S04 EP22: Bill Bailey

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willicombe.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when
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none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening
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to Parenting Hell with.
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Rachel, can you say Rob Beckett?
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Rob Beckett.
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OK, and can you say Josh Whittacombe?
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Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe. Widdicombe.
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Widdicombe. Widdicombe.
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Okay, well, well done.
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There we go.
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Love the podcast. This is my 38-month-old Rachel. We live
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in Plymouth with my parents on our... 38 months?
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What's that?
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Three.
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On our family farm. Quick boomer parenting farm-related anecdotes. Do
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you want that?
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Yeah. When I was a child, my dad took us
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out shooting.
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He shot a rabbit and then proceeded to give us
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a DIY biology lesson.
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Oh, no.
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When he cut the rabbit open, oh, my God, it
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had six or seven babies inside. Fuck.
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That is so awful.
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Yeah.
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My sister and I were horrified and went to ask
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if the babies would be okay.
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He said, probably not, and kicked the rabbit under a bush. What?
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He also used to get us to test if electric
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fences were on by asking us to touch them. Pretty
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sure he knew they were on. Thank you for the charm,
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sexiness and wit. You're not at all funny or relatable.
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Thanks, Gary.
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At what point can the police get involved in historic
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sort of.
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Historic boom of parenting offenses. This could open up a
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huge investigation. We get most of our listeners' parents to
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be put away. Then he just booted the rabbit.
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Under a bush. Oh, my word.
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What's the point of shooting.
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It, then?
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That is the countryside for you, Rob. Absolutely brutal.
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There are animals out there outside the city walls. I do.
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Am I a townie? What is a townie? I never
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understood what townie was.
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Yeah, you are a townie. I think, yeah, probably. I
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think the thing is, it's more a state of mind
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than it is.
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But I live in Zone 5. Am I a townie?
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Yeah, because you.
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I feel so far away.
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Rob.
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You don't come alive in the countryside.
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Do you know what I mean? Are you more comfortable
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in towns or in the, you know, vast expanse of
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the countryside?
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Well, I think I'm really tired at the moment because
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I keep swearing too much on this. My mum and
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dad told me that I'm swearing too much on it.
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So I'm going to try and stop. So I think
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at the moment I'd get annoyed wherever I was.
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Yes.
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I don't think now's a good time to do the test.
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No, no, of course. Of course.
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I do.
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Do you know what, though? I do. When I drive
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into the countryside, I do feel myself calming down.
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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
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And getting a bit.
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You don't get that when you're driving to London.
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But I think it's that thing that I think when
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you're younger, you want to be in the city, and
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when you're older, you want to be a bit more
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of a country bumpkin.
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And you're feeling the pull.
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I'm feeling the pull. But do you know what? As
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soon as I'm there for a bit, I'd hate it.
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I'd start getting, like, sort of defender fences for deer.
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You'd get really, really bored. Every time I go to
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the countryside, I think, This is it.
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This is what I want.
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And then I come back and I'm like, oh, I
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can walk and buy some bread.
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It's really useful.
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I don't have to drive for milk.
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Anyway, talking about old and young, Rob.
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Yes.
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Do you want the oldest and youngest listeners?
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Yes, please.
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Well, these are so far, okay? So if you've got
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a younger or an older one. So youngest listener, we
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ask you, youngest. An honourable mention to this one, 12
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years old. Hello, I've listened to your latest episode. Very good.
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Always funny, of course. And you want to know your
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youngest listener. Well, I'm 12 and I listen on my
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own and actually recommended it to my parents.
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Oh, hello.
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I was looking for a comedy podcast and searched for
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Romesh Ranganathan. And the episode came up. You don't have
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to search for him. If you just turn the telly on,
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you'll find him. He hates those kind of jokes. He'll
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be annoyed with that if he listened. I looked for
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a comedy podcast. I searched Romesh Ranganathan. Luckily, he's good.
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Romesh Ranganathan. And the episode came up with him on
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your show. And I thought it was great. So I
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listened to the rest of them. And I listen every
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morning when I get ready for school and when I
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get home. Always happy when there's a new episode. You're great.
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And great tips for the future from Emmy. Isn't Emmy
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well put together for a 12-year-old? I would not be.
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What was I doing at 12? I wouldn't like to think. However,
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you have been beaten, Emmy. 11 years old is our
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current youngest listener. Dear Rob and Josh, I have a
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contender for your youngest listener. My son, who's now 13,
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has been listening to your podcast from the early days
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when he was 11. He goes to bed earlier on
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a Tuesday and a Friday so he can listen to
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it before he goes to sleep.
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Oh, bless him.
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We are going to see Josh of the Palladium on
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Saturday and have tickets for Parents in Hell at the
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O2 next year. Heart of the pub, Kate in Berkshire. Kate,
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what's his name? Don't take all the glory, Kate. So
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11's winning. Let us know if there's anyone younger.
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Yeah, I think 12, because it was written herself.
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Yes.
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Do you know what I mean?
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I wonder whether.
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Are we allowing people to, for the youngest, I wonder
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whether we need the person to be.
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So are you demanding that children email you direct?
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Just the parents copied in on a CC.
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I think that's problematic. But I'd say Emmy's the winner
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at the moment because we currently got Anon for the 11-year-old.
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Yes, yes. Okay. But thanks to both of them.
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Yeah, and we listen. But the youngest needs to be
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someone who listens on their own without the parents making them.
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And our oldest, honourable mention, 75 years old. Hello, you two.
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I'm applying for oldest listener. I'm 75 from the Isle
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of Wight, but originally from Bermondsey. Enjoy your kids while
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you know where they are. Anxiety levels get higher when
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they start going out as teenagers. Good to know, Sandra
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and Nikki, mother and daughter there. It's good to know
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that it's just going to get worse and you're going
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to worry more. Basically, you're going to worry more and
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have less control. Welcome to parenting.
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Oh, my God.
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But my dad's 78 and he listens, so that's already
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beaten that one. However, I've got another one here. 80
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years old, Josh. That's good, isn't it?
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Come on.
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80.
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Hi, Rob and Josh. My name is Lucy Holloway, and
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I am, along with the rest of my family, a
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huge fan of the podcast. After hearing you guys wonder
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who your youngest and oldest listeners are, I thought I'd
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message in, I believe my nan to be your oldest
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listener who started listening after hearing me and my mum
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rave about your podcast on holiday in Mexico. You took
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a nan to Mexico?
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No, an 80-year-old to Mexico.
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Absolutely incredible.
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So she now listens. She's 80. What is she listening on, though?
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Good on you. Again, though, with the oldies, we want
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to hear from them direct.
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Yeah.
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I will take a caps lock text message. Thank you
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for being hilarious as you both are. Blah, blah, blah.
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Keep on with the podcast, Lucy. So we're currently at 80.
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To take an 80-year-old to Mexico is incredibly good. Because
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I know when I'm 80, Rob, I'm not going to
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be in the mood to go to Mexico.
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No.
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Also as well, isn't Mexico a bit known for getting
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a bit of a runny bottom? Well, that must be
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difficult when you're 80. You need to get to the
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toilet quick.
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Wow, no, no.
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Rob, when you're 80, you're absolutely desperate for movement down there.
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Really?
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Is that what happens? It all gets clogged up. I
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thought it loosened up.
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Yeah, you're all about, let's go to Mexico.
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Give that a try.
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Give me a clear out. Get me to Mexico.
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Yeah.
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Well, good on you.
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Have you been to Mexico?
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No, I really want to go.
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Oh, it goes to Tulum. It's absolutely incredible. We went
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there before we had kids. I can't imagine we'll be
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going there for the next 15 years. Right.
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Okay. Let's try and keep morale up. Okay, I want
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to keep morale up. There's a... So this is exciting.
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It's quite awkward to work, but basically, on the school run,
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there's a very handsome dad.
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Oh, yeah.
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So anyway, I was driving....
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It's not me.
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I look disheveled. I always wear tracksuit and look like
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I've just woken up because I have. But it's this guy.
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And honestly, he was crossing the road. I was driving
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and Lou was next to me. And he was crossing
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the road. And this, like, really handsome man sort of
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waved at Lou. And I was like, hmm? And then
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Lou waved back and was like, hi. And I.
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I thought she swooned. What she said, she went, no,
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I didn't. I was just a bit anxious because the
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road was clogging up. Someone did hit another car. So
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I thought her reaction was to the handsome guy waving
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at her. But she said, no, it was just that
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I was anxious because of the car. So whether she
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was or she wasn't, she definitely had a weird reaction.
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I was like, who?
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What does he look like, Rob? How handsome is he?
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What kind of handsome are we looking at?
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I went, who was that? She went, it's one of
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the dads from the schools.
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And I went.
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He looks like a man from the adverts. He was
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one of them sort of, you know, like it's a
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new car advert. I'd say tall, dark hair, quite athletic,
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bit of stubble, that classic handsome man.
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Absolutely.
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And then Lou went all red and was going, no,
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I wasn't. I was just saying. And then it turns
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out she'd already texted her mates from uni that when
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they was at one of the parties, that one of
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the dads is handsome. And he's a handsome, he's a dilf.
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How did you find that out?
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Because she told me, because I was going, oh, you
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think he's handsome. There's nothing wrong with thinking someone's handsome,
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is there? Oh, and you think he's handsome. Don't start
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with this false narrative. And I was like, it's not
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a false narrative if you've already texted your mates. I've
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just picked up upon you going, waving at this man
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in the street.
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So does he know, do you think?
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00:09:35.460 --> 00:09:38.590
I think he knows he's sexy. Yeah. It's not a shot.
251
00:09:38.710 --> 00:09:40.730
So if he listens to this, he'll go, that's definitely me.
252
00:09:40.750 --> 00:09:43.789
Do you know what? I'd say yes. And he is
253
00:09:43.830 --> 00:09:46.230
a handsome man. I wouldn't say he's out of this
254
00:09:46.330 --> 00:09:49.350
world handsome. But what I would say is, compared to
255
00:09:49.450 --> 00:09:53.450
all the other 40-year-old men that sort of frequent the schools,
256
00:09:53.450 --> 00:09:57.139
it's not a tough pull. Because I'm the youngest. You're
257
00:09:57.139 --> 00:10:00.110
the youngest? Out of the dads. And you're a young dad?
258
00:10:00.350 --> 00:10:01.919
I'm a young dad. How old are you?
259
00:10:01.929 --> 00:10:02.809
You're 35?
260
00:10:02.809 --> 00:10:03.519
36.
261
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36.
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00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:06.179
So a lot of the dads are around 40.
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00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:09.200
Times change, don't they? God, Rob, when we were kids,
264
00:10:09.620 --> 00:10:12.690
those school gates, everyone was 26, 27. I know, it's mad,
265
00:10:12.820 --> 00:10:15.120
isn't it? It's so mental, isn't it?
266
00:10:15.259 --> 00:10:17.059
But no, but it was quite funny, though, because Lou
267
00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.159
was like, oh, hello. But it was when it was
268
00:10:19.179 --> 00:10:21.620
really sunny. You know when that week, where it was
269
00:10:21.639 --> 00:10:23.600
like summer for a week, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. About
270
00:10:23.620 --> 00:10:25.879
a week or so ago. He literally crossed the road
271
00:10:25.980 --> 00:10:28.899
and he turned and he had sunglasses on, looked a
272
00:10:28.919 --> 00:10:32.360
bit tan. His teeth sparkled, had a twinkle in his eye.
273
00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:34.750
And Lou went, oh. and waved I was like what
274
00:10:34.789 --> 00:10:37.409
the fuck is going on but yeah Lou was a
275
00:10:37.429 --> 00:10:39.419
little bit like a little bit like I'd caught I
276
00:10:39.429 --> 00:10:41.539
felt like I could lose dad and I'd found something
277
00:10:41.559 --> 00:10:42.919
you know when you pick your kid up from school
278
00:10:42.980 --> 00:10:43.759
and they've got.
279
00:10:43.620 --> 00:10:46.039
A crush Yeah, well, let's see how it plays out.
280
00:10:46.279 --> 00:10:48.059
And I said to Lou, you're not into him, though.
281
00:10:48.100 --> 00:10:51.110
She prefers, you know, sort of wide, shorter, little blonde things.
282
00:10:51.399 --> 00:10:52.669
Exactly, exactly.
283
00:10:52.690 --> 00:10:54.210
But, yeah, it was quite funny catching up. He is
284
00:10:54.230 --> 00:10:56.429
a very handsome man on the school run. There's always
285
00:10:56.590 --> 00:10:59.450
one sort of really good-looking one. Or, like, scaffolders are
286
00:10:59.490 --> 00:11:02.009
always quite a bit sexy, aren't they? They're the sexiest tradesmen.
287
00:11:02.429 --> 00:11:02.750
Are they?
288
00:11:02.970 --> 00:11:03.580
Yeah, big time.
289
00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:05.879
Because they spend their day in the sun and.
290
00:11:05.799 --> 00:11:08.120
They're... Tops off in the sun. You've got to be strong.
291
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:10.340
You've got to be quite athletic and agile. You've got
292
00:11:10.360 --> 00:11:10.679
to be strong.
293
00:11:10.779 --> 00:11:12.779
Oh, my God. Talking of strong, Rob.
294
00:11:12.940 --> 00:11:13.120
Yeah.
295
00:11:13.799 --> 00:11:15.360
Do you want to see a picture of the strongest
296
00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:16.500
man that's ever been in my house?
