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Podcast episode 53 - Are My Routines Replacing God?
Is My Work Leading Her Away? Have you ever learned something that helped you, something you wanted to share with others, but then found yourself wondering if you were really doing the right thing? I have. For years, I have studied and practiced different approaches to understanding the mind, our thoughts, our emotions, and the way our bodies respond to stress. I learned many helpful techniques that clears our mind and balances the nervous system. I have been trained in process that help people recognize their thought patterns, work through difficult emotions, and find a little more peace in their everyday lives. And I feel passionate to share what I was learning. I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe our Savior has the power to heal us. For years I was told to separate my work from my faith. But that did not seem possible to me. My faith is me. I could think of my work as a profession like a dentist, or a doctor. Until I would sit in a Sunday meeting and hear these words that I too believed. Jesus Chrsit can heal us. No sooner would I hear those words then my doubts would begin to flood my mind. What if all these things I have studied and taught are just a distraction from the healing power of Christ? What if I am encouraging people to do things for themselves when what they really need to do is turn to Him? I would settle my doubts and move forward, but every once and a while these questions would grab my mind. Am I doing the right thing? Am I supposed to be teaching these things? I would call a close friend or two. Each of them reassured me that what I was sharing had great importance in peoples lives. I would listen to their words which helped me settle my mind again. This roller coaster of confidence and questions has been going on for over 25 years. Earlier this summer a beautiful young woman in our church shared her testimony. She talked about experiencing anxiety, offering a prayer, and then feeling peace. As I listened, I felt the truth of what she was sharing. I believe prayer can bring us peace in ways that are difficult to explain. I believe our Heavenly Father hears us, and I believe the Savior can reach us in the middle of our struggles. But her experience also brought my own question back to the surface. I know prayer can bring that kind of peace, so why do I feel such a strong pull to teach women about their thoughts, their emotions, and the little things they can do to care for themselves? Why the art? Why the breathing? Why the journaling? Why teach someone to recognize a thought pattern and learn a different way of responding? Why not simply tell them to pray? A few days later, I was driving home after dropping off my son, and I began talking to Heavenly Father. It wasn't a formal prayer. It was more like a heart-to-heart conversation. I told Him how much I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to understand whether the things I had spent years learning and sharing had a place in the work I felt called to do. Was it really important? I felt like I had followed a path He had opened up for me…was that correct? Or, was I simply doing something I thought was important. I desparately wanted to stop this roller coaster ride of questioning myself. I could have called a friend, but I didn’t want to hear reassurance from a friend. I wanted to know for myself God’s thoughts and if I was listening correctly. I wanted the a sure for myself. When I arrived home, I went about my ordinary tasks. Before long, it was time to get ready to pick up my son. Now I decided to leave the truck parked outside of our front gate. I didn’t want to struggle with our dog who would make an attempt to excape every time it was opened. Our driveway is a long gravel driveway that curves back and forth up a hill for about a quarter of a mile until you reach the house. I quickly grabbed my purse and filled my arms with everything I needed to take. I am not one who likes to take several trips back and forth…so I loaded myself down in an attempt to save myself a few trips up and down the hill. I started walking. I wasn't more than twenty steps from the house when I felt my load slipping. I knew I needed to stop and rearrange everything before I dropped it all. Once I had things organized again, a thought came to me. Check your purse for the electric gate opener. Well of course it’s in my purse…why wouldn’t it be. I have learned over time, that when I feel a prompting, I have learned to pay attention. So I stopped and searched my purse. No gate opener. I figured I must have left it on the bed when I came home and set my purse down. So I turned around and headed back up the hill. Entered the house and went straight to the bedroom. I checked on the bed. Nothing. I thought that is strange It has to be here, I haven’t gone anywhere else and I used it to open and close the gate when I arrived. I retraced my steps and looked around the house, but I couldn't find it. Have you ever looked for something that seems as though it should be right in front of you, but for some reason, you just cannot see it? That was me. I knew it had to be there…I was just having troubles seeing it. I walked back and forth through the house three times, looking everywhere I could think of. Still nothing. By this point, I was getting concerned about being late to pick up my son. I was going to have to figure out how to