S05 EP36: Joe Wilkinson

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about.
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How they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice, and, of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when
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none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening
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to Parenting Hell with... Parenting.
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Hell's the best of them now. Making some with.
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It, I'm sure we know how.
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And we still can, we'll go home now.
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And then, off-menu... Success!
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Yeah. Do you want to say hi to Rob and Josh?
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Hi, Rob.
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Hi, Josh.
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Thank you for letting us join in your podcast. Oh, wow.
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That was incredible. Absolutely incredible.
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Until you go, that's Sarah, who's 27. That's amazing.
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Here's a song promoting the best podcast around, sung by
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my six-year-old, Sophia, with a little help from four-year-old brother, Matteo.
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Mateo did an intro for you last year, so Sophia
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wanted to have a crack at it. My contribution was
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the lyrics and bashing some notes out on the piano. So,
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come on, that's very humble.
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Thanks for your work.
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Just writing and performing the song they sang to, basically.
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Yeah.
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The six-shot couldn't write that. He's very much the bloke
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in the cause, isn't he, Dan Wilden, there?
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Dan Wilden, absolutely. I enjoyed that. That was a great intro,
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wasn't it?
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Yeah, that was very good, wasn't it? I loved that.
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We should have that.
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We should have that as one of our songs that's
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played in while people are filing in during our live tour.
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Oh, that's a good idea. But I don't want that
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to put off people that just have their kid that
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can't even say your name, like worried now.
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Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. High achievers. We're not
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normally looking for high achievers.
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No.
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But it's nice once.
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In a while. It's nice now and again to have
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a family that are really talented rather than our fucking front.
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The country's not completely fucked.
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Exactly.
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Well, they're just sat there happy families playing their fucking
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songs and singing while I'm at home with my kids
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snotting on me. But yeah, it's great that you did it. Thanks.
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Really appreciate it.
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Thank you. That was really good. But that's not what
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we're about.
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How are you, Josh?
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So I am. Oh, I did my quiz.
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Oh, yes.
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You did the.
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Parent teacher associating quiz. Yes, because you messaged me. You
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was messaging me about it.
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I was shitting myself. I was shitting myself.
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You really was, Josh.
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I was so nervous that I had to go for
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a nervous shit. You know when you're that nervous?
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Well, I've realised I've been so busy recently, I've been
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having nervous shits for two weeks. Have you? Because then, well, like,
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leading up to me filming my special in Southend. Oh, yeah.
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And I realised the day after I did the special
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that I'd been shitting weird and having normal shits now.
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Oh, God, yeah.
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Stress shits. I mean, that's an actual reason, whereas I was, like,
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thinking this quiz, oh, my God. I'd written the whole quiz.
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Suddenly I was in a room full of strangers.
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I got there. They're all on their tables. And I
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was terrified, Rob.
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Yeah, but what did you message me? You said you
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messaged me at one point. I was about to go
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on stage. No offence, a real gig. Not questions in
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a pub. Unbelievable. You said to me, I cannot wait
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to discuss how nervous I am on the pod. Honestly, mate,
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I've got the shits. Then I reply with a couple
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of bits. And then I said, oh, you'll be all right.
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I did say, you're right to be nervous because you
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aren't really Josh Whittaker off the telly anymore. You're your
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daughter's father.
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Oh, my God, yeah.
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At the gig, which I didn't think helped that. And
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then you replied, ten minutes after I said that, Rob,
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I'm stood in the corner alone, everyone else is chatting.
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Yeah, I was like, you know the end of the
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Blair Witch Project? That was like me, just facing.
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No, because I was at the Quizmaster stall, and then
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everyone else was at their tables. And what was I
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meant to do?
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Walk around? Did you circulate? Yeah, network.
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What, like a fucking vicar?
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Just say hi, you'd go up to go, oh, hi.
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You had done a bit of circulating. Hi, I'm Josh.
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Yeah, but normally the quiz master goes, hi, I'm Josh.
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I'm doing the quiz. I'm so-and-so's dad.
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Yeah, I did. I did.
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Here's the picture round. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Here's the picture round. We need T-notes. Oh, so you
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did a bit. Yeah, I did a bit.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, I use my phone
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to like.
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Did you make any friends?
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Oh, I've got mates. I've got mates.
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No, I'm not saying you haven't got mates.
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I've got mates.
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No, but I'm not saying you need mates. I've got mates.
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You've taken that in a really weird way.
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I've got mates.
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When I've said you make any friends, I'm not implying
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you haven't got mates.
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No, well, you'd be wrong to imply I haven't got mates.
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OK, you message Tom Crane every other day. Every day.
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But, yeah, but.
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I know you've got friends, but did you make new
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friends there?
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Yeah, big time.
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How's your week been?
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What, you're not? No, no, no, no, no.
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It went well. The quiz went well, Rob. The quiz
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went well. Well done.
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Big hit. And PTA love you.
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They said, could you do it termly? Feels a bit
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much to me.
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Didn't I tell you this would happen?
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I've been reeled in, Rob.
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They're hard negotiators, and they're going to go termly, and
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you're going to go, what about yearly? And then you'll
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end up doing it three times a year or twice
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a year.
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Twice a year. It's going to be twice a year.
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We both know it's going to be twice a year.
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Yeah, I think it's going to be twice a year.
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Yeah.
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Oh, that clearly went well, though. At least in that way,
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you never have to organise a comedy show.
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Oh, that's coming. That's coming.
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Do you reckon?
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Yeah, are you free on November the 27th?
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No, neither of them.
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Okay, cool.
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Which year? Doesn't matter. I'm busy.
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Okay, fair enough.
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I'm very busy. I'm busy being a class rep, Josh. Oh, yeah.
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How's that going?
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Well, I feel like somebody went over my head.
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Oh!
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Was it Lou?
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So we were talking about the homework. I had to
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email about the homework and said, can they put it
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in the book? Because not everyone's got a printer. I
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told you about this, didn't I?
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Yeah.
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Anyway, they've still sort of put it online. And then
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we've got, hi, everyone. Quick update. She said it to me, though,
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the teacher, which is the right chain of communication. Yeah.
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And if he learned anything from Sweller Braverman, that we
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have to communicate in the correct way. She said, please
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could you let the parents know that due to some
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parent feedback, I'm now going to put the homework at
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the top of the page on the website. I was like, well,
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where's this feedback come to me? Has it? This should
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be funneled through me. I should be the rep.
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Oh, my God.
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So there's people going over my head. Snitches get stitches. Anyway,
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so it's going to be at the bottom of the thing. Basically,
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as you were scrolling, it'd get lost, so they put
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it at the top of the page of the website
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so you can find it. It's quite boring. Anyway, also,
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for the parents that have asked for extra homework, I'm
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going to add on an extra... document or task.
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What the fuck is going on there?
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And I don't know what kind of mad fucker is
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asking for extra homework.
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Extra homework? I know.
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We've got enough. There's six.
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Come on.
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But she said, well, basically what she said is she's
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going to put an extra thing on there that's not compulsory,
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but if you want to do it with your child,
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you can do it. I don't think you want your
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child to be too intelligent, is my opinion on the matter.
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If we've learned anything from Elon Musk, intelligence can be
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a hindrance.
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He's not a happy bunny. He's not a happy bunny.
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I don't look at Elon Musk and look at a
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man that's happy with life. And I think there's a
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right amount of intelligence. If you know too much, life's
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too hard.
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Exactly.
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Do you know what she should have said? For those
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that have asked for extra homework, shove it up your
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fucking arse. How do you think that would have gone?
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I tell you, why don't you.
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fuck off and stop ruining the weekends of all the
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other parents think about what you're doing so yeah that
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that so that that that happened but it's fine but
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um a bit disappointed in my fellow uh parents behind
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my back yes um oh i laughed out loud in
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my sleep next to lou oh yeah And I remember
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doing it and it was really loud. I can't remember
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where it was, but I think it might... Basically, I
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was walking along and someone pulled up in a van
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and it was a comedian, but it was sort of
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like you and it was sort of Joe Wilkes. It
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was sort of like all comedians. All my comedians that
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I knew. It wasn't like one person. Composite comedian. Composite comedian.
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And then they said something and I can't remember what
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it was, but it was really funny and it cracked
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me up. And I laughed in my seat. Like that
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kind of laugh, like a proper laugh. And Lou went
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to me... like nudged me and like that in the morning.
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She went, you laughed in your sleep last night. And
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I went, oh, was it, was that funny? Was it
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quite sweet? She went, I hated it.
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Amazing.
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I went, why?
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She went, it was fucking weird. It was just weird.
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That's incredible.
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I'd rather listen to someone laugh than snore, wouldn't you?
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Yeah, that is weird. Why has she had such a
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reaction to that? Jealousy.
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It is strange, isn't it? Very strange. And the other
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thing that's happened is, so it's Odd Socks Day at
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the school.
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Yeah, we had Odd Socks Day.
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But you've got to put them over the tights, so
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now the shoes don't fit.
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Oh, there we go. That's a problem.
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And my daughter's obsessed with having the socks on the
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inside out. So there's that, you know, the bump bit
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is outwards rather than inwards.
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Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like the tickly... The tickly.
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So why do they still make socks with that? Because
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I don't like that as an adult. I just sort
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of put up with it because there's not another person
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that will turn them inside out for me. Other things, lasagna.
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My daughter likes lasagna now.
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Yeah, that's good.
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Because she had it at school. Lou bought her lasagna
250
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and she didn't eat any of it because it had
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too much taste.
252
00:09:43.570 --> 00:09:44.830
Oh, no. Oh, no.
253
00:09:45.029 --> 00:09:46.549
So that was good.
254
00:09:46.700 --> 00:09:48.879
Went on a play date. I had this moment, Rob.
255
00:09:48.899 --> 00:09:50.480
With the kids or just you?
256
00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:51.460
Yeah, with my daughter.
257
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So it was a.
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Play date at one of her new friends' house.
259
00:09:55.809 --> 00:09:56.090
Yeah.
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00:09:56.789 --> 00:09:57.909
Yeah. It was just me and her.
261
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And then.
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00:09:59.169 --> 00:10:02.759
and her friend's mum was there with the two her
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00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:06.419
friend's two siblings and when I got to the door
264
00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:08.620
it was 2pm on a Saturday and I kind of
265
00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:10.539
got out of the car and I thought what the
266
00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:16.779
fuck have I done here I've basically invited myself to
267
00:10:16.860 --> 00:10:20.809
sit in a stranger's kitchen for three hours With a stranger.
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00:10:21.230 --> 00:10:22.450
I've never even met before.
269
00:10:22.470 --> 00:10:24.769
That's the hardest bit. We've done that before when they've
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come over and then you go, oh, that's great. But
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00:10:26.700 --> 00:10:28.159
then as soon as the kids run off and play,
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because they know each other from school, you are just
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sat on a date.
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00:10:31.059 --> 00:10:32.779
This is a bizarre thing that I've just done.
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Organise this. Then it actually worked out very well. She
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was great company. We had a lovely afternoon.
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I hope so. I had a nice afternoon.
278
00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:45.279
But it does feel like a weird little date, doesn't it?
279
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:48.000
But it is weird like that, yeah. Talking of dating, Rob,
280
00:10:49.000 --> 00:10:52.990
my daughter... And one of the kids at school, yeah? Yeah.
281
00:10:54.149 --> 00:10:56.029
They've got a crush on each other and it's weird.
282
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She's always talking about him. And we've been told he's
283
00:11:00.389 --> 00:11:02.570
got a crush on her. She's always bringing him into
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00:11:02.610 --> 00:11:05.779
conversation and talking about things he does and he's like
285
00:11:05.860 --> 00:11:08.399
negging her. Like, he runs really fast.
286
00:11:08.500 --> 00:11:10.679
Oh, really? Yeah, and you're like, they're five.
287
00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:12.620
We've got a bit of my daughters, my youngest, a
288
00:11:12.620 --> 00:11:15.059
bit like that, of a boy from preschool. Yeah. And
289
00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:17.230
they always, like, bump into each other. So when there's
290
00:11:17.259 --> 00:11:19.590
events in the local area, we'll go, oh, is he coming?
291
00:11:19.690 --> 00:11:21.350
Because they go to different primary schools.
292
00:11:21.769 --> 00:11:22.070
Yeah.
293
00:11:22.389 --> 00:11:25.190
I say, do you like your friend? Is he your boyfriend?
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00:11:25.450 --> 00:11:27.289
And she actually gets angry and runs off. So I
295
00:11:27.289 --> 00:11:29.009
don't say it to her anymore. But they do get
296
00:11:29.029 --> 00:11:30.700
a bit... It's weird, isn't it, when it happens?