297
00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:20.240
To be fair, you hang around with Matt Crosby and
298
00:11:20.259 --> 00:11:22.080
Tom Crane, so it could just be a photo of
299
00:11:22.100 --> 00:11:22.740
me at this stage.
300
00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:26.610
So, our tumble dryer broke. Oh, right.
301
00:11:26.620 --> 00:11:26.750
Yeah.
302
00:11:27.450 --> 00:11:29.549
So, I got someone to come around to get rid
303
00:11:29.570 --> 00:11:31.309
of our tumble dryer. I said, it's a two-man job.
304
00:11:31.629 --> 00:11:32.970
I couldn't even move it, right?
305
00:11:33.009 --> 00:11:33.169
Right.
306
00:11:33.190 --> 00:11:34.690
Do you want to see a picture of him walking
307
00:11:34.730 --> 00:11:35.149
out of our house?
308
00:11:35.169 --> 00:11:36.629
So, you couldn't move this tumble dryer, so you had to.
309
00:11:36.610 --> 00:11:37.059
Get someone to.
310
00:11:37.090 --> 00:11:39.070
I couldn't move it. It was in the cellar.
311
00:11:39.090 --> 00:11:39.350
Oh, right.
312
00:11:39.389 --> 00:11:40.950
Down the staircase, right?
313
00:11:41.129 --> 00:11:44.220
Yeah. He turns up. I'm like... It's a two-man job.
314
00:11:44.279 --> 00:11:46.200
Is there a second bloke? And he goes, yeah. Can
315
00:11:46.220 --> 00:11:48.889
I see where the tumble dryer is? I show him
316
00:11:48.929 --> 00:11:52.149
down to the cellar and he just picks it up, Rob.
317
00:11:54.559 --> 00:11:55.340
Here's a picture of him.
318
00:11:55.779 --> 00:11:57.100
I've got the picture. He's carrying it.
319
00:11:57.559 --> 00:11:58.779
He's just carrying it.
320
00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:02.500
He's carrying that effortlessly. He's not even straining there.
321
00:12:02.860 --> 00:12:05.480
Also, not like at his front, at his side.
322
00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:07.360
So he's counterbalancing it.
323
00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:09.700
Yeah, because if it was heavy like that, I'd have
324
00:12:09.740 --> 00:12:10.279
it on me.
325
00:12:10.860 --> 00:12:11.120
Yeah.
326
00:12:11.179 --> 00:12:14.379
And I'd be shuffling my feet along. Yeah, but he's
327
00:12:14.399 --> 00:12:17.039
doing all arm. It's all in his arms. Hey, don't
328
00:12:17.080 --> 00:12:19.679
even look that big. That's core. It's incredible.
329
00:12:23.269 --> 00:12:26.149
Now, before Bill Bailey, Bill Bailey is on tour. So
330
00:12:26.210 --> 00:12:27.350
are we, Rob? Yes.
331
00:12:27.730 --> 00:12:29.509
Yes, we are on tour. Correct.
332
00:12:29.529 --> 00:12:31.669
Where are we? Can you name the six venues?
333
00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:32.259
Yeah.
334
00:12:32.600 --> 00:12:38.120
Wembley, London. O2, London. Nottingham, Cardiff. Birmingham, Manchester.
335
00:12:38.539 --> 00:12:39.779
Yes, there we are.
336
00:12:39.799 --> 00:12:41.059
April 2023. Get your tickets.
337
00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:44.090
Get your tickets. Just Google it. There you go.
338
00:12:44.309 --> 00:12:44.629
Right.
339
00:12:44.909 --> 00:12:46.490
And go and see Bill Bailey as well. He's brilliant.
340
00:12:46.950 --> 00:12:49.330
Yeah, he's so good. Such a nice man. I absolutely
341
00:12:49.350 --> 00:12:50.029
love this interview.
342
00:12:50.450 --> 00:12:51.750
It was really good, wasn't it? He's so funny.
343
00:12:52.179 --> 00:12:54.889
So funny, and it was good to finally talk to
344
00:12:54.909 --> 00:12:57.570
him about the riders at the Royal Variety Performance.
345
00:12:57.769 --> 00:13:01.779
Oh, that was great. That is good gossip. Yeah, this
346
00:13:01.799 --> 00:13:04.820
Bill Brady, brilliant guy, brilliant comedian, lovely bloke.
347
00:13:04.980 --> 00:13:05.399
Enjoy.
348
00:13:05.419 --> 00:13:10.169
Enjoy. Can I ask a quick comedy question before we
349
00:13:10.210 --> 00:13:13.950
do parenting stuff, Bill? How much do you hate sort
350
00:13:13.990 --> 00:13:17.049
of traditional stand-up comedians that then on tour to fill
351
00:13:17.110 --> 00:13:21.240
five minutes, whip out a guitar or ukulele as an afterthought?
352
00:13:21.289 --> 00:13:23.000
Does that annoy you or do you not care? Like,
353
00:13:23.169 --> 00:13:25.820
I'll just fuck off and get on with your stories. Yeah.
354
00:13:27.379 --> 00:13:30.960
You know, I always remember when I started out and
355
00:13:31.379 --> 00:13:33.139
I was playing the guitar or when I was in
356
00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:35.519
the double act and I had a guitar, some stand-ups
357
00:13:35.539 --> 00:13:37.460
would get quite sort of resentful of it you know
358
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.279
because uh and then you go oh yeah it's easier
359
00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:42.580
it's easy with a bloody guitar isn't it it's all
360
00:13:42.600 --> 00:13:44.159
that's easy that you know and then you.
361
00:13:44.100 --> 00:13:48.799
Go well you do it then and uh uh i
362
00:13:48.850 --> 00:13:52.149
think it it has got a bad rep over the
363
00:13:52.190 --> 00:13:55.309
years i think because uh it was always seen as
364
00:13:55.350 --> 00:13:58.049
a sort of like a just a kind of an
365
00:13:58.129 --> 00:13:59.330
easy adjunct.
366
00:13:58.970 --> 00:14:00.090
To a song.
367
00:14:00.149 --> 00:14:01.789
But I don't, yeah, I mean.
368
00:14:02.610 --> 00:14:07.019
Sometimes it seems a little bit gratuitous, whereas I think
369
00:14:07.200 --> 00:14:09.639
what I, I think where I like to see it
370
00:14:09.659 --> 00:14:12.539
is where it is sort of, the music is itself
371
00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:15.120
a comedy rather than just kind of an add-on.
372
00:14:15.379 --> 00:14:17.360
I went to see Frank Skinner a few years ago,
373
00:14:17.379 --> 00:14:21.269
and at the back of the stage, he had a guitar, like,
374
00:14:21.309 --> 00:14:24.090
in a stand. And then he does the whole show,
375
00:14:24.149 --> 00:14:26.080
and then he came on the encore, and he looked
376
00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:27.759
at the guitar, and he goes... I'm not going to
377
00:14:27.779 --> 00:14:30.460
play that, but I've got it there just in case
378
00:14:30.480 --> 00:14:31.340
you're not enjoying the show.
379
00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:32.840
You can look at the guitar and go, it could
380
00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:33.279
be worse.
381
00:14:34.620 --> 00:14:36.200
Amazing. That's good.
382
00:14:37.379 --> 00:14:41.470
It's so funny. Because I think, though, musical comedy is
383
00:14:41.490 --> 00:14:43.610
a bit like sketch comedy. When it's done well, it's
384
00:14:44.070 --> 00:14:47.470
unbelievably good. But it's quite easy to do it averagely
385
00:14:47.669 --> 00:14:50.610
to badly because you've got that sort of like sketch comedy.
386
00:14:50.850 --> 00:14:51.669
You've got the energy.
387
00:14:51.690 --> 00:14:54.429
You've got the energy of the instrument and stuff. But
388
00:14:54.470 --> 00:14:57.799
you and Tim Minchin and Bo Burnham, it's an incredible experience.
389
00:14:57.820 --> 00:14:59.940
But then on the open mic circuit, the amount of
390
00:15:00.019 --> 00:15:03.120
shit people with a shit guitar and just doing a
391
00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:03.960
crap song.
392
00:15:04.059 --> 00:15:07.590
Yeah, I'm papering over the cracks of this material with
393
00:15:07.610 --> 00:15:09.149
my shit song.
394
00:15:09.190 --> 00:15:09.990
Yeah, exactly.
395
00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:16.299
And it's always so quite base. It's like a hack joke,
396
00:15:16.340 --> 00:15:19.220
but then strung over three minutes. And in sketch groups,
397
00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:21.659
it's like, oh, what was that, Jim? Because it's five
398
00:15:21.720 --> 00:15:24.159
of them. Oh, we don't know what's going on.
399
00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:25.720
No, you haven't fucking written a joke.
400
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:26.279
That's why.
401
00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:27.620
Oh, my God.
402
00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:28.799
Here comes King Kong.
403
00:15:29.240 --> 00:15:30.980
Oh, fuck off.
404
00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:32.620
That's a joke, Kong, you.
405
00:15:34.690 --> 00:15:37.909
What's King Kong doing? Hopefully he's being fucking funny, you
406
00:15:37.950 --> 00:15:38.309
piece of shit.
407
00:15:38.330 --> 00:15:39.909
Yeah, hopefully he's written five minutes.
408
00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:42.879
Anyway.
409
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:43.659
Anyway.
410
00:15:43.700 --> 00:15:44.799
So, how many kids you got?
411
00:15:48.649 --> 00:15:49.210
Just the one.
412
00:15:50.129 --> 00:15:50.549
How old?
413
00:15:50.870 --> 00:15:52.100
He is now... He's 18.
414
00:15:52.100 --> 00:15:56.509
18? Yeah, he turned 18 in December.
415
00:15:57.320 --> 00:15:57.500
And.
416
00:15:58.320 --> 00:15:59.159
And what was that like?
417
00:15:59.179 --> 00:15:59.679
What was.
418
00:15:59.960 --> 00:16:02.580
Oh, it was... Do you know what? It was... And
419
00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:05.600
I'm sure this is very true of parents of all ages, but.
420
00:16:06.649 --> 00:16:10.929
it was far more emotionally affecting to us.
421
00:16:11.289 --> 00:16:12.570
Than it was to him.
422
00:16:15.190 --> 00:16:18.500
It was like, we were thinking, 18, oh God, you know,
423
00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:22.899
the taking on the mantle of adulthood and the passing
424
00:16:22.940 --> 00:16:26.399
of youth and our influence is waning and you're a man.
425
00:16:26.419 --> 00:16:29.710
And he's just like, yeah, just shut up, you know.
426
00:16:30.789 --> 00:16:34.809
And, yeah, it was quite difficult for that because, you know,
427
00:16:34.990 --> 00:16:37.070
it's very much a sense of letting go.
428
00:16:37.340 --> 00:16:38.500
And that's the hard bit.
429
00:16:38.820 --> 00:16:39.220
Yeah.
430
00:16:40.899 --> 00:16:43.960
I know I'm going to really struggle with that kind
431
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:46.879
of distance. Like, even when she plays, she's four, my daughter,
432
00:16:46.919 --> 00:16:49.230
and when she plays on her own, I do feel like, oh,
433
00:16:49.269 --> 00:16:52.120
my God. Even though that's what I've wanted for four years.
434
00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:53.720
I'm like, give me a fucking break. The moment she
435
00:16:53.740 --> 00:16:56.360
plays on her own, I'm like, oh, God, this is it.
436
00:16:56.620 --> 00:16:59.559
This is it. She doesn't need me anymore. She's four, really?
437
00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:00.080
Yeah.
438
00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:03.450
Can she order Deliveroo yet, though? That's the thing.
439
00:17:04.029 --> 00:17:04.970
Oh, really?
440
00:17:05.349 --> 00:17:06.769
And then that's it. It's all over.
441
00:17:07.569 --> 00:17:08.789
And does he still live with you, Bill?
442
00:17:09.390 --> 00:17:09.789
He does.
443
00:17:10.029 --> 00:17:15.470
And, you know, we've arranged it because we've got two
444
00:17:15.750 --> 00:17:16.069
sort of.
445
00:17:16.349 --> 00:17:17.309
We've got a sort of weird.
446
00:17:17.819 --> 00:17:20.619
two flats that are joined on the ground level. So
447
00:17:20.680 --> 00:17:23.200
he's sort of occupied the bit of one. So he
448
00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:27.549
has actually got a separate entrance and his own sort of,
449
00:17:27.589 --> 00:17:30.490
so he kind of is almost like he can kind
450
00:17:30.549 --> 00:17:33.269
of come and go and be quite independent and which
451
00:17:33.329 --> 00:17:33.930
is good actually.
452
00:17:33.990 --> 00:17:35.140
It's worked out very well.
453
00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:36.000
Oh, that's good.
454
00:17:36.059 --> 00:17:39.079
Because it's sort of, help that there's a kind of
455
00:17:39.140 --> 00:17:43.430
transition period between now living at home and living, you know,
456
00:17:43.890 --> 00:17:46.670
if he leaves. So it's sort of not quite so it's,
457
00:17:47.250 --> 00:17:51.809
I don't think it will be quite so traumatic, but yeah, it's.
458
00:17:52.069 --> 00:17:52.670
It's, it is.
459
00:17:53.809 --> 00:17:55.809
I think the thing is, the hardest thing is, is because,
460
00:17:56.009 --> 00:17:59.450
you know, technically, legally, as an adult, and it's like, well,
461
00:17:59.470 --> 00:18:01.049
you can do what you want now.
462
00:18:01.130 --> 00:18:03.529
You know, you can actually go for those things.
