference and someone says, that's been very helpful to me.
737
00:41:41.360 --> 00:41:44.320
So you know, the thing is is that's my checklist.
738
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:48.239
And by the way, checklists need to be regenerated. I'll
739
00:41:48.239 --> 00:41:51.559
just say this is not the checklist I started out with.
740
00:41:51.880 --> 00:41:54.800
I've refined it, refined it, refined it. As an example,
741
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:57.280
Marshall Goldsmith has got a number of things written now
742
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.639
where his mantra is every item should what did I
743
00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:05.039
do my best? But anything Marshall suggests I'll try out
744
00:42:05.440 --> 00:42:08.599
and eight percent of the time I open it, I didn't.
745
00:42:08.760 --> 00:42:11.000
I tried this. Did I do my best? I guess
746
00:42:11.039 --> 00:42:14.280
I'm a tough critic. It's pretty disappointing every day if
747
00:42:14.280 --> 00:42:16.360
I've got five things on my checklist and I've said
748
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:19.360
I've said, no, I didn't succeed five out of five
749
00:42:19.599 --> 00:42:22.679
every day of the week. Now I did keep two
750
00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:25.239
of them. Do they do my best? To hold the
751
00:42:25.239 --> 00:42:27.880
dignity of every person I meet. That's a real fing
752
00:42:28.159 --> 00:42:30.599
I could have been just wonderful to everyone I met
753
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:32.800
except for one person. And see, you talk about the
754
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:35.559
messy middle. Sometimes the one person is my wife and
755
00:42:35.800 --> 00:42:39.840
uh and so yeah right, yeah, yeah, and so the
756
00:42:40.199 --> 00:42:42.440
thing is this, And then the last one is did
757
00:42:42.719 --> 00:42:47.079
I do my best to avoid regrets? See most of
758
00:42:47.119 --> 00:42:49.400
the research on people, and there's a number of people
759
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:51.840
have done this about people on their deathbed, you know,
760
00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:54.599
give advice to the earlier you you know, what would
761
00:42:54.599 --> 00:42:57.480
you like to have done differently? And and and it's
762
00:42:57.519 --> 00:43:00.239
and the thing is it's the regrets. I mean, I'd
763
00:43:00.239 --> 00:43:02.880
like to have a life of no regrets. I actually
764
00:43:02.920 --> 00:43:05.639
have much less regrets, I think than most people because
765
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:09.840
it's a right in my face, daily question I'm asking myself.
766
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:12.280
So the question is are you willing to kind of
767
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:16.079
start off? And it took me about three years to
768
00:43:16.119 --> 00:43:18.119
get to the list I have now, but it's been
769
00:43:18.119 --> 00:43:20.800
pretty stable since. But if I'm going to regenerate, it's
770
00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:23.119
probably going to change sometime in the future. You got
771
00:43:23.119 --> 00:43:26.559
to always be willing to assess there is there a
772
00:43:26.599 --> 00:43:29.199
different way, a better way, another way to do things.
773
00:43:29.639 --> 00:43:31.000
David your thoughts.
774
00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:33.920
I tell you, Frank, it is one of the most
775
00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:39.079
challenging self disciplines after I've tried it, and I think
776
00:43:39.159 --> 00:43:43.280
I initially had thirty one rows on my mar really
777
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:48.840
chase list, and I still use it, and to your
778
00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:53.119
earlier point about regenerating it, so I usually keep it.
779
00:43:53.519 --> 00:43:56.159
You and I love the power of three, the symmetry
780
00:43:56.199 --> 00:44:00.880
of that, So I have one, I do my best
781
00:44:01.119 --> 00:44:05.440
to experience health and happiness? Did I do my best
782
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:10.400
to nurture relationships that matter? And the last one is
783
00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:13.440
did I do my best to do what I.
784
00:44:13.400 --> 00:44:18.039
Said great list? So that's been ask a question, David,
785
00:44:18.400 --> 00:44:19.760
do you go to bed? Do you go to bed
786
00:44:19.840 --> 00:44:21.719
and sleep better at night? If the answer to those
787
00:44:21.760 --> 00:44:22.639
three things are in.
788
00:44:22.599 --> 00:44:28.079
The affirmative, Oh my gosh, much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Frank,
789
00:44:28.519 --> 00:44:31.119
time is never our friend, and I hope to have
790
00:44:31.239 --> 00:44:34.480
you back if if you're willing. But is there one
791
00:44:34.519 --> 00:44:37.519
thing that in the next minute or two as we
792
00:44:37.559 --> 00:44:40.400
wind down that you haven't yet said that you would
793
00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:45.360
love our listeners to maybe take into their heart something
794
00:44:45.400 --> 00:44:47.880
that you think would help them transform their identity.
795
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:51.920
Yeah, there's there's a number of people that that, like
796
00:44:52.039 --> 00:44:55.719
Mitchell Levy is one of the top in this area.