297
00:11:30.879 --> 00:11:34.879
It is weird. Yeah, oh, God. I'm not ready for it. Anyway.
298
00:11:36.129 --> 00:11:37.490
I don't really need to worry now.
299
00:11:37.769 --> 00:11:37.990
Right.
300
00:11:38.289 --> 00:11:41.460
This week, we are joined by one of my favourite comedians,
301
00:11:41.649 --> 00:11:42.340
Joe Wilkinson.
302
00:11:42.360 --> 00:11:42.960
Oh, he's the best.
303
00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:44.000
He's brilliant, isn't he?
304
00:11:44.019 --> 00:11:45.840
He's incredible. He's so good.
305
00:11:46.379 --> 00:11:49.120
Also, I didn't know that he had a stepson until recently.
306
00:11:49.580 --> 00:11:50.639
No. No, exactly.
307
00:11:50.720 --> 00:11:51.960
I didn't think he had any children.
308
00:11:52.299 --> 00:11:56.000
Yeah.
309
00:11:56.019 --> 00:11:57.820
But yeah, it's a great one. I love Joe Wilkinson.
310
00:11:58.120 --> 00:11:58.879
He's absolutely brilliant.
311
00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:03.539
Enjoy. You're Joe Wilkinson, you're right.
312
00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:05.700
Sorry, I really feel like... No, I don't want to
313
00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:08.240
say that. Well, I really feel like I need to belch.
314
00:12:09.580 --> 00:12:11.370
Burp if you need to, Joe. No, I'm not burping
315
00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:14.090
on your podcast. You're one of the biggest podcasts in
316
00:12:14.110 --> 00:12:15.389
the country. You deserve better.
317
00:12:15.409 --> 00:12:22.289
No, no, no. It's about parenting, so we're experts in burping.
318
00:12:23.250 --> 00:12:23.720
You're right.
319
00:12:23.740 --> 00:12:25.940
I just broke my radiator. Fuck.
320
00:12:25.960 --> 00:12:26.399
You're right.
321
00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:29.019
Just kicked my radiator. Sorry.
322
00:12:30.830 --> 00:12:31.769
You all right, Joe?
323
00:12:32.049 --> 00:12:32.730
Yeah, sorry.
324
00:12:32.750 --> 00:12:33.509
I need to belch.
325
00:12:33.570 --> 00:12:34.009
Really?
326
00:12:34.029 --> 00:12:39.070
You need to belch? Flipping hell. I've never had this before.
327
00:12:40.230 --> 00:12:43.629
I've got heartburn. I've never had this before.
328
00:12:43.669 --> 00:12:45.000
What have you eaten this morning?
329
00:12:45.789 --> 00:12:50.100
I've had a sausage. One sausage. A cold sausage that
330
00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:54.039
was left over from yesterday. I genuinely can't go on
331
00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:54.779
until I've burped.
332
00:12:56.580 --> 00:12:58.100
We're going to go live burping on air.
333
00:12:59.259 --> 00:13:00.879
God, it feels like a dangerous burp.
334
00:13:00.940 --> 00:13:03.159
Why don't you get some Rennies?
335
00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:06.460
You're all right. I think I've got heartburn and I
336
00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:07.139
need to burp.
337
00:13:07.860 --> 00:13:11.480
You've got pins and needles in your arm?
338
00:13:11.620 --> 00:13:14.220
I'm at the age where that is a worry. No,
339
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:15.039
I'm fine. I'm fine.
340
00:13:16.100 --> 00:13:17.590
Think of the numbers, Josh. Yeah, I've done it.
341
00:13:17.610 --> 00:13:18.259
I've done it.
342
00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:19.789
If he has a heart attack on air.
343
00:13:20.409 --> 00:13:23.429
You're all right. God, that would get you up the charts,
344
00:13:23.450 --> 00:13:28.990
wouldn't it? Not that you need it, you pair of bastards. Anyway... Sorry,
345
00:13:29.009 --> 00:13:32.990
that's done. God, that really scared me a second. You're right. Yeah,
346
00:13:33.029 --> 00:13:37.070
just so I felt like I've developed heartburn, I think,
347
00:13:37.129 --> 00:13:40.279
in the last few weeks. And Joe Lycett sent me
348
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.980
a really long message telling me how to sort it.
349
00:13:43.100 --> 00:13:45.200
I think it's one of the sweetest messages I've ever had.
350
00:13:45.779 --> 00:13:48.139
He gave me a blow by blow how to... how
351
00:13:48.179 --> 00:13:49.360
to control my heartburn.
352
00:13:49.379 --> 00:13:52.299
Well, you need to get that sorted. Anyway, Joe, welcome
353
00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:57.629
to the show. Thank you. Parenting hell. So you've got
354
00:13:57.649 --> 00:13:58.710
a stepson, is that right?
355
00:13:59.129 --> 00:14:01.529
Yes, I've got a stepson and a stepgranddaughter.
356
00:14:01.549 --> 00:14:05.330
Ooh, Grandad Joe. Stepgrandad.
357
00:14:05.879 --> 00:14:07.799
Stepgrandad Joe, yes, yes.
358
00:14:08.340 --> 00:14:09.879
And how old's your stepson?
359
00:14:10.899 --> 00:14:16.320
He's 36. Wow. And stepgranddaughter is eight.
360
00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:20.860
So this is my question to you, Joe. Mm-hmm. You
361
00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:26.259
are someone who I'd say is quite... Hot. They overthink
362
00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:29.059
their own... They overthink everything they do.
363
00:14:29.779 --> 00:14:30.039
Yeah.
364
00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:30.779
Thank you.
365
00:14:30.820 --> 00:14:31.639
What a lovely thing.
366
00:14:31.679 --> 00:14:32.679
Quite self-critical.
367
00:14:32.799 --> 00:14:33.779
Quite self-critical.
368
00:14:34.179 --> 00:14:35.220
Yeah? Is that fair?
369
00:14:35.620 --> 00:14:37.320
I think that's the fairest thing you've ever said, and
370
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.159
you've said some fair things in your time.
371
00:14:41.100 --> 00:14:45.720
So I can't imagine you turning off your self-criticism and
372
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:46.500
just playing.
373
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:51.000
Uh, I, I do, weirdly.
374
00:14:51.450 --> 00:14:54.070
Do you? Is that when you finally, when you finally
375
00:14:54.149 --> 00:14:55.009
let loose?
376
00:14:55.490 --> 00:15:02.570
Yeah, the curtains are drawn, obviously. Yeah, it's weird, yeah.
377
00:15:02.909 --> 00:15:06.080
I've never really thought about it, but yeah, it's just, it's, um,
378
00:15:06.379 --> 00:15:09.350
is it the real me? I wonder.
379
00:15:10.269 --> 00:15:11.730
It's let loose a part of you.
380
00:15:12.330 --> 00:15:16.090
Well, you're sort of playing games and stuff and it's fun,
381
00:15:16.149 --> 00:15:19.509
isn't it? And you go, no, and you can't worry
382
00:15:19.529 --> 00:15:23.600
who's watching because you can't stop the playing and going,
383
00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:29.860
hold on, I'm riddled with insecurities and where do they
384
00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:35.990
come from? Good question. LAUGHTER I guess I had very
385
00:15:36.070 --> 00:15:39.009
thin arms and I was incredibly self-conscious about those up
386
00:15:39.049 --> 00:15:42.899
until the age of... I guess even now I'd... Okay,
387
00:15:42.919 --> 00:15:47.090
she's gone. She's gone. She's gone over to Granny P.
388
00:15:47.909 --> 00:15:49.590
That's a good thing with playing with kids, though, isn't it?
389
00:15:49.590 --> 00:15:52.100
Because you can just let loose and be silly, and
390
00:15:52.139 --> 00:15:53.799
no one can judge you if you're playing with a kid.
391
00:15:53.820 --> 00:15:55.840
It's fantastic, yeah. You sort of want to be able
392
00:15:55.860 --> 00:15:57.980
to do that with your mates still, even though we're older,
393
00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:59.059
but you can't.
394
00:15:59.490 --> 00:16:01.250
I don't want to do that with my mates, Rob.
395
00:16:03.970 --> 00:16:06.110
I want to have the relationship I have with my friends,
396
00:16:06.409 --> 00:16:10.539
as is. I do not want to play a game
397
00:16:10.580 --> 00:16:13.139
where we have to first one to the dishwasher. No,
398
00:16:13.700 --> 00:16:15.139
I don't want to play that. I don't want to
399
00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:20.470
play that with Simon. David Earl. David, I've got this idea.
400
00:16:20.889 --> 00:16:25.710
I'd watch you two do that. I would make sure
401
00:16:25.750 --> 00:16:30.970
that never hit YouTube. Never. That's a very good question.
402
00:16:31.029 --> 00:16:34.470
I never thought about that. Yeah. Completely let loose. It
403
00:16:34.590 --> 00:16:39.179
is me at my freest probably. Is it? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Fuck.
404
00:16:39.220 --> 00:16:46.000
That's really left me cold. Wow.
405
00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:49.759
I feel sick. Do you, do you, do you think
406
00:16:49.779 --> 00:16:52.990
of the games or does your step-grandson, does she think of.
407
00:16:53.049 --> 00:16:54.230
Like, and then you play along?
408
00:16:54.570 --> 00:16:56.850
You just sort of a person to be marched around.
409
00:16:57.309 --> 00:17:02.519
Yeah. I am marched around. Um, My other half is
410
00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:10.559
sort of, like, she adores Petra and I'm a plaything.
411
00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:12.259
Petra's your other half?
412
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:16.240
Yeah, Petra's my other half, her grandma. She adores her, like,
413
00:17:16.660 --> 00:17:18.380
you know, not even close to, you know, I'm like
414
00:17:18.849 --> 00:17:22.930
second fiddle beyond that, obviously. But she knows that she
415
00:17:22.950 --> 00:17:26.839
has complete and utter control over me. Like she sensed
416
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:36.509
weakness very early on and she abuses that weakness. to
417
00:17:36.670 --> 00:17:38.509
uh to the full extent so i've.
418
00:17:38.410 --> 00:17:40.589
Been on people on panel shows that were like that.
419
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:47.279
I think it's quite easy to talk over joe i
420
00:17:47.779 --> 00:17:51.000
think it's quite easy to talk over joe yeah so
421
00:17:51.019 --> 00:17:54.140
if joe goes in for a bit that's when you
422
00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:57.259
should and this is people's agents if you really want
423
00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:01.799
to get some stuff in The best surprise I can
424
00:18:01.819 --> 00:18:04.960
give you is when they turn to Joe, get in,
425
00:18:04.980 --> 00:18:15.940
because he will crumble. Yeah, so, yeah, I'm weak, basically. So, yeah,
426
00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:17.819
I'm running about, basically.
427
00:18:17.900 --> 00:18:20.880
But at eight, they do get a bit clever at eight.
428
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.359
They go beyond being little kids to quite manipulative in
429
00:18:23.380 --> 00:18:26.160
sort of a sweet way. And have you found yourself
430
00:18:26.180 --> 00:18:27.599
trying to sort of win her over?
431
00:18:27.619 --> 00:18:33.170
I feel like the relationship is fixed now. Like, I'm
432
00:18:33.190 --> 00:18:36.269
sort of, I've won her over, but I'm also, like,
433
00:18:37.490 --> 00:18:39.430
have no control of anything. Okay.
434
00:18:39.920 --> 00:18:42.819
Does she respect you if you say don't do something?
435
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:45.420
I can't imagine you telling off a kid.
436
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:52.029
Well, if Petra's in sight, yeah, you know what I mean?
437
00:18:52.069 --> 00:18:55.509
Because she sort of understands that I can go, Petra,
438
00:18:55.589 --> 00:18:57.609
I'm going to need you to stop that.
439
00:18:57.690 --> 00:19:01.490
LAUGHTER A teacher.
440
00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:05.230
Yeah, because I have no... But I have no authority.
441
00:19:05.369 --> 00:19:05.890
I've never.
442
00:19:05.910 --> 00:19:11.890
Have you ever had... like someone work for you like
443
00:19:12.170 --> 00:19:14.150
have you had a job because you because you have
444
00:19:14.170 --> 00:19:15.950
you both just done comedy really.
445
00:19:16.289 --> 00:19:19.069
No no i've done jobs but i've always been you've
446
00:19:19.089 --> 00:19:21.890
been the underling i've been the underling i've never got
447
00:19:21.930 --> 00:19:24.759
to a position of no i've never been in a position.
