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Hello and welcome back to the Parenting Collective.
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I'm so glad you're here.
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Today's conversation is one I've been really looking forward to because it sits right in the really sensitive, uncertain place that so many of us are finding ourselves in as parents.
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Am I doing the right thing for my child?
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My guest is Emma Gentle.
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Emma is an emotional intelligence coach for modern mums.
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And before that, she was a teacher and a deputy principal who spent many years in the classroom.
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So she really knows the education system from the inside out, and that's exactly what makes her story so powerful.
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Because Em, a teacher who loves and deeply respects teachers, made the decision to keep outside that system and homeschool her own daughter.
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So in this episode, we talk about how that shift happened, how homeschooling went from that's not really for us to well, I think this is the right call.
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We get honest about the hard parts, the fear, the doubt.
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And Em speaks directly to the mum who feels that pull towards something different, but is so terrified of the judgment that comes with saying it out loud.
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So we get into the big fears too, like the socialization, the question, the myths that she believed herself, and what actually turned out to be true once she began.
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So whether you're homeschooling, thinking about it, or just quietly wondering if the path you're on is not quite the right one, then this is for you.
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So grab your copper, settle in, and let's get into it.
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Here's my conversation with Em.
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Good morning, Em, and welcome to the Parenting Collective.
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Thanks for having me, Donna.
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Well, like I just said, I'm very excited.
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As I always say, I'm also said that word again, but you know, I think everyone can hear my excitement and the conversation that we're going to have today.
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We're very much in tune with.
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And I have been following you for a very long time, and you did a very raw, authentic post that popped up, because the algorithm's all over the place sometimes about a choice of yours moving forward with education for your daughter.
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And I really want to talk into that because I know people are a bit stuck, confused, don't know where to go, don't know what to do.
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And I really wanted to get you on just to sort of talk through that with you know your expert knowledge around it, because you were a teacher and a deputy principal, so you have been in the education system, and then you are an emotional intelligence coach or conscious coach, which we talked about too, and we want to dive into that because some people haven't even heard of those words.
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So welcome, and I would love for you to share with everyone your purpose and passion around this.
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Oh my god.
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I know, I know.
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I'm so sorry.
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Where let's talk about your daughter.
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No, let's talk of daughter.
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That sounded so Australian, didn't it?
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Let's talk about actually, I'll give you more of a prompt.
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Let's talk about you being a teacher, your past, where you came from, and how it evolved to what you're doing now.
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Also, I did say to you, and I want to make it nice and clear to preface it, that teachers are amazing.
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Teachers, nurses, police.
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They all need to get paid more.
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The respect that I have for teachers is beyond.
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And I find friends that are teachers and the conversations that we're having, they are exhausted.
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They're not even able to teach anymore.
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The kids are definitely haven't got the same attention span, or whatever's happening.
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Again, I'm not the teacher, that they're exhausted, but they're such so important for our kiddos.
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So, yeah, so go for it.
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Well, so I've been in education for 14 years, all up.
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I've sort of just transitioned, I would say, on the other side.
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I started as a teacher's aide because I was in between jobs anyway, and loved it.
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After two weeks enrolled in a Bachelor of Education primary, that's what I wanted to do.
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Didn't think that I had to go to university because I actually Oh yeah, that sucks, doesn't it?
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It's still so much pay the money.
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Totally.
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And anyway, became a teacher, absolutely loved it.
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Relational practice was always my strength.
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Like I just loved which you mean what do you mean by that?
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The interaction between parents and children.
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Is that what you mean with the relationship stuff?
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Yeah, just building relationships with the kids.
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Like, and I knew that they're you know, the only way to get anything out of them and to help them learn was to have really great connections with my kids.
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It seems so simple, doesn't it?
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Yeah, that's the part that I love the most as a teacher.
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It was all the other stuff that I was just like, eh, you know, I loved I loved teaching actual curriculum, but it was the relationships and just seeing the growth and things with the kids that I loved the most.
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You really love it.
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Yeah, and so I taught predominantly in year one two for many years, and then I and a position came up as relieving assistant principal at the school I was in, and I actually wasn't even going to go for it.
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And my partner was like, Why not?
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Like, there's no reason why you won't get it.
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Okay, cool.
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So went for that, ended up getting it as a surprise, was so excited.
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It was a three-year relieving role at the time.
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So this was 2020, so COVID had hit, and I used to train dressage, my dressage horse, and yeah, compete in that.
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And so I had I loved just working and and riding, and that was sort of my life.
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And my partner and I are quite adventurous, so we're always off doing something.
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So COVID really slowed us down, and we were like, What are we gonna do?
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Like, this is pretty boring, and so we're like, Well, we may as well have a baby.
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Why not?
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Your husband would have had fun, or maybe you would have had fun making the baby too.
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Yeah, is that that's the thing as well?
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Well, it did take us about five months, right?
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Oh, did it?
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So I got this position, and I'm at the time I was in the two-week wait, actually, and I said partner, let's just put the family planning on hold.
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I want to do this three-year relieving position because I was so excited about it.
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Because I was running like the well-being for the whole school and mentoring graduate teachers and like all these things that I knew that I was going to love.
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Yeah.
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No, the universe had other plans for me.
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So I'm like now, you're going to be pregnant.
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Yeah.
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So I ended up in that position for about six months, um, running well-being, so running like Smiling Mind and supporting the learning support offices in the school.
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So really informed approaches and neurodivergent children.
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And like that was my forte anyway.
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I always gravitated towards those kids.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And anyway, I then had a baby, and holy shit, my whole life really turned upside down.
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Parent Pandora's box opened, and yeah, everything just started to come up.
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And I now, like, obviously, when I started doing you know, the work on myself and I'm drama and really my emotions, and that's what happened.
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I I heard Lel Stone on the Imperfects podcast actually, and I messaged her and I was like, How like how do I become you?
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What loved it, love the way she spoke.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, totally resonated with me.
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Anyway, then I asked her to mentor me and she said.
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Funnily enough, though, I thought I was getting into this situation where it's like, cool, I'm gonna be able to become this person.
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I decided anyway, I think I've I've every session I have with her still, I just end up in tears, and that's much what I learned, you know, like having someone hold space for your emotions and process things and talk through things and beautiful things that really sparked, I guess, more interest around emotional intelligence, emotional literacy, how attachment, trauma, and how all of that impacts our development.
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And because I'd had a baby too, obviously, I was learning more about I've always been someone who likes to learn and research.
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So that was a little bit of a downfall, too, because I sort of because I was trying to be a perfect mum and do everything right, still surrender to that.
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Oh my gosh.
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You're human.
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Has to be has to be your middle name, right?
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Yeah.
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So all of that was going on, and Lale had built her own school, Woodland Primary, down at Geelong, and I went and had a look at that and I was just like, What are we doing in the education system?
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This is absolutely wild.
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Like learning about so much around just early childhood development, too.
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And and then thinking about my teaching career and going, okay, I work with children as a profession, and you know, year one, two is still early childhood.
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Yeah.
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And just thinking, I'm just so I have not been equipped for this.
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This is just absolutely so I'd done a bit of Berry Street training then and ended up becoming I haven't heard that training.
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What's that?
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Barrow Street, did you say?
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Bury Street training?
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And what's that?
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So it's a trauma-informed training that every teacher, right.
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Amazing.
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They they partner with schools.
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Amazing.
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And yeah, so I was really passionate about that.
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And because I was on maternity leave, I did a marketing course for some random reason.
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For a business in the future, that's what it was.
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Yeah, I think my intuition knew that something was going to come from this.
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Yeah.
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And I ended up going back into the classroom.
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I couldn't go back into my AP position because they wanted me to work three days a week, and I only wanted to do one or two.
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So I went back in the classroom one day a week.
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And because it was just this combination of having my own child, seeing children differently, working with Lale, you know, seeing woodline primary, it was sort of like all of this was just coming together.
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And I was back in the classroom and I was just, you know, we'd had some children with complex trauma too, and I'd seen that all play out, and how I was sort of wanting to support this child, and he was responding to me, but then there was all this backlash and like differing opinions, and I was just like, I feel like really stuck here.
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I wish that I could share.
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I wish that what I was sharing was being received.
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Absolutely.
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You can't force people to be curious about it.
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Yeah, and so it just felt quite mismatched.
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And at the time I was like, I think I, you know, speaking to Leo, like, I want to start my own business, and she's like, just do it, just go.
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So how long ago was that there?
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Was that 21, 22, or still in 20?
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So this was 2022.
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Yeah, awesome.
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Yeah.
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So I started the grad guide, which was a membership supporting graduate teachers because I thought we're going to have make an impact in the system, we need the fresh ones.
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Yep.
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They don't have any biases, they're not in any patterns yet, and they're so keen to learn.
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And so it was really around supporting pre-service teachers and graduate teachers in adopting a trauma-informed non-approach to children's behavior in the classroom.
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So it's sort of like a 12-month mentorship teaching them all of that.
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And absolutely loved it.
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I also had a podcast at the time, my podcast was called Let's Get Schooled.
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And I was speaking to experts all over the world.
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And yeah, it really blew up.
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And then I had schools asking me for professional development and consulting.
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And of course, when you're in business and you're passionate, you just say yes, even though you haven't done it before.
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So I was like, Yep.
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I say faith it to you.
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We used to say fake it till you make it, but now it's like faith it till you make it.
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It's like, yes, please, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say yes to that, but I just don't know how I'm gonna do it.
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And then it works out, and you're like, oh my gosh.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, so cool, so cool.
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So I just worked out and absolutely loved it.
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And the thing was the graduates, you know, or the leaders, the schools that I was working with, they were loving the PD and they would absorb it.
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And then though, taking it back into their own classroom.
