S8 EP46: Marcus Brigstocke

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting.
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Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what
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it's really like to be a parent which I would
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say can be a little tricky.
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So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're
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coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also
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be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice
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and of course tales of parenting.
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Woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times
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where none of us know what we're doing.
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Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.
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Hey, Emma. Yeah?
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Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Whittakin?
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Josh Whittakin. That's right. Is that from New Zealand? Legend? Australia.
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Rob Beckett. Why, hello, you sexy and relatable porridge gobblers.
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Tara and Will here from Goldbourne, Australia. This is our five-year-old, Emmett.
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Emmett.
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Say your names. We've been devotedly listening since the late
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lockdown days after my mum recommended listening to you guys
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when we were struggling with adjusting to life with a kid.
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Your podcast has had a wonderful impact on our lives
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as parents and Emmett thanks you for his pom-pom jar.
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You guys are a much anticipated part of our date
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nights on Wednesday evenings. We travel to Canberra and we
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fuck while listening to you.
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There's nothing else to do in Canberra.
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No, that's not what he said. On Wednesday evenings, we
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travelled to Canberra for swing dance classes and dinner, and
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we get to catch up on the week's episode of
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The Journey To and From. Can't wait to see you guys.
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When you tour out here, lots of love. Cara, Will
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and Emmett. And my mum, Nah. Or Nah? Nah. Lovely.
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Well, I'm going to be in Canberra.
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You told us about the show.
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I'm waiting for the dates to be confirmed. Autumn 2025,
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I'll be in Canberra.
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Oh, that's where I'll be. maybe touring the uk we'll never.
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Know we'll swap in and out we take turns exactly
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um so that was a nice message wasn't it it
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was nice i thought it got a.
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Bit blue halfway through but.
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I love that because people don't expect it from you
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as much as me so that really caught me and
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i love i hope that really caught me off guard
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and i'm sat down listening so i imagine if you're
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on the school run Yeah. And you just go, I'm
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going to put that, or you're on a jog on
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your own, or you're walking the dog, and the little
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old lady goes, oh, hello, how's the little dog getting
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in your ear?
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You just get Josh Winnipeg and go, fucked. Yeah, and
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I'll tell you what the worst bit about that is,
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their mum listens. Wow. Yeah, but look, without them fucking,
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she's got no lovely little Emmett. Exactly. No lovely little Emmett.
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So don't hate the player, hate the game. Can I
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talk to you about my cat? Yes.
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All okay?
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Trigger warning? Yeah, all fine. So we went on holiday.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah, as you know. She moved in next door, Rob.
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So what do you normally do when the cat goes
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on holiday?
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Pauline, from two doors down. Yeah. She feeds the cat. Yeah.
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So she goes into the house and feeds the cat
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and the.
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Cat stays there. Yeah, does the fish. Does the fish.
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Of course someone needs to feed the fish. Yeah.
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How are the fish, all right?
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Yeah, good.
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Algae all cleared up?
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Algae cleaned as a whistle. So she does the cat.
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Why are we still so clean? Don't know, because actually
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they're filthy, aren't they?
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They're in your mouth all the time.
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Because they've got spit going in and out of them.
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Yeah.
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Like, I think a whistle is vilely grim.
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Probably one of the most disgusting things you could.
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Yeah, like, did you ever play blow football as a child? Pardon?
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So blow football would be a ping pong ball, and
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you'd both have a straw, and you'd kind of try
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and blow it into the other one's goal. Right, okay, cool.
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But the problem would be, 30 seconds in, the dripping
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of the spit would start to come out of the
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bottom of the straw.
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Oh, no.
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And that's what a whistle would be like. Right, okay, yeah.
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So anyway, algae's gone. So anyway, Pauline texts me and
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says that Beryl, has turned up at her house and
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tried to move in when we've gone away.
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Oh, so rather than Pauline going down, she's going down
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to Pauline.
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Well, she did because she did start coming to feed
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and then Beryl's gone and moved in with her. And
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so has Beryl come back? Beryl did come back, yeah.
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But that's really handy for Pauline. Oh, so where are
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you going?
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Loose waving?
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You're going to Bromley to take stuff back to the shops?
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Ask her what her appointment was. Oh, no, she heard that.
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Look, she goes, You know when you left that voicemail
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the other week about the episode?
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Yeah.
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I just wondered, and you said you had to get
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to an appointment. I wondered what the appointment was.
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Why are you taking your glasses off so nervously, Robin?
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Because I'm scared in case she hits me.
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I don't want her to break them. I don't know.
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You don't know what your appointment was? Pilates? Pilates?
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Maybe?
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I don't know. Okay. I just can't remember, Josh, what
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the appointment was. What was your theory on.
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It, Rob?
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Pardon, Josh, what was my theory on it?
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My theory was that potentially, because you can remember what
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the appointment was, it may not have been a super
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mega important.
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It wasn't a doctor's appointment.
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It wasn't a doctor's.
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But I had something booked at 10 o'clock.
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Yeah, something booked at 10 o'clock.
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It was Pilates. It was Pilates, okay. You offered to
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meet me in the high street and swap keys. Yes, yeah,
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it was Pilates.
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And I offered to, so I kindly offered to meet
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you in the high street, didn't I?
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Where you already were.
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You offered to meet me where you were with my keys.
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It wasn't kindly come to where you are.
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Love you, baby.
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Where are you going? Have fun.
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Are you taking stuff back, yeah?
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I can't forget, though, don't I? That's my dyslexia. No,
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don't do that. Weaponise your dyslexia. Weaponise my dyslexia. Love you, baby.
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Sorry about that, Josh.
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It's stressful when you get put under the cosh like that.
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You work me well there. You work me like a
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puppet master.
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You work me like a dog. But Beryl's back. She's back,
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but it is interesting now that when we go away,
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she's just going to move out and pretend that everything's
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normal when we get home, as if she hasn't done it.
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Yeah i know but she's just like well that's the
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person who's gonna feed me and give me cuddles now
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while they're away so i might as well go has
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she got cats pauline yeah two of them right and
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do they all get on yeah so beryl's in the
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house i sleep on the sofa i think so yeah
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i just feel like you've been cheated on doesn't it
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it's a bit also it's what like you feel like
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something goes wrong with beryl you're like all right pauline
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let's go after them.
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You come down to vets with me, Pauline. Our friends
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had that situation. They basically ended up with a cat
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from someone else on the street who wasn't that into
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their own cat. Yeah. And then they had a dispute
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over the vet bill because our friends had to tell
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the owner that the cat had something wrong with its teeth,
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I think, and needed a vet bill. And then there
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was a dispute over whose cat it now was.
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That's mental. Well, it's got to be the person's cat
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who got the cat. Yeah, but I think the person
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who got the cat had basically washed his hands of
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the cat.
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You can't wash your hands of a cat. The cat decides.
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Yeah, the cat decides. Anyway, let's bring on our guest.
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We've had Rachel Parris, his wife, and now we have
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the man himself, Marcus Brigstock. He is a man who
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I think I probably would have watched him on TV
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before I was even a comedian, Rob.
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Long career and long life as a parent because he's
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got two older kids, so in the, like, 20s, and
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then a baby.
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Is that two years old? So, yeah, so there we go.
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This is how well we remember, Rob, when we recorded
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the interview two weeks ago. Yeah. Do you know what
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my worst nightmare would be like? Could someone at home
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sort this out and me and Rob will do it?
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Go on. A quiz where all the answers are like,
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how many kids has this guest got? Which guest has got... Oh, God. Yeah.
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I think I'll be terrible at that. Yeah, I'm going
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to be really bad at it. Apparently, hell quiz on
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our guests. How much have we listened? How much did
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we take in? Not too bleak. Not like, you know.
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I'd have to know how many times in an interview
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I go, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, less than make the edit, I imagine. Michael's got 4,000
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of them, so... This is Marcus Brigstocke. Yeah, it's a
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great episode. Enjoy.
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Marcus Brigstocke, welcome to the show.
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Just before we start recording, we were doing a sound
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check and we asked you what you had for breakfast
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and you, in quite a sad voice, said yogurt and seeds.
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Yeah, it really is.
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It's yogurt and pips. It's really tragic. I've just now
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started addressing the weight that I put on in lockdown.
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Oh, wow.
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Yeah, I know, right? I just felt it was time.
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I feel now like... Did you really go for it
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with Eat Out to Help Out? Oh, mate, I got
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such value out of that.
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He helped out so much. Three times a week, he
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was helping out.
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I really did.
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And I sort of feel now like I've got to
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address it.
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Talk me through your yogurt and seeds.
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Well, so it's such a tiny amount.
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Of yogurt and seeds yeah it's a.
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Really tiny amount and it's got loads of like it's
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genuine seeds like sunflower pumpkin flax I think that's the
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worst seed I mean that's linseed it's literally it's literally
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what you put on cricket bats Yeah.
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We have flaxseed. I don't know where it's come from.
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It seems to have appeared in our house in the
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last 18 months.
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But you only need to buy one amount of flaxseed
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in your life because you can never get through it.
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It's like the Ainsley Harriet couscous from Costco. No one's
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ever finished a tub. Not once. Never.
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So how old's your youngest, Marcus?
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He is two and three quarters now.
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Right.
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So you're at that stage where actually you're going at
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it quite early. But if you want to sort of,
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once you've had kids and you want to sort of
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get a bit fitter or lose a bit of weight, whatever,
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it's much easier to start when.
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They're in nursery or school.
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Yeah.
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Around four and stuff. It's impossible before then. Mate, that's
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one of the issues, to be honest, is that around....
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7.30am there's half a delicious breakfast left over from here
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and about 6 o'clock every night there's at least half
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a waffle and you know a fairly decent amount of
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scrambled egg or you know The extra fish finger you
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put under the grill in case, weirdly, they do want
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four for the first time ever as opposed to half
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of one. And that's genuinely like I'm so compulsive around food.
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Like Rachel can barely even get started on a meal
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before I'm going like, do you.
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Think you'll finish that? You're going to finish that? Oh, really? Yeah,
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just dive in. It's dreadful.
248
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But Billy's, yeah, Billy's leftover nosh. It's not even that
249
00:11:00.870 --> 00:11:03.509
nice most of the time. He's sort of pushed it
250
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around and he likes to wipe the side with his food.
251
00:11:07.490 --> 00:11:08.889
Right. Wipe the side of what?
252
00:11:09.029 --> 00:11:10.590
Like the table or.
253
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But you'll still go in? Yeah, I'll still go in.
254
00:11:12.850 --> 00:11:17.590
What's your rules on consuming stuff that a child's kind of...
255
00:11:17.769 --> 00:11:19.679
That they've gummed a bit? Yeah.
256
00:11:19.940 --> 00:11:23.899
Yeah, I mean, tragically, Josh, there's barely any rules. I mean,
257
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there are now.
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00:11:24.659 --> 00:11:28.779
The rule now as... Is seeds and yoghurt. Yeah, is
259
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seeds and yoghurt.
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Are you doing exercise as well, or is it just diet?
261
00:11:31.740 --> 00:11:35.120
Yeah, loads of exercise. And I've taken off... about a
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stone basically i was at the altitude comedy festival in
263
00:11:39.450 --> 00:11:42.450
april and like winter sports is the thing for me
264
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that's the one that i'm passionate about and it was
265
00:11:44.929 --> 00:11:48.090
much harder than it should be it's the only sport
266
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i can do is it not.
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An advantage when you're going downhill Yeah, it is.
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It just takes so long to get up it on
269
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the lift.
270
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Until you have to turn or stop. Yeah, you can
271
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see him switching the lifts to top power to get
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me back up. Even the Austrians were like, Zed is,
273
00:12:07.309 --> 00:12:08.669
to be honest, Zed is too much.
274
00:12:09.769 --> 00:12:12.809
So, yeah. Didn't you almost die in a ski lift
275
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at altitude, Rob?
276
00:12:14.190 --> 00:12:17.409
No, no. I did go when I wasn't experiencing skiing.
277
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I got taken on like a black run or something
278
00:12:19.429 --> 00:12:20.830
when I should have been on a blue and it
279
00:12:20.870 --> 00:12:21.250
was awful.
280
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And I had to just drag myself down.
281
00:12:22.809 --> 00:12:25.860
That sounds more familiar. Yeah. I just had to bum
282
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shuffle down a mountain. It was horrible. No, I heard
283
00:12:28.149 --> 00:12:31.860
a story from Murphy Crosby that you and him and
284
00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.980
the other pappies were in a ski lift at altitude
285
00:12:35.480 --> 00:12:37.740
and you went to take a selfie and you leant
286
00:12:37.799 --> 00:12:40.600
back and the door almost opened. Oh, really?
287
00:12:40.620 --> 00:12:41.559
I don't even remember that.
288
00:12:41.759 --> 00:12:43.480
Maybe it was more shocking for them because it looked
289
00:12:43.500 --> 00:12:44.539
like I was going to fall out or I was
290
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just in it.
291
00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:47.779
But that does ring a bell, actually. Yeah. How do
292
00:12:47.820 --> 00:12:50.539
I forget that? Yeah, I think that's true.
293
00:12:50.620 --> 00:12:53.940
Yeah. Is it possible that Jaeger T played a part
294
00:12:53.980 --> 00:12:55.919
in you not remembering that that had happened?
295
00:12:55.950 --> 00:12:56.379
Maybe.
296
00:12:56.639 --> 00:12:56.879
Yeah.
297
00:12:56.950 --> 00:12:57.259
I don't know.
298
00:12:57.279 --> 00:12:58.690
That was probably about 10, 12 years ago. But you
299
00:12:58.710 --> 00:13:00.529
should remember when you nearly died, shouldn't you?
300
00:13:00.570 --> 00:13:01.250
Yeah, yeah.
301
00:13:01.269 --> 00:13:02.909
That is one of the things you might not remember.
302
00:13:03.190 --> 00:13:08.500
I've done too much stuff, I think. Too many things. Yeah,
303
00:13:08.519 --> 00:13:09.200
I'll remember that now.
304
00:13:09.220 --> 00:13:10.299
I completely forgot about that.
305
00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:14.059
What's the closest you've come to death, Marcus? Oh.
306
00:13:14.980 --> 00:13:17.299
Junglers on a bank holiday weekend.
307
00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:18.779
That wasn't close. It was literally.
308
00:13:20.279 --> 00:13:23.970
It was honestly there, a Christmas show. No, I did actually,
309
00:13:24.090 --> 00:13:28.649
with my biggest son, who's now 21, we were kayaking
310
00:13:28.710 --> 00:13:32.350
in Mexico. And there was an American father and son
311
00:13:32.370 --> 00:13:34.700
who fell off theirs. They didn't have life jackets. They
312
00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:37.460
weren't good swimmers. And they were both, I'm quite comfortable
313
00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:40.600
saying this because I'm dealing with it, fat as fuck.