463
00:18:03.869 --> 00:18:06.430
But you're still part of the family. You're still, you're
464
00:18:06.450 --> 00:18:08.849
always going to be our son, our kid.
465
00:18:08.869 --> 00:18:09.230
Yeah.
466
00:18:09.349 --> 00:18:12.430
So it's, that's the hard bit. That's the sort of,
467
00:18:12.509 --> 00:18:15.490
the letting go. But, you know, I mean, I won't
468
00:18:15.539 --> 00:18:17.279
miss the delivery bills.
469
00:18:18.539 --> 00:18:19.099
Oh, really?
470
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:22.460
Have you had to tell him off? I was like,
471
00:18:23.450 --> 00:18:24.589
What the fun?
472
00:18:24.990 --> 00:18:26.569
You know, like, really?
473
00:18:26.589 --> 00:18:29.740
You know, when he discovered that, I just thought, like, well,
474
00:18:29.779 --> 00:18:31.920
that's it. We have no function.
475
00:18:32.440 --> 00:18:35.940
You know, if you can order a taxi and order
476
00:18:35.960 --> 00:18:38.539
some food, you know, that's all we wear before.
477
00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:38.859
You know.
478
00:18:39.240 --> 00:18:41.900
You've been replaced by an app.
479
00:18:42.089 --> 00:18:45.069
And now those have been replaced. Well, that's it. We're redundant.
480
00:18:46.490 --> 00:18:49.970
So is he working or is he studying? What's the setup?
481
00:18:49.990 --> 00:18:51.509
Because I don't know, if they're not working, do you
482
00:18:51.529 --> 00:18:54.210
just give him an allowance or does he just rinse
483
00:18:54.230 --> 00:18:54.789
your card?
484
00:18:55.289 --> 00:18:57.789
Basically, yeah, it's rinsing. Yeah, there's a lot of that
485
00:18:57.829 --> 00:18:59.630
going on, but he's still studying. He's only in his
486
00:18:59.690 --> 00:19:03.910
last year. So he's doing his mock A-levels at the moment.
487
00:19:04.269 --> 00:19:05.190
Oh, God.
488
00:19:05.630 --> 00:19:09.849
And hopefully it won't be the sort of debacle of
489
00:19:09.890 --> 00:19:10.730
the GCSEs.
490
00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:14.569
Because that was just a shocking.
491
00:19:14.700 --> 00:19:16.789
Was he doing GCSEs during COVID?
492
00:19:16.930 --> 00:19:17.170
Yeah.
493
00:19:17.549 --> 00:19:18.410
Oh, God.
494
00:19:18.809 --> 00:19:21.809
He was sort of in the middle of that kind
495
00:19:21.849 --> 00:19:25.359
of total disaster that happened where... there was this, I
496
00:19:25.380 --> 00:19:28.720
don't know if you remember, that the government introduced Gavin Williamson,
497
00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:34.880
this algorithm, which was supposed to calibrate what your mark
498
00:19:34.940 --> 00:19:39.200
was meant to be. But it didn't work. It actually
499
00:19:39.259 --> 00:19:43.029
was not fit for purpose. So what they realised is.
500
00:19:43.710 --> 00:19:44.230
Too late.
501
00:19:44.869 --> 00:19:47.720
And even in the few days where it was still
502
00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:51.859
in play, what happened was loads of people lost their
503
00:19:52.059 --> 00:19:55.549
university place because they hadn't got the grades. And then
504
00:19:55.569 --> 00:19:58.349
those university places were then taken by the time the
505
00:19:58.430 --> 00:19:59.289
algorithm was fixed.
506
00:19:59.390 --> 00:20:00.529
Oh, man.
507
00:20:01.089 --> 00:20:01.509
Chaos.
508
00:20:01.569 --> 00:20:02.710
It was a total disaster.
509
00:20:02.769 --> 00:20:07.390
And it sort of kiboshed all people's education for years
510
00:20:07.430 --> 00:20:10.630
to come. And, in fact, it was actually quite an
511
00:20:10.690 --> 00:20:16.130
interesting insight into his own thoughts about school and education. Because,
512
00:20:16.369 --> 00:20:19.390
you know, he spent pretty much the whole of school,
513
00:20:19.450 --> 00:20:23.490
like since he was seven, it's unbelievable. you know, you're
514
00:20:23.509 --> 00:20:28.690
sort of pushed, you're kind of nudged towards these exams, basically.
515
00:20:28.950 --> 00:20:31.210
You know, in prep, you know, from the age of
516
00:20:31.210 --> 00:20:32.690
7 to 11, it's, you know, it's a lot of
517
00:20:32.769 --> 00:20:35.109
fun and there's lots of fun and games and all that. But,
518
00:20:35.390 --> 00:20:37.569
you know, it starts to really ramp up once you
519
00:20:37.589 --> 00:20:41.190
get into upper school. Anyway, you know, he said to me,
520
00:20:41.470 --> 00:20:45.619
I've been working, like, literally for years and years aiming
521
00:20:45.670 --> 00:20:46.779
towards these exams.
522
00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:49.779
And then the teachers went, no, you don't have to
523
00:20:49.819 --> 00:20:52.559
do them now. And it was like, well.
524
00:20:53.380 --> 00:20:55.839
You know, and initially, you know, like, I mean, you know,
525
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:57.660
like we would all be like that.
526
00:20:57.700 --> 00:21:00.230
We would all be like, yay, no exams, yay.
527
00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:02.789
But then immediately after that, there was a sort of,
528
00:21:02.789 --> 00:21:06.509
you know, like a huge anti-climax. Like what was the
529
00:21:06.609 --> 00:21:10.089
point of all that? You know, and luckily he'd studied very,
530
00:21:10.109 --> 00:21:13.250
he did, his mocks were very good. So the scores
531
00:21:13.450 --> 00:21:16.940
he got from his mocks were then counted towards his GCSEs,
532
00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:20.769
which was great, but it sort of, Do you know
533
00:21:20.789 --> 00:21:25.579
what it did? It really completely undermined his motivation. And
534
00:21:25.619 --> 00:21:28.440
then after that, it was very difficult to get motivated
535
00:21:28.500 --> 00:21:29.140
again after that.
536
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:32.059
Yeah. Well, what's going to happen with these exams? Are
537
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:33.339
they going to be cancelled as well?
538
00:21:33.380 --> 00:21:36.059
Yeah. What's the point of doing them if you can
539
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:37.640
just be allowed in anyway? Yeah.
540
00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:38.519
Yeah.
541
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:41.660
So you say, yeah, we're going to do, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, levels.
542
00:21:41.789 --> 00:21:42.180
Oh, yeah.
543
00:21:42.220 --> 00:21:44.930
Like the GCSEs, you know. Yeah.
544
00:21:45.069 --> 00:21:48.589
It's been hard. And he wants to go, is it
545
00:21:48.630 --> 00:21:49.890
the plan uni then, basically?
546
00:21:49.910 --> 00:21:51.690
Yeah, basically, yeah.
547
00:21:51.730 --> 00:21:55.039
He's gone very science-y based, maths and biology and physics.
548
00:21:55.700 --> 00:21:58.500
And I think the aim is to go somewhere like
549
00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:00.680
Imperial College or LSE.
550
00:22:01.380 --> 00:22:04.319
Somewhere not too far away yeah um and.
551
00:22:04.339 --> 00:22:09.259
Pursue some sort of uh science or maybe economics i
552
00:22:09.299 --> 00:22:09.759
don't know.
553
00:22:09.660 --> 00:22:11.220
Guys feel so good because he's at you know i
554
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:14.480
mean he's what 12 years older than my daughter and
555
00:22:14.500 --> 00:22:15.980
like you know and you would have been having these
556
00:22:16.009 --> 00:22:18.309
conversations with him you know maybe a few years ago
557
00:22:18.369 --> 00:22:21.349
four years ago and he's 13, 14, about picking his
558
00:22:21.369 --> 00:22:24.390
GCSE subjects, his A-level. So it's like, you know, it's
559
00:22:24.410 --> 00:22:26.369
not long before they start to plan what they're going
560
00:22:26.390 --> 00:22:29.849
to be and become like 13 or 14, which is
561
00:22:29.869 --> 00:22:32.500
like six years, seven years away for me and Josh.
562
00:22:32.900 --> 00:22:34.940
It's so short, isn't it? It's such a short amount
563
00:22:34.980 --> 00:22:35.319
of time.
564
00:22:35.339 --> 00:22:35.640
It is.
565
00:22:35.779 --> 00:22:38.660
And it goes by in a flash like that. As
566
00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:42.619
you know, as parents, you're with your kids all the time.
567
00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:46.529
You don't tend to notice sometimes how they're growing and developing.
568
00:22:46.569 --> 00:22:49.029
It's only when, you know, people haven't seen them for like,
569
00:22:49.529 --> 00:22:52.369
a while or something, wow, they've changed or they're different
570
00:22:52.430 --> 00:22:55.250
people or they've, you know, they've changed in so many ways.
571
00:22:55.289 --> 00:22:56.970
But this was one of the rare occasions where I'd
572
00:22:57.069 --> 00:23:00.039
actually genuinely noticed the change. It happened so quickly from
573
00:23:00.059 --> 00:23:04.859
being this kind of almost gangly sort of preteen to
574
00:23:04.900 --> 00:23:09.339
suddenly being quite focused and quite different, you know, almost
575
00:23:09.380 --> 00:23:13.819
like a different phase of his life. And certainly he's become,
576
00:23:14.099 --> 00:23:16.400
you know, now he's transformed again.
577
00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:20.119
He's gone into, he's got into like... He's got into
578
00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:21.460
that Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
579
00:23:23.660 --> 00:23:29.200
And he was training with this Russian wrestler for a while,
580
00:23:29.259 --> 00:23:29.519
which was.
581
00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:32.220
Like, she was just terrifying.
582
00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:37.319
You know, it was like borderline MMA, you know, cage fighting.
583
00:23:37.579 --> 00:23:40.940
And because my wife's freaking out, she's going, oh my God,
584
00:23:40.980 --> 00:23:42.130
he's going to get in a.
585
00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:44.710
Cage fight and he's becoming a bodyguard. What's going to happen?
586
00:23:44.730 --> 00:23:46.190
And I'm like, no, he's.
587
00:23:46.069 --> 00:23:49.450
Just like, you know, he's a teenage boy who's got
588
00:23:49.470 --> 00:23:52.630
a surge of growth and testosterone and he's got some
589
00:23:52.650 --> 00:23:55.259
sort of you know, outlet for all of that. And, um,
590
00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:58.619
so now he's, he's completely, he's like built, you know,
591
00:23:58.660 --> 00:24:03.269
he's like, he's tall and muscular and he's completely transformed
592
00:24:03.289 --> 00:24:08.849
for this, this gangly sort of feckless youth that he was.
593
00:24:08.869 --> 00:24:10.269
Could he take you in a fight, Bill? Do you
594
00:24:10.289 --> 00:24:11.069
reckon he could take you there?
595
00:24:11.089 --> 00:24:13.769
Oh God, he's terrified. I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even,
596
00:24:14.349 --> 00:24:16.390
I wouldn't even, you know, like as a.
597
00:24:16.369 --> 00:24:18.990
Father, sometimes you want to go, you know, give him
598
00:24:19.049 --> 00:24:20.269
a kick around. I wouldn't even give him a kick
599
00:24:20.329 --> 00:24:22.970
around the ear now. I just, I, I would just
600
00:24:23.029 --> 00:24:25.849
back away. Just try to your room, all right?
601
00:24:26.329 --> 00:24:26.789
OK?
602
00:24:27.250 --> 00:24:28.029
Let's cower.
603
00:24:28.329 --> 00:24:30.119
And I'm not going to do it. All right, that's fine.
604
00:24:30.539 --> 00:24:31.279
Are you quick?
605
00:24:31.400 --> 00:24:32.000
Fine.
606
00:24:37.099 --> 00:24:38.579
What are you like as a parent, Bill?
607
00:24:38.599 --> 00:24:41.380
Because from people who know you from TV and from
608
00:24:41.420 --> 00:24:44.460
my experiences of, like, working with you and stuff, you're
609
00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:47.289
a chilled out, really friendly, nice guy.
610
00:24:47.829 --> 00:24:49.950
Are you a figure of authority?
611
00:24:49.970 --> 00:24:50.349
Are you.
612
00:24:50.609 --> 00:24:52.730
Yeah, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde.
613
00:24:52.750 --> 00:24:54.730
LAUGHTER Right.
614
00:24:54.769 --> 00:24:54.950
No.
615
00:24:55.029 --> 00:24:55.349
Actually.
616
00:25:00.549 --> 00:25:02.789
I'm very sort of, yeah, very relaxed.
617
00:25:02.890 --> 00:25:07.190
And my parenting style, if you can call it that, really,
618
00:25:07.329 --> 00:25:11.039
is I try more for the sort of, you know, negotiation,
619
00:25:11.059 --> 00:25:15.039
the kind of quiet, you know what I mean, suggesting
620
00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:18.559
things and like sort of, you know, I try and
621
00:25:18.619 --> 00:25:19.440
persuade people.
622
00:25:20.619 --> 00:25:24.009
Rather than impose and I think.
