S01 EP8: Alex Horne

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Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe.
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And I'm Rob Beckett.
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Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob
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and I discuss what it's like to be a parent
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during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.
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Yeah!
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Yeah!
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So, in an effort to make some kind of sense
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of the current situation... And to.
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Make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills.
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Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about.
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How well they're coping.
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Or hopefully not.
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And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tales of lockdown parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.
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Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with me.
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Rob Beckett.
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And me... Josh Riddick.
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Lovely little intro there.
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How are you?
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I'm very well, Josh Riddick. How are you?
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I'm all right. Yeah, I'm good.
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I'm very good, actually.
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Yeah.
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So I've spent the whole week... So, well, we've got
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this situation. She's got really into jigsaws, right?
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Yeah.
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And so she loves doing jigsaws. But you obviously have
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to do it with her to an extent. So it
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used to be that whenever she got a piece right,
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I'd like you to go, yeah, and celebrate it, right?
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And then she stamped down on that.
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And now.
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at the end of the jigsaw, she won't even let
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you celebrate the end of the jigsaw.
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And it reminds me of like, you.
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Know when Alex Ferguson is like, put the victories behind you.
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You can't go on to the next season. She's like,
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put your medals in the box.
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It's like that.
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Yeah, yeah. Forget it. We go again. We go again.
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We go again.
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Well, at least she's doing that. My kids just keep
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watching Paw Patrol, right? I don't watch it.
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I put it on forum and go and do something else, right?
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If they're watching it, obviously.
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But my daughter keeps going, the one with the new voices,
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the new voices. So I don't know if there's new
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characters or there was some sort of contract dispute with
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the original Paw Patrol.
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And then they got rid of them all and got
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new voices.
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And now I feel guilty that my daughter likes the
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new guys.
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I feel like those old guys deserved it. They've been
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there from the start. I don't know the ins and outs.
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I'm going to have to research it.
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You need to Google that. Someone will know. Get in
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touch with us if you know the ins and outs
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of the Paw.
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Patrol voice story. And the new pups. They all look
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the same to me. You know, I don't know.
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You can't say that in this day and age.
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Come on, man.
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I mean, to be fair, some of my best friends
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are dogs, so, you know, can't tie me with that brush, Josh.
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Josh, have we got any correspondence?
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We have.
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It's the Lockdown Parenting Mailbag.
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But it's actually emails and there's no bag.
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Right, Rob, I've just sent you a picture of... Can
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you describe the picture I've sent you?
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Yes, OK. It's sort of odd pubes and a really
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bulbous belly. Oh, no, the other one.
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OK.
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It's a double doors that are shut with like a lock.
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It's a wardrobe.
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It's just a normal wardrobe. This is from Roxy Beckley.
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We have a one and a three-year-old and are both
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working from home. I've attached a photo of our wardrobe.
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Nothing strange about it. Well, what is missing from the
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photo is the fact that the wardrobe is locked because
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our one-year-old took the key and hid it somewhere. This
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happened on March the 27th.
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The wardrobe's on lockdown.
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And we haven't been able to open it since.
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When did they send this email?
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May the 9th. What?
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What? Let's break it in. Six weeks.
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Six weeks?
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Six weeks.
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My husband had a video interview on that day and
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was unable to access his suits and made do with
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a shirt and shorts. My only clothes that weren't in
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the wardrobe were those going through the wash at the time.
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So I'm currently going on conference calls doing bizarre rotational
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clothes that looks suitable from a headshot. More than a
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month on and we've still not found the key. We've
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tried about 20 skeleton keys ordered from Amazon, but with
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no luck. Our three-year-old has kindly offered a solution. Wait
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until the baby can talk so he can tell us
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where the key is.
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Surely they could just cut the lock what are they
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waiting for it's been six weeks.
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Josh imagine getting a locksmith around for your wardrobe that'd
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be a low moment wouldn't it in the.
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House as well potential contamination and infection because you've locked
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your wardrobe i would say my my advice with kids
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hiding stuff is let them hide a few things right
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or you go to one of them go here's mommy's
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phone hide it.
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Right because they will have a hiding place.
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So if you're in on hiding something with them, then
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you'll know in future where they go and put it.
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So those early doors be like, let's hide this from mummy,
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go and hide it somewhere.
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And you go, where have you hidden it?
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Yeah.
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So, you know, when they hide other stuff, you know
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where it is. But if it's a baby, you can't.
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I don't think the baby's intentionally hiding. I think the
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baby's just lost the key more than hiding it. Either way.
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They must've had a good old route around. That's all
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drawers out on a bed, isn't it?
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That is. Empty drawers on a bed.
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I reckon if they've got exposed floorboards, I think down
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between the floorboards is your big fear.
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Toilet.
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That's gone.
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They'll sometimes flush it. They will flush stuff. I've had
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that in the past.
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But, oh, brutal.
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Well, let us know how it plays out. This is
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from Sophie. Hi, Josh and Rob.
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Loving the podcast. Just thought I'd give you a little
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insight into my lockdown life. Both myself and my husband
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are working full on for an online chemist company. We
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have a seven-year-old daughter who needs homeschooling. Should have been
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taking her SATs this week. We tag team through the week,
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but it's been relentless and constant. I really, really needed
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some time alone. Having an only child who views you
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as their playmate, it just doesn't happen. But the other day,
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the weather was lovely and we were outside. It started
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to lightly spit with rain, so my husband and daughter
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went in. Ah, at last, I thought, some time to myself,
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just me and the cat. Then the rain really started
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to come down. I just kept saying, it will blow
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over as it got heavier and heavier. I didn't want
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to go back in as I knew I'd have to
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watch The Secret Life of Pets and clear up. So
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I just sat in my T-shirt and shorts in the rain.
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That for me sums up everything it is about how
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much you want time on your own. Just sitting in
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the rain. And that is preferable to being with other people.
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Stuff does bring you joy that never would have before kids,
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once you have kids.
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It's weird, isn't it?
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Like, if my mate didn't have kids and I went
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round the house and I was sat in the rain
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like that, I'd be like, you all right?
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But this lady here, I'd say, good on you. Can
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I join you? That looks lovely.
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Oh, honestly, the thought of just sitting in the rain
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now is absolutely glorious. Anything, anything really that means you're
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in your own head is like nothing else really at
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this stage in the game.
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But that's what I found hardest because I normally do
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the walks with the kids. So I don't ever really
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get like just to be in the house on my
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own for like an hour of just quiet. That's what
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I'm missing of just nothing happening.
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This is why I started running. So everyone started running.
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The main reason I run is I'm just on my own.
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I'm just on my own. The glory of that. Oh,
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not long now. Right. Glenn Smith.
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Go on, Glennie.
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Hi, chaps.
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Go on, Smitho.
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Smithy. Just a quick one.
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Our four-year-old daughter had a good cry for at least
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an hour because she doesn't own a set of bagpipes.
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Cheers, Glenn.
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Yeah.
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I mean, he's kept it short, but that is exactly
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the kind of thing. We had a situation where we
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were taking our daughter out earlier to the park, and
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just before going, she was like, can I have my
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blue gloves? And she doesn't own a pair of blue gloves.
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But then you're in this situation, obviously it's sunny and hot,
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she doesn't need a pair of blue gloves. But you're
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in this situation where she's going to flip out if
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you don't source an item of clothing that you know
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isn't already in the house. So you're looking for a
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pair of blue gloves in your house that she doesn't
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own for no reason.
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I think it's weird.
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I think the less time you spend at home, right,
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when you're working loads, I'll be like, okay, well, I'll
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try and get you some blue gloves. But now I've
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been at home all the time, you less feel guilty
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about not being away, working. Earlier, the four-year-old just had
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a vest on and knickers. And I went, oh, I'm cold.
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And I went, put something on then. I'm like, just
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get some toilet roll, wrap it around your legs if
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you can.
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This is the thing with it.
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It's like, I've actually got to the point where I
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quite enjoy those moments of, Putting my foot down on stuff.
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Because it's almost an outlet for me. Like when she
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didn't eat her dinner last night. And I was like, well,
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you can't have anything else. And that kind of, I
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was like, I'm doing it. I'm actually doing it.
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This is parenting.
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That's fine until like halfway through you decide to make
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that stand.
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And then you go, actually, we did do their dinner
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at four o'clock. an hour and a half earlier than normal.
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And then you're like, oh no, because now you're letting
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them eat after dinner. I bet it was your fault
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for doing dinner late. And then you just, sometimes I
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just like lease food out that they take and then
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they'll feel like they're a bit naughty and I'll just
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pretend they haven't seen it. And it's just an unspoken thing.
