WEBVTT
00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:38.440
Queer beloved, welcome back.
00:00:38.500 --> 00:00:40.060
My name is Anna.
00:00:40.060 --> 00:00:47.230
I used to hear pronouns and I run wildly connected photography as well as this really cool podcast.
00:00:47.570 --> 00:00:49.760
if this is your first time here, welcome.
00:00:49.760 --> 00:00:52.010
So excited to have you join.
00:00:52.430 --> 00:01:02.359
I just had a few quick notes before we get into this week's episode, which has a really cool guest talking about something I wanted to talk about on the podcast for a really long time.
00:01:02.810 --> 00:01:04.609
But yeah, hope you all are doing well.
00:01:04.609 --> 00:01:13.129
I was just out in Oregon doing a crazy amount of shoots and it was just so fun and it's so gay out there.
00:01:13.129 --> 00:01:13.730
I love it.
00:01:14.750 --> 00:01:15.800
Highly recommend.
00:01:16.340 --> 00:01:17.030
but also I.
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:20.000
Guess what time it is.
00:01:20.030 --> 00:01:27.050
It's time for no homo, and if you are not familiar, it's now as in KNOW.
00:01:27.539 --> 00:01:37.830
we are on this journey together to learn more about queer culture, queer, queer lingo, things happening, important information, fun information, et cetera, et cetera.
00:01:38.310 --> 00:01:41.064
So this week on No Homo.
00:01:42.330 --> 00:01:44.370
Kristen Stewart got married.
00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:46.289
Now I know what you're thinking.
00:01:46.289 --> 00:01:50.670
Like, okay, are we really about to start making this podcast about pop culture?
00:01:51.180 --> 00:01:51.689
No.
00:01:51.689 --> 00:01:55.740
I promised I am really not in the loop all that much myself.
00:01:55.740 --> 00:02:05.580
However, I will say Kristen Stewart has just always felt like this very special gay icon in my mind.
00:02:05.610 --> 00:02:07.830
Like there's just something about her.
00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:12.210
I definitely am a Twilight fan in the most ironic way.
00:02:12.210 --> 00:02:23.069
And so like seeing her like grow from that into like all these roles she's played, um, like Love Lies, is bleeding and all, you know, all these other things.
00:02:23.069 --> 00:02:25.650
Like she's just so like what an icon.
00:02:25.800 --> 00:02:31.860
so she married her wife Dylan, I believe, um, on four 20 Iconic.
00:02:32.280 --> 00:02:35.219
And it was just something small and.
00:02:35.955 --> 00:02:48.764
They're just such a cool and hot couple and I don't know, like I said, I'm not really in the pop culture circle all that often, so that's why I wanted to share, go look at some of the photos they shared.
00:02:48.764 --> 00:02:49.574
It's super cute.
00:02:49.574 --> 00:02:54.284
But that is what I got for you on no homo this week.
00:02:54.715 --> 00:03:00.954
Before we jump into the episode, I did wanna say there are some really, really smart gaze out there.
00:03:01.164 --> 00:03:10.525
And so if you have, um, a terminology, a phrase, some important information, something you think should be shared on this segment, please let me know.
00:03:10.525 --> 00:03:16.674
I would love to pass it along and become more homos together.
00:03:17.094 --> 00:03:21.474
So please feel free to DM me on Instagram or email me.
00:03:21.924 --> 00:03:29.305
Or even comments on the podcast because there are cool ways to interact with the podcast, both on Spotify, apple, all the things.
00:03:29.844 --> 00:03:34.254
So without further ado, let's jump into this week's episode.
00:03:37.597 --> 00:03:41.918
Okay, clearly beloved, welcome back to this week's episode.
00:03:42.277 --> 00:03:49.717
I am joined, uh, by Katie from Portrait of a Bride on Fire, and I'm super excited.
00:03:49.717 --> 00:03:55.182
So, before I say anything else, Katie, will you introduce yourself, your pronouns, and any identities you wanna share?
00:03:57.307 --> 00:03:58.177
I am Katie.
00:03:58.358 --> 00:04:00.907
I am a queer wedding fashion stylist.
00:04:01.007 --> 00:04:06.647
I'm queer for sure, but I say I'm a queer wedding fashion stylist because I think I'm the only one that does this.
00:04:07.037 --> 00:04:11.657
So my pronouns are she, her, and I am, I'm, I'm here for the queer folks.
00:04:11.717 --> 00:04:12.257
I'm here for it.
00:04:13.397 --> 00:04:14.177
Yeah.
00:04:14.177 --> 00:04:15.198
I love that.
00:04:15.527 --> 00:04:23.567
So, yeah, for those of us who are not fashion experts, can you share a little bit more about like what that means and what you do?
00:04:24.783 --> 00:04:42.843
So there's a very small population of like people in an industry that they call themselves bryle stylists, and they will help people find their wedding dresses and style accessories so that your whole head to toe look or how many looks you do on your wedding day are like planned out and really well thought through.
00:04:43.353 --> 00:04:47.403
And bryle stylists do exist outside of bridal shops like that.
00:04:47.502 --> 00:04:49.242
However, I.
00:04:50.187 --> 00:04:55.978
I serve a kind of a different purpose, and that is because queer folks specifically.
00:04:56.877 --> 00:05:08.017
Nontraditional folks in general, but queer folks specifically because they're nontraditional, uh, don't have a set process for finding their wedding attire when it's not a suit or a dress.
00:05:08.048 --> 00:05:17.377
And because many queer folks are on the gender spectrum and gender expression, uh, spectrum, uh, the gender expression spectrum, they.
00:05:17.598 --> 00:05:26.778
Often don't align with gender norms as they are today, or the social norms of formal attire for those genders, which is like a suit and a dress.
00:05:27.017 --> 00:05:38.957
And because there's no process for finding formal attire for your wedding, it's really challenging to navigate that industry by yourself when you're planning a wedding and doing a million other things.
00:05:39.338 --> 00:05:43.437
So I I am a little bit different in that I.
00:05:43.952 --> 00:05:53.853
I problem solve and think creatively and try to find things that are outside the mainstream to connect people with resources and designers and like smaller businesses.
00:05:54.272 --> 00:06:03.632
And basically it's a lot more of connecting people and solving problems than it is the creative like aspect of styling and aesthetics and all that stuff.
00:06:05.582 --> 00:06:06.242
Yeah.
00:06:07.173 --> 00:06:07.533
Yeah.
00:06:07.533 --> 00:06:10.892
So you're not like the human out there like.
00:06:11.673 --> 00:06:16.112
Making someone's outfit, but you're like, Hey, like here are these options.
00:06:16.112 --> 00:06:18.843
And like, here's what I think would work really well together.
00:06:19.293 --> 00:06:19.622
Yes.
00:06:19.622 --> 00:06:23.103
Like, I'm not, I'm not a designing or like sewing or any of that stuff.
00:06:23.202 --> 00:06:25.452
I would just connect people with people who do that.
00:06:25.543 --> 00:06:30.463
And it's a little bit of both traditional styling and also connecting people.
00:06:30.463 --> 00:06:34.408
So, kind of being a resource and also being a creative mind at the same time.
00:06:35.637 --> 00:06:36.237
Yeah.
00:06:36.853 --> 00:06:38.233
That is, yeah.
00:06:38.262 --> 00:06:39.283
That is so cool.
00:06:39.283 --> 00:06:41.562
And much, much needed.
00:06:41.663 --> 00:06:45.173
Yeah, as a lot of my listeners know, I'm like planning my own wedding right now.
00:06:45.173 --> 00:06:49.733
And I think you are also, I'm, I'm getting married in like a month.
00:06:51.293 --> 00:06:51.533
Oh my God.
00:06:53.723 --> 00:06:56.153
Mine's in September, but congrats.
00:06:56.153 --> 00:06:57.413
That's so exciting.
00:06:57.562 --> 00:06:58.372
You know what you're wearing.
00:06:59.543 --> 00:07:00.923
I do have a dress.
00:07:01.012 --> 00:07:01.223
Oh, good.
00:07:01.302 --> 00:07:03.043
But yeah, it is like.
00:07:03.973 --> 00:07:04.392
I don't know.
00:07:04.392 --> 00:07:17.052
I, I feel like this is just like one thing where it's like, I, like you have a vision in your mind, but like, I don't like how to know how to make it come to life and like, so yeah.
00:07:17.052 --> 00:07:19.992
I just, I think what you do is so, so awesome.
00:07:20.082 --> 00:07:21.642
Wait, what's your vision?
00:07:21.642 --> 00:07:23.502
What do you mean you don't know how to make it come to life?
00:07:23.502 --> 00:07:24.103
What's your vision?
00:07:24.103 --> 00:07:24.598
Is it different?
00:07:26.187 --> 00:07:33.677
No, just like, well, I, so I do have a dress but the vision is I wanna make it into like a two piece dress.
00:07:34.007 --> 00:07:34.067
Yeah.
00:07:34.067 --> 00:07:40.608
And so that's been like, its own kind of struggle, just because, do you So I haven't seen a ton of those.
00:07:41.177 --> 00:07:42.437
I'm wearing a two piece dress for.
00:07:43.562 --> 00:07:44.702
Shut up.
00:07:44.937 --> 00:07:45.598
Oh my God.
00:07:45.598 --> 00:07:45.877
Yeah.
00:07:45.882 --> 00:07:51.423
I honestly, okay, so I don't know how old you are, but when I was like in middle school, like, uh.
00:07:52.038 --> 00:07:57.528
Crop tops and long skirts, separates were a thing for like prom and stuff or whatever.
00:07:57.557 --> 00:07:57.647
Mm-hmm.
00:07:57.887 --> 00:07:59.538
And so maybe it was high school, I don't remember.
00:07:59.538 --> 00:08:07.788
But, uh, point being is there's a population of people who remember that time and don't want separates to be a thing again.
00:08:07.968 --> 00:08:10.637
But I honestly think that they're very much up and coming.
00:08:10.848 --> 00:08:20.687
So, I am super into the separates game, especially for, I mean, I'm a skirt and dress girly, so like I love wearing skirts and dresses, but like.
00:08:21.033 --> 00:08:24.812
Separates are so underrated, like why are we not making more outfits?
00:08:24.872 --> 00:08:25.262
I don't know.
00:08:25.442 --> 00:08:28.533
It's just like there's so many more possibilities out there with separates.
00:08:28.533 --> 00:08:34.923
So, but yeah, if you ever need help, I'll send you my lookbooks for inspo or if you need any, whatever resources, let me know.
00:08:35.822 --> 00:08:36.753
Yeah.
00:08:36.903 --> 00:08:39.033
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
00:08:39.093 --> 00:08:39.603
Yeah.
00:08:40.082 --> 00:08:44.973
Yeah, I went to a private school so I didn't, with like a uniform, so I.
00:08:45.437 --> 00:08:48.018
Wasn't in that same cool prom loop.
00:08:48.118 --> 00:09:13.158
But I think actually this is, this is something interesting that I think kind of flows into like the next topic of discussion anyways is like, from your perspective, do you think that the people you work with tend to wear things to their wedding that are already very, like, similar to what they do or like day to day or like Totally different.
00:09:13.457 --> 00:09:20.028
And I guess I'm asking because like for me, I, I haven't worn a dress in probably like three years.
00:09:20.057 --> 00:09:24.918
Like they're not my thing, but for some reason, like something about me.
00:09:25.562 --> 00:09:28.082
Picturing getting married, like, I wanna wear a dress.
00:09:28.352 --> 00:09:31.173
So, I don't know, I think that's kind of an interesting, yeah.
00:09:31.177 --> 00:09:31.538
Curious.
00:09:31.538 --> 00:09:31.737
Yeah.
00:09:32.523 --> 00:09:45.362
I think it, the answer to that question definitely depends on who you are, because I have a couple clients who are like, I want to wear something that really feels like me.
00:09:45.362 --> 00:09:49.082
So it's more of an elevated version of what they normally wear on a day-to-day basis.
00:09:49.082 --> 00:09:49.577
Right.
00:09:49.577 --> 00:09:54.437
It's higher quality, it's embellished, it's something that is different that's gonna really elevate their outfit.
00:09:54.837 --> 00:10:07.707
And then I have other clients that, uh, like you have not worn dresses in years and really thought that they were gonna wear pants to their wedding because of that, uh, because they, they found it hard to see themselves.