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So the number one thing was that the glue that really holds all of these approaches together is emotional intelligence, the skill set.
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So the conscious way of living.
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It doesn't even have to be conscious parenting.
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You know, I classify myself as a conscious life coach, really, because it's not just about the children.
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Well, it's not about the children actually at all.
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It's about us adults being informed, like you said, generational patterns, trauma.
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Yeah, so many things.
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And it's like I say to everyone, this is not to scare people, but the world has changed and it's rapidly changing.
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And our children have changed with their emotional intelligence a bit because of life.
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But it's like if you shine a light on something and you're aware of it, then it can be acknowledged and you can do something about it.
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But if if you know the blinkers are on and the schools don't let people do this, these poor kids just struggle and struggle and struggle, and they get so disconnected from everybody, and then they can get angry or they can get all of these internal dysregulations or external dysregulations that get labeled.
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But really, you just you've got to slow it down.
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You've got to be connected with them, you've got to figure the way out.
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Hey.
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Yeah, and that that is the trouble though that I was having.
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Like these adults wanted to do the work, they were trying to do the work on themselves, but the environment that they were in was not conducive to what they were trying to create.
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And this is the problem that so many educators who are passionate about these approaches and want to do this work, they can do the work on themselves, but when they continually go into an environment that is missing and you know out of alignment with their values and what they how they want to show up as an educator, they just can't.
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They get end up becoming more stressed, more frustrated, and it's just like a new paradigm, and which is amazing that these educators want to do that, but um, struggling.
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And I'm finding the same with you know, even professionals, education professionals who are allied health going in to support teachers or children, it's just almost like a band-aid approach because really, you know, we need to get into the early early years to really support mothers, and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing now.
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So yeah, really tackling emotional intelligence at the root, which is starting with mothers, and that then obviously ripples out.
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But yeah, but it's sort of I guess the reason why I was working, you know, in my evolution in education, trying to change schools from the inside out, which I truly believe in as a collective, but when it is just so slow and the world is rapidly changing, it's just like the gap is getting bigger, I feel.
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I know, which is such a shame, isn't it?
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Because it's like I have these amazing conversations in whatever area expertise in their field, and it's like so clear.
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You know, the stuff I talk about, I just feel like I mean, I've been obsessed with it for the last eight years, but in my own lived experience and and and watching it play out, and then having to be in such a traumatic situation with the girls that it's like, well, this traditional parents' parenting is not working, going to traditional school is not working.
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It's not the teacher's fault, it's not the school's fault.
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Like the schools were amazing, but me as a parent, and my husband was found a lot harder because he's not as emotionally intelligent, but he did he did okay.
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We had to give up all expectations of anything, you know, like trying to get them to school, like all of these things, and no one else was going through it at the time and was very lonely.
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And so as we got through that and got the help and got the family counselling, and the family counselling was that first insight of like okay, it's not about her, but not again shame or guilt for the parent.
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It's like we didn't know all this stuff, and so we had to really uncomfortably change the way we looked at parenting, and then you know, like I always say, it's our beautiful chaos still, it's not a uh a you know, rain rainbows and unicorns all the time in our house, but it is understanding what's going on, understanding the generational patterns that have come from both sides, our reactive, our dysregulation with things, and not taking things personally with the kids and not having to be so cookie-cutter of the kids have to go to university and they have to go to do this, and it's just it blows all of that out of the water.
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And we had to let all of that go.
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And you know, both of our kids, and I share this all the time, are going to uni.
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Again, wouldn't have minded it either way.
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I think education of any kind's great, whatever you do.
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Um, and they missed a whole lot of a U 10 and 11 through their mental health, and that's why I want to share the story is like in the deep dark times that if you can have the hope and learn all of this emotional intelligence and this conscious living and the conscious parenting, it's just being aware of why.
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What's behind the reason that child's hitting?
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What's behind that reason that that kid doesn't want to sit down?
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You know, why, why, you know, the whys.
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You know, we've got the whys and we're gentle, and gentle.
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And um, you know, like you said, with that kiddo that started to really respond, that would is so heartwarming for you, but it would have taken a long time for him to got to gain your trust.
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Oh, so gain his trust, sorry.
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And then, and that's you know, the teachers don't have time, do they?
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They've got to teach them.
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So it's like a whole nother facet of that emotional intelligence and support.
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Right, yeah.
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And so I think I I totally agree with what you're saying.
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Like it's about us being conscious and uh our children's behavior is just mirroring often what's going on with it.
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What do you mean?
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That was the biggest thing that I say to everyone because we're the kids at different they had their struggles at the same age, but they back to back.
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So a couple of years the eldest, the oldest was getting better, and the middle started getting unwell, and we're like, what?
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:55.039
And then when we were all the different counsellings and we did everything we could, you know, it wasn't about not getting the support for the children, it just wasn't what was needed.
00:16:55.200 --> 00:17:00.639
And then when we did that that family counselling, like I said to you, that's where we're like, oh, what do you mean?
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:03.759
It's our and I had to go through Jesus, is our fault.
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:18.160
But then it's not, it's not like okay, sometimes parents can be blamed for sure if their actions aren't in line with what we know is right, I don't know how to say that, but you know, we felt like we were good parents, we were doing the best we could.
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:20.880
You know, I stayed at home for 10 years, that's unheard of as well.
00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:22.640
That might not have been the best thing either.
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:34.480
But when we had two psychologist counsellors working through that generational stuff, which is the conscious subconscious stuff, which is the awareness, wow, life-changing.
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:36.160
It's like it's a slap in the face.
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:37.440
My clients say that to me.
00:17:37.519 --> 00:17:41.200
It's like, oh my god, I came in to work with you for a different reason than we just later.
00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:42.720
Yeah, thank you.
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.359
What do you mean?
00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:44.240
That's what she's doing.
00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:47.519
Like, don't did you don't you want to hear what she's doing on the weekend?
00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:49.920
You know, because it was that 14-15.
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:55.119
Again, that's a whole different thing to talk about about age-appropriateness beh age appropriate behavior.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:00.640
Again, we're living in a world where parents like want your child to be the most compliant cookie-cutter child.
00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:01.920
That's not normal either.
00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:04.799
So, how about just think about what you were like as a teen?
00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:11.759
And okay, we're gonna have morals and values and rules and you know, positive discipline and all the things that conscious parenting is.
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:17.359
It's not permissive parenting, it's like guiding, mentoring, but it's not always about the child.
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:18.480
Sorry, everybody.
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:22.799
It's about how we look at it and how we can support and nurture their nervous system.
00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:23.920
Yeah, totally.
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:37.200
And I think that it's not, I think one of the troubles is, and what I see a lot in my clients, is that mothers who aren't in our field also, because when you're a coach in the field, it's easier to do the work on yourself.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:41.920
I know you have the knowledge and the background as well as the lived experience.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:43.039
So it's much easier.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:19:07.680
Whereas if you're coming in, you know, and you're just you're new to this work and you've just been working in an office or something and you don't have any prior knowledge, it's so confronting because very confronting the shame and the guilt, like you're a bad parent and you're doing and because we have the research, you know, and the understanding and the knowledge behind us, it makes it easier to come back into balance when you are feeling the shame because that never goes away.
00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:09.440
Those emotions go away.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:11.440
And you know, I'm not a teacher, it's not my background.
00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:18.480
You know, I've done 10 years of working with families and sleep, and I've done 30 odd years of healing and growing of myself.
00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:22.160
Lots of money spent on psychology, and I'm a learner too.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:26.160
I've always, if something's happening in my life, I need to know about it, why?
00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:29.440
Which then has enabled me to be this coach now, sitting here.
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:38.160
But also when we were going through that really tough time, especially with our middle, who is the most awesome kid, but she is really strong-willed.
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:39.359
And so this is what's happening.
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:40.000
I see a lot.
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:43.440
Strong-willed get slapped that naughty or bad behaviour.
00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:44.960
But it was just a dysregulation.
00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:48.400
She had anxiety, and the dysregulation came out in yelling and screaming and anger.
00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:50.880
So you've got your fight, flight, freeze, fawn response.
00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:55.200
When where emotions are dysregulated, it's the biological set-off.
00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:56.160
Do you withdraw?
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.319
Do you yell and scream because it's the fight?
00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.200
Do you freeze?
00:19:59.359 --> 00:20:04.720
Because you know, and people, the more they understand that, you can have a bit of a breath and think, okay, she's not yelling at me.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:19.680
Okay, we need to understand what's going on, and then looking into it deeper, and then being the calm when you can, you know, and this is all what happens, I would say, needs to happen at school, but the poor teachers have what could 20 to 30 kids in the class.
00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:27.119
So if you've got, you know, three kids that are dysregulated, where you know, back in the day there wouldn't even be one sometimes in the class.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:33.599
The teachers are just not getting supported around that on how to, you know, be able to move through those situations.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:42.079
Yeah, and I I think because there's sort of been this evolution, I guess, that in classrooms traditionally it was, you know, you have to be quiet, get your work done.
00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:48.240
And so when you're referring to dysregulation, like there were plenty of dysregulated kids.
00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:52.480
It was just that they were in freeze and shutdown or fawn, it's not fight and flight.
00:20:52.640 --> 00:21:04.640
Whereas now what we're seeing is I think, you know, there's also been this because we have now the conscious parenting and we are trying to allow children to have their emotions.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:07.279
Yes, it's harder to parent.
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:39.759
Well, it's harder to teach because they're trying to allow emotions and also say no to the behavior, but then it becomes this blurry lines, I think, too, where if you're not leading in the classroom and you're not aware of how to have that authoritative, you know, leadership style as a teacher, it can be really hard to be like, you know, how do I allow the emotions, but also help Johnny understand that he can't throw scissors across the room, you know, like where's the line and trying to get the tools, they haven't been they haven't been given the tools.