314
00:13:40.899 --> 00:13:41.070
And....
315
00:13:44.049 --> 00:13:47.759
Because there are people that take the piss for being overweight.
316
00:13:47.879 --> 00:13:51.460
They were so big. The dad was vast. This little
317
00:13:51.539 --> 00:13:54.940
boy was like perched up in here. Anyway, so theirs
318
00:13:55.019 --> 00:13:57.980
went over and we went over with my sister and
319
00:13:58.279 --> 00:14:01.250
my niece and me and my son to help them.
320
00:14:01.450 --> 00:14:03.830
And by the time we'd sort of got them back
321
00:14:03.929 --> 00:14:06.850
on their kayak, we'd been washed out to sea and
322
00:14:06.870 --> 00:14:09.929
there were huge waves and everything it was terrifying and
323
00:14:09.970 --> 00:14:13.710
then one of the kayaks broke and filled with water
324
00:14:13.750 --> 00:14:14.769
it was really awful.
325
00:14:14.590 --> 00:14:17.330
How old was your son at the time he must.
326
00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:22.210
Have been i think about nine fucking hell so yeah
327
00:14:22.269 --> 00:14:25.330
little enough that you're like oh god you know this
328
00:14:25.429 --> 00:14:29.879
is horrific really really scary and so what happened so
329
00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:33.080
well he survived yeah yeah yeah yes i wouldn't be
330
00:14:33.100 --> 00:14:37.330
telling it with this much yeah no and then uh
331
00:14:37.350 --> 00:14:42.570
yeah we lost him somewhere but the key thing with
332
00:14:42.590 --> 00:14:48.000
these things is you learn um No, actually what happened,
333
00:14:48.039 --> 00:14:51.759
my sister went ashore. She managed to paddle in. I said,
334
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:53.620
I think you should go and get help because it
335
00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:55.659
was still a bit marginal at that time.
336
00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:56.250
Fucking hell.
337
00:14:56.259 --> 00:15:00.370
And she went and fortunately she dropped my niece off
338
00:15:00.429 --> 00:15:02.389
on the beach and came back and I was able
339
00:15:02.450 --> 00:15:05.429
to get my son on her kayak and she took
340
00:15:05.490 --> 00:15:08.250
him in and I said, yeah, look, go and get help.
341
00:15:08.429 --> 00:15:12.389
And these Mexican guys got a boat, like a motorboat
342
00:15:12.450 --> 00:15:14.470
to come and rescue us and they got flipped.
343
00:15:15.250 --> 00:15:17.950
The whole boat went over. Fucking hell. The whole thing
344
00:15:17.970 --> 00:15:20.269
was monstrous. And where are the Americans at this point?
345
00:15:20.549 --> 00:15:24.019
So the Americans were at this stage. So the dad.
346
00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:27.539
Yeah, that's why he's slagging them off. He knows the dad.
347
00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:30.590
No, the dad, he just couldn't do it. So in
348
00:15:30.610 --> 00:15:33.929
the end... I paddled his kayak with his son on
349
00:15:33.950 --> 00:15:36.289
the front and him holding onto the side of it.
350
00:15:36.809 --> 00:15:40.789
And we managed to get everyone back in, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
351
00:15:40.820 --> 00:15:43.240
But the boat full of, if we're being totally honest,
352
00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:47.940
slightly drunken Mexicans went over as well. So yeah, it
353
00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:49.559
was awful. Really awful.
354
00:15:49.740 --> 00:15:52.200
Do you know what? We should ask that question more.
355
00:15:52.259 --> 00:15:53.970
It does give a good answer, doesn't it?
356
00:15:53.970 --> 00:15:55.169
What about you, Josh?
357
00:15:55.809 --> 00:15:58.590
I was in a plane crash, a train crash. Not
358
00:15:58.610 --> 00:16:03.350
a plane crash, a train crash. Really? Yeah. Just outside
359
00:16:03.710 --> 00:16:05.879
Market Harbour, the train derailed. It was just before the
360
00:16:05.909 --> 00:16:07.779
Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year final.
361
00:16:08.220 --> 00:16:11.159
Oh, don't bring that up, that robbery. That was in
362
00:16:11.179 --> 00:16:14.240
the Leicester Mercury New Comedian of the Year award, Marcus.
363
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:17.279
And then the final got delayed. I was in it
364
00:16:17.340 --> 00:16:19.549
because Josh... Rob had to go in the first half.
365
00:16:19.649 --> 00:16:21.129
At that point, TV's Josh Whittaker.
366
00:16:21.190 --> 00:16:23.090
No, it wasn't TV. I didn't even have an agent.
367
00:16:23.169 --> 00:16:24.429
Had a train crash.
368
00:16:24.769 --> 00:16:28.690
Bollocks. It was late. The windows all got smashed. We
369
00:16:28.730 --> 00:16:31.820
got derailed off the train. All the stuff smashed the windows.
370
00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:36.860
And an announcement came up from the driver saying, we
371
00:16:36.899 --> 00:16:38.440
kind of just sat there for about five minutes. An
372
00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:41.590
announcement came up. He said, good afternoon. The train is
373
00:16:41.649 --> 00:16:45.110
not on fire. To repeat, the train is not on fire.
374
00:16:46.490 --> 00:16:49.669
Horrible announcement. Never mind that. How was the gig? Well,
375
00:16:50.090 --> 00:16:51.549
I had a good one because I got to go
376
00:16:51.610 --> 00:16:53.710
on straight after the interval because.
377
00:16:53.710 --> 00:16:54.590
I'd... Was late.
378
00:16:54.769 --> 00:16:55.470
Yeah, I was late.
379
00:16:55.549 --> 00:16:58.100
He won, Marcus. He won the new comedian of the year.
380
00:16:58.159 --> 00:16:59.860
And I think the reason for that was the train
381
00:16:59.899 --> 00:17:00.460
accident because.
382
00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:00.820
I do.
383
00:17:00.899 --> 00:17:02.200
If he'd have been backstage with me, I would have
384
00:17:02.220 --> 00:17:06.130
got in his head. He's my main threat. I was
385
00:17:06.150 --> 00:17:07.029
focusing in on him.
386
00:17:07.410 --> 00:17:10.670
Also, were you slightly buzzing from how much peril?
387
00:17:10.769 --> 00:17:13.589
In all seriousness, there's a perspective that means that you're
388
00:17:13.630 --> 00:17:15.890
not thinking enough about the gig so that it goes
389
00:17:15.970 --> 00:17:19.380
quite well, if that makes sense. I wouldn't recommend it. No, sure.
390
00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:21.480
It's not sustainable as a career.
391
00:17:21.559 --> 00:17:23.700
You was on the train with James Acaster as well.
392
00:17:23.859 --> 00:17:24.160
Yeah.
393
00:17:24.380 --> 00:17:27.220
Imagine if you two died. The world of podcasting would change.
394
00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:28.740
It would just be me and Ed Gamble talking about
395
00:17:28.769 --> 00:17:29.470
my kid's lunch.
396
00:17:29.950 --> 00:17:38.740
LAUGHTER Christ alive. You've got generational children. Yeah. Yeah. Which
397
00:17:38.819 --> 00:17:40.839
is an interesting situation. Yeah.
398
00:17:40.859 --> 00:17:44.880
So we've got my eldest is 21. Yeah. My big
399
00:17:44.900 --> 00:17:48.880
son is 21. My daughter's 19 and little Billy will
400
00:17:48.920 --> 00:17:53.150
be three in July. so um it's a 17 year
401
00:17:53.190 --> 00:17:56.630
gap and how does that feel does it no not
402
00:17:56.690 --> 00:17:58.509
how does it feel but like and they've got different
403
00:17:58.529 --> 00:18:00.890
mums haven't they that's yeah yeah quite key in that
404
00:18:01.170 --> 00:18:02.829
yes just to get that out there are other people
405
00:18:02.849 --> 00:18:05.890
constantly going god that is why did they yeah exactly.
406
00:18:05.710 --> 00:18:07.809
When you say they've got different mums your oldest and
407
00:18:07.829 --> 00:18:09.230
your youngest have got the same mum and the one
408
00:18:09.250 --> 00:18:10.250
in the middle is a different.
409
00:18:10.009 --> 00:18:13.170
Mum yeah that's right yeah yeah it is at family
410
00:18:13.230 --> 00:18:15.599
gatherings it is quite hard to explain yeah.
411
00:18:19.650 --> 00:18:20.410
Yes, no, they have.
412
00:18:20.509 --> 00:18:21.920
The big two have got a.
413
00:18:21.890 --> 00:18:23.940
Different mum from little Bill.
414
00:18:24.220 --> 00:18:24.440
Yeah.
415
00:18:24.839 --> 00:18:27.779
It is weird. Did you click back in or did you... Yes,
416
00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:28.740
I did. I did.
417
00:18:28.859 --> 00:18:32.569
I mean, I definitely went into it this time round
418
00:18:33.109 --> 00:18:36.569
more sort of... I wouldn't say more relaxed, but just
419
00:18:36.609 --> 00:18:40.509
more accepting of the fact that it is... always a
420
00:18:40.630 --> 00:18:44.130
series of managed failures and i really don't mean that
421
00:18:44.210 --> 00:18:47.880
in the negative sense like nothing as a parent is
422
00:18:48.019 --> 00:18:50.420
really i think ever a whole success you could have
423
00:18:50.440 --> 00:18:53.240
the best possible day at the bench right and the
424
00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:56.000
sun's shining but it's not too hot they get their
425
00:18:56.059 --> 00:18:59.059
cream on they've got a ball it's not too windy
426
00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:02.279
lunch sort of works out and everything and someone will
427
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:05.380
have a sandy crack that will turn red in the
428
00:19:05.460 --> 00:19:07.720
car on the way back away like this or it's
429
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.279
always managed failure So I think I was just more
430
00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:12.539
accepting of that with Billy.
431
00:19:12.940 --> 00:19:17.109
On the red crack. Yes. My daughter got something the
432
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:19.109
other day and I was like, fuck, I haven't thought
433
00:19:19.150 --> 00:19:21.809
about that for 20 years.
434
00:19:22.230 --> 00:19:22.470
Yeah.
435
00:19:22.569 --> 00:19:24.849
Which was, she came back from school having done PE
436
00:19:25.029 --> 00:19:27.789
and she was like, my nipple hurts. And it was
437
00:19:27.849 --> 00:19:29.950
the rub of the badge of the school.
438
00:19:30.309 --> 00:19:32.930
And I was like, fucking hell, remember that?
439
00:19:33.289 --> 00:19:33.829
The sort of.
440
00:19:33.809 --> 00:19:35.910
School logo or whatever on the top.
441
00:19:35.950 --> 00:19:38.650
The stitching rubbing the nip in PE. Yeah. Yeah.
442
00:19:38.970 --> 00:19:41.079
I was like, oh my, it was like a nostalgia
443
00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:41.859
trip for me.
444
00:19:42.420 --> 00:19:42.700
Sorry.
445
00:19:42.759 --> 00:19:46.750
Anyway, carry on. They should have those logos in the middle.
446
00:19:46.950 --> 00:19:49.329
Children's nipples is a nostalgia trip.
447
00:19:49.410 --> 00:19:50.990
Doesn't sound great.
448
00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:53.339
Can we just be clear now not to clip that
449
00:19:53.400 --> 00:19:57.559
bit up for Instagram? I mean, I'm older than the
450
00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:00.829
two of you. Did you have proper old Airtex shirts?
451
00:20:01.109 --> 00:20:02.670
What do you mean by an Airtex shirt?
452
00:20:02.710 --> 00:20:05.930
Airtex was like, that was what we all wore for sport.
453
00:20:06.089 --> 00:20:10.690
And it was an incredibly stiff kind of hessian like material.
454
00:20:10.730 --> 00:20:13.329
It was called Airtex because it also had loads of
455
00:20:13.410 --> 00:20:14.410
tiny holes in it.
456
00:20:14.569 --> 00:20:16.650
Yeah, I think we did have that slightly.
457
00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:20.180
But they were unbelievably stiff. And if you did any
458
00:20:20.299 --> 00:20:25.119
sort of activity in them, mercifully, I rarely did, they
459
00:20:25.180 --> 00:20:28.720
would take the top layer of skin off your nips in.
460
00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:29.809
About five minutes.
461
00:20:30.089 --> 00:20:33.210
We had a rugby top that was so stiff, like
462
00:20:33.309 --> 00:20:34.930
it was like wearing a cardboard jacket.
463
00:20:35.470 --> 00:20:35.990
Yeah.
464
00:20:36.349 --> 00:20:38.349
And then we had a vest that was horrible. Wearing
465
00:20:38.390 --> 00:20:40.380
a vest as a teenager is horrible, isn't it?
466
00:20:40.950 --> 00:20:42.880
So would you have to wear that under the rugby top?
467
00:20:43.220 --> 00:20:45.150
No, no, the vest was like if you're doing athletics or.
468
00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:46.859
Oh, you had to wear a vest for athletics?
469
00:20:46.980 --> 00:20:49.519
Yeah, and just all other summer sports. And then in
470
00:20:49.559 --> 00:20:51.799
the winter, it was like you wore a big, horrible
471
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:54.599
rugby shirt. And they were unbelievably stiff.
472
00:20:54.779 --> 00:20:57.099
Like when they first went on, you could hear, if
473
00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:59.109
you bent the arms, you could hear them go.
474
00:20:59.180 --> 00:21:00.140
Creak, yeah, yeah.
475
00:21:00.200 --> 00:21:04.509
The creak of an ancient knight going into battle. But
476
00:21:04.549 --> 00:21:07.730
they didn't protect you from other rugby players, I think.
477
00:21:07.750 --> 00:21:10.210
No, no. If I could ban anything, it'd be rugby
478
00:21:10.250 --> 00:21:13.210
at school. I think it's insane. But there we go.
479
00:21:13.269 --> 00:21:13.509
Yeah.
480
00:21:13.750 --> 00:21:14.170
Not a fan.
481
00:21:18.130 --> 00:21:22.279
I remember being at Reading Festival and you were taking
482
00:21:22.319 --> 00:21:26.269
your children to see Billie Eilish, who was... I nailed it.
483
00:21:26.660 --> 00:21:30.279
I nailed it. This says the difference in our career trajectories.
484
00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:33.500
She was at 4 p.m. the same time as me.