00:10:07.967 --> 00:10:10.878
In a dress, even though that's like the ideal, right?
00:10:11.457 --> 00:10:17.607
I was actually at a wedding dress appointment with a client last week and they were set on a jumpsuit.
00:10:17.668 --> 00:10:22.168
And of course there are no jumpsuits at wedding dress shops, maybe one, and usually they're ugly.
00:10:22.457 --> 00:10:24.498
But anyways, they wanted a jumpsuit.
00:10:24.498 --> 00:10:30.888
So the idea was the dresses they were trying on were going to be converted into a jumpsuit, and my client was.
00:10:31.062 --> 00:10:38.743
Uh, tried on one of the dresses and was almost in tears and was like, I like this as a dress so much that I just wanna wear it as a dress.
00:10:39.133 --> 00:10:43.362
And for the first time in like three years, they're gonna wear a dress.
00:10:43.368 --> 00:10:43.768
Mm-hmm.
00:10:43.852 --> 00:10:55.212
And sometimes the world is so like messed up that like, maybe you don't wear a dress for three years because you don't have the confidence to wear a dress for three years, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be wearing one on your wedding day, you know?
00:10:56.533 --> 00:11:05.263
At the same time, just because like you identify a certain way or you present yourself normally a certain way, doesn't mean you have to wear a dress on your wedding day.
00:11:05.743 --> 00:11:16.692
I think the social norms that dictate formal wear are so archaic and like if we just really need to break that mold to like make it okay to do whatever you want, you know?
00:11:17.472 --> 00:11:18.283
Yeah.
00:11:19.153 --> 00:11:19.633
Yeah.
00:11:19.692 --> 00:11:22.663
I love that the social norms are indeed archaic.
00:11:23.293 --> 00:11:23.653
Yeah.
00:11:24.702 --> 00:11:25.302
Yeah.
00:11:25.903 --> 00:11:28.663
No, I think, I think that makes a lot of sense.
00:11:28.663 --> 00:11:36.253
And so, I mean, yeah, I, I would love to just like kind of chat about like queer wedding entire, like just dive a little bit deeper.
00:11:36.253 --> 00:11:40.123
I know you touched on it a little bit in your intro just as far as like.
00:11:40.827 --> 00:11:44.638
How needed this is because not everybody you know mm-hmm.
00:11:44.998 --> 00:11:47.638
Fits into those certain boxes or things like that.
00:11:47.717 --> 00:11:48.048
But yeah.
00:11:48.048 --> 00:11:50.177
Can you kind of just like give an overview of like.
00:11:51.513 --> 00:11:53.493
What options are out there?
00:11:53.493 --> 00:11:57.482
Maybe some cool things you've seen and then we can dive into the specifics.
00:11:58.052 --> 00:11:58.562
Yeah.
00:11:58.653 --> 00:12:04.802
Before we get into the, like what's an in-between option or what is not traditional options?
00:12:04.873 --> 00:12:08.383
I do wanna hold space for the people that are.
00:12:09.447 --> 00:12:14.638
Wearing suits, but whom suits are not designed for them to wear.
00:12:14.878 --> 00:12:21.118
Yeah, there's a lot of people who don't fit into suits like normally and aren't made for their types of bodies or whatnot.
00:12:21.418 --> 00:12:24.023
And similarly, there's a lot of people who would like to wear dresses.
00:12:24.913 --> 00:12:27.883
Traditional wedding dresses and they're just not made for their bodies.
00:12:28.112 --> 00:12:31.562
Maybe because they're assigned male at birth, maybe because they're plus size, whatever, right?
00:12:32.043 --> 00:12:39.543
There's a number of reasons why you might fit in those gender norms and still not find your wedding attire.
00:12:39.633 --> 00:12:42.123
So we hold space for those people and we wanna live for these people too.
00:12:42.932 --> 00:12:51.842
But outside of that, there are still a lot of people that want to express themselves in ways that are not part of the traditional like suit or dress attire.
00:12:51.842 --> 00:12:52.263
And.
00:12:52.937 --> 00:13:03.798
The problem with social norms dictating traditional attire is like the social norms are, you know, uh, built through the patriarchy and through white supremacy.
00:13:03.798 --> 00:13:09.677
And so they're like inherently trying to suppress like, like certain things, right?
00:13:09.737 --> 00:13:14.177
They, that women shouldn't wear pants and they need to cover their legs and, you know, whatever it is.
00:13:14.177 --> 00:13:16.937
So it kind of still dictates the norms of today.
00:13:16.937 --> 00:13:20.717
But the question is, if you don't fall into those like.
00:13:21.048 --> 00:13:25.067
Gender norms for formal attire, what do you wear?
00:13:25.577 --> 00:13:31.427
Because the social norm that says if you're outside of the norm, it's not formal anymore.
00:13:32.057 --> 00:13:33.317
What is your solution?
00:13:33.768 --> 00:13:34.487
Mm-hmm.
00:13:34.707 --> 00:13:44.788
So I think my, the problem that I've had to begin to solve recently is, is how to, how to, how to think about formal attire in a way that is.
00:13:45.102 --> 00:13:53.332
Socially acceptable as a queer person that doesn't wanna identify or can't fit into the mold that people have prescribed for us.
00:13:53.812 --> 00:14:08.602
And I, my creative solution to that is then well, like what are formal events outside of weddings is basically like the red carpet or then that gala or whatever, and they treat.
00:14:09.457 --> 00:14:14.827
Formality and fashion very differently than we do at weddings, and I like, like, why is that?
00:14:15.097 --> 00:14:17.467
Because Billy Porter can wear a dress.
00:14:18.623 --> 00:14:28.763
Slash suit on the red carpet and absolutely slay and that's fine, but it's not as socially acceptable to do that at your wedding for some reason or why.
00:14:28.993 --> 00:14:32.832
Does Billie Eilish wear a t-shirt and shorts on the red carpet?
00:14:33.182 --> 00:14:37.472
And that's socially acceptable, but it's not socially acceptable to wear a t-shirt and shorts to your wedding.
00:14:38.062 --> 00:14:39.322
Granted it's not.
00:14:39.342 --> 00:14:41.743
An old ready T-shirt and shorts.
00:14:41.802 --> 00:14:43.842
It's a Louis Vuitton shirt and shorts.
00:14:44.263 --> 00:14:51.852
But my point is that we should really be reformulating what we think is formal in like acceptable and formal occasions.
00:14:52.232 --> 00:14:52.682
And.
00:14:53.307 --> 00:14:55.048
Right now it's kind of being held back.
00:14:55.048 --> 00:15:01.737
The wedding industry is really held by tradition and the fashion wedding industry is really held by tradition.
00:15:02.128 --> 00:15:13.847
So even though fashion itself is quite the opposite in terms of innovation and wanting to do the next big thing so I guess my problem is trying to think creatively about how we do these things.
00:15:13.847 --> 00:15:18.888
And because there are a lot of queer people who don't feel comfortable in anything other than a t-shirt.
00:15:18.888 --> 00:15:20.717
So how do we make a t-shirt?
00:15:21.288 --> 00:15:22.967
Like your wedding attire.
00:15:23.357 --> 00:15:29.148
I have a friend who's a designer in New York and actually is incorporating a t-shirt into his first collection of like wedding attire.
00:15:29.148 --> 00:15:34.847
So, because he knows that those people exist that want that comfort, you know?
00:15:35.207 --> 00:15:35.567
Mm-hmm.
00:15:35.898 --> 00:15:43.457
And I think part of the problem is that people don't have the confidence to wear whatever they want because the world is the world, right?
00:15:43.878 --> 00:15:47.148
And so part of the job is, is finding.
00:15:47.807 --> 00:16:00.798
Creative solutions to wedding attire, but part of the job is also trying to uplift and empower people to be like, you can wear whatever you want, it's your day, but also you should wear whatever you want on every other day anyways.
00:16:00.857 --> 00:16:07.577
And like kind of empowering people to be more themselves and just to be more them centric, which is.
00:16:08.493 --> 00:16:14.972
I don't know, sounds like a hot take, but it's not, uh, to take up more space, especially on your wedding day.
00:16:14.972 --> 00:16:15.393
It's your day.
00:16:15.962 --> 00:16:29.773
So it's a little bit of a, it's a little bit of like helping people find these resources and helping people think about the fashion industry, but also just like really empowering people to be themselves and to reclaim that day for themselves.
00:16:32.143 --> 00:16:32.712
Yeah.
00:16:33.192 --> 00:16:33.913
Oh my gosh.
00:16:33.913 --> 00:16:44.712
You, I think you just like blew my mind with like talking about like the comparison of how the standards are totally different for something like a red carpet versus a wedding.
00:16:44.712 --> 00:16:44.773
Yeah.
00:16:44.923 --> 00:16:51.732
Like I've literally never thought about it, but like that is so true and it's like, yeah, you see a lot more.
00:16:53.067 --> 00:16:58.768
People wearing things they wouldn't normally or dresses or suits, whatever, like, yeah.
00:16:58.857 --> 00:17:00.177
That is so interesting.
00:17:00.357 --> 00:17:10.408
I also think what you said about like empowering people to feel more themselves and what feels, you know, comfortable and like them is so accurate.
00:17:10.458 --> 00:17:14.728
And also it brings to mind, I just did a recent episode on how like.
00:17:15.538 --> 00:17:19.583
Trends like as a whole can also feel like very straight and heteronormative.
00:17:19.923 --> 00:17:20.343
Mm-hmm.
00:17:20.482 --> 00:17:29.337
And how sometimes it can be tough as a queer person to like go against it, right?
00:17:29.337 --> 00:17:33.688
Because then you have to like put more energy and you have to like explain yourself.
00:17:33.688 --> 00:17:35.097
You have to like do all these things.
00:17:35.097 --> 00:17:41.818
So I guess I'm curious if you have any like, tips for folks on kind of navigating that when it comes to what they're wearing.
00:17:42.568 --> 00:17:58.398
I think that is a much bigger question than I'm able to solve because that is like, uh, to give you an example, I, I uninvited my parents to my wedding and I changed what I wanted to wear after I uninvited them.
00:17:58.908 --> 00:18:07.278
Not because I really cared what they thought, but like subconsciously in the back of my head I was like, I just don't want to like.
00:18:07.773 --> 00:18:13.323
Push the label and make problems and create situations and like put more effort in.
00:18:13.803 --> 00:18:16.923
I don't want to make it more than I needed to be.
00:18:17.013 --> 00:18:24.093
And so because my parents are just like not people who are fully supportive in my life, and so I didn't want them at my wedding, but that's not the moral of the story.
00:18:24.093 --> 00:18:26.223
The moral of the story is when you.
00:18:26.943 --> 00:18:43.533
Take those like pieces out of your wedding that are not fully supportive or not fully you, it actually changes like the way you look at attire and the way that you look at it in terms of a form of self-expression.
00:18:44.073 --> 00:18:48.093
Because if people are limiting who you are, you're not gonna wanna express yourself.
00:18:48.763 --> 00:18:52.333
And so I think that that's like a bigger question where it's like.
00:18:53.308 --> 00:19:00.358
Yeah, you don't wanna have to explain yourself or step on toes, but I like firmly believe that you just shouldn't be inviting those people in the first place.
00:19:00.748 --> 00:19:00.838
Hmm.
00:19:00.868 --> 00:19:07.018
If they're gonna ruffle feathers by not inviting people to your wedding, you might as well do it before your wedding.
00:19:07.018 --> 00:19:11.098
Then on the day of when they start, like quibbling about what you're wearing.
00:19:11.458 --> 00:19:18.418
Or if you start, go turning inward because, uh, you're like embarrassed or you're not fully feeling yourself, like.
00:19:18.928 --> 00:19:19.948
It's your day.
00:19:19.978 --> 00:19:25.168
It is also the like most formal event, biggest event of your life.
00:19:25.168 --> 00:19:29.518
Because most people don't go to the MET Gala or the red carpet or a celebrity whatever, right?
00:19:29.788 --> 00:19:29.878
Mm-hmm.
00:19:30.568 --> 00:19:33.508
That this is, this is your day.
00:19:33.838 --> 00:19:36.358
It's not, I don't believe that it's the best day of your life.
00:19:36.358 --> 00:19:37.558
I'm not that kind of person.
00:19:37.658 --> 00:19:42.308
But it could be, and it, you should treat it as a very big occasion.