climb the fence to get to the truck. I'm not even sure why I thought I could climb that fence! But at that moment, it seemed like my only option. And it really was the only option. So I started down the hill again. And then I had another thought. Maybe the opener fell under the chair when you put your packages down. Back up the hill I went. Remember, I was still carrying all the things I had gathered for the trip. I was taking my load up and down that driveway right along with me! I moved the chair. No gate opener. Now what? I had to get to the truck. I was running out of time, and I was beginning to think I really was going to have to climb that fence. For the third time, I started down the hill. And as I walked, another thought came. Keep going. The opener might be lying on the road. I wasn't sure how that could be possible. But I had learned to pay attention to these little promptings, so I kept going. And there it was down at the bottom The gate opener was lying on the road. I picked it up, relieved that I wouldn't have to climb the fence after all. But as I continued down the driveway, I began thinking about what had just happened. I had asked Heavenly Father a very important question earlier that day. And here I was, walking up and down the hill, searching for a gate opener. I wondered, Why didn't He just direct me to it in the first place? Why did I have to go back and forth three different times trying different things to find the keys? And then an answer came to my mind. We were never meant to not try…. to put forth effort. Yes He can and does heal all things. You must do all that you can do, and I will do the rest. I realized that in the journey of us trying….in the process of struggle we learn and grow more. God had answered me before through the words of my friend and other’s but today I needed to experience it for myself. The effort of going back and forth….the exert faith to look in different places…to do all that I could do… I got my answer….every thing we do is important….every action of faith and belief. We are Doing Our Part and Trusting Him With the Rest As I thought about those words, something began to make sense to me. Our Heavenly Father knows each of us individually. He knows how we learn, what we need, and how we come to understand the things He wants us to know. I am a hands-on learner. Sometimes I can hear a prompting and that’s all I need. But this time He answered my prayer in a way that I could not forget. I had asked Him for an answer, and He allowed me to physically experience the answer. I had done everything I knew to do to find that gate opener. I had searched the house, retraced my steps, and looked in all the places I could think of. I had done my part. And then, when I continued forward, I found what I needed. As I thought about this experience, I began to see a connection to the question I had been carrying for years. I now knew for myself that the things I teach are not replacing our faith in Jesus Christ. Every good thing we can do is putting our faith in Him. Think about it. When we sit down to make art, we give ourselves an opportunity to slow down and express what we may not have words for. When we take a few slow, comfortable breaths, we can give ourselves a moment to settle and respond rather than react. When we journal, we can begin to recognize the thoughts that are weighing on us and then become opened to considering a different perspective. These practices don't take the place of prayer. They don't make us our own Savior. And they don't guarantee that every difficult feeling will disappear. They are doing our part of caring for ourselves and others. They are actions of faith in the Savior's help, and trusting Him with what we cannot do on our own. I believe Jesus Christ is the Healer. I now understand clearly that there is value in the small things we do to care for ourselves and move through our challenges. And I don't believe we have to understand every detail of how healing happens before we take a faithful step forward. What About You? I wonder if you have ever found yourself caught in a similar struggle. Maybe you have been praying about a difficult situation, asking God to help you, but you aren't sure what you are supposed to do next. Maybe you are waiting for an answer, when there is already one small thing you can do. Or perhaps you have been trying so hard to figure everything out that you have forgotten you can take a step forward without knowing exactly how everything will turn out. Sometimes our part is to pray and wait upon the Lord because there is nothing we can do. And then there are times when we pray and then go forth and do all that we know how to do. That is what I took away from my experience with the gate opener. And it changed the way I look at the things I feel called to share. I no longer feel that caring for our minds and emotions is taking place of having faith. I can teach what I have learned … I can encourage women to take small steps toward greater peace and understanding. And remind you that you are not doing it all alone. Because our efforts are not a replacement for the Savior. They can be part of how we move forward in faith, trusting Him to guide us, strengthen us, and help us do what we cannot do on our own. And perhaps that is something worth remembering the next time we find ourselves walking up and down the hill, wondering what in the world we are supposed to do next. Do your part. And Trust Him with the rest.