797
00:44:56.039 --> 00:44:58.760
Is hit Thinkton calls it your ce pop. This is
798
00:44:58.800 --> 00:45:01.079
how would you describe yourself like in I don't like
799
00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:05.119
twelve words or less or something like that. Well, I
800
00:45:05.400 --> 00:45:09.039
in all the work I was doing. One of the
801
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:12.000
people that I really admire never met the guy. It's
802
00:45:12.039 --> 00:45:15.559
his writing. His name is Hans Celier and Hans Celier
803
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:20.039
is born in Austria. I think his father was Hungarian,
804
00:45:20.039 --> 00:45:24.679
but his mother was Austrian. Snuck out of the Europe
805
00:45:25.599 --> 00:45:27.920
at a certain point in time in Lanta and Canada.
806
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:30.679
He's a medical doctor and he was a researcher, and
807
00:45:30.760 --> 00:45:34.159
he's the guy who today is considered the father of stress.
808
00:45:34.719 --> 00:45:39.400
He actually nailed what the issue of stress medically, what
809
00:45:39.440 --> 00:45:44.679
that means, and was ridiculed by American Medical Association for
810
00:45:44.760 --> 00:45:48.079
ten years. Now it's accepted practice. Well, at one point
811
00:45:48.159 --> 00:45:51.840
I'm reading about the guy. He gave his philosophy of
812
00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:54.519
life and it was modeled after his father. His father
813
00:45:54.679 --> 00:45:56.559
was a doctor. When he was growing up in some
814
00:45:56.599 --> 00:46:02.199
small town in Austria, his father would would help anybody
815
00:46:02.519 --> 00:46:04.519
and not and if they couldn't pay, wouldn't charge him.
816
00:46:04.679 --> 00:46:07.440
But every day, like when little Hans would open the door,
817
00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:10.880
there'd be some eggs there or some milk or something
818
00:46:10.920 --> 00:46:12.920
like that, you know, and you know, well not even
819
00:46:12.920 --> 00:46:15.880
a note with it, right, So this was his definition
820
00:46:16.440 --> 00:46:20.480
model after his father. He said to to look out
821
00:46:20.519 --> 00:46:22.960
for you. Oh, let me aptognize this. He's he's a
822
00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:25.840
father of stress. He tried something else which didn't really
823
00:46:25.880 --> 00:46:29.119
catch on, called you stress. I mean stress is generally
824
00:46:29.159 --> 00:46:32.679
a negative thing. You stress is a positive stress, which
825
00:46:32.679 --> 00:46:36.079
we which it makes sense, and so he but what
826
00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:39.119
he did is his his statement to himself is and
827
00:46:39.159 --> 00:46:43.679
this is sort of egotistical looking out for yourself by
828
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:49.719
being necessary to others, thus earning their goodwill. Uh, I'm
829
00:46:49.719 --> 00:46:51.920
not going to invent something that someone else says. But
830
00:46:51.960 --> 00:46:55.440
I changed one word of Hans's thing, you know, which
831
00:46:55.480 --> 00:46:58.320
to me works better for Frank Wagner. And the one
832
00:46:58.360 --> 00:47:00.360
word is I'm going to just say what my is
833
00:47:00.639 --> 00:47:06.159
looking out for myself by being useful to others, thus
834
00:47:06.199 --> 00:47:08.960
earning their respect. So this is kind of my mantra.
835
00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:11.760
If I had to stummarizer, this is beyond the checklist,
836
00:47:12.280 --> 00:47:15.119
is you know, how would you describe yourself your identity?
837
00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:18.320
So Frank, on that note, I want to thank you
838
00:47:18.400 --> 00:47:23.639
for being such a wonderful teacher to me, a role model.
839
00:47:23.840 --> 00:47:26.920
You do what you say, and you say what you do.
840
00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:31.199
You're a person of deep, deep faith and integrity and
841
00:47:31.239 --> 00:47:34.159
a role model for not only me, but so many
842
00:47:34.159 --> 00:47:37.800
people across the globe. Thank you. So our next port
843
00:47:37.800 --> 00:47:42.119
of call is going to be without a guest. I
844
00:47:42.159 --> 00:47:44.679
had a guest, but he has a personal conflict, so
845
00:47:44.840 --> 00:47:48.840
I will be talking about Messy Middle part two. I
846
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:53.320
hope that you take away at least one idea and
847
00:47:53.960 --> 00:47:58.960
please consider applying it. I do endorse the daily checklist
848
00:47:59.480 --> 00:48:03.840
and tried to crawl, then walk and then run, and
849
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:08.679
if you can, please remember to stay healthy, stay safe.
850
00:48:09.039 --> 00:48:11.159
We need you. We're better together.
851
00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:15.079
It's Captain Dave on k for HD Radio. We invite
852
00:48:15.119 --> 00:48:18.199
you to give yourself grace and grace the Messy Middle
853
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:21.239
and see you every Monday at n am Pacific time.
854
00:48:21.679 --> 00:48:23.519
Until then, you got this