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But no, you can't have first. But then I'll just
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drop a couple of saw rings in the playroom.
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Are you feeding some birds?
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Right.
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This is from Josh Hughes. Hi guys, I'm Josh.
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I've got a seven-year-old daughter called Amelia and a four-year-old
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boy called Jackson. Quick story, a few years ago, so
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Amelia was about three and my work involves me finishing
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at about 2am. So it's hard to get up early
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for me. Amelia has always had a fascination with my
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phone and at the time I had an iPhone 6
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which has the fingerprint unlock function. This one morning I
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woke up and my three-year-old daughter Amelia had my phone
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in one hand And my thumb in the other. Trying
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to unlock my phone whilst I was asleep so that
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she could watch YouTube.
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Oh my God, that's amazing. That's three.
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See, I didn't know whether to shout at her or
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congratulate her for her smarts.
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That's the thing, because you want a kid that is
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going to be, you know, quick and clever and, you know,
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really successful when they're grown up.
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You just don't want them like that when they're young.
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You don't want to be looking back on that story
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when the kid's doing a 10 stretch for robbing a
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bank and think, well, that was.
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Probably the first moment when I saw that they had
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this in them.
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Yeah, she's drugged his Horlicks at 2am.
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Keep daddy sleepy. Let's get his thumb out.
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Right. Thank you for your correspondence. This is how to
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get in touch.
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Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk. or we're on Twitter at
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Lockdown Parents. Right.
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He is the man behind Taskmaster. He has genuinely got
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a mind like no one else I know. How has
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he set that mind to lockdown parenting? This is Alex Horne.
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Hello, Alex Horne. How are you?
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I'm good. Thank you, Josh.
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Hello, Josh.
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Hello, Rob. I'm fine.
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Thanks for doing this.
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Thanks for asking me. It'll fill another hour.
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Do you see this as a time away from the.
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Family absolutely yeah this is um after lunch in homeschooling
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so rachel's taking over oh.
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So you're the morning teacher.
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Yeah so she my wife does uh early morning breakfast
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show so i do the morning uh for the kids
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yeah yeah yeah then i do the news.
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Don't bother with travel.
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There's a sticky patch between the hallway and the kitchen.
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We think it's Ribena.
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She does, ironically, she does do the travel at the
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moment for Virgin Radio. So, yeah, I'm morning teacher.
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What did you teach them this morning?
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I should know this. That's an hour ago, isn't it? Oh,
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multiplying fractions.
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And are they all different?
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Presumably your children, they're all different ages. Yeah, so you're
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having to work at different levels.
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Yeah, so actually the school's quite good. They send packages.
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So you're mainly just saying, right, you're doing this, you're
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doing that, you're doing this. So as long as they
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understand it, you're fine. But then when they ask you
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a question, that's when you're onto Google.
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So what ages are you dealing with, Alex?
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I'm dealing with seven and eight. 9 and 10.
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Bit of chat back we're getting here.
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Yeah, they're fine. It's better than, I think it's better
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than 5 or 13. There's no exams. It doesn't matter.
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If they don't learn anything, it doesn't matter.
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I kind of have the view that there's never going
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to be a point when your child is 18 when
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you think, well, they would have got into university, but
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that 12 weeks, I really let them down.
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Yeah, I think they are, they're sort of, developing in
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different ways because they're spending so much time with us. Yeah. And, yeah,
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there's some good. And I feel a bit of guilt
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at how little time I've spent with them in the
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last couple of years. So I'm quite enjoying it, if
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I'm honest.
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Yeah.
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You've got your own little office at the end of
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the garden. Is that still the situation?
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No, that's not the situation. About a month before lockdown,
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before we saw it coming, we converted that into a
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place for the kids.
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Oh!
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So they've now... they've got everywhere now oh.
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My god oh alex yeah i checked everything in mine
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out they've got a pool table and a pool table
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we've got pulled so i can use it you know
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obviously but i have to ask their permission now.
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So there's no there's no refuge but except we have
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got this dog so that's and we we've told them
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they're not allowed out um of the house The children.
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So we exercise the dog. She's pretty good, actually. She's
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a bit of a saviour, which I think that's a
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bit of a hackneyed thing to say, but she's been...
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You know, if anyone's bored, you just go and play
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with her. Or if they hurt their legs. They mostly
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hurt their legs, and then they go and play with
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her for a bit.
329
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They hurt their legs?
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Yeah, they all hurt their legs, yeah.
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LAUGHTER I've got a show on Friday night on Channel
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4 where you wouldn't get away with complaining about this
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on that.
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LAUGHTER Brooke has sat there. No, Grey's knee. She had
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a knee to Grey's, actually.
336
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My daughter was sick this morning. She ate too many
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saurines in a row. I wasn't policing it properly. She
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ate four banana saurines and then was sick a whole saurine.
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00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:33.059
What were the symptoms?
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00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:39.500
The symptom was, well, she was just sick. She just
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came out and said, I'm going to be sick.
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And then she basically regurgitated a whole, she's like a
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bird feeding her young.
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Just a whole loaf onto the floor. And I said,
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did you eat that too quick?
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She went, yeah.
347
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And then she went and sat and watched Paw Patrol.
348
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So that's no knees. Knees are fine, but throats are
349
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a bit sore at the moment in our house.
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Are you struggling with the parenting, Alex, or do you
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think you're doing a good job of it?
352
00:15:00.649 --> 00:15:03.549
Oh, well, I don't think I am struggling. My problem
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is not knowing when it's going to end. If they
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go back to school after half term, then I'm fine
355
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with this and I'm enjoying it. If they go back
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to school in September, then I've got a problem, I think.
357
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Yes.
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I think that everyone feels the same.
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If it's first of June, they're back in for half
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a term, we're good, aren't they?
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Psychologically, that's better.
362
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At the moment, we're kidding ourselves that this, or not
363
00:15:23.269 --> 00:15:25.330
kidding ourselves, we're telling ourselves that this is good for
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all of us and this is time we'll never have
365
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again with the kids. But if it's the whole summer.
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What point are you worried about then? It's kind of
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beginning of June. That's what you're hoping. You've set your
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hopes on.
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00:15:38.700 --> 00:15:41.899
Yeah, well, we've been sort of promised, I think, that
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they will go back to school after half term. A
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few people around here know someone who knows someone who
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knows something.
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Yeah, who's probably known Boris Johnson?
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We know someone who's talking to the cabinet because he
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provides school dinners for people. He's sort of in that industry,
376
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and they've been told to get ready for then. So
377
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that's the intel that we've got.
378
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:02.740
Oh, okay.
379
00:16:03.110 --> 00:16:06.100
Not only earnest, but a bit of insider info from
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the horn stuff.
381
00:16:07.500 --> 00:16:10.159
I would say that is good info, but I had
382
00:16:10.200 --> 00:16:12.899
an insider, and a week in they told me that
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00:16:12.940 --> 00:16:14.820
Prince Philip had died and they'd covered it up.
384
00:16:15.139 --> 00:16:20.100
Yeah, I've heard that as well. So I'd take your
385
00:16:20.139 --> 00:16:22.230
school dinners guy with a pinch of salt, Alex.
386
00:16:22.490 --> 00:16:23.529
Yeah.
387
00:16:23.549 --> 00:16:26.690
So you're doing a pretty good job, judging by, like...
388
00:16:27.029 --> 00:16:29.450
Do you think it's easier with the older children? Do
389
00:16:29.470 --> 00:16:31.330
you think if this had happened to you five years ago,
390
00:16:31.370 --> 00:16:33.179
you'd been a different... boat uh.
391
00:16:33.259 --> 00:16:35.600
I think so yeah i think it's quite easy to
392
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:38.059
compare yourself to families you don't know about but we
393
00:16:38.100 --> 00:16:40.840
find it easy having three kids because there's always someone
394
00:16:40.860 --> 00:16:42.870
for them to play with so they're not missing their
395
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:45.549
mate so much yeah because because they're close in age
396
00:16:46.210 --> 00:16:48.289
uh they're doing a lot of face timing with their
397
00:16:48.330 --> 00:16:50.850
friends for the first time and that's been really good
398
00:16:51.450 --> 00:16:53.909
so yeah we're kind of all right and we've also
399
00:16:53.950 --> 00:16:55.870
got a garden yeah i do for you feel sorry
400
00:16:55.909 --> 00:16:59.059
for single parent families single child families and people without
401
00:16:59.080 --> 00:17:00.600
a garden it's gotta be it's gotta be so tough
402
00:17:01.159 --> 00:17:03.039
And we can just, like you say, go on Amazon
403
00:17:03.090 --> 00:17:05.369
if they need something. We just, you know, we bought
404
00:17:05.390 --> 00:17:08.150
a paddling pool because it was sunny and they were bored.