448
00:19:24.460 --> 00:19:26.900
Of no i i haven't and i wonder what that's
449
00:19:27.059 --> 00:19:29.900
like because i wonder if it's something that you can
450
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.220
learn if you've sort of, if you have to, if
451
00:19:33.259 --> 00:19:35.920
you suddenly start running your own business or something. But
452
00:19:35.940 --> 00:19:38.640
I wonder if I could ever be taken seriously. Like,
453
00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:43.829
I do genuinely wonder if, like, if I ran, like,
454
00:19:43.930 --> 00:19:46.829
a proper company, I wonder if, like, the factory staff
455
00:19:46.849 --> 00:19:50.900
would still just walk past me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck off, mate.
456
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:55.039
I think I can have you fired. Yeah, go on then.
457
00:19:55.059 --> 00:20:00.259
But I really want you to like me. So I
458
00:20:00.279 --> 00:20:02.329
think I'll just lose money this year. I'll just lose
459
00:20:02.349 --> 00:20:02.950
money this year, it's fine.
460
00:20:04.099 --> 00:20:06.200
Because we have tour managers. When you have a tour manager,
461
00:20:06.220 --> 00:20:09.450
that's sort of someone working for you slash with you.
462
00:20:09.690 --> 00:20:11.640
But I find that quite awkward because, like I say,
463
00:20:11.650 --> 00:20:14.509
I've never been like that where you sort of tell someone, like,
464
00:20:15.109 --> 00:20:17.930
not what to do, but you are going, I want
465
00:20:17.970 --> 00:20:21.190
to do this. And I'm sort of paying you to
466
00:20:21.289 --> 00:20:23.309
manage my tour. And on this tour, I want to
467
00:20:23.369 --> 00:20:26.410
leave tomorrow at 8 a.m.? However, that involves you having
468
00:20:26.430 --> 00:20:27.990
to get up and drive me at 8am.
469
00:20:28.329 --> 00:20:30.230
Yeah, that's true. Do you want to do.
470
00:20:30.099 --> 00:20:31.799
That or not? But actually, I need you to do
471
00:20:31.839 --> 00:20:32.940
that because I've got to be in London.
472
00:20:32.819 --> 00:20:36.000
At that time, so it's awkward. Yeah, the thing about
473
00:20:36.539 --> 00:20:40.700
agents and stuff like that, because I think I can
474
00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:43.769
speak for all three of us, we're cowards, basically. LAUGHTER
475
00:20:45.380 --> 00:20:49.619
And I imagine you've occasionally gone, I really need to
476
00:20:49.660 --> 00:20:52.910
leave at 8.30 for that. So I'll just quickly talk
477
00:20:52.950 --> 00:20:55.579
to Jason, whoever your agent is, and go, can you
478
00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:58.869
quickly send and just say I'll need to be. I
479
00:20:58.890 --> 00:21:01.609
need to be gone by 8.30. Because you don't want
480
00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:04.240
the proper... Yeah, you don't want to do it direct.
481
00:21:04.299 --> 00:21:09.259
It's pathetic, isn't it? But anyone who's straightforward about things
482
00:21:09.299 --> 00:21:11.990
like that, you respect, don't you? If someone comes to
483
00:21:12.009 --> 00:21:13.369
you and goes, Rob, I'm going to need you there
484
00:21:13.390 --> 00:21:15.609
at 8.30, sorry, because we're going to be... We need
485
00:21:15.630 --> 00:21:16.990
to be on the road by 9. You don't go,
486
00:21:17.009 --> 00:21:18.490
who the fuck... Fuck you.
487
00:21:18.549 --> 00:21:18.789
No.
488
00:21:19.049 --> 00:21:20.529
Then you just go, no, fair enough. I've got all
489
00:21:20.549 --> 00:21:23.450
the information I need and I will be there at 8.30.
490
00:21:23.450 --> 00:21:29.269
Whereas me and you two go, I can't ask someone
491
00:21:29.289 --> 00:21:31.710
to be there at 8.30. That means I'll have to
492
00:21:31.750 --> 00:21:34.450
get up at 8. I can't be the person who's
493
00:21:34.509 --> 00:21:37.170
made them get up at 8. Fuck off. It's your tour.
494
00:21:40.059 --> 00:21:42.460
And they'll have no problem with getting up at eight. Yeah.
495
00:21:42.940 --> 00:21:44.059
It's all in their own heads, isn't it, I think?
496
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:44.539
Pathetic.
497
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:45.759
Of course it is. Pathetic.
498
00:21:45.779 --> 00:21:48.789
I'll include you two, you pathetic bastards.
499
00:21:49.369 --> 00:21:50.890
Pathetic little boys.
500
00:21:51.410 --> 00:21:54.769
See, Joe, this is the real you. Not the you
501
00:21:54.789 --> 00:21:57.000
that's running to the dishwasher.
502
00:21:57.019 --> 00:21:59.519
No, God. No, it feels good to be back.
503
00:22:00.980 --> 00:22:01.579
Thanks, guys.
504
00:22:01.619 --> 00:22:02.160
I needed that.
505
00:22:02.670 --> 00:22:04.440
Of the little games you play, what's probably the best
506
00:22:04.500 --> 00:22:06.779
and worst ones? Are there games that you go, actually,
507
00:22:06.799 --> 00:22:08.259
I don't mind this game. It's quite a fun game.
508
00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:09.319
Or are there ones where you're.
509
00:22:09.180 --> 00:22:13.579
Like, this is shit. Hide and seek fucking starts off as,
510
00:22:13.619 --> 00:22:15.950
the idea, there's loads of things in life that start
511
00:22:15.970 --> 00:22:17.609
off as a good idea. You know, you think, oh yeah,
512
00:22:17.630 --> 00:22:18.089
there we are.
513
00:22:18.210 --> 00:22:18.890
Fucking hell.
514
00:22:20.210 --> 00:22:23.309
Hide and seek's a prick, isn't it really? It's like,
515
00:22:23.410 --> 00:22:27.039
it's one time is fun. You go, but it's just
516
00:22:27.079 --> 00:22:30.569
that thing with, Kids, you can't just go, honestly, like once,
517
00:22:30.789 --> 00:22:33.470
twice is how many times we should do this.
518
00:22:34.029 --> 00:22:34.230
Yeah.
519
00:22:34.650 --> 00:22:37.599
And then everyone enjoys it. And does it have to
520
00:22:37.670 --> 00:22:40.279
end up with some degree of a sulk and having
521
00:22:40.299 --> 00:22:41.099
to get Petra?
522
00:22:42.380 --> 00:22:45.059
LAUGHTER The sulk from the child?
523
00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:49.180
Well, one of us will be sulking.
524
00:22:49.829 --> 00:22:53.410
LAUGHTER But both of us will need Petra.
525
00:22:53.430 --> 00:22:58.109
Yeah, yeah. It's just how often it's wanted. It's hard
526
00:22:58.130 --> 00:23:00.630
to say, because the thing, isn't it? It's just too...
527
00:23:00.529 --> 00:23:04.769
It's the amount. Like, I'm looking forward to the World Cup,
528
00:23:05.630 --> 00:23:09.410
but if it was every day, you know what I mean?
529
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:10.890
It loses a bit of fun.
530
00:23:10.940 --> 00:23:14.420
Yeah, like, it's great. Like, it's amazing. The giddiness I
531
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:16.779
get around the World Cup is the fact it's... Oh,
532
00:23:16.819 --> 00:23:20.279
my God, it's another... It's here after four years. Can
533
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:24.099
you believe it? And sort of like, the reality of
534
00:23:24.119 --> 00:23:25.839
the World Cup is there's loads of games you're not
535
00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:30.720
interested in. You know, there's sort of... Human rights issues.
536
00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:32.099
Yeah, exactly.
537
00:23:32.579 --> 00:23:37.140
God, you don't half go on about that, Rob, do you?
538
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:38.740
Choose the record, mate.
539
00:23:41.150 --> 00:23:42.609
Yeah, there is that thorny issue.
540
00:23:43.890 --> 00:23:46.789
But what's the song about? Do you cover that in
541
00:23:46.869 --> 00:23:47.170
a song?
542
00:23:48.109 --> 00:23:54.599
Basically, the second verse that they won't put out is really... Yeah,
543
00:23:54.619 --> 00:23:57.299
I think when we wrote it, we hadn't flagged in
544
00:23:57.380 --> 00:24:00.579
our minds that this is the worst World Cup song.
545
00:24:01.069 --> 00:24:05.740
ever to be played. And we really shouldn't be watching
546
00:24:05.839 --> 00:24:08.180
and shouldn't be involved in any way. But apart from that,
547
00:24:08.740 --> 00:24:11.700
please do listen to Cup in the Cupboard by David Earl.
548
00:24:12.470 --> 00:24:15.630
Featuring lyrics. Oh, God, it sounds so good.
549
00:24:16.349 --> 00:24:17.329
So talk me through.
550
00:24:17.109 --> 00:24:19.970
The process, because I genuinely like the song.
551
00:24:20.369 --> 00:24:21.230
Do you?
552
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:24.299
Yeah, I genuinely like that you're doing a World Cup song.
553
00:24:24.599 --> 00:24:27.470
Right. I'm glad you do.
554
00:24:27.539 --> 00:24:30.839
It's you and David Earl from Chatterbit. You know, you
555
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:31.960
did it on your podcast.
556
00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:36.160
Yeah, so we, like, David thinks, and we, if anyone, like,
557
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:39.230
we imagine, we're hoping someone goes back and has a
558
00:24:39.250 --> 00:24:41.750
listen on our behalf, because we can't be arsed. But
559
00:24:41.849 --> 00:24:45.309
David thinks that I was talking about World Cup songs
560
00:24:45.410 --> 00:24:48.880
and suggested a World Cup song. Well, I don't remember
561
00:24:48.920 --> 00:24:52.180
saying that at all. On Chattervix, yeah. And then he
562
00:24:52.279 --> 00:24:56.269
wrote one and sort of sent over the lyrics for
563
00:24:56.309 --> 00:24:59.190
me to sing my one line. But this is the
564
00:24:59.210 --> 00:25:01.890
bit that always... He sort of gave... He did a
565
00:25:01.950 --> 00:25:04.829
version for me to sort of... He says it wasn't
566
00:25:04.849 --> 00:25:07.950
for me... A guide version. A guide version, yeah. Which
567
00:25:08.039 --> 00:25:11.740
is not what you want. You want to fly. You
568
00:25:11.799 --> 00:25:15.660
want to bring your own heat to the song. But
569
00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.940
I had basically a handbook that this is how to
570
00:25:18.980 --> 00:25:21.559
do it. So I did my one line and then
571
00:25:21.579 --> 00:25:25.380
it sort of... Then we did it and then we
572
00:25:25.400 --> 00:25:27.759
were like, oh, we should try and promote it. So
573
00:25:27.779 --> 00:25:29.579
we said, look, let's try and promote it. And then...
574
00:25:30.809 --> 00:25:32.910
A week later, we were suddenly like, oh, I'm sure
575
00:25:32.930 --> 00:25:35.890
I can be arsed to promote this. But things had
576
00:25:35.910 --> 00:25:36.529
been booked in.
577
00:25:40.190 --> 00:25:42.809
Are you suggesting that you're actually, this is, that it
578
00:25:42.829 --> 00:25:45.210
was a bad decision and you're here against your will now?
579
00:25:45.910 --> 00:25:46.769
Oh, not you guys.
580
00:25:47.509 --> 00:25:48.069
Soccer AM?
581
00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:50.859
You know, things like Soccer AM.
582
00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:52.430
Did you do Soccer AM?
583
00:25:52.819 --> 00:25:54.799
No, doing it tomorrow. Oh, no.
584
00:25:55.519 --> 00:25:56.079
Saturday, yeah.
585
00:25:56.220 --> 00:25:58.339
Oh, Joe, I can't tell you how far away it is.
586
00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:03.000
Talk about getting a car at 8 a.m. You'll be
587
00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:04.440
dreaming of getting a car at 8 a.m.
588
00:26:04.539 --> 00:26:07.480
Tomorrow morning, mate.
589
00:26:07.940 --> 00:26:10.460
Well, it's one of those, like, if you listen to Chattervix,
590
00:26:10.519 --> 00:26:12.819
we have a thing where we have a moment where
591
00:26:12.839 --> 00:26:17.029
we're really, like, we're really excited about Doc Martin or something,
592
00:26:17.269 --> 00:26:17.529
you know?
593
00:26:17.589 --> 00:26:17.769
Yeah.