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:47.119
Well, yeah, that and also the classroom is just not conducive enough for that many kids in this way.
00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:49.440
And I think that that there's so many kids.
00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:59.759
Like I was talking to an early childhood expert last night who's one of my friends, and she messaged me and was like, I'm struggling in the early childhood setting at the moment, even to help.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:12.880
educators with regulation because they're so dysregulated themselves and they're also the kids are also coming in with way less skills because it's starting so much earlier.
00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:15.200
That's been why I thought that.
00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:37.440
And I think one of the contributors is that you know parents are just so busy because of the if you are stuck in the rat race and the chaos of mainstream life of society both parents are having to work to to have an income and then so more children are on devices or on things that are helping them you know be calmer or be quiet.
00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:39.920
Which is a temporary nightmare.
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:48.240
Because I work with kids up to 10 years of age and I work with a lot of neuron diverse children because I've done a lot of study on that and lived experience.
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:55.200
You feel like it's just a simple thing but you know a little girl that I'm working with at the moment the mum was just in tears all the time.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:22:56.240
She was working so hard.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:09.920
She was sick all the time she'd pick the daughter up from daycare she'd get in the car she'd scream she'd scream she'd scream when she'd wake up she'd scream for ice cream she'd scream for this all the things you think nightmare and she was just so overwhelmed with sadness that she's failing.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:20.640
And I'm like firstly you're not like this world that we live in now is just so full of pressure and I just always want to just reach out and give them a big hug which I that's I support them through that too.
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:28.720
But what we ended up doing is just I don't just look at the sleep like sleep's obviously very important for our regulation but it's a whole lot of other things leading up to it.
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:42.799
So we cut the TV, we cut the phone we cut the all the things now TV is okay if you go back to old school just big TV for a little bit of time every day great I don't want people to think they can never have TV but it's the the dopamine hit of a phone.
00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:46.240
It's the dopamine hit of the fast moving YouTube or whatever.
00:23:46.480 --> 00:24:17.519
And she then not even three days after was like in tears happy way going I cannot believe the chat the change she's independently playing she's not having meltdowns and so it was setting these conscious parenting boundaries so you know when we talk about not being permissive because people like is it gentle parenting I'm like oh gosh whatever let's explain it it is like you said modeling a role being you know being their free frontal cortex the one where you know it was the where they respond and react.
00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:54.319
Calm down take your time get them off the phones go back to old school riding bikes and it works you know like we can overcomplicate it but you know what's contributing to so much dysregulation in the classroom is just that yeah stress parents kids that aren't developing the way that we know children should and it's a reflection of just the state of the world but it is I think like the reason I love doing this work is and why I wanted to work more more with mothers rather than schools is because they have choice.
00:24:54.480 --> 00:25:01.200
They have more choice in autonomy like teachers and leaders are doing an incredible at their head they have so much red tape.
00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:04.880
Even if they want to do this work it's just so much harder for them.
00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:28.720
And yes we have schools that are like as a school doing such a fabulous if the principal's on board and they're willing to invest in long term and not chop and change because that's one of the challenges in the education system too there's you know we have school plans and there's always something to have on the school plan and there's a lot of like let's just do things to tick a box and we really of working with children.
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:35.200
And you know there's so many challenges though like staff turnover and mental health of staff and all of these things.
00:25:35.279 --> 00:26:07.839
It's like but this is why this is obviously influencing our decision to potentially homeschool because we've got to be spending an hour just talking about you for anyway but I would love to dive into that but yeah that that yeah I think we've given the listeners a really good understanding of what you are doing and what I'm what I'm doing as well and and it really starts with the parents and it's not again shame or guilt because everyone might you know needs to work and things but it's also having those snippets of real connected time or understanding what's underneath that iceberg of behaviour.
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:24.640
So I think like I said we shared uh made it nice and clear but again the reason that I did get you on was obviously have this chat but with all of your expertise and your knowledge and everything you had made a post about the decision and a big decision of possibly or not going to mainstream school.
00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:29.519
So yeah I'd love to hear yeah your thoughts and your heart around all of that.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:50.880
Yeah so I was talking to another beautiful lady who was a former assistant principal and teacher as well who now homeschools yesterday actually and we were saying how you know it's not just one decision where you go, okay, I'm gonna verse homeschool versus mainstream schooling and just and just pick one.
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:56.079
You know there's a lot of reasons why the decision is being made or discussed.
00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:06.799
And obviously a lot of the reason is what we've just spoken about in terms of the environment that classrooms like the environments at the moment that are in classrooms.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:30.400
And I have a lot of friends who are teachers and they're doing such a brilliant job and they're also just doing what they know and sometimes when you're just doing what you know and you haven't really explored or been able to be regulated enough to be curious about then you are just doing what you know and you think that it's just the way things are.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:56.160
And so I guess because of my experience so far moving away from the system and seeing this other side of life as how we can live and that we do have options and I I'm a I'm the sort of person that is happy to be like no I'm doing my own thing like I'm I've always been a bit of a rebel in that way to be like unique I like to call myself I'm a bit the same.
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:58.000
Yeah I'm happy to do something different.
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:04.720
Yeah me too definitely the same too in the he just runs his own race and doesn't really care what he was doing.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:24.559
Love it and so yeah homeschooling it has been challenging to even have the courage to look into it because I've had and I had a bit of resistance for a while because people would say to me oh yeah you should start it you should start a thing and start a thing like I don't want to start a thing.
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:27.279
No that's adding that's a big thing.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:37.279
You but you might accidentally inadvertently start a thing you know that don't you I'm happy to be part of the community but I'm not like starting a thing and we've already started a thing.
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:40.960
Your ball is rolling that's not my issue I start changing things.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:29:14.480
That's right exactly you've started a thing and this is the whole thing like I like we joke about this for myself but you know everyone's like what do you do and I'm like okay well I started with sleep but you know then I'm teen mental health I'm neurodiversity I'm sleeping teens I'm now conscious parenting so it's like it sounds like the conversation with you the same is like you're forever learning and evolving and then being a mum just puts that mirror up doesn't it and like okay well this is what I want or don't want for my child but the person that you are the researcher the person that wants to find out everything of course you're going to people are going to come to you and go oh so how's that choice been going?
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:15.440
Where do I go?
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:16.079
What do I do?
00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:19.680
I mean you don't have to make a thing about it but people are going to come to you for sure.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:33.680
Absolutely and I'm so happy to you know sit beside them and um you know yeah I've been asked so many times just start your own school and we looked into it actually at one point in time and decided that was just not something we wanted to take.
00:29:34.319 --> 00:29:34.480
No.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:35.359
Maybe later.
00:29:35.519 --> 00:30:25.680
Yeah push this space um so I I want to ask really a bit more specific with if you don't mind a bit more because I you like you've just shared that you you're totally okay to do uh things that are not the norm but uh majority of people that I work with don't even understand that that could be an option meaning they might have this really strong uncomfortable feeling of like I just don't want to send them to school but society tells me my family tells me um what would you if someone was listening to this and is really feeling that and hasn't got a voice around it is there anything that you could share with them that would be a positive like just do it and this is why yeah so I think this is the most important part of making a decision like this is understanding whether you're making the decision from fear or from desire.
00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:32.400
And sometimes be hard to even distinguish what that is like what is fear and what is desire.
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:55.759
If you haven't if you're not well versed with your emotions and sensations and your inner knowing and your intuition and you've spent a long time ignoring all of that and doing what everyone else has told you to do, then it can be really hard to think about yeah am I making this decision because I had a terrible time at school and it's fear based and I'm anxious and I don't want my kid in the system for that reason.
00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:02.160
Looking at it from a perspective of okay this is our family unit.
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:06.559
These are our values here's how we see the world playing out for our children.
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:58.960
Here's what we want for our children in terms of the skill set you know we want them to have because we want our kids to be the most authentic expressed version of themselves with less baggage from us and that's why we're trying to do our work the best we can they can do whatever they want like you said you know your daughter's going to I don't I don't have any issues with any higher education or any it's like I want my children to thriving academically of course I do but I think that we can have both I think that our children can be people who are so self-aware and emotionally intelligent that they are connected to themselves because you have to look at what's happening in the world in terms of anyone is making knowledge so accessible like anyone can learn anything about anything and become whoever they want.
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:23.839
Like if you look at people who are thriving as entrepreneurs too they are monetizing their skill sets what they're good at right so when our children are 18 I want them to be able to follow their passions and do whatever they want and if they can monetize that and also have a life that you know they they're doing something from purpose and passion and they're healthy in themselves.
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:31.119
And mental health for me is like the you know and the thing is we talk about mental health a lot and everyone struggles with you know worries and stuff.
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:43.359
That's a normal human experience but when our kids were younger I was already parts of me was already doing conscious parenting without understanding what it was meaning I always allowed them to do what they wanted in regards to what they wore.
00:32:43.519 --> 00:34:06.640
Even if it looked embarrassing for them I just would you know it it I really allowed that to evolve but when they got to high school particularly our eldest it kind of annihilated her and that's why I'm so passionate around this because not not now not back then on reflection would we would have gone an alternative school but again it was just not really talked about my husband's Catholic went to a Catholic school and I went to a country school can't even know there if I got educated or not um but yeah it's truly um uh but it was a lovely school got best friends there still but you know um but what ended up happening when she got to that high school and she was very comfortable in herself in primary school yeah it was very hard for her to be her authentic self but with that and conscious parenting and supporting her through it she is absolutely thriving with her authentic self and uni no uni like I said not bothered we just say do the best at whatever choice you make whatever you do you've got to work hard at it like that's what life's about be passionate about it and and it will flow but yeah we absolutely wouldn't have minded if they didn't go to uh university although my husband's a little bit it took him a little bit to get round his head space with that because he was very highly driven and you know physiotherapist and intelligent in uni and just thought that's just the way it should be Donna and I'm like well you married me and I didn't go to uni.