623
00:25:24.109 --> 00:25:27.329
Probably that's you know that's probably a in terms it
624
00:25:27.410 --> 00:25:32.049
has effectiveness sometimes sometimes it isn't I think everyone has
625
00:25:32.069 --> 00:25:34.619
their own style you can be very draconian with kids
626
00:25:34.660 --> 00:25:36.920
and you can say right and you impose all kinds
627
00:25:36.980 --> 00:25:39.900
of laws and restrictions and I think that's you know
628
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:42.819
it's good to have those boundaries but also I think
629
00:25:42.859 --> 00:25:45.589
you have I think probably we gave quite a lot
630
00:25:45.609 --> 00:25:48.349
of latitude to him because of COVID, because of the
631
00:25:48.390 --> 00:25:51.730
fact they were, you know, at a time when he
632
00:25:51.769 --> 00:25:54.730
was going through adolescence, you know, like the time when
633
00:25:54.789 --> 00:25:56.410
we all went a bit nuts and we were all
634
00:25:56.470 --> 00:25:59.430
exploring and, you know, going out and going a bit
635
00:25:59.869 --> 00:26:02.599
mad and maybe messing up here and there and just.
636
00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:06.619
But, like, all of that time was just... was so weird.
637
00:26:06.660 --> 00:26:08.440
It was so constrained.
638
00:26:08.619 --> 00:26:10.700
And I felt, I really felt for him. I really
639
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:13.190
felt for him and his friends because I thought this
640
00:26:13.250 --> 00:26:15.069
is a time when you should be going out and
641
00:26:15.529 --> 00:26:19.289
maybe getting drunk and, you know, and meeting girls and
642
00:26:19.349 --> 00:26:22.730
just doing daft stuff and all the crazy.
643
00:26:22.390 --> 00:26:24.630
Stuff that we did. And none of that was, was
644
00:26:24.769 --> 00:26:25.269
an option.
645
00:26:25.569 --> 00:26:28.740
And so I think probably I may have backed off
646
00:26:28.839 --> 00:26:31.920
quite a lot, maybe too much in terms of that
647
00:26:31.960 --> 00:26:34.500
and just allowed him to sort of do his own thing.
648
00:26:35.099 --> 00:26:37.140
My wife is probably a bit more strict and she
649
00:26:37.160 --> 00:26:40.589
sort of imposes things and she just says, right, that's it,
650
00:26:40.609 --> 00:26:43.190
you know, we're turning off the router.
651
00:26:43.230 --> 00:26:45.509
And that's it, no more internet, you know.
652
00:26:46.809 --> 00:26:48.599
Is that the biggest threat?
653
00:26:48.990 --> 00:26:52.079
The biggest threat is the router. When our internet went down,
654
00:26:52.099 --> 00:26:53.240
he actually left home.
655
00:26:57.529 --> 00:27:00.309
We had a problem with the internet and he went
656
00:27:00.349 --> 00:27:02.670
to school early because the school.
657
00:27:02.269 --> 00:27:03.450
Internet was better than ours.
658
00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:06.200
It was the only time he got up early and
659
00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:11.920
he was at school an hour before it started.
660
00:27:12.519 --> 00:27:18.140
What's it like as a teenager at 16 when your dad,
661
00:27:18.329 --> 00:27:23.269
who's a very respected comedian, becomes one of Britain's foremost dancers?
662
00:27:24.839 --> 00:27:27.420
He's a tough age for his dancers in Britain. Yeah,
663
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:29.140
that's right.
664
00:27:29.220 --> 00:27:33.680
Yeah, Janet Jackson's backup dancer.
665
00:27:34.259 --> 00:27:37.529
I think it was difficult, actually.
666
00:27:37.549 --> 00:27:39.569
Did you tell him you were going to... Did he
667
00:27:39.589 --> 00:27:40.269
have a sigh?
668
00:27:40.670 --> 00:27:43.230
I did have a... I said, I might be doing this.
669
00:27:43.710 --> 00:27:51.650
And he, you know, typical teenage, you know, like... I
670
00:27:51.690 --> 00:27:53.509
think he was a little bit nervous because I think he...
671
00:27:53.970 --> 00:27:57.720
what he didn't realise quite was the amount that it
672
00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:01.460
was going to impinge on our lives, you know, like, because,
673
00:28:01.779 --> 00:28:04.180
you know, it's not just, the fact that I'm, you know,
674
00:28:04.279 --> 00:28:06.960
dancing to Paso Doble in front of 12 million people.
675
00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:08.240
It's the fact that, you know.
676
00:28:10.420 --> 00:28:13.849
It's not the mere fact that I'm dancing to Paso Doble.
677
00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:16.630
It's the fact that, you know, he's going to be interviewed,
678
00:28:16.990 --> 00:28:19.410
the family's going to be interviewed, you know, and he's
679
00:28:19.430 --> 00:28:21.839
going to be on the TV, you know, and that
680
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:22.690
was what was.
681
00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:23.880
Freaking him out. He was like, what am I going
682
00:28:23.900 --> 00:28:26.819
to say? And so I think in the end... What.
683
00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:30.099
Happened was, they interviewed him, because they, and strictly, they
684
00:28:30.140 --> 00:28:31.259
love him.
685
00:28:31.480 --> 00:28:33.349
What are the family thinking? They've got to dig up
686
00:28:33.420 --> 00:28:34.190
all your relatives.
687
00:28:34.230 --> 00:28:36.170
What do they think of that? What about your uncle,
688
00:28:36.269 --> 00:28:38.690
your dad, whatever? You know, it's like your whole life
689
00:28:38.750 --> 00:28:42.650
is invaded. And so they interviewed him, and he said something.
690
00:28:42.450 --> 00:28:44.390
Like, yeah, well, good luck, Dad.
691
00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:47.900
You know, I know you're a bit clumsy, but you'll
692
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:51.160
probably be all right. And can you pick us something
693
00:28:51.180 --> 00:28:52.200
from the garage.
694
00:28:51.900 --> 00:28:53.539
On the way home? You know, and that was it. And,
695
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:56.519
you know, I mean, it's sort of like... kind of managed.
696
00:28:56.259 --> 00:28:58.609
To style it out in his own sort of 16
697
00:28:58.609 --> 00:29:01.589
year old way and i think he kind of secretly
698
00:29:01.650 --> 00:29:03.890
quite liked it in a way it was it was
699
00:29:03.930 --> 00:29:05.039
a mad time.
700
00:29:04.779 --> 00:29:06.940
You were good though you were so good which helps
701
00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:13.319
you you were like impressive.
702
00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:13.430
If you if you're quite good at it and it
703
00:29:13.470 --> 00:29:17.460
rather than some kind of hapless like i imagine you
704
00:29:17.519 --> 00:29:19.380
know if it had been it could have gone another
705
00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:21.740
way where i'm just a joke character where i'm just
706
00:29:21.900 --> 00:29:24.240
dressed as a vole and they'd fire me out of
707
00:29:24.309 --> 00:29:27.250
canon or something what are.
708
00:29:27.210 --> 00:29:29.390
We going to do with him he can't dance well
709
00:29:30.890 --> 00:29:33.029
dress him up as a woodland creature or something you.
710
00:29:32.970 --> 00:29:34.970
Know did he come down to the show.
711
00:29:34.750 --> 00:29:36.670
Well he did well they were only allowed to at
712
00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:39.809
the beginning because then after the first two shows, it
713
00:29:39.849 --> 00:29:42.809
was all like COVID, COVID, no one's allowed in.
714
00:29:43.130 --> 00:29:44.170
There was no audience.
715
00:29:44.269 --> 00:29:47.039
Because the thing is, it's such a show that so
716
00:29:47.059 --> 00:29:49.980
many people, all the school... watching, all the teachers are
717
00:29:50.019 --> 00:29:52.099
watching it. And in fact, you know, you get like
718
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:56.099
messages from, he would say, oh yeah, Mrs. So-and-so wants
719
00:29:56.140 --> 00:29:58.809
to know if you can come into school and take
720
00:29:58.849 --> 00:30:00.430
a picture, you know, and Mr.
721
00:30:00.470 --> 00:30:03.130
So-and-so, you know, like the teachers are saying, you know,
722
00:30:03.150 --> 00:30:07.450
can you come in and talk or something, you know, that.
723
00:30:07.309 --> 00:30:07.650
Sort of thing.
724
00:30:08.170 --> 00:30:10.880
Yeah, it's weird. At certain schools, at certain shows, they
725
00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:13.460
really care about, like, you know, no one cared at
726
00:30:13.539 --> 00:30:15.309
all until I did Bake Off. And then the teacher
727
00:30:15.329 --> 00:30:16.849
was like, oh, you did Bake Off. What was the
728
00:30:16.869 --> 00:30:19.619
tent like? She's like, it's a tent. It's a tent
729
00:30:19.630 --> 00:30:24.130
with some ovens in. um i was gonna ask you
730
00:30:24.329 --> 00:30:26.400
advice bill i don't know if you've done a school
731
00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:28.099
trip did you ever go on a school trip as
732
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:30.799
a parent helper yes um because i've got one coming
733
00:30:30.900 --> 00:30:32.539
up how was that.
734
00:30:32.359 --> 00:30:35.380
Yeah um yeah now that was um i went on
735
00:30:35.420 --> 00:30:38.410
a few of those and uh i i yeah you
736
00:30:38.430 --> 00:30:42.430
know chaperoning they call it in it and um honestly
737
00:30:42.450 --> 00:30:45.079
it was great i really enjoyed it and um but
738
00:30:45.119 --> 00:30:49.440
there is that added extra element of slight worry that
739
00:30:49.460 --> 00:30:51.869
you are responsible for a bunch of kids as well,
740
00:30:52.269 --> 00:30:54.809
trying to herd them on the public transport and getting
741
00:30:54.829 --> 00:30:56.569
them across town and getting them to see things. And
742
00:30:56.609 --> 00:30:59.650
then suddenly you're like, Ooh, this is a little bit
743
00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:03.890
harder than I thought. And it was, it was good fun.
744
00:31:03.930 --> 00:31:05.210
I really, I did enjoy it.
745
00:31:05.390 --> 00:31:07.470
And we went on, we went on a school trip,
746
00:31:07.490 --> 00:31:09.930
went to Windsor castle. We went to a, we went
747
00:31:09.990 --> 00:31:13.859
to some video game museum, which was pretty cool. And,
748
00:31:14.180 --> 00:31:16.039
And you get an insight a little bit into sort
749
00:31:16.099 --> 00:31:20.180
of like the whole life of a teacher, I think,
750
00:31:20.220 --> 00:31:20.480
you know.
751
00:31:20.759 --> 00:31:21.359
Yeah.
752
00:31:21.539 --> 00:31:25.529
And, you know, what that entails. And I think it
753
00:31:25.549 --> 00:31:26.380
was a good experience.
754
00:31:26.420 --> 00:31:29.210
Do you get an insight into your child? Like, because
755
00:31:29.369 --> 00:31:32.309
obviously I like drop my daughter at nursery and you
756
00:31:32.349 --> 00:31:34.549
don't really know what she's up to in the day.
757
00:31:35.089 --> 00:31:39.380
I suppose it's quite fun to see your child interacting
758
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:42.039
with their friends in a school setting, which you'd never
759
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:42.900
get to see normally.
760
00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:48.170
That's right. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And, you know, you sort.
761
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:50.950
Of see them how they are in their little social group,
762
00:31:51.069 --> 00:31:54.049
you know, like whether they're the ones who are sort
763
00:31:54.089 --> 00:31:57.089
of like on the periphery, you know, hanging out. There's
764
00:31:57.210 --> 00:31:59.920
one kid who's like the kind of, you know, he's
765
00:31:59.940 --> 00:32:03.180
the slightly sort of kind of crazy one that all.
766
00:32:03.119 --> 00:32:04.819
The other kids like to hang out with.
767
00:32:05.380 --> 00:32:07.900
And he, and I realized that he was, it was
768
00:32:07.940 --> 00:32:10.619
one of those kind of quite heartwarming things where you think, wow,
769
00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:12.960
you know, he's popular, like kids really like him.
770
00:32:13.059 --> 00:32:14.619
You know, they want to sit, they want to hang
771
00:32:14.660 --> 00:32:17.009
out with him and well, Dax, what do you think?
772
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:19.890
And he was, he was a kind of character, you know,
773
00:32:20.029 --> 00:32:22.970
and that I think was, that was quite interesting to
774
00:32:23.009 --> 00:32:25.609
seeing that, as you say, like, you know, out of the,
775
00:32:26.089 --> 00:32:29.849
out of the home situation you're seeing in school. But
776
00:32:29.869 --> 00:32:33.410
I think it's, you know, it's, uh, certainly when that
777
00:32:33.450 --> 00:32:36.369
was in the lower school. And kids then at that
778
00:32:36.529 --> 00:32:40.019
age from seven to 11, they're a really sweet age.
779
00:32:40.380 --> 00:32:42.799
It's a really sort of a lovely time where they
780
00:32:42.819 --> 00:32:46.619
all kind of, there's a great camaraderie and they're still
781
00:32:46.660 --> 00:32:48.319
quite innocent in many ways.
782
00:32:48.380 --> 00:32:51.799
And it's brilliant to see. They've grown up a bit,
783
00:32:52.059 --> 00:32:54.299
but not too much. They're still kids.
784
00:32:55.559 --> 00:32:59.759
And you still have some authority there.
785
00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:02.569
Did they call you Mr. Bailey?
786
00:33:03.049 --> 00:33:05.750
Yeah, they did. That was why I liked that very much.
787
00:33:05.910 --> 00:33:09.970
Did you have to call the teachers Miss and Sir?
788
00:33:10.230 --> 00:33:10.920
It's fun, isn't it?
