Lace: Chapters 60-63

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While we do have a blanket warning on the show
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about graphic and explicit content, we want to note that
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this book specifically contains subject matter around abortion, sexual assault,
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power dynamics, and the joys and unfortunate horrors of coming
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of age. Listener discretion is extra advised. Passages contains graphic
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and explicit sexual content. Listener discretion is advised.
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Welcome, Oh yeah, Welcome to Passages.
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Passages which one of you bitches is my mother.
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To find the answers, Lily will be taken to worlds
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of horny excess, luxury, power, op a lands. Don't you
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mean opulence?
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I don't, Aristocrats, magnates, and so mice.
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Six hundred pages, five continents and four life stories of
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women as strong, elegant and full of.
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Holes as Place.
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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, eleven.
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To Part eleven.
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Lily post Abdullah falls in love with Simon. He encourages
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her if they're ever going to have a future together,
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she has to know where the fuck she comes from.
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She hires a private detective, which she could have done.
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A million years ago.
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Made it way easier, and the detective narrows it down
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to five young women.
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Five I have young women before we.
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Know, one using an alias named Emily Posts. So maybe
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there wasn't ever a fifth girl. Maybe Emily Post was
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there collective alias we don't know, or.
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A fifth dimensional entity that they all inhabit mystically once
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every burning of the Moon's side.
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So yeah, basically it was the end of the Part
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eleven was Lily being like, well, they're really smart and
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they're really secretive, so they're not going to talk to
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a detective there. And if I only talk to one
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person at a time, one is gonna tell the rest
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and they're all gonna button up and not say anything.
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So I have to get them with the element of surprise,
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and that's how we end up. I'm assuming we're caught
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up now with this.
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We are in between Part eleven and twelve. Is real
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the opening, okay, because now the bomb has dropped. She
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has just yelled into the room and we get this
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outside the trees Central Park, rustled in a warm October breeze.
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So she's just yelled at me.
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Which one of you bitches is my mother?
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You know?
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Central Park?
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Central Park. I know who the mom is. By the way,
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I know we're doing this. Okay, everybody, you don't mind
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waiting a little bit longer.
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Which one of you bitches is my mother? Window sounds?
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Does it?
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Immediately? Pagan just goes, it's me.
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Amazing, fucking amazing.
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It's me that'd be fuck, It's like it's me.
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That would also be fucking incredible and more out of character,
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but definitely still amazing. Uh. Inside the hushed, creamy opulence
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of the Pierre suite, Lily harshly repeated her question, which
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one of you bitches is my manner? Pagan, Judy, and
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Maxine had regained their composure after the surprise of seeing
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each other. Kate, however, standing just inside the door that
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led from the hall to the suite, was still too
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astonished to understand what was happening. She couldn't connect the
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world famous Lily standing before her in a white silk
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gown to the remote incident in Switzerland, or that little
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girl who had been killed while trying to escape from
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Hungary in nineteen fifty six.
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She was told she'd been killed.
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They all thought she was dead. That's right, they all
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thought she was dead. Lily tried again, which one of
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you bitches is Emily post?
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Oh my god, so.
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She's dropping that she fucking I know I have details.
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I have receipts. Bitch, I fucking came with my receipts.
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This time, Maxine flashed a quick look at Pagan. None
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of the three looked at Judy. Lily noticed. She's like,
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they're looking at eyes, and they're like, who did it?
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Who fuck?
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Not looking at Judy? Oh my god. If it's Judy,
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I don't know who it is.
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Unless you can really catch them off guard, they'll okay,
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this is flashing back to her talking to Simon. Unless
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you could really catch them off guard, they'll either deny
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it completely or say it's Judy. Simon had prophesied. She's
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the only one who isn't married. She's the only one
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who wouldn't have to explain anything to a husband. She's
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the one who wouldn't have to have her life complicated
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by the sudden addition of an adult daughter who's a celebrity.
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Lily took two steps toward the apricott to velvet couch,
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clenched her fists. I know it's and hissed, which one
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of you had a baby delivered by doctor Jeneste. She
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spun around to Kate, still standing by the door in
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her very smart mulberry suit. The memory of that vicious
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article that Kate had written about her flashed to cross
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her mind. Also, everyone, the look on Amanda's face is
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absolutely fucking delicious.
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I'm because they're all having the realization that this could
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because they also know that Lily hates them and the
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terrible thing went down.
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That she had.
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Thought she was dead, this little little girl spoiler was very,
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very impactful on their lives. And uh, they thought she
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was dead. So she's come, she's resurrected. Turns out it's
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it's chick. We've been fighting with off and on over
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the decades. And Megan's like, why what? Why is everyone?
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So?
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Why am i here?
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Her husband's just a bucket of Vagina's researcher.
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Yeah, why is everyone with a horriashion? I can't fuck
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my husband? That's what I'm mad about. Who is this woman?
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They never even told Pagan about it? So she turns
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on Kate. Was it you who had the baby? Kate's
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eyes slid sideways as she looked toward the seated group.
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Thinking fast, she tried to counter Lily's verbal attack with
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an equally aggressive one. Why have you brought us here?
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What are you trying to do. What's your game?
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Wasn't it pretty clear why she's brought you here?
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What makes you think one of us is your mother?
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Because I know one of you is my mother. I
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know that one of you had a baby born on
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October fifteenth, nineteen forty nine. Lily swiftly, swiftly twisted around
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to Maxine. Was it you? Did you have a baby
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at the hospital at Chotel de Xcent Did you farm
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me out to Angelina Dassin. The coffee cup rattled slightly
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in Maxine's hand, and a few drops spilled on her
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pale blue silk dress, but her face remained impassive, and
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she said, nessy, she was not going to be bulldozed
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into blurting out whatever Lily wanted to hear. Besides, the
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whole thing was impossible that poor child had been killed.
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There had been an official proof, that letter from the
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Swiss Consulate.
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That's not proof.
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No body, no crime bit. How dare this fornicate bully them?
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How dare this fornicating bitch bully them? No, this infamous
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gold digger, this seducer of children, could not possibly be
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that little waif whom they had left with Angelina is Lily,
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your real name, Pagan suddenly asked, After all Lily had
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mentioned Emily Post, how could she possibly know about Emily?
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Her real name is Elizabeth. It was what's his face?
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Who called her Lily? Her dad?
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Could she possibly know about Emily Post? She's got the
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correct date, the correct place, and a foster mother's correct name. Yeah,
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I guess, not deniable. Yep, No, my real name is Elizabeth,
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but Felix always called me Lily. Felix was married to
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my foster mother, and it was he who saved me
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from the soldiers in Hungary, who threw me over the
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barbed wire fence and told me to run. I know,
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I know, by the way, I can't. I recommend so
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highly getting a bestie and taking turns reading a scandalous
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like twisty mystery.
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Books, like having a weekly book gossip. It is different
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from a book club because you only have to read
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half the book.
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You only read half the book, so you have further.
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Accountability because if you don't read the other person so secrets.
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And the other thing that's really fun about it is
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that it becomes like having a hardcore gossip. Sessh guess what?
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So we have these five crazy, weird, rich friends, and
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we know all their tea and guess what they got
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up to this week. It's honestly, it's better than a
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better than a.
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House when the book is really good, that's yes, but.
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It's absolutely better than a Housewives. It's not How dare
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you say this show isn't as good as a Housewives?
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I said, it's not better than a Housewives?
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A sum yeah, you would never homeless?
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H what happened to you? Then? Pagan asked gently. I
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was taken to a refugee camp in Austria, then on
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a train to Paris, where I was adopted. I don't
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really remember much about it. I was ill and I
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was only seven at the time. Lily did so hope
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it was Pagan. She desperately didn't want to discover her
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mother was Maxi and Alexandro's mother. The possibility that she
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had committed incest was too painful.
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But you haven't even asked about Wait, did you find
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out where her dad is?
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Lily moved swiftly towards Pagan and crouched down, grasping the
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arm of the apricot couch as yearning as she looked
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up into Pagan's face and murmured in a voice that
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trembled with hope. Are you my real mother? Pagan looked
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desperately at the other three women in the room. Lily
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had a right to be told, Yeah she did. Couldn't
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the other see? She probably was little Elizabeth. Pagan looked
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down into Lily's upturned face. All the sophistication and poise
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had vanished. Lily suddenly looked eager, trusting, and very vulnerable.
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Then suddenly Judy spoke, No, Pagan, isn't your mother? I am?
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You know what?
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Okay, Okay, it's Judy. Okay, it's Judy, Okay, you know what.
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I of course is the one we ruled out the bottom.
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Of our life. Oh, surely.
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It's God, because Dwight was wrong, he says, it's always
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the It's not the one you least expect, it's the
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one you most medium suspect.
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No, no, I was trying to go Dwight from the office.
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Oh fuck, okay, all right, okay, so a made up
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man from the office. Man, you it's strange. It's hold on, Pagan,
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isn't your mother? I am? What page five seventy. I
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wouldn't fuck with you on this.
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I just do you think I'm fucking with you. I
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just need you know sometimes.
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I mean, you just read the thing about how like
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if confronted, they'll say it's Judy's because she's not married.
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Are they lying?
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Did you lie about that? I'd never you made that
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part of I would never do that.
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That would be no. No, I don't think you're lying.
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That would be if I wrote my own segment and
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added it in here. That would be crazy.
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Pagan, isn't your mother?
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I am there, it is. That's where we are. Don't
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read ahead. And because remember how her Remember how Judy
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is our first POV character after the boarding school. Remember
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how I was like, well, I really don't think it
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would be Judy. She didn't think about it at all.
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She pushed it down out of her mind.
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But we're also not inside of her head.
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But we're not inside your third or third party. Yeah,
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and what do we know about Judy? She is very worthholding,
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very withholding, and very focused. All heads turned toward Judy.
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I had a baby girl and chataud X on that date.
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If you really are that baby, Lily, then I suppose
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I am your mother. Judy felt confused and exhausted. She
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had thought her daughter dead. She had almost pushed her
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baby out of her mind. She fucking was just in denial. Yep,
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Yet now this notorious little prima donna was claiming to
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be that daughter.
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Maybe this was why she couldn't marry say yes to
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what's his face, even though she loved him so much,
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because oh, Judy wasn't married. She didn't have a secret
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that she couldn't keep from a husband. So maybe she
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felt like she couldn't marry him because she couldn't tell
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him her secret. And if she didn't feel comfortable telling
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her secret, then.
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She somebody who don't trust. Yeah, that's something that Lily
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said something earlier.
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To fucking Abdullah.
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Yeah, but it was impossible to think of Lily as
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the gentle little girl whom Judy had cherished in her
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mind and read about in Angelina's letters, which she still
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kept hidden away. Oh my god, they're not fucking with us,
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They're not lying to her. It's fucking Judy. It was Judy.
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Oh shit, fucking by the way, we did not do
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a good job of figuring it.
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No, but Kate would have been the perfect fairy tale.
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But I feel like.
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There could be part of Kate that's really devastated that
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she so desperately wants a child and her best friend
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had one that she quote unquote gave up and then
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never had any children.
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Yeah. So the other girls like stand up for Judy
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and are kind of like, listen, you have to let
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us explain what happened. Don't jump to any conclusions, because
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because she's like, why didn't you keep me? Why did
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you abandon me? Why did you give me away? She
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starts throwing all the like hurt, melodramatic, traumatized accusations, and
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Pagan is like, slow down, slow down, slow on, that's
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not at all what happened. Don't understand what happened.
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Let us explain it to you.
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You thought you were dead. Yeah, and then they go
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they go on to explain and they tell her that
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we were at her wits end. We didn't know what
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to do. Certainly, your mother couldn't take you back to
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America with her. She refused to abandon you, so we
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arranged to have a foster mother until Judy could get
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you a home of your own for you living.
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She was planning to come back.
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That's why she was. And she told Angeline Angelina, don't
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tell her you're the real mother tell her I'm out there,
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because we were talking.
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About like that, maybe don't do that just in case.
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She was ordered to do that by the mother who
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is check. And actually it's all four of them. They're
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all like, they are all pooling their resources, scanning their parents,
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selling their jewelry to pay for the kid because.
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They got the gifts from Abdullah.
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All those things were hacked to like pay for the kid.
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And they all loved this kid and had every intention
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and going back to get her together. Basically, Judy just
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was like, you just need to be an adult. And
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that was and now I can see that's part of
281
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why Judy was so driven those first years. She was
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like work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work,
283
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and she's like don't She's like, don't think about it.
284
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Then the baby and then the baby dead according to
285
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what they were told.
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We're told she was dead.
287
00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:04.759
So she's like one had fought so hard for the
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00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:07.720
dream of getting this kid back that they were shipped
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to a different.
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Character by then, so we didn't see Judy's reaction to that.
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00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:14.759
We saw a different characters reaction to that. It was
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00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:19.960
like Maxine or Maxine. Yeah, so they had they they Angelina.
293
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They knew her. They knew Angelina, They spent time with her.
294
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They like dropped the baby off with her. They made
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00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:27.720
sure she was chill. They fucking gave her money.
296
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:28.839
Oh, I can't do this.
297
00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:33.680
I know, I know this. Dad, hurry, I know, I hurry. So.
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00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:39.039
Stroking Lily's shoulder, Pagan was mildly surprised to find how
299
00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:43.480
maternal she felt towards the tempestuously glamorous creature. Pagan had
300
00:17:43.599 --> 00:17:46.960
felt a twinge of jealousy when the newspapers had started
301
00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:49.880
to report Abdey's love affair with Lily. When she saw
302
00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:52.759
the photograph after photograph of them together, she had to
303
00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:54.519
admit to herself that it was one of the reasons
304
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she wanted to meet Lily to get a good look
305
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at the only European woman Abdy had ever taken.
306
00:17:59.079 --> 00:18:01.480
Yeah, Judy's your mom and by the way, your ex.
307
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And I Yeah, by the way, the one that you
308
00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:06.680
feel the most comfortable with, the one you feel very
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00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:11.559
motherly towards. Yeah, you two are from the same close,
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00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:15.640
have traped through the same garden, let's just.
311
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:17.960
Say, shared the same pole.
312
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You've swung on this side.
313
00:18:21.160 --> 00:18:22.960
You've danced around the same.
314
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Poole, Maxine said gently, if it had happened today, things
315
00:18:25.640 --> 00:18:28.920
would be different. Your mother probably wouldn't have had an abortion,
316
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:33.119
and so they talk about like, you know, you owe
317
00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:35.680
your life to her. You know, she carried you in
318
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:38.599
your body for nine months and the whole time. So
319
00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:40.680
you know, Maxine is definitely the spike.
320
00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:41.640
Little pro life.
321
00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:45.720
Maxine is definitely pro life, and she really want abortion.