405
00:17:08.190 --> 00:17:09.990
So we're trying to give them summer holidays.
406
00:17:10.009 --> 00:17:11.490
Do you not let them in the hot tub then?
407
00:17:11.890 --> 00:17:14.539
Shh.
408
00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:18.380
We were revealing too much.
409
00:17:18.619 --> 00:17:20.440
Was that the sound of you filling up the hot tub?
410
00:17:22.150 --> 00:17:22.569
Paddling pool.
411
00:17:22.869 --> 00:17:23.529
Paddling pool.
412
00:17:23.769 --> 00:17:24.829
Big plastic paddling pool.
413
00:17:25.349 --> 00:17:27.920
I always thought you'd be really good at this homeschooling
414
00:17:27.960 --> 00:17:30.180
thing and looking after your kids' stuff, Alex. Because I've
415
00:17:30.200 --> 00:17:32.660
been to your house. It's a lovely, homely house. And
416
00:17:32.680 --> 00:17:34.400
all the kids, they feel like... Sometimes you go to
417
00:17:34.440 --> 00:17:37.440
a house, it just feels like, do kids live here?
418
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:39.519
But you can't imagine that they do. But you've got
419
00:17:39.539 --> 00:17:42.849
a lovely home. And also, from Taskmaster, you're so creative.
420
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.349
And I imagine.
421
00:17:43.940 --> 00:17:46.779
Do you put together challenges and games and stuff for
422
00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:49.380
them to do that they find fun or do they
423
00:17:49.400 --> 00:17:50.940
find you boring, annoying dad?
424
00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:53.740
It's a bit of both. I don't put together games
425
00:17:53.779 --> 00:17:57.500
and they do find me annoying. I think people do
426
00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:59.279
have high expectations of my parenting.
427
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:00.319
Yeah.
428
00:18:00.539 --> 00:18:02.660
But actually, because of all the... So we're doing this thing,
429
00:18:02.700 --> 00:18:04.480
home tasking, we're setting other people tasks to do in
430
00:18:04.509 --> 00:18:06.670
their homes. But it's taking up so much of my time.
431
00:18:06.710 --> 00:18:09.170
I don't do it with the kids. But they don't
432
00:18:09.230 --> 00:18:10.710
really want to either. They do get to watch a
433
00:18:10.730 --> 00:18:13.089
lot of stuff that comes in. They help me judge it.
434
00:18:13.329 --> 00:18:13.529
So they.
435
00:18:14.019 --> 00:18:16.900
You know, it's more screen time, but they enjoy all that.
436
00:18:16.920 --> 00:18:18.109
They feel like they're part of it and they don't
437
00:18:18.119 --> 00:18:20.349
really want to do it. So to be honest, my
438
00:18:20.390 --> 00:18:23.029
involvement with them in the garden is just football. Football
439
00:18:23.049 --> 00:18:27.609
and cricket with quite straight sport, quite serious. Yeah, really?
440
00:18:27.829 --> 00:18:33.390
Penalty shootouts, cricket, which always ends in arguments, and table tennis.
441
00:18:33.769 --> 00:18:37.890
So you've got table tennis, pool, a paddling pool, a
442
00:18:37.930 --> 00:18:40.539
hot tub. You're basically living in Trump Tower.
443
00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:41.000
Yeah.
444
00:18:41.380 --> 00:18:42.759
It's like David Lloyd Leisure Centre.
445
00:18:44.900 --> 00:18:47.140
Yeah, it's between that and it's got a hint of...
446
00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:50.160
What's that? Centre Parcs as well. We're by the woods
447
00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:50.460
as well.
448
00:18:50.500 --> 00:18:51.259
So, yeah, we've got it.
449
00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:51.809
We've got it.
450
00:18:51.900 --> 00:18:55.440
And are you watching... You said the word screen time then.
451
00:18:55.460 --> 00:18:56.960
Are you worried about screen time?
452
00:18:56.980 --> 00:18:59.930
Yeah, we've been more generous than ever with it. They're doing... Well,
453
00:18:59.970 --> 00:19:02.349
they've got half an hour a day each and then
454
00:19:02.390 --> 00:19:04.670
an hour a day each on the weekend on computer
455
00:19:04.690 --> 00:19:08.289
games and then probably an hour of telly as well. Oh,
456
00:19:08.789 --> 00:19:09.869
that's quite.
457
00:19:09.990 --> 00:19:11.349
That's not a lot at all, is it?
458
00:19:11.990 --> 00:19:14.390
No, but quite often they spread that out somehow. They
459
00:19:14.430 --> 00:19:16.230
sort of can convince us that one of them had
460
00:19:16.250 --> 00:19:17.450
an hour of telly and then the other one's going
461
00:19:17.470 --> 00:19:18.549
to watch an hour of telly and they're going to
462
00:19:18.569 --> 00:19:19.619
watch the other one watching it.
463
00:19:19.630 --> 00:19:24.539
I've worked out what's happened here. You've invented these rules.
464
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:27.000
You never enforce or stop.
465
00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:29.240
They don't watch telly in the morning in school time.
466
00:19:29.259 --> 00:19:31.859
They do at the weekend. And that works quite well. Also,
467
00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:35.279
we got just to boast about another thing I own.
468
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:39.599
They only get an hour a day on the zip wire,
469
00:19:39.619 --> 00:19:39.960
don't they?
470
00:19:40.980 --> 00:19:44.940
Well, I got given by Avalon, my management, a VR
471
00:19:44.980 --> 00:19:46.710
headset for my birthday last year.
472
00:19:46.849 --> 00:19:49.130
Oh, my God. Are we interviewing Drake or Alison?
473
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:53.339
But that's been brilliant because we were meant to go
474
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:55.059
on holiday. We couldn't go on holiday. So you can
475
00:19:55.099 --> 00:19:56.460
put that on them and say, right, take us to
476
00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:58.000
the Isle of Wight or Thailand.
477
00:19:58.559 --> 00:20:02.299
I love the way you've got a VR set.
478
00:20:02.759 --> 00:20:04.279
Let's go to the Isle of Wight.
479
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:05.279
Anywhere in the world.
480
00:20:05.480 --> 00:20:07.359
You go to space with those things, but you.
481
00:20:07.299 --> 00:20:08.859
Go to the Isle of Wight. You know what we
482
00:20:08.900 --> 00:20:09.819
all did? As soon as we put it on, the
483
00:20:09.859 --> 00:20:12.640
first thing you say, because it's on Google Wander, you
484
00:20:12.660 --> 00:20:15.299
just say any address and all of us said our
485
00:20:15.380 --> 00:20:17.140
own address. We said the house that we were in.
486
00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:19.509
Completely pointless.
487
00:20:20.130 --> 00:20:22.069
Of course you do, mate. We've heard what your house
488
00:20:22.150 --> 00:20:25.029
is containing. It's got more entertainment than any other house
489
00:20:25.109 --> 00:20:25.569
in the UK.
490
00:20:25.730 --> 00:20:26.890
Oh, God.
491
00:20:26.950 --> 00:20:28.569
You basically live in Funhouse.
492
00:20:28.869 --> 00:20:30.589
I do feel like this is not going to do
493
00:20:30.630 --> 00:20:32.650
good for my... Sort of persona.
494
00:20:32.670 --> 00:20:35.549
Modest persona. You have got a very modest amount of
495
00:20:35.569 --> 00:20:36.619
the people persona.
496
00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:38.359
Yeah, it's a facade.
497
00:20:38.619 --> 00:20:41.660
Is it a facade? And how's your wife dealing with it?
498
00:20:41.660 --> 00:20:44.599
So she's having to get up. Is Rachel working from home?
499
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:47.579
Yeah, she's up at five. So she sneaks downstairs and
500
00:20:47.619 --> 00:20:50.180
the front room is her studio, which is where I
501
00:20:50.240 --> 00:20:51.799
am now, which is why you can hear me because
502
00:20:51.819 --> 00:20:55.400
she's got all her equipment. So she does that till
503
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:58.119
10 and then she does yoga. Till half ten. And
504
00:20:58.160 --> 00:20:59.559
then I don't know what she does. Oh, she does cleaning.
505
00:20:59.619 --> 00:21:02.319
She cleans the house. We've got a pretty stereotypical relationship.