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:23.440
Yeah no you know right and that's why I think that when you're making decisions from fear versus desires it's like really being honest with yourself around what are my actual reasons for wanting my children not to be in the mainstream system.
00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:27.760
And often it's not just one thing there's a myriad of oh there's so many things.
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:49.039
I look again this is just how I would look at it and I might be incorrect in saying this be a parent be a mother love your child as we do let them try and be authentic I know that sometimes feels a bit uncomfortable if it's not cookie cutter but that it'll that is where the fear it won't be fear based it'll be like that's that's just not going to fit my child.
00:34:49.199 --> 00:35:18.480
The other thing that gets really thrown all around a lot and people aren't understanding is the older generation are like you've got to make them go to school you've got to what you what do you mean there but school refusal what do you mean you know and I'm like you know it's the whole thing of like building the resilience up for your little child to be able to go into a life of fullness we don't want to shove them out there if they've got mental health or illness you know anxiety because that's going to make it worse but we've got to support them to be able to do uh to build that resilience.
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:27.280
So when you homeschool I know lots of people that do and there's lots of really great communities that are helping families do that it is that slow building of resilience.
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:43.119
So then when the child gets a little bit older that they have the emotional intelligence and the neural frontal cortex is a little bit more developed that they can handle things a bit more or you know pick the right friends that they need to hang out with rather than it all just thrown on them when they're three, you know?
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:58.800
Oh my god, totally and I think that's one of the things seeing how young my daughter is and knowing that you know she'll just be popped into a classroom made to sit still and you know doesn't really even need to learn at the moment.
00:35:59.119 --> 00:36:06.079
Like at the moment worms for moustaches like no slad bugs in the garden.
00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:17.360
She goes out with her dad and does all these cool things and I'm like let's like that's where my teacher brain goes how to learn around things you actually play.
00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:32.239
Exactly and I think that that is just one of the aspects in that understanding how children actually learn is just completely different to what they get in mainstream and that's something I want to foster around that I love that regulation.
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:43.280
Totally and the other thing that I say to people too because I only know what I know and the families that I work with you know there are a small percentage of kiddos that just love to sit down and love to draw and love to write and read.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:49.840
Wonderful the mainstream schooling is going to really probably be okay for your kiddo but my children were not like that.
00:36:49.920 --> 00:37:09.199
My eldest who was the first who was like what do you mean or ADDs like what again you know I was the ADD looking around doing all different things didn't realize that's what it was but everyone's obviously more aware but she was made she was only three and a bit when she started Kindi and they only did half days and they only did three days a week and even that was tough for her.
00:37:09.679 --> 00:37:18.480
She ended up redoing pre-primary which was the best decision made but I was really upset about that because what was everyone going to think best thing that ever happened ever.
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:20.079
I don't think people even have that choice now.
00:37:20.159 --> 00:37:26.719
So why I'm saying that is lived experience watching who I'm working with and some kids just not ready are not ready to sit down and write their names.
00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:33.199
Yes they've got to learn the alphabet and their numbers and then like but we can lead we can teach them through play.
00:37:33.440 --> 00:37:58.639
Yeah exactly yeah it's so rushed and forced it's actually crazy and teachers are just trying to get through the curriculum the best they can and if you're a teacher who you know does fawn often and you feel like you have to get through everything and you're putting pressure on yourself and that's why so much of what happens in the classroom like is teacher dependent in that it depends on what if they're aware of how they're actually showing up and the pressures they're placing on themselves.
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:09.440
Because I also know teachers who you know they still follow the curriculum but they also know what's best for which is great so they can adapt and be very excellent at their crafts.
00:38:09.679 --> 00:38:19.440
And that but they've been given the tools obviously you know like if they only if you come out of university and it's only a certain way of teaching you know nothing that is helpful.
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:21.039
I know so crazy.
00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:26.800
So just to finish up then have you then definitely made the decision that that's the path you're going to take?
00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:34.800
Um no not definitely like and and I think this is the thing that there are a lot of people following me at the moment that are trying to make the decision as well.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:48.639
You gotta be careful what you're probably making but it's your private genie so yeah well and it has to be um a conversation like get curious about it and keep having a conversation like because it's a choice we're making in our family unit just not just my choice.
00:38:48.880 --> 00:38:49.519
No that's right.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:39:02.639
It's about just working through it and looking at different options and and considering all the things because another thing I didn't mention like she would have to be on a bus for at least 40 minutes in the morning too it's just yeah it's huge.
00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:04.239
Not for a little kiddo.
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:08.880
No so there are so many yeah different factors that you're so many.
00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:14.159
And again like I said we could talk about uh this for so long and thank you so so much for sharing all of that.
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:18.559
If someone is to can they reach out are you in your DMs?
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:36.239
How can people contact you or mums contact you if they're having these same feelings and just don't know where to start yeah just message me on Instagram emojis and I'm happy to yeah chat but I am definitely putting more content out and podcasting about it so that people can follow along and I love that into the different perspectives.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:55.039
Yeah and you've lived it you know you've really lived it you've lived being the teacher in like you've done all of it which has then enables you to be an expert in this space you know again it's that lived experience isn't it is like becoming a mother watching the schools you know evolve or not evolve what's happening with your beautiful kiddo you know like you're going through it.
00:39:55.119 --> 00:40:00.960
You've been in it you're going through it you see the change with conscious parenting and and that sort of emotional intelligence.
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:18.719
So you're living it and still like I say I say to everyone when I'm coaching and like I just want to get to this place and I'm like you know there's no end destination until we're not on earth like the the life life is a journey and I know everyone uses that word all the time but it's just an exciting let's learn let's do the best for our children.
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:33.360
You know for me I say to everybody I love what I do I love it and I've been doing it for over 10 years my role as a mother always will trump that always if if tomorrow something happened and my kids needed me you know they're always going to know that I'm the soft place.
00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:37.920
Always I want them to leave the nest they don't like hanging around me anymore which is really sad.
00:40:38.000 --> 00:41:05.440
But they're all living at home still and they're having their best life they're out all the time and just really happy and that's brings me so much joy but they're not hanging with me but um I'm their safe space that and I will always be that and I think as mums if if we can really work with the mums to understand we know that we're the the safe place but how that can really help our kiddos build that resilience to go off into the world because that's what our job is our role is to build them up enough to leave even though that's sad.
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:34.000
I know I know it's when they were three or I had three at home and my husband was a physio he wasn't home a lot building a business and you know it was three under three under five and I just remember at times just sort of wishing it away and then I'm like now that they're older I'm like don't go you don't have to go that's all right yeah at every level like at every stage there's challenges and there's beautiful parts it's just like there sure is there sure is well thank you so much.
00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:50.480
I can't wait to watch your um journey around this because yeah you've now got that platform that obviously people respect where you've come from what you do your intelligence around it all emotional intelligence but yeah you know understanding of it all and you're going through it and you're talking about it which is people need AI is amazing.
00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:51.199
I'm in love with it.
00:41:51.280 --> 00:42:06.639
It's my new best friend but um it's still AI people are still human we still need the human experience and to get that you know like you could ask AI all of this question it might spit out exactly the same thing word for word but it's not a human it's not that human feeling.
00:42:06.960 --> 00:42:09.199
Absolutely so yeah thank you so much Em.
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:11.679
Have a lovely day and thanks for your time.
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:19.679
Well pleasure thanks for inviting me on thank you so if you enjoyed this episode be sure to leave me a rating and review.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:23.280
I love reading all of your messages so shoot me a DM over on Instagram.
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:29.920
It is parentingcollective.au I also offer a free 15 minute no obligation phone chat.
00:42:30.079 --> 00:42:36.960
If you'd like to book one head over to my website www.parentingcollective com dotau and request one there.
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:43.199
So try to remember to be kind to yourself and always know you're doing the best you can every day no matter what your day is looking like.
00:42:43.360 --> 00:42:44.960
Until next time much love
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:02.319
Hello and welcome back to the Parenting Collective.
00:00:02.399 --> 00:00:03.600
I'm so glad you're here.
00:00:03.919 --> 00:00:13.519
Today's conversation is one I've been really looking forward to because it sits right in the really sensitive, uncertain place that so many of us are finding ourselves in as parents.
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Am I doing the right thing for my child?
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My guest is Emma Gentle.
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Emma is an emotional intelligence coach for modern mums.
00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:26.000
And before that, she was a teacher and a deputy principal who spent many years in the classroom.
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So she really knows the education system from the inside out, and that's exactly what makes her story so powerful.
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Because Em, a teacher who loves and deeply respects teachers, made the decision to keep outside that system and homeschool her own daughter.
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So in this episode, we talk about how that shift happened, how homeschooling went from that's not really for us to well, I think this is the right call.
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We get honest about the hard parts, the fear, the doubt.
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And Em speaks directly to the mum who feels that pull towards something different, but is so terrified of the judgment that comes with saying it out loud.
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So we get into the big fears too, like the socialization, the question, the myths that she believed herself, and what actually turned out to be true once she began.
00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:17.840
So whether you're homeschooling, thinking about it, or just quietly wondering if the path you're on is not quite the right one, then this is for you.
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So grab your copper, settle in, and let's get into it.
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Here's my conversation with Em.
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Good morning, Em, and welcome to the Parenting Collective.
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Thanks for having me, Donna.
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Well, like I just said, I'm very excited.
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As I always say, I'm also said that word again, but you know, I think everyone can hear my excitement and the conversation that we're going to have today.
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We're very much in tune with.