485
00:21:33.799 --> 00:21:33.980
Yeah.
486
00:21:34.299 --> 00:21:35.079
Look at her now.
487
00:21:35.160 --> 00:21:36.640
Oh, well, when she was at early days.
488
00:21:36.920 --> 00:21:37.119
Yeah.
489
00:21:37.380 --> 00:21:38.900
So have you done a lot of those kind of
490
00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:39.759
things for your kids?
491
00:21:39.880 --> 00:21:43.740
Yeah, so much, so much. I mean, Em, my 19-year-old,
492
00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:47.220
her first Latitude Festival, she was four months old.
493
00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:48.119
Oh, wow.
494
00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:51.019
And I think that was maybe the first ever Latitude.
495
00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:55.839
Everyone camped behind the big comedy stage, and she was
496
00:21:55.900 --> 00:21:58.259
four months old, and we were all sleeping in a
497
00:21:58.329 --> 00:22:00.700
tent together. And latitude being latitude.
498
00:22:00.740 --> 00:22:03.589
Oh, my God. Can I just say, Marcus... From my
499
00:22:03.630 --> 00:22:07.319
point of view, four-month-old in a tent. Foolishness.
500
00:22:07.380 --> 00:22:10.039
That was the last time I then bought a motorhome.
501
00:22:10.460 --> 00:22:11.799
Right. I thought you.
502
00:22:11.579 --> 00:22:13.720
Said you didn't go. You still went.
503
00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:15.440
No, no, no.
504
00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:16.660
No, we still went.
505
00:22:17.059 --> 00:22:19.519
But, yeah, we got to sleep at about three or
506
00:22:19.559 --> 00:22:23.109
four in the morning, and then being latitude, some people
507
00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:25.430
came past and went, hey, look, this one's got a
508
00:22:25.490 --> 00:22:26.910
push char outside it.
509
00:22:27.210 --> 00:22:28.230
Oh, no.
510
00:22:28.950 --> 00:22:30.890
Hey, God, there's probably like a bear bear.
511
00:22:31.349 --> 00:22:34.670
I struggle with Latitude because at most festivals there's like
512
00:22:34.710 --> 00:22:37.730
a performers campsite and normally that is basically just for
513
00:22:37.750 --> 00:22:40.319
the comedians because there's only a comedy stage and then
514
00:22:40.359 --> 00:22:44.119
there's music. But Latitude, there's too many performers. There's people
515
00:22:44.140 --> 00:22:46.299
doing absolute shit. There's loads going on where you're like,
516
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:48.220
what the fuck is that? And it's so busy and
517
00:22:48.240 --> 00:22:49.240
there's so many people.
518
00:22:49.559 --> 00:22:53.019
I'm not sure that Latitude actually sells any tickets.
519
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:55.460
I think it.
520
00:22:55.380 --> 00:22:57.930
Is only performers watching each other.
521
00:22:57.950 --> 00:22:58.109
Just.
522
00:23:00.970 --> 00:23:04.490
Five and a half thousand poets watching Duran Duran on
523
00:23:04.529 --> 00:23:05.490
a Sunday afternoon.
524
00:23:05.970 --> 00:23:07.950
Incredible, incredible scenes.
525
00:23:08.509 --> 00:23:10.339
But yeah, no, I've, I've done all the festivals and that,
526
00:23:10.359 --> 00:23:13.579
you know, that Billie Eilish thing. So my daughter was
527
00:23:13.940 --> 00:23:17.980
early teens then, and she loved Billie Eilish and we
528
00:23:18.019 --> 00:23:21.130
watched her set. And then just as she was finishing she,
529
00:23:21.470 --> 00:23:22.990
I said, I reckon this will be the last song.
530
00:23:23.009 --> 00:23:26.809
We whipped backstage. So as Billie Eilish came off, and
531
00:23:26.869 --> 00:23:30.059
everyone is as cool as the other side of the pillow, right?
532
00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:32.660
So no one's like clapping or anything. And when she
533
00:23:32.700 --> 00:23:35.400
came off stage, we gave her a huge round of applause.
534
00:23:35.859 --> 00:23:38.720
And she looked over at my daughter and smiled and waved.
535
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:39.640
I say, yes.
536
00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:43.839
Oh, wow. That's cool. That is cool. And especially she's
537
00:23:43.880 --> 00:23:45.480
gone on now to be this mega star.
538
00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:46.720
It's like you got in early.
539
00:23:47.049 --> 00:23:47.509
Super cool.
540
00:23:47.829 --> 00:23:48.200
Yeah, yeah.
541
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:51.569
Because I'm at this stage now, right, where my daughter's become,
542
00:23:51.910 --> 00:23:55.869
in the last three weeks, Taylor Swift obsessed. Ah. Right, yeah.
543
00:23:56.230 --> 00:23:57.950
You know you can do a course? You can do
544
00:23:57.970 --> 00:23:58.509
a course.
545
00:23:58.549 --> 00:24:01.470
Yeah, there's a Taylor Swift course you can do. Before
546
00:24:01.549 --> 00:24:03.589
her gigs in, I don't know if she's done them yet,
547
00:24:03.710 --> 00:24:06.670
but the gigs she did in Glasgow, there was a
548
00:24:06.750 --> 00:24:08.869
course you could sign up to as a parent.
549
00:24:08.950 --> 00:24:10.509
What, to learn English so you knew what was going
550
00:24:10.549 --> 00:24:11.630
on in the shop?
551
00:24:12.630 --> 00:24:14.589
I love you, Glasgow. It's been a fun. It's been
552
00:24:14.630 --> 00:24:14.950
a fun.
553
00:24:14.970 --> 00:24:15.670
It's been a fun.
554
00:24:15.910 --> 00:24:16.329
It's been a fun.
555
00:24:16.789 --> 00:24:18.819
Yeah, they, like, teach you everything you need to know
556
00:24:18.839 --> 00:24:21.039
about Taylor Swift so you could enjoy the gig.
557
00:24:21.259 --> 00:24:23.920
Because I'm doing that. No, I'm not doing that. But, like,
558
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:25.940
we listen to it in the car and we're always
559
00:24:25.980 --> 00:24:28.750
listening to it now. And so have you got into
560
00:24:28.809 --> 00:24:31.750
your daughter's stuff? I've started, like, on the way home,
561
00:24:31.789 --> 00:24:33.589
I just carried on listening to it because I was
562
00:24:33.630 --> 00:24:36.069
enjoying it. Do you sit at home now and listen
563
00:24:36.089 --> 00:24:37.549
to Billie Eilish? Yeah, I do.
564
00:24:37.569 --> 00:24:41.150
I mean, I sort of, with my big kids, they,
565
00:24:41.329 --> 00:24:44.069
I don't know whether this is reasonable or not, but whatever,
566
00:24:44.130 --> 00:24:47.170
screw it. I didn't really let them have any wheels
567
00:24:47.250 --> 00:24:49.809
on the bus when they were little. It was proper
568
00:24:49.869 --> 00:24:51.109
music from the get-go.
569
00:24:51.130 --> 00:24:52.109
Oh, really?
570
00:24:52.190 --> 00:24:54.890
Yeah, because I just was like, I mean, it's music,
571
00:24:54.970 --> 00:24:57.289
isn't it? As long as it's good. So they were
572
00:24:57.349 --> 00:24:59.549
into reasonable stuff.
573
00:24:59.490 --> 00:25:00.299
From early on.
574
00:25:00.650 --> 00:25:04.140
But I don't know whether my daughter's I mean, my son,
575
00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:07.940
my big son, mercifully, has been into weird music from
576
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:11.440
the beginning. Basically, he's been obsessed with gorillas since they
577
00:25:11.549 --> 00:25:14.029
first started. So that's always fine, you know?
578
00:25:14.220 --> 00:25:14.509
Yeah.
579
00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:16.849
I mean, I kept Now That's What I Call Disney
580
00:25:17.190 --> 00:25:20.190
as the only CD in my car for about four years.
581
00:25:20.829 --> 00:25:22.529
I'd enjoy that, I think. Yeah, it was fine.
582
00:25:22.549 --> 00:25:24.029
They're pretty good, the Disney songs, actually.
583
00:25:24.109 --> 00:25:24.950
Yeah, they're really good.
584
00:25:24.970 --> 00:25:26.349
That Moana one's quality.
585
00:25:26.490 --> 00:25:27.630
Oh, so good.
586
00:25:27.670 --> 00:25:28.910
How far I'll go, that one.
587
00:25:29.170 --> 00:25:31.609
I'm so excited for Moana 2.
588
00:25:31.609 --> 00:25:33.839
Is he coming out? What?
589
00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:34.779
Pay attention.
590
00:25:35.619 --> 00:25:38.000
Our kids are slightly too old now, aren't they?
591
00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:41.980
Well, I'm 51 and I'm going with or without Billy.
592
00:25:42.369 --> 00:25:46.130
If you did have a two-year-old, it would be suspicious.
593
00:25:46.670 --> 00:25:50.460
Well, yeah. It's really good. Yes, it is. You're right.
594
00:25:50.539 --> 00:25:53.210
I took him to Disney on ice. Oh, my God.
595
00:25:53.509 --> 00:25:56.130
I swear to God, his eyes. I was genuinely thinking of...
596
00:25:56.089 --> 00:25:58.329
Does a two-year-old comprehend what Disney on ice is? No,
597
00:25:58.349 --> 00:26:01.490
he didn't have a clue, but they're a massive... It's
598
00:26:01.549 --> 00:26:02.809
like it's a knockout.
599
00:26:02.970 --> 00:26:06.390
Yeah, yeah. On ice. There was a massive.
600
00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:09.900
Maui from Moana skating around, and Moana fell over.
601
00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:11.740
I mean, it was incredible.
602
00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:14.599
Billy literally didn't blink. He did not blink.
603
00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:18.779
Not once. Is it true he's named after Billie Eilish? No,
604
00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:20.180
it's not. It's not.
605
00:26:20.839 --> 00:26:23.690
No. Don't believe Twitter. I wanted to call him Floyd.
606
00:26:23.789 --> 00:26:27.650
His name is Billy Floyd. Like Floyd Mayweather. Rachel absolutely
607
00:26:27.690 --> 00:26:28.390
put her foot down.
608
00:26:29.059 --> 00:26:31.460
So Billy Floyd Brigstock, or is it Brigstock Paris?
609
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:32.940
Billy Floyd Paris Brigstock.
610
00:26:32.980 --> 00:26:33.759
Paris Brigstock.
611
00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:34.380
Yeah, yeah.
612
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:37.390
That is a serious name, Billy Floyd Paris Brigstock.
613
00:26:37.630 --> 00:26:40.990
There's been a big row because all the Brigstocks, including
614
00:26:41.029 --> 00:26:45.170
my eldest son, are all something Owen Brigstock, right? So
615
00:26:45.210 --> 00:26:49.180
my dad, he's Nicholas Owen Brigstock. So his initials, genuinely
616
00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:49.599
a knob.
617
00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:52.319
So are you Owen Brigstocke, but you just dropped it
618
00:26:52.339 --> 00:26:53.059
for comedy?
619
00:26:53.200 --> 00:26:54.119
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
620
00:26:54.220 --> 00:26:58.240
Marcus Alexander Owen Brigstocke, yeah. So anyway, but Billy is
621
00:26:58.329 --> 00:27:01.069
not because we wanted to keep Rachel's surname in there
622
00:27:01.170 --> 00:27:03.710
and we had a terrible ding-dong with my mum.
623
00:27:03.769 --> 00:27:05.269
Did you? Yeah, yeah, proper.
624
00:27:05.329 --> 00:27:09.309
She spoke at length for about 10 minutes and I'll
625
00:27:09.329 --> 00:27:11.309
just tell you what she finished with. She looked at
626
00:27:11.369 --> 00:27:14.259
Rachel and I and she said, so between the two
627
00:27:14.319 --> 00:27:19.140
of you, you have destroyed 500 years of Brigstocke family history.
628
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:20.440
Oh. Fucking hell.
629
00:27:20.740 --> 00:27:22.119
You should have gone Owen Brigstock, actually.
630
00:27:22.140 --> 00:27:27.130
Oh, wait a minute. Is your mum married into it? Yeah.
631
00:27:27.720 --> 00:27:31.140
So she's not even Owen Brigstock? No. It's odd.
632
00:27:31.839 --> 00:27:34.250
It's odd. Also, you've banged out two Owen Brickstocks.
633
00:27:34.569 --> 00:27:36.549
Yeah, exactly. It's all fine.
634
00:27:36.630 --> 00:27:38.309
If Billie hadn't come along, she wouldn't know any different,
635
00:27:38.329 --> 00:27:39.210
would she? There's still two.
636
00:27:39.509 --> 00:27:40.230
It's all fine.
637
00:27:40.430 --> 00:27:42.039
What is the history of the Owen Brickstocks?
638
00:27:42.099 --> 00:27:42.819
Is it good or bad?
639
00:27:42.819 --> 00:27:45.279
500 conveyor into some bad stuff, Marcus.
640
00:27:45.619 --> 00:27:46.779
It's probably bad.
641
00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:49.609
There's some statues that need taking down there. That's what
642
00:27:49.670 --> 00:27:50.559
I'm calling it.
643
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.740
I think there are certain parts of Wales where the
644
00:27:55.779 --> 00:27:58.980
Brigstock name is still something that will get people to
645
00:27:59.079 --> 00:27:59.980
spit on the floor.
646
00:28:00.420 --> 00:28:04.369
Because they hate the nail show. Marcus had a terrible
647
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:08.930
gig at the Glee. What are you like as a dad, then?
648
00:28:09.049 --> 00:28:13.829
From my experiences of you, you're very chilled out. You're
649
00:28:13.849 --> 00:28:16.670
not someone who seems to have strong kind of, I'm
650
00:28:16.710 --> 00:28:19.190
going to boss the room, this kind of thing. No.
651
00:28:19.369 --> 00:28:21.740
I don't see you as too intense as a dad.
652
00:28:22.259 --> 00:28:25.039
No, I don't think so. I have certain places where
653
00:28:25.099 --> 00:28:28.089
I have like a total blind spot. I'd be interested
654
00:28:28.119 --> 00:28:29.990
to know from the two of you, actually. You know,
655
00:28:30.049 --> 00:28:33.589
as a comic, you do loads of traveling on your own, right?