322
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:47.599
Not that all of us aren't.
323
00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:49.920
You remember when we were like, this is an anti adoption,
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pro abortion story.
325
00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:53.119
It's absolutely that.
326
00:18:53.319 --> 00:18:55.880
Now we're getting the definitely not that.
327
00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:59.079
Yeah. So by the way, everyone's pro life. Yeah, and
328
00:18:59.160 --> 00:19:02.440
everyone's approached right, it's whether or not you and it's
329
00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:07.839
not and no one's pro abortion. Everyone is, well, yeah,
330
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.279
I know you sure. Actually that's not one hundred percent.
331
00:19:10.519 --> 00:19:13.319
I think it's the right choice and pro But what
332
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:16.880
I mean is like, it's a medical it's a medical procedure.
333
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:20.200
I look at it the very similar like, I'm not pro.
334
00:19:20.079 --> 00:19:21.400
Or p.
335
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:26.759
Yeah exactly, I'm not paring pro.
336
00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:29.039
Medical procedures that will save your life.
337
00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:33.240
Yes, definitely, but but yeah. Lily felt a sudden pang
338
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.799
of guilt as she remembered that she too had been
339
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.440
pregnant when she when she was still a child. But
340
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Lily had gone to an abortionist. She had had the
341
00:19:40.839 --> 00:19:43.079
life scraped out of her body, and until that minute,
342
00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:45.599
she hadn't felt a moment's guilt. So this is very
343
00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:51.240
this is very complicated and women, I cannot ever imagine
344
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:55.359
having these kind of conflicting feelings because.
345
00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:58.319
He's not everyone has those conflicting feelings, right, but it's
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00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.599
not wrong not to have.
347
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:01.559
Them, of course, but many people do, and it must
348
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:05.839
just be very confusing and bewildering. Because she had, she'd
349
00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:08.599
been like, oh I was actually she she did feel
350
00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:11.880
emotions about it, a flood of relief. Lillie could still
351
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:15.920
clearly remember sitting in that cave still can make milky
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00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:18.480
coffee and thinking that her troubles were over. But Judy
353
00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:20.720
had not had an abortion. Judy had had a baby.
354
00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:24.000
So it's just like, it's just such a complicated thing
355
00:20:24.039 --> 00:20:26.359
as all the more reason why everybody needs to say
356
00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:28.799
the fuck out of it. That's all. That's how I feel.
357
00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:32.960
That is where I am at. Uh don't have the
358
00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:36.200
situation ever as a possibility in my life because of
359
00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:39.720
my biology, None of my fucking business. I support women
360
00:20:39.759 --> 00:20:41.799
and whatever they want to do. Stay the fuck out
361
00:20:41.799 --> 00:20:44.839
of it. That's what everyone should do. Stay out of it.
362
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:48.640
None of your business because it's so complicated and you
363
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:49.599
never know what's going on.
364
00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:54.599
Hey, Amanda, yes, would you lack to listen to you
365
00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:57.319
and ad sure?
366
00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:06.119
Okay, So there is such a fucking tinderbox of emotions
367
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:10.960
going on there. Kate apologizes for being like aggressive towards
368
00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:14.960
her or whatever. You mustn't condemn your mother. Try to
369
00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:17.400
admire the decisions she make there. So they're they're they're
370
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:22.440
backing up their girl, and Lily is starting to understand.
371
00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:27.599
She's like, oh, they're humans, they're humans, They've gone through.
372
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:31.480
Shit, and I know this moment that I was even alive.
373
00:21:33.079 --> 00:21:36.920
Okay, but now but now, like you know, Lily is
374
00:21:37.319 --> 00:21:40.400
grasping further. In that case, why didn't you look for
375
00:21:40.440 --> 00:21:44.440
me after the revolution? Cried Lily. She was still resentful
376
00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:47.400
and agitated, though she felt less hurt, she was starting
377
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:50.680
to understand what had happened, starting to lose her resentment.
378
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:56.480
Have they told them that she was dead? Why would
379
00:21:56.480 --> 00:21:57.160
they keep looking?
380
00:21:57.680 --> 00:22:00.720
That's what if you're given an official you know, the
381
00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:03.640
government is probably saying, like I regret to inform you
382
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:04.759
blah blah blah.
383
00:22:04.839 --> 00:22:06.279
Yeah, so I think this is the first time that
384
00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:09.480
they like really get across to her that not only
385
00:22:09.720 --> 00:22:12.160
was that what they were told, but they went and
386
00:22:12.200 --> 00:22:13.160
looked that.
387
00:22:13.319 --> 00:22:15.880
What is so funk that they were all gone.
388
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:18.839
Yeah. Remember when she's like at the refugee camps. The
389
00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:23.359
girls were there, I know this, like this like hits.
390
00:22:23.799 --> 00:22:26.680
The girls were in the camp. They were looking, they
391
00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:29.799
were looking around for Remember all the mishandling of the information.
392
00:22:30.359 --> 00:22:34.480
Remember how the report came under the family had been killed,
393
00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:37.240
and she had said Lily and Elizabeth. There was some
394
00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:40.720
confusion over the name they had been looking at. When
395
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:43.119
they heard she'd gone missing and that the family had
396
00:22:43.160 --> 00:22:46.599
been killed, they came and looked for her for weeks. Yeah,
397
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:48.279
they fucking flew out there.
398
00:22:48.200 --> 00:22:49.720
And they wouldn't know what she looks like.
399
00:22:50.119 --> 00:22:52.920
Remember remember how Maxine disappeared for a week couple of
400
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:55.680
weeks and never explained to her Rosbind what it was,
401
00:22:55.720 --> 00:22:57.799
what the fuck she was doing? She was looking for Lily.
402
00:22:58.079 --> 00:22:59.720
They all went there as a group and were like
403
00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:05.559
looking through refugee camps for her. Judy telephone discerned as
404
00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:09.440
soon as they heard the news, Uh, refugees were pouring in.
405
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:13.759
The weather was terrible. The camps were disorganized, everything was muddled,
406
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:17.440
she shuddered. We visited every single camp, we checked every
407
00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:20.640
single list, We talked to everyone we could, and we
408
00:23:20.759 --> 00:23:24.400
checked every child we saw, but nobody had any news
409
00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:25.519
of Elizabeth Desson.
410
00:23:25.799 --> 00:23:30.400
Why didn't you come look for me? We did, we did.
411
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:32.640
I can't do that.
412
00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:39.279
There's a lot more. Second more, I can't do that.
413
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:42.119
I know and everything they went through and that she
414
00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:43.319
went through, and.
415
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:49.559
If I curely, so much happened off camera that like
416
00:23:49.720 --> 00:23:51.119
I want that both.
417
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:55.559
The gap, the gap between or the gap between part
418
00:23:55.640 --> 00:23:58.680
one and part two or whatever, where's that? There's that
419
00:23:59.319 --> 00:24:00.440
sizeable I'm john.
420
00:24:00.599 --> 00:24:01.839
Oh, it's all of this.
421
00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:03.599
It's all of this, well, not all of.
422
00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:09.599
This, because obviously the she goes missing or she's allegedly killed,
423
00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:13.559
when Maxine's already got two kids at that point. But
424
00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:15.680
holy shit, Okay, keep going.
425
00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:18.079
I need to get to dad. I keep getting rocked.
426
00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:20.119
Every night.
427
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:21.920
It can't be up to so then we have to
428
00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:22.319
be wrong.
429
00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:26.160
We flashed back to the to the border every night.
430
00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:28.319
During their search. At the Austrian border, it had been
431
00:24:28.319 --> 00:24:31.160
almost impossible for Maxine to drag Judy away from bed,
432
00:24:31.960 --> 00:24:35.079
away to bed. Judy felt that if she hit left
433
00:24:35.079 --> 00:24:37.880
the frontier, she might miss some tiny clue, some pointer.
434
00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:42.279
Maxine remembered Judy's frenzy and self accusation as they waded
435
00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:44.880
in the snow outside a hut, hoping to see yet
436
00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:50.440
another refugee committee official official. If only I hadn't left her, Maxine,
437
00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:54.079
you had nowhere to take her. I should never have
438
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:58.000
left her. You could do nothing else. Judy, stop blaming yourself.
439
00:24:58.279 --> 00:25:02.400
What's happened is terrible, but it's not your fault. Months afterwards,
440
00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:05.559
Judy had received a short formal letter from the Swiss
441
00:25:05.559 --> 00:25:08.880
consulate in answer to hers, informing her that a family
442
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:13.279
of Swiss origin called Covago formerly Dassin, had been shot
443
00:25:13.319 --> 00:25:16.799
and killed by Hungarian border police while illegally attempting to
444
00:25:16.839 --> 00:25:21.839
cross the border near Sopron illegally. My ass heartbroken, Judy
445
00:25:21.960 --> 00:25:25.640
never ceased to blame herself for Elizabeth's death. She almost
446
00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:28.240
managed to control her mind, but in her heart, Judy
447
00:25:28.279 --> 00:25:31.359
had often felt the sudden, chilling pain of bereavement, a
448
00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:35.000
silent sense of loss, endless yearning, and constant regret for
449
00:25:35.079 --> 00:25:38.759
what might have been hesitantly. Judy tried to explain this
450
00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:42.119
in an unnatural quiet of the in the unnatural quiet
451
00:25:42.119 --> 00:25:43.480
of the luxurious hotel suite.
452
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:45.400
Oh my gosh.
453
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:47.279
She found it difficult to find the right.
454
00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:50.799
Words because she hasn't spoken about this in decades.
455
00:25:50.920 --> 00:25:54.519
Yeah, Judy pushed it way down deep. Her habitual self
456
00:25:54.559 --> 00:25:58.759
assurance had deserted her, and she was unusually deflated. Lily listened.
457
00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:01.359
What was important was not that she should be placated,
458
00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:04.799
but at last she should know the truth. Lily knew
459
00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:06.960
she had to double check the answer that Judy had
460
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:10.440
given her, and she knew exactly how she was going
461
00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:14.200
to do it. Whomever the women now looked at would
462
00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:18.480
be her true mother. And then she drops in that case,
463
00:26:18.599 --> 00:26:24.000
Lily said, who is my father? And we've been asking
464
00:26:24.039 --> 00:26:27.920
ourselves the entire time of that, we've been reading this
465
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:32.000
who's the mother? Who's the mother? Who's the mother? Judy
466
00:26:32.359 --> 00:26:34.799
is the mother? That is very interesting. Any of the
467
00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:37.880
mothers would have been very interesting. This is kind of
468
00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:41.680
the most is kind of the more germane question because
469
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:46.640
this explains everything, all right, So who is my father?
470
00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:50.359
Chapter sixty one. In anime they do this thing.
471
00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:54.319
No, no, that's not how the chapter starts. Please don't
472
00:26:54.359 --> 00:26:54.920
do this to me.
473
00:26:55.279 --> 00:26:58.799
Anime, they do this thing where they flash when they
474
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:01.400
get to something really big, they do like a big
475
00:27:01.480 --> 00:27:04.720
long flashbag to like ramp back up into it, to
476
00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:07.599
build it even higher. And that is what truly does.
477
00:27:09.160 --> 00:27:13.880
We dropped back way back. It's boarding school, childhood, childhood,
478
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:16.440
boarding school, and we get now we are back in time.
479
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:19.240
This part could slot and the way it's written too,
480
00:27:19.319 --> 00:27:24.359
it drops back to that like girl, they're just girls,
481
00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:27.039
and it could slot right into that section. I almost
482
00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:30.720
wonder if he wrote it chronologically. Outside it was still
483
00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:33.279
snowing hard. If it didn't stop, there wouldn't be much
484
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:37.200
point in going with Nick to San Moose tomorrow, thought Judy.
485
00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:40.880
And I went, oh, my god, Nick is the father,
486
00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:43.559
and that's where I was, and that was where I
487
00:27:43.559 --> 00:27:46.480
was reading, and I went, oh, I just saw his name,
488
00:27:46.680 --> 00:27:50.039
and I panicked, and you heard me going, ah.
489
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:50.759
But I'm assuming he's not the father.
490
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:54.000
She's planning to go with him to a place called
491
00:27:54.200 --> 00:28:00.119
sam Moltau for the nineteen forty nine ski trials, but
492
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:02.759
she's like, snowing so hard that'll probably be postponed, so
493
00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:05.480
they might as well stay in Gestad, nice skiers.
494
00:28:05.559 --> 00:28:07.119
That feels like a thousand years ago.
495
00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:11.240
It was seven months ago. Holy wait what we've been
496
00:28:11.240 --> 00:28:13.359
reading this for like half a year.
497
00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:16.400
That's crazy.
498
00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:23.279
Yeah, end of November was the first episode was November thirtieth.
499
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:25.440
Yep, yep.
500
00:28:26.119 --> 00:28:28.440
We have been reading this since before snow was on
501
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:31.440
the ground, yes, and then again after snow is on
502
00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:31.880
the ground.
503
00:28:31.880 --> 00:28:37.480
We read this all winter and all spring. It is summer.
504
00:28:38.839 --> 00:28:41.319
We did more than half a year on lace.
505
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:43.960
Yeah, it'll be like a full seven months.
506
00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:45.640
Somebody, like a.
507
00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:47.680
Baby could be born and survived.
508
00:28:48.519 --> 00:28:50.839
We have a viable a la. We have a viable
509
00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:52.519
a viable fetus.
510
00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:57.160
Yeap, vible fetus. We a viable feeds.
511
00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:01.000
I saw someone say this has been like the best
512
00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:03.880
seven months of my podcast listening life, and I was like,
513
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:05.440
that's so sweet, and then I went.
514
00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:08.759
So yeah seven months.
515
00:29:08.839 --> 00:29:14.200
Yeah. So Judy has been working her fucking ass off
516
00:29:14.920 --> 00:29:18.000
at this hotel saving money. We all know what her
517
00:29:18.039 --> 00:29:22.799
situation was, yes, and she is essentially running on an
518
00:29:22.839 --> 00:29:27.000
eight month just like too little sleep, too much work,
519
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:31.839
like beaten down. She is like barely conscious the end
520
00:29:31.880 --> 00:29:36.160
of one of her shifts, and she's hurrying along the corridor.
521
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:40.559
A metal door of the old fashioned elevator suddenly flings open,
522
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.759
and Judy crashed straight into it.
523
00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:47.599
Wait so this, but this is before she's pregnant, before
524
00:29:47.640 --> 00:29:49.680
she's pregnant, So her situation is just that.
525
00:29:50.200 --> 00:29:52.559
Her situation is she has no money, and she's living
526
00:29:52.599 --> 00:29:56.160
off campus and going to school, and if she.
527
00:29:56.119 --> 00:29:57.519
Sucks any of it up, she'll have to go back
528
00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:57.920
to the US.