00:19:42.308 --> 00:19:43.238
It is a big deal.
00:19:43.808 --> 00:19:47.828
I just think that everyone deserves to like feel themselves and be themselves.
00:19:48.398 --> 00:20:02.438
And so yeah, it's like hard to find wedding attire, but I also just feel like don't take on the responsibility of providing for those people that take away from who you are.
00:20:03.308 --> 00:20:14.588
On your wedding day, which is, I said, it's a much bigger problem than I'm here to solve, but I just, I really, really believe that like you can't fully be yourself if there are people holding you back.
00:20:15.218 --> 00:20:15.638
Mm-hmm.
00:20:17.048 --> 00:20:17.648
Yeah.
00:20:18.728 --> 00:20:19.238
Yeah.
00:20:19.298 --> 00:20:20.378
That's so true.
00:20:20.828 --> 00:20:30.218
Almost kind of like it's up to each individual person and then together as a couple to kind of decide like what.
00:20:30.953 --> 00:20:32.423
Their capacity is.
00:20:32.428 --> 00:20:32.678
Mm-hmm.
00:20:32.683 --> 00:20:42.943
Like, I don't know, something I feel like I'm thinking is, you're like doing a wedding tour and the person's like, oh, it's two brides, or something like that.
00:20:42.943 --> 00:20:44.443
Like, of course we're inclusive.
00:20:44.473 --> 00:20:45.913
Can't wait to see your dresses.
00:20:45.913 --> 00:20:50.473
You know, like just things like that where people are almost like, mm-hmm.
00:20:50.503 --> 00:20:50.863
Okay.
00:20:50.863 --> 00:20:56.743
Is it more important to me to like, you know, save my energy for something else?
00:20:56.743 --> 00:20:59.113
Or does it feel more important to just kind of be like.
00:21:00.078 --> 00:21:01.488
Just easier to do this.
00:21:01.488 --> 00:21:03.108
Like, yeah.
00:21:03.228 --> 00:21:10.278
So when I, when I got engaged, everyone was like, so, uh, are you wearing a dress or pants?
00:21:10.308 --> 00:21:19.818
And I'm like, does me getting engaged to a woman that I've been dating for seven years change my gender identity or expression at all?
00:21:20.328 --> 00:21:22.998
Like, no, it should not, it should not.
00:21:22.998 --> 00:21:23.328
Like.
00:21:24.298 --> 00:21:28.648
But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, wow, well, I really should just fucking be myself.
00:21:28.918 --> 00:21:29.398
You know?
00:21:29.728 --> 00:21:40.438
I like why it shouldn't change my gender identity, but, but also if I'm not expressing myself who I am at that time, when why not?
00:21:40.708 --> 00:21:41.428
You know what I mean?
00:21:42.168 --> 00:21:46.308
Uh, weddings are gonna ruffle feathers no matter what, even if you do everything right.
00:21:46.368 --> 00:21:47.208
Uh, quote unquote.
00:21:47.208 --> 00:21:47.568
Right.
00:21:47.898 --> 00:21:51.738
Uh, weddings are gonna ruffle feathers even when you're as inclusive as you can.
00:21:51.738 --> 00:21:57.238
Even if you're trying to be as accommodating to everyone as you can.
00:21:57.268 --> 00:22:00.568
Even if you're trying to invite the people you don't wanna invite.
00:22:01.018 --> 00:22:03.058
You're gonna ruffle feathers no matter what.
00:22:03.408 --> 00:22:11.028
Because for some reason people have expectations and when expectations are, are not met, people react really differently.
00:22:11.388 --> 00:22:19.158
And it's really challenging to see the ups and downs of weddings because weddings are funerals, like weddings are.
00:22:19.158 --> 00:22:21.438
As much grieving as it is.
00:22:21.443 --> 00:22:22.193
Celebrating.
00:22:22.193 --> 00:22:28.463
Like weddings are really fucking challenging sometimes because you take a lot of emotional baggage with you.
00:22:28.763 --> 00:22:33.893
And I just, I, your wedding's gonna be about you.
00:22:33.893 --> 00:22:37.943
If you're gonna have a wedding, you might as well make it you, you know?
00:22:38.453 --> 00:22:40.433
You shouldn't hold a wedding for someone else, you know?
00:22:41.843 --> 00:22:42.143
Yeah.
00:22:42.369 --> 00:22:49.604
I love kind of what you called out earlier too, that whatever combination of things that people wanna wear at their wedding are like.
00:22:50.724 --> 00:22:52.614
Great and totally acceptable.
00:22:52.614 --> 00:23:03.114
And so I was thinking it could be interesting just to see if you like, had any ideas or things you wanted to share kind of for several different combos.
00:23:03.114 --> 00:23:13.554
So like, I don't know, I'm even thinking, I've heard people say things like, oh, if there are two people wearing dresses, like you should be mindful of.
00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:22.479
The, like, shades of light so that they're not like making one, I don't know, just like anything kind of like that, that comes to mind.
00:23:22.689 --> 00:23:29.139
I personal preference, if you're both wearing dresses, just don't make it the same neckline.
00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:36.069
It can be the same silhouette, but I just sometimes think if you have the same neckline, it looks really, really like twins.
00:23:36.389 --> 00:23:43.079
I was thinking about this recently because I have a client couple, so two people who are getting married and I'm styling them both.
00:23:43.469 --> 00:23:47.789
And I was wondering, even though they have different inspiration for what they wanna wear.
00:23:48.104 --> 00:23:52.604
I was wondering if they should be going to the same designer, because they're both looking for a custom outfit.
00:23:52.664 --> 00:23:52.934
Right.
00:23:53.684 --> 00:24:01.994
And the, the pros and cons of that would be like, if you're going to the same designer, obviously you're going to look very unified.
00:24:01.994 --> 00:24:03.764
You're gonna look like a com.
00:24:03.854 --> 00:24:06.374
Like, like it was all well thought out.
00:24:06.524 --> 00:24:09.614
It's gonna be a lot harder to coordinate something if it's two different designers.
00:24:10.153 --> 00:24:11.954
However you kind of.
00:24:12.884 --> 00:24:15.314
Take away someone's of Indi Individuality.
00:24:15.314 --> 00:24:19.094
When you pick a designer that aligns with one person and out the other.
00:24:19.184 --> 00:24:22.964
So if they both align, that's great, but you don't wanna take away that individuality.
00:24:22.964 --> 00:24:33.194
So my point in saying this is I, if you are both like really into a high neckline, then wear the freaking high neckline, you know?
00:24:33.194 --> 00:24:36.794
But I just really think that sometimes people don't.
00:24:37.334 --> 00:24:40.484
Dig deep enough to ask themselves like, what really feels like me?
00:24:40.484 --> 00:24:49.574
They kind of default to things that they're used to and or they expect, uh, that people want them to wear, you know, something like that.
00:24:49.574 --> 00:24:53.954
And I just think people kind of get stuck especially, uh, in like.
00:24:54.809 --> 00:24:59.999
Relationships where people identify the same people kind of share personalities at a certain point.
00:25:00.059 --> 00:25:04.619
And so it's not uncommon to pick a similar dress if you're both wearing dresses.
00:25:05.069 --> 00:25:08.369
So I don't have any tips for like matching colors.
00:25:08.369 --> 00:25:18.359
Obviously, like if you wear champagne dress in a pure snow white dress, that contrast might look a little interesting and not have the same bridal effect as it normally would.
00:25:19.109 --> 00:25:21.899
Also, if you're gonna be happy wearing that, just fucking wear it.
00:25:21.929 --> 00:25:22.709
You know what I mean?
00:25:22.739 --> 00:25:33.869
I just, I really believe that like, if you're in touch with, with, uh, personal style and you're in touch with what you love and expressing yourself through fashion, you literally can't go wrong.
00:25:33.929 --> 00:25:35.099
You really can't go wrong.
00:25:35.999 --> 00:25:36.028
Mm.
00:25:36.719 --> 00:25:37.199
Yeah.
00:25:37.859 --> 00:25:38.219
Yeah.
00:25:38.309 --> 00:25:38.939
Love that.
00:25:40.169 --> 00:25:40.469
Yeah.
00:25:40.469 --> 00:25:44.229
What about like things that I.
00:25:45.129 --> 00:25:51.129
You like, loved or really enjoyed seeing if like two people are wearing suits or there's one of these?
00:25:51.179 --> 00:25:59.909
I, what I really actually love to see is just when people think really creatively about it is like, I think.
00:26:00.644 --> 00:26:15.974
Like the future of bridal fashion, in my opinion, is gonna be like jackets, boleros capes, like those types of things because it's a gender neutral like garment like an overskirt can be over pants.
00:26:15.974 --> 00:26:18.374
It doesn't have to be over another dress, you know?
00:26:18.724 --> 00:26:25.564
I think there's a, and a lot of people want the drama of a dress, but not the femininity of a dress.
00:26:25.894 --> 00:26:26.794
And so I think like.
00:26:27.409 --> 00:26:34.459
The, the, the creative ways to think about it's how do you incorporate the drama of the, of a train, of a dress without having a dress?
00:26:34.729 --> 00:26:37.129
Like how do you get a train without having a dress?
00:26:37.309 --> 00:26:38.119
Is it a cape?
00:26:38.119 --> 00:26:39.079
Is it an overskirt?
00:26:39.109 --> 00:26:44.449
Is it, uh, you know, uh, really long sleeves?
00:26:44.479 --> 00:26:49.339
You know how, uh, like long, 70 sleeves and I just.
00:26:49.744 --> 00:27:02.494
I think like thinking creatively is the best way to do it because I think a lot of people play it safe and do what they think they should be doing, or they worry too much about shades of white or they worry too much about complimenting each other.
00:27:02.494 --> 00:27:10.024
When I really think people should turn inward and just think about what makes themselves happy, and then tell a story with that and what your partner's wearing.
00:27:10.484 --> 00:27:15.284
I see a lot of celebrities that really don't dress the as like.
00:27:17.549 --> 00:27:20.639
They don't go off, they don't like dress as well as they should at their wedding.
00:27:20.669 --> 00:27:25.229
And I, I don't know what it is, but they are like way more closed off.
00:27:25.229 --> 00:27:30.239
And I just feel like there's a lot of people who don't express themselves enough at their wedding.
00:27:30.679 --> 00:27:33.079
And so I would just really encourage everyone to like, I.
00:27:34.339 --> 00:27:45.649
Explore, do a lot of inspiration, like looking at a lot of inspiration and thinking about what is out there because there's a lot of possibilities and it's not just like suit and dress.
00:27:45.649 --> 00:27:54.339
So, you can play with color, you can play with texture, you can play with the fabrics, you can play with silhouettes and pants and skirts and anything.
00:27:54.389 --> 00:27:58.079
Jackets and corsets and anything, you can literally play with it all.
00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:01.769
So I think that's, it's really fun when people get creative.
00:28:02.609 --> 00:28:04.889
I wouldn't worry too much about it if it feels like you.
00:28:04.919 --> 00:28:05.369
It's good.
00:28:06.839 --> 00:28:07.259
Yeah.
00:28:08.849 --> 00:28:21.269
Are there some things that like you have like seen recently or see like popping up that are like, just super fun and interesting in terms of.
00:28:22.634 --> 00:28:23.234
Styling.
00:28:23.534 --> 00:28:31.484
I think something that's really interesting is, well, there's, there's more brands doing, having inclusive styling.
00:28:31.974 --> 00:28:35.334
When I say inclusive styling, I mean they're incorporating a little bit more of pants.
00:28:35.724 --> 00:28:41.184
Uh, they aren't necessarily being inclusive in their representation of people wearing those clothes, but it's fine.
00:28:41.694 --> 00:28:46.574
Uh, but I wanted to note that, I think the more fun things.
00:28:47.624 --> 00:28:51.254
And the new shift that we're seeing is like for the wedding party.
00:28:51.314 --> 00:28:55.274
And'cause I think that's also really hard and that's something that I do sometimes as well.
00:28:55.274 --> 00:28:58.934
And so I wanna talk about it because people are in a wedding party way more than they're getting married.
00:28:59.444 --> 00:29:13.964
And it's hard in a wedding party when everyone wants to be identical because if you're not a dress girl and everyone's wearing a dress and everyone's wearing an identical dress on top of it, you're really gonna stick out and you're trying not to stick out in a wedding party usually.