656
00:28:33.650 --> 00:28:36.750
So you get into a rhythm of, you know, for example,
657
00:28:36.789 --> 00:28:39.849
how to get through an airport with minimum fuss. When
658
00:28:39.910 --> 00:28:43.049
I do the security thing, if there's any liquid in
659
00:28:43.109 --> 00:28:45.589
my bag, and there probably isn't anyway, because I've already
660
00:28:45.809 --> 00:28:48.150
at home gone, well, I'm not dealing with that. There's
661
00:28:48.230 --> 00:28:51.230
no chance. Yeah. If there's any, it's already in the
662
00:28:51.289 --> 00:28:53.819
Ziploc thing, ready to come out, and it's done.
663
00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:54.400
Yeah.
664
00:28:54.619 --> 00:28:59.079
So I'm super efficient. And my dream scenario, catching a
665
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:01.940
train or plane or whatever, is that I step onto
666
00:29:01.980 --> 00:29:03.569
the train as the doors.
667
00:29:03.329 --> 00:29:05.789
Go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Are you fucking mental?
668
00:29:05.869 --> 00:29:06.950
No time wasted.
669
00:29:07.230 --> 00:29:07.609
What?
670
00:29:07.789 --> 00:29:13.140
Really? Love it. So you're getting the 1204... from King's
671
00:29:13.240 --> 00:29:14.940
Cross to Newcastle?
672
00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:18.519
I would leave my house in Balham for the 12.04
673
00:29:18.519 --> 00:29:22.799
from King's Cross. I would leave my house no earlier
674
00:29:23.220 --> 00:29:23.519
than 11.25.
675
00:29:23.500 --> 00:29:24.440
What? Whoa.
676
00:29:24.519 --> 00:29:34.009
That is fucked up. I would say that that would
677
00:29:34.049 --> 00:29:37.109
allow me time to go and get not just a
678
00:29:37.289 --> 00:29:39.950
prep coffee, but a good coffee from the one just
679
00:29:39.990 --> 00:29:42.500
around the corner and still make that trade.
680
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:44.799
And what if something goes wrong? Well, I don't think
681
00:29:44.859 --> 00:29:45.099
it will.
682
00:29:49.730 --> 00:29:52.069
But the thing is, you see, when I then travel
683
00:29:52.230 --> 00:29:55.670
with the rest of the family, and I have those
684
00:29:55.750 --> 00:29:58.680
efficiencies just kind of baked in, and I'm just so
685
00:29:58.819 --> 00:30:02.220
used to it, they do find it pretty awful.
686
00:30:02.559 --> 00:30:05.579
Can I just say, I would hate to travel with you, Marcus. Sure,
687
00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:10.180
that's fine. It would freak me out. So this morning,
688
00:30:10.269 --> 00:30:12.869
I did the school run. I got the two kids
689
00:30:13.089 --> 00:30:16.450
in the car. I realized I didn't have a jumper
690
00:30:16.470 --> 00:30:18.529
for my son. So I had to get both the
691
00:30:18.569 --> 00:30:20.089
kids out of the car because we're not on a
692
00:30:20.109 --> 00:30:21.170
driveway on a road.
693
00:30:21.450 --> 00:30:22.980
Josh, I know the answer, but where was Rose?
694
00:30:23.299 --> 00:30:25.059
She was away. She's away.
695
00:30:27.980 --> 00:30:30.480
It's his new cat trace, Marcus. She's away a lot
696
00:30:30.500 --> 00:30:33.089
at the moment, but we haven't split up. Don't believe
697
00:30:33.150 --> 00:30:34.529
the online shop.
698
00:30:34.609 --> 00:30:37.609
Yeah. Okay. She's just awake.
699
00:30:37.630 --> 00:30:38.230
They're not together.
700
00:30:38.250 --> 00:30:38.910
She's just awake.
701
00:30:39.089 --> 00:30:39.369
Yeah, yeah.
702
00:30:39.450 --> 00:30:42.029
But I had to like, I was like, oh, that's annoying.
703
00:30:42.089 --> 00:30:44.690
It's fine, but it's annoying. I've got to go back,
704
00:30:44.750 --> 00:30:46.690
get them both back in the house. That's probably going
705
00:30:46.710 --> 00:30:49.410
to take four or five minutes. It didn't really matter
706
00:30:49.509 --> 00:30:52.269
to me this morning. If that had been you, it's
707
00:30:52.329 --> 00:30:52.869
game over.
708
00:30:53.430 --> 00:30:56.750
Well, it would be that Billy would be quite cold.
709
00:30:57.430 --> 00:31:01.170
LAUGHTER Without his jumper.
710
00:31:01.549 --> 00:31:02.950
That's how that would play out.
711
00:31:03.109 --> 00:31:05.069
Marcus, can I ask you a question? Say you're going
712
00:31:05.130 --> 00:31:06.369
to Heathrow from Ballum.
713
00:31:07.470 --> 00:31:08.059
Yeah.
714
00:31:08.259 --> 00:31:10.240
So say you're flying to Spain, but you're going on
715
00:31:10.259 --> 00:31:12.259
your own and then you'd be going with your kids.
716
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:12.799
Yeah.
717
00:31:12.980 --> 00:31:15.059
What time would you leave and how early do you
718
00:31:15.079 --> 00:31:17.039
get there before? Okay, right.
719
00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:19.029
It's a midday flight to Spain.
720
00:31:19.289 --> 00:31:22.150
Yeah. So you've booked a good one there. No early
721
00:31:22.190 --> 00:31:23.430
get up. No, exactly. Exactly.
722
00:31:23.650 --> 00:31:25.329
Normally two hours before you have to arrive.
723
00:31:25.630 --> 00:31:28.490
Yeah. So nowadays, if I was traveling on my own
724
00:31:28.509 --> 00:31:31.970
hour and a half maximum, two hours is a nonsense.
725
00:31:32.299 --> 00:31:32.670
I agree.
726
00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:35.460
Heathrow is slower to get through than Gatwick these days.
727
00:31:35.559 --> 00:31:37.380
Gatwick is lightning quick.
728
00:31:37.500 --> 00:31:39.400
Do you know the little cut for as well after security?
729
00:31:39.819 --> 00:31:39.980
No.
730
00:31:40.039 --> 00:31:41.680
So after security and gap hits, right?
731
00:31:42.420 --> 00:31:42.599
Yeah.
732
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:44.660
I can't remember if it's North or South, but after security,
733
00:31:44.819 --> 00:31:46.960
there's escalators that go down to duty-free.
734
00:31:47.200 --> 00:31:47.380
Yeah.
735
00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:49.390
That make you walk through all the duty-free to get
736
00:31:49.410 --> 00:31:52.250
escalators back in. Yeah, the wiggly woo, absolute nonsense.
737
00:31:52.450 --> 00:31:53.750
Yeah, but if you come out of security, if you
738
00:31:53.769 --> 00:31:56.289
do an immediate left, it's almost like the wheelchair accessibility
739
00:31:56.329 --> 00:31:58.009
or practice. If you go left there, it's just a
740
00:31:58.009 --> 00:32:00.470
straight corridor that takes you into the food and drink area.
741
00:32:00.789 --> 00:32:01.430
No duty-free.
742
00:32:02.130 --> 00:32:04.690
Oh, now he's leaving five minutes earlier. You know me
743
00:32:04.730 --> 00:32:05.170
so well.
744
00:32:05.470 --> 00:32:07.940
I don't drink, but my God, I want the food area.
745
00:32:08.220 --> 00:32:08.680
Exactly.
746
00:32:08.900 --> 00:32:11.000
They might have a little bowl of pips and yoghurt.
747
00:32:11.240 --> 00:32:11.900
Delicious.
748
00:32:11.940 --> 00:32:13.599
Some flax. So sad.
749
00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:17.279
Yeah, so I'd leave one hour from Balham to Heathrow,
750
00:32:17.619 --> 00:32:19.839
hour and a half to get through the airport.
751
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:21.960
And what about if you've got the kids? Would you
752
00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:24.970
holiday as a full family? Yeah, leave a couple of
753
00:32:25.009 --> 00:32:25.750
days before.
754
00:32:25.769 --> 00:32:31.470
LAUGHTER Up at 9am. Yeah, check into a local awful hotel.
755
00:32:32.609 --> 00:32:34.710
You have to be efficient. And we tried to fly,
756
00:32:35.059 --> 00:32:37.579
my sister lives in Canada and we tried to go
757
00:32:37.660 --> 00:32:40.400
over there to see them with all five of us.
758
00:32:40.740 --> 00:32:43.779
And it was Air Transat and we filled in the
759
00:32:43.839 --> 00:32:45.599
thing and I got there and they said, oh, can
760
00:32:45.619 --> 00:32:47.549
we have your ESTA forms please? And I went, yeah,
761
00:32:47.589 --> 00:32:49.450
there you go. And each one had to be filled
762
00:32:49.490 --> 00:32:51.849
in individually. And they said, oh no, that's not an ESTA.
763
00:32:51.890 --> 00:32:53.910
That's the Welcome Canada. That was a COVID thing. We
764
00:32:53.950 --> 00:32:55.990
don't need that anymore. And I went, well, it's the
765
00:32:56.089 --> 00:32:59.109
one that's on your website. And they went, yeah, but
766
00:32:59.190 --> 00:33:01.700
you need this now. So we had to do Esther
767
00:33:01.720 --> 00:33:03.140
forms at the airport.
768
00:33:03.240 --> 00:33:03.740
Oh, no.
769
00:33:03.940 --> 00:33:06.500
And they have to be approved before they'll let you through.
770
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:09.839
And each one got approved apart from mine. And we
771
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:12.900
just stood there. And there we'd arrived about three hours
772
00:33:12.980 --> 00:33:15.259
before the flight. And we just stood there and watched
773
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:18.200
the clock tick down and couldn't get on the flight.
774
00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:20.579
No. Oh, my God. Gutted.
775
00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:23.930
And I'd left so long. I'd built in about three
776
00:33:23.970 --> 00:33:24.910
hours at the airport.
777
00:33:25.109 --> 00:33:26.410
And it was just your one didn't come through?
778
00:33:26.430 --> 00:33:26.509
Yeah.
779
00:33:27.230 --> 00:33:31.009
It came through about four minutes after the plane took off.
780
00:33:31.569 --> 00:33:32.019
Oh, my God.
781
00:33:32.029 --> 00:33:33.930
Was there any part of you thinking, let them go
782
00:33:33.990 --> 00:33:34.750
and I'll come later?
783
00:33:35.190 --> 00:33:36.430
Yes, absolutely.
784
00:33:36.490 --> 00:33:38.390
We talked it through, but I'm the only one that
785
00:33:38.410 --> 00:33:43.460
can drive. uh so and it was like going to
786
00:33:43.539 --> 00:33:47.190
see my sister who rachel doesn't really know yet oh
787
00:33:47.289 --> 00:33:50.470
god yeah so we talked it through we're just um.
788
00:33:50.650 --> 00:33:52.509
That's like a film isn't it and then they get
789
00:33:52.529 --> 00:33:56.210
snowed in together yeah and then they actually decide that
790
00:33:56.230 --> 00:33:56.630
you know.
791
00:33:56.589 --> 00:34:00.450
Big planes trains and automobiles vibe about it But no,
792
00:34:00.509 --> 00:34:02.599
I am definitely a prick in an airport.
793
00:34:02.910 --> 00:34:03.490
Definitely.
794
00:34:03.930 --> 00:34:06.480
The kids call it. They go, oh, shit, he's doing
795
00:34:06.519 --> 00:34:10.139
his airport walk. So arms quite far from the body
796
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:11.139
and a.
797
00:34:11.300 --> 00:34:13.460
Lot of speed. A lot of speed.
798
00:34:13.539 --> 00:34:15.019
Yeah, because you're a big man, Mark.
799
00:34:15.059 --> 00:34:16.780
So I imagine you can walk fast.
800
00:34:17.179 --> 00:34:17.940
Big, long legs.
801
00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:20.550
Yeah, it's running speed for the rest of the family.
802
00:34:20.570 --> 00:34:21.260
I'm one of those.
803
00:34:21.789 --> 00:34:24.309
A bit like competitive dad from the Fast Show.
804
00:34:24.590 --> 00:34:26.469
Come on! Come on.
805
00:34:26.849 --> 00:34:30.929
Gate 37. We know this. It says on the board
806
00:34:31.010 --> 00:34:34.150
there that's an 18-minute walk. We can do it in 12.
807
00:34:34.150 --> 00:34:35.190
Come on.
808
00:34:35.289 --> 00:34:37.650
So where would you– I can't believe I'm asking more
809
00:34:37.690 --> 00:34:40.150
questions about this, but I am. Where would you sit
810
00:34:40.550 --> 00:34:42.530
to kill time when you're at the airport? Are you
811
00:34:42.809 --> 00:34:45.429
sitting at the gate or are you chilled enough to
812
00:34:45.469 --> 00:34:48.489
go to prep? No, prep. 100%. Prep.
813
00:34:49.030 --> 00:34:53.300
For me, it's all about efficiency. So I don't want
814
00:34:53.320 --> 00:34:56.539
to spend ages going somewhere. I don't want to queue
815
00:34:56.579 --> 00:34:58.900
until you have to queue. I don't want to be
816
00:34:58.940 --> 00:35:01.510
at the gate ages before you have to be there.
817
00:35:02.030 --> 00:35:04.710
All the dream scenarios is you arrive at the gate
818
00:35:04.889 --> 00:35:09.179
as they start letting people through. straight on the plane
819
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:13.199
with just minimal fuss. It's just the baked in business
820
00:35:13.239 --> 00:35:15.119
of traveling on your own, being a comic.
821
00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:17.050
Jamie Redknapp's like that with Air Pulse.
822
00:35:17.110 --> 00:35:19.409
He arrives literally like about, the way it says to
823
00:35:19.469 --> 00:35:22.489
check in closes, he's there like a minute before. and
824
00:35:22.530 --> 00:35:24.940
then he'll check in, drop his bag off, and then
825
00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:27.940
he'll walk just continually until he gets on the plane.
826
00:35:28.219 --> 00:35:28.440
Yeah.
827
00:35:28.500 --> 00:35:28.860
Will he?
828
00:35:29.019 --> 00:35:30.840
Yeah, he doesn't have to sit or wait or stop
829
00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:31.119
at all.
830
00:35:31.300 --> 00:35:34.079
I would suggest, though, that Jamie Redknapp is in with
831
00:35:34.119 --> 00:35:37.119
a slightly higher chance of them holding the plane for.
832
00:35:37.019 --> 00:35:37.639
Him than I am.
833
00:35:37.780 --> 00:35:38.480
Yeah.
834
00:35:39.159 --> 00:35:42.940
You know, I think the idea of someone on Air
835
00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:46.119
Transat going, I don't think we should take off yet,
836
00:35:46.500 --> 00:35:49.300
that bloke from the Now Show hasn't cleared prep.