529
00:29:57.960 --> 00:29:59.880
Exactly, got it. So she has and she has to
530
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.480
you keep paying, and so she has to keep working
531
00:30:03.519 --> 00:30:07.759
these insane okay, like all day, all night shifts.
532
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:10.000
Yep, well, school all day, work all night.
533
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:13.240
And she's The important part is that she's kind of
534
00:30:13.240 --> 00:30:18.079
out of it. So she crashes into like the elevator,
535
00:30:18.119 --> 00:30:21.200
and someone coming out of the elevator, Filthy, half filled
536
00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:25.039
ash trays, semi empty coffee cups, and sauce smeared plates
537
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:28.200
flew into the air and fell silently on the maroon carpet.
538
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:32.160
Judy's elaborately embroidered blouse and scarlet skirt were spattered with
539
00:30:32.240 --> 00:30:35.880
dark brown stains. Oh goddamn it, she said, and burst
540
00:30:35.880 --> 00:30:38.119
into tears. The man who had charged out of the
541
00:30:38.119 --> 00:30:40.680
elevator looked uncertainly at her in the dim light. I
542
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:44.680
regret this deeply, Snibbling with exhaustion, Judy ignored him, and
543
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:47.640
she wearily bent to pick up the broken china. It
544
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:50.160
was clumsy of me. I ask your forgiveness. She turned
545
00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:52.680
white tear streaked face towards the man, and or she
546
00:30:52.759 --> 00:30:55.079
turned her white tearsheeked face towards the man and wobbled
547
00:30:55.079 --> 00:30:58.200
to her feet, holding the tray. Don't drop it again,
548
00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:00.599
he said, taking the tray from her, Let's clean you
549
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:03.160
up a bit. My room's on the second is second
550
00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:05.599
on the left. Balancing the tray on one hand, he
551
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:09.599
unlocked a door and beckoned her in. Judy followed. This
552
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:11.960
was one of the best sweets, Judy thought, looking around
553
00:31:12.039 --> 00:31:14.920
the sitting room. He must be an important guest. Sidelights
554
00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:18.640
were already switched on. Lazy flames flickered from the log
555
00:31:19.079 --> 00:31:22.519
fire into a black bear skin rug. Glasses of jug
556
00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:25.680
orange juice stood on a low table. Sit on the couch.
557
00:31:25.799 --> 00:31:28.519
I really don't know how you do such things, I thought,
558
00:31:28.519 --> 00:31:32.480
maybe these Dazed and exhausted, the coffee smeared blouse sticking
559
00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:34.640
to her breasts, Judy dropped in front of the fire,
560
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:37.720
wishing there was there were she were in bed with
561
00:31:37.799 --> 00:31:40.920
no problems. Judy supposed he was very good looking. If
562
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:44.200
you liked dark foreigners, then she just jumped. He had
563
00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:46.960
just sat on the couch next to her, stretched out
564
00:31:47.079 --> 00:31:49.640
one hand and gently touched the base of her neck.
565
00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:53.519
The stranger drew her toward him, hold her head against
566
00:31:53.519 --> 00:31:57.920
his chest, and slowly stroked her hair. Judy or one
567
00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:01.920
of his bodyguards. Yeah, Judy let him do so, surprised
568
00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:04.519
by her lack of resistance. But it was very nice.
569
00:32:04.599 --> 00:32:07.640
The soothing stroking could easily send her to sleep. It
570
00:32:07.720 --> 00:32:11.039
was very nice. She caught her breath as she felt
571
00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:13.319
a warm mouth brush her neck. Then the tip of
572
00:32:13.319 --> 00:32:16.160
his tongue touched her ear lobe. Slowly and surely. Judy
573
00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:19.519
felt her body relax, her exhaustion fall away and replaced
574
00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:23.039
by a softly erotic trance. As the dark stranger murmured
575
00:32:23.039 --> 00:32:25.880
softly into her ear, she felt an odd, silken sensation
576
00:32:26.240 --> 00:32:28.759
that she had never known before, as if each slow
577
00:32:28.839 --> 00:32:32.240
movement was somehow predestined and she could only respond to it.
578
00:32:32.519 --> 00:32:35.000
She gave a soft sigh of satisfaction as she felt
579
00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:38.279
his arm shelter her in the comforting warmth of his body.
580
00:32:38.599 --> 00:32:41.640
She felt safe, surrounded by the silence of quiet warmth
581
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:44.279
in the room as she gently lowered as he gently
582
00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:46.119
lowered her onto the rich fur rug.
583
00:32:48.839 --> 00:32:55.160
So wait, wait, is this why Nick hated Abdullah so much?
584
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.880
Does Nick walk in on Abdullah hooking up with Judy
585
00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:03.440
will Judy's basically pass out?
586
00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:06.599
I wish Oh no, it's worse.
587
00:33:06.839 --> 00:33:10.400
I wish that he interrupted, because Judy is kind of
588
00:33:10.440 --> 00:33:12.880
like out of it, and she's making out with him,
589
00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:17.119
and now, oh no, my top is off. Oh no, yeah,
590
00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:21.400
and he says and she says, hey, I don't I
591
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:24.160
don't want to do this. He starts rounding the bases
592
00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:28.400
and she says no, and he's like, oh you thought no.
593
00:33:28.599 --> 00:33:32.759
Huh m hmmm, yeah, and no is not on the table, unfortunately.
594
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:40.000
And what starts off is a very sweet encounter escalates
595
00:33:40.519 --> 00:33:48.960
into horror and rape and he just he's like this,
596
00:33:49.640 --> 00:33:54.559
I don't really like think anything of you. Don't cry,
597
00:33:54.599 --> 00:33:57.000
little bird, He murmured, why this weeping the first time?
598
00:33:57.039 --> 00:33:59.759
There's always a little pain, little bird. Like many men,
599
00:34:00.039 --> 00:34:02.559
he didn't regard rape as rape if it didn't happen
600
00:34:02.599 --> 00:34:05.480
in a back alley, and there weren't any bruises. He
601
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:09.199
rolled over on his back, stretched luxuriantly upon the rug,
602
00:34:09.559 --> 00:34:12.119
and the fire's shadow blackened the lower part of his
603
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:16.920
face as his crumpled clothing. Thank god for that, she thought,
604
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:20.840
because she couldn't bear to see his thing. At first,
605
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:23.920
unable to believe she was free, she lay there limp,
606
00:34:23.960 --> 00:34:26.559
spread eagle on the rug. Then she curled her body,
607
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:31.519
ashamed that he should see her nakedness, her humiliation. Then
608
00:34:31.559 --> 00:34:34.280
slowly she got up and staggered to the door, clutching
609
00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:37.800
to her body what was left of her traditional Swiss costume,
610
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:41.679
grabbed the handle with a hand that trembled, flung open
611
00:34:41.719 --> 00:34:44.440
the door, and ran along the corridor, naked except for
612
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:47.679
the black stockings and corsel it. Her only thought that
613
00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:50.880
she should get out of the room. At the top
614
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:53.239
of the servants staircase. She spent the rest of the
615
00:34:53.320 --> 00:34:56.239
night trying to scrub him off. She was disgusted by
616
00:34:56.280 --> 00:34:59.400
the physical evidence of his possession, his power over her.
617
00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:03.480
Less animal lust, she was disgusted by his slime and
618
00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:06.760
her blood. She washed it off fiercely, hating to touch it,
619
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:10.159
hating it to touch her. Nobody must ever know.
620
00:35:10.400 --> 00:35:14.559
Oh, she's so dominant in sexual situations.
621
00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:18.159
Now, because she'll to her again. No one will even
622
00:35:18.199 --> 00:35:21.840
make her feel bad in bed again. No boy ever
623
00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:25.000
goes with a girl that's been raped. She would only
624
00:35:25.039 --> 00:35:28.440
be despised. She had to suffer this misery by herself.
625
00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:33.320
Once in bed, she couldn't sleep. She felt humiliated, embarrassed,
626
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:36.519
and oddly vexed. What a stinking rotten way to lose
627
00:35:36.519 --> 00:35:40.599
your virginity. She didn't. The way that these heads are
628
00:35:40.599 --> 00:35:43.280
all fucked up is so sad. She didn't worry about
629
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:46.360
catching a sexual disease because she didn't know that they existed.
630
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:50.280
And oddly enough, it never once occurred to her that
631
00:35:50.320 --> 00:35:53.400
she might be pregnant, not when it had happened only once,
632
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:56.840
not when the Lord knew she wasn't. She hadn't really
633
00:35:56.880 --> 00:35:57.840
wanted it to happen.
634
00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:01.599
Oh I'm gonna fucking cry.
635
00:36:03.159 --> 00:36:05.360
Oh surely that.
636
00:36:05.400 --> 00:36:08.800
She had been harshly violated, taken by force. Yeah, the
637
00:36:09.159 --> 00:36:11.079
body has a way of shutting these things down.
638
00:36:11.239 --> 00:36:13.960
Oh God, but this poor kid just doesn't.
639
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:16.119
She doesn't know. She doesn't know, and no one told her.
640
00:36:16.119 --> 00:36:18.440
Remember how they didn't know, or how they didn't know
641
00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:22.840
anything anything anything, But that's that is the that is
642
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:28.719
The horrible lesson here is human beings must be educated
643
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:33.960
about their circumstances, their body, the truth of their politics, everything.
644
00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:37.800
The truth must be told. But one thing worried her
645
00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:41.159
very much. Across the valley above, the dawn missed snow
646
00:36:41.159 --> 00:36:44.599
caps slowly turned pink as Judy reluctantly faced her anxiety.
647
00:36:45.079 --> 00:36:48.280
Had it been, that is? How much had it been?
648
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:52.800
And in what way had that incident been her own fault?
649
00:36:53.159 --> 00:36:55.480
Had she led him on? And if so, to what
650
00:36:55.639 --> 00:36:58.880
extent was she guilty? For two days, Judy refused to
651
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.599
leave her room and pale, she pretended to be ill,
652
00:37:02.039 --> 00:37:05.119
knowing that she worked a zealously. Nobody disbelieved her. They
653
00:37:05.159 --> 00:37:08.599
thought she had either overtaxed her strength or was suffering
654
00:37:08.639 --> 00:37:12.159
from a bout of influenza. Nick hovered anxiously at the door,
655
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:15.440
brought her hot milk, homemade beef broth, glasses of fresh
656
00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:18.679
orange juice, and aspirin. On the third morning, Judy watched
657
00:37:18.679 --> 00:37:21.440
the red winter sun scattered diamonds on the snow beneath
658
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.079
her window. I must put this behind me, she thought,
659
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:25.840
I mustn't let it ruin my life.
660
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:27.039
O give it who is it?
661
00:37:27.400 --> 00:37:31.440
With determination, she buried her shame and mortification, lifted her
662
00:37:31.519 --> 00:37:34.320
chin and went out into the world. So she decides
663
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:38.320
this sucks, but if anyone finds out, I'm going to
664
00:37:38.360 --> 00:37:40.960
suffer more than anyone else. I'm going to move past it.
665
00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:44.480
On the night of the Saint Valentines, there was an
666
00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:46.719
exciting bustle in the ballroom as the pretty girls and
667
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:49.320
muscular young men swarmed the foxtrot and ate of the
668
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:53.239
Swiss ski team. Then the band slid into mean to Me,
669
00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:56.239
and more couples moved to the dance floor. Judy had
670
00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:59.320
started night work again. During the holiday season, you worked
671
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:03.000
without queer or complaint until all the work had finished,
672
00:38:03.239 --> 00:38:05.320
and the Chessis staff often had to help with the
673
00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:09.519
Imperial on night Imperial on night Gala nights. Suddenly the
674
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:14.280
music stopped, and I remembered this moment from earlier. Everyone
675
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:17.400
felt an expectant hush that precedes the entrance of royalty,
676
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:21.119
and the band launched into a boom baboom national anthem.
677
00:38:21.519 --> 00:38:24.800
Two figures appeared in the doorway. The girl was Pagan
678
00:38:25.079 --> 00:38:28.280
wearing a spangled cloud of white tuol, and that stood
679
00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:32.000
in the doorway, her hand on Prince Abdullah's immaculately tailored arm.
680
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:35.320
Judy almost dropped her tray. No, the man with Pagan
681
00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:39.639
was the one who had raped no No or dark No.
682
00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:47.599
Her dark stranger was the prince of Saidan. So that's
683
00:38:48.920 --> 00:38:55.199
that's what happens now. But here is the immediate follow up, punch.
684
00:38:56.039 --> 00:38:59.119
I couldn't believe. This is what had me just reeling
685
00:38:59.159 --> 00:39:02.920
in my chair. So it drops and I was like, okay,
686
00:39:03.159 --> 00:39:06.039
I I thought, so, I thought, I recognized the description
687
00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:08.800
of that bear skin rug. I thought, this is the
688
00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:14.760
fairy tale, nightmare version of nightmare version of the fairy tale.
689
00:39:15.039 --> 00:39:20.119
Lily is a princess, she is, she got what she wanted.
690
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:22.960
But the monkey's paw wish has come true.
691
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:25.920
With him and slept with him for a year. Yes,
692
00:39:26.440 --> 00:39:27.679
he's her dad, that.
693
00:39:27.800 --> 00:39:30.719
Is her father. But here's the part that I wanted
694
00:39:30.760 --> 00:39:33.599
to be wrong, I know. And when we were wrong
695
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:38.480
about Kate or Pagan or Linda, I was like, I
696
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:40.599
thought we were out of the woods. I thought, And
697
00:39:40.639 --> 00:39:44.239
then they gave us that plausible Why is Abdulla still
698
00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:46.960
in the story. Oh well, so Pagan the one who
699
00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:50.719
she feels most maternally connected to, and she have this
700
00:39:50.840 --> 00:39:56.239
like shared sexual history and maybe something. Oh no, no,
701
00:39:56.519 --> 00:39:59.719
that's not why. It's the reason we were so afraid
702
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:06.760
of Ah. And and from his perspective, he never even
703
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:07.800
thought about it.
704
00:40:08.639 --> 00:40:10.639
He probably never even knew he didn't.
705
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:15.519
Even think about it, that he had no idea, nor
706
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:18.400
he just didn't care. She's not like a real person.
707
00:40:18.760 --> 00:40:21.800
She's a servant. She was in her made outfit. She's
708
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:24.719
not even like a real person. There is a line
709
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:27.920
later that fucking made me steam. That's so good from
710
00:40:27.960 --> 00:40:31.760
his perspective, where he's like, like, like most serving girls
711
00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:34.599
would think of it as like honor me. Yeah, it
712
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:38.599
should be, I mean she should be honored honestly. Wow. Wow. Also,
713
00:40:39.159 --> 00:40:40.760
she ran out of the room before he could give
714
00:40:40.760 --> 00:40:44.519
her money. He was like, had like a bunch of
715
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:47.960
money he was going to give her, and and she
716
00:40:48.079 --> 00:40:50.039
ran out of the room before he could press cash
717
00:40:50.119 --> 00:40:50.559
and ran.