00:29:14.354 --> 00:29:14.834
And.
00:29:15.449 --> 00:29:16.739
So that gets really challenging.
00:29:16.739 --> 00:29:25.559
So I would really encourage anyone who's going to get married to not put too many rules around what people are wearing.
00:29:26.129 --> 00:29:34.609
Uh, leave it a little bit open-ended if you wanna dictate colors, dictate colors but really let people experiment with what they find.
00:29:35.419 --> 00:29:38.419
What they find formal and like great.
00:29:38.419 --> 00:29:41.209
And like try to coordinate it after the fact.
00:29:41.549 --> 00:29:46.528
Let your wedding party wear capes and vests and pants and whatever.
00:29:46.749 --> 00:29:56.229
Because I think a wedding party is an archaic like understanding of like weddings anyways, that there are only girls on the girls side and boys on the boys side.
00:29:56.229 --> 00:29:58.304
It's kind of weird and not really modern.
00:29:59.064 --> 00:30:00.294
And not really the case anymore.
00:30:00.294 --> 00:30:22.284
So I don't know why bridal parties are still a thing, but I think that if you're someone who's having a wedding, if you're not putting the pressure on queer people to do something different when everyone else is doing what the traditional norm is, really ostracizes queer people further.
00:30:22.584 --> 00:30:27.864
So I just like would really encourage anyone who's like getting married soon to think about in their wedding party.
00:30:28.359 --> 00:30:32.439
To encourage more than just the queer people to think outside the box.
00:30:32.489 --> 00:30:35.039
Because I think that would really, really change the game.
00:30:35.549 --> 00:30:42.009
Some things that people do that I think do think outside the box that could be like gender fluid things are I.
00:30:42.403 --> 00:30:50.054
Scarves or like an ascot, you know, like something around your neck that's not necessarily a formal like men traditional men's tie.
00:30:50.464 --> 00:30:52.774
Or like a bolo tie.
00:30:52.774 --> 00:30:55.534
Those are very, I would see those are gender neutral.
00:30:55.614 --> 00:30:56.574
Stuff around your neck.
00:30:56.604 --> 00:30:58.403
Capes are definitely gender neutral.
00:30:58.634 --> 00:31:03.554
I think the style of the cape is like sometimes feminine and sometimes max masculine, but I think.
00:31:04.214 --> 00:31:10.514
Tapes can be that gender neutral and also monochrome outfits are always formal no matter what.
00:31:10.514 --> 00:31:13.544
So I think that's like a gender neutral way to do like a wedding party.
00:31:13.994 --> 00:31:15.824
As long as your like outfits matching.
00:31:15.824 --> 00:31:17.384
If it's separate, it's fine, you know?
00:31:17.725 --> 00:31:18.145
Wow.
00:31:18.415 --> 00:31:21.325
I love even just being able to ask that question.
00:31:21.805 --> 00:31:22.345
How did you say it?
00:31:22.345 --> 00:31:25.345
Like how do you view formal, like that's so.
00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:26.890
I don't know.
00:31:26.890 --> 00:31:33.250
I, I, it's like something I would never think about, but like even just being asked that and being like, oh yeah, what do I think?
00:31:33.250 --> 00:31:37.690
Like, that's such a good way to kind of kick things off.
00:31:37.690 --> 00:31:39.220
So, yeah.
00:31:39.400 --> 00:31:40.120
I love that.
00:31:40.440 --> 00:31:48.930
So kind of like, as we start wrapping up, for folks listening who are like, yes, Katie, you got me.
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:49.710
I love this.
00:31:49.710 --> 00:31:52.140
Like, I'm, I really wanna try something different.
00:31:52.530 --> 00:31:56.280
I like wanna, you know, maybe get outside of my comfort zone.
00:31:56.280 --> 00:31:58.650
But like, there's so many options, like mm-hmm.
00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:02.700
How do you usually tell people to kind of start.
00:32:03.045 --> 00:32:06.375
Like narrowing in, like, am I leaning more towards pants?
00:32:06.375 --> 00:32:09.285
Am I leaning more towards a dress, but a different neckline?
00:32:09.285 --> 00:32:11.595
Like how does, how do you, how does one even do that?
00:32:13.575 --> 00:32:16.845
I think there's a lot less options than you think.
00:32:17.235 --> 00:32:20.115
Mostly for gender fluid attire.
00:32:20.115 --> 00:32:29.955
Like I said, there's no, there's no prescribed process for finding gender fluid wetting attire like there is for a traditional fem like dress or a traditional mask.
00:32:30.645 --> 00:32:32.025
Tuck suit, what have you.
00:32:32.925 --> 00:32:36.675
And so things start to pile on top of each other.
00:32:36.675 --> 00:32:43.005
The limitations start to add up because there's like a budget limitation, which really eliminates a lot of options.
00:32:43.335 --> 00:32:58.545
Uh, there's a size limitation because when you're dealing with smaller budgets, your odds are you're not dealing with a custom measurement situation, which means like you're stuck to the standard measurements of the brand, which are.
00:32:59.040 --> 00:33:00.990
Most of the time, not inclusive.
00:33:01.800 --> 00:33:04.860
And then there's the whole, well, what color do you wanna wear?
00:33:04.890 --> 00:33:12.000
You know, that's when you, I mean, then there's also like, are you, are you disabled where you have to have a certain type of attire?
00:33:12.300 --> 00:33:12.690
You know?
00:33:12.970 --> 00:33:22.870
And like you get to a point where once you finally get to choose what you're wearing, you are at a very much smaller like pool of options.
00:33:23.635 --> 00:33:49.505
So I find it is actually really, really easy to narrow down what you're gonna wear because once you start having, once you start getting into the field of this is the universe of what I can choose from and have personal preferences from based upon all the things I can't control I think things start to make a little bit more sense, such as like, I want a cape, but all the capes are$4,000 and my budget is$2,000.
00:33:49.835 --> 00:33:51.875
Like, then you might be stuck with.
00:33:52.265 --> 00:34:02.165
Maybe we have to find one on Etsy or maybe we have to like find one resale and then you might have to like give on color because it's not necessarily, it's something that's in your budget, you know?
00:34:02.735 --> 00:34:07.325
And it's really just problem solving until you can find something that fits the bill.
00:34:07.325 --> 00:34:14.389
And I think that it's really tragic that there are not more options out there, because I think typical people, traditional people.
00:34:15.500 --> 00:34:18.320
Even the privileged people have have options.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:20.059
They have all the options in the world.
00:34:20.420 --> 00:34:32.210
And so I just, I don't think there's, there's that much out there that is going to fit all of the intersections of those limitations.
00:34:32.780 --> 00:34:34.099
Oftentimes it's like.
00:34:34.730 --> 00:34:40.909
How do you maximize the amount of options that you have with all the limitations that you have And like, that's what I do, right?
00:34:40.909 --> 00:34:49.820
Like that's what I do, is I'm here to like give you all the resources to show you that there are more options so that you don't have to default to address when you don't feel comfortable wearing one.
00:34:50.030 --> 00:34:53.210
Or you don't have to default to a suit when you want something a little bit more feminine.
00:34:53.260 --> 00:34:53.950
That's what I do.
00:34:53.950 --> 00:34:55.210
I mean, I literally just.
00:34:56.515 --> 00:35:03.605
Research and research and research and try to find more and more and more in multiple different kinds of budgets so that people can have more options.
00:35:03.605 --> 00:35:05.375
Like, that's pretty much all I do.
00:35:05.750 --> 00:35:22.610
To answer your question, like if you had all the money in the world and you were optimally the size that people normally have and you didn't have any like disability that limited what kind of clothes that you could wear, what have you, right?
00:35:22.700 --> 00:35:24.440
And you had all the options in the world.
00:35:25.325 --> 00:35:39.155
I think the best place to start for finding what you wanna wear is think about what you really find joy in, and not necessarily what kind of fashion do you find joy in, because I don't think a lot of people know the answer to that question.
00:35:39.525 --> 00:35:44.385
But like I, for example, find joy in like bright colors.
00:35:45.204 --> 00:35:51.619
But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna be like wearing bright colors at the wedding because I don't know, I wanna wear white.
00:35:52.474 --> 00:35:57.875
But my point is to start with the things that you really find inspirational, that you find joy in.
00:35:57.875 --> 00:36:08.164
I have a client who fi who, whose inspiration board is the intersection between Megan Rapino and David Bowie, and it's awesome.
00:36:08.375 --> 00:36:13.805
And like that Venn diagram like creating like.
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:19.849
The structure and the geometry and the, the, the silhouette of David Bowie.
00:36:20.150 --> 00:36:25.309
But adding onto like the, the style of Megan Rapinoe is actually so easy.
00:36:25.309 --> 00:36:28.730
It is so clear in my brain what that looks like.
00:36:29.070 --> 00:36:35.640
And that is like one of the easiest inspo words I've ever had to put together because somebody said, I'm inspired by these two things, which is.
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:41.220
David Bowie and the structure of their attire and Meghan Rapinoe style.
00:36:41.340 --> 00:36:49.559
Granted, those are things directly related to fashion, but I also had someone give me a mood board that had like graphic design and paintings on it.
00:36:50.099 --> 00:36:57.150
That has nothing to do with fashion, but when you're conveying an emotion, there's a way to translate that into attire, and I think that's.
00:36:57.644 --> 00:37:07.965
If you have all the options in the world, I think you should probably get a stylist because it would be really challenging to translate what you love into fashion if you're not used to it.
00:37:09.375 --> 00:37:09.735
Yeah.
00:37:11.070 --> 00:37:14.670
So kind of starting out with a Marie Kondo approach, like does it bring joy?
00:37:15.630 --> 00:37:16.619
Oh, 100%.
00:37:16.680 --> 00:37:17.010
Yeah.
00:37:17.190 --> 00:37:23.519
I mean that, I think that is how you should approach everyday fashion anyways is like what really brings you joy?
00:37:24.010 --> 00:37:27.760
What doesn't push your, what pushes the boundaries without pushing your limits, you know?
00:37:28.325 --> 00:37:35.255
You don't wanna overstep your own boundaries, but you also wanna push yourself to like be challenged in your every day and like create new things.
00:37:36.125 --> 00:37:39.515
Really return to like the art, the things that moves, move you, you know?
00:37:40.190 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah.
00:37:42.035 --> 00:37:42.095
Yeah.
00:37:42.715 --> 00:37:43.555
Absolutely.
00:37:43.825 --> 00:37:51.285
Well, so on that note I will be sure to share all of your information in the show notes, but how can people work with you?
00:37:51.285 --> 00:37:52.755
Where can people find you?
00:37:53.184 --> 00:38:00.625
I am on TikTok and Instagram at Portrait of a Bride on Fire and.
00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:10.300
The link in my bio will have my other relevant links, which will lead you to my website, my contact form, all the different things.
00:38:10.670 --> 00:38:22.099
But I just, I, uh, and I wanna say that having a, working with a stylist one-on-one is not the only thing that I offer because that's like obviously a really challenging thing to afford for most people.
00:38:22.579 --> 00:38:28.460
I really do work with other people's budgets and I can tailor a service to be like.
00:38:28.954 --> 00:38:32.015
Into your budget and make it work, make sense for you?
00:38:32.015 --> 00:38:37.985
Because I genuinely think that like you should not exclude people just'cause they can't afford your services.
00:38:38.315 --> 00:38:38.585
No.
00:38:38.585 --> 00:38:43.055
It's like, how do I think creatively about creating a service so that it works for both of us?
00:38:43.055 --> 00:38:49.265
Like I would, I'm really open to working with people, so if people, my prices are on my website, but again, that's just like.
00:38:49.450 --> 00:38:54.099
With one-on-one work that's not with tailored packages for making it work for other people.
00:38:54.099 --> 00:38:58.010
So, I just wanna remind people of that and.
00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:10.950
Also just tag me in anything you want me to see, because I would love to see your queer outfits and like your Met gala moments, and that would really bring me joy, so, oh, I love that.
00:39:11.190 --> 00:39:12.869
Oh my gosh, yes.
00:39:12.869 --> 00:39:13.800
Absolutely.
00:39:14.230 --> 00:39:16.450
Well thank you so, so much.
00:39:16.539 --> 00:39:19.510
It has been so fun chatting with you.