837
00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:52.179
I just don't think it's going to happen. They wouldn't
838
00:35:52.260 --> 00:35:54.190
hold a plane for Jamie Redknapp, would they?
839
00:35:54.610 --> 00:35:55.010
They've held.
840
00:35:55.269 --> 00:35:57.510
Jamie Carr's got a plane to turn around on the
841
00:35:58.070 --> 00:36:00.010
runway and come back and got him. Is that because
842
00:36:00.050 --> 00:36:03.809
they saw his teeth reflected? Well, no, he got there
843
00:36:03.909 --> 00:36:06.530
and they said, you've missed it, he's starting the taxi in.
844
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:09.000
And I think he said, can you tell the pilot
845
00:36:09.059 --> 00:36:11.639
that I've asked politely if he'll come back? And then
846
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:13.219
he was a fan of Jimmy Carr, so he'd come
847
00:36:13.260 --> 00:36:14.159
back to meet Jimmy Carr.
848
00:36:14.239 --> 00:36:15.150
Fuck it.
849
00:36:15.170 --> 00:36:18.949
Good God, Jimmy Carr. That's too much power for one man.
850
00:36:19.150 --> 00:36:22.289
Yeah. Oh, my word. How good would you feel?
851
00:36:22.710 --> 00:36:24.739
Can you imagine that? The feeling of missing a flight,
852
00:36:24.969 --> 00:36:26.320
and then actually you can get on the flight.
853
00:36:26.360 --> 00:36:26.719
Why?
854
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:28.219
Because you've been successful.
855
00:36:29.079 --> 00:36:30.400
And the ego that could create.
856
00:36:30.539 --> 00:36:30.820
Oh, my God.
857
00:36:30.840 --> 00:36:31.320
Yeah, yeah.
858
00:36:31.420 --> 00:36:35.000
Could you imagine how annoyed the rest of the flight were? Yeah.
859
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:35.539
Oh, my God.
860
00:36:35.559 --> 00:36:37.539
You'd be livid. Absolutely livid. Imagine that.
861
00:36:37.559 --> 00:36:39.539
You'd go back for something, and then you'd hear, ho, ho!
862
00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:43.619
You're like, who's that? It's Jimmy Carr!
863
00:36:46.019 --> 00:36:47.320
Hello, I'm Marcus Brigstock.
864
00:36:47.420 --> 00:36:48.340
And I'm Rachel Parris.
865
00:36:48.500 --> 00:36:51.760
This is How Was It For You, a review-based podcast.
866
00:36:52.230 --> 00:36:54.150
We're going to be asking each other, how was it
867
00:36:54.170 --> 00:36:54.650
for you?
868
00:36:54.849 --> 00:36:56.030
It was pretty good, Rachel.
869
00:36:56.269 --> 00:36:57.860
About all sorts of different things.
870
00:36:57.909 --> 00:36:58.610
Things we've eaten.
871
00:36:58.960 --> 00:36:59.599
Things we've seen.
872
00:36:59.960 --> 00:37:00.880
Places we've been.
873
00:37:00.980 --> 00:37:01.840
Things we've smelled.
874
00:37:02.059 --> 00:37:05.280
People we've met sometimes. Those will have to talk about
875
00:37:05.320 --> 00:37:07.079
them without giving away who they were.
876
00:37:07.179 --> 00:37:08.960
And that will be the challenge you as a listener
877
00:37:08.980 --> 00:37:09.519
can enjoy.
878
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:10.409
Exactly.
879
00:37:10.610 --> 00:37:12.570
You can get all of the episodes.
880
00:37:12.210 --> 00:37:18.420
In the places where podcasts are. Have you passed these
881
00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:22.179
awful character traits onto your children? No, no, I haven't.
882
00:37:22.300 --> 00:37:25.659
No. So my big lad likes to get there early
883
00:37:26.059 --> 00:37:30.389
and yeah, he's sort of quite nervy about travel. Em
884
00:37:30.489 --> 00:37:33.090
is more, I'd say she's more relaxed and Billy, we
885
00:37:33.130 --> 00:37:37.769
don't know. He's not, not autonomous enough yet, but you know,
886
00:37:37.829 --> 00:37:40.510
places he does want to go, he's in no hurry
887
00:37:40.550 --> 00:37:43.369
to get there. yeah like the playground you know you
888
00:37:43.409 --> 00:37:46.400
can generate a lot of excitement by saying right come
889
00:37:46.460 --> 00:37:48.260
on let's go to the sand pit and he's like
890
00:37:48.300 --> 00:37:50.639
yeah and he's all over it and then it's a
891
00:37:50.699 --> 00:37:54.599
good hour before you can coax even one foot into
892
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:56.340
a sock or anything like that did.
893
00:37:56.260 --> 00:37:58.590
You find that your sort of parenting techniques and some
894
00:37:58.610 --> 00:38:00.389
of your little tricks of the trade were like because
895
00:38:00.409 --> 00:38:02.869
it was a 17 year gap well like rachel might
896
00:38:02.889 --> 00:38:03.929
be like no i've read a book we don't do
897
00:38:03.969 --> 00:38:06.789
that anymore actually marcus yeah You can't hit.
898
00:38:06.690 --> 00:38:08.989
Them with a shoe. They need a car seat now.
899
00:38:09.010 --> 00:38:09.949
You can't just.
900
00:38:09.769 --> 00:38:15.119
Strap them in. I genuinely remember that. My dad had
901
00:38:15.159 --> 00:38:17.260
a van when we were kids. He had a van
902
00:38:17.300 --> 00:38:19.159
and we loved it. It just rolled around in the
903
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:21.800
back of the van. Like a transit van? Yeah, he
904
00:38:21.860 --> 00:38:25.289
deliberately hit corners quite fast so that we.
905
00:38:25.190 --> 00:38:29.809
Could go, hey! Oh, I'd love that. Yeah, it was
906
00:38:29.849 --> 00:38:32.550
good times, man. Yeah, great times. People were fine. But
907
00:38:32.590 --> 00:38:35.219
for the bloody health and safety boards were enough fun, right?
908
00:38:35.239 --> 00:38:35.519
Yeah, exactly.
909
00:38:35.659 --> 00:38:37.280
The snowflaker-arty.
910
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:40.719
What had I remembered? I'll tell you what I'd forgotten
911
00:38:41.260 --> 00:38:44.559
was how competitive new parents are.
912
00:38:45.030 --> 00:38:48.440
Yes, because you've totally left that world. 100%. And then
913
00:38:48.460 --> 00:38:50.860
you have to come back into it. Yeah.
914
00:38:51.019 --> 00:38:55.760
The whole business of, oh, mine's crawling or mine's rolling
915
00:38:55.920 --> 00:38:58.369
over or mine's walking and all the rest of it.
916
00:38:58.510 --> 00:39:00.949
I mean... I've joked about it on stage, but it
917
00:39:01.050 --> 00:39:04.050
is true. If you've already had kids, you know the
918
00:39:04.110 --> 00:39:07.280
benefit of your child staying where you left it. Yeah.
919
00:39:08.010 --> 00:39:09.110
You don't want them to walk.
920
00:39:09.539 --> 00:39:09.880
No.
921
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:14.420
I did very little to encourage Billy to walk, crawl, move,
922
00:39:14.539 --> 00:39:16.860
or anything. Just give him what he wants.
923
00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:20.059
Bring it to him. Yeah, because you think it'll be freeing,
924
00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:21.960
and it's actually a disaster.
925
00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:25.119
Oh, it's a total nightmare. That thing, parents put a
926
00:39:25.159 --> 00:39:28.440
thing just out of a child's reach. to encourage them
927
00:39:28.489 --> 00:39:31.610
to like belly, wiggle over to it and then they're
928
00:39:31.639 --> 00:39:34.440
all excited. You know, he went over there and picked
929
00:39:34.460 --> 00:39:35.039
that thing up.
930
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:35.619
I didn't.
931
00:39:35.719 --> 00:39:38.260
I just put everything he might possibly.
932
00:39:37.860 --> 00:39:40.699
Need in a pile and put him on top of it.
933
00:39:41.219 --> 00:39:43.239
Before having kids, if someone said, oh, he's walking at
934
00:39:43.239 --> 00:39:45.079
11 months, I'd be like, oh, brilliant, well done.
935
00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:46.989
But now I'd be like, oh, I'm really sorry for you.
936
00:39:47.059 --> 00:39:48.139
I'm so sorry. Sorry about that.
937
00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:51.090
That's a real shame, isn't it?
938
00:39:51.659 --> 00:39:53.130
Well, let us know if we can help in any way.
939
00:39:53.750 --> 00:39:56.070
We're here for you.
940
00:39:56.329 --> 00:39:57.449
I don't even like it.
941
00:39:57.489 --> 00:40:00.389
Like nursery have been helping him learn to take his
942
00:40:00.489 --> 00:40:03.760
coat and shoes off. And yes, that's one less job,
943
00:40:03.960 --> 00:40:08.480
but then you have to find them. You know, I
944
00:40:08.519 --> 00:40:10.570
always knew where his coat and shoes were when I
945
00:40:10.590 --> 00:40:11.929
was in charge of taking them off.
946
00:40:12.420 --> 00:40:12.739
Yeah.
947
00:40:12.860 --> 00:40:14.739
Because it was Rachel's first child.
948
00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:15.059
Yeah.
949
00:40:15.079 --> 00:40:16.920
Were you a bit, like, wary of going, oh, no,
950
00:40:16.940 --> 00:40:17.420
that's what you do?
951
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:19.480
Because obviously you don't want to feel like you're telling
952
00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:22.280
someone what to do and it's quite frustrating.
953
00:40:22.280 --> 00:40:22.780
100%.
954
00:40:22.780 --> 00:40:25.440
I had to make any stuff that I definitely knew
955
00:40:25.500 --> 00:40:27.519
for a fact look like I was guessing.
956
00:40:27.539 --> 00:40:34.150
LAUGHTER I don't know, it looks with these bottles, like,
957
00:40:34.550 --> 00:40:36.309
I don't know if you can, but it looks like
958
00:40:36.349 --> 00:40:38.469
you can sterilise them in the microwave.
959
00:40:38.489 --> 00:40:38.829
I think.
960
00:40:38.889 --> 00:40:43.519
LAUGHTER Talking to a man that's sterilized 10,000 of them.
961
00:40:44.050 --> 00:40:46.170
Look, if this one breaks, I'll get another one. But
962
00:40:46.510 --> 00:40:48.250
let's give that a run out. Let's try that.
963
00:40:49.550 --> 00:40:50.570
Bosh, bosh, bosh.
964
00:40:50.929 --> 00:40:54.889
Straight in the microwave. There you go. You know, less kit. Yeah, no,
965
00:40:54.949 --> 00:40:58.809
I definitely did. But then I was helpful in terms
966
00:40:59.110 --> 00:41:04.659
of the absolute horrendousness of their breathing during the first
967
00:41:04.969 --> 00:41:08.400
eight months. You know, when they're often still in your
968
00:41:08.440 --> 00:41:10.159
bedroom and they go.
969
00:41:12.139 --> 00:41:12.780
Yeah.
970
00:41:18.469 --> 00:41:22.550
Like a silence of seemingly about 10 minutes and you've
971
00:41:22.570 --> 00:41:25.380
just gone to sleep and you're like oh christ yeah
972
00:41:25.500 --> 00:41:27.659
and they do it all the time and sort of
973
00:41:27.940 --> 00:41:31.019
croak and fart and squeak and all those things I
974
00:41:31.059 --> 00:41:32.679
was good where that was concerned.
975
00:41:33.010 --> 00:41:35.849
Yeah, it could be reassuring. It is that weird collision
976
00:41:35.989 --> 00:41:40.289
of someone who's seen it all. So it's like, I'll
977
00:41:40.309 --> 00:41:43.480
be fine. And someone who's having their first kid. So
978
00:41:43.539 --> 00:41:46.260
has all of those things that we associate with having
979
00:41:46.300 --> 00:41:46.960
your first kid.
980
00:41:47.219 --> 00:41:47.360
Yeah.
981
00:41:47.420 --> 00:41:52.449
All those anxieties. And that is two different worlds colliding.
982
00:41:52.849 --> 00:41:53.150
Yeah.
983
00:41:53.369 --> 00:41:57.929
And stuff like knowing how quickly to change a nappy.
984
00:41:58.130 --> 00:41:58.389
Yeah.
985
00:41:58.469 --> 00:42:02.369
Just knowing that's not finished. Or if we don't change
986
00:42:02.429 --> 00:42:06.489
that in the next 10 seconds, that weirdly will form
987
00:42:06.550 --> 00:42:07.889
a sort of poo helmet.
988
00:42:08.170 --> 00:42:09.210
Yeah.
989
00:42:09.849 --> 00:42:12.619
All up the back and over the head. I still
990
00:42:12.659 --> 00:42:15.730
don't understand. Three kids in still don't understand the physics of,
991
00:42:16.219 --> 00:42:19.050
of how they can hook a poo in and around
992
00:42:19.090 --> 00:42:21.869
a nappy and right up the back like that. Yeah.
993
00:42:22.210 --> 00:42:25.409
It is astonishing. You'd think it would go down, wouldn't you?
994
00:42:25.670 --> 00:42:26.849
You'd think gravity.
995
00:42:26.929 --> 00:42:27.909
It'd come up through the legs.
996
00:42:28.050 --> 00:42:28.590
Yeah.
997
00:42:28.949 --> 00:42:34.489
But no, it must be literally a jet of shit. Yeah.
998
00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:36.340
Like when you put your finger on the end of
999
00:42:36.380 --> 00:42:38.800
a hose, that kind of velocity.
1000
00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:45.969
Also, and this is terribly wasteful, apologies, I even used
1001
00:42:45.989 --> 00:42:50.199
to be an environmental campaigner, but went to simply bin
1002
00:42:50.260 --> 00:42:51.360
a garment. Yeah.
1003
00:42:52.119 --> 00:42:52.639
Oh, yeah.
1004
00:42:52.699 --> 00:42:55.159
There are some items, aren't there, where you're like, nah,
1005
00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:57.960
I mean, we could definitely try and wash that, but
1006
00:42:58.239 --> 00:42:59.139
there's no point.
1007
00:42:59.159 --> 00:42:59.219
No.
1008
00:42:59.340 --> 00:43:01.030
Also, look, we want to save the world and be
1009
00:43:01.050 --> 00:43:03.289
environmentally friendly, but what kind of world are we living
1010
00:43:03.349 --> 00:43:05.090
in keeping clothes covered in shit?