718
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:57.800
Abdullah, you I was we were all ruining, were you?
719
00:40:57.840 --> 00:40:59.000
We were rooting for you?
720
00:40:59.079 --> 00:40:59.320
Man?
721
00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:02.079
Oh, you fucking asshole.
722
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:07.760
It tracks he's ruthless. He's ruthless and cruel, and everything
723
00:41:07.800 --> 00:41:12.000
we see from him is is is uh trained and
724
00:41:12.119 --> 00:41:15.320
beaten into a young man, fear of death, fear of
725
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:16.840
losing the dynasty.
726
00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:18.519
All the horrible, horrible.
727
00:41:18.079 --> 00:41:21.239
Things you have to do to secure power at that level.
728
00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:25.119
He was told me was a god on earth. And
729
00:41:25.159 --> 00:41:28.239
what do you what happens when you tell someone there
730
00:41:28.280 --> 00:41:32.880
above consequences? Some of them will fucking take take advantage
731
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:36.760
of that. Okay, So here's what here's what flipped me
732
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:39.760
into the fucking drink. Because I saw all this coming.
733
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:40.719
I saw all this coming.
734
00:41:40.960 --> 00:41:45.719
I know, I know that we knew. I know that
735
00:41:45.800 --> 00:41:46.239
we knew.
736
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:51.360
I had some time today where I was hoping today
737
00:41:51.440 --> 00:41:55.840
I really had hope convinced me that, like I really
738
00:41:55.880 --> 00:41:59.199
don't think. That's that's why I think, And that's why
739
00:41:59.239 --> 00:42:01.119
I had moved paid into the top of my list
740
00:42:01.519 --> 00:42:03.920
to be to be the mom is because I was like, oh,
741
00:42:03.960 --> 00:42:07.280
that would be that would be so dramatic.
742
00:42:07.519 --> 00:42:09.920
That it was Judy and I had Judy under Linda.
743
00:42:11.480 --> 00:42:16.679
That is so Amanda, Like this is why this is.
744
00:42:16.599 --> 00:42:23.079
Like why playing the thing so sure it won't be Judy.
745
00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:26.679
I am so feast salmon in like everything I do,
746
00:42:27.079 --> 00:42:29.320
and I put my whole back into it. Even when
747
00:42:29.320 --> 00:42:32.280
I roll a one, and I rolled a one, I
748
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.000
rolled a critical miss rolled.
749
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:37.400
One critical, Miss Amanda. The things that you were saying
750
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:38.800
are very interesting.
751
00:42:39.000 --> 00:42:40.880
I know I'm incredibly smart.
752
00:42:41.239 --> 00:42:44.719
Stop talking, though, and now let's listen to ads.
753
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:53.159
Well, okay, so that poor girl, it's brutal. And then
754
00:42:53.239 --> 00:42:54.519
your best friend's been in love.
755
00:42:54.760 --> 00:42:58.480
But then, like that is exactly the one two punch
756
00:42:58.679 --> 00:43:03.480
she gets hit with. It's hit not only with oly.
757
00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:05.480
Your best friends in love with your rapist.
758
00:43:05.519 --> 00:43:08.159
She sees. She sees that he is in love with
759
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:11.800
her too, so he's looking at them. Judy felt a
760
00:43:11.880 --> 00:43:14.960
rush of indignation and oh here, with a half smile,
761
00:43:15.039 --> 00:43:18.159
he turned to murmur fondly in Pagan's ear, and Judy
762
00:43:18.239 --> 00:43:21.599
realized something else, something that upset and bewildered her. The
763
00:43:21.679 --> 00:43:26.800
dark stranger was obviously in love with Pagan, felt Judy
764
00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:29.719
felt a rush of indignation and pain. Suddenly she felt
765
00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:32.760
again the humiliation and anxiety that she had felt on
766
00:43:32.800 --> 00:43:36.159
that dreadful night. She felt unable to breathe. She needed air.
767
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:39.639
So she's like freaking out.
768
00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:46.840
Pagan's mom molested Kate, and now Pagan is in.
769
00:43:46.760 --> 00:43:51.239
Love with her best friend's rapists. Yes, Pagan is curse.
770
00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:52.440
Pagan is.
771
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:56.480
Pagan has some sort of ancient colonial curse.
772
00:43:56.760 --> 00:44:00.920
Pagan is hours away because wasn't that on Valentine's Day
773
00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:02.960
night when she got picked up by the guy?
774
00:44:04.199 --> 00:44:06.920
Yeah, but I think that was after like that was
775
00:44:06.960 --> 00:44:09.360
to cover for Kate and Nick, who like went up
776
00:44:09.360 --> 00:44:11.400
to the hotel room to try and hook up.
777
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:16.920
Yeah, this was the night that they all get caught
778
00:44:17.079 --> 00:44:21.760
because one of them's family member had died, right, and
779
00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:25.360
so the person head mistress came to their room and
780
00:44:25.440 --> 00:44:26.480
saw them gone.
781
00:44:26.920 --> 00:44:30.000
But it wasn't Valentine's night. Valentine's night is the night
782
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:32.480
that Nick and Kate tried to hook up. Yeah, the
783
00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:34.599
night that Judy had been seen crying for no reason
784
00:44:34.639 --> 00:44:37.880
anybody could attest to. And yeah, this that's all the
785
00:44:37.920 --> 00:44:41.440
same night I think Kate and Nick tried to hook
786
00:44:41.519 --> 00:44:44.719
up that and Pagan. So was that the same un
787
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:46.000
that Pagan was attacked.
788
00:44:45.719 --> 00:44:48.000
By the driver because the Pagan guy.
789
00:44:48.119 --> 00:44:50.599
No, it's not the same night she was attacked by
790
00:44:50.599 --> 00:44:54.400
the driver that happened earlier. This is the night that
791
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:58.000
Kate and Nick tried to hook up and Maxine is
792
00:44:58.039 --> 00:45:03.039
out with the skier or is it Maxine Who's which
793
00:45:03.119 --> 00:45:07.400
one of them had to leave school because her parent died?
794
00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:13.079
Pagan was that grandfather or something? Her father died and
795
00:45:13.119 --> 00:45:15.719
her mom took over the Yeah.
796
00:45:15.599 --> 00:45:19.519
Later, yeah it is Pagan because that's when she drops
797
00:45:19.639 --> 00:45:22.400
the I have these pictures of the driver.
798
00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:27.199
So that had already happened with Pagan. Is she has
799
00:45:27.239 --> 00:45:30.320
herself been attacked and all this like twisty shit is happening.
800
00:45:30.800 --> 00:45:33.079
So but Judy is now hit with this like, oh
801
00:45:33.119 --> 00:45:35.840
my god, so this guy loves her and if I
802
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:41.199
say anything, I'm gonna fucking blow up their relationship. She
803
00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:44.719
her relationship with a prince. It's like she's like very
804
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:46.920
very does not know what to do, so she just
805
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:48.280
stays quiet.
806
00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:50.480
So do none of the women know who the father
807
00:45:50.639 --> 00:45:51.639
is this moment?
808
00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:55.199
No, that's why. That's why Lily is.
809
00:45:55.159 --> 00:45:58.159
Like, I'm never going to tell you.
810
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:00.480
I'm going to ask who the dad is. Only one
811
00:46:00.519 --> 00:46:02.800
person and they're all going to turn to look at someone,
812
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:05.000
and then I'll know for sure that that's them, because
813
00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:07.400
I don't think they know. Yeah, because she doesn't tell them,
814
00:46:07.920 --> 00:46:13.719
and Judy says, don't anybody fucking ask me. When she
815
00:46:13.760 --> 00:46:16.039
does tell them, she's like, nobody asked me. They have
816
00:46:16.039 --> 00:46:19.760
no idea, they have no idea. So I know, I know,
817
00:46:20.039 --> 00:46:23.199
I know. The scandal is fucking insane.
818
00:46:23.239 --> 00:46:25.039
So what's the aftermath of the reveal?
819
00:46:25.199 --> 00:46:27.559
Okay, So we'll get there, because this is actually there's
820
00:46:27.559 --> 00:46:31.280
a ways to go here, Okay. So important detail is
821
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:34.519
she wasn't waiting on the top tables, and although Pagan
822
00:46:34.559 --> 00:46:37.559
twice winked at Judy as she passed them, Prince Abdullah
823
00:46:37.840 --> 00:46:40.880
never noticed her. It would not occur to him to
824
00:46:40.960 --> 00:46:43.400
notice the face of a waitress. He was accustomed to
825
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:47.079
being surrounded by obsequious servants. They were there to give service,
826
00:46:47.119 --> 00:46:49.599
and he no more thought of paying attention to their
827
00:46:49.639 --> 00:46:51.719
feelings than he would to the feelings of a faucet
828
00:46:51.800 --> 00:46:54.800
or a chair. On the evening that Abdullah had so
829
00:46:54.920 --> 00:46:58.360
unexpectedly bumped into Judy, he had just left Pagan, who
830
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:01.320
had aroused his passion to an extent that he never
831
00:47:01.400 --> 00:47:05.079
had believed possible. But she was maddeningly evasive. In spite
832
00:47:05.079 --> 00:47:07.639
of his rank, his royal wishes, and the arts taught
833
00:47:07.639 --> 00:47:10.599
to him by the Hakim. She resisted him. One moment
834
00:47:10.599 --> 00:47:14.639
he thought he had held her, and then she would
835
00:47:14.679 --> 00:47:17.199
give a throaty laugh. He could hear the damned bathwater
836
00:47:17.280 --> 00:47:19.800
gurgle of hers as physically and mentally she slipped away
837
00:47:20.119 --> 00:47:22.280
He wanted to possess her, not only her body, but
838
00:47:22.320 --> 00:47:24.920
also her brain. He wanted all of Pagan with a
839
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:27.840
power and urgency that he knew he could convey to
840
00:47:27.880 --> 00:47:30.639
her if only she'd led him. But she wouldn't. He
841
00:47:30.679 --> 00:47:33.079
couldn't have her, She wouldn't allow it, And so he
842
00:47:33.119 --> 00:47:36.519
had left, his blood pulsing with passion and frustration, crashed
843
00:47:36.679 --> 00:47:39.519
towards his room, then smash of china, and this little
844
00:47:39.519 --> 00:47:42.440
blonde girl weeping on the floor. What had happened afterward
845
00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:44.599
would be considered an honor for a serving girl in
846
00:47:44.639 --> 00:47:48.360
his country, Abdullah, which, no, it wouldn't, but they don't
847
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:50.760
tell you it would, Abdullah had been minded.
848
00:47:50.840 --> 00:47:54.039
Well, it also depends, was if on what had happened
849
00:47:54.079 --> 00:47:58.599
afterward if he's referencing, if that's in reference.
850
00:47:58.199 --> 00:48:02.079
To the child, No, it's in reference to the.
851
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:05.039
Just the experience you got to have sex with the
852
00:48:05.639 --> 00:48:06.679
prince despite.
853
00:48:06.360 --> 00:48:09.199
The fact that you didn't want to. Like, it's pretty awesome.
854
00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:12.280
Not me grasping at any straw I know to soften it.
855
00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:15.280
Abdullah had been mildly surprised that Judy had disappeared before
856
00:48:15.320 --> 00:48:17.880
he could press a benefice into her hand. But apart
857
00:48:17.920 --> 00:48:21.639
from that he never again thought about the incident. He
858
00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:24.039
never thought about it again cross his mind, never even
859
00:48:24.039 --> 00:48:26.760
cross his mind. Which makes me wonder how fucking often
860
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:27.800
had that shit happened?
861
00:48:28.599 --> 00:48:29.320
Yeah? How many?
862
00:48:29.480 --> 00:48:31.719
How many? Because you know if they did.
863
00:48:31.559 --> 00:48:34.559
One, well, just that casually.
864
00:48:34.199 --> 00:48:37.519
Yeah, especially that casually. Yeah. By April, Judy had missed
865
00:48:37.559 --> 00:48:40.760
two periods and woke up wretching every morning. She felt
866
00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:43.719
even more tired than usual and kept rushing to the lavatory.
867
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:46.480
Her main reaction was not fear, not of giving birth,
868
00:48:46.559 --> 00:48:49.519
but fear of her father and mother. Nothing so shameful
869
00:48:49.559 --> 00:48:53.039
had ever happened in her family, so she felt really
870
00:48:53.079 --> 00:48:56.000
guilty and alone, and she decides she is going to
871
00:48:56.039 --> 00:48:58.960
tell the girls. Eventually, Judy decided she would ask the
872
00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:01.719
girls for help to help her, but she swore to
873
00:49:01.760 --> 00:49:04.719
herself that she would never say anything about the person
874
00:49:04.760 --> 00:49:09.000
who was responsible for her condition, that man that Pagan loved.
875
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:12.280
But she needed advice, she needed money, she needed moral support,
876
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:14.760
and the girl seemed the only source of help. And
877
00:49:14.800 --> 00:49:20.000
I wrote, no, don't protect him, you But she's really
878
00:49:20.039 --> 00:49:22.199
protecting herself too, and doesn't know.
879
00:49:22.239 --> 00:49:24.519
She's a child in an impossible site.
880
00:49:24.599 --> 00:49:26.480
She doesn't know how to navigate the situation.
881
00:49:26.639 --> 00:49:27.960
She's doing the best she can.
882
00:49:28.920 --> 00:49:32.320
Oh my god, over the red checked tablecloth. Three pairs
883
00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:36.960
of eyes widened with astonishment and awe. Three mouths fell open, speechless.
884
00:49:37.400 --> 00:49:39.880
It was what every girl dreaded. So she's told them
885
00:49:40.400 --> 00:49:43.760
who was he was it? Nick? Look, I'm going to
886
00:49:43.800 --> 00:49:45.440
tell you. I'm not going to tell you who he was,
887
00:49:45.519 --> 00:49:47.719
so please don't ask me. There's a very good reason
888
00:49:47.719 --> 00:49:49.960
why I'm not going to tell you, but I'm not
889
00:49:50.159 --> 00:49:52.320
even going to tell you what it is. All I
890
00:49:52.320 --> 00:49:54.440
can say is that there's no hope of any money
891
00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:57.119
from him or any help of any sort. Does Nick know?
892
00:49:58.280 --> 00:50:00.079
He just assum.
893
00:50:02.280 --> 00:50:06.519
So that's the significance of the mom telling Maxine about
894
00:50:06.519 --> 00:50:09.880
the mumps thing, because then that rules out.