594
00:26:18.369 --> 00:26:20.650
And so we'll have, like, two weeks of being, like,
595
00:26:20.750 --> 00:26:23.750
really into Doc Martin. And then we sort of go,
596
00:26:23.769 --> 00:26:27.269
let's try and get, like... Like, we were talking about, like,
597
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:30.069
there was a chance David could be in Doc Martin
598
00:26:30.089 --> 00:26:31.990
because he lives down that way. And, like, we were
599
00:26:32.009 --> 00:26:34.009
speaking to loads of people in Doc Martin. And they
600
00:26:34.029 --> 00:26:36.369
were like, well, we could get you, like, a couple
601
00:26:36.390 --> 00:26:39.829
of lines in Doc Martin. And we were like, fucking hell, really?
602
00:26:40.569 --> 00:26:43.039
So we were– but obviously things like that take a
603
00:26:43.079 --> 00:26:48.559
little while to happen. Yeah. So if we're talking about today,
604
00:26:48.579 --> 00:26:51.680
we're not going to be on Doc Martin tomorrow. But
605
00:26:51.740 --> 00:26:54.140
it'll take two or three months. But we've then moved
606
00:26:54.259 --> 00:26:59.549
on from Doc Martin. So someone says, do you want
607
00:26:59.569 --> 00:27:00.210
to be a fisherman?
608
00:27:00.230 --> 00:27:01.990
It wants your listeners' relief, because if you're on the
609
00:27:02.049 --> 00:27:04.339
third month of discussing Doc Martin.
610
00:27:04.539 --> 00:27:06.710
Joe, can I ask you a question about Socrates? Are
611
00:27:06.759 --> 00:27:09.460
you going to take the free kicks and the penalties
612
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:10.200
at the end of the game?
613
00:27:10.220 --> 00:27:12.099
Well, yeah, apparently, yeah. Oh, my God, we were talking
614
00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:16.859
about it. Your video with Bellingham and... Was it Mount?
615
00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:18.690
Oh, yeah, the England team one.
616
00:27:18.759 --> 00:27:19.720
Oh, my God, amazing.
617
00:27:20.220 --> 00:27:24.740
Honestly, Rob, right... I'm always fascinated. Well, you know, when
618
00:27:24.779 --> 00:27:27.660
you meet someone, you know someone, you've never played football
619
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:29.640
with them. Have you ever played the game? Will they
620
00:27:29.700 --> 00:27:31.799
be any good or shit? You know, like you can
621
00:27:31.819 --> 00:27:34.779
never tell. I would have put a couple of quid
622
00:27:34.819 --> 00:27:40.920
on you being fucking pony. And I was like, you
623
00:27:40.980 --> 00:27:44.970
can obviously play because you play. Like, you had form
624
00:27:45.190 --> 00:27:47.349
when you were hitting those, pinging those free kicks.
625
00:27:47.369 --> 00:27:49.460
Yeah, it didn't look like you'd fluked a kick.
626
00:27:49.539 --> 00:27:52.440
No, that's what I mean. Because there was one, I
627
00:27:52.460 --> 00:27:56.359
don't know the lad who... No, there was some other,
628
00:27:56.599 --> 00:27:58.950
on another video, and he pinged one in the top corner,
629
00:27:58.970 --> 00:28:00.750
but he just didn't have your form. I was like,
630
00:28:01.269 --> 00:28:03.589
they've got him on a good day. I thought, Beckett
631
00:28:03.609 --> 00:28:07.789
could do that again. you could do that again that's.
632
00:28:07.190 --> 00:28:10.170
Not a one off I was never sort of fit
633
00:28:10.210 --> 00:28:13.789
enough to sort of go any sort of decent level.
634
00:28:13.650 --> 00:28:15.549
In football you weren't box to box were you Rob.
635
00:28:15.690 --> 00:28:17.150
No I just couldn't I didn't have an engine I'm
636
00:28:17.190 --> 00:28:18.410
not a great runner.
637
00:28:18.140 --> 00:28:20.640
That's what let me down but.
638
00:28:20.220 --> 00:28:22.900
I was alright at shooting and passing and stuff is.
639
00:28:22.900 --> 00:28:28.380
It mad to say swap Rob for Madison Because there's
640
00:28:28.460 --> 00:28:31.559
no bigger stage than the World Cup. And if Rob
641
00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:37.130
raises his game that much for a clip on YouTube.
642
00:28:39.079 --> 00:28:44.529
Imagine how fucking good he's going to be. I'm just saying,
643
00:28:44.829 --> 00:28:47.390
don't maybe just hold him off for, like, the last
644
00:28:47.529 --> 00:28:50.650
ten minutes of the semi. If we get to the
645
00:28:50.690 --> 00:28:53.289
semis and we get a free kick outside.
646
00:28:53.470 --> 00:28:56.529
I do think, though, if every squad had to get
647
00:28:56.549 --> 00:28:59.490
a member of the public that's never played professionally, can
648
00:28:59.539 --> 00:29:00.980
you imagine if I was on the bench? I'd take
649
00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:04.720
all the pressure off of Harry Maguire, Southgate, Kane, because
650
00:29:04.759 --> 00:29:07.900
it would just be like... me on the sidelines warming up.
651
00:29:08.380 --> 00:29:11.250
But if you're slightly better than Maguire... I'm not. No, Andy.
652
00:29:14.190 --> 00:29:14.809
I don't know.
653
00:29:15.369 --> 00:29:17.359
I think you could take a better free kick than Maguire.
654
00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:19.059
I do. On my life.
655
00:29:19.079 --> 00:29:21.220
Well, do you know what's quite weird about the... Because
656
00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:23.940
people went a bit mad for it on Instagram. It
657
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:27.200
felt a bit like the opposite of being cancelled. Because
658
00:29:27.299 --> 00:29:30.519
people found out something about me that was positive online.
659
00:29:30.660 --> 00:29:33.210
And then other people in the comments... That is not
660
00:29:33.349 --> 00:29:34.650
what social media is for.
661
00:29:34.890 --> 00:29:35.250
I know.
662
00:29:35.289 --> 00:29:37.349
And then other people in the comments are going... um
663
00:29:37.509 --> 00:29:39.150
like tony endrix who used to play on tuesday i
664
00:29:39.150 --> 00:29:40.880
was going yeah i can confirm he's a player rob
665
00:29:40.890 --> 00:29:42.819
and i've seen him score a few beauties i was
666
00:29:42.839 --> 00:29:45.920
like this is the opposite of being cancelled there's people
667
00:29:45.940 --> 00:29:48.579
just swapping stories of positive things i've done.
668
00:29:48.619 --> 00:29:51.319
I turned the radio on recently and i can't remember
669
00:29:51.339 --> 00:29:54.359
what comedian was talking on like radio 2 or whatever
670
00:29:55.180 --> 00:29:58.319
But they were talking about, you know, the Tuesday football
671
00:29:58.339 --> 00:30:00.299
thing that the comedians used to do. And they were
672
00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:05.980
talking about who, they were like, so who's decent? Which
673
00:30:06.029 --> 00:30:08.289
comedians are decent? I was like, I haven't played on
674
00:30:08.309 --> 00:30:10.970
the Tuesday for like years. But a bit of me went,
675
00:30:12.069 --> 00:30:15.630
I was driving and a pet was there or whatever.
676
00:30:16.170 --> 00:30:18.509
And I was like, I don't want to say, but
677
00:30:18.809 --> 00:30:20.490
I'm really hoping they say me.
678
00:30:22.519 --> 00:30:23.000
I was like.
679
00:30:23.970 --> 00:30:27.410
Waiting to find out. I don't know if you've won
680
00:30:27.450 --> 00:30:30.799
a BAFTA or something. This is a lot more important.
681
00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:33.200
So, Joe, are you going to do the shooting practice?
682
00:30:33.339 --> 00:30:36.039
And is David... Because David Earl always backs himself as
683
00:30:36.059 --> 00:30:36.940
a great footballer.
684
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:38.099
I know, I know.
685
00:30:38.119 --> 00:30:39.619
He picks it up a lot, so he's got a
686
00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:40.460
lot to live up to.
687
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:42.039
He's got a long way to fall, hasn't he?
688
00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:42.619
Yeah.
689
00:30:42.660 --> 00:30:44.410
Yeah, apparently we're doing the thing where.
690
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.960
It's Sean Dyche's on, and it's like, if they get
691
00:30:48.980 --> 00:30:49.900
the question right.
692
00:30:49.940 --> 00:30:51.099
Pro-am, it's called, yeah.
693
00:30:51.259 --> 00:30:54.099
Pro-am, yeah. So we just stand there, and if they
694
00:30:54.119 --> 00:30:56.170
get the question wrong, one of us, he takes off.
695
00:30:56.460 --> 00:30:59.119
I don't like that bouncing off the net thing.
696
00:30:59.180 --> 00:31:01.440
So this is what you've got to do. They do questions,
697
00:31:01.539 --> 00:31:03.599
and if the person gets it right, the professional gets
698
00:31:03.640 --> 00:31:05.660
to do it, so Sean Dyche. And if they get
699
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:08.240
it wrong, the amateur, you and David Earl take turns.
700
00:31:08.279 --> 00:31:11.900
So one's a penalty, one's a free kick, one's a crossbar.
701
00:31:11.920 --> 00:31:12.099
Oh, shit.
702
00:31:13.140 --> 00:31:14.579
Crossbar? You have to hit the crossbar.
703
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:17.430
What are you going to wear footwear-wise? Because the problem
704
00:31:17.450 --> 00:31:19.450
is you don't want to look too keen and wear AstroTurf's.
705
00:31:19.990 --> 00:31:21.630
But if you wear a pair of shoes you can't
706
00:31:21.650 --> 00:31:22.309
kick a ball with.
707
00:31:22.589 --> 00:31:26.690
I'm not wearing AstroTurf's because that is like, that is
708
00:31:26.730 --> 00:31:29.039
setting up that I'm getting, oh, fucking hell.
709
00:31:29.130 --> 00:31:31.539
I'm just going to say, I cannot wait to watch
710
00:31:31.559 --> 00:31:32.440
this tomorrow morning.
711
00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:35.799
What I'm saying is, though, Joe, if you wear something
712
00:31:35.819 --> 00:31:38.180
without any grip, you are just going to slip over.
713
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:39.559
and you can't kick.
714
00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:41.660
A ball properly. But I can't wear... I know you can't,
715
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:42.650
but the same. I can't go into it with the
716
00:31:42.670 --> 00:31:43.349
gear on.
717
00:31:43.569 --> 00:31:46.549
Do you know what I mean? I know, but you're
718
00:31:46.569 --> 00:31:50.029
going to need a type of footwear that you could use. AstroTurf,
719
00:31:50.109 --> 00:31:51.990
I agree, is too much, but you're going to need
720
00:31:52.089 --> 00:31:54.269
something that you can kick a ball with. What are
721
00:31:54.289 --> 00:31:55.339
you planning on wearing?
722
00:31:55.619 --> 00:31:58.359
Obviously, like, every night, every day of my life, I've
723
00:31:58.380 --> 00:32:00.819
not planned what I'm going to wear ever in my life, Rob.
724
00:32:01.079 --> 00:32:03.880
I think what I might do is get my trainers
725
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:09.069
and carve out the soles Leave an inch gap, a
726
00:32:09.089 --> 00:32:14.190
centimeter gap around it, then put, like, by AstroTurf, you know,
727
00:32:14.230 --> 00:32:16.799
like the bottom of that. That's a good idea. Why
728
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:19.920
don't you cut a whole shoe?
729
00:32:20.359 --> 00:32:21.980
Yeah, old shoe on top of AstroTurf.
730
00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:24.759
Yeah, exactly, yeah. And so you go, God, he did
731
00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:25.759
that in loafers. Yeah.
732
00:32:28.289 --> 00:32:29.670
Well, that's the thing. If you do wear a loafer,
733
00:32:29.710 --> 00:32:31.150
you can't kick a ball properly with a loafer.
734
00:32:31.190 --> 00:32:31.829
No one can.
735
00:32:32.069 --> 00:32:32.940
It doesn't matter who you are.
736
00:32:33.329 --> 00:32:35.190
I wear a comfy pump.
737
00:32:35.670 --> 00:32:37.990
Comfy pump. Like a Converse. That'll work.
738
00:32:38.210 --> 00:32:38.410
Yeah, yeah.
739
00:32:38.430 --> 00:32:40.390
Converse will be free. You might slip that.