1011
00:43:05.389 --> 00:43:05.550
Yeah.
1012
00:43:05.570 --> 00:43:06.570
Do you know what I mean?
1013
00:43:06.590 --> 00:43:08.010
We've got to think, what kind of world do we
1014
00:43:08.050 --> 00:43:08.769
want to live in? Yeah.
1015
00:43:08.789 --> 00:43:09.269
Yeah.
1016
00:43:09.489 --> 00:43:09.650
Yeah.
1017
00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:14.409
We're going to save it, but it's not worth it.
1018
00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:17.440
Save it, but save it for what? Really?
1019
00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:21.320
I think it would be better to have no humanity
1020
00:43:21.340 --> 00:43:25.309
than humanity wearing clothes covered in shit. I'm going with that.
1021
00:43:25.610 --> 00:43:29.250
Any parent who's gone at a car seat with a
1022
00:43:29.309 --> 00:43:32.090
small packet of wet wipes and cotton buds trying to
1023
00:43:32.110 --> 00:43:36.019
pick vomit out of the fastenings and has considered not
1024
00:43:36.079 --> 00:43:38.760
just binning the car seat, but writing off the car.
1025
00:43:41.179 --> 00:43:41.960
We've all been there.
1026
00:43:42.070 --> 00:43:44.139
Can we just say this fell foul of you, Les?
1027
00:43:46.530 --> 00:43:49.269
That happened to Lou the other day. Our eldest, who's eight,
1028
00:43:49.349 --> 00:43:52.170
was reeded in the car and was sick. But they
1029
00:43:52.190 --> 00:43:54.329
hadn't been sick for ages. But when an eight-year-old's sick,
1030
00:43:54.369 --> 00:43:55.389
it's like a drunk man.
1031
00:43:55.530 --> 00:43:57.280
The amount just comes out.
1032
00:43:57.599 --> 00:43:59.619
It's not like, oh, a bit of sick from the baby.
1033
00:43:59.639 --> 00:44:02.960
It's like, bleh, bleh. And it's just everywhere. It was awful.
1034
00:44:03.539 --> 00:44:06.000
Oh, it's so bad. And it's only then that you
1035
00:44:06.039 --> 00:44:10.440
realise that fastenings and belts and stuff in cars have
1036
00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:13.070
a lot going on. They've got a lot of sections.
1037
00:44:13.550 --> 00:44:14.730
Yeah. Oh, God.
1038
00:44:14.849 --> 00:44:18.489
Bill's had quite a good warning system when he's going
1039
00:44:18.510 --> 00:44:21.230
to puke in the car, where you can tell if
1040
00:44:21.269 --> 00:44:24.050
he goes still and quiet, you're like, we've got about
1041
00:44:24.130 --> 00:44:27.159
two minutes to find a section of hard shoulder, which
1042
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:30.460
you generally don't have anymore, but about two minutes. But
1043
00:44:30.500 --> 00:44:33.719
the other day, absolutely out of nowhere, happy as Larry,
1044
00:44:34.099 --> 00:44:38.110
looking at a book, singing, waving at staff, chatting away,
1045
00:44:38.139 --> 00:44:41.210
and then Just cake, everything.
1046
00:44:41.369 --> 00:44:43.750
Have you seen that clip of the couple at Safari
1047
00:44:43.789 --> 00:44:47.530
Park and they've got the little baby and they go, oh, look, look,
1048
00:44:47.550 --> 00:44:49.710
there's like a little rhino. And then the baby just goes,
1049
00:44:50.150 --> 00:44:53.530
and it's milk everywhere. I'll dig it out and find it.
1050
00:44:53.989 --> 00:44:55.510
Oh, I don't miss it. Do you know what I mean?
1051
00:44:55.530 --> 00:44:57.909
I haven't seen a child be sick in a while
1052
00:44:57.969 --> 00:45:00.340
now because I've got a three and a six-year-old. Yeah.
1053
00:45:00.420 --> 00:45:04.219
It's amazing how quickly you forget that that was... constant.
1054
00:45:03.739 --> 00:45:07.039
Variable yeah it's important to forget as well you have
1055
00:45:07.079 --> 00:45:10.000
to filter that out rachel was really ill she had
1056
00:45:10.079 --> 00:45:13.300
like norovirus or something like that and we thought billy
1057
00:45:13.340 --> 00:45:16.860
was okay you're watching him on the monitor and then
1058
00:45:16.960 --> 00:45:19.199
i glanced back at the monitor and could see he
1059
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:22.920
was crying And he had just like through the bars
1060
00:45:22.989 --> 00:45:24.610
of his cot, he just sent.
1061
00:45:24.389 --> 00:45:26.590
Puke across the whole room.
1062
00:45:27.130 --> 00:45:30.869
And I was the only one who wasn't poorly. But pleasingly,
1063
00:45:30.969 --> 00:45:33.110
his monitor is, I assume a lot of people have
1064
00:45:33.150 --> 00:45:35.250
got these now, but it's like it's an app on
1065
00:45:35.329 --> 00:45:38.250
our phone, right? So we can watch him. And some
1066
00:45:38.289 --> 00:45:41.429
of his best stuff is when he's just lying on
1067
00:45:41.469 --> 00:45:43.940
his own first thing in the morning and he has
1068
00:45:43.980 --> 00:45:46.019
a chat. He talks to all his cuddly toys and
1069
00:45:46.039 --> 00:45:48.380
all the rest of it. The other morning, he did
1070
00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:52.920
two things. He was singing. And then heckled himself. He
1071
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:54.880
went twinkle, twinkle.
1072
00:45:55.019 --> 00:45:58.320
No, not that one. And then started a new song.
1073
00:45:59.550 --> 00:46:00.909
I was like, I want to be clear. That's not
1074
00:46:00.949 --> 00:46:03.289
come from me. But my favorite the other day, he
1075
00:46:03.349 --> 00:46:06.769
was lying in bed, just chatting away. And then really loudly,
1076
00:46:06.809 --> 00:46:12.570
he went, we don't eat farts. And can you record
1077
00:46:12.610 --> 00:46:14.949
these on your phone then? I don't know if we
1078
00:46:14.989 --> 00:46:17.460
can record, actually. I assume you probably can.
1079
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:20.039
We had the plug-in monitor ones and stuff like that,
1080
00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:22.599
but it's so easy on an app now. Having the temperature,
1081
00:46:22.659 --> 00:46:24.329
when we got a monitor that told you the temperature,
1082
00:46:24.349 --> 00:46:26.449
that was like an absolute godsend because then you're not
1083
00:46:26.570 --> 00:46:27.610
constantly flapping around.
1084
00:46:27.650 --> 00:46:28.110
Is it too hot?
1085
00:46:28.190 --> 00:46:28.730
Is it too cold?
1086
00:46:29.250 --> 00:46:30.869
I was so obsessed with it when my kid was
1087
00:46:30.909 --> 00:46:32.760
too hot or too cold for about two years.
1088
00:46:32.860 --> 00:46:34.320
It's ridiculous. Oh, my God, yeah.
1089
00:46:34.380 --> 00:46:37.360
So our one did temperature, and then the temperature gauge
1090
00:46:37.420 --> 00:46:40.760
stopped working. But I actually think it might be a
1091
00:46:40.840 --> 00:46:44.619
built-in thing in that type of monitor where at the
1092
00:46:44.760 --> 00:46:47.550
age where you don't have to be obsessed about that,
1093
00:46:47.610 --> 00:46:50.130
it just went, we're not going to do that anymore. No,
1094
00:46:50.269 --> 00:46:55.380
I think it genuinely just broke. I mean, it may
1095
00:46:55.420 --> 00:46:57.619
be like not having a jumper in the car. He
1096
00:46:57.659 --> 00:47:00.119
may simply be very cold at night. I can't know.
1097
00:47:00.139 --> 00:47:00.860
We wouldn't know.
1098
00:47:00.940 --> 00:47:05.130
We cannot know. Let's talk about your podcast with Rachel.
1099
00:47:05.150 --> 00:47:09.130
You've gone into the territory of working together. Yeah. I mean,
1100
00:47:09.170 --> 00:47:13.789
previously you did lip syncing famously during lockdown together. Yeah, yeah.
1101
00:47:14.190 --> 00:47:16.469
So we both had COVID really early on.
1102
00:47:16.610 --> 00:47:16.909
Yeah.
1103
00:47:17.239 --> 00:47:19.639
So we were right in that. And when we came
1104
00:47:19.780 --> 00:47:23.900
out and really realised, oh, right, everything's gone, we started
1105
00:47:23.940 --> 00:47:26.760
the lip sync thing. And then we started doing a
1106
00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:30.889
Tuesday night live show on Zoom, which was most comics nightmare.
1107
00:47:31.489 --> 00:47:34.050
But we did ours through the brilliant James Gill at
1108
00:47:34.230 --> 00:47:34.989
Always Be Comedy.
1109
00:47:35.050 --> 00:47:36.750
Best comedy club. So great.
1110
00:47:36.909 --> 00:47:39.590
And we sort of had a front row of about
1111
00:47:39.590 --> 00:47:43.559
20 couples on the screen and they'd have their mics
1112
00:47:43.659 --> 00:47:45.539
up and they kind of knew the drill in terms
1113
00:47:45.579 --> 00:47:49.000
of not talking. So they were great. The live shows
1114
00:47:49.019 --> 00:47:50.679
were really good and we should have done a podcast
1115
00:47:50.719 --> 00:47:53.179
straight away. That's exactly what we were making.
1116
00:47:53.429 --> 00:47:56.769
When I saw you doing your lip syncing during lockdown,
1117
00:47:57.110 --> 00:48:00.730
I thought lockdown is very different if you don't have children.
1118
00:48:01.010 --> 00:48:01.309
Yeah.
1119
00:48:01.929 --> 00:48:05.469
Like when you were getting costumes together, I was thinking...
1120
00:48:05.510 --> 00:48:06.829
I only had one kid. I don't know what I
1121
00:48:06.869 --> 00:48:10.920
was fucking complaining about. It was fucking mad. I was like,
1122
00:48:11.059 --> 00:48:13.800
oh my God, this is impossible. And then you were
1123
00:48:13.820 --> 00:48:16.320
dressed as Robbie Williams. I was like, unbelievable.
1124
00:48:17.699 --> 00:48:20.239
In full, let me entertain you makeup. In full, let
1125
00:48:20.260 --> 00:48:23.059
me entertain you makeup. We would spend most of a
1126
00:48:23.119 --> 00:48:26.639
day making one lip sync video, which was also why
1127
00:48:26.679 --> 00:48:30.969
we stopped. It was when we tried to do... intergalactic
1128
00:48:31.010 --> 00:48:33.949
by the beastie boys and i built myself a robot
1129
00:48:34.010 --> 00:48:39.010
costume and sprayed it silver and sprayed my face silver
1130
00:48:39.389 --> 00:48:43.730
and then realized i couldn't really do the words i
1131
00:48:43.750 --> 00:48:46.489
just i just couldn't really do it and i was
1132
00:48:46.510 --> 00:48:48.710
like no this is stupid now this is not fun
1133
00:48:48.769 --> 00:48:50.230
anymore so we stopped.
1134
00:48:50.329 --> 00:48:52.489
So tell us about the concept of the podcast.
1135
00:48:52.650 --> 00:48:55.739
So it's basically what we ended up doing on Tuesday
1136
00:48:55.800 --> 00:48:58.840
night club was just talking about the stuff we'd done.
1137
00:48:59.260 --> 00:49:01.079
So it's called, how was it for you? And it's
1138
00:49:01.260 --> 00:49:04.619
us reviewing things, but we're not reviewing art. So we're
1139
00:49:04.659 --> 00:49:06.619
not saying, Oh, we went to see that film and
1140
00:49:06.659 --> 00:49:08.440
it was good. But if we have been to the cinema,
1141
00:49:08.699 --> 00:49:12.550
we might, for example, review popcorn or we might review,
1142
00:49:12.590 --> 00:49:15.130
we went to see Oliver at the West Yorkshire playhouse
1143
00:49:15.349 --> 00:49:18.190
yeah on what happened to be a school's matinee day
1144
00:49:18.230 --> 00:49:21.699
so we might review being in a theater with 800
1145
00:49:21.699 --> 00:49:24.880
school children yes yeah for example and what would.
1146
00:49:24.780 --> 00:49:27.820
You give cinema popcorn out of is it out of five.
1147
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:30.900
Yeah out of five uh nought would you nearly both
1148
00:49:30.940 --> 00:49:33.719
of us turned against popcorn in a way that's surprise.
1149
00:49:33.400 --> 00:49:35.599
That popcorn general or cinema.
1150
00:49:35.260 --> 00:49:38.920
Pop yeah popcorn general popcorn is i think it's pretty
1151
00:49:39.019 --> 00:49:40.110
awful really Do you?
1152
00:49:40.179 --> 00:49:41.699
I love cinema popcorn when it's warm.
1153
00:49:42.159 --> 00:49:43.480
I love it. Do you?
1154
00:49:43.489 --> 00:49:44.699
It's quite calorific, actually.
1155
00:49:45.010 --> 00:49:47.250
Lou got the amp with me because I was trying
1156
00:49:47.289 --> 00:49:49.150
to put in what I was eating on my app thing,
1157
00:49:49.230 --> 00:49:52.070
and I put in cinema popcorn, like large.
1158
00:49:52.110 --> 00:49:53.829
It was 996 calories.
1159
00:49:54.289 --> 00:49:55.190
What? Yeah.
1160
00:49:55.630 --> 00:49:55.909
No.
1161
00:49:56.050 --> 00:49:58.050
Wait, was it Butterkist or something?
1162
00:49:58.070 --> 00:49:58.800
No, it was just a cinema one.
1163
00:49:58.800 --> 00:50:01.260
Was it the one that's basically toffee? Fucking hell.
1164
00:50:01.340 --> 00:50:02.719
I'll double check it, but I think it's right.
1165
00:50:02.940 --> 00:50:04.599
That's a hell of a lot. It is a lot
1166
00:50:04.639 --> 00:50:06.389
of popcorn. All the more reason.
1167
00:50:06.650 --> 00:50:07.179
I'd ban it.
1168
00:50:07.469 --> 00:50:09.369
Mayonnaise is a lot of calories as well. I wouldn't
1169
00:50:09.409 --> 00:50:13.190
put that on popcorn, but... Serious callos, that is.
1170
00:50:13.210 --> 00:50:15.409
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you want to stick to yogurt and seeds.
1171
00:50:15.670 --> 00:50:18.289
So what have got the best and the worst reviews
1172
00:50:18.369 --> 00:50:18.949
that you've given?