00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:38.440
Queer beloved, welcome back.
00:00:38.500 --> 00:00:40.060
My name is Anna.
00:00:40.060 --> 00:00:47.230
I used to hear pronouns and I run wildly connected photography as well as this really cool podcast.
00:00:47.570 --> 00:00:49.760
if this is your first time here, welcome.
00:00:49.760 --> 00:00:52.010
So excited to have you join.
00:00:52.430 --> 00:01:02.359
I just had a few quick notes before we get into this week's episode, which has a really cool guest talking about something I wanted to talk about on the podcast for a really long time.
00:01:02.810 --> 00:01:04.609
But yeah, hope you all are doing well.
00:01:04.609 --> 00:01:13.129
I was just out in Oregon doing a crazy amount of shoots and it was just so fun and it's so gay out there.
00:01:13.129 --> 00:01:13.730
I love it.
00:01:14.750 --> 00:01:15.800
Highly recommend.
00:01:16.340 --> 00:01:17.030
but also I.
00:01:18.319 --> 00:01:20.000
Guess what time it is.
00:01:20.030 --> 00:01:27.050
It's time for no homo, and if you are not familiar, it's now as in KNOW.
00:01:27.539 --> 00:01:37.830
we are on this journey together to learn more about queer culture, queer, queer lingo, things happening, important information, fun information, et cetera, et cetera.
00:01:38.310 --> 00:01:41.064
So this week on No Homo.
00:01:42.330 --> 00:01:44.370
Kristen Stewart got married.
00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:46.289
Now I know what you're thinking.
00:01:46.289 --> 00:01:50.670
Like, okay, are we really about to start making this podcast about pop culture?
00:01:51.180 --> 00:01:51.689
No.
00:01:51.689 --> 00:01:55.740
I promised I am really not in the loop all that much myself.
00:01:55.740 --> 00:02:05.580
However, I will say Kristen Stewart has just always felt like this very special gay icon in my mind.
00:02:05.610 --> 00:02:07.830
Like there's just something about her.
00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:12.210
I definitely am a Twilight fan in the most ironic way.
00:02:12.210 --> 00:02:23.069
And so like seeing her like grow from that into like all these roles she's played, um, like Love Lies, is bleeding and all, you know, all these other things.
00:02:23.069 --> 00:02:25.650
Like she's just so like what an icon.
00:02:25.800 --> 00:02:31.860
so she married her wife Dylan, I believe, um, on four 20 Iconic.
00:02:32.280 --> 00:02:35.219
And it was just something small and.
00:02:35.955 --> 00:02:48.764
They're just such a cool and hot couple and I don't know, like I said, I'm not really in the pop culture circle all that often, so that's why I wanted to share, go look at some of the photos they shared.
00:02:48.764 --> 00:02:49.574
It's super cute.
00:02:49.574 --> 00:02:54.284
But that is what I got for you on no homo this week.
00:02:54.715 --> 00:03:00.954
Before we jump into the episode, I did wanna say there are some really, really smart gaze out there.
00:03:01.164 --> 00:03:10.525
And so if you have, um, a terminology, a phrase, some important information, something you think should be shared on this segment, please let me know.
00:03:10.525 --> 00:03:16.674
I would love to pass it along and become more homos together.
00:03:17.094 --> 00:03:21.474
So please feel free to DM me on Instagram or email me.
00:03:21.924 --> 00:03:29.305
Or even comments on the podcast because there are cool ways to interact with the podcast, both on Spotify, apple, all the things.
00:03:29.844 --> 00:03:34.254
So without further ado, let's jump into this week's episode.
00:03:37.597 --> 00:03:41.918
Okay, clearly beloved, welcome back to this week's episode.
00:03:42.277 --> 00:03:49.717
I am joined, uh, by Katie from Portrait of a Bride on Fire, and I'm super excited.
00:03:49.717 --> 00:03:55.182
So, before I say anything else, Katie, will you introduce yourself, your pronouns, and any identities you wanna share?
00:03:57.307 --> 00:03:58.177
I am Katie.
00:03:58.358 --> 00:04:00.907
I am a queer wedding fashion stylist.
00:04:01.007 --> 00:04:06.647
I'm queer for sure, but I say I'm a queer wedding fashion stylist because I think I'm the only one that does this.
00:04:07.037 --> 00:04:11.657
So my pronouns are she, her, and I am, I'm, I'm here for the queer folks.
00:04:11.717 --> 00:04:12.257
I'm here for it.
00:04:13.397 --> 00:04:14.177
Yeah.
00:04:14.177 --> 00:04:15.198
I love that.
00:04:15.527 --> 00:04:23.567
So, yeah, for those of us who are not fashion experts, can you share a little bit more about like what that means and what you do?
00:04:24.783 --> 00:04:42.843
So there's a very small population of like people in an industry that they call themselves bryle stylists, and they will help people find their wedding dresses and style accessories so that your whole head to toe look or how many looks you do on your wedding day are like planned out and really well thought through.
00:04:43.353 --> 00:04:47.403
And bryle stylists do exist outside of bridal shops like that.
00:04:47.502 --> 00:04:49.242
However, I.
00:04:50.187 --> 00:04:55.978
I serve a kind of a different purpose, and that is because queer folks specifically.
00:04:56.877 --> 00:05:08.017
Nontraditional folks in general, but queer folks specifically because they're nontraditional, uh, don't have a set process for finding their wedding attire when it's not a suit or a dress.
00:05:08.048 --> 00:05:17.377
And because many queer folks are on the gender spectrum and gender expression, uh, spectrum, uh, the gender expression spectrum, they.
00:05:17.598 --> 00:05:26.778
Often don't align with gender norms as they are today, or the social norms of formal attire for those genders, which is like a suit and a dress.
00:05:27.017 --> 00:05:38.957
And because there's no process for finding formal attire for your wedding, it's really challenging to navigate that industry by yourself when you're planning a wedding and doing a million other things.
00:05:39.338 --> 00:05:43.437
So I I am a little bit different in that I.
00:05:43.952 --> 00:05:53.853
I problem solve and think creatively and try to find things that are outside the mainstream to connect people with resources and designers and like smaller businesses.
00:05:54.272 --> 00:06:03.632
And basically it's a lot more of connecting people and solving problems than it is the creative like aspect of styling and aesthetics and all that stuff.
00:06:05.582 --> 00:06:06.242
Yeah.
00:06:07.173 --> 00:06:07.533
Yeah.
00:06:07.533 --> 00:06:10.892
So you're not like the human out there like.
00:06:11.673 --> 00:06:16.112
Making someone's outfit, but you're like, Hey, like here are these options.
00:06:16.112 --> 00:06:18.843
And like, here's what I think would work really well together.
00:06:19.293 --> 00:06:19.622
Yes.
00:06:19.622 --> 00:06:23.103
Like, I'm not, I'm not a designing or like sewing or any of that stuff.
00:06:23.202 --> 00:06:25.452
I would just connect people with people who do that.
00:06:25.543 --> 00:06:30.463
And it's a little bit of both traditional styling and also connecting people.
00:06:30.463 --> 00:06:34.408
So, kind of being a resource and also being a creative mind at the same time.
00:06:35.637 --> 00:06:36.237
Yeah.
00:06:36.853 --> 00:06:38.233
That is, yeah.
00:06:38.262 --> 00:06:39.283
That is so cool.
00:06:39.283 --> 00:06:41.562
And much, much needed.
00:06:41.663 --> 00:06:45.173
Yeah, as a lot of my listeners know, I'm like planning my own wedding right now.
00:06:45.173 --> 00:06:49.733
And I think you are also, I'm, I'm getting married in like a month.
00:06:51.293 --> 00:06:51.533
Oh my God.
00:06:53.723 --> 00:06:56.153
Mine's in September, but congrats.
00:06:56.153 --> 00:06:57.413
That's so exciting.
00:06:57.562 --> 00:06:58.372
You know what you're wearing.
00:06:59.543 --> 00:07:00.923
I do have a dress.
00:07:01.012 --> 00:07:01.223
Oh, good.
00:07:01.302 --> 00:07:03.043
But yeah, it is like.
00:07:03.973 --> 00:07:04.392
I don't know.
00:07:04.392 --> 00:07:17.052
I, I feel like this is just like one thing where it's like, I, like you have a vision in your mind, but like, I don't like how to know how to make it come to life and like, so yeah.
00:07:17.052 --> 00:07:19.992
I just, I think what you do is so, so awesome.
00:07:20.082 --> 00:07:21.642
Wait, what's your vision?
00:07:21.642 --> 00:07:23.502
What do you mean you don't know how to make it come to life?
00:07:23.502 --> 00:07:24.103
What's your vision?
00:07:24.103 --> 00:07:24.598
Is it different?
00:07:26.187 --> 00:07:33.677
No, just like, well, I, so I do have a dress but the vision is I wanna make it into like a two piece dress.
00:07:34.007 --> 00:07:34.067
Yeah.
00:07:34.067 --> 00:07:40.608
And so that's been like, its own kind of struggle, just because, do you So I haven't seen a ton of those.
00:07:41.177 --> 00:07:42.437
I'm wearing a two piece dress for.
00:07:43.562 --> 00:07:44.702
Shut up.
00:07:44.937 --> 00:07:45.598
Oh my God.
00:07:45.598 --> 00:07:45.877
Yeah.
00:07:45.882 --> 00:07:51.423
I honestly, okay, so I don't know how old you are, but when I was like in middle school, like, uh.
00:07:52.038 --> 00:07:57.528
Crop tops and long skirts, separates were a thing for like prom and stuff or whatever.
00:07:57.557 --> 00:07:57.647
Mm-hmm.
00:07:57.887 --> 00:07:59.538
And so maybe it was high school, I don't remember.
00:07:59.538 --> 00:08:07.788
But, uh, point being is there's a population of people who remember that time and don't want separates to be a thing again.
00:08:07.968 --> 00:08:10.637
But I honestly think that they're very much up and coming.
00:08:10.848 --> 00:08:20.687
So, I am super into the separates game, especially for, I mean, I'm a skirt and dress girly, so like I love wearing skirts and dresses, but like.
00:08:21.033 --> 00:08:24.812
Separates are so underrated, like why are we not making more outfits?
00:08:24.872 --> 00:08:25.262
I don't know.
00:08:25.442 --> 00:08:28.533
It's just like there's so many more possibilities out there with separates.
00:08:28.533 --> 00:08:34.923
So, but yeah, if you ever need help, I'll send you my lookbooks for inspo or if you need any, whatever resources, let me know.
00:08:35.822 --> 00:08:36.753
Yeah.
00:08:36.903 --> 00:08:39.033
Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
00:08:39.093 --> 00:08:39.603
Yeah.
00:08:40.082 --> 00:08:44.973
Yeah, I went to a private school so I didn't, with like a uniform, so I.
00:08:45.437 --> 00:08:48.018
Wasn't in that same cool prom loop.
00:08:48.118 --> 00:09:13.158
But I think actually this is, this is something interesting that I think kind of flows into like the next topic of discussion anyways is like, from your perspective, do you think that the people you work with tend to wear things to their wedding that are already very, like, similar to what they do or like day to day or like Totally different.
00:09:13.457 --> 00:09:20.028
And I guess I'm asking because like for me, I, I haven't worn a dress in probably like three years.
00:09:20.057 --> 00:09:24.918
Like they're not my thing, but for some reason, like something about me.
00:09:25.562 --> 00:09:28.082
Picturing getting married, like, I wanna wear a dress.
00:09:28.352 --> 00:09:31.173
So, I don't know, I think that's kind of an interesting, yeah.
00:09:31.177 --> 00:09:31.538
Curious.
00:09:31.538 --> 00:09:31.737
Yeah.
00:09:32.523 --> 00:09:45.362
I think it, the answer to that question definitely depends on who you are, because I have a couple clients who are like, I want to wear something that really feels like me.
00:09:45.362 --> 00:09:49.082
So it's more of an elevated version of what they normally wear on a day-to-day basis.
00:09:49.082 --> 00:09:49.577
Right.
00:09:49.577 --> 00:09:54.437
It's higher quality, it's embellished, it's something that is different that's gonna really elevate their outfit.
00:09:54.837 --> 00:10:07.707
And then I have other clients that, uh, like you have not worn dresses in years and really thought that they were gonna wear pants to their wedding because of that, uh, because they, they found it hard to see themselves.