895
00:50:10.199 --> 00:50:13.320
Yeah, somebody Nick, somebody has figured out it's not Nick.
896
00:50:14.320 --> 00:50:16.679
Uh no, and you're going and you're not going to
897
00:50:16.719 --> 00:50:19.920
tell him. In fact, I'll kill you if you tell anybody.
898
00:50:20.119 --> 00:50:21.800
What do you want to do? I want to get
899
00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:24.920
an abortion? There was another silence, Hot Bath and Gin
900
00:50:25.079 --> 00:50:27.920
all four of them immediately thought, but Maxine was the
901
00:50:27.960 --> 00:50:31.280
one who suggested it. They decided that the following Saturday afternoon,
902
00:50:31.320 --> 00:50:34.199
Maxine would sit by Judy as she drank a bottle
903
00:50:34.239 --> 00:50:36.360
of gin in the hotel bathtub.
904
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:37.280
Thinking that that would do it.
905
00:50:38.400 --> 00:50:43.639
There is a terrible scene where Judy and the girls
906
00:50:43.679 --> 00:50:46.320
are trying to help Judy keep down a whole bottle
907
00:50:46.360 --> 00:50:50.119
of gym knocks her the fuck out and she almost drowns,
908
00:50:50.199 --> 00:50:54.280
and they have to crawl and like hold her up
909
00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:58.679
out of the top because she's passed out, and it's
910
00:50:58.760 --> 00:51:06.840
just so sad, Ronny, I'm sorry. Eventually, Maxine removed her shoes, stockings,
911
00:51:06.840 --> 00:51:09.760
and skirt, climbed into the tub herself, pushed Judy's head
912
00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:13.119
over the side, pushed each wet, warm arm over the rim,
913
00:51:13.480 --> 00:51:16.000
then heaved Judy up around the middle so that her
914
00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:18.639
shoulders fell on the side of the tub, then heaved
915
00:51:18.679 --> 00:51:21.400
on her waist again until Judy slithered unconscious over the
916
00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:24.519
side of the bath and lay beaming down on the
917
00:51:24.559 --> 00:51:28.280
wet linoleum. Maxine wrapped her dressing gown around Judy's floppy
918
00:51:28.280 --> 00:51:30.320
body and half carried, half dragged her back to the
919
00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:35.079
room and into the iron bedstead. Maxine covered her with
920
00:51:35.079 --> 00:51:37.440
a quilt, toweled her hair dry, sat with her until
921
00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:41.239
seven o'clock, and then quietly left but nothing happened, because yeah,
922
00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:45.039
you can't. That's nonsense, and that's not gonna work.
923
00:51:45.440 --> 00:51:46.480
That work.
924
00:51:46.920 --> 00:51:49.639
They try pills. They call a cousin who's a nurse.
925
00:51:50.159 --> 00:51:52.280
She's a bloody, smug prig. But I'm not I'm not
926
00:51:52.320 --> 00:51:54.880
sure she'll help, but I'll try. So they sent her
927
00:51:54.920 --> 00:51:58.000
something called a box of black magic chocolates, man, and
928
00:51:58.159 --> 00:52:00.480
chocolates that have like birth control pills, like hidden in
929
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:04.199
the bottom of them, so literally, so girls can be
930
00:52:04.360 --> 00:52:06.800
seen to have the package, and no one knows what's
931
00:52:06.840 --> 00:52:09.079
in it. I guess I don't know. She tries that,
932
00:52:09.239 --> 00:52:12.719
nothing happens. Then they go to a pharmacist. Maxine has
933
00:52:12.760 --> 00:52:14.840
to go to the pharmacist because she's the only one
934
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:15.880
who speaks fluent French.
935
00:52:15.960 --> 00:52:17.199
Uh huh.
936
00:52:17.239 --> 00:52:21.719
And then the pharmacist asks how long overdue and they
937
00:52:21.719 --> 00:52:25.000
get some bad news. Four months. Yeah, the pharmacist's face
938
00:52:25.039 --> 00:52:27.719
was immediately. For anything I can give you, you shouldn't consult me.
939
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:31.039
You have to talk to a doctor. Try doctor Jeneste.
940
00:52:31.199 --> 00:52:34.960
He's a gynecologist, a very sympathetic man. I regret that
941
00:52:35.039 --> 00:52:41.239
I can sell you nothing. So Maxine is like, it's
942
00:52:41.239 --> 00:52:43.440
not for me, it's for a friend. You know they're
943
00:52:43.480 --> 00:52:46.159
doing this whole thing. They're doing all this clandestinely, and
944
00:52:46.199 --> 00:52:47.960
they do it as a group where they're like.
945
00:52:48.159 --> 00:52:50.280
So no one will know exactly who it is. They
946
00:52:50.360 --> 00:52:52.480
know it's for my friend Emily, Emily Post.
947
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:55.199
Emily Post. Don't you know her? She's famous, So they
948
00:52:55.239 --> 00:52:56.639
do this all as a group. It's kind of like
949
00:52:56.679 --> 00:52:59.559
this like little almost like Hogwarts Adventure for them, where
950
00:52:59.559 --> 00:53:01.159
they're like, a, right, we got to figure this out.
951
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:05.599
It has to be a secret. And the pedigree we
952
00:53:05.639 --> 00:53:06.079
don't need.
953
00:53:08.280 --> 00:53:10.800
No one is asking for that. Nobody needs that.
954
00:53:11.119 --> 00:53:13.840
I don't know. But they get this like very like yeah,
955
00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:17.880
they get this very like little the School Adventure where
956
00:53:17.880 --> 00:53:20.679
they're trying to figure out how to deal with this
957
00:53:20.360 --> 00:53:27.199
this terrible situation. They finally get to the doctor. He
958
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:31.039
treated them like adults. They agreed that the weather was wonderful. Then,
959
00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:33.000
in a kind voice, he asked, how long has it
960
00:53:33.039 --> 00:53:35.679
been since your last period? I think the third week
961
00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:38.480
in January, said Judy, I mean I never took notice.
962
00:53:38.679 --> 00:53:43.079
Then there was silence. Better check whether or not there
963
00:53:43.159 --> 00:53:45.719
is real cause for alarm? Would you allow me to
964
00:53:45.760 --> 00:53:49.960
examine you? So the other girls leave. He examines her, uh,
965
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:53.639
and then so they just you know, lie back, pall legs,
966
00:53:53.679 --> 00:53:56.559
blah blah blah, and they just they kind of walked
967
00:53:56.559 --> 00:53:59.280
through all the details of this, like all like none
968
00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:04.039
of us flinches from any of this safe. It's kind
969
00:54:04.039 --> 00:54:06.760
of it's kind of crazy how much time we spend
970
00:54:07.320 --> 00:54:08.840
in this part of the story, But I think it's
971
00:54:08.840 --> 00:54:11.880
important for the to see how they reacted to it,
972
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:14.800
and to see the girls bonds with each other around it.
973
00:54:15.960 --> 00:54:17.880
I need to run some tests, but I don't need
974
00:54:17.920 --> 00:54:20.800
tests to know that this Miss is almost certainly four
975
00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:26.360
and a half months pregnant. And Judy's like, oh fuck,
976
00:54:26.440 --> 00:54:30.360
why why why? Doctor said abortions were illegal. In any case,
977
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:33.760
Miss might be twenty weeks pregnant, so it was too late,
978
00:54:34.400 --> 00:54:36.599
if they did not mind his saying, so, the question
979
00:54:36.719 --> 00:54:39.159
was not whether Miss was pregnant, not how to get
980
00:54:39.239 --> 00:54:41.679
rid of the baby, but rather to consider where and
981
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:45.199
when it would be born. There was another silence where
982
00:54:45.199 --> 00:54:49.840
he asked about the father. No Ah, okay, and then
983
00:54:49.880 --> 00:54:52.639
she sees like, well, what about your parents? Both my
984
00:54:52.719 --> 00:54:57.039
parents are dead. Judy heard herself say, yep, gyte collogists
985
00:54:57.039 --> 00:55:00.320
looks skeptical. Then who are your garden guardians? My elder
986
00:55:00.360 --> 00:55:06.039
sister who's married, my sister, Judy, Judy Jordan. So they
987
00:55:06.199 --> 00:55:10.239
just start panic lying to him, and then he's kind
988
00:55:10.239 --> 00:55:14.199
of like, all right, money, and they go there should
989
00:55:14.199 --> 00:55:18.199
be no problem about payment. So Judy is thinking about
990
00:55:18.199 --> 00:55:21.239
her emotions and how they her emotions are being altered
991
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:26.000
in this like very strange way hormones. Yes, her feelings
992
00:55:26.039 --> 00:55:28.119
had altered in the last month in a very strange way.
993
00:55:28.159 --> 00:55:29.760
It was as if the rest of the world didn't
994
00:55:29.800 --> 00:55:33.679
really matter. What mattered was under her rotund little stomach,
995
00:55:33.800 --> 00:55:36.000
now hard as a tennis ball. She had felt a
996
00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:39.840
sort of flutter, a butterfly wing touch. In fact, she
997
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:43.199
thought it might have moved. Suddenly she had realized this
998
00:55:43.320 --> 00:55:46.280
was a real baby. It was her baby. To Judy's surprise,
999
00:55:46.360 --> 00:55:49.719
she had dwelt on the private thought with catlike complacency
1000
00:55:50.039 --> 00:55:53.199
after those first moments of panic. When she faced the doctor,
1001
00:55:53.599 --> 00:55:56.079
the kindagologist was saying, after the baby is born, you
1002
00:55:56.079 --> 00:55:58.639
will have three choices. You can keep the baby, the
1003
00:55:58.679 --> 00:56:00.960
baby can be adopted, or it can be cared for
1004
00:56:01.079 --> 00:56:04.920
by foster parents until your life is more settled. And
1005
00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:08.320
then Judy is kind of like, that's not so bad.
1006
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:13.480
She surprises herself with what she wants without much logical thought,
1007
00:56:13.800 --> 00:56:18.800
but with already developed maternal instincts. Because we are we are,
1008
00:56:19.039 --> 00:56:22.679
we are wired and built to do this. Computers meet
1009
00:56:22.760 --> 00:56:25.280
computers appropriates thousand percent.
1010
00:56:26.079 --> 00:56:27.920
We're bucking the stereotypes in here.
1011
00:56:28.280 --> 00:56:32.280
Don't overlook the power of that. Yeah, that that phenomenon.
1012
00:56:32.039 --> 00:56:35.039
Breeders bitch yeahs.
1013
00:56:34.599 --> 00:56:37.480
No, I mean the power of that maternal.
1014
00:56:37.480 --> 00:56:39.599
Yeah yeah is insane poem.
1015
00:56:41.280 --> 00:56:44.440
Don't listen. All I'm saying is I I have seen
1016
00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:45.800
a couple of babies.
1017
00:56:45.639 --> 00:56:49.079
Recently, and I'm glad that there's that belong.
1018
00:56:48.920 --> 00:56:53.000
To people that I care about a lot. And oh my,
1019
00:56:53.639 --> 00:56:55.920
it hits horde.
1020
00:56:56.159 --> 00:57:02.000
That feeling of the feeling goes away, you know.
1021
00:57:02.159 --> 00:57:05.599
I'm just like, I catch myself missing the baby is
1022
00:57:05.639 --> 00:57:08.920
like I like kind of want to gotta see them,
1023
00:57:08.960 --> 00:57:11.239
And I'm like, oh, that is a weird feeling. I
1024
00:57:11.239 --> 00:57:12.760
want to see them, like I want to see like
1025
00:57:12.800 --> 00:57:14.519
friends of mine that I've known for a long time,
1026
00:57:14.639 --> 00:57:16.280
and like all they can do is go like this.
1027
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:19.039
Guy, You'll get over it, Okay, all.
1028
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:22.400
Right, I'm moving on. A man is jealous because I
1029
00:57:22.519 --> 00:57:23.440
love something else.
1030
00:57:23.599 --> 00:57:26.880
I don't want you to do something crazy like, oh,
1031
00:57:26.920 --> 00:57:28.800
I will never get a baby.
1032
00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:31.079
Well, first of all, I would never come over there.
1033
00:57:31.159 --> 00:57:35.440
I'm completely barren. And second, there's no way I think,
1034
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:38.119
and I still could without much logical thought, but with
1035
00:57:38.159 --> 00:57:41.320
already developed maternal instincts. Judy heard herself say, I want
1036
00:57:41.320 --> 00:57:43.280
to keep it. I don't want to give the baby away.
1037
00:57:43.360 --> 00:57:45.880
I would like to find my baby foster parents until
1038
00:57:45.880 --> 00:57:47.719
I'm old enough to have a home of my own
1039
00:57:47.800 --> 00:57:51.079
for him. They assume it's a boy. Okay, so that's
1040
00:57:51.239 --> 00:57:53.400
that's where they land. They decide, how are we gonna
1041
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:56.599
do that? The girls treated Judy's pregnancy with odd respect
1042
00:57:56.639 --> 00:57:58.840
and horror of those who had narrowly escaped such a
1043
00:57:58.920 --> 00:58:03.039
dreadful fate and were therefore prepared to make financial sacrifice
1044
00:58:03.079 --> 00:58:06.280
as thanksgiving. They also regarded the situation as if it
1045
00:58:06.280 --> 00:58:09.719
were a school escapade in a girl's adventure book. Yeah, desperate,
1046
00:58:09.840 --> 00:58:13.639
but not immoral. They her friends would stand staunchly with Judy,
1047
00:58:13.880 --> 00:58:16.280
with the cheerful idealism of girls who have never had
1048
00:58:16.280 --> 00:58:19.679
to face a truly serious situation. Yeah, which this very much,
1049
00:58:19.960 --> 00:58:22.480
very much is. They all agreed that they wanted to
1050
00:58:22.519 --> 00:58:26.159
help support the child, So they all go through like,
1051
00:58:26.159 --> 00:58:29.239
all right, how we won't get some money. Kate uh
1052
00:58:29.639 --> 00:58:30.800
is like, all right, well, I'm gonna have to lie
1053
00:58:30.800 --> 00:58:33.639
to my parents like a big ass lie. Maxine is like,
1054
00:58:33.840 --> 00:58:38.079
Hortense has promised me, promised me a dress allowance that
1055
00:58:38.159 --> 00:58:39.400
I can get an allowance from Papa.
1056
00:58:39.639 --> 00:58:44.400
You never did, Judy never even tell on Hortense. I wonder,
1057
00:58:44.800 --> 00:58:45.320
probably not.
1058
00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:47.320
It doesn't come up. I don't think so. I think
1059
00:58:47.320 --> 00:58:48.159
it'd be too risky.
1060
00:58:49.000 --> 00:58:50.280
Tortense would have been so.