789
00:33:10.960 --> 00:33:11.579
Yeah, it was fun.
790
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:16.740
No, it wasn't.
791
00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:20.599
I think it feels so like, you know, people really
792
00:33:20.619 --> 00:33:22.809
like when we talk to people with older kids, they're
793
00:33:22.809 --> 00:33:24.910
18 and stuff. But for me, I was like, oh,
794
00:33:24.950 --> 00:33:27.269
it feels so far away. But it's so soon. It
795
00:33:27.289 --> 00:33:29.970
sort of does rush past. And you must have been
796
00:33:30.029 --> 00:33:31.990
really busy. You know, you're busy now. You're back on tour.
797
00:33:32.009 --> 00:33:34.269
We'll talk about your tour in a minute. But you
798
00:33:34.309 --> 00:33:36.539
must have, back when your son was born, must have
799
00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:39.119
been really busy with the Buzzcock stuff and, you know,
800
00:33:39.299 --> 00:33:41.400
things like that. Was it about that time? Were you
801
00:33:41.460 --> 00:33:42.819
madly busy when he was born?
802
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:43.880
That's right, yes.
803
00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:47.619
I mean, I was in the middle of recording Buzzcock shows.
804
00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:52.140
He was literally weeks old. And, you know, he came
805
00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:55.329
to a couple of recordings in his little carry cot.
806
00:33:55.630 --> 00:33:58.430
And he would come to subsequent recordings as he got
807
00:33:58.450 --> 00:34:00.269
a bit older, when he was a toddler. One of
808
00:34:00.289 --> 00:34:03.430
the rooms, you know, one of the writing rooms where...
809
00:34:03.490 --> 00:34:04.420
And they used to hang out.
810
00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:05.240
And there was a VHS.
811
00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:08.969
God, that's, you know, going back, there was a VHS
812
00:34:09.010 --> 00:34:11.050
recorder to show the clips.
813
00:34:11.590 --> 00:34:13.139
So when you're watching the clips for the.
814
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:16.059
Show, you'd sit down and somebody would get a VHS,
815
00:34:16.119 --> 00:34:20.239
put the VHS in. And then I always remember once
816
00:34:20.539 --> 00:34:22.579
when they were always trying to, they were trying to
817
00:34:22.619 --> 00:34:23.239
watch these clips.
818
00:34:23.260 --> 00:34:25.500
They're going, oh, there's something wrong with this. Oh, there's
819
00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:27.960
something wrong with the bloody VHS. Oh, God, how can
820
00:34:27.980 --> 00:34:28.340
we get it?
821
00:34:29.320 --> 00:34:32.119
And what it was was my son had stuffed all
822
00:34:32.159 --> 00:34:35.159
his toy cars into the VHS machine.
823
00:34:35.690 --> 00:34:35.889
And....
824
00:34:37.429 --> 00:34:44.139
And it was never going to work again, you know. And, yeah,
825
00:34:44.219 --> 00:34:47.730
I mean, he was hanging out with Paul Weller and, like,
826
00:34:48.030 --> 00:34:51.670
Jimmy Cliff. He didn't know anything.
827
00:34:51.730 --> 00:34:54.210
He was a toddler. But he had this amazing sort
828
00:34:54.250 --> 00:34:55.449
of time there.
829
00:34:55.590 --> 00:34:58.300
Do you try and take him around and show, like,
830
00:34:58.340 --> 00:35:00.360
do you try and keep him as part of your life? Like,
831
00:35:00.380 --> 00:35:02.340
does he come on tour and stuff or when he
832
00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:03.159
was younger and stuff?
833
00:35:03.320 --> 00:35:05.480
He used to, yeah, very much so, yes. I mean,
834
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:09.099
when he was still very young. I was on tour
835
00:35:09.159 --> 00:35:12.230
and his life was hanging out in dressing rooms and
836
00:35:12.289 --> 00:35:15.269
backstage and then latterly when he got a bit older,
837
00:35:15.610 --> 00:35:17.829
he loved to come on stage at the end of
838
00:35:17.869 --> 00:35:20.269
the show and take a bow with me when.
839
00:35:20.170 --> 00:35:21.369
He was two or three.
840
00:35:21.869 --> 00:35:25.750
And what happened was, it was so sweet that we
841
00:35:25.789 --> 00:35:28.269
got him a suit that matched my suit. So he
842
00:35:28.309 --> 00:35:31.329
came on as a little mini-me and took this bow
843
00:35:31.349 --> 00:35:34.469
at the end of the show. And people, the crowd,
844
00:35:34.510 --> 00:35:36.909
you imagine the crowd just go crazy, you know? And
845
00:35:36.929 --> 00:35:39.210
then he got so used to that and he was
846
00:35:39.250 --> 00:35:42.429
just not fazed by the crowds at all. And he
847
00:35:42.449 --> 00:35:44.510
would come on and I'd get him to honk a
848
00:35:44.550 --> 00:35:46.599
horn or something or ring a bell and he'd take
849
00:35:46.619 --> 00:35:49.659
a bow and he'd go off. And he did that
850
00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:54.059
for years. Actually, one of the first times when he
851
00:35:54.099 --> 00:35:58.159
was very young, he was in the stroller and he came...
852
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:01.039
And it was at the Lowry in Manchester. And I
853
00:36:01.500 --> 00:36:04.340
came on stage and I just... I don't know what
854
00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:05.809
it is. When you're a new dad.
855
00:36:06.050 --> 00:36:09.150
I think you get quite emotional about... You know what
856
00:36:09.170 --> 00:36:11.269
I mean? You feel this immense.
857
00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:16.000
love and an emotional bond and i just got carried
858
00:36:16.039 --> 00:36:19.000
away and i picked him up and i took him
859
00:36:19.039 --> 00:36:21.389
back on stage and i sort of held him up
860
00:36:21.429 --> 00:36:22.829
like in the lion king like.
861
00:36:28.909 --> 00:36:30.730
And then my wife's going what.
862
00:36:30.570 --> 00:36:35.059
The fuck are you doing you've lost your mind and
863
00:36:35.079 --> 00:36:39.260
then anyway so i'm Afterwards, in the lobby, she was
864
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:42.360
there with him and some fan came over and he.
865
00:36:42.300 --> 00:36:46.460
Went, he said, is that Bill Bailey's son? And then
866
00:36:46.500 --> 00:36:49.320
my wife goes, yeah. And then he goes, oh, he goes,
867
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:50.280
can I shake his hand?
868
00:36:50.840 --> 00:36:56.320
And then he realised how absurdly preposterous that was.
869
00:36:57.039 --> 00:37:00.989
Actually, no, that's just too weird. Oh, he's his son.
870
00:37:01.050 --> 00:37:03.300
He's a baby, for God's sake.
871
00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:14.199
But yeah, he definitely, his life was backstage on tour,
872
00:37:14.619 --> 00:37:19.030
travelling around, being put in little bassinets on planes, putting,
873
00:37:19.070 --> 00:37:21.469
you know, he would sleep anywhere. That was one of
874
00:37:21.489 --> 00:37:23.150
the great things about that. He would just fall asleep
875
00:37:23.409 --> 00:37:24.050
anywhere at all.
876
00:37:24.110 --> 00:37:26.230
Do you think that's because you kind of just took
877
00:37:26.250 --> 00:37:27.610
him out and about and stuff, so he was just
878
00:37:27.630 --> 00:37:28.130
so used to it?
879
00:37:28.130 --> 00:37:29.610
Yeah, very much so.
880
00:37:29.699 --> 00:37:32.800
And I think, and I genuinely do think that, you know,
881
00:37:32.860 --> 00:37:35.400
and this is my advice to all parents of young
882
00:37:35.579 --> 00:37:38.219
kids as well, isn't it? When we were thinking about
883
00:37:38.280 --> 00:37:40.099
when he was very young, a lot of parents would
884
00:37:40.119 --> 00:37:42.360
say to us, oh, well, because we travel a lot.
885
00:37:42.380 --> 00:37:44.110
Me and my wife, we travel a lot. Before that,
886
00:37:44.159 --> 00:37:46.849
we'd go on great trips and treks and hiking treks
887
00:37:46.869 --> 00:37:48.829
all around the world. And then they say, oh, well,
888
00:37:48.869 --> 00:37:50.449
now you see, now that's all over.
889
00:37:50.489 --> 00:37:52.849
You can forget kiss, goodbye to all of that. Forget
890
00:37:52.889 --> 00:37:53.309
all of that.
891
00:37:53.670 --> 00:37:55.969
And we just sort of went, no, we're not going
892
00:37:55.989 --> 00:37:57.880
to do that. We're just going to, he's just going
893
00:37:57.889 --> 00:38:00.860
to come with us. However we do it, however we
894
00:38:00.960 --> 00:38:03.550
figure it out. He's going to come along and then
895
00:38:03.590 --> 00:38:05.949
we'll make it work. And so, of course, you know,
896
00:38:06.050 --> 00:38:08.949
cut to we're in the jungle in Sumatra and we've.
897
00:38:08.829 --> 00:38:13.110
Got the four-wheel drive buggy. We're going like... You know.
898
00:38:13.630 --> 00:38:15.949
Going through the jungle and he's sleeping the night under
899
00:38:15.989 --> 00:38:18.860
a mosquito net and playing with the local kids and, like,
900
00:38:18.980 --> 00:38:23.000
running in and out of the river and just going peril. And,
901
00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:25.800
you know, that, I think, had a huge effect on
902
00:38:26.599 --> 00:38:30.769
his development. He was very confident, very happy guy. little kid,
903
00:38:30.789 --> 00:38:34.130
you know, for years because he was, you know, he
904
00:38:34.250 --> 00:38:36.550
came with us and he just mucked in.
905
00:38:36.809 --> 00:38:39.139
Was there anything on those trips where like, you know,
906
00:38:39.409 --> 00:38:41.090
we are going to do this, but you just thought, no,
907
00:38:41.110 --> 00:38:44.599
this is one step too far. You cannot do this
908
00:38:44.639 --> 00:38:46.800
with a kid. This is a bad decision. The rest
909
00:38:46.840 --> 00:38:47.800
is fine. I've done it.
910
00:38:48.199 --> 00:38:48.820
Yeah. Well, good.
911
00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:51.380
No, yeah, there was, there was a trip when I
912
00:38:51.420 --> 00:38:53.199
was going to, we were going to go to Brazil
913
00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:57.900
and I was filming there about, we were filming Jaguars.
914
00:38:57.920 --> 00:38:58.340
Yeah.
915
00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:01.960
He was going to come, but he was two.
916
00:39:02.579 --> 00:39:05.860
And there was like the wet season and there's malaria
917
00:39:05.900 --> 00:39:09.039
and there's a lot of disease around and anacondas, you know.
918
00:39:09.059 --> 00:39:12.179
So we thought, yeah, maybe not. And the other time
919
00:39:12.219 --> 00:39:14.179
when I thought this is probably a bad idea was
920
00:39:14.940 --> 00:39:18.010
in Komodo in Indonesia. And we went to Komodo Island
921
00:39:18.030 --> 00:39:20.809
to see the Komodo dragons. And I don't know if
922
00:39:20.849 --> 00:39:22.110
you've met a Komodo dragon, right?
923
00:39:22.829 --> 00:39:23.289
No, no.
924
00:39:23.489 --> 00:39:28.719
Only in passing, not formally introduced. They're at a party.
925
00:39:29.079 --> 00:39:32.000
No, well, yeah, you just nod to them.
926
00:39:32.440 --> 00:39:34.519
Nod in turn, nod in turn.
927
00:39:34.920 --> 00:39:39.219
And they're the most unpleasantly vile creatures on the planet.
928
00:39:39.619 --> 00:39:40.980
They're just horrible.
929
00:39:41.460 --> 00:39:44.730
And they run as fast as a dog and they'll
930
00:39:44.929 --> 00:39:46.889
bite you and they've got poison in their mouths.
931
00:39:47.210 --> 00:39:49.449
So we thought, when we got there, we thought, this
932
00:39:49.510 --> 00:39:52.070
is a... What we were doing, this is a terrible idea,
933
00:39:52.429 --> 00:39:53.289
because he.
934
00:39:53.449 --> 00:39:56.590
Was little, and then the guides are going, yeah, you see,
935
00:39:57.340 --> 00:40:00.360
keep him behind you, because he's the same size as
936
00:40:00.579 --> 00:40:02.760
a goat, which is what they eat, right?
937
00:40:05.780 --> 00:40:09.159
We were basically... He was basically bait.
938
00:40:09.219 --> 00:40:11.119
He was like, we were carrying him around and these
939
00:40:11.159 --> 00:40:14.360
dragons were looking at us like.
940
00:40:14.820 --> 00:40:15.059
And.
941
00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:18.559
They were like, keep him back, keep him back, keep
942
00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:22.760
him back. You know, that was quite unnecessarily stressful, I've
943
00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:23.300
got to say.
944
00:40:23.639 --> 00:40:27.909
Yeah, I mean, yeah, taking a toddler to see the
945
00:40:27.949 --> 00:40:28.769
Komodo dragons.
946
00:40:28.789 --> 00:40:30.489
There was no need for that. No, you can just
947
00:40:30.510 --> 00:40:32.329
Google them. You never look at them online, you know.
948
00:40:37.369 --> 00:40:40.880
What happened was he got exposure to a lot of
949
00:40:41.559 --> 00:40:45.159
different cultures and the ways that people live in the
950
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:47.320
world that's so different to ours.