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And I have been following you for a very long time, and you did a very raw, authentic post that popped up, because the algorithm's all over the place sometimes about a choice of yours moving forward with education for your daughter.
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And I really want to talk into that because I know people are a bit stuck, confused, don't know where to go, don't know what to do.
00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:18.960
And I really wanted to get you on just to sort of talk through that with you know your expert knowledge around it, because you were a teacher and a deputy principal, so you have been in the education system, and then you are an emotional intelligence coach or conscious coach, which we talked about too, and we want to dive into that because some people haven't even heard of those words.
00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:25.120
So welcome, and I would love for you to share with everyone your purpose and passion around this.
00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:26.639
Oh my god.
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I know, I know.
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I'm so sorry.
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Where let's talk about your daughter.
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No, let's talk of daughter.
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That sounded so Australian, didn't it?
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Let's talk about actually, I'll give you more of a prompt.
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Let's talk about you being a teacher, your past, where you came from, and how it evolved to what you're doing now.
00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:48.240
Also, I did say to you, and I want to make it nice and clear to preface it, that teachers are amazing.
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Teachers, nurses, police.
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They all need to get paid more.
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The respect that I have for teachers is beyond.
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And I find friends that are teachers and the conversations that we're having, they are exhausted.
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They're not even able to teach anymore.
00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:06.319
The kids are definitely haven't got the same attention span, or whatever's happening.
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Again, I'm not the teacher, that they're exhausted, but they're such so important for our kiddos.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:14.400
So, yeah, so go for it.
00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:18.719
Well, so I've been in education for 14 years, all up.
00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:22.719
I've sort of just transitioned, I would say, on the other side.
00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:29.120
I started as a teacher's aide because I was in between jobs anyway, and loved it.
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:33.680
After two weeks enrolled in a Bachelor of Education primary, that's what I wanted to do.
00:03:33.759 --> 00:03:37.599
Didn't think that I had to go to university because I actually Oh yeah, that sucks, doesn't it?
00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:40.240
It's still so much pay the money.
00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:41.520
Totally.
00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:44.639
And anyway, became a teacher, absolutely loved it.
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Relational practice was always my strength.
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Like I just loved which you mean what do you mean by that?
00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:51.039
The interaction between parents and children.
00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:53.039
Is that what you mean with the relationship stuff?
00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:55.280
Yeah, just building relationships with the kids.
00:03:55.439 --> 00:04:03.439
Like, and I knew that they're you know, the only way to get anything out of them and to help them learn was to have really great connections with my kids.
00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:05.840
It seems so simple, doesn't it?
00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:10.080
Yeah, that's the part that I love the most as a teacher.
00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:20.720
It was all the other stuff that I was just like, eh, you know, I loved I loved teaching actual curriculum, but it was the relationships and just seeing the growth and things with the kids that I loved the most.
00:04:20.959 --> 00:04:21.759
You really love it.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:34.720
Yeah, and so I taught predominantly in year one two for many years, and then I and a position came up as relieving assistant principal at the school I was in, and I actually wasn't even going to go for it.
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And my partner was like, Why not?
00:04:36.319 --> 00:04:38.319
Like, there's no reason why you won't get it.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:39.519
Okay, cool.
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.600
So went for that, ended up getting it as a surprise, was so excited.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:47.120
It was a three-year relieving role at the time.
00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:55.040
So this was 2020, so COVID had hit, and I used to train dressage, my dressage horse, and yeah, compete in that.
00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:59.199
And so I had I loved just working and and riding, and that was sort of my life.
00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:02.959
And my partner and I are quite adventurous, so we're always off doing something.
00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:06.560
So COVID really slowed us down, and we were like, What are we gonna do?
00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:10.639
Like, this is pretty boring, and so we're like, Well, we may as well have a baby.
00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:12.160
Why not?
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:15.920
Your husband would have had fun, or maybe you would have had fun making the baby too.
00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:17.279
Yeah, is that that's the thing as well?
00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:19.519
Well, it did take us about five months, right?
00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:20.319
Oh, did it?
00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:28.319
So I got this position, and I'm at the time I was in the two-week wait, actually, and I said partner, let's just put the family planning on hold.
00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.759
I want to do this three-year relieving position because I was so excited about it.
00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:39.360
Because I was running like the well-being for the whole school and mentoring graduate teachers and like all these things that I knew that I was going to love.
00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:39.759
Yeah.
00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:42.639
No, the universe had other plans for me.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.120
So I'm like now, you're going to be pregnant.
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Yeah.
00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:56.160
So I ended up in that position for about six months, um, running well-being, so running like Smiling Mind and supporting the learning support offices in the school.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:01.279
So really informed approaches and neurodivergent children.
00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.279
And like that was my forte anyway.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:05.519
I always gravitated towards those kids.
00:06:05.759 --> 00:06:06.160
Yeah.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:07.680
Yeah.
00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:14.000
And anyway, I then had a baby, and holy shit, my whole life really turned upside down.
00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:20.240
Parent Pandora's box opened, and yeah, everything just started to come up.
00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:30.160
And I now, like, obviously, when I started doing you know, the work on myself and I'm drama and really my emotions, and that's what happened.
00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:37.040
I I heard Lel Stone on the Imperfects podcast actually, and I messaged her and I was like, How like how do I become you?
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.519
What loved it, love the way she spoke.
00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:39.839
Yeah.
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Yeah, totally resonated with me.
00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:44.160
Anyway, then I asked her to mentor me and she said.
00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:51.920
Funnily enough, though, I thought I was getting into this situation where it's like, cool, I'm gonna be able to become this person.
00:06:52.000 --> 00:07:17.279
I decided anyway, I think I've I've every session I have with her still, I just end up in tears, and that's much what I learned, you know, like having someone hold space for your emotions and process things and talk through things and beautiful things that really sparked, I guess, more interest around emotional intelligence, emotional literacy, how attachment, trauma, and how all of that impacts our development.
00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:23.600
And because I'd had a baby too, obviously, I was learning more about I've always been someone who likes to learn and research.
00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:34.319
So that was a little bit of a downfall, too, because I sort of because I was trying to be a perfect mum and do everything right, still surrender to that.
00:07:34.560 --> 00:07:34.959
Oh my gosh.
00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:39.360
You're human.
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:41.839
Has to be has to be your middle name, right?
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Yeah.
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:53.920
So all of that was going on, and Lale had built her own school, Woodland Primary, down at Geelong, and I went and had a look at that and I was just like, What are we doing in the education system?
00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:55.279
This is absolutely wild.
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Like learning about so much around just early childhood development, too.
00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:10.879
And and then thinking about my teaching career and going, okay, I work with children as a profession, and you know, year one, two is still early childhood.
00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:11.199
Yeah.
00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:15.279
And just thinking, I'm just so I have not been equipped for this.
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:21.439
This is just absolutely so I'd done a bit of Berry Street training then and ended up becoming I haven't heard that training.
00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:21.759
What's that?
00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:22.959
Barrow Street, did you say?
00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:24.000
Bury Street training?
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And what's that?
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So it's a trauma-informed training that every teacher, right.
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Amazing.
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They they partner with schools.
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Amazing.
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And yeah, so I was really passionate about that.
00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:42.559
And because I was on maternity leave, I did a marketing course for some random reason.
00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:44.879
For a business in the future, that's what it was.
00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:48.480
Yeah, I think my intuition knew that something was going to come from this.
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Yeah.
00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:52.080
And I ended up going back into the classroom.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:58.159
I couldn't go back into my AP position because they wanted me to work three days a week, and I only wanted to do one or two.
00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:00.240
So I went back in the classroom one day a week.
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:10.399
And because it was just this combination of having my own child, seeing children differently, working with Lale, you know, seeing woodline primary, it was sort of like all of this was just coming together.
00:09:10.480 --> 00:09:29.120
And I was back in the classroom and I was just, you know, we'd had some children with complex trauma too, and I'd seen that all play out, and how I was sort of wanting to support this child, and he was responding to me, but then there was all this backlash and like differing opinions, and I was just like, I feel like really stuck here.
00:09:29.279 --> 00:09:30.720
I wish that I could share.
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I wish that what I was sharing was being received.
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Absolutely.
00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:36.879
You can't force people to be curious about it.
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Yeah, and so it just felt quite mismatched.
00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:46.799
And at the time I was like, I think I, you know, speaking to Leo, like, I want to start my own business, and she's like, just do it, just go.
00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:48.480
So how long ago was that there?
00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:50.799
Was that 21, 22, or still in 20?
00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:52.320
So this was 2022.
00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:53.120
Yeah, awesome.
00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:53.360
Yeah.
00:09:53.600 --> 00:10:03.039
So I started the grad guide, which was a membership supporting graduate teachers because I thought we're going to have make an impact in the system, we need the fresh ones.
00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:03.360
Yep.
00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:07.840
They don't have any biases, they're not in any patterns yet, and they're so keen to learn.
00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:18.320
And so it was really around supporting pre-service teachers and graduate teachers in adopting a trauma-informed non-approach to children's behavior in the classroom.
00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:22.320
So it's sort of like a 12-month mentorship teaching them all of that.
00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:23.919
And absolutely loved it.
00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:28.159
I also had a podcast at the time, my podcast was called Let's Get Schooled.
00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:31.440
And I was speaking to experts all over the world.
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:33.120
And yeah, it really blew up.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:37.120
And then I had schools asking me for professional development and consulting.
00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:40.879
And of course, when you're in business and you're passionate, you just say yes, even though you haven't done it before.
00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:41.679
So I was like, Yep.
00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:43.440
I say faith it to you.
00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:46.399
We used to say fake it till you make it, but now it's like faith it till you make it.
00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:50.320
It's like, yes, please, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say yes to that, but I just don't know how I'm gonna do it.