00:10:07.967 --> 00:10:10.878
In a dress, even though that's like the ideal, right?
00:10:11.457 --> 00:10:17.607
I was actually at a wedding dress appointment with a client last week and they were set on a jumpsuit.
00:10:17.668 --> 00:10:22.168
And of course there are no jumpsuits at wedding dress shops, maybe one, and usually they're ugly.
00:10:22.457 --> 00:10:24.498
But anyways, they wanted a jumpsuit.
00:10:24.498 --> 00:10:30.888
So the idea was the dresses they were trying on were going to be converted into a jumpsuit, and my client was.
00:10:31.062 --> 00:10:38.743
Uh, tried on one of the dresses and was almost in tears and was like, I like this as a dress so much that I just wanna wear it as a dress.
00:10:39.133 --> 00:10:43.362
And for the first time in like three years, they're gonna wear a dress.
00:10:43.368 --> 00:10:43.768
Mm-hmm.
00:10:43.852 --> 00:10:55.212
And sometimes the world is so like messed up that like, maybe you don't wear a dress for three years because you don't have the confidence to wear a dress for three years, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be wearing one on your wedding day, you know?
00:10:56.533 --> 00:11:05.263
At the same time, just because like you identify a certain way or you present yourself normally a certain way, doesn't mean you have to wear a dress on your wedding day.
00:11:05.743 --> 00:11:16.692
I think the social norms that dictate formal wear are so archaic and like if we just really need to break that mold to like make it okay to do whatever you want, you know?
00:11:17.472 --> 00:11:18.283
Yeah.
00:11:19.153 --> 00:11:19.633
Yeah.
00:11:19.692 --> 00:11:22.663
I love that the social norms are indeed archaic.
00:11:23.293 --> 00:11:23.653
Yeah.
00:11:24.702 --> 00:11:25.302
Yeah.
00:11:25.903 --> 00:11:28.663
No, I think, I think that makes a lot of sense.
00:11:28.663 --> 00:11:36.253
And so, I mean, yeah, I, I would love to just like kind of chat about like queer wedding entire, like just dive a little bit deeper.
00:11:36.253 --> 00:11:40.123
I know you touched on it a little bit in your intro just as far as like.
00:11:40.827 --> 00:11:44.638
How needed this is because not everybody you know mm-hmm.
00:11:44.998 --> 00:11:47.638
Fits into those certain boxes or things like that.
00:11:47.717 --> 00:11:48.048
But yeah.
00:11:48.048 --> 00:11:50.177
Can you kind of just like give an overview of like.
00:11:51.513 --> 00:11:53.493
What options are out there?
00:11:53.493 --> 00:11:57.482
Maybe some cool things you've seen and then we can dive into the specifics.
00:11:58.052 --> 00:11:58.562
Yeah.
00:11:58.653 --> 00:12:04.802
Before we get into the, like what's an in-between option or what is not traditional options?
00:12:04.873 --> 00:12:08.383
I do wanna hold space for the people that are.
00:12:09.447 --> 00:12:14.638
Wearing suits, but whom suits are not designed for them to wear.
00:12:14.878 --> 00:12:21.118
Yeah, there's a lot of people who don't fit into suits like normally and aren't made for their types of bodies or whatnot.
00:12:21.418 --> 00:12:24.023
And similarly, there's a lot of people who would like to wear dresses.
00:12:24.913 --> 00:12:27.883
Traditional wedding dresses and they're just not made for their bodies.
00:12:28.112 --> 00:12:31.562
Maybe because they're assigned male at birth, maybe because they're plus size, whatever, right?
00:12:32.043 --> 00:12:39.543
There's a number of reasons why you might fit in those gender norms and still not find your wedding attire.
00:12:39.633 --> 00:12:42.123
So we hold space for those people and we wanna live for these people too.
00:12:42.932 --> 00:12:51.842
But outside of that, there are still a lot of people that want to express themselves in ways that are not part of the traditional like suit or dress attire.
00:12:51.842 --> 00:12:52.263
And.
00:12:52.937 --> 00:13:03.798
The problem with social norms dictating traditional attire is like the social norms are, you know, uh, built through the patriarchy and through white supremacy.
00:13:03.798 --> 00:13:09.677
And so they're like inherently trying to suppress like, like certain things, right?
00:13:09.737 --> 00:13:14.177
They, that women shouldn't wear pants and they need to cover their legs and, you know, whatever it is.
00:13:14.177 --> 00:13:16.937
So it kind of still dictates the norms of today.
00:13:16.937 --> 00:13:20.717
But the question is, if you don't fall into those like.
00:13:21.048 --> 00:13:25.067
Gender norms for formal attire, what do you wear?
00:13:25.577 --> 00:13:31.427
Because the social norm that says if you're outside of the norm, it's not formal anymore.
00:13:32.057 --> 00:13:33.317
What is your solution?
00:13:33.768 --> 00:13:34.487
Mm-hmm.
00:13:34.707 --> 00:13:44.788
So I think my, the problem that I've had to begin to solve recently is, is how to, how to, how to think about formal attire in a way that is.
00:13:45.102 --> 00:13:53.332
Socially acceptable as a queer person that doesn't wanna identify or can't fit into the mold that people have prescribed for us.
00:13:53.812 --> 00:14:08.602
And I, my creative solution to that is then well, like what are formal events outside of weddings is basically like the red carpet or then that gala or whatever, and they treat.
00:14:09.457 --> 00:14:14.827
Formality and fashion very differently than we do at weddings, and I like, like, why is that?
00:14:15.097 --> 00:14:17.467
Because Billy Porter can wear a dress.
00:14:18.623 --> 00:14:28.763
Slash suit on the red carpet and absolutely slay and that's fine, but it's not as socially acceptable to do that at your wedding for some reason or why.
00:14:28.993 --> 00:14:32.832
Does Billie Eilish wear a t-shirt and shorts on the red carpet?
00:14:33.182 --> 00:14:37.472
And that's socially acceptable, but it's not socially acceptable to wear a t-shirt and shorts to your wedding.
00:14:38.062 --> 00:14:39.322
Granted it's not.
00:14:39.342 --> 00:14:41.743
An old ready T-shirt and shorts.
00:14:41.802 --> 00:14:43.842
It's a Louis Vuitton shirt and shorts.
00:14:44.263 --> 00:14:51.852
But my point is that we should really be reformulating what we think is formal in like acceptable and formal occasions.
00:14:52.232 --> 00:14:52.682
And.
00:14:53.307 --> 00:14:55.048
Right now it's kind of being held back.
00:14:55.048 --> 00:15:01.737
The wedding industry is really held by tradition and the fashion wedding industry is really held by tradition.
00:15:02.128 --> 00:15:13.847
So even though fashion itself is quite the opposite in terms of innovation and wanting to do the next big thing so I guess my problem is trying to think creatively about how we do these things.
00:15:13.847 --> 00:15:18.888
And because there are a lot of queer people who don't feel comfortable in anything other than a t-shirt.
00:15:18.888 --> 00:15:20.717
So how do we make a t-shirt?
00:15:21.288 --> 00:15:22.967
Like your wedding attire.
00:15:23.357 --> 00:15:29.148
I have a friend who's a designer in New York and actually is incorporating a t-shirt into his first collection of like wedding attire.
00:15:29.148 --> 00:15:34.847
So, because he knows that those people exist that want that comfort, you know?
00:15:35.207 --> 00:15:35.567
Mm-hmm.
00:15:35.898 --> 00:15:43.457
And I think part of the problem is that people don't have the confidence to wear whatever they want because the world is the world, right?
00:15:43.878 --> 00:15:47.148
And so part of the job is, is finding.
00:15:47.807 --> 00:16:00.798
Creative solutions to wedding attire, but part of the job is also trying to uplift and empower people to be like, you can wear whatever you want, it's your day, but also you should wear whatever you want on every other day anyways.
00:16:00.857 --> 00:16:07.577
And like kind of empowering people to be more themselves and just to be more them centric, which is.
00:16:08.493 --> 00:16:14.972
I don't know, sounds like a hot take, but it's not, uh, to take up more space, especially on your wedding day.
00:16:14.972 --> 00:16:15.393
It's your day.
00:16:15.962 --> 00:16:29.773
So it's a little bit of a, it's a little bit of like helping people find these resources and helping people think about the fashion industry, but also just like really empowering people to be themselves and to reclaim that day for themselves.
00:16:32.143 --> 00:16:32.712
Yeah.
00:16:33.192 --> 00:16:33.913
Oh my gosh.
00:16:33.913 --> 00:16:44.712
You, I think you just like blew my mind with like talking about like the comparison of how the standards are totally different for something like a red carpet versus a wedding.
00:16:44.712 --> 00:16:44.773
Yeah.
00:16:44.923 --> 00:16:51.732
Like I've literally never thought about it, but like that is so true and it's like, yeah, you see a lot more.
00:16:53.067 --> 00:16:58.768
People wearing things they wouldn't normally or dresses or suits, whatever, like, yeah.
00:16:58.857 --> 00:17:00.177
That is so interesting.
00:17:00.357 --> 00:17:10.408
I also think what you said about like empowering people to feel more themselves and what feels, you know, comfortable and like them is so accurate.
00:17:10.458 --> 00:17:14.728
And also it brings to mind, I just did a recent episode on how like.
00:17:15.538 --> 00:17:19.583
Trends like as a whole can also feel like very straight and heteronormative.
00:17:19.923 --> 00:17:20.343
Mm-hmm.
00:17:20.482 --> 00:17:29.337
And how sometimes it can be tough as a queer person to like go against it, right?
00:17:29.337 --> 00:17:33.688
Because then you have to like put more energy and you have to like explain yourself.
00:17:33.688 --> 00:17:35.097
You have to like do all these things.
00:17:35.097 --> 00:17:41.818
So I guess I'm curious if you have any like, tips for folks on kind of navigating that when it comes to what they're wearing.
00:17:42.568 --> 00:17:58.398
I think that is a much bigger question than I'm able to solve because that is like, uh, to give you an example, I, I uninvited my parents to my wedding and I changed what I wanted to wear after I uninvited them.
00:17:58.908 --> 00:18:07.278
Not because I really cared what they thought, but like subconsciously in the back of my head I was like, I just don't want to like.
00:18:07.773 --> 00:18:13.323
Push the label and make problems and create situations and like put more effort in.
00:18:13.803 --> 00:18:16.923
I don't want to make it more than I needed to be.
00:18:17.013 --> 00:18:24.093
And so because my parents are just like not people who are fully supportive in my life, and so I didn't want them at my wedding, but that's not the moral of the story.
00:18:24.093 --> 00:18:26.223
The moral of the story is when you.
00:18:26.943 --> 00:18:43.533
Take those like pieces out of your wedding that are not fully supportive or not fully you, it actually changes like the way you look at attire and the way that you look at it in terms of a form of self-expression.
00:18:44.073 --> 00:18:48.093
Because if people are limiting who you are, you're not gonna wanna express yourself.
00:18:48.763 --> 00:18:52.333
And so I think that that's like a bigger question where it's like.
00:18:53.308 --> 00:19:00.358
Yeah, you don't wanna have to explain yourself or step on toes, but I like firmly believe that you just shouldn't be inviting those people in the first place.
00:19:00.748 --> 00:19:00.838
Hmm.
00:19:00.868 --> 00:19:07.018
If they're gonna ruffle feathers by not inviting people to your wedding, you might as well do it before your wedding.
00:19:07.018 --> 00:19:11.098
Then on the day of when they start, like quibbling about what you're wearing.
00:19:11.458 --> 00:19:18.418
Or if you start, go turning inward because, uh, you're like embarrassed or you're not fully feeling yourself, like.
00:19:18.928 --> 00:19:19.948
It's your day.
00:19:19.978 --> 00:19:25.168
It is also the like most formal event, biggest event of your life.
00:19:25.168 --> 00:19:29.518
Because most people don't go to the MET Gala or the red carpet or a celebrity whatever, right?
00:19:29.788 --> 00:19:29.878
Mm-hmm.
00:19:30.568 --> 00:19:33.508
That this is, this is your day.
00:19:33.838 --> 00:19:36.358
It's not, I don't believe that it's the best day of your life.
00:19:36.358 --> 00:19:37.558
I'm not that kind of person.
00:19:37.658 --> 00:19:42.308
But it could be, and it, you should treat it as a very big occasion.