1173
00:50:19.090 --> 00:50:22.800
Well, tech updates got a minus. Apple sent me that
1174
00:50:22.889 --> 00:50:23.460
thing going.
1175
00:50:23.579 --> 00:50:24.920
Hi, I hope it's okay.
1176
00:50:24.940 --> 00:50:27.539
We're just going to, just there's a couple of bug
1177
00:50:27.579 --> 00:50:28.539
fixes for your phone.
1178
00:50:28.579 --> 00:50:30.780
We'll do it overnight. Don't worry at all. Do it
1179
00:50:30.800 --> 00:50:31.559
while you're sleeping.
1180
00:50:31.960 --> 00:50:34.639
And I woke up to a picture of a half-bitten
1181
00:50:34.699 --> 00:50:37.969
apple on the screen of my phone and nothing else.
1182
00:50:38.449 --> 00:50:39.429
Oh, no. Oh, wow.
1183
00:50:39.789 --> 00:50:42.469
And it genuinely, like, I complain about my phone a
1184
00:50:42.550 --> 00:50:44.969
lot because I'm really phone addicted. Yeah.
1185
00:50:45.190 --> 00:50:46.869
How many hours a day are you doing, Marcus?
1186
00:50:47.869 --> 00:50:50.420
I think I'm down to about five.
1187
00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:51.420
Okay.
1188
00:50:51.719 --> 00:50:53.539
Yeah, but I don't really trust that because if I
1189
00:50:53.579 --> 00:50:56.159
listen to a podcast or a YouTube, just the audio
1190
00:50:56.219 --> 00:50:57.039
and I'm doing stuff.
1191
00:50:57.519 --> 00:50:59.239
Does that count as screen time?
1192
00:50:59.599 --> 00:51:01.659
Yeah, I've had quite a few when I've been gigging
1193
00:51:01.719 --> 00:51:04.119
and it's gone, right, 12 hours yesterday.
1194
00:51:04.139 --> 00:51:04.800
I'm like, what?
1195
00:51:05.320 --> 00:51:07.090
And then you go, well, six and a half of
1196
00:51:07.159 --> 00:51:08.179
those were ways.
1197
00:51:11.150 --> 00:51:12.429
Objection, Your Honour.
1198
00:51:12.829 --> 00:51:16.789
Yeah, I wasn't also on Twitter apart from traffic lights.
1199
00:51:17.349 --> 00:51:22.550
LAUGHTER So, yeah, but that's one of the things, you know,
1200
00:51:23.070 --> 00:51:27.039
like Billy being two, he needs me for 10 seconds
1201
00:51:27.360 --> 00:51:29.599
and then he doesn't need me for four minutes and
1202
00:51:29.639 --> 00:51:32.139
then he needs me completely for 10 minutes and then
1203
00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:34.539
he doesn't need me for half an hour. And those
1204
00:51:34.719 --> 00:51:38.349
tiny bits of time, it's really hard to do anything proper.
1205
00:51:38.809 --> 00:51:41.190
And your phone is just like, I'll feel that.
1206
00:51:41.389 --> 00:51:42.989
Yeah, it's terrible for that.
1207
00:51:43.210 --> 00:51:46.719
And then I'm super conscious of what he's seeing. So
1208
00:51:46.820 --> 00:51:49.099
from the age, like one and a bit when he
1209
00:51:49.139 --> 00:51:51.880
could walk, if I left my phone on the sofa
1210
00:51:51.980 --> 00:51:54.280
and got up, he would pick it up and bring
1211
00:51:54.320 --> 00:51:56.480
it to me. And I was like, that's so bad.
1212
00:51:56.500 --> 00:52:00.179
Because he just knows, yeah, my phone belongs in my hand.
1213
00:52:00.420 --> 00:52:03.139
Do you know what that's known as? Passive aggressive. Yeah,
1214
00:52:03.280 --> 00:52:05.519
it's passive aggressive from a one and a half year old.
1215
00:52:05.559 --> 00:52:06.429
Here you go, daddy.
1216
00:52:06.719 --> 00:52:09.179
You'll probably need this, won't you, while you're boiling the kettle?
1217
00:52:09.409 --> 00:52:09.969
Yeah.
1218
00:52:10.170 --> 00:52:12.030
I saw you looking a bit sad, actually, just playing
1219
00:52:12.050 --> 00:52:13.610
with me. Do you need this to be happy?
1220
00:52:13.650 --> 00:52:14.469
Yeah, do you need that?
1221
00:52:15.650 --> 00:52:16.510
I don't know, daddy.
1222
00:52:16.570 --> 00:52:18.710
Is it how much dopamine do I deliver?
1223
00:52:18.730 --> 00:52:18.809
Yeah.
1224
00:52:20.780 --> 00:52:22.679
Is it the same as reels or is it a
1225
00:52:22.719 --> 00:52:23.199
bit less?
1226
00:52:24.079 --> 00:52:25.280
Billy, it's much less.
1227
00:52:26.949 --> 00:52:29.599
Do you play out any sort of arguments at home
1228
00:52:30.039 --> 00:52:31.900
on the pod? Is there any sort of couple arguments
1229
00:52:31.960 --> 00:52:33.360
on it or do you just keep it off pod
1230
00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:34.719
or does it sneak on?
1231
00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:36.340
Cause it's inevitable with a couple.
1232
00:52:36.500 --> 00:52:38.260
We do a bit, but we've had to be better
1233
00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:39.619
than a couple having a Barney.
1234
00:52:39.739 --> 00:52:42.320
We've had to be careful the day of the tech updates.
1235
00:52:42.840 --> 00:52:46.380
We actually re-recorded that section because I was in such
1236
00:52:46.400 --> 00:52:51.940
a filthy mood. And after we'd done the recording, I went,
1237
00:52:52.460 --> 00:52:55.500
how was that? And she went, Rachel went, well, Bit
1238
00:52:55.519 --> 00:52:59.349
of shit, really. And I was like, oh, a bit moody.
1239
00:52:59.530 --> 00:53:02.010
And she went, you've literally been a nightmare. And we
1240
00:53:02.030 --> 00:53:05.269
ended up re-recording it because apparently I was surly.
1241
00:53:05.710 --> 00:53:08.250
Because you were surly. What are you like when you're surly?
1242
00:53:08.269 --> 00:53:09.070
Surly and sullen.
1243
00:53:09.429 --> 00:53:11.650
I think I'm pretty awful, to be honest.
1244
00:53:13.010 --> 00:53:13.739
Just, yeah.
1245
00:53:14.280 --> 00:53:19.989
Because I'm loud and... big and noisy 99% of the time,
1246
00:53:20.070 --> 00:53:23.199
you know, take up a lot of space. So when
1247
00:53:23.260 --> 00:53:27.320
I go into myself and I'm a bit quiet and aloof,
1248
00:53:28.019 --> 00:53:30.880
that is the loudest noise there is. Yeah.
1249
00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:31.500
Yeah.
1250
00:53:31.539 --> 00:53:35.659
Yeah. It is fairly rare, but like I am around tech,
1251
00:53:35.699 --> 00:53:38.739
especially I'm like, Oh God, nothing works.
1252
00:53:38.820 --> 00:53:39.579
Nothing works.
1253
00:53:40.079 --> 00:53:43.460
And then after that, just, just seeing a grump for ages.
1254
00:53:43.539 --> 00:53:44.940
I'm going to call it. Do you think you've got
1255
00:53:44.960 --> 00:53:48.369
a genuine issue with yourself using your phone?
1256
00:53:48.409 --> 00:53:48.670
Yes.
1257
00:53:49.050 --> 00:53:50.670
It feels like it troubles you.
1258
00:53:51.010 --> 00:53:53.369
Yeah. A hundred percent does. I mean, look, I'm an
1259
00:53:53.429 --> 00:53:57.360
addict through and through right. Food, So I've been sober
1260
00:53:57.389 --> 00:54:00.920
from drugs and alcohol for so long because those two,
1261
00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:03.860
you make a decision and you stop. So I don't
1262
00:54:03.900 --> 00:54:05.949
drink and I don't take drugs and I haven't done
1263
00:54:06.070 --> 00:54:07.949
for over 30 years, right?
1264
00:54:08.269 --> 00:54:11.650
Be difficult with food to just cut it out. Yeah,
1265
00:54:11.670 --> 00:54:12.730
you have to. It's very difficult to just.
1266
00:54:13.170 --> 00:54:16.869
Yeah, exactly. That's it. I'm done with food now. So
1267
00:54:16.949 --> 00:54:19.230
with food, you have to make a decision three times
1268
00:54:19.289 --> 00:54:22.130
a day. Oh, I must be full now because everyone
1269
00:54:22.150 --> 00:54:24.690
else has stopped eating and the waiters are crying.
1270
00:54:25.090 --> 00:54:25.289
Yeah.
1271
00:54:25.349 --> 00:54:27.750
So that's a tricky one. And the phone is, for
1272
00:54:27.889 --> 00:54:31.389
someone with like an addictive personality, the phone is horrendous
1273
00:54:31.710 --> 00:54:33.719
because you're never going to hit a rock bottom.
1274
00:54:33.949 --> 00:54:34.199
Yeah.
1275
00:54:34.559 --> 00:54:37.300
You know, you're never going to have an intervention from family.
1276
00:54:37.360 --> 00:54:38.139
They'll just go.
1277
00:54:38.219 --> 00:54:39.420
You'll just have a one and a half year old
1278
00:54:39.460 --> 00:54:41.800
bringing you your phone. Exactly. Exactly.
1279
00:54:41.949 --> 00:54:42.250
So, yeah.
1280
00:54:42.309 --> 00:54:44.610
Have you thought about moving to one of those? They're
1281
00:54:44.630 --> 00:54:47.969
called like. A dumb phone. Dumb phone. Yeah. Yeah. I have.
1282
00:54:48.250 --> 00:54:48.550
I have.
1283
00:54:48.670 --> 00:54:51.570
But it's. You do need it for work in our job.
1284
00:54:51.690 --> 00:54:52.449
That's the thing.
1285
00:54:52.530 --> 00:54:54.179
I know it sounds like a silly excuse, but you do,
1286
00:54:54.199 --> 00:54:56.179
you know, it'd be so hard just to only do
1287
00:54:56.199 --> 00:54:57.579
my emails like once a day on a computer.
1288
00:54:57.599 --> 00:54:58.860
You know what I mean? When you're out and about
1289
00:54:58.880 --> 00:54:59.699
doing stuff and touring.
1290
00:54:59.719 --> 00:55:03.239
So your emails once a day. Social media is genuinely
1291
00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:07.179
useful in our job. 100% it is. 100%. As is
1292
00:55:07.320 --> 00:55:07.820
the news.
1293
00:55:07.900 --> 00:55:10.780
I mean, about two thirds of what I write is
1294
00:55:10.840 --> 00:55:14.329
a reaction to things that have happened in the news, which,
1295
00:55:14.530 --> 00:55:18.210
you know, often when I take out brand new material
1296
00:55:18.550 --> 00:55:20.610
that I've written on the day, it will always be
1297
00:55:20.670 --> 00:55:23.670
reactive to something that's happened there and then because.
1298
00:55:24.170 --> 00:55:24.530
You get a.
1299
00:55:24.510 --> 00:55:26.590
Response from an audience then that they're like, oh, this
1300
00:55:26.650 --> 00:55:29.239
is exciting. Wow, that thing just happened today.
1301
00:55:29.260 --> 00:55:31.320
You can't go, I'll have some material for you when
1302
00:55:31.340 --> 00:55:34.280
the paper lands in its physical form tomorrow morning.
1303
00:55:34.820 --> 00:55:35.300
Exactly.
1304
00:55:35.340 --> 00:55:38.829
Yeah, by then everyone's over it, especially these days. So, yeah,
1305
00:55:38.869 --> 00:55:40.730
I have thought about having a dumb phone and I
1306
00:55:40.769 --> 00:55:44.260
have tried putting... limiters on it and stuff and I'm
1307
00:55:44.320 --> 00:55:48.059
definitely better at it than I was but then I
1308
00:55:48.059 --> 00:55:51.400
have periods where I just disappear into the vortex of
1309
00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:52.559
social media and.
1310
00:55:52.519 --> 00:55:54.280
Yeah you can get a bit comatose like you just
1311
00:55:54.300 --> 00:55:56.429
start flicking through and then you're like sat and realize
1312
00:55:56.449 --> 00:55:59.190
you're not on a train or in a car.
1313
00:55:58.869 --> 00:56:02.199
Yeah and I don't want to be too indiscreet my
1314
00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:04.269
big kids are adults now and it's up to them
1315
00:56:04.349 --> 00:56:07.289
what information is shared but i hope they won't mind
1316
00:56:07.309 --> 00:56:10.239
me saying that in the discussions i've had with both
1317
00:56:10.280 --> 00:56:13.679
of them they've both said now they wish they hadn't
1318
00:56:13.739 --> 00:56:17.639
had smartphones as young as they did Oh, really? Which, obviously,
1319
00:56:17.699 --> 00:56:21.250
at the time, they were like, yeah, but everyone's got one.
1320
00:56:21.269 --> 00:56:22.590
Yeah, well, there were three or four.
1321
00:56:22.730 --> 00:56:24.750
Yeah, they needed the new.
1322
00:56:24.789 --> 00:56:26.369
What age did they have them, Marcus?
1323
00:56:26.650 --> 00:56:29.170
So they had phones because they were going to school
1324
00:56:29.550 --> 00:56:32.840
on their own at about 10. So they had phones
1325
00:56:32.929 --> 00:56:35.980
from them, but they were dumb phones. They had smartphones
1326
00:56:36.099 --> 00:56:38.480
from sort of 12, 13.
1327
00:56:38.480 --> 00:56:38.840
Right.
1328
00:56:39.000 --> 00:56:42.079
And, you know, we put the filters and the da-da-da-da
1329
00:56:42.159 --> 00:56:43.809
and this and that on them, but the truth is,
1330
00:56:44.369 --> 00:56:46.570
It was the kids we were asking to help us
1331
00:56:46.639 --> 00:56:47.260
put them on.
1332
00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:49.000
So if you think they also don't know how to
1333
00:56:49.059 --> 00:56:53.260
take them off again, you're pissed.
1334
00:56:53.280 --> 00:56:55.510
I mean, they're like, oh, yeah, my parents have put
1335
00:56:55.550 --> 00:56:58.170
a blocker on my one. Yeah, it doesn't work after
1336
00:56:58.230 --> 00:56:59.170
they leave the room.
1337
00:56:59.289 --> 00:57:01.090
LAUGHTER It's bollocks.