506
00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:05.579
Then she cooks lunch. And then she takes over the
507
00:21:06.019 --> 00:21:08.619
teaching so I can do podcasts and tell everyone what
508
00:21:08.660 --> 00:21:08.960
I own.
509
00:21:17.329 --> 00:21:20.670
So you're generally enjoying other points of stress. I can't
510
00:21:20.730 --> 00:21:22.950
imagine you ever getting angry or stressed.
511
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:26.410
No, occasionally you feel that slight desperate, that sort of
512
00:21:26.430 --> 00:21:29.230
pent-up desperation you haven't... I haven't turned right out of
513
00:21:29.289 --> 00:21:31.789
our house. It's turning right into the town where we
514
00:21:31.809 --> 00:21:34.309
live and turning left into the woods. And I haven't
515
00:21:34.329 --> 00:21:36.759
turned right for a month, I think. So, yeah, but
516
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:38.099
the woods... What are you doing?
517
00:21:38.200 --> 00:21:39.180
Foraging for food?
518
00:21:39.700 --> 00:21:41.019
Sending my wife to forage for food.
519
00:21:41.099 --> 00:21:42.039
Oh, I see your wife.
520
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:44.380
She does the shopping because she does the cooking, and
521
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:46.299
this works.
522
00:21:46.500 --> 00:21:50.289
This stereotypical life. You don't do anything, it seems. Yeah.
523
00:21:51.009 --> 00:21:52.009
She's working as well.
524
00:21:51.890 --> 00:21:52.450
In the morning.
525
00:21:52.509 --> 00:21:56.569
It's not like the stereotypical 50s housewife. She's grafting and
526
00:21:56.589 --> 00:21:58.170
then does everything else.
527
00:21:58.430 --> 00:21:59.470
I'm doing a barbecue tonight.
528
00:21:59.490 --> 00:22:00.869
Who's got the food?
529
00:22:01.490 --> 00:22:01.769
Rachel.
530
00:22:02.190 --> 00:22:04.059
Who's cooking the salad?
531
00:22:05.670 --> 00:22:09.339
Yeah, I get your point. I do every morning. I
532
00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:09.980
get the kids up.
533
00:22:11.539 --> 00:22:12.740
How's that working out for you?
534
00:22:12.779 --> 00:22:14.460
She's at work, to be fair.
535
00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:17.220
I do the washing up. Oh, well done.
536
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:18.319
No, dishwasher.
537
00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:21.079
Yeah, I load the dishwasher and I unload the dishwasher.
538
00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:22.920
Of course you do. Don't start pretending you ain't got
539
00:22:22.940 --> 00:22:27.460
a dishwasher. Come on. Chuck them in the hot tub.
540
00:22:27.619 --> 00:22:29.460
No, I do do things. I think I do things.
541
00:22:29.740 --> 00:22:31.380
Do you cook dinner or does Rachel do dinner?
542
00:22:31.420 --> 00:22:35.710
No, I don't cook dinner. No, I don't do a lot. Yeah,
543
00:22:35.809 --> 00:22:36.589
it's not perfect.
544
00:22:37.150 --> 00:22:41.809
I think normally you are out doing Taskmaster almost, you know,
545
00:22:41.849 --> 00:22:42.609
five days a week.
546
00:22:42.950 --> 00:22:43.750
Thank you. Grafting.
547
00:22:44.369 --> 00:22:44.809
Grafting.
548
00:22:44.829 --> 00:22:45.089
Grafting.
549
00:22:47.769 --> 00:22:50.569
Yeah, you know, putting 20 rubber ducks on top of
550
00:22:50.630 --> 00:22:52.559
a wall and making someone whip them off.
551
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:53.299
Something like that.
552
00:22:53.460 --> 00:22:55.039
Those clipboards are heavy, you hold.
553
00:22:56.460 --> 00:22:59.319
That looking you do, that looking, just looking at someone
554
00:22:59.339 --> 00:23:00.819
doing things, knackering.
555
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:05.589
And are the kids enjoying it? Yeah, yeah. Obviously, they're
556
00:23:05.630 --> 00:23:08.250
of an age where they understand what's happening. We haven't
557
00:23:08.269 --> 00:23:08.829
told them.
558
00:23:08.849 --> 00:23:11.130
You haven't told them?
559
00:23:11.210 --> 00:23:13.410
We've just told them that school is fit. No, we
560
00:23:13.430 --> 00:23:17.130
have told them, but we haven't... It'd be great not
561
00:23:17.150 --> 00:23:20.500
to have told them, wouldn't it? But we haven't sat
562
00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:21.859
them down in front of the news. They haven't seen
563
00:23:21.900 --> 00:23:25.319
anything particularly upsetting. We do the applauding and all that,
564
00:23:25.640 --> 00:23:26.920
and they've raised a bit of money for the NHS,
565
00:23:26.940 --> 00:23:28.619
you know, little bits and bobs here and there, some
566
00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:30.970
of their pocket money. So they're sort of aware of it,
567
00:23:30.980 --> 00:23:33.779
but we're trying to make this a happy thing for them.
568
00:23:33.799 --> 00:23:34.380
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
569
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:36.529
So, no, they're loving it. They're honestly loving it, and
570
00:23:36.609 --> 00:23:38.549
we did that. There was an April Fool's going around
571
00:23:38.609 --> 00:23:40.950
with a screenshot of BBC News saying the schools are
572
00:23:40.990 --> 00:23:43.650
open again, and we played that trick on them, and
573
00:23:43.670 --> 00:23:50.950
they were pretty annoyed. so i think i think that's
574
00:23:51.009 --> 00:23:53.470
a nice reflection though they're happier being at home than
575
00:23:53.490 --> 00:23:55.730
at school i think that's that's fine probably.
576
00:23:55.690 --> 00:23:57.630
Yeah and do you think when it comes to the
577
00:23:57.690 --> 00:24:00.329
end of it in june which you've confirmed obviously because
578
00:24:00.349 --> 00:24:02.329
you've got the man on the inside they're going to
579
00:24:02.349 --> 00:24:05.190
be sad to kind of go back to school well.
580
00:24:05.059 --> 00:24:07.059
If it's half a summer term then i think they'll
581
00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:09.559
be fine they'll have you know sports day that one
582
00:24:09.599 --> 00:24:12.140
of ours is leaving school he's in year six so
583
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:14.240
he's going to secondary school and He'll have his end
584
00:24:14.279 --> 00:24:16.799
of school leave and stuff. So I think it's a
585
00:24:16.839 --> 00:24:18.339
pretty good time to go back. They won't do any
586
00:24:18.380 --> 00:24:20.140
work or anything. It could be ideal.
587
00:24:20.410 --> 00:24:21.710
Yeah, I think they'll have to do that as well,
588
00:24:21.869 --> 00:24:26.650
especially with the A-levels and GCSEs. The school's never four
589
00:24:26.849 --> 00:24:29.720
in secondary school. In that term anyway, people are coming
590
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:31.000
and going for exams and mocks.
591
00:24:31.019 --> 00:24:31.450
So it would be.
592
00:24:31.859 --> 00:24:34.299
a sort of more like a softer reintroduction.
593
00:24:34.579 --> 00:24:34.799
Yeah.
594
00:24:34.819 --> 00:24:37.000
And I think we will so love if we're still
595
00:24:37.160 --> 00:24:38.740
not going to work and the kids are going to
596
00:24:38.779 --> 00:24:42.579
school to finally have the house back.
597
00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:43.980
Oh, that's up ear porn.
598
00:24:44.329 --> 00:24:44.569
Yeah.
599
00:24:44.829 --> 00:24:47.269
I'm sort of dreading 2021. I'm dreading the amount of
600
00:24:47.349 --> 00:24:49.789
fun we're meant to be having in that year and
601
00:24:49.829 --> 00:24:52.730
the amount of social things we're meant to go to.
602
00:24:53.329 --> 00:24:56.690
Yeah. I don't, I'm not that bothered about, you know,
603
00:24:56.750 --> 00:24:57.990
everyone goes, Oh, do you want to go to big
604
00:24:58.029 --> 00:24:59.309
parties and see everyone?
605
00:24:59.369 --> 00:25:01.740
And I'm not that bothered about that. I just, I
606
00:25:01.740 --> 00:25:03.019
want to be in my house on my own.
607
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:06.380
Yeah.
608
00:25:06.619 --> 00:25:08.769
I'm not desperate for a street party. I just want
609
00:25:08.789 --> 00:25:10.029
to be able to go to Pizza.