740
00:32:40.410 --> 00:32:42.839
I was talking to Tom Davies about it, and he goes,
741
00:32:42.880 --> 00:32:44.920
you got any game, son? You got any game? I
742
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:46.859
was like, no, I haven't got any game. Don't say that.
743
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:50.099
Don't build up the pressure to me. Jesus, what?
744
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:51.279
Pressure's on David.
745
00:32:51.819 --> 00:32:54.859
Yeah, but I've played down my football ability.
746
00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:56.640
And are you performing the song on Suckrayam?
747
00:32:56.980 --> 00:32:58.920
No, bloody hellfire, you're mental.
748
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:03.940
LAUGHTER The lyrics of In The Cupboard sort of sums
749
00:33:03.980 --> 00:33:06.140
you and David up a little bit, where, like, even
750
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:07.269
if we won the World Cup, you're going to put
751
00:33:07.289 --> 00:33:07.930
it in a cupboard.
752
00:33:08.490 --> 00:33:08.789
Yeah.
753
00:33:08.829 --> 00:33:09.609
Not a cabinet.
754
00:33:10.269 --> 00:33:16.130
David did... David said, like, we had some notes from
755
00:33:16.190 --> 00:33:20.109
people saying stuff about, like, stuff like that, and David
756
00:33:20.150 --> 00:33:24.549
just went, um... I can't be arsed to change it.
757
00:33:24.549 --> 00:33:34.059
LAUGHTER It was just like, he was like, oh, we're... No,
758
00:33:34.099 --> 00:33:35.799
we could do it. And someone said, oh, why don't you,
759
00:33:35.859 --> 00:33:38.119
rather than at the end, just mention some of the
760
00:33:38.180 --> 00:33:42.390
players so they might hear it. And we were like, yeah,
761
00:33:42.410 --> 00:33:43.890
but we've recorded it now.
762
00:33:45.589 --> 00:33:49.990
Are you ever going to perform it live, do you reckon?
763
00:33:50.470 --> 00:33:53.170
If you've actually listened to what I've added to that song,
764
00:33:53.470 --> 00:33:57.380
there's a guy called Dan who's... David wrote it and
765
00:33:57.420 --> 00:34:00.589
did the music and then Dan... This guy, Dan, Eyes
766
00:34:00.670 --> 00:34:04.609
on Legs, he produced it. I had one line that
767
00:34:04.670 --> 00:34:08.130
David basically told me how to do anyway. And I'm
768
00:34:08.250 --> 00:34:12.170
really embarrassed because I went a bit... I went a bit...
769
00:34:12.070 --> 00:34:13.889
I can't even talk about it. Because I thought I've
770
00:34:13.909 --> 00:34:15.969
got to add... You know, we were talking earlier about
771
00:34:15.989 --> 00:34:18.349
sort of coming out your shell. I thought I have
772
00:34:18.389 --> 00:34:19.969
to come out my shell a bit here for this.
773
00:34:20.010 --> 00:34:20.449
Yeah, yeah.
774
00:34:20.809 --> 00:34:21.610
So I was sort of like.
775
00:34:21.469 --> 00:34:23.210
Going, come in the gut.
776
00:34:23.250 --> 00:34:25.409
And I was like, oh, you wanker. And there's more.
777
00:34:25.429 --> 00:34:29.960
There's more. There's raw footage of it somewhere.
778
00:34:29.980 --> 00:34:34.739
Your body language at this moment is absolutely... You're recoiling.
779
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:39.880
Yeah. Scattered. Oh, horrible. So, yeah, but you know, like,
780
00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:43.760
you know, like, you have to commit sometimes to stuff,
781
00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:45.300
like with acting and stuff.
782
00:34:45.340 --> 00:34:46.300
Yeah.
783
00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:48.159
You have to go, right, I can't do this at 40%.
784
00:34:48.159 --> 00:34:48.860
Do you ever....
785
00:34:50.469 --> 00:34:53.730
Do anything with your granddaughter where you feel embarrassed like.
786
00:34:53.610 --> 00:35:00.260
That no no singing dancing I think I I think
787
00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:04.039
I show off do you really show off yeah but
788
00:35:04.139 --> 00:35:08.039
it's yeah look at Rob there's two different Joe Wilkinsons
789
00:35:08.579 --> 00:35:12.710
yeah I fully commit to like ballet and all of
790
00:35:12.750 --> 00:35:17.949
that yeah yeah Petra has to look away it's not
791
00:35:17.969 --> 00:35:22.210
the man I met 17 years ago What's he doing? God,
792
00:35:22.230 --> 00:35:23.130
he's really into that.
793
00:35:23.369 --> 00:35:25.929
So when you first met then, was her son quite
794
00:35:26.030 --> 00:35:28.730
an adult then when you first met?
795
00:35:28.849 --> 00:35:30.329
Yeah, he was like 18, 19.
796
00:35:30.329 --> 00:35:30.570
18, 19.
797
00:35:30.570 --> 00:35:32.760
No, he's a really nice lad. There was none of
798
00:35:32.860 --> 00:35:36.920
any of that sort of weirdness that I imagine happens
799
00:35:36.980 --> 00:35:37.440
quite a lot.
800
00:35:37.860 --> 00:35:39.500
Yeah, well, I suppose when he's grown up, he's sort
801
00:35:39.519 --> 00:35:41.760
of like his stepdad. You're more sort of his mum's
802
00:35:42.039 --> 00:35:44.659
new partner than, I suppose, stepdad. He's an adult by then,
803
00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:44.920
you know?
804
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:50.289
Yeah, yes, exactly. It's sort of like... It's like a weird... Like, officially,
805
00:35:50.369 --> 00:35:54.170
I'm his stepdad by law or whatever, but not like
806
00:35:54.250 --> 00:35:56.750
as in, here's your dinner.
807
00:35:57.289 --> 00:35:57.849
Yeah.
808
00:35:57.909 --> 00:36:00.429
You know what I mean? What time do I call this? Yeah,
809
00:36:00.449 --> 00:36:01.730
get your own fucking dinner.
810
00:36:01.750 --> 00:36:04.010
You're 36. Let me show you how to shave.
811
00:36:04.030 --> 00:36:04.469
Come on.
812
00:36:04.489 --> 00:36:06.269
Leave it out, mate.
813
00:36:06.389 --> 00:36:08.880
I've done it. Yeah, I think that's absolutely none of
814
00:36:08.889 --> 00:36:09.380
my business.
815
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:11.139
I'll be honest with you.
816
00:36:11.320 --> 00:36:14.380
Absolutely none of my business. You're a grown man. You've
817
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:15.340
got a house.
818
00:36:15.380 --> 00:36:15.960
What are you on about?
819
00:36:17.590 --> 00:36:20.090
But, yeah, no, he's a really nice lad, so he's
820
00:36:20.110 --> 00:36:22.090
always been very kind to me.
821
00:36:22.289 --> 00:36:23.449
Is he a fan of your comedy, Joe?
822
00:36:24.369 --> 00:36:25.030
He's never said.
823
00:36:25.050 --> 00:36:29.489
I don't take that as yes.
824
00:36:29.989 --> 00:36:33.949
Petra openly says, and this is a lot, she goes
825
00:36:34.050 --> 00:36:35.840
that her favourite comedian is Paul McCaffery.
826
00:36:36.570 --> 00:36:37.780
She openly says that to you?
827
00:36:38.110 --> 00:36:40.650
Yeah. Well, she absolutely loves Paul McCaffrey.
828
00:36:40.869 --> 00:36:41.650
He's brilliant.
829
00:36:42.230 --> 00:36:44.210
He is really good. I'm aware of that.
830
00:36:45.289 --> 00:36:49.530
He's really good. Proper solid jokes. You know what's going on.
831
00:36:49.789 --> 00:36:54.250
Set up, punchline, there you go. No outfits, no props,
832
00:36:54.269 --> 00:36:57.630
none of that dressing up shit. Just good old solid stand-up.
833
00:36:57.710 --> 00:36:59.969
I know. I'm not a great believer in solid that'll
834
00:37:00.010 --> 00:37:05.739
work comedy. LAUGHTER If you saw me two nights ago,
835
00:37:05.900 --> 00:37:07.980
you know for a fact.
836
00:37:08.659 --> 00:37:09.079
I get that.
837
00:37:09.139 --> 00:37:12.320
Rose is obsessed with, she just thinks Ellis James is
838
00:37:12.340 --> 00:37:13.480
the funniest person she knows.
839
00:37:13.860 --> 00:37:14.840
Oh, he is funny though.
840
00:37:15.099 --> 00:37:16.219
He is good, isn't he?
841
00:37:16.380 --> 00:37:18.099
I was a little bit obsessed with him.
842
00:37:18.119 --> 00:37:19.929
That kind of style of sort of like into his
843
00:37:19.969 --> 00:37:22.730
football sort of 90s stuff, but funny with it is.
844
00:37:22.730 --> 00:37:23.630
Really refreshing, isn't it?
845
00:37:25.110 --> 00:37:28.469
Can you imagine that, Josh? I can't, I can't. I
846
00:37:28.530 --> 00:37:33.199
used to go and watch Ellis' Edinburgh shows. They were
847
00:37:33.539 --> 00:37:35.519
one of the ones I would have to go and see.
848
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:38.639
And I just remember he did a thing where he
849
00:37:38.739 --> 00:37:45.659
was just asking people where they lived. You know the
850
00:37:45.699 --> 00:37:47.380
way he doesn't ask where you live? It'd be, where's
851
00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:50.260
your nearest big town or something? Some odd way of
852
00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:54.280
asking where you live. And then he just had a
853
00:37:54.460 --> 00:37:58.780
fact about that town that was just bizarre.
854
00:37:59.639 --> 00:38:00.320
Everyone.
855
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:03.239
And, you know, a place I'd never heard of, Nuntown
856
00:38:03.300 --> 00:38:06.219
or something. And it'd be like, your church has got
857
00:38:06.260 --> 00:38:10.460
the largest roof span per capita of people. And you'd
858
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:13.139
be like, and they'd go, yeah, I've heard that. And
859
00:38:13.219 --> 00:38:15.400
it would be like 20 minutes of that.
860
00:38:15.780 --> 00:38:16.590
And it was good, was it?
861
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:22.469
No, no, no, it never worked. LAUGHTER That was always
862
00:38:22.489 --> 00:38:23.530
the dip at the start.
863
00:38:23.550 --> 00:38:27.000
And then it would really kick on from there. No,
864
00:38:27.019 --> 00:38:27.579
it was brilliant.
865
00:38:27.719 --> 00:38:30.159
I was obsessed with his shows. They were really fun.
866
00:38:30.340 --> 00:38:32.599
Has your stepson ever come to see you do a gig?
867
00:38:32.619 --> 00:38:35.679
He came to see... Never mind the Buzzcocks, but he
868
00:38:35.719 --> 00:38:38.570
really likes Noel Fielding or one of the... No, he
869
00:38:38.590 --> 00:38:40.650
really likes his music. I can't remember who he was on,
870
00:38:40.710 --> 00:38:42.530
but there was a musician. It wasn't for me.
871
00:38:42.550 --> 00:38:43.750
Yeah, yeah.
872
00:38:43.789 --> 00:38:46.909
There was a musician who was on there. But that's
873
00:38:46.929 --> 00:38:49.719
sort of normal, I think. If your other half is like,
874
00:38:50.179 --> 00:38:52.500
or your family is like really into your comedy, that'd
875
00:38:52.519 --> 00:38:53.639
be really weird, wouldn't it?
876
00:38:53.820 --> 00:38:54.199
Yeah.
877
00:38:54.239 --> 00:38:57.579
Like a fan. It's like, because they know what a
878
00:38:57.619 --> 00:39:00.119
tit you are, you know what I mean? Yeah. It'd
879
00:39:00.159 --> 00:39:03.309
be like, God, I've really, my favourite comedian is you.
880
00:39:05.500 --> 00:39:09.179
What the fuck are you on about? Even if you're
881
00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:11.090
the funniest person in the world, I don't think your
882
00:39:11.110 --> 00:39:13.510
partner will ever pick you over another comedian.
883
00:39:13.570 --> 00:39:14.210
No, no, it's normal.
884
00:39:14.230 --> 00:39:16.550
You've got to love Ellis or McCaffrey.
885
00:39:16.570 --> 00:39:19.469
That would be a really unbalanced relationship. Yeah.
886
00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:21.670
But when you're having caviar every day, sometimes you want
887
00:39:21.690 --> 00:39:22.110
a Whopper.
888
00:39:22.380 --> 00:39:32.130
LAUGHTER petra listen to chatterbox she.