1338
00:57:01.349 --> 00:57:04.590
But they've both said, yeah, really wish that we hadn't
1339
00:57:04.849 --> 00:57:07.550
had those. And their age group, they're the first ones
1340
00:57:07.639 --> 00:57:11.800
to get smartphones as children, first generation, to try and
1341
00:57:11.880 --> 00:57:14.219
navigate all of that. And then, of course, lockdown came
1342
00:57:14.280 --> 00:57:17.059
along when they were in their late and mid-teens, which
1343
00:57:17.280 --> 00:57:18.340
amplified all of that.
1344
00:57:18.400 --> 00:57:19.840
Yeah, it was a tough time for them.
1345
00:57:19.880 --> 00:57:22.050
So it's been really tough for them, and they are
1346
00:57:22.110 --> 00:57:23.269
by no means alone.
1347
00:57:23.590 --> 00:57:24.190
And I think.
1348
00:57:24.690 --> 00:57:28.349
I'd be very, very cautious about dispensing any advice to
1349
00:57:28.510 --> 00:57:31.090
any parent. But I would say if you've got kids
1350
00:57:31.590 --> 00:57:34.050
who are at the age where they're pestering you either
1351
00:57:34.110 --> 00:57:37.329
for your phone or to have their own, the fight
1352
00:57:37.409 --> 00:57:39.989
you might have with them now is worth it. Don't
1353
00:57:40.070 --> 00:57:41.139
give them a smartphone.
1354
00:57:41.429 --> 00:57:44.280
Yeah, or that sort of pencil date for ours is
1355
00:57:44.300 --> 00:57:47.260
when they start secondary school, getting a phone, but not
1356
00:57:47.300 --> 00:57:49.559
necessarily a smartphone because they're going to a school on
1357
00:57:49.579 --> 00:57:50.500
their own on a bus.
1358
00:57:50.780 --> 00:57:50.980
Yeah.
1359
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:52.539
But yeah, it's difficult, man.
1360
00:57:52.739 --> 00:57:53.360
Well, that's it.
1361
00:57:53.360 --> 00:57:56.280
I mean, a really good mate of all of ours, actually.
1362
00:57:56.300 --> 00:57:57.840
I won't say who because I don't want to say
1363
00:57:57.860 --> 00:58:00.809
about his son. But like his son was the only
1364
00:58:00.949 --> 00:58:04.050
one who didn't have a smartphone. He was the only one.
1365
00:58:04.110 --> 00:58:05.530
And he was getting on the bus every day. He
1366
00:58:05.550 --> 00:58:08.090
was doing about 40 minutes to and from school. And
1367
00:58:08.110 --> 00:58:09.960
he was the only one. And so in the end,
1368
00:58:10.039 --> 00:58:11.960
it just made no difference because he was just sitting
1369
00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:12.639
next to his mate.
1370
00:58:12.820 --> 00:58:13.880
Looking at his mate's phone.
1371
00:58:13.920 --> 00:58:16.460
Yeah. Looking at his mate's phone and his mate's phone
1372
00:58:16.639 --> 00:58:19.210
had even fewer filters than he would have had if
1373
00:58:19.230 --> 00:58:21.630
he'd had his own phone. So, and bless him, he's
1374
00:58:21.670 --> 00:58:25.590
a super smart kid. He taught piano to younger kids,
1375
00:58:25.829 --> 00:58:27.369
earned his own money and said, I'm going to get
1376
00:58:27.389 --> 00:58:27.989
my own phone.
1377
00:58:28.030 --> 00:58:30.300
Tell us the name of the podcast again. How was
1378
00:58:30.340 --> 00:58:31.980
it for you? I think you're on tour.
1379
00:58:32.360 --> 00:58:35.949
No, I'm not on tour. No, it's taking it in turns.
1380
00:58:36.030 --> 00:58:36.909
Rachel's on tour.
1381
00:58:37.010 --> 00:58:38.289
Oh, Rachel's plugger tour.
1382
00:58:38.329 --> 00:58:41.349
She's out doing her brilliant show, Poise. Well, I assume
1383
00:58:41.389 --> 00:58:42.960
it's brilliant. I haven't seen it, obviously.
1384
00:58:42.980 --> 00:58:43.800
You're at home with Harry.
1385
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:44.099
Yeah.
1386
00:58:45.829 --> 00:58:48.269
I've heard all the songs and they're amazing. So yeah,
1387
00:58:48.329 --> 00:58:52.300
she's touring poise at the moment. And yeah, the podcast,
1388
00:58:52.340 --> 00:58:54.179
how was it for you? And it's, I have to say,
1389
00:58:54.239 --> 00:58:57.539
having sort of held out from the world of podcasting,
1390
00:58:57.559 --> 00:59:00.099
because mainly because of having Billy and we were busy
1391
00:59:00.119 --> 00:59:02.570
and all the rest of it, we are having such
1392
00:59:02.590 --> 00:59:03.469
a good time making it.
1393
00:59:03.469 --> 00:59:05.000
I know they're great fun. We love it.
1394
00:59:05.030 --> 00:59:05.449
Great fun.
1395
00:59:05.710 --> 00:59:06.550
Final question, Josh?
1396
00:59:06.750 --> 00:59:09.110
Yes, and this is fun because we've had Rachel on.
1397
00:59:09.230 --> 00:59:12.550
We always ask our guests if there's one thing that
1398
00:59:12.590 --> 00:59:15.050
if your partner's listening, I don't know whether she will listen,
1399
00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:18.360
if you'd like to say that it's just something incredible
1400
00:59:18.380 --> 00:59:20.860
about her parenting that, you know, you go, oh, that's
1401
00:59:20.900 --> 00:59:22.659
why I'm with her. I couldn't do that myself. What
1402
00:59:22.760 --> 00:59:25.760
an amazing person. And one thing that annoys you but
1403
00:59:25.780 --> 00:59:29.260
you haven't brought up Because it's awkward, but were they
1404
00:59:29.300 --> 00:59:31.369
to listen now, this is your chance to tell her.
1405
00:59:32.070 --> 00:59:37.309
Okay, the slightly annoying thing, let's start with that because
1406
00:59:37.349 --> 00:59:39.960
that's right at the front of my mind. I just
1407
00:59:40.039 --> 00:59:42.400
don't think the telly should go on before nursery.
1408
00:59:42.679 --> 00:59:43.239
I just don't.
1409
00:59:43.900 --> 00:59:45.059
Oh. I just don't.
1410
00:59:45.380 --> 00:59:45.820
Respect.
1411
00:59:46.340 --> 00:59:49.719
I just, you know. Big call. It's a big call.
1412
00:59:50.159 --> 00:59:50.800
Huge call.
1413
00:59:51.079 --> 00:59:54.320
Yeah, I just, I kind of feel like it just
1414
00:59:54.400 --> 00:59:57.610
makes leaving for nursery much more difficult.
1415
00:59:57.630 --> 00:59:59.809
But what if she wants to watch Everyone Loves Raymond? Yeah.
1416
01:00:02.119 --> 01:00:05.489
Well, you raise a very pertinent issue there. It is
1417
01:00:05.570 --> 01:00:09.550
hard to know who enjoys telly more, Billy or Rachel.
1418
01:00:09.750 --> 01:00:14.369
She loves TV. She loves TV. But the thing she's,
1419
01:00:14.869 --> 01:00:19.050
I would say, absolutely amazing at is bedtime. Oh, really?
1420
01:00:19.170 --> 01:00:19.409
Yeah.
1421
01:00:19.510 --> 01:00:21.090
And she's quite good at putting Billy.
1422
01:00:20.869 --> 01:00:26.650
Down as well. Oh, there we go. That is great stuff.
1423
01:00:26.670 --> 01:00:29.050
No, she's really great at bedtime. And actually, she said
1424
01:00:29.090 --> 01:00:32.989
to me a while ago, don't forget how special bedtime is.
1425
01:00:33.070 --> 01:00:37.239
And it really is. Bill being nearly three, he gets
1426
01:00:37.380 --> 01:00:40.179
out of the bath and he has some people call
1427
01:00:40.219 --> 01:00:44.559
it zoomies, right? That mad 15 minutes where he just
1428
01:00:44.739 --> 01:00:48.820
loves his own nudity and just charges around the house naked,
1429
01:00:49.340 --> 01:00:53.340
jumps on things, jumps off things, piles up all his teddies,
1430
01:00:53.599 --> 01:00:54.659
dives on top.
1431
01:00:54.480 --> 01:00:55.500
Of them, rolls around.
1432
01:00:55.980 --> 01:00:58.239
And then the whole business of getting his jammies on,
1433
01:00:58.300 --> 01:01:01.400
as long as you're relaxed about it, is pretty much
1434
01:01:01.460 --> 01:01:04.550
the best game there is. You know, it's so fun.
1435
01:01:04.849 --> 01:01:08.630
It's if you are chilled out rather than going, come on! Exactly.
1436
01:01:08.650 --> 01:01:09.670
I just want to get downstairs.
1437
01:01:09.730 --> 01:01:10.710
I'm so fucking tired.
1438
01:01:11.070 --> 01:01:13.889
I just want to go downstairs and watch TV.
1439
01:01:13.949 --> 01:01:16.619
What time is his bedtime, Marcus?
1440
01:01:16.619 --> 01:01:17.420
7.30.
1441
01:01:17.420 --> 01:01:23.460
So basically dinner at 6 and then bath time at 7,
1442
01:01:23.460 --> 01:01:26.780
lights out at 7.30. But he's nearly three, still in
1443
01:01:26.820 --> 01:01:29.670
a cot, and we plan to keep him in there
1444
01:01:30.170 --> 01:01:32.389
for another four or five years if we can.
1445
01:01:32.190 --> 01:01:34.449
Yeah i think when they get to like eight and
1446
01:01:34.469 --> 01:01:36.409
they wander in your room at quarter past nine going
1447
01:01:36.429 --> 01:01:39.570
can't go to bed mum then bedtime loses its magic.
1448
01:01:39.559 --> 01:01:44.019
Yeah definitely definitely but rachel's so brilliant at that that
1449
01:01:44.039 --> 01:01:47.659
kind of relaxed playful thing whereas i do get the
1450
01:01:47.699 --> 01:01:50.929
kind of like just put you got you can't go
1451
01:01:50.969 --> 01:01:54.690
to bed with one arm in a pajama you cannot
1452
01:01:55.429 --> 01:01:57.409
And the truth is he could perfectly happily.
1453
01:01:57.429 --> 01:01:59.300
Yeah, he'd probably love it. Yeah, he wouldn't care.
1454
01:01:59.639 --> 01:02:00.239
He wouldn't care.
1455
01:02:00.460 --> 01:02:01.900
Marcus, it's been brilliant. Thanks so much.
1456
01:02:02.059 --> 01:02:04.599
And good luck with the podcast. Thank you so much.
1457
01:02:04.719 --> 01:02:05.639
Oh, bless you guys.
1458
01:02:05.800 --> 01:02:07.320
Good luck with everything in life.
1459
01:02:08.750 --> 01:02:10.510
And good luck with your flax seeds. Let us know
1460
01:02:10.550 --> 01:02:10.969
how you get on.
1461
01:02:11.130 --> 01:02:14.030
Thanks so much, Marcus Brickstock. Nice one, fellas. Thank you,
1462
01:02:14.050 --> 01:02:18.369
thank you. Marcus Brigstock, I'm going to say it, I
1463
01:02:18.469 --> 01:02:20.010
could not travel with him. Oh, God.
1464
01:02:20.389 --> 01:02:21.389
I'm quiet.
1465
01:02:21.409 --> 01:02:23.170
Not on the nerve, but I like a bit of time.
1466
01:02:23.210 --> 01:02:26.349
I like to get early and relax. Lou, honestly, if
1467
01:02:26.369 --> 01:02:28.869
we have a flight at 9am, Lou ideally would want
1468
01:02:28.889 --> 01:02:29.909
to leave at 2am in the morning.
1469
01:02:30.090 --> 01:02:32.489
I just think there's so much more to lose than gain.
1470
01:02:33.889 --> 01:02:37.260
Yeah, but imagine leaving your house. Perpetual motion.
1471
01:02:37.760 --> 01:02:39.900
Yeah. You never stop walking and you get on a plane.
1472
01:02:40.300 --> 01:02:40.539
Yeah.
1473
01:02:40.860 --> 01:02:41.800
What if something goes wrong?
1474
01:02:42.119 --> 01:02:47.659
Josh, what if it all goes right? What a feeling.
1475
01:02:48.619 --> 01:02:49.340
What a feeling.
1476
01:02:49.380 --> 01:02:52.309
There's always other flights. There isn't always perfection. I forgot
1477
01:02:52.329 --> 01:02:54.949
you've got that No Fear poster up in your living room.
1478
01:02:56.369 --> 01:02:58.349
Yeah, that is too much for me, especially as a kid.
1479
01:02:58.809 --> 01:03:02.469
Exactly. We'll be back on Tuesday. Yes, I'll see you there, Josh.
1480
01:03:02.909 --> 01:03:03.210
Bye.
1481
01:03:03.639 --> 01:03:03.880
Bye.
1482
01:03:08.559 --> 01:03:09.860
Hello, I'm Marcus Brigstock.
1483
01:03:09.940 --> 01:03:10.880
And I'm Rachel Parris.
1484
01:03:11.039 --> 01:03:14.320
This is How Was It For You, a review-based podcast.
1485
01:03:14.719 --> 01:03:16.670
We're going to be asking each other, how was it
1486
01:03:16.690 --> 01:03:17.170
for you?
1487
01:03:17.389 --> 01:03:18.550
It was pretty good, Rachel.
1488
01:03:18.809 --> 01:03:20.389
About all sorts of different things.
1489
01:03:20.429 --> 01:03:21.130
Things we've eaten.
1490
01:03:21.469 --> 01:03:22.130
Things we've seen.
1491
01:03:22.469 --> 01:03:23.389
Places we've been.
1492
01:03:23.489 --> 01:03:24.369
Things we've smelled.
1493
01:03:24.590 --> 01:03:27.369
People we've met sometimes. Those will be, we'll have to
1494
01:03:27.389 --> 01:03:29.590
talk about them without giving away who they were.
1495
01:03:29.719 --> 01:03:31.480
And that will be the challenge you as a listener
1496
01:03:31.500 --> 01:03:32.059
can enjoy.
1497
01:03:32.360 --> 01:03:32.940
Exactly.
1498
01:03:33.119 --> 01:03:34.599
You can get all of the episodes
1499
01:03:34.719 --> 01:03:36.199
In the places where podcasts are.