610
00:25:09.789 --> 00:25:12.549
Express and relax. And even things like the Euros will
611
00:25:12.569 --> 00:25:14.490
be that year and then the World Cup the following year.
612
00:25:14.569 --> 00:25:16.490
I kind of need a year off between these big
613
00:25:16.529 --> 00:25:17.170
sporting events.
614
00:25:17.390 --> 00:25:19.210
We'll be celebrating winning the Euros and then we'll be
615
00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:21.569
straight into trying to double up with the World Cup.
616
00:25:22.049 --> 00:25:25.869
As a Liverpool fan, Alex, how worried are you about
617
00:25:26.890 --> 00:25:28.470
the football season being cancelled?
618
00:25:29.380 --> 00:25:29.470
Um.
619
00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:34.420
Or Liverpool winning it behind closed doors, therefore really invalidating
620
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:35.269
the title.
621
00:25:35.700 --> 00:25:37.470
Yeah, it's going to be tarnished, I think, in some ways.
622
00:25:37.609 --> 00:25:39.690
Although they will, I think it will be legendary. There'll
623
00:25:39.710 --> 00:25:44.109
be an asterisk somewhere, I think, next to this title.
624
00:25:44.190 --> 00:25:46.910
It's definitely going to be worse if you can't be
625
00:25:46.950 --> 00:25:48.089
there to watch and lift it.
626
00:25:48.259 --> 00:25:50.359
It will be worse. But what I'm saying is if
627
00:25:50.440 --> 00:25:53.019
it ends early and they don't give it to them,
628
00:25:53.420 --> 00:25:55.500
then they will be the team that got the most
629
00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:57.079
ever point lead ever.
630
00:25:57.549 --> 00:25:57.910
Yeah.
631
00:25:57.930 --> 00:25:59.910
They'll go down in history in some way or the other. But, yeah, no,
632
00:25:59.950 --> 00:26:02.009
it's a shame. It's mainly a shame because the amount
633
00:26:02.029 --> 00:26:07.059
of WhatsApp jokes I get sent still every day.
634
00:26:08.339 --> 00:26:12.759
Would you prefer the season to be cancelled or the
635
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:14.059
summer term to be cancelled?
636
00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:18.410
Summer term. I can't have them not win it.
637
00:26:18.430 --> 00:26:18.509
What?
638
00:26:24.039 --> 00:26:28.220
So you'd put Liverpool's championship ahead of the educational welfare
639
00:26:28.279 --> 00:26:28.920
of your children.
640
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:33.599
Yeah, and my own summer. I just, I can't, they
641
00:26:33.619 --> 00:26:36.630
can't not. They can't not win it.
642
00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:41.509
Okay, what if these two series of Taskmaster gets postponed
643
00:26:41.549 --> 00:26:42.210
till next year?
644
00:26:42.230 --> 00:26:43.589
Right, or Liverpool.
645
00:26:43.769 --> 00:26:44.009
Yeah.
646
00:26:47.609 --> 00:26:48.049
It's tough.
647
00:26:50.230 --> 00:26:52.369
I think your line's gone, Alex. I can't hear you.
648
00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:56.759
I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I can't
649
00:26:56.799 --> 00:26:57.059
answer that.
650
00:26:57.079 --> 00:27:00.119
We've made you sadder on this chat. You were full
651
00:27:00.140 --> 00:27:01.740
of beans at the start and now we just remind
652
00:27:01.779 --> 00:27:02.769
you of all the bad stuff.
653
00:27:03.049 --> 00:27:06.589
It is the one thing that is upsetting me. I'm
654
00:27:06.609 --> 00:27:10.250
really missing a goal going in in any game. Because
655
00:27:10.289 --> 00:27:13.029
it's unpredictable. Everything now is so predictable because we know
656
00:27:13.049 --> 00:27:15.250
what's going to happen except for what's actually going to
657
00:27:15.269 --> 00:27:18.230
happen in the world. But there's none of those moments
658
00:27:18.589 --> 00:27:19.250
of hearing a score.
659
00:27:19.269 --> 00:27:21.230
But also it's... It's predictable for you because you've got
660
00:27:21.250 --> 00:27:22.930
this guy on the inside who's given you all the
661
00:27:22.970 --> 00:27:24.089
info two months ago.
662
00:27:24.410 --> 00:27:26.309
Can I confess something? When you first said about that,
663
00:27:26.349 --> 00:27:28.970
you said this guy talked to a cabinet. I immediately
664
00:27:29.029 --> 00:27:31.910
thought of, who's this lunatic who's talking to a wall?
665
00:27:32.509 --> 00:27:34.509
Cupboard type thing. And then it's like, oh yeah, you know,
666
00:27:35.029 --> 00:27:39.250
the government. Okay, yeah. Because I've never known anyone who would...
667
00:27:39.990 --> 00:27:41.470
You can't have thought that, Rob.
668
00:27:41.650 --> 00:27:44.609
My first thought, and then I pulled back because from
669
00:27:44.630 --> 00:27:47.470
my world, I would know more people that speak to
670
00:27:47.559 --> 00:27:48.230
a cabinet than.
671
00:27:48.609 --> 00:27:49.480
than the cabinet.
672
00:27:49.910 --> 00:27:51.650
It's taken you 20 minutes to admit that.
673
00:27:52.069 --> 00:27:53.930
Yeah, but I thought it's only fair because there'll be
674
00:27:53.970 --> 00:27:55.329
people listening that did the same as me.
675
00:27:55.630 --> 00:27:58.009
I mean, it is a strange word. No one really
676
00:27:58.029 --> 00:28:00.049
sort of asks why it's called a cabinet.
677
00:28:00.369 --> 00:28:01.529
Yeah, if I just be honest.
678
00:28:01.990 --> 00:28:03.970
Yeah, no, it's fair enough. I love the idea that
679
00:28:03.990 --> 00:28:05.750
you've been sitting on that for 20 minutes thinking.
680
00:28:05.769 --> 00:28:06.819
Well, I didn't know whether to say it or not.
681
00:28:06.829 --> 00:28:09.250
I felt so stupid because obviously it's not a cabinet.
682
00:28:09.799 --> 00:28:10.710
It's the cabinet.
683
00:28:10.970 --> 00:28:11.599
But I don't know.
684
00:28:11.619 --> 00:28:13.720
I was just thinking, yeah, but I'd probably be able
685
00:28:13.740 --> 00:28:15.500
to find someone I know that has spoken to a
686
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:18.740
cabinet in one of their lower moments. than have access
687
00:28:18.759 --> 00:28:20.480
to someone who actually talks to the cabinet.
688
00:28:20.740 --> 00:28:22.640
If I said I knew someone at number 10, would
689
00:28:22.660 --> 00:28:23.700
you think it was just a number?
690
00:28:24.039 --> 00:28:30.420
So do I, mate. Karen lives at number 10 down
691
00:28:30.460 --> 00:28:31.400
by our end.
692
00:28:32.940 --> 00:28:36.349
Alex, are you hearing from your friends without children and
693
00:28:36.549 --> 00:28:40.009
how kind of... Say someone like, I don't know, you're
694
00:28:40.049 --> 00:28:43.430
good friends with Tim Key. Do you hear about their
695
00:28:43.470 --> 00:28:44.450
different lifestyles?
696
00:28:44.470 --> 00:28:44.589
I do.
697
00:28:44.609 --> 00:28:44.990
Yeah, Tim and.
698
00:28:46.859 --> 00:28:49.920
Tim and Greg Davis, I speak to quite often. And
699
00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:52.160
they've got similar lives to each other and couldn't be
700
00:28:52.200 --> 00:28:53.720
more different from me, I think. They're both in a
701
00:28:53.779 --> 00:28:57.940
flat and they're both isolating pretty exclusively. I don't think
702
00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:01.799
they've seen anyone in a month. And I think it's
703
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.900
probably grass is greener territory.
704
00:29:03.980 --> 00:29:04.759
Yeah.
705
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:07.339
But they're both being pretty organised with their time and
706
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:09.500
they're getting a lot of writing done. Yeah, I think
707
00:29:09.579 --> 00:29:11.599
I'm more envious of them than they are of me.
708
00:29:11.900 --> 00:29:16.200
Yeah, I think my envy for people who... Not that, obviously,
709
00:29:16.640 --> 00:29:19.259
the caveat of the whole podcast is parenthood is a
710
00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:21.599
constant joy, and obviously I love my family.