1061
00:58:50.199 --> 00:58:55.480
Har After a great deal of well she on, Hortense
1062
00:58:55.519 --> 00:58:57.000
winds up pay for a bunch of the baby.
1063
00:58:57.159 --> 00:59:00.800
Yeah, Mortense knew more than she ever let on.
1064
00:59:01.280 --> 00:59:03.000
I bet she's so smart.
1065
00:59:03.159 --> 00:59:04.000
I loved her.
1066
00:59:04.239 --> 00:59:08.480
After a great deal of a ryth medical plotting, After
1067
00:59:08.519 --> 00:59:10.719
a great deal of a rhythmetical plotting, Kate wrote and
1068
00:59:10.760 --> 00:59:13.320
asked her father if you would send a contribution to
1069
00:59:13.360 --> 00:59:16.519
the Gestad Athletic Fund as miss Gastad. She wanted to
1070
00:59:16.559 --> 00:59:20.360
make a truly magnificent contribution. So she gets so they
1071
00:59:20.480 --> 00:59:24.400
like do all of this like shady moving money around
1072
00:59:24.519 --> 00:59:27.039
and like and the dad is like, oh my gosh,
1073
00:59:27.079 --> 00:59:29.239
that's so great that you're part of a high society.
1074
00:59:29.360 --> 00:59:33.880
Yeah, because they're the new money. Yeah, to represent the family.
1075
00:59:35.079 --> 00:59:38.920
And Pagan throws down a huge chunk of cash by
1076
00:59:39.039 --> 00:59:44.400
selling her uh like heirloom like add on pearl necklace.
1077
00:59:44.519 --> 00:59:48.639
So apparently like her family gave her a pearl necklace
1078
00:59:48.679 --> 00:59:51.199
and added a pearl to it every year, so it
1079
00:59:51.320 --> 00:59:53.360
just keeps getting more and more valuable over time. And
1080
00:59:53.400 --> 00:59:56.039
she's like, I hated it, hated that bloody thing, but
1081
00:59:56.320 --> 00:59:58.760
Cardier only buys their own stuff back, so I didn't
1082
00:59:58.760 --> 01:00:01.760
have anywhere to sell it. So she fucking hawks that thing.
1083
01:00:03.400 --> 01:00:07.400
So they're hocking jewelry, they're fucking cheating their parents, they're
1084
01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:10.039
doing whatever they got to do budget.
1085
01:00:10.159 --> 01:00:10.840
It's brilliant.
1086
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:13.639
Yeah, this is this is the kind of Rider and
1087
01:00:13.679 --> 01:00:18.280
Die friendship that people, good people deserve. Uh yeah. And
1088
01:00:18.320 --> 01:00:21.280
this is where Maxine is even like okay, uh, I'm
1089
01:00:21.320 --> 01:00:23.400
gonna trick my parents into letting me stay longer so
1090
01:00:23.440 --> 01:00:26.079
I can stay with Judy. Oh yeah. And they do
1091
01:00:26.119 --> 01:00:27.920
this whole thing where they have the money like sent
1092
01:00:28.039 --> 01:00:31.719
multiple locations so the letters are coming from like different
1093
01:00:31.719 --> 01:00:35.079
different bots, so it's like it's this whole segment is
1094
01:00:35.400 --> 01:00:38.760
very cute, but I kind of was like, Okay, I
1095
01:00:38.840 --> 01:00:40.840
need to get to the I need to get to
1096
01:00:40.880 --> 01:00:44.679
the hit because we've gotten the hit of who's the mom. Yep,
1097
01:00:44.719 --> 01:00:47.159
we've gotten the hit of who's the dad? And oh
1098
01:00:47.239 --> 01:00:51.880
my god, I need the hit of how does this
1099
01:00:52.000 --> 01:00:53.920
fall out? In the fucking room?
1100
01:00:54.960 --> 01:01:01.360
Kagan and Lily and Judy are everyone's gonna lose it?
1101
01:01:01.480 --> 01:01:05.239
So we get to meet Angelina Dasson. Angelina Dasson was
1102
01:01:05.239 --> 01:01:08.760
waiting This is the adoptive mother or foster foster. Angelina
1103
01:01:08.840 --> 01:01:10.480
Dasson was waiting for them by the fountain and the
1104
01:01:10.480 --> 01:01:12.960
cobbled square. A young woman with dark hair drawn back
1105
01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:16.320
in a bun. She had rather gaunt, highly colored face
1106
01:01:16.599 --> 01:01:19.280
that is typical of that region. She was carrying a
1107
01:01:19.320 --> 01:01:22.559
black eyed, solemn baby boy, whom she shifted into her
1108
01:01:22.639 --> 01:01:24.840
left tip in order to shake hands with them. So
1109
01:01:24.840 --> 01:01:27.000
they see her in there, like she's awesome. Yeah, we
1110
01:01:27.079 --> 01:01:30.280
like her. Judy and Maxine are like all this rustic
1111
01:01:31.039 --> 01:01:35.800
scene mountains, She's literally she's living Heidi's life. It's beautiful
1112
01:01:35.880 --> 01:01:40.480
up here. Maxine added that, at the suggestion of doctor Jenneste,
1113
01:01:41.079 --> 01:01:44.039
Judy didn't did not want the child told any details
1114
01:01:44.079 --> 01:01:47.760
about Judy other than one day mother would come to
1115
01:01:47.800 --> 01:01:50.119
take him to his real home. They it's a boy,
1116
01:01:51.079 --> 01:01:53.559
there's no attempt to deceive the child by telling him
1117
01:01:53.559 --> 01:01:57.119
that Madame Dason was the natural mother. Angelina Dasson agreed
1118
01:01:57.119 --> 01:01:59.039
to this. What do you intend to call your baby?
1119
01:02:00.039 --> 01:02:02.360
Fucking broke my heart. I actually teared up during this.
1120
01:02:02.679 --> 01:02:05.599
Hunched in a shabby armchair, Judy looked out the window
1121
01:02:05.679 --> 01:02:08.840
across the sharp alpine skyline and said, if it's a girl,
1122
01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:11.360
it will be Elizabeth, after my mother. And if it's
1123
01:02:11.400 --> 01:02:21.199
a boy, it will be Nicholas. Oh, Maxine wasn't surprised. Ah,
1124
01:02:21.559 --> 01:02:24.559
by the end of September, surely I know. By the
1125
01:02:24.679 --> 01:02:27.960
end of September, Judy's stomach was enormous. Her situation was
1126
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:29.800
a parrot to the rest of the hotel staff were
1127
01:02:29.840 --> 01:02:33.159
sympathetic and said nothing. Her back hurt. She's having a
1128
01:02:33.199 --> 01:02:33.679
fucking heart.
1129
01:02:33.960 --> 01:02:35.119
You're not hiding it anymore.
1130
01:02:35.159 --> 01:02:37.320
At this point she sat up in bed, already feeling
1131
01:02:37.320 --> 01:02:40.440
the excited thrill of achievement. She couldn't wait to tell Angelina.
1132
01:02:40.519 --> 01:02:43.199
She heaved her unwieldy body out of bed, wrapped the
1133
01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:45.280
white lace shawl around her shoulders, and sat in the
1134
01:02:45.320 --> 01:02:49.000
living room, twisting the twin coral rings, one for each
1135
01:02:49.079 --> 01:02:51.239
middle finger that Nick had given her just before he
1136
01:02:51.320 --> 01:02:54.519
left Switzerland. So he gave her rings. And this this
1137
01:02:54.599 --> 01:02:58.880
part fucking killed me. I know you won't accept a
1138
01:02:58.960 --> 01:03:00.800
ring for the finger. I want to put it on,
1139
01:03:01.280 --> 01:03:03.880
he had said, as they sat among the brilliant yellow
1140
01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:06.119
king cups that grew in the damp soil of the
1141
01:03:06.199 --> 01:03:08.559
river bank. But I want to give you a ring,
1142
01:03:08.719 --> 01:03:11.639
because somehow a ring is connected with a promise, and
1143
01:03:11.760 --> 01:03:14.440
this is a ring. I promise that I'll always love you.
1144
01:03:15.559 --> 01:03:18.000
He had slipped one rosebud on the middle finger of
1145
01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:22.039
her right hand. Then he picked up her left hand.
1146
01:03:22.199 --> 01:03:24.039
Just a minute, Judy had said, what does that ring
1147
01:03:24.119 --> 01:03:27.280
promise That'll always be ready to help you. He had
1148
01:03:27.360 --> 01:03:30.119
kissed the fingertip and slid the second ring on. You
1149
01:03:30.159 --> 01:03:33.840
can always rely on me. Suddenly, Angelina appeared in the
1150
01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:36.519
living room and scolded Julie back to bed. You don't
1151
01:03:36.519 --> 01:03:38.159
want to get a cold as well as a baby,
1152
01:03:38.679 --> 01:03:42.920
Angelina cried. She felt a proprietary interest in the impending birth.
1153
01:03:45.039 --> 01:03:49.079
All right, so it's off time for the hospital. She
1154
01:03:49.239 --> 01:03:53.119
has the baby or she's in labor. At eleven o'clock,
1155
01:03:53.159 --> 01:03:56.400
the nurse said, six centimeters dilated. Stop making a fuss.
1156
01:03:56.480 --> 01:03:59.800
That's worse to come. So the nurses are not super nice.
1157
01:04:00.519 --> 01:04:03.920
The doctor is great. Her body stiffened an arch, but
1158
01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:06.400
this time with a different motion. It started to writhe
1159
01:04:06.400 --> 01:04:08.920
in a compulsive manner similar to that in voluntary. This
1160
01:04:08.960 --> 01:04:11.360
is such good writing. And I have never had a baby,
1161
01:04:11.400 --> 01:04:15.800
but I think the author had, so this sounds great
1162
01:04:15.800 --> 01:04:20.400
to me. Expulsively feeling that meant you were undoubtedly about
1163
01:04:20.400 --> 01:04:23.159
to throw up. Judy felt that something inside her body
1164
01:04:23.159 --> 01:04:26.360
had to be violently immediately expelled from her body. She
1165
01:04:26.400 --> 01:04:29.599
began to slight, to feel slightly, then with increasing urgency,
1166
01:04:29.840 --> 01:04:32.960
the need to push downward. The muscles of her abdomen
1167
01:04:33.000 --> 01:04:36.840
were jerking to expel something the like machinery that hadn't
1168
01:04:36.880 --> 01:04:38.559
been oiled or used for a long time.
1169
01:04:38.719 --> 01:04:41.159
Yeah, this happens sometimes when I get like really bad
1170
01:04:41.239 --> 01:04:49.079
diarrhea and cramping is so bad and you're like sweating
1171
01:04:49.079 --> 01:04:49.559
all over.
1172
01:04:49.440 --> 01:04:50.119
Your whole body.
1173
01:04:50.159 --> 01:04:52.639
Oh that's the worst, and you just have to go
1174
01:04:52.679 --> 01:04:55.280
to the shaky sweats and then you're like kind of
1175
01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:59.679
passing out on the toilet. No what you blacking out?
1176
01:05:00.239 --> 01:05:03.119
Browning out, like a little browning out, just.
1177
01:05:03.039 --> 01:05:08.280
Browning out, which really bad. O, my god, maybe lay
1178
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:10.800
down just in case you're about to pass out on.
1179
01:05:10.800 --> 01:05:14.719
The cold floor of the toilet. The diarrhea, well, you
1180
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:15.280
hope it.
1181
01:05:15.199 --> 01:05:17.760
Doesn't because you don't know what's going to come first,
1182
01:05:17.800 --> 01:05:19.079
the diarrhea or the fainting.
1183
01:05:19.679 --> 01:05:22.519
Jesus Christ, because I happened.
1184
01:05:22.400 --> 01:05:27.480
I know where, I know where we're going to find
1185
01:05:27.519 --> 01:05:28.000
your body.
1186
01:05:28.760 --> 01:05:29.760
Oh, bathroom for sure.
1187
01:05:29.800 --> 01:05:35.320
Bathroom floor one hundreds of ship too much ship just
1188
01:05:35.400 --> 01:05:39.840
sprayed all over the room in a horrific brown green spiral.
1189
01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:44.599
My grandma died in the bathroom, like just like we predicted, Well,
1190
01:05:44.679 --> 01:05:47.079
she fell in the strike.
1191
01:05:48.159 --> 01:05:52.920
Okay, plenty, we can start with this now, like one
1192
01:05:53.000 --> 01:05:55.719
hundred and three she was because now I'm picturing you
1193
01:05:55.840 --> 01:06:00.599
shitting in, streaming blood out of your head, and you
1194
01:06:00.599 --> 01:06:03.320
know what, in my head, you're just hovering in the middle,
1195
01:06:04.199 --> 01:06:07.760
hovering in the middle of the air in your bathroom,
1196
01:06:08.280 --> 01:06:12.360
spitting and emitting three maybe four kinds of liquid and
1197
01:06:12.360 --> 01:06:16.360
going ok. And then Bill opens the door and goes, oh,
1198
01:06:16.440 --> 01:06:20.039
my god, and then your body falls to the ground,
1199
01:06:20.079 --> 01:06:23.000
and no one ever believes him. But then he listens
1200
01:06:23.039 --> 01:06:27.679
to this episode and it's like the prophecy has was
1201
01:06:27.800 --> 01:06:31.880
foreto all right. So Judy's trying to push and they're like,
1202
01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:33.719
don't push, you're gonna crush the baby. And she's like,
1203
01:06:33.719 --> 01:06:35.719
I don't know how not to push. Hey, yeah, they're
1204
01:06:35.719 --> 01:06:37.760
going through this whole thing and it's just a lot
1205
01:06:37.800 --> 01:06:40.760
of squeezing and pushing and pooping and yowling.
1206
01:06:41.920 --> 01:06:44.840
Silence, cariema, it is time for ads.
1207
01:06:47.599 --> 01:06:49.679
The red and green mist was turning black, and she
1208
01:06:49.719 --> 01:06:52.199
felt another searing pain as the doctor quickly bent to
1209
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:55.239
rotate and ease out the baby's head. The doctor and
1210
01:06:55.280 --> 01:06:58.480
the nurse leaned over, absorbed in their task, as the little, dark,
1211
01:06:58.559 --> 01:07:01.360
wet crown of the head grew larger than the wrinkled,
1212
01:07:01.360 --> 01:07:07.679
little scarlet face slithered out. Wah was a pause. Then
1213
01:07:07.760 --> 01:07:10.639
Judy was told to give another gentle push as each
1214
01:07:10.639 --> 01:07:15.840
shoulder was yeased out with rubber clothes. After birth.
1215
01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:17.320
You got to eat your after birth.