951
00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:50.900
And I think that has had a lasting effect, I think.
952
00:40:51.039 --> 00:40:53.519
You know, when you sort of see people who haven't
953
00:40:53.579 --> 00:40:56.780
got tuppence to rub together and there's ten of them
954
00:40:56.820 --> 00:41:00.260
living in a little shack and they're surviving hand to
955
00:41:00.300 --> 00:41:01.360
mouth and they're fishermen.
956
00:41:01.780 --> 00:41:03.440
And he stayed with them. We actually.
957
00:41:04.889 --> 00:41:08.289
This family of fishermen in Indonesia. And they're a very
958
00:41:08.349 --> 00:41:10.849
sweet couple. And they said, would your son like to
959
00:41:10.909 --> 00:41:14.670
come and stay with us on our island? And we said, yeah,
960
00:41:14.909 --> 00:41:15.510
if you want to go.
961
00:41:15.789 --> 00:41:16.309
And so he did.
962
00:41:16.510 --> 00:41:21.409
And he had a sleepover in this island with these fishermen. And,
963
00:41:21.650 --> 00:41:25.510
you know, and it was like, and they were so
964
00:41:25.590 --> 00:41:27.360
sweet with him. And then he came back and they
965
00:41:27.780 --> 00:41:28.780
combed his hair.
966
00:41:28.840 --> 00:41:30.880
And, you know, he looked way smarter.
967
00:41:30.940 --> 00:41:32.139
How old was he at this point?
968
00:41:32.500 --> 00:41:33.179
He was three.
969
00:41:34.030 --> 00:41:36.510
Well, they've got other kids there with their kids. I
970
00:41:36.530 --> 00:41:38.449
was going to say, they weren't just fishermen because that
971
00:41:38.469 --> 00:41:39.590
sounded fucking mental.
972
00:41:39.610 --> 00:41:48.340
We'd send them out on a trawler. We wanted a
973
00:41:48.429 --> 00:41:49.369
lie-in anyway.
974
00:41:49.389 --> 00:41:53.610
The things you'll do for a good night's sleep in Indonesia.
975
00:41:54.469 --> 00:41:57.739
And with this tour now, so you're back out on tour. Yeah.
976
00:41:57.760 --> 00:41:58.840
Do you think he'll come and see it?
977
00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:01.780
Does he like coming to watch you, stuff like that?
978
00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:04.980
Yeah, I mean, I think that the general day-to-day, you know,
979
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:07.550
as you know, the grind of getting from A to
980
00:42:07.590 --> 00:42:11.159
B and, hotels and getting out of hotels and going
981
00:42:11.199 --> 00:42:16.000
into hotels and packing bags and all that. But it
982
00:42:16.059 --> 00:42:18.210
might come to some of the, some of the gigs,
983
00:42:18.309 --> 00:42:20.590
maybe you'll come to the London gig or something, you know,
984
00:42:21.610 --> 00:42:23.809
a couple of those. And maybe if I'm doing some gigs,
985
00:42:24.130 --> 00:42:27.280
I'm actually doing some, I've got some European dates that
986
00:42:27.300 --> 00:42:28.920
I'm doing, and he'll come to.
987
00:42:28.860 --> 00:42:30.340
Them, I think. I'm doing a gig in Hanover.
988
00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:30.940
Oh, that's fun.
989
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:32.139
Some Munich and.
990
00:42:32.460 --> 00:42:35.030
Oh, yeah, Munich, Athens, Utrecht, The Hague.
991
00:42:35.369 --> 00:42:36.110
Utrecht.
992
00:42:36.289 --> 00:42:39.250
It sounds like some sort of a minister's tour of Europe, like,
993
00:42:39.289 --> 00:42:40.309
you know, lose trust.
994
00:42:41.989 --> 00:42:44.349
Oh, yeah. I'm part of the trade delegation now.
995
00:42:44.360 --> 00:42:48.730
LAUGHTER Sort of sorting Brexit out. But you're going to
996
00:42:48.809 --> 00:42:51.050
Australia for quite a long time. You're there for like two,
997
00:42:51.130 --> 00:42:53.010
three months. So will you not see him at all?
998
00:42:53.030 --> 00:42:56.510
Will that be totally on your own? No, they'll come out.
999
00:42:56.610 --> 00:42:59.369
I think Chris and Dax will come out for that
1000
00:42:59.570 --> 00:43:02.829
towards the end. And we'll sort of hang out in
1001
00:43:02.869 --> 00:43:04.849
the last bit of that. Yeah, so things like that, yeah,
1002
00:43:04.869 --> 00:43:06.130
they'll come out too, certainly, yeah.
1003
00:43:06.449 --> 00:43:08.849
God, yeah, it's a hell of a tour of Australia.
1004
00:43:08.869 --> 00:43:11.250
That's fun, isn't it?
1005
00:43:11.570 --> 00:43:12.590
Yeah, I know, all those.
1006
00:43:13.409 --> 00:43:15.889
I just keep putting places in that I haven't been
1007
00:43:15.949 --> 00:43:16.489
to yet.
1008
00:43:16.570 --> 00:43:18.869
Toowoomba? Toowoomba, yeah.
1009
00:43:19.190 --> 00:43:22.070
Toowoomba, yeah. Sounds like a PJ and Duncan lyric.
1010
00:43:23.849 --> 00:43:27.610
And Wollongong, lovely. Wollongong, yeah.
1011
00:43:27.650 --> 00:43:30.670
We should probably plug the UK ones for our listeners,
1012
00:43:30.710 --> 00:43:31.469
to be fair.
1013
00:43:31.489 --> 00:43:34.269
You're also doing the East of England Arena in Peterborough. Yes,
1014
00:43:34.309 --> 00:43:34.929
come on.
1015
00:43:35.110 --> 00:43:37.469
What, is that an arena?
1016
00:43:38.230 --> 00:43:40.210
I didn't know Peterborough had an arena, Bill.
1017
00:43:40.329 --> 00:43:44.170
All right, OK. I think the word arena is doing
1018
00:43:44.210 --> 00:43:45.469
a lot of heavy lifting here.
1019
00:43:47.469 --> 00:43:51.449
Somewhere where you'd auction cattle is another way of describing it.
1020
00:43:51.510 --> 00:43:54.449
Have you done that in Skipton? That is actually a gig, Skipton.
1021
00:43:54.530 --> 00:43:58.260
I've done that. It's a cattle market, Bill. It's like
1022
00:43:58.320 --> 00:44:00.860
a little 200-seater. It's a cattle market in a day
1023
00:44:00.900 --> 00:44:01.800
and then a gig in the evening.
1024
00:44:01.820 --> 00:44:02.559
Oh, really?
1025
00:44:02.820 --> 00:44:03.659
And you're kind of in the bit.
1026
00:44:05.619 --> 00:44:08.179
They put a little kind of temporary stage where they
1027
00:44:08.219 --> 00:44:10.619
would bring the cows in and then the people are
1028
00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:15.559
sat on the... They're sat in the kind of rake seating.
1029
00:44:15.579 --> 00:44:16.159
This is true.
1030
00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:16.909
That's fantastic.
1031
00:44:16.949 --> 00:44:19.690
The Skipton... I can't even remember what it's called. Skipton
1032
00:44:19.769 --> 00:44:21.170
Mart or something like that it's called.
1033
00:44:22.210 --> 00:44:24.329
Oh that's a classic do you know what i'm just
1034
00:44:24.349 --> 00:44:26.730
going to do a i'll do a steve wright for
1035
00:44:26.769 --> 00:44:28.969
you uh when you go on steve wright he reads
1036
00:44:29.030 --> 00:44:34.000
out all the tour dates dublin belfast brighton london peterborough
1037
00:44:34.179 --> 00:44:39.320
liverpool cardiff aberdeen glasgow sheffield brighton utrecht the hague munich
1038
00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:43.199
athens etc etc loads of dates in australia and are
1039
00:44:43.539 --> 00:44:45.360
you enjoying being back out on tour.
1040
00:44:45.500 --> 00:44:48.110
Yeah, I mean, I've got to say that, I mean,
1041
00:44:48.210 --> 00:44:51.130
I'm sure you've done the Zoom gigs and the online
1042
00:44:51.150 --> 00:44:52.230
streaming stuff, and it's.
1043
00:44:52.170 --> 00:44:53.349
Just not quite the same.
1044
00:44:53.369 --> 00:45:00.250
It doesn't quite have the same immediacy. People coughing and
1045
00:45:00.449 --> 00:45:02.630
hoovering and, oh, God, you know.
1046
00:45:03.150 --> 00:45:05.570
Bing bong, that was the middle of the gig. Bing bong,
1047
00:45:05.610 --> 00:45:07.260
that was so good.
1048
00:45:07.510 --> 00:45:07.610
Oh.
1049
00:45:07.699 --> 00:45:09.739
Liverpool turning up.
1050
00:45:09.980 --> 00:45:12.480
I did one where someone was watching The Chase and
1051
00:45:12.500 --> 00:45:14.739
I could just hear Bradley Walsh asking questions.
1052
00:45:15.820 --> 00:45:18.559
Hey, do you know what I found out? Bradley Walsh
1053
00:45:18.619 --> 00:45:21.219
is massive in New Zealand. They love him over there.
1054
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:22.920
I was doing a show in New Zealand and then
1055
00:45:23.099 --> 00:45:26.179
they were going, oh, yeah, we're going to watch The
1056
00:45:26.219 --> 00:45:26.980
Chase later on.
1057
00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:28.260
Oh, Bradley, do you know him?
1058
00:45:28.300 --> 00:45:28.860
Do you know him?
1059
00:45:29.159 --> 00:45:29.300
Yeah.
1060
00:45:29.420 --> 00:45:34.170
Do you know Bradley Walsh? Do you know him? We've
1061
00:45:34.530 --> 00:45:36.309
got a Kardashian level of fame.
1062
00:45:37.469 --> 00:45:39.760
Paul Sinner went over to do it. Paul Sinner's like
1063
00:45:39.780 --> 00:45:41.599
a god, because he's on the chase. He's like a
1064
00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:44.539
god in New Zealand, Paul Sinner. Yeah. They absolutely love him.
1065
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:48.039
I missed two dates, Bill. I've missed two dates, and
1066
00:45:48.079 --> 00:45:52.239
I can't believe I've missed the Dudley. But also, who
1067
00:45:52.280 --> 00:45:55.400
knew Walsall in the Midlands has an arena?
1068
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:58.179
It's got an arena, yeah. And again, I'm not entirely
1069
00:45:58.340 --> 00:46:00.380
sure what that is.
1070
00:46:01.139 --> 00:46:03.079
Walsall Arena.
1071
00:46:03.099 --> 00:46:04.530
I don't know what that is.
1072
00:46:05.360 --> 00:46:08.690
I mean, it definitely looks like a theatre to me.
1073
00:46:08.789 --> 00:46:13.670
People are playing fast and loose with this arena. I
1074
00:46:13.710 --> 00:46:15.949
think they're sort of in the more generic sense of
1075
00:46:15.989 --> 00:46:18.409
like the performance. Space.
1076
00:46:18.989 --> 00:46:20.670
Yeah. I did miss it.
1077
00:46:20.710 --> 00:46:23.369
No, I mean, I think getting back to the tour
1078
00:46:23.389 --> 00:46:26.849
last year was fantastic. If you're trying out new stuff
1079
00:46:26.929 --> 00:46:29.130
or you're going out on tour, you want to run
1080
00:46:29.150 --> 00:46:30.820
it in to a lot of places.
1081
00:46:30.860 --> 00:46:33.380
You want to go to a little venue, a little arena,
1082
00:46:33.389 --> 00:46:34.099
a mini arena.
1083
00:46:34.179 --> 00:46:36.559
You want to go somewhere.
1084
00:46:36.920 --> 00:46:41.320
That was the thing I noticed that was missing because,
1085
00:46:41.519 --> 00:46:42.880
you know, there were no venues open.
1086
00:46:42.900 --> 00:46:45.039
There was nothing. You couldn't try out and stuff anywhere.
1087
00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:49.659
So I found myself going out in front of quite
1088
00:46:49.679 --> 00:46:52.869
a large crowd with– I'm trying this thing out.
1089
00:46:53.010 --> 00:46:54.989
I think I've probably done it once. You know, like
1090
00:46:55.010 --> 00:46:58.489
you think, I'm really having to trust my instincts here.
1091
00:46:58.610 --> 00:46:59.030
Yeah.
1092
00:46:59.869 --> 00:47:02.670
And rely on, you know, years of experience.
1093
00:47:02.690 --> 00:47:05.530
Like you have to draw on every ounce of experience
1094
00:47:05.969 --> 00:47:08.239
because you've got to try and sell because that's the
1095
00:47:08.260 --> 00:47:10.519
big thing. A lot of, you know, when you're trying
1096
00:47:10.559 --> 00:47:13.099
new stuff, you want to... You want to set, you know,
1097
00:47:13.119 --> 00:47:15.059
you want to go, well, I've got this sort of
1098
00:47:15.139 --> 00:47:18.940
half-baked idea about something, I don't know. And you don't
1099
00:47:18.960 --> 00:47:20.840
want to do that in front of thousands of people.
1100
00:47:21.179 --> 00:47:23.380
It has to be, you know, front and centre. So
1101
00:47:23.420 --> 00:47:26.019
there was a lot of leaps of faith in those
1102
00:47:26.099 --> 00:47:27.139
first few gigs.
1103
00:47:27.739 --> 00:47:28.420
Yeah.