711
00:29:22.059 --> 00:29:24.970
But there is part of you that goes, the amount
712
00:29:25.029 --> 00:29:26.410
of stuff I'd be getting done.
713
00:29:26.589 --> 00:29:29.170
Yeah. But it's that thing that, because I've only got
714
00:29:29.210 --> 00:29:32.029
four hours a day, I do use that fairly wisely,
715
00:29:32.069 --> 00:29:35.670
whereas Tim's got 24 hours a day. So he watches
716
00:29:35.690 --> 00:29:37.319
a lot of telly. He has three or four baths
717
00:29:37.390 --> 00:29:41.279
a day, I think. So I often phone him and
718
00:29:41.299 --> 00:29:44.259
he's watching something from Mexico 86 or that sort of thing.
719
00:29:44.859 --> 00:29:46.000
In the bath.
720
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:48.839
Yeah. So I think time does go slower for him, probably.
721
00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:50.950
Yeah, well, he's only reached 1986.
722
00:29:50.950 --> 00:29:55.829
I'd say he's not enjoying it. I think he's getting
723
00:29:55.869 --> 00:29:58.779
stuff done. But you have that worry, like you guys
724
00:29:58.799 --> 00:30:00.539
are doing this podcast and I'm doing this home tasking.
725
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:03.160
You want to be relevant somehow and you want to
726
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:05.500
be using it. Yeah, you want to come out and think, oh,
727
00:30:05.500 --> 00:30:07.450
I'm glad I got that done, which I haven't.
728
00:30:08.109 --> 00:30:11.210
Did you have any plans beforehand that you'd now look
729
00:30:11.250 --> 00:30:13.470
back on as, like I had this plan.
730
00:30:14.630 --> 00:30:15.490
The first day I.
731
00:30:15.650 --> 00:30:19.650
Tidied one of the kitchen cupboards and then I said
732
00:30:19.670 --> 00:30:21.740
to Rose, all I'm going to need to do is
733
00:30:21.779 --> 00:30:26.009
just tidy one small cupboard a day. And then by
734
00:30:26.029 --> 00:30:26.609
the end.
735
00:30:26.470 --> 00:30:30.259
Of lockdown, the house is going to be absolutely perfect.
736
00:30:31.190 --> 00:30:31.470
Yeah.
737
00:30:31.940 --> 00:30:33.980
And I haven't touched another cupboard since.
738
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:36.539
Yeah, when they give us this deadline of, right, in
739
00:30:36.579 --> 00:30:38.480
three weeks you're out, there's going to be real panic
740
00:30:38.500 --> 00:30:41.420
cupboard tidying in there.
741
00:30:41.759 --> 00:30:44.180
I still haven't managed to clean my windows.
742
00:30:45.380 --> 00:30:45.660
Right?
743
00:30:46.349 --> 00:30:49.690
Because I've got that part of my brain doesn't exist
744
00:30:49.730 --> 00:30:52.769
for practical stuff, right? I've tried to clean my windows twice.
745
00:30:53.009 --> 00:30:55.109
Both times I've made them dirtier. I don't know what
746
00:30:55.150 --> 00:30:57.630
I've done, but I come away from it and I go,
747
00:30:57.670 --> 00:30:58.309
are they all right, Lou?
748
00:30:58.390 --> 00:31:00.640
And she goes, they're dirtier. I went, they are, aren't they?
749
00:31:02.180 --> 00:31:03.220
I've not done that.
750
00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:05.859
Yeah, I suppose I've got bits involved in that. My
751
00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:08.380
plan was to teach the kids to type. I thought
752
00:31:08.440 --> 00:31:12.099
touch typing is a good skill. Yeah. And I looked
753
00:31:12.140 --> 00:31:14.369
up a program the first day and that's been sort
754
00:31:14.380 --> 00:31:16.380
of hovering. That's not going to happen. That's definitely not
755
00:31:16.400 --> 00:31:18.640
going to happen. I think I was going to try
756
00:31:18.660 --> 00:31:26.809
to learn the glockenspiel. Amazing. Yeah.
757
00:31:27.250 --> 00:31:31.430
My granddad is 95, right? And he's locking down on
758
00:31:31.470 --> 00:31:34.349
his own. And he's decided he's going to learn Welsh
759
00:31:35.069 --> 00:31:35.990
at 95.
760
00:31:35.990 --> 00:31:38.529
Yeah, there are better choices to be made on that.
761
00:31:38.549 --> 00:31:40.859
How's he getting on with it?
762
00:31:41.819 --> 00:31:42.640
Well, I don't know.
763
00:31:42.680 --> 00:31:45.200
I didn't. I, to be honest, haven't replied to the email.
764
00:31:45.339 --> 00:31:46.119
I should have done that.
765
00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:47.980
Well, you've got to translate it first, haven't you?
766
00:31:49.920 --> 00:31:53.230
Alex, obviously you're getting your work done. But like, for example,
767
00:31:53.289 --> 00:31:55.650
if people are allowed out, like your kids and wife
768
00:31:55.670 --> 00:31:58.170
weren't in the house for a day and you weren't
769
00:31:58.210 --> 00:32:01.109
allowed to do work, you know, because it's a day off.
770
00:32:01.390 --> 00:32:04.029
What would be your day of just to yourself? What
771
00:32:04.049 --> 00:32:04.630
would you be doing?
772
00:32:04.950 --> 00:32:06.380
If I had the house to myself, so I'm in
773
00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:07.319
the house, but they're not here.
774
00:32:07.660 --> 00:32:08.200
They're not here, yeah.
775
00:32:08.220 --> 00:32:09.940
They've just been made invisible for a day and then
776
00:32:09.960 --> 00:32:11.039
they come back the next day, right?
777
00:32:11.059 --> 00:32:12.180
Because lockdown's still going on.
778
00:32:12.220 --> 00:32:16.730
What are you doing? I'm sleeping in.
779
00:32:17.309 --> 00:32:19.029
I'm definitely doing that. What time till?
780
00:32:19.390 --> 00:32:21.410
Well, not later than nine. I can't sleep much later
781
00:32:21.430 --> 00:32:24.049
than nine anymore. So I'm getting to nine if I can,
782
00:32:24.549 --> 00:32:26.250
but I'm going back to bed after lunch. I'm eating
783
00:32:26.289 --> 00:32:30.660
a lot of food. I'm having a fry up. I
784
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:32.440
think I'm getting drunk in the morning, then sleeping it off.
785
00:32:35.069 --> 00:32:36.410
Bloody Mary with the fry up?
786
00:32:36.769 --> 00:32:40.049
Yeah, I'm having a stag night, I think, by myself
787
00:32:40.210 --> 00:32:43.809
in the house. I'm taking myself down. Yeah, I think
788
00:32:43.849 --> 00:32:46.630
I would get really drunk. I haven't been really drunk yet.
789
00:32:47.289 --> 00:32:48.430
Because you sort of regret it in the morning. It
790
00:32:48.450 --> 00:32:50.319
feels a bit stupid in the morning when you've had
791
00:32:50.380 --> 00:32:50.940
a few too many.
792
00:32:51.140 --> 00:32:53.539
Can I say, I got one of the most drunk
793
00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:55.519
I've ever been earlier in lockdown. I was on Zoom
794
00:32:55.539 --> 00:32:57.700
with a few mates. I had eight pints and half
795
00:32:57.720 --> 00:32:59.710
a bottle of whiskey. Didn't realise I was doing it
796
00:32:59.730 --> 00:33:01.890
because I didn't move from my chair. And when you're
797
00:33:01.910 --> 00:33:03.599
in a pub, you realise you're drunk because you've got
798
00:33:03.619 --> 00:33:05.779
to get a cab home or whatever. I just didn't
799
00:33:05.819 --> 00:33:08.859
realise it was happening. And I was sick and then
800
00:33:08.900 --> 00:33:10.819
I blacked out and I went to bed. I woke
801
00:33:10.859 --> 00:33:12.539
up the next day at 10am and I just, it
802
00:33:12.619 --> 00:33:15.309
felt amazing because it all felt different.
803
00:33:14.950 --> 00:33:15.369
For a bit.
804
00:33:15.750 --> 00:33:16.109
Okay.
805
00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:18.059
It felt like I had a hangover.
806
00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:21.000
So that was a little bit of a worry. But
807
00:33:21.019 --> 00:33:22.279
I haven't done it every night since.
808
00:33:22.539 --> 00:33:23.279
Every other.
809
00:33:23.299 --> 00:33:26.059
No, but I've done that once. And it was awful
810
00:33:26.099 --> 00:33:29.000
the next day being hungover. But being hungover allowed you
811
00:33:29.039 --> 00:33:30.180
to do something else.