1216
01:07:17.400 --> 01:07:21.920
They shoved the afterbirth directly in her eyes. A perfectly
1217
01:07:22.039 --> 01:07:25.400
formed baby slipped out of her body with a whimper.
1218
01:07:25.760 --> 01:07:32.880
Little elizabethborn e I'm gonna be a problem.
1219
01:07:32.280 --> 01:07:36.360
Oh poor baby, Elizabeth. Your whole life okay, And now
1220
01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:38.880
the most devastating thing that ever happened to you.
1221
01:07:40.280 --> 01:07:45.039
Here we go in the luxuriously hushed hotel suite overlooking
1222
01:07:45.079 --> 01:07:48.639
Central Park. Back in the future. Lily looked with less
1223
01:07:48.679 --> 01:07:51.559
resentment at the four women as she listened to Pagan's
1224
01:07:51.559 --> 01:07:54.880
explanations of the events surrounding her birth. Lily had started
1225
01:07:54.920 --> 01:07:58.800
to thaw. She began to understand what had happened almost
1226
01:07:58.880 --> 01:08:02.400
thirty years ago to those four girls, and her resentment
1227
01:08:02.519 --> 01:08:05.840
started to melt in front of her. Pagan sprawled elegantly
1228
01:08:05.880 --> 01:08:08.880
in pink wool across the apricot couch. Judy sat on
1229
01:08:08.960 --> 01:08:11.800
the edge of it, an anxious little figure in brown velvet.
1230
01:08:12.199 --> 01:08:14.400
On the edge of the apricot sofa, Kate in her
1231
01:08:14.440 --> 01:08:18.600
mulberry suit, sat upright and alert at Lily's side. Opposite
1232
01:08:18.600 --> 01:08:21.920
them in the square beige armchair, Maxine fingered her blue
1233
01:08:21.960 --> 01:08:28.399
silk collar. Lily had just launched her second bombshell, the
1234
01:08:28.479 --> 01:08:32.680
other question that she'd waited a lifetime to ask. In
1235
01:08:32.720 --> 01:08:37.600
that case, who is my father? Immediately three heads turned
1236
01:08:37.600 --> 01:08:40.640
to look at Judy, and Lily thought, it's true. This
1237
01:08:40.760 --> 01:08:44.720
really is very mamma, She is my mother. This is
1238
01:08:44.760 --> 01:08:48.720
the one Judy had never thought so fast in her life.
1239
01:08:49.359 --> 01:08:51.520
She had not yet recovered from the shock of finding
1240
01:08:51.560 --> 01:08:54.159
out that her long morn daughter was still alive and
1241
01:08:54.199 --> 01:08:58.079
the little girl had met amorphosed into the spectacular tiger Lily.
1242
01:08:58.640 --> 01:09:02.079
It left her almost reachless and uncertain of her feelings.
1243
01:09:02.439 --> 01:09:05.119
She too, had seen all the photographs of Lily and
1244
01:09:05.159 --> 01:09:11.359
Abdullah closely documented love affair without meaning or wanting to.
1245
01:09:11.479 --> 01:09:15.159
Judy couldn't help noticing what the paper said about Abdullah,
1246
01:09:15.399 --> 01:09:18.279
couldn't help being interested in anything she read about side
1247
01:09:18.319 --> 01:09:21.800
On or about Arabs. She couldn't simply forget someone who
1248
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:25.119
so drastically altered the course of her life. She had
1249
01:09:25.159 --> 01:09:29.479
caused her such physical and mental pain. But it was incest.
1250
01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:32.920
The word flashed so loudly in her head, it was
1251
01:09:32.960 --> 01:09:35.560
all She was almost surprised the others couldn't hear it.
1252
01:09:35.880 --> 01:09:38.119
Do you ever have that where something hits you can
1253
01:09:38.159 --> 01:09:40.560
hear your head shout and you're like, fuck, nobody can
1254
01:09:40.600 --> 01:09:43.680
hear that, But you're almost surprised they can't. She couldn't
1255
01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:47.600
avoid Lily's question, But could she possibly tell Lily, you
1256
01:09:47.680 --> 01:09:51.159
have to who the father was. In the last few minutes,
1257
01:09:51.239 --> 01:09:54.760
Judy had suddenly realized the secret of Lily's personality, that
1258
01:09:54.840 --> 01:09:59.720
hot headed, hasty, volatile temper, proud rebelliousness was obviously inherited
1259
01:09:59.760 --> 01:10:02.920
from her father, and so were the guts. In spite
1260
01:10:02.960 --> 01:10:05.880
of her past, Lily had been an amazing success in
1261
01:10:05.880 --> 01:10:08.800
the eyes of the world. She was undoubtedly a gutsy lady.
1262
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:11.920
Her natural gift for acting had reluctantly been acknowledged by
1263
01:10:11.960 --> 01:10:14.439
the critics, and in the previous three years Lily had
1264
01:10:14.439 --> 01:10:17.399
improved her performance. She had worked hard, She had turned
1265
01:10:17.439 --> 01:10:20.760
down lucrative, showy parts, and had accepted only those roles
1266
01:10:20.800 --> 01:10:23.000
that would build her up and her reputation as a
1267
01:10:23.079 --> 01:10:27.079
serious actress. What effect Judy wondered would the truth have
1268
01:10:27.239 --> 01:10:30.039
on Lily and her career if Lily was told she
1269
01:10:30.159 --> 01:10:32.960
was the illegitimate daughter of a king who had raped
1270
01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:36.119
her mother, and would Lily not be equally horrified when
1271
01:10:36.159 --> 01:10:40.680
she thought what her past relationship had been with her father?
1272
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:42.479
Does Judy not tell her.
1273
01:10:42.479 --> 01:10:47.520
What psychological damage might have such knowledge inflict on her? Certainly,
1274
01:10:47.560 --> 01:10:50.439
Lily was unlikely to shrug her shoulders and accept those
1275
01:10:50.560 --> 01:10:56.680
unpleasant revelations as another of fate's little quirks. These thoughts
1276
01:10:56.720 --> 01:10:59.960
flashed through Judy's mind. She slowly twisted the coral rosebud
1277
01:11:00.119 --> 01:11:03.640
ring on her left hand. Nick had said that she
1278
01:11:03.720 --> 01:11:08.800
could always count on him and he would always help her. Swiftly,
1279
01:11:08.920 --> 01:11:11.880
Judy reached a decision. She sat up, your father's name
1280
01:11:11.920 --> 01:11:14.319
is Nicholas Cliff, and we loved each other very much,
1281
01:11:14.640 --> 01:11:16.800
in fact, on one occasion, but Kate.
1282
01:11:16.760 --> 01:11:19.439
Or Maxine knows, one of them knows.
1283
01:11:19.680 --> 01:11:24.199
Kate knows because on Valentine's Day night she so, on
1284
01:11:24.199 --> 01:11:26.840
one occasion we loved each other too much. It was
1285
01:11:26.840 --> 01:11:30.279
on Saint Valentine's Night. He wanted to get married. He wanted,
1286
01:11:30.319 --> 01:11:33.159
but he wanted to do his National service. We couldn't
1287
01:11:33.159 --> 01:11:35.520
because I was only fifteen and it wouldn't have been legal.
1288
01:11:36.199 --> 01:11:38.720
And Kate is sitting there going, oh my god, why
1289
01:11:38.760 --> 01:11:41.600
is she lying? Because I was with Nick all night
1290
01:11:41.680 --> 01:11:42.760
that night and.
1291
01:11:42.680 --> 01:11:43.920
We were trying to have sex.
1292
01:11:44.039 --> 01:11:47.560
But they but Kate never told that she tried to
1293
01:11:47.560 --> 01:11:49.640
have sex with Nick that one night because it didn't
1294
01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:51.760
happen and they were kind of embarrassed about it, and
1295
01:11:51.800 --> 01:11:53.760
she was afraid Judy would be mad, even though she's like, oh,
1296
01:11:53.760 --> 01:11:56.000
I got Judy doesn't like him, but so she never
1297
01:11:56.039 --> 01:11:57.800
told them so Okay, He's like, why the fuck is
1298
01:11:57.800 --> 01:12:02.000
she lying? So that's happening, but there's other things happening
1299
01:12:02.000 --> 01:12:02.880
in the room at the same time.
1300
01:12:03.199 --> 01:12:05.359
Took one page left. How are there so many things?
1301
01:12:06.079 --> 01:12:11.239
So many things? Laughed Okay. By the time, okay, so
1302
01:12:11.279 --> 01:12:12.960
we couldn't get married because it was legal. By the
1303
01:12:12.960 --> 01:12:15.680
time I found out I was pregnant. He was in
1304
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:19.079
the army in Malaya, and then just after you were born,
1305
01:12:19.399 --> 01:12:22.119
he was killed. She paused and gave a sigh, and
1306
01:12:22.199 --> 01:12:24.880
she remembered Nick. But I shall never forget him, she
1307
01:12:25.000 --> 01:12:28.479
said firmly. Lily suddenly looked happy enough to cry. Yes,
1308
01:12:28.520 --> 01:12:31.399
she'd swallowed it her voice. So Lily buys it. Okay,
1309
01:12:31.479 --> 01:12:33.479
this guy Nick, the guy from their story who was
1310
01:12:33.479 --> 01:12:36.520
the nice guy who was so lovely. I have waited
1311
01:12:36.800 --> 01:12:40.680
for this moment all my life. I have often imagined it,
1312
01:12:40.920 --> 01:12:43.199
but now it comes to me as a complete surprise.
1313
01:12:43.960 --> 01:12:46.159
So yeah, So Judy is like imagine seeing her daughter
1314
01:12:46.199 --> 01:12:49.159
her whole life, but thought she was gone and now
1315
01:12:49.279 --> 01:12:52.359
has to lie. It's just a total shock. In the
1316
01:12:52.399 --> 01:12:55.039
reunion scene that Lily had imagined all her life, she
1317
01:12:55.079 --> 01:12:57.520
had always flung herself into the arms of my mamma.
1318
01:12:58.239 --> 01:13:01.199
Now slowly she stood up to take a tentative step
1319
01:13:01.239 --> 01:13:05.159
towards Judy. Her mother wasn't what she expected, but nevertheless,
1320
01:13:05.199 --> 01:13:08.399
Lily had found her, and to lily surprise, she already
1321
01:13:08.399 --> 01:13:11.319
warmed to Judy. Judy had carried Lily in her body
1322
01:13:11.319 --> 01:13:13.760
for nine months, had given birth to her, and had
1323
01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:16.760
supported her. In fact, those seven years, all four of
1324
01:13:16.800 --> 01:13:20.199
these women had supported her, and it couldn't have been
1325
01:13:20.199 --> 01:13:23.279
easy for them. She felt their supportive warmth, their closest.
1326
01:13:23.479 --> 01:13:26.840
They chose the best family she ever had. Yeah, they
1327
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:29.359
chose the only loving mother she ever knew.
1328
01:13:29.479 --> 01:13:31.720
Yep, And it was stolen from her, and they were
1329
01:13:31.720 --> 01:13:33.239
stolen from her by the by fate.
1330
01:13:33.720 --> 01:13:37.880
And now she's like and bureaucracy, she's bad administrative.
1331
01:13:37.319 --> 01:13:39.880
And just the horrors of war in general, and she's feeling.
1332
01:13:39.920 --> 01:13:41.600
But now she sees them and she's like, they did
1333
01:13:41.640 --> 01:13:43.720
love me, all four of them. It's like, you have
1334
01:13:43.880 --> 01:13:44.760
four moms.
1335
01:13:44.520 --> 01:13:47.039
And they all risked so much to do.
1336
01:13:46.920 --> 01:13:50.159
This, and even the trip to the to the front, like,
1337
01:13:51.119 --> 01:13:54.600
and she's like, wow, this is a lot of there's
1338
01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:57.079
a lot of love here. These women loved me and
1339
01:13:57.159 --> 01:14:00.760
each other and love each other Lily did realize how
1340
01:14:00.760 --> 01:14:03.640
fast and fierce were the invisible messages flashing around the
1341
01:14:03.720 --> 01:14:06.880
room as she took another hesitant step towards Judy and said,
1342
01:14:06.920 --> 01:14:11.640
you know, I can't believe it's true. Okay, but so
1343
01:14:11.720 --> 01:14:15.359
now we've got Judy in front of multiple people.
1344
01:14:15.439 --> 01:14:17.359
Know this is a lie because max I think it
1345
01:14:17.479 --> 01:14:18.840
was Maxine.
1346
01:14:18.600 --> 01:14:20.680
Seeing her mom knew about the momps.
1347
01:14:21.039 --> 01:14:23.600
Kate was with Nick that night.
1348
01:14:24.079 --> 01:14:26.960
So two of them immediately know she's lying. And what
1349
01:14:27.079 --> 01:14:29.720
happens is so so Lily is here might be the
1350
01:14:29.760 --> 01:14:32.359
only one. Lily is here looking at Judy. Judy is
1351
01:14:32.399 --> 01:14:35.279
here looking at the other three and going fucking don't
1352
01:14:35.319 --> 01:14:38.840
say anything. She's flashing looks at them like don't say anything,
1353
01:14:38.840 --> 01:14:39.359
don't say anything.
1354
01:14:39.439 --> 01:14:39.960
Yeah, I'll tell you.
1355
01:14:40.479 --> 01:14:44.119
Because she's exchanging glances with like Maxine, she's exchanging glances
1356
01:14:44.279 --> 01:14:47.119
with Kate, and then she sees Pagan and Pagan's like,
1357
01:14:47.159 --> 01:14:52.279
what's happening? Why is everyone being so weird? Yeah? Pagan
1358
01:14:52.399 --> 01:14:55.000
is like totally doesn't know. She's like, why is everyone
1359
01:14:55.039 --> 01:14:57.680
looking around so weird? Oh God, why do you guys
1360
01:14:57.760 --> 01:15:00.880
not telling me? The other three women were looking at
1361
01:15:00.920 --> 01:15:05.560
Judy uh and had uh looking Judy had immediately known
1362
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:07.680
she was lying. All three of them knew, so Pagan
1363
01:15:07.760 --> 01:15:09.279
knows too. She's like, why is Judy lying? I don't
1364
01:15:09.359 --> 01:15:11.119
understand because she just knows her so well. She knows
1365
01:15:11.119 --> 01:15:15.760
she's lying. Lily couldn't see the incredulity, astonishment, and disbelief
1366
01:15:15.760 --> 01:15:18.159
in their eyes because she was looking at Judy, but
1367
01:15:18.279 --> 01:15:20.560
Judy could. She held her breath, willing the others to
1368
01:15:20.640 --> 01:15:23.279
keep silent. Did Pagan and Kate know or guess? Would
1369
01:15:23.279 --> 01:15:26.159
any of them say? What the hell had Why had
1370
01:15:26.199 --> 01:15:28.960
she said Saint Valentine's Night? It was too specific. I
1371
01:15:28.960 --> 01:15:31.920
guess she wanted to make it romantic, and that was
1372
01:15:31.960 --> 01:15:34.479
the night she was attacked. Yeah, back's in her head
1373
01:15:34.920 --> 01:15:37.159
and she's like, well, that is the name line received,
1374
01:15:37.399 --> 01:15:39.760
But she doesn't know about Pagan or about Kate and Nick.