889
00:39:32.050 --> 00:39:36.639
Does yeah but she's she does the um she's involved in.
890
00:39:36.619 --> 00:39:38.420
It basically she does.
891
00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:41.300
All the um all the producing of it and stuff
892
00:39:41.360 --> 00:39:44.800
but um yeah she don't she she likes canal thursdays
893
00:39:44.900 --> 00:39:49.090
we just had canal thursdays come out and uh I
894
00:39:49.150 --> 00:39:51.110
think I can say I think it's really funny because
895
00:39:51.130 --> 00:39:54.469
it's really the guests who make it really funny we
896
00:39:54.489 --> 00:39:57.309
just had Alex Lowe on oh yeah and he basically
897
00:39:57.329 --> 00:40:00.869
did Barry from Watford and I've always been a Barry
898
00:40:00.889 --> 00:40:03.389
from Watford do you know Barry from Watford his character.
899
00:40:02.989 --> 00:40:05.070
Yeah he used to ring up a lot of the
900
00:40:05.110 --> 00:40:05.969
radio shows.
901
00:40:05.730 --> 00:40:08.690
Didn't he yeah Ian Lee's stuff yeah And so we
902
00:40:08.710 --> 00:40:11.199
just got to speak to Barry from Watford on a
903
00:40:11.260 --> 00:40:13.239
canal boat for half an hour. So I was, like,
904
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:17.000
in heaven. And it's so fun. That character. And so, like,
905
00:40:17.019 --> 00:40:21.559
we've had Seb and Al, Alistair Green and Anna Crilly.
906
00:40:21.579 --> 00:40:23.820
All these amazing people would just fuck about with for
907
00:40:23.860 --> 00:40:26.400
half an hour. And I'm like, okay, when I'm doing that,
908
00:40:26.440 --> 00:40:28.420
I go, okay, this is the best job in the world.
909
00:40:28.860 --> 00:40:29.079
Yeah.
910
00:40:29.179 --> 00:40:31.659
Listening to, like, really funny people. Because me and David
911
00:40:31.699 --> 00:40:35.039
just prod them, you know, and go, you know, now
912
00:40:35.059 --> 00:40:38.260
talk about this or whatever. And it's, yeah, so the
913
00:40:38.300 --> 00:40:41.219
Alex Lowe one came out today. And it's so funny,
914
00:40:41.320 --> 00:40:45.079
just him, just being Barry from Watford. Because Greg McHugh
915
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:46.849
came on and did Gary Tank Commander.
916
00:40:47.510 --> 00:40:48.269
Oh, yeah, it's great.
917
00:40:48.309 --> 00:40:52.110
Yeah, but like, and some people's characters where they're just,
918
00:40:52.170 --> 00:40:55.590
doesn't matter what they say. It's just, there's the stupid
919
00:40:55.630 --> 00:41:00.889
voice or the... You know, their angle. It's just, yeah,
920
00:41:00.929 --> 00:41:04.460
so that was like, oh. So she loves Canal Thursdays particularly,
921
00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:05.289
and I'm with her.
922
00:41:05.300 --> 00:41:06.099
It's fucking, anyway.
923
00:41:06.300 --> 00:41:07.559
Go and listen to Canal Thursdays.
924
00:41:07.860 --> 00:41:10.260
Go and listen to the chat. Well, you do so many.
925
00:41:10.340 --> 00:41:13.360
I can't believe how many episodes you put out. Don't
926
00:41:13.380 --> 00:41:14.380
you record every morning?
927
00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:20.880
Yeah. This series is 123. This series. is 123 no
928
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:25.489
127 do you do five a week yeah oh my
929
00:41:25.530 --> 00:41:30.010
god it's an absolute drain how did you decide.
930
00:41:29.389 --> 00:41:32.570
To do a daily breakfast podcast.
931
00:41:31.989 --> 00:41:36.010
Well david david had the idea like like because we
932
00:41:36.030 --> 00:41:38.469
were talking about always wanted we've always talked because me
933
00:41:38.510 --> 00:41:40.989
and david have been writing together for like 10 about
934
00:41:40.989 --> 00:41:44.170
10 years And so you end up talking about everything,
935
00:41:44.210 --> 00:41:44.469
don't you?
936
00:41:44.969 --> 00:41:45.250
Yeah.
937
00:41:45.269 --> 00:41:49.469
We're always talking about, like, kind of Chris Smiles and those,
938
00:41:49.530 --> 00:41:50.769
you know, those breakfast.
939
00:41:50.789 --> 00:41:52.489
He's your big comedy hero, isn't he, Chris Smiles?
940
00:41:52.510 --> 00:41:54.809
That's why you belched at the start.
941
00:41:54.869 --> 00:41:59.070
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so anyway, David was talking about, like,
942
00:41:59.289 --> 00:42:01.610
being a breakfast DJ and he sort of said, oh, well,
943
00:42:01.630 --> 00:42:05.469
let's do a breakfast show thing, which sort of was
944
00:42:05.510 --> 00:42:07.849
funny and then And then we sort of realised that
945
00:42:07.949 --> 00:42:10.190
breakfast shows are every day. And we were like, well,
946
00:42:10.230 --> 00:42:12.010
let's try and do it every day. But it started
947
00:42:12.050 --> 00:42:15.130
off like, let's just record for 20 minutes. But, like,
948
00:42:15.150 --> 00:42:17.309
you just keep going, don't you? Do you know what
949
00:42:17.329 --> 00:42:19.170
I mean? Just keep banging on about any old bollocks.
950
00:42:20.690 --> 00:42:22.469
And so, yeah. And then we were talking about how
951
00:42:23.250 --> 00:42:25.800
when we've all done mundane, shitty jobs. I don't know
952
00:42:25.820 --> 00:42:27.820
about you, but I used to have, like, things that
953
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:29.679
I relied on to keep me sane.
954
00:42:29.980 --> 00:42:30.460
Yeah, yeah.
955
00:42:30.500 --> 00:42:32.300
As did David. Like, I used to listen to this
956
00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:33.980
thing called the 99P Challenge.
957
00:42:34.619 --> 00:42:34.840
Right.
958
00:42:35.380 --> 00:42:38.079
It was like Simon Pegg, Amanda Nucci.
959
00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:38.559
Oh, wow.
960
00:42:39.019 --> 00:42:41.820
And they basically, it was like a really funny sort
961
00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:43.579
of panel show thing. And there was like, I remember
962
00:42:43.619 --> 00:42:46.360
finding about a hundred of those. And so I was like,
963
00:42:46.380 --> 00:42:48.340
I had a month or two where I was like,
964
00:42:48.360 --> 00:42:50.969
I can listen to that. And then, so we kind of,
965
00:42:51.239 --> 00:42:54.320
we were fantasizing about being one of those basically, but
966
00:42:54.360 --> 00:42:56.769
then I didn't really realize the drain it would be
967
00:42:56.809 --> 00:43:00.250
on our lives. Ha! But I feel that comes across
968
00:43:00.289 --> 00:43:01.360
in the episodes.
969
00:43:01.719 --> 00:43:03.840
Well, yeah, my favourite ones are when you get obsessed
970
00:43:03.860 --> 00:43:05.860
with the chart positions. But you got to number one
971
00:43:06.300 --> 00:43:08.679
in the charts recently.
972
00:43:08.780 --> 00:43:13.179
Yeah, we knocked... Well, it's because David came on here.
973
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:20.409
That's what takes the sting out of that. We basically
974
00:43:20.510 --> 00:43:20.969
co-tailed you.
975
00:43:20.989 --> 00:43:23.510
I'm glad you acknowledge it, though, Joe. That's the main thing.
976
00:43:23.550 --> 00:43:24.309
Not publicly.
977
00:43:24.349 --> 00:43:26.289
I will be talking to Michael in a minute and going,
978
00:43:26.309 --> 00:43:31.349
you better fucking cut that bit out. Otherwise, you'll never
979
00:43:31.409 --> 00:43:36.130
work in this podcast. But, yeah, we basically... Look, you
980
00:43:36.170 --> 00:43:38.210
guys are the big boys, right? You're the big boys.
981
00:43:38.510 --> 00:43:40.170
Well, no, not anymore. I think the news ones have
982
00:43:40.210 --> 00:43:41.550
come in now, haven't they?
983
00:43:41.570 --> 00:43:42.139
Yeah, the news ones.
984
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:42.739
Forget the news.
985
00:43:42.820 --> 00:43:45.840
I'm not interested in the news voice. I'm talking comedy.
986
00:43:45.860 --> 00:43:47.559
I don't look at the whole chart, mate. I look
987
00:43:47.579 --> 00:43:49.820
at the comedies. If I look at the whole chart,
988
00:43:49.880 --> 00:43:52.219
I can't be bothered to do that much scrolling down.
989
00:43:52.820 --> 00:43:56.659
But you got Alistair Campbell on Chatterbix because he complained
990
00:43:56.699 --> 00:43:58.360
about Chatterbix going to number one.
991
00:43:58.719 --> 00:44:02.059
He was a really good sport. He put on Instagram,
992
00:44:02.199 --> 00:44:03.659
what the fuck is Chatterbix?
993
00:44:05.219 --> 00:44:08.500
Because he's obsessed with chart positions and stuff.
994
00:44:08.519 --> 00:44:09.719
He's got a problem.
995
00:44:09.900 --> 00:44:10.460
Who isn't?
996
00:44:11.409 --> 00:44:13.489
Well, not to the degree about him. Because what about
997
00:44:13.630 --> 00:44:16.250
when he came on your show and he was speaking
998
00:44:16.289 --> 00:44:17.789
to you about you running the marathon?
999
00:44:18.969 --> 00:44:22.369
Oh, yeah, yeah. He knocked my time, didn't he?
1000
00:44:22.389 --> 00:44:25.090
Yeah, so he said, he went, immediately he said to you,
1001
00:44:25.110 --> 00:44:26.840
have you done the math? You went, yeah. And then
1002
00:44:26.980 --> 00:44:28.860
he said, what time did you do it in? And
1003
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:30.420
then you told him his and he told you.
1004
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:33.360
Yeah, he beat me by about 50 minutes, yeah. Then
1005
00:44:33.380 --> 00:44:35.539
he asked your age. Yeah, yeah, he pointed out he
1006
00:44:35.559 --> 00:44:38.429
was like 16 years older than me or whatever. And
1007
00:44:38.449 --> 00:44:40.550
I was like, all right, let's just get you back
1008
00:44:40.610 --> 00:44:42.650
up that chart where you're at.
1009
00:44:43.010 --> 00:44:43.909
Calm this down.
1010
00:44:44.329 --> 00:44:46.369
How many illegal wars have you been involved in, Joe?
1011
00:44:47.559 --> 00:44:52.260
Oh, top of my head. Now you're, now you're, time
1012
00:44:52.280 --> 00:44:58.329
for a pivot. But you, come on, let's get back
1013
00:44:58.349 --> 00:44:59.250
to the big boy shit.
1014
00:44:59.530 --> 00:45:00.489
Yeah.
1015
00:45:00.750 --> 00:45:03.650
You were, you were the ones to beat.
1016
00:45:03.869 --> 00:45:06.050
Well, do you know what? I see the iTunes chart
1017
00:45:06.090 --> 00:45:06.730
now as Joe.
1018
00:45:06.750 --> 00:45:09.889
Do you remember the Moscow Olympics when America didn't go there?
1019
00:45:09.909 --> 00:45:11.289
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1020
00:45:11.329 --> 00:45:15.250
Nice, nice. Nice. Man, you didn't do the FA Cup.
1021
00:45:15.269 --> 00:45:18.349
You're talking about, yeah, yeah. Yeah, nice.
1022
00:45:18.730 --> 00:45:21.159
There'll always be an asterisk next to it now. Do
1023
00:45:21.179 --> 00:45:21.739
you know what?
1024
00:45:21.780 --> 00:45:25.429
That's true. You go, we're 24th. Well, we're not really,
1025
00:45:25.489 --> 00:45:25.750
are we?
1026
00:45:25.789 --> 00:45:26.019
We're 25th.
1027
00:45:29.309 --> 00:45:31.849
Because those bastards aren't... I.
1028
00:45:31.789 --> 00:45:33.909
Think it's because we're all sort of peers and all
1029
00:45:33.929 --> 00:45:36.480
sort of started out together. Normally, in comedy, we're used
1030
00:45:36.519 --> 00:45:38.400
to seeing people and it's obvious what people are doing
1031
00:45:38.420 --> 00:45:41.320
because they're all an arena or a theatre or a
1032
00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:42.480
thing and stuff.