812
00:33:30.420 --> 00:33:31.680
The one time I got really drunk.
813
00:33:31.819 --> 00:33:33.680
You know when you get drunk normally and you're worried
814
00:33:33.700 --> 00:33:35.250
about what did you do and you can't kind of
815
00:33:35.329 --> 00:33:36.250
trace it and you look at.
816
00:33:36.230 --> 00:33:38.329
Your texts or whatever, right? Yeah.
817
00:33:38.690 --> 00:33:42.730
And the only evidence was that, you know, the last
818
00:33:42.789 --> 00:33:45.980
channel I'd left it on was Sky Sports Cricket. So
819
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:48.339
I'd obviously just got really drunk and then just watched
820
00:33:48.380 --> 00:33:49.559
an old cricket match.
821
00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:50.920
So rubbish.
822
00:33:51.180 --> 00:33:54.079
It's such a rubbish way to enjoy your drunkenness.
823
00:33:54.460 --> 00:33:56.279
I did get quite, we did a Zoom chat and
824
00:33:56.579 --> 00:33:58.799
I got quite drunk with Rachel and then she went
825
00:33:58.819 --> 00:34:01.500
to bed and I cleared up drunk. So I had
826
00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:03.380
to move, you know, you have your Zoom set up
827
00:34:03.420 --> 00:34:05.450
with your laptop on a thing. So it's a bit unnatural.
828
00:34:05.650 --> 00:34:07.049
We were on a sofa with a table in front
829
00:34:07.069 --> 00:34:08.250
of it. So I moved the table, but it was
830
00:34:08.269 --> 00:34:11.070
covered in glasses and wine. So that all fell off.
831
00:34:11.090 --> 00:34:13.469
So then I cleaned myself up and cleaned the room
832
00:34:13.510 --> 00:34:16.110
up and broke the glass and cut my leg And
833
00:34:17.429 --> 00:34:20.340
the next morning there was blood and glass and children
834
00:34:20.719 --> 00:34:21.099
in the room.
835
00:34:24.920 --> 00:34:25.500
Wow.
836
00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:26.239
Yeah.
837
00:34:26.260 --> 00:34:28.079
Because that's the thing, normally you can just shut that
838
00:34:28.119 --> 00:34:29.659
door and then when you get up the next day
839
00:34:29.699 --> 00:34:31.010
to go to school, you just get rid of them,
840
00:34:31.199 --> 00:34:33.489
chuck them to school, then you can sort the blood out.
841
00:34:33.909 --> 00:34:33.989
Yeah.
842
00:34:34.010 --> 00:34:35.329
Do you know what I mean? Well, I think I
843
00:34:35.369 --> 00:34:37.309
thought I had, I'd cleaned up most of it, but
844
00:34:37.369 --> 00:34:39.769
there were pools of blood and quite a few, you know,
845
00:34:39.829 --> 00:34:41.630
massive chunks of glass that I'd missed.
846
00:34:41.670 --> 00:34:43.219
That's not the only pool you've got, is it?
847
00:34:46.030 --> 00:34:47.639
Or did you fill that in for the tennis court?
848
00:34:47.699 --> 00:34:49.389
We've not got a pool, not got a tennis court.
849
00:34:49.409 --> 00:34:49.949
No, I'm joking.
850
00:34:50.389 --> 00:34:54.030
I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, Alex.
851
00:34:55.309 --> 00:34:57.230
It's funny because Alex does have, you know, it's a
852
00:34:57.289 --> 00:34:59.489
nice house, but it's just a very normal family home.
853
00:35:00.030 --> 00:35:01.909
And we've tried to make it out like it's some
854
00:35:01.949 --> 00:35:03.170
sort of LA complex.
855
00:35:03.610 --> 00:35:05.809
Yeah, I would say we do own a lot of stuff,
856
00:35:05.849 --> 00:35:08.409
but it's that guilt, a parent's guilt of trying to
857
00:35:08.429 --> 00:35:11.110
give your kids all the things. And then you think,
858
00:35:11.150 --> 00:35:12.949
oh God, we spoiled them by giving them all the things.
859
00:35:13.699 --> 00:35:15.920
but also you want them to be the best kids.
860
00:35:16.219 --> 00:35:17.539
You want them to be popular.
861
00:35:21.300 --> 00:35:22.860
I think as well, because when they get old enough
862
00:35:22.900 --> 00:35:24.880
to go out drinking and stuff, you want to go, yeah,
863
00:35:24.900 --> 00:35:26.199
just have pre-drinks.
864
00:35:25.739 --> 00:35:27.489
At our house, get a vanilla, and then, you know,
865
00:35:27.510 --> 00:35:29.389
they're in your house safe.
866
00:35:29.809 --> 00:35:32.530
You gave me for my wedding, and it's gone down
867
00:35:32.590 --> 00:35:35.429
very well with my daughter, is a smoke machine.
868
00:35:35.690 --> 00:35:36.710
Yeah, that's our standard gift.
869
00:35:37.349 --> 00:35:38.489
Is that your standard gift?
870
00:35:39.030 --> 00:35:41.110
It's 40th, 50th and weddings we give out smoke machines.
871
00:35:41.130 --> 00:35:44.530
LAUGHTER It's a brilliant present because you only use it
872
00:35:44.750 --> 00:35:47.010
probably once a year or something. But you know what
873
00:35:47.329 --> 00:35:49.349
it's good for is when you join a Zoom meeting.
874
00:35:49.389 --> 00:35:53.679
We've done this once. If you set up a disco
875
00:35:53.699 --> 00:35:56.239
light and a smoke machine for just a normal, you
876
00:35:56.260 --> 00:35:57.800
can do it for a Saturday night, but just a
877
00:35:57.840 --> 00:36:00.619
normal sort of work meeting. It's quite funny.
878
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:03.010
Rob, you always have a question at the end.
879
00:36:03.030 --> 00:36:05.590
The question is, what has been your highlight and low
880
00:36:05.949 --> 00:36:07.130
light of lockdown?
881
00:36:07.250 --> 00:36:09.150
One moment when you thought, this is amazing, actually. I'm
882
00:36:09.170 --> 00:36:11.230
loving this. And a point where you just thought, I can't,
883
00:36:11.329 --> 00:36:11.929
I can't do this.
884
00:36:12.510 --> 00:36:15.369
Yeah. Okay. It's a great question, Rob. It's two questions,
885
00:36:15.670 --> 00:36:18.809
I'd say. Okay. I've got a good one for like
886
00:36:18.849 --> 00:36:21.110
a genuine good moment. I mean, what tends to happen
887
00:36:21.130 --> 00:36:23.070
in our house, you have a moment of euphoria thinking,
888
00:36:23.429 --> 00:36:26.039
isn't this wonderful being as a family? And then within
889
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:27.920
an instant, you're shouting at one of them because he's
890
00:36:28.119 --> 00:36:31.239
hit one of the other ones. So I'm trying to
891
00:36:31.260 --> 00:36:33.579
think of our lowest moment. I suppose one of the
892
00:36:33.619 --> 00:36:36.880
low moments is not having any time without the kids.
893
00:36:37.159 --> 00:36:38.820
There's not a lot of husband and wife time.
894
00:36:38.840 --> 00:36:38.989
Yeah.
895
00:36:41.380 --> 00:36:44.420
But we've sort of accepted that now it's like we're
896
00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:49.699
in a sort of monastery or something and I think
897
00:36:49.780 --> 00:36:51.800
once you've accepted it it's okay, we've sort of moved
898
00:36:51.880 --> 00:36:55.079
on from that can't you just nip down to the
899
00:36:55.099 --> 00:37:00.869
pool table room when they're in bed I think even
900
00:37:00.909 --> 00:37:04.489
then there's a worry because they're old enough to wander
901
00:37:04.510 --> 00:37:09.550
around imagine that Yeah, the threat of that is enough.
902
00:37:09.570 --> 00:37:13.730
Get off the felt!
903
00:37:13.769 --> 00:37:16.389
My highlight, though, is something I've done, which I recommend
904
00:37:16.570 --> 00:37:21.329
you do. I bought a hunting camera. It's a camouflage camera.
905
00:37:21.349 --> 00:37:24.889
You leave outside tied to a tree. And it's a
906
00:37:24.929 --> 00:37:28.070
motion sensor thing. So if an animal runs past it,
907
00:37:28.090 --> 00:37:30.050
it takes a picture of it. So we're sort of
908
00:37:30.090 --> 00:37:31.289
near the woods. So we've tied it to a tree
909
00:37:31.309 --> 00:37:33.550
which looks over the woods. And every Saturday, we look
910
00:37:33.570 --> 00:37:34.570
at what animals have come by.