1104
00:47:28.659 --> 00:47:31.679
That was quite new experience, I think.
1105
00:47:31.820 --> 00:47:33.929
Have you got a strictly audience now as well?
1106
00:47:34.010 --> 00:47:35.050
Do you have, like, people who.
1107
00:47:36.070 --> 00:47:37.329
A few, yeah.
1108
00:47:37.349 --> 00:47:39.429
I don't think it's like... I don't think I walk
1109
00:47:39.510 --> 00:47:42.719
out there and it's like, oh, he's not dancing.
1110
00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:45.420
You know, I don't... The music's good, but.
1111
00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:51.250
He's just talking. He's just talking. He's playing the guitar now.
1112
00:47:54.110 --> 00:47:56.510
No, it's pretty, I mean, my audience is quite a
1113
00:47:56.610 --> 00:47:59.309
broad demographic anyway. So I think there's been quite, there
1114
00:47:59.329 --> 00:48:01.550
was quite a lot of crossover between the two anyway.
1115
00:48:01.610 --> 00:48:04.880
So I haven't noticed a significant number of people turning
1116
00:48:04.920 --> 00:48:08.579
up in sequence going. But I think that, I think
1117
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:12.820
the thing is that comedy audiences tend to sort of not,
1118
00:48:13.039 --> 00:48:16.719
they were perhaps not mainstream TV audiences, but I think
1119
00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:19.199
there's probably quite a lot of those. There's a lot
1120
00:48:19.219 --> 00:48:22.429
of crossover. So, Certainly when I do a bit of...
1121
00:48:22.429 --> 00:48:25.550
I've incorporated a bit of dance into the show, obviously.
1122
00:48:25.570 --> 00:48:26.230
A little bit.
1123
00:48:26.869 --> 00:48:28.550
I think, Bill, what Josh is trying to say is,
1124
00:48:28.690 --> 00:48:31.230
have sales increased because of Strictly?
1125
00:48:31.250 --> 00:48:32.210
Strictly, yes.
1126
00:48:32.690 --> 00:48:34.570
I imagine he's been offered it and he's thinking... I'm
1127
00:48:34.610 --> 00:48:36.389
not saying that at all. What kind of percentage.
1128
00:48:36.469 --> 00:48:37.300
I'm not saying that at all.
1129
00:48:37.320 --> 00:48:39.989
What kind of numbers are you looking at, Bill? What percentage?
1130
00:48:40.010 --> 00:48:41.179
You put your own.
1131
00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:42.659
Thoughts in my head there, Robert. Cut the shit, Josh.
1132
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:45.679
Let's cut the shit. What's the jump up? What's the jump...
1133
00:48:45.559 --> 00:48:47.659
It worked for Ramsey. What's the jump up, Bill?
1134
00:48:48.119 --> 00:48:48.380
Listen.
1135
00:48:49.019 --> 00:48:54.260
I'm playing a lot more arenas these days. I've definitely
1136
00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:54.849
noticed that.
1137
00:48:56.710 --> 00:48:59.909
I've never asked you about this, but it only happened
1138
00:48:59.949 --> 00:49:00.610
two months ago.
1139
00:49:00.969 --> 00:49:03.010
So we did Royal Variety Performance together.
1140
00:49:03.230 --> 00:49:04.150
Oh, yes, yes. Yeah.
1141
00:49:04.530 --> 00:49:07.539
So I turned up. I didn't... Rob, you've done the
1142
00:49:07.559 --> 00:49:08.639
Royal Variety Performance as well.
1143
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:09.559
Yes.
1144
00:49:09.880 --> 00:49:10.440
The food.
1145
00:49:11.409 --> 00:49:14.639
I got... I didn't realise you could request, Bill. So
1146
00:49:15.380 --> 00:49:18.780
I took we were in the adjoining dressing rooms I
1147
00:49:18.820 --> 00:49:22.139
turn up I got a pie in a cardboard box
1148
00:49:22.960 --> 00:49:26.019
and then I looked across at your dressing room Bill
1149
00:49:27.079 --> 00:49:28.820
I'm going to send you and Rob a photo now
1150
00:49:29.070 --> 00:49:33.510
of our different riders for the Royal Variety performance because
1151
00:49:33.710 --> 00:49:36.030
it was one of the highlights of my year let
1152
00:49:36.050 --> 00:49:38.309
me just find it I should have really got this
1153
00:49:38.349 --> 00:49:40.690
ready shouldn't I I only just thought of it.
1154
00:49:40.900 --> 00:49:43.840
Do you remember your rider for the Royal Variety Performance, Bill?
1155
00:49:45.699 --> 00:49:48.539
I remember vaguely, yes.
1156
00:49:48.840 --> 00:49:52.139
Are you suggesting that there was some sort of, it
1157
00:49:52.159 --> 00:49:54.170
was like a fancy rider?
1158
00:49:54.329 --> 00:49:57.650
Is that your general tone of what you're saying?
1159
00:49:57.849 --> 00:50:00.690
I'm not saying it's a fancy rider. I'm saying there
1160
00:50:00.710 --> 00:50:03.610
was a stark difference between the riders.
1161
00:50:05.690 --> 00:50:06.650
So this is a view.
1162
00:50:06.670 --> 00:50:08.530
I'm going to text it to you and Rob now.
1163
00:50:09.349 --> 00:50:13.280
Yeah, but Bill's a legend of comedy. I know, Rob.
1164
00:50:13.320 --> 00:50:14.219
I'm not a guard.
1165
00:50:14.260 --> 00:50:16.820
Have a chat on a Friday night kind of guy.
1166
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:18.809
I'm having a chat on a Friday night kind of guy.
1167
00:50:18.860 --> 00:50:21.199
I've got to find this. Sorry, sorry.
1168
00:50:21.239 --> 00:50:23.860
I realise I've derailed the interview.
1169
00:50:23.880 --> 00:50:26.440
This is when time stands still, when somebody goes, yeah, no,
1170
00:50:26.460 --> 00:50:29.280
just watch it. No, I've got a photo. Hang on. Oh, yeah, yeah.
1171
00:50:29.400 --> 00:50:32.389
I'm somewhere on here. Now, hold on, hold on. It's brilliant.
1172
00:50:34.159 --> 00:50:36.309
You don't need the CERN.
1173
00:50:36.329 --> 00:50:39.650
You don't need the Hadron Collider to stop time.
1174
00:50:39.710 --> 00:50:41.869
You just get everyone to do what you're doing now.
1175
00:50:42.349 --> 00:50:44.769
Oh, God, this is so much pressure. Do you know
1176
00:50:44.789 --> 00:50:45.590
what else stops time?
1177
00:50:45.630 --> 00:50:48.610
It's when someone loses a contact lens. That's like the
1178
00:50:48.670 --> 00:50:51.690
whole world. You know, I've lost my contact lens. Everyone's like, whoa,
1179
00:50:51.730 --> 00:50:53.989
no one moves. Glued to the spot. And then everyone
1180
00:50:54.010 --> 00:50:56.510
gets on their knees and does that on the floor.
1181
00:50:56.760 --> 00:50:58.139
It's the only time a whole room.
1182
00:50:59.039 --> 00:51:01.400
Oh, I'm having an absolute nightmare here, guys.
1183
00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:02.920
Oh, he's panicking. Look how ready he's going to be.
1184
00:51:02.920 --> 00:51:03.219
I'm panicking.
1185
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:03.960
I've lost it.
1186
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:08.079
Can we imagine what you're saying, like a swan carved
1187
00:51:08.179 --> 00:51:08.840
out of ice?
1188
00:51:08.880 --> 00:51:11.159
Do you know what, Bill? It isn't a million miles.
1189
00:51:11.460 --> 00:51:11.820
I'm going to.
1190
00:51:12.780 --> 00:51:13.460
Do you know what?
1191
00:51:13.480 --> 00:51:15.780
I don't remember it being that fancy. I just remember
1192
00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:16.949
it being a bit of cheese.
1193
00:51:17.510 --> 00:51:22.110
A bit of cheese? A bit of cheese. A cheese board.
1194
00:51:22.130 --> 00:51:22.670
A bit of cheese?
1195
00:51:23.170 --> 00:51:26.150
A bottle of wine, a cheese board, some pickle, maybe
1196
00:51:26.170 --> 00:51:29.050
some cold cuts. I mean, it wasn't, you know.
1197
00:51:29.469 --> 00:51:31.079
Here you go, here you go. Have you got your
1198
00:51:31.099 --> 00:51:32.980
phone with you? It's come through now, guys.
1199
00:51:33.079 --> 00:51:34.059
It's come through.
1200
00:51:34.079 --> 00:51:38.050
Here we go. So in the foreground is my food.
1201
00:51:38.130 --> 00:51:39.590
You've not sent me anything.
1202
00:51:40.070 --> 00:51:41.969
Oh, it's not sending now.
1203
00:51:41.989 --> 00:51:43.869
This is the worst day of my life.
1204
00:51:44.170 --> 00:51:47.070
This is genuinely the worst day of my life.
1205
00:51:47.110 --> 00:51:48.280
Fucking hell, Josh.
1206
00:51:48.969 --> 00:51:52.599
This just never happened on Parkinson's. This never happened. This
1207
00:51:52.659 --> 00:51:53.579
is the worst way of interviewing.
1208
00:51:53.599 --> 00:51:56.719
Because nobody went, here, have a look at this, on Parkinson's.
1209
00:51:56.739 --> 00:51:59.659
Nobody showed their photos off their phone.
1210
00:52:00.139 --> 00:52:02.539
I'm going to say it now. This photo is not
1211
00:52:02.599 --> 00:52:06.349
worth it. This photo is not worth it. I'm logging in.
1212
00:52:06.389 --> 00:52:07.969
I've logged into the Wi-Fi now. It's never going to.
1213
00:52:07.949 --> 00:52:08.710
Be as fancy.
1214
00:52:08.849 --> 00:52:11.210
You built it up into some ludicrous thing, like it's
1215
00:52:11.269 --> 00:52:13.210
a sort of turkey with a chicken inside.
1216
00:52:13.230 --> 00:52:14.130
I know.
1217
00:52:14.289 --> 00:52:16.389
It's not a good enough photo, Bill.
1218
00:52:16.889 --> 00:52:18.750
I've had a disaster, Bill.
1219
00:52:20.369 --> 00:52:22.469
Well, OK. I'm sorry. If this was a court, then
1220
00:52:22.530 --> 00:52:22.789
it would be.
1221
00:52:22.809 --> 00:52:24.380
What a terrible way to end.
1222
00:52:24.780 --> 00:52:26.480
Admissible as evidence.
1223
00:52:26.500 --> 00:52:30.059
Oh, fuck. It's a shit... We're going to have to
1224
00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:31.460
ask you to get the didgeridoo back out in a
1225
00:52:31.460 --> 00:52:33.079
minute if this goes on any longer.
1226
00:52:33.139 --> 00:52:35.280
I nearly got the African log drum out then for
1227
00:52:35.340 --> 00:52:35.719
a minute.
1228
00:52:35.739 --> 00:52:37.880
Get the African log drum out. Fuck it. Come on,
1229
00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:40.989
might as well. Get the African log drum out. We
1230
00:52:41.010 --> 00:52:41.929
can play something.
1231
00:52:41.719 --> 00:52:42.110
While we're waiting.
1232
00:52:42.130 --> 00:52:43.809
Oh, God, I can't even paste the attachment now.
1233
00:52:44.309 --> 00:52:45.429
Fuck off, Josh.
1234
00:52:45.530 --> 00:52:48.550
I'm just going to play the log drum because I
1235
00:52:48.570 --> 00:52:48.949
love this.
1236
00:52:51.710 --> 00:52:53.530
Peter, thanks, Bill, for saving this bit.
1237
00:52:53.550 --> 00:52:55.670
Right, there you go. I'll turn it down. So there
1238
00:52:55.690 --> 00:52:58.119
you go. You can see it working there. There we go.
1239
00:52:58.219 --> 00:53:02.199
There we go. Did you do free bird? Look at that.
1240
00:53:11.590 --> 00:53:14.090
You see, the thing is, right, that if it was
1241
00:53:14.130 --> 00:53:16.849
a long drum on the rider, then I would say, well, OK,
1242
00:53:16.929 --> 00:53:17.469
I've got it.
1243
00:53:17.510 --> 00:53:18.469
Charlie, big potatoes.
1244
00:53:18.510 --> 00:53:22.699
But it wasn't cheese and ham.
1245
00:53:22.719 --> 00:53:23.460
Do you know what?
1246
00:53:23.480 --> 00:53:24.099
It isn't as good.
1247
00:53:24.400 --> 00:53:27.400
I've sent the picture now. I haven't got it yet. No,
1248
00:53:27.420 --> 00:53:28.059
I know.
1249
00:53:28.519 --> 00:53:30.300
How much is an African log drum set you back
1250
00:53:30.340 --> 00:53:36.260
these days? Sorry, that's one catchphrase. I don't know if
1251
00:53:36.280 --> 00:53:36.539
you know.
1252
00:53:36.599 --> 00:53:40.860
It's sort of like the costumes have been perishing. Not like,
1253
00:53:40.880 --> 00:53:42.300
what a beautiful sound you've made.
1254
00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:46.739
You can get a treat, man. I'm trying to make
1255
00:53:46.780 --> 00:53:50.280
myself feel better about my Lego collection. Anyway, oh, here's
1256
00:53:50.300 --> 00:53:53.349
the picture. That is a funny photo. So in the.