00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:52.159
And then it works out, and you're like, oh my gosh.
00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:52.799
Exactly.
00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:54.639
Yeah, so cool, so cool.
00:10:54.960 --> 00:10:58.159
So I just worked out and absolutely loved it.
00:10:58.399 --> 00:11:08.159
And the thing was the graduates, you know, or the leaders, the schools that I was working with, they were loving the PD and they would absorb it.
00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:11.440
And then though, taking it back into their own classroom.
00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:19.360
So the number one thing was that the glue that really holds all of these approaches together is emotional intelligence, the skill set.
00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:21.759
So the conscious way of living.
00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:23.600
It doesn't even have to be conscious parenting.
00:11:23.759 --> 00:11:28.720
You know, I classify myself as a conscious life coach, really, because it's not just about the children.
00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:30.399
Well, it's not about the children actually at all.
00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:34.639
It's about us adults being informed, like you said, generational patterns, trauma.
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:35.919
Yeah, so many things.
00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:42.320
And it's like I say to everyone, this is not to scare people, but the world has changed and it's rapidly changing.
00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:47.679
And our children have changed with their emotional intelligence a bit because of life.
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:53.679
But it's like if you shine a light on something and you're aware of it, then it can be acknowledged and you can do something about it.
00:11:53.840 --> 00:12:09.039
But if if you know the blinkers are on and the schools don't let people do this, these poor kids just struggle and struggle and struggle, and they get so disconnected from everybody, and then they can get angry or they can get all of these internal dysregulations or external dysregulations that get labeled.
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:10.960
But really, you just you've got to slow it down.
00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:14.960
You've got to be connected with them, you've got to figure the way out.
00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:15.759
Hey.
00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:18.799
Yeah, and that that is the trouble though that I was having.
00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:28.080
Like these adults wanted to do the work, they were trying to do the work on themselves, but the environment that they were in was not conducive to what they were trying to create.
00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:48.399
And this is the problem that so many educators who are passionate about these approaches and want to do this work, they can do the work on themselves, but when they continually go into an environment that is missing and you know out of alignment with their values and what they how they want to show up as an educator, they just can't.
00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:58.799
They get end up becoming more stressed, more frustrated, and it's just like a new paradigm, and which is amazing that these educators want to do that, but um, struggling.
00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:18.799
And I'm finding the same with you know, even professionals, education professionals who are allied health going in to support teachers or children, it's just almost like a band-aid approach because really, you know, we need to get into the early early years to really support mothers, and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing now.
00:13:19.279 --> 00:13:26.799
So yeah, really tackling emotional intelligence at the root, which is starting with mothers, and that then obviously ripples out.
00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:45.919
But yeah, but it's sort of I guess the reason why I was working, you know, in my evolution in education, trying to change schools from the inside out, which I truly believe in as a collective, but when it is just so slow and the world is rapidly changing, it's just like the gap is getting bigger, I feel.
00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:47.600
I know, which is such a shame, isn't it?
00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:54.559
Because it's like I have these amazing conversations in whatever area expertise in their field, and it's like so clear.
00:13:54.879 --> 00:14:10.879
You know, the stuff I talk about, I just feel like I mean, I've been obsessed with it for the last eight years, but in my own lived experience and and and watching it play out, and then having to be in such a traumatic situation with the girls that it's like, well, this traditional parents' parenting is not working, going to traditional school is not working.
00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:13.120
It's not the teacher's fault, it's not the school's fault.
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:22.480
Like the schools were amazing, but me as a parent, and my husband was found a lot harder because he's not as emotionally intelligent, but he did he did okay.
00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:32.240
We had to give up all expectations of anything, you know, like trying to get them to school, like all of these things, and no one else was going through it at the time and was very lonely.
00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:43.679
And so as we got through that and got the help and got the family counselling, and the family counselling was that first insight of like okay, it's not about her, but not again shame or guilt for the parent.
00:14:43.759 --> 00:15:18.720
It's like we didn't know all this stuff, and so we had to really uncomfortably change the way we looked at parenting, and then you know, like I always say, it's our beautiful chaos still, it's not a uh a you know, rain rainbows and unicorns all the time in our house, but it is understanding what's going on, understanding the generational patterns that have come from both sides, our reactive, our dysregulation with things, and not taking things personally with the kids and not having to be so cookie-cutter of the kids have to go to university and they have to go to do this, and it's just it blows all of that out of the water.
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:20.320
And we had to let all of that go.
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:23.919
And you know, both of our kids, and I share this all the time, are going to uni.
00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:26.240
Again, wouldn't have minded it either way.
00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:29.440
I think education of any kind's great, whatever you do.
00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:46.639
Um, and they missed a whole lot of a U 10 and 11 through their mental health, and that's why I want to share the story is like in the deep dark times that if you can have the hope and learn all of this emotional intelligence and this conscious living and the conscious parenting, it's just being aware of why.
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:49.039
What's behind the reason that child's hitting?
00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:51.840
What's behind that reason that that kid doesn't want to sit down?
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.399
You know, why, why, you know, the whys.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:57.759
You know, we've got the whys and we're gentle, and gentle.
00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:07.360
And um, you know, like you said, with that kiddo that started to really respond, that would is so heartwarming for you, but it would have taken a long time for him to got to gain your trust.
00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:09.679
Oh, so gain his trust, sorry.
00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:13.120
And then, and that's you know, the teachers don't have time, do they?
00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:14.399
They've got to teach them.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:18.320
So it's like a whole nother facet of that emotional intelligence and support.
00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:19.360
Right, yeah.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:22.559
And so I think I I totally agree with what you're saying.
00:16:22.639 --> 00:16:30.879
Like it's about us being conscious and uh our children's behavior is just mirroring often what's going on with it.
00:16:31.919 --> 00:16:32.720
What do you mean?
00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:39.440
That was the biggest thing that I say to everyone because we're the kids at different they had their struggles at the same age, but they back to back.
00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:46.080
So a couple of years the eldest, the oldest was getting better, and the middle started getting unwell, and we're like, what?
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:55.039
And then when we were all the different counsellings and we did everything we could, you know, it wasn't about not getting the support for the children, it just wasn't what was needed.
00:16:55.200 --> 00:17:00.639
And then when we did that that family counselling, like I said to you, that's where we're like, oh, what do you mean?
00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:03.759
It's our and I had to go through Jesus, is our fault.
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:18.160
But then it's not, it's not like okay, sometimes parents can be blamed for sure if their actions aren't in line with what we know is right, I don't know how to say that, but you know, we felt like we were good parents, we were doing the best we could.
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:20.880
You know, I stayed at home for 10 years, that's unheard of as well.
00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:22.640
That might not have been the best thing either.
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:34.480
But when we had two psychologist counsellors working through that generational stuff, which is the conscious subconscious stuff, which is the awareness, wow, life-changing.
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:36.160
It's like it's a slap in the face.
00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:37.440
My clients say that to me.
00:17:37.519 --> 00:17:41.200
It's like, oh my god, I came in to work with you for a different reason than we just later.
00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:42.720
Yeah, thank you.
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.359
What do you mean?
00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:44.240
That's what she's doing.
00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:47.519
Like, don't did you don't you want to hear what she's doing on the weekend?
00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:49.920
You know, because it was that 14-15.
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:55.119
Again, that's a whole different thing to talk about about age-appropriateness beh age appropriate behavior.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:00.640
Again, we're living in a world where parents like want your child to be the most compliant cookie-cutter child.
00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:01.920
That's not normal either.
00:18:02.079 --> 00:18:04.799
So, how about just think about what you were like as a teen?
00:18:05.039 --> 00:18:11.759
And okay, we're gonna have morals and values and rules and you know, positive discipline and all the things that conscious parenting is.
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:17.359
It's not permissive parenting, it's like guiding, mentoring, but it's not always about the child.
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:18.480
Sorry, everybody.
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:22.799
It's about how we look at it and how we can support and nurture their nervous system.
00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:23.920
Yeah, totally.
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:37.200
And I think that it's not, I think one of the troubles is, and what I see a lot in my clients, is that mothers who aren't in our field also, because when you're a coach in the field, it's easier to do the work on yourself.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:41.920
I know you have the knowledge and the background as well as the lived experience.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:43.039
So it's much easier.
00:18:43.200 --> 00:19:07.680
Whereas if you're coming in, you know, and you're just you're new to this work and you've just been working in an office or something and you don't have any prior knowledge, it's so confronting because very confronting the shame and the guilt, like you're a bad parent and you're doing and because we have the research, you know, and the understanding and the knowledge behind us, it makes it easier to come back into balance when you are feeling the shame because that never goes away.
00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:09.440
Those emotions go away.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:11.440
And you know, I'm not a teacher, it's not my background.
00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:18.480
You know, I've done 10 years of working with families and sleep, and I've done 30 odd years of healing and growing of myself.
00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:22.160
Lots of money spent on psychology, and I'm a learner too.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:26.160
I've always, if something's happening in my life, I need to know about it, why?
00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:29.440
Which then has enabled me to be this coach now, sitting here.
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:38.160
But also when we were going through that really tough time, especially with our middle, who is the most awesome kid, but she is really strong-willed.
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:39.359
And so this is what's happening.
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:40.000
I see a lot.
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:43.440
Strong-willed get slapped that naughty or bad behaviour.
00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:44.960
But it was just a dysregulation.
00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:48.400
She had anxiety, and the dysregulation came out in yelling and screaming and anger.
00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:50.880
So you've got your fight, flight, freeze, fawn response.
00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:55.200
When where emotions are dysregulated, it's the biological set-off.
00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:56.160
Do you withdraw?
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:58.319
Do you yell and scream because it's the fight?
00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.200
Do you freeze?