00:19:42.308 --> 00:19:43.238
It is a big deal.
00:19:43.808 --> 00:19:47.828
I just think that everyone deserves to like feel themselves and be themselves.
00:19:48.398 --> 00:20:02.438
And so yeah, it's like hard to find wedding attire, but I also just feel like don't take on the responsibility of providing for those people that take away from who you are.
00:20:03.308 --> 00:20:14.588
On your wedding day, which is, I said, it's a much bigger problem than I'm here to solve, but I just, I really, really believe that like you can't fully be yourself if there are people holding you back.
00:20:15.218 --> 00:20:15.638
Mm-hmm.
00:20:17.048 --> 00:20:17.648
Yeah.
00:20:18.728 --> 00:20:19.238
Yeah.
00:20:19.298 --> 00:20:20.378
That's so true.
00:20:20.828 --> 00:20:30.218
Almost kind of like it's up to each individual person and then together as a couple to kind of decide like what.
00:20:30.953 --> 00:20:32.423
Their capacity is.
00:20:32.428 --> 00:20:32.678
Mm-hmm.
00:20:32.683 --> 00:20:42.943
Like, I don't know, something I feel like I'm thinking is, you're like doing a wedding tour and the person's like, oh, it's two brides, or something like that.
00:20:42.943 --> 00:20:44.443
Like, of course we're inclusive.
00:20:44.473 --> 00:20:45.913
Can't wait to see your dresses.
00:20:45.913 --> 00:20:50.473
You know, like just things like that where people are almost like, mm-hmm.
00:20:50.503 --> 00:20:50.863
Okay.
00:20:50.863 --> 00:20:56.743
Is it more important to me to like, you know, save my energy for something else?
00:20:56.743 --> 00:20:59.113
Or does it feel more important to just kind of be like.
00:21:00.078 --> 00:21:01.488
Just easier to do this.
00:21:01.488 --> 00:21:03.108
Like, yeah.
00:21:03.228 --> 00:21:10.278
So when I, when I got engaged, everyone was like, so, uh, are you wearing a dress or pants?
00:21:10.308 --> 00:21:19.818
And I'm like, does me getting engaged to a woman that I've been dating for seven years change my gender identity or expression at all?
00:21:20.328 --> 00:21:22.998
Like, no, it should not, it should not.
00:21:22.998 --> 00:21:23.328
Like.
00:21:24.298 --> 00:21:28.648
But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, wow, well, I really should just fucking be myself.
00:21:28.918 --> 00:21:29.398
You know?
00:21:29.728 --> 00:21:40.438
I like why it shouldn't change my gender identity, but, but also if I'm not expressing myself who I am at that time, when why not?
00:21:40.708 --> 00:21:41.428
You know what I mean?
00:21:42.168 --> 00:21:46.308
Uh, weddings are gonna ruffle feathers no matter what, even if you do everything right.
00:21:46.368 --> 00:21:47.208
Uh, quote unquote.
00:21:47.208 --> 00:21:47.568
Right.
00:21:47.898 --> 00:21:51.738
Uh, weddings are gonna ruffle feathers even when you're as inclusive as you can.
00:21:51.738 --> 00:21:57.238
Even if you're trying to be as accommodating to everyone as you can.
00:21:57.268 --> 00:22:00.568
Even if you're trying to invite the people you don't wanna invite.
00:22:01.018 --> 00:22:03.058
You're gonna ruffle feathers no matter what.
00:22:03.408 --> 00:22:11.028
Because for some reason people have expectations and when expectations are, are not met, people react really differently.
00:22:11.388 --> 00:22:19.158
And it's really challenging to see the ups and downs of weddings because weddings are funerals, like weddings are.
00:22:19.158 --> 00:22:21.438
As much grieving as it is.
00:22:21.443 --> 00:22:22.193
Celebrating.
00:22:22.193 --> 00:22:28.463
Like weddings are really fucking challenging sometimes because you take a lot of emotional baggage with you.
00:22:28.763 --> 00:22:33.893
And I just, I, your wedding's gonna be about you.
00:22:33.893 --> 00:22:37.943
If you're gonna have a wedding, you might as well make it you, you know?
00:22:38.453 --> 00:22:40.433
You shouldn't hold a wedding for someone else, you know?
00:22:41.843 --> 00:22:42.143
Yeah.
00:22:42.369 --> 00:22:49.604
I love kind of what you called out earlier too, that whatever combination of things that people wanna wear at their wedding are like.
00:22:50.724 --> 00:22:52.614
Great and totally acceptable.
00:22:52.614 --> 00:23:03.114
And so I was thinking it could be interesting just to see if you like, had any ideas or things you wanted to share kind of for several different combos.
00:23:03.114 --> 00:23:13.554
So like, I don't know, I'm even thinking, I've heard people say things like, oh, if there are two people wearing dresses, like you should be mindful of.
00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:22.479
The, like, shades of light so that they're not like making one, I don't know, just like anything kind of like that, that comes to mind.
00:23:22.689 --> 00:23:29.139
I personal preference, if you're both wearing dresses, just don't make it the same neckline.
00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:36.069
It can be the same silhouette, but I just sometimes think if you have the same neckline, it looks really, really like twins.
00:23:36.389 --> 00:23:43.079
I was thinking about this recently because I have a client couple, so two people who are getting married and I'm styling them both.
00:23:43.469 --> 00:23:47.789
And I was wondering, even though they have different inspiration for what they wanna wear.
00:23:48.104 --> 00:23:52.604
I was wondering if they should be going to the same designer, because they're both looking for a custom outfit.
00:23:52.664 --> 00:23:52.934
Right.
00:23:53.684 --> 00:24:01.994
And the, the pros and cons of that would be like, if you're going to the same designer, obviously you're going to look very unified.
00:24:01.994 --> 00:24:03.764
You're gonna look like a com.
00:24:03.854 --> 00:24:06.374
Like, like it was all well thought out.
00:24:06.524 --> 00:24:09.614
It's gonna be a lot harder to coordinate something if it's two different designers.
00:24:10.153 --> 00:24:11.954
However you kind of.
00:24:12.884 --> 00:24:15.314
Take away someone's of Indi Individuality.
00:24:15.314 --> 00:24:19.094
When you pick a designer that aligns with one person and out the other.
00:24:19.184 --> 00:24:22.964
So if they both align, that's great, but you don't wanna take away that individuality.
00:24:22.964 --> 00:24:33.194
So my point in saying this is I, if you are both like really into a high neckline, then wear the freaking high neckline, you know?
00:24:33.194 --> 00:24:36.794
But I just really think that sometimes people don't.
00:24:37.334 --> 00:24:40.484
Dig deep enough to ask themselves like, what really feels like me?
00:24:40.484 --> 00:24:49.574
They kind of default to things that they're used to and or they expect, uh, that people want them to wear, you know, something like that.
00:24:49.574 --> 00:24:53.954
And I just think people kind of get stuck especially, uh, in like.
00:24:54.809 --> 00:24:59.999
Relationships where people identify the same people kind of share personalities at a certain point.
00:25:00.059 --> 00:25:04.619
And so it's not uncommon to pick a similar dress if you're both wearing dresses.
00:25:05.069 --> 00:25:08.369
So I don't have any tips for like matching colors.
00:25:08.369 --> 00:25:18.359
Obviously, like if you wear champagne dress in a pure snow white dress, that contrast might look a little interesting and not have the same bridal effect as it normally would.
00:25:19.109 --> 00:25:21.899
Also, if you're gonna be happy wearing that, just fucking wear it.
00:25:21.929 --> 00:25:22.709
You know what I mean?
00:25:22.739 --> 00:25:33.869
I just, I really believe that like, if you're in touch with, with, uh, personal style and you're in touch with what you love and expressing yourself through fashion, you literally can't go wrong.
00:25:33.929 --> 00:25:35.099
You really can't go wrong.
00:25:35.999 --> 00:25:36.028
Mm.
00:25:36.719 --> 00:25:37.199
Yeah.
00:25:37.859 --> 00:25:38.219
Yeah.
00:25:38.309 --> 00:25:38.939
Love that.
00:25:40.169 --> 00:25:40.469
Yeah.
00:25:40.469 --> 00:25:44.229
What about like things that I.
00:25:45.129 --> 00:25:51.129
You like, loved or really enjoyed seeing if like two people are wearing suits or there's one of these?
00:25:51.179 --> 00:25:59.909
I, what I really actually love to see is just when people think really creatively about it is like, I think.
00:26:00.644 --> 00:26:15.974
Like the future of bridal fashion, in my opinion, is gonna be like jackets, boleros capes, like those types of things because it's a gender neutral like garment like an overskirt can be over pants.
00:26:15.974 --> 00:26:18.374
It doesn't have to be over another dress, you know?
00:26:18.724 --> 00:26:25.564
I think there's a, and a lot of people want the drama of a dress, but not the femininity of a dress.
00:26:25.894 --> 00:26:26.794
And so I think like.
00:26:27.409 --> 00:26:34.459
The, the, the creative ways to think about it's how do you incorporate the drama of the, of a train, of a dress without having a dress?
00:26:34.729 --> 00:26:37.129
Like how do you get a train without having a dress?
00:26:37.309 --> 00:26:38.119
Is it a cape?
00:26:38.119 --> 00:26:39.079
Is it an overskirt?
00:26:39.109 --> 00:26:44.449
Is it, uh, you know, uh, really long sleeves?
00:26:44.479 --> 00:26:49.339
You know how, uh, like long, 70 sleeves and I just.
00:26:49.744 --> 00:27:02.494
I think like thinking creatively is the best way to do it because I think a lot of people play it safe and do what they think they should be doing, or they worry too much about shades of white or they worry too much about complimenting each other.
00:27:02.494 --> 00:27:10.024
When I really think people should turn inward and just think about what makes themselves happy, and then tell a story with that and what your partner's wearing.
00:27:10.484 --> 00:27:15.284
I see a lot of celebrities that really don't dress the as like.
00:27:17.549 --> 00:27:20.639
They don't go off, they don't like dress as well as they should at their wedding.
00:27:20.669 --> 00:27:25.229
And I, I don't know what it is, but they are like way more closed off.
00:27:25.229 --> 00:27:30.239
And I just feel like there's a lot of people who don't express themselves enough at their wedding.
00:27:30.679 --> 00:27:33.079
And so I would just really encourage everyone to like, I.
00:27:34.339 --> 00:27:45.649
Explore, do a lot of inspiration, like looking at a lot of inspiration and thinking about what is out there because there's a lot of possibilities and it's not just like suit and dress.
00:27:45.649 --> 00:27:54.339
So, you can play with color, you can play with texture, you can play with the fabrics, you can play with silhouettes and pants and skirts and anything.
00:27:54.389 --> 00:27:58.079
Jackets and corsets and anything, you can literally play with it all.
00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:01.769
So I think that's, it's really fun when people get creative.
00:28:02.609 --> 00:28:04.889
I wouldn't worry too much about it if it feels like you.
00:28:04.919 --> 00:28:05.369
It's good.
00:28:06.839 --> 00:28:07.259
Yeah.
00:28:08.849 --> 00:28:21.269
Are there some things that like you have like seen recently or see like popping up that are like, just super fun and interesting in terms of.
00:28:22.634 --> 00:28:23.234
Styling.
00:28:23.534 --> 00:28:31.484
I think something that's really interesting is, well, there's, there's more brands doing, having inclusive styling.
00:28:31.974 --> 00:28:35.334
When I say inclusive styling, I mean they're incorporating a little bit more of pants.
00:28:35.724 --> 00:28:41.184
Uh, they aren't necessarily being inclusive in their representation of people wearing those clothes, but it's fine.
00:28:41.694 --> 00:28:46.574
Uh, but I wanted to note that, I think the more fun things.
00:28:47.624 --> 00:28:51.254
And the new shift that we're seeing is like for the wedding party.
00:28:51.314 --> 00:28:55.274
And'cause I think that's also really hard and that's something that I do sometimes as well.
00:28:55.274 --> 00:28:58.934
And so I wanna talk about it because people are in a wedding party way more than they're getting married.
00:28:59.444 --> 00:29:13.964
And it's hard in a wedding party when everyone wants to be identical because if you're not a dress girl and everyone's wearing a dress and everyone's wearing an identical dress on top of it, you're really gonna stick out and you're trying not to stick out in a wedding party usually.