1375
01:15:41.119 --> 01:15:43.359
So Kate's remembering the night she had felt kind of
1376
01:15:43.399 --> 01:15:48.239
guilty about it, about how they were kind of embarrassed.
1377
01:15:48.319 --> 01:15:50.560
Neither of them referred to the evening, but there it
1378
01:15:50.720 --> 01:15:54.720
was limp impossible. That's such a cheeky line. But yeah,
1379
01:15:54.760 --> 01:15:57.840
so she's like, I know that ain't true. Neither was
1380
01:15:57.880 --> 01:15:59.840
it possible for Judy to have spent that night with Nick,
1381
01:15:59.840 --> 01:16:02.000
be Kate had been in his bed. So why was
1382
01:16:02.079 --> 01:16:05.279
Judy lying? Why had she mentioned that particular date. Could
1383
01:16:05.359 --> 01:16:07.880
Judy have slept with Nick on some other subsequent night,
1384
01:16:07.920 --> 01:16:10.119
but then why would she say Valentine's Day night? So this,
1385
01:16:10.279 --> 01:16:14.840
this all happened in the last two pages. We are
1386
01:16:14.880 --> 01:16:16.960
in the last two pages.
1387
01:16:17.399 --> 01:16:18.640
This book is gonna kill me.
1388
01:16:18.800 --> 01:16:21.920
Kate didn't think so, although he never so much just
1389
01:16:22.000 --> 01:16:24.560
kissed her again, although Kate guessed that Nick also felt
1390
01:16:24.600 --> 01:16:27.359
guilty and faithless, which is so dumb because like, come on,
1391
01:16:27.560 --> 01:16:30.239
they weren't together. Kate had no idea who Judy's lover
1392
01:16:30.319 --> 01:16:34.000
had been, but she was sure it wasn't Nick. Maxine's
1393
01:16:34.079 --> 01:16:37.279
eyes had also widened because of how she had heard
1394
01:16:37.319 --> 01:16:39.840
about Nick's mumps, and she knew she thought he was
1395
01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:42.079
telling the truth. There's no reason to think that it
1396
01:16:42.119 --> 01:16:45.560
was that that's wrong, and she knows Judy well enough
1397
01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:49.079
to know like, ooh, Judy lying certainly couldn't have been Nick,
1398
01:16:49.600 --> 01:16:52.520
thought Maxine. However, Maxine wouldn't let Judy see that she
1399
01:16:52.600 --> 01:16:55.920
had disbelieved her story. After all, Judy had been Maxine's
1400
01:16:55.960 --> 01:16:58.239
friend for over a quarter of a century. It had
1401
01:16:58.239 --> 01:17:00.560
been Judy's idea to open the chateau, and it was
1402
01:17:00.600 --> 01:17:04.039
she who had organized Maxine's American lecture tours. It would
1403
01:17:04.039 --> 01:17:07.279
be the It would be indiscreet and foolish. Maxine decided
1404
01:17:07.319 --> 01:17:09.520
to let Judy see. She knew her story was alive.
1405
01:17:09.520 --> 01:17:11.520
So Maxine is just ride or die. Yep, She's like,
1406
01:17:11.520 --> 01:17:13.600
all right, whatever, I trust you. Whatever you're lying for
1407
01:17:13.760 --> 01:17:16.800
must be a good reason. Maxine turned to smile at Lily,
1408
01:17:17.319 --> 01:17:19.439
ma Cher, you have not only found a mother, but
1409
01:17:19.520 --> 01:17:22.079
you've found a whole family. We are, of course surprised,
1410
01:17:22.319 --> 01:17:24.720
but we are also very, very happy to have found
1411
01:17:24.800 --> 01:17:29.720
you again. Maxine also knew that try as she might,
1412
01:17:29.800 --> 01:17:32.439
she would never be fond of Lily, She would never
1413
01:17:32.560 --> 01:17:35.359
be able to forget that horrible scene in the Orangerie
1414
01:17:35.760 --> 01:17:38.520
with her adored son. But for Judy's sake, she was
1415
01:17:38.520 --> 01:17:41.159
determined that nobody ever knew her true feeling. So lying
1416
01:17:41.159 --> 01:17:42.920
through a teach she says that shit about you found
1417
01:17:42.960 --> 01:17:46.560
a family. Lily was so surprised. Suddenly she felt the
1418
01:17:46.560 --> 01:17:50.880
warmth of total happiness. Amazingly, something had happened in twenty
1419
01:17:50.960 --> 01:17:53.359
minutes that she could not have imagined could happen in
1420
01:17:53.399 --> 01:17:56.600
twenty years. Suddenly Lily realized the deep truth of what
1421
01:17:56.640 --> 01:17:59.560
Maxine was saying. She felt part of this warm, tightly
1422
01:17:59.640 --> 01:18:03.039
knit group of women. Whereas twenty minutes ago Lily didn't
1423
01:18:03.079 --> 01:18:04.920
have a mother, she now had, for the first time
1424
01:18:04.960 --> 01:18:10.039
in her life, firm friends. And Maxine's like, I hate you.
1425
01:18:10.079 --> 01:18:15.239
Bitch, you bitch, And you know what fair Maxine does
1426
01:18:15.279 --> 01:18:16.600
not have to like her, No.
1427
01:18:16.600 --> 01:18:19.720
Of course not, and she also doesn't know the full
1428
01:18:20.479 --> 01:18:23.199
picture of that, but yeah, she certainly doesn't have to
1429
01:18:23.239 --> 01:18:26.439
forgive her. Judy felt drained in only twenty four hours.
1430
01:18:26.439 --> 01:18:29.119
Her life had changed dramatically. For years, Judy had been
1431
01:18:29.199 --> 01:18:31.279
lucky enough to have success, fame, money, in love, but
1432
01:18:31.359 --> 01:18:33.880
until today she lacked what most women hoped for and
1433
01:18:33.880 --> 01:18:36.840
indeed expect, a husband and a child. Now she suddenly
1434
01:18:36.880 --> 01:18:41.239
had which Griffin can marry her and I've got a kid.
1435
01:18:41.279 --> 01:18:42.560
But then she's like, what do I have to gain
1436
01:18:42.600 --> 01:18:45.439
my marrying Griffin? And she keeps thinking, like, you know,
1437
01:18:45.680 --> 01:18:48.119
Griffin kind of has developed this habit of cheating on
1438
01:18:48.159 --> 01:18:51.920
his wife, So why risk turning into Griffin's wife? Oh?
1439
01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:55.119
Why not continue your present relationship which has been rock
1440
01:18:55.159 --> 01:18:55.640
steady for.
1441
01:18:55.600 --> 01:18:58.079
So long that's brilliant. Good for you, Judy.
1442
01:18:58.159 --> 01:19:01.000
Yesterday, Judy would have grabbed it, the chance of a loving,
1443
01:19:01.039 --> 01:19:04.760
supportive relationship that was underlined by traditional laws of society.
1444
01:19:05.000 --> 01:19:08.600
But today, and so unexpectedly, Judy had suddenly discovered that
1445
01:19:08.680 --> 01:19:11.960
a firmer bond existed in her life. Her child had
1446
01:19:11.960 --> 01:19:14.600
been restored to her. Judy stood up and moved toward
1447
01:19:14.640 --> 01:19:14.960
her daughter.
1448
01:19:15.039 --> 01:19:19.479
And the three rider Di bessies are nothing to scoff at.
1449
01:19:19.600 --> 01:19:22.479
Exactly, They're the most important relationships you've ever had and
1450
01:19:22.520 --> 01:19:23.439
ever will fucking have.
1451
01:19:23.600 --> 01:19:26.880
Yeah. So she's having this like deep Catharsis, Yeah, which
1452
01:19:26.920 --> 01:19:31.199
she so deserves. It's crazy how much happened so quickly.
1453
01:19:31.560 --> 01:19:38.199
So Judy reaches like transcendent she she arrives. Judy stood
1454
01:19:38.279 --> 01:19:40.319
up and moved towards her daughter, her face still tense
1455
01:19:40.359 --> 01:19:45.399
but smiling. But but Pagan blurreted out, it was impossible,
1456
01:19:45.520 --> 01:19:56.159
impossible support dumb Pagan began shut up, Pan Pagan, I
1457
01:19:56.199 --> 01:19:59.319
am so Pagan, by the way, I don't get it.
1458
01:19:59.720 --> 01:20:03.840
Why tabbit a Wait, so she fucked your dad? Like, yeah, exactly.
1459
01:20:04.119 --> 01:20:05.960
Everyone wants to be Kate.
1460
01:20:06.399 --> 01:20:10.319
Everyone wants everyone wants to be everyone.
1461
01:20:10.000 --> 01:20:14.680
Wants to be Judy everyone, Pagan, they're O Kate and
1462
01:20:14.720 --> 01:20:24.520
they're the same person in the in the fucking justice person.
1463
01:20:26.159 --> 01:20:30.119
Why, well, we don't need to British actresses. Yeah so yeah,
1464
01:20:30.199 --> 01:20:36.560
so Pagan and Kate botense share like the wealthy background.
1465
01:20:36.920 --> 01:20:38.760
But it doesn't matter if it's new money or old money.
1466
01:20:38.840 --> 01:20:43.720
That's too nuanced, fucking amazing. So so, Pagan blurts out.
1467
01:20:44.319 --> 01:20:46.960
Pagan stops from mid sentenced as Lily looked astonished, and
1468
01:20:47.039 --> 01:20:50.119
Judy turned furious blue eyes on her, So like, shut
1469
01:20:50.199 --> 01:20:54.359
the full up, pretty good, fucking shut up, bitch, and
1470
01:20:54.520 --> 01:21:00.319
Megan's like, uh. Pagan, remembering Nick's aquamarine eyes, turned her
1471
01:21:00.359 --> 01:21:03.720
head and looked up straight into Lily's big, slanting, velvet
1472
01:21:03.840 --> 01:21:08.159
brown eyes. As she stared, Pagan was remembering what her
1473
01:21:08.239 --> 01:21:12.039
husband had said years ago when she had first discovered
1474
01:21:12.079 --> 01:21:15.000
she was pregnant. She had told Christopher she wanted a
1475
01:21:15.039 --> 01:21:18.600
little girl with big brown eyes, and her husband had said, well,
1476
01:21:18.600 --> 01:21:19.800
you're not going to get one.
1477
01:21:19.840 --> 01:21:23.640
Doe the genetics. He gave her a full lesson in genetics.
1478
01:21:23.640 --> 01:21:26.840
He explained that the color of the child's eyes depended
1479
01:21:26.840 --> 01:21:29.279
on the genre grouping of its parents. Two blue eyed
1480
01:21:29.279 --> 01:21:31.960
individuals could not produce a brown eyed baby. He had
1481
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:34.920
been definite about it. Pagan turned her head and looked
1482
01:21:34.920 --> 01:21:38.520
at Judy and we are in the last paragraph blue eyes,
1483
01:21:38.560 --> 01:21:41.359
and then at Lily. Why on earth was Judy lying?
1484
01:21:41.760 --> 01:21:46.119
What possible reason could there be? Pagan had only paused
1485
01:21:46.159 --> 01:21:49.439
for two seconds as these thoughts flashed through her brain.
1486
01:21:49.840 --> 01:21:53.039
But in that time, Maxine had jerked upright and said, sharply,
1487
01:21:54.439 --> 01:22:01.960
sick and sin, remember Pagan. But Pagan stuttered, realizing that
1488
01:22:02.039 --> 01:22:05.359
she had just been reminded to support Judy now and
1489
01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:09.119
always What the hell had she been saying?
1490
01:22:09.239 --> 01:22:09.399
Oh?
1491
01:22:09.479 --> 01:22:14.119
Yes, Pagan beamed at Lily and carefully continued, it was
1492
01:22:14.279 --> 01:22:19.359
impossible for anybody to forget your father, Lily, and that
1493
01:22:19.520 --> 01:22:21.560
at least was the truth.
1494
01:22:23.199 --> 01:22:51.199
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
1495
01:22:39.079 --> 01:22:44.560
Lace a delicate decorative fabric woven in an open web
1496
01:22:44.600 --> 01:22:48.600
of different patterns and figures. A cord or string drawn
1497
01:22:48.680 --> 01:22:49.439
through holes.
1498
01:22:49.560 --> 01:22:53.680
To lace, to fasten, to add a dash of spirit,
1499
01:22:54.239 --> 01:23:00.000
to interlace, to join together fingers, patterns, to intertwine, to.
1500
01:23:00.119 --> 01:23:04.399
Mingle a blend in an intricate way, to it dis first,
1501
01:23:04.479 --> 01:23:29.119
to diversify, to change the patterns. I think we should
1502
01:23:29.119 --> 01:23:29.680
just end there.
1503
01:23:30.439 --> 01:23:37.600
I mean, I don't know what to say.
1504
01:23:38.439 --> 01:23:40.880
I think we should do like a talkback episode later.
1505
01:23:41.000 --> 01:23:43.159
I think we should we shouldn't have a guest, maybe
1506
01:23:43.159 --> 01:23:46.279
someone who's listening to the whole season interview us about it, like,
1507
01:23:46.359 --> 01:23:49.199
ask us some questions about our experience. Are we okay?
1508
01:23:49.760 --> 01:23:52.439
Maybe like a therapy post therapy session kind of thing.
1509
01:23:53.000 --> 01:23:54.880
I think I think we should leave it on the butt.
1510
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:57.680
I think we should sing it together, and I think
1511
01:23:57.720 --> 01:23:59.000
we should just talk about this later.
1512
01:24:01.119 --> 01:24:21.720
Ready, Yeah, OK, thank you for listening to Passages Passages.
1513
01:24:22.560 --> 01:24:28.600
Passages is an independent podcast, so please please like, review
1514
01:24:28.840 --> 01:24:34.199
and subscribe. Production and editing by Aaron Schoenrock.
1515
01:24:34.039 --> 01:24:39.000
Rock hard music produced by Hope and Media I Hope
1516
01:24:39.239 --> 01:24:42.079
for Hope and comedy by us.
1517
01:24:42.880 --> 01:24:46.279
If you yearn for more, follow us on Instagram at
1518
01:24:46.479 --> 01:24:47.600
Passages pod