00:19:59.359 --> 00:20:04.720
Because you know, and people, the more they understand that, you can have a bit of a breath and think, okay, she's not yelling at me.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:19.680
Okay, we need to understand what's going on, and then looking into it deeper, and then being the calm when you can, you know, and this is all what happens, I would say, needs to happen at school, but the poor teachers have what could 20 to 30 kids in the class.
00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:27.119
So if you've got, you know, three kids that are dysregulated, where you know, back in the day there wouldn't even be one sometimes in the class.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:33.599
The teachers are just not getting supported around that on how to, you know, be able to move through those situations.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:42.079
Yeah, and I I think because there's sort of been this evolution, I guess, that in classrooms traditionally it was, you know, you have to be quiet, get your work done.
00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:48.240
And so when you're referring to dysregulation, like there were plenty of dysregulated kids.
00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:52.480
It was just that they were in freeze and shutdown or fawn, it's not fight and flight.
00:20:52.640 --> 00:21:04.640
Whereas now what we're seeing is I think, you know, there's also been this because we have now the conscious parenting and we are trying to allow children to have their emotions.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:07.279
Yes, it's harder to parent.
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:39.759
Well, it's harder to teach because they're trying to allow emotions and also say no to the behavior, but then it becomes this blurry lines, I think, too, where if you're not leading in the classroom and you're not aware of how to have that authoritative, you know, leadership style as a teacher, it can be really hard to be like, you know, how do I allow the emotions, but also help Johnny understand that he can't throw scissors across the room, you know, like where's the line and trying to get the tools, they haven't been they haven't been given the tools.
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:47.119
Well, yeah, that and also the classroom is just not conducive enough for that many kids in this way.
00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:49.440
And I think that that there's so many kids.
00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:59.759
Like I was talking to an early childhood expert last night who's one of my friends, and she messaged me and was like, I'm struggling in the early childhood setting at the moment, even to help.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:12.880
educators with regulation because they're so dysregulated themselves and they're also the kids are also coming in with way less skills because it's starting so much earlier.
00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:15.200
That's been why I thought that.
00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:37.440
And I think one of the contributors is that you know parents are just so busy because of the if you are stuck in the rat race and the chaos of mainstream life of society both parents are having to work to to have an income and then so more children are on devices or on things that are helping them you know be calmer or be quiet.
00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:39.920
Which is a temporary nightmare.
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:48.240
Because I work with kids up to 10 years of age and I work with a lot of neuron diverse children because I've done a lot of study on that and lived experience.
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:55.200
You feel like it's just a simple thing but you know a little girl that I'm working with at the moment the mum was just in tears all the time.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:22:56.240
She was working so hard.
00:22:56.319 --> 00:23:09.920
She was sick all the time she'd pick the daughter up from daycare she'd get in the car she'd scream she'd scream she'd scream when she'd wake up she'd scream for ice cream she'd scream for this all the things you think nightmare and she was just so overwhelmed with sadness that she's failing.
00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:20.640
And I'm like firstly you're not like this world that we live in now is just so full of pressure and I just always want to just reach out and give them a big hug which I that's I support them through that too.
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:28.720
But what we ended up doing is just I don't just look at the sleep like sleep's obviously very important for our regulation but it's a whole lot of other things leading up to it.
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:42.799
So we cut the TV, we cut the phone we cut the all the things now TV is okay if you go back to old school just big TV for a little bit of time every day great I don't want people to think they can never have TV but it's the the dopamine hit of a phone.
00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:46.240
It's the dopamine hit of the fast moving YouTube or whatever.
00:23:46.480 --> 00:24:17.519
And she then not even three days after was like in tears happy way going I cannot believe the chat the change she's independently playing she's not having meltdowns and so it was setting these conscious parenting boundaries so you know when we talk about not being permissive because people like is it gentle parenting I'm like oh gosh whatever let's explain it it is like you said modeling a role being you know being their free frontal cortex the one where you know it was the where they respond and react.
00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:54.319
Calm down take your time get them off the phones go back to old school riding bikes and it works you know like we can overcomplicate it but you know what's contributing to so much dysregulation in the classroom is just that yeah stress parents kids that aren't developing the way that we know children should and it's a reflection of just the state of the world but it is I think like the reason I love doing this work is and why I wanted to work more more with mothers rather than schools is because they have choice.
00:24:54.480 --> 00:25:01.200
They have more choice in autonomy like teachers and leaders are doing an incredible at their head they have so much red tape.
00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:04.880
Even if they want to do this work it's just so much harder for them.
00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:28.720
And yes we have schools that are like as a school doing such a fabulous if the principal's on board and they're willing to invest in long term and not chop and change because that's one of the challenges in the education system too there's you know we have school plans and there's always something to have on the school plan and there's a lot of like let's just do things to tick a box and we really of working with children.
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:35.200
And you know there's so many challenges though like staff turnover and mental health of staff and all of these things.
00:25:35.279 --> 00:26:07.839
It's like but this is why this is obviously influencing our decision to potentially homeschool because we've got to be spending an hour just talking about you for anyway but I would love to dive into that but yeah that that yeah I think we've given the listeners a really good understanding of what you are doing and what I'm what I'm doing as well and and it really starts with the parents and it's not again shame or guilt because everyone might you know needs to work and things but it's also having those snippets of real connected time or understanding what's underneath that iceberg of behaviour.
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:24.640
So I think like I said we shared uh made it nice and clear but again the reason that I did get you on was obviously have this chat but with all of your expertise and your knowledge and everything you had made a post about the decision and a big decision of possibly or not going to mainstream school.
00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:29.519
So yeah I'd love to hear yeah your thoughts and your heart around all of that.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:50.880
Yeah so I was talking to another beautiful lady who was a former assistant principal and teacher as well who now homeschools yesterday actually and we were saying how you know it's not just one decision where you go, okay, I'm gonna verse homeschool versus mainstream schooling and just and just pick one.
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:56.079
You know there's a lot of reasons why the decision is being made or discussed.
00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:06.799
And obviously a lot of the reason is what we've just spoken about in terms of the environment that classrooms like the environments at the moment that are in classrooms.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:30.400
And I have a lot of friends who are teachers and they're doing such a brilliant job and they're also just doing what they know and sometimes when you're just doing what you know and you haven't really explored or been able to be regulated enough to be curious about then you are just doing what you know and you think that it's just the way things are.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:56.160
And so I guess because of my experience so far moving away from the system and seeing this other side of life as how we can live and that we do have options and I I'm a I'm the sort of person that is happy to be like no I'm doing my own thing like I'm I've always been a bit of a rebel in that way to be like unique I like to call myself I'm a bit the same.
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:58.000
Yeah I'm happy to do something different.
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:04.720
Yeah me too definitely the same too in the he just runs his own race and doesn't really care what he was doing.
00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:24.559
Love it and so yeah homeschooling it has been challenging to even have the courage to look into it because I've had and I had a bit of resistance for a while because people would say to me oh yeah you should start it you should start a thing and start a thing like I don't want to start a thing.
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:27.279
No that's adding that's a big thing.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:37.279
You but you might accidentally inadvertently start a thing you know that don't you I'm happy to be part of the community but I'm not like starting a thing and we've already started a thing.
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:40.960
Your ball is rolling that's not my issue I start changing things.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:29:14.480
That's right exactly you've started a thing and this is the whole thing like I like we joke about this for myself but you know everyone's like what do you do and I'm like okay well I started with sleep but you know then I'm teen mental health I'm neurodiversity I'm sleeping teens I'm now conscious parenting so it's like it sounds like the conversation with you the same is like you're forever learning and evolving and then being a mum just puts that mirror up doesn't it and like okay well this is what I want or don't want for my child but the person that you are the researcher the person that wants to find out everything of course you're going to people are going to come to you and go oh so how's that choice been going?
00:29:14.640 --> 00:29:15.440
Where do I go?
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:16.079
What do I do?
00:29:16.240 --> 00:29:19.680
I mean you don't have to make a thing about it but people are going to come to you for sure.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:33.680
Absolutely and I'm so happy to you know sit beside them and um you know yeah I've been asked so many times just start your own school and we looked into it actually at one point in time and decided that was just not something we wanted to take.
00:29:34.319 --> 00:29:34.480
No.
00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:35.359
Maybe later.
00:29:35.519 --> 00:30:25.680
Yeah push this space um so I I want to ask really a bit more specific with if you don't mind a bit more because I you like you've just shared that you you're totally okay to do uh things that are not the norm but uh majority of people that I work with don't even understand that that could be an option meaning they might have this really strong uncomfortable feeling of like I just don't want to send them to school but society tells me my family tells me um what would you if someone was listening to this and is really feeling that and hasn't got a voice around it is there anything that you could share with them that would be a positive like just do it and this is why yeah so I think this is the most important part of making a decision like this is understanding whether you're making the decision from fear or from desire.
00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:32.400
And sometimes be hard to even distinguish what that is like what is fear and what is desire.
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:55.759
If you haven't if you're not well versed with your emotions and sensations and your inner knowing and your intuition and you've spent a long time ignoring all of that and doing what everyone else has told you to do, then it can be really hard to think about yeah am I making this decision because I had a terrible time at school and it's fear based and I'm anxious and I don't want my kid in the system for that reason.
00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:02.160
Looking at it from a perspective of okay this is our family unit.
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:06.559
These are our values here's how we see the world playing out for our children.
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:58.960
Here's what we want for our children in terms of the skill set you know we want them to have because we want our kids to be the most authentic expressed version of themselves with less baggage from us and that's why we're trying to do our work the best we can they can do whatever they want like you said you know your daughter's going to I don't I don't have any issues with any higher education or any it's like I want my children to thriving academically of course I do but I think that we can have both I think that our children can be people who are so self-aware and emotionally intelligent that they are connected to themselves because you have to look at what's happening in the world in terms of anyone is making knowledge so accessible like anyone can learn anything about anything and become whoever they want.