1033
00:45:42.860 --> 00:45:43.340
Yeah.
1034
00:45:43.599 --> 00:45:45.900
Do you know, Joe, you gave me one bit of
1035
00:45:46.039 --> 00:45:48.889
advice I always carry with me when I first was
1036
00:45:48.909 --> 00:45:51.590
coming up as a comedian. We did a gig together
1037
00:45:52.369 --> 00:45:55.170
and I had to do 20 minutes and I wasn't
1038
00:45:55.190 --> 00:45:58.820
really ready for it. And you just said, I've always
1039
00:45:58.860 --> 00:46:00.070
seen 20 minutes as 16.
1040
00:46:00.070 --> 00:46:04.050
That's a great bit of advice.
1041
00:46:04.630 --> 00:46:08.550
It goes further. This is Alistair Green and I's, this
1042
00:46:08.630 --> 00:46:10.389
is our advice to everyone. 20s are 16, 15s are 12,
1043
00:46:10.369 --> 00:46:11.030
10s are 8, 5s are 3.
1044
00:46:11.010 --> 00:46:23.380
Go and enjoy yourself. When you first start, going from
1045
00:46:23.440 --> 00:46:28.239
five to ten minutes is so stressful. You can't believe
1046
00:46:28.340 --> 00:46:30.300
now we're sort of more accomplished. You can just go
1047
00:46:30.380 --> 00:46:31.630
out and sort of blag it a bit.
1048
00:46:31.639 --> 00:46:32.639
Just talk a bit longer, yeah.
1049
00:46:33.019 --> 00:46:35.800
But at that time, everything was so like, well, that's
1050
00:46:35.800 --> 00:46:38.219
17 seconds. I can't make that longer or shorter.
1051
00:46:38.619 --> 00:46:41.030
Where am I going to pull another two minutes out
1052
00:46:41.050 --> 00:46:44.710
of my arse, mate? Because I remember the laughing horse.
1053
00:46:44.730 --> 00:46:47.730
Do you remember the laughing horse? The heats were five.
1054
00:46:47.750 --> 00:46:53.469
The final was seven. OK, I've got three months to
1055
00:46:53.489 --> 00:46:54.829
try and come up with two minutes.
1056
00:46:55.329 --> 00:46:59.250
Are you mad? How am I meant to do that? Well,
1057
00:46:59.269 --> 00:47:00.889
my dad said that to me once. I had to
1058
00:47:00.929 --> 00:47:03.329
get like an hour ready and I had like 20 minutes.
1059
00:47:03.349 --> 00:47:05.190
So I needed 40 minutes and I had four months.
1060
00:47:05.289 --> 00:47:07.449
And he was like, well, it's only 10 minutes a month.
1061
00:47:08.840 --> 00:47:12.699
Yeah, it's only 10 minutes, isn't it, Dad? Yeah. Just
1062
00:47:13.280 --> 00:47:13.800
fuck off.
1063
00:47:16.260 --> 00:47:17.309
Fuck off, Rob's dad.
1064
00:47:17.329 --> 00:47:20.929
Got any idea? Any idea how much shit I've got
1065
00:47:20.949 --> 00:47:21.650
to pan through?
1066
00:47:21.670 --> 00:47:25.929
I never knew how long bits were. So when I
1067
00:47:25.949 --> 00:47:27.900
was in the clubs, people would go like, when do
1068
00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:29.559
you want a light? Which is, you know, the club
1069
00:47:29.619 --> 00:47:31.360
owner would put a light up to show that, you know,
1070
00:47:31.380 --> 00:47:32.900
some people would have a light at the end of
1071
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:34.960
their set. Some would be like three minutes from the end.
1072
00:47:35.079 --> 00:47:36.900
And they'll go, yeah, give me a light at 17.
1073
00:47:36.889 --> 00:47:38.349
So that end bit's three minutes and I come up
1074
00:47:38.369 --> 00:47:40.389
for 20. I'm like, who knows how long a bit is?
1075
00:47:40.570 --> 00:47:43.409
I know. I found that really intimidating. I felt there's
1076
00:47:43.510 --> 00:47:45.489
loads of things in comedy when you don't know, where
1077
00:47:45.530 --> 00:47:47.489
people say stuff like that, and you go, I don't
1078
00:47:47.530 --> 00:47:49.550
know anything about comedy. And then later on, you go, well,
1079
00:47:49.590 --> 00:47:51.150
they're talking a load of old tit, weren't they?
1080
00:47:51.210 --> 00:47:51.610
Exactly.
1081
00:47:51.630 --> 00:47:54.050
I guess someone goes, could I get a light at 14?
1082
00:47:54.050 --> 00:47:56.349
Because I've got this bit that I'd like to run
1083
00:47:56.429 --> 00:47:58.610
into that needs a bit of building up to. So
1084
00:47:58.650 --> 00:48:00.530
if I get the light there, that I'll know I'd
1085
00:48:00.550 --> 00:48:02.969
better drop that in and then come back around. What
1086
00:48:02.989 --> 00:48:04.710
do you want? Just get a light at two and
1087
00:48:04.730 --> 00:48:05.349
then come off.
1088
00:48:05.909 --> 00:48:07.050
Yeah.
1089
00:48:08.070 --> 00:48:10.949
When I did my brief stint trying to do Jonglers gigs,
1090
00:48:11.659 --> 00:48:13.960
which are kind of, for the listener, kind of the
1091
00:48:14.000 --> 00:48:17.960
toughest clubs, I remember being booked for 15 minutes at
1092
00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:21.260
Jonglers Camden. And they said, what time do you want
1093
00:48:21.300 --> 00:48:23.760
the light? And I said, I'll have it at 12.
1094
00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:25.460
Because then at least I feel like I'm on the
1095
00:48:25.500 --> 00:48:25.909
kind of.
1096
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.639
Yeah, you're done. You're done.
1097
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:28.619
You're coming into land.
1098
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:31.639
I've only got to get to 12 now. Yeah, exactly.
1099
00:48:31.690 --> 00:48:34.289
And I went on and I was dying to silence.
1100
00:48:35.230 --> 00:48:38.989
I was thinking this is going really badly. And then
1101
00:48:39.010 --> 00:48:42.050
the light comes and I'm like, do you know what?
1102
00:48:42.599 --> 00:48:47.159
Even the hoe, it's going badly. It's gone fast. I've
1103
00:48:47.179 --> 00:48:50.239
gone through it fast. And I come off and they've
1104
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:51.389
just lighted me at five.
1105
00:48:55.619 --> 00:48:58.739
Oh, my God. I've imagined you two do it, because
1106
00:48:59.119 --> 00:49:00.840
you can imagine how I did it. Because I did
1107
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:03.960
those gigs. You can imagine how I did it. I'll
1108
00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:06.940
text you after, but one comedian.
1109
00:49:07.320 --> 00:49:08.860
Just beep it out. Just beep it out.
1110
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:13.030
No, I will text. You don't trust Michael. He said,
1111
00:49:13.050 --> 00:49:17.409
I don't think this is for you, mate. Because it
1112
00:49:17.429 --> 00:49:20.440
had gone badly, fair enough. But he went. I don't
1113
00:49:20.900 --> 00:49:22.880
think this is for you, mate. Just, you know, do
1114
00:49:22.900 --> 00:49:25.039
you write and stuff? Maybe write on stuff.
1115
00:49:25.480 --> 00:49:26.929
Oh, that's a horrible thing to say.
1116
00:49:27.050 --> 00:49:29.010
Oh, my God. I'm lucky now.
1117
00:49:29.030 --> 00:49:31.730
Yeah, he was fucking right spot on.
1118
00:49:31.750 --> 00:49:31.949
Yeah.
1119
00:49:33.670 --> 00:49:36.579
Maybe you shouldn't listen to him, Joe.
1120
00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:38.699
And then you look back and you go, those gigs
1121
00:49:38.719 --> 00:49:39.420
were awful.
1122
00:49:39.860 --> 00:49:40.940
Yeah, you can't do.
1123
00:49:41.139 --> 00:49:44.170
You can't stop comedy because those gigs are.
1124
00:49:44.809 --> 00:49:47.429
I'd argue you can't really do comedy to those gigs.
1125
00:49:47.489 --> 00:49:50.309
It's just sort of banter and crowd management... and crowd
1126
00:49:50.329 --> 00:49:50.829
work and dick jokes.
1127
00:49:50.869 --> 00:49:51.809
I can't do either of those things.
1128
00:49:51.889 --> 00:49:54.460
No, exactly. But then I was, because I'm a bit
1129
00:49:54.500 --> 00:49:58.380
more like conversational and personal, I can sort of just
1130
00:49:58.400 --> 00:50:01.840
sort of, and a bit like laddy, I can sort
1131
00:50:01.860 --> 00:50:05.119
of like outladdy them. But what I'm really, isn't doing comedy.
1132
00:50:05.500 --> 00:50:09.050
He's surviving, doing some cheap dick jokes. And it's just
1133
00:50:09.070 --> 00:50:10.650
a bit of survival. And then, like, you go to
1134
00:50:10.670 --> 00:50:12.230
other gigs and you tour. That's when you sort of
1135
00:50:12.250 --> 00:50:15.630
start doing actual bits of material. But, like, that is not...
1136
00:50:15.570 --> 00:50:17.840
Fair enough. You may not be, you know, may not
1137
00:50:17.860 --> 00:50:20.539
be suitable, but they're not... They're brutal at that stage
1138
00:50:20.559 --> 00:50:22.579
when you're, like, first in. Especially if you... You know,
1139
00:50:22.780 --> 00:50:24.719
you want to have 10 cats. A cat does Countdown.
1140
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:27.739
It's one of the best comic performances in, like, panel
1141
00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:30.239
shows and sort of... And you're doing sketches. It's unbelievable.
1142
00:50:30.260 --> 00:50:32.710
It's unbelievable. everyone looks forward to it when you're sat
1143
00:50:32.750 --> 00:50:34.289
there on the desk and you come out the crowd
1144
00:50:34.329 --> 00:50:36.289
go mad and we sit back and just watch an
1145
00:50:36.309 --> 00:50:39.289
amazing bit of comedy every bit of that that i've
1146
00:50:39.329 --> 00:50:41.090
watched and applauded and laughed at would have died on
1147
00:50:41.150 --> 00:50:44.489
its ass at junglers yeah so whatever whatever junglers is
1148
00:50:44.650 --> 00:50:47.550
it don't matter you know those kind of gigs but
1149
00:50:47.630 --> 00:50:50.190
it's brilliant and and you if you were listening to
1150
00:50:50.210 --> 00:50:52.329
them you'd think this is shit but it's not people
1151
00:50:52.349 --> 00:50:54.929
love it but it's just doing it in the right place.
1152
00:50:55.650 --> 00:50:58.320
If you could channel that person you are with your granddaughter.
1153
00:51:03.159 --> 00:51:06.239
That Camden gig, I remember dying really bad. It's the
1154
00:51:06.260 --> 00:51:08.719
last sort of one of those gigs I ever did.
1155
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:12.780
And at the end, it'd gone really badly. I've never
1156
00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:15.449
done any telly at this point, obviously. And I said,
1157
00:51:15.690 --> 00:51:18.869
and I thought, I'm going to make my, like, this
1158
00:51:18.889 --> 00:51:22.250
will get something from someone, this end. I said, look,
1159
00:51:22.369 --> 00:51:25.110
and they're still, they are booing and going, fuck off
1160
00:51:25.130 --> 00:51:25.650
at this point.
1161
00:51:26.010 --> 00:51:26.710
Yeah.
1162
00:51:26.949 --> 00:51:29.880
And I went, and they're still shouting. And I go, look, guys,
1163
00:51:29.909 --> 00:51:35.199
you've been lovely. And they're still going, fuck off. And
1164
00:51:35.400 --> 00:51:37.579
I was saying, you've been really, you've been a lovely,
1165
00:51:37.679 --> 00:51:42.360
lovely crowd. And I really appreciate it. And look, I'm
1166
00:51:42.380 --> 00:51:47.300
going to be at the back signing autographs. So please,
1167
00:51:47.559 --> 00:51:52.719
please form an orderly queue. please don't push to the front, please.
1168
00:51:52.920 --> 00:51:55.639
Like this, going on and on. And one bloke went,
1169
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:58.880
why the fuck do we want your autograph? You're fucking shit.
1170
00:51:58.900 --> 00:52:06.110
I was like, oh, well, that was a fucking... All right, yeah, fine. Like,
1171
00:52:06.119 --> 00:52:08.050
can't you see that you're all shouting at me and
1172
00:52:08.090 --> 00:52:10.769
I'm pretending it's going... You know, I was like, well...