00:29:14.354 --> 00:29:14.834
And.
00:29:15.449 --> 00:29:16.739
So that gets really challenging.
00:29:16.739 --> 00:29:25.559
So I would really encourage anyone who's going to get married to not put too many rules around what people are wearing.
00:29:26.129 --> 00:29:34.609
Uh, leave it a little bit open-ended if you wanna dictate colors, dictate colors but really let people experiment with what they find.
00:29:35.419 --> 00:29:38.419
What they find formal and like great.
00:29:38.419 --> 00:29:41.209
And like try to coordinate it after the fact.
00:29:41.549 --> 00:29:46.528
Let your wedding party wear capes and vests and pants and whatever.
00:29:46.749 --> 00:29:56.229
Because I think a wedding party is an archaic like understanding of like weddings anyways, that there are only girls on the girls side and boys on the boys side.
00:29:56.229 --> 00:29:58.304
It's kind of weird and not really modern.
00:29:59.064 --> 00:30:00.294
And not really the case anymore.
00:30:00.294 --> 00:30:22.284
So I don't know why bridal parties are still a thing, but I think that if you're someone who's having a wedding, if you're not putting the pressure on queer people to do something different when everyone else is doing what the traditional norm is, really ostracizes queer people further.
00:30:22.584 --> 00:30:27.864
So I just like would really encourage anyone who's like getting married soon to think about in their wedding party.
00:30:28.359 --> 00:30:32.439
To encourage more than just the queer people to think outside the box.
00:30:32.489 --> 00:30:35.039
Because I think that would really, really change the game.
00:30:35.549 --> 00:30:42.009
Some things that people do that I think do think outside the box that could be like gender fluid things are I.
00:30:42.403 --> 00:30:50.054
Scarves or like an ascot, you know, like something around your neck that's not necessarily a formal like men traditional men's tie.
00:30:50.464 --> 00:30:52.774
Or like a bolo tie.
00:30:52.774 --> 00:30:55.534
Those are very, I would see those are gender neutral.
00:30:55.614 --> 00:30:56.574
Stuff around your neck.
00:30:56.604 --> 00:30:58.403
Capes are definitely gender neutral.
00:30:58.634 --> 00:31:03.554
I think the style of the cape is like sometimes feminine and sometimes max masculine, but I think.
00:31:04.214 --> 00:31:10.514
Tapes can be that gender neutral and also monochrome outfits are always formal no matter what.
00:31:10.514 --> 00:31:13.544
So I think that's like a gender neutral way to do like a wedding party.
00:31:13.994 --> 00:31:15.824
As long as your like outfits matching.
00:31:15.824 --> 00:31:17.384
If it's separate, it's fine, you know?
00:31:17.725 --> 00:31:18.145
Wow.
00:31:18.415 --> 00:31:21.325
I love even just being able to ask that question.
00:31:21.805 --> 00:31:22.345
How did you say it?
00:31:22.345 --> 00:31:25.345
Like how do you view formal, like that's so.
00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:26.890
I don't know.
00:31:26.890 --> 00:31:33.250
I, I, it's like something I would never think about, but like even just being asked that and being like, oh yeah, what do I think?
00:31:33.250 --> 00:31:37.690
Like, that's such a good way to kind of kick things off.
00:31:37.690 --> 00:31:39.220
So, yeah.
00:31:39.400 --> 00:31:40.120
I love that.
00:31:40.440 --> 00:31:48.930
So kind of like, as we start wrapping up, for folks listening who are like, yes, Katie, you got me.
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:49.710
I love this.
00:31:49.710 --> 00:31:52.140
Like, I'm, I really wanna try something different.
00:31:52.530 --> 00:31:56.280
I like wanna, you know, maybe get outside of my comfort zone.
00:31:56.280 --> 00:31:58.650
But like, there's so many options, like mm-hmm.
00:31:59.280 --> 00:32:02.700
How do you usually tell people to kind of start.
00:32:03.045 --> 00:32:06.375
Like narrowing in, like, am I leaning more towards pants?
00:32:06.375 --> 00:32:09.285
Am I leaning more towards a dress, but a different neckline?
00:32:09.285 --> 00:32:11.595
Like how does, how do you, how does one even do that?
00:32:13.575 --> 00:32:16.845
I think there's a lot less options than you think.
00:32:17.235 --> 00:32:20.115
Mostly for gender fluid attire.
00:32:20.115 --> 00:32:29.955
Like I said, there's no, there's no prescribed process for finding gender fluid wetting attire like there is for a traditional fem like dress or a traditional mask.
00:32:30.645 --> 00:32:32.025
Tuck suit, what have you.
00:32:32.925 --> 00:32:36.675
And so things start to pile on top of each other.
00:32:36.675 --> 00:32:43.005
The limitations start to add up because there's like a budget limitation, which really eliminates a lot of options.
00:32:43.335 --> 00:32:58.545
Uh, there's a size limitation because when you're dealing with smaller budgets, your odds are you're not dealing with a custom measurement situation, which means like you're stuck to the standard measurements of the brand, which are.
00:32:59.040 --> 00:33:00.990
Most of the time, not inclusive.
00:33:01.800 --> 00:33:04.860
And then there's the whole, well, what color do you wanna wear?
00:33:04.890 --> 00:33:12.000
You know, that's when you, I mean, then there's also like, are you, are you disabled where you have to have a certain type of attire?
00:33:12.300 --> 00:33:12.690
You know?
00:33:12.970 --> 00:33:22.870
And like you get to a point where once you finally get to choose what you're wearing, you are at a very much smaller like pool of options.
00:33:23.635 --> 00:33:49.505
So I find it is actually really, really easy to narrow down what you're gonna wear because once you start having, once you start getting into the field of this is the universe of what I can choose from and have personal preferences from based upon all the things I can't control I think things start to make a little bit more sense, such as like, I want a cape, but all the capes are$4,000 and my budget is$2,000.
00:33:49.835 --> 00:33:51.875
Like, then you might be stuck with.
00:33:52.265 --> 00:34:02.165
Maybe we have to find one on Etsy or maybe we have to like find one resale and then you might have to like give on color because it's not necessarily, it's something that's in your budget, you know?
00:34:02.735 --> 00:34:07.325
And it's really just problem solving until you can find something that fits the bill.
00:34:07.325 --> 00:34:14.389
And I think that it's really tragic that there are not more options out there, because I think typical people, traditional people.
00:34:15.500 --> 00:34:18.320
Even the privileged people have have options.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:20.059
They have all the options in the world.
00:34:20.420 --> 00:34:32.210
And so I just, I don't think there's, there's that much out there that is going to fit all of the intersections of those limitations.
00:34:32.780 --> 00:34:34.099
Oftentimes it's like.
00:34:34.730 --> 00:34:40.909
How do you maximize the amount of options that you have with all the limitations that you have And like, that's what I do, right?
00:34:40.909 --> 00:34:49.820
Like that's what I do, is I'm here to like give you all the resources to show you that there are more options so that you don't have to default to address when you don't feel comfortable wearing one.
00:34:50.030 --> 00:34:53.210
Or you don't have to default to a suit when you want something a little bit more feminine.
00:34:53.260 --> 00:34:53.950
That's what I do.
00:34:53.950 --> 00:34:55.210
I mean, I literally just.
00:34:56.515 --> 00:35:03.605
Research and research and research and try to find more and more and more in multiple different kinds of budgets so that people can have more options.
00:35:03.605 --> 00:35:05.375
Like, that's pretty much all I do.
00:35:05.750 --> 00:35:22.610
To answer your question, like if you had all the money in the world and you were optimally the size that people normally have and you didn't have any like disability that limited what kind of clothes that you could wear, what have you, right?
00:35:22.700 --> 00:35:24.440
And you had all the options in the world.
00:35:25.325 --> 00:35:39.155
I think the best place to start for finding what you wanna wear is think about what you really find joy in, and not necessarily what kind of fashion do you find joy in, because I don't think a lot of people know the answer to that question.
00:35:39.525 --> 00:35:44.385
But like I, for example, find joy in like bright colors.
00:35:45.204 --> 00:35:51.619
But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna be like wearing bright colors at the wedding because I don't know, I wanna wear white.
00:35:52.474 --> 00:35:57.875
But my point is to start with the things that you really find inspirational, that you find joy in.
00:35:57.875 --> 00:36:08.164
I have a client who fi who, whose inspiration board is the intersection between Megan Rapino and David Bowie, and it's awesome.
00:36:08.375 --> 00:36:13.805
And like that Venn diagram like creating like.
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:19.849
The structure and the geometry and the, the, the silhouette of David Bowie.
00:36:20.150 --> 00:36:25.309
But adding onto like the, the style of Megan Rapinoe is actually so easy.
00:36:25.309 --> 00:36:28.730
It is so clear in my brain what that looks like.
00:36:29.070 --> 00:36:35.640
And that is like one of the easiest inspo words I've ever had to put together because somebody said, I'm inspired by these two things, which is.
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:41.220
David Bowie and the structure of their attire and Meghan Rapinoe style.
00:36:41.340 --> 00:36:49.559
Granted, those are things directly related to fashion, but I also had someone give me a mood board that had like graphic design and paintings on it.
00:36:50.099 --> 00:36:57.150
That has nothing to do with fashion, but when you're conveying an emotion, there's a way to translate that into attire, and I think that's.
00:36:57.644 --> 00:37:07.965
If you have all the options in the world, I think you should probably get a stylist because it would be really challenging to translate what you love into fashion if you're not used to it.
00:37:09.375 --> 00:37:09.735
Yeah.
00:37:11.070 --> 00:37:14.670
So kind of starting out with a Marie Kondo approach, like does it bring joy?
00:37:15.630 --> 00:37:16.619
Oh, 100%.
00:37:16.680 --> 00:37:17.010
Yeah.
00:37:17.190 --> 00:37:23.519
I mean that, I think that is how you should approach everyday fashion anyways is like what really brings you joy?
00:37:24.010 --> 00:37:27.760
What doesn't push your, what pushes the boundaries without pushing your limits, you know?
00:37:28.325 --> 00:37:35.255
You don't wanna overstep your own boundaries, but you also wanna push yourself to like be challenged in your every day and like create new things.
00:37:36.125 --> 00:37:39.515
Really return to like the art, the things that moves, move you, you know?
00:37:40.190 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah.
00:37:42.035 --> 00:37:42.095
Yeah.
00:37:42.715 --> 00:37:43.555
Absolutely.
00:37:43.825 --> 00:37:51.285
Well, so on that note I will be sure to share all of your information in the show notes, but how can people work with you?
00:37:51.285 --> 00:37:52.755
Where can people find you?
00:37:53.184 --> 00:38:00.625
I am on TikTok and Instagram at Portrait of a Bride on Fire and.
00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:10.300
The link in my bio will have my other relevant links, which will lead you to my website, my contact form, all the different things.
00:38:10.670 --> 00:38:22.099
But I just, I, uh, and I wanna say that having a, working with a stylist one-on-one is not the only thing that I offer because that's like obviously a really challenging thing to afford for most people.
00:38:22.579 --> 00:38:28.460
I really do work with other people's budgets and I can tailor a service to be like.
00:38:28.954 --> 00:38:32.015
Into your budget and make it work, make sense for you?
00:38:32.015 --> 00:38:37.985
Because I genuinely think that like you should not exclude people just'cause they can't afford your services.
00:38:38.315 --> 00:38:38.585
No.
00:38:38.585 --> 00:38:43.055
It's like, how do I think creatively about creating a service so that it works for both of us?
00:38:43.055 --> 00:38:49.265
Like I would, I'm really open to working with people, so if people, my prices are on my website, but again, that's just like.
00:38:49.450 --> 00:38:54.099
With one-on-one work that's not with tailored packages for making it work for other people.
00:38:54.099 --> 00:38:58.010
So, I just wanna remind people of that and.
00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:10.950
Also just tag me in anything you want me to see, because I would love to see your queer outfits and like your Met gala moments, and that would really bring me joy, so, oh, I love that.
00:39:11.190 --> 00:39:12.869
Oh my gosh, yes.
00:39:12.869 --> 00:39:13.800
Absolutely.
00:39:14.230 --> 00:39:16.450
Well thank you so, so much.
00:39:16.539 --> 00:39:19.510
It has been so fun chatting with you.