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:23.839
Like if you look at people who are thriving as entrepreneurs too they are monetizing their skill sets what they're good at right so when our children are 18 I want them to be able to follow their passions and do whatever they want and if they can monetize that and also have a life that you know they they're doing something from purpose and passion and they're healthy in themselves.
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:31.119
And mental health for me is like the you know and the thing is we talk about mental health a lot and everyone struggles with you know worries and stuff.
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:43.359
That's a normal human experience but when our kids were younger I was already parts of me was already doing conscious parenting without understanding what it was meaning I always allowed them to do what they wanted in regards to what they wore.
00:32:43.519 --> 00:34:06.640
Even if it looked embarrassing for them I just would you know it it I really allowed that to evolve but when they got to high school particularly our eldest it kind of annihilated her and that's why I'm so passionate around this because not not now not back then on reflection would we would have gone an alternative school but again it was just not really talked about my husband's Catholic went to a Catholic school and I went to a country school can't even know there if I got educated or not um but yeah it's truly um uh but it was a lovely school got best friends there still but you know um but what ended up happening when she got to that high school and she was very comfortable in herself in primary school yeah it was very hard for her to be her authentic self but with that and conscious parenting and supporting her through it she is absolutely thriving with her authentic self and uni no uni like I said not bothered we just say do the best at whatever choice you make whatever you do you've got to work hard at it like that's what life's about be passionate about it and and it will flow but yeah we absolutely wouldn't have minded if they didn't go to uh university although my husband's a little bit it took him a little bit to get round his head space with that because he was very highly driven and you know physiotherapist and intelligent in uni and just thought that's just the way it should be Donna and I'm like well you married me and I didn't go to uni.
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:23.440
Yeah no you know right and that's why I think that when you're making decisions from fear versus desires it's like really being honest with yourself around what are my actual reasons for wanting my children not to be in the mainstream system.
00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:27.760
And often it's not just one thing there's a myriad of oh there's so many things.
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:49.039
I look again this is just how I would look at it and I might be incorrect in saying this be a parent be a mother love your child as we do let them try and be authentic I know that sometimes feels a bit uncomfortable if it's not cookie cutter but that it'll that is where the fear it won't be fear based it'll be like that's that's just not going to fit my child.
00:34:49.199 --> 00:35:18.480
The other thing that gets really thrown all around a lot and people aren't understanding is the older generation are like you've got to make them go to school you've got to what you what do you mean there but school refusal what do you mean you know and I'm like you know it's the whole thing of like building the resilience up for your little child to be able to go into a life of fullness we don't want to shove them out there if they've got mental health or illness you know anxiety because that's going to make it worse but we've got to support them to be able to do uh to build that resilience.
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:27.280
So when you homeschool I know lots of people that do and there's lots of really great communities that are helping families do that it is that slow building of resilience.
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:43.119
So then when the child gets a little bit older that they have the emotional intelligence and the neural frontal cortex is a little bit more developed that they can handle things a bit more or you know pick the right friends that they need to hang out with rather than it all just thrown on them when they're three, you know?
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:58.800
Oh my god, totally and I think that's one of the things seeing how young my daughter is and knowing that you know she'll just be popped into a classroom made to sit still and you know doesn't really even need to learn at the moment.
00:35:59.119 --> 00:36:06.079
Like at the moment worms for moustaches like no slad bugs in the garden.
00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:17.360
She goes out with her dad and does all these cool things and I'm like let's like that's where my teacher brain goes how to learn around things you actually play.
00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:32.239
Exactly and I think that that is just one of the aspects in that understanding how children actually learn is just completely different to what they get in mainstream and that's something I want to foster around that I love that regulation.
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:43.280
Totally and the other thing that I say to people too because I only know what I know and the families that I work with you know there are a small percentage of kiddos that just love to sit down and love to draw and love to write and read.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:49.840
Wonderful the mainstream schooling is going to really probably be okay for your kiddo but my children were not like that.
00:36:49.920 --> 00:37:09.199
My eldest who was the first who was like what do you mean or ADDs like what again you know I was the ADD looking around doing all different things didn't realize that's what it was but everyone's obviously more aware but she was made she was only three and a bit when she started Kindi and they only did half days and they only did three days a week and even that was tough for her.
00:37:09.679 --> 00:37:18.480
She ended up redoing pre-primary which was the best decision made but I was really upset about that because what was everyone going to think best thing that ever happened ever.
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:20.079
I don't think people even have that choice now.
00:37:20.159 --> 00:37:26.719
So why I'm saying that is lived experience watching who I'm working with and some kids just not ready are not ready to sit down and write their names.
00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:33.199
Yes they've got to learn the alphabet and their numbers and then like but we can lead we can teach them through play.
00:37:33.440 --> 00:37:58.639
Yeah exactly yeah it's so rushed and forced it's actually crazy and teachers are just trying to get through the curriculum the best they can and if you're a teacher who you know does fawn often and you feel like you have to get through everything and you're putting pressure on yourself and that's why so much of what happens in the classroom like is teacher dependent in that it depends on what if they're aware of how they're actually showing up and the pressures they're placing on themselves.
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:09.440
Because I also know teachers who you know they still follow the curriculum but they also know what's best for which is great so they can adapt and be very excellent at their crafts.
00:38:09.679 --> 00:38:19.440
And that but they've been given the tools obviously you know like if they only if you come out of university and it's only a certain way of teaching you know nothing that is helpful.
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:21.039
I know so crazy.
00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:26.800
So just to finish up then have you then definitely made the decision that that's the path you're going to take?
00:38:27.039 --> 00:38:34.800
Um no not definitely like and and I think this is the thing that there are a lot of people following me at the moment that are trying to make the decision as well.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:48.639
You gotta be careful what you're probably making but it's your private genie so yeah well and it has to be um a conversation like get curious about it and keep having a conversation like because it's a choice we're making in our family unit just not just my choice.
00:38:48.880 --> 00:38:49.519
No that's right.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:39:02.639
It's about just working through it and looking at different options and and considering all the things because another thing I didn't mention like she would have to be on a bus for at least 40 minutes in the morning too it's just yeah it's huge.
00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:04.239
Not for a little kiddo.
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:08.880
No so there are so many yeah different factors that you're so many.
00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:14.159
And again like I said we could talk about uh this for so long and thank you so so much for sharing all of that.
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:18.559
If someone is to can they reach out are you in your DMs?
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:36.239
How can people contact you or mums contact you if they're having these same feelings and just don't know where to start yeah just message me on Instagram emojis and I'm happy to yeah chat but I am definitely putting more content out and podcasting about it so that people can follow along and I love that into the different perspectives.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:55.039
Yeah and you've lived it you know you've really lived it you've lived being the teacher in like you've done all of it which has then enables you to be an expert in this space you know again it's that lived experience isn't it is like becoming a mother watching the schools you know evolve or not evolve what's happening with your beautiful kiddo you know like you're going through it.
00:39:55.119 --> 00:40:00.960
You've been in it you're going through it you see the change with conscious parenting and and that sort of emotional intelligence.
00:40:01.039 --> 00:40:18.719
So you're living it and still like I say I say to everyone when I'm coaching and like I just want to get to this place and I'm like you know there's no end destination until we're not on earth like the the life life is a journey and I know everyone uses that word all the time but it's just an exciting let's learn let's do the best for our children.
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:33.360
You know for me I say to everybody I love what I do I love it and I've been doing it for over 10 years my role as a mother always will trump that always if if tomorrow something happened and my kids needed me you know they're always going to know that I'm the soft place.
00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:37.920
Always I want them to leave the nest they don't like hanging around me anymore which is really sad.
00:40:38.000 --> 00:41:05.440
But they're all living at home still and they're having their best life they're out all the time and just really happy and that's brings me so much joy but they're not hanging with me but um I'm their safe space that and I will always be that and I think as mums if if we can really work with the mums to understand we know that we're the the safe place but how that can really help our kiddos build that resilience to go off into the world because that's what our job is our role is to build them up enough to leave even though that's sad.
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:34.000
I know I know it's when they were three or I had three at home and my husband was a physio he wasn't home a lot building a business and you know it was three under three under five and I just remember at times just sort of wishing it away and then I'm like now that they're older I'm like don't go you don't have to go that's all right yeah at every level like at every stage there's challenges and there's beautiful parts it's just like there sure is there sure is well thank you so much.
00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:50.480
I can't wait to watch your um journey around this because yeah you've now got that platform that obviously people respect where you've come from what you do your intelligence around it all emotional intelligence but yeah you know understanding of it all and you're going through it and you're talking about it which is people need AI is amazing.
00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:51.199
I'm in love with it.
00:41:51.280 --> 00:42:06.639
It's my new best friend but um it's still AI people are still human we still need the human experience and to get that you know like you could ask AI all of this question it might spit out exactly the same thing word for word but it's not a human it's not that human feeling.
00:42:06.960 --> 00:42:09.199
Absolutely so yeah thank you so much Em.
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:11.679
Have a lovely day and thanks for your time.
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:19.679
Well pleasure thanks for inviting me on thank you so if you enjoyed this episode be sure to leave me a rating and review.
00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:23.280
I love reading all of your messages so shoot me a DM over on Instagram.
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:29.920
It is parentingcollective.au I also offer a free 15 minute no obligation phone chat.
00:42:30.079 --> 00:42:36.960
If you'd like to book one head over to my website www.parentingcollective com dotau and request one there.
00:42:37.039 --> 00:42:43.199
So try to remember to be kind to yourself and always know you're doing the best you can every day no matter what your day is looking like.
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Until next time much love