1257
00:53:53.309 --> 00:53:57.210
Foreground, Bill, have you got my WhatsApp? I've sent you
1258
00:53:57.269 --> 00:53:58.070
a WhatsApp.
1259
00:53:58.090 --> 00:54:00.210
That is a funny picture.
1260
00:54:03.360 --> 00:54:04.860
It was worth it.
1261
00:54:05.059 --> 00:54:07.829
All right, well, it is worth it for the taxidermization
1262
00:54:08.250 --> 00:54:10.750
of the poultry nature of your run.
1263
00:54:10.769 --> 00:54:15.849
That is so good.
1264
00:54:16.750 --> 00:54:17.309
Oh, wow.
1265
00:54:17.590 --> 00:54:18.030
I like that.
1266
00:54:18.050 --> 00:54:21.699
It's this cheese salad and then cheese and onion crisps
1267
00:54:21.940 --> 00:54:24.619
and then there's this bounty in the background.
1268
00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:27.210
LAUGHTER Just out of reach.
1269
00:54:27.750 --> 00:54:32.429
Two bottles of champagne and loads of meat and veggies.
1270
00:54:32.650 --> 00:54:34.889
But, Bill, you've got, I'd say, a jar of pickled
1271
00:54:34.969 --> 00:54:37.969
onions there with, I'd say, 40 pickled onions in. You
1272
00:54:38.010 --> 00:54:40.070
can't be eating that and then performing for royalty, can you?
1273
00:54:40.110 --> 00:54:41.650
I bloody love a pickled onion.
1274
00:54:41.670 --> 00:54:43.789
Your arse must be in bits, Bill. You can't have
1275
00:54:43.789 --> 00:54:45.530
40 pickled onions every gig.
1276
00:54:45.769 --> 00:54:48.340
You don't want to be breathing all over royals after that.
1277
00:54:49.960 --> 00:54:53.119
God, that Bill Bailey's good. Stinks of fucking onions. He's
1278
00:54:53.559 --> 00:54:56.780
been at the onions again. Fucking old Bailey's been at
1279
00:54:56.800 --> 00:54:57.969
the onions.
1280
00:54:58.469 --> 00:55:00.590
It's that rider. We should stop giving him that rider.
1281
00:55:00.610 --> 00:55:01.889
Who's giving him those onions?
1282
00:55:02.010 --> 00:55:03.909
Stop giving him those onions.
1283
00:55:04.269 --> 00:55:06.710
That is impressive. That's way more impressive than I thought
1284
00:55:06.730 --> 00:55:08.070
it was going to be, actually.
1285
00:55:08.090 --> 00:55:08.289
Yeah.
1286
00:55:08.309 --> 00:55:08.809
Do you know what?
1287
00:55:08.829 --> 00:55:13.210
It was worth the 15-minute build-up. Bloody hell. I'm sweating.
1288
00:55:13.269 --> 00:55:16.409
I'm sweating from that experience. It was the most stressed
1289
00:55:16.469 --> 00:55:18.210
I've ever been on this podcast.
1290
00:55:19.199 --> 00:55:21.199
Um it's fun watching you get stressed you clap your
1291
00:55:21.239 --> 00:55:25.940
hands together you rub your temples there we go um
1292
00:55:26.179 --> 00:55:28.000
right uh bill thank you so much we got one
1293
00:55:28.260 --> 00:55:30.780
one question we always finish on um is there one
1294
00:55:30.880 --> 00:55:33.719
thing about the way your wife parents that um frustrates
1295
00:55:33.739 --> 00:55:35.800
you a little bit i imagine now after 18 years
1296
00:55:35.820 --> 00:55:37.880
you've mentioned it to her but if you haven't mentioned
1297
00:55:37.900 --> 00:55:39.280
it to her and you'd like to now in case
1298
00:55:39.300 --> 00:55:41.340
you listen back is there one thing that you sort
1299
00:55:41.360 --> 00:55:44.150
of clash over with her parenting yeah um.
1300
00:55:44.469 --> 00:55:46.989
You know, I think it was very much like the
1301
00:55:47.510 --> 00:55:50.869
allowing him a bit more latitude to cook in our kitchen,
1302
00:55:51.090 --> 00:55:54.630
you know, because that's her domain. You know, I mean,
1303
00:55:54.650 --> 00:55:57.949
it seems quite sort of traditional, old fashioned, but she's
1304
00:55:57.989 --> 00:56:01.570
a brilliant cook. And so she she loves, you know, cooking.
1305
00:56:01.789 --> 00:56:04.789
And I used to cook a lot more than when
1306
00:56:04.829 --> 00:56:09.119
I was, you know, a single man. And I encourage him.
1307
00:56:09.179 --> 00:56:12.130
I said, look, you know, these are life skills, you know. Yeah.
1308
00:56:12.630 --> 00:56:15.150
You know, it's like, it's quite useful.
1309
00:56:16.570 --> 00:56:19.809
You're going to create a havoc in here, which of
1310
00:56:19.849 --> 00:56:21.349
course he does.
1311
00:56:22.110 --> 00:56:24.909
But I'm sort of, I'm kind of batting for in
1312
00:56:24.949 --> 00:56:25.449
his corner.
1313
00:56:25.489 --> 00:56:27.159
I'm going, well, no, you know, let him, I mean,
1314
00:56:27.280 --> 00:56:29.739
you know, he's got, if he's going to be sharing
1315
00:56:29.780 --> 00:56:33.039
a house with people and, you know, whatever, Being able to.
1316
00:56:33.079 --> 00:56:34.280
Cook, that's a great skill.
1317
00:56:34.440 --> 00:56:35.570
It's quite handy, yeah.
1318
00:56:35.590 --> 00:56:38.730
It's quite handy. So I sort of, we're working that
1319
00:56:38.789 --> 00:56:39.449
one out, you know.
1320
00:56:40.269 --> 00:56:42.610
Is he allowed on the instruments? Is he allowed on
1321
00:56:42.630 --> 00:56:43.150
the instruments?
1322
00:56:43.530 --> 00:56:50.170
Yeah, well, no, no. LAUGHTER Absolutely not, no.
1323
00:56:50.190 --> 00:56:52.570
He's not having to go on the log drum or
1324
00:56:53.250 --> 00:56:56.170
the didgeridoo or in fact any of these instruments at all.
1325
00:56:56.389 --> 00:56:59.030
He's got his own guitar and his own amplifier and
1326
00:56:59.070 --> 00:57:01.010
his own room and then he can stick with that.
1327
00:57:01.510 --> 00:57:06.159
But he's not touching any of this stuff because it's
1328
00:57:06.199 --> 00:57:06.940
my livelihood!
1329
00:57:06.960 --> 00:57:10.050
It's my livelihood! Fair enough.
1330
00:57:10.610 --> 00:57:11.389
Bill, it's been amazing.
1331
00:57:11.409 --> 00:57:12.429
It's been an absolute pleasure.
1332
00:57:12.780 --> 00:57:13.530
Thank you so much.
1333
00:57:14.010 --> 00:57:17.719
Walsall Arena, et cetera, from when does the tour start?
1334
00:57:17.739 --> 00:57:19.599
It kicks off in the UK in April, May.
1335
00:57:19.920 --> 00:57:20.300
Brilliant.
1336
00:57:20.579 --> 00:57:21.619
Thanks so much, Bill.
1337
00:57:21.639 --> 00:57:22.159
Cheers, Bill.
1338
00:57:22.179 --> 00:57:23.460
Good luck with the tour. See you later.
1339
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:24.059
Thanks, Ed.
1340
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:24.719
See you later.
1341
00:57:27.260 --> 00:57:29.539
Bill Bailey, that was embarrassing for you.
1342
00:57:29.559 --> 00:57:30.820
Oh, God, that was stressful.
1343
00:57:30.840 --> 00:57:31.579
You got really stressed there.
1344
00:57:31.599 --> 00:57:32.719
That was stressful, mate.
1345
00:57:33.559 --> 00:57:35.449
Oh, God. Luckily, the photo was great.
1346
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:38.260
Yeah, if that photo hadn't paid out, it will be
1347
00:57:38.280 --> 00:57:41.239
on our Instagram, won't it? Rob, I've got an agent.
1348
00:57:41.300 --> 00:57:42.260
Look at my rider.
1349
00:57:42.860 --> 00:57:45.039
Look at my fucking rider there.
1350
00:57:45.079 --> 00:57:47.179
They need to sort that. You need to sort yourself out.
1351
00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:48.849
But I suppose you didn't ask for anything, did you?
1352
00:57:48.860 --> 00:57:49.309
What did you ask for?
1353
00:57:49.320 --> 00:57:50.039
No, I didn't know you could.
1354
00:57:50.800 --> 00:57:54.460
I didn't know you were allowed. I was too nervous.
1355
00:57:54.599 --> 00:57:56.909
When you did Royal Variety, what did you have? Nothing.
1356
00:57:57.619 --> 00:57:57.889
No.
1357
00:57:58.139 --> 00:57:59.610
I think someone went out and got me an Ando's.
1358
00:58:00.389 --> 00:58:03.409
Oh, bloody hell, here he is. Bloody Prince Charming over here.
1359
00:58:04.780 --> 00:58:06.639
No, actually, that was when I was hosting it, I
1360
00:58:06.659 --> 00:58:08.500
got a Nando's. I didn't have that even when I
1361
00:58:08.519 --> 00:58:12.469
was hosting it with Romesh. But they did get me
1362
00:58:12.489 --> 00:58:14.469
a hotel next to the venue, though, because we had
1363
00:58:14.489 --> 00:58:16.670
to do rehearsals the day before. It's quite stressful, the
1364
00:58:16.690 --> 00:58:17.659
Royal Variety. There's a lot going on.
1365
00:58:18.349 --> 00:58:20.329
Oh, it's a stressful old day, isn't it?
1366
00:58:20.769 --> 00:58:21.190
It is a long day.
1367
00:58:21.210 --> 00:58:23.170
Not as stressful as finding a photo in front of
1368
00:58:23.190 --> 00:58:23.690
Bill Bailey.
1369
00:58:24.210 --> 00:58:26.760
Yeah, no, no. Nothing is ever as stressful as that.
1370
00:58:27.500 --> 00:58:29.559
I found that quite difficult because he's like a bit
1371
00:58:29.579 --> 00:58:31.380
of a hero of mine growing up, Bill Bailey. Like
1372
00:58:31.400 --> 00:58:33.670
a proper comedy god. And I used to watch him
1373
00:58:33.690 --> 00:58:34.929
when I was a kid. And then I didn't want
1374
00:58:34.949 --> 00:58:36.530
to tell him that because I worry it makes people
1375
00:58:36.550 --> 00:58:38.730
feel old. I used to watch you when I was
1376
00:58:38.869 --> 00:58:41.110
a kid. um so i was a bit like and
1377
00:58:41.130 --> 00:58:42.469
i wanted to sort of like you know you like
1378
00:58:42.510 --> 00:58:46.179
i felt like half fan half comedian yeah of like
1379
00:58:46.219 --> 00:58:47.980
trying to like have a laugh and do better and
1380
00:58:48.000 --> 00:58:49.320
then go oh my god i'm trying to do better
1381
00:58:49.340 --> 00:58:52.639
i'm trying to improvise with bill bailey and i kept
1382
00:58:52.679 --> 00:58:58.179
on asking him how much his instruments were he didn't
1383
00:58:58.199 --> 00:58:59.639
like that i don't think he liked that.
1384
00:59:00.119 --> 00:59:02.619
How much your instruments bill how much your instruments.
1385
00:59:02.219 --> 00:59:06.380
Yeah all that stuff you've got in your house I
1386
00:59:06.420 --> 00:59:08.210
would have no idea how much a didgeridoo is or
1387
00:59:08.230 --> 00:59:08.929
an African log drum.
1388
00:59:08.949 --> 00:59:09.449
Do you know what I mean?
1389
00:59:09.550 --> 00:59:10.929
That was a nice bit of African log drum.
1390
00:59:11.349 --> 00:59:12.809
I enjoyed it. Do you know what?
1391
00:59:13.269 --> 00:59:15.489
You know when we put out those pictures of the
1392
00:59:15.530 --> 00:59:17.150
three of us on a Zoom? It's going to be
1393
00:59:17.170 --> 00:59:18.590
the best one ever, that picture of.
1394
00:59:18.550 --> 00:59:20.179
Him on a didgeridoo. I've got a good photo of
1395
00:59:20.219 --> 00:59:20.909
him on the didgeridoo.
1396
00:59:20.949 --> 00:59:21.360
He's great.
1397
00:59:21.389 --> 00:59:22.889
And then we've got that great photo. Oh, my God.
1398
00:59:22.909 --> 00:59:25.860
We're like a media company. We're like bloody the Archbishop
1399
00:59:25.880 --> 00:59:28.300
of Banterbury. Get out the bloody Instagram. This is... This
1400
00:59:28.320 --> 00:59:33.090
is a multimedia experience. We'll be like Dave Portnoy at
1401
00:59:33.119 --> 00:59:35.670
Barstool Sport. You know Dave Portnoy, the pizza reviewer guy?
1402
00:59:35.690 --> 00:59:36.610
No, of course not.
1403
00:59:36.789 --> 00:59:38.670
Something else you don't know about. Anyway, right. See you
1404
00:59:38.710 --> 00:59:39.389
on Tuesday.
1405
00:59:39.530 --> 00:59:39.900
See you.
1406
00:59:39.940 --> 00:59:40.219
Bye.