1173
00:52:11.309 --> 00:52:13.269
The same gig that I was waiting to go on
1174
00:52:13.309 --> 00:52:16.110
and a guy... one of the guys just watching was
1175
00:52:16.150 --> 00:52:18.909
chewing chewing gum and it fell out of his mouth. Oh.
1176
00:52:19.349 --> 00:52:21.050
And I was like, if you're performing to people that
1177
00:52:21.090 --> 00:52:23.989
can't keep food in their mouth, I'm sorry then.
1178
00:52:24.010 --> 00:52:25.670
Do you know what I used to do? If there
1179
00:52:25.690 --> 00:52:27.210
was a crowd I didn't like, if I'd be at
1180
00:52:27.230 --> 00:52:29.010
the back and you walk through the crowd, if I
1181
00:52:29.050 --> 00:52:31.719
needed a fart, I'd do it halfway down and then
1182
00:52:31.760 --> 00:52:33.920
get on stage and then just watch the reaction of
1183
00:52:33.980 --> 00:52:38.320
it because no one's going to think it's me. You're
1184
00:52:38.360 --> 00:52:39.639
all just catching it. And you'd go, no, I didn't
1185
00:52:39.659 --> 00:52:41.360
do it. We must have. It's coming from over there.
1186
00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:43.539
And I just dropped it and ran onto the stage.
1187
00:52:43.579 --> 00:52:45.659
Oh, God. I can't believe those gigs.
1188
00:52:46.940 --> 00:52:48.480
Joe, thank you so much for coming on. Oh, it's
1189
00:52:48.500 --> 00:52:50.300
the final question, the last question.
1190
00:52:50.320 --> 00:52:51.619
Yeah.
1191
00:52:51.659 --> 00:52:53.239
It's a bit more different because you're sort of dealing
1192
00:52:53.260 --> 00:52:56.179
with grown-up kids, but what's the thing that Petra does
1193
00:52:56.219 --> 00:52:58.409
as a parent that you find quite annoying and what
1194
00:52:58.449 --> 00:53:01.050
does she do as a parent or grandparent that you
1195
00:53:01.150 --> 00:53:03.869
find really sweet and you think, oh, isn't she nice?
1196
00:53:04.289 --> 00:53:07.869
Well, it's just her... Sweet is generally a relationship with
1197
00:53:08.269 --> 00:53:13.849
her granddaughter's lovely and it's just, like, That's obviously amazing,
1198
00:53:13.889 --> 00:53:17.429
and it's very, very... It's sort of just like, oh, God,
1199
00:53:17.469 --> 00:53:19.829
that's lovely, isn't it? How amazing that they have that
1200
00:53:19.909 --> 00:53:23.539
sort of... A bond that is just... It's just there,
1201
00:53:24.340 --> 00:53:27.320
and they don't sort of... The little one doesn't really
1202
00:53:27.400 --> 00:53:29.340
know why it's there. You know what I mean?
1203
00:53:29.420 --> 00:53:30.519
Yeah, it just works.
1204
00:53:31.260 --> 00:53:33.559
Yeah, and annoying.
1205
00:53:33.719 --> 00:53:34.039
God.
1206
00:53:35.280 --> 00:53:39.090
She's only half, about 12 steps away, so.
1207
00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:42.219
Is she in recovery?
1208
00:53:42.239 --> 00:53:47.659
Oh, that was a lovely bit of business. That is good, Rob.
1209
00:53:47.679 --> 00:53:50.139
That was lovely. Do you know what, Rob? Every now
1210
00:53:50.159 --> 00:53:55.190
and then, you blow my mind. And when it happens,
1211
00:53:55.230 --> 00:53:56.369
it's worth writing down.
1212
00:53:56.389 --> 00:53:59.090
It really is. A free kick and a quick pun
1213
00:53:59.230 --> 00:53:59.670
every 12 years.
1214
00:54:00.269 --> 00:54:03.030
I can't believe how much slower I got that than you, Josh.
1215
00:54:03.050 --> 00:54:05.469
Because I was literally going, oh, yeah, no, got it,
1216
00:54:05.480 --> 00:54:10.829
got it, got it. I think the annoying thing is
1217
00:54:10.889 --> 00:54:14.650
how much she palms off the general running about to me.
1218
00:54:15.070 --> 00:54:20.300
Probably because she remembers the amount of running about with
1219
00:54:20.340 --> 00:54:23.840
her son. She bedded in early and was like, I'm
1220
00:54:23.900 --> 00:54:29.519
the sitter downer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So experience paid
1221
00:54:29.659 --> 00:54:32.110
off the second time. You know what I mean? She
1222
00:54:32.119 --> 00:54:36.429
was like, if she knows that I'll jump up and
1223
00:54:36.469 --> 00:54:41.019
run around after her, then... She'll get to eight and
1224
00:54:41.059 --> 00:54:45.530
that will be the default. But he doesn't know that. Yeah.
1225
00:54:45.550 --> 00:54:48.750
So I'll let him just do that.
1226
00:54:49.070 --> 00:54:51.090
Grandad Joe will get it. What does she call you?
1227
00:54:51.110 --> 00:54:52.639
Grandad Joe? Grandad Joe?
1228
00:54:52.980 --> 00:54:54.699
Joey. Joey.
1229
00:54:54.719 --> 00:54:58.230
Joey. So Joey will go and get it. Joey will
1230
00:54:58.250 --> 00:54:58.889
do it, don't worry.
1231
00:54:58.989 --> 00:55:04.260
Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Joey will drop you off. Joey is exhausted.
1232
00:55:07.940 --> 00:55:11.639
Joey just wants to watch the Man City game.
1233
00:55:14.190 --> 00:55:16.989
But he's currently rushing to the dishwasher.
1234
00:55:17.110 --> 00:55:21.750
Well, Petra somehow has not done as much moving as
1235
00:55:21.809 --> 00:55:27.360
I'd hoped she would. I did a good one the
1236
00:55:27.400 --> 00:55:30.739
other day. Oh, this, folks. Can I quickly tell you this?
1237
00:55:30.780 --> 00:55:36.110
We're playing, what do you call it, charades. So whoever
1238
00:55:37.449 --> 00:55:43.500
gets the answer has to go up next. So we're
1239
00:55:43.519 --> 00:55:47.119
done with doing it, basically. So Petra's up. And she
1240
00:55:47.159 --> 00:55:54.530
does film or whatever. And she's going... She's obviously doing Frozen. Yeah. Now,
1241
00:55:54.869 --> 00:55:57.650
her granddaughter's not getting it. But I know if I
1242
00:55:57.730 --> 00:56:00.889
get it, it's my turn next. So I'm going.
1243
00:56:02.130 --> 00:56:04.610
Freeze, steal.
1244
00:56:05.630 --> 00:56:11.510
And she's looking at me going... And I'm like... frosty
1245
00:56:20.469 --> 00:56:23.730
I'm not going up again I've had six goes I'm
1246
00:56:23.769 --> 00:56:29.130
not going up for seven from oh not moving.
1247
00:56:29.480 --> 00:56:33.699
That's a great film not moving not much happens bit
1248
00:56:33.719 --> 00:56:36.400
slow thank you so much it's been.
1249
00:56:36.300 --> 00:56:38.800
Brilliant love to see you boys it's good luck covered
1250
00:56:38.820 --> 00:56:41.429
available on Spotify As you.
1251
00:56:41.349 --> 00:56:43.630
Always say, Josh, the one and only place.
1252
00:56:44.309 --> 00:56:47.210
The one and only place to listen, if you ask me.
1253
00:56:49.199 --> 00:56:51.170
Yeah, Cup in the Cupboard and good luck on Soccer M.
1254
00:56:51.159 --> 00:56:53.420
We're going to be watching your free kicks and your footwork.
1255
00:56:53.699 --> 00:56:56.019
That's made it a lot worse. Great.
1256
00:56:58.019 --> 00:56:58.699
Cheers, Joe.
1257
00:56:59.019 --> 00:57:00.159
I'm now going to slip over.
1258
00:57:00.260 --> 00:57:00.820
Cheers, boys.
1259
00:57:00.860 --> 00:57:01.579
Look after yourselves.
1260
00:57:01.679 --> 00:57:02.619
See you later. Bye.
1261
00:57:02.679 --> 00:57:03.119
See you.
1262
00:57:06.369 --> 00:57:09.389
Joe Wilkinson. I love Joe Wilkinson. Big Joe Wilkinson fan.
1263
00:57:10.190 --> 00:57:12.219
That was one of our ones where we got quite distracted, Rob.
1264
00:57:12.579 --> 00:57:16.000
A little bit got distracted. However, I quite enjoyed this
1265
00:57:16.039 --> 00:57:17.659
distraction because everyone was talking about how good I was
1266
00:57:17.699 --> 00:57:18.079
at football.
1267
00:57:18.639 --> 00:57:19.780
Of course. Yeah, yeah, of course.
1268
00:57:19.800 --> 00:57:21.179
So I just wasn't going to, as much as I
1269
00:57:21.199 --> 00:57:22.389
wasn't going to stay on topic. You weren't going to
1270
00:57:22.409 --> 00:57:22.869
steer it.
1271
00:57:22.869 --> 00:57:24.389
Back to parenting at that point.
1272
00:57:24.670 --> 00:57:25.050
No.
1273
00:57:25.210 --> 00:57:26.730
At that point, I was like, do you know what?
1274
00:57:26.889 --> 00:57:30.010
I'd rather just hear about me more than his grandchild
1275
00:57:30.090 --> 00:57:31.510
or stepson. Yeah.
1276
00:57:31.909 --> 00:57:32.679
Yeah, exactly.
1277
00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:35.239
I just thought I could indulge that a little bit.
1278
00:57:35.300 --> 00:57:37.780
But also, it's difficult, though, to talk about parenting too much.
1279
00:57:37.840 --> 00:57:40.449
He met his stepson when his stepson was an adult.
1280
00:57:40.760 --> 00:57:43.369
And now he's sort of got, you know, step granddaughters,
1281
00:57:43.389 --> 00:57:46.650
old Joey, granddad Joey. It's funny, Joe Wilkinson's a granddad.
1282
00:57:47.030 --> 00:57:49.559
Yeah, he is weird, isn't it? And actually.
1283
00:57:50.219 --> 00:57:52.820
What you often like, you'll trot out, not you, but
1284
00:57:52.900 --> 00:57:55.019
me or you will trot out in an interview when
1285
00:57:55.039 --> 00:57:57.920
we're promoting this, like about how you hear another side
1286
00:57:57.960 --> 00:58:00.130
to people that you don't get in normal interviews.
1287
00:58:00.650 --> 00:58:03.070
I'd say that was really true of Joe Wilkinson here.
1288
00:58:03.409 --> 00:58:05.449
Yeah, I think he's a little bit nervous between you
1289
00:58:05.469 --> 00:58:06.949
and me, a little bit nervous doing it because this
1290
00:58:07.010 --> 00:58:09.230
is a sort of podcast where you are being really
1291
00:58:09.250 --> 00:58:11.260
honest and open and he acts as an act. He
1292
00:58:11.280 --> 00:58:13.239
has a sort of character act, doesn't he?
1293
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:17.519
Yeah, but to hear Joe Wilkerson talking about playing hide-and-seek,
1294
00:58:18.119 --> 00:58:18.760
you don't get that.
1295
00:58:18.820 --> 00:58:20.510
You don't get that on other podcasts, Rob.
1296
00:58:20.519 --> 00:58:21.840
You could tell he was a bit sort of... Sorry,
1297
00:58:21.900 --> 00:58:23.039
I keep banging that. You could tell he was a
1298
00:58:23.079 --> 00:58:24.900
little bit nervous about saying it there, wasn't it? He
1299
00:58:24.940 --> 00:58:27.780
likes to be a bit vulnerable about it, but he's
1300
00:58:28.099 --> 00:58:28.539
so funny.
1301
00:58:29.239 --> 00:58:29.739
Yeah.
1302
00:58:29.820 --> 00:58:30.929
And give Chatterbix a whirl.
1303
00:58:31.110 --> 00:58:33.349
Give Chatterbix a whirl, and we'll see you on Tuesday.
1304
00:58:33.530 --> 00:58:37.289
Josh, I'll see you Tuesday. Bye. As ever, exclusively on Spotify.
1305
00:58:37.389 --> 00:58:38.210
Exclusively. See you later, baby.
1306
00:58:38.230 --> 00:58:38.929
Bye. Bye.