911
00:37:34.590 --> 00:37:35.889
Oh, that is good.
912
00:37:36.130 --> 00:37:38.840
And we've had deer and foxes and stuff. And it's genuinely,
913
00:37:38.940 --> 00:37:40.960
that's one of those things you think, yes, I've done
914
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:42.239
a good job as a dad.
915
00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:42.639
Yeah.
916
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:44.690
Oh, that's a fun thing to look forward to.
917
00:37:44.869 --> 00:37:47.150
Yeah. We wouldn't have done that without the lockdown. So
918
00:37:47.170 --> 00:37:48.010
that's felt good.
919
00:37:48.369 --> 00:37:50.190
And I would hate for you and Rachel to be
920
00:37:50.210 --> 00:37:52.190
going down the pool room and get caught on the camera.
921
00:37:52.230 --> 00:37:54.269
That would be the worst.
922
00:37:54.849 --> 00:37:55.650
Daddy, what's this?
923
00:37:55.670 --> 00:37:57.210
What animal's that?
924
00:37:57.909 --> 00:38:00.360
It only filmed in 10 seconds first. So that would be, yeah,
925
00:38:00.380 --> 00:38:02.599
that would be it, I think. 20 seconds last.
926
00:38:02.679 --> 00:38:05.579
That was your nickname at uni, wasn't it?
927
00:38:06.219 --> 00:38:08.829
Um, Alex, thank you so much.
928
00:38:09.170 --> 00:38:11.949
I do apologise that we've made you out to be.
929
00:38:12.309 --> 00:38:12.670
Some.
930
00:38:12.650 --> 00:38:14.070
Sort of sex-starved billionaire.
931
00:38:16.750 --> 00:38:20.059
I could only say that wasn't the intention of the interview.
932
00:38:20.639 --> 00:38:22.760
The intention of the interview was to make Rob feel
933
00:38:22.820 --> 00:38:24.420
better about how bad it's going for him.
934
00:38:24.960 --> 00:38:26.440
And I think he lashed out.
935
00:38:26.780 --> 00:38:28.199
Yeah, I think I've lashed out because you seem to
936
00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:29.940
be absolutely nailing it, Alex, and I'm jealous.
937
00:38:30.260 --> 00:38:32.860
Well, I think there's no point pretending anything, is there?
938
00:38:33.099 --> 00:38:33.239
So.
939
00:38:33.739 --> 00:38:35.980
I think it's worse when you have all these celebrities
940
00:38:36.099 --> 00:38:38.710
complaining about lockdown. You might as well rejoice in it
941
00:38:38.769 --> 00:38:41.110
if it's going all right, I suppose. Also, we give
942
00:38:41.150 --> 00:38:47.329
loads of money to charity, guys. Over nine-tenths of what
943
00:38:47.349 --> 00:38:49.690
I earn goes out.
944
00:38:49.730 --> 00:38:50.389
Bill Gates.
945
00:38:50.730 --> 00:38:53.670
Thank you, Alex. You are a good man.
946
00:38:54.070 --> 00:38:54.380
Pleasure.
947
00:38:54.449 --> 00:38:57.659
And I hope that your main hope of lockdown, that
948
00:38:57.699 --> 00:39:00.219
Liverpool win the league, does come to pass.
949
00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:03.320
Thanks, Alex. OK, bye, everyone. Bye-bye.
950
00:39:05.659 --> 00:39:08.039
So, Rob, that was recorded a couple of weeks ago.
951
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:10.739
How are you feeling about the return of sport? Did
952
00:39:10.760 --> 00:39:13.800
you watch at the weekend the Bundesliga?
953
00:39:13.820 --> 00:39:16.119
Yes, I put it on, but I found it boring.
954
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:18.420
Because it was German football or because there was no crowd?
955
00:39:18.440 --> 00:39:20.010
No crowd, no atmosphere.
956
00:39:20.300 --> 00:39:22.210
And I think not just because you can't hear them,
957
00:39:22.349 --> 00:39:24.489
it feeds into the performance of the players. They're not
958
00:39:24.510 --> 00:39:27.969
allowed to celebrate properly. They've got to do elbow taps.
959
00:39:28.070 --> 00:39:29.949
And it was all quite, it felt like a priest.
960
00:39:30.500 --> 00:39:32.469
even though there's a lot to play for. So it'll
961
00:39:32.489 --> 00:39:35.050
be even weirder, the Premier League coming back, when... There's
962
00:39:35.150 --> 00:39:36.170
nothing to play for.
963
00:39:36.449 --> 00:39:39.630
It's going to be a very weird period. I know, obviously,
964
00:39:39.650 --> 00:39:42.090
this is away from lockdown parenting chat, but it doesn't
965
00:39:42.210 --> 00:39:45.320
really need to come back. It does feel very surreal
966
00:39:45.380 --> 00:39:45.699
to me.
967
00:39:45.900 --> 00:39:48.780
Just say Liverpool were champions, but the season didn't finish
968
00:39:48.820 --> 00:39:50.500
at that point. We had to stop it because of
969
00:39:50.539 --> 00:39:51.760
a worldwide pandemic.
970
00:39:51.820 --> 00:39:53.619
They won. Whoever was in those positions went down.
971
00:39:53.639 --> 00:39:53.969
That's it.
972
00:39:54.539 --> 00:39:55.840
It's quite simple.
973
00:39:55.860 --> 00:39:57.920
That's what's happened to Plymouth. And we're going up.
974
00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:01.179
So I'm absolutely delighted by it. But I do feel
975
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:03.199
a bit sorry. I used to be quite happy that
976
00:40:03.219 --> 00:40:04.969
Liverpool weren't going to get all the glory. But when
977
00:40:05.010 --> 00:40:07.070
I speak to nice fans like Alex, I feel a
978
00:40:07.070 --> 00:40:09.369
bit bad for him because it's something you've waited for.
979
00:40:09.969 --> 00:40:19.059
Ha ha! Never mind! Oh dear! Never mind!
980
00:40:19.500 --> 00:40:20.960
If you want to get in touch with the show,
981
00:40:21.139 --> 00:40:22.360
then this is how.
982
00:40:24.469 --> 00:40:30.079
Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or we're on Twitter at
983
00:40:30.260 --> 00:40:36.760
Lockdown Parents. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and
984
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:40.360
rate and review it. Five star rating, please. And you
985
00:40:40.380 --> 00:40:42.500
can give us a little bit of feedback. That's always nice,
986
00:40:42.539 --> 00:40:45.800
isn't it? And tell your friends. Also, there's loads of people.
987
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:48.000
I've got a couple of mates at home, Josh, that
988
00:40:48.199 --> 00:40:51.000
about three years ago didn't know what podcast.
989
00:40:50.510 --> 00:40:52.650
Or Uber was, but I got them into it, right?
990
00:40:53.150 --> 00:40:56.150
There are people, like, you've got your mum or your cousin,
991
00:40:56.170 --> 00:40:58.670
your auntie or whatever, just grab their phone, download it
992
00:40:58.690 --> 00:41:00.110
and stick it on their phone because you'll know they
993
00:41:00.150 --> 00:41:02.130
like it, but they can't work their phone.
994
00:41:02.150 --> 00:41:03.130
So do that and add them in.
995
00:41:03.150 --> 00:41:03.530
Exactly.
996
00:41:03.570 --> 00:41:07.010
Let them get the joy and relatability and relax about
997
00:41:07.030 --> 00:41:07.570
their parenting.
998
00:41:07.750 --> 00:41:12.050
Exactly, because the radio is too heavy these days. All
999
00:41:12.070 --> 00:41:15.949
the news on the radio, obviously, understandably, it's not a laugh.
1000
00:41:16.190 --> 00:41:17.349
No. This is a laugh.
1001
00:41:17.389 --> 00:41:17.590
Yeah.
1002
00:41:18.050 --> 00:41:19.469
Just think less and listen to this.
1003
00:41:21.460 --> 00:41:22.360
Think less.
1004
00:41:22.590 --> 00:41:24.969
Think less, do more, listen to this. That's what I say.
1005
00:41:25.869 --> 00:41:26.090
Right.
1006
00:41:26.449 --> 00:41:27.239
See you next week.
1007
00:41:27.980 --> 00:41:28.679
See you next week.
1008
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:29.099
Bye.